Bittersweet
Author: _liz
email: nem_sis@interia.pl
Translator: Amara
category: x-tremer (Alec/Liz); crossover with Dark Angel
rating: Mature
disclaimer: Don't own the characters. But I would like to have my own Alec, hehe...
Summary: It's a shorts story. The first part is Liz's point of view. Her broken heart, her fear. Her world has collapsed. The second part (which is not translated yet) is Alec's narration, about the emptiness he feels inside and the strange feeling, when he observes someone...
I wanted to say 'thank you' to:
~ Amara, for translation and patience
~ Hotaru and Onarek for support in each, wicked moment of my 'story life'
~ and once again thanks Onarek for your banner
1.
I crawl on the cold floor, I pull up my knees to my chest and embrace myself. There is so cold in the apartment. But I don’t have the strength to get up and put on the sweater. So I sit there half-naked, only a T-shirt is covering my body, and I wonder. How in earth I managed to ruin my life? How could I allowed to ruin my life? From the very beginning. First Max, later following events, on which I had no influence. I wanted to have, but I hadn’t. Unfortunately.
If I could, then I would turn back time long before this night three weeks ago. I would turn back the time to that September day and do anything to stop Max from saving me. It would be better for everyone if I had died. Then everything that had happened after that wouldn’t take place. There would be no fear or danger. No suffering because of me. I wouldn’t be cursed.
Alec would be here.
Yes. I guess this thought is the most painful. My body tremors, the yellowish substance drips to my stomach. That’s exhausting. I spent the last three days in the bathroom. I can’t stand up because everything in me twists. I can’t look at food, it makes me vomit. All I can think about is how door slammed. And then there is silence. And after that even longer silence. It lasted three days.
Till the day, when some brunette appeared in his apartment. I didn’t know her and frankly saying I didn’t want to know who she was. Her eyes were red from crying and she was shocked. As if she couldn’t believe that she sees me. And then she said what she was supposed to and promised to help me. I wonder how she wants to help me? My life can’t be normal again. It will be broken just like it was before.
It’s all my fault. First relationship with an alien, from who I ran away into love to another man, this time transgenic. How come I couldn’t fall in love with some boring, ordinary human and lead a normal life with him? Or why hadn’t I died that day. I would like to kill myself. Who knows, maybe I would do it if it wasn’t for this small obstacle. A tiny obstacle that grows everyday.
It is in me. It grows with every second. It develops with every second. In few weeks time my body will switch onto this little creature, that grows in me. Commonly known as baby. I call it madness. We had to be crazy to bring this innocent child into this world. Wait a minute ... nobody asked us for permission, or asked us if we want this. As usual malicious fate picked on us. On me. How will I, a lonely nineteen-year-old girl, deal with all of this?
All of this?
It began six months ago, when I met this hazel eyed know-all. Our paths crossed for good and now we’ve been living together for three months. I had to be a huge secret, because none of his friends knew about me. I’m not angry at him for this.... I know Alec. I knew him ... He would never admit to what was inside of him. He could show his affection, but he never brought his friends into this. His love was for me, and only me, and there was no need for world to know about it. That’s how I perceived his behaviour. But now it turned out that my existence was covered-up because of far more serious reasons.
He wasn’t secure. I knew he was hiding something. I didn’t ask because I trusted him. But when the things started getting serious, he began to lose control. From unknown reasons I couldn’t go outside, he used to look from the windows in the night, he was at home earlier than usually. I felt like a prisoner and my frustration changed into anger. Into rage which caused a huge fight three weeks go. An he told me the whole truth ...
The fact that he was transgenic didn’t scare me. But the fact that Manticore wants to catch him at any cost was like a Damocles sword hanging above my head. Just imagine how horrible and dark thoughts appeared in my mind. I loved him, he made me happy, and there was this threat in the air that he will be taken away from me. That night he told me how life in Manticore looked like, and I couldn’t stop crying. Paranoia. Everything he had lived through, experienced, he was talking about it so with a stone face. And I was crying for him, squeezing his hand. I can’t remember if I slept that night, but I’m sure he didn’t. I could hear his whispers in my head, praying that this hell would never come back.
Then I understood, that he was scared of going back there, but he also was scared of something else. I scared him. The fear for me. When it turned out that I was pregnant, all he could think about was to protect me. To protect us. Maybe I should have let him without a word of protest. But of course Elizabeth Parker had her own reason and somehow wanted to help him. We argued. He slammed the door.
That is when I saw him for the last time.
It’s three maybe four days, and I feel like this pain lasts from ages. The voice of strange girl echoes in my head, telling me that he is gone. He vanished. He may never come back. I would rather cope with his death than with the possibility that he can be there. Behind these great walls. I remember his words, I can see the lights of laser that takes everything away from him. It takes me away from him. It takes him away from me. His hazel eyes full of desire will never look at me again. His soft lips won’t stop my mumbling. His strongly beating heart will be empty, voided of a feeling, that was inside of him. Only silence and emptiness.
Once again my stomach twists, and I jump and land on my knees, letting the yellowish substance and digestive juices to leave my body. I’m weakened, somehow I manage to sit and lean over the bath. But I don’t want to move. I don’t want to lay down. I don’t want anything. I just want this pain to go away. I wish this cursed, tearing me apart feeling would disappear.
But I know it won’t vanish. With every passing day, I will see how I’m changing and this awareness will become stronger. That it’s my fault. That I bring misery on those who I love. That I’m not supposed to be happy. Alec was also bore by fate. He will live in this hell, not knowing that he is a father. That his replica will be here. Only sometimes, a misty memory will appear in his mind, a hunch, that there is something behind the walls. That there is someone waiting for him.
I wish I could turn back time. Few days to stop him from leaving. Few weeks to stop myself from getting pregnant. Few months to stop myself from meeting him. Few years to die ..
I’m filled with this lead, dim gore that lingers in me and makes me lose balance. It rocks calmly my body, front and back. My throat squeezes, to stop me from shouting in despair. But I don’t have tears to cry, I cried them out during these three long nights. Now there are only tear marks that burn on my cheeks, my head hums. My stomach twists and straightens, sending shivers on my body. The world starts to spin and meld. I’m getting weaker ...
I’m getting weaker and weaker. I have no strength to grab the phone and call for help. If it’s meant to end like this so be it. No, there is no hope in me. In a moments like this hope dies with tragic death. It died when the door slammed. It died along with the memory of me. I shut my eyes and let the darkness embrace me. And I have this feeling that I hear a voice. Strange voice. Cold voice.
