Yellow (M/L ADULT): NEW CHAPTER! Ch. 21 3/24/21

[ChemChic]

Hi guys! Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I'm really glad there are still people who want to read stories about these beloved characters almost 20 years later!

It's been a bit of an emotional experience to share this version of these characters with anyone because I have been living with them for almost 10 years. I'm just hoping that I do them justice.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I stumbled through the next week in a haze of numbing grief. It seemed each day that there were more people at the Evanses than the last, constantly bringing food and offering their condolences. Diane, Phillip, Amy, and Jim made the funeral arrangements, asking for my input only when absolutely necessary. They would’ve allowed me to have as much involvement as I wished, but it was abundantly clear to all of us that I was in no shape to make such adult decisions. I spent the majority of my time in Max’s room - mine and Max’s room, I suppose - sleeping or doing schoolwork. After some contemplation, I’d approached Phillip and Diane about the possibility of completing the year at home. I knew if I went back it would be first to a sea of pity which would then die down to whispers of ‘that’s the girl whose parents were murdered’ and I simply couldn’t handle that. They agreed and were able to make arrangements with the school within the week. Diane had suggested I take a few weeks’ break but I found that keeping up with my classes busied my mind and kept me from spending too much time in the more brutal places in my head.

Max, unsurprisingly, was my rock. He knew just how much to push and exactly when to back off. His presence was constant but he made sure I had space; if I was reading in bed, he was working quietly at his desk. He anchored me. He still does.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“It should be raining,” I murmured, staring out the passenger window of the Jeep.

The funeral itself had been mercifully brief; my parents were’t ones for fanfare. There had been a minister who mentioned the requisite ‘dust to dust’ and said a few words about where he seemed to think we go when we die. But I didn’t hear him. I couldn’t hear him. All I could hear was a dull throbbing against my brain as I tried to convince myself that my parents were not the ones lying in the coffins. That my parents weren’t about to be buried under a thousand pounds of earth. That my parents weren’t dead.

And now we were driving back towards town, towards the small banquet hall at the church where someone had organized food for the mourners.

Mourners, I thought. Is that what those of us left behind are reduced to? A state of sadness where grief is expressed over your loss and then suddenly you move on? Today, I was a mourner at my parents’ funeral...what does that make me tomorrow?

An orphan, my mind answered, unbidden. Tomorrow, you’re an orphan.

It was like something had pulled every last ounce of air from my lungs.

My hand flew to Max’s and I clamped my fingers down fiercely.

“Liz?” He hazarded, startled.

“Take me home. Please...I can’t...just take me home,” I begged.

“Ok,” he agreed. Just like that. Anyone else would’ve questioned me, told me that it was hard but I still needed to go to the reception, that I needed to be strong or mature or responsible or some such bullshit. But not Max. I let my grip on his hand relax the tiniest bit.

He took a left at the next intersection. Diane and Phillip were behind us and for a moment I panicked thinking that they would follow us, but they continued towards the church. At least they’d know not to expect us.

I took a deep breath when we pulled into the driveway. Ever since that day, the house had been teeming with people. It made me feel like I was suffocating.

I followed Max through the side door, stopping at the entrance to the kitchen to unzip my stiletto boots. Max shrugged out of his suit coat, draping it over the back of a chair and loosened his tie.

“Do you want to go lie down?” He suggested gently and it was only then I realized I was still standing in the archway holding my shoes, the wall half supporting me.

I nodded and accepted his outstretched hand.

Max closed the door gently behind us and switched on the small lamp on his nightstand. The curtains were still drawn and the room was dim and warm. Comforting. I reached for the zipper on my dress but his fingers were there, deftly sliding it down my back and it fell from my shoulders, pooling around my feet. He then released the clasp of my strapless bra and it fell to the floor. He pressed against my back and kissed the top of my head. I closed my eyes and leaned into him for a moment. I would be drowning without him.

He released me and I sat down on the edge of the bed, naked except for my midnight blue panties. I watched passively as Max moved around the room, changing out of his suit and hanging various pieces in his closet - our closet now, I suppose.

“Did you want to put something else on?” He asked, holding up a pair of his boxers and a West Roswell sweatshirt. I shook my head. Just the thought of a simple task like getting dressed was exhausting.

He dropped the clothes on the dresser and came to sit next to me in just his boxer briefs. I melted into his side, my bones too heavy to hold up any longer.

I looked down at our thighs pressed together and felt almost astonished that this was my body, that this was my breast against his side, these were my cheeks wet from tears I didn’t even realize I was crying.

After the initial shock had subsided and that first jolt of pervasive, somatic agony had tempered to something equivalent to open heart surgery without anesthesia, everything had taken on muted quality. It was like looking through water. Ephemeral, unfocused. I knew I was supposed to be feeling something; anger, grief, pain...something. But it was as though I was split in two. The me that was watching myself go through this experience was too abstract for feelings. The somatic me was too overwhelmed to transfer those feelings from the brain into the body.

I was numb.

And then Max placed his hand on my thigh in a completely innocent gesture and I felt the warmth of his touch travel up my leg. Desire unfurled low in my belly a deep, radiating ache that only Max was able to heal. It was the first thing to break through the haze and I couldn’t lose it. Because if I let it go, I was sure that the rest of me was going to drift away too.

“Max,” I whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek.

His eyes searched mine and I could immediately see his uncertainty.

“Please, Max,” I begged. “Please. I need to feel...something, anything. Please. Make me feel...”

He wrapped his hand softly around my wrist. “Liz, I...”

“No, Max. I need this. I need you...Please,” I whispered, my mouth drifting towards his almost unconsciously.

“Oh, Lillabet,” he murmured as his lips met mine. Our kiss muted my sob of relief; he understood.

