Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE), Chapter 10 09/30/12 Complete

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Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE), Chapter 10 09/30/12 Complete

Post by Pixie-Maria » Thu Jul 19, 2012 4:06 pm

Title: Shattered.
Couple: CC All but focused on M&M
Rating: Mature. Dark subject matter and language.
Disclaimer: The characters of Roswell belong to the Powers That Be. They are not mine and no infringement is intended.
Summary: Set after graduation. The gang have settled down in some town when tragedy hits. Deals with main character death.

AN : This is one of a few stories I recently found in my attic that I wrote back in the day but never posted anywhere. This is the shortest and I figured I’d take the bull by the horns and face my fear and just post!!! The subject the one of the heaviest of all my fic’s so hopefully it doesn’t put anyone off from reading the other. Please be kind………

Shattered. Chapter 1.

Liz’s POV

Have you ever watched someone you love completely and utterly shatter? To visibly see them crumble before your eyes. It is the most heart rendering experience I have ever had. It started when Michael died.

It happened by fire and he was a hero. The apartment next to ours caught fire. The complex we lived in wasn’t the best and the fire spread rapidly. Michael had rounded us all up, trying to get us to safety, dragging Maria along with him closely, never letting her go. Until we saw the young boy down the corridor, by himself, too shocked to move. He’d pushed Maria into Max’s arms yelling him to keep her safe, then he had gone running down the corridor. As I looked at Max, I saw him weighing his options. Kyle was out with Isabel; could I get Maria out without his help? Maria was screaming down the corridor to Michael, yelling him to come back, trying to pull out of Max’s arms. With one last look in the direction that Michael had gone, he lifted Maria and carried her out. I followed behind, grabbing a belt hoop on his jeans.

Out in the fresh air Max handed Maria over to Kyle, while Isabel was frantically asking where Michael was. Maria put up a fight, screaming at them both. I think she even got a few good hits in too. Max looked at me and I knew he was heading back in to find Michael.

The fire fighters had arrived and doing their thing and as Max turned back to the building we saw Michael at a window on the 3rd floor. He had the boy in his arms. The fire-fighters extended their ladder and with incredible speed they had reached them. We watched as Michael handed the boy over and he was brought down and handed over to the paramedics. The ladder was half was back to Michael. He looked sharply over his shoulder at something behind him, then back out to us on the ground, his eyes on Maria, not moving. The building shook with the explosion and Michael was gone.

Isabel screamed, really screamed. I think I cried out too but I don’t really remember. Max fell to his knees on the sidewalk and Maria stopped. She just stopped completely. Stopped struggling, stopped punching, and stopped screaming at Kyle. She just hung there in Kyle’s arms looking at the burning building, her eyes staring where Michael had just been.

They set us up in the local high school gym that night; the families from the complex. It wasn’t a huge complex only 15 apartments. The mother of the boy that Michael had saved came over to us, saying how brave he had been and how thankful she was. Kyle and I dealt with her, Max mumbling every so often, while Isabel took care of Maria. Maria hadn’t said anything since we had watched Michael disappear. She just stared, unseeing. Isabel tried to make sure she had what she needed, though she had refused all food and drink. That was the first night Maria didn’t sleep. We lay in the little camp beds provided for us, not really sleeping, but Maria sat up, legs crossed Indian style, hands on her lap, staring out into the darkness. I know that people act differently when in shock but Maria scared me. This isn’t how she reacted when Alex died, then she had cried and cried and Michael had been there to take care of her. I tried, I really tried to comfort her but she didn’t respond. Max cried silently on his bed, Isabel a little louder as Kyle tried to comfort her. My own tears slipped silently down my cheeks but Maria just sat there.

I think the 4 of us managed to sleep a little that night. The next day was worse. The press arrived, pushing cameras and microphones in our faces, wanting to know about Michael and saying how he was so brave. Maria got it worse, ‘the girlfriend of the deceased hero’ Isabel had discreetly short circuited the camera and pulled her away. Whereas Maria would normally just walk away or have some wacky comeback for the reporters, she had just stood there as the questions were thrown at her.

Of course the reporters brought a new complication for us. We couldn’t keep Michael’s name out of the papers and maybe ours too, well at least Maria’s. So only 18 hours after Michael had gone we were again on the run.

We took Kyle’s truck; it had a crew cab so was bigger than Max’s Buick. Maria had stared at Michael’s motorbike, lovingly running her hand along it. We had to leave it. Isabel changed color and the plates of the truck and we got fresh clothes from Good Will that had donated for the fire victims. Maria had refused to take off her t-shirt. Isabel noted that it was one of Michael’s Metallica ones that she must have been sleeping in the night of the fire. So we just found her some jeans and a jacket.

Kyle had some money in his back pocket so Max changed the notes, promising we would buy some new clothes when we got the chance. Then we headed west, crossing America again, although this time we were broken.

Max and Kyle took turns driving. Maria sat in the back not moving, Isabel and I took turns taking care of her. She didn’t do anything voluntary, not eating nor drinking; we even had to take her to the bathroom. She seemed to respond more to Isabel, which hurt me terribly until I felt guilty of being jealous that my best friend responded more to her dead boyfriend’s sister than myself. She hadn’t spoken since she had yelled at Kyle ‘get your fucking hands off me’ trying to get to Michael. She hadn’t slept either since we were awoken by the fire. That scared me the most. Two days had passed since Michael had died and I had no idea where we were. I told Max, Isabel and Kyle that I thought we should take Maria to a hospital ‘She’s in shock,’ I said, ‘she needs help.’

Kyle had suggested that Max try and help her and with our agreement he sat next to Maria in the back of the truck. Isabel had moved Maria to sit facing Max and he gingerly help his hands out to her, one either side of her head. We saw his hands glow slightly and the concentration on his face. The suddenly Maria snapped her head back and pushed Max away from her with both hands. With a hoarse voice she cried out –‘Get the fuck out my head Max’. We agreed not to try that again.

Two days later, Max decided we all needed a good night’s sleep, Maria’s 4th night of no sleep, and booked us into a Motel 6. We had one room with two doubles and a pull-out. Isabel had moved Maria to one of the beds and sat her down on the edge. We went about our own business, eating, showering, watching TV, and half keeping an eye on her. Kyle noticed it first. He called to me and flicked his eyes over to Maria still sat on the edge of the bed, but now she was shaking. I guess lack of sleep, food and water were finally taking its toll on her small body. Isabel and I went over to her and her shaking got worse. She looked at us, really looked at us, with big fearful eyes, and then she pulled her legs up to her chest all the while shaking violently. I coaxed her further up the bed, in the middle against the headboard, whilst Isabel sat next to her. Maria’s eyes were wild as she looked frantically at us all, then to the door as if she expected Michael to burst through any moment. Then it happened. She broke completely, shattered before our eyes. It started with one sob, then another and then she couldn’t stop. It was heart breaking to watch her fall apart as her body was racked with the pain of losing Michael.

The sound coming from her was like a wounded animal and I had to turn away as the tears flowed from my eyes as my best friend crumble before me. Max and Kyle looked at each other, not knowing what to do. I turned back to see Isabel wave one hand around the room - soundproofing? - as she gently pulled Maria’s head onto her lap and let her give in to her grief, stroking her hair soothingly.

Sometime later Maria stopped, her eyes closed.
‘She’s falling asleep,’ Isabel whispered, ‘I can feel her body relaxing.’

Eventually Maria’s breathing had evened out and blissfully, she was asleep at last. Isabel moved her again so she was lying down on her back in the middle of the bed and scooted down beside her, her own tears drying on her face. I scrambled up the other side of Maria, lying on my side and I grabbed hold of Maria’s hand, giving her in sleep what I couldn’t give when she was awake.

I must have slept, but woke in the early hours of morning, well before dawn. I could hear the comforting sounds of Max snoring gently and the even breathing of the others in the room. Opening my eyes slowly I was shocked to see Maria staring straight back at me. She was holding on to my hand like it was a life line, her eyes glistening as she silently cried. I stretched my arm out to her and she snuggled into my embrace, her body shaking again with her silent sobs. I ran my hand through her hair. After some time her breathing even out again as her body sank into sleep again.

The noise of the traffic outside woke me again as I rolled to look at the motel’s cheap digital clock: 8.45. We should probably start again I thought as I sat up. Maria was sat at the end of the bed, facing me and Isabel, again with her legs crossed Indian style. Her face looked hallow and there was no light in her eyes. My movement must have woken Isabel because she sat up, her eyes wide, until she saw Maria staring at her.
‘Maria?’ she said, tentatively.
‘I’m hungry,’ came her dull reply.
The guys had sat up at Isabel’s voice and now Kyle jumped up from the pull-out.
‘I’ll get you some breakfast, Maria,’ he said and without a second look at us he was out the door.
‘I need a shower,’ Maria said quietly to Isabel.
‘Ok,’ she said and got off the bed and lead Maria over to the small bathroom. It looked like she was going to go in with her until Maria stopped her. ‘I can manage,’ she said and locked the door behind her. Isabel looked back to Max and me and let out a long breath.

Maybe Maria was going to be ok.
Last edited by Pixie-Maria on Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:05 am, edited 7 times in total.

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Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE) chap 2 07/25/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Wed Jul 25, 2012 11:22 am

Thank you so much for your feedback and your warn welcome.
It broke my heart to kill Michael but it was necessary for the fic, believe me I made up for it in my other fic’s.
I debated with myself for days about this fic being the first one I would post but it’s the shortest one I had written so I figured I’d give it a go. Please if you read this and its not to your liking still give my other fic’s a chance. Restoration is already posting with another one about to be posted and one that needs a little more work.
I’m also posting on CID but under the name blondepixie
And so onto Chapter 2 its kinda short.

Chapter 2.

Maria’s POV

As the hot water trickled down my back I took a deep breath. ‘Come on Deluca,’ I told myself, ‘you can do this.’

I closed my eyes and there he was in all his glory. Smiling that half smile of his. I could almost feel his fingertips sweeping softly against my cheek, almost smell his Michael scent. My mind played tricks as I felt his breath on my neck but still my body reacted. I lifted my face directly into the spray, feeling his hand on my thigh. Looking down in shock I saw nothing but thin air.

I shook my head violently to rid the image. My heart felt so heavy I was surprised it hadn’t fallen out of my body, my head was about to explode, the pain was unbearable, but I had to do this.

I stepped from the shower, dried myself on a cheap towel and pulled on the jeans I didn’t remember owning. I picked up my t-shirt and instinctively brought it to my nose and sniffed. It didn’t really smell like him after god knows how long I’d been wearing it, but deep down beneath the other smells, there he was. I wiped viciously at a tear as I pulled the t-shirt over my head and left the bathroom.

Kyle was back with breakfast for everyone. The TV was on low, background noise, as he handed me my share with a shy smile. The corner of my mouth twitched slightly as I took the Styrofoam box from him and sat on the nearest bed. I knew they were watching me, but trying not to, as I opened the box. I smiled at the scrambled eggs and sausage patties that Kyle has got for me and taking the plastic fork I started on the eggs. After my third mouthful my stomach began to protest as nausea swept over me. I only just made it back to the bathroom as my measly breakfast found its way down the toilet. Isabel was with me in a flash, rubbing my back and holding my hair out of the way.

I sat back and placed my head against the cool wall, as Isabel handed me a bottle of water. I smiled thinly my thanks. She left me there sat on the floor in the bathroom. I could hear my friends throwing their own breakfast away. On shaky legs I stood and walked out. 4 pairs of eyes focused on me and I swallowed nervously. ‘I need some air’ I whispered and walked to the door. Kyle grabbed his jacket, and mine I think, and followed me out.

Out in the sunshine I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying the slight breeze as light strands of my hair flew. Opening my eyes I looked over the road to see a convenience store. Just what I needed. Kyle handed me my jacket and I slipped it on. I started down to walk over the parking lot in front of the row of motel rooms and Kyle followed.

‘Where are we?’ I asked.

‘Somewhere in Ohio,’ he answered.

‘Where to next?’ I asked.

He just shrugged. ‘I think Max wants us to stay here for a couple of days. You know, to re-group.’

I nodded, knowing it was because of me that our latest run had been halted. My stomach fluttered and I placed my hand there, calming. As we got to the road I stopped. ‘Do you have any money?’ I asked Kyle, not looking at him.

‘Sure,’ he said, digging into his pocket.

‘I need some water,’ I explained.

‘Ok,’ he said as he started to cross.

‘Kyle,’ I stopped him, ‘I’ll get it.’ He looked up at me, unsure.

‘It’s okay, Kyle.’ I assured him.

I felt something in the breeze and looked over Kyle’s shoulder and smiled. Kyle looked behind him seeing nothing. He handed me a 20. ‘I’ll wait here ok,’ he said.

I drew my eyes away from the spot behind him. ‘Ok,’ I said, then turned and crossed to the store.

I guess when you’ve seen one store you’ve seen them all. I easily found what I needed and walked to the cashier to pay for them. Then I remember the water and paid for that separately. I pocketed the change and went back to Kyle, putting the boxes in my pocket. Again my stomach fluttered and again I patted it soothingly. ‘Soon,’ I whispered.

We walked back to the motel in silence. Kyle never mentioned the fact that I hadn’t taken a drink yet. The guys had organized the room and Max informed us that he had paid for 2 more nights. I sat in the chair by the window looking out, watching the figure across the walkway from us. I didn’t tell the others that he was there. Liz complained about the lack of clothes and Max said we could get some more. Their mindless babble was giving me a headache. The figure across the walkway nodded to me and I stood up.

‘Maria?’ Max asked, concerned.

‘Just need the bathroom, Maxwell,’ I said with a small smile. I walked over and locked the door behind me. Not that it would do any good, with their alien powers a flimsy door lock was nothing, but I trusted them to respect my privacy. Pulling the boxes from my pocket, I opened the water.

The room was quiet when I came out, Max and Kyle had gone.

‘We’re going to get some new clothes,’ Liz said. ‘You wanna come.’ She looked hopeful.

I shook my head. ‘I need to sleep I think.’ I told her. I got onto the bed I had shared with Liz and Isabel the night before.

‘I’ll stay.’ Isabel volunteered.

‘No go, both of you.’ I said. ‘Please I just need quiet, I need to sleep.’ They looked at each other, undecided. With my eyes closed I said, ‘Get me some new t-shirts please.’ I could picture their eyes drawn to Michael’s t-shirt. I could hear them getting their things together as I felt myself relax. As they moved toward the door I forced my eyes open.

‘Liz,’ I called softly. She looked at me with her big open brown eyes. ‘I love you.’ I said. She rushed back into the room and hugged me. ‘I love you too.’ She let me go and walked out the door, not wanting me to see the tears in her eyes.

Isabel looked at me, I looked back begging me eyes to stay open. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. She took a step toward me and I held out my hand to stop her. ‘I’m just tired,’ I said again.

‘I know,’ she whispered.

I looked into her eyes and saw her own pain.

‘I………I love him,’ I said, almost above a whisper as I closed my eyes.

‘I know,’ she said again.

She must have waited for my eyes to close again before she walked out the door. I heard her locking it behind as I slipped into blissful peace.

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Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE) chap 3 07/31/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:23 am

Thank you for your feedback.

Here's the next chapter.

Chapter 3.

l watched her close her eyes again, knowing her body was demanding sleep. I took a last glance as I closed the door. Maria looked like she was asleep already, her hand resting lightly on her stomach. l pulled the door to as quietly as possible, then locked it so Maria wouldn’t be disturbed.

l walked to the truck and climbed in the back next to Liz. She was crying.

‘Is she ok?’ Max asked.

‘Yeah she’s asleep,’ l answered.

‘Already!’ Kyle said, shocked.

‘Yeah, her body needs to rest to get past this.’ l replied.

‘Do you think she ever will?’ Liz asked, wiping her tears away.

l looked out the window, watching the scenery pass. ‘I don’t know,’ was all I could say with honesty. I knew that I missed Jessie but the ache was growing less each day. I was even beginning to doubt the depth of my feelings for Jessie. I mean, I didn’t let him follow me out into the middle of nowhere. I’ve tried to convince myself that I love him too much to put him in danger, but then I remember when Michael had said that to Maria after the Pearce incident, but I know that he never really left her. I know that he would watch her all during that summer, making sure she was ok from what he considered a close distance. I know the way he would sleep beneath her window when the pain of not physically touching her became too much. And he did love her. He stayed on this planet for her. He couldn’t leave her then, of all of us it was Michael who wanted to stay. Inadvertently it was that love that saved us all from our death. If he hadn’t have loved her so much, if she hadn’t have stayed by his side through all the bullshit he gave her, if she didn’t love him as much as she did, then Michael would never have left the pod chamber that day and we would have flown off with a traitor to our deaths. And she left for him, even though their relationship was less than stable she still couldn’t let him leave without her, she still loved him that much, to leave her mother and her life. At least I knew that Jessie was alive somewhere. Michael was dead. How would she survive this? How do you get over a love like that. My breath hitched at the thought.

‘I wonder why she told me she loved me?’ Liz wondered out loud.

‘You’re her best friend Liz,’ Max said soothingly, ‘she probably just wanted to thank you for taking care of

Liz didn’t answer.

A thought burst into my head, It sounded like she was saying goodbye.

‘I’m sorry is what she said to me.’ l told the group in the truck. And I love him, I thought in my mind.

Suddenly I sat up straighter. ‘I’m sorry.’ Maria’s voice echoed in my mind. ‘I love him.’

l closed her eyes and pictured Maria alone in the room. Maria was never alone, Michael was always with her. l found I was unsettled at that thought. Then I heard it, almost a whisper, deep in my mind. ‘Maria.’
l jumped as though the whisper had been a scream. It was Michael’s voice.

‘I’m sorry.’ Maria’s voiced echoed again. ‘I love him.’

‘Max,’ l shouted, ‘we’ve need to go back now!’

Max turned slightly in his seat to look at her, ‘What’

l leaned over to him frantically, ‘We need to go back,’ I shouted, ‘Maria…..’ I couldn’t finish the sentence.

Liz got it though, ‘Oh no,’ she said quietly ‘Max’

Max swung the truck around violently, forcing us all over to one side.

l was out of the truck before it had stopped, my feet running back to the room. I unlocked the door and burst through.

