Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Completed

Finished stories that feature the characters from the show, but there are no aliens. All fics completed on the main AU without Aliens board will eventually be moved here.

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Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Completed

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Thu Aug 27, 2009 5:53 pm

Title: Standing Still

Author: Tanya

Category: Dreamer - AU w/out Aliens

Rating: Adult

Summary: When Liz Parker breaks Max Evans' heart she thinks that's the last time she'll ever see him again. Now, a simple letter gives her that one last chance before it's too late to win him back.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, but this story is. I am once again dusting off the characters and taking them on a little journey.

A/N - This is yet another story I had to dust off...I started this in 2007 and it was originally posted on Chronicles sneak peeks section under a different name, I think I only had 3 parts up there. This has been edited and has been a story that has been keeping me up because it wanted to be written. This will be updated Thursday's. I hope you enjoy.

Special Thanks to Raychelxluscious for editing this part for me...
Banner by Me


Present Day

If I had one single wish
I’d go back to the moment I kissed you goodbye
No matter how hard I try
I can’t live without you in my life
Maybe you’ll say you still want me
Maybe you’ll say that you don’t
Baby I can’t let you go

THE rain continued to pelt the windshield of her old Volkswagen as the shaky wipers squeaked loudly over the smooth surface of the glass. How long had she been sitting there? It felt as though an eternity had passed, but she knew better. She blinked rapidly, suppressing the burning tears that threatened.

How had she ended up there, at that very spot? The place she hadn’t set foot outside in six years. So many thoughts ran rampant through her mind at that very moment. At the forefront was the first day she’d seen the mansion, the world famous mansion, she amended to herself. It was just as intimidating now as it was then.

As the thunder rumbled loudly outside, the lightning provided sufficient light for her to take in the true masterpiece that was the Diaevans Estate. The light gray brick, the cathedral ceilings she knew lay right beneath the massive peaks of the roof and the enormous windows that provided an average person a glimpse of what they were missing from the outside. She wondered for a moment if people who viewed the home in magazines knew that if they stood in front of it, that it would seem as though they were standing on top of a very tall building, at least five stories, looking down on the small world below.

That view however was nothing compared to the land that lay right behind the gargantuan beauty. The lavish gardens, pools and other unique landscaping features are what she found to be the hidden beauty of the property. How she missed running through the maze of trees, with him hot on her heels, gasping to drag much needed air into her starved lungs.

A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. She hadn’t let herself think about those private moments, which were all but a distant memory. Great memories were all she had left.

She had driven for five days, wondering how her car survived the trip, but it did. Something she was quite thankful for and made her wonder if maybe it was a sign. That was one thing she believed in, more so than miracles. Signs. After all, had this trip not confirmed for her what she already knew? That the situations and the people you meet in life, all add up. They all point in the same direction, but it’s up to the person to decide which way to turn. The signs were there, one just needed to learn to read them properly.

Taking in a cleansing breath, she reached out and tilted the rearview mirror down. Giving herself the once over, she pushed her hair away from her face, and reached for her purse. She hoped she had placed her lip-gloss in there in lieu of her suitcase which was in the trunk. With a thankful smile she plucked the small tube from her purse and applied it lightly. She was trying to make an impression, not that she thought it would even matter. After one last glance she tried to smile, despite the ache in her heart. What did she have to smile about? What if he wasn’t even inside? She hadn’t known if he still resided there, but it was the address on the letter she received two weeks prior, she reminded herself.

She reached into her backseat to withdraw her umbrella, what little good it would do. By the time she made the trek up to the front gate she knew she would be soaking wet. It was worth it though. This was, after all, her last chance.

Slinging the strap of her purse over her shoulder, she braced herself for the short, cold, wet walk that awaited her. Her soft pink, open toed sandals hit the pavement with a slosh; thankful that she hadn’t worn stockings, she walked up the long drive where sat thick iron gates.

Her steps were light, as the puddles splashed the cold water onto her exposed legs. Why had she worn a dress, she wondered at that moment. But then she answered her own rhetorical question: to make the very best impression she could. It had been so long since he’d seen her, and she looked different and wanted him to take notice right away. Finally, she arrived at the thick wrought iron gates.

She stood staring up at them, and memories began to flashback to her but at that very moment, the thunder echoed through the night sky causing her to jump with the force.

Pressing the button to alert the guard that someone was at the gate, she watched him through the rain as he reluctantly left his booth and made his way outside. The scowl on his faced made it very clear he was not happy about someone arriving so late unannounced. Especially someone on foot.

“Damn it,” she muttered to herself. She should have thought better of the time. It was nearly midnight; they would not be expecting anyone at this hour. Taking a second to rethink her timing, she decided she had nothing to lose.

“May I help you?” asked the well dressed, but currently drenched guard. She hadn’t recognized him straightaway, but then as he drew even closer, familiarity played over her eyes.

“Miss Parker? What brings you at this hour?” Recognition ignited in the guard’s eyes as well, and Liz couldn’t help but divert her gaze. Surely, if Roger remembered her, he would have remembered how she had fled the manor six years ago, ironically in a storm as bad as the one currently pouring down around them.

“I need to see him,” she practically begged and chastised herself for sounding so desperate.

“It’s late, you know?” The question was inane, but she nodded nevertheless.

“I didn’t see you,” he mumbled with a hint of a smile, for which she was grateful. She watched him walk back to his booth and unlocked the gates.

“Thank y—” she said as she made her way past him.

“Don’t thank me yet. Good luck.” Roger winked at her and she felt her nerves settle just a little. It was a sign, or was it?

Squaring her shoulders, she opted to walk up the drive, rather than get back in her car. Maybe it would make her chances of not getting turned away better, or so she hoped.

The umbrella was not holding up against the torrential downpour that decided to fall from the sky at that moment. It was pointless; she already looked like a puppy drowned twice over.

Her heart pounded ruthlessly in her chest as she reached the front doors. Finally, she thought. She should just ring the doorbell, but that would definitely wake the entire house, instead she opted for a loud knock. Lifting her hand to the oversized doorknocker, she rolled her eyes; did everything have to be so flamboyant?

She took a second to push back her drenched locks of hair. She hoped that her mascara didn’t run, or she’d surely look like the living dead. That was not the impression she was hoping for. If only she had a mirror, she mumbled under her breath.

Too late, she thought, as the sounds of heavy footsteps reached the door a minute or so later. Luckily there was a large overhang above the doors, giving her the opportunity to wring out the bottom of her hair quickly, just as the doors were pulled open.

“Miss Park—Oh goodness dear, come inside quickly! You’ll catch pneumonia!” Liz smiled at the petite older woman, Rosa, the maid. Roger must have already announced her from the front gate.

She was ushered into the entranceway. Liz jumped slightly at the sound of the solid oak hitting the doorframe with a loud thump.

“Come, we have to warm you up.” Rosa practically dragged her into the sitting room. Liz didn’t want to sit and ruin the furniture, but Rosa insisted, so she did.

Bringing her towel and a blanket, Liz accepted and smiled graciously at Rosa. Liz thought Rosa looked the same, but older. Her thin petite frame, her glasses hanging from the chain around her neck…everything about her brought back memories for her. A slight blush crept up her cheeks at the thought of Rosa finding her in a compromising position in one of the many bedrooms upstairs. Her eyes roamed towards the long staircase leading to the first level of the home. Was he up there? Was he making his way down to her?

“Is that better?” Rosa asked as she took a seat in front of her.

“Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry to come by so late, but I needed to see him.” Liz pleaded with her eyes and almost allowed the tears to fall when she saw the crestfallen expression cross the older woman’s face.

“Is he…not here?” Liz asked hesitantly, when she received no response.

“No, he is but…” she trailed off and Liz’s heart sank. She already knew the answer; she didn’t need to hear it. She was sure that his parents wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen.

“Please,” she begged as she stood. If they weren’t going to let her upstairs she would find another way to get his attention.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Rosa, you know me. I need to see him. This is my last chance…” She managed to say as the tears finally came. It was futile to stop them, and she didn’t want to anymore. She was at the end of the line. If she didn’t see him tonight, it would be too late.

“What is going on?” came a strong sturdy, yet gruff voice from doorway.

“Rosa, what is she doing here?” Phillip Evans, Liz cringed. It wasn’t that she feared the man. In fact she had much respect for him, after all he was extremely successful, and was a great father, but he held grudges – of that she knew too well.

“Mr. Evans, I need to see him…please,” she pleaded, snaking her way past Rosa and Phillip. Unfortunately the second she was in the clear she slipped on the marble floors, landing on her bottom with a soft thud.

“Oh Miss! Are you okay?” Rosa covered the short distance and bent down to help Liz to her feet.

“Liz,” came Phillip’s soft voice filled with empathy, as he stood before her.

“I know I ruined it…him…us, but I need to see him. Look,” she quickly reached for her purse and fished out the letter she received one week ago. She thrust it at Mr. Evans with shaky hands.

“Liz, its done and over.” His sad gaze made her cry harder; her petite shoulders shook with a great force. Liz knew that Phillip Evans was a very serious businessman, as much as he was protective of his family. Liz thought with a tinge of guilt, she used to be a part of that very same family. In fact, she thought with even graver despair, it would have been her family in name as well.

“You don’t understand. He said he was letting me go. That he was moving on and…” her tears muffled her words making it impossible for her to be understood.

“Liz, he has moved on. Long ago. I’m sorry.” Phillip turned to Rosa giving her a look that could not be mistaken. It was time for Liz to go and she knew it.

It was all for nothing.

Sometimes people didn’t deserve second chances, she thought humbly.

“I’ll go. I’m sorry to disturb you.” Liz straightened her damp dress and jacket, gave a final nod to both Phillip and Rosa and as gracefully as possible, held her head high and made her way to the front door.


She spun on her heels, almost losing her balance when she heard his voice. Her heart nearly stopped in her chest and her breath escaped in a jarring gasp.

“Max,” she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Maxwell,” Phillip’s firm voice filled in the entranceway.

“No Dad, I should be the one to tell her.” Max turned to face Liz once again as he descended the stairs quickly. She watched him carefully, for it might be the last time she ever saw him again.

He moved fluidly and in a matter of seconds he was standing before her. He was just as handsome, if not more so than she last remembered. He appeared to be older, more mature and she smiled internally when his eyes danced over her features. At least she didn’t repulse him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper. He didn’t seem angry with her, but there was something in his eyes that told her this was a mistake.

“I came because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and, I got your letter…” She lifted her right hand to show him the water-drenched pages. An unreadable expression fell over his face and he reached to grab the sheets of paper.

“Liz, you shouldn’t have. That was my goodbye,” he explained softly. So softly, that her shoulders began to shake once again and the tears cascaded in big thick drops from her brown eyes.

“No. It’s not our goodbye, Max. That…it can’t be. I drove all the way here just to see you…to tell you…”

“To tell me what?” he asked in a gentle voice. All she wanted was for him to wrap his arms around her and hold her until he fell in love with her again. In love, like she was with him, as she always had been.

“I want a second chance. I deserve one and if I ever meant anything to you, you’d let me try,” she pleaded with a shaky voice.

“Try to what? Break my heart again? I can’t, Liz. I told you…in the letter…I can’t. I’ve moved on and my heart can’t love you again. It’s too late.” He looked away from her penetrating gaze, but it wasn’t quick enough. Not for Liz, because if she knew anything at all, she knew all of Max Evans’ expressions.

“It’s not too late for us,” she implored, reaching out her hand to grasp his forearm.

“Six years is too late. I tried to give you a chance, more than one, but you refused me each and every time. God! You acted like I was the one that left you. I can’t do this, Liz, maybe then…but not now. I’m sorry,” he said with a shaky voice. Breaking him of his emotions was a tough feat, and she had at one point mastered it, but that was then. And now, Liz had no idea how to reach him.

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?” his patience with her was wearing, from the tone of his voice and the rigid demeanor he held, she could easily tell.

“What you wrote…in the letter?” She froze at the sadness that touched his features at her question.

“You should go,” came his soft reply and his quiet retreat to the sitting room.

Standing alone for a moment, she watched as both Phillip and Rosa pretended to have avoided overhearing the conversation, but she knew they heard it all. Wiping the tears from her face, she mustered up her courage to turn and leave, again.

Maybe, signs were just that, signs. Not meant to be read at all. Maybe she was wrong about his feelings.

As she stepped back into the rainfall, she looked up and allowed the rain to pelt her face and in that moment a spark of hope formed. Max Evans might have moved on, but she wouldn’t. Not until she got what she wanted from him.



Lyrics: Enrique Iglesias - Maybe
Last edited by Behrsgirl77 on Mon Dec 27, 2010 12:34 pm, edited 18 times in total.

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Prologue 8/27/09

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:30 pm

A/N - It's Thursday...that means it's time for an update. For those of you who commented on me posting two stories at once; if you remember me from prior years you'll know that I used to juggle the posting ball quite well, but I'm a little rusty. But seeing as how Worth The Ride has it's final update today you'll be happy to know I have another story waiting in the wings to be posted. But because I want to be a good updater, I am holding off until I have enough parts that I can post weekly. So sit tight!