I wrapped myself around him, pulling him closer, needing to feel his skin on mine. He stretched out on top of me and the feeling of his weight over my body was so calming. I felt so safe in his arms, so protected; I could feel the rest of the world melting away. When I closed my eyes, all I saw was a glorious black void that allowed me to focus on the sensation of his hand on my breast and his lips on my neck. To appreciate the erotic experience of holding him in my hand as he rapidly hardened; like silk over steel. The cyclical slideshow had altogether ceased for the first time in almost a week. If this was what it would take for the thoughts to disappear, I never wanted to stop.

“Max,” I moaned as his hand slid inside my panties. He circled my clitoris once, twice, three times, before plunging two fingers deep inside of me. I cried out and arched into his touch, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I needed more, so much more.

“Please...inside of me...Max...please,” I was becoming incoherent from his ministrations. I grasped him more firmly and stroked him from base to tip, running my thumb over the teardrop opening, spreading the slick fluid across his sensitive skin. He shuddered and groaned, pulling away from me just long enough to remove my underwear and then his. He leaned down and kissed the valley between my breasts, then my neck, and then my lips - so reverently - before reaching for the top drawer of the nightstand. And then he stopped when the realization hit him.

“Lillabet, we don’t have any more...” He began, looking down at me from where he knelt between my legs.

“I’m still on the pill, Max. I need to feel you; all of you,” I said with more conviction than I realized I still possessed.

“Are you sure?” He asked as he settled back over me, the naked head of his penis pressing against my entrance.

“Yes,” I breathed, rocking my hips up to meet him as he slipped inside of me.

It was the first time we had ever been together without a condom between us and it was an incredible sensation. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. I tightened my inner muscles around him, savoring the delicious ache and his moan of pleasure in my ear.

“Christ, Liz!” He gasped, thrusting into me again.

He set a steady pace and my hips rose to meet him again and again. I dragged my nails down his back and grabbed his ass.

“More, Max, I need more! Harder!” I cried, digging my fingers into his flesh.

“Fuck!” I screamed as his finally slammed into me, the bed smashing into the wall with the force. He found the fine line between insurmountable pleasure and indescribable pain and quickly brought me to the edge. I bit down on his shoulder, sucking at the salty hollow of his clavicle. I was so damned close.

I tore my mouth away from his shoulder and kissed him, hard. He could feel the desperation in me and his hand slid between our bodies and found my clitoris once again, but this time he pressed down with his thumb and rubbed in fast, frantic circles.

I screamed incoherently in pleasure and my walls tightened reflexively around him as he pushed me closer and closer to orgasm.

His thrusts became more erratic and his breath came in deep, fast pants.

“Open your eyes,” he commanded. His face was inches from mine. He held my gaze intently, his eyes alight with a panoply of emotions. “I love you, Lillabet,” he whispered reverently and he pinched my clitoris between his thumb and index finger. And I went soaring into that sweet, sweet oblivion.

He exploded inside of me at the first contraction of my orgasm. I could feel him filling me for the very first time, which only intensified my pleasure.

His name was a mantra on my lips, raspy and tearful and desperate and immeasurably grateful.

After what seemed an eternity in that delicious, vast space permeable only to his touch, he released me and slid his softening member from my inside of me. I whimpered at the loss, but Max immediately pulled me flush against his warm, hard body. I laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, pressing a lingering kiss into my hair.

He pulled the blankets over us and tucked them around me. I burrowed into him and closed my eyes, a half-formed “thank you” on my lips as I drifted into a deep and mercifully dreamless sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I thought the funeral was going to be the worst of it. The pinnacle of the My Parents Are Dead experience. But a few days later, I found out just how wrong I was.

“Liz?” It was Diane.

It was everyone’s first day back to school and I was doing whatever I could to keep myself occupied. At that moment, I was sitting on the back porch in a pair of Max’s sweats and a fleece zip up trying to read Hemingway’s Hills Like White Elephants. After 30 minutes, they still hadn’t ordered their cervezas. This was not promising.

I looked up from the paperback in my hand and watched as she sat down across from me.

“Am I interrupting you?” She asked, gesturing towards the book.

“This? Oh, um, no. I was just…uh…no, you’re not interrupting,” I stammered awkwardly. I still felt so uncomfortable in my skin that interactions with anyone felt staggering.

She nodded and took a breath. “Liz, there are a few difficult things that we need to talk about regarding your parent’s estate. There’s never a good time to do this, but unfortunately, it’s not something that can wait for a less awful time, either.” I noticed then that she had a thin manilla folder on the table in front of her.

“As you know, Phillip and I were named your legal guardians in the event that something happened. This also means that we become responsible for all of the tangible assets of their estate until you turn 18. In most cases, it’s fairly straightforward. We would essentially make sure any debts were paid and everything else would sit in trust. And we wouldn't be having this conversation for months because this is all so raw and absolutely horrible to think about.” It was evident that this was as difficult for her to talk about as it was for me to hear.

“But in your case Liz, there is the Crash Down and by extension, your family’s home. The property is paid off, but there are a number of pieces of restaurant equipment that were purchased on credit and those loans must be paid to avoid collections or repossession or garnishment. There is enough money in savings and liquid assets to pay off these items, but it only makes financial sense if you are intending to keep and operate the Crash Down as a restaurant. If you want to keep the property but close the Crash Down, we would need to discuss other possible uses for the space because it is commercial which affects how it is assessed and taxed.”

“What if I wanted to sell it; all of it?” I interjected, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.

“That’s another option,” Diane acknowledged, her voice quiet. I could see the strain on her face.

“We’ll have to hire a real estate agent and get it listed and we’ll have to clean out the living areas, figure out what you want to do with the furniture. We’d be able to make payments on the equipment and keep up with the taxes in the meantime,” she said, and then reached across the table, covering my hand with her own. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” She asked, holding my gaze intently.

I took a deep breath, trying to will away the tears with little success. “I can’t ever live there again, Diane. Not without them. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to step foot in the Crash Down.” Just the thought made me nauseated.

“This is a big decision, Liz. Do you want to take some time to think about it?”

I shook my head. I knew from the first day that this would be my decision, I just hadn’t been able to admit it to myself. “This is what I want to do. I don’t know about the things in the apartment yet, but it will never be home again without them and that’s more painful than selling.” I could feel the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.

