| posted on 24-Mar-2002 3:08:34 PM by Allie1031 |
| This is the fic that previously appeared under tha name of ShEErAmbIVaLeNCe
Title: What Dreams May Come Author: Myself Rating: Will be NC-17 eventually I imagine Summary: This is darker fic in the begininng but it will lighten up. Liz has been taken prisoner, she needs to be rescued, you'll have to read it to find out more, I don't want to give it away yet. Author's note: Although many of you may recognize the title as a feature film a few years back, it was orginated from Shakespeare. I obviously am not Shakespeare and do not own the shakespear quote, nor do I own a good portion of these characters. Feeadback is always encouraged and always appreciated. To be, or not to be ... that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them? To die... To sleep... no more... And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished! To die... To sleep... To sleep? Perchance to dream! Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause... - Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide PROLOGUE Part One There are not a lot of things that I am certain about anymore. I don't know what day it is, what year it is, or even what month it is, for that matter, let alone how long I have been here. I don't know that time actually exists anymore, it all seems to flow together into one big mass of my existence. I am almost positive, though, that I do indeed exist. I haven't the faintest idea of where I am or how I came to be here, at this exact location in the time-space plane. I have not seen the outside of this enclosure in a very long time. I am fairly sure, however, that here is nowhere on earth. It's just this internal feeling that I have. I cannot tell you who my captors are, why they have brought me here. I just know that I am a prisoner. I carry no memory of ever actually being taken, but I believe that it must have happened at some point because I wasn't always here. I share memories of a lifetime that existed before this bleak abyss. Some days I think that I am crazy, that this is my imagination. Better still, I convince myself that this is a dream, and that I will wake up shortly and be at home again. The only reality I know of is the one that I create for myself. How, then, can I distinguish between fantasy and reality? From what I know and don?t know? Confidence fails me often. One thing I will never doubt, though, that I cannot allow myself to doubt lest my existence become lost, is who I am. I am Liz Parker. ---------------------------------------- PROLOGUE Part Two Every morning I wake and find food has been brought to my incarceration during my slumber. It?s not really morning, though. It's just a period of time shortly following a period of time I have spent sleeping. I imagine that sometimes morning happen twice, maybe three times a day, that is, within what a day used to be to me. The food is never anything special. Just basic nutrients for me to live by. It all tastes the same, becomes the same, is the same to me. I haven't the slightest clue as to how it gets here or who brings it. There are no doors, to my cell, no windows, nothing. Yet every morning, there is food. Twice, I have tried to stay away to see how this enchantment comes to be. The first time, I simply feel asleep at my watch. The second time, however, something unexplainable in my terms of the universe happened. I swear that I was awake the whole time, drowsy but distinctly awake. I had been awake for a very long time. I have no idea how long, just that it was long. One instant there was nothing, and the next it was just there. The food was. I suspected I was foolish, that I had slipped into sleep for just the briefest moment, unbeknownst to myself. But there are times when I am sure that I was awake and that it did just appear. I can make no plans of escape because there is no way to escape and nowhere to escape to. But I am sickened of being here, nowhere, everywhere, anywhere. I cannot take this any longer. I am becoming more and more insane with the progression of time. Sometimes I feel as if I shall burst if I cannot go free, if I am not released, if no one will answer the endless questions of my mind. It was at a time like that when I decided that it was time to end this madness, to liberate myself from this forlorn confinement, this desolate isolation. A time like that when I choose not to pursue any past I once had into the future. A time like that when I determined that I would exit my existence. I simply cannot sustain myself any longer. Any morning I could awaken and not know who I am. Any moment I could doubt that I am Liz Parker. Any time now I could cease to exist anyways. When that morning, that day, or that time comes, I do not want to be. Am I a coward? Maybe. A failure? Perhaps. Impatient? Quite likely. Exhausted? Most definitely. I choose to opt out nobly in a time when I can still recall what I was previously living for. I choose to depart with dignity in an era while I can still claim my sanity. At first I thought that I could simply starve myself to death. But the ever present temptation of food in the unlimitedly renewable resource that it came eluded me all too easily. I thought I might hang myself on the clothing that I hadn't worn for a regrettably extensive while. The clothing that was always freshly clean every morning. Disgustingly clean. I found the problem with this was that I simply had nowhere to hang myself from. Any piece of furniture in my room was invariably bolted to the floor or attached to a wall and the unblemished ceiling loomed far above my head. I tried to drown myself in the ever flowing fountain, the only source of water in my captivity. Unfortunately, every time I managed to submerse my airways for more than the briefest period of time the fountain simply commence flowing. This became a great source of frustration to me. Shortly after I begin these fanatical escapades and flirtations with death anything remotely sharp in my constriction magically disappeared by some unknown force and had been replaced with a blunt alternative product or device. At once I fly into an enraged frenzy, heaving anything mobile, defacing all surfaces, destroying all that I can. Drained, I fall into a sobbing heap in the middle of the floor. For a very long time I lay there in the fetal position, eyes swollen shut, tears staining my dirty face. For the first time I allowed myself to become engrossed in my world before, immersed in the innocent and naive girl I was. I think of my family, my parents whom I love so much. I think of my home, in Roswell, New Mexico, of the house I grew up in, of the Crashdown. I think of Maria, how much I adore her, how much I admire her, how proud I am of who she was becoming. I thought of how influential she was on my life. I thought of all that we have been through together, good times and bad. I think of Alex, how much I miss him, how sad I am that we won't grow old together, but how I will cherish his memory until the day I die. I wonder if they will all miss me and grieve my disappearance as I did his. Will they be as devastated? Oh how I long for the sweet pleasure of death that Alex possesses but I cannot. Finally I think about Max Evans. Max, my soul mate. Max, whom I passionately care for. Max, my other half. Max, my destiny. Max, who, in being loved by him, has sent you to this prison my mind screams at me. It does not matter who my jailers are, Max was the judge that handed me this sentence. When I finally did open my eyes to my drab world once again, I found that everything, every minor detail of the room was restore exactly to the way it was before, the way it is every time I wake, the way it is was the day I first woke here, minus any pointed objects of course. The room is perfect. Always orderly, always precise. The temperature, is always just right. The reason behind my lack of effort in dressing myself each morning. Even the water, given my intended use, is exactly at the optimal degree. The furniture is flawless. The sleeping quarters unnervingly comfortable. Everything is clean. Everything is white. Since the day I arrived here until the day that I leave, everything will always be perfect. Horribly perfect. I have never had any hope of being rescued. I will not allow myself such a weakness. For if I don't even know where I am, how can anyone else? How could they find me in this sealed compartment even if they had a faint idea? I could be millions of miles away in another galaxy or buried directly below the exact spot where they are standing. Rescue is unachievable, escape is futile. Life is precious, and for a good portion of mine I remember trying to preserve it. Yet, I have found that now that I wish to obliterate it, it has become simply non-disposable. Every time I go to sleep I will that I won't wake up, but I always do. I sleep often because my dreams are the only place that I can be free. But it's only false freedom because eventually I have to return to my body, to this nightmare I am living. Maybe I am not living. Maybe this is hell. Maybe I'm dead. I could never be so fortunate. Then, one day, out of the blue, my salvation came to me in a most unexpected form. I awakened in an unusually bad mood, as I always am to find that I have awakened. I rise to find the new food that has been left. I stare at it all for a moment in disbelief before I am overcome with sheer joy. The end has come. On the table in the middle of the room lays a vast array of fresh fruits and vegetables, not an uncommon occurrence. But there, between the tomatoes and the oranges, for the first time, lays a small but reasonable helping of mushrooms. All of my life I have been extremely allergic to any kind of mushroom. My only hope now is that this meager serving of this vulgar fungus is enough to truly finish me off. I rush quickly to the table and speedily gobble up the horrid cuisine that could be my death. And I wait. And nothing happens. Blast this damn, cursed hell and it's artificially simulated nourishment! But it is real. As the mushrooms ignite, I begin to convulse, and my entire body catches fire. I burn and the world spins beneath me. I crawl to my bed and lay there, awaiting my appending death, my sacred salvation. Fireworks explode before my eyes, in my head, throughout my body. I catch one last glimpse of the perfect, white ceiling above me before the world turns black. ----------------------------------------- PROLOGUE Part Three I've always wondered what dreams may come, after life has expired, of if in fact death is like a dream. I've heard the stories of near-death experiences of people who were "heading towards the light" or had there entire life flash before their eyes. I didn't see a great light, and there were no flashes. I did however find myself in some sort of dream. It is that day, that infamous day at the Crashdown. I know it at once. I am me, except at the same time I am not me. I am inside myself, watching myself, but I am not myself. Or at least, I can't make myself do anything. I have to sit inside myself and let things play out the way that fate determined my destiny. It's like someone else is playing me. Someone else is Liz Parker and I'm just along for the ride. Then it happens, all of the sudden. Even though it has happened before I am not expecting it. The bullet rips through my tender flesh and I try to breathe. Liz Parker tries to breathe. Darkness falls over me. I try to keep my eyes open but it is so terribly hard. Liz Parker fights to live. Then, out of the darkness he comes. My angel, my savior. Max Evans leans over me, the brightness of the world behind him. Max says something to me, but I cannot hear what he says. He looks worried. I only smile, for I know that the end is near. Max Evans looks into my eyes and places a hand on my stomach where the wound has ripped me. I feel something strange, something foreign, something non-human begin to coarse through me. My entire being tingles. I see things, visions of things, indescribable things. Things that I have never seen before, celestial bodies, space. I see fear. I see frustration. I see hope. I see love. I am alive. Max Evans kneels over me and I am alive. Liz Parker is alive. I open my eyes. I am in a strange place. It is not my previous prison, but a new different prison. But there are colors. The walls are a pale yellow. But They no longer produce the familiar alive hum and exuding illumination. Light comes from above, a single globe in the center of the room. It comes to my attention that I am alive. It seems. My previous actions rush back to me and I am filed with hopeless despair. The nightmare continues. I sit up. My body feels strange, foreign. Different. Movement seems surreal. How am I alive? I died. I felt death. I died. Is this a dream? A part of death? No. I feels too real. This cell is different. There are many things here that would have been absurd in the last. Color. A door. Clothing is laid out on top of a storage unit across the room. It is real clothing. Not a white paper gown like there was in the last prison. I get up and walk over to it. It is a grayish jumpsuit. But it is not white. And it is real cloth. A thick cotton/spandex, except far more durable. I pull it on and zip it up to slightly above my breasts. I pick up a belt and thread it through the loops of the suit. It is not an ordinary belt, I can tell immediately. There are buttons on it. And little compartments. None of which will engage in my curiosity. I push a button and a drawer of the storage unit pops open. Inside I find a flat slab. I press buttons to other drawers but none of them open. I take my slab, a perfect black square shape, smooth surface, about a centimeter thick. I take my slab over to the door. Or what I assume is a door. No handle. A passageway perchance. I take my slab and I pound it into the cracks around the edges, producing a loud, ringing, echoing clang of the clash between my slab and the metal door. "Stop," An omnipresent booming voice bellows through my cell at me, scaring me out of my wits. "Ms. Parker, please calmly have a seat. A Negotiator will be with you shortly." I try to locate the source of this Big Brother of mine but I cannot. I reluctantly take a seat at the table in the center of the room. There are only two chairs, and I take the one opposite form the door. I sit, watching the door, waiting for this "Negotiator" to make an appearance. It is not long before, true to the word of the voice, the door open. A middle-aged, short, stocky, balding, dark haired man enters the room. The Negotiator is a Jason Alexander look alike? Not an exact match but close. I lean back in my seat, unfazed that this is the first other life form I have seen in God know how long. I?ve been through to much to be. "You guys get cable out here?" I jest. "Ever seen Seinfeld? Of course, that was just network television..." My humor hides the apprehension I won't allow myself to feel. The Negotiator ignores my comment "Ms. Parker," the Negotiator says with a smile, holding out a hand. "Pleased to finally meet you. I've been studying you case for quite a while." "I bet," I mutter, shaking his hand. "I am your Negotiator. You may me Tarenk. How are you feeling?" He asks. "How do you expect me to feel? I was just dead. I'm confident of it. Except now for some reason I'm still alive. Ever heard of resting in peace?" I retort. "Ms. Parker the Emperor felt it was in the best interest of the Antarian Alliance if you remained living," Tarenk replies. "We had another body fashioned for you shortly after you died." "I suspected that asshole Khivar was behind all this. Wait! What?! You fashioned a body? What the hell does that mean," I shout at the bald man. I'm angry. I can't help it. "It was imperatively within the Emperor's wishes that you be kept alive. The failure of the Department to do so was very upsetting. We had to genetically recreate your body shortly after you choose to take your life. A most unfortunate incident," the Negotiator tells me. "What's unfortunate as that I am still here," I retort. "How does fashioning a new body work these days? I'm afraid I missed that chapter in biology." "We took your DNA and tried to produce a clone, however these attempts were unsuccessful because of your incompatibility with Antarian atmosphere. Simulations of the Earth air structure were insufficient. Eventually we had to reconfigure your DNA, added a slight mix of our own to initiate the rebirth process. You now contain some aspects of a hybrid. Regretfully, it was the only way we could complete the project. However, you will find that your new body is far more adaptable to this planet and you no longer have to live in such an enclosed environment. You will also find that your new body is less destructible and we can and will not hesitate to quickly revive it if it becomes necessary," Tarenk explains. I stare at the guy in shock. Eventually what he's said sinks in. "So I'm like Max now?" I ask quietly. "Essentially, yes but not entirely. It was a different process and a differing ends we were trying to achieve. And technology that was used on you is vastly improved. The insertion of your essence, your soul as you call it, so you will maintain the same memories was far superiorly done," He tells me proudly. Max knows I'm dead. We were connected. He'd have felt it. "Max knows I'm dead," I say. "Did you tell him I'm alive?" "Zan was not told of your death. But you are correct in assuming he knew. We are not sure how the intelligence was leaked. It is under investigation. He has not been told of your life either. The Emperor wishes to save this information for an opportune time. His plans for negotiations by taking you hostage were greatly disrupted when you chose to terminate your existence. However, an upper hand has already been regained so you will be saved for a more appropriate use should a new conflict arise," Tarenk replies. So essentially no one knows I'm alive and there are no plans to make it known. I'm one of those wait-and-see type deals. What the hell kind of plan is that? Actually not a bad one since no one will be making irritating rescue attempts, what, with there being no one to rescue. That's great. I'm really excited for myself. Being forced to be a pawn in such a grand, elaborate plan such as this. "I see. Exactly how long was I dead before I was brought back?" I question. "Shortly," He answers. "In Earth time, tell me how long I was dead," I implore, willing him to answer. "Almost a year. Your new body had to gestate for a period of six months. We compensated for the age difference in the creation process. Your body is exactly tuned to you former self, only with a few minor improvements. Are you enjoying it?" He asks cheerfully, trying to change the subject. "How long was I in prison before that?" I demand to know. "A little over four years," He responds. "So I've been missing from Earth for five years?" I ask. "Yes. But we don't want you to think of Earth as your home anymore. Since your stay has been and will be so extended we think it is in your best interest if you accept this as your home. We would like to bestow you with privileges so that you are happier here. We would very much not like to have to revive you again or have to return you in bad shape to Zan should the need arise," Tarenk tells me. Since when am I property. "I'll leave you to think things over a bit and I will return at a later time. I'm sure you will have questions," Tarenk says. He gets up and walks over to the passage. "It's been a pleasure meeting you Liz Parker. I look forward to many meetings in the future," He smiles. I don't hear him. I'm already lost in a world inside my head, contemplating the news that has just been laid before me. I'm not Liz Parker. Liz Parker is dead. -------------------------------- Part Four Lizzie, little innocent Lizzie Parker. How in the world did you get yourself into this mess? I'm dreaming. This isn't happening. I'm dreaming. I'm dead. Maybe you are in a coma, Elizabeth, you know, maybe this is just one big dream world that your foolish mind concocted. Liz! Liz! Wake up! Wake up! Hahahahahahaha. Silly girl. This isn't a dream. This is your life. Your Reality. No, it can't be. I'm Liz Parker. I'm an honor student. I, I'm a good person. This can't be my life. It just can't. I have plans. I'm going to Harvard in the fall. I'm going to study biology. This isn't me! This isn't ME! THIS IS. This is you. This is your life. This is your fate. This is what Max Evans brought you. Misery. Death. Life. Max? Brought this? You're right, Max Evans did bring this fate. If it weren't for him I'd be at Harvard. I'd have graduated by now. More importantly, If I'd never met Max I'd be alive. No you fool, you'd be dead if he hadn't saved you. DEAD. You are dead. Dead as a doornail. Your body is lying around here somewhere and Khivar has probably done a million and one things to it. YOUR BODY. This isn't even you. It's a fake. A clone. A copy. YOU ARE DEAD! At least if you had never met Max you'd be resting in peace. NO! It can't be true. It just can't. IT IS. Wake up and smell the coffee, Lizzie, if that's even your name anymore. You died. You killed yourself. You wussed out on life. You are dead. And now this part of you, this you that they brought back to life, this fake, tainted you is forced to live on forever as Khivar's personal pet, a bargaining chip at best in some war you had nothing to do with and has nothing to do with you. You Lizzie Parker, are a failure. You're pathetic. I'm NOT. This isn't my fault. If I'd never met Max Evans... You'd be dead, Elizabeth? I'd be dead, but I'd actually be dead. I wouldn't be some ghost of myself in a biologically engineered body serving in hell. Elizabeth, you're so ungrateful. You're ALIVE. Living. What can you do dead? Nothing. WHAT CAN I DO ALIVE? NOTHING. I might as well be dead. I lived in hell for four years! Now you will most certainly live in hell for eternity Elizabeth. Max Evans Might have rescued you. You should have waited; he could have been coming any day. Waited? WAITED? You waited four years! Sheesh. Max Evans abandoned you. He left you in no man?s land for FOUR YEARS. How long were you going to give him to pull it together? Cripes. He wasn?t coming. He loves me! He just didn't know where I was. Khivar, this is Khivar's fault. Khivar hid me away so well that Max couldn't find me. It's not Max?s fault. He loves me; he's my soul mate. Some soul mate he turned out to be. Asshole. He left you Lizzie. Left you. He abandoned you. He never came to save you and he never would have. He's content to live out his happy insignificant little existence on Earth. He's not a leader and he never was. He's a loser. Max Evans is worthless and so are you if you can't accept the truth. But, but, Max? I love him. Hahahahahahaha. You LOVE him? See Lizzie, look what happens to you when you get so wrapped up in other people that you can't see yourself. You were far to busy waiting for Max to rescue you pretending you weren't waiting for him to rescue you that you forgot to save yourself. Save yourself, Lizzie. No one else is going to save you so you better just save yourself. Save yourself, Elizabeth? How? How would you ever escape? Where would you even go? Home? To earth? Like this? A fake? A fraud? You're just as much an alien now to that planet, that home, that life as alien to you as Max's is to him, if not more so. That is very true my dear Lizzie, very true. So why go home? You have a new life, a new chance. Make something of yourself for once. Maybe you won't even need to escape. You can't, really, and hope to survive. The universe is a big place. Power, Lizzie. Power. The universe runs on power. You need to get your hands on some of it. Forget Max Evans. Forget Liz Parker. LIVE and create yourself. Forget Max Evans? Impossible, Elizabeth. He's still your soul mate. Well this is his fault! He deserves to be forgotten. The good-for-nothing couldn't even rescue me. How could he sleep at night knowing that I'm out there, somewhere, kidnapped. How? He had four years to find me, to strike a deal with Khivar if he had. I died for him but now I must live for myself! How dare you blame him Elizabeth! Khivar could have easily used your life as leverage. The only person here to blame is you! He came back from the future and warned you to stay away. Maybe his fate was to return to Antar with Tess. Maybe they could have overcome the ambush. Tess! That murdering bitch. She has to have had some part in all of this. She probably told Khivar.... And to think I would let Max return with her after what she did to Alex! He would have found out about her treachery soon enough my sweet Lizzie. This is a mess. Your life is a mess. You are a mess. But it doesn't have to be like this. Power, Lizzie! Power! The only way you can ever really escape is with power. Finally stand up for yourself and take some responsibility. You died, but you don't have to be dead. LIVE. LIVE, Elizabeth. Live. Take responsibility for your actions. Stop blaming other people. Max can't help you now, anyways. Help yourself. Stop living in reminiscence of the past or you will never have a future. Yes, I'll live. I can get through this. I can get out of here. I used to be very smart. I still am. And now I am stronger. My body is. I can feel it. I might even have alien powers. I was supposed to in my old body and it wasn't even part alien. Just so long as My mind is still strong, though, I can do this. I can get out of here. I can leave this prison behind. I just have to be clever. I just have to think. Whoever I am, I can do this. Best of all, I don't have to worry about being Liz Parker anymore. Liz Parker is dead. I stand up suddenly. "I wish to speak to Khivar!" I shout at the ceiling. "I'm ready to negotiate a more reasonable solution to the terms of my existence!" Silence hangs in the air for a few brief seconds before the door to my cell slowly opens. I hesitate, but only for a moment, before I confidently strut out the door, leaving behind my mindless prison forever. ------------------------------------------ (Two Years Later) CHAPTER ONE What exactly constitutes a more reasonable solution to my existence? Two years later I'm still not completely sure. Anything seemed more reasonable than my current circumstances and so in turn I am willing to do almost anything. Which, really, if you ask me, is a horrible state to enter into negotiations under. My mind was a jumble of thoughts and ideas. My head spun in it's own orbit. The only thing I knew was that I couldn't be confined to a horrendous cell for the rest of my life, which could end up being forever. This almost explains how I was able to take the actions I took that lead me to the path that I am standing on today. A lot can happen in two years. Seemingly more when you aren't confined than when you are. I glance down at the sleeping, raven-haired child whose head is in my lap. I lovingly stroke my dainty nails through his mop of curls. I gently wind one of his locks around my slender finger and release it slowly. He stirs but doesn't wake. I sigh and think back again to that fateful day a little over two years ago when I made my first deal with the devil. Someone came, one of Khivar's many private servants I later learned, to lead me through an endless maze of hallways before ushering me into a beautiful chamber bustling with more servants. They bathed me and clothed me in a beautiful velvety pink gown. The dark pink sleeves were long an loose and hung just past my wrists. The chest was tight, on the other hand, as it buttoned snuggly down the back to my waist, and the neck was low, revealing the extra cleavage I had acquired with my increase in age over the past five years. Three silver circles were delicately sewn onto at the waist. The skirt flowed out loosely into beautiful swirls of all different shades of pink around the bottom, the colors lightening down the dress. Silver threaded embroidering in the swirls became apperant in the lower half of the gown upon closer inspection. Pink has never been my favorite color but until that day I had never seen a more beautiful dress, and the fabric felt heavenly against my skin. Like the room I was standing in, the gown was gorgeous. An work of art, full of fine details masterly crafted. I was wearing pure ascetic genius and staring at the same qualities in my surroundings. For the first time in the five years I had been captive I was given a bra and underwear, but it only felt uncomfortable after going for so long with out. I wore it still, liking the idea of returning to civilization. Plus it was a pretty sheer pink to go with the gown and fit me perfectly as the dress did. A servant cleaned and trimmed my filthy nails and polished them with a clear enamel while another set to work on my hair. First she cut it, not too much, only a couple inches or so. I couldn't believe how long it had become. It was a waterfall of dark tresses flowing down past my waist. It hadn't been cut since they had stolen the scissors out of my first confinement when I had blown a fuse and tried to commit suicide. Heh, heh. Another servant joined the first working on my hair, quickly making tiny tight little braids intertwined with different shades of pink ribbons. The funny thing about all the servants was that the all had complete undistinguishable faces. They all looked the same even though I knew they were different. They were all very plain, neither beautiful nor ugly, fat nor slim, short nor tall, darkly featured nor lightly, just the average people in a crowd in average clothes. The chatted back and forth to each other in a language that was not English but seemed so. I could not understand a word they were saying yet at the same time I almost did. It was frustrating because it felt like the were just speaking too quickly with poor diction, but at the same time slowly slurring their words. I was amazed at the short work the two servant made of my long thick brown hair. The second servant, I think, pulled half my hair up in a tight knot, keeping it out of my face. I stepped into silver slippers and the servant ushered me to a large mirror. I gasped at the sight of myself. I was stunningly beautiful. I noticed how slender I had become, with curves in all the right places. Before I had still resembled just a girl, but now, now I was a women. My face was thinner; I had lost my childish cheeks. I looked closer and noticed a shadow under my eyes. The only physical reminder left my life in the cell. Everything else had been polished away to an extreme. Khivar must be a perfectionist, I remember myself thinking. I smiled and the servants smiled back and clapped, making joyful, indiscernible gurgles in their accustomed tongue. Tarenk entered the room and stared shockingly at my altered appearance. "Good evening, Miss Parker," He had stated dazed. "You are looking very lovely. Come and I will escort you to dinner. I'll fill you in on what will happening along the way." He took my arm in his and we walked as he gave me only minute details, such as that I would be dining with Khivar and his cronies, not the word he used. He stated that this introduction would be very important in determining my future and that I should choose my words, thoughts even, carefully. I remember thinking that it might be hard to watch what I think. I remember him glancing at me with knowing eyes. I thought that Tarenk was kind, that if he hadn't worked for Khivar he might have been a genuine nice guy. Tarenk gave me another odd look after that thought. Finally, after a series of several exquisite hallways, Tarenk lead me into a dinning room. I noted first that everyone was already seated, save two spots assumingly for me and Tarenk. Secondly I noticed exactly with whom I would be dining with. I frooze dead in my tracks The company of the table was at that moment the most disturbing sight of my entire life. Tess cast an icy blue glace up at me. Cripes, Tess. I shivered. Next to her sat someone I swore was dead. That swine Nicholas. He was older now, about the same age as Tess and I, better looking too. Probably a regeneration of the real thing like me, I remember thinking. Across the table sat Lonnie and Rath. I didn't even want to know how that scum got there. At the head of the table sat an extremely handsome man. I knew at once he had to be Khivar since he was the only person I failed to recognize, yet at the same time I was hesitant to believe. I remember thinking that couldn't be Khivar, that he was supposed be old, and ugly, and monstrous. Khivar was one of the most attractive men I had ever seen, I have still ever seen. His cool blue eyes captured me at once. His lighter features, his sensuously thick blond hair beckoned to me. I was instantly drawn to him despite my inner protests. His lavish navy clothing seemed black but when I had moved closer I noticed how it had served to set off his blue eyes. Khivar chuckled and stood at once smiling handsomely. "The renowned Miss Parker I presume," Khivar had laughed amused. "It's such a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance after hearing oh so much about you. I was beginning to wonder if you would ever ask to see me, my dear." Strange. He had said that like the whole time I was imprisoned all I had to have done to be freed was ask to see him. "You must be the infamous Khivar," I had stated evenly with a calculated smile. "I can say likewise of you. It's an honor to meet such an infamous tyrant. It's not every day I get to eat dinner with the Hitler of the universe. Of course, it's not every day I get to eat dinner these days, what with being so busy being dead and all. Still, quite an honor to be dinning with such , shall we say prestige, as yourself and your colleagues. I was actually beginning to wonder if you had forgotten me, you being so enveloped in your riches as you are, and dirty, little old me wearing paper gowns, living in luminescent prisons with no windows or doors. You know, the thought just crossed my mind once or twice.? Khivar continued to grin deviously through out my careful insults. "Miss Parker, please, have a seat," Khivar had responded, pulling out the chair of the empty spot on his left. I sat down and he smoothly scooted in my chair for me. Tarenk nodded to Khivar and tooks the empty seat next to Nicholas, while shooting me a warning look to bite my tongue. I realized I was about to dine with Max Evans's arch nemesis, not to mention a good number of his other malicious enemies. The gathering of them all together around one table was very unnerving for me, I remember, but I tried my best not to show it. Directly across from me was Tess, in an exotic bright yellow-orange gown . I remember I forced myself to meet her stare. "Tess," I nodded defiantly. "Liz," Tess had responded flatly. "Liz, so good to see you again," Nicholas had piped in smirking. "You clean up nice. How have you been?" "Dead," I had said nonchalantly. "You?" "Same here," He replied. It's funny how people Antarians deem important for one reason or another just don't seem to stay dead for very long. "Sos, Liz," Rath had sneered at me. "Been busy, huh? What with tryin to kill yous self alls the times yous musta worked up some appetite. For mushrooms, huh?" "Eh," I'd shrugged. "I had a slight craving." "Stupid, crazy bitch," Rath had laughed at me. "Yous can't die. Khivar programmed-" "RATH," Khivar scolded then quickly masking his anger. Lonnie had elbowed Rath. "Sorrys boss," Rath had apologized. "My dear Miss Parker, what the imbecile next to you was trying to communicate is simply that any future attempts at ending your life are wasteful. You are so valued to us that we have established precautionary means for reviving you at once. In the future, Rath, you will address Miss Parker with the utmost polite courtesy and you will refrain from using such poor, vulgar speech as I know I have instructed you to," Khivar dictated. "Yeah, yeah," Rath responded. Khivar had shot him a look. "Yes, sir," Rath saluted, still jesting. Khivar had shaken his head, disgusted at Rath's incompetence and sighed. "If you don't mind my asking," I had interrupted, "what exactly am I doing here?" "I thought Tarenk filled you in?" Khivar had asked concerned. "Vaguely, but that's not really what I mean. I mean why am I here at dinner and not in some prison cell," I had clarified. "Miss Parker, you said you wished to make a deal and so do we," Khivar replied smiling. I made the big mistake of gazing into his mesmerizing eyes. "Well what kind of deal do you have in mind for me?" I had stuttered. "We want you to be our ally," Tess had stated. I shifted my gaze to her quickly. "Let's face it Liz. It does no one any good for you to be withering away in some compartment, driving yourself crazy. We don't necessarily need you, always keep this fact in mind, but you could be a very useful asset," Tess asserted. "You expect me to betray Max?" I had questioned cautiously. "I know you will Liz. I've read your mind. I've seen your thoughts. Max Evans abandoned you as he abandoned me. He's already engaged to someone else," Tess told me. "NO," I had spit in disbelief. I remember thinking that she was lying, a lying rat. Max was supposed to have been my soul mate; he was supposed to have loved me. "YES, Liz. It's awful. I know it is. But it's true. I'm so sorry," Tess said when genuine sympathy, reaching out and taking my hand. "I know you feel like you have no where you can go and no where you can go because we have taken your life away from you. That was truly never our intention. If it had been we would have killed you long before and on earth. We thought Max Evans would make a deal or that he would at least attempt to rescue you. It was so inhumane of us to keep you cooped up alone so long, driving yourself crazy. It just wasn?t right. Even though you couldn't breathe our atmosphere we should have at least explained things to you and not left you entirely secluded. We will never be able to repair the damage we have done but we can try," Khivar had seriously stated, his face a masterpiece of all the exact, perfect emotions. "How?" I wondered, fighting back the urge to cry. "By giving you your life back," Nicholas answered. "We want to set you up as an equal ally with us. You have nothing to go back to on Earth. You family and friends have mourned your loss and already forgotten you. But here, here there is so much to do and see, Liz. Earth is a shithole compared with Antar. Just try it and see, at the very least." "He's right," Rath agreed. "Everything here is better." "Pleasure," added Lonnie with a knowing smile, "is much, much greater." I knew the implications of that an it's many levels. "Max is a bastard, Liz," Tess professed to me. "Forget him and go on with your life as I have." "Miss Parker," Khivar surmised dramatically. "We want to help you, to save you from your hell. Max Evans is not the person he lead you to believe he was. Join us, Liz. Join our Alliance and we will see to it that you are taken care of forever. The universe will be at your fingertips." That evening they fed me lies on a silver platter for dinner and I gobbled them up hungrily. What did I care, anyways, what the truth was? I was finally free of that cell and that was all that mattered. I moved from that obvious prison for my body to a trap for my mind. I thought I moved from hell, but I only entered a real hell, a more subtle, enticing one. But you know what they say; it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven. I glance once again at Max's son in my lap. So young, so pure, so innocent. He doesn't belong here, with them. He's so beautiful, like I remember Max was. I shower him with the love I used to have for Max, love Tess never shows him. I breath in the scent of the garden around me and relax against the tree behind me. Eagan yawns stretches his little body. He'll be seven soon. Seven in earth years. He opens his amber eyes and looks around. When he recognizes me he smiles his toothless grin. He?s far more human than alien. In fact, he barely has any alien in him, not having any powers and such. He?s nothing like Tess, looks nothing of her. He resembles Max more than I allow myself to admit. His face is so familiar, not like Max though. A different kind of familiar that I have yet to place. "Auntie Liz," Eagan says sheepishly, "I falled asleep when you told me stories of your home again. I'm sorry." "It's no problem, silly," I grin, brushing a leaf off his shirt. "I'm sorry I make you listen to my stories that bore you to sleep." "You're silly Auntie Liz. I love your stories. Especially the ones with my daddy," He smiles. I don't tell many stories with Max in them. In fact, I avoid the subject of him whenever possible, and not just because Tess asked me too. I don't like to talk about Max. It's a deep wound that never quite healed. Still smarts every once and a while so I try not to think about him. Ever. "Did you know my daddy real good?" Eagan asks. "Yes, very well," I respond with a faint smile. "Then how come you don't tell more stories with him in them?" Eagan wonders. "I don't know. I don't have any very interesting stories with your daddy," I tell him, not liking the interrogation's direction. "Auntie Liz, don't you like my daddy?" Eagan questions. "I do. Very much," I reply honestly. "I heared you a mommy talking about him once when you didn't think I was listening. Mommy doesn't like Daddy. She said so and called him meanie names. You said you didn't like Daddy either," Eagan accuses. "It's not that simple, Eagan. I like your daddy a whole lot, and deep down I think your mommy does too. But you and I can never tell anyone I like your daddy or I could get in trouble," I try to explain. "You are right. Some people here don't like your daddy very much, but that's not because he isn't a good person. They are just very jealous of him. They want to be strong and powerful, but your daddy is stronger and more powerful so they are afraid." "Even Uncle Khivar?" Eagan asks wide eyed. "Even Uncle Khivar, but don't tell anyone, okay? It's our secret," I respond. "And don't ask anyone else about your daddy. They might get angry and turn into meanies. People don't like to talk about your daddy to you because they don't want anyone to see that they are really jealous and afraid." "I won't talk to anyone about daddy but you, Auntie Liz. I cross my heart," Eagan promises. I smile. "Come here, you," I say pulling him into a hug. "I love you, Eagan. I loved your daddy too." "I love you too, Auntie Liz, alot," Eagan says cuddling close to me. "My daddy must have loved you too. You are really nice. The most nicest person I know. And you are really pretty. Even prettier than Mommy." "Don't tell your mommy that," I chuckle. Eagan plays with my long brown hair in this small hands. "Sometimes I wish you were my mommy, Auntie Liz," Eagan admits. My heart breaks. "Oh, Eagan, your mommy loves you. It's just very hard for her to show love. Her life hasn't been very easy," I tell him rubbing his back. He pulls out of our embrace. "Yeah," Eagan says. "I guess so. Sometimes I don't think she likes me very much, though." "Well I always like you," I smile. "You are such a good boy that your mommy must too." I tickle him and he squirms away giggling. "Let's go inside and get washed up for supper," I tell him. "It'll be ready soon." "Okay," Eagan agrees. We walk hand and hand through the luscious flora of the palace garden. Some of the plants are wildly exotic, acquired from the nearby planets that Khivar has practically assimilated. Eagen leaves me inside the palace door to go wash up. I hesitate on going clean up myself, and instead find myself wandering across the terrace overlooking the garden. A gentle breeze blows across the land. The sun, or the star equivalent there of, setting on the horizon paints the sky ablaze in pinks. The triple moons hang above me in the dusking sky. I think of the dress I wore on my first Antarian dinner outside a cell. I hadn't know then that it was a depiction of an Antarian sunset. A beautiful dress that still could never do the real thing justice. Another day spent, wasted. The prison I live in now is still a prison. I am still confined. This time by my own greed. By power. True, I could never leave even if I wanted to with the Khivar's miniscule tracking device implanted somewhere in my body, but still. I had nowhere I would go anyways. Besides that, I would never leave Eagan. A ship roars across the sky into the horizon and I watch is disappear. I know nothing about ships, flying them. Well, very little. I have been trying to learn, coaxing lessons out of Khivar's pilots, pretending it's a cheap thrill for me. Flying lessons for me make Khivar uneasy. I can tell. But I work my magic on him and he consents. They think I have no powers. They think that they died with my body. They tell me that even though I have alien DNA, I don't have any powers. I believed them for a quite a while. Until I realized they were wrong. I never told them though. I practice my powers only when I am sure I am alone. I can stop them from reading my mind now and can tell when they are doing it. It comes in very handy, actually. I make a video tape of boring neutral thoughts and program it to play over and over on top of my stonewall so that they think they can still read my mind and that I am very fickle. This conveniently frees me up to think whatever I please without their knowledge. Quite nifty. An arm snakes around my waist from behind, startling me. "Sorry, my pet, I thought you heard me," He says. "No, I didn't. I was lost in my