Secondly, I wanted to say thank you to all who are reading and have read this part so many times in the past. My intention is to never leave a story I start unfinished and so you have provided the fuel to the "fire" that keeps me going. So long as you are here to read...I shall continue to post new stories as they come (and believe me I have enough sitting on my computer to keep me busy for a long while) :lol:

Thank you for the great feedback...

mary mary

Raychel I must thank for not only reading through and editing these parts but for giving me that extra push to tell this story the way I "originally" intended. I am a dreamer at heart and with that in mind let's finally get to it!

Chapter One

Best I Ever Had

Nine Days Ago

I just say your name now
It’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back
You’re just the best I ever had

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better
It’s not so bad
You’re only the best I ever had

You don’t need me back

THICK round drops of rain fell from the sky that morning. It was as if someone were trying to warn her about the day that lay ahead. Moving through her cramped living room she searched for it; she had only put it down moments ago.

“Where is it,” she muttered to herself. Her small apartment was in shambles. She hadn’t known why, but she knew there had to be a reason for the rain to be falling outside that particular day.

Normally something so tiny, so insignificant wouldn’t have meant much to anyone else, but to her it meant the world.

Was it good or bad? If only she could find it. Anger, nervous frustration and hesitation coursed through her petite body. If she didn’t find it soon, she would have to cry all over again.

“Found it!” she shouted out to the empty room that surrounded her. She quickly pushed all of the clothing lying haphazardly on her moderately sized red couch, to the floor. Cleaning was always the least of her worries, and now that she had found what she was looking for, it was completely forgotten.

Tearing at the white envelope, her hands shook with apprehension. Whether the contents would change anything, she didn’t know. Her heart began to beat heavily the second she saw the handwriting.

She delicately ran her fingertips over the first few letters. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and remembered. It had been so long since she’d allowed herself that luxury, but here and now she had to.

Yesterday, she hadn’t had the nerve to open the letter much as she longed to. It was too soon and very unexpected. It had been, after all, six years. Six years, she laughed to herself. That long and still she could remember every detail.

She didn’t have to wonder how he found her. She was more than certain he had the means to find her if he really wanted. Obviously, whatever the contents of the envelope held, were important.

Taking a moment to gather her senses, she stood and walked over to the window. For a moment she watched the rainfall, pelt the windows of her second floor apartment and the streets below. Resting her head against the glass window, she felt the coolness and was able to get her heart to stop racing.

Squaring her shoulders, she lifted the letter in front of her and began to read…


Three Days Later

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” said the voice over the speakerphone.

“No. This is a stupid idea. And believe me, I’ve had some really bad ideas in the past. But what choice do I have? This is my final chance to make things right…” she trailed off while hunting for her other suitcase. Where the hell did she put it? She truly needed to clean, but again that fell to the bottom of the proverbial list of things to do.

“Liz, what if he doesn’t want to see you?” She spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes in frustration. Of course he wouldn’t want to see her as the first letter clearly stated. And then the second set she received just this morning spoke volumes on how he felt about her.

So what? Why would that stop her? It wouldn’t damn it!

“I don’t care. This is my final chance at closure. It’s been far too long and I need to be a big girl and face him. I’ve run long and far enough from him and that entire situation,” she let out a frustrated sigh.

“I know you keep saying that, Liz. Is it true though? Are you ready to face him and then walk away?”

“What choice do I have? If I had made better decisions and I think if I didn’t wait so long I would’ve had one, but now…it doesn’t matter. I will tell him what I need to – what I should have and then I’ll leave.” Liz straightened her back as if preparing for battle. If she knew Max Evans, which she had, that was exactly what she was in store for. No matter. She would do what needed to be done and then drag her sorry ass back home and cry until her tears ran dry.

“Liz, stop feeling sorry for yourself. That was the past. You were young; you are allowed to have made mistakes…bad decisions.”

“I know that!” she growled in aggravation. Pulling the towel from around her body she began searching for some sleepwear. It was ridiculous; it would take her an eternity to pack. She hadn’t even thought out her trip itinerary. Luckily for her, being a temp she had off all the time she needed—without pay. That of course meant she didn’t have enough money for such a trip, but she at least had the car her grandmother left her, which was in excellent condition. Any other obstacles she would face as they arose.

All she knew was that she had one week to figure things out before facing him, maybe for the last time.

“When is your flight?”

“Flight? I’m not flying. I’m driving.” Liz went back to the treacherous job of finding something to wear for the morning. The car would be quite uncomfortable for that many hours, maybe she should go with a dress. It was summer after all. Reaching in her closet she pulled out a knee length, cotton, lavender sundress. That would work perfectly.

“Wait a minute, you’re driving?” Liz nodded despite the fact that her friend couldn’t see her.


“Are you crazy! That’s over a two thousand miles.”

“Actually, it’s closer to three, and I have a week to get there. I have to do this. If I fly, it won’t give me enough time to figure things out.”

“Figure things out? You have lost your mind. I am not letting you drive all that way alone.”

Liz turned around and marched over to her nightstand, removing the phone from its cradle. “I know you worry, but it’s unnecessary.”

“How about I come with?” A small smile touched Liz’s lips. Over the years and through the loss of all her old friends, Liz clung to the one person that managed to stick around in her life. After everything happened she picked up everything she owned and moved clear across the country. Leaving behind the only true friends she ever knew. She wondered if even they forgave her for leaving without saying goodbye. Better yet, for never keeping in touch.

“Thank you, Tess but you can’t. You have a job and two kids that you can’t just bring with you or leave behind. I will be fine and I will call you everyday,” Liz promised.

“Okay. But you go one day without calling me and we will have big problems,” Tess joked lightly causing Liz to laugh hard. Tess had been Liz’s lifeline for two years now, and being that she was a single mother, Liz was grateful for the time Tess spent with her. She wondered if she would ever be able to repay Tess for her generosity and friendship throughout the years.

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning, bright and early. I just need to finish packing.” Liz surveyed her room once again. It was pointless; she would just throw a few things in her bag, pack up her toiletries and be on her way. No sense in trying to impress anyone. Although she did look a little different than anyone had last seen her. Not strikingly, but enough to take notice.

Sighing heavily she ended her call with Tess, promised she would stop by before she took off in the morning and changed into her pajamas. Deep inside she wondered if he would care that she had changed, for the better she hoped. It didn’t matter, what was done was done. She couldn’t erase the past. Not only was she ashamed to admit the truth, she knew that once she was face to face with him, she would have to relive it.

The truth is all that was left. She owed him that much, didn’t she? She had walked out of his life and never looked back. Not without reason, but she still took the cowards way out of the situation. It was time she acted like the twenty-seven-year-old she was.

After a long day of preparations, she finally allowed her head to hit the pillow. Thoughts of him ran rampant through her mind.

Turning to her side, she watched as the rain continued to fall, she wondered if it would ever stop. Or if maybe, the heavens were weeping with her. She’d like to believe it was the latter of the two, but deep down she knew she didn’t deserve that. That was too good for her, so she resigned herself to believe that with this one act of selfishness she would be able to close that chapter on her life and maybe—just maybe—begin to live again.

Her eyes grew tired and heavy and finally her breath evened out. While she appeared to be peaceful, her mind was plagued with the uncertainty that lay before her.

The uncertainty, that she wouldn’t be able to walk away and live her life once again…without him.


Lyrics: David Gray- Grey Sky Morning

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Chapter One 9/3/09

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sun Sep 13, 2009 3:37 pm

A/N - I forgot to update on Thursday... here you go, Max and Liz meet for the first time.

Chapter Two
Even though you're gone and far away
I feel you all around
I think about it every single day
You got away somehow

I can't sleep
It's hard to breath
And I still feel you next to me
Now I can see

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart

Your first love
You're so young
And you feel like a falling star

LIZ never thought she’d find a place to sleep. She’d been driving close to eight hours, stopping only for gas and food when necessary. She reached Colorado by nightfall; summer was a busy season and finding a room she could afford was nearly impossible. Luckily, Liz found a motel with one vacancy and a place to eat within walking distance—in the middle of nowhere.

Walking a mile seemed like a small price to pay for not having to get in her car for a few more hours. After checking in, she brought in her necessities for the night and morning, and headed out to the small diner across the parking lot.

Liz stepped into the nearly empty diner, and heard the rumble of her stomach grow louder; how long had it been since she’d last eaten? Her surroundings were quite typical: vinyl, burnt orange-colored booths, matching stools with silver bases at the counter.

There was a man sitting at the counter, reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. A couple seated in the corner, heads bent together and oblivious to the world around them, shared what she could only guess was a joke. Liz couldn’t help the small smile that played on her lips as she remembered a time when she was a part of something similar to that. Something sacred, and special, shared between two people who loved each other more than anything.

Stepping further inside, she heard the wooden floorboards creak as she crossed the room and reached the counter. The walls were adorned with old black and white photos of people she didn’t recognize, and the two waitresses wore matching brown uniforms with white lapels.

Liz was bone tired, and needed something to fill her stomach, and then she’d crawl into bed and wake up bright and early for tomorrow’s drive.

She had thought a lot about what she would say to Max when she saw him again, but none of it sounded right. None of it even remotely justified her reason for leaving six years earlier. Thinking back to the day she decided to make that profound decision, it seemed right, but now, years later she realized it was her maturity that failed her.

She simply didn’t possess enough of it—then.

Would there ever be anything she could say that would make him understand? She highly doubted it. What she did and how she went about it, was completely unforgiveable.

Maybe before, but not now, too much time had passed. She knew it. But if he ever loved her, she knew he would at least listen.

He had to listen. It was all she had to count on: the fact that, at one time, she was the love of his life.

A small voice, a voice she had tried to ignore for years now, reminded her that he was supposed to be the love of her life. And she repaid the love he gave her, by walking away during a terrible argument one night long ago.

She shook her head of the thoughts; she needed to keep focused for the road ahead. There was no point in breaking down now, when she was still so far from her destination.

“What can I get you?” came the waitress’ voice. Liz turned to regard her-she was a petite, middle-aged woman, with a red hair she apparently dyed, since her white roots were showing, and smiled.

“A cup of coffee, and a grilled cheese with tomato, please,” she responded, and smiled at the nametag the woman adorned on her uniform. Her name was Elizabeth, but the woman had crossed out the ‘Beth’ part, so it now read: Eliza.

“Be right back.” Liz watched the woman walk away and thought about how odd it was for her to stop in an unfamiliar town, and be served by a woman carrying her own name.

Was that a sign? She sighed, not knowing what she was looking for. It had been a long time since she’d allowed herself to fall for the idea of destiny. The belief for her was something she’d always held near and dear. She believed that things always happened for a reason; and that she couldn’t control it, she had to submit to it and accept it for what it was.

Which is why, for Liz, signs meant everything. When she was six, she had a feeling something terrible was going to happen to her parents. She’d been staying with her grandmother, while her parents took a trip for their anniversary. Liz had been up waiting for their phone call, when suddenly the lights flickered. She thought nothing of it at that particular moment. Later, that day, her grandmother received a phone call saying her parents had died in a car accident on the way from the airport to their hotel.

From that point on, Liz knew that signs were the key to unlocking the future. Most people ignored them, but not Liz. Liz understood that while she couldn’t change what was meant to be, she didn’t need to walk blind into the darkness either.

Signs gave her comfort. They were the one thing she could always count on, good or bad.

In the case between her and Max, she simply read the signs wrong. It wasn’t a science; she comforted herself with that knowledge. She was far from an expert, and she was allowed to misread them. Who knew she’d be that wrong?

“I did,” she mumbled to herself, resting her hand under her chin. She was startled when a loud clank sounded behind her. She turned and saw a tall man, about mid fifties and extremely handsome with his salt and pepper hair and the bluest eyes she’d ever seen.

“Sorry, Lizzy,” he said offering up a sheepish smile.

Liz’s waitress, stepped from behind the kitchen area in the back, and said, “Samuel, how many times do I gotta tell ya to stop getting in the way?”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said, and shrugged his shoulders. Liz couldn’t help but laugh softly to herself. She seemed to be the only one watching the exchange. The waitress stepped up to the man, who was a good foot taller than her, and looked up at him with an adoring smile.

“Baby, you don’t need to check on me every hour.”

The man reached out his hand, and pushed one of her curls back behind her ear, while smiling down at her. “I know, but I’m done with Bobby’s car. He kicked me out anyways, Martha wanted private time,” the man said and winked at her, before placing a kiss on her lips. Eliza seemed to melt against the man, as he brought his arms up around her.

“You busy?” he asked in a whispered voice, but loud enough that Liz could still hear it from her seat. Eliza laughed, and tipped her head back a little. “When am I ever busy in this place?”

“So you got a few minutes to spare?” he asked, in a husky voice, while leaning down to nibble on her ear.

Eliza tipped her eyebrow up, and grinned up at the man, “You that good cowboy?”

