FINDING HOME (AU,M/L,MATURE) [WIP]

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Twilighteyes
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Re: FINDING HOME (M/L mature) CH 30 10/1

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 32

MICHAEL'S POV



SHE LOVES HER MAMA'S LEMONADE,
HATES THE SOUNDS THAT GOODBYES MAKE.
SHE PRAYS ONE DAY SHE'LL FIND SOMEONE TO NEED HER.
SHE SWEARS THAT THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE,
BETWEEN THE LIES AND COMPLEMENTS.
IT'S ALL THE SAME IF EVERYBODY LEAVES HER.

Glancing in the rear view mirror of the jeep, back at Liz once more. Feeling myself cringe at the lifeless gleam her eyes now held.

Flash of a picture of a broken lifeless Liz lying on a gray steel floor. That I had seen in the binder from Alec.

If it wasn't for the fact that she was sitting behind me at this very moment I would have sworn she was dead in that photo.

Screw a bunch of that.

Come on Liz.

"Take a bite Liz." Maria encouraging Liz once more from her seat next to her.

Liz taking a small bite of the obviously now cold, less then half eaten burger.

Focusing on the road ahead once more.

We should have gotten her something else to eat.

AND EVERY MAGAZINE TELLS HER SHE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH,
THE PICTURES THAT SHE SEES MAKE HER CRY.

Come on Liz. Snap back out of it.

It's been like this the last three days now. Liz sitting in the back of the jeep. Not speaking. Staring out the window. Only responding when she was told to eat, drink and go to the bathroom. Flinching away when anyone attempted to touch her. Sometimes holding her head as if it hurt or to block us or unwanted thoughts out.

No crying. No screaming. Just nothing.

Nothing after Max bought her back to the jeep that night.

AND SHE WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING,
EVERYTHING JUST ASK HER.
CAUGHT IN THE IN BETWEEN OF BEAUTIFUL DISASTER,
AND SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO TAKE HER HOME.

It's like she is back to square one.

No. At least she isn't lying lifeless on the ground or blowing things up.

I don't even think she has been sleeping when she attempted to close her eyes either. If the rapidly growing dark circles under her eyes any indication to the fact.

SHE'S GIVING OS WHAT THEY WANT,
TRIES TO ACT SO NONCHALANT,
AFRAID THEY'LL SEE THAT SHE'S LOST HER DIRECTION.
SHE NEVER STAYS THE SAME FOR LONG,
ASSUMING THAT SHE'LL GET IT WRONG.
PERFECT ONLY IN HER IMPERFECTION.

I wish she would just scream or cry.

At the very least blow something up.

"Liz?" Max turning around in the seat to focus on Liz.

She is not going to answerer.

Please answerer.

Looking once more in the mirror.

Liz's eyes close and her face even paler if that was possible.

Shit.

"Michael." Max

Pulling over to the shoulder of the road even before Max could even finish saying my name.

As soon as the jeep comes to a stop. Max has Liz out. Liz emptying what little she ate on the side of the road.

"Damn it! Damn it!" Hitting the steering wheel with my hands.

Damn it!

It's been like this for the last two days. Liz barely being able to keep what little she ate down.

What else is going to go wrong?

"Damn it." Running my hands through my hair.

Damn it!

SHE'S NOT A DRAMA QUEEN,
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY, ONLY SEVENTEEN BUT TIRED

What worst is the connection me and Max held with Liz. Every time either one of us reach out to her, we each felt nothing. Even when we touch her.

It feels like a part of me is missing now.

Max said last night when we were pumping gas that he could sometimes feel a twinge of emotion but it always lasted less then a nanosecond and it was gone again.

I can feel Max is becoming more worried.

SHE WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING FOR HAPPY EVER AFTER.
CAUGHT IN THE IN BETWEEN OF BEAUTIFUL DISASTER,
BUT SHE JUST NEEDS SOMEONE TO TAKE HER HOME.

I wish I just felt something from her.

Anything...

"We need to stop for a while. Max is going have to check Liz out if she agrees to it or not." Maria's voice softening. "Liz can't keep going on like this."

The plan was to put as much distance between us and Roswell as possible before stopping in Montana. Sending all the time on the road. Only stopping for food, gas and bathroom breaks. Everyone but Liz taking turns driving and sleeping. All places stops and using roads as much as off the map or crowed as possible. So no one would notice them or think to look from them there. Going out of there way. Not taking a direct rout to Alec's land. Adding days to their journey.

Watching Liz pull herself out of Max's arms as soon as she got the retching under control.

Let him in Liz.

CUZ SHE'S JUST THE WAY SHE IS,
BUT NO ONE TOLD HER THAT'S OK.

"Here." Alex handing Liz a bottle of water.

Liz hesitantly taking it and rinsing out her mouth.

Let someone in.

If I just knew what was going through that head of yours.

"Michael?" Maria

AND SHE WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING JUST ASK HER.
CAUGHT IN THE IN BETWEEN OF BEAUTIFUL DISASTER,

"Yeah, we'll find some place to stop."

What choice do we really have?

Reaching out my connect with Liz.

Nothing.

Damn it!

It's like it was never there.

AND SHE WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING FOR HAPPY EVER AFTER.
CAUGHT IN THE IN BETWEEN OF BEAUTIFUL DISASTER,

"I think some time out of the vehicles will do all of us some good. Liz's motion sickness isn't getting better." Kyle stepping up to the window. "Tess and Isabel are driving me crazy."

Can we really just blame Liz throwing up on motion sickness?

I wish that it was that easy.

Looking back to see Tess and Isabel still in Tess's SUV.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea that everyone came.

"Alex not pulling his weight?" Turning back to Liz. Who was now standing away from Max and Alex shaking slightly.

No, we all agreed that it would be safer to stay together.

We never should have left straight from the cemetery.

"Doesn't want to piss off Iz. Agrees to any music she wants. Any argument. It's getting fricking annoying!" Kyle.

"Just put in a CD and be done with it. Besides, we all so need showers." Maria

"Yeah." Watching Liz wrap her arms around herself. Liz's eyes taking on a far away look as she looked at the woods a few yards away.

She was going to take off without everyone.

Can't really blame her.

That's what I would do.

That's why I was in the alley.

Some how I just knew.

"Iz and Tess will be happy about that. At least that is one less thing to bitch about." Kyle

I still have to worry about it don't I.

"Don't." Maria squeezing my shoulder. "We all agreed that we should leave. We all thought she would be doing better."

When Liz went to the grave. I called Maria and told them that I had her and to meet me at the cemetery ready to go. Knowing that by then they would be freaking at Liz missing by then. Liz was going to take off on her own. I just figured that we would just leave from there. I never realized how upset she was going to be.

"Yeah." Watching Max attempt to wrap his coat around Liz's small shoulders as Liz attempts to back away.

I should have known.

Of course it was going to bad. Her parents were dead. She had to leave her home. Not to mention everything that she went through.

"Look Michael, Liz was sneaking off to take off on her own. If you didn't..." Maria

"Maybe taking her to the cemetery wasn't such a good." Cutting Maria off.

Liz wasn't ready to deal with it. I shouldn't have pushed.

"Stop. Us staying a few more days or us leaving then wouldn't change Liz's reaction now. Liz needed to say goodbye. She is just processing everything. She's going to come out of it." Kyle shrugging. "Parker has too." His voice taking a far away tone.

A few more days might have help.

"Or going back home might have just reminded her more of what she lost or what if she snuck out again and we didn't know about it. No, leaving was the best idea. Don't forget the fact that she begged you to let her go earlier. Liz asked for it. She needed to say goodbye before we left. I know Liz. She would have regretted it. We just need to find someplace quiet for her a few days. That's all." Maria

"Yeah, Liz just needs some place to regroup." Kyle If it was that easy.

Watching Max easily scooping Liz's stiff body up and placing her in the back of the jeep. "It's going to be OK. Your alright." Max whispering to Liz as he wrapped the blanket around her. "It's going to be alright." Fluffing a pillow next to her. "Just lay your head down and try to get some sleep." Max tucking the blanket around her a little more. "You alright?"

That's the million dollar question isn't it.

BUT SHE JUST NEEDS SOMEONE TO TAKE HER HOME
AND JUST NEEDS SOMEONE TO TAKE HER HOME.

Literally feel everyone holding their breaths for her to answerer. Almost hear everyones silent prayers.

Liz biting her lower lip. Eyes looking up briefly before looking out the side window.

"OK, hang in there Liz." Kyle tapping the door a couple of times before walking away.

"Chicka?" Maria touching Liz's shoulder.

Cringing inside from the hurt look on Maria's face as Liz's flinches away. Liz snuggling into the pillow and closing her eyes feigning sleep.

Come on Liz.

Just let someone in.

Giving Maria a smile as she locked eyes with me.

Giving me a small smile back.

"Love you." The words slipping from my lips.

Seeing the shock in Maria's eyes as her smile grew bigger.

Can't blame her.

We both have spoken the words before. I just never initiated them first.

Maria leaning up and kissing me over the seat.

Closing my eyes and relishing in the cinnamon spice smell of Maria. The softness in her lips.

God, I love this women.

Maria pulling back. "I love you too spaceman."

Feeling the smile spread once more before turning and starting the jeep.