thoughts," I explain. "Of beautiful sunsets, I know. And that sexy pink dress I just love you in," He murmurs into my ear. I lean back into him, closing my eyes, inhaling his unmistakable, musky scent. He nibbles on my ear, his arms pulling me closer. I feel his hardness against me. "My pet, you are soooo delicious. I can't get enough of you. You're simply intoxicating. I've never met a female who made me feel like this before, that I have been so addicted to," He tells me, his voice growing husky. "Isn't that why you are marrying me?" I smile. "Yessss," he hisses licking my neck. "That and you will make one hell of a queen." "Tess makes one hell of a queen as it is. Don't you think she will be angry at being dethroned when we tell her?" I ask coyly. I slide my hand behind my back and into my lovers pants, softly grasping his manhood. He groans. "Tess most certainly will be pissed, but she knew there would come a day when I would take a true queen as my bride. She needn't worry, the little rat will still reign. Not like that gives her any power anyways, just claim to it. When we have a child, I'll see to it that it's a daughter and we can arrange one awesome wedding establishing power once and for all in our family," He grunts. I will never have his child. I will never bring a child into this hellish struggle of power for his political purposes. He doesn't know that I can control my body so well, that I stopped myself from releasing eggs as soon as he became my lover. "That sounds a little incestuous if you ask me," I purr, stroking him harder. "I'm fine with it. They'd only be cousin's, my dear. I suspect Tess is my half sister, at that. And she's a hybrid. So is Max Evans," He moans. My eyes burst open and I freeze at the mention of Max. I quickly shield my thoughts but he catches a flash. He laughs. "I saw that. Max Evans holding your hand. How very quaint. Max has never been a man of action, my pet, and he never will be. If I had been him I would have ravished you at any chance I got, the fool,? he chuckles. "Now you belong to me, and he'll never get the chance." "We were still very young," I try to explain. "He has that Sanathian princess of his to ravish now," He goes on. "She's a real beauty. But not as beautiful as you, and not as good in bed either. I'm still skeptical as to when he's actually going to marry her. They've been engaged for years. He needs the power behind her throne, that much is clear, so why doesn't he just get it over with. He's a fool, I tell you.? "Maybe he isn't in love with her," I mumble. "Why? Because he's still in love with you?" He snorts. "I'm counting on it, my pet. When he handed over his claim to this kingdom for possession of your dead body, I knew he was a fool, better yet, a fool in love." I withdraw my hand and pull away from him, gazing out onto the landscape once more. "You never told me that," I say quietly. "The deal you made to get him to forfeit the throne.You were always very vague." "What? That he felt guilty for abandoning you and wanted to give you a proper burial, and in order to do so I made him relinquish his contention as king? Only a minor insignificant detail, my dear. Not worth mentioning. Happened so long ago, anyways. Besides, what's the problem? I know you don't still have feelings for him," He responds. "No, I don't have feelings for him," I agree. "But I don't think we should persecute him either, mess with his mind." "My dearest, beloved pet, he most certainly will find out you are alive after we are wed. I don't want to hide you away forever, anyways. I want to show the universe you are mine, that you belong to me. I'd especially like Isabel to see just exactly what she gave up, as well as Max, of course. Anyways, no matter how many treaties he signs, Max Evans will never cede over Antar and he will never give up his son. He wants to take that snot away badly. The only reason he hasn't attempted yet is because I convinced him that the brat can't breathe other atmospheres, not that that kind of thing can't easily be fixed, but what Max Evans doesn't know can't hurt him,? He grins deviously. I pull farther away thinking of the years I spent locked away because, "Antar's atmosphere wasn't suitable for me to breathe." I sigh. "Don't worry, love. I know how you are fond of him, I'll make sure he stays safe," He assures me, running a hand through my long dark hair. At first I stiffen, thinking he means Max, and then I realize he is talking about Eagan. "Thank you," I say smiling as sincerely as I can. I meet his embrace and he kisses me deeply, passionately, hungrily. At last I pull away. "I have to go change for dinner," I tell him smiling seductively. "Yes," He agrees, before giving me one last, quick kiss. I stumble off towards to palace door. Only once I reach it do I glance back at my future husband, at Khivar. ------------------------------ CHAPTER TWO The first few weeks of my liberation I had wondered how they could be so careless, so reckless, so imprudent, in leaving me so unsupervised, unguarded, unchained. How could they be so sure I wouldn't try to escape, so sure that I would take their deal and choose to stay. I had laughed at their arrogance, but now I laugh at my own ignorance. There was never any choice for me, of whether I would try to escape or not, of whether I would take their deal. Never. I was the fool, not them. They knew me better than I knew my self. They knew my every intention, motivation, thought, every hope, every desire, and every dream. I was theirs. They owned me and they knew it. All too soon did this realization come to me. Free will. Free will is a relative term to me. Free will to choose their will. There was never free will, only the illusion of it. They knew my reaction for their every action before they made it. They knew and I hated them for it. My prison now was of the mind. My own mind. I was my own jailor, my own prisoner. I resented them, but most of all I resented myself. They told me that I had a homing device implanted deep within my body somewhere. I only half believed them. I had never felt it when I should have. The funny thing about the statement they made, though, is that true or false it would serve their purpose meaningfully. If there was no such device there might as well be. How could I risk the chance that it might exist and attempt escape? I couldn?t afford such a blatant offense against the Alliance. I need their trust, it is vital for me. Through it only will come any freedom I might obtain. I cannot submit. I will not. It simply is not in me. I am too stubborn, too tenaciously spirited. I will fight back, fight until the day they allow me to die. I will never give up, never surrender. Never again. Every time their back is turned, I ever so slightly stretch the bars of my prison. They do not notice such minute divergences but someday, someday I know their difference thresholds will catch up with them. My Judgment Day, a day of reckoning. Someday they will notice. This I am sure of and still I labor on. I only hope that it will not be in vain, that the bars will be far enough apart when they do take notice that I might slip through. They were sure I had no abilities, that I was only human after all. At this I can laugh; I am allowed. I wasn't even aware of them for quite a while after my liberation. After a while though, it became apparent to me that there were times when I would think things that would be seen as unacceptable, that my thought police would disapprove of, yet they did not notice, not if I really didn't want them to, if I feed them something else I was thinking. I began to be more daring in my thoughts and became in turn for masterful of them and myself. Then I made the bold move of playing with theirs. For a long time I had been able to feel when they tried to mess with my mind and divert their endeavor. I wondered if I myself had this ability but was terrified to try if I did not, terrified they might become aware of my capabilities. Then once I mustered up enough courage to try. It was on Rath, his mind is the weakest. I only made him see something that was not there, only a flower, but it was a start. Soon everyone was seeing daisies and roses everywhere. It was quite amusing for me to give a bouquet to Tess and have it wilt soon after she touched it. Mostly though, I made things disappear, watched people go crazy looking for them, and then made them reappear right after they had given up looking. It drove everyone nuts. Khivar had security tightened on the palace fearing there were thieves who stole odd trinkets and flowers. Quickly though, I had to stop my childish antics lest I be caught in my own incautiousness. I set to work on greater projects with more intricate tasks. I begin to read their thoughts, see their plans, their motives, their intentions. I enjoyed the challenge of expanding my mind to combat theirs, of playing the game. For that's all this is. A game. A silly board game of the mind. Monopoly of the soul. The rules are made by the players as the game progress. How does one beat this eternal game? No one will know what it takes to win except, of course, the winner himself. I fear though that the price may be forfeiting my soul and I'm not completely sure that is something I am prepared to offer. I will have to decide, though after I have erected my hotel on Boardwalk. But for now I am safe, as I only own it and Park Place. One night last month, after dinner, after Khivar and I had been together, I was lying awake with him sleeping next to me. I probed his mind cautiously with mine and stumbled onto something that made me sick to my stomach. I saw them, buried deep with in, his plans for my home planet. I had always wondered why everyone of importance came in human form, why everyone was so fluent in earth languages. It was a question that I didn't ask more than once like so many are, a question I simply accepted the answer to even if it didn't make complete sense. They told me that Earth culture was adopted because so many important members of the alliance such as Tess, Eagan, Lonnie and Rath were from there and comfortable in that form. Lonnie had made a comment about how the pleasure of alien customs in human bodies was ten times greater as well. I'll have to take her word for it. Antarians seem to be very into pleasure, not just Lonnie. Tonight, after dinner, after Khivar fell asleep, I make a plan to see if it is still there, if what I had seen is indeed still true. To my great discontent it is. I carefully navigate to find the blueprints in his mind for the systematic take over of Earth. Khivar plans to replace leaders, draw the entire earth into one large state over time, and then take power of it himself. He wants the resources and to use Earth as an important docking port in expanding the boundaries of the empire of space he controls. It seems as though he has thought of everything, planned everything out. He needs to lose Max Evans though, and the rest of the pod squad. They can potentially produce unwanted hurdles for him. That's why he is uptight about Max marrying this princess. He needs him to in order to get him off Earth. I lay awake restless for most of the night finally falling asleep shortly before dawn. I awaken to a kiss on my forehead. "Wake up, my pet, I have a surprise for you," Khivar smiles down at me. I yawn and rub my eyes, forcing myself to wake up despite my lack of sleep. I see a gift wrapped at the end of his lavish bed. "What's this for?" I wonder as I begin to unwrap. "Do I need a reason to give you a gift, my pet? This is a special occasion, though; you are correct. And not just that I wish to see you wear this tonight at our engagement party," Khivar states still smiling as I pull out the most gorgeous dress I have ever seen in my entire life. It's a beautiful scarlet color, with black lacing overtop slit down the middle to the empire waistline. It's also completely strapless. I look closer and see that the lacing is beaded and that small intricately woven birds dance across the lace. The dress I had picked from my closet for tonight's gala was so plain in comparison. "Thank you," I graciously tell him, throwing my arms around his neck and planting a kiss. "That particular bird has been a symbol of marriage in Antarian culture for ages and as you know, red is the color that the bride to be customarily wears to the engagement party, but my pet, do you still not know the occasion for such a gift?" Khivar asks. I search my mind, eventually giving up and shaking my head. "My dear, it?s your twenty-fifth birthday today on Earth. My how you have lost track of time. It does get confusing with the days and nights on Antar being so much longer," Khivar respond. I quickly compute the time in my head. "Good heavens, you?re right. That's completely crazy. Twenty-five? I'm practically an old lady," I reply in disbelief. Where does time go? Seems like yesterday I had my seventeenth birthday party. That was the best party I'd ever had with Maria and Alex and Michael and Isabel and.... "This one will be even better," Khivar breaks in. "I didn't chose this night for our engagement party for no particular reason. Tonight will be very special, I promise." Actually, I'm pretty sure he chose tonight so that our engagement part could kick off the summit he's having but whatever works. I think he just got lucky when he calculated that my birthday happened to be the same date, especially since we hadn't celebrated my last birthday and it had passed without recognition. But who am I to complain? I like being pampered. I get up, bathe, and go off in search of breakfast. Eagan joins me along the way. "Happy Birthday Auntie Liz!" He grins. "I got you something really neat, but it's a surprise." "Oh really," I smile taking his hand in mine. "Yes, I'm going to give it to you later, before the big party," Eagan pronounces. "Okay," I laugh. "Auntie Liz, how come I don?t get to come to your party?" Eagan frowns. Good question. I had wondered that myself. "It's past your bed time sweetie," I tell him. "I've stayed up later before," Eagan protests. "I know but this is more of a grown up party," I respond. "Not fair," Eagan pouts. "I know. I'll tell you what, how about me and you have our own party in my room before the big party tonight?" "Yes!" Eagan agrees eagerly. "That's even better because then I get you all to myself!" "Definitely," I chuckle, touched by his enthusiasm. It's nice to know someone loves me. We make our way into the dining room, finding Tess and Lonnie still lingering in there after their breakfast. "Good Morning Liz," Tess greets me cheerfully with her usual fake smile. "Happy birthday." "Yeah, Happy birthday," Lonnie adds smirking. "Wait till you sees what Khivar's gone an got you." "I already did. I love the dress!" I exclaim as I sit down. "Uh, yeah...the dress...," Lonnie states. Tess kicks her under the table. "Oww! Great dress kid. It'll look fabuloso on ya," Lonnie adds. "Mommy, Auntie Liz said we can have our own party in her room before the big one because I don't get to go!" Eagan tells her excitedly as he takes his usual seat next to me. "Wonderful," Tess replies unenthusiastically. "Don't you be making a mess in her room and bothering her though. Servants are busy enough as it is and Liz has a lot to do to get ready." "Don't worry, Mommy. I'm neat. I'm neat, Mommy," Eagan claims. "It's okay, Tess. Let him have a little fun for once. I can clean my room, if I have to. It's not like I have much else to do and it really doesn't take me that long to get ready," I say. "Well as long as he doesn't inconvenience you," Tess responds politely. I can tell she doesn't like the idea. I don't think she likes Eagan hanging on me all the time. If she would be so cruel to him though, then he wouldn't feel the need to. It seems like I'm the only one who protects him. "Oh its fine," I smile, flashing her a fake of my own. Tess doesn't know Khivar asked me to marry him. She knows I'm sharing his bed, but many females do. She thinks the marriage he is going to announce will be to some Emperors daughter in the next galaxy that he has been meeting with a lot recently. It's supposed to be this big surprise who he is engaged to. Really though, everyone in the Alliance knows but her, Lonnie included. I'm almost surprised Lonnie hasn't told her since she and Lonnie used to be so chummy, although things have been shifting lately. Khivar was afraid Tess would overact and try some big mind warp or go crazy. He wanted to wait and tell her in a big public place with lots of important people so it was made public before she could do anything. Tess can't mind warp that many people. I don't think she could have mind warped Khivar either, but when it comes down to it I wouldn't want to take the chance myself. Tess's mind has grown a lot stronger since she has been on Antar. Khivar supposedly has the strongest mind on the planet, that?s why he's in power, but Tess is close behind. They are related after all. I suppose I wouldn't want to cross her either. Heh heh. The look on Tess's face tonight when Khivar gives the announcement is going to be priceless. I'm hoping someone gets a good picture. We all eat breakfast for a while in silence, except for Eagan who tends to slurp. "Man oh man, I's can't wait for tonight," Lonnie laughs finally breaks the silence. "This gonna be one kickin bash full of surprises." Tess and I both shoot her a warning glance. Why is Tess shooting her a warning glance? "I?s just saying it?s gonna be good times. Rath and me been lookin forward for some time,? Lonnie smirks. I?m really not liking the sound of that. I gives me the feeling that Tess isn't the only person who is going to be surprised tonight. I've been walking through Khivar's mind, though; I think would have seen something. "I have a surprise for Auntie Liz," Eagan announces proudly. "I bet it's not a surprisin as Khivar's," Lonnie grins. "Eagan, we've talked about this," Tess ignores Lonnie's comment. "Liz is not your Aunt." "Not yet," Lonnie mumbles. I give her a good kick. "Owwww!" Tess wails. "Sorry. Problems adjusting my chair," I respond shifting uncomfortabley. "Lonnie can I talk to you after breakfast in private please?. I have some things I?d like to discuss," I tell her. "No prob, Lizzie. Anything for you's, kid," Lonnie replies amused. We finish breakfast and Lonnie follows me out. Eagan tries to come too, but Tess calls him back. We go into a study. "What are you talking about?" I question her after I close the doors. "What is this other surprise?" "Lizzie, it wouldn't be no surprise if I tells ya, now would it? "Sides, I's been sworn to secrecy," Lonnie grins. I narrow my eyes. "Look, Liz, all I can say's that you's better look damn good tonight. 'Dis gonna be one party ya be rememberin the rest of you's life, however unnatural that turns out to be. Tess ain't the only person gonna be surprised. Hell, who knows, with Khivar, we's all might be, but with the entertainment I seen he's got planned.... Watch your back, kid. Watch your back. And watch how's you reacts. Important peeps gonna be watchin. All's I can say,? Lonnie tells me opening the door. Now I'm more confused than ever. "You's a good kid, Liz. I's enjoyed havin you around, so don't blow it," Lonnie adds seriously. "Ya spice things up and I was so looking forward to a weddin'. Who knows. Just be's careful." Lonnie leaves and I'm left to interpret what she just said. I don't like it one bit. Lonnie is never sincere. Genuinely sincere anyways. I can tell when she's faking it by the twitch her eyebrow does and there was no twitch. Scary. I look out a window and see Rath and Eagan out on the terrace. Eagan's playing with one of his trucks but Rath takes it away and holds it just out of his reach. Eagan jumps for it and Rath laughs. I don't. Instead, I head outside to settle this. "Rath, don't be such a jerk," I say walking onto the terrace. "Here comes Auntie Liz ta save ya's again, brat," Rath tells Eagan who is crying by now. Asshole. "Give him back his truck. It's disgusting how big of a kick you get from pouncing on those so clearly weaker than you. Why don't you pick on someone your own size for once, unless you're afraid," I taunt making a grab for the truck. "Someone's like you, Liz? Naw. You's still clearly weaka," He snorts pulling the truck away and holding it high above my head. I make a jump for it but he's too much taller than me. Rath reaches out with his free hand to casually grope me and I slap his arm away. I think about screwing with his head when a better idea comes to mind. "What's a matter, Liz? Only Khivar getta sample goods 'round here?" Rath asks laughing. "Yeah, that's it," I say stepping close and clamping down on his balls as hard as I can with my hand. "Release his toy." He looks shocked. His face contorts in pain but he still holds strong to the truck. I squeeze harder and he drops it. I release. "I's just messin' with 'im, Liz. Geez. What's he needa truck for anyways? He ain't never gonna ride in one," Rath responds, protectively stepping away and adjusting himself. "Just leave him alone will you. Someday he's going get bigger and more powereful, then you'll be sorry," I tell Rath picking up Eagan's truck and handing it to him. Rath grunts and walks away. "Thank you, Auntie Liz, for beating him up. Rath's a meanie," Eagan says with a tear stained face. "A big meanie," I agree tousling Eagan's hair. I play with Eagan for a until lunch. Afterwards, we plan our party. By then I'm Feeling a little tired and both Eagan and I take naps. With the days being so much longer on Antar I often find myself taking naps so that I can stay up with everyone else at night. After I awaken from my nap I start getting ready, both for Eagan's party and Khivar's. I take another bath, only because they are so much fun in the big bathing fountain, especially with bubbles. Servants come to fix my hair. The use scarlet ribbons and black beads. They pull it all up into a big ponytail, wrapping a few braided strands around the base. The majority of my hair still hangs down my back because it is so long. One thing I love about Antarians is their ability to turn people into works of art. Tarenk comes to talk to me and I greet him. "What brings you today?" I smile at my familiar friend. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, and give you a briefing about tonight," He tells me. "Great hair by the way." "I was just thinking how much I love the artistic ability of you Antarians," I respond. "Oh that's not by accident," Tarenk laughs. "Emperor Khivar breeds talent. He is a huge patron of the arts. Antarians have always been know for their craftiness, but Khivar took it to an extreme. He seeks out ability and nutures it accordingly. People do what they are good at." Kind of reminds me of the old Soviet Union. Neat. Not really. No, not at all. I gaze out the window. The skyline is cluttered with ships. I've never seen so many in my life. "What," I ask pointing at the ships, "is that? What happen to the sky?" "Those are your party guests, Miss Parker," Tarenk chuckles. "When I went to sleep there were but twenty ships and now there are hundreds. Tess can't be that crazy. Why do we need so many guests?" I wonder. "That's partially what I came to talk to you about. This is a very important summit Khivar is having. We will be discussing trade routes for through out this galaxy and the surrounding. Everyone whom the discussion would be relative to was invited. Ambassadors, consulates, leaders, rulers from all over this side of the universe will be in attendance," Tarenk clarifies. "As a part of the Alliance you will get to sit in on most of the summit talks if you choose, although I'm not sure you'll get much from them since you have not really been briefed on what's happening." "That's alright. I'd actually like to listen anyways. I think it'll be interesting," I respond. "I thought you might say that," Tarenk smiles. "I'll try to give you an overview of things before hand, but for now I best brief you on what's going on tonight." Khivar's the kind of person who waits till the last possible moment to let you know what exactly is happening. He likes people to know as little as possible, only what's necessary. I think he does it so one arm has no idea what the other is up to and thus has to abide by only what the head, Khivar, tells it. I've grown accustomed to Khivar's vagueness. "Here's what's happening. When everyone first arrives for the party they will be directed to the great hall. Many people are staying here with in the palace, the friends of the alliance, but other's who are not so friendly have chosen to remain aboard their ships when the summit is not in session. Everyone, regardless of being friend or foe, will be at the first dinner tonight. It's to open the summit under the convivial circumstances before everyone wants to rip each other apart at the assembly; it's supposed to be a pleasant experience and establish good feelings while everyone is still being polite. Normally, that is the case but there have been times in history where the less fortunate was more prominent. I am not positive which occasion this will be. There is much tension in this part of the universe right now, too much," Tarenk scowls. Someone really needs to educate me in Antarian politics. Soon. It might be nice to know what exactly I am representing. "Anyhow, the announcement is going to happen very informally. Everyone will be in the great hall mingling, but Khivar wants you to be the last to arrive. He wants you to be in the crowd of people as little as possible. I am told Lonnie will come fetch you when it's time for you to come down. At that point, Khivar will stand up on the landing, you know, the big one between the great hall and dining hall," Tarenk tells me. I give him a blank look. Hell if I have the blueprints of this place memorized. I've been here two years and there are still entire wings I haven't seen. It?s like Versaille, times ten. "Well there's a landing there. It's only maybe two or three steps up; it almost looks kid of like a stage and on the wall in the middle of it are big double doors that lead to the dining hall. You can't miss it, don't worry," Tarenk assures me. "So Khivar will get up there, thank everyone for coming, announce his engagement, and invite everyone to dine. Now when he starts to announce the engagement you'll make your way up on to the landing, give a little smile and wave-" "Oh, oh! Can I do the Princess Di wave?" I ask excitedly. He laughs. I?ve been practicing the Princess Di wave since I was first engaged. "I don't care. Anyways, you smile and wave and stand beside him while he welcomes everyone to dinner. Then he'll open the big doors and the two of you will stand in the doorway and everyone will greet and congratulate the two of you as they enter the dinning hall. Traditionally, first of kin, Tess, is supposed to be the first to congratulate but there are any number of bets to what she's going to do. Lonnie and Rath are prepared to start the procession if Tess fails to. Pending Tess's reaction or any other major outbursts, the guests will enter the dining hall, take their seats, and wait for you and Khivar to finish up. When every is seated you and Khivar will enter. Everyone will stand when you are before your seats. Khivar will help you with your chair, you sit, he'll tell everyone else to sit, he'll sit. Not so bad, huh?" Tarenk wonders. "Sounds easy enough to me. But what other outburst might their be?" I question. "Outbursts?" He says confusedly. "You said 'pending Tess or any other major outbursts.' I know you said that," I respond suspicious. "Ahh. Yes. I suppose I did say that. I'm not counting on any other outbursts but you never can be to sure at an event like this. Right now we're all just hoping Tess doesn't burn the place down or something crazy like that." Tarenk smirks. "Speaking of Tess, I thought I should let you know that Tess will keep her title as Queen of Antar and Khivar will bestow upon you the title of Empress, so that you will ruling beside him. It should moderately appease Tess, even though she wouldn't lose any of her power with the title, anyways. It also creates less confusion since Khivar is not technically King. That title could only belong to Zan or Eagan and since Zan has renounced it, it will officially go to Eagan when he is old enough to accept it. Right now Tess is just ruling as a regent to Eagan in her brother's empire. When Eagan comes to power, Zan will no longer even have a ghost of a claim to the throne, and Khivar will rule in absolutism. It would be a foolish move to appoint you queen, as Khivar may have been promising, if there are no heirs produced, and would be a messy business besides.? "I suppose that's all fine with me, the title means nothing to me anyways. We all know that the only people who do any ruling around here are Khivar and Tess. I'm just a pretty arm piece for Khivar to parade around with. But how is the absolutism Khivar will have different from what he has now? I don't understand,? I tell Tarenk. Another promise Khivar backs out on. Oh well. The power isn't always in the title anyways. "Right now, with Tess ruling alone, Khivar has absolutism, but it is conditional. If Zan ever reasserted his claim at the throne and it was recognized by the Antarian senate, he could be reinstated. If he was reinstated he could rebel against the Empire. The Empire can only rule with the consent of the planet's ruler because it is by definition interplanetary," Tarenk explains. "Antar has a senate?" I ask in disbelief. Damn. I've been in the dark. Tarenk chuckles. "A facade of one. The senate is occupied primarily by loyalists of the Alliance. Senators are elected to lifetime servitude by the people but are subject to approval of the ruling Queen or King. Tess rejects the non-loyalists. When the King and Queen disappeared from Antar, Khivar had already secretly been secretly installing his loyalists into the Senate for a long time and they were in the majority, especially after a series of mysterious senatorial deaths that called for re-elections. The senate was put into power with the absence of the Royal Party and the senate voted Khivar Emperor. That's how a dictator democratically takes office around these parts," Tarenk reports. "Tess certainly didn't revoke her brother when she came back and was content with Power under him. Zan, on the other hand, would not have been. Fortunately he never made it back to Antar to claim what was and now even if he does, the Senate will never recognize his claim and reinstate him. He may be a thorn in our side but the Empire will retain power." "So Antar is just part of a bigger Empire ruled by Khivar, right?" I ask to make sure. "Yes. Antar is like the Rome of your Roman Empire that was on Earth. Only, conquering is not as easy now as it was way back then. Too many intergalactic treaties, trade agreements, and safety pacts. Some of that is what Khivar hopes to sort through with this summit," Tarenk updates me. Hell, I've been in the pitch black. Here I'd been walking around the past two years barely aware there was life outside this palace and the influence these inhabitants had on it. And I thought life around here was all about pleasure and everyone loafed around, when secretly they all had been hiding the political skeleton of things from me. Granted, I hadn't been very inquisitive but they had given me no reason to be. I assumed the Alliance ruled, end of story. "Wait so what's the Alliance?" I wonder. "And how come you never told me any of this earlier?" "You never asked. The Alliance is like a political party kind of. The Alliance has no real claim to power in itself, yet we have power because our members are so influential and many do hold office. More importantly we help each other gain power to further the empire. The Alliance is not simply limited to the members you are in contact with each day, myself, Khivar, Tess, Nicholas, Rath, and Lonnie. There are seven members ruling on other planets as Nicholas does. With you included we number fifteen. It should be interesting to see the difference in impact we have on decisions in this summit with the addition of you. You will already be acting in the position of High Empress even though you are not married yet because that gives you claim that title in a summit as long as you are engaged. It will give your vote more sway than if you were only an Alliance member. This way you get sort of a weighted vote. Which is a another reason we aren't taking the Queen title from Tess, we need the sway. Originally we had worried the title of Empress would not so easily be recognized upon you, but as of this morning it looks like a majority of parties present and universally alike are willing to grant you it, and there will be no need for you to supercede Tess.? Funny how they can just create a title for me to further their political power and people will legally accept it. Funny in a crazy yet completely amusing way. "So after this big dinner, I heard something about dancing...?" I wonder. "A customary part of an engagement party. So there will be dancing for entertainment tonight and theater tomorrow. After dinner Khivar will lead everyone back to the great hall, the to two of you will start everyone with the first dance and then Khivar will most likely spend the rest of night lending his ear to various influential groups and people. The dance is not required summit curriculum so many guests will give Khivar their regards, as he is their host, and retire for the evening as soon as they get a chance. It's only polite for them, however, to wait until the first dance is over to do, after which you may lose sight of Khivar for the rest of the evening unless you adhere yourself tightly," He states and I grimace at the suggestion. I realize for the first time how greatly Khivar is trying to kill two birds with one stone. The engagement party and the summit dinner. "In any case I would encourage you to mingle and not so much talk to the guests as listen to them so you can report back to us anything which could instrumental as well as get a feel for the politics of the summit. I must warn you that though guest have been required to appear in a humanoid form, some of their appearance may be some what alarming." Note to self: do not stare in horror. I hope it's not like with that bearded lady I used to see at the post office and I try to look away but I just can't. I wonder if she still works there. "What would you say if I told you I can't dance Antarian style?" I smile. "Not to worry, Miss Parker. It's, what is that expression you say? A piece of cake. Very easy, the dance you will be doing is called the Pongorda and it is very similar to what on Earth you call the Waltz if I am not mistaken," Tarenk assures me. "Oh, please show me!" I beg. He obliges and in no time we are spinning around my bedroom laughing. Soon we have and audience. "Me next, me next!" Eagan begs. "Alright, Eagan, here you go," Tarenk grins handing me over. "I'll be leaving now Miss Parker, is there anything else?" "Actually," I say taking Eagan up into my arms, "I was just kind of curious how you ended up getting involved in the Alliance." "Khivar and I were childhood friends," Tarenk smiles faintly. "I was quite a bit older than he, but he was always bigger and stronger. He took me up under his wing and I ended up along for the ride and here I am today as his Prime Minister. There are not many people a man like him can trust and I think that I am one of the few people he does. I don't always agree with him, but I will always stand beside him." I smile. His loyalty is actually very touching. Too bad it's to Khivar. Someday I truly will be free and I can honestly say that I will miss Tarenk. "Any further questions?" Tarenk asks, breaking my thoughts. "Not right now, thank you," I tell him, giving him a genuine smile as he leaves. Eagan and I dance around for a bit before a servant bring us a genuine, not to mention gorgeous, birthday cake. Crazy. I haven't had birthday cake in years. Eagan makes the servants light twenty five candles despite my protests. He insists that I have to make my birthday wish. That'll teach me to tell him so many stories of earth customs from my childhood. I debate on my wish for a while before finally settling on the one thing I have really wanted most for a very long time. It's a frivolous wish, but it's my birthday so I make it anyways. Eagan and I dance some more but end up jump on my bed. I haven't had so much fun in years. Until Tess shows up, decked out in her elaborate blue (her usual color) attire for the evening, and spoils our fun by asserting that it is time for Eagan to go eat his dinner in his room and head to bed. I tell her that I'll take him there shortly after Eagan says he still has yet to give me my surprise and Tess says she'll wait outside my room. What, she doesn't trust that I can deliver her child to his room? It's not like I'm going to hide him in my closet or anything. "Close your eyes, Auntie Liz," Eagan instructs me as he digs in his pockets. "And hold out your hands." I follow his orders. I feel him place something small and cold in my hands. I open my eyes and see a necklace. "It's your locket, the one you told me about," Eagan tells me pleased with himself. I look closer. It's mine, the heart-shaped locket my grandmother gave me for my tenth birthday. It had been hers with she was a child. It used to be my most prized possession, and I had always worn it, had been wearing it when I was captured. Now it's a bit tarnished but not too badly. "Where did you find this?" I wonder, amazed. "I told Lonnie how sad you were about losing your grandmom's necklace and she made Rath get it so I could give it back to you for your birthday," He smiles. Lonnie helped? "Oh Eagan, this is the best gift ever," I respond, getting teary eyed. "I tried to open it but it's stuck," He furrows his brow. "I'm sorry." I try to open it myself and find his statement true. It's probably for the best; I'm not sure I want to see the picture that I know would be inside. Grandmother had told me that when I found that special someone who I would hold in my heart forever that I should put his picture inside, as she had done with my grandfather. For years I had worn the locket empty, then things had changed. "That's alright. It's still a wonderful gift," I reply smiling with a big hug. "I'll even wear it tonight. Thank you so much." I wonder if Khivar knows that Rath lifted this. I'll wear it anyways because I know that Khivar will hardly notice it and even if he does won't place it. I wonder where exactly Rath lifted this from. I decide to pick his brain later. Eagan helps me put the necklace on. I take Eagan's hand and walk with him and Tess to his room. I give him one last hug and the two disappear inside. As Tess closes the door to his room behind her I hear the deadbolts clink and the familiar hum of the security system. Walking away I recognize that it is Khivar's own specially trained guards are standing watch instead of the usual ones. I suppose Khivar really has to up security with so many strangers in the palace. I head back to my room and finish getting ready and out on my dress. The time passes quickly and before I know it Lonnie comes and tells me that I should come down now. She looks very nice in an elegant dark violet gown. Secretly I think she likes to dress up even though she always complains. She leads the way and I follow. We walk most of the way in silence, but she pauses outside the great hall doors. "Well, Lizzie, I gotta hand it to ya. You's looks stunning. There's gonna be one helluva show tonight and I want yous ta go on out there an break a leg," Lonnie grins. "I'll be rooting for ya. Good luck." I think she is talking about Tess. No matter. I'm about to find out. I smile and nod. "Thank you," I tell her softly as we slip into the great hall and the crowd gathered there, but I don't think she hears me above the noise of the room. I'm not nervous. Why should I be. None of this means anything to me. Not really. The vastly spacious room is crammed with bodies of all shapes forms and sizes in ornate costuming of all kinds. It's like something out of my childhood imagination. I spot Tess in the crowd a little ways off. Funny. She must have changed. She was wearing blue earlier and now her dress is bright pink. Lonnie grabs my hand and drags me through the crowd, not bothering to excuse herself and leaving me to do it for her. I harshly bump someone on my right under Lonnie's aggressive pull and look back to apologize. I trun to see Rath. He looks unusually nice. His hair has been cut and tamed, and he's taken his body piercings out. It's a nice look for him, he should go with it more often. When he sees me he tenses and his eyes go wide. I know I look good, but why does he seem like he's seen a ghost? He gives me the oddest look as Lonnie tugs me along harder and his face is once again engulfed in the crowd. Lonnie weaves her way to the front of the mass with me in tow. Khivar stand up, as I was told he would, and welcomes everyone. He motions for me and to come stand next to him and I do. When I fall in line with him he clasps my hand in his and brings it to his lips, kissing it. I smile at him as lovingly as I can. "Now, as promised, I'd like to announce my engagement and introduce you all to the most intriguing women that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, a critical and most valuable member of the Antarian Alliance, the future Empress of my empire, my bride to be, Miss Elizabeth Parker, of the planet Earth," Khivar tells the crowd. Oh, I'm an arm ornament alright, I think doing the best Diana I can muster to the cheering crowd. The bastard hasn't glanced at me once since I've been up here next to him and has been focused entirely on his attention from the crowd. He'll always be too in love with himself to ever be in love with me, no matter what he claims. And in what way exactly am I critical and valuable to the Alliance. I don't even get to attend most meetings. Many questions and suspicions float into my mind for the first time. It's as if I am at last waking from long, nap of indifferent ignorance. Too many thoughts and ideas swarm at me all at once. I push them out of the way to observe the commotion. "He's marrying HER?! He CAN'T marry her!" Tess shrieks above the clapping. People around her stare. "Umm...I mean, WOW, he's marrying her. But, uhh... he can't marry her UNTIL I give my most joyous congratulations at such a good choice," Tess corrects. She comes forward with the fakest smile I've seen yet. I give her a wicked grin. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and whispers in my ear. "I don't know how you managed this but you'll never get away with it," She hisses. She pulls away but I grasp her closely. "I already have," I respond in a low tone. The look of pure hatred she gives me after she pulls away is deadly. Khivar smiles and hugs her, telling her through clenched teeth that they will discuss it later. I giggle at the sound of Tess's whiny voice protesting echoing through my head. Have fun Khivar. "Now I'd like to invite you all in the traditional dinner that will open the summit," Khivar speaks loudly. He opens the dining room doors and Tess slinks though them haughtily. I know I'm grinning wildly. I enjoy her discomfort all too much. Lonnie and Rath congratulate Khivar and I standing by the doors. "Well, you's a knockout in round one kid," Lonnie whispers. "I suspects round two ain't gonna be as easily won." Slowly but steadily the Alliance was followed by a parade of guests, none of whom I have ever seen before. Scaly, Hairy, Slimy, you name it; it was there. All were bipeds, but not necessarily with limited to four appendages. The majority, though, if caught at a glance, could have been mistaken for humans. Khivar did most of the speaking, fluent in hundreds of tounges, while I just smiled at his side. The procession seemed endless until finally I was presented with the last group of guests. I was so busy with greeting that I didn't even notice the end was nearing, so busy that I didn't even focus on the identity of the last party until we were face to face. I found out, then, what Lonnie had been alluding to all that time, warning me about. SURPRISE! Happy birthday, Liz, you got your wish. I stiffen as my gaze settles on those familiar eyes, unmistakable eyes I haven't gazed into for seven long years, an eternity. The past floods upon me in tidal waves. Every hope, every dream, every fantasy I had given up on hits me at full force. Me knees weaken and I collapse at the impact of the realization. I faint, the dark world fading away into light, Max Evan's face shining brightly in my mind. ------------------------------------------------------------- TO BE CONTINUED????????? If this fic does not reappear on this board updates will be available on the Boardello and through email if you leave yours below. And by the way, for those of you who have seen Castaway, I just did, not a huge fan of the ending, gave me tears. I PROMISE this will be NOTHING like that. This is a long chapter because I at least wanted to end things bringing Max into the picture, I thought it might be nice to assure everyone that Khivar's gonna get his ass kicked afterall. Anyways, thank you to everyone who has shown their support thus far. [ edited 12time(s), last at 4-Dec-2002 3:10:35 AM ] |
| posted on 5-Apr-2002 4:48:56 PM by Allie1031 |
| Too lazy for email. Eventually will accquire a group. Very busy now with track. Enjoy. Thaks for Feedback and bumpage.