“Damn right, baby.” He smiled and lifted her off her feet.

“Put me down! I was only kidding! I have customers to serve,” she protested, very weakly, to Liz’s ears.

“Tell Johnny to bring it out, I promise this won’t take long, but tonight…” his voice trailed off as they moved further away out of her vision. Liz couldn’t help but laugh.

After a few moments, someone did bring out her meal and she began to eat, trying not to chuckle at the display she was witness to before. A part of her couldn’t help but smile, but another part, a bigger part of her, felt like doing nothing more than crying.

They had been that way too, at one time. Everything seemed so fresh and new for this couple. She wondered how long they’d been together. And unfortunately for Liz, that thought brought back a memory, her first memory of Max.

The day they first met…

Twelve Years Ago
Nineteen Ninety Seven

The sounds of ceramic cups hitting saucers on the tabletops and conversations blending into one loud roar filled the small coffee house late one evening. The storm outside had just begun and Liz Parker was beginning to question what in the hell she was doing in New York City by herself.

She had only arrived two days prior and she still had yet to feel like she belonged. She was a long way from Roswell, New Mexico and every moment that passed made her miss home more than she ever thought possible. In fact, when she graduated high school she couldn’t wait to leave home, finally have some independence. Now though, she wondered if maybe she should have stayed a little closer to home.

Shaking herself back to reality, she reached inside her purse and pulled a few crumbled dollars out, placing them on the table to cover her bill. She took a fortifying breath before leaving the shelter of the coffee house, umbrella in hand. When she arrived not more than an hour ago it seemed the sun was setting but it was getting a little cloudy. Now though the rain was falling from the sky in cold buckets. The wind whipped around her strongly, causing her flimsy umbrella to fly right from her grasp.

“Damn it!” she shouted out, as the rain pelted down on her. Turning back to her task, she stood on the sidewalk and looked out, now she’d seen people do this a million times on television, surely it couldn’t be that hard to hail a cab. Raising her short arm in the air she waved it around and waited…and waited.

Sighing heavily, she was soaked to the bone and it had been at least twenty minutes since she’d stepped out of the coffee house. People had passed her by, taxis passed quickly successfully showering her with the deep puddles they drove in.

Liz turned to her left and noticed that there was a small bar where some patrons were crowding outside under their umbrellas. Great, she thought. Now she’d look like an even bigger fool in front of an audience. Turning away quickly, she wrapped her arms around herself and began to let the tears fall. She fought them as hard as she could, but being made fun of was not something she could hide her emotions from.

Why did she leave her dorm room to begin with? She questioned herself silently as she saw a few of the kids hail a cab with great ease; it made her want to be sick. Now she knew for sure she should have stayed in her room. Why had she thought that she could do this on her own? She never so much as slept anywhere but in her grandmother’s home for twelve years, and now she decided to get the courage to do it. What a fabulous idea that was, Liz, she thought sarcastically with a roll of her eyes.

A moment later she thought the rain had stopped, but looking up she noticed it wasn’t the rain that’d stopped, it was an umbrella hovering above her head instead. Turning slightly and praying that her tears were not evident on her face, she looked to see who had come to her rescue.

“Hi. Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you, but I saw you didn’t have an umbrella and it’s pretty nasty out here,” came the handsome stranger’s voice. He had to be the best looking guy she’d ever seen up close. He was at least a foot taller than her, his hair was dark brown, nearly black and his eyes, even with the limited light provided by the street lamp beside her, looked like a golden honey brown. They were nothing short of amazing and now he was looking at her, and saying something.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?”

He chuckled slightly before answering. “I wanted to know if you were waiting for someone.”

“Oh, no. I was just trying to hail a cab. Which seems to be an impossible task for me.” She laughed softly and tried to avoid his gaze. It was as if he was looking straight through her, and he could tell that she was shy and out of place. Self-consciously she tucked her hair behind her ear as he leaned over to tell her something.

“Not a problem. I’ll help you out. Where are you headed?” he asked and Liz couldn’t help but feel shivers run up her spine. What was that, she wondered confusingly.

“Back to my dorm,” she mumbled out, while she wondered if one of the girls standing to the left of him was his girlfriend. Even with the limited view of him and his body; she could tell he was just perfect. Perfect, was not something Liz Parker could ever hope for. Guys that looked like him-never looked twice at girls that looked like her.

“And your dorm would be where?” he asked with an amused smile tugging on his lips.

“God, I’m sorry. Residence Hall, NYU,” she offered feeling foolish. The stranger didn’t seem to notice, because he stepped out to the curb and a moment later a cab pulled up.

“Your chariot awaits.” He brightly, while holding the umbrella over her making sure she stayed as dry as possible. Why was he being so nice, she wondered to herself.

She hopped in and as she went to thank him, she noticed him turn and yell out something to his friends before leaning in the cab to regard her.

“Do you mind if I join you? I’m not far from there.”

“Oh, sure,” she smiled and scooted over giving him room to settle in the dry cab.

After giving the cabby the address, she noticed that he turned to regard her with a questioning glace.

“Thanks again,” she offered sincerely.

“You’re welcome. I have question for you, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

“How did you get here to begin with?” She noticed the wonder in his eyes, and the way they almost sparkled with amusement. Not being able to help herself she let out a soft laugh and answered him.

“I walked but when I left it wasn’t raining yet.” She shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her arms around herself to fight off the chill she suddenly felt, which had nothing to do with her damp clothing.

“Makes sense. I’m Max by the way. Max Evans.” He reached out his hand to her and she returned the gesture.

“Liz Parker.”

“So Liz Parker, who attends NYU, tell me, because I don’t recall seeing you around and I should hope that I would have remembered if I had, where are you from?” Had he just paid her a compliment? She wasn’t sure, but it could have been. Suddenly she felt warm and comfortable, not her usual awkward self.

“I’m from…” she hesitated. People always made a comment about where she came from, so she kept it simple.

“New Mexico.”

“Really? Any chance you live near Roswell?” he asked and her eyes went wide with embarrassment.

“What? Did I say something that…” he began but she shook her head warding off his intended question.

“Oh…no…it’s just that, I’m from Roswell. That’s where my family is from.” She smiled and then let out a full-blown laugh when he appeared to be excited with that bit of information.

“You know I’ve always wanted to meet someone from there. So tell me, Liz Parker, have you met any aliens?” he asked and she knew he wasn’t serious, but it was fun to just talk to a guy without feeling like every word out of her mouth sounded stupid.

“No, but my grandmother owns an alien themed restaurant.” When she boarded the plane back home, she schooled herself on information she would share with people about where she was from. Telling anyone about the diner was not in the plan, yet Max had made it so simple for her to open herself up.

“That must be an interesting experience. Is the menu set up that way too?” he asked, and she had to snap herself back to reality. He was actually interested in what she had to say? He had to have been, since he was asking questions after all.

“Yes, everything on the menu is named with the theme in mind. We have Orbit rings, Blue Moon Burgers, Alien smoothies…” For the next few minutes he continued to ask her questions about her home until she decided it was time she found out a little about him.

“What about you? Where are you from?” she asked, hoping silently that they hadn’t reached their destination yet. Who knew what would happen after they left the confines of the cab, she didn’t want to find out. She also didn’t want to address the feeling of loneliness at the thought of her going to her room alone.

“My parents are from Connecticut, we moved to New York about eleven years ago, and been here ever since.”

“How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” She’d only asked because he didn’t look to be her age, maybe a little older but not much more.

“Not at all. You can ask me anything you’d like. I’m twenty one.” He offered with a look that asked a question of its own.

“I’m eighteen,” she offered and shifted uncomfortably when his eyes looked from her face to her legs. Whatever had happened in those few moments changed the air around them. It became charged with a feeling that was very unfamiliar for her.

“Anyway,” he continued on, she figured he was done talking to her now that he knew she wasn’t old enough for him, “I’m in my last year at NYU. And so I take it you’re a freshman, but how do you like it so far?”

“It’s okay. I mean the work and going to school doesn’t bother me, it’s just…” She was a second from telling him that she wished she had someone to talk to when she wasn’t in class, other than calling her grandmother or her one and only friend Kyle. He seemed to respect it and turned his head to peer out the front windshield.

She had a chance to take in his full profile and her breath caught in her throat; he was simply gorgeous, and so nice. She never had that kind of luck, ever.

“Looks like we’re here,” he announced, and suddenly she wasn’t so happy about being in her room as she had originally felt standing on the side of the street no more than twenty minutes ago.

“Yeah. Well, thank you again, Max.” She offered him a bright smile, trying to memorize his face, since it was probably the last time she would get to see him up close, let alone talk to him again.

Sighing, she reached for the door handle, but his hand on her knee stopped her. She turned slightly and watched as he said, “One second.” Then leapt from his side, out and around to hers. She wasn’t sure what to do; he opened the door, and offered her his hand. Swallowing nervously, she placed her palm in his, and stepped from the taxi. Liz couldn’t help but notice how warm he was because despite the fact that the rain had dwindled down to a drizzle, it was still chilly outside.

“I’ll pay,” she reached into her purse but he waved her off. “What kind of a gentleman would I be to ride in the same cab as you and make you pay?” He shook his head, in mock disappointment while paying the driver.

Liz stood frozen; she had no idea what happened next. She’d never spent more than a classroom hour next to a guy, never alone, at night, in an unfamiliar city. She wondered if she shouldn’t feel a little more frightened, but how could she when he turned to her in the next instant and offered his arm with a warm smile?

“Don’t worry, Liz. I’m only going to walk you to the steps and you will be free of me.” She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but she quickly abated his thoughts.

“I’m not worried. I guess, it’s just that this is all new to me.” She shrugged her shoulders, and wished she wasn’t so damn naïve. Were those tears burning the backs of her eyes?

He halted his steps halfway to their destination and faced her. “What do you mean? You’re not used to good looking guys walking you home?” he joked, but it was anything but that for her. She wanted to crawl into a hole, why in the hell had she opened her mouth?

“No, I guess not.” She hoped that her voice didn’t quiver with her utter lack of experience. They continued on until someone called out to him. He stopped and turned to his right, with her arm still tucked under his. The person didn’t come any closer, but Liz could tell the girl was pretty, really pretty. She wondered once again if he had a girlfriend. Surely the girl that was standing outside the bar with him wasn’t, because she wouldn’t have let him get in the car with another girl…right? Liz knew that if Max were her boyfriend she wouldn’t let him go anywhere alone.

She mentally chastised herself; Max would never be her boyfriend. Maybe he could be a friend though, but nothing more than that.

“I’ll call you later,” he called back, and then turned back to her.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled and then lightened the mood with conversation. “So tell me, do you like your roommate?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Lucky dog! You won the lottery with that one,” he said as they reached the first step to her dorm.

“Yeah, but I won’t be so lucky next year.”

“At least you get to experience it,” he trailed off, letting go of her hand. She felt the need to wrap her arms around herself, to keep from touching him. She wondered why he didn’t live in a dorm through college.

“I guess, so do you work?” she asked trying to change the subject.

“When I’m not in school, yeah.”

The silence grew thick around them before his voice broke in. “Well I guess I should let you go. It was nice meeting you, and maybe I’ll see you around campus.” She hoped so.

“Absolutely. And thanks again for your help back there.”

“No problem!” He smiled that sexy smile, as she now referred to it.

She turned to face him as she stood in the doorway and said, “Goodnight, Max.”

“Night, Liz.”

She closed the door behind her, and settled against it with a heavy thud. Her heart was racing and she was practically gasping for air, as if she’d just ran a marathon. A second later she was dashing up the stairs and to her room, slamming the door behind.

Quickly she undressed and entered her bathroom to brush her teeth, she stood in front of her mirror and suddenly the schoolgirl grin fell.

Look at her, her best feature was her straight, long, brown hair. Sure her teeth were white and straight, and her complexion was flawless, but she was a little curvy. Guys didn’t like curvy, they liked big breasted, skinny models. She was far from that.

Placing her toothbrush down against the counter, she cupped her breasts in each hand. No weight at all, she wasn’t flat but she was a long way from being busty. Her hands left her breasts and skimmed down her tummy. She sighed, and a deep frown marred her face, she had a little pouch. Where it came from she didn’t know, but she hated it. No matter how many damn sit-ups she did the damn thing just wouldn’t go flat. Her grandmother had said it was baby fat, she cringed then and she cringed now. She was eighteen, hardly a baby, so why the hell was it still there?

Her shoulders slumped as she made her way over her hips. Although, she would be considered to have a nice shape, guys didn’t want shape they wanted skin and bones, at least that’s what all her magazines said. And didn’t all of Hollywood appear to be as lean as possible, hardly any meat on their bones, and people loved them.

Deciding it was better to save the pity party for tomorrow, when she again had nothing to do, she went to bed. Sleep was futile, since she couldn’t get Max Evans’ face out of her mind. She tossed and turned, most of the night, and finally sleep took over when her fantasy died.