“Okay. That’s what we’ll do. I have a good realtor we often write contracts for, she’ll be more than happy to help, I’m sure.” I nodded and Diane squeezed my hand one more time, smiling sadly. “I’ll leave you to your reading, then,” she said as she got up to go back into the house.

“Wait, there’s….something I wanted to talk to you about,” I said nervously.

Diane sat back down and looked me expectantly.

“I was hoping it would be okay for me to homeschool permanently.” The idea of returning even after the rest of the year away was suffocating. I knew that inevitably I would always be the girl with the dead parents, and no matter how much time passed, that was not something I felt capable to handle.

“You don’t think that will be a bit…isolating?” Diane hedged.

“Honestly, I think it would be more isolating to be in a crowd full of people who pity me than it would be to be here on my own. Besides, I’ll see everyone in the afternoons, so it’s not like I’ll be alone all the time,” I replied, meeting her eyes.

“If you feel like this is the best decision for you I am more than willing to support it,” she said. I could feel tension leaving my shoulders that I didn’t even realize I was holding.

“Thank you.”

[Stefuh]

I'm wondering if this is how Liz will get pregnant! I wouldn't be able to set foot in the Cafe either... poor Liz. I understand what she meant about being more isolated around judging people. I hope she'll be okay. I'm glad that she has Max and his family to support her.

[keepsmiling7]

I'm so glad you are here still writing about our favorites characters. I was late to the party so I appreciate your story so much.

Poor Liz will never be the same.......it's good for her to continue school at home.
She considers herself an orphan.
No condom.......what will the consequences be???
Diane had to consider the estate, debts and other business matters.

[RoswellFan68]

Poor Liz, it's hard losing a parent at any age but in her teen years it would be more difficult. I would sell the business and building if I was Liz. I understand why Liz would not want to return to school.

[sarammlover]

Damn you had me bawling! How awful for Liz. Excited to share this journey with them!!

[ChemChic]

Hey guys! Thanks once again for your wonderful feedback and welcome to our new readers! I'm posting this part a bit early this week because I'm going to be tied up tomorrow night, so I figured I'd get it out of the way. I've been writing up a storm these past few days and I'm so eager to get this story out but I'm trying to show some self-restraint! Depending on how much I get done over the next week or two, I may try to post two parts a week, but I want to make sure that I have enough content to keep up with regular posts while staying ahead on my end! Enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the next few weeks I settled into a routine of sorts. I woke up with everyone else and sat in the kitchen for breakfast, then I would go into the study and start my schoolwork. I found that focusing on my classes quieted the clamoring in my head so I spent the better part of the day getting through as much work as I possibly could. As a result, I was about a month ahead of schedule by the third week in. I made an effort to hang out in the living room with everyone when they got home from school, but some days I simply found it overwhelming. It was an unsettling feeling; these were my best friends, shouldn’t I want to be around them? Shouldn’t that make me feel better? I realized how irrational it was, but there was little I could do to change it.

Max was the only exception. I needed him in the same way I needed him as a child. He made me feel safe, protected, like the outside world could never get in. He encouraged me to be social and to push beyond my comfort zone, but he also recognized when I truly had enough. We would retreat to our room and I would curl up against him while he read aloud his reading assignments. It didn’t matter to me that I had finished the book two weeks prior; his voice and his touch brought me so much peace.

The only major issue during this time was food and the fact that I was eating very little of it. My appetite had vanished and more often than not the mere idea of eating made me irrepressibly nauseated. As the weeks stretched on, it was obvious that there was growing concern from all sides, but I had no interest in entertaining the topic. It wasn’t that I wanted to not eat or that I was trying to avoid food, more that I was trying to avoid anything that might force me to deal with the very real issue that my parents were dead. That coupled with the persistent nausea that had been my constant companion for almost a month made food something I avoided as much as humanly possible without going into total starvation.

Everyone tried to help in their own ways; Maria and Amy practically flooded the kitchen with pies and other desserts, Alex brought over my favorite pizza at least three nights a week, and Diane cooked anything she thought might remotely pique my interest. And while I felt terribly that everyone went out of their way only for me to politely decline, it was - quite literally - easier to swallow than the food itself.

There was also the issue of me leaving the house. Or rather, that I hadn’t since the week after my parents’ funeral. At first I used the excuse that I didn’t want to fall behind on my homework, and then the excuse that I wanted to stay ahead of it so I could start the summer early, but when I found myself completely done with my Junior year and it was only the first week of April, I realized I ran out of excuses.

I was taking an afternoon nap - a new normal for me as I had been exhausted almost beyond measure - when Maria and Isabel decided I needed an intervention.

“Okay!” Maria clapped, startling me out of my sleep.

“Jesus, Maria! What’s wrong?” I yelped, sitting up blearily.

“What’s wrong is that you’ve been in this house for ten weeks and this cannot continue,” she stated firmly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I think I have ample reason for that,” I snarked, scrubbing my face and pushing back my hair.

“I understand that and I deeply respect it, I do, but this is not healthy. Like it or not, there is going to come a time you need to function in society again, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be,” Maria said. I hated it when she was the rational one.

“And besides,” added Isabel from behind her. I hadn’t even noticed she was there. “We miss you and it would be really nice to have a girls’ night. Not to mention, that new thriller is out with Ryan Phillippe and I know how much you loved him in Cruel Intentions!”

I sighed. “Well, what about the guys? Shouldn’t we see if they had any plans tonight?” I hedged, hoping to find anything that would lead to them closing the door and letting me go back to sleep.

“They do! They’ve been informed that we’re having a girls’ night and they’re welcome to do anything they wish except hang out with us,” Maria replied triumphantly. Damn, the girl thought of everything!

They both stared at me expectantly. “Okay, fine, fine! I give. I’ll go, but right now the two of you are going to leave and I’m going to finish my nap.”

I could’ve sworn I heard Maria let out a tiny squeal.