-Previously- I was so busy with greeting that I didn't even notice the end was nearing, so busy that I didn't even focus on the identity of the last party until we were face to face. I found out, then, what Lonnie had been alluding to all that time, warning me about. SURPRISE! Happy birthday, Liz, you got your wish. I stiffened as my gaze settled on those familiar eyes, unmistakable eyes I hadn't gazed into for seven long years, an eternity. The past flooded upon me in tidal waves. Every hope, every dream, every fantasy I had given up on hit me at full force. Me knees weakened and I collapsed at the impact of the realization. I fainted, the dark world fading away into light, Max Evan's face shining brightly in my mind. CHAPTER THREE The blow sends me sailing back through space, through time. I float back to earth, to me. Max smiles, Max runs his fingers through my hair, Max kisses me. Max. Everything is good. Everything is whole. Everything is complete. I am complete. I lay in Max's arms, living, breathing, being, alive. Max. Only Max. Completely Max. Voices stir me. I flutter my eyes open against the harsh lights. Slowly objects begin to come back into focus . The voices continue. "Max?" I stammer. I blink slowly and reality rushes back to my side. The events of earlier unfold in my head, replaying like a silent movie in fast motion, nauseating me. Max. I had seen Max. He was here. Was he here? Was I dreaming? How could Max be here? I was dreaming Max. Dreaming. "Miss Parker, dear girl, how are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare," A male voice utters. Two shadows hover over me. I squint and rub my eyes. Tarenk. I try to sit up but a wave of dizziness passes through me. Tarenk grabs my arm to help steady me. I notice that I'm lying on a couch in one of the many studies, quite a ways from the great hall. I also notice that I am under very heavy guard. "I think I'm okay," I tell him, rubbing the back of my head which is throbbing. "You hit your head on the back of the door when you passed out. The doctor said you should be okay though, just a headache. No concussion. We can give you something for the pain as soon as you wake he said," Tarenk states. The doors of the study fly open and Lonnie rushes in. "Lizzie, you's so disappointin'. Ya went down after the first punch thrown. Sheesh, kid. I thought you's be puttin up a great fight too. Liz ya done got yur ass kicked," Lonnie smirks. "Ya better toughen up though, cuz there gonna be a rematch." I groan. Max. It wasn?t a dream. He really is here. "Lonnie, what the hell is he doing here? Why didn't Khivar tell me?" I demand angrily. "He's here for da summit. He'd be stupid not ta come. Lizzie, you shoulda seen the look on his face when you's was standing next ta Khivar. I's thought he was gonna kill im right then and there, but his friends some how kept him under control. It was classic, Lizzie, classic," Lonnie tells me. "Oh, well, I'm glad that you can find so much amusement in the pain and misfortunes of others. I think the word for that is sadism or something. You might want to get someone to look into the problem for you; I don't think it's all that healthy," I snap. "Simma down, Lizzie. I'm takin you's side. Yur a fighter, and you's gonna come outta this on top. I can tell. I ain't gonna be supporting a losin side," Lonnie replies. Great. I sounds like she thinks I'm gonna be staging an uprising or something. Worst of all, I think she expects me to be taking Khivar and Tess down. Ha. HAHAHA. Ha. "Yeah, well don't count your eggs before they have hatched. Apparently the world is full of surprises," I say coming to my feet. "Then again, maybe instead of a chicken, you'll find yourself birthing a tiger." "Miss Parker, it might be wise for you to lay back down for a while. The doctor said so. You took quite a tumble earlier," Tarenk reminds me. I ignore him and look directly at Lonnie. "Where's Max?" I question. "Dinner just got finished. He glared at Khivar da whole time. Too funny. I thinks he know you's ain't the same. After you fainted he asked Khivar real quiet an cold what gave him the right ta play God. He didn't even look at ya. It was kinda creepy cause Max was so pissed an hateful like. Gave me da chills an shit. Then he and his looker of a princess an the resta his posse just walked away. I woulda thought he woulda done something. He just left ya there, an I couldn't believe it. Khivar looked at im real scary when Max turned his back, too. Everyone was starin as soon as ya passed out so Khivar told em all how ya'd had too much excitement cause it was ya birthday an that human bodies are way fragile an Max snorted. Then them servants hauled ya away an dinner went on like nothin happened," Lonnie reports. "So where is everyone now?" I ask frowning. "Great hall dancin'. Whatcha gonna do?" Lonnie asks excited. "Well I'll be damned if I'm going to miss my own engagement party," I retort, adjusting my dress and fixing my hair. "Atta girl," Lonnie cheers. "Miss Parker, I don't think that's really such a good idea, not with your health failing you," Tarenk interjects. "Well why the hell not? What's the worst that's going to happen? I die and I'm sure you'll have me back up on my feet in no time," I remark bitterly. Lonnie chuckles. I storm out of the room with the two of them in tow along with an entourage of guards. I have a tendency get irrational when I'm angry. So very rarely do I get angry though. I usually bottle things up. But there isn't a big enough bottle in the entire universe for this. I feel mad, crazy mad. I almost scare myself. The shit has definitely hit the fan, as Lonnie likes to say. I march down to the great hall and pause outside the door to compose myself. "Miss Parker..." Tarenk starts "Save it. I'm going in there regardless. I am sick and tired of being toyed with," I tell him. I don't wait to hear a remark from Lonnie, and I slip into the spacious great hall once again, leaving Lonnie, Tarenk, and the guards behind. Guests surround the outside of the floor, and cluster more toward the door to the dining hall side of the room. A good number of guests are enjoying themselves in dance out on the immense dance floor. I can't say that I actually have much of a plan in mind other than to follow my whims as they come. I glide through the crowd, my eyes searching. Finally I get a lock on my target and gracefully make my way over. I come to my fiance's side beaming brightly. His eyes widen and then he ever so briefly frowns. He pulls me to the side. "Liz dear," verbalizes Khivar loudly, somewhat surprised. "What are doing, my pet? You should be resting. You have obviously overextended yourself in preparation for this joyous occasion. You should get some rest, love." "I'm feeling much better, thank you," I respond smiling. "I'd really like to dance. Come dance with me, please?" I give my sweet innocent face and hope it doesn't look as if I'm sucking on a lemon like it usually does. "My pet, I would love more than anything to do just that, but I'm extremely busy talking with the guests," he replies making a gesture to the circle of people awaiting his return. "But Khivar, DEAR, I would really, really like to have a dance. It's imperative," I tell him, jaw clenched. "I know, and I'm so sorry, love, but it'll have to wait for the time being. We are in the middle of discussing something quite important right now. I'll tell you what though, why don't you go find something to drink and have a seat somewhere; you look a little peaked. I will come find you in just a bit or so and we can discuss that dance further," Khivar dismisses me. I can tell he's entertained by my plinth. I, on the other hand, am not. At all. I scowl as he turns his back on me. I pout down to the exotically tiled floor trying to think. "The most enchanting Miss Parker, I couldn't help but overhear your sorry predicament. I would be more than happy to offer my services in a dance with a beauty such as yourself. In fact, I'll be insulted if you refuse my offer," an amused voice extends a hand into my line of vision. I whip my head up to meet those familiar amber eyes once again. I recoil. "Perhaps my beloved is correct. I am feeling a bit peaked," I state carefully, averting my eyes. "I should go sit down." "Why Miss Parker, I hardly believe that after you were just begging for a dance a moment ago. What?s the matter, Liz? Aren't you happy to see me, baby? Didn't you miss me?" Max says, his gaze intent on meeting mine. "I-" I start but Max whisks me out onto the dance floor. I look back over Max's shoulder and catch Khivar's measuring glance. He continues to chat with his colleagues but his concentration has moved on to me and Max. He meets my eyes and furrows his brow. Max, however quickly ushers us out of Khivar's sight. "I never said yes," I angrily tell Max when he lets me catch my breath and we've settled into a steady rhythm. "You didn't say no either," He smirks, squeezing me to him as I try to push away. "You didn't give me the chance," I frown trying to subtly wriggle out of his grasp. "I didn't want to. Stop struggling or people will begin to take notice," Max orders gripping me tighter. "If you don't let me go I'll scream for Khivar," I threaten. Max draws back and looks into my face. "No, you won't," He states evenly. "You won't want to cause a scene and draw attention to yourself, Elizabeth Parker. You won't want to have to explain to everyone here why you won't engage in a simple dance with me, not even for old times sake. Most importantly, Liz, you won't want to pull away from me because at the very least I know that you are extremely curious. So quite whining and enjoy the dance." I narrow my eyes him but don't say anything because I know he right. I relax and he pulls me in closer to him. I'm all too conscious of his hands on me. I breathe in his same familiar scent with a whiff of liquor mixed in. He's been drinking some of that strong Antarian stuff that Rath loves and is always trying to get me to try. Max is a little too collected, though, to be drunk. I don't think Antarian liquor has the same effect as alcohol from Earth. The Earth kind just makes sloppy drunks of aliens while the Antarian stuff works slower and is much richer tasting and robustly biting, or so I hear. How it can be stronger and seemingly weaker at the same time is beyond me. Lonnie says I just have to try it because it's a "wicked buzz." I'll pass. I have to stay on top of my game. Max sighs deeply and I wonder what is going on in his head; what he's thinking. It feels different being in his arms. It's Max, and yet it's not. Visions, distant memories of the long forgotten past, wander through my mind as we whirl around the dance floor. Events, far away times from my lost history, creep into my consciousness with our every step. Vague impressions of my former life, my former self, ambiguously imprint themselves on the sandy abyss in my head. Max is not the same. He's stronger, tougher; I can feel it, his power coursing through me. His hair is longer, and it hits me that he looks a great deal like the future self I once met. His face is older, worn with worry and hardships, but still as handsome as ever. Max, my Max. Words fail me at the moment, but words somehow seem insufficient. A lifetime has passed, gone by, and here we are. Max and I. A lifetime has passed and we speak nothing, yet everything is spoken. Max and I continue to dance until the musicians end their piece. Max guides me off the dance floor. "Let's go somewhere to talk," Max commands, placing a hand on the small of my back to direct me in front of him. He steers me through the crowded room and stealthily out a side door to the terrace. I catch a glimpse of Khivar watching as we slide out, but he doesn't seem all that concerned. Why not? Max could be kidnapping me and he wouldn't have a clue. There aren't even any special guards out here, just the regular ones at their usual posts. The unit that had been guarding me earlier had disappeared where I left them. Still, they could very likely be watching over me inconspicuously. Khivar's private guard has a tendency to do that. A few straggles from the party meander across the terrace and through the gardens. Max takes my hand and leads me through a maze of shrubbery. We move rather swiftly. Max doesn't hesitate once. His every step is intent and deliberate. Before long I'm quite disoriented and find myself looking at completely unfamiliar surroundings. But Max treks on and I follow. His pace quickens even more and I stumble to keep up. Finally he comes to an abrupt halt. He stares into the darkness of the garden, lit only by the triple moons overhead. I follow his gaze and feast my eyes on the object of his fixation. Cast in the moonlight I see a picturesque fountain. In the middle of it is an obscure, almost spherical sculpture, tribute to some abstract inspiration. I saunter closer and the rock, the statue, appears to be glowing, not only that but the metallic surface appears to have a sort of rippling movement. The luminescent monument begins to take shape the more and more I look at it. The definition changes and suddenly I am confronted with my own image looking back at me. I jerk away from it and accidentally back into Max who has been frozen since he first gazed upon the strange figure before us. "Max?" I question, a little worried. "I've never seen it before, not in this life, Liz, but I've seen it at thousand times before that. I knew it was here, and I knew exactly how to get here. Somehow I just knew. I'm drawn to it. It's like it was pulling me here, to this place," Max answer solemnly. "What is it?" I ask, standing next to him and gazing thoughtfully upon it. "The Anima. It's sort of an Antarian legend that it's life force, the soul of the planet and the Antarian people. It has an extreme amount of energy but it's never been figured out exactly how to harness it. They have managed to contain only very tiny amounts of it's energy at a time, but that alone it more than enough to raise to dead. It's what the use to create reincarnated hybrids. It is impenetrable and unmovable; no one is sure how our ancestors got it here to the palace grounds. They were more in touch with the Gods, though, and some believe it came to rest here by an act of divine intervention. The fountain was built up around it ages ago. I've heard that the Anima seems to like to say in contact with the elements, especially water," Max replies. "It's so beautiful," I tell him breathlessly. "Yes. It is," Max agrees. "It's a shame that no one really cares about all the romantic myths associated with it anymore. Most people now believe that it's simply a random meteor that crashed here, rather than the heart of Antar, and want to use up of all the energy with in it which will virtually destroy it." "That?s awful. It's such a magnificent part of Antarian history. No one should try to demolish it. I won't let them," I respond frowning. "Why Liz," Max says somewhat taken aback, "don't you know that the Alliance is the leading contributor in the research that will lead to it's demise? You are your own enemy." His last comment makes me uncomfortable. I turn from him and take a few steps away, back toward the way we came. "I should be getting back before they miss me," I tell Max, not looking at him. "Thank you, though. For showing me this." I start to head back into the maze of vegetation, hoping I can find my way back when Max grabs my arm and spins me around. "Don't go," Max asserts. "Who are you Elizabeth Parker? This isn't you." "Maybe you don't know me anymore or maybe you never knew me as well as you thought," I state. "What have they done to you Liz?" Max asks pulling me into an embrace. "They saved me," I reply unfeeling, staying limp. "The saved me after you didn't." "God, Liz. I would have saved you. I would have saved you in a heartbeat if I had known you were alive," Max answers back. "But you didn't," I retort, pulling away. "Liz, I thought you were dead. I watch your body be buried. Your dead body, I watched them put it back into the Earth. I never in a million years would have thought that they did this to you, that they brought you back, that you were alive," Max cries. "Well I am alive, and even before that you didn't save me," I grimace. "You just left me." I attempt to walk away again, but he yanks me back. "I love you, Liz. I always have and I always will. Nothing will ever come between us. Not time, not space not Khivar. You are mine and mine alone," Max tells me. "I will never give you up and I never have." His face is all to close to mine. He's breathing erratically and I notice that my heart is pumping as well. "You already gave me up," I spew back. "You forgot and engaged yourself to some gorgeous princess. Don't fuck with me, Max. I'm not in the mood." "Damnit Liz," Max curses. "Don't believe every rumor you here to be the entire truth. It's not what you think. I'm not going to marry her. I could never marry her. I could never marry anyone but you." "Well that's funny, because it sure looks like you are engaged. It sure looks like you forgot about me completely," I spit at him. "Get your hands off me and leave me alone." He releases his hold. "I'm not going to let you marry him, Liz. Not because I want you for myself, but because I know that you don't love him," Max tells me. "What the hell has love got to do with anything, Max? It's bio-chemically no different from consuming large amounts of chocolate," I snap. "Liz, you don't believe that," Max responds. "How do you know? You don't even know me," I yell. "I do. I know you maybe better than you know yourself, even after all this time. When I first saw you with Khivar I thought they had recreated you like them, to suit their malpractices. But when I was dancing with you I knew you were still you, no matter what they did. You are still the Liz I know underneath all this. I love you, Liz," Max shouts exasperated. He tugs me into him and unexpectedly kisses me. It's fiery and passionate, exploding, unlike any kiss that ever came before. My insides sizzle as his lips wrestle mine, coercing them open. I tremble in his arms as his tongue tickles mine, sending shock waves down my spine. Max overwhelms me; his presence intices me. I shove him away with all my strength, every last bit of reserve I have. I push past him, plunging into the sea of darkness, swimming in the shadows. I flee as fast as I can, in any direction, all directions. I just must get away. |
| posted on 20-Apr-2002 5:59:47 PM by Allie1031 |
| -Previously-
"How do you know? You don't even know me," I yell. "I do. I know you maybe better than you know yourself. I love you, Liz," Max shouts. He tugs me into him and unexpectedly kisses me. It's fiery and passionate, exploding, unlike any kiss that ever came before. My insides sizzle as his lips wrestle mine, coercing them open. I tremble in his arms as his tongue tickles mine, sending shock waves down my spine. I shove him away with all my strength, every last bit of reserve I have. I push past him, plunging into the sea of darkness, diving into the shadows. I flee as fast as I can, in any direction, all directions. I just must get away. Chapter Four I run, my mind jumbled. I run to escape. From Max, from life, from myself. I just run, terrified of what might catch up with me if I don't. Who are you, Elizabeth Parker? A thousand voices inside my head shout back at me. The ruckus in my brain inhibits my ability to reason rationally, if at all. The world becomes distorted, twisted. Swirling visions cloud my mind's eye and further blur my path. Flashes of unfamiliar images charge at me, but make no rational sense. The pictures become longer and stretch into clips of movement, people taking indistinguishable actions. My mind replays the many different visions over and over like a broken tape player. I fight these flashes and shove them away. I run. I run until tears obscure my sight so much that I trip and tumble crashing to the ground. I lay in a heap on the ground deep within the palace garden, weeping, not bothering to pull myself up. The images flash faster now, force my attention. Clips become warped movies, distorted, incomplete. There are many of them, these strange visions; they seem to interrupt each other. Pieces of this or that break in at any moment. I try to put the puzzle together, to make it make sense. But it's not just one puzzle; it's many puzzles with their pieces all thrown together in a giant heap. I try to sort them with no luck. Time seems to have no value. Old. Young. People. Places. The flashes throw images, clips, movies in such random order that I can't tell what goes with what other than by gut feeling in most cases. I concentrate and slow the flashes down, stretch out the length of the movies. I strain my brain to gain a little clarity, to zoom in on one single picture, one set of flashes. Flash. Tess hovers over my broken body, fuzzy. She is talking to someone over her shoulder while staring greedily down at me. Tess is barely audible and I can't make out what she is saying. Tarenk comes into view next to her, staring at me in my crumpled state worriedly. I feel myself slipping away, the end is near. I try to tune in on the sounds around me. Mostly I just hear a flat, ringing tone in my ears. Every sound beyond it seems distant, far off. I focus harder and begin to catch random words from their conversation as they discuss back and forth. Max. Khivar. Baby. King. Son. Liz Parker. Die. Transport. Hostage. Ransom. Max. Die. Liz. Save. Baby. Liz. Max Evans. Khivar. Die. Liz Parker. Secret. Mindwarp. Khivar. Max. Mindwarp. Steal. Liz. Now. Time. Live. Liz. Die. Liz Parker. Die. The vision sharpens away from the noise. My breath becomes labored. I heave and cough. My eyesight runs crimson. My own hand swipes over my face coming away red. Blood. Everywhere is blood. I sputter and spit up blood. Tess reaches toward me hurriedly, throwing indiscernible orders at Tarenk. They begin to work on something over me but I cannot see what it is. It?s so hard to keep my eyes open; they feel so heavy. My vision slowly fades out into darkness. Flash. Little Maria laughing in front of me on the playground at recess. We run and jump on the swings. I pump my legs hard and bring my small body soaring high. I feel as if I can fly into outer space if I don't hang on. I spot tiny Max on the ground below me. He's alone, watching me intensely as I defy the laws of gravity. I smile and wave to him and he darts away, face flushed, adorably embarrassed. I continue to ride the sky, sailing higher, higher, higher. The heavens are calling to me. At last I let go. I float through the air, into the blue above, but only for a moment until the earth regains its claim on me and I fall. I land on my back, eyes still on the sky. The wind rushes out of my body. Max hurries over to me. My eyesight winces a bit and my head seems slightly rattled. Max anxiously checks me over, feels for broken bones. He asks me if I am okay but I have no breath to speak. Maria appears next to Max looking just as concerned. Suddenly I catch my voice again and I begin to laugh. Maria responds immediately with laughter. Max frowns and gets up and leaves us, satisfied I'm not hurt. Maria helps me up. I stop my laughter to watch young Max's back as he walks away. I feel a startling urge to run after him. Flash. At first there is only a warm darkness. I blink my eyes open. The world is hazy. Light flickers and dances across the ceiling. Candle. Across the room on my dresser. Kisses. Warm, soft, butterfly kisses trailing gently down my body. I become aware that I am naked, lying on my back. My hands search out the source of my pleasure. I rake my fingers through his dark hair and I bring his head up to meet mine. I run a hand across his bare chest before my arms encircle around him. In the dimly light I gaze into Max's face. Love. All I see is love. Understanding. Respect. Admiration. Love. His soft amber eyes meet mine, searching, questioning. I feel my head nod. He kisses me, deeply, passionately, projecting all his love into me, filling me, making me whole. He pulls back to whisper in my ear. I love you. I whisper back. I love you. He kisses me again, his tongue enticing mine, sending tingles through my insides to my core. My body aches for him. I nibble on his lower lip and wrap my legs around his waist as he positions himself above me. I feel my body grow tense in anticipation. I feel Max begin to carefully press at my entrance. I feel myself begin to slowly give way, stretch to accommodate him. Pain. Stabbing pain. I grimace and bite down on Max's lip. A tear rolls down my cheek. He stops his movements and tears his head back to look into my eyes. Max cups my face with one hand. He wipes a salty tear with his thumb and lightly brushes the rest away with his lips. I draw his thumb into my mouth, sucking on it, caressing it with my tongue. He groans. I plead with him to continue but he hesitates. I tighten my legs around him. I heave my hips up together with his in one sharp movement, impaling myself on his swollen member. I feel regret a moment later when the pain knocks into me. Max looks shocked at first by my brazen actions, but quickly moves to soothe me, smothering my teary face in kisses, assuring me that he loves me. I cling to him and begin to relax as the pain starts to subside. I hear my voice urge Max on, telling him that I'm okay. Slowly he begins to pump in and out of me. At first I feel myself thinking it's the most painful thing I've ever endured. However, eventually I begin to loosen up and warm to the friction of our two bodies coming together. The heat begins to build inside me, pulling me further and further into bliss. I watch Max's face above me, striving closer and closer to his goal. He notices my gaze upon him and smiles down at me, then seizes my lips with his. I claw my nails down his back as he drives into me faster and faster. I feel myself slipping, beginning to topple over the edge. Max reaches between my legs to give me the extra jolt I need to send me soaring. And the connection, the sheer electricity, between us sends me traveling to unknown universes, distant times and space. Max makes one final strenuous thrust to launch himself rocketing along side me into ecstasy. Max and I become one, one in body, one in mind, one in soul. Breathing as one, feeling as one, existing as one. Everything I am is he, and he is everything of me. Max and I lay entangled together like that for a very long time, lost inside one another, drowning in one another. Gradually, we begin to float back down from our heights, finding ourselves in ultimate comfort just being in each other's arms. End flash. What. The. Fuck. Where the HELL did those come from? There are even more lurking around somewhere that I haven't even seen in entirety. What even was that shit? The past? The future? My imagination? A fantasy? Fuck. The past. The scene of the playground is so vaguely familiar. Well they all seem vaguely familiar, but the playground, I know that is the past, that it really happened. It is an early memory of elementary school the likes of which I had almost entirely forgotten about. But the rest? The REST?! Hell, I don't which of the two other visions scares me more. What were they even and what do all of these mean? What do they have in common? Do they have anything in common? Why am I getting the visions? What's wrong with me? I was dying. In the first I was dying. But that's not how I died. I don't think. I died alone in that cell. There was no blood. That is not how I died. I know. It's a vision of what then? The future? Even aliens don't have the power to see the future. It's impossible. The future is an open book, yours for the writing. It can't be the future. What then? A dream? And the whole sex with Max bit. I've never had sex with Max. I've never even had sex like THAT. That was...wow... well I don't know what that was but it was something, not what I do with Satan. So it's a fantasy then. A fantasy of Max. EXACTLY what I need right now. The playground, on the playground, I had wanted to run after Max. I want to run after Max. Max. Fuck Max. Fuck everyone. Fuck life. Fuck it all. What the hell happened to me? This isn't how it was supposed to go. This isn't how I thought my life would be. This isn't who I wanted to become. I was going to be somebody, go somewhere, do something. I was destined to accomplish great things. I had potential, an amazing aptitude for life. How did I end up a prisoner then? How did I end up in these chains? When did I learn to sell out? When did I betray even myself? The universe is a bitter place. It does not recognize dreams and is no audience to selfless ambition. Fate is cruel in her indifferent ways. She heeds no promises and scorns integrity. Who am I but a lowly victim of fortune? A leaf blowing in the winds of chance. Who the fuck am I? I was never free. I was always bound to the laws of the universe, subject to a higher power out of my control. I never asked for any of this. I did nothing to deserve this. Yet here I am just the same. I gaze around at my strange surroundings. The moons are lost in the canopy of the trees above. I am alone in an utter, cold, darkness that chills me to my bones. I shiver. I used to be a fighter. I didn't used to surrender. I used to stand up for myself and what I believed in. I didn't used to get walked on. Steeping back and looking at the big picture of my life, I don't even recognize myself. Someone else is calling herself Liz Parker. Someone else. Someone who looks at great deal like me, but she isn't me. Max doesn't know me. He can't. Too much has happened, too much has passed. Sobs rack my body. I cry for my lost innocence. I cry for my empty dreams. I cry for all the years that were stolen from me. I cry for my captured soul. I cry for my abandoned ideals. I cry for the life I once had. I cry for Max. I cry with all the emotion I have concealed all this time. Max. What a disaster. Max. He didn't see anything. I'm almost sure. I'm sure. Almost. I've learned to control my mind, my flashes, what people see in my head just as Khivar and the Alliance members do. I've learned to hide my thoughts and suppress my feelings. I've learned to restructure innermost self to fit my environment and to serve my secret motives. I'm a master of disguise. Max couldn't have seen anything through my flawless mask. Could he? No. No way. I almost always had my attention focused. Maybe I relaxed a little too much when we were dancing, but it's improbable. Max was never very strong with his mind, never even came close to grasping it's full potential. Granted, with time he must have improved, but only crudely so, for he has had no instruction. Chances are slim he got a flash; nothing was passed during the kiss for sure because I was especially braced. But while we were dancing.... Were those his thoughts in my head or mine? Did he flash me? Or was my mind just already a bleary mess? It's hard to tell. Around Khivar it is easy to be a have concentrate my calculated control, but with Max, seeing him for the first time in so long and being so close, I could feel myself slipping. Flashing is tricky business. Minds are complex elements, dangerous to mess with if you are not sure what you are doing. Usually you can form barriers to keep others out but emotions make it slippery and tend to seep out through the cracks. I can bury myself from Khivar, prevent his probing and forge a false front so he thinks he can see into me. Khivar himself lays a study concrete wall of his thoughts most of the time and doesn?t bother to hide the fact. However, when the forces of two minds collide it gets hazy as to who is manipulating who. Most of the time one can indefinitely protect their own mind from intruders but failure comes when burglarizing others minds. It's tricky territory because one can usually fortify their own mind because they know it best and for others it's a foreign network of confusion. More often than not when one is blundering around in another's mind covertly, they trip an internal security system that alarms the unwitting of the assailant; even if one manages to make it in and out undetected, sometimes fingerprints are carelessly left. The whole contravention is just an extremely complicated operation to perform. What is wrong with me? Why did all this happen? In what kind of world does one have to guard their own thoughts? It's no life to live! Who are you Elizabeth Parker? What has become of you? Look at yourself, you are disgusting. Consorting with villains, abetting the enemy, traitor to your own heart. You've become greedy, hungry for power, in order to subsist. Your very existence eats you alive as you gain this life by your own death. You sacrificed your soul to the devil to survive and NOW you want it back? It's not fair, damnit! My life wasn't supposed to be like this! IT'S NOT FAIR! Anger overrides my self-pity and I force myself to stand up. My blood boils and my veins course with power. The fury escalates until I my inflating temper explodes. I begin to shake, and a frustrated, flailing arm slices the air in one sweeping, spastic gesture. With a burst of brilliant light a nearby bush erupts into flames. I shriek in surprise. The bush continues to quickly burn to a crispy skeleton of a once blooming foliage. My tears dry with the heat as I observe in shock. Wow. Did I do that? The fire isolates itself to the bush alone and quickly burns out. I did that. HOLY HELL, I DID THAT. I stare at my hand in horror. It has become alarmingly apparent that hybrid bodies should come with instructional manuals. Cripes, that could have been a person! And that would be the least of my worries if Khivar found out I can do that! And I wonder what other hidden powers I have which might pop up at any second that I don't even know about! Control yourself, Liz. Calm down. You can't let the current circumstances get to you so much. It could be your downfall. Breathe in. Cool, calm, collected. Breathe out. I once a again ponder my predicament in my now relaxed state. Max. Max is over. It's too bad and too late. Affection is too long overdue, and too little at that. There is nothing that could be done even if I had the mindset too. Khivar. Khivar owns me, deed and all. I am his for all eternity. He possesses my body, has acquired my soul, and will surely win over my mind. I am destined to lose. Not only that, I am defeating myself. It is simply too late in general. This is the eleventh hour and the positions have previously been aligned. Something is coming. Two opposing fronts are moving in and I sense a storm is moving in. Fate has so willed it. Fate is a vindictive charlatan, luring me into entrapment. Fate uses my human faults against me. And Fate is manipulated by the wishes of Khivar. My future is hopeless. Max is hopeless. He will inevitably fail at whatever mission has brought him here. He will not be able to take away Eagan. Not even if I helped. Khivar is the ultimate fortress, ever omnipresent. Resistance is futile. How could I even be so stupid, so arrogant that I could think I might outwit him with my simple powers? I am lucky as it is that he hasn't discovered my ulterior motives already! What a fool I am! Tonight, Max and I completely alone. Khivar had something to do with that, he had to have. What the hell is he up to now and why didn't I notice earlier?! Because I was too damn distracted with Max! If I don't stay away from him I'll lose everything, the little freedom of mind I have. I want to preserve and enjoy it as long as I can. How can I win? How can I ever escape? I know it can't come through Max. Max is to obvious. Khivar has to be all over him to even let him on the planet. Why did Khivar let him on the planet? He needs him off Earth but it's extremely risky to invite him to Antar. Liz you idiot! Where the hell have you been? How could you miss all this! One man should not affect your judgment THAT much! Why don't you have any answers? You should have been gathering information instead of kissing Max in the garden! Stupid, stupid, stupid. You can't afford to be a step behind! How could I ever believe that someday I would escape when it's so obvious how out of touch I am. So many secrets, so many lies. How will I ever wade through this fabricated swamp of them? What is truth and does it even exist? Reality is of my own invention, but truth? Truth should