Maria was in the same position on the bed, her eyes closed, and her hand on her stomach. I hesitated. She looked peaceful. She looked too peaceful. ‘Maria.’ l screamed as I heard the others catch up with me. Maria didn’t move.

l heard Liz behind me, ‘Maria’ almost quizzical. I ran over to the bed. ‘Wake up Maria,’ I said, more loudly then I needed to. Maria still didn’t move. I looked frantically back at my brother as he entered the room.
Liz was at Maria’s other side, gingerly holding her fingers out. She looked at me and I nodded. Slowly Liz inched her fingers to Maria’s neck, both of us dreading what she would find there. Her fingers connected with Maria’s neck and after minute Liz breathed out in a gush. ‘There’s a pulse,’ she said. Liz’s hand dropped down to Maria’s arms as she pushing against her arms. ‘Maria,’ Liz called as she became desperate. ‘Maria Deluca, you wake up now.’

Max came over to my side. ‘How?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know,’ I screamed at him, ‘just help her.’

‘No,’ my mind was going frantic, ‘No, we can’t lose you too.’

Max put his hand over her but nothing happened. ‘I can’t,’ he said, sadly, ‘she needs to open her eyes.’ He moved his hands to either side of her head. Kyle was now by Liz’s side, grabbing Maria’s jacket, trying to shake her awake. He pulled his hand back quickly then reached out again this time putting his hand in the jacket pocket. He pulled out three blue boxes. He looked at them, and then handed them over to Liz. She took them and looked up to Max.

‘I can’t get in,’ Max cried out, ‘I just keep hitting a wall like I did the last time I tried.’

I looked down at Maria’s too serene face. ‘What is it with you two and stonewalls. Why won’t you just let someone help,’ I cried, though neither she nor Michael could hear me.

‘Sleeping tablets.’ Liz whispered. She opened the box; the two foil strips were empty. She opened a second box; two strips empty. She didn’t bother with the third box but Kyle took it out of her hand and opened it. We all saw both strips were empty.

’84 tablets,’ Liz said, devoid of emotion.

‘Where did she get them,’ I asked. Kyle slid down to the floor.

‘She went to the store,’ he said, quietly. ‘She said she wanted water. She wanted to go by herself.’

We looked at him, dejected on the floor. I turned and grabbed the phone.

‘Isabel,’ Max made to stop me.

I stared at him; sure my eyes looked at him in anger. ‘I am not letting her die too,’ I said, vehemently as I pushed the buttons. ‘Michael would not want her to die.’ I waited for the call to be answered and said ‘ambulance’ when prompted. The operator asked what had happened and I swallowed, ‘My friend, she’s taken on overdose of sleeping tablets. We can’t wake her….’

10 minutes. That’s how long it took for the paramedics to get to us. We hardly moved in that time. Max had gone out to direct them to us. They asked her name and without thinking I told them, ‘Maria Deluca.’
They ushered us from the room. 5 minutes later they rolled her out on a stretcher, oxygen in place and a bag of fluid running.

‘Is she going to be ok?’ Kyle asked.

‘She’s weak but alive. One of you can come with us. The others can follow.’

I looked at Liz; she looked back at me in shock and shook her head.

‘I’ll come,’ I said and followed them to the ambulance.

When we got to the hospital I was told to wait and help with the paperwork. I couldn’t change her name now but I gave a false address and said she doesn’t have any relatives. I put Liz and myself down as next of kin. Max, Liz and Kyle found me pacing the waiting room. They joined me silently.

The doctor come out 45 minutes later and walked over to us. ‘Friends of Maria Deluca,’ he asked. We nodded as one.

‘Is she ok?’ Liz asked, timidly.

‘We’ve pumped her stomach,’ he answered, ‘she still asleep but hopefully she regain consciousness soon.’

‘Hopefully,’ I practically screamed.

‘She took a lot of sleeping tablets, high dose sleeping tablets. If it helps, I think she’ll pull through,’ he said.

We all gave a sigh of relief. The Doctor looked to Max and Kyle. ‘Just to let you know. We were unable to
save the baby.’

‘What?’ Liz asked, shocked.

‘You’re friend was pregnant. Roughly 6 weeks.’ He looked again at Max and Kyle. ‘I take it she never told you,’ not directing the question to any individual, just assuming that one of them was reasonable.

‘Her boyfriend just died,’ Liz said.

‘Oh,’ the doctor nodded, ‘that explains the overdose.’

‘Can we see her?’ Kyle asked.

‘One at a time,’ the doctor said, ‘remember she’s still asleep.’

Liz went first and followed the doctor to where Maria was.

I couldn’t believe she was pregnant. Six weeks pregnant. Did she know; had Michael known? I thought back to her hand on her stomach. She had known I was sure of it.

An hour later, Liz came back to the waiting room. ‘She looks so pale,’ she said, falling into Max’s arms.

Kyle stood and walked down the corridor to Maria’s room.

I didn’t know what to say to her once it was my turn. She was still asleep in the bed, a heart monitor attached and more fluids running. We had explained to the doctor about her catatonic state after Michael had died. How would she feel when she woke up and found that she had lost her baby? Her last link to Michael. Maybe she hadn’t known. Would she knowing risk Michael’s child? But I was sure she had known. The way she would stroke her stomach, almost lovingly. Yes, I thought, she had known and she was taking them both to Michael. I let out a sob. A loud sob. Would she hate us, for saving her and not the baby? I would hate us. We had denied her.

‘Isabel.’ Her voice was quiet. I turned to look at her, almost lost in the bed. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered, not knowing what I was sorry about. Sorry that she had lost her baby, sorry that she had lived, sorry that Michael had died. Her hand automatically lifted to her stomach. It looked like she was listening, feeling. Her eyes flickered over to the corner of the room and instinctively I looked too. Nothing there, I turned back in time to see her eyes close in anguish as a lone tear fell from one eye.

‘You never told us,’ I said low.

She just shook her head. After a while she sat up. ‘I need to go to the bathroom,’ she said. I helped her from the bed and across the hall to the bathroom with her IV stand and monitor. I walked back to her cubicle, hoping she’d call when she was finished. The small area was almost electrically charged. It felt like it did sometimes when I would walk in on Michael and Maria by accident. They always seem to have this air of electricity between them, especially in more intimate situations. I could almost smell him, his personal scent that would follow him everywhere. I was so used it to, after all he practically lived at our house when we were children. It was almost as if Michael was still there, watching over her. I nervously looked over to corner that had held Maria’s attention. ‘Michael’ I whispered. Nothing. ‘Don’t be silly,’ I told myself. ‘Stop spooking yourself.’

10 minutes later and she still wasn’t back. 15 minutes and a monitor started bleeping somewhere. 20 minutes and I was worried. I walked back to the bathroom where I had left her. ‘Maria,’ I knocked on the door. The monitor that was bleeping was inside the bathroom. ‘Maria,’ I knocked again, more loudly.

I pulled open the door, it was unlocked anyway. The monitor was there as was the IV stand and a small amount of blood. But Maria wasn’t there.

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Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE) chap 4 08/08/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:49 pm

Thank you all so much for your positive feed back.

I'm not entirely happy with the way this chapter turned out which is why I delayed posting it. I've been trying to get into my mind of 10 years ago to see where I was going with this chapter, it didn't happen. :( and it's kinda short too. :(

Anyway here goes.

Three years later.

Isabel’s POV.

I woke that morning with a feeling of anticipation. Something was going to happen. My husband had already left for work and I wasn’t at work until next week. I was a teacher’s assistant at the local elementary school. We had each given ourselves ‘alternative’ backgrounds to secure jobs, though for some unknown reason we had kept our names, foolish I know. It was Spring break so I was free. I potted around the house a little, decided what to cook for dinner and then the phone rang.

I looked at it like it was pure evil, knowing that this was what I had been waiting for all morning.

‘Hello?’ I answered on the 5th ring.

‘May I speak to Isabel Evans,’ a voice called. I held my breath.

‘This is she,’ I said, not knowing why I admitted that to someone I didn’t know.

‘Miss Evans, it’s been hard to track you down.’

My heart sped up to 310 or something.

‘Do you know how I can contact a Michael Guerin?’ the voice asked innocently.

I sat down heavily on the sofa. ‘Why?’ I asked, shakily.

‘Oh I’m sorry,’ the voice said, all sweetness, ‘I never introduced myself. My name is Cora Bitton from Fort Worth General Hospital. We have a patient here who lists Michael Guerin as her next of kin. The phone number we have isn’t connecting. Your name is down as a second point of contact.

I took a shuddering breath. ‘Who’s the patient?’ I asked, though I already knew the answer.

‘Maria Deluca.’

I nearly dropped the phone when my suspicion was confirmed. Her name had haunted me for 3 years now. Wondering where she was, was she still alive or was she finally with Michael and their child.

‘Do you know her?’ the voice asked, obviously concerned about my lack of response.

‘Yes,’ I answered. ‘What’s wrong with her?’

‘She was brought in 2 days ago. She was pretty badly beaten up. She was conscious enough to give us your details and that of Mr Guerin, but to treat her addiction…..’

‘Addiction,’ I interrupted.

‘Yes alcohol and drugs. I thought you said you knew her.’

‘I haven’t seen her for 3 years,’ I said, regretfully.

‘OK, well she’s in a pretty bad state. To treat the addictions the doctors had induce a coma. There are some issues about self-harm so they decided for her own safety and to get her through the first few days to put her in a coma. They will be bringing her out tomorrow. Could you be here for then, the doctors feel if she had friends and family with her it would help.

‘Yes,’ I said, automatically.

‘Ok. We’ll see you then, Miss Evans.’

‘It’s Valenti actually. I’m Isabel Valenti now.’ I corrected.

‘Ok Mrs Valenti.’

I put the phone down in shock. Maria. Drugs and alcohol. That wasn’t right. In Fort Worth, so close to Roswell. ‘Where have you been?’ I whispered to thin air. I quickly called Kyle.

The flight from Portland to Fort Worth was too long. Kyle had cancelled his appointments and Max and Liz were to meet us there from Vermont. We had fallen apart after Maria had left us. We had tried to find her but couldn’t. I think we just couldn’t stand to be around each other anymore; know that somehow we had all let her down. I couldn’t believe after all this time we would see her again. I’d tried to dreamwalk her several times but that stonewall would not crumble. I remembered Michael’s stonewall. It had taken Maria to break that wall, who would break hers?

We went straight to the hospital from the airport. I told the woman on the reception desk who I wanted to see and was directed to the ICU. I found a nurse as we entered. ‘Hello, I’m Isabel Valenti. I was called yesterday regarding Maria Deluca,’ I said.

‘Oh,’ the nurse looked shocked. ‘Follow me.’ She led us to a small room and there she was.

She looked even smaller than before if that was possible, her hair jet black, contrasting with the paleness of her skin, though that was marred with huge bruises in various shades of purple, blue, black and yellow. I walked closer; there were scars all over her arms, cut marks, needle marks, burn marks. My hand covered my mouth. What had happened to her? Oh right, she lost the love of her life, and then his baby and we had saved her. I was just grateful she was still alive.

‘So you do know her?’ the nurse asked.

I just nodded, too shocked to speak. Kyle had moved over to the other side of the bed and brushed her hair slightly from her face. She had a huge black eye and a busted lip.

‘We did wonder if she had just made up the information, what with her life style and all,’ the nurse said.

‘What life style?’ I asked, rather abruptly.

The nurse looked at me. ‘So do you know this Michael Guerin too, we’ve been trying to ….’

‘He’s her……’ I interrupted the nurse, but couldn’t continue.

‘He was her boyfriend,’ Kyle said from Maria’s other side. ‘He died 3 years ago.’

‘3 years ago,’ the nurse repeated.

All I could do was nod.

‘Why would she list him as her first contact then?’ the nurse wondered.

Kyle looked at her, ‘Is she gonna be ok?’ he asked.

‘I’ll tell her Doctor that you’re here,’ was all she said as she left the room.

I pulled a chair up to sit on Maria’s other side and took her hand gently in mine, Kyle mimicking me on her other side.

‘What have you done to yourself Maria?’ I whispered, looking intently at her.

We sat there for about half an hour just staring at her, both of us lost in our own thoughts. My mind was filled with all kinds of scenarios about her life and judging by the marks on her body they weren’t anything which indicated she was happy.

I took a deep breath, hating the smell of hospitals. There was a faint smell that tickled my nose. A smell that triggered memories and I instantly remembered the last time I had smelt it. It was in the hospital room when we had last spoken. It was Michael’s smell. I tentatively looked around the room, half expecting him to be standing in the corner. I shook my head. You’re spooking yourself again, I chided

I looked at Kyle. ‘Do you ever think we did the right thing,’ I whispered to him.

He looked over to me, his eyes holding his question.

‘When we took her to the hospital after she….’ I couldn’t continue. I’d often had these thoughts, it was only now I actually voiced them.

‘Isabel, do you really think we could have just let her die.’ Kyle looked at me. ‘Do you think Michael would have been happy if she’d died?’

‘She did die.’ I whispered to him. ‘Look at her; this is not the body of someone who’s been living happily for the past 3 years. God only knows what she’s done to herself.’

The door finally opened and a tall doctor walked in. ‘Hello, I’m Dr Carter. I’m looking after Ms Deluca.’

‘What happened to her?’ I asked desperately, standing to greet him.

‘Mrs Valenti, the nurse tells me you’ve been out of contact with Maria for 3 years. Can I ask your relationship to her,’ he asked.

‘We’re family. My husband is her step-brother and my brother was her boyfriend.’ I answered, quickly; even though Kyle’s dad and Maria’s mom never did marry they always acted like they were step brother and sister.

‘Was her boyfriend?’ Dr Carter asked.

I rolled her eyes; I was fed up of explaining this. ‘He died 3 years ago,’ I said.

‘And my nurse says that was Michael Guerin who she listed as her first contact,’ Dr Carter clarified.

‘Yes,’ Kyle answered for me.

‘Why do you think she listed him then,’ he asked.

‘I have no idea,’ I answered tartly. ‘What is wrong with her, how did she end up like this?’ I asked urgently.

‘Ms Deluca was brought in 3 days ago after being found behind a dumpster downtown.’

I drew in a breath, a hand to my mouth, as my legs gave way and I quickly sat down again. Behind a dumpster like rubbish! The tears welled in my eyes.

Dr Carter continued, ‘I’m afraid the area she was found is not the best district of the downtown area, a place frequented by……’ he looked sadly at me as my eyes widened at what he was indicating. I looked quickly at Maria and then to Kyle.

‘No,’ I said shaking my head. ‘No, she would never do that.’

‘Mrs Valenti, I could’t say what your sister-in-law was doing there but there was indication of sexual penetration. After seeing her scars we checked with other hospitals and she’s been seen by at least 3 other hospitals in the Dallas/Fort Worth area over the last year, for similar injuries. It would appear on one of these occasions she had cardiac problems caused by her alcohol and drug addiction and she nearly died.
She’s also spent some time in a rehab facility in Phoenix.’

I closed my eyes as tears fell. We did fail her.

‘Cardiac problems,’ Kyle squeaked out.

‘Yes,’ Dr Carter confirmed. ‘She’s obviously been using pretty hard.’

I felt sick. ‘Excuse me,’ I mumbled as I ran from the room to find the nearest bathroom.

After I had emptied my stomach in the toilet bowl I gingerly walked back to her room and entered to hear the tail end of Kyle’s conversation with Dr Carter.

‘…….raped.’ I only caught the last word but it still filled me with dread.

Kyle looked at me as I entered. ‘I was just asking if Maria could have been raped. If that’s why she was found the way she was.’

Raped. To have something violently taken from you, or to willingly give it away. Rape versus prostitution.
Could this situation be any worse?

‘We can’t know that for sure until Maria wakes up. There are abrasions which indicate violence but when prostitution is involved it’s hard to draw that line.’

Numbly I nod my head as if I understood. How could I understand this? I wished Max and Liz were here already.

‘How was Maria after her boyfriend died?’ Dr Carter asked gently.

‘She……ehm…. She…’ I couldn’t go on.

‘She was pretty catatonic for about 4 days,’ Kyle offered. ‘She wouldn’t eat or drink, or even sleep. She eventually broke down.’ He swallowed hard. ‘She tried to kill herself and lost her baby.’

‘So her boyfriend died and she inadvertently lost his child.’

I just nodded. Dr Carter looked at Maria with pity.

‘Did you try to get her help?’ he asked us.

‘She ran from the hospital as soon as she knew she had lost the baby.’ Kyle offered.

‘We’ve been trying to find her ever since,’ I said as I took my seat beside her again.

Dr Carter nodded. ‘Well we’ll be bringing her out of her coma this afternoon. Do you guys need to find a hotel or something?’ he offered.

‘Yeah but we’re waiting for our other friends. Can we stay here?’

‘Sure.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll be back about 3.30 to start ok.’

‘Thank you,’ was all I could say as I took her hand again.

It was an hour later when finally Max and Liz walked into the room. Liz gasped at the sight of Maria and walked over to Kyle’s side. I stood and walked into Max’s embrace.

‘Oh God, Max,’ I said softly, ‘I can’t believe what she has been going through.’

‘It’ll be ok,’ Max said, ‘she won’t get away from us this time.’

‘Have you seen the doctor yet?’ Liz asked softly.

Kyle nodded. ‘Yeah, he told us a pretty grim story too.’

‘Story?’ Max questioned.

I nodded. ‘I don’t know what’s worse. The story or the reality. Either way it’s a tragedy.’

Kyle brought more chairs into the room and Max and Liz joined us in staring at Maria, each lost in our own minds. I guess trying to come to terms with the Maria Deluca in front of us versus the Maria Deluca of three years ago before the fire; happy, in love and full of life despite our predicament.

It was maybe an hour later when Dr Carter returned with a few other professionals and asked us to wait outside whilst they administrated the drugs needed to wake Maria up. After 15 minutes they all came out again.

‘You can go back in now,’ Dr Carter said, ‘she’ll wake up soon, just like you would when you’ve been asleep.’

‘Thanks,’ Kyle said, as we filed back in.

