Eve
Carolyn
sarammlover
roswelllostcause
saori
Alysluv
dreamon
Thank you so much for your amazingly sweet fb, so needed it, thank you again carolyn, thank you for any lurkers. So appreciate the support.
Chapter six
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
James Baldwin
James Baldwin
It had been three days since Liz had been abruptly, mercilessly, ripped into a world that had been hidden behind a veil of a hideous nightmare and a beautiful truth.
Unable to let her leave on her own, he used his powers to seal the doors and windows leaving her no choice but to stay downstairs away from him while her memories continued to file in like uninvited guests.
Various ages and events, most horrifying, utterly unimaginable, but others, the ones that came as she slept, were nothing less than wondrous and magical.
He left her alone to work it out, if that were even possible, leaving food outside along with a gentle knock to let her know he was there when she was ready to talk.
But he wouldn’t let her go, the thought not even a possibility in his mind.
Sometimes he could hear her sobbing quietly, but mostly he heard furniture being smashed against the cement walls, glasses, plates being flung against the door.
Liz wasn’t just angry, she was furious, but as far as communicating with him there was nothing, not a word.
The silence tormented him, eating alive from the inside out, it was agonizing.
During the night he’d lean his back against the door at the bottom of the stairs till morning just hoping she break down and let him in.
By Wednesday night he was desperate, he could hear her pacing back and forth, stilling in front of the door.
He could feel her staring at the wood that separated them, knowing that he was there, his body blocking the light, his heart racing feeling her near.
Liz wasn’t giving in, and Max wasn’t giving up, they were at a crossroads, the tension growing with each day, every moment that passed between them making the barriers that kept them apart almost non existent.
By Thursday she had become completely silent, no crying, hardly any movement, nothing.
After a quick shower he dressed throwing a tee shirt on over worn jeans ripped from working outside.
Exhausted and drained he barely bothered to dry himself off leaving the clothes to cling to his body as his raked his wet hair back with his shaky hands.
Staring down the narrow dark staircase he felt conflicted, confused, torn up inside.
It was so clear all those years ago, his decision to save her, to sacrifice himself, he knew in his gut it was the only choice, he felt it so strong in his heart, to let her go, as painful as it was, it was right, he was right.
But now, after everything, after seeing the look in her eyes, as if he was a monster, as if he had destroyed her life, nothing made sense, nothing seemed… right.
Walking down the steps as he had done night after night, his hands slid down the walls as he attempted to keep his balance.
It had been days since he had eaten, his head was dizzy, his stomach too sick to even think of food.
As he reached the bottom of the stairs he turned and sank to the floor leaning his back against the door letting his head fall back and his eyes close.
It was hours till he heard her, once again pacing, halting right where he blocked the light on the other side of the door, her breathing shallow and quick, as if her mind was working out something important that she couldn’t quite form into words.
Max couldn’t take it anymore, he imagined the worst, her hatred for him growing stronger, uglier with every second.
They couldn’t go on like this, she wasn’t his to keep, she wasn’t a prisoner, this had to end.
Placing his hand on the door lightly he turned resting his cheek as his damp hair fell across his sad golden eyes.
“Liz… please... “
His voice cracked with emotion as he stopped to catch his breath taken off guard as waves of pain washed over him like shards of glass slicing into his skin.
“Please talk to me.”
The raw honesty, the despair in his voice, it was palpable as she turned towards the door, feeling utterly alone she couldn’t help but be drawn to his voice even though her anger was storming inside her.
He rested his head back against the door feeling empty, vacant as if there was nothing left.
Suddenly he opened his eyes, his body stiffened, his heart hammered, as he felt her on the other side of the door.
Mirroring him she slid down to the floor pulling her knees up to her chest, with nothing separating them but a thin piece of wood.
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
Her voice was direct, her words lined with betrayal and disbelief hardened with a mixture of sadness and rage that ripped straight through him.
Worried that one wrong word would send her back into silence, shutting him out again, he looked up to the ceiling trying to calm his beating heart.
“It’s ok… just please don’t go.”
Closing her eyes, her long lashes fluttered with emotion at sound of his deep, gravelly tone that sounded so different, so foreign, like a man, a man she did not know, nothing like the sweet, velvet voice of the boy in the memories that continued to flood her, gushing like a busted dam.
Her head fell into her hands as her stomach twisted in knots.
“You… you don’t sound the same. It’s like… I don’t know who you are. I don’t know you, the you that you are now.”
Groaning letting her head fall back against the door she gritted her teeth.
“God, now I really do sound crazy.”
Shaking his head he wrung his hands together as his knees bounced nervously up and down.
“No, you don’t, I can’t imagine what you must be going through Liz, but you’re not crazy.”
A desperate seed of hope began to grow deep inside him as her voice softened slightly.
Licking the tears from her lips, she weakly smiled as if she was seeing into the past, like scenes from a movie playing out before her.
Feeling her anguish he fought against forcing the door opening and taking her in his arms, needing so much to comfort her, but he was frozen, stuck, not the boy he was, not a man anyone knew, he was but ghost, suspended in time, a time that until now only existed within the prison of his own mind.
“The flashes, are they disjointed? I-I mean are they coming to you in order of time, of when it all began?“
Liz was shaking now, listening again to the deep aged tone of his voice talk to her as if he was someone talking her through a bad acid trip.
She didn’t want to give him anything, not one bit of assurance that he was helping, not one inch of herself, but the isolation she felt was paralyzing, tearing into the very fabric of who she thought she was, of what she knew to be real.
She wanted him to feel the pain she was feeling, and nothing could do that like the truth, as she now had learned.