“This will be good, Liz. You need this…I think we all do,” Isabel added with a soft smile.

I groaned. “Fine, just get out!” I mumbled, falling back on the bed and immediately turning away from the door. A few seconds later I heard a soft click and the room plunged into darkness once more.

Thank god!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At 7 o’clock that evening, I found myself in the front seat of Maria’s Jetta dressed in real clothes for the first time in over two months. I was a bit alarmed when I went went to button my size 2 jeans and they practically fell off my hips. I chose not to dwell on it and instead tossed on a flowy skirt and an off-the-shoulder ballet top that was meant to be loose and hoped no one would notice - or if they did, wouldn’t say anything. The nausea that had been plaguing me almost daily had eased a bit and they’d even talked me into a slice of pizza before heading to the theater. I managed to get through half of it when the smell of Isabel’s favorite habanero and pineapple punched me in the gut and I almost gagged.

We talked about trivial things; well, they mostly talked and I mostly listened. They caught me up on the latest gossip at school, the majority of it surrounding the rumor that Jessica Kellen got her braces stuck on Zach Lynch’s zipper at Kelly Corrigan’s party the past weekend…and Zach Lynch definitely wasn’t Elliot Granger, Jessica’s boyfriend of almost a year. And as far as Elliot knew, they were still very much together at the time of the party.

“Of course, who really knows how much of that is true,” Maria said, turning into the theater parking lot. I frankly didn’t care if it was all complete bullshit, it was perversely relieving to think about someone else’s problems for a few minutes.

They dragged me to the concessions stand and loaded us down with soda, popcorn, and candy.
“And these are for you!” Maria slapped a package of Swedish Fish on the counter in front of me. I rolled my eyes at her, but took the box anyways because I knew she’d cajole me until I did and it was just easier than arguing.

The movie was decent and I found myself relatively distracted for its duration, more so than I expected to be at least.

“I have to pee so badly, I drank way too much of that Icee!” Isabel announced, making a beeline for the bathroom. Maria and I followed behind her, running into the inevitable, albeit small, line to the ladies room.

“Crap,” Isabel said, digging through her purse. “Do either of you have a tampon? I forgot to grab some before we left.”

I went to reach for my bag, but Maria beat me to it. And then I froze. I quickly started to do some mental math while Isabel and Maria were busy bemoaning the hassle it is to be a woman.

That can’t be right.

I counted again, more slowly this time.

I’m just forgetting, I assured myself. Everything has been such a cluster, of course I’m just forgetting. Right?

That had to be it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When we got back to the Evanses, Diane and Phillip were already asleep and the guys were still out.

“I think Alex said something about going to play pool,” Isabel said, digging through the freezer for ice cream.

I nodded even though her back was to me. “This has all been great and I really appreciate you guys getting me out of the house, but I’m absolutely exhausted so I think I’m going to head to bed.”

“No, no, no, no! It’s not a real girls’ night until we’ve demolished a pint of ice cream!” Maria insisted, steering me back to the couch and giving my shoulders a gentle nudge so I plopped down.

“And just for you, tonight’s flavor is French vanilla!” Isabel exclaimed with entirely too much enthusiasm, holding out the carton and three spoons.

I relented. What is 10 more minutes going to hurt?

Besides, the distraction of idle chatter and the TV droning in the background helped to quell the sinking pit in my stomach. It was nothing, I had to be wrong. Of course I was wrong!

The side door opened twenty minutes later to three laughing teenagers, looking and sounding every bit their age. Alex was practically doubled over, both he and Max pointing at Michael, trying to catch their breath as Michael vehemently defended himself.

“Dude, that’s so not how that happened!” Michael insisted, causing Max and Alex to only laugh harder.

“Mom and Dad are asleep, you idiots! Keep it down, would you?” Isabel hissed, incensed by the ruckus.

They took a few deep breaths to calm themselves, but the residual laughter carried on for another minute.

“I’d say you boys had a good time,” Maria commented with a smirk.

Max came up behind the couch and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, leaning down to kiss the hollow of my neck, still vibrating from the occasional chuckle. I hadn’t seen him this relaxed and carefree since, well, since before. He looked like any other teenage guy who just had a great night out with his buddies and whose biggest worry was Tuesday’s history exam. I hated that I, even indirectly, was the cause of so much undue worry and stress for him. Shouldering my burden was not easy on him, I knew.

“It would’ve been better if my little brother and my sister’s boyfriend weren’t assholes!” Michael seethed, looking like something of a petulant man child.

“You’re just a sore loser!” Alex shot back, commandeering Isabel’s spoon and digging into the ice cream.

“Okay, I’m going to bed for real this time,” I said, squeezing Max’s forearm and getting up from the couch.

I leaned down and hugged Maria and Isabel. “Thank you for tonight, I really did need this.”

Maria kissed my temple. “Anything for you, Petunia!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Did you have a good time?” Max asked, following me into the bedroom and closing the door.

“I actually did. I’m glad they talked me into it,” I answered, stripping off my top and skirt, dropping them into the hamper.

Max hung up his jacket and his clothes quickly followed mine. I absentmindedly tossed him a shirt and pajama pants, grabbing a tee for myself in the process. Looking back on it now, it’s almost unfathomable how comfortable we were with each other, even at such a young age. Like anybody, I had and still have my fair share of insecurities, but they’ve always just disappeared around Max. Most other sixteen year olds would be panic stricken at the idea of being casually naked in front of anyone without any sexual tension to push them past their fear, but never us.

“What about you? I thought Alex was going to hyperventilate when you walked in the door!”

“It was awesome, both Alex and I beat Michael, twice!” He replied, smiling. I got into bed and Max slid in behind me, nuzzling my shoulder. He draped his arm over my hip and his hand fell naturally over my lower abdomen, reigniting my earlier concerns. I froze. He pulled back from me slightly. “You okay, Lillabet?” It was almost scary how well he could read me.