‘She’ll be monitored by the nurse’s station, just let a nurse know when she’s awake,’ were his last words
as he left the room again.

15 minutes and she started to stir.

‘Max,’ I whispered, to get his attention.

All eyes were on her as her eyes flicked slowly opened.

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Shattered. (CC,M/M,MATURE) chap 5 08/19/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:11 am

Hi all,

Again thanks of reading and a special thank you to Ginger; I've been trying for weeks to work out how to change the date!!!!!!!! Your advice is much appreciated, just hope it works!!! :lol:

To all that read, please leave feedback :D

Chapter 5.

Maria’s POV

The first thing that penetrated my mind was a humming noise; I think it’s an air conditioner. That was followed closely by the beeping of a machine. Then the darkness behind my eyelids grew brighter and brighter. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I was laying on something semi comfortable, ok so it’s the best thing I‘ve slept on for a while now, but my whole body ached, ached like I’d been used. And not in a good way. Used like garbage. It wasn’t the first time and since I was obviously alive, it wouldn’t be last.

My nose tickled with scents that burst into my consciousness. Some long forgotten, some that refused to leave. I moved my head slightly, testing for the heaviness and wooliness that usually accompanied me when I was coming down from a high. Surprisingly my head felt perfectly clear. Oh shit, I thought, that’s not good. Then I felt it, felt them, or heard them to be exact. Breathing; almost trying not. NO, I thought, that thought screaming through my oddly clear mind. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I didn’t want them here. I didn’t want them anywhere near me. What the fuck were they doing here!!!!!

My eyes flickered open on their own accord, my right one not opening fully though.

Thankfully all I could see was the white tiles on the ceiling. Uniform white tiles; that meant I was either in rehab again, or in hospital; again. I blinked. My eyes moved before my brain could stop them and they meet with brown ones, glistening with tears. I quickly closed them, thinking, if I willed it, when they opened again she would be gone.

My eye’s fluttered open again, completely disregarding that I was willing them to remain closed and I literally groan.

‘Maria,’ Isabel whispered. I turned my head away, only to see Kyle’s puppy eyes staring at me, concern evident in his gaze. This is not what I needed. I don’t want them here feeling sorry for me. I don’t need them putting their lives on hold for me. I wanted to be left alone, didn’t they get that by now. But I would never be alone, no matter how much I tried to escape. He would never leave me. And deep inside my hideaway heart I didn’t want him to leave, I didn’t want to be alone, isn’t that why I do what I do, why I did what I did.

‘Hey Maria,’ Kyle’s soft voice broke into my internal rant.

I heard a sniffle, that’s when I knew Liz was here too, and she was crying, it also meant Max was here. The whole gang back together, almost. For some reason the theme from Scooby-Doo ran through my head and I laughed.

Kyle shot questioning looks to others, maybe they’d think I’m deranged and leave me to my insanity. One can only hope!

I heard a chair scrap across the floor and looked as Max stood.

‘I’ll let them know she’s awake,’ he said quietly. Sure talk about me like I’m not here, I thought.

I tried to sit up, and felt pain explode all through my body and in places I didn’t know existed. Now that was a lie, I knew they existed unfortunately but that’s a story I don’t want to think about right now, so I fell back against the pillows with a moan. I could feel the cannula that was imbedded just below my clavicle. I guess they couldn’t find a vein again for any intravenous meds that I needed. I had had that problem before; they said it was typical for people with problems like me. People like me. I hated being put into a box, to be identified as a singular group. I wasn’t like those others, those junkies; I was different, wasn’t I?

‘Are you ok?’ Isabel asked, alarm in her voice.

‘Peachy,’ I croak out, my lips dry and brittle.

‘Are you in pain?’ Kyle asked.

‘Are you shitting me?’ I reply sharply, my voice getting stronger.

Kyle almost smiled.

Max returned with a tall good looking man who I couldn’t help eye up as a potential john, hell I had to get my kicks wherever I could and he would be a hundred times better than my last encounter. My mind spun as I thought, how can I think about things like that with these people in the room.

‘You’re awake, Ms Deluca,’ he stated the obvious.

‘Unfortunately,’ I returned.

‘And how are you feeling?’ he questioned.

‘Like a bag of shit that’s been flushed,’ I replied colorfully.

‘Thanks for the visual,’ Kyle muttered. I’d actually missed him. He was never condescending.

‘So how bad is it, Doc,’ I say, trying for flippancy.

‘There’s a lot we need to discuss Maria,’ he says, his eyes flickering to the others in the room. I suddenly
wonder how much they know, what they know about me. ‘I’ll give you 20 minutes with your friends then I’ll be back.’

I silently nod my head but I’m thinking, I don’t want time with them, I want to go and find….. something…..anything, just to get away from them before I hurt them more than I already have. Because I know I will, it’s inevitable. Just them being here is hurting them I can tell by their eyes. They can’t hide that from me.

There is silence in the room then and I hate silence.

‘So,’ I started shakily, ‘how’d you find me?’

‘You gave them Isabel’s name, they tracked her down,’ Kyle said from his position next to me.

I furrow my brows in concentration. I gave them her number, what the fuck was I thinking. Oh right, I wasn’t thinking, I was probably strung out from something.

‘How?’ I asked quietly.

‘We don’t know, but it’s safe to say her covers been blown,’ Max said. I could hear the anger in his voice.
Shit! I remember, they had lives didn’t they, they carried on, they weren’t stuck like me.

‘Max,’ Isabel hissed at her brother. ‘That doesn’t matter. It’s been nearly 5 years, I think we’re safe.’

‘You want to risk it?’ he asked. Max could be a real prick at times, but I guess I understood his paranoia.

I turn my head to Isabel, ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I guess I wasn’t thinking straight.’

‘Maria, I’m glad you did,’ she said gently.

‘Where have you been?’ Kyle asked and 3 heads swung to him. ‘What?’ he said to the room, ‘it’s what we all want to know.’

I can feel their eyes on me, waiting for the answers that I can’t give them, not yet. Where have I been I thought. Where haven’t I been!!!

‘I’ve been looking,’ I said before I could stop the words from falling from my lips.

‘Looking for what?’ Isabel probed.

I closed my eyes. What have I been looking for, redemption, salvation, a reason for living, or just that high that only one person could give me. Whatever is it, I don’t think I’ve found it yet. Of course I can’t say these things, not yet.

I suddenly realise that Liz hasn’t said a word yet. My eyes drift over to my best friend. She looked scared. Terrified even. Did I do that? Did I cause Liz Parker to shrink away from me? Of course I did. She’s looking at me like I’m someone she doesn’t know. And she doesn’t know me, these people, my family, don’t know anything about me now. They don’t know the hell I’ve been through and would they really want to know. Would Liz what to know what her ‘best friend’ does for kicks these days. Gone is the Maria Deluca that they knew. She died the moment He died and they dragged her away from Him. This is the new me. And I hate me!!

I turn my head to the window, the sun streaming through the open blinds and I close my eyes again, trying to bask in the sunlight. I remember the old game Liz and I would play when things weren’t going our way. We would each image ourselves somewhere else. Liz’s place would always be somewhere intellectual and inspiring, while mine would be somewhere exotic and with a beach and clear water. I wish I could play that game now but for some reason my mind would always register that no matter where my mind was, my body would be in the here and now and these days I have to keep a check on my body as it kept doing things my mind didn’t always want to do.

‘Maria?’ Isabel asked again, looking at the other in concern when I didn’t answer her question.

I just shook my head, unaware of the tear that had escaped. Thankfully she seemed to understand and didn’t say anymore. I moved again trying to get more comfortable, to sit up the bed a little more and this time Kyle stood to help me. I flinched from his touch unconsciously and he pulled back slightly.

‘Sorry,’ I said, quietly, with a small smile and tentatively held my hand out to him. He returned my smile as one hand slipped around my back and his other held onto my hand, and he helped me move up the bed, Isabel quickly lifting the head of the bed with the control so I could recline against it more comfortably.

‘Shit Maria,’ Kyle said, ‘when was the last time you eat?’

I looked down at myself. I was wearing an attractive - ha ha - hospital gown but I knew underneath, my body would tell a million stories, one of them being my inability to eat regularly. I just shrugged my answer as he held onto my hand. I looked down at out joined hands. I don’t really remember the last time someone held my hand just for the sake of holding my hand. Maybe the last time had been when Michael and I had…... NO, I will not think about that!

I saw the ring of bruises around my wrist and lifting my other hand saw the same there. My action brought their attention to my wrists and with a cry; Liz was up and running from the room. Max looked at me with eyes I couldn’t quite understand, and left to find his wife. I couldn’t look at Isabel and Kyle, my body was bruised and battered and what they could see hardly touched on the true depths of my self- destruction, so I looked back at my hand in Kyle’s.

I sat up quickly despite the pain ripping through me. ‘Where’s my ring?’ I cried.

‘What?’ Isabel said.

‘My ring,’ I held up the hand that Kyle had been holding, ‘where’s my ring? I asked again frantic.

That ring has been the one thing I had held onto, despite everything. Sometimes it had been my anchor and other times it had been my tormentor but I had refused to let it go. That and a stupid Metallica t-shirt.
Had someone stolen it when I had been unconscious? Believe me people had tried that before but through unexplainable circumstances that ring had always found its way back to me.

I looked at Isabel, my eyes wide, well one of them wide, the other too swollen to move.

‘I need my ring,’ I said, my voice strangely wavering.

‘OK, Maria,’ she said simply, ‘I’ll go ask.’

I watch as she leaves the room and I turn to Kyle. ‘I need my ring,’ I repeat in a child-like voice.

‘It’s ok, Ria,’ he said, not noticing my wincing at the shortening of my name, ‘we’ll find your ring.’

I begin to shake, I can’t stop myself. I’m not sure if it’s the fact I need something or the fact I may have lost my most precious possession. Kyle looks at me, panic obvious in his face.

‘It’s ok, Maria,’ he said gently.

‘No, it’s not,’ I said with more venom then I meant. ‘It’ll never be ok.’ I shake my head, my body racked with pain as I uncontrollable shake, my hands twitching. I lick my lips and look at Kyle. I feel like I’m seven years old again and my father had just left me.

Despite my pain I move quickly and before Kyle or I can register it, I’m on my feet standing beside my bed.

‘Maria,’ Kyle said gently, ‘maybe you shouldn’t be up yet.’

But his words aren’t registering in my head. I need my ring. I pull at the line running into my neck, ignoring the pain and blood as I drop it to the floor, my other hand pulling at the pads hooked up to the monitor.
Kyle is beside me in a flash, ‘Maria, stop!’ I bat his hand s away. ‘I need my ring,’ I repeat, knowing I sound like a crazy woman. My eyes shift to the corner of the room and I let out an involuntary cry, ‘Just leave me alone.’ I push at Kyle, unknowing where my strength has come from, when he stumbles slightly from me. He won’t be happy knowing that I pushed him away, me tiny little Maria. I rush from the room.
Isabel is standing by the nurses’ station, a few nurses obviously on the way to my room, probably because I pulled the monitor off. My mind registers Liz and Max halfway down the corridor, Liz safe in Max’s embrace. I cry out at that sight strangely, a kind of strangled cry of pain and lost.

A nurse approaches me, ‘Miss Deluca, you need to be back in bed and we need to…’ I push passed her, heading for Isabel, not noticing the blood flowing slightly from my neck. ‘I need my ring,’ I say again to her, my eyes searching.

Isabel turns to me, her eyes widen at the sight of me. I catch a reflection of myself in a window and stop. My long black hair hangs ragged around my shoulders, dirty, my swollen eye purple and ugly. Blood is dripping from my neck onto the ugly hospital gown, and my bones are sticking out sharp and in various shades of purple and yellow. I look down at my hands; they have blood on them also.

I take another step to Isabel. ‘Please,’ I say, not really knowing what I’m pleading, my hands stretched out to her. I see Isabel look behind me to Kyle, her eyes mirroring mine in there wildness.

The nurse behind me takes a step forward, and I turn defensively, my hand held out in front of me in warning. ‘Don’t,’ I spit out. ‘Don’t come near me.’ I see her eyes connect with someone else. They think I’m stupid, they think I’ve never been in this position before, but I know what the look means. That look means Haldol. That look means sweet oblivion for a few hours. I’m almost grateful but I need to have my ring first.

My head spins back to Isabel, as she takes a step toward me too. I’m trapped between Isabel and the nurse. Wildly I wonder where the person with the needle will be. Isabel holds her hand out to me and slowly unfolds her hand. There in the palm of her hand sits my ring. My plain silver ring with the words lovingly engraved on the inside. I seem to deflate when I see it and I gingerly reach out my hand to it, lifting it reverently from her palm. My hand clasps it to me as I close my eyes, unaware of the tears that are flowing down my cheeks. I open my eyes and my hand and take the ring and return it to my ring where it belongs. I look up at Isabel and she takes another step toward me, her hand still held out to me and my feet involuntary move toward her and then I’m falling into her arms as they envelope me and I lean against her. Despite my slight weight she stumbles back and we crumbled to the floor, Isabel holding me close, protecting me from the floor. I turn my head back to my room, at that presence that won’t leave, then collapse against Isabel, my arms around her neck, slightly aware that I’m bleeding all over her and I cry, I really cry, my body shaking violently.

Isabel wraps her arms around me holding me to her and I feel wetness on my arms and realize she is crying to. I feel a hand on my back and my eyes shift to see Kyle, though my arms remain around Isabel, desperately clinging to her. I see Max and Liz still halfway down the corridor watching me. I turn back to Isabel and bury my head.

‘Maria,’ Kyle gently calls, and as usual my body acts without my head and I turn to him and he gathers me into his arms, lifting me easily from Isabel.

‘She doesn’t need that,’ I hear him say to a nurse and I know he’s talking about the drug. No, I want to scream I do need that, I want that, Please, but all I do is whimper as Kyle holds me close to him, walking back into my room. The presence in the corner growls and I strangely find myself smirking. Of all the times to get jealous he chooses now!

Kyle places me on the bed with surprising gentleness, Isabel moving the covers so they are over me again.
Then she grabs a washcloth and after rinsing it with warm water, she gently washes the blood away from my hands and my neck.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper as she’s washing my face, removing the tear tracks. She smiles at me, and pushes my hair from my face. ‘I’ll help you wash your hair later,’ she said with a knowing smile. I become fearful at this. It’s been 3 years since I have been near any ‘alien’ powers and oddly I’m concerned, almost scared. Like I was when I first found out about the pod squad. She looks at me nervously. ‘We’ll do it the old-fashioned way,’ she said, obviously reading my fear.

I nod silently. The tall doctor enters again, What was his name again? Followed by two nurses. I smile, he thinks he needs back up.

‘Maria? We’re gonna need to put a new cannula in,’ he stated.

‘No,’ I said, ‘no more.’

He just looks at me. ‘Well we’ll see how you go.’

He turns back to Isabel and Kyle, Max and Liz still haven’t returned to my room, ‘If you’ll just wait outside.’

They both look to me. ‘We’ll be just outside Maria,’ Isabel said.

I nod mindlessly, my eyes again caught in the corner of the room. Isabel follows my stare and her eye burrow in question. They turn to leave as one and leave me to the mercy of the doctor and nurses.

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Shattered. (CC,M&MATURE), Chapter 6 08/26/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Aug 26, 2012 7:11 am

Hi all and again thanks for reading this fic.

Maria situation is real bad at the moment but things can only get better, right!!! :|

Ginger made me a fantastic banner for this fic but for some strange reason I can’t seem to post it, thanks Ginger for trying to explain it to me, still couldn’t do it tho, I blame my techo challenged brain. Anyway the banner is posted at CID if you guys want to take a look, tho there the fic is posted under Bondiepixe.

And again to all who read please leave feedback, even the shortest sentence is appreciated. :D

Anyway I hope you all like Chapter 6.

Chapter 6

Isabel’s POV

‘Oh my God, Kyle,’ I stammered as we leave her room again.

‘This is bad,’ Kyle says, ‘really bad.’

We both walk down to Max and Liz, still standing halfway down the corridor.

‘I’m sorry,’ Liz says quietly. ‘I just can’t….’ she looks at me, ‘what’s happened to her?’

I can’t begin to image what happened to Maria so I just shrug in answer.

‘We need to find a hotel,’ Max says, stating the obvious as usual.

I nod absent-minded. Then I look back up at him. ‘I can’t believe you had a go at her!’ I say angrily.

‘What?’ is all he says in his defence.

‘Maria has been gone for 3 years, doing god knows what and the first time she sees us, YOU have a go because, when she was probably dying she gave some one my name.’ I really can’t believe his reaction to her.

‘Isabel, this isn’t just about you it’s about us all and if they found you that quick……’ he didn’t say anymore but I knew what he was thinking. Maria had put his previous Liz in danger. Right in this moment of time, Liz was the very least of my worries. I walked away from him. Kyle followed me and pulled me into a hug.

‘Max is right, Isabel. We need to find a hotel,’ he says.

I pulled out of his embrace. ‘No,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘I need to stay here.’ I look at Kyle, trying to
convey to him my need to take care of Maria.

‘Isabel,’ he says softly, ‘she might not accept our help.’

I look over to Max; he’s on the phone, probably booking some rooms. ‘She will,’ I say.

I look back to Kyle. ‘Kyle, I’m gonna stay here, in Fort Worth.’

He nods at me. He understands me so well. ‘My firm have some contacts here, I’ll see if there’s anything they can recommend for me,’ he says. I smile at him. ‘I’ll get hold of Linda and tell her I won’t be returning.’ I add.

Max walks over to us. ‘I’ve got us two rooms at Embassy Suites,’ he says. I nod, hoping they do those suite rooms with a full kitchen. We might be here for a while and for some reason I don’t think Maria’s living arrangements would be desirable.

‘Isabel,’ Liz says timidly and when I look at her she points out the blood still on my clothes from where Maria had held onto me.

‘I’ll go see if they have anything you can change into,’ Kyle says and heads off down the corridor.