The logical part of her brain concluded that, Max Evans was only ever going to be her friend so she’d better stop thinking of him in any other way. She would only look or talk to him as a friend, nothing more, because if she did, she knew she’d find herself someplace she’d never been before…

In love.


“Do you need anything else?” Eliza asked, startling Liz back to the present.

“No. Thank you,” Liz responded and tried not to blush. Eliza looked thoroughly…satisfied.

Liz couldn’t help but feel envious, that Eliza had someone like that in her life, at her age. She wondered too, if they were married.

The question must have been written across her face, because Eliza seemed to pick up on it fairly quickly.

“He’s my husband of thirty eight years.”

“Do you…” Liz began to ask, and then realized it was none of her business. The waitress reached out her hand and patted Liz’s.

“Go ahead sugar, ask away.”

“I just wondered are you always like that with each other? After all this time?”

Eliza tipped her head back and offered up a hearty laugh before eyeing Liz with a gleam in her eye. “Sugar, most days I want to hit him over the head with his hammer, but then I remember how much I love him. And how much he loves me. I remember all the good times,” she paused and pinned Liz with a seriousness she felt down in her bones.

“Sugar, I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I can tell you one thing. If you truly love each other you find a way to make it work…to make it last.” With that Eliza stepped away from the counter and out of Liz’s line of vision. Leaving Liz to wonder, not for the first time, why she let the best thing in her life go.


Byrics: The First One – by Boys Like Girls

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) A/N 11/7/09

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Mon Nov 30, 2009 7:34 pm

A/N Well now that one holiday is over...I'm preparing for another. However I do have an update. I will have another next week, that part is written and ready to go. Thanks for your patience. I'm working on several things at the same time, and my job is so beyond stressful most days all I want to do is crawl in a hole and never come out. I'm hoping for better things in the new year.

Anyways...for those of your reading we are only a couple of chapters away from the Pro, and from there the rest of the story comes out and then we'll see about getting these dreamers back together before Christmas

Chapter Three
The Way I Loved You
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

SHE was lost, utterly and truly lost. She was stopped on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, America. There was a carnival across the street. Someone there should know where she was and be able to guide her back to civilization.

A carnival in the middle of nowhere was odd but she didn’t think too much about it.

Anxious to get back to her trip, she turned into the lot where the carnival was being set up. Closing and locking her door behind her, she made her way across the grounds. Everyone looked so focused and busy she hated to interrupt, but she wanted out of the no name town she was driving through.

“Can I help you?” came a voice from behind her. It was heavily accented and melodic. Liz spun on her heals to take in the sight of a gypsy woman. The bright orange pheasant skirt, the matching white top, as well as an array of bangle bracelets and hooped earrings made Liz smile even brighter. This was a first for her, and she was completely fascinated.

“Yes. I am a little lost. I just need directions back to the main road.” The gypsy gave her a mysterious smile while motioning for Liz to follow her. They weaved their way through a throng of workers until they reached a small silver trailer.

“Come. Sit. We will talk.” Liz followed the gypsy into the trailer. It was hot and cramped but still cozy inside.

“Now, what can I do for you?” Liz was a little confused, she had already told the woman what she needed: directions. Repeating herself, the gypsy silenced Liz with a hand.

“Better I tell you a story.” The gypsy was a beautiful woman, Liz realized, with long flowing dark curly hair. She was striking. Her eyes were the greenest Liz had ever seen.

“I am in love with a man, who I can never be with.” Liz froze in place, why was this woman telling her a story and why did it sound so familiar? She wanted to get out of town; she had miles to go and still didn’t know what to say to Max when she saw him…if she saw him.

“He is not like me. He is like you. And that is not allowed.”

Liz couldn’t help but ask then, “Can’t you go somewhere and be together?

The melody of the gypsy’s voice drew Liz in. “No, we only get together when I pass through town, in secret.”

“Get together?” Liz asked.

“Yes, we make love, until the stars come up.” The gypsy continued to speak of the kind of life she wanted, but knew she could never have. Liz thought that was sad. She understood.

While her life with Max wasn’t forbidden it was difficult, for her to accept. That was what it came down to most of the time for her; she never felt good enough for him.

The rain was relentless that night; she could hardly sleep. Tossing and turning was about as peaceful a sleep as she would get. There was a sound against her window. At first she thought she’d imagined it, but then she heard it again.

A soft knock.

Pushing the blankets off of her body, she shuffled sleepily over to the window, and pushed it open.

“Max, what are you doing here?” she whispered out as the rain began to drench the front of her pajamas.

“Ahh, Parker. You sleep in PJs, way to break a guy’s fantasy.” Max quipped as the rain poured over him; Liz couldn’t help but feel the extra pump in her heart at not only the words he spoke but the sound of his voice. She and Max had been dating for six months; she still couldn’t believe it when he’d asked her out, but she wasn’t fool enough to turn him down.

“Get dressed.”

“Now? Are you crazy?”

He seemed to ponder that for a moment, before gazing at her in a way that made her belly flip. “Yeah, I am. Now hurry, I’m soaked!”

Liz smiled and turned to pull clothes from her drawer, then realized he was still at her window.

“I’ll meet you outside.”

“Spoil sport,” Max muttered as she moved away from the window. She checked to make sure he was gone before she dressed.

His Jeep was warm, thankfully because she was soaked from the run from her dorm. “Where are we going? Am I allowed to ask?”

Max turned to look at her, with a smile on his lips – the one that did funny things to her body and said, “You are allowed to ask, but I don’t have to answer. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

It only took about fifteen minutes to get to their destination, he was silent and so she decided it was best that she wait for whatever he had planned. He pulled the Jeep off the road to an open field. Runs around the Jeep and pulls her out.

“Max, can’t we stay in here where it’s dry?”

Max ignored her question, grabbed her hand, and urged her to follow him to stand in front of the Jeep. The rain poured around them, but Max stood holding her in his arms. The look in his eyes was so different; the headlights of his Jeep allowed her that much of a view before he slid his hand behind her neck and kissed her.

He tasted like rain and sweetness. They kissed and she knew without a doubt that she was in love with him. She would never admit it first; she didn’t want to be disappointed when Max got tired of her. Max pulled away, and placed a kiss against her lips before resting his forehead against hers. Their breathing was harder and her heart pumped so erratically it nearly hurt.

Nothing felt better.

She watched as the rain dripped from his cheeks, his lips and wanted to taste him all over again. Instead though, Max leaned in and whispered to her. “I can’t take not being with you. Not having you with me all the time.”


“Wait – just let me finish. I know this is new to you, hell it is to me too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and it scares me because I know I can’t be without you. I want you like my next breath. Tell me you feel that way…tell me and I’ll never let you go.”

It was now or never. She could tell him she didn’t feel the same. Or she could take a giant leap forward and tell him the truth – put it all on the line.

“I do, Max.”

“I love you, Liz. I love you and it scares me and it makes me so damn happy all at the same time.”

“I love you too,” she whispered out to him. He groaned against her lips before he kissed her again.

Max pulled away to gaze into her eyes, she couldn’t help but smile at him, not bothering to hide her tears. He kissed her lips once again and told her, “I think I loved you from the first moment I saw you.” She couldn’t help but kiss him this time because she felt exactly the same.
Liz was broken from her revere by the sound of the gypsy’s voice. “You are lucky.”


The gypsy nodded and took Liz’s right hand, turning her palm upwards. “Lucky, because you still have a chance.”

“Maybe not,” Liz said softly. Thinking about what lay ahead.

The gypsy closed her hand around Liz’s and smiled. A knowing gleam was in her eyes. “You have your second chance, no? You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. What will you do with it, I wonder?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ah, I think you do. You must be honest.”

“I plan on it.”

The gypsy shook her head.

“No. You must tell him all that you feel. You must not let him walk away…not like you did. You must make him listen. You must remind him.”

Liz wasn’t sure how the woman knew, but Liz was not about to question it. “Remind him of what?”

The gypsy froze and let go of Liz’s hand. “You already know.”

She then stood and took out a piece of paper and began to jot some things down. She then slipped the paper to Liz.

“This will lead you to where you need to go. What you do when you get there, is all up to you.” And with that the gypsy left the trailer; leaving Liz to wonder just where the hell she had gone wrong with her life.

How had she let things get so bad between her and Max? How did she go so long without talking to him or seeing him? She loved him; she hadn’t lied and she knew he meant it too.

She felt bad for those two kids who had so much promise; she hoped she could give them a second chance on happiness.


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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) A/N 2/23/10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sun Feb 28, 2010 10:21 pm

A/N - Sorry for the long delay, I seem to have found the groove again. So here is the update and another will follow next Sunday. I also posted a new story, for those of you interested (link below).

Thank you so much for the feedback, and the bumps they kept me working hard to get back here. I promise not to stay away so long!


Chapter 4

Running Up That Hill

Present Day

You don’t wanna hurt me
But there’s a thunder in our hearts, baby
Tell me we both matter, don’t we
You and me
Won’t be unhappy

LIZ had two days to figure things out. Her time was dwindling down to nothing; each second brought her closer to her destination. It was too much for her to bear. She lay in bed and thought about him this morning. She thought about her old friends. She even thought about his family; they would hate her.

Liz knew the Evans’ had loved her, and they had treated her as one of their own children, but she walked away and broke their only son’s heart. How do you redeem yourself from that?

Maybe Max would hate her and not talk to her, but Tess could be right. After all, Max’s letter wasn’t mean or spiteful…it was almost as if he had finally given up. And that broke her heart because deep down, she thought one day she’d see him again, one day maybe they could move past it. Maybe they could find a way to be together again.

The sound of a loud clatter behind her gave her a start. Then a woman walking with a small child stopped at her table and asked her what day it was. Liz looked down and pressed the button on her cell phone that indicated today was…the twenty sixth of May.

Which meant that today was or rather would have been their anniversary. How many years had she missed out with him?

Liz swallowed back the thunderous roar of aching that wanted to be released from inside her. And the tears…the tears came, but she quickly swiped them away, pulled a few bills out of her wallet and exited the diner.

She made it her car before she completely broke down. She pushed the key into the ignition and then stopped. Glancing out the windshield, she felt the ache to be with him again so deep she felt as if she was being ripped in two.

What she wouldn’t do to see him smile at her again. To hear the teasing in his voice when he was trying to persuade her to do something she was fully set against, knowing that deep inside she wanted to do it anyway.

She had honestly missed every-single-thing about him, even his stubbornness and his ability to make her frustrated by not doing very much at all. She remembered in that moment a fight they had had the night of their third anniversary. He wanted to take her away on vacation, he had already graduated and he was making great money; she had often joked with him saying it was something he had been born to do.

He had wanted to take her away after she graduated on a month long vacation. She refused, stating it was too much of a gift.

He had rebutted every excuse and ending up winning the argument anyway.

The sound of a car door slamming jolted her back to reality. She swiped her residual tears, started the car and made her to back to her motel. She needed to get some rest; tomorrow was a long day.

She lay on her side, willing her mind to shut off for the night. No such chance and she knew it. He consumed her every thought now. She thought back to a time when her beloved grandmother was still alive and the first time she had met Max.

It was Christmas, they had been dating for two years, and because she could not afford to herself, Max flew them both out so that they could spend the holiday together.

Christmas morning came and she remembered it so vividly now…
Max’s arms wrapped around her from behind, gathering her closer to his body-close enough to drop a kiss on her shoulder. Something he loved to do every day.

It was Christmas morning and Max had a present for her, she knew that gleam in his eyes. She eyed the one tiny box under the tree and turned to give him a look of disbelief.

“You promised. You said that bringing me here was my Christmas present, Max.” She disengaged herself from his grasp and sat down next to the tree Max had insisted on purchasing for them. Max had wanted to wake up Christmas morning in her arms and so they decided to stay in her old bedroom and set up a tree in the room.

Max walked over, plucked the box from under the tree and then kneeled down in front of her. “Why won’t you let me buy you pretty things?”

She was stubborn and she knew it, but Max needed to stop spending his money on her. It was ridiculous that he would not let her pay for anything. And this year he had promised he would not buy her anything, but he went ahead and did so anyway.

“That’s not my point and you know it, Max.”

His golden-brown eyes danced and a smiled form on his lips. How she wished she could resist him anything. “You said I couldn’t ‘buy’ you anything and I didn’t. I am giving you a present that I didn’t purchase.”

She was very skeptical and hesitant when he handed her the small red wrapped gift. She tore at the paper carefully.

“Promise?” she asked again before lifting the top off the box.

“I promise, baby.”

She smiled. She loved him so much and did not know how someone like him could even look twice, let alone love her.

With a soft gasp, she looked down at the very large diamond earrings in her hand.

“Max…they’re beautiful, but you…” He silenced her by leaning in and kissing her lips softly. He pulled away and plucked one earring from the soft velvet box she still held in her hand, “My mother says that every great woman should at least own one pair.”

Liz blinked back the tears and looked up into his eyes. “Are you for real?” He laughed as he usually did when she asked such an inane question.

“I’m as real as they get, now where is my present?” he asked rubbing his palms together as a child would looking for their gift.