Feeling the smile slip off as I see the longing in Max's eyes.

Man, I feel for you I do. It's going to work out. It has too.

Glancing in the mirror back at Liz before I pulled back on the road.

Come on Liz.

Scream.

Blow something up.

Anything.

Just do something.

Song not mine... BEAUTIFUL DISASTER.
Last edited by Twilighteyes on Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
User avatar
Twilighteyes
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Posts: 106
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
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CHAPTER 33

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 33

MAX'S POV

"You can not be serous." Isabel looking in displeased at the ratty cabins that we would be staying at.

What did she expect? They were cheep, out in the middle of no where, and they didn't ask for ID.

It was perfect for what they needed.

Not to mention there was hardly anyone here.

"Very." Opening up the door to what would be mine, Liz's, Michael's and Maria's cabin.

The thought of Michael being away from Liz wasn't even an option.

Is it sad that Liz feels more comfortable with Michael then me?

Pushing pass the jealousy that wanted to take hold.

That wouldn't help Liz.

"Max, I know that we need to stay off the beaten path. But this." Holding up her hand at the place. "Hun un. There is no way. There is no telling what we can catch here."

"Iz, it's not that bad." Alex walking up with two bags.

"Come on the roaches wouldn't even stay here."

"Like you can't just work a little Magic and have this place looking like a five star." Kyle walking off to his own cabin that he was sharing with Tess.

"Even my powers isn't going to help this place. Why can't we just find some place else. Some place a little nicer."

That's it.

"Enough. We are staying here. That's finial. If you don't want to, leave. No one is stopping you." Taking out my wallet. Waving my hand over five ones turning them into hundreds and throwing them at Isabel. "That should get you home or to where ever else you need to go." Turning my back and walking into the cabin.

What did she honestly expect?

Going over to the window and opening the moth eaten curtains.

It could be worst.

"Max.... Michael." Isabel whining from the door.

Just let it go already!

Going over and opening the door to a small bathroom.

"I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of hearing you bitching about how unfair or what you have to give up." Michael

"Michael." Isabel

Opening the door next to it to a small bedroom with two twin bed.

Mine and Liz's.

I wish she would let me hold her.

Just to sleep.

"No. Max is right. Suck it up or Leave." Michael's voice taking on the tone that he was tired and done too.

"You can't be serious." Isabel's voice growing louder.

Walking across what you can hardly call a hall to the another door. Opening it to find a room with a full bed.

Michael and Maria's.

It's not too bad. Just old.

"Deadly. I'm sick of it Iz. The world does not revolve around you." Michael's voice matching Isabel's volume now.

If they don't quiet down Liz will hear them.

Having left her with Maria in the jeep across the parking lot.

Starting for the door.

Liz doesn't need this right now.

"No. Just Liz Parker." Isabel

No she didn't.

Three long strides and I was back out the door.

"Izzy." Alex's voice full of shock.

"I can't believe you said.." Michael stopping abruptly.

Looking behind the group to see Liz standing there with Maria. An unreadable emotion crosses Liz's face before becoming blank once more as she focused on the ground.

"Liz I didn't mean...." Isabel stuttering out.

"Liz." Searching her for any kind of emotion or response.

"Hey, you alright?" Alex walking up to her. Reaching out to touch her shoulder.

Liz taking an unsteady step back away from him before he could do so.

"Liz I didn't mean that..." Isabel shaking her head. Taking a couple steps back also.

Liz walking shakily up to me. "Liz?"

Please talk to me.

Resisting the urge to reach out to her. To hold her. To steady her.

Liz turning sideways making her way carefully pass me into the cabin. Looking down the entire time. Shutting the door quietly behind her.

"Great." Maria giving Isabel a look of disgust. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Shaking her head.

"Maria, can you." Michael placing his hand on Maria's shoulder.

Liz being more responsive to her then anyone else.

"I go see how she is." Glaring at Isabel who had enough grace to look at the ground before following Liz into the cabin.

Turning towards Isabel. Taking the two steps to her. "Go."

"Max..." Isabel looking up at me in shock.

"Just go Isabel."

"Max. I didn't mean for her to hear that. I didn't really mean that."

No you never mean anything.

Closing my eyes taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly before opening them once more. "All you do is act like a spoiled princess. Have you not once thought about Liz?" In a hushed calmer then I thought I was capable of at the moment.

"Yes, but Max..."

Holding up my hand silencing her.

"Do you even think about how hard this is for her? What she had to give up. Lost and endured? What she went through. That she had to give up her home."

"So did I!"

Feeling my teeth clench as I resisted the urge to shake her. "Your home Isabel? Liz's parents are dead. She was raped and tortured for over two years all because of us." Clenching my fist. "My god. She literally died to save us. To save you and your precious life while you were off having a life. So I don't ever want to hear about what you are giving up. What you have to sacrifice now because if it wasn't for Liz Parker you would be locked in a cell right now. Experimented on and tortured. And that is the least of what they could be doing to you. So Isabel leave if this is too much of a hardship for you."

Watching the tears fill Isabel's eyes at my words.

"Just go Isabel if you can't think about nothing but yourself."

"Max....." Coming out a broken sob.

"Isabel, I don't want to hear it. I'm not going to let you make this about yourself anymore." Turning my back on her. "At least you have the option to go home if you want."

That's more than Liz will ever be able to do.

"Michael." Isabel pleading. Turning to him for help.

He's not going to help you.

"No, Max is right. I thought we needed to stay together so we could be safe. All of us. But if your just concerned about your own well being. Then you don't need to be here."

"You can't mean that." Isabel pleading.

"You know that I do." Michael statement finial.

Hearing Isabel take off in a sob to her cabin.

"She's just scared." Alex amending. Who stood surprisingly quiet through the whole thing.

"Well she can get in line." Walking over across the dirt parking lot to the jeep to grab mine and Liz's bags.

How can she be this way? After everything Liz had been through?

"I'll talk to her." Alex walking off to the cabin.

I know she is scared but hell! All of us are.

"She'll stay." Michael following me to the jeep a second later.

"I don't really care at the moment."

I'm done with Isabel right now.

"But you do. You know we should stay together." Michael pulling out a bag.

Yes.

"Yeah." Running my hands over my face. "But it's not exactly fair that they have to give up their lives either."

I probably shouldn't have said all that.

"We knew from the beginning that our lives were going to be difficult. Isabel just got to be indulged a little longer."

"Yeah, we all did."

Except Liz.

Her life should have never been like this.

She should be safe at home with her parents right now. Deciding what top ten school to go to. But no, she here in this mess holding on by a thin thread.

And I have no clue on how to make it better.

If I just knew what she was thinking.

"It's going to be big you know?" Michael's voice breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What is going to be big?" Taking out a bag.

"When Liz finally let's go."

Keeping everything bottled up is not helping.

When she finally does let go. Are we going to be able to pick up the pieces?

"I know we needed to stop. Liz needs to keep something solid in her stomach and gets some real sleep. Hell I wouldn't mind if you checked her out either. Not that I think for a minute that she is going to just let you."

Feeling myself finch at his words.

Liz wants nothing to do with me.

Not after Tess.

"And pushing her is not an option at this point." Michael looking at me as if he dared me to argue.

"I agree."

Like I would force Liz to do anything that she didn't want to at this point.

At least until it was life and death.

"I just." Michael shaking his head.

"What?" Looking at Michael who was look around.

"It's just I'm not sure this is such a great idea. Stopping here."

I thought this was a good place.

Looking at the one car in the parking lot next to theirs.

Almost in the middle of no place. Hardly no one around.

"Weather Liz's likes it or not. Everything building inside of her. She is only going to be able to push it away for so long."

"Or slip away from us forever."

Finally speaking what we both have been think the last two days.

"Yeah." Finally meeting my eyes. "We aren't going to let that happen though." Clearly seeing the determination laced with doubt in Michael's eyes.

"Yeah."

I just wish I felt it.

"MICHAEL MAX!" The cabin door slamming open. "LIZ IS GONE!"
Last edited by Twilighteyes on Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
User avatar
Twilighteyes
Addicted Roswellian
Posts: 106
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Location: us

Re: FINDING HOME (M/L mature) A/N CH 33 11/25

Post by Twilighteyes »

Thank you everyone that took the time to read this and leave feedback!

CHAPTER 34

MAX POV

"MAX! MICHAEL! LIZ IS GONE!" Maria screams from the door.

What?

Feeling as if all the wind was knocked out of me.

Liz.

"What?" Michael taking off towards the cabin.

Following close behind.

Please no.

"What is going on?"

Looking over to see Kyle and Tess standing in their cabin doorway.



I'm going to kill Iz.

"Get Alex. Start checking the perimeter. Liz is gone." Michael yelling over to them. "Calm down Maria." Michael making eye contact with me as if to say 'go check the rooms' as he takes Maria into his arms.

Liz please no.

Nodding as I made my way past them into the cabin. Quickly scanning the two bedrooms and bathroom. Noting that the windows were all closed. Noting earlier the only door out was the door that I just came through.

Please. Liz.

"Maria calm down and tell me exactly what happened." Michael coasting Maria.



Michael's right. I need to get it together.