I look at Max and Liz, still not quite believing their reactions to Maria. Max is like he’s blaming Maria for having the shit kicked out of her, or what ever happened to her, and then giving the authorities my name and thus bringing us all back together. And Liz, I just don’t understand the woman. Maria was her best friend, is her best friend and Liz can’t even look at her. We all know what it did to Maria when Michael died, we all lived those first days with her and yet here’s Liz looking like she can’t stand the sight of her.

I know Liz and Max have been having some problems lately and sometimes I think that’s down to the fact that Maria left us. I think she took a little of each of us when she ran from that hospital room. Personally I’d never realized how or when the ditzy side kick of Liz Parker had become the glue of our group.

That first summer after they had found out about us, when Liz had run off to Florida, Maria had tried to keep the rest of us together. She kept Max going for 3 months. She refused to give up on Michael even though he was being a class A prat. She kept in contact with me, relaying silly messages from Alex. Oh, I know Michael and I didn’t appreciate her stubbornness at the time but in hindsight, well I can’t express my thanks enough. Strangely the only one she did avoid was Tess. At the time I put that down to loyalty to Liz, but after what happened, maybe there was some foundation to her and her mom’s ‘kookiness’. All I know is, if it wasn’t for Maria, if Michael hadn’t have decided to stay for her, we would all be dead now.

Kyle comes back with a hospital scrub top. ‘Sorry, it’s the best they could offer,’ he says with a slight smile.

‘Thanks Kyle,’ I say and go to the bathroom to change.

By the time I’m back in the clean top, the doctor and nurses had left Maria’s room and Dr Carter is talking to Max. I guess Kyle is in with Maria.

Dr Carter looks at me when I return. ‘I was just telling Mr Evans that she should stay here for a few more days but without insurance I don’t know what I can do.’

‘Why does she need to stay?’ I ask, maybe I can look after her.

‘Well apart from the obvious healing she needs to do, there’s her medication for withdrawal.’

‘Is that something I can administer,’ I ask.

‘Well, I would prefer for her to have the drug intravenous but if she continues to refuse another line into her neck….. she can’t be cannualated anywhere else. Her veins are shot through abuse. It’s either the neck , the femerol vein or sometimes there’s one in the foot we can use.’

‘But can it be given without that, what do you call it, by month,’ I search for the right word.

‘Yes, it can be given orally, but it’s better intravenous for the first few days,’ he answered.

‘If she refuses another line and you have to do it orally, can we take her home and do it ourselves,’ I ask.

‘Yes,’ he relents, ‘but I strongly advice for direct administration during the first few days.’

I nod and enter the room again, Max and Liz following me like lost puppies.

It looks like she’s asleep again, but as we file in she opens her good eye and looks at us. Then she turns for head to the window and my eyes are drawn to the movement of her fingers as she twirls her ring around her finger.

As soon as the nurse had handed me that ring, I knew why she been so freaked when she had thought she had lost it. Michael had made her that ring out of one of his. It was just after we had left Roswell and Maria had fully come back to him. Michael had made us stay at a motel for 2 days after he had given her that ring and I swear I can still hear them ‘get reacquainted’ with each other, sometimes I think they permanently damaged my ears! I remember Liz’s face, poor girl, I think she lost more of her innocence that night than she did her wedding night.

I find myself smiling at that, watching her fingers. She glances up at me and her eyes actually twinkle, a sly smile threatening her lips. Does she remember too? Are we thinking about the same thing?

Kyle stands, ‘I’m just gonna go make a phone call,’ he says and leaves.

I walk closer to Maria’s bed and replace my chair that the nurses must have moved. Maria has a dressing over where the line had been and they have left the monitor off. Gingerly I reach out for her hand and I’m surprised when she grips it tightly.

Liz sits in Kyle’s empty chair and Maria’s eyes shift to her. I hold my breath.

‘So how you been Liz?’ Maria says glibly.

‘OK,’ Liz says quietly.

‘Did you ever get to college?’ Maria asks, obviously trying to make conversation.

Liz just shakes her head.

‘Shit, Lizzie, what the fuck happened?’ Maria asks, her eyes as wide as they could get.

Liz reacted to Maria’s colorful language, sitting straighter in the chair.

‘I don’t know,’ she says defensively. ‘Maybe running for our lives! My burgeoning powers. Worrying about my best friend.’

‘Yeah,’ Maria turns her head back to the window, ‘well shit happens.’

A few minutes pass and then Kyle returns, beckoning me to him. ‘I’ll be right back,’ I say and stand. I feel Maria’s hand tighten in my hand and I look at her. Her eyes are fearful again. I don’t think she wants to be alone with Max and Liz. ‘I’ll be just outside,’ I reassure her and she reluctantly releases her grip on my

Just outside the door, I turn to Kyle.

‘The company don’t want to let me go,’ Kyle says. I look back into the room to see Maria’s eyes on us, and then shift slightly to something else in the room.

‘I’m sorry Kyle,’ I say, ‘but I won’t leave her again. I can’t.’

‘I won’t either,’ he agrees. ‘I told them my sister needed my help and they offered me a 6 month sabbatical so I took it.’

‘Oh Kyle,’ I say throwing my arms around him, ‘that’s great. I’ll try the same with Linda.’ I am sure Linda, the principal at the school I work at, will grant me the same. She’s all about family.

‘There’s more babe,’ Kyle adds. ‘The company have one of those executive suites here for out of town business and they offered it to us to use. It has two bedrooms and a full kitchen.’

I’m shocked. That’s perfect, we have somewhere to stay where we can have Maria with us and hopefully, we’ll have 6 months to help her. I just hope she’ll let us help this time.

We re-enter the room and again I walk over to her.

‘Maria,’ I start gently, ‘we, that is, Kyle and I, we’re gonna stay here in Fort Worth for a while.’

I watch as her eyes dart from me to Kyle, from Max to Liz, and then a fleeting glance to the corner.

‘No,’ she says. ‘I don’t want you here. I’m doing ok, really.’

Kyle laughs sharply, ‘Fuck that Maria,’ he says harshly. ‘You’ve got a drug and alcohol addiction, you’ve been working the streets, you’ve had the shit beat out of you maybe a hundred times, you’ve been raped and abused, you’re as skinny as bean pole and you look like shit.’

‘Whoa there, Buddha boy,’ she yells back sitting up painfully in the bed, ‘don’t hold back now, why don’t
you tell me what you really think.’

Now there’s the Maria Deluca we all love.

Kyle walks closer to the bed. ‘Maria,’ he starts again. ‘Please, let us help you. I can’t lose you again. I can’t lose my sister.’ Her eyes widen at that and there’s a hitch in her breath. ‘Isabel can’t lose you again. Liz needs her best friend back,’

‘And what about what I want, what I need?’ Maria asks timidly.

‘What do you want?’ Liz asks.

‘I want……’ her eyes shift, to me, to Kyle, to Max, to the corner, ‘I want….’ She turns her head back to window, her hand starting to twitch again. She deflates back against the pillows again, pain contorting her face. ‘I need…’ she continues quietly, then shakes her head.

‘Maria,’ Max’s voice startles me and I watch as he walks closer to bed. ‘Let us help you,’ he pleads. Now I’m really shocked. ‘Michael would want us…..’

Again Maria is up, jumping from the bed with unbelievable speed for someone in such a damaged body.

‘Don’t you dare, Max Evans,’ she growls. ‘Don’t you dare use him against me.’

‘I’m just saying, Maria,’ he tries again, ‘Michael put you in my care and...’

She reaches out and actually slaps him, the sound vibrating around the bare walls. We stand there shocked.

‘He doesn’t have a say in my life anymore and you know why?’ she barked, the anger rolling from her. ‘Because he chose to stay in a burning building, he chose to run off down a corridor after a boy he didn’t even know, he chose to die.’ Her voice halted, ‘In the end when it truly mattered, he didn’t choose me.’

The room was silent as Maria’s words hit us all.

Maria looked around the room wildly. ‘You didn’t choose me,’ she whimpered.

Kyle held his hand out to her, brushing against her shoulder barely and she shook his hand off. He tries again, this time adding more weight against his hand. ‘Maria,’ he whispers.

Maria turned wildly to him. ‘Kyle,’ she says, an edginess to her voice. ‘I need something…… please.’
‘What do you need?’ he asks confused.

‘Maria,’ I say, ignoring my dense husband, ‘it’s ok, you can do this. You don’t need drugs.’

‘Yes I do,’ she cries, ‘please Isabel, just get me something, anything.’

I look at my brother, ‘go get a nurse,’ I mouth, and he does, though I think it’s probably because he doesn’t want to near Maria at the moment, her hand print is stark on his face.

‘One of those bottles of vodka will do for now,’ Maria continues to plead, ‘or tequila,’ she says turning to Liz, her body beginning to shake with need. ‘Just one that’s all I need.’

In my mind I’m blaming Max for bringing up Michael, didn’t he realize Michael was Maria problem.

Maria starts scratching at her arm, old track marks visible, her hands shaking more. ‘Please,’ she cries her one good eye showing her desperation, ‘just a little something. It will be my last I promise. Just… please.’

A nurse appears at the door, a small tray in her hand.

‘Maria,’ she says, stepping into the room. ‘I have something to take the edge off.’

Maria steps eagerly toward her, though her body is tense.

‘Now, if you let us pop another line in you can have the good stuff that will work quickly,’ she indicated to the needle. ‘If not, you’ll have to have the liquid and it will be slower to act.’ She placed the tray on the bed.

I can’t believe her. She’s trying to bargain with Maria, to get another line into her.

Maria looks at the tray, her eyes fixed longingly on what’s there, her mind obviously weighting the pros and cons.

The nurse relaxes a little when she sees the fight leave Maria.

Bad mistake.

Lightning quick, Maria scoops up both the syringe and the medi-pot. She slams the needle into her thigh whilst downing the pot.

‘No,’ the nurse shouts but it’s too late. All we can do is watch, wide eyed, as Maria press on the syringe, throwing the medi-pot on the floor.

She leans against the wall, pulls the syringe from her leg and drops it to the floor. Then she slides surprisingly gracefully to the floor.

The nurses looks at us, them Maria, then back to me. ‘I’d better get the doctor,’ she says as she scurries from the room.

I kneel down in front of Maria and see the tears flowing again. Maria is again looking wildly around the room. She looks like she’s listening to someone. Her mouth moves in silence and she gives a miniscule nod of the head as if in answer and I swear she says, ok, Spaceboy.

She looks me straight in the eye.

‘Help me Isabel,’ she says, her eyes dilating, her voice barely above a whisper, ‘please help me.’
I smile reassuringly at her and pull her to me. ‘I’m gonna help you Maria, I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna help you.’

She completely leans against me; letting me hold her, take her weight. Support her.

‘You’re gonna come and stay with us,’ I say, talking just to make her feel safe. ‘Kyle and I are gonna move here for you, to help you.’

She nods against me, the clean scrub top becoming wet with her tears.

I pull her hair away from her wet cheeks. ‘And we’re dying your hair back. This whole Goth look does nothing for your complexion.’

I think I hear her laugh, and then she nods again.

The Doctor comes back in. ‘Let’s get her back on the bed and hook her back up to the monitor,’ he says simply.

Kyle moves and lifts Maria again from me and back onto the bed. She’s so quiet now, compliant, but her hand is firm in mine. I guess that’s the drugs. Oblivion. Isn’t that what they seek, theses drug users. Now there’s two words that I never thought would be connected to each other; Maria and drug user.

The doctor checks her over quickly as the nurse reattaches the monitor. He lifts the gown to reveal a length of thigh. Max and Kyle discreetly turn their backs. I remember her legs being the envy of almost everyone at West Roswell High, her name at the top of the best legs list in the boy’s restrooms two years running, if you believe Michael’s bragging. Now they’re mottled with bruises old and new; a tiny pin prick of blood showing where she had stabbed the needle.

‘Will she be ok?’ Kyle asks turning back to face us.

Dr Carter levels his eyes at Kyle. ‘She’s had a double dose of a drug called methadone. It’s used in withdrawal during detox. It’s taken orally but can be given via injection in controlled situations. It’s not usually taken orally and by injection at the same time.’

‘Will. She. Be. Ok.’ He asks again steadily, I know he fears the answer.

Dr Carter turns to the nurse. ’15 minute obs for 3 hours, 30 minutes for the following 3 hours,’ he says. He turns back to Kyle. ‘With her recent heart problem it is a complication but she’s strong.’

‘Damn straight she is,’ Kyle says, walking closer to her other side. He also sweeps her hair away from her head. A nurse attaches a blood pressure cuff. The machine pumps up and when it’s done the nurse takes the reading. ‘The nurses will be in every 15 minutes to check on her,’ Dr Carter says as he and the nurse leaves the room.

Maria looks at him, her eyes still tearful. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers.

‘Shhh,’ he says softly, a hand stroking her hair line

The nurse looks around for the discarded syringe and finding it quickly bends to retrieve it.

‘You’re really gonna stay,’ Maria asks with trepidation in her voice.

‘Of course we are,’ I say.

Maria looks at me for a second, then her eyes widen as if thinking of something.

‘I don’t think my place with be appropriate,’ she says, shifting slightly in the bed, as if embarrassed.

‘It’s ok,’ Kyle says from her other side. ‘We have a place to stay and you’re gonna move in with us.’

‘No,’ Maria said, shaking her head. ‘I can’t do that.’

‘Yes you can,’ I say strongly. ‘Beside, it’s the only way the doctors will discharge you,’ I lie, hoping I won’t be caught out.

Maria looks between the two of us again, as if weighing up her option.

‘OK,’ she whispers.

I sighed deeply, that’s one battle done with.

‘I’ll need to get my stuff though,’ she adds sheepishly.

‘I’ll go get it while you sleep,’ Kyle offers.

Maria shakes her head, looking worryingly at him.

‘It’s ok Maria,’ he reassures her.

She shakes her head again and I think the drugs are making her sleepy.

‘Maria,’ I whisper, willing her to stay awake a few more minutes.

She reluctantly nods her head, distracted by her corner once more.

‘Maria,’ I repeat.

‘Take Max,’ she whispers though I think I detect fear in her voice. ‘Ask for Colin.’

I nod, looking up at Max and Kyle.

‘Do admissions have the right address,’ Kyle asks. My husband is smart.

I think Maria actually rolls her eyes at him, but moves her head slightly in conformation. ‘Tell him,’ the words seem to tumble carelessly from her and she swallows thickly. ‘Tell Colin I’ll get him the money I owe him.’

Kyle nods.

She’s drifting, I can feel it, and her hand is slacking in mine.

Kyle walks out so he can get Maria’s address as I sit and watch Maria’s eye slither shut. They flicker open after a few seconds, focusing on the far corner, a small sweet smile gracing her lips, then they close again.

My mind spins back to 3 years when I sat next to Maria in a different hospital. She did that then, always looking at the corner as though someone was standing there. I remember feeling Michael and I remember a lingering scent of Michael and I remember spooking myself. But she’d been doing that since she woke up,
looking to the corner, talking to him, calling out to him, berating him, smiling at him. Just like old times.

He’d called out to me, in the car, when she lay dying in that motel room.

A thought sounded loudly in my head.

Michael never left her.
Last edited by Pixie-Maria on Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Shattered. (CC,M&MATURE), Chapter 6 08/26/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Sep 02, 2012 8:44 am

Hi all, it's time for an update.

Hope you are all still out there reading this depressing fic. :roll:

Thanks for the feedback guys and yes we are all hoping the gang can help Maria.

Chapter 7.

Kyle’s POV.

I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but the sight that greeted me as Max and I climbed out of the cab did nothing to calm my fears about Maria’s life. The house was barely standing, wooden boards in the windows, cracked paintwork and a screen door wide open and hanging by one hinge.

‘Wait for us,’ Max instructs the cab driver, thrusting a fifty at him. ‘Keep the meter running.’ I know this is to ensure he’ll wait. Good idea, I think. Don’t want to be stuck in this neighborhood.

We walk up the small broken path and I rap on the door.

After several minutes the inner door is pulled open and a tall, stocky man with dark hair and tattoos all across his chest and down one arm, blinks in the sunlight before us.

‘Yeah,’ he drawls, sounding like he just woke up.

‘I’m looking for Colin,’ I say simply.

He looks me up and down appraisingly. ‘Hey Colin, it’s the Mayberry Twins,’ he calls behind him loudly, then turns and walks away.

I look at Max, ‘should we?’ I indicate to the house.

Max just shrugs.

The question is taken from us as another tall guy, skinny this time, with brown hair walks up to the door and I’m struck by an awe of familiarity from him. He looks like someone I use to know, but I can’t place the face.

‘Yeah’ he says simply.

‘Hi, I’m here to pick up Maria’s stuff.’

Colin looks at us both, eyeing us suspiciously. ‘Where is she?’

‘Do you care?’ Max spits out.

‘Of course I care; someone has to look out for that chick. She can get herself into a shitload of crap at the drop of a hat.’

‘She’s in hospital.’ I state simply.

‘And you are?’ Colin asks, leaning against the woodworm riddled door frame.

‘I’m her brother.’

The guy looks at me again. ‘Kyle’ he says.

I’m shocked. ‘Yeah’

‘About time you showed up man, Deluca needs someone to talk sense into her, get her off the streets. This life, it’s not for her.

Max huffs.

Colin waves us in the house. It’s even worse inside. The wall paper is peeling from the walls; the couch is old and worn and has springs showing through it, the carpet is barely there. Apart from the couch, it looks like the old crates scattered around serve as furniture. There is a dirty mattress in the corner with a few blankets laying haphazardly on it. The very slight of that mattress sends shivers down my spine and I cringe from it. I look through to the kitchen and wish I hadn’t. How did she end up here, I wonder.

‘You wanna beer,’ Colin offers.

We both decline. ‘Sorry don’t have anything else,’ he says as he walks into the grimy kitchen.

‘She talks about you ya know,’ he says when he returns, ‘when she’s high on whatever shit she’s taken or drowned herself in a bottle.’

I look at Max, wondering what she’s said when she’s been off her head. Max looks worried.

Colin looks at Max, ‘You must be Max.’

Max swallows hard and nods, his hand flexing.

‘But I always got the feeling I never got the full story,’ he says with a sly smile, making me wonder if he actually did. ‘Someone really hurt her,’ he continues. He sounds like he actually cares.

