You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 19 10/8/18

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keepsmiling7
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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 18 5/2/16

Post by keepsmiling7 » Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:10 am

We were hoping you were ready to return to this story, even though it rips my heart out to see Max and Tess together.
I love the way you write with so much emotion......
Please come back!

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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 18 5/2/16

Post by Tzigone » Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:09 am

So, I'm rereading this one, and thought I'd chime in with thoughts.

First, you have to understand that I only watched S2 once, and I don't remember the details. I remember a couple cute Kyle/Tess scenes, a grocery market (or similar) scene where Amy shows up and makes a babysitter crack, the basic plot of EOTW, and parts of Isabel wanting Alex to go to prom with her. I remember smidge of Liz's finding clues about Alex. And then a big WTF ending. I mean, I'd forgotten Sean, Courtney, and Whittaker existed until revisiting the boards a while back. Didn't like S2, and didn't watch S3 at all. So I'm pretty "fresh" coming into this version and can't really compare/contrast to show version.

The thing is, though, when rewatching S1, I'm always very perturbed at Max in certain eps (esp. "The Toy House"). He keeps relevant information from the others, unilaterally decides what they're going to do, etc. I really hate people trying to exert control over the lives of others "for their own good." Guess what Tess and Alex have done a lot of here? :wink:

First time around Tess manipulated everyone and killed someone innocent. This time around Tess manipulated everyone and killed someone innocent. Only this time, instead of being the victim, Alex is the co-perpetrator. Not exactly thrilled. Between the two of them, they seem pretty capable of destroying the lives of Jim, Kyle, Max, Isabel, and maybe Liz. At least in the short-term. And with Jesse what he is, maybe in the long-term for Isabel, too (not sure how long the marriage will last in this version). Haven't seen enough of Michael and Maria to decide on yet, despite Maria's heavy pain right now.

I think the entire thing is exacerbated because I still have no idea why Alex and Tess are doing this. I know it'll be revealed in due course. And I do think not knowing makes me more frustrated with them, and I'm interested if knowing will make me less frustrated or more understanding or just make me say "you idiots!" and make me even more pissed at them.

There are a lot of mysteries set up - who's pursuing them and to what end. If the Whitman's move is orchestrated. Why Jesse marries Isabel. If Kyle's about-face to "my sister" regarding Tess is plot-relevant. And especially why Alex has left clues for Liz (presuming he really did). I don't get that at all, and am very eager to learn more.

Edit: I'm also trying to decide if I think the bleeding and headaches for Alex and Tess are a result of the curse, the enemies, or just Tess's own power being used and she's now at least believing something false that she mindwarped.

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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 18 5/2/16

Post by norahb » Thu Jun 30, 2016 6:24 am

I'm new here, but I thought I'd chime in. There is so much potential in this story -- it could become a grand epic, and those stories can be hard to write because there is so much to tell. Here's what I'm liking so far.
-It's a compelling concept, and even though Alex-Is-Alive has been done before, I don't think this story has been done before. This feels new and fresh.
-That grand epic feeling. Gotta love it when it feels like you are creating this sweeping world where the stakes are high and character choices matter.
-The writing is solid.
-I like that all of the characters seem real and flawed, but are being portrayed sympathetically. I'm not a big Max fan either, but I always get frustrated when fic authors portray him as a storybook villain. What I think you're doing here is making it clear that these are kids, and a lot of their mistakes are understandable when you think that they're 17 or so. I mean, I was an idiot at 17, and luckily didn't have an intergalactic conspiracy to deal with and screw up.
-While I think that Alex and Tess's scheme is a terrible idea, I can understand that they might think it's a good idea because, well, they are 17. And desperate. I also like them as co-conspirators -- even though that relationship didn't exist in the show, I can believe it. They are both logical and have the ability to step back from the emotional craziness, see the big picture.
-I didn't have a problem with the Max and Tess sex scene, probably because I don't have a problem with Max and Tess stories, and just wrote one myself (it's in the UC forum, "Slow Songs and Reincarnated Aliens," shameless plug :) ), though I also like Max and Liz together. About your scene in particular -- I thought it was beautifully done, and I especially loved to see the morning after awkwardness and regret, the panic attack, the idea that they both know it was a mistake. Sex is comfort, and I like that this is something that happened as a result of needing to not be lonely, etc, rather than out of passion. Makes it more complex and interesting.
-I just rewatched most of Season 2 (thank you, Netflix), and I was struck by how little sense the last couple episodes made when you look at the rest of the season. I just never really bought Tess being evil, or what her motivation was (because she really should have thought Khivar could end up betraying her). And the kicker for me is that she finally gets what she's wanted -- Max -- and I don't know why she would jeopardize that by throwing him to the wolves. Seems like even if she wanted to take the deal, she might have waited a while longer to see if she could make Max, Isabel, and Michael into the Royal Four she originally wanted them to be.
-A scheming Jesse Ramirez? Yes please. I can't believe I never thought of that -- brilliant!