"I came into check and tried to get Liz to talk to me. She was the same unresponsive as ever. As if she didn't even hear what Isabel said. I asked her if she was hungry she ignored me. Just went to the bedroom and shut the door. I gave her a few minutes but then thought it might be better if I got her to take a shower. She was gone Michael. I swear it couldn't even be a full three minute. Two, two at the most."

"I know. I know." Michael

Walking into our bedroom and looked around.

Everything was the same as I left it. Closet door open and empty. Windows closed and locked. Beds undisturbed.

She didn't touch anything.

Liz where are you.

Taking a deep breath. Willing myself not to let the panic set in.

Liz.



She couldn't just disappear.

"Michael where could she be?" Maria voice floating through.

"Shhh we will find her. Kyle. Alex. You go that way. You that way." Michael

Beating of my heart.

Liz..... Pleases....

Searching out my entire being for her.

Feeling Liz's faint calmness fill my senses.



"Lets go look. I can't just stand here." Maria

Liz. Thank god.

Letting my breath out that I didn't realize I was holding.



She's fine.

Where?

Cabin coming quiet. As distant voices yelling Liz's name.

Closing my eyes.

Your here aren't you....

Liz.....



"Liz." Coming out a soft whisper.

Hearing her soft steady breathing.

"Max?" Michael voice from farther away.

Looking around the same room once more before dropping to my knees.

"Liz." Coming out with a sigh of relief.

Liz was curled up with her backpack to her chest underneath the bed against the far wall.

"Baby?"

Watching the slow steady rise and fall of her chest. The peacefulness of her face for the first time in three days.

She's asleep.



Thank god.

"Max. I can feel her." Michael coming into the doorway out of breath. "She's alright where ever she is. I can feel her again."

Not taking my eyes off Liz I turned to lay on my back. "It's alright. She's here." Keeping my voice soft.



"Thank god." Michael's voice matching my own.

"Max..." Maria

"She's asleep." Reaching out and tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

Liz's whimpering a second before settling once more.

"Under the bed?" Maria voice now soft.

"Yeah."

"That's why we can feel her." Michael

She has been blocking us.

"I think so." Finally looking up at Michael and Maria.

"Ew Max. Fix the sheets and put her in bed."

No. She would just wake up and she needs the sleep.



"No." Me and Michael speak simultaneously.



"What? We can't leave her there."



"Yes we are." Michael pulling a pillow and blanket off the bed.



"That's just gross."



"It's better this way. She felt safe enough to fall asleep there. Moving her is just going to disturb that." Michael handing me the now clean pillow and blanket.



Placing my hand on the floor. Cleaning and softening it.



Liz whimpering once more as I place the pillow under her head and covering her up. Leaving her wrapped up around her backpack.



She might wake up.



"Max?" Michael



"She settled."



"Good. I'm going to get some sleep. Yell if you need me."



"Shouldn't we tell the others?" Maria



"On it." Michael flipping his cell open as he left the room.



"You going to stay." Maria



"Yeah."



"Yell if you need me." Maria handing me a blanket and pillow. "I'm going to grab Alex and go find some editable food. Maybe some soup and crackers for Liz."



"Be careful."



"I will, just take care of our girl."



"Won't let her out of my sight."



"Get some sleep."



"I will."



"I mean it Max. Michael is right. You need to sleep while you can." Maria's soft voice taking on a slight edge.



When did she become all logical?



"I will." Feeling myself smile a little.



I just want to watch her a little while.



"OK, I'll be back soon."



"Yeah."



Scooting under the bed. Turning on my side so I was face Liz.



God your beautiful.



Reaching out to touch her soft hair once more. With drawling my hand as she whimpers once more.



Just let me in.



Sighing.



The last couple of days catching up to me.



Stifling a yawn.



"God, I love you Liz. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I promise you. I promise you that it's all going to be alright. Baby. It's going to be OK."



Resisting the urge to touch her once more.



"I love you Liz."



Feeling my eye lids grow heavy.



"I love you."



Surrendering myself in the feeling of Liz.
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
User avatar
Twilighteyes
Addicted Roswellian
Posts: 106
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Location: us

Re: FINDING HOME (M/L mature) CH 35

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 35

LIZ'S POV

Darkness.
Cold.
Pain.
Fear.

Silent scream ripping through me. Jarring me from my nightmare of feelings and images that I couldn't put together to make sense.

"Shhh." Arms tightening around me. "It's alright Liz. Your OK. Your safe now." The warm body I was half lying on pulling me closer.

Tremor going through as I stiffen farther as my eyes began to adjust to the dim light pouring through the crack doorway.

How?

Not recognizing the place.

What? Where?

"Shhh. Your safe." Soft soothing voice coming once more.

Max.

Body and voice final recognize as his warm love and everything Max flooding my senses. With recognition came the flood of fear and pain.

'I will make sure you feel every minute of it.' Harsh voice screaming in my head.
Feeling rough hands holding me down.
Blinding light making my head pound.
'Everyone you ever cared about is dead because of you.'

No. Squeezing my eyes shut.

No.

It's not real. This isn't happening. I'm not there anymore.

"Shhh....." Max's voice coming once more.

Opening my eyes.

Max.

Pulling myself up slightly to look up at Max's sleeping face.

I'm not there.

Max.

My Max.

So peaceful. So....

Reaching up to touch Max's face.

'Your parents are dead. Everyone you ever cared about is gone! Gone because of you!' Harsh voice coming once more.

Green electric current playing havoc under my skin.

No.

Tess's screams filling my head.

NO!

Stopping with in an inch of his face.

What is happening to me?



Fear increasing more.

Darkness
Beeping.

I will hurt him.

No. No.

I can't do this.

'Tell me what I want to know.' Harsh voice.

No.....

Pulling myself away further. Max's arms trying to hold me still. As he mutters in his sleep once more. Protesting the lost.



Please.



Feeling my hand on his chest warm up.

Don't wake up. Don't wake up.

I slid easily out from under the bed. Half crawling backwards further away from Max and the bed. Taking in the small room once more as my senses once more become alive and fully awake.

"Liz...." Max muttering in his sleep once more as he curled into himself. "Liz please...."

Don't wake up. I'm sorry. Don't wake up.

Stifling the cry that threaten to escape.

Pounding in my head increase as Tess's scream fill my head once more.

I'm sorry.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

Pulling myself up.

Biting my lower lip to stop the screams from exscaping.

Please.

'Tell me what I want to know.' Voice demanding once more.

I can't do this. I can't do this.

Please just make it all stop.

Pain.
Blinding light.

Cradling my head.

Please.

Taste of metal.
Sharp pain.

Please.

Feeling of hands upon my body.

NO!

Darkness.



Chest burning.

'Elizabeth you have to fight.' Alec's voice in my head.

I can't.

'Fight. You have to fight.' Alec's voice louder. 'Don't let them beat you.'

Please.

"Liz." My named whispered pulling me from my thoughts and nightmares.

Alec.

Looking up to see Michael standing in front of me.

Michael.

"Liz. Just breathe. Just breathe."

I want Alec. Michael. Please.

"Just a breath."

Please....



"Take a breath Liz."

Taking a deep breath in. Slowly letting it out. Releasing the pain in my chest.

"Just breathe. One breath at a time. That's all." Michael's soft voice washing over me.

Taking another.

Voices and sensations of the nightmare fading. Feeling my head start to clear.

"That's it. That's all you have to do is breathe. Nothing else. Just breathe."

Breathing in and out. Gaining the control to push the last remnants of the fear, voices and sensations deep inside.

"That's it." Michael encouraging again.

Just breathe. I just have to breathe.

Feeling the cold detached numbness seep through my senses once more as I gain control.

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

"You OK?" Michael studying my face for an answered.

No.



Head pounding more.

In. Out. In. Out.

"Liz?"

I can't do this.

Rubbing my head. Noting that the green current was now gone.



What is happening to me?



I can't do this.

I have to do this.

I just have to breathe.

"Your head still hurts?"

Yeah.

I can't live like this.

How am I suppose to do this?

"Liz?"

Looking at Michael once more.

"Here." Reaching up to touch my face.

No.

Feeling the wall press against my back more as I brace myself for his touch.

Don't.

Feeling a warm sensation on a lip briefly before he quickly withdrew his hand.

"There."

Reaching up and touch my lip. Pulling back to see the faint traces of blood on the tips of my fingers.

My lip?

Oh, I must have bit it.

"I can heal small things. Surface stuff. Can't do what Max does but at least the small cuts and bruises are no longer a bother." Michael scratching his eyebrow. "Come on. Lets get you something to eat and some aspirin."

Eat.

My stomach growling on cure.

I don't want to throw up anymore.

My stomach protesting the thought of another burger.

"Maria got you some soup." As if reading my thoughts.

Soup it is.

"Coming on." Michael backing up.

"Liz. Please no..." Max's soft mutter coming from under the bed.

Don't wake up.

Looking back at Max's sleeping form under the bed.

"He's exhausted. He just needs to sleep."

Max...

I'm sorry. I can't.....

Feeling the hurt try to surface once more before pushing it back.

"Liz."

Looking back to Micheal.

"I.... He..." Scratching his eyebrow once more. Looking away a moment before looking once more at me. "Come on. Lets get you some food. I lied. You have to eat too."