He sits on the arm of the couch, waving a hand for us to pull up a crate. We both decline. ‘When did you meet her?’ I ask, feeling like I need to fill in the blanks of her life.

Colin lifts his bottle and takes a drink. ‘About 9 months ago.’ I wait, expecting more. Colin relents eventually. ‘She was in the park with these three undesirables. They were huge, man, and she looked so small and lost. I didn’t realise that she was making a deal, I thought I was doing a good deed, ya know, saving the damsel in distress. Man did she lay into me. She’s got a mean right hook for someone so small.’ He rubbed his jaw absentmindedly. ‘It must have really taken it out of her ‘cause she got dizzy so I took her to this café and bought her some food. I mean, she probably lost some good money that night. She’d only been here in Fort Worth a week or two, said she didn’t like to stay in one place for too long.’

I nod. That was a Michael trait.

‘I asked her where she was staying and she just shrugged. It was only me and other guy here then so I offered her somewhere to crash. She’d been keeping her stuff in a locker at the local bus station.’

‘So she just moved in here with you, after that first day?’ Max asked disgusted.

‘Yeah. I know it sounds crazy to you but to us, to our ‘community’ it’s nothing. People come and go all the time. She needed somewhere to stay and feel safe.’

‘So she was working the streets?’ I needed confirmation of what the staff at the hospital had indicated at.

Colin finished his beer and signed deeply. ‘Maria is caught in a vicious circle, Kyle. She an addict man, and to be an addict you need money. And when you’ve got nothing but your body to bargain with that’s what you work with. She hated it, she needed the drugs to do it and she needed to do it to get the drugs.’

‘Why is she an addict?’ I ask the ultimate question.

‘That’s something you need to talk to her about,’ he says, his eyes shifting to Max. ‘She was an addict long before I knew her. I just tried to make sure what she got was good stuff, none of that shit that could kill her. I tried to make sure no one was too harsh with her. I tried to look out for her.’

‘So, you like her pimp or something,’ Max asks.

‘What! No. We never had that kind of relationship. What money she made she kept herself, though it never lasted long. But there are some sick dicks out there. I’m sure you’ve seen what some of them have done to her. But the scars on the inside, you ones you can’t see, they are the worst. The demons that she’s running from, they are some big fucking demons. I just hope she beats them and they don’t beat her.’

‘I tried to help her,’ he confesses. ‘I tried to get her out of this shit, thought I’d gotten through to her at one point and she was clean for nearly a month, got her a job at a local bar singing. Man that girl can sing.’

‘I know,’ I say, remembering her singing with my dad. ‘She was headed for New York at one point, almost signed a contract,’ I tell him, not knowing why.

‘What happened?’ he asked.

I just shrug.

‘Don’t know what brought her back to this life,’ he says indicating to the house, ‘it almost broke my heart when I found her with that…….’ He didn’t continue and I’m grateful.

‘So this Michael person really did a number on her.’

‘What?’ Max says shocked.

‘She calls out to him in her sleep,’ he says simply.

‘How the hell would you know,’ I ask defensively.

He just smirks at me.

‘Where is he?’ he asks.

‘He’s dead,’ Max says simply.

‘That explains a lot,’ Colin says with a nod of the head. ‘She never actually said he was dead, but I kinda got the feeling. She never actually talks about him unless she’s high, drunk or asleep.’

‘So did you start sleeping with her from the beginning?’ I ask vehemently, thinking this guy took Maria in to take advantage of her.

‘Yes but not in the way you think,’ he answers. ‘She crawled into my bed that first night. She was so cold, not enough fat on her and it’s not like the heating in here is fantastic. It wasn’t ‘til months later when things got more physical between us and I think that was more out of desperation and under the influence, on her side.’

‘What does she say?’ Max probes and I know he wants to know if Maria has spilled the alien story whilst sleeping with this man.

‘She shouts for him to leave her, and cries begging him not too. I tell you it can be a little freaky sometimes. I know she scared the shit out of some of the dicks that hang out here and let me tell you, they’ve seen some fucked up shit in their time.’

I raise my eyebrows at him, willing him to continue. .

‘She’s haunted and it’s gonna kill her before too long. Sometimes it’s as if the guy is here, with her,’ he says with a shiver. ‘It’s when she says he’s waiting for her, that’s when I get the hebbe gebbes.’

Another guy stumbles into the room, his hair long and matted. ‘whadda the pricks want,’ he asks Colin his speech slightly slurred.

‘There here for Maria’s stuff,’ Colin says.

‘Nah, shit, they can’t take her away from us man,’ he whines. ‘She ain’t working for these dicks.’

Colin points to me. ‘He’s her brother.’

‘Ah Shit,’ the man whines again.

Colin stands. ‘Think of Maria, Troy. This could be her last chance.’

‘Fuck that,’ Troy says, ‘she’s a fine piece of ass and she’s ours.’

I take a step forward and Colin stands in between the dickhead and me.

‘Troy, stop thinking of your dick and think of the girl for once,’ Colin says.

A smile flashes on his face. ‘I am thinking of the girl,’ he grins as he grabs his groin. He notes the stern expression on Colin’s face. ‘Ah, Fuck, who’s gonna keep me warm at night now,’ he mumbles as he leaves the room.

Was she sleeping with him too?

‘So, her things,’ Max says, deciding we’ve heard enough.

Colin nods and goes the same way Troy went. Several minutes later he returns with one black back pack and hands it to me.

‘This is it?’ I ask, disbelieving.

Colin nods, ‘Something about needing to travel light,’ he says.

I nod, that was Michael’s advice when we first decided to leave Roswell.

‘The only thing’s she really cares about is her ring and that shit ugly Metallica t-shirt,’ he says. ‘Goes through here like a hurricane if she can’t find them.

I smile at that, remembering the old days and my personal experiences of Hurricane Deluca.

‘She has some scraps of clothing but I’m hoping she won’t want them, or need them anymore,’ he says with a pointed stare.

I understand what he means. Clothes she wears when she’s on the streets, clothes that I don’t even want to think of Maria wearing to entice men to her. She didn’t need them, she’d always been beautiful.

I look at Max and know he’s ready to go. I reach for my wallet. ‘Maria said something about owing you money?’

‘You tell Deluca she can repay me by getting herself clean and off the streets and staying clean. You tell her it’s been real and I’ll always love her but I never want to see her scrawny ass back here again. You tell her that. And remind her to eat. She forgets sometimes.’

How can a person forget to eat? I think. I nod at him and Max and I turned to leave. At the door Colin stops us.

‘I tried, Man. I tried to keep her safe. I’ve found her in some pretty fucked up predicaments that would scare the shit out of any harden crack head and I tell you, I’m amazed she’s still alive. All I can say is whatever you believe in, she has someone looking out for her.’

I feel compelled to shake this man’s hand. ‘Thanks,’ I say, my voice hoarse with emotion I didn’t realize I was feeling.

‘You just tell her what I said, and keep her away from Tyrone.’

‘Who’s Tyrone?’ Max asks.

‘The big bad wolf,’ he says, ‘and he wants her.’ With that he walks back into the shell of a house and with sudden clarity I remember who he reminds me off. Alex. I feel a strange tingling down my spine as we get back into the cab.

Back at the hospital, Maria is still asleep and Liz is curled up in a chair dozing. Only Isabel is awake, looking like she hadn’t moved from Maria’s side.

She smiles as we enter the room and then looks at the bag in my hand.

‘Is that it, is that all she has,’ Isabel asks.

I nod as I place it by the cabinet beside Maria’s bed.

‘How was it?’ Liz asks, sitting up in the plastic chair.

‘Bad,’ is all I can say.

‘Your typical crack house I expect,’ Max says, brushing invisible dirt from his jacket.

‘What!’ Liz cries.

I nod as I look at Isabel. I think she suspected this, that was why Maria had been reluctant to let us go for her stuff and when she did, she insisted he took Max for backup.

‘I think it was just her and 3 maybe 4 guys.’ I say, sadden by what I had seen and learned.

‘With 4 men, by herself,’ Liz chokes out.

‘Yeah and if all indications are right, she was sleeping with at least 2 of them,’ Max adds.

Liz whimpers a little.

Isabel swipes at a tear that had escape her eye. I’m just glad the girls didn’t see that house. Didn’t see what Maria’s life had become.

Isabel leans over and picks the bag up and pulls on the zipper.

‘Maybe Maria should open it,’ Liz says indignantly.

‘I’m just checking her ‘roommates’ didn’t put anything in here for her,’ she says, opening the zipper fully.

I debate whether to tell Isabel about Colin. Colin, who was so much like Alex. Without the drugs obviously. Was that a conscious thought of hers when she first met Colin. Did she find another Alex to take care of her? I decide for now, to keep that knowledge to myself.

Isabel is rummaging around in Maria’s bag when she lets out a deep sob. I look at her expectantly and she pulls out a threadbare t shirt. Holding it up to us we all recognize it for Michael’s Metallica t-shirt.

‘How did she manage to keep that?’ Liz asks.

We all just look at each other. When she had fled that hospital room 3 years ago after a failed suicide
attempt and a miscarriage, she had only been dressed in a hospital gown. But that t-shirt was definitely Michael’s. It was the one she had been wearing the night of the fire. The one she refused to take off. How did she still have it?

‘There’s not much of anything in here,’ Isabel says. ‘A pair of jeans, a skirt, a t-shirt, at least it had been a t-shirt I think,’ she held up a small shirt that had the lower half cut off, ‘and a jumper.’

‘Well that Colin guy, he thought she might not want some of the other clothes she’d been wearing,’ Max offered.

‘Why?’ Liz asked.

I watch as Isabel rolls her eyes at Liz.

‘Because they are her working clothes, Liz,’ she says.

‘Working clothes, but…’ Liz starts, but then she realizes what Isabel implied and stopped.

Isabel was digging again in the bag. ‘There’s no underwear here,’ she says bluntly.

‘Guess she didn’t need it,’ Liz said with disgust.

I look at Maria quickly, hoping she still asleep. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but her eyes were moving rapidly. I absently wondered when was the last time she had slept peacefully. Truly peacefully.

‘We’ll go shopping, honey,’ I say to Isabel, my hand resting on her shoulder and she nods.

‘Maybe we should go to the hotel now,’ Max says, ‘she’s sleeping. She’s not gonna want us staring at her
again when she wakes up.’

‘I am tired,’ Liz agrees.

‘You guys go,’ Isabel says, waving her hand. ‘I want to stay ‘til she wakes again, so she knows we’re still here.’

‘I’ll stay with you,’ I say.

Max and Liz stand. ‘Ok,’ Max says, ‘I’ll leave your key card with the desk.’ He holds his hand out to Liz, she takes it and they leave the room.

‘Bye,’ I say when they left, taking Liz’s chair beside Maria again.

‘So can you tell me what it was like now, precious parker had left,’ Isabel says.

I laugh at her nickname for her sister-in-law, but then I meet Isabel’s eye and I shake my head. ‘Not yet babe,’ I say.

‘Was it that bad?’ she probes.

‘I just……I just can’t believe…..’ I shake my head and close my eyes. Isabel waits patiently for me to continue. I reopen my eyes and unexpectedly I find a fat tear rolling down my cheek. ‘It would kill Amy if she knew how close her daughter was to her and how she was living’

Isabel stands and crosses over to me and gently sits in my lap.

‘Maybe when she’s better, we could make a phone call?’ Isabel says.

I just nod, not wanting to build her hopes up.

‘We will be able to do this won’t we? I mean I don’t want to mess her up any more than she is,’ I say, worried that we might be taking on too much.

‘I spoke to the Doctor about what we’d need to do. She’ll need that methadone stuff every day and she’ll need to attend some step program either AA or NA every day at first. He said we’d need to watch her constantly; she’ll be wily and conniving. He said it wouldn’t be easy for us, but I, we have to do this Kyle.’

‘I know Isabel.’

Isabel snorted lightly. ‘He said we should be ok while she’s still healing but as she gets better she’ll be able to move quicker.’

I laugh at that. ‘She was pretty damn quick this afternoon.’

‘That’s what I said.’ She agreed with me. ‘He also said we should bring her in for counselling. For rape and abuse. And for Michael.’

I nod again. That’s not going to be easy.

‘One of the guys told me a little about her life here,’ I tell her. ‘She’s been here about 9 months and yes she’s been working on the streets to feed her addictions.’

‘Was she an addict before she got here?’ Isabel asks.

‘Yeah,’ is all I can say.

‘Did he say why?’ Isabel asks.

‘He wouldn’t tell me, said I had to talk to Maria about it. Though I think we all know it has something to do with Michael.’

Isabel looks nervously around the room.

‘Kyle, don’t laugh but,’ she pauses, ‘I think Michael is still here with her.’

I shiver at that, remembering what Colin had said.

‘Colin said she was haunted and it scared him and some other guys at times. Big ugly ass guys I suspect.’

Isabel nods. ‘She’s always looking into the corner,’ she indicated to the far right corner. ‘And she talks to him. Earlier when she had taken that stuff, she looked like she was listening to someone talk to her and then I swear she said, OK Spaceboy.’

I look at her shocked. Everyone knew that was her nickname for Michael, had been for as long as they knew each other.

‘And she said ‘You didn’t chose me’ after what she said to Max,’ Isabel says.

‘That Colin guys said she talked in her sleep, telling him to leave her and then begging him not too.’

‘Kyle,’ Isabel looks at me sheepishly. ‘Back when Maria tried to……..’ she shakes her head and I understand her reluctance to say the words. ‘When we were on the way to the mall, before I told Max to turn around. I heard him. Michael. He shouted in my mind. He shouted her name.’

I look at my wife. I’ve never question her abilities in the past and I won’t start now. ‘Do you think he was trying to warn you?’ I ask.

‘I think so,’ she admits. ‘And in the hospital, it was like I could smell him. The air was different, like it always was with them, you know.’ She looks at me sceptically as if I wouldn’t understand what she means.

‘Yeah, I remember that feeling,’ I say with a sad smile. That spark that always seemed to follow them, that lingered in a room where they had been and was always more intense after they had had sex. They could never hide that fact from us as the very air told on them. I often wondered if it was just me that sensed that, obviously Isabel caught it too.

I give an involuntary shake and have to agree with Colin. Definite hebbe gebbes.

‘You think he’s still here,’ I whisper, not sure why. I look nervously around.

‘He won’t leave,’ came a sad low voice and it made both Isabel and I jump.

We looked at Maria on the bed and she was looking intently at us.

‘I’ve tried,’ she continues, her voice hoarse with emotion, ‘I’ve tried everything to get him to leave, stuff I’m not particularly proud off but the stubborn bastard won’t leave.’

Maria looks angrily into the corner and then back at us. ‘Can you help with that Isabel,’ she says, maybe a little more harshly then she thought. ‘Can you do your Samantha-genie-alien thing and make him leave me.’

Isabel stands from my lap and goes closer to Maria, taking her hand. ‘I said I’m going to help you Maria and I am. I’ll do anything to help you get better, to get you to return to the person you were.’

Maria turned her head away from Isabel and looks out the window.

‘She dead, Isabel,’ she says quietly. ‘She died 3 years ago in a fire. I’ll never be that person again.’

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Re: Shattered. (CC,M&MATURE), Chapter 8 09/16/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Sep 16, 2012 6:59 am

:D Hey guys

Thanks to you all for your feedback.

I hope this posts ok it's really early and i can't sleep so i thought i'd so something constuctive, though i must admit the keyboard looks a little wobbly!!! :lol:

Carolyn: I hope Maria can pull out of this because it's depressing me !!!

Mary Mary: Michael did really love Maria but he's here for a reason :D and yes dead is dead there is no coming back from that. And Colin was someone who Maria needed to bring her back from the edge.

Grace52373: Addition is one of the worse diseases out there. It's all a vicious circle. And Michael doesn't see it as haunting, but this will be explored more later.

Thanks to my beta Ginger :D :D

Chapter 8.

Chapter 8.

Maria’s POV.

I sighed as the door closes, grateful that Isabel and Kyle finally had left, promising to return in the morning. I know they mean well but my head is pounding and my body aches for something; something that I can’t get in the hospital. I briefly consider getting up and walking out. But where would I go? I doubt Colin would take me back now he knew Kyle was here.

My eyes wandered over to the corner, to him, to see him shaking his head “no” to me. I turn in the bed, away from him.

‘Could I do this? Could I let them take care of me?’ Could I give up what little control I have over my life? Yeah and a great job I have done with that control. I’ve let complete strangers use and abuse my body; I’ve filled my body with toxic crap and what for? To forget? For the buzz?

I sighed deeply, my body aching. Aching for something I could never have again, in more ways than one.
I moved again in the bed, restless and agitated. My eyes flicker unconsciously over to the corner again. He is watching me, squatted down, his arms on his legs as he balances on his toes. I huff at him and he grins.
I quickly climb out the bed and head through the door, my eyes daring him to follow me.

There are three nurses sat at the desk, two female and one male.

“Hey,” I call to one of the nurses. “Can I get something to help me sleep?”

The nurses look at each other and I can’t help the smirk that lifts my lips.

“I’ll have to check with the doctor,” one of females says and she stands and walks away to an office further down the hall.

I look back to my room to see him standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the frame, one leg crossed over the other.

“Hey,” I say to the other two, “can I bum a smoke from either of you?”

The other woman shakes her head at me, “I don’t smoke,” she says simply. The male just looks at me. I bet I look lovely with my eye swollen nearly closed, the bruises framing my face and my black dirty hair; just the perfect picture of health and happiness.

I pull at the hospital gown I’m forced to wear. “Don’t you have anything better for me to sleep in?” I whine.

She shakes her head. “It’s either that or nothing,” her voice not hiding the disgust she feels for me. I thought all nurses were supposed to be caring and non-judgmental, I guess she missed that class, but I smile and reach up as if to undo the gown and strip down in front of them.

“I’ve got a cigarette you can have,” the male one says, jumping to stop me from removing my gown in the corridor.

“Fantastic,” I say with a smile, “let’s go then.”

He looks back to the other nurse. “I can’t go with you,” he says.

“You’ll have to wait for Tracey to get back.”