“Max, seriously. I love them but I can’t accept them.” He pressed a finger to her lips and leaned in close, whispering to her, “They were my mothers. They were mine to give. Take them, they look beautiful on you,” he finished by putting the other earring in and kissing her lips once more. He then placed the box on the rug beside her.

She let out a little sigh, knowing she lost the fight before it had even began. She leaned over and searched under their makeshift tree skirt for his present.

“It’s not as grand as yours but…” she finished feeling just a little inadequate in the gift department-as she usually did. She had wrapped his in a bright and shiny gold paper and he ripped at it with such enthusiasm as to make her laugh.

“I…I made it…” she finished wringing her hands together. He smiled at her before tearing the last piece of paper. He looked from the gift to her and then back again. “It’s…beautiful. You made this?” he asked with a look of…pride? No, that was not right. It was something akin to – well, she did not know. In fact, he had looked at her that way the day she graduated and several other times during their relationship. She never asked him what the look meant and she didn’t know why.

Liz simply nodded and watched as he traced his fingers over the glass picture frame she’d made from blown glass. Inside there was a picture of each of them at age five, and in the center a picture of them together. They were smiling at each other during the first week they’d met years ago.

“Thank you. I love it. I love you,” he said, placing the frame down underneath the tree and pulling her into his lap.

“You really like it?” she asked while running her hands through his hair. She loved the feel of his think raven locks sliding through her fingers. It was almost soothing to her.

He braced his hands on either side of her face, kissed her softly at first, and increased the intensity within minutes. He pulled away, his breathing heavy. He pushed her hair away from her face, his eyes carried over her face and he smiled when he looked at her next. “I love it, Liz. I really mean it. Do you believe me?” he asked her and she smiled; she believed him.

“I want you,” he said next and carried her from the carpeted floor to her bed. She didn’t say a word, afraid somehow her words would be lacking.

Max peeled her t-shirt from her body. He kissed her lips as his hands trailed down her body. His lips found the tips of her breasts, licking and sucking them until she gasped out. Her hands balled the sheets into her fists when his lips trailed lower.

His breath was hot against her, her mouth was even hotter and her body arched to accommodate his ministrations. When she finally cried out, he raised above her, kissing her lips and thrusting his tongue inside her deep and sleekly, reminding her of how he wanted to take her body.

She shivered with the anticipation. She loved making love to him. She loved the feel of his body sliding deeply inside her; the stretch, the burn and the addictive thrusts he pressed upon her until she came screaming and gasping for air.

Max slid his hands down her legs, lifting them beneath his arms. His breath was ragged. She loved the sound of his deep groan of satisfaction as he pressed inside of her, pushing past her entrance and saddling up deeply inside of her, settling in for a long hard ride.
The kind she loved.

“Liz…” he groaned as he lifted himself above her, his fists denting the mattress and sweat covering his broad shoulders, their abdomens, and his beautiful face. The tense features on his face only excited her further; knowing that her body could give him that much pleasure.

He thrust further, deeper than ever before, and he smiled devilishly as he watched her breasts rock with the force of his thrusts now. She arched her back, causing her legs to open further; he growled in satisfaction and moved his arms around her to lift her further and take one breast and then the other into his hot mouth. He suckled loudly and groaned with the force of the strain to wait until she went over the edge.

“Come on baby…for me…” he ordered her and she reached the peak he wanted a second later. He growled in satisfaction, his thrusts moving fast and furiously until finally his entire body tensed and he pushed deeply inside of her, settling against her womb and letting out a harsh groan as he flooded her with hot, liquid heat.

Minutes later, his breathing was still not back to normal and neither was hers. He leaned up and smiled down at her face. “Will you let me love you this way, forever, Liz?”

She never answered his question. Instead, she cried and held him inside her body, praying that they would always be this way.
The sound of her alarm going off made her aware that at some point she had fallen asleep. The only problem was the dream she’d had felt so real. She swiped her eyes and stretched her body preparing to leave the warm bed, but then it suddenly dawned on her.

The dream wasn’t a dream, it was a memory. A memory of a time so long ago she’d almost made herself forget.

A time she wished she could have back.


P.S. I posted the update for Unbreakable as well as my new story, Every Little Kiss

Lyrics by: Placebo - Running Up That Hill

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Chapter 4 2/28/10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Mon Mar 22, 2010 1:26 pm

A/N - Hey guys I'm back. I had to catch up on writing this one because I only had 4 chapters done, I wrote this part and more than half of the next, so update will be regular.

I want to point out something very important about this part. The points of view shift in the middle of this, this chapter will finish off Liz’s point of view, and pick up with Max’s the moment Liz steps outside in the end of the Prologue. Hope that's not too confusing.

Chapter Five

How Do You Fall In Love

When do you say i do
When is the perfect time
Seems like it takes forever
When you want it so bad
But don't ever take it for granted
There will be highs and lows

THE sun mocked her. Why was it sunny this morning? She had arrived in New York last night, checked into the cheapest hotel she could find, which was still expensive and fell asleep.

She rolled onto her back and thought about what he might be doing at that exact moment. Did he lie in bed sometimes and think of her? Was he waking up in someone else’s arms? Did he find someone else to love?

That was her greatest fear.

No matter how she felt deep down inside, no matter how many times she told herself that Max would fall out of love with her; she honestly never truly believed it. This was not only ironic but also completely against her glass-half-empty philosophy.

She thought back on all the times they were together and not one of those times did he make her feel like she wasn’t good enough. That was her own feelings clouding those wonderful moments. Moments she now cherished with all sincerity for what they really were.

True love.

Deep down, body aching, heart thumping love.

She knew she wasn’t the only one that was truly and deeply in love. Every look, every smile, every touch, she felt it. Max tried so hard, why did she push him away? Why didn’t she try harder?

The memories all washed over her, the good and the bad. She still wasn’t sure why she left. At the time it seemed like the only way out, but now she realized that she walked away without a thought of anyone’s feelings but her own.

She needed to call Tess. She needed a pep talk.

“Liz, I think you are doing a very brave thing. I still think you should have just called. I’m worried for you.”

Liz smiled into the phone; Tess had been trying for the last half hour to get Liz to re-think her plan. It wasn’t that she didn’t think Liz should confront her past, but not in the fashion that she’d chosen.

“I know but if I call him, he could just ignore the call, he could hang up or he could think it really impersonal.” And then as an afterthought, Liz bit her bottom lip and told Tess what she really was afraid of.

“What if he doesn’t listen to me? What if you’re right and I came all this way for him to just…not even listen? I wouldn’t blame him, Tess. It was awful, what I did.”

Tess sighed into the phone and then asked Liz to listen to her. “Liz, I have two great kids and I wouldn’t trade their lives for anything in the world. But it’s hard being a single mom. I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love twice. I don’t think you should blame yourself for everything. Sometimes life throws us situations that we’re just not ready to handle, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Max sent you that letter, Liz, he sent it and he didn’t have to. Life is throwing you a moment Liz; a moment that I’m sorry to say I don’t think will come around again. So if you think you should walk away, I understand, but can you live with it?”

“I can’t walk away now. I can’t…I want to be with him Tess. So badly. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t want me,” Liz whispered out as she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. When had she aged so much? The fine lines around her eyes and the sadness that she just couldn’t erase were all markers for the life she’d had the moment she left Max and their life.

“You will come back home and I will give you a hug and we will get through it together. You’re not alone Liz.”

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

Tess laughed into the phone. “Right back at ya! Now, are you ready? Keep your head up and remember, there was a time when this guy wanted no one but you, just like you remember Liz, he will too.”

Liz nodded her head, and finished getting ready after hanging up with her friend.

Sadly, when she stepped out of her hotel, the clouds decided to roll in. Was someone trying to tell her something?

She would ignore it.

Today she was going to face her past. Today she was going to reclaim her life. And good or bad, she would tell Max the truth.

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she closed her eyes, after she closed her car door. Now that she was looking out her windshield as drops of rain began to fall, she hoped with a deep ache of longing that he would remember that day they met so long ago.

The rain, the cab ride, the…beginning of their love.


In the marbled hallway of his parents home, Max looked down at the rain weary and crumbled letter in his hand. It felt like years ago since he’d written it, not weeks. Weeks ago, he’d put pen to paper and wrote his goodbye to Liz.


He still ached for her in a way that he should be embarrassed about. His friends knew why he hadn’t settled down years ago, they knew but they never said anything. He wondered why, but never questioned. He didn’t want to know. Not really, because knowing something about yourself that you know you have no control over changing made it that much harder to hear.

After he’d written it, he planned on burning it in the fireplace, as he had so many other letters. This one though, this one he wrote on the day of her birthday. On a day that was raining, much like it was tonight, and he lay in bed and for a split second allowed himself to remember her.

Remember them.

It hurt like hell knowing she never loved him as much as he loved her. Deep down he knew it, but he tried so hard, maybe too hard. Maybe that had been his problem. He wanted Liz to love him, to accept him, and to accept herself but he realized long ago, now, that he couldn’t make anyone do something they didn’t want.

The paper crinkled soundly in his closed fist. He loosened his grip and then noticed something important.

It wasn’t his letter.

The writing was all Liz’s. He quickly flipped through the pages, and realized that the first page was hers and the rest were from his letter to her.

He read the words written on half a page. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. And then without another hesitation he ran towards the front door, pulled it open and saw she was already gone. He took out into the downpour of rain.

“Max!” he heard his father calling out behind him.

He did not stop.

His feet splashed loudly into the puddles along the drive, the roaring of the thunder and lightening surrounded him and his heart ached from the exertion and from the fear.

The fear that she would take off again.

He was allowed to say goodbye but he was hell bent on letting her.

He made it to the front gate, just as Roger was unlocking it for her. He stopped directly behind her and called her name.

She paused, but did not turn to face him.

And for a moment he thought, he should just let her leave. He should just acknowledge her letter and get the proceedings started.

He called her name again though, and he reached out to her shoulder, turning her to face him. The air rushed from his body, and his heart broke knowing that this beautiful woman wasn’t his to touch, to kiss or to love anymore.

The rain poured over their already drenched bodies, but that didn’t stop him from asking her, “If you loved me, how could you walk away?” he placed his closed fist, still gripping her letter to him, against her chest.

“How could you disappear and not look back! You gave up! You quit on us! How can you expect me to just accept that you’re back! That suddenly now after all this time, you’re sorry!”

When she went to speak, he cut her off, the ground shook from the force of the thunder above their heads but he didn’t stop. He hadn’t realized how furious he was with her until he read that letter.

“Damn it! I wanted you back for years, Liz. Years! Do you know what it feels like to have someone that you love just throw you away? To throw everything…everything we had away!”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here today,” she said and turned away, the gate was open and it was killing him to see her walk away again. He waited a minute, watched her get into her car…and still he couldn’t do it.

He watched as she started the car, and put the headlights on. He jogged to her car, placed both his palms on the hood and waited until she swiped the windshield with the wipers.

He yelled out to her, “You don’t get to walk away this time, Liz!” He banged his fist again the hood of the car and then made his way around to her side of the car, wrenching open her door, he leaned in and cupped her face gently, watched the tears fall and realized he was kidding himself.

He wasn’t angry that she was back, in fact a part of him was damn glad, but he was terrified that this was really goodbye forever. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. Not with Liz.

“I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, but based on your letter it seems you haven’t forgotten you are still my wife. And you don’t get to say we’re over, not until I get an explanation of why you left me.”


Lyrics by: Alabama - How Do You Fall In Love

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) A/N 4/21/10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Wed Apr 21, 2010 9:08 pm

A/N - Not to shabby, I finished the update in an hour.

Again thank you all for the feedback ... if you need a refresher from the last update...

Max just acknowledged that Liz was his wife ...and so we pick up from there.

Chapter Six
Learn My Lesson

Gotta reach out for the sweet dream
But somehow the darkness wakes me up
Well I've felt this emptiness before
But all the times that I've been broken
I still run right back for more

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
And paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Well it turns out
I haven't learned a thing

“I hurt you so much, Max. I need you to forgive me, but most of all I need to tell you why I left.” He held his breath, he waited in the pouring rain and when her lips went to move again he stopped her.

“I’m not ready to know, Liz. Just…I need a little time. Where are you staying?” he asked, not realizing that no matter what she said he would take her to his place. He wasn’t letting her out of his sight.

“At the Best Western on…”

“Move over.”

“What? Max, I’m wearing a dress.”

“Move over, Liz.” He waited until she situated herself into the passenger’s side and hopped in. He cranked the heat up because despite that it was warm outside they were soaked to the bone.

It was quiet for the entire twenty-minute ride to his place. He wanted to touch her, to make sure she was real, that this moment was real. He couldn’t believe he’d said the words, that he’d called her his wife. It might have been true but he sure as hell didn’t allow himself to think about it. It was bad enough everyone thought that his girlfriend took off six years ago, what would they say if they knew that he and Liz had been married?