So, here is the part where I offer some unsolicited advice. Since you haven't posted anything lately, and I would love it if you did ...
-From your summary, I understand that you are planning a time jump. Several years later, Alex and Tess return? -- That is really where your story begins. All of this is great, but if you do a time jump, this stuff after Alex "dies" is prologue to that. Backstory. And since you are going in parallel to the end of Season 2, we already know the general plot points. What we don't know is what happens in the future. So if you are having a problem getting into the next part of your story, and getting momentum towards that next big plot point, I would hurry along to the time jump. You've laid such a good foundation. All you need to do is get to Tess's pregnancy, the attempt to leave for Antar, and then however she will set up her betrayal and actually leave.
-This also helps the pacing of your story and creates momentum.
-Another chapter or two in the present should do it.
-Before the time jump, I also think you should introduce Jesse to Isabel and show the beginning of some kind of romantic relationship.
-Unless you have some need to do it, I wouldn't get into season 3. Anything you want to use from that, like a marriage between Jesse and Isabel (yes, please, if he's a scheming agent), can be worked in as backstory or flashbacks.
-When you get to the future, it's not necessary for us to know everything that's happened in the last ten years, not right away. We can figure that out as we go along.

Okay, end of this long, long comment. Thanks so much for the awesome story :)

Cheers,
Norah

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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 18 5/2/16

Post by keepsmiling7 » Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:31 pm

please come back......even though I hated reading about Max and Tess together!

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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 19 10/8/18

Post by morethenwords122 » Mon Oct 08, 2018 11:33 pm

Part 19


Carolyn:
Her human side is really coming out, and she doesn't know how to deal with it.
Yes, I would say that her human side is showing more since she's been seeing Alex...but there's more than that too 8)


Eve:
This part was in some way a little bit creepy for me, because I know that Alex isn't dead!


Creepy is what I do :lol:

But seeing Isabel torturing herself and imagining seeing Alex and talking to him - says a lot about the feelings of guilt she's got...
Her guilt is high...like with all the alien, but Isabel has it ten times worse! She lost the first man she's ever loved...and loved her for her.

I can't stop wondering how she/they will react, if once they will discover the truth!
It will be epic :D


Eva:
Alex, Alex,.. What are you doing to Isabel?
He's sending her through the ringer. Hold on, it's only going to get worse 8)
And at which point is she going to sense that he isn't that? That her gift or power or however you want to call it, is letting her connect with an alive Alex instead of having moments with a dead person? The last thing will certainly drive her insane at this rate, the other thing... Well, that can go both ways
It will take a while! She's so wrapped up in her grief that any connection--real or not--is the only thing she's clinging onto right now. But yes, I think that their connection will drive them both crazy.


Twilighteyes:
please come back!!!!!
I'm back!


Tzigone:
The thing is, though, when rewatching S1, I'm always very perturbed at Max in certain eps (esp. "The Toy House"). He keeps relevant information from the others, unilaterally decides what they're going to do, etc. I really hate people trying to exert control over the lives of others "for their own good." Guess what Tess and Alex have done a lot of here?
Yes, I would say that Alex and Tess are doing exactly what Max is known for doing a lot in season 1 and 2...and all three of them feel like they are doing the right thing for the people they love.
First time around Tess manipulated everyone and killed someone innocent. This time around Tess manipulated everyone and killed someone innocent. Only this time, instead of being the victim, Alex is the co-perpetrator. Not exactly thrilled. Between the two of them, they seem pretty capable of destroying the lives of Jim, Kyle, Max, Isabel, and maybe Liz. At least in the short-term. And with Jesse what he is, maybe in the long-term for Isabel, too.
Their lies will have serious effects on the lives of their friends! They are manipulating and killing innocent people...but they believe they are doing the right thing. They would never have done what they did, if they didn't believe they were saving lives. The means justify the ends in their opinion. And Jesse...well, Jesse might surprise you!
I think the entire thing is exacerbated because I still have no idea why Alex and Tess are doing this. I know it'll be revealed in due course. And I do think not knowing makes me more frustrated with them, and I'm interested if knowing will make me less frustrated or more understanding or just make me say "you idiots!" and make me even more pissed at them.
Yes, it will all be revealed in due time. But just know that you'll never stop screaming "You idiots!" when you do know.
I'm also trying to decide if I think the bleeding and headaches for Alex and Tess are a result of the curse, the enemies, or just Tess's own power being used and she's now at least believing something false that she mindwarped.
You will learn more about that in time 8)


