I knew him before (AU PBr Mi/Sa) Ch 11 31/05/14 DEAD&BURIED

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KatnotKath
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Re: I knew him before (AU PBr Mi/Sa) Ch 11 31/05/14 AN 28/8

Postby KatnotKath » Sun Oct 26, 2014 8:14 am

Hey everyone, sorry not to post sooner but I hope the new chapter is worth the wait.

Hope anyone reading is enjoying the story - I'd love to know what you think.

Kat


Chapter 12

You might ask what happened next? And it’s a really good question, but the truth is I really don’t know. I think I was too shocked, shaken. I don’t actually know how I managed to hold it together for even another second because I can’t say that I remember a single thing about the rest of my time at Fox River that day. I don’t remember tucking my daughter back under the cover, or stitching another con’s injuries (although I assume I did fine from subsequent observations). Nor do I remember leaving the prison, or how we came home. In fact I don’t remember anything, until I found myself sitting, hours later, on the edge of Michaela’s bed, just watching her as she slept.

For a few short moments, I could almost imagine that I had stepped back in time. The sky was dark, the only sound in the room came from the traffic on the road outside. It was just like the so many nights I had spent just after Michaela had been born. I had been so in awe of this little person who lay in front of me. I couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt about her. It was an undeniable love and adoration which had seemed like the most natural thing in the world, and all I wanted to do was watch her.

When I discovered I was pregnant, particularly under the circumstances, I was really quite scared. I knew I loved the baby, that I wanted to keep it, but beyond that I don’t think my mind was really ready to process. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of over two years, the guy who had captured my heart so completely and refused to let it go. He had walked away from me, and it had taken everything inside me not to run after him, screaming…

Especially when I found out about Michaela…

So, whilst I tried to understand what it was going to mean, whilst I attempted to get my head around this wonderful thing that was happening to me, I don’t think I really comprehended the magnitude of everything until I set my eyes on her tiny frame.

She was beautiful… Everything about her was so perfectly formed and yet so, so tiny. I don’t think I knew it was possible to love someone so much. I was head over heels from the moment I had the first glimpse of her bare head and by the time I held her I knew I would never want to let her go. Already I couldn’t imagine being without her in my life.

And, when it came to bedtime, hours when I should of course have been taking every opportunity offered to get much needed sleep, instead I sat up with her, just watching, marvelling over this wonderous being in front of me.

And so it was that I found myself stepping back in time that night just…watching her… She was so perfect, so wonderful, so beautiful and soooo like her father…

From the moment I first set eyes on my daughter I knew it was impossible to deny who her father was. The striking resemblance between the two of them was unmistakable. On the one hand, I found it wonderful - in my arms I was holding this tiny child which was so obviously a part of both of us, a child which had been created by the love we had shared - yet at the same time, it made it that so much harder every single day. I loved him, he had said he loved me, and yet he had left. I would never be able to forget that.

And now it was that same resemblance which was causing another mass of mixed emotions as I imagined the conversations which could be taking place that very night.

Lincoln knew the truth, I was sure of it! The look on his face had said everything and even had it not, how could I ever imagine that he wouldn’t recognise the eyes which Michaela shared with her father. As soon as he was able, he would be telling Michael and then I didn’t want to think about what would happen next.

Would he be angry, would he hate me? I couldn’t even have a proper conversation with him under the circumstances! How was I supposed to explain myself? How could I ever ask him to understand…?

****

“Sara…”

My head shot around rather faster than usual gaining a look of apology from Alex. “Sorry Sara, I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“What, scare? – Nah…” I forced a weak smile as I shook my head swiftly in an attempt at reassurance. Unfortunately, I got the feeling I hadn’t been the most convincing. I had to admit, whilst I was there in body, mind and spirit were another matter……

I’d been wandering around in a total daze and I could only be thankful that I hadn’t been required to do any actual medicine. Even after an hour,the paperwork in front of me was still only half filled out and I spread my arms over it quickly, hoping that Alex wouldn’t notice. “I’m okay, I’m just at bit tired, after last night you know…?” I commented softly as I faked a yawn.

“It was quite a night huh…?” She smiled sympathetically as she leant wearily against the wall.

“You could say that…”

She chuckled before her voice took on a serious tone. “How’s Kay? I hope you know how much I appreciate the help last night, I know it was less than ideal timing.”

“Oh no, really, Alex, it’s fine, there’s no problem, it’s part of the job right?” I shrugged, attempting to keep my tone light and gave another wry smile.