be pure of tainted minds. Does it even exist? I had believed myself to be a dark horse. Am I? Do I mean anything? Do I really have any power at all? Max is no one to me! NO ONE! He means nothing! He's just another player in this fruitless game. I don't love him! I DON'T. I can't. I won't. Even if I did what difference would that make? What help would it be? It'd only be a weakness to me. Besides, Max is engaged. He was trying to use me to get to Eagan! He was! Always the pawn in another man's plan I am! Well I'm sick of it. No one controls me but me, damnit. Don't give up now Liz; you've come so far! Just get your head back in the game and you'll be alright. It's not to late. If you don't even try you can only fail. You can do this Liz. You can make it. Stay strong. I have to try. Even if I fail. I have to try. I can't just give in. Not again. Sometimes it seems a dream, nay a nightmare, that I did in the first place. So unusual of me to do so, even in such total despair. I've have always thought living to better even when I have had my doubts, because nothing can be achieved from the grave. The dead have no sway in life. The dead accomplish nothing. Alive you always have a chance however slim. And I've always considered myself to simply be too stubborn to have given up. How I derived at the end as a means of solution the first time is still mystery to me. I begin to walk back through the gardens in the direction that I hope the palace is in. A long time has passed by, I can tell. Surely I am missed by now, but still I walk slowly, taking time to think along the way, reevaluating the current standings of the game. Lonnie. Lonnie believes I'm going to take Khivar down. Why? She has never seen me as anything but a puppet. Has she? Have I given myself away? Has she seen something in my mind? Does she know? Have I been careless? Does anyone else know? And what does she stand to gain in deceiving me? Rath usually just follows Lonnie, no questions asked. He would have to actually agree with her on something this big though, he can't afford not to. He has to believe that I will overtake Khivar. He has to have seen what Lonnie has. Or those dumb tricks I played? Did he see through those? Khivar is testing me, playing with me. Many facts just don't add up, events don't add up. I need to find out the truth, if it even exists. Their are experiences preceding, surrounding, following, my capture, my death, my incarceration, that I just don't clearly remember. Too much is too vague. Too many of my memories are falsified, have been reconstructed and too many more are voids. Tarenk doesn't like some of Khivar's orders but follows them anyways. Why does he really stand so unquestioningly obedient beside him? What keeps him here when I can tell that so many things disgust him? Is it just because he has nowhere else to go? And where the hell has Nicholas even been for the last few months? Why did he go off to rule on some other planet so suddenly? He hangs around here, giving orders to this planet of his nonchalantly from afar, enjoying his secret rendezvous with Lonnie, sex, alcohol, loafing, loafing, and then one morning he just goes off to rule on his planet with no explanation. What is that about? Tess. Where is Tess in all this? Next to Khivar but not truly because he deceives even her. Why has she allowed Max to come? Allowed him to get so close to Eagan? Why isn't she worried? Max won't believe that Eagan can't breathe atmosphere off Antar forever. Max isn't that naive and she should know it. What is Tess up to? I suspect she has her secrets from Khivar and the Alliance as well. How the hell DID Khivar convince the Alliance to allow Max and the rest of his company on Antar? Some of the Alliance had to of disagreed. But why do the majority of them want him here? Why does Khivar want him here? What the hell does he stand to gain? Khivar has his own agenda but so does everyone else it seems. Does anyone really have any loyalty to anything or anyone but himself? How strong is the Alliance? How strong is the Empire? How strong am I? I come to a clearing and am able to find my bearings when I locate the magnificent tower looming in the night sky. The tower is the largest, tallest man-made structure quite possibly to exist in this side of the universe at. It's infinite multitude continues to astound me each time I lay eyes upon it. It's adjacent to the palace just outside the palace walls. The uppermost floors stretch beyond the Antarian atmosphere and into space, serving as docking ports. How the hell it doesn't just topple the entire planet into a weird rotation and is even physically possible is unbeknownst to me. Tarenk there are more of them at key coordinates on the planet to keep rotation steady a that it is rooted deep into the planets core. It's also built out of the strongest elements in the galaxy. I've only ever been to the uppermost floors of it for my flight lessons. I can't imagine what could possibly be on any of the other million floors between the bottom and the top mainly because I'm not sure I want to what demented escapades go on there. I just ride the hydroblast elevator up and down from my flight lessons. Which is probably one of the reasons why I'm so clueless right now. I never really even bother to snoop very much. Eh, I hear the summit hall was built somewhere within it so I suppose I'll see a little more of the tower than I am used to and have a chance to nose around a bit. It's normally off limits for me, being outside palace grounds, which is another reason I haven't really checked it out. I begin to bring myself closer and closer to the palace and enter familiar territory of the garden. Suddenly I hear hushed voices approaching off to my right. I freeze and crouch in the shadows, cloaking myself. "This is ridiculous; we are never going to find her," A female voice states irritated. "She's long gone by now." "Maxwell, we have to give this up. We aren't going find her out here," I recognize Michael's voice say. "Don't say that Michael. We'll find her," Max asserts. "Listen Max, she's probably asleep right now in that big palace next to Khivar. Come on. You can't do this to yourself. You'll have other chances to get her, if that's really what you decide you want to do. But now is not the time. You have to have a plan, Max. You can't just take her back in a snap expect Khivar not to do anything," the female voice adds. "Yeah, yeah. I suppose you are right," Max replies distantly. "I don't know what's gotten into me. It's just that finding her alive after so long... " "Maxwell, are you sure that is really Liz? It could easily be some robot clone or something Khivar made to get to you. How can you be so sure that's really Liz?" Michael asks. "It's Liz. I know it's Liz. I'd recognize her anywhere," Max tells him triumphantly. "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," Michael grumbles. "This time it really is Liz, Michael. No vision, no dream, the real thing. It's not her same body but it's Liz, I swear to you on everything holy. She's just confused, which is understandable given her state and circumstances. She's hybrid now like us, not human anymore, but she remembers a large amount of the past. I know it's Liz because I saw things from the past, from before her capture," Max responds. "Don't you think that Khivar could have stolen those memories from the real Liz when she died? And this Liz, she's hybrid, does she have powers? Can you even see inside her?" Michael questions him. "That's the real Liz. It's not just the few flashes I got off her. I can feel her Michael. I know it's her. I can't see inside of her; I suspect that's because she does have some powers. There is nothinig Khivar could have done to recreate her like that if the real soul of Liz Parker wasn't in her. That's Liz, Michael, whether you choose to believe it or not," Max states confidently. "Alright, alright. I believe you but there is nothing more we can do tonight anyways. If it is Liz then we have to come up with a better plan than your initial one of grab her and run. Let's go get some sleep Max. She's not going anywhere. We know where to find her, we know who to ask. Obviously Khivar recreated her with some reason in mind and if we want to beat him at his own game we can't be exhausted when morning comes," Michael points out. "Come on, Max," The female voice purrs soothingly. "You've had a long day. Let's go get some rest, hmmm? You'll be able to think better and see things more clearly once your mind is refreshed." I can sense that Max is resistant but he goes along with them anyways. "Okay. Okay. Let's go back to the ship, then," Max finally agrees reluctantly. I hear the crunch of the ground beneath them as they begin to walk away. Cautiously I creep out of my hiding spot, dropping my cloak. I take several sure steps before I realize my fatal mistake. Now I run. The palace is maybe still 400 meters away at most. I sprint as fast as I can. I don't even bother to look back. I make it about 50 paces before I even feel anyone coming up on me. It's an all out race. At 100 meters, still at least 300 meters from the finish, the gap is closing. It's hard to sprint in this damn dress, and I lost my shoes in the first couple steps. The dress finally rips up the side giving me more freedom and I feel myself pulling away from them again. I'm up on my toes and using every last bit I have in me with only about 200 to go. That's when I feel the jolt of electricity reach out and knock me down from behind. "MICHAEL!" Max scolds sternly, out of breath. "What?" Michael pants. "You didn't want her to get away, did you? I was tired of running." I lie motionless on the ground, eyes closed. I feel Max kneeling close to me. He feels for my pulse. "Did her kill her?" The female voice asks a little too lightly upon rejoining them. "You idiot!" Max curses. "She's knocked out cold." "We'll it's a hell of a lot easier to transport her if she isn't struggling now isn't it,? Michael retorts. "He does have a point," the female voice agrees. Silence. "Well, he does!" "Contact Isabel. Let her know the merchandise has been found. Commence transport operations. See they boys above can get a fix on our location through their shields. It's time to find out if that scrambler really works," Max orders. "I told you that I could sense she was near, that she was still out there." ?Maxwell,? Michael rains on his parade, ?if you take her now, we might have to make a run for it. You won't be able to grab your son. In fact, in all likelyhood, even if the scrambler works and we transport her through the shields, they will be able to readjust them to prevent us from doing it again. Not to mention that we'll have everyone on our backs because I think kidnapping the future empress qualifies as an act of war.? "All risks I am willing to take," Max replies evenly. "Your son, Max?" The female voice asks. "What about your son?" Max falls quiet. I can tell he's lost in thought. I'm not sure I want to hear the answer to that so I take this chance to spring back into action. My kick connects with the crouching Max before he knows what has hit him. A second later I have sprawled Michael out next to the collapsed Max. I'm on my feet in an instant, thankful for the minor combat training the Alliance has required me to have. My eyes lock with the female voice. Moonlight bathes her body. She's beautiful, one of the most striking creatures I have ever seen. High cheek bones, deep set, almond shaped eyes give her the look of royalty. She appears almost human, but the violet color of her eyes, the flowing, strangely blue tinted hair and the pale but slightly periwinkle pigmented skin give her away. Even in just the moonlight I can see the distinct difference. We stare, sizing each other up, for what seems like forever but could only have been a second. I turn an run off leaving her standing there with Max and Michael dazed before her feet. She makes no move to stop me, but I knew she wouldn't. By the time Max and Michael can recover their senses and be ready for action I'm already too far gone for them to catch me. Michael makes another attempt to stop me with a shock of energy but I have already learned my lesson and dodge it easily. I win the race, making it to a small side door of the palace, typing in the key code to gain entry. As the impregnable glass door panel lowers itself back into place, I can see the three of them off in the distance watching me. Her long, blue hair billows softly in the night breeze as she places a hand on Max's shoulder. Deep within the pit of my stomach I feel an awful twinge rising but I force it back down. I have other matters to attend to at this current point in time. I have an appointment with the devil that I must keep. [ edited 1time(s), last at 20-Apr-2002 6:03:44 PM ] |
| posted on 21-Apr-2002 6:37:52 PM by Allie1031 |
| I just wanted to pop in and say that the very few of you who do read this over here are absolutely awesome and really kick the ass of the readers on the other board on responses because for all those people over there who veiw the story, very few give feedback so thanks guys! It makes me want to write more! |
| posted on 24-Apr-2002 12:53:24 AM by Allie1031 |
| For future reference, I owe the Normal readers a couple parts so I'll have to divi up on that fic for a while before I can get back to this, but I will be back because I have big plans! |
| posted on 26-Apr-2002 6:12:13 PM by Allie1031 |
| Close, but no cigar. Thanks for the feedback everyone! I love to hear everyones speculations. It makes me happy that I can actually make people stop and think about what I wrote and why I wrote it like that as opposed to just glossing over it. I would say that although some people have picked out bits and pieces of what's to come, there is soooooooo much still up in the air. Seriously, I LOVE the feedback I'm getting and thank you all so much. |
| posted on 4-May-2002 5:18:42 PM by Allie1031 |
| Look what I did this afternoon!
-Previously- We stare, sizing each other up, for what seems like forever but could only have been a second. I turn an run off leaving her standing there with Max and Michael dazed before her feet. She makes no move to stop me, but I knew she wouldn't. By the time Max and Michael can recover their senses and be ready for action I'm already too far gone. Michael makes another attempt to stop me with a shock of energy but I have already learned my lesson and dodge it easily. I win the race, making it to a small side door of the palace, typing in the key code to gain entry. As the impregnable glass door panel lowers itself back into place, I can see the three of them off in the distance watching me. Her blue hair billows softly in the night breeze as she places a hand on Max's shoulder. Deep within the pit of my stomach I feel an awful twinge rising but I force it back down. I have other matters to attend to at this current point in time. I have an appointment with the devil that I must keep. ------------------------- Chapter Five I take the back stairs and secret hallways. The ones I don't think I am supposed to know about. I arrive at Khivar's rooms to find them dark and empty so I head for my own chambers. A light is on in my bedroom and I can hear voices arguing just inside as I slip quietly into my front chamber from a secret door in the wall. "What the hell were you thinking?" Tess snaps, pacing. "Do you even realize what you have done?" "Calm down. It's nothing I can't handle," Khivar responds, pouring himself a drink. Through the open doorway to my bedroom the light falls onto the elaborate tiling, illuminating only a slight, misshapen rectangle on the floor. The rest of the room is enveloped in a secure darkness. I watch them but the cannot see me. "You are a fool, Khivar. Liz Parker is not a naive as she seems and Max Evans most certainly is not," Tess tells him coldly. "He'll not leave her here, you know. And he will never let her marry you. Why must you insist on provoking him? You know he'll just kidnap her and take her away even if she won't want to go as you claim. How can you even be so sure about our control over her anymore? She's getting stronger; I can feel it. I'm beginning to think it was an extremely poor move for us to allow her to retain most of her memories and to give her free will." "Tess, Tess, Tess. You worry far too much, dear sister. I told you, I have everything under control. I know he'll kidnap her. In fact, I'm counting on it or at least hoping, although I'm sure it won't be easy because my precious pet certainly can take care of herself. If he manages to remove her from my custody, I'll eagerly assume it an act of war and Sanathia will fully experience the wrath of the Empire. That'll save us years of trade negotiations in itself, if we have the freedom to attack Sanathia. After all, no one will question our right to utterly annihilate the Sananthian population after their would-be prince has stolen my empress, assuredly against her will," Khivar responds. "How can you be so sure it will be against her will?" Tess inquires. "Max Evans and Liz Parker used to believe that they were soul mates. It was quite disgusting. And don't you think it is dangerous to let her get so close to him? There are certain things I think it would be best if she does not find out. What if they discuss the terms of her capture?" "So what if they do? She's bound to find out sooner or later anyways. She might not even believe the truth if it is coming from him. She despises him. It's still qualifies as abandonment and she is far enough along our track in her thinking that it'll hardly do us any harm at this point. She's mine. I am sure of it. She's trapped herself here with her own mind for us. Even if she ever overcomes her feelings of ill will and resentment of abandonment on the part of Max, she'll still not be able to leave. She'll never believe that she even deserves to. She doesn't think she deserves to be happy. Granted, we haven't been able to see into her mind for a long time since she has started developing and mastering these powers that she seems to possess, but we can be sure that deep down she still has the same personality traits, the same tragic flaws. She is very simple-minded. We saw a map of her mind and we know how she operates. That's enough," Khivar guarantees Tess. "But we can't be sure what she is capable of! I think it was a stupid idea to begin with to let her even be able to think for herself, " Tess declares. "Not in the least. What fun is it if she is just our puppet? That's too easy. I want her to choose me over Max Evans. I want her to know that is her decision, and most importantly, I want him to know it. I want to watch him writher and squirm when he realizes that the woman he desperately loves, his soul mate per say, doesn't choose him. I want to see his eyes burn when he realizes that I took her first, after she had saved herself so devoutly for him. I want to observe his heart being ripped apart; I want it to tear to shreads before my very eyes!" Khivar proclaims vehemently. "You and your sport," Tess shakes her head sighing. "Someday it will be your end. Your toys will play you. It's not wise to take such risks." "What risks? There are no risks. It's a done deal. Here's to my pure genius," Khivar toasts himself. "The boy. Max Evans will want the boy. He won't leave without him. He'd rather die trying to free him than leave without him," Tess states solemnly. "Let's hope so. He's been a thorn in my side for far too long. He'll never get close enough to take the boy and even if he does I'm betting Liz will never him take him away. It's odd, her attachment to Eagan. I would have thought she would be less tolerant of the child conceived of her hated rival and her once beloved. But no, I'd even go so far as to say that Liz values that child more than her own life. That might become complicated in the future but for now it is to our advantage. She is selfish. Liz will protect him from Max and do anything not to lose him," Khivar responds. "That's what I am most afraid of. Her loyalty lies with the child, not with us," Tess points out. "The child is us. He's our future king. He is the rightful heir born of the king and queen of the old order that will bring the Antarian Empire into a new era, a golden age. He's your son," Khivar asserts. Tess says nothing but moves to gaze silently out a window. "Don't worry, my sister. I have taken care of everything. There is not a thing that I have missed, not a variable I haven't computed. I know you are anxious having your former lover so close to home, but you must force yourself to relax and enjoy his final downfall. We've been planning this far too long for you not to. Together we will lead Antar in a glorious revolution, and we will once and for all establish the true power of the Empire. We will have the entire galaxy at our feet," Khivar insist, coming to her side and putting an arm around her shoulder. "What will become of Liz Parker should she live through your revolution and the coming times if all goes according to plan? Will you really make her your empress?" Tess asks in an unusually weak voice, letting him hold her as she turns to face him. "No one will ever be able to replace you, if that's what you are afraid of," Khivar promises, pulling her tightly against him and planting a kiss on her forehead. "I imagine that Liz will stay around. She does make the best pet. And I'll love to have her around to serve as a living tribute to the demise of Max Evans. But she will never come close to being to me what you are. She's a rag doll and you will always be my little princess, who grew up to be my fine queen." He kisses her. Full on the lips. With tongue. I gag. I heave. I wretch. I've seen and heard more than enough. I slide over to my chamber door and open it up to slam it shut. I hear them jump apart. I make a dramatic entrance, hardly having to play up my anger and disgust. "Good heavens. What happened to you?" Khivar asks taking in my disheveled appearance. "How could you ?" I shout at Khivar as I try to scrub my brain of my last image of him and Tess. "How could you let Max Evans on this planet without even telling me first?! Do you know that he just attacked me out in the garden?! Lucky for us all that I managed to master some self-defense tactics from those stupid instructors you made me meet with. Can you imagine? Max Evans just tried to kidnap me! That bastard! And where the hell were you?!" "Well, do you want a babysitter? You were the one who was stupid enough to go out into the garden alone with him!" Tess retorts. "Since when am I ever alone? Your people always watch me like a hawk. I don't know what it means to be alone," I spit back. "Calm down, my pet, calm down. I can see that you are really upset by this," Khivar soothes, coming over to rub my back. "Damn right I am!" I flinch at his touch. "You used me! As bait!" "Look, my pet, would it help if I told you we never would have allowed him to get off the planet with you? We were just curious as to what he would do, given the chance. I didn't want to tell you because I wasn't sure you would go along with it. But the whole time you entirely safe, I swear. There was a team assembled and waiting off to the side to burst onto the scene and bust you out if need be," Khivar tells me, massaging my shoulders. "Liar!" I roar, pulling away from him. "There was no one out there!" "He kissed you," Khivar states simply, his hands finding their way to my back once again. I freeze. Damn. So they were out there. How'd I miss them? "Don't worry. I don't blame you. I know it was all him and that he means nothing to you. I trust you, my pet," Khivar assures me. I sigh and close my eyes, letting his hands magically work all the stress out of me. "Alright. I believe you that I was protected. I just wish you would let me know things like this before they happen from now on. I wonder how much you do trust me if you can't even tell me something like Max Evans has come back to Antar. I'm a part of the Alliance, too. I deserve to know what's going on. You never tell me anything about anything," I complain. "I'm sorry, my love. I didn't think you really cared all that much about the Alliance, found the politics boring. But you are more than welcome to sit in on all the meetings if you'd like. Tarenk tells me you have decided to attend the summit," Khivar responds. "Yes," I say somewhat cautiously, opening my eyes. "Well I'm glad to hear it. It's important for am Empress to have a good grasp and feel on the way of things," Khivar replies. His rubbing becomes more intense and somehow his hands travel to my front. I moan. Tess, who has been sitting in a chair in the corner of the room for some time, looks away disturbed. "I'm going to bed," She states uneasily, getting up. "Goodnight." "I'll be right back. Don't move," Khivar whispers in my ear, kissing the back of my neck. He follows Tess out of my rooms into the hall, and I move to my chamber door to hear them. "I didn't think that you had her under guard?" Tess questions. "I didn't," Khivar informs. "Then how...?" Tess wonders. "Of course he'd kiss her. Did you see the way she looked? She was stunningly beautiful," Khivar reports "Well, I suppose so," Tess remarks bitterly. "Don't be jealous, Tess. It doesn't becomes you. That's just the fact of things. And besides, you were equally gorgeous as well," Khivar assuages her. "Now go get some rest. We have lots to do tomorrow. And try not to worry so much, my dear." "One last thing, is she really going to be allowed at our Alliance meetings?" Tess inquires. "What do you think?" Khivar responds. "That's what I thought. All right. Goodnight then. Don't stay up too late fucking the bitch. I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself," Tess comments cynically. "I thought you said you were okay with that?" Khivar asks. "Oh, I am," Tess replies sulkily, as her voice dissipates down the hall. "If you decide you want real satisfaction, you know where to find me." I run and jump into a position on the bed just as Khivar opens the door. I close my eyes and pretend to be resting as Khivar returns to my bedroom. I feel the bed sink as Khivar crawls on next to me. He nuzzles my neck and I flutter my eyes open. "You are so yummy. All night I have wanted to come up here, rip your clothes off, and stick it to you. Unfortunately there were other matters to take care of. But now... now I'm free and I have you all to myself," Khivar licks his lips. The look in his cold blue eyes scares me. I roll out from underneath him. "I'm going to take a bath. I'm filthy from being chased through the gardens all night by your enemy," I state flatly. "Oh come on, Liz, pet," Khivar groans. "You cant still be sore about that can you?" "Oh I'm sore all right. My entire body aches from being jolted to the ground by Rath's double, not to mention the stinging scratches and scrapes I have from hurdling and hiding in bushes," I respond removing my ruined dress. Khivar's eyes grow even hungrier. "Come here and I'll try to heal you," He orders patting the space on the bed next to him. "No way," I frown. "The last time you tried to heal me you only made it hurt more and for days afterwards." "So healings not my thing. Just come here and I promise I will make you feel better. You'll forget all about the pain," Khivar swears. "I'm going to go take a bath," I repeat throwing on a robe. "And when I get back I'm going to sleep. I've had a long day and I'm exhausted. I'm sure you understand." Khivar's handsome, perfect face pouts like I've never seen it do before. Then again, I've never turned him down before. "Please Liz," Khivar calls after me as I walk out. "Come back! This isn't amusing anymore. You made your point. I'm sorry, okay? Pet? Don't leave me here like this! I'm not going to wait here for you!" He voice trails off as I leave him there and head for the baths. I take a nice, long, hot soak and scrub off all the coated dirt and crusted blood. I assess the cuts and scrapes and none of them are really that bad. I remove a sliver from my palm and a few thorns from my feet. I have a reasonably deep gash on my right thigh that I should probably have looked at. Eh. This body rejuvenates itself quickly. I return to my chambers to find them empty. No surprise. He probably went to get his rocks off with Tess. Gross. He has been kissing me with the same incestuous mouth he has been kissing her with. EWWWWWW! It's going to be hard not to puke every time his mouth gets near me form now on. And they know about me powers. Or at least know of them. Why the hell didn't they say anything earlier? Are they just going to allow me to have them? I'll ask Lonnie about it tomorrow. I can't believe Khivar. He's so disgustingly full of it. Everything that comes out of his mouth is crap. I wonder what he's talking about, about my capture? What is truth even? It's all been so distorted, more so than I suspected. Tomorrow I will find some answers. Tomorrow I will be smarter. Tomorrow I won't allow myself to be so used. Tomorrow. I drift off into sleep. White. Bright white light everywhere. "You ain't supposed ta be's here," A voice says behind me. I turn around. Lonnie. And Isabel. Isabel's long, brown locks provide quite a contrast to Lonnie's shorter, purple spikes, but otherwise they are identical. "It's too risky for ya," Lonnie continues. "They's might catch ya." "I know, but I must talk to Liz. I'll be quick," Isabel insists. "Aight, aight. I's 'ill keep watch for ya then. But don't be long,"Lonnie disappears. "Liz," Isabel turns to me. "My God. I can't believe you are alive." She hugs me with tears in her eyes. "Yeah," I respond uncomfortably. "You have no idea what it means to us, to Max, just to know that you are alive," She continues. "You have no idea what it was like for us, when you died." "Must have been rough," I say quietly. "Rough? It was awful! Hell! We felt so horrible knowing that your being close to us had brought it. Max beat himself up inside. He wouldn't talk to anyone for two weeks and then he just disappeared for a few months. When he came back he told us that he had made some deals, one of which was in regard to your remains. We had no idea you were still out there alive somewhere. We all thought that seeing you dead body meant you were gone for good. I'm so sorry, Liz! I'm so sorry you were out here all alone all this time. I promise we had no idea," Isabel tells me, shaking. "It's alright. I survived," I respond. "No it's not alright! You must hate us!" She sobs. "I'm so sorry!" My heart softens. I've never seen her appear so weak before. She always seemed so strong and tough. "Isabel, I don't hate any of you. But you must understand that things have changed. I'm not the same person I used to be," I state. "I know. I know," She wipes her tears. "Max refuses to believe it, but I understand if you feel like you can't come back. But you will help us get his son, right?" Khivar was right. "No," I reply evenly. "What?" Isabel stares at me in disbelief with tear streaked cheeks. "I'm sorry but I can't. He's all I have. And he doesn't belong with you. What kind of life can he have? Always being hunted? They'll kill him if he falls to Max's side and I won't let you put him at risk like that. This is the only place will ever be allowed to live, even if it is under the supervision of the Alliance. I'm sorry," I tell her looking away. I am selfish. "You can't mean that, Liz," Isabel responds still shocked. "But I do. If you take him and manage to hide him while he grows, he'll only be in even greater danger because you will have turned him away from them. They'd kill him before letting him live with you. The last thing they want is another martyr like King Zan; however, he is better dead than living and fighting against them. But here, now, they can use him, they need him. Here he will live," I explain. "But at what expense? What kind of life will it be? It's the wrong life. Evil, corruption, destruction. You say we can't give him life but what kind of life will he have here? Have you no hope?" Isabel questions forcibly. "I'm sorry. But that's my position. You will give him a life of running, a life of pain. But I protect him here, as best I can. I save him from all I can. It's not as bad of life as you think it is, and at least it is life," I testify. "I'm sorry, too. You have changed, Liz. Max would protect him too, you know it. You don't have to stay here. You can come, too, and bring him," Isabel pleads. "I can't Isabel. I can't," I begin to feel tears in my eyes. "It's not that simple." "To hell it isn't. There is nothing keeping you here. Max loves you. He loves you Liz. How can you do this to him?" Isabel asks angrily. "I don't want to get into it," I tell her irritated. "Fine. If this is how you feel, I guess there isn't much we can do. But know this, Elizabeth Parker. Max will get his son and if you stand in the way we can't be responsible for what happens," Isabel states coolly. "I know, and I'm sorry it has to be like this," I apologize. "I'm sorry, too, because it doesn't have to," Isabel answers and then vanishes. I sit up with a start. I'm back in my bed. I groggily notice Khivar is snoring sprawled out next to me. So he didn't go to Tess after all. This knowledge does little to comfort my conscious. What a nightmare. I lay back down but sleep returns slowly. Most of the night I toss and turn, haunted by horrible dreams of what may come. ------------------------------------- Hey! New part of Normal up yesterday too! I have to make this stupid hasslesome request that you put your age, gender and occupation in the next reply if you could, so I can establish an audience for my stories when turned in as a creative writing project for credit. Heh heh. Humor me people. And thanks for all the great feedback last time! Feedback makes me move faster. Okay, I lie. Most of the time I'm on my own schedule but it is really really nice and makes me happy and want to post, so kinda. [ edited 1time(s), last at 4-May-2002 5:23:27 PM ] |
| posted on 4-May-2002 9:05:29 PM by Allie1031 |
| LOL. You are all grossed out. Sorry. I am too. I still can't believe I wrote it like that. I don't even know where it came from. It's like this story has a mind of it's own. Yuck. I dunno. Too funny. At least twists like that keep you guys from falling asleep. I hope. |
| posted on 13-May-2002 10:39:41 PM by Allie1031 |
| Sorry kiddies! Got carried away with Normal. I'll try to have a new part up for you by the end of the week though. I promise an update for this before I touch Normal again. |
| posted on 28-May-2002 3:55:13 AM by Allie1031 |
| No, I'm not dead yet, but sure as hell might as well be. Dear Lord has the shit hit the fan. I am just still in shock at the unfortunate turn of events fate has thrown at me which I am now facing. So that translates into I'm working on your next part but not frequently and not with any dedication. Have you ever had those days, the ones that you know you will never forget, when your life changes completely with in a matter of hours and you know that you will never be the same and you can never go back to what you were before and you can never regain what you have lost? Ever felt like everything is all crashing down at once on top of you and the more you try to stop it the faster it falls until your life is nothing but a pile of rubble that people trample on as they walk forward in their more important lives? A day that you have felt the momentum and pressure build towards, a day that has been coming a long time but you still thought would never come? Yesterday was such a day as mine, second worst only to one day in my life, and ironically enough the day of my graduation which is why I hadn't posted before that because I was so busy in preparation for that. Well fuck, as soon as I recover I'll throw at a new part at y'all but you can count on angst. Lots of angst. |
| posted on 30-May-2002 3:14:12 PM by Allie1031 |
| -Previously-