He honestly didn’t give a shit what people thought, but his family would be hurt to know that one night, too much alcohol and a lot of love later, he and Liz had actually gotten married.

He regretted it, not because he didn’t love her enough, but because the way it happened wasn’t right. She deserved better. He should have given her better, but she didn’t give him a chance, she left.

They pulled into his garage and he pulled the key from the ignition, handed it to her and then asked her to come inside. He wouldn’t force her, this one choice he needed her to make, to stay.

Max walked in, still dripping wet, into his kitchen. He sat down at the counter on a stool and waited. Five minutes later, with her shoes in her hands she walked through the door. He felt bad, she was soaking wet and looked scared and uncomfortable. Max didn’t like the feeling that settled in his chest at seeing her so vulnerable.

He rose to his feet, went to her side, and closed the door behind her. Moving his hand down her arm, he then reached her fingers he threaded his lightly into her grasp.

“Let’s get you a change of clothes before you get sick,” he murmured and tugged her gently, she followed without a word.

Up two flights of stairs, they stopped in front of two closed doors; Max turned the knob of one of them and swung it open. It was his bedroom and Liz hesitated behind him. He looked over his shoulder and down at her face.

He reached out a hand, and tucked a finger beneath her chin, motioning for her to look at him. When her brown eyes met his, he said, “It’s okay. I just want to get you dried off before you get sick. Trust me,” he said and then wished he hadn’t used those words.

Did she ever trust him? Was what he felt her ever right? Was it all in his imagination? Did he want more then she could give?

“Okay,” she said softly and followed him inside.

They walked across his carpeted bedroom and into his bathroom. He motioned for her to take a seat on the edge of the sunken bathtub. She did and then he said he’d return in a few minutes and told her to towel off.

Walking to his closet he hadn’t realized he was out of breath, but he was. Liz was in his house, in his bathroom and he couldn’t help but still be angry and hurt, but so damn happy.

He pulled a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from his top drawers and then at the last minute grabbed a pair of socks. Her feet were always cold.

Max hated himself just a little for remembering that detail.

When he stepped through the bathroom door, he froze, the breath locked in his chest and his blood pounded in places it had no business pounding. Liz sat with her side profile to him, her wet clothes on the lip of the tub and her body wrapped in a towel.

She must have heard him because she stood up abruptly and made way to apologize, he stalled her. “It’s okay. I brought you these. You can warm up by the fireplace. I’m going to light it now while you change.”

“Thanks Max.” He nodded; words weren’t a capability for him. He looked at her one last time before closing the door for her privacy. Max hated the longing that he knew was evident on his face.

Maybe staying in his wet clothes was for the best, it would remind him of why Liz was back.
“You can stay here,” Max offered after he emerged from the bathroom. Liz was sitting on chair in front of the fireplace. His t-shirt came past her knees and her shorts were kissing her ankles, he smiled.

“Max, I cannot stay in this room with you.” Liz looked appalled and he tried to hide his reaction to that.

“Why not? We have to talk eventually and I don’t want you to leave,” he said the words and bit back a grown. Had he truly said that out loud? He could have just thrown himself at her feet and begged her to make everything better.

But she couldn’t.

And that bothered him.

“Look Max, I came all this way. I won’t leave until we talk,” Liz said, and he almost believed her.


Max let out a soft sigh, raked his fingers through his hair. “Liz, the other room out the door and down the hall to the right, is ready. You do know I didn’t mean it right?” he asked, not knowing if he truly sounded convincing. She nodded.

“Thanks Max.” He watched her walk towards the door but called out to her.

“Yeah?” she looked over her shoulder at him.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yes,” she murmured as the turned towards him.

“Were we real, right? I know we weren’t perfect but we were something weren’t we?” He hoped his voice didn’t sound wistful; his friend Michael would be the shit out of him for sounding so sappy.

Her voice shook when she answered, “Yes, Max. We were.”

And it was then that he knew she really meant it. And that was enough for the moment.

“Goodnight Liz.”

“Night Max.”


Max watched Liz over breakfast; she took mouthfuls of eggs and toast. He cooked for her, it all fell into place, but they were still broken pieces he thought as he swallowed the last of his coffee.

It had stopped raining sometime early that morning and after breakfast Max asked her to join him outside. The grass was still wet but they stood on his deck overlooking the lake. After a few minutes, she stepped out beside him and rested her back to the railing.

Max squinted up at the sky, it was still cloudy, but he had to force himself to not look at her. After he fell asleep last night, he woke up this morning and remembered all the things that she did to him. He went back to hating her.

Maybe hate was as strong word his father would say so, in any case. He didn’t hate her, he just disliked the choice she made and the destruction she left in her wake.

His broken heart and dreams for their future.

It was time for the hard questions to be asked. “So why now, Liz? Why come back now? What changed?”

“Because…” she hesitated, and chanced a look at him, he turned to face her completely.

“Of the letter I sent?” he asked, not hiding the anger. She nodded.

Max shook his head. “That was my goodbye. At least I had the decency to say it. But you…you just left. I looked for you everywhere and then I found out you had started a new life. I got the message loud and clear. You didn’t love me.” His voice is soft but the pain was as loud as a firecracker.

“I did. I do.”

“Save it.”

“Why did you do it then?”

“Do what,” he wondered if he wanted to have this conversation with her. He wasn’t sure he was ready.

“Send me that letter, Max. Why even send it. It had been six years, we could have just…I don’t know…”

“Went on like we were strangers? Like we didn’t have this whole life together? I guess I could have Liz, but forgive me for wanting some kind of closure. For wanting to say goodbye even if you didn’t give a damn about how I felt when you left.”

“Max, that’s not…” she began but he interjected.

“Tell me Liz – was I not good enough? What did I do to you that would make you turn away…walk away…run away without even a note?”

“I left you a note,” she defended weakly to his ears. I note on a scrap piece of paper that says, ‘I’m sorry…I can’t do this with you anymore’, could hardly be defined as a goodbye note.

Max let it go.

“Just ell me why Liz. I know we argued that last night, it was stupid but I didn’t want that to be the end. It wasn’t the end for me. But I guess you had your own plans, a better life to run off to.” The anger within him had built up so much so that the last part was scathing and caused her to flinch.

“I didn’t have plans! I was trying to…I was just trying…” she fought for the words, her hands were balled into fits and he had to look away. She was so damn beautiful. Her sun kissed complexion, long brown hair and those big brown eyes. Her lips were a part of her anatomy he could not, would not allow himself to think about.

He spun on his heels, his face a breath from hers. “To what? Liz? To do what? It sounds like you have something to say but I’m not hearing anything.”

“Despite what you think, this is really hard for me.”

“Then I’ll make it easy. Answer the questions Liz, just one of them. Make me understand how you threw everything we had away. Make me understand why I loved you in the first place. And damn it make me understand what I did wrong…”

And that is what it came down for Max. How could he have prevented her leaving?

“Oh God, Max. You did nothing wrong. I was selfish Max. I made the decision without telling you why and you deserved better than that.”

“You’re damn right you were selfish. But you still haven’t told me why you left, why you felt that you couldn’t talk to me and why I had to search for you. Why did I find you in a new life…”

“Max it’s not that easy. It’s not cut and dry, there were…there was a reason and…” Max tilted her chin up so that their eyes met.

“Just tell me. Just tell me, Liz. Please.” He asked, no he nearly begged. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the answer but she was here now, and he needed to know.

“Can we go somewhere? I mean, can you take me somewhere?” she asked, her eyes red rimmed and tears leaking from the corners. He wanted to swipe them away, but it wasn’t his job anymore.

“Where?” he asked softly, and she looked away and then back.

He knew without words where she wanted to go. A place he had gone everyday after she left.

They drove in silence to their stop. The spot where they first told each other they loved one another.

“I still remember the first time you brought me here,” she said softly moving out of the car.

It said something to him that she mentioned it, not that she remembered the place but the significance of what that first time meant.

He joined her at the front of the car. He waited for her to speak.

Liz looked away when she spoke; her tears were evident in her words. “I didn’t lie when I told you that you were everything I ever wanted.”

Max wanted to say that he knew she didn’t, but he didn’t know what was going on in her mind now, and obviously even then.

Whatever she had to say was big; she would have blurted it out by now. He hated that they had secrets from each other.

“Do you remember when you asked me to go to Europe with you?”

He nodded, he remembered, they argued and then they had the best make up sex. They had fought about him buying her a gift, and as usual she fought him about spending his money on her.

“Okay, Liz, so I can’t buy you anything because I have money?”

“Yes!” she’d shouted at him.

“Liz, you’re not making sense.”

“Don’t say that! I hate when you say that.”

“Really?” he was amused.


They had gone back and forth like that for a few minutes and then finally he’d pinned her against the wall and kissed her breathless. He’d slid his hand down her leg, lifted it up and pressed himself deliciously between her legs. He’d nipped her ear and then kissed her lips again and whispered, “You want me to love you your way, not mine.”

“That was the first time we made love without protection…and two months before I left we did again…” she trailed off and his entire body froze.

He pinned her with a disbelieving glare. “What are you saying? You were pregnant when you left?”

Liz heaved a deep breath, looked him in the eye and broke his heart all over again.

“I’m saying yes, I was pregnant when I left, Max.”


*song, Learn My Lesson - by Daughtry

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Chapter 6 4/21/10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Wed Apr 28, 2010 9:05 pm

A/N - So I am a little evil...but hey at least I'm back in a week with the update...I'm not sure if this one is better than the last but take heart in knowing that I am a dreamer and that while things seem dire...there is always another road to take even if it's not easy.

I read your feedback, and I can understand your feelings towards Liz...I'm not sure I'm ready to redeem her...yet. I think maybe you all need to understand why Max loved her in the first place, right?

In any event, I will say that after this part, things start to look up...

Thank you for your feedback and sticking with this story which has taken me longer than I want to even think about to write. I know it may be difficult but you stick with me wherever I take you -- maybe because you know I'm a total dreamer.

Until next week!

Chapter 7
It Is What It Is
Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge

Max honestly didn’t think the pounding his head or his chest would ever subside, in fact, it seemed that this woman was destined to bring him to his knees and keep him there forever.

Liz was pregnant.

Did she have the baby? Did they have a child out there that she gave away? Was she raising the child? Or did she…

He couldn’t voice any of the questions, so instead he turned and walked away. She called out to him, but he didn’t stop.

Not until he heard her footfalls racing up behind him.

When her hand connected with his, he pushed it away and swung around to face her. The fury and pain must have been evident in his face because Liz took a few steps back. Tears tracked down her downy cheeks and his heart cracked.

“Tell me. No bullshit stories Liz. Just get to it.”

Liz tilted her head back. He watched her jaw tighten and then she faced him.

“I didn’t want to have the baby. I wasn’t going to have it but that choice was taken away. I…it doesn’t matter. I lost the baby, Max.” She’d said the words and he felt them deep to his marrow. She was pregnant, she didn’t want their baby and then she lost it. He couldn’t process that information because he needed to know more, more because he wasn’t satisfied without the whole story and he wanted the whole truth. No matter how ugly it might be.

“Why the hell not? And why the hell did you think it important to leave and never tell me? Were you ever going to tell me? If I hadn’t sent the letter were you going to tell me why you left? The real reason?” He didn’t hide the bitterness in his voice.

She didn’t flinch this time.


“Liar,” he accused scathingly.

Liz took a step closer, stood directly in front of him, tilted her head up and dared him to walk away. “I was Max. I know you don’t believe me, but I was. You can ask Tess, she knows everything that happened.”

“Does she now?” his retort was marked more by the look of disbelief on his face than in his words.


“Right, so this girl, who by the way I don’t know, and who you’ve only known for a few years knows your secret. But the guy, the fucking idiot who you were supposed to love, the father of that baby you were carrying wasn’t important enough to tell?”

“It wasn’t like that, Max. I—”

“Save it, Liz. You’re my wife and you went to a stranger…” he shook his head and proceeded to spin on his heels, but she hooked her arm into his, forcing him to turn around and meet her fury.

“That’s right Max, I was your wife! Do you remember it, Max? I barely do. We were drunk and we were stupid kids who got married by an Elvis impersonator.”

Max’s heart thundered in his chest as he watched her yell and cry all at the same time. His heart broke; he knew it had bothered her more than she ever let on. Why didn’t she just tell him the truth?

“You don’t get to use that as an excuse. You lied, Liz. You kept your pregnancy a secret from me. You don’t get to turn this over on me for not marrying you the right way. I told you I was sorry, I tried every goddamn day to make it up to you.”

Liz’s voice had dropped but her tears continued to stream. “I was your secret.”

His brows furrowed together, “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Max. You want me to be honest, you can try it too.”

“What the hell?” He honestly didn’t know what she was talking about it. Hadn’t he told her every single day that he loved her that he wanted to be with her, how proud he was of her no matter what she did?

Still, it was never enough for her.

Frustrated he watched her run her hands through her hair and throw her arms up in the air, “I was never your wife, not in name, in secret. I was your fucking secret!”

Her words cut deep.