norahb:
I like that all of the characters seem real and flawed, but are being portrayed sympathetically. I'm not a big Max fan either, but I always get frustrated when fic authors portray him as a storybook villain. What I think you're doing here is making it clear that these are kids, and a lot of their mistakes are understandable when you think that they're 17 or so. I mean, I was an idiot at 17, and luckily didn't have an intergalactic conspiracy to deal with and screw up.
I'm not a big Max fan either, but I don't think he's a villain by any means. I think a lot of Max's problems is that he's a 17 year old kid trying to be a king, and of course, he's going to make mistakes. I wanted to portray that while Max isn't by any means perfect, he's still a kid. I'm glad that that's got through in my story.
While I think that Alex and Tess's scheme is a terrible idea, I can understand that they might think it's a good idea because, well, they are 17. And desperate. I also like them as co-conspirators -- even though that relationship didn't exist in the show, I can believe it. They are both logical and have the ability to step back from the emotional craziness, see the big picture.
Yes! Alex and Tess are doing what they believe is right...and they can't see but one side of the coin right now, because not only they in the thick of it...but they are 17 and just doing what they think will save the most lives. At 17, you have a small scope of things. They can't see that their plan might destroy the lives of their friends or others. Their plan is terrible and self-destructive...but to them, it is the only way.
I didn't have a problem with the Max and Tess sex scene
You're probably the first one :lol:
A scheming Jesse Ramirez? Yes please. I can't believe I never thought of that -- brilliant!
I know right! But Jesse is enigma and might actually surprise you! He's isn't all evil...none of these characters are.
So, here is the part where I offer some unsolicited advice. Since you haven't posted anything lately, and I would love it if you did ...
-From your summary, I understand that you are planning a time jump. Several years later, Alex and Tess return? -- That is really where your story begins. All of this is great, but if you do a time jump, this stuff after Alex "dies" is prologue to that. Backstory. And since you are going in parallel to the end of Season 2, we already know the general plot points. What we don't know is what happens in the future. So if you are having a problem getting into the next part of your story, and getting momentum towards that next big plot point, I would hurry along to the time jump. You've laid such a good foundation. All you need to do is get to Tess's pregnancy, the attempt to leave for Antar, and then however she will set up her betrayal and actually leave.
-This also helps the pacing of your story and creates momentum.
-Another chapter or two in the present should do it.
-Before the time jump, I also think you should introduce Jesse to Isabel and show the beginning of some kind of romantic relationship.
-Unless you have some need to do it, I wouldn't get into season 3. Anything you want to use from that, like a marriage between Jesse and Isabel (yes, please, if he's a scheming agent), can be worked in as backstory or flashbacks.
-When you get to the future, it's not necessary for us to know everything that's happened in the last ten years, not right away. We can figure that out as we go along.
Thank you, I see where you are coming from! I have some things to tie up in this timeline before I time jump...but don't worry, I won't explain everything.


A/N: Long time since I've posted on this story! I'm pumped to get back to this story! Let the games begin again!


-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-


“Isabel, is that what being an ali—”

Alex gasped, his mouth wide open like a fish out of water, gulping for air…his entire body thrashing him awake. He hissed as he bolted upright, hitting his head on something solid. The last foggy remembrances of—Isabel—his dream slipping away from him with a start. He gripped his head as he felt the pressure build like a vice grip…thousands of distorted images—of nebulous memories— threatened to strangle the life out of him. I’m drowning, he thought incoherently as image upon image— of forgotten memories— swam behind his eyelids, floating apart…broken…like an island upon itself with no means of escape except into the darkness of madness. It’s drowning him…eating him up. He’s just wading out in open water…waiting for the waves to come up and swallow him whole.

