Hello all ...
This here is something I wrote AGES ago ...
It is set after "Cry Your Name", around about the time (or
soon after) when Maria told Michael that her heart couldn't
take him leaving ...
Anyway ... just figured I'd post it .. for the hell of it.
Disclaimer: The author of this fan fiction does not own any aspect of Roswell. Those rights belong to Melinda Metz, Jason Katims, WB, UPN, 20th Century Fox, etc. Disclaimer added by moderator.
Enjoy!
~Nat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Everything"
by NafX
Disclaimer: The characters and lyrics used in this story do not belong to me, and no infringement
of any kind is implied or intended.
Summary: Michael is stunned when Maria decides her heart can't take him leaving her … (Post Cry Your
Name).
Category: Michael/Maria
Rating: PG
Authors Note: Feedback is of course greatly appreciated.
" ...You are the light
to my soul …
You are my purpose
… you’re everything … "
Michael Guerin sat on his lumpy couch in the dark and
stared unblinkingly into space. He could not believe she’d
done it. He kept running the conversation through his
mind, over and over again. Never in a million years would
he have thought that she would be the one to finish things
between them. He understood that she was upset over
the recent death of her life-long friend, hell they all were,
but this … this was something totally unexpected.
She’d walked up to him in the middle of the street and told
him that she needed to talk. Told him that her heart
wouldn’t be able to take his leaving, which she had
accepted was what he would one day do. He couldn’t
blame her for doing it really. It was exactly what he had
been trying to make her understand from the start, but
standing in that street watching her mouth form the words
that would tear her from his arms and heart was like
nothing he could have ever imagined.
He’d tried so hard to keep his heart safe from her. She’d
certainly done everything in her power to make that
impossible and despite his efforts, he’d fallen desperately in
love with the golden haired beauty. Maria DeLuca had
wormed her way into his heart and soul and he was a
changed man. He closed his eyes and sighed, he didn’t
know what he was going to do about it, but he was
determined that something had to be done.
He didn’t want to hurt her and he knew that she was right, he
probably would leave some day. His heart ached at the
thought, it was going to quite possibly be the most difficult
thing he’d ever done in his life but he knew that it was
something he was suppose to do. He never wanted to cause
her pain, even though it was all he seemed to do, and as
selfish as it might be it was too late for him to let her go now.
She was everything to him, he loved her.
Michael was startled out of his thoughts by a tentative knock
at the door. He gave his watch a quick glance and frowned
at the time. Who would be visiting him at this late hour? He
dragged himself off the couch and made his way to the door.
Whoever it was could just turn around and go home, he
wasn’t in the mood for conversation. He pulled open the door
with those very words on his tongue and stopped short as
he saw who was standing on the other side of the door.
"Maria." He said simply. His eyes travelled over her beloved
face and he swallowed passed his dry throat. Maria just
looked up at him in silence for a moment before asking if she
could come inside. "Of course, come in." Michael took a few
steps back and allowed her to enter his shabby apartment.
His mind was whirling over the fact that she was really
standing there in the early hours of the morning.
She glanced around her and folded her arms around her
body as if cold. Michael just stood there mutely, waiting for
her to speak. Finally she seemed to focus on his couch and
headed toward it. Dropping gracefully onto its uneven
surface, she folder her hands in her lap and took a few deep
breaths.
"Michael, I … I have something to say to you." Her voice
wobbled with nerves or barely suppressed emotion, he wasn’t
sure. He walked over and sat at the other end of the couch
and waited for her to continue.
"Please, let me finish before you say anything ok?" Her eyes
pleaded with him to remain silent as she prepared herself for
the task ahead. He just nodded and waited.
"Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am about earlier today. I
shouldn’t have approached you like I did, I didn’t mean to make
a scene, I guess I just wasn’t thinking very clearly". Maria’s
lashes dropped and she studied her nails intently before looking
back up at him.
"I know how hard this has been for us all, I don’t need to tell
you just how in pieces I really am right now. Alex … ", her
voice shook over the word and she squeezed her eyes shut
to stop the tears that threatened to spill over, " … Alex is
gone and I just don’t know how to handle that right now. I’m
not going to be ok for a long time Michael, and the thought of
you leaving me too was just too much to bare."
Michael’s heart ached for her, she was trying so hard to keep
it together.
"Tonight, I spoke to my Mom and she made me realise
something." She looked into his eyes and the look she gave
him melted his heart.
"I love you Michael, I’ve never hidden that fact from you. You
must know how much you mean to me. My Mom reminded
me of just how much and she told me something that I’d not
thought about. She said that loss was a part of life and that if
I hide from it, try to protect myself from it, I’m not living." She
paused to reach out and capture his hand in hers, "And she
was right Michael. I can’t pretend to not love you, to not be
terrified of the day when you go away. I feel like that’s going
to kill me and maybe it will. But if I allow that fear to control
me… what kind of life will I have? "
She released his hand and stood up to walk over to the
window and gaze out at the stars twinkling above. "It’s much
safer to keep myself locked away from people, from pain.
You of all people know what I’m talking about. It’s what I’ve
fought against for so long. You shut me out and I knew why.
I always knew, but never have I understood so well as now."
She turned around and looked down at him seated on the
couch as he was.
"I don’t know what to do Michael. I can’t bare this pain, it’s
eating away at me and I just don’t … ", her voice broke and
the tears began tailing down her face. Michael clenched his
jaw and forced himself to remain seated, she needed to do
this. "… I just don’t know how I’m going to live without you
too". She dropped her tear stained face into her hands as her
knees buckled and she fell to the floor, sobbing
uncontrollably.
Michael sprang out of the chair and dropped to his knees,
gathering her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around
his waist and pressed her face to his chest, her muffled sobs
the only sound in the room. Michael’s heart ached and he
squeezed his eyes shut against his own tears and held her
tight. It seemed as though she would never stop crying and
he finally relaxed his grip enough to look down into her face.
"Maria, I know you love me. I don’t know why you do, I’ve
never given you much reason to, but I’m so thankful. You
were right, I was a coward when it came to my feelings. And
if I could spare you the pain that my leaving will cause you, I
would. But the truth is, I can’t stop loving you either. As
insane as this situation is, as hard as it’s going to undoubtedly
be, I just can’t stop. You mean everything in the world to me
Maria. I can’t imagine ever having the strength to get on that
ship and go, and I know that I’m going to have to find it. But
not right now, not now … "
Maria stopped crying and looked up at him, seeing his love
for her shining through his wet eyes. "People lose loved ones
everyday Michael. That’s part of being human. It’s a fear
that is common to all of us, and I have to learn to live with
that. I guess it’s all part of growing up. None of us know how
long we have on this earth, and we have to live each day like
it’s going to be our last." She paused to brush Michael’s hair
off his face, "I’m going to stop being a coward and embrace
life, I’m going to hold onto you as hard as I can, for as long
as I’m able. It’s all any of us can do."
Michael looked down into her face and saw for the first time
since Alex’s death her features form a watery smile. He felt
his heart grow lighter and a similar smile curved his lips.
"And I promise you I’ll do the same."
The End.
Everything (M/M, YTEEN) Complete
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