I nod. Of course they won’t let him come with me. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

I sit on the edge of the desk, not wanting to go back to my room, and wince at the coldness and the soreness. My ass must be bruised as well. That is definitely not good. I try and recall were I was the other night, when this happened to me. I have unclear memories of a guy, tall and built, not too bad looking. He told me I was beautiful and held my head tenderly in his hands. I vaguely remember other men with him, walking over to us, and a desperate feeling of fear and panic coming over me; but after that I have no memory.

The other nurse, Tracey, finally comes back from the office.

“Dr Carter says I can give you something to help you sleep,” she says.

“Any more of that green stuff?” I ask hopefully.

Tracey laughs a little. “Not today Maria, I’m surprised your still standing after your last lot.”

I smile at her. “I have a high toleration.”

“I bet,” the caring nurse quips.

I swing round to her. “Do you have a fucking problem with me?” I ask her.

“Not at all,” she says, her voice sickly sweet and I can just imagine her wanting to call me a dirty drugged out whore.

I can see the male nurse and Tracey talking and she quickly nods her head, and turns to me.

“Come on Maria, I’ll take you for a cigarette and then we’ll get you settled down for the night.

“She’s got a big fucking attitude problem,” I say, pointing to the “bitch nurse”, my agitation increasing.

Tracey seems to recognize the warning signs and she indicates me to follow her.

We sit on a bench in what they laughingly call a ‘smoking room’.

There aren’t a lot of people in here just us, an old woman with a drip, and a man who keeps looking slyly at me.

I puff gratefully on the cigarette that she had given me. I don’t really like cigarettes, but I know this is all I’m gonna get to try and steady the tremors about to rip through my body.

“So how long have you been a nurse?” I ask, conversationally.

“A while now,” she says vaguely.

“Have you dealt a lot with people like me?” I ask, looking at my dirty nails.

“I’ve had my fair share,” she answers.

“So have I,” I say with a laugh. She just looks at me; I guess she doesn’t get my sense of humor.

“So what’s your success rate,” I ask, my eyes holding hers.

“It’s hard to say really, we don’t know much when they leave the hospital,” she answers honestly.

I look away and take another drag, a tremor hitting my hand, the cig not really working.

I turn back to her, “what do you think my chances are?”

“Well that’s up to you isn’t it Maria,” her gaze steady.

I look away again. I guess that’s the thing. It’s up to me. Do I want to be rescued by the remaining two of the Pod Squad or do I want to wallow in my despair and self-destruction? Do I want to continue on my road to death or grab life by the horns and hold on? Do I want to give up on my lost love or follow him into hell?

I jump slightly when a feel the warmth of her hand as she squeezes mine gently.

“It’s not going to be easy Maria, I won’t lie to you. I don’t know your story and I don’t pretend to but I know one thing. Everyone has a story; it’s how we live with it that matters.”

I simply nod at her words.

We walked back to the ICU and she hands me a pill.

“To help you sleep,” she says with a smile.

“You got anything stronger,” I ask, raising my eyebrow at her.

“Not for you,” she says with a smile, shaking her head.

“Can I have two then,” I ask cheekily, as I pop the pill and swallow it dry.

She points to my room. “Go.”

“I’m going,” I say with a smile and I re-enter my room.

He’s back in the corner as I get back into the bed. I lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the medication to work, my mind whirling in different directions at Tracey’s words. Everyone does have a story. My mom had her own story; me, and did she give up, no she did not. She held on, she held on for me and what did I give her in return; a daughter who sells her body for money to spend on drugs, to forget a man.

We were so independent, my mom and me, we didn’t need men, until I meet Him. Now, now my life is not complete. Now I feel like I’m drowning without him. Now he won’t give me the chance to try and live without him because he won’t leave.

My head turns to him and my hand lifts on its own accord, my hand held out to him. He looks at my hand and smiles but he shakes his head.

“Little fucker,” I say with a slight smile and he actually laughs.

“It’s still anything but small Blondie,” his low voice says, and my heart breaks again at the sound of his voice.

I raise my eyebrow at him, “Dick.”

He walks over a little, out of the safety of his corner, “exactly.”

Why does he have to look at me with that sexy lopsided grin?

“When will you leave?” I ask quietly.

“Soon,” is all he says as he reaches out and his fingers skim across my cheek. I close my eyes at the sensation. Am I really feeling it or am I imagining it? Maybe I am going insane? That could be it.
I always knew Michael Guerin would drive me insane, now here’s the living proof. His fingers reach higher and I lean into his hand that feels so solid but the rational part of my brain screams that this is impossible. Just like it’s been telling me for the past three years.

His thumb sweeps across my cheek just under my swollen eye, catching a tear I didn’t know had fallen, and my eye opens fully. Now that just takes the cake, how can a ghost heal you?

“Thank you,” I whisper, not knowing how I’m going to explain that to the doc’s tomorrow, now if only he can heal my heart as easily.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers and I close my eyes. If it wasn’t for the pain in my body I could almost imagine it was three years ago and we are lying next to each other, planning our life together.

“Don’t,” I say softly, and I feel the drug beginning to work; the numbness creeping up my body blissfully. I turn onto my side and spy my bag on the floor. I sit up slightly groggy now.

“What?” he asks.

I smile to him and look at my bag and a few minutes later his t-shirt is in my hands. I quickly strip the gown from my body and pull the t-shirt over my head. I settle back down on the semi comfortable bed and wait for the sweet oblivion of sleep.

A wisp of air against my cheek tells me he has kissed my cheek.

“Goodnight, Spaceboy,” I whisper, as the drug finally pulls me under.

My nose wakes me up next. Or rather the smell, it smells like bacon and hot coffee.

I open my eyes and struggle a little to sit up. The room looks slightly bigger with both my eyes open. I yawn and stretch my arms high above my head. I think I actually slept the whole night. Now that is a first

“She’s not eating that hospital crap. She needs to put on weight not throw up,” I hear Kyle’s voice through the closed door and smile.

It opens to reveal Kyle and Isabel, looking fresh but not exactly rested.

“You brought me coffee,” I say with a smile.

“And a bacon bagel,” Kyle grins and hold his prize up to show me.

“We’re just having problems getting it past the food Nazi out here.”

“You tell ‘em to get their fucking food,” I say loudly so they can hear. I hope “bitchy nurse” is still here.

They laugh as they fully enter my room, Kyle pulling the table across me and placing the food and drink in front of me and Isabel coming to my other side, placing a bag on the floor and a kiss against my cheek.

“So Colin told me you forget to eat sometimes,” Kyle says cheerfully.

“Colin talks too much,” I say as I grab the tall coffee.

“Yeah and apparently so do you,” he says with a knowing look to me.

I just shrug, and then turn to look at Isabel who is staring at me.

“What,” I muffle around a mouthful of a delicious bacon bagel.

“Maria,” Isabel says, her voice barely above a whisper. “Your eye?”

I smile, “Guess nothing stops those healing powers,” I say as I nod my head over to tall brooding alien in the corner, as if they could see him.

They both swing their heads around and then look back to me.

“Shit,” Kyle whispers, his eyes wide and he sits down quickly.

I continue eating my breakfast and drinking the wonderful coffee, watching them both as they look at each other.

“Told you he won’t leave,” I say with a shrug. “Stubborn bastard.”

They look at me, then back to the corner, then back to each other and finally back to me and I smile at them.

“How are you feeling?” Isabel asks, her voice wavering slightly.

I stop eating and think about it for a while. I still hurt in places, and in some very intimate places at that, but my head is clear, apart from a slight pounding, my tremors are under control, at the minute and I’m eating.

“Five days clean,” I say with a smile.

“Maria, 3 ½ of those days you were unconscious,” Kyle says with a laugh.

“Yeah that’s right, bring me down and ruin my happy moment why don’t you,” I scoff, and finish the coffee.

I relax back against my pillows still chewing the last of the bagel, my stomach satisfied for the moment.

“So where are Mr. and Mrs. Perfect this morning?” I ask.

“They were still asleep when we left,” Isabel said. “We wanted to take a look at where we’ll be staying whilst we are here.”

“Are you gonna spring me today?” I ask hopefully.

“We’ll talk to your doctor about that later,” Isabel says with a smile.

I wrinkle my nose. I smell bad. “I think I’m gonna take a shower,” I say as I pull the covers back and climb out of bed. Isabel and Kyle looked slightly shocked at my sleeping attire but who cares. I grab my bag and pull my jeans and the top out.

“I hope they have some shower stuff available,” I say to no one in particular.

“Here,” Isabel says, picking the bag up she had put on the floor earlier. I open it to find Isabel has thought of everything; shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, even a razor and a toothbrush. I hold it in my hand.

“Oh and I will be with you while you shower,” she says with that look on her face. That classic, “I’m a Princess, don’t mess with me”

I laugh at her and before I can stop myself I say, “I’ve had some fucked up requests but I can honestly say I’ve never showered with an alien Princess before.”

Isabel rolls her eyes at me, whilst Kyle tries to look elsewhere in the room. “Not actually in the shower Maria, just in the room. I remember the last time I left you alone to use the bathroom. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

I look away from her, refusing to acknowledge that. I haven’t thought about that day in a long time. The second time my heart broke.

“Besides,” Isabel continued as she reached into the bag and pulled out a box. “I got this.”

I look at the box in her hand. Hair dye! Blond Hair dye!

I shake my head. “I don’t know Isabel.”

Am I ready to go back to being a blond? I haven’t been blond in a long time. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror like that; too many bad memories. So I had changed my hair color and now I hardly looked like the Maria Deluca I once was.

“Maria, you look like shit with the black hair,” Kyle says.

“Thanks Kyle,” I say sarcastically, as I empty the rest of the bag out.

I pick up the under wear that Isabel had obviously bought me and I look at her timidly. Of course, there was no underwear in my stuff; I had given up on that a long time ago. I kept losing them and they were an expense I couldn’t afford. Besides it was easier without.

I’ll give Isabel her due though; she never questioned me once about my lack of underwear. I could only imagine what Liz’s reaction would have been.

“Come on,” Isabel says with a smile. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

I still look sceptically at her. Am I ready to show her all my bruises, lay myself bare before her, both metaphorically and literally?

“It’s ok Maria,” she says with a gentle smile, and she begins to lead me from the room, her arms filled with the stuff she bought and my clothes. I risk a look in the corner and see Him starting to move, to follow.

“Stay there, pervert,” I whisper, and return his smirk.

Kyle looks into the corner and then makes to follow us.

“Wait,” I say, my hand on his chest. “No way Kyle, you’re not watching. You’re my brother for fuck sake.”

“That’s just messed up Maria,” he says, a look of disgust on his face. “I’m not staying here with Casper,” he says indicating to the corner. “I’ll go get some more coffee.”

I smile at him and pat his cheek, “Is little ole Kyle scared of the big mean alien spook?” I say in a singsong voice.

Kyle looks back at the corner. “Shit yeah,” he says as he runs from the room ahead of us.

Isabel leads us straight to the shower room, obviously she had already found the room, and locks the door behind us, alien style. It’s a small room with the shower behind a curtain. She puts the shower stuff behind the curtain and holds the razor up in front of me.

“I’ll give you this when you ask for it and then I want it back in 5 minutes,” She says evenly.

I nod at her.

She touches the ends of my hair and I smile, imagining her internal ranting about my split ends.

“Ok,” she says, “get under the water, wash your hair and then we’ll put the dye on,” she instructs.

“But,” I start and then change my mind. There was no use arguing with Isabel Evans when she had an idea on her mind. I sighed deeply and tugged my t-shirt over my head.

I stand before her naked. And I really feel naked. I’ve been naked in front of a lot of people in the past three years but in front of her it feels different. Not just because she a woman, because she’s Isabel. She knows me; she’s not just some strange man that I’ll hopefully never see again. And I can see the pain on her face. The pain she feels for me and my battered body.

I can see her eyes as she takes in my ribs that are visible, my hip bones that protrude painfully and the bruises that surround then, telling different stories of being forced against something painfully and repeatedly, she sees the faded dark hand prints along my hips and thighs, the bruises along my ribs and abdomen from fists and other weapons. The visible scarring of bite marks across my breasts and the healed and still healing burn marks that are littered everywhere.

“It could be worst,” I say with a shrug.

“How in the hell can this be worse, Maria,” she says hoarsely. “Fuck, Maria.”

“Isabel Evans,” I say with a smile. But even that can’t shift the look on her face; the look of regret and pity.

“Don’t pity me Isabel,” I say more sharply than I meant too.

“I had a choice. I just took the wrong one.” I turn to get into the shower and Isabel takes in a sharp breath.

I turn back and look at my back shown in the mirror, again covered with bruises from my shoulders to my lower back, a full line of them across my lower back. They continue down all across my ass and lower, stopping just above my knees. All the bruises are new and thankfully fading but you can tell there are old bruises under there too. My body looks like mottled marble.

I turn back and climb into the shower, switching in on and smiling at the hot water. Now this is a luxury. I can hear Isabel through the curtain; pulling the tags off the new under wear she bought me. “I hope these fit,” she calls through as I’m lathering up the shampoo in my hair.

“Don’t sweat it, Iz,” I call back, my head back under the shower head. I think I could stay all day in here.

“I should have bought some more clothes too,” I hear her say low.

I think of my jeans and top, they must be dirty, I’m not very regular with my laundry.

“We are going shopping as soon as you’re out of here, Maria,” she says louder.

“I don’t have any money, Isabel,” I say, carefully scrubbing my body.

“I do,” and she seems ready for my reply. “I’m not taking no for an answer Maria.” I just smile to myself.

“Can I have the razor now please,” I ask, sticking my hand out. She places the razor in it.

“5 minutes,” she says.

“5 minutes is 4 minutes too long,” I think, but I don’t say this to Isabel.

She hands me a towel when I shut off the water and I step out with it wrapped around me.

Isabel again holds my wet hair. “So we can do this the easy way or the regular way.”

I swallow hard. “Regular,” I say softly.

“Ok,” she says.

45 minutes later, I’m standing before the mirror with my eyes closed. I don’t know if I want to open them. I don’t know if I’m ready for what will face me in the mirror.

“Come on Maria,” Isabel says, slightly impatient.

I swallow hard and then open my eyes.

I look at the figure in the mirror. Isabel has discreetly done some of her magic and my newly blond hair is slightly shorter, the dead ends gone, the style reminiscent of my senior year of high school before I changed to color to brown. In fact, if you removed my bruises, the busted lip and the deep dark marks under my eye’s I look eerily like my younger self. The jeans are a terrible fit as is the shortened top but Isabel was pretty accurate with the underwear, it felt extremely bizarre to be wearing them again.
I didn’t notice the tear running against my cheek as I studied myself in the mirror.

“It’s good to have you back, Maria,” she says with a smile.
Last edited by Pixie-Maria on Sun Sep 16, 2012 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Shattered. (CC,M&MATURE), Chapter 9 09/23/12

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Sep 23, 2012 8:33 am

hello to you all.

Thank you for your feedback guys it is very much appreciated.

Carolyn: And the depressing stuff is back! sorry.

Grace52373: I am a nurse and I've worked with drug addicts and the bitch nurses is actually based on someone who I worked with!!

Ginger: Michael is helping in his own 'Michael' way. Of course Michael's logic is not the logic that we would all use :lol:

Thanks as always to my beta Ginger. Your the best!

lyric credits to Metallica not me :lol:

Chapter 9.

Isabel’s POV

One week later.

Max and Liz are talking about going home and I think they can’t wait to leave. I think they don’t know how to act around Maria. She’s no longer the soft Maria that we knew. Maybe soft isn't the right word because Maria could be extremely stubborn and opinionated when she wanted to be, but now she’s different, harsher, raw, and jaded.

She hates going to her therapy sessions and stomps around the apartment for about two hours before, cussing a blue streak, making Liz blush, and trying everything to get out of going. She’s locked herself in the bathroom but that was redundant really, though I’ll admit I was scared of what she was doing in that bathroom. And when she comes back, she’s sullen, removed and unapproachable, sitting in a corner, her legs pulled up to her chest, her head resting on her knees and her eyes unfocused.

The AA meetings aren’t so bad, either Kyle or I go with her to those and we just sit and listen. She hasn’t shared yet with the others, she refuses when they ask and they don’t push her.

She’s escaped from us only twice, which I think is pretty good. Once when Kyle was on watch and we found her down the street trying to buy a bottle of vodka; thank God she had no money. The other time was when we had left her with Liz. That was a little scarier.

It was 3 hours later when we found her, simply sitting on a park bench watching children as they played in a small playground, tears streaming down her face. We probably wouldn’t have found her if it hadn’t had been for that alien balloon that seemed to lead us to her!!! She promised us she hadn’t taken anything or done anything but I think we were all a little skeptical.

That night was a bad one for her and we sat up most of the night talking about little inconsequential things, until she finally fell asleep, her head in my lap, and her body curled up, like a child herself.

Today Maria seems even more intent on not going to her session. She’s been pleading with me all morning; but I struggle and bribe her and eventually get her into the car that we hired so I can get her there on time. When we finally get there and the doctor calls her in, I stand quickly and go over to him before she does.
“Dr. Sheldon,” I say quietly. “She was really reluctant to come today. I don’t know if you’re gonna have much luck with her.”

He looks at me a nods in understanding. “I told her yesterday we would be talking about Michael today,” he says simply.

Then it all makes sense. She won’t talk to us about him, only if she’s making a snarky comment about him not leaving and him being a ‘stubborn bastard alien’.

The only time we got anything from her was when she hit Max in the hospital.

I look back to see her staring at us, her hands holding onto the chair, her knuckles white from the force. Her eyes shift to the door and I can see the warning signs that she’s gonna make a run for it. I’ve gotten used to this now, this little dance we do and I’m just as quick as she is and when she makes her move I’m ready and I’m in front of the door before she is.

“Maria,” I whisper.

She looks at me with fright in her eyes.

“I can’t,” she says softly, her head shaking slightly.

“You can,” I reason with her, my eyes wandering to the people in the waiting room, watching us like we’re the best soap opera out there.

Her eyes are wild as she continues to shake her head. “Please Isabel, don’t make me.”