His response was to fight back, “Only because you wouldn’t let me tell anyone.” Max bent his head, within and inch of her tear stained face. “You insisted.”

Liz tilted her face up to meet his, her eyes were wild and her voice was hoarse when she spoke, “If you wanted me to be your wife you would have asked me properly!”

Max laughed; he actually tilted his head back and laughed. Liz looked appalled and hurt. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and he just looked at her.

Good and hard.

He then reached out, wrapped his arms around her, accepted her punches to his chest and kissed the top of her head. Leaning his head down, he whispered into her ear. “You’re right. I should have asked you better, I was just so damn happy you married me anyway. I thought, it meant you loved me the way I loved you. I thought it meant you wanted to be with me, no matter what. I’m so damn sorry I didn’t ask you the way you dreamed of and I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know that we didn’t have a wedding…but I’m not sorry that it happened but I am sorry you didn’t feel the way I did about it.”

With that he turned and walked back to the car, waiting until she joined him.

There was no going back. There could be no fixing the past.

He wondered if his hope from earlier today was in vain.
Max wandered around his house, with a heavy heart. He had enough room to fill these walls with a wife and kids maybe even a dog or two. It was supposed to be Liz and their kids. Now he knew the truth, she didn’t want his kids.

How had he read things so wrong? How had he missed the signs, because surely there were blaring flashing signs.

He listened as the shower in Liz’s room turned on. They had driven back to his home in silence; she excused herself and was locked in the room ever since.

They weren’t done talking but Max wasn’t sure he had the energy to go another round with her.

Truth be told, he was ashamed that his callousness and lack of seriousness with their wedding vows so many years go started this downward spiral. Was that why she didn’t believe him, when he’d told her he loved her?

He stopped just outside her door; he reached for the doorknob and knew he should just leave her alone.

But that was not in his nature. Wherever Liz was, he was like a lost puppy; he had wanted to be with her.

He entered the room and closed the door behind him. He crossed the room, and waited outside the bathroom door.

He listened carefully, and waited.

She turned the shower off, reached out and pulled a towel around herself and stepped out of the shower, he couldn’t hide his smile. Old habits die hard, he thought. She was always cold and would never step outside the shower without the towel wrapped around her slight frame. Max instinctively reached out and turned on the floor heater, so that when her toe touched the floor it would be warm already.

“Omigod! Max you scared the hell out of me,” she said nearly jumping back into the shower, but then her face grew angry and she asked, “What are you doing here?”

Leaning up against the door he pushed off and shrugged his shoulders. “I figured I’d come in here and make sure the floor was warmed up for you.”

Liz simply nodded, but didn’t look at him. Instead she turned towards the sink and picked up her hairbrush.

Max noticed immediately that she hadn’t brought any clothes in with her, just the towel that came almost to her ankles…weird.

She was brushing her long brown hair straight back. How many nights had he watched her complete that ritual after her shower?

“You’re staring,” she murmured with a reluctant smile.

Searching for something to say, he blurted out, “Were you alone?”

Liz froze. The brush fell and she covered her mouth with her hand, she stood staring at him, fighting tears.

“Damn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” he quickly apologized and made his way over to her. She didn’t welcome his nearness because she sidestepped him and made it out of the bathroom before he knew what was happening.

He followed her out, watched and she pulled long pants out and a t-shirt but she hadn’t dressed. She just stood facing her suitcase, clutching the clothes and not moving.

“Liz?” he asked, approaching her slowly.

“I was alone. It was about a two weeks after I left. I was staying in a hotel, it was one of those cheesy motels…anyway it was the middle of the night. You know I’m a heavy sleeper…and I guess that’s why I didn’t smell the smoke but the moment…” she paused taking in a deep breath, her voice was soft and shaky, and he took a seat on the edge of the bed, and waited knowing without even hearing her next words that it was far worse than he could have imagined.

“The moment the flames hit me, I woke up and screamed. The entire room was filled with smoke and fire from the carpet to the ceiling, it was so hot and I couldn’t see in front of me. I tried to stamp out the flames; my nightgown caught fire that was what woke me. I fell off the bed and I rolled but it wasn’t until the fire department came that it was extinguished.”

Max hadn’t realized he was holding his breath; he immediately stood and slid his arms around her waist, kissing the side of her face. She continued to speak as if he weren’t in the room.

“I told them I was pregnant, they told me they were sorry…the burns I sustained…the baby didn’t make it. It was all for nothing, I realized. I lost you and the baby, just like that. It was my fault because I was selfish.”

Max squeezed her and turned her to face him, “No Liz, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was Max. I left you; from the moment I left you nothing in my life has been right. And I can’t make it right. I can blame you for the wedding and I can blame you for the pregnancy, but let’s face it Max I was there too. I can’t continue to blame anyone but myself.”

The thought of losing Liz permanently was more than he was prepared to think about. “Why? Why didn’t you call me? Did you hate me for getting you pregnant?”

“No. I hated myself.”

“Why? I don’t understand. Please Liz, help me understand.”

“I loved you so much and the thought of having a family with you…it made me so happy but terrified all at the same time.”

She was crying brokenly now, he pulled her closer, kissed the top of her shoulder, the side of her neck and just breathed in deep. He wanted to tell her he forgave her and that he wanted her forever. But they weren’t who they used to be. They were no longer Max and Liz…they were just Max and just Liz.

But God he could hold her for hours, smell her sweet berry shampoo and taste her skin…her body forever.

“I left you before you left me. Because I would have been pregnant and you would have wanted more from me then I was ready for.”

“Did I ever pressure you for anything?” he asked softly.


“So why, did you think that I would pressure you for more?” he asked cradling her head in his palms and swiping her tears away.

“Can you honestly say that if I told you I was pregnant that you would have not wanted to marry me…well…again that is? That you wouldn’t want to announce it to the world?”

“I would have asked you, again. But you could have said no.”

“Don’t you see? You would have been asking me to marry you…again because I was pregnant. And because I didn’t know how to say no to you Max, I would have done it all, just the way you wanted. But that wasn’t what I wanted. We got married on the fly, and if I were pregnant you would have immediately jumped at the chance to tell the world…why wasn’t I good enough before that, is what I would have thought.”

Max’s hold on her loosened, he reared his head back and felt like he’d been sucker punched. “So you left me, to get rid of our baby, because I may or may not have done something based on your pregnancy?”

“I didn’t think about it like that.”

“It was our life Liz. Ours to choose together. You make it seem like I took all your choices away. I didn’t marry you the right way, so you couldn’t tell me you loved me, you couldn’t force the words past your tongue. I got you pregnant so because you’re made at me you decide to get rid of our baby. And because once again, I didn’t ask you the way you wanted, you decide to take off because as you put it, I would have left you anyway. Funny thing is, all of these choices you made without me and the sad thing is Liz, every choice I made since the day I met you was with you in mind. What would Liz think of this? Maybe I should ask her…but wait…that’s right Liz will probably agree and lie and then use it to throw back in my face when I chose wrong.”

“Max, you’re taking it out of context.”

Max shook his head, disengaged his arms from around her and said, “Oh no. I’ve got right. It was our life, Liz. Our life damn it! It was our relationship! It was never about me, Liz. It was about our life and us together. I tried to make you happy. I did everything I could, except beg you to tell me what you wanted. I’m not perfect Liz, I never said I was and I never tried to pretend I was, but a little help would have been nice. I don’t know what you’re thinking so you have to help me out, that’s what people who love each other do. Help. You were right, Liz.”

Her voice cracked, he stepped back nearing the door, “About what?”

“You are selfish and I don’t know why I ever loved you in the first place.”

“Max wait…”

“We could have worked through it, if you told me how you felt. You didn’t even give me a chance.”

“Not a baby, Max, we couldn’t have worked through that. Not then. I was too young, too stupid too…everything. You would have wanted it and I would have gone along with you because I loved you and would do anything for you.”

“Except tell me the truth,” his voice carried an ironic edge to it.

“I deserve that. I deserve you being angry with me. I deserve it all Max. And you may find it hard to believe but I love you. I want you to forgive me. I want you to hold me. I want you to love me again.”

Max couldn’t believe it. The words he’d been waiting six long years to hear but they were too late. He left the room and the house. He needed to think.


Lyrics: It Is What It Is by Lifehouse

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) A/N 7/31/10 pg 10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sun Aug 01, 2010 8:46 pm

....And it is with great sadness that I tell you this story is nearly finished...I hope this straightens a few things out until the next part.


Chapter 8
All In

You know it's alright
I came to my senses
Letting go of my defenses
There's no way I'm giving up this time
Yeah, you know I'm right here
I'm not losing you this time

And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
I'm falling harder than a landslide
Calling out your name
Even if I lose the game
I'm all in tonight
I'm all in for life

He wandered through the streets going over everything she had said tonight.

The sky darkened and he knew the rain was going to start up again for the second day in a row. It was as if the rain followed Liz here. He hailed a taxi and asked the driver to just drive. He didn’t want to go back to his parents and he sure as hell didn’t want to go home. To his home, to a place that was everything they were not, yet she had slept one night there and he knew it would never be the same, too many memories already.

He would never be the same.

The cab hit a pothole and he remembered. The first day he met Liz, standing in the pouring rain. From that moment on, he couldn’t stop the flow of memories. Memories he had suppressed for so long flooded his mind.

Their first kiss.

The first time they made love.

Their first fight…and their make up afterward.

Their dreams for the future together.

He wasn’t the only one in love; he couldn’t have been. It was real. What they had was real.

If he had fallen in love with someone else, it would have been easier to see her again after so long. It maybe would have been easier to accept all that she had told him. But now he felt lost, he felt like he had more answers to questions he didn’t even want to think about.

Leaning his head against the black vinyl seat he closed his eyes and tried to drive through the pain of her words.

Could he get past her betrayal?

Could he forgive her?

Oddly enough the one person he wanted to talk to about it, was no longer alive. Liz’s grandmother.

A smile curved the corners of his mouth just thinking about the first time he’d met Claudia Parker.

“Maxwell, I want you to know that I am trusting you with my only granddaughter. If you break her heart, I will break you.”

Or even worse, he thought, when she caught he and Liz having sex. That was beyond embarrassing but her grandmother managed to smooth out the situation without tearing his head (or the vital organ that was also affiliated with the term) off. Grandma Claudia could be scary when it came to Liz.

“I want the both of you to know that I’m not so old as to think that you kids don’t have sex. I just don’t want to see it, you got that, Max?” she’d asked him with a stern back and her arms crossed. She’d worn a floral print apron that always made Max feel at home.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Don’t you sass me Max. And you,” she’d turned to look at Liz, whose cheeks were burnt red. “I know he might be handsome and kindhearted, and well just damn near squeezable, but you are a young lady, and I raised you to act like one.”

Liz’s cheeks burned even brighter and she’d murmured something Max couldn’t understand. Claudia had clapped her hands together, and said to them both, “Next time, lock the door, because the good lord knows I don’t want my only grandbaby having sex in the back of a car! Get cleaned up for dinner the two of you, I’m making chicken parm and it won’t wait for you.”

Max had looked at Liz, and pulled her into his lap, tucking his fingers beneath her chin, waiting until her eyes met hiss. “You know I love her, but was that a yes we can have sex or a no to the sex and the backseat?”

Liz had laughed against his chest, tilted her head back and kissed his lips. “I’m not sure, but you know what?”


“She was right.”

“About what?”

With a twinkle in her eyes, she stood and told him, “You are squeezable.”

He’d slapped her on the ass and followed her upstairs.

The sound of a horn tore Max from his memory. It was just one of thousands he had involving Liz.

He wished they could go back to the beginning. Everything was so simple then. Why, he wondered when a person grew older, did things get so complicated so quickly?

Expectations, he figured.

One person’s expectations of a situation could vary by many degrees to another’s.

That was the problem, he expected the truth from Liz, and he expected an effort on her part.

He never expected her to leave.

He never expected her to forget everything they had.

He wondered if he could just bury the pain and move on.

He knew better, and so did Grandma Claudia, he acknowledged something he probably knew all along.

It was at that moment, he’d remembered a conversation from so long ago.

“Max,” she’d told him when he found out Liz had been turned down for a job she’d really wanted, but she lied to Max and said she hadn’t heard back yet.

“You have to understand where Liz is coming from. She is very complicated. I think for her losing her parents wasn’t something she ever came back from. They were so close and because Liz was the only child they could have, they spoiled her – not with the material but with love. Liz never knew loss until them, and because she was so young it hit her harder. One day the two most important people in her life were gone. Their love was gone. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Liz like my own child – with my son who I lost and who’s absence I missed so much – she gave me purpose again. Without her I wouldn’t have survived my son’s death. But for Liz, I could love that little girl with all my heart and it wasn’t enough.”

“Why not? Doesn’t she believe you?”