There was no way I was going to put a damper on the first good night he had in months for something that was definitely just a mixup, so I forced myself to relax back against him and replied, “Hm? Oh, no, I’m just falling asleep already!” I tried to keep my tone light. “So you beat the self-proclaimed Pool Shark himself? Impressive!”

“I’m never going to let him live this one down,” Max swore and I could feel his smile against my shoulder blade. “But you know what the best part was?”

“Hm?” I murmured, pushing my intrusive thoughts to the back of my mind.

“Coming home and seeing you happy. That’s worth more to me than beating my brother any day of the week.”

“I love you, so much,” I whispered, sleep finally starting to overtake me.

“I love you too, Lillabet.”

[keepsmiling7]

Love the new part.
Liz has settled into a new routine......which included an afternoon nap.
It's still difficult to deal with her parents death.
One good thing, the girls insisted on a night out, giving the boys the same opportunity.
Now is reality about to set in, remember those consequences??

[Stefuh]

So I guess Liz is pregnant, I wonder when she'll be strong enough to think about it.
Especially since she has a hard time taking care of herself, taking care of a baby could be overwhelming for her, or it could help her out of her depression.
But she'll need food for that.
I'm glad that Maria and Isabel got her out of the house.
Can't wait for the next part!!

[ChemChic]

Hi guys! Thanks again for your wonderful feedback! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I knew something was off before I even opened my eyes that morning. The feeling of bile rising was enough to jar me from a sound sleep and before I was even fully awake, I found myself heaving over the toilet, sweaty palms grasping the cold rim.

This cannot be happening.

“Liz?” Max’s concerned voice came from our room. I retched in response.

“Jesus, Liz!” And then he was there kneeling behind me, brushing my hair away from my damp face.

“Thanks,” I mumbled after what seemed like an absurdly long time. I slumped back against the bathtub.

“Lillabet...” Max started, pressing a hand across my forehead to check for fever.

“I’m not sick, Max,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“Then what do you call what just happened here?” He asked softly, moving to sit next to me.

“Max...” I opened my eyes and immediately felt the tears starting. “Max...I think...I think I’m pregnant.” The words felt like lead on my tongue.

Had the situation not been so serious, I would have laughed at the expression on his face.

“Are...are you sure?” His voice was barely loud enough to hear.

I bit my lip and nodded, forcing myself to look at him.

Max stared at me for a split second before crushing me against him. “It’s going to be okay, Liz. I am so sorry...”

“No, Max,” I whispered through my tears. “I’m sorry. I was the one who told you we didn’t need a condom that night. This is all my fault. My fault...” I choked, my body shaking.

“Shh, Lillabet, please. It’s no one’s fault. Not yours, not mine. We had every reason to believe that you were protected, that we were protected. Things happen, nothing is perfect. I love you. And we’re going to figure this out, together. Okay?”

I sagged against him in utter exhaustion. After more than 16 years, I should have known better than to think that Max would be anything but supportive, but still his words felt like absolution.

“Do you think you can get up?”

I took a shaky breath and nodded. Max waited patiently while I brushed my teeth and drank a small glass of water. Feeling marginally better, we made our way back to bed and laid down facing each other. It was still early and the house was quiet; it would be a while before anyone came in to check on us.

Max smoothed a lock of hair out of my face and kissed my forehead.

“Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?” He asked. I knew he was as scared as I was, but he was keeping himself in check for my sake.

I shook my head. “I realized yesterday when I was with Maria and Isabel that I’d missed my period...two months in a row. And that all this fatigue I’ve been having and these weird food aversions aren’t just because of...everything else. I wanted to say something to you last night but you’d had such a good time with Michael and Alex and I haven’t seen you smile like that since before...and I just...I just didn’t want to ruin that for you.”

“Liz, you are the most important person in the whole world to me. Do you know that? I don’t care what else is going on. You come first. We come first. Everything else is secondary, especially something as benign as hanging out with the guys. Okay?” Max said seriously. His steady gaze was grounding and I could feel the conviction in his words.

“Okay.” I attempted a small smile through fresh tears.

“Okay.” He agreed, kissing my forehead again. “Did you say anything to Maria? Or Isabel? About your suspicions?”

“No. I wasn’t going to tell them before I told you,” I said. “Max, what are we going to do?”

“Well, the first thing we’re going to do is get a pregnancy test and make sure that this is what’s going on,” Max said rationally.

“I’ve never been late for my period a day in my life,” I argued without much passion. He was being perfectly logical, but I knew my body and I knew without a question that I was pregnant.

“I know, but I still think it’s the best first step.”

I sighed. “Okay. And then?”

“And then we get you to the doctor’s and make sure that you’re healthy and okay...and then we talk about our options.”

I took a deep, shuddering breath. “Max...I know we’ve talked about this before. About what we would do if this happened. But I’ve lost so much. I can’t...I can’t lose one more thing. I just...I can’t.” I rested my hand on my lower abdomen. “This is the only connection I have left to my parents; the only blood relative that I have. I know we said we’d do the responsible thing. That we promised our parents we weren’t going to be a statistic, that we weren’t going to sacrifice our futures because we made a mistake. But everything’s different now. Please don’t hate me.”

“God, Liz! There is nothing you could ever do or say that would make me hate you. Ever!” Max whispered fiercely. I could see him struggling to hold back tears. “I’m not going to lie to you and say that I think we’re ready to be parents. But I’ve also always known that when I did have children, it was going to be with you. And losing your parents has made me think a lot about family and how important it is to me. How important you are to me. And maybe it’s selfish - and I would never ask you to sacrifice your rights to your body because of me - but I feel like if we didn’t choose to have this child or to keep this child, we would permanently be missing a part of our family; a part of us. After everything that’s happened, I don’t know if I would ever be at peace with that.”

“I could never forgive myself,” I murmured.

“C’mere,” Max drew me into his arms and spread his warm hand over my exposed stomach.

“We’re going to be okay, Lillabet. And our child is going to know without question that they are loved and wanted.”