It breaks my heart to hear her plead with me. I place my hand on her arm. “You have too, Maria. You can’t move forward until you do.”

“Come on Maria,” Dr. Sheldon’s gentle voice says and she turns to him.

“I can’t,” she whispers, as a tear rolls down her face.

“It’s ok,” he says, “we’ll talk about something else ok.”

Maria looks at him skeptically but eventually her feet move and she follows him into the room.

I let out a big breath and sit back down in one of the chairs.

It’s quiet in the office for about 45 minutes and then I hear her.

“Just shut up,” she yells and all heads in the waiting room swing to the door and then to me.

There are muffled voices in the office and then, “You don’t know shit,” she cries out. Again, I can’t hear much until. “Stop, stop it,” she’s crying, I can hear it in her voice. “Stop saying his name.”

I shift uncomfortably in the chair. “No,” she yells, her voice closer and I think she’s just behind the door, ready to make her move. “You can’t make me; you can’t force me say his name.” Then the door opens and she’s out and moving for the door.

I look at Dr. Sheldon as he follows her out the door. He looks at me and hands me a card. “If it gets bad tonight, call me.” I take the card and nod and then hurry to catch up with Maria.

Thankfully she’s sitting on the hood of the car. “Maria?” I say, low. She just shakes her head and waits for me to unlock the door.

By the time we are back at the apartment, Max and Liz are there. They have prepared lunch for us but Maria just heads for her room, slamming the door behind her.

“Was it bad?” Kyle asks.

“He wanted to talk about Michael,” I say to the group before me, and they look at the door to Maria’s room.

“She’s got to talk about him soon,” Liz says. “It’s the only way she’s gonna be able to let him go.”

“I don’t really think it’s all her though,” Kyle says.

Liz huffs at this. “You don’t honestly believe that Michael is haunting her do you?”

“I think the evidence is hard to escape,” Kyle says evenly. “And I wouldn’t exactly call it a haunting.”

“What evidence?” Liz asks, ever the scientist.

“I don’t know, maybe the way her swollen black eye suddenly healed. Or the fact that she still has his t-shirt or I don’t know the way you can just feel him.” Kyle is pissed off now, I know that tone.

Liz shakes her head. “I don’t believe in ghosts,” she says.

‘Oh, like the way you didn’t believe in Aliens,” Kyle shots back.

“Liz,” Max says quietly. “Why are you so opposed to this? Isn’t it better that she does see him and she’s not going crazy?”

Liz looks at Max, with a sideways look. ‘Oh here we go,’ I think, ‘another agreement regarding the best way to deal with Maria.’ I’m glad she has shut herself away in her room.

“And besides,” Max continues, “you saw your grandmother when she died.”

We all look at Liz at this. How can she sit there and disregard that her friend is seeing a ghost when she herself has first-hand experience of specter sightings.

'Yeah,” Liz stammers out, “but you helped me see her.”

“I did,” Max agrees, “but Michael’s an alien too, Liz. Don’t you think he could have held on somehow, held on until she was ok?”

The room is silent.

“I know if it had been me,” he continues, “I would have moved heaven and earth to stay with you. To make sure you’re ok.”

'And he’s still here, because she’s not ok,” Liz finishes.

The stereo over by the window suddenly comes to life and we all jump, and then laugh at each other. Until the sounds of ‘Until it Sleeps’ blare through the speakers; one of Michael’s favorite songs.

We look at each other, Liz is white. Then Maria’s door opens and she standing there glaring at us.

“Not funny, shitheads,” she says through gritted teeth.

“Not us,” Kyle says simply.

Maria looks behind her and then storms into the room to the stereo and turns it off. She’s half way back to her room, when it comes to life again. This time, ‘Hero of the Day’, and Liz sucks in a breath. I don’t get the significance but obviously she does. Maria stops and whirls around again. “Just stop it,” she says to nobody. And again she walks over to the unit and switches it off. She’s only a few paces away this time when it comes back on again. Maria sighs deeply, her face a picture of torture. ‘Why is he tormenting her like this,’ I think.

I listen and watch as she turns slowly to look at the stereo. I don’t recognize the song this time, and I look at Max with an eyebrow raised in question. He looks at Maria; Maria is looking at the corner. I know they both know the song. They have to... Max crashed with Michael that last year in Roswell and Maria, well you don’t date a Metallica fan for 3 years and not know the songs.
I hear the plaintive cry of the singer sing:

So as I write to you, yeah
Of what is done and to do, yeah
Maybe you'll understand
And won't cry for this man
'cause low man is due

Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please forgive me

So low the sky is all I see
All I want from you is forgive me

She turns back and shoots her hand out to the back of the unit and pulls the plug. The room is silent again and all you can hear is us breathing. Maria turns back to us a slight smile on her face and I can imagine her saying ‘let him try now’.

It’s crazy; here in this room, right this moment, it really feels like he never died. Like he’s here with us and they are having one of their heated arguments. It’s like any minute they are gonna give in and Maria will be braced against the wall by Michael’s body while he begs for forgiveness by crushing his lips to hers. I almost cry out, wishing that would happen; that the last 4 years hadn’t happened.
Maria walks over to us and eyes the lunch that has been prepared, as if trying to decide whether to eat or not.

“Come on Ria,” Kyle says gently, his voice only slightly shaky, as he holds a chair out for her.

Maria is in the middle of an internal debate when the stereo comes back on. Now I’m really freaked. She had unplugged it.

Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear.
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, But she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there...

What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you....
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?

We can only watch as Maria walks, eerily calm, over to the powerless stereo that is playing a song that is breaking her in two.

She pulls the lead from the back of the unit, the plug in her hand as the song continues. And then she leans over, picks the unit up and hurls it at the wall.

A stillness settles over us as we look at the smashed unit on the floor and the gash in the wall where it had hit first.

Maria swings round to us, her eyes blazing with tears.

“Do you believe me now, Liz,” she cries accusingly.

Liz looks at her, her face ashen but she slowly nods her head and then warily glances around the room. “I’ve gotta go and do……,” she doesn’t finish; Liz is up and out the door.

Maria sighs as she leans against the wall and I notice her hand is twitching. She’s been struggling with the tremors. The methadone helps a little but she had her dose this morning and can’t have any more until tomorrow. She usually has a cigarette when they get too bad. I don’t understand the logic of it really. Aren’t we just replacing one drug for another? But for the moment if that helps then she can have as many cigarettes as she wants.

She begins to pace, her agitation showing, and mumbling to herself, though I think she’s ranting to Michael.

Kyle stands and goes to her room. He’s the one who goes out with her when she smokes, I can’t stand the smell. He comes back with an empty packet and I stand.

“We need more groceries anyway,” I say, and then I look to Max. “Will you be ok to stay?” I ask him.

I hear Maria mumble again. Something about not needing a babysitter and alien bitches. I don’t take it personally.

“Sure,” Max says. “Look for Liz for me.” I nod.

Kyle goes over to Maria where she has finally stopped pacing. She’s now sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. “We’re gonna get some more for you, ok” he says gently.

“I’m not a child Kyle,” she bites out.

“No you’re not, so you better clean that mess up,” he says pointing to the smashed stereo.

“Yes Dad,” is all she says.

I give Max a thankful smile and hope he’ll be ok with Maria.


Maria’s POV

I sigh deeply when the door closes and look over to the lump of metal on the floor, then over to Max who is still sitting at the dinner table, with lunch spread out before him. It’s been a long time since I was with Max alone. I watch as he looks over to Michael and I wonder.

“Do you see him?” I ask quietly.

“No,” he answers simply. “Is he there?”

I turn my head to the crazy son of an alien standing coolly in the corner, like he was waiting for a bus or something.

“Am I still breathing?” I ask and Max looks at me, in disbelief.

“Yes,” he answers.

“Then he’s still there.”

‘Maria….,” Max starts but I don’t let him finish. I hold my hand up to stop him.

“Don’t Max,” I say tiredly, “just don’t, ok.” I stand and walk to the kitchen area. I rest my hand against the coffee, thankful that it’s still warm. I fill a cup for myself and turn with it in my hands. Max is watching me. “Do you want some?” I ask as an afterthought. He shakes his head.

I stand there watching him as he stands and walks over to the broken stereo and picks it up. He puts it back on the shelf where it belongs and waves his hand over it. I close my eyes not wanting to see him ‘fix’ the machine. With my eyes closed I feel him moving in the room and when I open them he had repaired the hole in the wall. Then he walks over to sit on the couch.

I watch over the top of my coffee cup as he turns the tv on, and starts looking for a suitable program to watch.

“No sports please,” I say as I finish the coffee and pour another. It’ll help with the tremors a little.

I move around and sit on the opposite side of the couch, watching him flick through the channels.

“So how are things with you and Liz, Max?” I ask, more for something to talk about than anything else.

Max looks at me and I can imagine he thinks he’s looking at the old me, with my blond hair, the one that actually cares.

“Things aren't so good, Maria,” he says honestly. “We’ve been having a few problems.”

“Really,” I say with fake shock, like I couldn’t guess that on my own.

“Liz can be irrationally jealous at times,” he says with a sly smile.

“Oh please,” I let out, “like your track record is any good. You did the ugly with the enemy Max. That’s not something you can forgive so easily.” Then I get a crazy thought in my head.

“Maria, that was years ago,” Max says, “and she assures me that she has forgiven me.”

“But a thing like that is hard to forgive,” I say and I lean over a little. “So what is making her jealous now?” I ask.

“There’s this woman where I work and she keeps coming on to me,” Max admits.

“And this has put a strain on your marriage,” I say with an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah,” he says with a slight laugh, “she won’t even sleep in the same room as me.”

“So, it’s been awhile then,” I probe, “since, you know.” Strangely I find it odd talking to Max about sex, go figure.

“Yeah,” he says with a tortured smile.

I move forward a little closer to Max. Looking up I catch the annoyed look from Spaceboy. ‘This could be it,’ my irrational brain thinks. ‘This could be how I get him to leave me’. I move again and this time I move so I’m sitting in Max’s lap, straddling him.

“Maria,” he says, his voice shaking slightly. “Come on, stop messing about. Get off me.”

“Come on Max,” I say, softly, “don’t tell me you’ve never thought about us like this. I know you have. I saw the looks you gave Michael and me.” I rock myself against him slightly and I smile at his reaction to me.

“I know I affect you, I can feel it,” I whisper in his ear and he shudders slightly against me, his hands twitching beside him.

I smile at him as I lift his hands and place them on my hips, holding them there for a minute as I rock against him again and I feel movement in his jeans again. His eye flicker over to the corner, and I hold his head in my hands.

“Hey,” I say, “don’t worry about him, what’s he gonna do?" I lower myself to his face and gently place my lips on his. I hear a growl from behind and I know he’s pissed off now. All the times I’ve been in this position with strange men and he’s never made a sound, but now, now it’s Max and he’s pissed.

Max pulls away. “No Maria, this isn’t right.”

“Who gives a fuck about what’s right and what’s not right,” I say, maybe a little harsher than I meant. I pull back from him, still in his lap and he doesn’t move his hands from my hips.

“Was it right that we had to leave our homes and our families,” I say. “No but we did.”

“Was it right that Alex died,” I continue, my hand slowly caressing his chest, “No, but he did.”

“What about Michael?” Max asks low.

“He’s not here is he,” I reply, “not really.”

I bring my lips to his chin and nibble slightly. “He can’t give me what I need Max, but you can.”

Max moves his head slightly but that means I can kiss his neck more. “I’m not giving you drugs Maria.”

“Who said anything about drugs,” I say as I pull back. “What I need is something only two beings on this world can give me and since one of you is incorporeal, only you can give me what I need,” I say and I’m sure my eyes are pleading with him.

“No, Maria,” he says firmly finally understanding me. His hands push slightly against my hip, trying to push me away and god help me I groan at that pressure and it must have done something to Max because he groans too and his dick twitches between my legs.

I smile again at him, my most sexy smile that was only ever used for one man and I hear Max moan, and seemingly against his own mind his hands move. They move up my body sliding under my t-shirt and across my back. I wonder if he’s playing me until he can move me away. But this is Max, if he really wanted to move me, he could with no trouble. Even without his ‘abilities’ I’m nothing to move.

I move closer to him and again hold his head in my hands and bring his lips to meet mine. And I kiss him. I kiss him like I never expected myself to kiss Max Evans.
I vaguely hear a voice. “Maria,” He pleads. “Please don’t do this.” I ignore him and pull away from Max. His eyes are closed and his tongue slips out and licks his lips, as if savoring my taste. His hands are still on my back though, I can feel them inching to move forward. I grab hold of my t-shirt and pull if over my head. See, this is why underwear is over rated. If Isabel hadn’t insisted on buying me some, I wouldn’t have any on now, and we’d be a lot nearer to where I need to be.
Max’s eyes roam down to my bra clad breasts and I wonder if he’s shocked at the marks that he can see at the top of my breasts. I watch him intently as a hand slides up and softly brushes over one. I lean into his touch, closing my eyes, imagining another alien’s hand on me.

‘I will not cry,’ I tell myself. ‘I will NOT cry.’ I refuse to let my mind acknowledge that what I’m doing is wrong, so totally wrong and on so many levels. It’s all a means to an end and I need that end.

I blindly lift my head to catch his lips again as I twist one hand behind my back to unclasp and remove my bra. Max actually helps me take the bra from my body.

I can feel Him pacing behind me, telling me of the many different ways he’s gonna kill Max Evans. That might actually mean something if he could do it.

I smile against Max's lips as he deepens our kiss and one of his hands trails up my body to latch onto my naked breast, softly kneading the blemished flesh there, as I grind into him and feel him harden more beneath me.

I’m so lost in my irrational mind, that I don’t hear the door open. I don’t hear the shocked voices but Max does. He turns his head and I naturally turn mine too, to see Isabel and Liz standing just inside the door, their mouths hanging open, and their eyes wide.

My eyes are uncontrollably drawn to Liz, her face a real picture. She looks at Max with pain in her eyes and a disbelieving look, and then her eyes shift to me, sitting in her husband’s lap with his hand on my breast, he still hasn’t moved it.

“Liz,” Max squeaks out, his voice shaking, and I’m instantly pulled back to the year when Max was making a fool of himself with Tess and I was the shoulder that Liz cried on. And here I am doing just what Tess did.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I say lamely, finally pulling away from Max, looking at Liz.

“Then what is it, Maria,” Liz says, her voice steel, and I cringe at the way she spits out my name, with anger and disgust.

I scramble up from Max, “I just,” I look down at Max, his eyes anywhere but on me, “I just needed…..”

“I guess being a whore is a hard habit to break,” Liz says vehemently, and I shudder. I hate that word.

“Liz,” Isabel says sternly.

“No, Isabel,” Liz cries, “I’m fed up with walking on eggshells around her.” She turns to me. “For god’s sake Maria put your shirt back on.”

I lean over to pick up my t-shirt back up and slip it on quickly. I turn to Max, “I’m sorry, Max” I say softly.

“No,” Liz screams coming more into the room. “You don’t get to talk to him; you don’t get to say sorry, Maria.”

“But,” I try but she stops me again.

“Michael’s dead Maria, you need to face the facts and move on,” she says, her voice steady. I take a step back from her, in shock. “We all lost him that night, we all miss him but he’s not here anymore and you can’t keep using him as an excuse for your pitiful life.”

“I never asked anyone to pity me,” I say back my own anger raising.

“But they do, we do,” she says again, taking a step closer to me. “Poor Maria, her boyfriend died, poor Maria, her baby died. Well you know what. Poor Maria killed her own baby when she tried to kill herself.”

I stumbled back from her at her words, and they vibrate against me as I hit the wall behind me, thankful that there is something to hold me up. But the wall doesn’t work and I crumble to the floor.

Isabel and Max are looking at Liz in shock, and Liz is looking at me and I think I see hurt in her eyes, hurt for herself and regret at what she has said. She takes a haltering step toward me. “I’m……I’m sorry Maria, I shouldn’t have…..”

“No,” I stop her, holding my hand out. “Don’t.” I look up at her. “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

Liz is crying now and I look passed her to see Isabel with her hand over her mouth and tears streaking her face. I don’t look at Max but I can feel him, feel his presence, just as much as I can feel His.

He is couched next to me, his eyes full of sorrow and regret. “Don’t” I say to him.
I look back to Liz.

“I was right Liz,” I say softly. “Remember when all this started and I told you they would ruin it for us with any other men. Well it’s true. No one can give me what I need, what Michael gave me, that’s why I started with the drugs.” I think this is the most I have said to Liz since she first arrived. And now that I have started I can’t stop.

“I needed something, for that high that only He could give me. Alien sex, accept no imitation! I was trying to make some money so I was with this guy and I could stop crying. I felt like I was betraying him, you know, so he gave me something, a pill and I took it and I was flying. It was almost the same, you know. But then I needed more and I didn’t have the money to pay for so I did what I needed to do for the money, and he became a regular.” I stop again, my eyes wandering around the room. I look at Isabel and then back to Liz.

“Then he started offering me to others and I needed more drugs to be able to do it and I needed to do it to get the drugs to give me that high and to help me forget, then I needed something stronger. It was a vicious circle but you know what, it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t forget. Because he wouldn’t leave, he just watched. I always knew he was a perv.”

I pause and look at the shattered alien beside me.

“I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that I am whore, a drug addict or the look in his eyes every time I was with another man.”

There is silence is the room after I had finished. I look at the floor, disgusted with myself and my actions. Then I feel her move and Liz sits next to me on the floor.

“I’m sorry Liz,” I say, though I don’t look at her. “I’m so sorry but I had to try.”

“Try what?” she asks me softly.

“Max,” I say simply. “I thought if I do Max he might actually leave, he won’t be able to take that Max touched me, that Max fucked me.” I ignore the look on Liz’s face and look over to Isabel.

“Please Isabel,” I plead, “I need him to leave me before I truly lose my mind.”

I stand quickly and turn to where he is kneeling on the floor. “Why won’t you just leave me, I don’t want you here anymore.”

I know what I must look like to the others, screaming at thin air, but they just don’t see him and I wish they could.

Isabel walks over to me and places her hand on my shoulder and my voice halters, the words dying in my throat.