Once again. Sorry that it took so long. So D's fault! LOL! Thanks for reading and plaese leave feedback!
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
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Twilighteyes
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Re: FINDING HOME (M/L mature) CH 35 1/18

Post by Twilighteyes »

I'm posting this for darkmoon. Hey D! I figured one of us has to post! LOL! Love you girl! Take care!

CHAPTER 36

MICHAEL'S POV

Watching the shell of a girl staring out of the window. Knees pulled up to her chest. Sipping slowly on the soup that I heated up for her.

At least she eating. And I don't even have to tell her.

That's a plus isn't it?

Pulling the blanket off the couch. Carefully placing it around her shoulder. Cringing as she stiffens from the light touch. Curling tighter into herself. Sitting across from her on the couch. Careful that I don't touch her. Enough to to be close to her but far enough so that she won't want to run.

She just needs a little space.

I need to get through to her.

"Liz."

Making no knowledge that she heard me.

Since Liz came out of the bedroom she no longer held the eye contact that she held with me before.

Almost as if she is ashamed or afraid of what she might see in me?

Come on Liz.

She still has yet to speak a word. Which has me worried.

She seems a little more responsive now. Just not where I want her to be.

Just talk to me! Let me in! Let me feel something from you. Please! Liz!

Resisting the urge to shake her.

Come on!

Liz, you can't keep doing this.

The display in the bedroom is any indication.

Recall the green current that played erratically underneath her skin. The soft shake of building. The feeling of raw power mix with pain and terror that rolled off of Liz in waves.

I'm surprised that Max didn't wake.

Glancing towards the bedroom.

That is odd.... Max is way more connected then I am. Then again I was awake. But still..... It is odd.

It all could have been worst though. Liz hadn't released a fraction of the power I could feel that she possessed.

Then again, it's not like there is much to damage in this place if she did.

Noting that there was no pictures on the walls or knickknacks laying about to knock off and break.

But the chance of exposing yourself to the wrong people would be dangerous or cause the building to collapse around us either.

We are going to have to get to Montana soon so we could work on her powers and control. The sooner that she has control of them. The less chance of accidence and the better she will feel. The better I will feel.

At least I can help with that fear.

First thing we need to do is get you to open up a little.

You can't stay numb forever. That is no way to live.

I should know.

Hank flashing through my mind.

No.

I won't let you do that to yourself.

No.

None of this is your fault and I don't want you to live in fear.

Liz still staring out the window.

"Liz you know that you are safe right? That I'm not going to let anyone hurt you? You are safe." Saying it as if saying the words would make it so.

I don't want to lose you by inverting into yourself.

How easy it is to hide in ourselves instead of feeling the fear and pain. How easy it was for me.

No I had everyone to help me.

And you have us.

I want you to be the care free loving Liz that you used to be or at least as close to it as possible.

Your never going to be the same but we should be able to make you happy again.

"I know this is hard for you. Liz. I know you feel lost right now. Confused. Terrified."

Recalling the emotions I felt from her earlier.

Giving me a quick glance. Still not making eye contact before she look out the window once more.

"I know you're scared and confused. That... That what they did... That what they did to you.." Swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. "I know all you what to do is hide. Find some place safe. To feel safe again. To hide so far inside yourself that no one or no thing can ever hurt you again. So much easier to feel numb. To stay numb. Then feel the fear and pain."

Isn't that how I wanted to be? Numb.

Glancing at me once more before looking down at her cup.

Your going to have to deal with everything to more forward to get better.

"What ever it is that you are feeling Liz. Everything that you feel. What ever you are going through. You can't keep it all inside. You need to let it out. You can't keep going like this. You can't live like this. You can't go through your life feeling nothing. Feeling numb." Scratching my eye brow. "I wish I can change what happened. I wish I was there to protect you. I wish I could have saved your parents. Hell, I wish a lot of things. But the fact remains that I wasn't. No one was. You went through it all alone. You survived alone. And no matter what I say or anyone Else's says or does. It happened. And nothing will ever change that fact. You are never going to forget and you will never be the same."

Liz looking up at me with an unreadable expression.

"Everything is different now. We are just going to have to learn to deal. You are going to have to do this. I know you are living through each memory like it just happened. Trust me. I would give anything in this world to take it all away and let you forget. But you have to remember something very important here. That you lived through it already. You survived. You made it all on your own. I know you feel like you are going through it all again. Just like it is just happening, but you are not alone this time. I'm here. Max and Maria, Alex, Kyle. Even Tess and Isabel. You are not alone."

Liz looking into the room as if looking at someone.

Glancing and seeing no one there.

Resisting the urge to take her hand.

"I promise you that we are going to be here for you. What ever you need. You may not feel like it right now. But you are going to survive. You are going to over come this."

Because if anyone can, you can.

Liz glancing at me once more before looking once more at her cup.

"I know that you are scared. I know it seems impossible at the moment. I know that it's going to take time. That this is not something that you are just going to get over. You will carry this the rest of your life. But that's the good part about this Liz. Because you have this life and we have all the time in the world."

Liz biting her lip.

"Liz, I promise you that it is all going to OK. We are all here for you. One step at a time. Baby steps. That is all I'm asking. I know your instincts are screaming at you to pull away. To hide so far inside yourself that no one can touch you. But you can't do that Liz. I need you to keep fighting. To take those steps. To keep living."

Liz looking down.

"And this Liz.... This isn't going to do it." Wiping my hands on my jeans. "You need to talk Liz. You need to let it out. To scream, yell and cry. Hit something if you want to. Blow something up. Do anything. Something. Just let it all out. Because if you don't it is just going to consume you. Till there is nothing left. I don't want to lose you Liz. No one does. Not again. Please. Please just talk to us. Any of us."

"You not alone Liz. We. I will never leave you. Just don't shut us out. Don't shut me out. I know it's hard. I know it hurts. It's suppose to hurt. Your suppose to feel it all. The hurt. The fear. The confusion. The anger. Because if you don't feel those things and deal with them. Then you are going to miss out on all the good stuff. All the happiness. The joy. And the love. Because that is where you are going to end up with Liz. Happy, loved and alive. I promise. I know it's hard right now. And I know it feels impossible. I know it's not fair for me to ask. But I'm going to ask you anyways. Fight Liz. Feel. Feel it all and we will deal with it. Step by step. Every memory, thought and feeling. Together. Because a world without Liz Parker is not a world I want to live in."

Liz looking up once more at me. Tear slipping down her cheek. Shakily reaching up and wiping a tear off my cheek I didn't realize I was crying too.

Feeling the controlled fear, uncertain, concern and love of Liz wash over me.

There she is. Seeing a glimpse of the caring Liz Parker that held our group together for so long.

"Hey..." Smiling.

Because what do you say to a girl that you just poured your heart out to?

Giving me a small sad smile. As she withdrew her shaking hand.

She smiled!

"OK?" Wiping my face.

I can feel her.

Nodding her head. Wiping at her own tears.

"Can you talk to me? Can you talk about it?"

Liz opening her mouth and closing it again. Fear coursing through her.

"Hey.. Hey.. Baby steps. Hey, I'll settle for that wonderful smiling again."

Liz looking more alive then she has in days.

Fear I can deal with.

Liz smiling shyly again as the fear drops once more.

Just don't pull all the way away.

"OK then. More soup?" Taking her cup out of her hand.

Liz nodding again.

"Alright then." Getting up and going over to the cooler we had against the doorway to the hall. Seeing Maria standing in the hall. Arms wrapped around herself tears rolling down her face. "Maria?"

Maria launching her small frame into mine. "Thank you Michael. Thank you so much." In soft whispers.

"For what?"

"Taking care of my best friend."
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
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ch 37

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 37

MAX'S POV

Watching Liz sit on the steps of the cabin next to Maria. Eyes closed listening to her ipod with her face tilled up towards the sun. Journal clutched to her chest. A soft smile gracing her lips. Warming my heart.

How long has it been since you felt the sun on your face?

She is safe now. She can spend the rest of her days in the sun.

I promise you that.

"I'm tell you Michael that I couldn't wake up." Sighing running my fingers through my hair.

I don't understand what happened.

"That's obvious Maxwell since I had to zap you awake."

"It's more than that. It's like I was being held under. I was there out side of my body. I saw myself sleeping under the bed. I could see Liz's lips turning blue in the bedroom. I could feel her panic and conflict as she tried to hang on. I saw you talking her back down. I saw you make her soup and I saw you talking to her on the couch. I saw her and Maria watch TV while you fell asleep in the chair. I saw.."

"Please tell me you didn't watch her in the shower." Michael interrupting me.

"Michael!"

How could he think that?

I stayed by the door and waited in case she needed me.

Besides how are you going to act pissed? You kept pacing in front of the door every few minutes.

"The point is that I saw and felt it all. I just couldn't wake up in my own body." Shaking my head.

Michael leaning against the tree. "We though Liz some how could astral project herself while she was being held or that it was you subconsciously somehow bring her to you. Maybe it really was you all along."

"I don't know. I don't think it was me."

It didn't feel like me.

"So we are going to assume that it's part of Liz's powers. I could feel how strong she was in the bedroom. Raw energy. We already know that she can move things. And the strange green current under her skin is just freaky. Who knows what all she is capable of? All of our powers are different. Hell, we are still just learning all that we can do."

