Author: Moi. Alison or Rowedog, whichever you prefer.
Genre: M/L, I’m beginning to get a bit predictable…
Summary: Liz ran away after Destiny leaving a broken and emotionally closed off Max behind her. Years later, she is on the run fleeing for her life, but from what? And does Liz have a secret that forced her to flee into the night that wasn't related to the aliens? And who is the little girl she's protecting?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Roswell. I am only borrowing them. I also don’t own the song “Space They Cannot Touch” by Kate Miller-Heidke from which I filched the title’s name from. I don’t own “Grace” by Kate Havnevik (I think that’s how you spell it…) and I won’t own any of the songs that will precede the chapters to come.
A/N: This is my first attempt at CC. That’s right, I’m stepping out of my comfortable little hidey hole at AU With Out Aliens. Hopefully, the characters as I see them are believable and fit your view of them too. It’s very intimidating posting here. There’s just so many great authors and fics in here.
I’ve had this idea in my head since I went to Italy in December-January and I came across my writing pad from the trip the other week and this fic was in it, so I reread what I had and now I’m re-obsessed with it.
For those of you who have read/are reading my two other fics, this will be very different. There’s very little fluff and definitely not in the early sections. This is mainly angst, but hopefully not too heavy. You have been warned. Oh, and swearing too. Max gets a little upset...
Please tell me what you think. This chapter will raise more questions than it answers, but hopefully you’ll stick with me.
Thankyou to my beta Steph (thetvgeneral) for putting up with my ramblings on both fics that she is beta’ing for me and for convincing me to post this. I sent her a “brief” synopsis of this fic which was a tad on the long side, poor girl. What can I say? I like little details.
Space They Cannot Touch
Wonderful Banner by Behrsgirl77
I'm on my knees
are left for me to hold
Dont know how
but I’ll get by
Slowly pull myself together
There’s no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace
I feel the cold
Like from another world
Come what may
I wont fade away
But I know I might change
Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace
Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I’ve lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace
*Grace by Kate Havnevik*
Liz scrubbed at the tears gathering on her cheeks and reprimanded herself silently. There wasn’t time for her to breakdown. She needed to keep them alive, to keep them moving. Their survival depended on her keeping a level of togetherness that she didn’t possess.
She hadn’t slept in a week. She hadn’t been able to. The fear kept her going. It couldn’t let her stop. Couldn’t let her deal with her grief. For the first time since this whole mess had started, she was thankful for the all consuming terror. It made forgetting her pain all too easy. Liz knew that if she stopped to think about it, she’d crumble under the weight of her sorrow.
Liz glanced into the back of her battered, but still functional, car to reassure herself that everything was ok. She smiled tensely, her heart clenching painfully at sight of the tiny girl sleeping fitfully across the back seat. She was so young… so pure… too young to be forced to live through something like this. Liz’s gaze flicked back to the road and then back to the girl. Her face, her hair, even some of her facial expressions… she reminded her so much of… Liz’s eyes blurred again as she shut herself of from that train of thought. The pain was too raw… too much. She had to keep going.
The girl tossed in her sleep and Liz bit back the urge to scream in rage and helplessness. She knew that she was suffering another nightmare. Ever since she’d been able to communicate she’d been having them. Liz’s mind railed at the unfairness of it all. Children should be given a chance to be children, to grow up free from fear. Glancing at the tossing head of the precious girl behind her, Liz knew that she would never have that. Even if they somehow escaped and settled down free from all they’d been running from these past couple of years, she’d never have these moments back. She’d always suffer the memory of her lost childhood. She’d always remember what it was like to fear for your life. She’d always suffer the loss of…
Liz turned her mind away from that thought once again and pulled into a cruddy little pay by the hour motel. She remembered when she thought that Michael and Maria had booked a motel room for themselves on the road to Marathon, Texas. Things had been so different then. She had been so different then. Liz glanced around in the darkness and futilely tried to quell the rising panic in her chest.
If Liz had thought that the dark was imposing and dangerous when she’d found out that Max was an alien that was nothing compared to how she felt now. The darkness was most definitely not her friend. While it concealed her, it also concealed him. And there was nothing more terrifying than that thought to her. The possibility that he could be out there, watching her… waiting… biding his time until she was vulnerable...
Biting back at the hysterical panic that gripped her chest, Liz calculated the number of steps from the car to the well lit reception area. All she’d need to do was grab the girl from the backseat, lock the car and dash the ten yards to the door. Easy. Simple. Liz grasped her fraying bag and dilapidated wallet in her hand and then proceeded to count the money in there. She’d been lucky lately; everyone seemed to be unsuspecting of her. A young slip of a girl accompanied by a young child with desperation etched across her face shouted “pickpocket” to Liz, but the business man who she had run into at the mall had thought nothing more of her. By the time he had reached his car, Liz had stripped the wallet of its cash and placed it in lost property.
