Worth Holding Onto (LoVe, TEEN) 1/1 - COMPLETE

[Applebylicious]

Title: Worth Holding Onto
Author: Lindsay
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: One shot...a bit of wishful thinking lol.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up to Blast From the Past
Comments are candy.


Worth Holding Onto


"Wallace is gone.”



The words come out slurred and distorted, jumbled mixtures of sounds and syllables that leave my lips and get lost somewhere along the way. Tears have dried against my cheeks, my eyes swollen with guilt and the knowledge that once again, I’ve driven away someone I care about.



“You shouldn’t be alone.”



I look up at the soft statement, finding myself no longer the sole occupant of the darkened corner in a deserted park. He steps out of the shadows, hands in his pockets as he stares down at me with an unreadable expression.



“What are you doing here?” I breathe, hurriedly wiping my eyes. I hate for anyone to see me cry, but when he’s the spectator it’s more than I can bear. I struggle to come to my feet, stumbling awkwardly from the numbness settling into my limbs.



“I think that’s my line,” he cracks, watching me for a moment before blowing an exasperated breath and reaching down to pull me up. “So...what are you doing here, Veronica?”



“Last time I checked this I didn’t have to clear my schedule with you, Logan,” I mumble, shoving away from him, and in the process losing my balance and falling in a heap to the ground. I don’t want him to touch me. I feel so fragile that I could break apart in his hands. And if that happened, I’m not sure if I could ever be whole again.



“Fine Forget it,” he snaps, frustration sparking in his eyes as he spins around and makes to leave. He gets about five feet away before his entire body goes still. I hear him utter a low oath, and then he’s marching back toward me. “Get up,” he commands in a brisk tone, taking me by the shoulders and practically yanking me to my feet.



“Don’t touch—”



“Shut up,” he warns, steering me across the park as his angry breath brushes against my cheek. “What the hell are you thinking, getting drunk and passing out in this part of town? You’re lucky someone didn’t…” He trails off, snapping his jaw with a click as a murderous expression crosses his features. “You’re a damn idiot.”



“Oh ho. Hello pot, meet kettle,” I sneer, once again breaking away from him. When he opens his mouth to fire off another of his witticisms, I add, “And I’m not drunk. I didn’t pass out, and I can take care of myself. There’s no need for all of this.” I span my arms out to indicate the space between us, and his brows gather in a stormy scowl. “If I need a knight in shining armor, I have Duncan’s number. Thanks.”


He flinches, and I immediately bite my tongue as tears again fill my eyes. I’d meant to be sarcastic and a little rude – our relationship as of late – and instead, I’d gone a step too far. I’d crossed the fine line we’d silently agreed to tread upon. “Logan,” I begin on a gasp, swallowing hard as numerous feelings I’m too scared to identify well up inside of me. “I—”



“Sometimes I could really hate you,” he interrupts in a shaky voice, then it’s as if all the fight goes out of him. Shoulders drooping, he holds up both hands and begins to back away. “Forget I even…just forget it.”



When he’d first appeared, I’d wanted nothing more than to see him go. But now the idea of him walking away drove a shaft of terror through me that had my voice breaking as I reached out for him. “Wait, please. I…I didn’t mean…”



He pauses, obviously waiting for me to continue. But as his eyes meet mine, I can’t seem to do anything more than swallow convulsively as wetness stains my cheeks. I shrug a shoulder, my hand flopping listlessly. “I’m sorry.”



He’s quiet, watching me with eyes that see too much. His head inclines just so, as if to agree with me. “Yeah. I’m sorry, too,” he murmurs hoarsely. “About more than you know.”



“Wallace is gone,” I blurt out, wrapping my arms around myself as a sudden breeze picks up, scattering leaves into a whirlwind around us.



“What?” He blinks, appearing disoriented by the rapid change in subject. “What are you talking about?”



“He left,” I repeat, hugging myself as the raw truth emerges again. “I-It’s my fault. I wasn’t supportive of him when he found out the truth. God, I just told him to get over it and move on. What kind of friend does that make me?”



“Veronica,” he begins, but I cut him off, unable to stop now that I’ve finally allowed myself to start.



“I’ve been so wrapped up in myself, I didn’t even see…he’s my best friend, Logan. And now he’s gone.”



His eyes flare with understanding, and a sad expression colors his features as he answers in a husky tone, “Just like Lilly.”



“Just like Lilly.”



“It’s not your fault,” he whispers, taking a step forward. “Look, I don’t claim to know what the hell’s going on, but…I’ve seen what you do for people who aren’t your friends, V. So I can only imagine…”



He trails off, flushing in an endearing way I’d have never associated with him. The fact that I want to smile is so surprising that a laugh escapes me before I have the chance to think about it. He looks up sharply, raising a brow as I continue to giggle helplessly.



“Oh, God…I’m such a martyr,” I moan, the giggles turning into dry sobs as I sink to the ground again. “Why do I have to make everything about me?”



“Well, it’s Veronica Mars’s world,” he jokes lamely, “and we just live in it.”



“That’s so not funny.”



“I know.” He sits beside me, picking at the grass growing at our feet. We share a companionable silence as the world carries on around us. And yet time seems frozen as I look up to find him staring at me.



“How’d you know where to find me?” I force myself to ask, licking my lips as the heat of his gaze permeates the chill of the night.



“I followed you,” he admits without hesitation or shame, his voice slow as molasses and dripping with an emotion I’m too afraid to contemplate. “Don’t ask me why.”



“Why?”



He looks away, face drawn and tight. “I don’t know.” Silence again, then a soft, “Because you were here.”



Well, that explains everything. And nothing. My lips burn to question him further, but somehow I think we’re both too vulnerable to face the aftermath.


“What I said about Duncan…about you…I didn’t mean it,” I manage on an indrawn breath. “It’s not fair of me to…to compare you.”



His mouth tightens at the mention of his best friend, my boyfriend. “Because there’s nothing to compare, right?”



Of course he’s right. And yet…I can only manage a half-nod, knowing deep inside of myself that it’s quite possibly the biggest lie of all. And if I were to compare the two, I know who would come up short. And then I’d have to face the fact that I might have made the wrong decision.



“It’s getting late,” he mumbles abruptly, jumping to his feet and brushing off his pants. “Do you need a ride or anything?”



He looks so uncomfortable by the situation that my first inclination is to put him at ease. Therefore I shoot him a coy smile and say, “That's okay. You hate me, remember?”



“Yeah, I remember.” But it doesn’t stop him from helping me up again, from brushing the hair back from my face, from pulling me so close that I can make out every detail of his face in the moonlight. It doesn’t stop him from murmuring in a voice so tortured, “Just once, Veronica…”



I nod, helpless to do anything but surrender as he claims my mouth with his own. I know he’s capable of passion, and yet the gentleness he bestows upon me nearly causes me to break down. I close my eyes, silently crying as his fingers clasp my neck in a tender grasp.



It ends as quickly as it begins, and we break apart on mutual sob. His eyes are dark and swimming with pain, and the words he speaks are coated with frustration and sorrow. “This doesn’t change anything, does it? Between you and me. Tomorrow we’ll just go back…everything will be the way it always is. You’ll despise me and I’ll pretend it doesn’t kill me to see you with him.”



“Logan.”



“Don’t,” he cuts me off with a strangled sound. He lifts his hands, clenches them into fists on top of his head. “Just…don’t. Let’s leave it at that.”



I nod in agreement, my lips trembling in an effort to hold back the truth. That between us, maybe there’s something worth holding onto.