"I don't know." Shaking my head.

I could feel Liz the whole time. The ray of emotion that flooded through me. The unnatural cold numbness that sank through my soul and bones. The lit feeling of hope hidden in the fear and numbness as Michael talked to her. I could feel everything. I saw everything. I just couldn't wake up. At least not until Michael sapped me awake. Having to use a low energy shock and suddenly I was back in my body.

Is that what it was like for Liz? That she could see and feel everything that was going on with me?

Then she knows how much I love her. She knows how bad I felt about her being taken.

At least something changed though. A little of Liz was coming back. Michael's talk helped. She still wasn't talking but she seemed to be aware of her surroundings once more.

And trying to stay as far away from me a possible.

Feeling the sinking feeling once more in the pit of my stomach of how every time I would get in arms length of Liz she would move away. Not meet my eyes.

Granted she only makes eye connect with everyone else briefly at least she does with them.

Liz. Don't you realize how much I love you?

"So it has to be some sort of power of hers. I'm sure she doesn't even realize what she did." Michael sticking his hands into his pockets. "I don't even think she fully realizes that she use to visit you all the time. It's all confusing for her. It's making it harder for her to understand everything that happens. How she could be in too places at once? You remember her panicking in her room."

I know she had a panic attack in her room when she first woke up because of it.

"But what does it mean? How and why did she do it."

Most of our powers manifest subconsciously before we got a hang of them.

"That she wanted you to get some sleep? That she wanted you to be with her. I don't know. I'm willing to bet my Metallica CDs that she doesn't either. Doesn't really matter at the moment either way though. Your back now and Liz is some what here. We will work on her powers when we get to Montana. Just be happy that she responding to us once again."

"Except that she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Max. Give her time."

"I am."

"Maxwell...." Michael pushing off the tree. "This isn't about you."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Your putting to much pressure on her."

"I'm not asking her for anything. I just want her better. I just want to be with her. To help her too."

"You want. What you want. That's just it. You. You want her to fall in your arms. To remember the great love you share. It's to much for her. She's just trying to get through the day intact."

"It's not like that."

I just want to be there for her.

"Isn't it?"

"I just want to help her."

How can you think I want more then that?

"I'm sorry Max. The only way you can help her right now is to give her space. Let her come to you."

Is he kidding me? Liz needs me.

"Liz?"

Looking up to see Kyle waving his hand in front of Liz's face. Tess standing a few feet away.

Kyle leave her alone.

"Liz?" Kyle touching her shoulder.

NO!

"KYLE!"

Don't.

Fear slamming into me like a truck as Liz jerks away with her hands up in defense. Eyes open in fear as her journal skids away from her on fire.

"MICHAEL!" Hoarse cry escapes Liz's lips as she tries to back peddles up the stairs.

Feeling my chest clinch at Liz's cry for Michael.

"What the hell." Maria standing away from the burning journal. "KYLE!"

Michael and I are at her sides even as Tess waves her hand over the book erasing the flames.

"It's alright Liz. It's OK. I'm here." Resisting the urge to take her shaking form into my arms.

Liz looking wildly terrified around her.

"I'm sorry." Kyle apologizing. "I didn't mean to startle her. I forgot."

"Your OK." Trying to reassure Liz once more. "It's alright."

"Look at me." Michael's voice soft but demanding as he knees down right in front of Liz catching her eyes. Pulling the dangling wires out of Liz's ears. "LIZ! Just look at me and breath. All you have to do is breathe."

Liz taking a shaking breath in as she searched Michael's face.

Feeling the fear leave Liz's body.

Liz.

"That's it." Michael

Liz.

"That's it. Your alright. It was just Kyle." Michael explaining. "He just touched your shoulder to get your attention."

Feeling Liz relax more.

I'm intruding.

Pulling myself back away from them.

Liz....

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just want to ask you if you wanted to go for a walk with me and Tess." Kyle standing behind Michael.

Liz looking up at Kyle before looking once more at Michael.

Liz...

"It's alright." Michael reassuring once more. "Your fine."

"I'm... I'm sorry." Tears falling down Liz's cheeks.

"No. There nothing to apologize for. Everything is alright." Michael smiling at her. "No big deal. Kyle tends to scares me too."

"Hey!" Kyle trying to sound hurt.

"Well look at you, you big oaf." Maria hitting Kyle in his chest.

"Umff. Easy there. I bruise easy." Kyle rubbing his chest.

"Maybe your ego." Tess coming up to stand next to kyle.

"You OK sweetie?" Maria sitting where I just stood moments ago.

"She's fine." Michael

Liz nodding her head as she wiped the tears off her cheeks.

"Good. How about that walk?" Kyle holding his hand out to Liz.

Liz look at Michael.

Liz.

"Go. Have fun. It will be good for you." Michael standing up.

Feeling my chest constrict once more.

Liz nodding her head yes. Ignoring Kyle's hand and getting up on her own.

"This way my dame." Kyle bowing slightly with his hand extended out.

"Your such a corn ball." Tess shaking her head following Liz.

"What?" Kyle following in step with Tess and Liz.

"Thank you." Maria kissing Michael on the cheek. "I'm just going to go." Tilting her head at the others.

"Yeah, just not to far." Michael kissing Maria's head once more.

"Yeah, I have it covered." Maria hurrying to catch up.

Picking up the forgotten damaged journal.

Liz.....

I'm losing you.

"I think it might be better if we leave tomorrow morning." Michael
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
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CH 38

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 38

LIZ'S POV

Slipping four more aspirin onto my tongue before washing it down with a a slip of water.

Willing the throbbing to stop.

At least the aspirin does help a little.

Looking up to see Max's hurt filled concerned gaze upon me with once more.

I'm sorry Max.

Looking away from him once more.



Still feeling his heated stare on me.



Comforting and terrifying me at the same time.



Do you ever look anywhere else?

"So I figure if we take turns driving and drive straight there. With no more detours, we should be there roughly in 28 hours. Give or take traffic, weather." Alex glancing at me quickly. "Etc..."

Me.

Stopping because of me.

I thought I was doing a good job. Aren't I?

I smile. I engage. What more do they want?



The old Liz Parker.....

"You can't be serous." Isabel placing her hands on her hips. "We are going to drive straight through now. No stopping. What? No more crummy places to hole up in?"

Max looking away from me and glaring at Isabel. Who quickly looked at the ground.

I never asked you to come.

"Do you think it will be safe." Maria glancing at me. "I mean wise to go straight there." Mending.

Safe? Is it ever going to be safe again?

Safe to be with me?

Turning to look out the window.

What is safe anymore?

"Yeah, I think so. So far as we can tell." Alex

None of you should be here with me.

"As we can tell?" Maria voice laced with doubt.

It's not safe right? You all have your own lives to live right?

The sun is so bright.

Closing my eyes.

Throbbing increasing once more.

"We would know by now. I think they would be all over us if it was true." Michael.

"That we know of? What if they are just waiting?" Maria.

"Waiting for what?" Kyle

So warm.



How could anyone live without the sun?

"To find out where we are going." Maria

"Then going straight there isn't going to make a difference." Michael

"I think Alec did a good job of covering his and our tracks." Kyle

Alec.

Turning back to the conversation taking place.

Alec.

Seeing the blond hair and big smile.

'I promise you Elizabeth I'm going to get you out of there.' Alec's voice sounding in my head.

I want Alec.

"So it's decided. We will leave in the morning." Alex

"Where's Alec?" My own soft voice sounding foreign to my own ears.

Everyone stopping and look at me with pity and guilt in their eyes.

Looking at my hands in my lap.

Stop. JUST STOP!

Resisting the urge to curl up in a ball or just run.

Please just stop.

"What?" Maria

"Liz?" Max.

He didn't say goodbye.

It seems like a life time ago....

A different Life.

A life I belong to now.

Not this one. Not with them.

"Liz? Can you look at me." Michael once more kneeing in front of me.

Michael. How did you get there?

Michael, my rock. He is the one that understands, that I want to run and hide.

He going to be the hardest to fool.

Everyone else?

Keeps treating me like I am made of glass I just might break for good.



Max... and Max....

I can't keep going like this....

"Liz." Michael voice drawling me out of my head once more.

With them.

Not if they think I will break.

They have to think I'm strong. That I can do this.

I have to do this.

Shaking my head. Putting a forced smile on my face before I look up. "Never mind." Words slipping out in a small whisper.

I have to be strong.

Stand on my own.

"It's alright." Michael giving me a smile. "You have a right to know. We don't really know at the moment. We haven't heard from him yet. At least not since he called to see how you where doing."


He called to see about me.


I have to do this.

"I'm sure he is OK." Maria

Nodding my head. Looking up to see the pity and concern in everyone eyes once more.

Stop it.

Looking down once more before getting up. Bypassing Michael and going to the door.

What do they see when they look at me?

Broken? Shell of the person I once was?

Or do they see the damage stranger I see ever time I look into a mirror?

"Liz?"

Max's soft voice behind me. Stopping my movement.

Max.

Clearly see the pain in his eyes....

Feeling my chest constrict.

STOP!

"Here." Max voice coming once more.

Closing my eyes. Taking a breath and letting it out slowly. Opening my eyes and slowly turning around.

Max.

