Category: Dreamer AU w/out Aliens
Summary: Sometimes life is worth the ride and finding love again is worth waiting for.
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Roswell or it’s characters. I just like to take them off the shelf and dust them off from time to time.
A/N: I wanted to write a story about the gray areas in a relationship...the ones we are sometimes quick to let slip away. Also if you are not one to keep an open mind...I suggest you stop reading now. And as if I truly need to say this after 5 years of writing on this board this IS dreamer insured.
Special Author's Note: This story is long awaited by one very special person, who allowed me to take my time in delivering this story to her; which she won for the Support Stacie Author Auction. Aurorabee this ones for you girl! And finally, I must thank Raychelxluscious, Itzstacie and Hunter for their assistance on this... Hunter for patience...Raych for banging this one out for me and Stacie for her unwavering support no matter what subject matter I write about.
My eyes wander around the room. I know he’s here somewhere. It comes as no surprise for him to be here either, even though he bowed out of being in the wedding party. He had to know how much it would have upset me to be at the altar with him. I wish that I were stronger and could have nonchalantly said, I don’t care if he is or not, but I’m not and deep down I resent the fact that even though we haven’t been together in years he still knows me so well.
Finally after a thorough scan of the room, my eyes land on my best friend, a girl I’ve known since we were three. A woman who stood up beside me at my very own wedding nine years ago.
Had it truly been that long? I quickly do the math in my head and sadly realize that it has been. In exactly fourteen days, I would have been married to the love of my life for nine years. That was then, now, I am a separated woman of thirty-two and still trying to figure out what the hell went wrong.
Maria’s smile is infectious as she crosses the room to stand beside me. “Hi Liz, you did good! And you thought you would pass out…seriously, come on now.” Maria always knows when I need uplifting. It seems as though I have difficulty smiling nowadays.
I watched my best friend walk down the aisle not more than two hours ago, and I still am struck by how beautiful she looks. She is beautiful, but today there is an extra bounce in her step and I guess that makes sense. Today she is a bride. Today nothing can go wrong. Today is the beginning of the rest of her life. She will belong to someone forever, and she looks as happy as I know I did on my own wedding day.
I let my mind wander while Maria tells me how great the food is, and how she can’t wait until we get a taste of the cake. But I can’t help but linger on the “forever” part. Would they last forever? I really do hope so. But weren’t Max and I supposed to last forever too?
“How about we take a stroll outside? You look like you need some air,” Maria states while taking my hand in hers. I stumble absentmindedly while shuffling along beside her.
I can’t help but think about where he’s at. I have avoided seeing him all night. At first, this morning, I wanted to see him. To reaffirm to myself that I felt nothing more for him.
However, now as the day progresses I’m not so sure I can see him. No amount of pep talks can really prepare you to see the person that not only broke your heart but who regardless of how many times you tell yourself ‘you’re over him’ you know deep down that you are not.
It truly shouldn’t bother me that I hadn’t seen him while I was standing at the altar watching our best friends marry. And I damn well shouldn’t have worked on a speech to him last night, contemplating our awkward meeting.
Because it didn’t matter.
“How are you holding up?” Maria asks in a soft voice. The cool breeze outside was typical for late April, but to me it wouldn’t have mattered if there were snow on the ground. I feel disappointed, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why that emotion above all others is manifesting itself now.
“He’s here,” Maria whispers. I turn towards her, her eyes hold a deep-seeded knowledge of me, and of my true feelings. I can hide nothing from her.
“I don’t care.”
With a sympathetic smile, Maria leans in and places a kiss on my cheek and whispers before pulling away, “I know.” With that she turns and walks away, probably to join Michael, her husband.
It takes me a moment to get my bearings. As much as I thought I was prepared to face him, I know without a doubt that seeing him again after so long will be another cross for my broken heart to bear.
Not that my heart is broken anymore.
The past was the past and I am an adult who can handle her emotions. I bet that when I finally face him, I won’t feel a thing; it is all in my mind. I am putting far too much importance on such a chance meeting.
My body stiffens as I hear someone approach. I don’t know how but I just do.
Above the roar of my heartbeat, his footsteps are so soft. I shouldn’t be able to hear them, but I do. Maybe I will always be aware of him and maybe that is something that would never go away no matter how much I hate him.
He is standing directly behind me now. He doesn’t speak and I wonder if he is breathing, because it seems as though all the air has been sucked from the atmosphere around us.
Swallowing hard and turning with a boldness I didn’t know I possessed, I face him.
It is devastating.
He is still devastatingly handsome. His golden brown eyes fix on me and I can’t help but allow myself to take him in. The dark raven hair looks newly clipped, his long lashes fan around his eyes perfectly, and his emotionless lips are still perfectly shaped and still look completely kissable.
My eyes snap back up to his eyes, and I straighten my posture. He still towers me but I lift my chin to give me a few more inches.
“Max,” I say.
There I said it, and I am quite surprised by how powerful and emotionless it sounded, just as I practiced.
But oh…oh, he is just staring at me, the way he always had. The way he had the day he broke my heart into a million pieces. If that wasn’t a good enough reminder of who he was, then nothing would be. Again I tell myself it doesn’t matter how he looks at me.
We are the way we are because of him.
But then he does something that nearly brings me to my knees, something that I had foolishly willed my mind to forget…
He speaks my name.
The sound of his voice when he says my name, I tried to erase the way it makes me feel.
I am at a loss.
This is one thing I can never take away from him.
He repeats it, “Liz.” And I find myself lost in the world of what was, what could have been and what currently is.
We are not together. That is what I am reminded.
And it feels…all wrong.
It had been one of the longest days of my life. Exhaustion was a feeling that had coursed through my body three hours ago. Now all I feel is bone deep aching in every part of my body.
I need sleep, but all I could schedule into my day was four hours. It was already past two in the morning.
Max was probably sleeping and I hate that I missed our anniversary, but I had an important meeting with clients that flew in for the day. So I really didn’t have any choice. Max understood of course, he always did.
When I swing open the front door, the first thing I notice is that the lights in the living room are on. Maybe Max had stayed up, it was very thoughtful and even though I know he has a long day tomorrow, I feel special that he waited up to see me.
Suddenly I felt an aching of sheer and utter fatigue in every muscle, but I force it to the back of my mind. I smile as I walk further into the house, across the entrance way and follow the light around the corner into the living room.
I figured I would find Max sitting, waiting for me; instead there was a table full of roses: red, white, pink and yellow. There were candles that had burned out many hours ago and the smile on my lips dies.
I forgot to call him.
No, I remember specifically leaving my meeting this afternoon to go to my office and call him to explain about tonight. I had done it, I am sure of it. I reach for my purse and pull out my phone…thirty missed calls. I ignore them and search my call log…not one to Max.
Panic settles, replacing any weariness and I notice my hands shaking. My cell phone slips from my fingers and hits the plush carpet with a soft thud.
Retracing my steps I remember excusing myself during lunch and walking directly to my office, I pulled my cell phone from my top drawer and…and…
I was interrupted by Jamie, my assistant. I took another call and left my phone on my desk, rushing out realizing that I had left the meeting over a half hour ago.
Max wasn’t waiting up.
Max was fast asleep.
My anniversary present was sitting on my pillow.
A diamond rose necklace and a card that said how much he loved me.
I not only skipped out on our anniversary but I missed all of my husband’s worried phone calls.
I don’t know how to ever make up for all that.
Part Two of Three to be Posted Next Thursday