I Can’t Make You Love Me (UC,Ma/Ma,MATURE) {Complete} 04/30

[Midwest Max]

Title: I Can’t Make You Love Me
Author: Karen
Disclaimer: The characters of "Roswell" belong to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, WB, and UPN. They are not mine and no infringement is intended. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” was written by M. Reid and A. Shamblin and recorded by Bonnie Raitt (amongst a plethora of others)
Pairings/Couples/Category: UC – Max and Maria
Rating: Mature
Summary: Maria realizes that she can’t fight destiny and soulmates on her last night with Max
Author's Note: This is a little bit of a departure from my other GZ fics, which usually have a happy ending. For once, I decided to look at the other possible outcome – that Maria really couldn’t keep Max from returning to Liz.

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head

I pull down the comforter, the fabric rustling softly against the sheets. Behind me, I hear the water running in the master bath, the occasional thump of elbows against the shower stall, someone washing away the soils of travel.

He’s happy to be home, all smiles and bouquets of flowers. But I have a secret, and when he finds out my secret, I know he won’t be so happy. I pick up his pillow and hold it to my nose. I wonder how long his scent will linger after he’s gone.

Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

He emerges wet and dripping, droplets of water falling from his dark hair and slapping onto his muscular shoulders. Around his waist, a white bath towel. His body is firm, his smile genuine. He’s so breath-takingly beautiful that it hurts to look at him.

With one swoop, he pulls me against him, his grin widening. My hand lands invariably on his chest; his skin is pink and warm from the shower. He has always liked his water to be scalding. It’s a memory of him that I will hold forever.

Wordless, he pulls closer and starts swaying with the music that is filtering in from another room. I put my face against his neck, close my eyes and inhale his scent. For the first time, I doubt that I can do this.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me

In the time we’ve been together, we’ve never had sex. We’ve only ever made love. As we fall onto the bed together, his eyes never leave mine, those eyes that mirror his soul. He thinks he loves me. He’s thought so for the last three years. But I know he doesn’t. I know he can’t.

I know because he doesn’t ever look at me the way he used to look at her. I do see affection in his eyes and I’ve been blind enough to accept what I could get. His being here is all I wanted. I thought I could make him love me.

But all I’ve done is made him think he does.

I close my eyes, roll my head to the side so that I can’t see the truth in his eyes.

Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

I saw her this morning, my best friend. I hadn’t seen her in four years. And she was just there, beautiful as she always was. She knows about us, of course. Perhaps long ago she accepted it. Perhaps not. Regardless, she embraced me like a lost friend, not like an enemy. She smelled like rose petals.

He doesn’t know she’s here, but tomorrow he will see her. And then he will leave.

He doesn’t know it yet. He hasn’t yet realized that the body beneath his is not the one his yearns for. But he will. I remember what I used to see in his eyes, on his face, when he was with her. I can’t compete with that. I can’t make him love me.

‘Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't

I move with him, clinging to him in near desperation. This is it, this is the last time our bodies will be together, the last time I will hear that little noise he makes when he comes, the last time he will hold me tenderly afterward. I don’t want to let go of him, so I dig my fingernails into his shoulders. He gives a gasp that is a mixture of pleasure and pain. He thinks I’m being feisty. He has no idea I’m slowly losing him.

I hear the CD changer click in the other room, then stop entirely. The mood music is gone now and I hear us instead. Deep breaths, murmured words of affection, the rustle of the bed linens, the slight squeak of the headboard. The sounds of love. It breaks my heart.

Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't

He’s asleep, the apartment silent and dark. I lay motionlessly across him, my ear against his chest. I listen to his slow breathing, the steady, reassuring thump of his heart. My last night to be this close to him. Maybe if I try hard enough, I can keep the sun from rising. Maybe if I try hard enough, I can make him stay with me.

But in my weary heart, I know that’s not going to happen. He was destined to be with her, not me. He says he feels nothing for her, but I know that’s not true. Tomorrow he will realize it and I will lose him. There’s nothing I can do to stop it.

I will be strong. I will be an adult. I will give him up without a fight. I will do all of this because I should.

'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

THE END