The pain and sadness in his eyes causes my chest to clinch more.

I did that.

Looking down.

It's my fault.

I need to stay away from you.

Please....

"Your journal." Max holding it out to me.

My journal?

"I fixed it."

Fixed it?

"I didn't read it."

Read it?

"Liz?" Max's voice laced with hurt.

Closing my eyes.

I did this to him.

Pushing all feelings away deep inside.

Opening my eyes.

"Thank you." Taking the book gently from him. Pulling it to my chest. Turning and walking to the door.

"Your welcome." Max's soft voice washes over me as I walk through the door.

I'm sorry Max.

I can't give you what you want.

I'm sorry.

Feeling the emotion start to rise once more. The pounding in my head increasing.

Don't...

Shaking my head and sitting down on the steps.

Wanting nothing more than anything to run.

No.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I have to do this.

Emotion once more under control. Pounding deceasing.

Lock away in a box, and throw away the key. Don't feel anything, and I will be free.......

If it was that easy.

Life sucks.

I should be thankful that I have a life.

Should be.....

Looking down and fingering my journal.

Is it sad that my life before could be summed up to these pages? A sad little fairy tale.

So is it going to end happily ever after?

Life isn't a fairy tale.

More like a nightmare.

It's all about a life that once was. That I can never be again.

Liz Parker's life is dead.

That story ended tragically. No happy ending. No white horse and living happily ever after. The prince didn't get the princess.

I am nothing like the girl that once was.

But I have to be.

For them.



It's not fair.....

Opening up the journal to find Alec's slightly burned letter.

What the heck?

What happened?

Max said he fixed it.

Did I?

Going over the events that I couldn't or didn't want to remember recently.

Did I?

I don't know.

Feeling the fear rise. The fear increase.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I don't want to do this.

STOP!!!

I just have to take a step back.

If I don't remember doing something.....



I can get them all killed.

I can't do this. I can't do this.

I have to.

Taking a breath. Slowly letting it out.

I have to....

Michael said that he would help me with my powers. It's going to be OK. Once I get control.....

That is to weird.

Me?

Me with powers?

This is crazy. This is all crazy.

I think I'm going crazy.

Do crazy people know that they are crazy?

"Want me to read it."

Jumping at the voice beside me.

"Sorry. I thought you knew I sat down." Tess giving me a small apologetic smile.

Nodding my head slightly.

Tess is with Kyle. They love each other.

Pictured of them holding hands and kissing yesterday went through my head.

This is just crazy.

Who thought I would be friends with Tess?

Tess kissed Max. Tess wanted Max. Tess said they were suppose to be together. Tess who is now in love with kyle. Kyle loves Tess.

I used to be with Kyle.

This is just too weird.



Tess and Max kissed.....

I missed so much.

Their lives went on and I feel like I just stood still.



Locked away.



My life locked away.



Stopped.



Died.



Died and they went on....

"Are you going to read it?" Drawling me out of my thoughts once more.



My life.....



Tess pointing to the letter in my hands.

The letter. O

I don't know.

"Afraid of what it will say?" Tess studying my face.



Afraid.

Yeah.



All the time.

Nodding my head.

Afraid. Story of my life.

"I think the longer you wait. The more things you can come up with to be scared about. Making it worst then it could be. Most the time it's nothing that you thought it would be or any where close. Better to just get it over with."

Maybe.

"Want me to read it?" Tess offering once more.

Do I?

Alec.

"No." Putting a smile on my face. "But thank you."

"Sure." Tess smiling back.

Getting up. "I'm just going to go." Nodding to the worn path that we walked earlier.



To be alone.

"For a walk." Tess standing also. "Want me to come?"

NO

"No." Putting on a smile once more. "I think I would like to be alone."

"Oh OK." Tess smile slipping slightly.

Are they ever going to stop?
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
User avatar
Twilighteyes
Addicted Roswellian
Posts: 106
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Location: us

ch 39

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 39

MICHAEL'S POV




Watching Liz curled up in a ball. Journal clutched to her chest in the chair that was pushed up close to the window. Leaning her head up. Forehead against the cool window looking up at the stars. Deep in thought. As if she was trying to figure something out.

That's good right? That's the old Liz. Always figuring the best solution out. Always coming up with the correct answer.

I wonder....

"Is it because of where we come from or is it because you didn't get to see them for so long?" The words slipping from my lips before I even realize I spoke them.

Liz jumping at the sound of my voice. Taking a slow deep breath.

Stupid.

She's composing herself.

Small smile in place before she looked over at me. "I don't know....." Coming out a soft whisper. Really looking me for the first time tonight. Analyzing. "I guess a little of both. I've always loved the stars. The night." Biting her lip thoughtfully. Looking down at the ground.

Releasing the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"They are amazing though aren't they? All the possibility?" Liz looking back out the window. "All the lives and mystery that could be out there. Everything that is here."

It's the most she has spoken in days.

Going to stand next to her. "Yeah." Sitting on the window sill next to her.

Liz taking another shaking breath in and out. Turning and taking a cracker from the table beside her.

Do you still feel sick?

Liz had eaten lunch but had refused dinner. Looking a little green after she came back from her so called 'alone.' walk.

So I followed her.

What can I say?

Not close enough for her to know. Not that I thought she would have notice... So wrapped up in her own thoughts and the letter that Alec left her.

But close enough that I knew she was alright. Close enough to put Max's and mine mind at ease.

That was what I was telling myself anyway.

And she was fine. Just one spike of pain and despair through that carefully placed facet of calm that held her emotions so tightly in check. Right before I was going to go to her, she pulled the emotions back under once more.

Liz was in control.

Besides, she needed the alone time. It must drive her crazy us watching her every move.

It would drive me crazy.

Max watching. Studying. Waiting.

The pain in both their eyes when they looked at one another.

It was heart breaking.

Max is trying to give her a little space now.

Glancing out the open door at where Max was sitting on the steps outside.

It's hurting him almost as much as when she was missing.

Almost.

And Liz?

"How do you feel?" Knowing Max could hear every word spoken clearly no matter how softly Liz spoke.

At least you haven't thrown up again.

Liz nodding a yes. Staring at the cracker in her hand.

"Would you like something else to eat?"

Shaking her head no. Placing the rest of the cracker back on the table.

"How about getting some sleep?"

It was only four in the morning.

Shaking her head no again.

Like I really thought that would happen.

Liz hadn't slept last night either.

"I'm fine. Really." Looking up at me once more. Smile carefully in place. "You should get some sleep. We will be leaving in a few hours. Maria would like that."

Not if your not up to it.

"We don't...."

"I'm fine." Liz cutting me off.

"There is no rush."

"I want to go." Looking at me intensely for a moment before looking out the window once more.

"OK"

Liz shifting a little in the chair once more pulling the journal closer to her chest.

"Want to talk about it?"

Shaking her head no.

"Sure?"

"Nothing to talk about." Eyes cast down now.

"What about what Alec wrote?"

I'm dying to know.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to give her the letter.

Then again maybe it was. She seems to be handling it well.

She talking to me. That's always good.

"Liz?"

Was I not suppose to know about her finally reading it?

Shit!

Eyes still looking down. "He really didn't say much." Her words barely audible.

Nodding my head.

What could he really say?

'Liz I'm sorry. Take care of yourself.'

What else was there?

Can't really say 'Hey there is a very good chance I might die to protect you.'

No, Liz wouldn't take that well. She's too much like Max. Both take the world on their shoulders.

He wouldn't tell her that. Would he?

Alec! Groaning.

Liz holding the letter out to me. Still not looking up as she bite her lip.

"Are you sure?" Carefully taking the crumbled slightly burned letter.

Liz turning to look out the window once more.

Max coming in and leaning against the door frame. Staring at us intensely.

Nodding my head at him.

Here goes nothing.

Slowly opening up the letter.

Elizabeth,

Where to start? I think this is the first letter I ever wrote in my life.
You know I'm not good at things like this. Hell before you came into my life I never had to think about anyone but myself.
I guess you can say you changed me for the better? Or throw my life into a tail spin! Joking.
Anyways.
I'm sorry.
I know you don't understand why I have to go back, but I have to.
Stop right there Elizabeth. Do not blame yourself. You hear me?
None of this is your fault. None of it.
I'm a grown man and I make my own choices. I had, no I NEED to make sure that your safe.
I can't and I won't allow them to hurt you or anyone else ever again.
I swore to you once that I would protect you and I promise you that I am going to do just that.
I failed you once and I swear to you that I won't allow it to happen again.
I am going to be alright. I will be. So don't give me another thought. You hear me?!
I know your scared and confused right now. I bet everything seems so overwhelming.
I know your first instincts are to crawl into a ball and hide from the world.
But I need you to fight against those feelings.
Do not take the easy way out. Your stronger then that.
I need you to fight Elizabeth. I need you to be alright. I need you to be able to go on.
To Live a full and happy life.
Happy Elizabeth. Remember what that was like?
Looking at the stars. Hanging with your friends. Learning. (I still think your crazy on that one.) Girls night with Alex and Maria.
You need to do all that again.
Your not alone and you never will be alone again. You hear me?
You ARE going to be alright.
Max, Michael and all the rest are going to be with you. They're going to take really good care of you. You need to let them help you and let them in.
I wouldn't leave you if I didn't think you couldn't do this or if I thought you weren't going to be alright. I'm leaving you in very good hands.
I know all of this might seems impossible and too hard right now. But you're the strongest person that I know.
You can do this, Elizabeth. I know you can. Just take one day at a time.
Remember you already made it through the hard part. You lived.
And for what you don't remember? Let it go, Elizabeth. Just leave it. Past is past. Leave it there.
Live in the moment. Be happy. You deserve to be happy.
You asked me once if I had faith?
I have faith in you, Elizabeth. Faith that you are going to be alright.
I'll meet you there as soon as I can.
Be safe.
Be happy.
Take care of yourself.
Fight.
Don't let them put out your spark.
I'm sorry.