Standing she rested her hand on the doorknob shocking him as he stood quickly, breathlessly watching as the door slowly began to open.
Max waited feeling as if he needed her permission to enter the room, remaining on the threshold of the doorway, an imaginary line dividing them.
Liz stared at him gazing slowly over his body, and face, her mind drifting briefly away from the moment at hand, taking in the man he had become.
It seemed as though weeks had passed in that basement, weeks spent deep in the memory of seventeen year old Max Evans.
Liz blankly looked over his face, his wet hair as it swept along his intense stare, his clothes as they clung to his slick skin, the stillness of his breath as he held it straining his lungs waiting for her to speak.
Slowly she began to give him what he wanted, as if purposely holding hostage words that he was starving for.
The boy she knew had become patient, hardened, there was no trace of the insecure, vulnerable sweetness that alway seemed to be there lingering just behind the beautiful glow of his amber eyes.
But as guarded and tough as he was she knew he was waiting, hanging on her every word.
He had invaded her mind, stolen her memories, taken from her everything she held dear leaving her with an unsettling, confusing, numbing feeling that something wasn’t right, that there was something just out of her reach.
She knew in that moment he had no idea of the depth of destruction his mindwarp had caused her life.
“It’s coming all at once… graduation, the bridge, saving my life, Tess… Alex.”
Max went to step closer to her, needing to hold her, to help her in some way but her hand pressed against his chest preventing him.
Stretching his arms out to grasp the doorway, clutching the wall, he breathed in deeply feeling as if he was in some kind of purgatory, a tragic limbo, caught between the past and the present as he painfully stared into the eyes of the woman he didn’t recognize but knew as if he knew his own heart.
He opened his mouth to give some kind of apology for Tess, for the death of Alex, for all of it, but after the slaughter of graduation night and all the time that past, it seemed wrong or useless in some way.
She cut him off before he could get a word out, looking earnestly up towards him as if seeing this particular moment was being played out in the reflection of his eyes.
“There’s one memory, it won’t leave me, it keeps repeating itself over and over in my sleep mostly, it’s the most vivid one, it’s as if I can feel the wind in my hair, smell the smoke from the fireworks, taste the strawberry gloss I wore on my lips that night. I relive it, I … live… through it. It’s more real to me than anything else, and for days I couldn’t figure out why, but last night it came to me, why it was so important, why it just wouldn't leave me.”
Swallowing hard, digging his nails into the wood frame of the doorway he tensed every muscle in his body trying to prepare himself.
Taking a deep breath she smiled watching it again mirrored in his gaze, lost, sucked back into those few minutes in time that meant so much, that changed her life forever.
“It was the night of the festival, the night you, Isabel and Michael were going to leave. Remember? I had this crazy plan to trick Valenti. God how crazy we were, I couldn't imagine letting you go, never seeing you again. I can feel that right now, those butterflies in my stomach every time you looked at me. I would've done anything, absolutely anything for you. To keep that feeling, that amazing feeling alive, there, between us.”
Tilting her head her smile disappeared seeing her younger self and all the innocence that shone in her eyes.
“I remember.” Max tentatively, painfully answered.
Nodding Liz sighed, “The flash is us standing on that mountain, looking down at everyone, we were alone, you fixed my hair. I can still feel chills rushing through me when you touched me. Looking at you, I knew, I was never more sure of anything in my life. I loved you, it was the very moment I knew without question. I felt it so strong, in my bones, my heart, my everything … I’d follow you … anywhere, to the ends of the Earth. I knew I was in love with you, in that moment, with that wind, you touching me, the taste of that strawberry gloss on my lips. I can taste it right now, it all still feels so real.”
Stunned by her words, struck by the sweetness of her voice, of the scene playing out before them, so real he felt as if he was back there too, he moved closer once again feeling the strong resistance of her palm of her hand against his chest.
“No, you see, that boy… it was him I loved, it was him that I devoted my entire life to. I don’t know you. You’re a stranger to me, and Max I’m a stranger to you. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me. We’re not those kids anymore. What we had, yes it was love, but you wiped it away. It's gone, and now it’s time to let me go.”
Hanging his head Max did he best not to crumbled before her, her plan had worked, he was gutted, sliced open, broken by the one thing he had to hold onto all these years.
After everything, it never occurred to him that if for some reason the mindwarp would fail she wouldn’t love him, that it all wouldn’t come flooding back, they were forever, this… this wasn’t possible.
Turning his voice ice cold he refused to look her in the eyes as he quietly recoiled back into himself.
“You can’t leave.”
Rageful eyes glared up at him as she stormed towards him ready to plow right past him.
“Michael called, he was worried, he went by your house, it’s covered with FBI agents. Dr. Dexton talked to the police, he says he has proof you’re unstable. The police were notified, your work, everyone’s looking for you. They knew who you were, that you were remembering, he just needed to be sure. Michael believes there's a tape we don’t have out there, you must have said something. At any rate, they’re looking for you Liz, and if they find you, they’ll put you away, for good. They will never let you go. They'll turn your mind into mush searching for answers about me. The life you knew is over.”
Slamming her fists into his hard chest she screamed in frustration.
“What the hell am I going to do?”
Letting her inflict her anger on him he stiffened up, cementing his old walls, becoming that stranger again.
“Michael’s working on it, we’re getting you a new identity. He’s getting you a passport, you need to leave the country, somewhere safe, but it’s going to take time.”
Grabbing her hands he pushed her away before reaching for the doorknob.
“Michael said it will take at least three weeks, then you’ll be gone. Stay down here, come up stairs, do what you like, I promise you’ll be taken care of. After that… I never want to see you again.”
I'll get you there.