We were both quiet for a long while, lost in our own heads. The hazy dawn that broke through the small gaps in the blinds was eerily reminiscent of that morning a few short months ago and an uneasiness settled in my chest. I closed my eyes and turned into Max, trying to shut the memories out before they started. I knew that he felt I still wasn’t processing the loss of my parents, but with this new development, I was pretty sure that right then wasn’t the time to start.

A soft knock broke through our reverie.

“We’re up, Mom,” Max called in response. He glanced down at me and met my eyes. He didn’t need to say anything for me to know that he had no plans of leaving me alone today.

“Hey, Mom? Can you come in for a second?” There was an unspoken agreement that the ‘no closed doors’ policy no longer applied to us; I think it was their way of acknowledging that we no longer shared the room by choice and that we deserved a modicum of privacy under those circumstances.

The door swung open quietly and Diane poked her head in. “Is everything okay?”

“Liz isn’t feeling well. I’m going to stay home with her and if she’s not better in a couple of hours, I’ll go with her to the doctor’s,” Max said plainly.

Diane paused for a moment and looked me over. I must’ve passed whatever assessment she’d made because she smiled softly and said, “I’ll call the school and let them know you’ll be out today. Do you need anything? How about some tea and toast, Liz?”

“I’m okay, Diane. Thank you,” I managed, trying to keep my voice even.

“I’ll make sure she eats something a bit later, Mom.”

“Alright. Your father and I are in Clovis today, so call the office there if you can’t get through on our cells. We won’t be home until later, we’re still trying to resolve that McLean case,” she explained.
“Thanks, Mom,” Max said warmly.

“Of course,” she replied with a small, worried smile. “I love you guys, let me know if you need anything.” And then she shut the door quietly.

“I hope she still feels the same way after we tell her what’s going on,” I mumbled halfheartedly.

Max recognized my tone and kissed my hair. “We’re going to be okay, Lillabet. I really do believe that.”

I’m glad one of us does.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Max didn’t ask any questions when, a few hours later, I returned from Isabel’s room with a Clear Blue Easy test kit.

“Iz is...a bit paranoid about these things,” I explained, knowing that Max wanted as few details about his sister’s sex life as possible.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. “I’ll...be right back,” I said and disappeared into the bathroom before he could respond.

Taking a pregnancy test was most certainly not rocket science, but I still read the instructions three times before I used it. I capped the stick and set it on the edge of the sink, waiting for two blue lines to confirm what I already knew.

Max was sitting on the end of the bed staring at his folded hands when I emerged. He looked up at me with a sad smile. He knew this had all been for posterity’s sake.
I sat down on the bed and passed him the test. He studied it for a few moments.

“You know, I’ve never told you this - mostly because we’re so young and it seemed so far off - but I’ve thought about what it would be like when we finally did decide to have children. You running into our room in our first house together waving one of these things madly with a huge grin. Or maybe you find out while I’m not home and you surprise me in some unexpected way. And I’ve imagined how I might feel in that moment, the excitement and anticipation and sheer joy that you and I have created a little life that’s growing inside of you. And how excited our family would be for us. But mostly I’ve thought about how it would be to see you so elated, so completely ecstatic because our love gave us something greater that the sum of ourselves,” Max took a staccato breath and swiped quickly at the tears that were running down his cheeks.

“And that new person is someone who is celebrated and accepted. I feel like that’s been taken away from us and our baby. And it hurts like hell.”

“Oh, Max,” I cried, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and burying my face in the hollow of his neck.

How did it come to be that this amazing boy - no, this amazing man - fell in love with me? What did I do to be worthy of him?

“You have no idea how much I wish that were the case...I want that as much as I want my parents to be here to meet their first grandchild,” I said quietly.

He nodded against my shoulder and encircled my arms with his.

Max pulled back from me after a few moments. “We should probably call the doctor’s office. See if they can fit us in.”

I sighed and looked up at him. I wasn’t sure I was ready to face that level of reality.

“I need to know that you’re okay. And that our baby is okay.” His tone was soft but left no room for argument.

I acquiesced, untangling myself from him to grab my cell phone from the nightstand. I scrolled through my contacts. I took a deep breath, staring at the number for a moment before pressing send.

“Roswell OB/GYN, this is Lori, how may I help you?”

“Um, hi, this is Elizabeth Parker, I need to make an appointment to be seen.” I could hear the tremor in my voice.

“Who is your doctor?”

“Dr. Greenberg. But I haven’t seen her in almost a year.”

“That’s fine, if you hold a moment, I’ll pull up your record.”

I could hear the quiet clacking of a keyboard. I sank down next to Max again and he immediately took my free hand. His touch helped; it always helped.

“There you are. And what is the nature of your visit, Ms. Parker?”

I took a deep breath and for a split second wondered if I was actually going to be able to force the words out. “I’m pregnant.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

At 1:54 after a blood draw and a urine sample, Max and I found ourselves sitting in a warm, pastel colored waiting room. There were only a few other patients. A woman perhaps in her mid 30’s who was heavily pregnant, her hand resting on her belly as she browsed through a parenting magazine, all the while rolling a stroller back and forth with her foot. Another was a woman who looked close to Diane’s age; she had given us a sidelong glance when we came in. It was obvious she knew why we were here. I was doing everything I could to steadfastly ignore the last two people. A couple, no more than 10 years our senior, who kept exchanging excited glances and wide grins. Every so often he would touch her narrow waistline or lean in to kiss her face. They were here for the same reason we were. Max was dead on; it hurt like hell.
“Hey,” Max whispered. Busted. “I love you, Lillabet.” He pressed a lingering kiss to my temple and rested his chin on my head.

“Elizabeth Parker?” A nurse called from the triage area. We stole a quick glance at one another before standing. “Come with me, please.”

Here we go...

She took my vitals and everything was well within normal limits until we got to the scale.

“Five foot...two and...” She tapped the balance gently until the notch leveled out. “Ninety-four pounds.” She glanced at the chart in her hands and at back at the scale again, raising an eyebrow. “That’s quite a bit down from when you were last here.”