"I can't Isabel. I can't," I begin to feel tears in my eyes. "It's not that simple." "To hell it isn't. There is nothing keeping you here. Max loves you. He loves you Liz. How can you do this to him?" Isabel asks angrily. "I don't want to get into it," I tell her irritated. "Fine. If this is how you feel, I guess there isn't much we can do. But know this, Elizabeth Parker. Max will get his son and if you stand in the way we can't be responsible for what happens," Isabel states coolly. "I know, and I'm sorry it has to be like this," I apologize. "I'm sorry, too, because it doesn't have to," Isabel answers and then vanishes. I sit up with a start. I'm back in my bed. I groggily notice Khivar is snoring sprawled out next to me. So he didn't go to Tess after all. This knowledge does little to comfort my conscience. What a nightmare. I lay back down but sleep returns slowly. Most of the night I toss and turn, haunted by horrible dreams of what may come. ------------------------------------- Chapter Six Yesterday all the suns and the moons and the stars came crashing down from the sky. Yesterday everything in my world changed in a matter of hours. I almost feel like everything in my entire life has been leading up to now, up to this time, up to what lies right in front of me. Yesterday melded and became one with today and now I'm so very unsure of tomorrow. In the morning, I ask about the summit over breakfast, and I am informed that it is not going to commence until the following day. Nice that everyone informs me of such minor details. There are a lot of meeting that have to take place prior to the summit assembling and apparently the rest of the galaxy is in observation of some galactic Chiarrian holiday today. It's the 50th anniversary of the whole home planet of Chiarri exploding, or so I've been told. The funny thing is that there was quite a bit of initial suspicion that it was the doing of the Empire but of course some thing like that is hard to prove, what with all the evidence being incinerated. But it was quite a tragedy, especially for the Chiarrian race that survived to become nomadic navigators through out space, most of them manning trade routes, depending upon the business of the Empire to make a living. So Khivar is forced to pause his plans for one day. For some reason he couldn't have postponed the whole opening ceremony until tomorrow night to get started. I guess he really wanted me to have my birthday surprise. Alright, that's cool. Not really. Kind of sadistic in its own way. But then that's just Khivar. Lonnie makes curious eyes at me all morning and after breakfast whispers in my ear that she is busy all day but will come find me before dinner. I remember the awful dreamwalk the night before I had with Isabel and that Lonnie was there at the start of it. What was Lonnie doing there? Her and Isabel were talking before I came, almost waiting around for me. There are quite a few things I have to ask Lonnie about like how long has everyone know I have powers and why didn't anyone mention it. I also want to ask her about Khivar and Tess but I'm not sure even how to broach that one. I know she used to have a thing going with Khivar when she first came back to Antar but that it died out quickly. A lot of things were different when Lonnie and Rath first came back, or so I've heard. After the summit they held on Earth when Lonnie and Rath kidnapped Tess and then Tess supposed made them disappear, that was all staged. Tess had been in contact with Khivar ever since Nasedo made her 'deal' with him. After Max ended the summit with out complying, Tess had orders from Khivar to make Lonnie and Rath and offer the couldn't refuse that happened to include one way tickets back to Antar. They only pretended tp take her against her will so they could finalize the deal. When Tess showed up to join them on Antar, some time later, Rath and Lonnie had tried to order her around as they had done Ava but Tess wouldn't stand for that and showed them who was boss. I believe it was about that time that Lonnie broke off her affair with Khivar and confined herself to dividing her time exclusively between Rath and Nicholas. Lonnie and Tess became good friends fast after that and were very chummy when when I first was brought into the Alliance but over the past year have drifted apart. Lonnie is a strange one. I'm just not sure about her, where she stands, what she's up to. Why the hell was she conversing so freely with Isabel. It warrants me to believe that they have had previous contact. But if she had had previous association with them then she should have told them about me. She probably just established communication last night then. They are desperate; they need some one on the inside with me being against them, and Lonnie can be very persuasive when she wants to. So is Lonnie a double agent? Will she report back to Khivar what Max's plans are? Who knows? I'm not sure she knows. I suspect she'll play both sides and go with whoever is winning. The only thing decent that came out of that horrendous party last night is the mountains of engagement gifts that have been passed on to Khivar and myself. After eating breakfast, Eagan and I wade through them all, unwrapping them, examining them, enjoying them. "Auntie Liz!" Eagan calls. "This one has part of your name on it!" I have been teaching him to read and write English. Eagan brings a beautifully bound, old, antique book to me. It's from Earth, I can tell it's my native alphabet from here. As he brings it closer I read the words on the cover. It's an ancient copy of Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Lewis Carrol, in mint condition. It has a date inside cover of 1897. "For Miss Elizabeth Parker" is also inscribed inside the front cover. That's quite peculiar. No one was supposed to know who Khivar was betrothed to before the party when most of the gifts arrived, of course some have since come. But what an odd choice of literature as an engagement present. And it is addressed to me. "What does E-li-ZA-bet-th mean?" Eagan questions reading my name. "It's my name silly," I respond. "No, it's not!" Eagan asserts giggling. "Yes, it is," I laugh. "Elizabeth was the name I was given by my parents when I was born. Everyone just calls me Liz because it's shorter." "Elizabeth sounds prettier," Eagan declares. "I'm going to call you Elizabeth sometimes instead." "Okay," I smile warmly. "I'd like that." "Will you read this to me, Elizabeth?" Eagan asks hopefully opening the book. "Please?" "I will, kiddo, but not right now, okay? And I won't be able to read it to you all at once. It's a long book, see? And there aren't very many pictures," I show him. "That's okay. It's got a real pretty cover," Eagan state running his hand over the gold embossment. "Will you read me just a little now? Please? Just a little?" "Alright, alright," I give in, sitting down cross-legged. Eagan is my definitely weakness. A soft spot. My humanity. He's the only thing keeping me human. "Yeah!"Eagan smiles. "Come here, you," I pull Eagan into my lap and put my arms around him to hold the book. He's so small. So beautiful. I just want to hold him and protect him forever from all the evil. I kiss the top of his head lightly. Eagan opens to the first page and I begin to read to him the familiar story from my youth. "'Down, down, down! Would the fall never come to an end?'" I read aloud of Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I continue reading, checking every so often to make sure Eagan is still attentive. He's completely engrossed in the story so I keep reading. "'There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked, and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again. Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it but a tiny golden key. Alice's first idea was that this might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but alas! either the locks were too large or the key was too small; at any rate it would not open any of them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it there was a little door about fifteen inches high; she tried the little golden key in the lock and to her great delight, it fitted!'" I read on. "'Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage not much larger than a rat hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head through the doorway.' That's enough for now, Eagan. My legs are sore and starting to fall asleep, but I promise I will read you more again later. Maybe before bed? Hmmm?" "Okay," Eagan sighs disappointedly closing the book. Eagan pauses. "Do you think Alice was scared, Auntie Liz?" Eagan wonders. "Yes, I would think so, falling into a dark pit, leaving behind the world she knows for a strange new one, not knowing if she will ever see all the people se loves ever again. I believe she must have been very much afraid," I answer. "She doesn't really seem that afraid though," Eagan points out thoughtfully. "No, you're right, she doesn't. But it doesn't really do her much good to act afraid. She's already left her world behind and letting her fears rule her won't really help her at all," I tell him. "She has to have courage and keep going." "How can Alice have courage and be scared?" Eagan scowls. "Courage doesn't mean that you aren't scared Eagan. It just means that you don't let being scared stop you from doing what you have to do. Do you understand?" I ask. "Kinda," Eagan replies. "You have courage Auntie Liz." "Me?" I question. "Yes. When Rath bes mean to me, you make him stop even though he's scary," Eagan states. "Something like that," I smile wearily. I don't really like Eagan to see me fight with Rath. I don't like him to see fighting at all. I rarely fight with them at all and when I do it's concerning the treatment of Eagan. I try to wait until he's not around though. I try to shelter him from that. "You're just like Alice, Auntie Liz! You left your home, too, like Alice, Elizabeth," Eagan goes on. "I suppose in a way I am like Alice," I agree. I glace at my utility belt. The timekeeper on it alerts me that I am going to be late for my flight lessons if I don't hurry. "Eagan I have to go to my flight lesson now. I'm supposed to walk you back to your room first, though. You aren't to be alone with all the strange people around. They aren't allowed in this part of the palace, it's completely locked down, but Khivar won't take any chances," I tell Eagan. "Oh can't I come with you, Elizabeth, please?" Eagan begs. "You always let me come with you and you promised I coulded come again last time." "Sorry, sweetie. Khivar has very strict rules about you not leaving the palace during the summit. I had to bend over backwards just so you could come here with me. They'd never let me take you to the tower. Next time, though, I promise," I say. "You promised this time," Eagan pouts. "I don't want to stay here with all the guards. They aren't fun at all." "I wish I could take you with me, but it's Khivar's orders," I respond. "We sneaked out before," Eagan reminds me. "Yeah, but that was different. There are a lot more guards watching us now," I argue. "It's not so easy. And it really it is dangerous for you to leave." "Why?" Eagan asks. "Because," I answer. "Because why?" Eagan wants to know. "Just because," I sigh. "My daddy's here, isn't he, Auntie Liz? I heared Mommy talking about my daddy being here. Why can't I see my daddy, Auntie Elizabeth?" Eagan questions. Eagan's a smart kid. I always knew he was exceptionally bright. "Yes, he's here," I reply, "for the summit." "Do I get to see my daddy?" Eagan wonders. I never thought about how Eagan might feel about Max being here before. Of course he is curious about his father. But it just isn't safe for Eagan to see Max. "I don't know," I lie. "Did you see my daddy?" Eagan interrogates. "Yes," I look away. "Was he happy to see you Auntie Liz?" Eagan asks. "He was surprised," I state. "Why was he surprised?" Eagan wants to know. "We haven't seen each other for a very long time, and your daddy wasn't expecting to see me here," I remark. "My daddy didn't know you was here Auntie Liz? How come? Didn't you tell him you was here?" Eagan questions. "It's hard to explain Eagan. Your daddy knew I was here at one time but he didn't think I was still here. He thought I went somewhere else so he was surprised to find me here," I respond. "Didn't you want my daddy to know where you are, Auntie Liz? You should have told him you was here so he coulded come visit,"Eagan tells me. "It isn't so easy. I thought he knew I was here. But Khivar didn't want him to know I was here and told him I went somewhere else," I reply. "Why did Uncle Khivar do that?" Eagan asks. "I'm not completely sure," I answer. "Auntie Liz, I want to see my daddy," Eagan states. "Eagan-" I start. "Doesn't he want to see me?" Eagan wonders. "He does very much," I respond. "Why can't I see him? You got to see him. It isn't fair," Eagan huffs. "It isn't safe," I have to tell him. "Why not? My daddy won't hurt me. Why won't Khivar let me see my daddy?" Eagan wants to know. "Your daddy wants to take you away with him, Eagan. He wants to take you away from here, away from Tess, away from Khivar, away from me," I look him in the eye. "I don't want to go away Auntie Liz, I just want to see my daddy," Eagan starts to cry. "I know, I know," I hug him into me. Eagan sniffles into my shoulder as I rub his back. "Please let me come with you?" Eagan implores. "I'll be good. Real good. I won't talk when you try to learn. I won't jump up and down in the lift. I'll do exactly liked you say. Please, Elizabeth, please?" I sigh and wipe the tears from his eyes. I suppose if we take the secret passages from my room to the lift and I overwrite the system. No one will bother us in my room; Khivar and everyone else is busy with meetings all day. My flight lessons are on a private deck, no one but Khivar's men and very few of them are ever on that deck. Most of the deck is used for weapons storage and the well used ships dock in other bays on other decks. Plausibly, I could sneak Eagan past. Conceivably, no one would notice. I can't believe I'm even considering this. It's asking for trouble. Like when I was back on Earth and I used to borrow my dad's car when without his permission and hope he wouldn't notice. Heh. Earth. I know I'm going to be sorry about this, and it's going to fly back in my face when we get caught and Khivar skin's me alive, but these days it seems I'm always ready to press my luck. I mean what's the worse that could happen? And just how likely is that? I'll be fine. I hope. "Alright, you can come, but this is the only time I'm going to do this, you hear? And you have to be really good and you can't mention this to anyone," I tell Eagan. "Oh, I'll be good, Elizabeth. I'll be really good. And I won't tell anyone. I keeped our other secrets good and I'll keep this one too," Eagan grins. "Yeah, yeah. I just know I'm going to regret this. Let's get moving before I change my mind," I smile back at Eagan. Eagan picks up the Alice book and tags along close behind as we quickly walk to my room. I tell the guards to wait outside the room as always and fuse the doors shut with my powers. I suit up quickly in my flight gear, the same kind of thick, almost leather, yet cotton-like soft, jumpsuit I wore when I first woke up again in black with an alliance logo over the breast and my utility belt. I place an illusion of Eagan an I sleeping over the bed, unsure of it's holding power. Flowers never lasted very long.. Eagan leaves the book on my bed stand and we exit through the secret passage ways. We stealthily make our way through the maze under the palace over to the tower. I type in the computer code for entry to the lift. We step inside and the doors close. The computer immediately informs me that individual EE292 has entered a restricted area. The lift locks down and the computer threatens to send out a security breech alert unless and authorization code is presented within thirty seconds. I place my hade on the control panel and navigate my mind through the computer as fast as I can. I overwrite the entire system in twenty-two seconds. A new record time. I discovered the loop hole to the entire computer system only four months ago. I suppose I should have informed the Khivar immediately, but you know, it never really came up. It's not all an obvious loop hole and I stumbled onto it be default. I was trying to change the wall panel coverings in my chambers with my powers instead of the endless key codes needed to reset it, and I stumbled onto the main frame of the security surveillance. Yellow seashells. Just the yellow seashells. I tested out the other 2, 238, 495 wall coverings as well and they did not contain the glitch. It works fine if you use the key codes but if you use your powers to try to set yellow seashell wallpaper you suddenly have access to the main database for all operations on Antar. Thankfully, yellow seashell wallpaper is not in high demand. I order the computer not to record or recognize individual EE292's presence on the lift or in the towers and insure the warning stricken from the security logs. I inform the computer to cite EE292 under the status of sleeping in my room. I give codes to take us up to flight deck 92041. It's a short ride and the lift doors open to the deserted docking bay. Off in the far corner of the expansive, dimly lit deck, a mechanic is working on a beat-up ship. I look off into the immense open window into the abyss if space. The atmosphere on the deck is maintained by two separate force fields, but essentially here I am touching the edge of the unknown. I could stand forever looking out there, pondering the possibilities, but I can't today. I have things to do. I pick out my holographic instructor program disk from the long rack on the wall. The square, flat, black slab that on my first day back with the living I had tried to use to crack open the door to my cell. Heh heh. Hologram. Like I was supposed to know what it was and how to use it. Holograms are confined to disks because of their immense memory. That, and after an artificial intelligence revolt and take over of the planet Nesbon, most everyone using artificial intelligence moved to take extra precautionary measures against their computer programs. The holograms can't leave the disk and can only move information from the main computer to their program and not send any directions back. This way if their program short circuits and goes beserk the disk just needs to be destroyed. Not that it is even likely there will ever even be any problems. The computer programming holds up on its own, but you can never be to careful. Nesbon was traced to a virus implanted in the system years before the revolt and sabotage is a very real possibility for the Empire. The omnipresent familiar hum of the vastly networked computer running through the entire length of the tower is slightly soothing in the overwhelmingly otherwise dead silence of the tower. Every so often the clink of the mechanics tools sounds, but soon after we appear he is finished and dissipate into the cold tower interior. Eagan and I make our way down the endless stretch of parked ships. These ships are all the smaller, personal, leisure ships belonging to Khivar's higher officers. Most of them rarely get used because Khivar allows little time for leisure. I spot my ship at the end of a long row, the Whittman1. I named it for Alex. Tess won't mention my ship by name and gets annoyed when I talk about it. I open the hatch on the side and lift Eagan up into the ship. I climb up in after him and latch the door. Tiny ships like this have a maximum capacity of ten or so persons and very little cargo space. This is not the kind of ship to cross the galaxy in. It's the kind you travel use to travel across the planet or maybe visit nearby planets with. Not an adequate escape vessel. Besides that, my ship has a mandatory tractor beam lock on it as soon as it leaves the tower just for precautionary measures. Eagan and I climb into the cock pit and I strap him into on of the seats behind my pilot's chair. I power up the ship and insert the holographic disk. His name is TIM, or at least I call him that because he informed me he is the Trans-flight Instructor Model. He's not a very lively guy. Kind of dry. Very dry. No sense of humor. The hologram appears in the co-pilot chair next to me. You get to program the appearance of your holograms. TIM is slender, fairly young looking, dark hair, dark eyes.... "Good day Miss Parker. Good day prince Eagan. Today miss Parker we should work on your landing skills. Last time there was too much unnecessary turbulence." TIM informs me. "It was way fun!" Eagan exclaims. "Fun is not the objective of flying," TIM states. "Hey, we landed safely and that's what's important," I say defensively. "Barely," TIM mutters. I ease the ship out of line and pull it around to take through the atmospheric force field into the tunneled take off area. I monitor the ship logs. Everything is in order. I line up for take off. I check the tower logs. Everything is clear for take off but something catches my eye. Security logs show a lag. Only briefly though, like when the computer has to sort too much incoming data data. I check the time. I trace the log back to when I breeched security and spot my own lag. I tense up. The computer has never shown more than the initial lag when I first alter the program. Perhaps someone has discovered Eagan missing and tried to send out a location lock. I flip to the location log. No such search has been sent out. I zoom in on data for my room. No disturbances. Shows us still sleeping. Last entry through key coded outer doors was mine. I search through the deck logs again. It shows an altering of the wallpaper in pilot break room 4C to yellow seashells. I turn the ship around. "Where are we going?" Eagan asks. "Miss Parker, open space is the opposite of the direction we are currently in motion," TIM informs me. "Take off in this direction could really prove fatal. I would advise against it." "TIM, does your program to scan the computer logs?" I ask. "Constantly from my time of activation," Tim informs me. "Who is on this deck right now, excluding us?" I ask. "Three persons, excluding us," TIM replies. "What are their designations?" I wonder. "Designations are three unknowns," TIM states. "Scan back to see if anyone has left the deck since I arrived on the deck," I order. "No one has left the deck," TIM tells me. "Two persons have arrived, though." "Compare arrival time of the two to the time of the wallpaper change in the pilot break room 4C and the last security log lag," I direct. "Times are identical," TIM responds. "Check for a lag at the arrival time of the other unknown present on deck," I continue. "Lag is present at time of arrival," TIM says. "How many people were on deck when I arrived on deck?" I want to know. "One unknown," TIM answers. The mechanic. Could have been called in specially for repair, giving him an unknown designation, in which case the security log lag would have to be really coincidental. But the yellow seashell wallpaper? And the other unknowns and lags? There are a lot of unknowns in the tower always with this being a space port, and especially at this time with the summit. But this is too much coincidence for me. "Do we have any weapons on board?" I ask as I park my ship in it's initial starting position. "All fire arms have been removed," TIM informs me. "Should be one baton in the left overhead compartment." I reach above and find the too flimsy metal rod, hoping it will be enough, better yet, not needed. "Auntie Elizabeth? What going on?" Eagan wonders worriedly as I unhook him. "I thought we were flying?" I power down the ship and take out TIM's holographic disk. We're just getting out of the tower period. This was a bad idea. It's making me nervous. "Stick close to me and be ready to run if we have to. If something happens to me DON'T stop. RUN. Get in the lift and go back to my room and wait. You know the lift codes right?" I tell him. "Yes," Eagan nods his head. I take a deep breath. We just need to get to the lift. It's really not that far. This is probably nothing. Just get to the lift and everything will be okay. I open the hatch and climb out. I look around. No one. Silence except for the hum of the computer. Eerie. I help Eagan down. I hold the baton in one hand and Eagan's hand in the other. I give him a reassuring squeeze, and we start down past the long line of ships to the lift. I can't help but think of those awful horror movies from when I was a kid, where the people stupid enough to get out of their cars or go investigate. You know the bad guy is out there, you know he is stalking them, you see him creep up on them. You want to yell at them not to go that way, to run. I'm walking very fast now, tugging Eagan along behind me. I break into a run and he trips. I scoop him up into my arms and he buries his teary face in my hair. I move as fast I can with the awkward load, ditching the baton in a noisy clatter. I hear Eagan gasp. "Excuse me, Miss," I hear voice call out behind me. I freeze. The echo rings through the large bay. I turn around. The mechanic from earlier. Down a ways at the end of the line standing near my ship. "You forgot your holographic disk, Miss," The mechanic informs me holding out TIM. "Could you put it away for me?" I manage to ask, my heart thumping. "I really wouldn't know where it goes," The mechanic responds. I set Eagan down. "Stay here," I whisper. "And remember what I told you. If anything happens, don't try to help me. Just run. I'll be alright." I smile weakly and Eagan snuffs and nods. I turn and walk back to where the mechanic is standing cautiously, eyeing my abandoned baton. As I get closer I notice the mechanic has the same undistinguished face of the other Antarian civilians. "Thank you," I say extending my hand for the disk once I reach him. The disk slips from his hands and he drops it. "Oh, my, I'm so sorry," He apologizes picking it up. "We should check to make sure this didn't get damaged." I look back at Eagan waiting helplessly. "Quickly," I respond irritated. "The boy is not feeling well." "Yes," the mechanic responds moving into the shadows to plug the disk into hologram outlet outside of my ship. "The boy's not well? Nothing serious I hope?" "No. Nothing serious," I respond. I glance at Eagan who's eyes are pleading me to hurry. "TIM is your program okay?" I ask my holographic friend. He's standing next to the mechanic quietly. He doesn't answer at first. He steps out of the shadows of my ship. The recognition finally registers and I know instantly that he can read the fear in my eyes. "Who's Tim?" Max asks. The mechanic turns around and his face relaxes into Michael's. I'm an idiot. An unidentified mechanic that speaks perfect English and looks Antarian. FUCK. I turn to run, knowing I won't get far. "RUN, EAGAN, RUN," I holler running towards him. He takes off. Max and Michael are after me in and instant. I'm fast, but so are they. We start to close in on little Eagan. No fast enough though, even if they overtake me he will make it to the lift. I start shouting voice activation codes at the computer. It takes quite a few authorization codes to give vocal commands but I breeze through them. The lift is only a few decks up and it isn't long before the doors open. I direct them to close immediately upon the first complete entrance. Eagan is running. I am running. Max is running. Michael is running. Our feet pound the floor cold metal floor. Another race. Always a race. Then SHE appears out of nowhere. That purple bitch. Eagan dodges her, but she is hot on his tail. She makes a grab for him. He bites her arm and kicks her shin to knock past her stickly self. GO Eagan. She stumbles to the ground and by the time she has scrambled up she is even with me. I knock into her with my shoulder, but she pulls me down as well and we trip up Michael and Max who fall on top of us. Eagan gets to the lift, but he stops in the doorway and turns to look for me. Max and Micheal move towards him slowly. "Don't stop-" I start but the bitch is surprisingly strong and wrestles her hand over my mouth. I bite her as hard as I can, and she curses but doesn't let go. I pull her hair. She punches my jaw. HARD. I hear a crack. Eagan cries out and Max and Michael turn back alarmed. Max gives her possibly the worst look I have ever seen and she releases me. I choke and spit blood along with a couple teeth. My face is pounding on one side and the salty taste of blood spills into my mouth. A warm trail trickles out of my mouth and I try to wipe it away but I am suddenly feeling too weak. Max rushes to my side to help me up. He reaches for me and I push him away with all the strength I have left. I struggle to remain standing. Max steadies me by grabbing my elbow to hold me up. This time I don't fight him. I turn my attention to Eagan, only 10 meters away. He is watching horrified. I try to open my mouth to speak, to tell him to go, but I just can't. It hurts too much. "Eagan," Max says, his sons name rolling off his tongue with bittersweet ease. Eagan stares at Max, really seeing him for the first time. Recognition flashes through in his eyes. "Y-y-you're my daddy, aren't you?" Eagan stutters. Max nods. "My Auntie Liz," Eagan whimpers turning his attention back to me. "Why are you hurting Elizabeth?" STEP IN THE LIFT, I will Eagan. GO. "I-I'm not trying to," Max stammers. "I never wanted anyone to get hurt." Max turns to me, his eye full of concern. He lovingly, ever so softly, runs his hand over my swollen face. He gently cups my cheek with hand. The soothing tingling begins to flow into me through him. I jerk my head away. "Let her go!" Eagan wails stepping out of the doorway to the lift towards me. NO, GET BACK IN, I pray to him. Eagan slowly backs toward the lift and Michael raises his hand. I shove away from Max and throw out a blast at Michael just as he sends one out towards Eagan. Before I even know what I am doing I fling a protective green force field in front of Eagan that Michael's shot dissolves into. Michael slumps to the ground. Max starts toward me and I erect a protective bubble around myself. Max curses. He tries to reach through but I repel him. GET IN THE LIFT, EAGAN. GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE; THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT ME. THEY JUST WANT TO TALK TO ME. JUST GET OUT OF HERE. PLEASE. PLEASE, my mind screams. Michael manages to get up again and starts towards Eagan. The purple bitch heaves some kind of blast at my protective field the causes it to waver. I can't hold this up for too much longer. She blasts at Eagan. The force field barely holds. Eagan looks to me, terrified, through the glowing green net before him. I cast a powerful blast to knock her out, letting down my own bubble to do so. GO EAGAN, GO. I LOVE YOU. "I love you, too, Auntie Liz," Eagan cries to me as he jumps back into the lift. The doors close on Eagan as my force field falls and Michael rushes in after him too late. Michael pounds the hard metal doors to the lift once in frustration. The tower spins hazily and I collapse back into Max's waiting arms. ****************************** Hey Kiddies! I'm going to try to be on an update schedule of at least once a week through out the summer but we'll see. HEY, if you havent already dones so, and you like this fic a lot, you should check out my other fic entitled What's So Great About Normal? Oh and thank you all for your concern. I'm surviving. 
[ edited 1time(s), last at 12-Sep-2002 3:59:47 PM ] |
| posted on 31-May-2002 4:21:01 AM by Allie1031 |
| Alright, here you go. *hands out dreamer insurance cards to all the readers waiting eagerly in line* Keep that sucker tucked away somewhere safe because you are still in for a long bumpy haul.
I also feel like I should say something as to why Liz didn't go willingly to Max. I'll make it more apperant in the next chapter I hope. For one, the girl is confused as hell. She doesn't know A LOT. Right now, remember, she believes that she was kidnapped and held for four years in a prison cell without any rescue from Max, during which time she became noticeabley CRAZY from the isolation. She was DEAD for a year. How exactly do you deal with being dead? She's been living with Khivar and his cronies as good as dead, dead in feeling. She's sold out who she is and what she believes in and is basically numb to the world. She hasn't seen her friends/family in seven years and she doesn't even know if they are alive/still exist. And this whole time, this whole time, especially those four years in which she was held in her hellish prison, the girl has to wonder what the fuck Max Evans what up to. I mean it's in her former nature to not want him to risk is life to save her or to sacrifice the lives of his people for her, but her will for self preservation and her belief in his love for her would cause her to question why she's been there in hell for him and Max has just been living his peachy keen life. AND THEN, then, she finds out he's engaged to this other chick and that's really really got to piss her off big time. She feels abandoned, neglected, bitter, etc. Ever heard the song You Oughta Know by Alantis Morrisette? THAT is exactly how Liz is feeling. I'm tempted to throw in the lyrics to it for the hell of it. We'll see. As far as Khivar is concerned. Liz is physically attracted to him, he's an attractive guy, and she's using him. It's almost like she is whoring herself out. Prostituting for power. She's numb from her imprisonment and from living on Antar the past two years with the Alliance she has become lazy, materialistic, greedy, power hungry, and SELFISH. She's living in a world of "sin" and she has taken on the characteristics of those around her. The environment has changed her behavior. You can't think of this Liz Parker as the same Liz Parker that she was when she got kidnapped. So then lover-boy Max comes back to into the picture. And he wants to pick up right where they left off, like nothing has happened. this makes for one not very agreeable Liz Parker. She doesn't want to go with him. Go where? She hasn't been home in seven years. Everyone's grown up, moved on, GONE TO HER FUNERAL. How is she going to explain to her parents about her body? She didn't go to college, she can't very well hold a decent job, and for heaven's sake she's part alien with alien powers. In fact, Liz Parker doesn't even exist anymore, she's deceased on any record of her life. She could go with Max but where would she go? She doesn't want to be anywhere near him. She thinks he's an ass for forgetting her and moving on so quickly. She doesn't want anything to do with Max. The only person in her life that she openly loves and is loved back by is Eagan. He's who she lives for. He's "what keeps her human." He is everything to her, her entire world, because he is young and pure and innocent and wholesome and good. And even more, he reminds her of Max, the Max she used to love, a wholesome, good, pure, innocent, young Max before everything turned rotten and she wants to hang on to that. She wants to protect him. She's selfish and her hard feelings towards Max cloud her judgement. And she also remembers the life that Max had on Earth when he was always on the run and she doesn't want Eagan to have that. If he grows up on Antar under Khivar and she can keep him in his wholesome, good, pure, etc. state, maybe it won't be such a bad life for him. She's naive. She thinks she can hide all the evil in the world from him. And she believe that at least he is safe on Antar. Because she knows if he was turned for Max's cause he would be killed. Most of all, right now Liz is confused. She has conflicting emotions, conflicting beliefs, conflicting thoughts, conflicting feelings. She really doesn't even have that great of grasp on who she is let alone what she wants and which side to be on. She has no idea what the truth is, she doesn't even know if it exists, but she knows that this is not it. Then you have poor Eagan, who just wants to see his daddy, but he doesn't want to leave Liz or his home. So he when he meets Max he's torn as to going or staying. Then he sees Liz get the crap beat out of her. That doesn't help his opinion of Max. His daddy is like this big, heroic figure to him and then he watches him, or his associates rather, hurting his Auntie Liz who is like his life, the only person who really shows him love. He's absolutely terrified and I would say just a but tramautized. Eagan, thus decides not to go with Max after Liz assure him that she will be okay. Does this help? I hope so. If there is any more clarification I can make without totally giving away those big plot twist to come please let me know. |
| posted on 31-May-2002 7:51:51 PM by Allie1031 |
You're welcome!