Settling her hand on my shoulder, Alex gave it a brief squeeze. “Maybe, but it’s not as simple for you as it might be for some other people, Michaela is the most important thing to you, and that’s alright… It didn’t scare her did it?”

Her concern was genuine and despite everything I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks” I nodded. “And no, it didn’t scare her, she’s fine, she’s great…”

She nodded. “Good, but you know we took you away from her yesterday and you’d be fully entitled to take a day off in lieu. Go home, be with her…”

It wasn’t the first time she had made the offer that day, but much as I wanted to take her up on it, I couldn’t… There was something that I still needed to do, and it wouldn’t wait... Therfore, instead of accepting, I shook my head pleasantly. “What, and leave you short handed? I can take a day off another time, but it’s too short notice today and Michaela is just fine.” I shrugged. “I actually don’t like to upset her routine that much anyway, she can be difficult enough in a morning as it is…”

“Are you sure…?” She looked at me, questioning.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure…” Pushing back my seat,I made a point of glancing at the clock and then stood. “I don’t know about you, but I think it’s break time… Coming…?”

For a moment, I thought that Alex was going to push further, I was scared that she might be able to detect things weren’t as simple as I might be making out, but I was fortunate. Instead, she thanked me again for the previous day, telling me to just tell her when I wanted to take a day in compensation, and we headed out of the door together in search of coffee.

***

The day moved on and the hours ticked by. All the while, I was waiting for one particular thing. I was waiting for one specific moment, a moment that I was dreading and yet at the same time I felt a certain amount of anticipation. Was I….excited…?

No, that didn’t make any sense did it? Except that this was the moment, this was when it would finally happen…

Two, three, four O’ clock passed and the pit in my stomach only seemed to become worse.

He was later than usual… I couldn’t help wondering to myself whether there was a reason for that. Had he found an opportunity to speak to Lincon? Was he feeling so mad that he would put his health at risk in order to avoid me

I had come close to phoning down to the wing when he finally arrived and all at once, the moment which I had been waiting for was here. I turned my back to the door as Belik walked in, accompanying Michael, and this time it was my turn to avoid meeting his eyes.

Could he possibly read how sorry I was? Without any words I mean… We were handicapped by the presence of Belik and it wasn’t as though we could ever really speak freely there.

The truth was I could loose my job over this. The fact that I hadn’t spoken up when I realised I would be treating Lincoln would be nothing compared with the fact that this was the father of my child. And I still loved him…

Yes, I had tried to deny it to myself. I had tried everything I could think of to stop myself thinking about him. And I had failed… If I hadn’t had Michaela, I honestly think I would have gone mad. Some days she was the only reason I had been able to make myself get out of bed. I had to get on with things, because she relied on me. She needed me to look after her, to care for her, to feed, clothe and love her. I had to keep myself together because if I didn’t, I’d be letting her down and that was the one thing I couldn’t allow. But it was sooo hard without him…


“Insulin…” I muttered to myself, trying to give the impression of being busy as I progressed. The less I had to interact with any of the guards at the moment, the better for my sanity, and job security. I felt as though all someone would have to do was look at me, and know… Belik did make a brief attempt at striking up a conversation, but gave up quickly when he realised I wasn’t biting and the rest of the visit passed without incident.

On both sides…

Not only had Belik given up on drawing me into conversation, but he hadn’t spoken a word, not a hello, or a thank you… He didn’t try and touch me, nor even so much as meet my eyes. Did he hate me so much…? I asked myself. The possibility stung more than I had ever thought possible and as he was escorted out of the room, I dared to look over for a moment, taking care to use the cover of his records, and call out. “Scofield, wait!”

Belik stopped,as Michael did, turning in question as I approached with the cardboard file. “I just need to check some information…” I offered in explanation, indicating for Michael to take seat whilst Belik stood back. I forced myself to meet his gaze as I stuck the paper in front of him. “I just need you to check the details here…” I pointed seemingly at random to a line on the form; ‘family’.

“Looks fine to me…” He responded evenly. I nodded, pointed to another line and then continued to watch him. Again he responded in the affirmative, and finally I allowed him to leave.

A moment later, he was gone and I was able to process the whole meeting. He had been quiet, and distant, but in his eyes there was…nothing… I could come to only one conclusion: He didn’t know!
My fics:

Dreams and Reality
Reality Revealed
Family Connections
When Love and Loss Collide
When Friendship and Love Combine - New!
If Only...
The Important Thing
Home for Christmas
I Knew Him Before (PB fic)
Love Always...
The First Time Around - New!


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