Max gave me meaningful look, but this wasn’t the time or place to rehash that discussion.

“Please take everything off and put this on,” she handed me a gown. “There’s a sheet on the table to drape over your legs. Dr. Greenberg will be with you shortly.” With that, she pulled the privacy curtain and shut the door.

I stripped out of my clothes, handing them to Max to place the free chair next to him.

Naked, I reached for the hospital gown when I noticed the full length mirror next to the exam table. I looked at my body...I mean really looked for the first time in more than two months and I realized just how preoccupied I’d been to not notice the changes. My lower abdomen had the tiniest bit of roundness and my breasts - which had been aching for a few weeks - were just a touch fuller. But the rest of me...I’d always been very petite, but my size has always been proportionate to my bone structure. But now? I looked like my skin was draped over my skeleton. I had never been this thin before and it simply didn’t look healthy. My enlarged breasts and the fullness in my waist seemed exaggerated, almost grotesque. I felt tears flooding my eyes as I stared at my reflection.

Max noticed my reaction and was suddenly behind me. I spun around and sank into his arms. I was a wreck! How could I be strong for our baby if I couldn’t go a few measly hours without breaking down? I wasn’t even sure if the reaction was to my body or to the events that had lead my body to look the way it did. I didn’t want to delve into that one too deeply.

A brusque knock sounded out.

“Just a minute, she’s getting changed,” Max called for me. He retrieved the gown from the table and held it open for me. I swiped at my cheeks and slid my arms in, pulling my hair aside so he could tie the back for me. He kissed me briefly before helping me onto the table.

“All set!”

The door opened and the curtain slid aside. Dr. Zoë Greenberg was a tall, attractive woman in her late 30s. Her short blonde bob softened the sharp angles of her face and she had a smile that was meant to put you at ease, though I wasn’t sure that anything could at that moment.

“Hi Liz, good to see you again,” she said warmly, offering me her hand.

“Hi Dr. Greenberg,” I murmured, forcing myself to make eye contact.

She glanced towards Max. “This is my boyfriend...” I began, but she spoke up.

“Max, right?” She smiled and they shook hands. “It’s not too often that someone your age comes to their girlfriend’s first gynecology appointment, stays for the exam, and then asks intelligent questions about his girlfriend’s health.” She addressed Max, impressed. “One tends to remember people like you.”

“Thanks for seeing us,” Max said simply.

The doctor took a seat at the workstation and sighed quietly before turning back to us. “So it appears that you’re pregnant, Liz.”

I bit my lip and nodded.

“Do you have a guess as to how far along you are?”

It was clear she wasn’t expecting my answer. “It was January 29th so I’d be ten weeks three days. Or I guess about 12 weeks if you’re calculating from my last period.” I couldn’t look at her.

“That’s...very specific,” she said haltingly.

“It was the day of my parent’s funeral.” I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I willed them away. I didn’t need to turn into a sobbing mess in front of my doctor.

“Oh, Liz! I should have put two and two together. Your parents owned the Crash Down. I am so terribly sorry for your loss,” she said sincerely.

“Thank you.” I suddenly felt the need to explain myself. She must think I’m an absolute monster for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend on the day my parents were buried!

“I...I was a wreck and numb and I just needed to forget and feel close and loved and we didn’t have any...condoms at Max’s, but I thought that because I was on the pill that we’d be okay. But with everything going on, I think I could’ve missed a dose or been late a few times, but I can’t be sure…”

“It’s okay, Liz. It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself,” Dr. Greenberg said soothingly. “Even with perfect use, the pill is not 100% effective. Coupled with the fact that you were suffering from major emotional trauma, sometimes things just happen. Your body was in an incredibly altered state and the missed doses likely allowed for ovulation, so it was almost like a perfect storm.” She explained.

“I just...we’ve always been so careful,” I said lamely.

“I know. I can honestly say that neither of you did anything wrong. And it’s perfectly normal to seek physical comfort from someone you love when you’ve experienced a life-altering event. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

I was surprised by how comforting her words were.

She folded her hands and looked at both of us briefly before speaking. “I know that you just found out this morning, but do you have any thoughts as to what you might want to do?”

“We’re planning to keep and raise our baby,” Max said with conviction. Even though I had no reason to think otherwise, his words still made my heart constrict. He wanted to see this through as badly as I did.

I was waiting on one of those “Are you sure? You’re just so young!” lectures, but instead Dr. Greenberg smoothed her pant legs and standing said, “Alright, let’s take a look at the two of you, then.”

The two of us. Wow.

Her exam was mercifully brief. It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable with being examined, but more that it was hard to reconcile anyone but Max touching me so intimately, even though the exam was entirely clinical. Max held my hand the whole time to keep my mind off of the doctor’s prodding. It helped.

“Now,” Dr. Greenberg said, removing her gloves. “We don’t usually do an ultrasound until 14 weeks unless a woman has a history of complications, but if you’d like we can take a peek. We may not be able to see much at this early stage abdominally, but you’ll be able to hear the heartbeat and if we’re lucky, you’ll get a few pictures to take home.”

For the first time in almost three months I felt a spark of excitement in my chest. I turned to Max and was absolutely taken with the smile on his face. It had been just as long since I had seen that smile and I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.

“We would love that,” Max said, never taking his eyes off mine.

Dr. Greenberg rolled the ultrasound system over to the side of the table and tucked the sheet under my hips, exposing my stomach. The gel was wonderfully warm and the machine came to life with a soft swooshing sound.

She tracked the wand through the gel, spreading it over my skin and pressing gently into my abdomen to find a good view.

I recognized the heartbeat before she told us what we were listening to.

Oh my god. This is real. This is really happening. That’s my baby.

I didn’t know it was possible to feel so much at once. Elation, shock, fear, excitement, but above all, love. A love so strong and so all-consuming that I thought I might not be able to breathe again under the weight of it. I didn’t know that kind of love could even exist. It felt too great to reside in my body.