I'm starting to really, really lag on readers for this fic even though I advertise it at my other one not a lot of people are reading so I might have to start devoting more time to pushing this one forward. Actually I know I'm going to have to do something, especially at the other board. Hmmmm. We'll see... |
| posted on 2-Jun-2002 2:56:24 PM by Allie1031 |
| Brigitte -
I loved your feedback. Great insight on Max and the situation. You are absolutely, completely, one hundred percent correct. Liz is being a bitch, a stuck-up, spoiled rotten brat about Max and everything else. She's blaming Max for stuff she shouldn't be when she doesn't even know the truth. It doesn't hurt me at al that you don't like her because right now I don't really want you to and you are not really supposed to. Thank you for trusting me enough to keep reading. I promise she will get better and turn out to be the herorine we all want her to be. Nina- Thanks for the awesome feedback! You've been such a loyal fan to me. I don't think you ramble on at all. I enjoy hearing the praise although it does tend to inflate my already overinflated ego. I don't think you ever sound silly at all and I thank you for always dropping a line so that I know someone out there is reading. If I don't continue to post on boardello, I'm glad you know where the updates will be. Voula- THANK YOU! Geez. You give me too much credit. It's always awesome to hear from you, and your feedback always pushes me to get that next part out. I can't say that I'm related to Mr. Beckett. Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback. It really does make a difference because at least if the quantity of feedback by people is lagging the quality of yours and a few others is really high and that is far more important. Rapunzel- Thanks for reading and leaving feedback for every single part. You've been with me since the very beginning when I first started this fic and I really really hope I don't disappoint you with my story because you've been such an avid reader. Mitra- Thanks for the bumps everywhere. You are another great and loyal fan. You keep my story from getting lost back in some dark corner of cyberspace. Cinder - Thank you also, for all the feedback. I'm so glad you like my stories and I can always count on you for some great feedback here as well as over at Normal. Moonlit Jade- I know you leave a lot of feedback for me too and I want to thank you as well. It's nice to hear what you think, which parts you like best, what your perceptions are, etc. Mareli- Glad you like the story. Hope you keep reading and I look forward to hearing what you think. Your name looks familiar. Been reading Normal? LixMix5- I'm sure you've been around but I don't recognize you right off hand. I'm glad you found this story suspenseful. I try, but you never know how it's going to come across. In any case, I enjoyed your feedback and hope you don't hesitate to leave your opinion again. Cookie2697- Thanks for the encouragement and I promise you'll find out who SHE is in the next part. I'm so bad at recognizing the differences between names, especially which cookie is which because it seems like there are a few, however I'm reasonabley sure you have been around supporting me between my stories and I want to thank you. Lillie- Glad to see you made it over here and I'm glad to have won you over again. It is a nice theory isn't it? Hmmmm. We'll just have to wait and see... Thanks for all the feedback. Dreamerforever88- I'm also glad you know where to find updates over here as well. I don't want to lose anyone who has been awesome about feedback like you have in the change over between the boards or have anyone not be able to find the update. Thank you for all your awesome feedback. Abby- When are we going to get your update, huh? It's killing me. The wait is killing me. Thnaks for supporting all my writing. I know you were a little hesitant with this at first but you stuck with it and I hope you really like the ending. Roswellluver- Thanks for always dropping a line for me to know you've read, kid. I really appreciate how you are always reading and giving some feeback. Ericka- I KNOW you've been around here reading and supporting. Thanks. It's always good to here form you and here what you think as well. Chrissy, Norma Bates, and Kristen80, you guys have been around here too with lots of good feedback as well. Thanks. I'm sorry if I've missed anyone. You all know who you are and what you've done for me. Thank you all so much. After looking at all the great feedback I have over here I know I will continue to write as long as you will continue to read. I'll try to get a new part for this out later tonight and there will be a new part for Normal today for sure. I've been reading a story by Lizzie Parker 17 that kind of has a similar plot line with Khivar/Liz as lovers and I think she's going to take some twists with hers that I was planning to take and now I'm not so sure if I will or not. I like her story a lot but I've got to stop reading it until I get this done so I'll just write and not worry about if other people are doing the same thing (Sorry, I'll pick up after I'm through though). We'll see. If you crave the Max/Liz action that I'm not giving you at this point you, should definitely check her story out though. I can't remember exactly what it is called Hidden Passions, Hidden Desires? Something like that. I'm really really happy that you all like my story so much. Please bear with me, I'm still trying to learn how to write. These are my first peices of fictional writing, ever, at all, that I have written. I look back at some of the stuff I wrote to begin with and I just cringe at how poorly done it is. I can't believe some of you have stuck with me so long. I am getting better though. I've never take a creative writing class so I'm pulling all this off the seat of my pants to learn what is effective and what is not. I started this story away from Normal so I could try different tones and techniques. So thank you all for sticking with me and your feedback means the world to me. |
| posted on 3-Jun-2002 8:56:27 PM by Allie1031 |
| -Previously-
Eagan slowly backs toward the lift and Michael raises his hand. I shove away from Max and throw out a blast at Michael just as he sends one out towards Eagan. Before I even know what I am doing I fling a protective green force field in front of Eagan that Michael's shot dissolves into. Michael slumps to the ground. Max starts toward me and I erect a protective bubble around myself. Max curses. He tries to reach through but I repel him. GET IN THE LIFT, EAGAN. GET OUT OF HERE. I'LL BE OKAY, I PROMISE; THEY DON'T WANT TO HURT ME. THEY JUST WANT TO TALK TO ME. JUST GET OUT OF HERE. PLEASE. PLEASE, my mind screams. Michael gets up again and starts towards Eagan. The purple bitch heaves some kind of blast at my protective field the causes it to waver. I can't hold this up for too much longer. She blasts at Eagan. The force field barely holds. Eagan looks to me, terrified, through the glowing green net before him. I cast a powerful blast to knock her out, letting down my own bubble to do so. GO EAGAN, GO. I LOVE YOU. "I love you, too, Auntie Liz," Eagan cries to me as he jumps back into the lift. The doors close on Eagan as my force field falls and Michael rushes in after him too late. Michael pounds the hard metal doors to the lift once in frustration. The tower spins hazily and I collapse back into Max's arms. ****************************** Chapter Seven "Liz," I hear a distant voice call to me. "Liz, wake up. Liz, can you hear me?" I groan. My entire body aches. I open my eyes and blink at the sudden brightness. I try to sit up but dizziness overtakes me and I lay back down. My mind is a blur. My head is throbbing. It hurts to open my eyes so I leave them closed. "Don't try to get up. Just lay there for a while, okay?" A voice instructs me softly, brushing the hair put of my face. A warm hand tenderly strokes my cheek. It's so hot in here. SOOO HOT. I feel the sweat pooling on my clammy skin. I'm burning inside. My whole body is burning up from the inside out. "I'm so sorry, Liz. I'm so sorry. Just hang on. I'll try to fix this," The voice cracks with emotion. Max? Is, is that Max? Is Max here? What's Max doing here? Max isn't supposed to be here. Is he? I try to think, but thinking is hard and I can't remember anything. "Is she gonna be's okay? Lookin likes somebodys took a fuckin baseball bat and introduced it ta hers face. Wat da hell happen ta her?" A female voice demands. "I thoughts you says nobodies gonna get hurt." Tess? Tess is angry about something. Why is Tess angry? Tess is always angry. "Aunkana felt the need to bring out her left hook. Gave her a nice, fat, broken jaw, too," A different male voice answers. Michael? Hehehe. Why is Michael here? Michael. Michael, Michael, Michael. I always liked Michael. Deep down, he was really a nice guy. "Well, will you look at my hand? She bit a chunk out of it!" another female voice pipes up. "And my hair! You know how sensitive it is! And she ripped me a bald spot right behind my ear! She was being terribly difficult! She had it coming! Isabel warned her that if she got in the way-" "Enough!" Max's voice asserts. Max. He places his hand on my forehead. The connection comes immediately, without effort. I feel him invading my mind, my body. I'm too weak to move. Why should I move? Max will fix me. Max will make me better. Max always makes everything better and right now I have such a terrible headache. Max, make it go away Max. It all hurts so much! Liz, please Liz, I'm trying. Hold on just a little longer and I'll make it all better. I promise Liz. Just hold on and I'll take all the hurt away. Hurry, Max it hurts so much. I'm so tired. So sleepy. I can't open my eyes. Max? Are you still there? I'm here, Liz. But you have to listen to me carefully. DO NOT fall asleep. You have to stick with me here okay? Stick with me. Hold on, baby, hold on. I'll try. I love you Max. You make everything better. I love you too. Just try to hold on for me, baby. Stick with me so I can make the hurt all go away. "She has a concussion. And she's completely overextended herself through her powers. I don't think she's all that well nourished either. She hasn't been taking very good care of herself at all. And she's been trying to use her powers to control her bodily functions and it's screwed up a lot her internal body systems," Max reports somewhere above me. "Her jaw is broken in two places. Her leg. She has scrapes all over from last night and a large gash on her leg. She lost a lot of blood from the gash last night and even more from her mouth. Too much blood. Help me get her clothes off will you? So I can heal the cuts." The warm hand leaves my forehead. Max? I can't feel Max anymore. Cold hands drift over my body, unzipping my suit, pulling it off. "Damn. Will you look at this? It's pretty gruesome," Michael's voice drifts to me ears. Someone jabs the cut on my thigh and I flinch. "EWWWW. It's oozing," The unfamiliar female voice shrieks. Someone pokes the gash again and I whimper. My head is pounding. My eyes water. I'm so cold. So cold I shiver. "DON'T TOUCH HER," Max orders frantically. "NO ONE TOUCH HER! She's, She's in so much pain. Just, just don't touch her okay." "Are you a saddist Aunkana, because I swear..." Michael states. "No, but you can't leave that gooey stuff in there or it will get infected," the female voice protests. "Yo, I knows yous supposeda be heala an all too, but whys don't cha jest let Maxie handle dis one, k?" Tess's voice asserts. Why is she talking funny? What's wrong with her? Who's Maxine? Do I know a Maxine? Two warm hands travels the length of my body. I arch into them, and into the tingling sensation drifting over me from them. I feel an intense attraction to the warm harms seizing my body. The pain begins to drift away as one hand comes to rest over my pulsing cheek and the other on my smarting thigh. The tingling grows until it overtakes me in a bright flash of white light. I see myself as Max saw me when he saw me for the first time, getting off a big yellow school bus year ago, and sense the joy he felt I warming his heart when I smile my first smile meant just for him. I see me in middle school, seventh grade, wearing gawky glasses, when Max wanted so much to approach me to ask me to the Valentine's dance but never could get up the guts. I see me working at the Crashdown, my hair all a sloppy mess, me all sweaty and greasy and gross, and perceive Max thinking that I am the most beautiful angel he has ever seen. I see the man with the gun, the struggle, the bullet fly through the air in almost slow motion into my stomach, and me falling, and the panicked rush to get to me, and me looking up into his face, with sad eyes, knowing I will die young, and the hands on me, those same warm hands, those hands that save me. I see me lying, sleeping, in a bed, naked under the sheets, and feel extreme love Max has for me watching me sleep, watching me breathe, and believing himself to be the luckiest man alive. I see my human body being lowered into the Earth from which it came, my parents, friends, and family watching with tear streaked faces, and I experience the hurt, the fury, the emptiness, the helplessness, the loneliness, Max feels looking on my human body for the last time. I see myself when max sees me again for the first time. For a moment his heart stops. When it picks back up again I am aware of the happiness and relief and confusion and anger and love and hope, most of all the hope. Then I see Max standing before me. "Liz," Max says. "Max," I say back. "Where are we?" I ask looking at out tropical surroundings. "The Antarian Jungle," Max tells me solemnly, glancing around. "I used to come here with my family on vacation as a boy in my other life, before the war started. It doesn't exist anymore though. Khivar tore it all up years ago. I used to love to come here and run and jump and play and hide with Isabel, Vilandra, before she met Khivar, before he stole her from us like he stole you. He's stolen the three women in my life that I have loved most. He killed my mother and stole her life, he seduced my sister and stole her life, he kidnapped my soul mate and stole her life. But He didn't have to steal my wife, she went to him gladly. I shouldn't have been so surprised that they are like kin, but I was." I watch him; I let him continue to talk. "She wasn't always like this, like that, Tess wasn't. When I married her she was young, and innocent, and carefree, and happy, just like everyone else was at one point in their lives. I married her, and I was content with her, and I loved her, but I never, ever, loved her like I love you. I felt more of a companion love for Tess, respect for my life partner, my designated mate. But you, Liz, when I met you I learned what it even means to love. You were, you were, you were there in my every breath, you completed my entire existence. You were passion, you were heat, you were the answer to my every desire, but you were also absolute purity, you were raw warmth, you were my best friend. You were everything inside of me I never knew existed. In you I found myself because you completed me," Max explains, looking me straight in the eye now. "Liz there could never be anyone but you for me. I could never love anyone like I love you. I could never feel for anyone what I feel for you. Aunkana, my fiance, she's a good friend and I care a great deal about her, but she could never hold a candle to you. After loving you, I could never marry anyone else. We didn't get engaged so we could get married we got engaged so I could come to the summit." "Did you have sex with her?" I ask quietly. Max hesitates. "Yes," He answers truthfully, looking me in the eye and then down at his feet. I say nothing. "You slept with Khivar," Max states, looking me in the eye again. "I did," I reply evenly. I pause. "I assume you saw that then? In the connection?" I wonder. "No," Max responds. "I didn't. But I saw what you were doing to the inside of your body so you would not get pregnant. You can't do that to yourself Liz, even if it is because you don't want to have his child. You can't mess with the inner working of your body. They aren't meant to be messed with like that. Drugs are one thing, they trick or confuse the body into functioning otherwise, but do so by natural means and natural process. It's unnatural for you to go in and control autonomic, involuntary systems with your powers. It creates confusion that the body doesn't know how to respond to and can have some serious repercussions. I know Khivar doesn't know about your powers because he never would have let you do that to yourself and would have told you how dangerous it is." "Khivar knows," I inform him. Max raises and eyebrow. "He knows I have powers, but he doesn't know I know he knows," I clarify. "I wasn't really supposed to have them but here they are. I was afraid that if I told Khivar he would imprison me, but he knows and hasn't done a thing." "He needs you. He's using you. If he locked you away it wouldn't serve his purposes," Max remarks. "Aren't we all just using each other?" I scoff. Max looks at me sadly. "I want my son, Liz," He tells me. "Well I want him too, here," I retort. "I need him and he needs me. I'm all he's ever known and he's all I have left. You can't take him." "Liz, please, be practical about this," Max says scornfully. "What kind of life do you really think you can give him here?" "I am being practical," I argue. "What kind of life do YOU think you can give him. One where he has to watch his back with every move? One where he can't afford to breathe too loudly for fear of being caught? One with that purple bitch as his mother?" "DON'T talk down about her Liz. She's done a lot for me, for him, for Antar," Max asserts. "She crushed my face into a pulp," I point out. "You were hurting her. Sanathians have very sensitive hair. She wasn't thinking clearly," Max reports. "Oh, well, in that case," I roll my eyes. "Seriously, Max do you want someone who occasionally doesn't think clearly to be the mother of your child?" "I want you to be the mother of my child," Max looks me straight in the eye. I don't have a snappy line, or much of anything for that matter, to say to him. "Liz, come away with me. Be with me," Max pleads, moving towards me for the first time. "I can't," I step back. "You can," Max insists. "Khivar would never let me," I look away. "He doesn't have to," Max says softly. "It's, it's not that simple!" I protest. "Why not?" Max wants to know. "It just isn't. And Khivar would hunt me down and kill the both of us. Then there would be no one to protect Eagan," I sigh. "He wouldn't have to find us," Max states dreamily. "We could go far, far away, just the three of us, and live and be happy." "You know it could never be like that. Khivar would find us," I pull him back to reality. "He is everywhere. You can run but you cannot hide. He would find us. He would come for us. He knew where you were the whole time when you were on Earth but he never bothered with the trouble of making sure you were killed because on Earth you were helpless, insignificant, not worth the effort then. But now it would be worth the effort. You're stronger Max. I can sense it and I'm sure he can too." "I learned a lot about my powers. Ava has taught me as much as she knows and I have learned all that I can on my own. She came back to your funeral Liz, Ava did. Ava came when she heard you died because she wanted to know how, why. When I told her she made the decision to stay with us permanently and help us fight Khivar. She's been invaluable. She's a good friend to you and to me. She's a different person than Tess is, a different person all together," Max tells me. "I see," I respond, not sure what to say. "You have very strong powers, Liz. I'm amazed at how strong you are. Ava could help you learn to control them. She could show you how to use them," Max goes on. "Why? So I can just use them against you?" I retort. "No, to protect Eagan," Max says. "What if I am protecting Eagan from you?" I wonder. "You know you don't need to do that anymore than I need to protect him from you. If you feel it is necessary to use your powers against me again, then that is your decision. I'd rather have you even stronger though, in any case, so that I know you could protect yourself and him from Khivar. But Liz, make no mistake, however strong you think you are, how ever strong you become, I'm just as strong if not stronger. It would not be wise for you to use your powers against me again with such intended harm. I really, really don't want to hurt you, but I can't let you seriously harm me or my friends again." "I understand," I answer. "I really don't want to hurt you either, but I can't just let you take Eagan from me." "Liz," Max sighs. "If only you could see. If only you weren't so stubborn. If only you hadn't felt so much hurt." "You gave me that hurt, Max, so just shut up. Quit acting like this is all my fault! Quit acting like I'm doing this, all of this! I didn't do this, Max, YOU DID!" I shout at him. "I didn't do this anymore than you did Liz! Stop trying to blame me for everything that has gone wrong! Do you think I wanted it to end like this? Of course I didn't! I love you! I want to be with you, but I can't make you want to be with me! I'm hurting just as much as you are. I hurt just as much as you. It kills me to know how much you are hurting as well!" Max yells back. "You can't do this? You can't leave Khivar? It's because you are afraid Liz! You're a coward." "I'M not the COWARD, Max Evans. I'M NOT! You are! You are the one who never came to rescue me. You just left me here. You just left me to rot away in Khivar's dungeon. So I killed myself! Did he tell you that, Max? DID HE? He didn't kill me, I killed myself!" I scream. "It was too much for me, too much to take, all the years being locked away. All the years of being toyed with. It was all too much for me. So I did what I thought I had to. I just couldn't stand it anymore, Max. You never came. You were never coming. I can't believe you just left me there like that. I didn't want to live like that any longer, I, I, I-" I'm crying. Tears are flowing. Max is frozen. "L-l-liz? What are you talking about ?" he stammers. "I'm talking about you never coming to rescue me! I'm talking about me being locked away in a prison for years! I'm talking about me killing myself!" I bawl. "Liz, you didn't kill yourself. You died right after they kidnapped you," Max states solemnly. "They tried to transport your body through space, but it was human, it was too weak, and it couldn't take it. The transporters were designed for alien bodies, not humans. You went into cardiac arrest. They even tried to save you before you died but it was too late. We took your body to the hospital and the doctors confirmed that your cause of death was a heart attack." "NO! YOU LIE!" I screech. "You're lying! I was locked away for years! I killed myself!" "God, Liz, can't you see they are messing with your mind?" Max hollers. "YOU'RE messing with my mind!" I cry. "You're confusing me about the only things I know are true! I know I was held in prison for years Max! I know I killed myself!" I'm shaking so hard I can hardly stand. Max rushes to me and takes me in his arms and I let him. It just feels so right. "Shhhhhh. Liz, it's okay. It's okay. I could kill him for what he's done to you, for how he's messed with you and manipulated you," Max rubs my back. "You messed with me and you manipulated me," I sob. "If I did I never meant to. You have to believe me, Liz," Max looks me in the eyes, tears swelling in them. "I don't know what to believe anymore," I pull away. "It's okay Liz, I understand. I'm not going to force you anymore until you are ready. The truth will come out, Liz, it has to. And when it does, I know you will make the right decision. You are confused, but your heart is still pure," Max informs me. "I will wait for you Elizabeth Parker, because you will be well worth the wait, and I'm not leaving here without you so you better not take too long. Just remember, no matter what happens, I love you. I will save you Liz Parker, I will always save you." Max begins to back away into a cloudy mist that has formed around us. "But you never saved me from being kidnapped," I whisper softly as I, too, disappear into the mist. I awaken to find myself bound, lying with my back pressed against cold metal. I'm blindfolded and I can't move. "Max!" I roar angrily. "Calm down. We only tied you up so you wouldn't try to hurt us," A female voice answers. "Where's Max?" I demand. "He had to go to a meeting," The voice answers. "Max and Michael had to join Isabel in a meeting." "Where am I?" I want to know. "On our ship, docked in the tower," The voice responds. "You tell him that if he doesn't release the future Empress this instant Khivar is going to attack Sanathia," I order. The voice laughs. "I'm not kidding," I retort resentfully. "I'm sure you are not. But I have orders to leave you as is for the time being," The voice muses. When I get out of this....I try to melt my restraints with my powers, but have no such luck. They are protected by some sort of power stronger than my own. "Listen, seriously, if Khivar finds me missing, there is going to be hell to pay and I'm not thinking Max is going to want to deal with that so you better..." I hear a portal open and close. "Come back! I'm not through with you yet!" "Feisty, isn't she?" The female voice laughs again. "Yeah," Another female voice agrees. "Help mes ta untie er." Tess's voice. Ava. "All right, but are you still sure you are going to do this? I mean it seems really risky?" The other female asks. "Yeahs. I's can handle it," Ava answers with confidence. She pulls off my blindfold and I am face to face with the short blonde. Her hair is long, much longer with pink stripes in it, and it's straight, but otherwise she looks almost identical to Tess. She has really blossomed since I last saw her. Only the wrinkles of worry lines across her forehead tell a different story.. "Liz! Long time an no see! Been worried bout ya kid? How ya feelin'?" Ava asks, untying me and checking my nearly naked body over. "I'm feeling better, no thanks to her," I cast a glare at our violet companion who is gazes at me wearily. "I need to get back before Khivar finds me missing." "I knows," Ava assures me. "I's going back wit cha." "You are?" I question surprised. "Yeah. Ya needs me. Khivar's been contactin me wit dreams tryin ta persuade me ta join him fer months now sos it don't even looks suspicious," Ava informs me as she and Purple finish untying me. "I'm not going to help you bring them down," I tell her. "And I'm not going to let you use me like that." Purple hands me some clothes. "Your suit was ruined, too much blood," She reports. I nod. "I ain't usin you. I's jest gonna come be with ya. Take care of ya and teach ya sum thins. I ain't gonna be there ta bring Khivar down. I's gonna be there for yous. I jest wanna come wit yous," Ava explains. "Why?" I wonder. "'Cause you's was so kind ta me. You's was da first person who was eva kind ta me, jest ta be kind, without wantin anything in return. Ya got me off da street. I talked wit Max, an I's done all I can for im. Da rest he gotta do by himself," Ava responds. "Let me come wit ya Liz, I's don't want anythin from ya. Jest let me come wit ya. You's need a friend. I's can be yer friend Liz, no questions asked. I's don't want anything in return an I's ain't gonna be working fer Max anymore. I's jest wanna be there fer you." I think about what she is saying. I realize want her to come with me. I want her to come badly, but only if the conditions she has offered are for real. "Max is okay with this?" I ask. "Yeah. He says he knowed I was only wit him for you ta begin wit. Please let me come wit ya and help ya likes you helped me, Liz," Ava pleads. "Alright. You can come with me," I agree. "But you can't be contacting with Max. You can't be reporting back to him anymore." "I's won't. My loyalty's wit you," Ava assures me. I smile at her. For some reason I believe her. I believe she truly means what she says. Is she warping my mind? Probably. But it doesn't feel like it. "Okay, then let's go. I need to get back," I tell Ava. I want to get back to Eagan. I have to see if he got okay. I need to make sure he is alright. I push past the violet-eyed beauty, the one who has shared Max's bed. I try to not to think about it but I can't help it. It haunts my mind. Ava leads me out of the ship and back into the tower. We come to a main lift and I am able to get my bearing to take us back to the palace. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to explain showing up with her just now but I'll think of something. I wonder if she is going to lecture me about Max. Max. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. Why doesn't anyone understand? "On Earth, they feed children fairy tales, false, fictional ideas of real life. Real life is not a fairy tale. Not every little girl gets rescued by her prince charming. Everyone does not live happily ever after. Life is not like that but they nourish children with these obscurities anyways. And when they grow up, they are only hopelessly doomed to be disappointed when they inevitably realize their ignorance," I tell Ava as we ride down the lift. She looks at me and nods, but doesn't say anything. I sigh. "Life ain't easy, Liz," Ava says. "Life's hard. An it ain't fair. You's can't bes expectin it ta be. But da strong still survive. Da strong will always survive. But sometimes da strong be's so used ta bein strong, theys dunno whens it ain't necessary ta be anymores." I think about what she just said. I think about everything. I think about what has just happened. I think about my conversation with Max. I think about the flashes he gave me. I wonder what he saw in me? It almost scares me to think what he could have seen. From him though, from him I only saw me. Of all the things I could have seen I only saw me. I never asked for this, to have my life turned inside out and upside down. I never asked for any of it. There are those days when I wish Max Evan's hadn't been in the Crashdown that day. Or that he had been too selfish to save my life, too worried for his own, to afraid to reveal his incredible secret. But the fact of the matter is, Max Evans acted entirely selfless. He saved my life even though he knew what it could mean. And he trusted me. Totally, completely trusted me. Trusted that I wouldn't tell, that I wouldn't freak, that I wouldn't expose him. He had faith and he saved me even with the entirely possible chance that I would tell, I would freak, I would expose him. Many times, many times since, I often wondered how he knew, how he could have that faith in me. How he could be so selfless. And the closer I got to Max, the more I came to realize that it wasn't just because it was me as he claimed, it was because it was him. That's just who Max is. Selfless like that. Trusting like that. Faithful like that. But that was years ago. Many years ago. Years before the pain. Years before the heartache. Years before the death. We were all different then. We are all different now. There are times in your life, many times, when you are stuck between who you once were and who you are now becoming. You can't go back, you just can't. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to, you just can't go back. Things aren't the same, people aren't the same, circumstances aren't the same. There isn't even anywhere to go back to. Too much has changed to go back but too much is the same to move forward. You feel like the ground has moved out from underneath you when you dared to blink. You feel helpless, trying to make it stay the same even as it all is changing. You want to hang on to it all, the past, the good times, you cling to it with your very being. You want so much to go back, to feel how it was to be care-free, living and loving; I want so much to go back. But I can't go back; it's impossible, and dreaming of going back only makes it all seem so sad. I have to accept that that chapter of my life is closed. I have to move forward, I have to look to what the future holds, look to all the possibilities. You think that you are the same. You think that it is only the world has changed. How poorly you perceive yourself. I am not the same, not the same at all. It was not my choice to leave that life, not my choice at all, but I had to leave it all the same. I came here scared, helpless, a Liz Parker from a world that no longer exists. Nothing in my entire life prepared me for what I had to face then. But the human spirit is strong, it endures, and I have adapted. I have adapted because I know the future is full of possibilities. A world without hope doesn't exist, and a life without hope will never survive. I have hope. But hope for what? Hope for who? I have hope for Eagan, that at least I know. Hope that he will grow up strong and good and proud, hope for what he could bring to Antar, hope that he will not fall to Khivar. I have hope for myself as well, hope that I will do something significant with my life, hope that I will make a difference, hope that I will escape, hope that I will live not merely survive, hope that someday, there will come a day when things will be different. But what else do I hope for? Who else do I hope for? Do I hope for Max? Is that what I want? I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even know who I am. I don't even know where I am going. But I have to go somewhere. I can't sit still. I can't even begin to try to. If there is one thing I have learned it is that life is always moving, life is always changing. You can try to fight it, but it won't do a bit of good because you can't fight the future. It's coming whether you like it or not. It's coming for you. And sooner or later you'll dare to blink and the ground will rush out from underneath you. The future is coming for me. I only hope that I am ready. ************************ Hey, hey, hey! New Part! My other fic is called What's So Great About Normal? You can find it on this board. Check it out if you haven't. THANK YOU ALL for the Awesome feedback. I left some thank you notes above that you should check out if you haven't. Oh and thak you all who participated in my survey I while back. I have been meaning to thank you for a long time but I keep forgetting. It was really interesting to read what you wrote about yourselves, those of you who left longer notes, I very much enjoyed reading them. It's nice to know a little about who I am talking to because the internet can make things so impersonal. Have a good week eveyone! I'm going on vacation next week but hope to have a new part out before I leave. [ edited 1time(s), last at 4-Jun-2002 2:14:01 AM ] |
| posted on 4-Jun-2002 2:05:08 AM by Allie1031 |
| Heh heh. Sorry Kara. I didn't even notice Ava's accent was missing. That was not intended so I'll go back and fix it. I got confused because I wrote the very end of this part first and then I jumped around writing the middle. I don't usually do that but it worked for me this time. By the way Nina, I'm glad you liked the ending in particular because that was the result of several days works at various times when wisdom decided to come to me. In fact I had been writing it to insert somewhere before I even knew where it would go and I decided to place it here. |
| posted on 4-Jun-2002 4:43:27 PM by Allie1031 |
| I know no one likes the "purple" lady, but really Max sleeping with her is not as bad as it looks right now and she's not as bad as she seems. It's going to be okay, I promise. I know I keep breaking a lot of the dreamer rules but please try to be patient and to the best of my ability I'll make as dreamerific as I possible. REALLY. It'll be good. You'll see. Just wait. |
| posted on 8-Jun-2002 5:52:23 PM by Allie1031 |
| Sorry guys, I got sick and my computer's down. It should be repaired when I get back from vacation though. |
| posted on 11-Aug-2002 7:51:09 PM by Allie1031 |
| Alright. I'll go to work on a new part. It might take me a few days but hopefuly this week we will be back in business. Thanks for the great bumps guys. |
| posted on 12-Sep-2002 3:38:45 PM by Allie1031 |
quote: Wow. Well thanks. I'm not sure I deserve such high praise. I'll try to get a new part out to you soon though so hold on. hopefully i can get some writing in tonight because i just finished all the homework i have that is due this week. We'll see. |
seriously! Man it was so cute!!! I'm still going "Awwwwww!" from it! lol Man how freakin cute was that!!?? hehehehehe
| posted on 12-Sep-2002 7:44:52 PM by Allie1031 |
| I wasn't freaked. I appreciate it very much I'm just not sure I'm worthy of it. |
| posted on 2-Oct-2002 8:52:47 PM by Allie1031 |
| Sorry, guys, midterms are killing me here. I've been in this french class too and had to do papers in french for it and stuff only I'm not french and I barely speak it so it takes me a long time. Hopefully I'll get some writing in soon though. HOPEFULLY. |
| posted on 15-Oct-2002 12:21:05 AM by Allie1031 |
| GUESS WHAT GUYS???!!!! Tonight I worked on a new part. Hopefully by the end of the week... |
| posted on 17-Oct-2002 3:48:29 PM by Allie1031 |
| UPDATE is on schedule. Could be as early as tonight, could be at late as Saturday, hopefully before Sunday. |
| posted on 19-Oct-2002 11:53:17 AM by Allie1031 |
| UPDATE TODAY!!!!! |
| posted on 19-Oct-2002 1:11:14 PM by Allie1031 |
| To be, or not to be ... that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles - and by opposing them end them? To die... To sleep... no more... And by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.. Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished! To die... To sleep... To sleep? Perchance to dream! Ay there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause... - Hamlet's speech upon contemplating suicide -Previously- I want to get back to Eagan. I have to see if he got okay. I need to make sure he is alright. I push past the violet-eyed beauty, the one who has shared Max's bed. I try to not to think about it but I can't help it. It haunts my mind. Ava leads me out of the ship and back into the tower. We come to a main lift and I am able to get my bearing to take us back to the palace. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to explain showing up with her just now but I'll think of something. I wonder if she is going to lecture me about Max. Max. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. Why doesn't anyone understand? "On Earth, they feed children fairy tales, false, fictional ideas of real life. Real life is not a fairy tale. Not every little girl gets rescued by her prince charming. Everyone does not live happily ever after. Life is not like that but they nourish children with these obscurities anyways. And when they grow up, they are only hopelessly doomed to be disappointed when they inevitably realize their ignorance," I tell Ava as we ride down the lift. She looks at me and nods, but doesn't say anything. I sigh. "Life ain't easy, Liz," Ava says. "Life's hard. And it ain't fair. You's can't be expect it ta be. But da strong still survive. Da strong always survive. But sometimes they is so used ta bein strong, they don't know when it ain't no longer necessary." I think about what she just said. I think about everything. I think about what has just happened. I think about my conversation with Max. I think about the flashes he gave me. I wonder what he saw in me? It almost scares me to think what he could have seen. From him though, from him I only saw me. Of all the things I could have seen I only saw me. I never asked for this, to have my life turned inside out and upside down. I never asked for any of it. There are those days when I wish Max Evan's hadn't been in the Crashdown that day. Or that he had been too selfish to save my life, too worried for his own, too afraid to reveal his incredible secret. But the fact of the matter is Max Evans acted entirely selfless. He saved my life even though he knew what it could mean. And he trusted me. Totally, completely trusted me. Trusted that I wouldn't tell, that I wouldn't freak, that I wouldn't expose him. He had faith and he saved me even with the entirely possible chance that I would tell, I would freak, I would expose him. Many times, many times since, I often wondered how he knew, how he could have that faith in me. How he could be so selfless. And the closer I got to Max, the more I came to realize that it wasn't just because "it was me," as he claimed; it was because it was him. That's just who Max is. Selfless like that. Trusting like that. Faithful like that. But that was years ago. Many years ago. Years before the pain. Years before the heartache. Years before the death. We were all different then. We are all different now. There are times in your life, many times, when you are stuck between who you once were and who you are now becoming. You can't go back, you just can't. No matter how hard you try or how much you want to, you just can't go back. Things aren't the same, people aren't the same, circumstances aren't the same. There isn't even anywhere to go back to. Too much has changed to go back but too much is the same to move forward. You feel like the ground has moved out from underneath you when you dared to blink. You feel helpless, trying to make it stay the same even as it all is changing. You want to hang on to it all, the past, the good times, you cling to it with your very being. You want so much to go back, to feel how it was to be care-free, living and loving; I want so much to go back. But I can't go back; it's impossible, and dreaming of going back only makes it all seem so sad. I have to accept that that chapter of my life is closed. I have to move forward, I have to look to what the future holds, look to all the possibilities. You think that you are the same. You think that it is only the world that has changed. How poorly you perceive yourself. I am not the same, not the same at all. It was not my choice to leave that life, not my choice at all, but I had to leave it all the same. I came here scared, helpless, a Liz Parker from a world that no longer exists. Nothing in my entire life prepared me for what I had to face then. But the human spirit is strong, it endures, and I have adapted. I have adapted because I know the future is full of possibilities. A world without hope doesn't exist, and a life without hope will never survive. I have hope. But hope for what? Hope for whom? I have hope for Eagan; that at least I know. Hope that he will grow up strong and good and proud, hope for what he could bring to Antar, hope that he will not fall to Khivar. I have hope for myself as well, hope that I will do something significant with my life, hope that I will make a difference, hope that I will escape, hope that I will live not merely survive, hope that someday, there will come a day when things will be different. But what else do I hope for? Who else do I hope for? Do I hope for Max? Is that what I want? I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even know who I am. I don't even know where I am going. But I have to go somewhere. I can't sit still. I can't even begin to try to. If there is one thing I have learned it is that life is always moving, life is always changing. You can try to fight it, but it won't do a bit of good because you can't fight the future. It's coming whether you like it or not. It's coming for you. And sooner or later you'll dare to blink and the ground will rush out from underneath you. The future is coming for me. I only hope that I am ready. ********************** Chapter Eight I find Lonnie waiting in my room when I return. She doesn't seem surprised to find that Ava is with me. In fact she almost looks as if she expected her. "Hiya, Ava," Lonnie greets her casually. "Long time, no sees." "Yeah," Ava agrees meeting Lonnie's gaze evenly. "Lonnie, what are you doing here?" I ask cautiously. "And where's Eagan?" "I's sent em along ta sees Tess. She's been looking fer em," Lonnie responds. "Dat was a long time ago, though. I been waitin here awhile." "I see," I furrow my brow. "Lonnie what kind of association do you have with Max? Don't bull shit me. I'm not stupid." "Chill Liz. Me's and Maxie worked us a small agreement," Lonnie replies. "I'm sure," I roll my eyes. At this point I hardly care who will play the devil that she will advocate. "We will discuss this further later. I have to check on Eagan and get ready for dinner," I sigh. "Ava, you can wear anything in my closet. I trust her appearance will be expected by Khivar?" "He thinks she be's a dirty snitch traitor to Max. I tell 'im I bring her back to our side cause she one of us 'dupes' or shit," Lonnie scowls at Ava. "Wonderful," I state dryly. "I'm glad you have it so well worked out already but from now on could you PLEASE FUCKING LET ME IN ON THE PLANS before you excute them." "Yeah," Lonnie shrugs. "Sure can. But da problem wit dat Liz, is dat I gotta know which side you on before I can let you in on da action. See Liz, da thing is, you ain't got a side, so nobody gonna tell you what shit be going down before it does. Max is sure you's gonna stand by him, Khivar is sure he's got you all in da palm of his hand and shit, but I's pretty sure you is only working fer yerself. Ava is here for you, no questions asked, but you and I gotta know dat she be pullin' for Max's side deep down. And just cause she ain't reporting back to him all the goings on don't mean dat she ain't gonna do what she can when she sees a chance. See Liz, I know you ain't gonna choose Khivar. If you choose anyone, it gonna be Max. But I been thinking dat you just gonna do your thing and go with dat which is cool with me. You just gotta know dat since you ain't on the shore makin da waves, you gonna be stuck in the middle of da ocean in the storm." I meet Lonnie's even stare with a tired gaze. "Lonnie, you know nothing about me," I turn away. "Da hell I don't, Lizzie. Da hell I don't. I been watchin you closer dan you thinks. I know more bout you than you do. Cause da way I see it, dis war brewing here can be pretty much decided by you. What it all is gonna come down to in da end is where you fall in. Lizzie, don't be naïve. It ain't becoming, and you an I both know you's smater than that," Lonnie asserts. "Lonnie, I really have to get moving," I tell her as I start to leave the room. "I want to check on Eagan and I have to dine with Khivar and the ambassadors soon." "He ain't that dum, Lizzie. Khivar's smarter dan you'd ever imagine. Smarter an stronger. He knows bout you. He knows you got dem powers by some default. But it ain't no accident dat you still got 'em. If you be thinkin he don't know what I's know, how important you be, you's got another thing comin. You can't hide a damn thing from Khivar. He knows, Lizzie he knows," Lonnie insists. "Da only thing he ain't sure of is how strong you is. None of us know that. He think you dispise Max enough fer forgettin you that you could never go back to him. He think too much happened. He think he can manipulate you into following his way. He want you to think you is free ta make up you own mind so he let's you have yer freedom now. But he thinks he got you trapped. I think he got you trapped too. But I think he underestimates you an you can get out if ya wanted to." "Lonnie," I say my tone warning. "Liz!" Lonnie retorts sharply. "Wake the fuck up. Or dat nasty bastard is gonna decide yer life for ya. Dere is a lot you don't know. Many things you question. You better find da answers ta all dat shit before it be too late. I suspect many things but you gotta be da one to find out if they be true or not. You wonder why all this happened all da sudden an came as a surprise. Da truth is if ya ain't been dreamin' dis whole time you woulda seen it comin miles away. An if you had yer act together you would see which shots be flyin from which directions long before anyone be pullin any trigger." I storm out childishly angry at Lonnie know that she is completely right but hating to be told that I am foolish, especially by her. "I guess I'll get ready for dinner then…" I hear Ava say as I walk away. "Yeah, I guess we both will," I hear Lonnie agree. I feel bad about storming out on Ava but I'm sure Lonnie and her have some conspiring to do. I should have known better than to believe she is entirely at my disposal, but then, at the same time I did know and I let her come a long anyways. I just need some one there for me and to take care of me and deep down I know that's why Max sent her. I know that Ava will never try to influence me one way or another. I also know that deep down I really want her to. At a time like this I'm afraid to take responsibility for my actions. I'm afraid to make decisions because I don't know which ones to make. I don't know who which side to trust. My heart whispers one thing, my head shouts another and all the while I am being lured away from either of those. I coast past several security check points and into Eagan's room to find him asleep on his bed. I smile and pull the cover up around him. I kiss his forehead and slip out quietly. Eagan. Max. Eagan. Max could never keep him safe. I have to be realistic. Where Eagan is concerned I cannot take a single chance. Eagan would never be safe with Max so long as Khivar and any of his followers live. Max couldn't protect me. How could he possibley protect Eagan? If Khivar ever even suspected Eagan had fallen under his father's influence, he would never let him live. He would never let Eagan live to ascend onto the Antarian throne in the interest of the old regime of Antarian royals. I head back to my room to get ready through the back hallways. I am already running late. I was gone far too long this afternoon. However, I have notice how much stronger I am since I have been back. In fact I can't remember a time when my body ever felt this strong before. I feel so much more alive. Perhaps Max Evans' healing touch jolted life back into my weary soul. Fat chance. It's anticipation. Anticipation that big things are about to happen. Huge events determining the lives of billions of people. The feeling that life is about to change drastically one way or another. It's like the anticipation I used to get when I was a young girl and would see a storm rising on the horizon. You could smell the rain on the desert air, You could feel it coming. Because it was so rare that there was a thunderstorm, you could feel it coming, sense it long before. A storm is coming. One hell of a storm that will swept through the lives of all those I am close to. For better or for worse, things will change. It's a struggle for power. A struggle for wealth. A struggle for life. A struggle for love. A struggle for all the things valued most. It is a struggle composed of infinite variables. Why then do I feel like it is I whom all the weight has been placed upon? Why did Lonnie make it sound as if destiny was to be determined by me? I walk slowly contemplating. A huge hand clamps over my mouth from behind. I kick and twist my body as I am pulled into a small storage room. The grip of my captor strengthens. "Liz," A familiar voice hisses. "Stop your stinking struggling and keep quiet and I'll let go of you." I go limp and the force of my captor wanes. I relax back into him, letting him support me, his strong arms still holding me. I don't need to turn around. I know who it is. I know it with every fiber of my being just from his touch. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you," His hot breath falls on my cheek. "I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you were okay, and I didn't want to startle you into yelling for help." I nod my head. "It's okay," I answer. "How long have you been following me?" "Since Eagan's room. You went to see him. I was there visiting him as well," He tells me. "You were there the whole time? How did you-" I begin to ask only to be interrupted. "Shhhh. It's okay Liz. I wasn't going to take him. I just had to see him. He's so beautiful, Liz," He tells me shakily. "Just watching him there, sleeping, breathing, he's so beautiful. It hardly seemed real, that I was gazing at my own son. That he came from part of me. That I could create life like that, Liz. I love him so much, Liz." Slowly I turn my body around. Tears swell in Max's eyes. My heart breaks. In slow motion I watch my own hand reach out to caress Max's face. Max's beautiful face that Eagan's so closely resembles. Max intakes a sharp breath at the first tough of my cool fingers. He closes his eyes as I brush away his hot tears. "I'm so sorry, Max," I start, my voice cracking, failing me, as I avert my eyes. "Shhhhhhh, Liz. I know you are only doing what you think is best. I know you love Eagan, too. It's not your fault, Liz. None of this is your fault. Don't be sorry. We both do what we have to do," Max responds, his hand moving to tip my chin up and bring my eyes up to look into his. "Yeah," I agree airily my eyes lost in his. "Liz," Max says breathing heavy. "Max," I respond my heart thumping. He picks up a strand of hair that has fallen onto my face and moves it to the side. And then….. Then I'm not really sure what happened. Except that ever so slowly his lips begin to drift down and descend on to mine. And I don't stop them. Very softly at first his lips brush against mine, testing me. His tongue slowly snakes out to gently gloss over lips, asking them to part, to open, to rouse. And then out of nowhere, someone somewhere deep inside of me awakens and suddenly I am vigorously attacking his lips with my own. I squash my body against his as closely as I can and Max's strong arms pull me flat against him. I feel his member stir, I feel him swell and grow against my firmly pressed body. Max's tongue battles with mine for control. Memories of a thousand kisses in another lifetime float back to me but I quickly send them away. His hands move to grab my ass hard and lift me up closer to him as I straddle my legs to wrap them tight around his waste as we swallow each other whole. Our intense kiss finally breaks and we both gasp for air. "L-l-liz," Max stutters. "Max," I breathe as my lips find his again. I'm hardly aware of my back slamming into the wall behind me. My hands roam over his body franticially, stroking his chest, running through his hair. His hands explore me, kneading my buttocks, squeezing my breasts, pinching my nipples hard. My mind is overcome with a blindingly powerful flash of us making love that quickly dissipates into brilliant white light. I have this insatiable need, this hunger to make myself one with Max, to merge my being with his. I bite playfully on his lower lip, taking it between mine He pulls his mouth from mine and his eyes gaze through me. "Liz," Max gasps his eyes full of lust. "Max," I respond firmly. I shade myself from his intense stare and begin to kiss his neck, teasing him. I can feel his rigid hardness against me. I know what he wants. I know he wants it as much as me. His grip on me loosens and I begin to fall back down to the ground, sliding against the rough surface of the wall behind me. Max catches my eyes once more. "This can't happen Liz. Not like this. You don't know what you are doing," Max backs away from me, releasing me completely. "Don't be ridiculous, Max. I know you want me. I know you want this," I respond frowning. I reach for his belt and he bats my hands away. "Liz," Max states, his voice pleading. I glare at him for a second before stomping off, completely confused, horribly sour at being rejected by Max Evans of all people. Who does he think he is anyways? How dare he reject me and turn me down. How dare he. After all he put me through, after all he tried to say to me. He'll be sorry. I'll make him regret this encounter ever happened and teach him not to mess with this Elizabeth Parker. I hear Max's frustrated sigh follow me down the hall. "Liz, don't be angry. Come back! I'm sorry!" Max calls after me but I ignore him and take off before he can come after me. I'm going to be so late for dinner now that it's not even mildly amusing. I sigh and hurry to my wardrobe. What just happened with Max? I don't have a fucking clue. How I could have so much passion after all that asshole put me through, after all the years I served her on Antar, a small part of me dying every day, how I could have so much passion for that man is beyond me. I was confused and horny. Horny because I've been turning Khivar out as of late. It was all about sex. Nothing more, I tell myself, nothing more. There was attraction, but the kind of attraction that Khivar holds, attraction to power, intrigue. There are limits, there are rules, there are laws. Some have been written down for hundreds of thousands of years, and others are only the unwritten norms that every functional member of a society is aware of. These limits, these laws, these rules, I defy them. They cage me in ways I can barely comprehend. And I will not be confined! I will fight for my freedom! There are two things that I am certain about wanting. First, I know is that I want to come out of all of this free, free to live my life without any of these traps, cages, boundaries, free to be myself, free to live. Second, and by far a more important objective to me, I want Eagan to be free. I love Eagan more than anyone else in this entire universe. I would die for him. I would give up the freedom that I desperately seek. Only for Eagan. He is my main cause. If I can't be free I will make sure that he is. I can't explain it but he means everything to me. He is the child I will never have. And so I conclude that whatever just happened with Max was a cheap act of rebellion, reminiscent of my long forgotten past that was so easily erased. Nice, keep telling yourself that Liz. Maybe it won't sound so weak after a while. Regardless of any hidden feelings I might harbor for Max, it is Eagan who I act in the interest of, it is Eagan who I will protect. When I get to my wardrobe I quickly sift through it to find the perfect dress, one that will know the socks off Max Evans, and one that will heartily ignite a spark in Khivar. Those bastards. They don't know who the hell they are messing with and it's long past time I turn a trick or two of my own. I'm Liz Parker, and I'll be damned if I don't let them know that the only person here in charge of me is me. After combing through everything I own with frustrated curses, I finally find the perfect dress hidden in the very back of my closet. I've never worn it before. It's one of the very first dresses that I had made. Gold, A shimmering cascade of beautiful gold speckles that sparkles in the light as I move. Low cut, accenting my best features, giving my skin tone a healthy glow. Oh, this is the dress alright. I will look absolutely fabulous in it. I know because I have tried it on many times before. I have always loved it but have never had a real occasion for it, never found it appropriate. It was always too racy, too assertive, to attention seeking, too bold. Until tonight. Tonight it will be spectacular. I take a quick bath and my servants help me into my gold dress. My hair is pulled up into a stunning up-do. I know I look amazing. I don't need anyone to tell me. I know that I haven't looked this amazing in my entire life. I also know that tonight will be unlike any other night in my entire life. Tonight is one night in an endless string of, many, many nights, but tonight is the first night that I will determine my fate. Tonight I will play the game better than I ever have before in my entire life. Tonight I will be the one making the rules. I take a deep breath in and out to gather myself. I close my eyes as I let the air in. Now completely composed, I march down to the dinning hall, late, but ready to make an unforgettable entrance. I burst through the swinging dinning room doors myself instead of waiting for the servants to stand and open them for me. I don't intend to slip in quietly. The elongated table before me holds numerous important ambassadors from many of the nearby star systems Khivar is hoping to influence. Dinner hasn't been served yet but everyone is already seated. Everyone stands at my entrance. All talking ceases and all eyes fall on me. "Elizabeth, dear," Khivar stands grinning. "My pet, you're feeling better I see? Decided to come to dinner afterall?" "Obviously, my lord, else I would not be here would I?" I sass back. Khivar forces a nervous sounding laugh. "My sweet, you are looking quite lovely tonight," Khivar compliments me. Several ambassadors offer remarks of agreement about the beauty of the soon to be Empress. "Much healthier than last night," Khivar adds, eyeing my amply exposed cleavage. Max and his posse are here. Figures. I catch Max's eye and he nods his head. That damn purple bitch is seated next to him with an older man of the same complexion. Michael and Isabel are on the other side of Max. They are in surprisingly close proximity to Khivar. I am reminded of the old saying to "keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer." Isabel glares at me and Michael's face is unreadable. "Elizabeth, love, come and take your seat," Khivar states gesturing to the open chair between he and Ava. Tess of course is seated on the other side of Khivar. She rolls her eyes at me. I say nothing, but begin the ascension to my rightful spot . Khivar raises an eyebrow at me as I stroll to my seat at his right side. He of course is at the head of the table, as always. I smile innocently at him as I seat myself, shoving a servant out of the way. Everyone else sits following my example. As soon as I get situated I grab for the glass of Antarian wine in front of me and gulp it down in one big swish. Khivar coughs into his napkin next to me. He places a hand on my forearm and leans over to whisper in my ear. "Where the hell were you?" Khivar demands in a hushed voice. "Indisposed," I reply simply. "I see," Khivar answers not sure what else to say. "Well go easy on the alcohol, my pet. You don't know your limits." "I'll take that into consideration," I respond as I down another glass of wine that the servant has just refilled. Khivar shots me a warning look and places his hand over the top of my glass when the servant goes to refill it again. "No more for her for a while," Khivar orders and the servant nods and disappears. Khivar goes back to his conversation with the elderly purple man about a trade embargo and the dinner resumes. Under the table my foot finds Khivar's. I slip off my shoe easily. My toes slowly up Khivar's pant leg until I reach my target. Khivar jumps shocked at first contact. I grin at him wickedly. His eyes widen, but then quickly grow dark with lust. He licks his lips. I lick mine. Khivar continues in conversation but slowly lowers his right hand under the table and begins to stroke my inner thigh with it. Tess wrinkles her nose in disgust and excuses herself to use a restroom. Khivar just nods and doesn't even get up. I begin a conversation with Ava, about the palace gardens, and other features to see, all the while stimulating Khivar under the table. His grip on my thigh tightens. I cease my ministrations and bring a hand up to lovingly stroke the side of Khivar's face. He takes my hand into his and kisses my palm. Ava looks away. "Oh how I do love you, my pet," Khivar says sincerely. I believe he might actually mean it. "And I love you," I lie smiling perfectly, looking into his captivating blue eyes. He kisses my forehead lightly and then sweeps his lips quickly across mine. "Such a happy couple," remarks the aged purple gentlemen next to the purple bitch. "Indeed," agrees Khivar squeezing my hand in his. "My life didn't have meaning until I meet my pet. I don't know I ever did without her." Max's face is tight and Michael place a hand on his forearm. Max relaxes somewhat at Michael's touch. Max entwines the hand of the purple bitch with his and kisses the back of it easily, his eyes smoldering at me. I glare right back and pull Khivar into a deep, sloppy kiss which he heartily dives into. Max's face is menacing. Khivar grins giddily like an idiot. Tess finally returns. I yawn. "Goodness," I sigh. "Where is dinner and what is taking so long?" "I shall go see, my dear," Khivar tells me, kissing me quickly as he gets up to go to the kitchen. Tess shakes her head at me. "Something the matter, Tess?" I question. "Feeling ill? You were in the bathroom an awfully long time. There must be a bug going around." "Whore," she insults me under her breath. "I beg your pardon, what did you say?" I ask. "You heard me," Tess replies. "I'm afraid I didn't. You'll have to say it louder," I challenge her. "I called you a whore, Liz. A revolting, dirty, manipulative whore," Tess states. The talking around us dies down as the guests look on curiously. The purple bitch smirks. Max closes his eyes. Ava hold her breath. "Excuse me? I'm the whore? How the hell do you figure that? I mean look at yourself, you disgusting hypocrite. Come now, Tess, be sensible," I implore her. "You can't marry your own brother anyways, Tess, although that doesn't seem to stop the repulsive incest going on, does it?" "Shut the hell up, Liz," Tess orders. "Make me, bitch," I shoot back. What am I, back in junior high again? It begins to occur to me how pathetically childish I'm acting just as Tess launches onto the huge dinning room table and grabs a hold of me. And the battle for the Alpha female is on. Tess easily pulls me onto the table and slams me down on my back, rattling all the fine, expensive, not to mention antique, Antarian china, startling all the fancy guests who jump back away from the table in surprise, many fleeing out the nearest exit. I see Ava and Lonnie exchange a glance. Lonnie shrugs and Ava frowns. Quietly Max and Michael slip out of the room all alone without even glancing back. "Say that again, Liz, and see what happens," Tess barks in my face. "It's damn fucking time you see who holds the power around here. You've been strutting around like you own everything. I should have put you in your place long ago." "No, Tess," I disagree. "I should have put you in your place." I shove her off me sending her stumbling back a few paces and attempt to regain some ground of my own. Tess lunges at me again and we wrestle fiercely, each of us trying desperately to gain the upper hand. I hear laughter resound through the dining hall and notice that purple bitch seems to find me and Tess particularly amusing. Tess and I back off each other as her laughter continues. "What the hell are you laughing at?" Tess demands of the purple bitch. "You," She responds smoothly. "I mean look at your selves." "Listen bitch, I don't know who you think you are-" Tess starts. "That's Max's latest ho," I interrupt. "HER?" Tess erupts into malicious laughter. "Yeah, I know. That's what I thought too," I shrug. "Stay out of this bitch," Tess addresses the purple bitch again. "This has nothing to do with you or your little Max, so mind your own damn business." "You can't talk to her like that," Isabel pipes in. "Oh geez," I roll my eyes. "Can't a couple girls duke it out without you morons interrupting all the time?" "No kidding," Tess agrees with me. "This may not be Aunkana's business but you can't talk to either of us like that. I'm still the Princess of this planet!" Isabel asserts. I sigh. I do not want to listen to this shit. "Yeah, yeah, princess Vilandra, NO ONE CARES," I shout. "Get out of here Isabel and take HER with you. You don't want to be a part of this. This is between me and Tess." "Liz-" Isabel insists. I've lost my patience. The door at the very end of the hall flies open. With a single wave of my hand Isabel and Max's whore fly out. They tumble to the ground as the door slams shut. Everyone else left in the room quickly scrambles out the remaining open exits. All the doors slam shut. I turn back to Tess. Her face is unreadable. "Well Liz, dear, I guess that answers once and for all the question in everyone's mind, whether or not you have powers," Tess says and then smiles wickedly. "I guess so," I nod, watching he carefully. This is a whole new game now that our powers are in play. "Would you like to see a next trick, Liz," Tess asks. "No," I answer furrowing my brow. "Oh, Well I'll show it to you anyways," Tess laughs. A purple, glowing fireball appears in her hand and she throws it at my face. I throw up a shield and Tess fireball dissolves in a bright light. "Well, Liz, I see you have learned one of the most important combat skills already," Tess muses, pacing, watching me. "Which is?" I dare to wonder, standing still, holding my ground. "Your enemy may be quick, but you have to be quicker," Tess states. Tess all at once shoots several blasts at me. I manage toss up a shield to block the first few, but Tess is a lot stronger than I expected and I can't hold the shield for very long. I end up dodging her advances before I figure out that I can stop her blasts by meeting them with blasts of my own. Also, moving around turns out to be a good thing. I collect all the energy I can muster and throw up a strong force field around myself. Tess batters and beats on it with no avail for a while getting extremely frustrated. Finally she stops, closes her eyes, and stands perfectly still. The room falls deadly silent. Cautiously, I let down my shield to prepare for Tess's next move. But for a long, uncomfortable moment she just stands there. And then, suddenly, entire room erupts into flames. A huge blast of fire billows towards me. I try to throw up a shield but I hardly have time to brace myself. Tess's power is overwhelming. I hold out on my shield as long as I can but Tess just keeps coming at me. I start to feel so very weak, lightheaded, drained. Good heavens, I think, Tess might actually kill me, right here, right now. She might actually kill me. From the eerie look in her eyes I know that is exactly what she intends to do. I can feel the intense heat of the fire all around as the flames threaten to engulf me. I can't hang on much longer. Luckily I don't have to. I'm become aware of another presence in the room. Suddenly my dimming shield grows full of bright green light. Max steps up from behind me, feeding me power. A dazzlingly strong, vibrant, green light surrounds us, protecting us. I turn slowly in awe of his appearance to gaze at Max's face and we exchange a long knowing glance. The fire and anguish of the world surrounds us but touches us not. Almost as expected, yet still entirely unannounced, the doors to the room all fly open, in one mighty gust that clears the room of flames. Tess is blown to the ground. Max and I barely manage to stand as the shield dissipates. Extremely angry, Khivar makes his entrance. TBC..... Thanks everyone for all your bumps and your awesome dedication to my stories. [ edited 1time(s), last at 19-Oct-2002 1:17:10 PM ] |
| posted on 22-Oct-2002 1:41:12 AM by Allie1031 |
| Well shit folks, I've been reading about all these forum changes and stuff, and I am pretty sure that eventually this fic is going to be tossed into the UC board. Heh heh, this displeases me greatly but I understand to a certain degree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's definitely some Khivar/Liz action, but Max and Liz are going to be together in the end. I mean this is going to be a story of Max and Liz's Love triumphing over adversity not Khivar and Liz. Sigh. But I get it. People find the Khivar/Liz distasteful. Damn. I almost thought of rewriting the more graphic shit out but really, in the end that's what is going to make my story convey what I want so I'll deal, suck it up, and see you all in the UC forum.
A side note: I'm thinking maybe Normal might even feel a push over to UC after an upcoming escapade that I had had planned if things get real technical, and I kind of suspected maybe a CC with the nature of Michael and Maria however they aren't really central to my story as a couple. |
| posted on 22-Oct-2002 1:43:31 PM by Allie1031 |
| naw, I'm not sure, but I suspect it because I read what they had to say and a reader did bmail me saying that they thought it belonged there, but whatever. I have a lot more important things to worry about right now. |
| posted on 23-Oct-2002 6:45:28 PM by Allie1031 |
| Hey kids, thanks for the awesome feedback. I have been working on a new part for this which I think will come out before a new Normal part. I'm about a fourth of the way done. I'm not sure when I'll be able to have it finished and posted, hopefully it won't be too long of a wait. |
| posted on 23-Oct-2002 6:55:46 PM by Allie1031 |
quote: I have had no offers for fanart for my fics. I was just thinking the other day that I should try to contract someone into that. So, if you'd like to take the liberty of doing so, knock yourself out. I'd be very gratefully. |
| posted on 30-Oct-2002 11:42:52 PM by Allie1031 |
| Working on a new part for this. Will be posted before a new normal part. Hopefully within the week. Encouragement does help. |
| posted on 31-Oct-2002 2:06:23 AM by Allie1031 |
quote: Thanks. I try. And Nina, I discussed it with the judges(me, myself, and I), and I believe stalking does qualify as a form of encouragement. |
| posted on 10-Nov-2002 1:57:46 AM by Allie1031 |
| Don't worry Nina, you'll get your new parts soon. |
| posted on 11-Nov-2002 1:05:26 PM by Allie1031 |
Well, I got that banner up. So here come the new part. Thanks Jbehrsgurl! It looks awesome! -Previously- Cautiously, I let down my shield to prepare for Tess's next move. But for a long, uncomfortable moment she just stands there. And then, suddenly, entire room erupts into flames. A huge blast of fire billows towards me. I try to throw up a shield but I hardly have time to brace myself. Tess's power is overwhelming. I hold out on my shield as long as I can but Tess just keeps coming at me. I start to feel so very weak, lightheaded, drained. Good heavens, I think, Tess might actually kill me, right here, right now. She might actually kill me. From the eerie look in her eyes I know that is exactly what she intends to do. I can feel the intense heat of the fire all around as the flames threaten to engulf me. I can't hang on much longer. Luckily I don't have to. I'm become aware of another presence in the room. Suddenly my dimming shield grows full of bright green light. Max steps up from behind me, feeding me power. A dazzlingly strong, vibrant, green light surrounds us, protecting us. I turn slowly in awe of his appearance to gaze at Max's face and we exchange a long knowing glance. The fire and anguish of the world surrounds us but touches us not. Almost as expected, yet still entirely unannounced, the doors to the room all fly open, in one mighty gust that clears the room of flames. Tess is blown to the ground. Max and I barely manage to stand as the shield dissipates. Extremely angry, Khivar makes his entrance. ************************ Chapter Nine All three of us freeze. "TESS!" Khivar bellows. "MY STUDY, NOW!" Tess scrambles to her feet uneasily. However, manages to steady herself quickly. She brushes herself off, once again composed. Tess marches out the door, her head held high, without a single protest. She casts a nasty glance in my direction on her way out. Khivar frowns at Max but says nothing. "Liz, go up and wait for me in my room, please. I will be up after I finish with Tess," Khivar states. I nod, my eyes wide. I silently make my way to the door, wondering what will happen to Max, but too chicken to disobey Khivar and find out. "Mr. Evans, your assistance is no longer required. I trust you can see yourself to your ship," I hear Khivar address Max's presence. I turn back, shocked by Khivar and his sudden leniency, mercy, if you will. Max and Khivar exchange a long, intent stare. Max's gaze is defiant and Khivar's knowing. Max says nothing and exits as silently as he came in. Our eyes meet just before he exits and my heart skips. A heart I didn't know I had. A heart I can't afford to have. I watch Max's back as he walks away from me down a long, seemingly endless hallway and force my heart to grow cold. When I turn to once again face Khivar I realize I have fallen under his intent gaze. I look away down at my feet. Suddenly I feel entirely foolish for this whole. Like a child about to be scolded for doing something known to be forbidden, I feel ashamed of myself. "My dear, there is no sense denying the fact that you and I both have known you have powers for quite some time now," Khivar states coming towards me. "I knew that in your own due time, you would make them officially known to me, however I did not so much expect that it would be in such a frivolous, disrespectful manner. I will cut you some slack, pet, because I know you are under a great deal of stress, but in the future, as the Empress, you must try much harder to maintain your composure." "I'm sorry," I apologize. "Do not be sorry, my dear. I trust this is a mistake that you have learned greatly from and that will serve to curb your recent arrogance," Khivar replies. "You mustn't play with fire, my pet, else you might get burned. If our heroic Max Evan's hadn't rushed to your rescue I fear I might have one very charred to-be Empress on my hands. Tess is not someone to be taken lightly. If you are smart, you will never challenge her authority like that again. Her intentions weren't merely to embarrass you, my sweet, but to do severe harm to you." "Thank you for being so understanding, my lord," I answer bowing my head. "I will try to stay out of Tess's way in the future and try not to displease her so." "Don't look so solemn, Love. I'm not angry with you. I will cut you an allowance this time since I know that this was the best and only way to truly teach you the limits on your power. So please, don't be glum. There was no real harm done," Khivar smiles at me, tipping my chin up. "We'll have the servants retouch the limited damage in no time." I manage to plaster a weak smile on my face. Khivar brushes some stray hairs that came free out of my face. His lips touch mine tenderly. I search for a feeling, any feeling. I search for a passion, any passion. But I have neither for Khivar. Khivar pulls back slowly to gaze at my face. His eyes meet mine. I look into his cold blue eyes and for the first time I notice a small flicker of warmth in them. And it is then I realize, then, only then that I fully grasp it. Despite all his faults, his evil and malicious nature, Khivar truly has emotional feelings for me. Is he in love with me? Is he even capable of that? I do not know. But he feels something for me. Something besides just lust. Fondness, perhaps? He has grown to favor my company? I do not know. But whatever that flicker is, whatever it turns out to be, it belongs to me. It is mine and I will not hesitate to exploit it, use that spark to burn him down. Should I feel bad? I almost feel like I should. But then, how do you offer mercy to the devil after he has sentenced you to an eternity in hell? How do you take pity on the one who owns you, who has made you a possession, made you his slave? How do you feel sorry for he who has denied you any happiness you ever remotely possesed? How can you forgive your killer, your kidnapper, your imprisoner, your torturer, your corruptor? How can one have compassion for a man who murders so many, who first murdered the one person in the entire universe you loved most, stole his kingdom, tortured him, tortured his family, hunted him, hurt him by any means possible, and that wasn't enough so then he stole you, stole your life, used you to get to him? How can anyone feel anything for such a man? Anything but hate. I do hate him. I hate him with every fiber of my being, with every artificially recreated cell in my body. I hate him for what he did to me, I hate him for what he did to Max, and I hate him for what he will do to Eagan. I hate him. I cannot give back what he has stolen from so many, but I swear to any gods of any universe, that I will bring his end. I will not rest, I will not stop until Khivar has been utterly destroyed. "Wait for me in my room, pet, I shall not be long," Khivar kisses my forehead. "I am exhausted. Perchance I might just go back to my room and rest, my lord? You do not need me for anything else, do you?" I wonder. "I was only desiring your company my dear," Khivar responds disappointed. "But you are weak from have wasted you energy so fruitlessly against Tess, so I know you need sleep. Do as you wish." "Thank you," I kiss him. "Thank you for being so understanding." He nods and says nothing. I feel his blue eyes studing me as I walk away. "I will come check on you, pet," Khivar states. "It's not necessary," I say. "I do not want you to trouble yourself." "No, no, I insist. It's no trouble. I want to make sure you are okay," He replies. "Alright," I nod, smiling lightly. He smiles back at me and I turn back around and exit the dining room, my face becoming a blank slate. Messing with Tess is one thing, but Khivar, an entirely different matter. I survey the large dinning hall that was only moments ago bursting with flames. Now you can't even tell. It's almost as the entire incident never happened, except for a few spots where intended blasts missed. Such is the case on Antar. Blemishes, flaws, imperfections, scars, they don't exist. It wasn't natural fire. Most things on Antar are not natural. The fire was an illusion, a projection from Tess's mind, yet at the same time it was real enough to have the physical capacity to harm me. I felt its overbearing heat. Tess's advances on me, they were real, yet none of them had physical impact on anything but me. I glance around the room and pick out several dents, charred holes in the wall and notice that they are only from my lame attempts at injuring Tess. How does Tess maintain so much more control over her artillery? I know she missed me more than once. This I must ask Ava about. It's quite obvious that there are many things that I have to learn before taking on Khivar, or Tess again for that matter. I tired much faster than Tess. It seemed as if the whole time I was on the offense while she was free to attack me. I decide I want to check in on Eagan on my way back. I quietly creep into his room. His sleeping figure is still resting almost exactly as he was before. I climb on to the large bed and sit down next to him, my dress pooling around me, shimmering slightly in the moonlight cast from a nearby window. I sit there, silently, watching him sleep for a long time, contemplating my life. Why do I love him so much? Eagan, Tess and Max's child, why do I feel such a strong attachment to him? Just because he is Max's? Because he represents Max at an age of innocence? Is that why I love him so? He's entirely adorable. So sweet, so young, so pure. I will not let the world rise against him like it did to me. I will not let him fall in harm's way. I will protect him till my dying breath. How can Tess be so cruel to him? Her own child? How can she not love him with all her heart as I, who am not even her mother, do. Is it because he so much resembles his father? Does she have that much hate for Max? Does she hold so much against him that she cannot love her own child? I will never be blessed with a child of my own. This I know. This I sadly know. But there are some sacrifices I know I have to make. There are a lot of sacrifices I know I am going to have to make, the greatest of all may be my life. I know taking down Khivar will not be easy. I know it will take every ounce of me. And still, that might not be enough. And I realize now that if I want to win I am going to have to suck it up and work together with Max. I realize that I cannot let Khivar win. I realize what I should have known a long time ago, that the Empire, the Antarian Alliance, they cannot be allowed to survive. If I want any kind of good, decent future for Eagan, I must bring them all down. I was kidding myself to think that he would be safe under my wing, growing in my guidance. There will come a day when he will be too old for me to protect, when Khivar and his corruption would find a way to overpower my love. I sigh and lay my head down on the pillow next to Eagan. I hate this. I hate that I am going to have to go humble myself before Max. Admit that I do need him. Ehhhhh. How could things get so damn messed up? For years I waited for Max to find me, waited for him to return. Even when I wouldn't admit it to myself I was still waiting. Even though I didn't want him to because I knew it was too dangerous, too much of a risk for him, I always thought he would come. Even though I would have gladly sacrificed myself for, even though I knew I shouldn't want to be rescued, I always thought he would come. And he did. Just a little later than I initially expected. Over the years my hope and conviction in Max was slowly soiled by my resentfulness at be in captivity. I drove myself mad waiting. Sometimes I wonder if I ever recovered from that madness. And now that Max has returned? Things are very different from what they were on Earth. I am not innocent little Lizzie Parker anymore. I am no longer young and naïve. I no longer have the same hopes and dreams I once did. I lack the same sense of duty. I lack much of what I once was. But Max, Max is still the hero. He always was a hero and I believe he always will be. Max "saved the day" rescuing me from the wrath of Tess. Max always saved the day back on Earth. Except for that one day. But before that Max was such a hero and I was, well I was just Liz Parker, the pathetic earthling Max was "in love" with. I was that air-headed girl that the super hero always has some weird attraction to for years and years and years, until he finally gets his chance with her. She can never appreciate him though, or what he does. She doesn't understand because she's not like him. She's not like him at all. He risks his life to save lives, she just goes about her normal boring life. But still the super hero is in love with her, even though she is petty and shallow and cannot possibly satisfy someone of his status, he's in love with her because he has always been in love with her, since the moment he saw her and she's all he wants. Max is a real life fucking super hero. It's just who he is. I could never have been good enough for him. I couldn't have understood him or treated him like he should have been treated, because I, Liz parker, was no hero. I was just ignorant and naïve and human. I wanted conventional things like to go out on dates with Max, eat dinner with his family, pass notes in school, make out in the eraser room, but fuck, Max was a king, a king who had to save the world on a day's notice. A king who had his people, his planet to worry about. What was I ever thinking? I never could have had a normal life with Max. I could have never been his wife. He planned to marry me though. I remember that now. He asked me to marry him and like a fool I said yes. I remember. He gave me a ring. A sapphire ring. A beautiful sapphire ring. And Maria was so jealous. She was jealous that Max was ready to commit the rest of his life to me and she was jealous because it was such a beautiful ring. I wonder whatever happened to it? We hadn't told our parents yet, or even our friends, of our engagement. It had just happened. Only a few days before that day. That awful, awful day. I search my memory. I stretch it as far as I can. It was a Wednesday, no Thursday. Yes, it was a Thursday. In September. The first Thursday in September. I smile, proud of myself for being able to remember. It was the first Thursday in September, I had just started school at the University of Arizona. Just started two weeks before. I had gone there so that I could be with Max. I had gone to the University of Arizona instead of Harvard so that I could be with Max. I loved him very much so I followed my heart which lead me to him. In hindsight, I should have gone to Harvard. I was at the University of Arizona, but I had plans to do my graduate studies at Harvard. Max was going to come with me to Boston after we graduated, as long as there were no threatening enemies lurking around. But there always were. It was foolish of me to believe Max would ever make it to Harvard. And then I remember. No, that wasn't the plan. Max had made a suggestion, just a few weeks before. A new plan. Max wanted to complete a year in Arizona and see how things went, him and Michael and Isabel being apart, but not too far. But then next year he wanted to transfer to the University of Massachusetts at Boston while I went to Harvard. It was a new plan I remember. We were very excited about it. He had talked it over with Isabel and Michael and they had thought it would work too. Isabel wanted to go to San Francisco for school the next year. Michael was going to go to New York with Maria. I remember it all now. It was a good plan. One that made everyone happy. It was a really good plan. Everyone was excited. This year they had to stay together to make sure the threat of Khivar was gone, but next year, next year they would go their own ways. The night Max made the announcement that they had decided to go their separate ways the next year we all went out and celebrated. All of us, Maria, it was before she left for New York, Isabel, Jesse, Max, Michael, and I. All of us. We all went out. It was so fun. I remember it was very fun. And then we went home. And then…. I can't remember. But there was something. Something happened later that night. But I can't remember what it was. I strain to think of it. But I can't. We left the next day for the University of Arizona, Max and I did. We had been there for well over three weeks before that day. I was walking that day. From Class? No. Not class. Somewhere else. Max's Dorm? No. Hmmmmmm. It wasn't the store or the library. What was it? The doctor! I was walking home from the doctor. The student health clinic actually. Why? I had a bug. A stomach bug. I was throwing up all over the place. It was awful. I went to get some medicine, but I don't remember them giving me any. Those bastards. I was really sick. I remember feeling like shit. Max had been really worried about me. He thought it was some alien disease or another at first. He even tried to heal me but couldn't find anything wrong with my stomach or my intestines. So I went to the doctor. And then when I was walking home, no, I wasn't going home. I was going to see Max. I was walking on a path. A path through a wooded area. To Max's dorm. A shortcut. But I never got to Max's dorm. It was dusk. The end of the day. It was getting dark. It was dark in the woods. I couldn't see where I was going very well. And somehow the way I was going began to look like the way I had just come. I remember beginning to get scared. The path was never that long before. I looked at my watch. But it had stopped. It had stopped all together. And then I began to get even more scared so I walked faster but I only came to the same place I have just been and that scared me even more and I walked even more faster and again I only came to the same place. So I turned around. And walked the other direction and it got darker and I only came to what looked like the same place so I picked up a tree branch and stuck it upright in the ground in the middle of the path and I ran. I ran as fast as I could. Until I ran into I tree branch standing upright in the middle of the path. At that point I started to cry. I saw Blair Witch Project. I had never been so scared in my life. It was like being in a horror movie. So like the weakling that I was I cried. And then I realized this was probably some really shitty alien thing. Then I got angry. I was still scared but now I was angry too. I ran off the path into the woods only to come back to the same spot again, and again, and again. "STOP FUCKING WITH ME!" I had shouted. And then I heard it. Laughter. Someone was laughing at me. And that's when every thing went white. It was the single scariest event of my entire life. I don't like to relive it. I tried very hard to forget, but it seems that the more you try to forget things the more they stand out in your mind. It was horrifying to be so frustrated, so lost, so trapped, so out of control, but it was only a preview of what nightmares were to come. What happened after everything went white? I don't know. I don't remember. I'm not sure I want to know. I'm not sure I want to remember. I stroke a hand through Eagan's hair. I realize that I am crying. I'm crying. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I crying so much? I realize that I am scared. Because I don't know what is going to happen next but I know that I am going to have to do something, to make my move, to take a stand. Any stand. Some kind of stand. I'm scared that I won't be able to protect Eagan. That scares me most of all. I'm not afraid to die. I already have. In fact I've pretty much been dead this whole time. But afraid to live? I might be. I just might be. Oh god, Max, why did he have to be here? Why did he have to come? I feel him. I can't not feel him. I feel him, his presence, his life force, I feel him. It's like a sense I never knew I had. I felt it the night Khivar and I announced our engagement. But I didn't know what it was then. Now I know. It is Max. I feel him. And it haunts me to no end. I can't get him out of my mind, can't stop thinking about him, and heavens, our kiss in the hall. Oh hell, that kiss. That kiss fucking rocked my world. It was surreal. AHHHHHHHHHH. What is he doing to me? This is ridiculous. I look at Eagan. He looks so much like Max. He's so beautiful. Such a beautiful child. I hold him close. Cradling him in my arms. I love Eagan so much. I have so much love for him. And I know, I know, despite all my efforts, that deep down I still love Max. I still love him, but I can't be a fool. But I think that I am really going to need his help. I will need his help to protect Eagan. But I don't know if I can do that. Ask Max for help. I don't know that I could physically make myself do that. Lonnie. I have Lonnie on my side. And Ava. I have Lonnie and Ava. But can Lonnie be trusted? Who knows? I sigh. I can trust Ava. I'll go to Ava. I can't afford to show my cards yet, at least not to the wrong person. But I can go to Ava. I can trust her. I yawn. I snuggle my body against Eagans. I yawn again. Yes, Ava. Ava can be trusted. I'll talk to her as soon as I can just get out of this bed. Right now it's too much effort. But I'll get up soon. Soon. I wonder where Max went when Tess and I started to fight? Hmmmmmm. And where Tess went when she got up for that matter. Where does everyone disappear to. Nowhere. They go nowhere. Just into thin air. Like the servants. They go into thin air too. I like the servants. They do stuff for me. They are always so sad though. I should do stuff for them. I like Lonnie. She's not so bad. I like Ava too, She's nice. I like Max. I love Max. I'm in love with Max. I am a complete idiot and I am still in love with Max. Hehe. That's so stupid. But Max is amazing…. He's such a damn good kisser…. I wonder what it would be like to make love…. And on that thought I drift off to sleep, fantasizing of you know who…. Shhhhhh. Don't tell….. [ edited 1time(s), last at 11-Nov-2002 1:10:28 PM ] |
| posted on 12-Nov-2002 1:06:09 AM by Allie1031 |
| If you guys like the banner please let Jbehrsgurl know what a good job she did because it really is fantastic.