His mind swirled in pain…blood trickled down his windpipe. He wiped his nose clean. I’m dying! His mind cried crazily, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. His deprived lungs trying to fill themselves up on the stale air of the confined space around him… wanting it with a kind of desperation that scared him to the point that he almost felt himself choke on it. His heart raced as a strong overwhelming sense of crushing failure wrapped itself around his heart like a boa constrictor, pounding a hard one-to-one beat against his fragile ribcage. Oh, God, he couldn’t die… he couldn’t fail…it just wasn’t an option.

“No!” He snapped, slapping himself…forcing himself to fall back into reality. “Get a hold of yourself!” He screamed. “It’s okay…I’m okay,” he whispered to himself over and over again, trying to calm himself down. He wasn’t dying…he wouldn’t fail. He breathed deeply, in and out…wiping the sweat and tears from his face to give him something to do except hyperventilate. His head still pounding double time against his temples.

“It’s going to be okay.” Alex said softly, wanting to believe that as desperately as he wanted air right now. His slick fingers fumbled with the top buttons of his shirt, freeing his Adam’s apple. He placed his head in his trembling hands. He wouldn’t die, his mind repeated, like a needle scratching against a vinyl record. He would complete his promise…his mission. He wasn’t going to stop when he was so close to the end. He wouldn’t lie down and just give up. He would—

“Alex…” He whipped his head toward the voice, frightened. It couldn’t be. “Come back to me…” the voice called to him, female soft…full of beauty. He put his hand over his mouth, holding in a cry of joy and dismay. His muscles jumped and jived inside his skin. His mind whirled in circles of agony and angst. He felt like he would faint. Oh, God, it couldn’t be! It was…he was sure. It was—his sins coming back to haunt him…to drive him crazy. It was his fragmented brain beaconing him into the darkness. It wouldn’t let him get away scot-free…this would run him down and make him suffer—Isabel.

“Isabel…” Alex said, tears once again streaming freely down his cheeks. He sighed deeply. My God, she was beautiful…even through the blurry haze of his tears. She was like an angel sent down from heaven just for him. Her blonde hair shining like a halo…her white satin gown flowing behind her in waves—waiting to crash over him. She was a vision…she was his and his alone. “Isabel…is this—” He choked on his words, wanting to cough violently around the wet, metallic taste that was suddenly slithering down the back of his throat as the question threatened to smother the life right out of him. It was his blood. His lifeline…taking the words from his mouth, snuffing them out…choking him all over again. But he had to know. He had to. “What being an ali—”

Alex jerked his whole body away from the hand that suddenly fell on his shoulder. “Hey, buddy… you okay?” A new voice asked wearily. A female voice—that wasn’t Isabel’s. He blinked the tears away, confused. He was staring into the face of a girl around his age. Her dark red hair fell down her back in waves—waiting to swallow him whole— and her eyes were filled with vague concern. And she was beautiful. So beautiful to his fragile heart.

But she wasn’t Isabel.

“You started bleeding and convulsing and talking to someone who wasn’t there…” the young girl went on. “And I got worried.” Her cool fingers were holding his hand tightly. It felt so good against his warm and clammy one. He dug his fingers into her palm, holding on for dear life…embracing this nameless stranger as an old friend…as his only friend.

She smiled brightly at the embrace.

“I’m fine…” He bit out, his lungs still gasping for air. He breathed deeply in, wanting to stop the unsteady rhythm in which his chest heaved up and down with anxiety. He didn’t want to embarrass himself any further around this pretty girl.

“My name’s Candy.” The girl said, stroking his tear stained cheeks. “I’m Frank’s daughter.”

“Hello, Candy.” He said…and smiled shakily.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Candy asked. Her husky voice still tainted with worry.

“Yes.” He nodded and winced at the pain that pounded and pounded in his head.

She stroked his hair and he leaned into the touch like a puppy wanting his master’s attention. “You hit your head pretty hard when you were shaking like you were…you should keep lying down for a while.”

He paused and shook his head, despite the pain. “No, I—” He started, moving further toward getting off the hard floor, his shaky hands scrambling for some kind of purchase… but she interrupted him with a stern look.