I choked back a sob. Max looked down at me, tears shining in his eyes and he leaned down to kiss me sweetly.

“I love you. So much,” I whispered. This overwhelming, consuming love was not just for our baby, but for Max and for our little family that we created; together. In that moment, it didn’t matter that we were 16 years old or that we weren’t in any way ready to be parents, or that we were about to disappoint everyone we cared about...it was all immaterial. What mattered was the two of us listening to our child’s heartbeat for the first time. I don’t think I have ever experienced something so profoundly beautiful.

“Your baby’s heartbeat sounds perfect; strong and regular,” Dr. Greenberg commented, swirling the wand around my abdomen before pausing just about my pubic bone and pushing down.

“If you look here,” she gestured, turning the screen to face us more fully. “That black space is your uterus and that right there is your baby.”

I gasped and could not stop the fresh tears from running down my face. That’s my child, growing inside of me. Regardless of circumstance, it was the most incredible picture I had ever seen.

“You’re looking at the baby in profile,” the doctor explained. “Here is the head, and the torso...and those little protrusions are the arms and legs.” She clicked the mouse a few times, marking a few points on the screen. “He or she is 1.6 inches long which is right on track for this stage of development.”

I expelled a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Even after everything I’d been through, the baby was okay.

A printer whirred, then Dr. Greenberg switched off the machine and was gently wiping the gel from my abdomen. I pulled the gown back down and I smoothed the drape over my lap as Max helped me to sit up. She pulled the photos off the printer and handed them to me. It felt so surreal.

“Everything looks great, Liz. I’m very pleased, especially given the stress you’ve been under,” Dr. Greenberg said with a kind smile. “Based on the date of conception and these scans, your due date is October 22nd.”

I glanced at Max and he gave me a warm smile, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

“In order to help ensure that things keep going in this vein, there are a few things I think we need to discuss. I’m very concerned about your weight,” Dr. Greenberg continued. “Your BMI is 17.4 which is considered underweight. In a perfect world, I would like to see it much closer to 21 or 22 while you’re pregnant. When did you start losing weight?”

“Ten weeks ago,” I said flatly.

“Okay. I know it’s not going to be easy, but we need to find a way for you to safely and healthfully gain some weight back. By the end of your pregnancy, I would like to see you around 120 or 125 pounds. Even 5 or 10 pounds more than that would be okay, too. I think the best first step is having you see a nutritionist. I know that you don’t have much appetite right now, but if we can get you into a routine and thinking about it in terms of the baby, it might be a bit easier for you.”

I nodded and Max squeezed my hand. This wasn’t about me anymore. This was about something much more important.

“I also think that it would be really good for you to see a therapist. You have experienced a major trauma in your life and now you are expecting a child. I think it would help you to talk to a professional who has experience dealing with grief and loss. If for no other reason than for the benefit of your baby. What you are facing is more than most adults could handle and while you are doing remarkably well, having a secondary support system can be beneficial,” she explained.

I knew she was right, but I had enough trouble talking to the people I’d known all of my life, never mind a complete stranger. But I also knew that emotional distress could be very unhealthy for a pregnancy and that my baby’s needs had to be my top priority.

“I’ll try,” I murmured, looking towards Max who gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll try for my baby.”

“That’s all I ask,” Dr. Greenberg said warmly. “We have a nutritionist within our practice, so when you make your follow-up on your way out, you can set something up with her as well.” She turned towards her desk for a moment and started scribbling something on a prescription pad.

She handed me several pieces of paper. “These are a few of the therapists I know that specialize in grief counseling and post-traumatic stress; they’re all very good and all in town. And this is a prescription for several different pre-natal vitamins as well as folic acid. With your weight being what it is, I’d like you to get these from the pharmacy, for now at least, and not over the counter. While the best way to get the nutrients you need is through your diet, these will be an acceptable substitute while you get used to being on a more regular diet again,” she said.

“Thank you,” I replied with a small smile.

“Yes, thank you very much; for everything,” Max echoed. I knew how worried he was about me and I could hear the relief in his voice.

“Of course,” the doctor answered. “I would like to see you back here in a month unless anything changes,” she was scribbling something down as she spoke. “If you need anything between now and then, this is my number. Please feel free to use it, day or night. I don’t typically give my cell phone to patients - just my pager - but I think given the circumstances it would be a lot easier if you can just reach me directly. Even if you think it’s something silly, please don’t hesitate to call. You’re an incredibly strong, brave young woman, Liz and I want you to know that I am in your corner.”

I swallowed, her words forming a lump in my throat. It meant more that I was expecting to know we had even one adult on our side. “Thank you. Really.”

“You’re entirely welcome,” she stood up from the stool and held out her hand, first to me and then to Max.

“It was a pleasure to see you again, Max. You are a remarkable young man and I have every confidence that you are going to be a wonderful father. Take good care of her.”

“Thank you, I will,” Max replied seriously.

And with one more smile she turned and left the room, the door clicking closed behind her.

We were both still for a moment, processing the enormity of it all.

Max bent down and kissed my forehead. “Did you want to get dressed?”

I sighed, leaning into him and nodded. Sitting here wasn’t going to do us any good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After booking my appointments, we found ourselves back in the Jeep, neither of us quite ready to go home.

“Do you want to take a drive? Maybe get a late lunch?” Max asked, glancing over at me.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I replied. The top was off the Jeep and the early spring breeze was reviving. I leaned back against my seat as Max started the engine and I watched as Roswell disappeared behind us.

We headed west on 70, an old truck route that led into the mountains. The next real town was almost 80 miles away and on a weekday in the mid afternoon it was a rarely traveled road. The wind whipping around us precluded any real conversation and it helped to drown out my thoughts. Moby’s album Play was coming through the stereo and Max’s fingers were entwined with mine. That was enough.

[RoswellFan68]

I'm glad Max is being supportive. Liz has a very good doctor that will take care of her and the baby. Now they will have to tell his parents. I hope they are just as supportive of the two.