BTW, cinder, i think that "faith," I don't know her real name either, is great too, especially since she resembles shiri kind of. |
| posted on 13-Nov-2002 3:03:26 PM by Allie1031 |
| Update to Normal will be up friday, no exceptions. A new part for this is in the works. Hopefully Monday or tuesday it will be up as well. I'm trying to update more frequently so people don't lose interest. Plus, I've been on a writing kick lately. |
| posted on 19-Nov-2002 2:58:14 AM by Allie1031 |
| 1. Update hopefully Friday on this fic.
2. I offered a few hints at Normal at to the bad guys and I thought I'd offer som tips here as well even though the enemy is more prominent. I think it is the good guys that will be hard to pick out here. A - Khivar and Tess are two different identities and they have and always have had different motives. B - Someone gave Liz a gift. This someone will become important. C - Events of the past as Liz remembers them are obviously skewed. The order of when events took place is up for debate but will be somewhat important. D - Flashes/Dreams in present time of the past are accurate and reliable. E - Liz has obviously been mindwarped at some point but by who exactly is up for discussion. Why she was mindwarped is important. |
| posted on 24-Nov-2002 2:10:48 AM by Allie1031 |
| sorry guys, real life kicked my ass. I'll get new parts out ASAP. I should have some time this week hopefully. |
| posted on 25-Nov-2002 1:02:08 AM by Allie1031 |
| Sorry I didn't finish the new part yet. I did write and a part for an audition in this players club fanfiction or what not which was brought to my attention. So if you are in dire need of some Allie writing check it out at this link:
http://www.roswellfanfic.com/viewthread.asp?forum=AMB_AP328908443&id=23064 |
| posted on 25-Nov-2002 4:14:37 AM by Allie1031 |
| Okay, now I know this is kind of crazy, but bear with me. I have just now decided that I am going to write a book. I don't know why I feel the need to announce this put I do so I'm here announceing it to the only people I know who I think might possibley care. The only problem I have is I don't know what I'm going to write a book about. But I've decided that I am going to write one. Yes, I'm weird. I know. Anyways. I really want to finish my fics so I can write a book. And that's todays peice of strange crazy news. To be honest, I'm kind of afraid that I couldn't write a book, that I can't write well enough, etc. I mean good heavens, it's one thing to come in here as throw out some fan fiction and another thing entirely to actually take on a project like that. Anyways, I'm going to go not sleep some more. Have a good day. |
| posted on 25-Nov-2002 1:56:55 PM by Allie1031 |
| Thanks guys. You two are really great. I hope you get to write a book someday too. I haven't been writing for as long as you guys, though. Actually I haven't been writing for even a year now. When I started Normal it was the first thing fictional that I had ever written ever. I don't think I'll be writing a book right now per say, because I still need a lot of work but eventually I suppose that I will. |
| posted on 27-Nov-2002 1:44:57 AM by Allie1031 |
| I bet you all are wondering where that update I promised is. Well here's what happened. I better start at the beginning and give a little background. I have this friend that I had kinda had feelings for for the last three years and he was always in the back of my mind even though I dated other people and had other boyfriends and we flirted a lot. And this summer, after I broke up with my boyfriend I had been dating on and off for over a year and a half, we got really close, my guy friend and I, and one night I got drunk, (yeah yeah yeah, underage drinking is bad) and I told him that I liked him. And a few nights later he told me he liked me too and that he had liked me for the past several months before school got out when I was with my boyfriend. He always asked me to come do stuff and I blew him off so many times which I really kicked myself for. One night I had had a fight with my boyfriend, we fought all the time, and I was talking to this guy, we talked a lot, and I really really wanted to ask him to go to prom with me for some irrational reason but I didn't because I was too chicken because obviously I was already supposed to go with my boyfriend even though at that point our relationship was pretty much shit. And then we started to mess around, but we didn't become anything serious even though we really liked each other because I had to go to college at the end of summer and he is still in high school and neither of us wanted to get too attached because it would hurt too much. A few weeks before I went to college he started to act weird and kinda avoid me and when he was supposed to come say goodbye to me he kept blowing me off and he told one of our mutual friends that he just couldn't deal with it and couldn't think about it and then the morning that I left to go to college he finally made himself come over and he had breakfast with me before he had to go to school that day. And so I went to college which was cool. I am a very independent person so I was never homesick and I loved it. And I got along great with my roommates. And we'd go out a lot with friends and we made a lot of really attractive guy friends. I have to be honest, I've kissed/made out with a boy or two here and there. But I still really really liked this guy back home. And one night, two weekends ago, friday night to be exact, he called me up at 2 am, because he was trashed (Yes, underage drinking is bad) and he told me that wanted me to come home that weeked so he could see me. Now, I have to say that I have no spine whatsoever with this guy. He makes me weaker than I've ever been in my entire life. So I drove home right away (at 5 am) and I was supposed to go see him at a football game our friend was playing in that morning but I slept through it. And then he was supposed to hang out with me that night, Saturday, but when it was time for him to get off work, his replacement never showed up so he had to work till close at 2 am. When I first went away to college, every time I would come home we would make plans but he would blow me off for some reason or another so it was all too familiar. Since I'd been at college we had hung out once and nothing more than friends happened at all. All right, so Sunday comes and I'm just plan pissed at myself for being so damn weak. And then he talks me into staying in town Sunday afternoon even though I should go home and do homework and I go over to his house and we watch a movie and talk. We've always been the kind of friends that joke around and wrestle and you know thats what we were doing and of course I always get my ass kicked because not only am I a girl but I am a very small and skinny one at that. And we ended up just laying together on his couch and don't you know it, he kissed me, and it was just like it was that summer when we could just be together and everything just felt good. He was really hesitant at first because he was afraid that I would regret it later and I made him believe it was okay. And so we messed around and then I went back to school and of course I kicked my ass. I fell so hard for this guy and I have no idea what the hell to do about it and I wrote him some long-ass email that he's still working on replying to and it's just a mess. So yeah, I've been in and out of my writing mood over the last week and a half since I took my last trip home. I'm home again now and he lives down the street. We used to sneak out to meet at 2 am after his parents went to bed halfway between our houses at this playground. And I hate it because everything reminds me of him and I don't want to like him but I really really do soooo much. Sigh. Well that's my vent for today. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'll get to work on that new part instead of babbling about my pathetic love life. |
| posted on 4-Dec-2002 3:09:14 AM by Allie1031 |
| -Previously-
I yawn. I snuggle my body against Eagans. I yawn again. Yes, Ava. Ava can be trusted. I'll talk to her as soon as I can just get out of this bed. Right now it's too much effort. But I'll get up soon. Soon. I wonder where Max went when Tess and I started to fight? Hmmmmmm. And where Tess went when she got up for that matter. Where does everyone disappear to. Nowhere. They go nowhere. Just into thin air. Like the servants. They go into thin air too. I like the servants. They do stuff for me. They are always so sad though. I should do stuff for them. I like Lonnie. She's not so bad. I like Ava too, She's nice. I like Max. I love Max. I'm in love with Max. I am a complete idiot and I am still in love with Max. Hehe. That's so stupid. But Max is amazing…. He's such a damn good kisser…. I wonder what it would be like to make love…. And on that thought I drift off to sleep, fantasizing of you know who…. Shhhhhh. Don't tell….. ************************** Chapter Ten I awaken to feel my body being lifted into the dark air. Strong arms hold me up. "Max?" I call out weakly. There is a silent pause before the answer comes. "I'm sorry to disappoint you my dear, but it's only me, your fiancé, Khivar," the answer comes. "Oh, Khivar," I recover quickly. "I'm so glad it's you. I was having this awful nightmare that Max Evans took Eagan far, far away from here, far away from us. And then he came after me and tried to take me too! It was awful!" I begin to cry for good measure. "There, there, pet," Khivar soothes me and brushes one of my forced tears off my cheek. "I won't let Max take his son away from you. His place is here on Antar where he will someday rule. And your place is here at my side. So long as I live, Max Evans will never take you from me. I will see to that." I force myself to nestle my head against his broad shoulder. I smile carefully. Khivar kisses my forehead and I close my eyes again as he carries me through the darkness up to his darkened room. He lays me down on his bed. I sleep or pretend to as he lies down next to me and pulls me snugly into him. I force myself into a dead sleep eventually. I have no dreams. When I awake it is morning. Khivar is gone but he has left a video message for me. He's didn't want to wake me because he thought I needed my sleep. Gee, how damn thoughtful of him. He's getting ready for the summit and want me to join him as soon as possible after I awaken. Whatever. He's hope I sleep through the whole damn thing so that I remain clueless and in the dark about every fucking thing that goes on around here. Here's my ass, Khivar. You can fucking kiss it. Talk about waking up on the wrote side of the bed. It comes to my attention that I'm extra irritable this morning. It comes from getting up on the wrong side of the bed, or rather getting up from the wrong bed, period. I mosey back to my room, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I go. I make it to my bathroom bathing fountain, my eyes still slit shut. I yawn and begin to undress myself. Where the fuck is Ava? Where'd she sleep? I'll go find her as soon as I take a relaxing bath to improve my mood and we'll get to the summit activities. Unless she's already at the summit. Who cares? At this point I certainly don't. Why should I? It doesn't matter anyways. Nothing matters. I don't even fucking know what time it is. "Computer, time," I say groggily. "10 hours," The computer responds. "Computer, what time does the summit commence?" I ask. "13 hours," The computer answers. Well, shit, I got plenty of time. Plenty of time. I don't want to go to all those formalities Khivar has to attend before it begins anyways. Tess always complains how boring and annoying they are. Why would I want to sit through that shit? I slowly step into the ever flowing, bubbling water of the fountain. I lay back into the warm water and close my eyes. I take a deep breath, letting some of the negativity flow out of me. MMMmmmm. This feels so good. I order the computer to add more bubbles and soapy, lavender scented water fills the bath. I feel myself completely relax. And then something odd happens. I begin to feel an aching in my muscles. And I try to stand up but I can't move. I'm completely immobile. What the hell? I try to force myself to sit up at least, but I can't. I can't move at all. From my neck down, everything under water is dead. I don't even feel the heat of the water any longer. "Fuck," I curse. And then my skin begins to burn. It feels like a thousand needles are all being jabbing into me at once. "Is anyone there?" I call out. "Someone help me!" I told Khivar I refused to let servants wait on me hand and foot and that I could manage to bath myself. I told him that I could dry my own ass. Sigh. Well this is just fabulous. All I need. What the fuck is going on? Stay calm Liz. "HELP!" I shout. I sound like a moron. No one can hear me. No one is looking for me, not for a while. I can see how red my skin is under the water. It smarts like none other. The burning only becomes more and more intense until I have tears in my eyes. It’s the water, I realize. There's something in the water. "HELLPPP!!!" I wail. I try to stay calm but it hurts so much. It feels like my skins is burning off. My entire body is turning purple. And it occurs to me that I could die right here, right now, naked in my goddamn bath. And then I get pissed as hell that someone did this to me. Who? Tess. That bitch. It the game, this game, and all it's stakes, become more real than I ever could have imagined. Last night, at dinner, when she disappeared. She knew Khivar would never let her kill me with a big fancy cat fight. But this? This? This could be blamed on anyone. She could blame it on terrorists of the empire, or Max, or it could even be rigged to look natural depending on what chemicals she used. This would be easier to get away with. She probably rewrote the computer system to cover her tracks. That bitch. I'm going to fucking kick her ass as soon as I figure out how the fuck to get out of this fountain. "Computer, drain fountain," I order. If I hadn't panicked so quickly I might have thought of such an OBVIOUS solution earlier. "Unable to comply," The computer tells me. "Authorization code required." I state my authorization code but the computer refuses to acknowledge it. At this I really begin to panic. "SOMEONE HELP ME!!!" I scream. My body is now an unnatural white color. And my muscles are burning. It's beginning to be hard to breathe. I struggle to force air in and out of my lungs. I can feel my heartbeat slow. And the pain begins to feel very far away. My eyelids flutter. And I see the shadow of a figure standing over me. I recognize him instantly. "Max," I utter faintly. "Liz," Max states. "Max, help me," I urge him. "I'm so weak." "I can't Liz," Max asserts. "Not until we make a deal." "What?" I wonder surprise, forcing myself to awaken as much as I can. "You agree to help us break up the alliance and I will pour in the anecdote to the Dehari poison that Tess put in your bath water," Max asserts. "Poison?" I question. "It's a chemical that decomposes organic materials down to their molecular states. First, it seeps through your skin your muscles numb to the point where you can no longer move them and you begin to feel the burn as it eats away at your skin. Then, slowly your internal organs begin to slow and eventually, within the span of less than an hour, you entire body will break down into the natural elements found within it. Essentially, you will become the air you are now breathing and the water you lie in. I urge you to comply with my terms as soon as possible. We don't have a lot of time left to fuck around, Liz," Max informs me. I'm in shock that Max Evans is standing before me trying to blackmail me. "What do you mean by break up the alliance?" I inquire. "You will supply us the Ancient Antarian Likoma. It's the book that the entire planet is founded on. It's kind of like the Bible Liz. It's a historical and spiritual book of the Antarian people. What we need is for you to locate the original copy and bring it to us. Time is of the essence. We need it a soon as possible so you will have to work fast," Max tells me. "Suppose I agree and take this book for you. I'm assuming it must be important for you to go to such lengths to get it. Won't Khivar notice that it is missing?" I question. "Yes, but we will provide you with a duplicate, a copy of the original that is so close that Khivar won't be able to tell the difference," Max responds. "If it's so close to the original, why do you need the original?" I ask. "I can't tell you that," Max answers. "Will you help us or not?" "Well it's not like I have much choice since it'll be a while before they reincarnate me back to kick your ass," I retort. "They wouldn't be able to find your cells to reincarnate you and any cells they had of yours from before by this time are dead. They need living body cells from the person to start the cloning process and keep the same memory and mind. If you died now as Tess intended you would be lost for good," Max tells me. "Well then pour in the fucking magic potion, you fool. Stop standing around. I agree with your terms," I roll my eyes at Max. "I'm no help to you dead!" It's disturbing how much of a hard ass he can be if he has to, however I hope he doesn't think I'm stupid enough to believe he would actually let me die. I just agreed because I'd like to see Khivar go down as much as he would. However, I really am not sure I want Max to know that yet. Max pours a vial a blue liquid into the bath and instantly the burning ceases. My arms and legs are still immobile and numb however. "We need to locate the Likoma before sunset tomorrow at the very least, if not have it in our hands," Max informs me. My body is starting to regain its coloring. I nod along to Max. "We checked all the vaults, and it wasn't in any of them. We've searched most of the palace, checked inventory list after inventory list, and still nothing. But we know Khivar has the book. He has to. We just don't know where he is keeping it," Max goes on. I start to regain feeling and movement in my fingers and toes. Now the fact that I was near-death only moments ago starts to strike me as some what more disturbing than it did at the time. What the hell was he doing? If he knew Tess poisoned me he should have warned me not exploited me. Plus, it was kind of a painful and deadly poison to just let me swim around in. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had gotten in last night before it had been diluted by a night's worth of the fountain's fresh water supply. The water in the fountain is filtered and pumped back through for the most part, but small trickle is emptied out to be further cleaned and replaced as well. Water is not abundant by any means on Antar and must be used scarcely. What really alarms me is the poison seeped past the filter. The filters in the baths aren't very impressive though and mostly sift the gunky stuff out of the water. The water purification system should detect and eliminate the poison but I have to make sure or the result could be catastrophic. "Computer check for contamination in the water system and purge all unidentified substances," I order as I open and close my hands while they regain their feeling. "So Tess is behind this? Doesn't she know she could kill herself and the entire rest of the palace if that poison leaked into the water circulation? What the hell was that bitch thinking? How could she be so reckless?" "Actually, she cut off incoming circulation to your bathing room completely. The poisen she strategically placed in your bubble bath so it wasn't unloosed until you were bathing. And she hacked into your local computer frame here and implanted an order for your bathroom doors to be sealed clothes upon you stepping into the bath. But I was able to override that, as well as a few other tricks she had up her sleeves. I have to hand it to here though, she knows how to cover her tracks and cover them well," Max states. "Wonderful," I respond, wriggling my legs. "So basically, upon discovering Tess's evil plan to kill me, you decided to exploit me instead? Nice Max, nice. Now, if you would be so dear as to hand me my robe so that I may get up, it would be greatly appreciated." "You know you don't have anything to show that I haven't seen before," Max smirks at my modesty. "Well naked Tess and naked purple bitch hardly do the female figure the justice that I do," I retort. "Now hand me that damn robe." "What can I say? I'd definitely have to agree with you there. Of course, it been quite a few years since I got a chance to have a good look, but from the brief peek I got when I was saving your life and pulling your body back together in working order, I would say you have definitely matured a bit," Max informs me smiling as he picks up my robe off the floor. "You still have that birthmark on the inside of your upper right thigh. At least I can see that the recreation process is seemingly accountable." I glance down at my birth mark. "What do you mean still?" I frown. "You never saw that hideous thing before in your life and I don't remember ever telling you about it. I never tell anyone about it. If it wasn't so compromisingly located I'd have had it removed when I was 12." "Please Liz," Max scoffs. "You don't think I didn't memorize your entire body that night? Every sacred inch of you is beautiful, was so beautiful to me. I lied awake for hours and hours all through the night watching you sleep next to me, taking you every, committing your every blessed feature to my memory. For years, Liz, every night for years I would dream about you lying next to me, in my arms, as you did that one night, but every morning I awoke to the harsh reality of a cold, empty bed. " "Max, what the hell are you talking about?" I stare at him like he has gone mad. Sure, I too had fantasies about him. But his conviction is the vividness of his is beginning to alarm me. "Oh come on Liz," Max rolls his eyes. "You don’t have to play stupid anymore! You can downplay everything we had all you want to Khivar but not with me. I was there. I know. It's resentfully disgusting how well you pretend to forget, how well you act so aloof!" He's angry. Very angry. And hurt. And I don't know why. My robe is shaking in Max's hands. And it's scaring me because I have never seen Max upset like this before. "Max, please, I don't know what you are talking about," I plead. "What I am talking about, Liz, is what you are so eager to forget," Max spits. "That night… the one where we cemented our love…" I stare at him blankly. "For heaven's sake Liz! Do I need to spell it out for you? I'm talking about the night that we had sex!" Max shouts. "We never had sex," I say confused. "YES WE DID!" Max roars. "And I'll make you see!" Max rushes towards me, abandoning my robe to the floor. I try to scramble away, not even managing to exit the tub because my legs are still wobbly. I feel myself about to collapse. Max grabs a hold of my arm and jerks me back to him. I kick and splash and try to get away but his the vice-like grip of hands clamps down on temples. And then I see. I see. In a burst of white light the images, the emotions, the ecstasy all rushes back to me. It all plays forth before me. Kisses. Warm, soft, butterfly kisses trailing gently down my body. I am naked, lying on my back. My hands seek the source of my pleasure. I weave my fingers through Max's dark hair and I desperately pull his head up to meet mine. I rake a hand across his bare chest before my arms encircle around him. I gaze into Max’s bright face. Love. All I see is love. Understanding. Respect. Admiration. Love. His soft amber eyes meet mine, searching, questioning. I feel my head nod. He kisses me, deeply, passionately, projecting all his love into me, filling me, making me whole. He pulls back to whisper in my ear. I love you. I whisper back. I love you. He kisses me again, his tongue enticing mine, sending tingles through my insides to my core. My body aches for him. I nibble on his lower lip and wrap my legs around his waist as he positions himself above me. I feel my body grow tense in anticipation. I feel Max begin to carefully press at my entrance. I feel myself begin to slowly give way, stretch to accommodate him. Pain. Stabbing pain. I grimace and bite down on Max’s lip. A tear rolls down my cheek. He stops his movements and tears his head back to look into my eyes. Max cups my face with one hand. He wipes a salty tear with his thumb and lightly brushes the rest away with his lips. I draw his thumb into my mouth, sucking on it, caressing it with my tongue. He groans. I plead with him to continue but he hesitates. I tighten my legs around him. I heave my hips up together with his in one sharp movement, impaling myself on his swollen member. I feel regret a moment later when the pain knocks into me. Max looks shocked at first by my brazen actions, but quickly moves to soothe me, smothering my teary face in kisses, assuring me that he loves me. I cling to him and begin to relax as the pain starts to subside. I hear my voice urge Max on, telling him that I’m okay. Slowly he begins to pump in and out of me. At first I feel myself thinking it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever endured. However, eventually I begin to loosen up and warm to the friction of our two bodies coming together. The heat begins to build inside me, pulling me further and further into bliss. I watch Max’s face above me, striving in ecstasy closer and closer to his goal. He notices my gaze upon him and smiles down at me, then seizes my lips with his. I claw my nails down his back as he drives into me faster and faster. I feel myself slipping, beginning to topple over the edge. Max reaches between my legs to give me the extra jolt I need to send me soaring. And the connection, the sheer electricity, between us sends me traveling to unknown universes, distant times and space. Max makes one final strenuous thrust to launch himself rocketing along side me into ecstasy. Max and I become one, one in body, one in mind, one in soul. Breathing as one, feeling as one, existing as one. Everything I am is he, and he is everything of me. Max and I lay entangled together like that for a very long time, lost inside one another, drowning in one another. Gradually, we begin to float back down from our heights, finding ourselves in ultimate comfort just being in each other’s arms. The flash fades out. I realize that I am crying. But it's okay, because Max is crying too. Max pulls me out of the tub, into his open arms. I eagerly meet his embrace, clinging to him for support. I sob into his shoulder, my tears wetting his already wet jacket. "I-I-I-I-I didn't, didn't know," I manage to stutter. Max rocks my shaking body, entwining a hand in my wet hair. "I didn't know," I repeat in a hoarse whisper. "I know, Liz, I saw," Max finally croaks a response. "I saw." And we hold each other. And we cry. We weep. Our tears fall to the tile floor and mix with the puddles of the tainted bath water displaced in our earlier struggle. I didn't know. How could I not have known? They stole my memories. They altered my past by stealing my memories. How much more did they take from me? HOW MUCH MORE? How much more? They truly have stolen my life. Reduced me to betrayal of my lover, my betrothed. Reduced me to lies, slander. Reduced me to nothing. They killed everything I ever was and manipulated me into becoming them. And now they will all pay. ****************** I have a new fic. It's called Burn. Check it out. [ edited 1time(s), last at 4-Dec-2002 3:13:01 AM ] |
| posted on 4-Dec-2002 8:04:05 PM by Allie1031 |
| Okay, kids, I can't afford for everyone to starting really hating Max over here as well just yet. Keep in mind that it's not always exactly as things appear. |
| posted on 14-Jan-2003 4:35:29 PM by Allie1031 |
| The good news is that I'm working on a new part for this. The other good news is that I didn't really even know it but I guess I am almost done with the next part of Normal although i feel that it is kinda boring so I might hold on to it and just make it a super long part. We'll see. |
| posted on 3-Feb-2003 1:18:10 PM by Allie1031 |
| I'm slowly working on a new part for this. Slowly being the key word there. |
| posted on 9-Feb-2003 2:49:46 PM by Allie1031 |
| Friends, colleagues, fellow fanfic writers, I have good news for you! I feel another one of my writing splurges coming on. And mainly the itch I'm feeling is in the direction of What Dreams May Come?, so I'll probably get out a few good solid parts for it, hopefully soon, end of the weekish? We will see. |
| posted on 16-Feb-2003 11:53:43 PM by Allie1031 |
| I decided that before i finished the next part i wanted to read the entire story over. So I've been reading it and editing it. And then i will finish the new part. Sorry it is taking so long but i have over 100 pages in size 10 font to go through. |
| posted on 18-Feb-2003 1:34:09 AM by Allie1031 |
| Yeah, i'm super swamped right now with school work, but hopefully after i get some of these tests done i can get back to leisure writing. |