“I insist.” She said and put her hand back on his shoulder, gently pushing him back onto the floor. He went easily, finding that the constant roaring pain inside his head was causing him to see double. Real life and fantasy lay so clearly before him. It was disorienting trying to staple reality with the images that continued to float around in his head. He groaned against the swarm of images that flashed through his fuzzy brain, rubbing his forehead. In it, he could see Isabel standing there before him…like his best and worst dream come true. Her beauty only eclipsed only by the magnitude in which she appeared…so suddenly and without warning….a pain so sharp that it felt like it had turned his brain into mush. He was torn between reality and fantasy. He wanted her back…he wanted her to go away forever.

He wanted—

“You were bleeding…” Candy said, breaking through his daze. She wiped some of the remaining blood there with a tissue as she said it. He looked toward her, seeing her through the haze of time…seeing two images wavered between his muddled mind’s eye. He saw Isabel as she had been before…an angel sent to earth, a glowing halo hanging around her head through blessed tears…but he also saw a new and interesting person before him. He saw someone he didn’t know…had just met…and that seemed to shine through more clearly than that other image.

He leaned in closer toward that image…toward that person. Instinctively he realized that, if he did, he would be much closer to sanity…and further away from Isabel. His blood flecked nose breathed in the scent of this young girl’s hair. He sighed. Do you know how good you smell…so close to me? He wanted to tell this young girl—woman—named Candy. He wanted to ask if she felt as soft as she looked…if she was as beautiful inside as she was outside. He wanted to know everything about this new and exciting image.

But instead he asked, “Where are we?” He was vaguely distracted by the gentle curves of her plush hand against his face.

“My father’s store.” She answered quickly, finishing cleaning his nose. “He brought you here while you were asleep in the car…you woke up long enough for him to get you inside, but you fell to the floor not long after…and started bleeding…and stuff.” She wadded up the used tissue and threw it in the garbage can close by.

“Where’s Frank?” He looked around to see if he could see the tall man anywhere nearby. When he didn’t, he turned to her with a question in his eye.

She chuckled. “In the front of the shop,” she said.

“What your name?” She asked.

“Oh,” He breathed. “Alex.”

She held her hand out. “Nice to meet you, Alex.”

He shook it gently. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Alex?” She said after a long stretch of silence between them.

“Yes, Candy?”

“Who’s Isabel?” She asked, her brow cocked in a question. Alex froze. Another long silence descended upon them at her question. The quiet sounds of the shop circled around them as the voices of customers spoke in a low whisper…the footfalls of people walking in and out of the small town store.

Alex closed his eyes, her question swirling around his head.

“Nobody.” He answered coldly. She flinched at his cold tone…but her eyes looked like she would ask something else…he was grateful when she was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps on the tiled floor in the back of the store.

“I see you’ve met my daughter…” A familiar voice spoke and Alex sighed heavily in relief. It was Frank. It was just Frank. He remembered Frank…Right?

“Yes, I have.” Alex said and smiled at him. He smiled grimly back.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yes,” He said, letting himself be swept up by the peaceful noise of the shop. It soothed the chaos in his head. It was a balm to that hollow, scooped out part of him that felt like an invader in their lives—like an alien. He breathed in deeply. He would only hurt this young, trusting girl who had wiped the blood from his nose…would only hurt the tall, kind father who took in a stranger without a single word of protest. It was all he ever did now. Hurt people. Because he knew better. He knew that life simply could—and would—kick you in the face the first chance it got. It was survival of the fittest and people like them never lasted. It was people like him who ran the earth…people who ran on fumes and broken promises. He wasn’t who he once was. He was damaged beyond repair. He had seen too many of life’s dirty tricks to come out unscathed…

He would just use them up, suck them dry. It was the order of things. It was who he was now. He had accepted it. So with a smile, he finished with: “I’m a lot better now.”


TBC...
I hurt myself today/To see if I still feel- (Hurt, Johnny Cash)


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keepsmiling7
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Re: You and Whose Army? (AU,CC,MATURE) Part 19 10/8/18

Post by keepsmiling7 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 8:57 pm

So happy to see you return.
Now it appears that Alex almost bought the farm........
We need to know more about Candy at this point.
Thanks,
Carolyn


Last bumped by morethenwords122 on Sat Oct 27, 2018 8:57 pm.

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