“I want….. I want……,” I crumbled against Isabel again, “I want you to hold me, to touch me, to love me.”

Liz come up to my other side and surprisingly wraps her arm around me and I cling to her. “I’m so sorry, Liz, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry Maria, I shouldn’t have said what I did,” she says softly.

“But it’s true. What you said is true. I killed her.” I can’t say anymore and I fold back to Isabel.

Isabel holds me close and I cry. I thought I would have used up all my tears by now, but no they still fall so easily. “He won’t leave me Isabel,” I croak against her. “I can feel his touch, his breath; I can see him, hear his stupid music. He’s always here.”
I hold my hand out to Isabel and she grabs my hand lightly. I look over to Him and see him nod and I tentatively press her fingertips across my temples and Isabel is bombarded with images that I finally let her see.


Michael kissing Maria that first time in the CrashDown.

Michael walking away from her after killing Pierce.

Maria seeing Michael with Courtney.

Michael giving her pearl earrings for Christmas.

Michael and Maria lying together the first time they made love.

Michael walking out of the pod chamber.

Maria walking away from Michael.

Michael and Maria making love after he gave her her ring.

Michael disappearing in a burning building.

Maria seeing Michael standing outside that first motel they stayed in after the fire.

Michael begging her not to take the tablets and then watching over her in the hospital.

Maria being offered a small pill and she takes it.

Maria being held down as someone rapes her while she’s high.

Maria on her knees in front of another man.

Maria having two men inside her.

Maria crying throughout it all, crying for Michael to save her, to help her, and Michael watching it all, a sad look on his face.

Maria lying on a dirty mattress as numerous people abuse her body, fresh needle marks on her arms.

Michael lying next to her, stroking her hair, whispering in her ear, Maria shaking her head to rid the image.

Michael standing holding the hand of a small girl with brown curly hair and piercing green eyes.

I take Isabel’s hand away from my head. “I’m sorry,” I say, “but he won’t leave me no matter what I do he won’t leave me. Help me Isabel please.”
Isabel looks to the corner and actually see’s Michael; see’s the torment in his eyes. “Help her Isabel,” he pleads.
Last edited by Pixie-Maria on Sun Sep 23, 2012 9:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Shattered. (CC,M&MATURE), Chapter 10 09/30/12 Complete.

Post by Pixie-Maria » Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:02 am

Hello to all.

This is the last chapter for this fic.
I hope you have all enjoyed reading it and thank you for staying with it when things got really rough.

Thank you to those of you that have left feedback, it was greatly appreicated.

Thanks as ever to Ginger for the banner that she created for this fic and for being a great beta and giving me valuable advice.

And so on to the final chapter.

Chapter: 10.

Isabel’s POV

'I’m shocked. I can honestly say I’m shocked. I can see him, wait, now I can’t he’s gone. Did I really see him or was it just my imagination. One minute he was pleading with me to help Maria and the next he was gone. Is this what it’s like for Maria; Michael flashing in and out of her life?'

In the silence that is only marred by Maria quietly crying, Kyle comes in, his arms loaded with the groceries.

He stands there, seeming to take in the room. “What did I miss?” he asks, slightly bummed.

I give a short snort of a laugh. Oh my god, what to tell him. That Liz and I walked in to find Maria grinding down on Max with his hand on her breast or Maria finally breaking and telling us how she started on the drugs, or my personal favorite, Maria showing me her fucked up life and me seeing a ghost.

Though of course, this is not my first encounter with the spiritual world. Maybe that’s why I’m so open to what she is seeing. Maybe that’s why I could see Michael whereas Max and Liz couldn’t.

Of course nobody knows about my ‘visits’ with Alex. Maybe it is something we aliens can do. I saw Alex for months after he died. Max helped Liz see her grandmother. And now Michael won’t leave Maria.

I don’t understand. I don’t understand him. How can I help Maria, help her come to terms with his death if he won’t leave her? What did I do? What did I do to get Alex to stop visiting me?

I think back desperately, with Maria still crying in my arms, back to when Alex died and the last time I spoke to his spirit just after he died. I had to give him up, I had to move on. I had to have closure. I told him I loved him. That was my closure, to say something I hadn’t said to him when he was alive.

So what does Maria need for her closure and more importantly what does Michael need?

“Maria,” I say quietly. “What do you most regret?”

Maria looked at me, confusion evident in her face. “What don’t I regret,” she says softly.

I swallow, nervously. “About Michael,” I say. “What do you regret the most about Michael’s death?”

Maria looks at me like I’ve grown three heads. “Apart from him dying you mean,” she says sarcastically.

“Yes, obviously,” I say, regretting the way I asked the question.

Maria looks around the room, and to the place where Michael was a few minutes ago and then back to Max.

She shakes her head, as if shaking images or thoughts from her head and then she stands.

“Did you get my smokes,” she asks Kyle as she walks across the room to him, reverting back to silent Maria. The Maria who doesn’t talk about her feelings.

“Sure,” Kyle says pulling the packet from his pocket.

“Let’s go then, Buddha Boy,” she calls as she heads for the door. She doesn’t wait for him and Kyle is forced to follow her.

I turn to Max and Liz.

“There’s something she’s not saying. There’s something she's holding in and she needs to let it go, she needs closure so she can start to heal and Michael can leave her.

“Why do you say that?” Max asks.

“You know we’ve all reacted really badly to this whole Michael business,” I say and Max and Liz just look at me waiting to continue.

“We all dismissed that Michael was here with her, and really we are the last people who should think that.” I pause again looking at their blank stares.
“Oh come on you, two grow a brain. We’re alien’s for God’s sake. Liz saw her dead grandmother, so she could say goodbye, I saw Alex,”

“What?’ Liz practically screams.

“I saw Alex, many times after he died, until I told him I loved him” I continue.

“Max saw that dead guy killed that Christmas, until he saved all those children. Who’s to say Maria's seeing Michael because she hasn’t had her own closure?”

“And how do we do that? He’s here with her every day; she can say whatever she wants to say to him whenever she wants to say it,” Max says.

“So we need to find out what she’s keeping inside,” Liz added.

“Yes,” I say with a smile. “Because there has to be something, something she doesn’t want to say because she's afraid. Afraid of hurting us or hurting herself.”

“Probably both,” Max says.

Maria and Kyle come back and Maria seems calmer and I regret the need to push her more.

“Maria, come and sit down,” I say gently.

“Oh God, are you my therapist now?” she says but she still walks over and sits down.

I sit next to her on the couch and turn to the others to see them all looking at me. Well I guess it’s down to me.

“I never told anyone but,” I start and then I pause and take a deep breath, “when Alex died, I used to see him.”

I watch as Maria looks at me with her eyes wide.

“At first it was just in my dreams but then it was while I was awake, especially just before Jesse asked me to marry him,” I say.

“Isabel….” Maria tries to interrupt, her voice shaking a little.

“I thought I was going insane,” I continue and Maria snorts a little at that, “but I never thought that Alex meant me any harm. It was me, I was keeping him around. He was like my anchor and he stayed with me until I was ready to let him go.”

Maria shifts her head a little to the corner of the room and I see fear and despair in her eyes. I guess it was fear that Michael would finally leave her and despair because, ha, Michael would finally leave her.

“I’m not ready,” she says in a low whisper.

“Yes you are,” I say to her. “You’re getting stronger every day Maria but something is holding you back and holding Michael here.”

I look again to the others and they just look back at me intently. She looks like she wants to say something and I hold my breath and watch as again her eyes flick over to Max and I pick up on it this time.

“Was it Max?” I say my eyes flickering over to my brother and I see him straighten up a little. She looks away again and back to the corner.

“Did I do something, Maria?” Max asks as he stands and walks over to us. I watch Maria flinch a little and Liz tense up. “Did I do something to hurt you?” Max continues as he squats down in front of her.

Maria looks at him, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.

“You left him,” she whispers, her eyes on the floor. “You left him there in that corridor and you made me leave him.”

I look at Max as her words hit me. I wasn’t there in the corridor when Michael split from them to go and save that young boy but Max had told me what had happened.

He had poured his soul out to me about a month after Maria had left us. About how he had wanted to follow Michael, how he had needed to follow Michael but he had understood that Michael was placing the only thing he cared about, the only person he loved, in his care. Maria, and he needed to get her out there, for his brother, for all the times he had let him down in the past. So he did, he got her out and was prepared to return for Michael, before the explosion. And he had failed him again as Michael died and he couldn’t keep Maria save.

I watch as a million emotions run over his face, because he too blames himself for leaving him.

I turn back to Maria and she is now staring at Max, her anger building.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Max Evans, to have that control over people? You are not a king Max. You had no right to make those choices,”

“Michael made that choice, Maria,” Max said soothingly, and I know he’s only just holding it together.

“But you didn’t have to leave him, you could have gone with him, he might still be alive if you did,” she cried.

“If I’d have followed him, then 4 people would have died that night, because you wouldn’t have left him in there and Liz wouldn’t have left you,” Max said his voice steady.

“I did die, Max,” she said softly, her eyes on the floor again. After a few seconds she says, “I hate you.”

“I can understand that,” Max said softly.

“Not you, Max,” she says as she looks back up at him. She stands and walks over to the corner.

“I hate you,” she says to the figure that nobody can see and we all know she doesn’t mean it.

Maria’s POV

I stand there looking at him as he stares intently back at me, my body shaking slightly.

“I hate you, I repeat, not thinking how foolish I look to the others, talking to a wall.

“No you don’t,” he smirks back me.

“Just stop,” I scream, “leave me alone, move on, go toward the light, just go.” My breath is heavy with my anger and I don’t really know who I’m angrier with. With Max for leaving him to die, with Him for refusing to go, or with myself for refusing to let him go.

“I can’t, not yet,” he says softly.

“For fucks sake, Michael,” and I stop. My heart is pumping violently and I’m sure my mouth is hanging open. I said his name. I said his name out loud. And I’m not drunk, I’m not high I’m perfectly in control of my voice. My hands come up to my mouth as if they could pull the word back out of the air and push it back in. My shoulders give a sob, and my body begins to shake. I stand there looking into his sad eyes and before I can stop myself I lower my hands.

“Michael,” I whisper again.

He takes a step forward, a soft smile playing on his lips and I heard 4 people take in a sharp breath.

“He’s really here,” Liz says, even now still surprised, and I turn back to them. “You can see him?’ I ask and I’m answered with 4 nods.

He steps forward again and I can feel his hand against my arm and I have to look down to see if it’s real or my imagination. Sure enough his hand is against my arm and I can feel the very texture of his skin, surprisingly warm and still so inviting. He runs his hand up my arm and I watch as my my eyes widen and he steps forward again, his other arm out and then, I’m in his arms again, after 3 years of wanting this, he is holding me and I can smell him and feel him and I collapse against him, my body shaking as I break down and cry.

Isabel’s POV

We are all pretty much in shock here as we watch a dead man fall to the ground and gently rock the love his life as she cries in his arms.

I look over to Max and then to Kyle and they both look at me with disbelief in their eyes.

I take a tentative step forward. “Michael,” I say my voice strangely low.

He looks up at me and gives me a brief smile before turning his attention back to Maria. I heard Liz sit down hard on the couch, her face is probably a picture but I can’t tear my eyes away from the couple in front of me.

“Don’t leave me,” Maria whispers in between her sobs.

“I have too,” he says gently. “I stayed because of the baby,” he continues, “I needed to make sure you were both ok. But then she died and I needed to make sure you were ok,” he places a soft kiss against her forehead and I hear Maria’s breath hitch at the feeling. “But you were never ok so I had to stay to keep you alive Maria. You have to live.”

I can feel the tears rolling down my face, listening to the anguish in his voice as he explains to her and to us why he was still here.

“I can’t,” she whispers barely audible, “not without you.”

“Yes you can, Maria,” he says, “you have so much to live for.”

She shakes her head.

“You know what you have to do,” he says, “Isabel will help you,” he adds as he looks up to me again.

I take a step over to them. “What I can do to help, Maria,” I ask, “just tell me and I’ll do it.”

Maria again shakes her head, this time more sharply as if to refuse whatever thoughts she has.

“It’s ok Maria,” Michael says soothingly, “it’s ok to let my go because you know I’ll always be with you in your heart.”

I sniff again at his words. Who knew Michael could be so sentimental. Maria shakes her head at his words though.

“How can I go on without you?” she asks weakly.

“Because you’re Hurricane Deluca,” he says simply with a smile. “Nothing stands in your way, you see what you want and you go after it until you have it.”

We all smile at that, and I’m reminded again of how she would never give up on him. And now that was what she had to do. She needed to give up on him.

“You have to want to survive Maria, please,” Michael says. “Just this once will you listen to me and do as I ask.”

Maria looks up at him and her look takes my breath away. I don’t think I will ever see such a look of love and devotion again in my life. I know I love Kyle and I know he loves me but the look that these two people share breaks my heart.

She raises her hand and gently caresses his cheek and we all just watch and I have this feeling that his words are breaking through, that she is ready to let him go.

“You were never buried,” she says quietly to him. She turns to us and continues. “We just left him there. We don’t even know if he has a grave stone. I don’t know if….. what if they took his body. Why did you make me leave him?” and she settles back against his chest, crying.

Now I understand; she never saw him buried. One day he was there and the next he wasn’t and we dragged her away from that place before he was laid to rest. That’s her closure; this is what she needs to see.

I look to Michael and he nods his head and I know this is what I have to do, what we have to do, for us all I guess.

We have to go back to see if he was buried properly and if not we need to sort something out so Maria can finally lay him to rest.

Maria’s POV

Twenty years later.

I am comfortable in my bed, watching the wind blow through the trees outside my window. It’s getting late and I’m so very tired.

I turn my head when someone enters my room and I smile weakly as Isabel moves further into the room.

She sits next to my bed and she holds onto my hand.

“It’s been a pretty wild ride,” I say softly with a wry smile.

“Yes it has,” she agrees with a sad smile. “You never did make things easy, Deluca.”

“Easy is over rated,” I grin back at her and watch as a tear falls from her eye.

“Hey,” I say, trying to make my voice strong. “We promised. No tears.”

She nods with a smile as she wipes the wetness away. I know she’s upset, they all are. They think I’m foolish for not asking for help, but I don’t want it.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago with a brain tumor. Max offered to heal me but I didn’t want that. I’ve tried so hard to live without any ‘alien intervention’ and I wasn’t about to start now. So I put my trust in the medical profession. 2 operations, radiation and chemotherapy later and its beaten me.

I now lay here dying and I’m tired and ready to go.

I did make a go of my life after returning from White Haven, Pennsylvania. Michael had been buried by the family of the boy whose life he had saved and they attended his grave every month. The special unit hadn’t captured his remains as I had feared and he had been given a hero’s burial with members of the fire station that attended the fire in attendance.

We made a sorry group at his grave site. At first I refused to leave and Kyle very nearly had to bodily lift me from the ground to carry me away but as I watched Michael turn away from me and walk away, I knew that I had to walk away too; For my own sanity and that of the four people with me.

I’m not saying it was easy because it was anything but and I’m sure I caused Isabel to have a few grey hairs over my antics but I survived. We all survived.

I made the monumental decision to return to Roswell, to see my mother and to heal after he finally moved on. And I stayed.

Mom had finally married Jim Valenti 2 years after we had left and I lived with them and I began to write. I wrote a children’s book about aliens from another planet and my mom secretly took it to a publisher. When I found out I went ballistic with her, thinking I had put my friends in danger, but after gentle persuasion I agreed to it being published under the pen name of Margarita Salt. Within a year it was one of the top 10 children’s books in the country.

For months after it was first published I lived in terror that the Special Unit would turn up and whisk me away and demand to know where the ‘Aliens’ were. But they never came.

I took the money my book made and bought a huge house and I took in foster kids.

It was hard at first, with my history of drug and alcohol abuse, but in the end I guess that helped as the powers that be decided that because of my back ground I would be perfect for helping the kids who were teetering on the edge of destruction.

I called my house ‘Guerin House’ and it became the place for kids who no one else wanted, kids that society had almost given up on. I wouldn’t say it was eas because it wasn’t, but I had my mom and Jim who helped also.

Then Isabel and Kyle moved back with three kids of their own in tow; Alex, Paige and Jamie. Isabel worked at West Roswell High as a Guidance Counselor and Kyle opened his own garage.

Three years later and Max and Liz came home too. Liz had finally gone back to school and obtained her degree in Marine Biology, but returned home to run the CrashDown with Max when her father had a stroke. They had twin girls; Charlie and Claudia.

One of my girls started work at the CrashDown and I laughed the first time I saw her in the uniform that I insisted Liz keep.

I never married but I did have a few romantic interludes, always ending them before they got too serious. I had let Michael go but he never left my heart and I just couldn’t make that extra step and give my heart to another.

Colin visited me once, pleased that I was finally back to myself. He was so shocked the first time he saw me with my blond hair, immediately saying it suited me more than the black. He stayed with me for nearly 3 months before moving on. I think he found it a little unnerving when he got several weird looks from the people of Roswell. Kyle said it was his striking resemblance to Alex that did it. I cried when he left, cried for days because he, and Alex, were leaving me again but he promised to return. He never did.

Now the doors of Guerin House are closed; temporally. When I go, Isabel and Kyle will take over and continue to help the mistreated kids of Roswell.

I hear Isabel sniff again as she forces another tear back and I smile at her.

The door opens again and Kyle, Liz and Max trail in and I smile weakly to them all. Liz sits next to me opposite Isabel.

“Please,” she begs. “Please Maria, let Max heal you.”

I shake my head. “Don’t cry Lizzie,” I say softly, “be happy.”
She smiles thinly back to me.

We have had this conversation so many times over the last 2 years, not just with Liz, but everyone who’s in the “I know an Alien club"; they have all tried to get me to let Max heal me.

But I don’t want that. I did what he asked me to do; I made a go of my life. I helped many teenagers who were like him and who just needed someone to look out for them. And now the higher beings had decided to give me what I have wanted for so long.

“He’s here,” I say to them softly and laugh a little when all their head snaps up and they look over instinctively to the corner and I nod my head.

My Spaceboy is back, and this time I’m going with him.