Liz grimaced at the dexterity with which she’d picked the man’s pocket. She was disgusted with herself for being so skilled at such a deceitful crime. She’d infinitely prefer working all day at the Crashdown than to actually steal from another person. But desperate times called for desperate measures and there was no way she’d be able to stop long enough to find a job. She had to keep going, she had to continue on.
Liz climbed cautiously out of the car, constantly glancing around in the darkness for a sign of movement. She hadn’t seen any cars behind her but she was far too exhausted to realise that he probably wasn’t there. Even if she had realised, she still wouldn’t feel safe. There was no safe anymore, that had died, along with her dreams, a long time ago. Liz opened the door to the back seat and pulled the fatigued little girl into her arms, bumping her head on the top of the door frame in her haste to straighten up.
Soothing the girl’s complaints and simultaneously locking her car, Liz started to move towards the reception area, her head aching from both lack of sleep and the nasty bump she’d received from the door, her eyes blurring and blind terror eating its way up into her chest. Liz began to walk faster towards the door in her haste and nearly tripped over her feet. She was so tense, expecting a hand to grab her out of the darkness or for something to happen. She almost wished something would happen. She just wanted everything to stop. She wanted to stop feeling like this. To stop the never ending fear. To stop the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. To stop the heartbreak. It was all too much.
Liz glanced down at the little girl clinging to her neck as if she was her last salvation and she remembered why she was doing this. For love. Liz clutched the girl tighter to her chest and mentally urged herself through the thick black unknown. She wanted to run, wanted to sprint to the door and throw herself at the mercy of whoever was inside and beg for their protection. But she couldn’t. No one could help her now. Liz sighed in relief when she made it to the front counter and almost collapsed as the tension she’d been holding onto dropped slightly. She hadn’t been stress free for years; she could barely remember what it was like to be carefree and happy.
The guy at the desk snapped awake and grunted in response when Liz asked for a room for the night. She paid in advance and made her way down the line of rooms towards hers. She shoved the key into the lock after much fumbling and glanced around before walking inside and pulling the door shut and locking it tight. She then made her way to the window and locked it tight as well before placing the girl on the bed and rummaging through her bag for their dwindling supply of toiletries.
Liz smiled tersely in a vain effort to ease the girl’s anxieties. Surely this much tension and worry in a child was detrimental to their health and mental well-being. Liz couldn’t help but feel guilty about that, even though, technically, their situation was not her fault. She couldn’t stop the feeling of failure sinking like a lead weight stone in her stomach. She was all she had now. She was the one the girl depended on to keep her safe. And what a mess she’d made of it so far. She wasn’t adept enough to handle these situations, she still felt like a child herself. But, fear kept her moving, kept her going, kept her from breaking down. It was all she had left. All she knew to trust.
Liz waved a tube of toothpaste at her and held up two toothbrushes. “Come on Sweetie, I’ll draw you a bath and we’ll play bubble monsters,” Liz bit back her tears at the memories that she had just unwittingly conjured up at the mention of the bath time game. The girl’s head drooped in sadness and the tiny voice that replied had Liz so angry at herself she felt like bursting into hot tears of frustration and heartbreak.
“No fanks. I don’t weally feewl wike pwaying wight now.”
Liz licked her cracked lips and waited until she could be sure her voice wouldn’t crack before she replied, “Ok, we’ll just draw you a bath then. Come on; let’s brush your teeth and get you all clean for bed.”
Liz led the girl into the bathroom and sat her on the sink so she could brush her teeth, idly rolling her eyes at the notion of getting clean in this place. It had to be dirtier than a toilet bowl in here. But, she would instil good grooming habits on her even if they were a total waste of an effort in here.
Liz drew the bath and joined her. The bath was cramped and Liz knew that she wasn’t going to get very clean from it, but she could see no other alternative. She couldn’t leave the girl alone while she had a shower, and she needed to wash off the grime and residue.
Bath time was a sombre, silent affair. There was no lingering, no playful banter despite the tension as there might have been a few weeks ago. Everything was different now and neither girl nor woman had any idea where to go from here.
Liz dried them off using one of the ridiculously thin towels from the rack and brushed the girl’s hair meticulously before haphazardly running it through her own and settling the girl to bed. Liz climbed in beside her and watched her sleeping. A strange sense of déjà vu crept over her and she suddenly felt a difference within her. It seemed as though time had jumped suddenly. Liz shook off the feeling and succumbed to the weariness now streaking through her body reminding her that she hadn’t slept in a week, not since it happened…
Liz’s eyes flicked to the girl sleeping next to her and pulled her restless form into her arms as she snuggled down in the lumpy bed to sleep. Liz gazed at her and idly wondered as she felt herself shutting down into slumber, when her life had gotten so complicated.
The response flicked through her mind and Liz shied away from it. It was the day that Max had found out his destiny, the day that Liz had ran away…
EDIT: Next Update 15th April