Claudia had pulled up a chair and faced Max. “She thinks that if she believes it…really believes it, then I’ll go away too. Almost…” she paused finding the right words, “Almost like she thinks that if she allows herself that final step that her world will stop again. The pain and the devastation will consume her if I die, and we know that I will die. Don’t get me wrong I know that Lizzie loves me, more than she’ll ever tell me but she can’t…let go. We tried therapy but she is stubborn, and so I let her get away with it.”

“It doesn’t bother you that she won’t…” he’d fought for the words, but truly he couldn’t understand the scope of Liz’s loss. He had his parents and his sister and all his other family. Liz had her grandmother.

That had to be hard.

“I can understand how that might feel to you. She thinks it makes things easier, because what would happen if she did something so bad that you never forgave her? What if a choice that she made, not out of spitefulness or of meanness, was wrong and she didn’t know how to go back and fix it?”

“Okay I understand but not telling me she didn’t get a job is not a big deal.”

“To Liz, she would look like a failure to you, and you my dear are the last person she wants to disappoint but I think the problem is she will continue to disappoint you by her actions, or rather her choices. I just hope that you will be able to forgive her…for anything because despite how she may act, Liz loves you. Boy does she love you, Max. Remember that. It might not make things better but just remember because it may help.”

“Stop the taxi!” Max called out to the driver; he’d relived that conversation with Grandma Claudia again…and realized that everything Liz told him was bullshit. Liz leaving because she was pregnant, it might have given her pause but Max knew there was something missing from her story and he wanted to know what that was.

What the real answer was, and she wasn’t going anywhere until he got it.

He slammed his front door closed and noticed her bag in the hallway. He smirked, then bent down and picked it up, and proceeded to throw it in the hall closet.

“Max?” she called out from the top of the stairs.

“Were you expecting someone else?” he asked as he climbed the stairs two at a time until he was face to face with her.

Liz backed up and wrung her hands together. “Well?” he asked, brow arched and a smirk on his face. She wanted to bolt.

“I just thought…I don’t know Max. You left and I thought you didn’t want to see me. I was going to leave.”

That pissed him off.

“Leave? I thought you loved me? I thought you wanted me to forgive you? Was that a lie? Another lie in the laundry list of lies by you?”

She looked affronted. “No, Max. I just thought you couldn’t forgive me.”

“So you walk? You get to decide again what happens to us? You lost that choice the moment you knocked on my parent’s door. So how about you tell me the truth, Liz? You may have gotten scared because you were pregnant, but do you want to tell me the truth about why you left?”

Liz froze; he’d called it right. He knew it didn’t add up and it didn’t make him any less pissed off.

“I told you –”

“No, you told me what you think I wanted to hear to understand better or however you think it played out in your head, but you forgot one thing Liz.”

“What’s that?” she asked cautiously.

Max leaned in, a breath away from her lips, and said, “I always call your bluffs.”
Max did not give her any reprieve, instead he asked her to follow him into his bedroom and he closed the door. Liz took a seat on the couch near the fireplace. It was growing dark outside and he watched her closely before he took a seat next to her.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little.”

“Okay, so let’s get to it. And then I’ll buy you dinner, Parker.” Max watched, biting back a smile as Liz started at the sound of her nickname.

“It’s been a long time, Max.” Her voice was soft, and hesitant.

“Tell me about it baby girl…don’t make me wait any longer.”

But she did. He waited in silence watching the emotions cross her face. And then the tears, she didn’t want to cry but she did and she swiped away the tears angrily.

“You’ll never understand.”

“Try me.”

Liz whipped her head around to face him, her brown hair was tied up but a few whips of hair kissed her forehead, her ears and her neck.

“Maybe I could offer a little assistance?” he said, reaching out and touching her hand gently.

“I took a ride today, and I thought about a lot of things, but mainly I remembered a conversation with your grandmother.”

“What did you remember?” she asked in a whisper, tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I remembered something important she told me about you and I want to know if she was right again, because you know that even though she’s gone Liz, that she’ll always be with you. And she loved you.”

She answered quickly, “I know.”

Max leaned in, and tilted her chin up, their eyes locked. “Do you? Really?”


“So what about me? Do you love me?”

“Yes, Max. I told you already.”

“I’m hearing you Liz, but I’m not understanding. Why don’t you explain?” He leaned back, resting his arms across the back of the couch.

Liz looked around the room. “It’s so hard, Max. I know that she loved me…I know it but…she…”

“Died? And one day Liz, I am going to die too. It might suck, but I doubt I’ll be this good looking at a hundred and ten…maybe…but I’d rather not chance it.” He quipped flippantly, trying to keep the tone light for her sake.

Liz shook her head and tried to fight back a smile. “I was so terrified of being pregnant that I just ran – and then when I realized what I did, I couldn’t come back. That’s bad. And that’s the wrong answer and I can’t take it back, I wish like hell I could. But what if something happened to you? What if you…died…and I had a baby…What if you got tired of me…and all we had was a baby between us. It’s selfish, I told you I was but please don’t think I didn’t want a baby with you – not really Max. I mean…I have Tess’s kids and they actually like me, a lot. I didn’t think I could even be around kids…”

“Who’s this Tess I keep hearing about?” he asked, pushing a piece of hair away from her cheek.

“She’s my best friend. She’s a single mom with two kids who are the greatest. What I’m trying to say is that, afterward when I was in the hospital I just laid there staring at the ceiling wanting nothing more than to call you. To tell you. To cry to you how sorry I was that I…” Liz gave into her tears and began to cry openly to him. He reached out and pulled her into his lap.

She smelled perfect, like his Liz. He missed her so much, he hadn’t truly realized how much until she wrapped her arms around his neck and he breathed her in. It was the single happiest moment of the last six years for him. She was his Liz. The one he loved beyond distraction.

“You didn’t want to let me down…disappoint me for something that you had no control over,” he said, cupping her tear stained face in his hands. “I didn’t expect you to be perfect, Liz.”

“I know,” she said taking in a deep breath and trying to break eye contact, but his fingers held her steady. He watched the emotions play across her face. Max couldn’t help but smile.

She deserved to be loved. She deserved to have a family of her own. She deserved a second chance.

And in that moment he was tired of standing still waiting for life to come to him, waiting for Liz to come to him. Because she had hadn’t she? She came back. She didn’t have to, but she did.

Was he fool enough to let her go?

“No,” he answered himself aloud, touching her lips softly with his.

“No what?”

“You didn’t know, but now you do. And there is something else you should know.”

“What?” she asked cautiously.

“I forgive you.” He then leaned back in and pressed his lips to hers, holding her against his body and for now this moment was enough for Max.

It was more than he dreamed of.


Song: Lifehouse - All In

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Re: Standing Still (M/L,AU,Adult) Chapter 8 8/1/10 pg 10

Post by Behrsgirl77 » Sun Aug 08, 2010 9:03 pm

- A/N - Hey guys, as promised I'm back with an update. For those of you still reading, thank you for sticking around during my long absences.

Here goes...

Chapter Nine

All That I’m Asking For

We proved to each other
That we’re both human now
The time that we spent
Trying to make sense of it all

All that I’m asking for
Is that you need nothing more
And that nothing comes in between
Our love and its fragile seams

You’re all that I’m asking for

Liz turned to her side, and immediately brushed against a warm solid presence, Max. She smiled, and for the first time in longer than she could remember she woke up with a smile on her face.

Max was still asleep and she couldn’t blame him. They had stayed up until the early morning hours talking about his life and her life up until the moment she showed up at his parent’s doorstep.

Watching the movement of his naked chest, rising and falling she felt an overwhelming sense of regret. She had tried to block it out, but it was so strong now, that it threatened to cause panic to set in.

What if he woke up and decided she wasn’t worth it. That all her stupid decisions and all the years they lost weren’t worth it to make it work again.

She knew that he’d told her, he forgave her but he’d also told her that in order for them to move on that she needed to forgive herself.

But how could she even begin to do so? Sure, she’d realized her mistake but was it just because of his goodbye letter? Was it only because he reached out to her? A wave of terror washed over her, it was because he sent the letter because if he hadn’t then she would have never showed her face.

That was the truth. He deserved it. No matter what came of it.

She hated herself, she truly did. There were choices a person made in their life, and at the time they seem right, but there is always this nagging feeling telling you to stop, to think it over. But we rush through the day, through our lives that we never take the time to listen to really listen when the universe speaks. We always figure we have more time to make things right.

But time, time was something Liz knew all about. Time hadn’t lessened the feeling of being abandoned by her parents, even though their death could not be avoided. The death of her grandmother was due to age, no other forces and yet she still felt like she was alone.

An arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer to warmth that would rival any blanket jarred her from her thoughts.

“Morning Parker. You look too serious, I don’t like it.” Max said and nuzzled the side of her neck. She breathed in deep and tugged him closer and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”

Max reared his head back, avoiding a morning kiss; she knew he wanted just the way he looked at her. Instead he kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear that he didn’t like whatever she was thinking about.

Liz pushed against his chest without force, “Max, you don’t even know what it was about.”

“No good can come from that look on your face, Liz. Last night…what I told you I meant. Whatever it was doesn’t matter. I swear to you it doesn’t matter Liz. Nothing matters except for right now, this moment. This morning I got to wake up with my wife and nothing has ever compared to the feeling.”

Liz couldn’t help but throw her arms, her body against his and held on while he stroked her back.

It really didn’t matter did it? Max was right, as usual. If they had a chance, she needed to let it go. She needed to begin from right now.

Even though it terrified her to lose him, not being with him was not something she could do for the rest of her life. While he was on this earth she promised, a silent promise really, that she would love him with everything, with every ounce of her soul.

And more importantly, she would learn to forgive herself. Not just for him. But for them.

After all, Liz Parker knew that Max Evans would love her forever…and ever. Amen.

She smiled at the reminder of Max’s words to her the day he’d first told her he loved her. After their kiss, they’d run back to his car and he kissed her breathless and told her those exact words.
“Max, I can drive myself back.” Liz had wished that Max would have dropped their conversation from earlier. They’d just had a nice dinner and she was explaining that she needed to get back home. That they needed to discuss what happened next. He said he would go with her, he could work from anywhere but he wasn’t letting her leave without him.

“No. It’s not up for discussion anymore Liz.”

“Max…I just…”

Max watched her curiously. He knew there was something off. She would tell him, he trusted that, he knew that Liz understood the consequences of a lie. So he waited.

“Do you not trust me?” she asked as she moved around the room. She had taken a shower and was searching for her nightgown. Max hated them; she knew it since he’d made it very clear he expected her to burn them all. Or else he would.

But she could not let him see the burns; he’d seen them and she couldn’t handle the pain in his eyes. It was her reminder of her mistake; she didn’t want him to feel bad about it.

“Of course I trust you. But Liz, driving yourself all the way here alone was a bad idea, anything could have happened. So you’re not going back alone. And what the hell are you looking for?”

“A nightgown and fine, you can come with me.”

“I threw them out. Now come to bed,” Max said and tapped the mattress beside him. Liz’s jaw dropped.

“I can’t! Max I need a shirt then…”

“Since when are you shy? Get in the bed Parker.” There was a laugh in his voice and smile on his face. Liz wanted to stomp across the carpet but she wasn’t at all put out, except she didn’t want him to see her naked.

Not yet.

“Okay, but turn the lights off.”

“Not. A. Chance.” He said and pulled the covers back and looked at her pointedly.


“You what? Don’t want to lay in this soft bed with me?”

“No…it’s not that. You know it’s not that.”

“Then what?”

Liz’s eyes locked with his and he stared at her, the way he always did and then he said the words she never thought he’d ever say to her again.

“I think you are still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Let me hold you tonight.”

Liz’s breath caught in her throat and she dropped her towel, climbed in beside him and allowed him to pull her against his body.

“I love you, Max.”

“Right back at ya Parker.”


“Hmm?” he muttered as he kissed her neck.

“Why do you still call me Parker? Shouldn’t I be Evans?”

Max smiled against her throat and shook his head. He leaned up over her and smiled down, cupping her head in his hand.

“You will always be my Parker. I fell in love with Liz Parker that’s who you are. And I married Liz Parker. Besides I think it’s a good name, there was this woman I knew a long time ago, she was very wise, she told me that I had to let you be you.”


“Yeah. Now, let’s get some sleep, we have a long trip.” Max turned over and flipped the light off.


“Yeah?” he said as he pulled her against him, her back to his front.

“I…I…” she paused, what was she thinking. Oh, well she knew what she was thinking. Max was naked, she was naked…and it had been a very long dry spell.

Max groaned when she snuggled up against him, “I want that more than anything…but I don’t want to rush this.”

“Okay. Love you,” she whispered and turned her neck to kiss his lips.

“Love you too. Now close your eyes before I change my mind.”




“Knock it off or I’ll be forced to smack that sexy ass of yours.”

“Promises, promises.”

And then in the darkness and silence the room the distinct sound of hand meeting flesh and the giggle of a woman who just remembered what she’d been missing could be heard.

Along with a deep groan of a man who realized it was going to be a long night of restless sleep next to a woman who he loved beyond words and who he wanted more than his next breath.


Song: Lifehouse - All That I'm Asking For