Alec




Ok

Folding the letter back up.

Looking up at Max. Nodding.

That wasn't bad right?

"Liz?"

Looking up to see her still staring out the window again.

Stars.

"I...... I... I'm missing something Michael. Something I should know. Something important aren't I?" Glancing at me a moment before looking down. Biting that bottom lip once more. A single tear racing down her cheek.

Pain so clearly in her eyes cutting me in two.

"Liz?" Barely choking out.

I have no clue.

I don't know half of what you remember or don't.

I think it would be a lot better if you didn't remember anything.

What do you want to know?

What do I say?

Pain in her eyes cutting into my heart.

"What do you want to know?" Max speaking my question out loud.
Last edited by Twilighteyes on Sat May 02, 2009 11:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
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Twilighteyes
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CH 40

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 40

MAX'S POV



"What do you want to know?" Taking a step closer to Liz.

Resisting the urge to take her into my arms once more.

All I want to do is touch her.

Hold her....

Michael fumbling beside her. A ray of emotions crossing his face.

Liz looking up at me.

Eyes locking.

Seeing the fear and pain so freshly across her eyes. Her face.

Feeling it hit me like a ton of bricks. Making it hard to breath.

I would do anything to take all that away.

Anything.

"I...... I....." Liz looking down. Shaking her head. Clenching her fists. Taking a breath.

"Liz?" Softer this time.

Don't run.

Just talk to me.

Wiping her cheek with the back of her fist. Erasing the lone tear. "Nothing. It was nothing." Shaking her head.

Liz's face once more composed. In control.

The overwhelming fear gone now replaced once more by the emptiness.

She ran.

Liz.

Stifling the groan.

Resisting the urge to take her into my arms and shaking her.

Don't hide. Fight damn it!

We can get through this together.

You will be OK.

"We will tell you anything you wanted to know." Michael reaching out to touch her just to pull his hand back at the last minute.

Liz hates to be touched now.

"Anything." Mending.

Anything to fix this...

Just talk to me. Let me in.

STAY!

"It's nothing." Liz looking up at us. Her fake smile once more carefully in place. Not meeting our eyes. "Nothing." Standing up.

It's a lie. It's all a lie.

Taking a step back to give her room.

Nothing would get through to her now. Not at this moment anyway.

She's to far gone.

To carefully hidden behind the numbing nothingness.

"Liz...." Michael trying once more.

How long can she run?

How long can a person feel nothing?

Until it all explodes out and she can't lock it all away again?

Will she survive?

"I think I will just take a shower and try to get some sleep." Liz looking down once more. Placing her journal on the now empty chair. "If... that is OK?" Hesitating as if she expected us to tell her no.

It would be the fourth one in the last twenty-four hours.

I wonder if she really feels dirty?

Because of the rape?

Swallowing the bile that burned my throat.

Does she remember?

Is that what is going on in her head right now?

Didn't I read some where that a victim feels dirty. That they are trying to scrub away their assaulters' touch?

Liz...

Maybe she just likes the feel of the water.

If only..

The escape......

I wish I knew what you were thinking.

Liz...

How do I make this better?

"Yeah." Michael putting his hands in his pockets. "OK."

Liz stopping in the doorway. Her body going rigid. "He's not coming back is he?" Barely audible. Her back still towards us.

Alec.

"I..... We really don't know." Taking a step forward.

And we don't. Regardless of the premonition. Alec had the knowledge to survive. He knows that they want him dead. He will be alright. He has to.

Liz needs him.

Swallowing the lump in my throat.

Is it wrong to hate the guy?

"I'm sure that he will be alright. He's smart Liz and more than capable." Michael mending.

He killed everyone including you after all to get out before.

I really have to stop that.

To not hate the one person she does trust with her life now?

Liz nodding her head. Continuing into the bathroom without turning around.

Hearing the door shut quietly down the hall.

"I think she is expecting Alec to be there when we get there." Michael turning towards me.

Is she?

No.

"No. I don't think she is."

Liz doesn't get her hopes up anymore. Liz doesn't try to do anything with emotion anymore.

"Really?" Michael looking at me questionable. "Here." Holding out the letter to me.

Taking it and reading it quickly.

Damn.

I really do hate that guy.

Is it wrong to hate the fact that he seemed to be able to tell Liz exactly what she needs to hear.

"So?" Michael question.

What the hell am I suppose to say?

"He didn't say he was going to be there when we get there."

"No, not in so many words. But it's implying that he will see her again. There." Michael tapping the letter with his finger.

No. That's not exactly what he said.

'Don't give me another thought.' 'You won't be alone.' 'I wouldn't have left if I didn't think you would be alright.' 'I'll see you when I can.'

None of it said I will be there when you get there.

"If Liz thought that. Then she wouldn't of ask."

Hence her not getting her hopes up.

"Maybe." Michael anything but convinced.

"She already doubts or knows that there is a very good chance that he might not be coming back at all."

"So what do you think she will do when he doesn't?"

Is that to much to wish for?

No. Don't even go there.

Liz will be devastated.

But if she learns to trust and depend on us......

Learns to trust and depend?

Hell.

There was a time that wasn't even a question.

Liz depended and trusted me the most.

Yeah, and where did that get her?

Liz is better off with Alec.

"Stop. What ever your thinking just stop." Michael pulling me out of my thoughts. Hand on my shoulder.

"What ever." Looking out the window.

"She's going to be OK and this wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it? You just got done asking what we where going to do if Alec doesn't come back. Like Liz's sanity isn't resting on that fact."

"I didn't say that."

"Did you?"

"No." Michael scratching his eyebrow.

"I just think we should be preparing for the worst."

"How much worst can it get?" Looking out the window once more.

Much worst I'm afraid.

At least Liz is putting on a good show for everyone.

At least she is trying.

So what happens when it all falls apart for her?

"I need you to keep it together." Michael reasoning once more.

"I'm trying."

It just hard to look into the face and see the life that was ruined because of you. To see all the pain and distrust. From the most loving and trusting person in the world. To have the person that used to look up at me with such love and trust that took my breath away. To someone that can't meet my eyes. That wants nothing to do with me. That wants to be as far away from me as possible.

AND WHY SHOULDN'T SHE?!

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!

LIZ WOULD BE FINE IF IT WASN'T FOR ME!

"Max.... Max." Michael shaking me.

"What?"

"Just keep doing what you are doing. She will come around. I know it's rough."

"Rough Michael? That doesn't even begin to describe it? She hates me and why shouldn't she?"

"She doesn't hate you."

"Michael, she won't even look at me."

"She doesn't really look at anyone."

"She doesn't want anything to do with me."

"You expect to much from her."

"I don't expect anything."

"No. You just want it."

I can't stop it, I will always want Liz. How could anyone not?

"I'm going to do what ever is best for her Michael. What ever Liz wants or needs that is what I will be. You don't have to worry about that. Just keep taking care of Liz. You don't have to keep telling me."

Is it wrong to be jealous of Michael too?

"I know Max. I know you will do what is best for Liz."

Even if it kills me.
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
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Twilighteyes
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Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Location: us

Re: FINDING HOME (M/L mature) CH 40 5/13

Post by Twilighteyes »

CHAPTER 41



LIZ'S POV

Rinsing out the sour taste in my mouth and spitting into the sink. Gripping the sink with two hands. Holding myself up. Squeezing my eyes shut and willing the nausea and pounding in my head to go away.

Why does this keep happening to me?

I swear it starts to get dark and my stomach decides it wants to protest!

I was good all day.

So good.

Well except the killer headache.

Maybe I really did mess up my brain pushing Tess out.....

Tess. I hurt Tess.

Feeling the guilt go through me.

What if I hurt someone else?

I don't even know how I did it!

The pounding increasing once more.

Pulling out the four aspirin I had in my pocket. Placing them in my mouth. Gathering some water in the palm of my hand and washing the pills down.

Maybe my head always hurt...... Maybe I will always get sick now....

Maybe this is my life now.

How would I know?

I don't remember much of anything anymore.

Forget the past....

I'm suppose to just let it go?

Alec....

How do I just let it go?

Knocking on the door. "Liz...... Are you OK?" Michael's muffle concerned voice floating through.

Just go away. Just go away.

I just need a little more time.

Just a few minutes alone.

Please.

"Liz?" Michael attempting once more.

Please all of you just go away. Do they even realize how hard this all is?

One.

Just go away.

Two.

Pushing past the nausea.

Three.

The pounding in my head.

"Liz..." Hearing the door knob jiggle.

Squeezing my eyes closed tighter and blocking everything out.

Four.

