Momentary Thing (Lo/Ve,MATURE) 1/1 COMPLETE

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Applebylicious
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Momentary Thing (Lo/Ve,MATURE) 1/1 COMPLETE

Post by Applebylicious »

Title: Momentary Thing
Author: Lindsay
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica.
Rating: Mature (for language)
Summary: One shot. Getting some of the shit out in the open at last.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up to Green Eyed Monster
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: This is my first real attempt at VM fic so any con/crit would be great. I'm only posting this because Angel and Kath told me to. I bow under peer pressure, folks. It ain't pretty.


Momentary Thing

That old saying of doing something for someone’s own good? It’s a bunch of crap. It really means “I’m doing this for my own good.” Sure, maybe the outcome will benefit both sides, but the idea that someone could truly be that selfless…it’s just ludicrous.

I should know. I’ve spoken the same insincere words. Pretended I knew what was better for someone else, when in reality I only knew – and cared – about what would be better for me. My feelings for Logan grew beyond what they were supposed to be. It was too wild, and too fast. Too important. What was supposed to have been merely a taste of the forbidden became something I could feel myself sinking into…never wanting to escape.

I finally understood Lilly’s desperate need for the wild and outrageous. Her “secret luvahs” weren’t about a teenage girl’s need to belong…they were about the need to feel. For her, Logan was safe. She wanted the rush of the unknown, the possibility it brought with it.

For me, Logan was that possibility. The unknown. The irony of what he had once been to my best friend never escaped me, and yet…when we were together, it never seemed to matter. But it became something…more. Something I couldn’t control, and the truth reared its ugly head at last.

Deep down, I’m not as wild and outrageous as Lilly. I crave safety. I need control, and I lost it with him. He made it easy for me to leave in the end. All he had to do was tell me three simple words that I was too scared to speak back to him. Because they were true, and it scared me more than anything ever has in my life.

So, I went back to being safe. With Duncan I don’t experience that fantastic surge of emotion, the terrifying thought that I would do anything for him, if only he’d ask. That right and wrong no longer mattered, as long as he stayed with me. Duncan is comfortable. Reliable. And that’s what I need. Isn’t it?

How do you know you’ve made the right decision?

That’s the thought going through my mind as I spy him through the windshield, walking past with his typical arrogance that speaks of the retreat he’s made from everyone around him. He’s gone back to being Logan Echolls, spoiled rich kid with a grudge against society. And it’s my fault.

It’s that realization, and the guilt that has haunted me, that has me stepping out of the car to confront him. He looks up and catches sight of me, halting in his tracks while his eyes narrow. He lets out a half-disgusted, half-amused sound and shifts his book bag to the opposite shoulder. He takes his time to answer me – his way of proving what little importance I now pose on his life.

“Veronica Mars,” he drawls, bringing both hands up to his mouth and biting on the tip of one long finger. “Didn’t we already have this conversation? You really must stop begging me for illicit favors – it’s starting to get embarrassing.”

I ignore his caustic remark, knowing it’s only a front to hide the pain and bitterness of what happened between us. “I need to talk to you. It’s really important,” I add, licking my lips nervously.

“Not interested,” he bites off, moving to push past me. “Find some other eager puppy to play private eye.”

“Logan, please!” I cry as his shoulder bumps into mine. I turn around and start to follow him, forced to jog in order to keep up with his long, angry strides. “Please, just—”

He spins around so quickly that I run straight into him, letting out a squeak as he backs me up against a cherry red SUV. A quick glance around reveals that from this angle, we’re virtually invisible from prying eyes. Fear, and a sick sense of excitement begin to course through me.

“What the hell’s the matter with you, Veronica? Can’t make up your mind?” he demands in a low voice, lowering his head so that his breath is on my cheek. His eyes are dark and intense, a muscle working in his jaw as I stare up at him, enraptured.

“I-I…what are you talking about?” I manage, swallowing in an attempt to bring my senses back under control.

“First you never want to see me again, then you’re following me around and jumping out of cars to harass me about God only knows what?” He lets out a rough laugh. “Let me guess…you think I had something to do with all of those kids dying, right? Your theory about me killing Lilly didn’t quite pan out, so you gotta try and pin something else on me. No rest for Veronica Mars.”

I flinch at his harsh words. “You know that’s not true,” I say, feeling hurt and confused and, damn him, attracted. He only has to look at me for me to remember those few perfect months we spent together. Taking a deep breath, I struggle to keep my own emotions in check and make him understand. “Logan, if you’ll just hear me out—”

“No,” he breaks in with a furious hiss. “When have you ever heard me out, Veronica? Hmm? Never.”

“I only want to—”

“Don’t care. I don’t give a damn!” He’s breathing raggedly now, and I’m horrified to glimpse the tears blurring his gaze. He lets out a sharp curse and slams his fist against the side of the car. I wince, not because I ever think he’d hurt me, but because I know I’ve hurt him.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he demands in a tone shaky with rage. With pain. “I’ve done what you wanted…I’ve stayed away from you and Duncan. Let you live out your happy little lives together. Why can’t you return the favor?”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, blinking back my own tears. “But it was wrong, Logan. We were wrong. Y-You know it…you were doing things that were only hurting you and—”

“Oh, fuck you!” he groans, grabbing the hair at his temples and turning half-away. “My father…my father killed my girlfriend. My mother killed herself, and a guy may or may not have been killed because of me. How did you expect me to react? I had no one, Veronica. No one.”

“You had me!” I shock myself as the tearful, bitter words pour out on their own volition. I’m shaking as he stares with wide eyes, pounding him with my fists although he doesn’t move a muscle, hoping to make him feel my pain, as well. “You had me, but that was never good enough, was it? I can’t replace Lilly, Logan. I-I just can’t.”

“I never wanted you to replace her,” he chokes in obvious surprise. “Who the hell ever said anything about you replacing Lilly? My God, don’t you know what you are to me?”

He’s shouting now, white-faced and taut as a live wire. I can only shake my head and stare at him, unable to form any words as tears began to leak out of the corners of his eyes. I’ve only seen him like this one other time, after it had become certain that his mother was dead. I’d held him then, and I wanted to hold him now more than I want to take my next breath. Instead, I remain silent and frozen.

“I love you,” he utters furiously. “I love you, and that’s what’s not good enough for you, Veronica!”

Before I even begin to imagine a reply, he takes my face between his palms and crushes his mouth to mine. The idea of resisting never enters my mind, and I throw my arms around his neck and greedily cling to him. He groans, biting my lip and lifting me off of my feet to fall against him. My fingers are buried in his hair, and I can feel myself crying as our lips meet again and again. “Logan” I whisper, breaking away with a tortured cry. “We can’t…”

He goes still, then releases me so quickly I nearly trip over my own feet. His hands cover mine and bring them over my head as he lowers his forehead to mine. “I hope to God that keeps you up at night,” he murmurs gruffly.

And then he’s gone, while three words echo inside of my mind and still beg to be spoken.
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