The feelings sinking back slightly into the back ground of conscious.

Five.

Opening my eyes.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Hating that my voice sounded so soft and weak.

Will it ever sound normal again?

I'm surprise they let me come alone in the first place.

That's right. I didn't give them a chance.

Having ran into the bathroom as soon as I was out of the jeep. When we stopped at the crummy gas station for gas.

I was lucky the door was unlocked. Some places lock their doors.

Not daring to look at myself in the dirty mirror.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Splashing some more cool water on my face.

I'm fine.

Drying it slightly with a rough paper towel.

I'm fine.

Wiping my hands on my jeans. Placing a smile on my face.

I'm fine.

At least my jeans are starting to fit better.

I should be happy about that right?

Taking a deep breath.

I'm fine.

Pulling on the door. Nothing.

Trying the lock.

Did I lock it?

When?

I barely had enough time to get to the toilet.

Turning the lock back.

Pulling on the door once more. Nothing.

Turning the luck back.

Come on.

Pushing on it this time. Still nothing.

Open.

Just open.

Pushing and pulling on the door.

Feeling the panic start to rise.

Let me out.

Let me out!

"Liz?" Max's voice seeping through the door.

Pounding on the door as I held to the handle.

Feeling my heart start to race.

LET ME OUT!

Feeling the walls start to close in on me.

"PLEASE!" Pounding on the door.

Room getting tighter.

"Liz? Open the door." Max's voice coming once more.

No No No NONONONO!

"LIZ?!" Max's voice laced with panic.

Hearing pounding on the other side of the door now.

Darkness creeping around the edges of my vision.

"Please...." Sinking to the ground.

"LIZ!" Max's muffled voice coming from far away.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Michael's muffled panic voice.

Pulling my legs up to my chest.

No please.

Beeping.
Pain.
Cold steel.
Darkness.

Maybe I never made it out.

Curling into a ball on my side.

Maybe it all was a trick.

"Alec...... Max...."

Please......

"STAND BACK LIZ!" Muffled voice coming from far away. "I'M COMING IN!"

Don't leave me here....

Darkness and coldness taking over.

I can't do this anymore.......

Feeling myself being pushed along the cold dirty floor.

Just let me die....

Please.

"LIZ!?"

Max.

"Liz?"

Max let go.

Feeling arms being wrapped around me. Hard chest. Warmth. Love. And sudden brightness flooding my sense.

Shutting my eyes at the brightness.

Now comes the pain.

"Shhhh... I got you. I got you." Arms holding me tighter.

With the light comes the pain.

Feeling my body bracing for it.

Always pain.

Max. I can't do this anymore. Please.

Fingers in my hair. "Your safe. Baby. Your safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you. Your safe." Max's lips on my forehead.

Max?

"Shhhh.. Your safe now. Your safe."

Max. I'm with Max.

Hearing Max's slow and steady heart beat in his chest.

What? How?

"Your safe baby. I got you. Stop shaking. Your safe. Shhhh.... It's OK."

Max. I'm safe.

Feeling the fear and coldness start to fade away as I hold on to the safety and warmth that only Max could offer me.

Max.

His warmth start to seep through me.

"Shhh.... I got you. Your safe Liz. Your safe. Shhhh...."

Holding tighter to everything that was and is of Max.

Max.

Don't let me go. Don't let me go.

Max.

"I got you. I got you." Max holding me closer. Feeling his hands through my hair as he gentle rocking me.

Max.

Feeling my racing heart start to slow. Matching Max's.

My Max.

"What's going on? What happened?" Alex's voice floating through.

"Liz got locked in the bathroom." Michael's whispered voice.

"Your OK. Your OK. I got you."

If I could just stay here....

Holding tighter to Max. Burring my face into his neck.

If I could only stay here. Right here.

In the warmth and love of my Max.

"Shhh.... Your OK. I'm not going anywhere." As if Max was reading my thoughts. "I'll never let you go."

My Max.

"What? How?" Alex

Max.... My Max.

"I love you Liz. I won't let anything happen to you ever again. I promise." Max

This is the way it should be.

Me in Max's arms.

"Looks like Liz somehow melted the door." Maria explaining.

Feeling my body stiffen.

I did what?

"Hey... Hey. It's alright Liz. Your alright." Max's arms tightening around me. "Nothing else matters. Your OK. It's alright. Everything is going to be alright. I got you."

"She did what?" Alex's voice full of disbelief.

"Everything is fine. We will be there in a minute." Michael's voice softer then before, now full of tension.
"Just go make sure everyone and everything is ready to go. We will be out in a minute."

I melted the door?

Opening my eyes.

I melted the door? I melted the door? I melted the door?

"Hey. Hey. Your OK. Everything is OK." Max trying to comfort me once more. One hand still in my hair. The other rubbing comforting circles on my back.

I melted the door?

Fear once more seeping through.

"Hey. Hey. Your safe. I promise you, your safe. Everything is alright."

Pulling away from Max slightly. Michael's, Alex and Maria concerned and scared faces coming into view.

I melted the door.

"Liz? Talk to me baby." Max running his hand up and down my arm.

Max.

"Liz?" Max's voice full of love. Turning my face up to look at him.

Looking up at Max.

Seeing the overwhelming love with slight concern shining in his eyes.

For the first time there was no pain or fear in them.

Max.

My beautiful Max.

How easy it would be just to close my eyes and stay here forever in his arms.

This is how Max should always look.

How easy it could be.....

"Hey...." Giving me a small smile. Using is thumb to wipe the tears I didn't realize I cried from my cheek.

Max.

Closing my eyes as he leaned in and kissed my forehead before resting his forehead against mine. "Your safe Liz. I promise. Your safe with me. I won't let anything happen to you."

Safe. I was safe.

Letting his words, warmth, and love wash over me.

"Can you fix it?" Maria hushed whisper.

"Maria..." Michael growling. "Yeah." Sighing.

Pulling back in time to see Michael waving his hand over the damage door. Turning it whole and new once more.

I did that.

"Liz? Don't worry about that." Max

Michael looking at me. "It's nothing Liz. Really. There is nothing to worry about."

Kyle and Tess jogging back around the building.

"The old man didn't hear anything." Kyle pointing behind him.

"Kyle." Michael growling out once more.

I did this.

Using all the strength I had to pull myself up and away from Max.

Feeling the lost of him at once sending a shooting pain through my chest.

I could have exposed everyone.

"Liz?" Max reaching out to steady me as a wave of dizziness hit me.

Holding onto Max's arms for support.

No.

Pushing the feeling away.

No.

Steadying myself once more.

I didn't know.

"I didn't know." Coming out a small whisper.

We could have all ended up back in a cage. In hell.

Or worst....

Shutter going through me.

"It's OK Liz. Everything is OK. I promise." Max's words washing over me.

OK? Everything is not OK.

I didn't even know I did it.

That I could do that!

Shaking my head no.

Pulling away from Max once more.

Coldness swiftly returning from the lose of Max.

Wrapping my arms around myself.

Max.

I could have hurt him.

My Max.

NO!

Thought alone stopping me from going once more into his arms.

Not my Max anymore.

I could have hurt him.

I put them in danger by being with me.

"Liz. It was just an accident." Max

"I didn't know I did it." Shaking my head once more.

"It's OK." Max trying once more.

"We will be there in a few hours. Once we get settled we will work on it. It's going to be OK." Michael reassuring.

"No." Shaking my head no once more. Taking a couple steps away from them.

I could have hurt anyone of them.

"It will be." Max taking a step towards me. "Trust me. All you have to do is trust me." Holding out his hand.

"It's going to be alright." Michael.

"Liz. Chicka. It really is OK." Maria

OK? How can this be OK?

"Just trust me Liz. Please." Max taking a small step towards me.

Trust Max?

Yes.

Myself?

No. How can I?

"Do you trust us Liz?" Looking up to see Isabel standing next to Alex.

Trust?

You don't even like me Isabel.

"Do you know how many times Michael blew something up by accidents? How many times I changed the color of my room or clothes by accident? We didn't learn or control our powers right away Liz. It took years of practice. And we were all alone. Kids. Sure we had each other but we were all clueless. It took us forever to realize that our powers were linked to our emotions. I know your scared Liz. Terrified. But you have us. Max is right. It really is going to be OK. We will all help you. We will take care of you. All you have to do is trust us."

Connected to our emotions?

That makes sense.

I was upset.

But does that excuse the fact that I didn't even realize that I did it?

"I'm sorry Liz." Looking up at Isabel once more. "I'm sorry I made this so much harder for you. I forgot what it was like when I first found out that I was different." Isabel smiling slightly. "I forgot how scared I was. How scared you must be. I'm sorry Liz. I am so sorry. Can you trust us? Will you let us help you?"

Trust you?

"Liz?" Max trying once more.

What if I hurt them?

I don't know what to do.

I could hurt them.

I didn't even realize what I was doing!

How do I control something that I didn't even realize what I was doing?

"Liz?"

Looking up at Max once more.

Max.

His image blurring slightly.

"It's going to be OK." Max

Is it?

No.

How can it be?

What am I suppose to do?
Dig my grave,
Dig it deep.
Marble stone,
From head to feet.
And on that stone,
Place a dove.
To show the world,
I died for love.
Locked