My mom finally filed for divorce after 12 years of marriage to my verbally abusive stepfather. Now, the son-of-a-bich (whom we believe to literally be unstable) is contesting it and trying to get my six-year-old brother (who hates him as well) every weekend and Wednesday. He's even threatened to kill my mom! I'm in such a wreck, so I can only imagine how my mom, and brother feel (I know Tay just wants him gone). NE advice or similar experiences?
-Sarah
MESSY DIVORCES
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Zanssoulmate08
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MESSY DIVORCES
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom,
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him.
Go and tell your white knight that he’s handsome in hindsight,
But I don’t want the next best thing.
So I sing, I hold my head down, and I break these walls ’round me.
Can’t take no more of your fairytale love.
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I'm no expert, but if he is being threatening towards your mom, she should definitely report it to the Police. If he is unstable, or even desperate, he could resort to violence. She needs to report him and possibly request for a restraining order. If he is requesting visitation with his son, they could be supervised visits if he could possibly be a flight risk with the child or abusive. Take his threats seriously though and notify the authorities.
La'Shon
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Zanssoulmate08
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thanks for the restraining order idea. I'll mention it to her. We're hoping that his instability will convey itsself in the courtroom, because unfortunatly, without proof, the police say that there's really nothing that they can do.
-Sarah
-Sarah
Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom,
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him.
Go and tell your white knight that he’s handsome in hindsight,
But I don’t want the next best thing.
So I sing, I hold my head down, and I break these walls ’round me.
Can’t take no more of your fairytale love.
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Morning Dreamgirl
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Tape Recorder.
During the next conversation with him, she can record what he's saying and if there is another death threat (which if he's that unstable, there will probably be more than one), it'll be recorded. It'll be proof that he is verbally and emotionally (and possibly physically) abusive. (Physically as in capable of it.)
The restraining order is good, but depending on where you live (since all states have different laws) some are easier to get than others.
I'd also suggest talking to the neighbors as well as family and friends, and just asking them to keep an extra eye on things, if something looks out of place, etc., etc. You can do this without being the bad guy and smearing his name all over (which would be bad for you in court), just so they know that you want to ensure everyone's safety. Make sure that you also talk to the local police who would be responding to your neighborhood, and let them know what's going on, that there have been threats made, so if there is a need to call them, they'll respond more quickly.
My other suggestion would be to get the six year old to talk to a professional therapist or psychologist. I'm sure that it's a trying time for him since it is concerning his biological father. On top of that, if he mentions something about his father's emotional/verbal abuse and it's presented during the divorce/custody hearing (along with the taped threats), the chances of the dad having that much access to your brother is limited - it will also increase the chances of it being survisied.
Now I know that therapy can get expensive, but considering what is going on right now, it's something that I suggest. After all, even when all is said and done, he still has to deal with the fact that it was his father who did all that stuff, and since his father is set on seeing him (and thus causing more problems) some children, regardless of what they say, feel as if such conflict is there fault. He needs to be able to know that it's not, that he's just so special that everyone wants to be around him.
Other than that, unless you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he is an immediate threat to the child, most courts are unwilling to remove the child from contact with the parent completely.
Just get as much physical evidence as you can (i.e. tape, etc.), file a restraining order (and when he breaks it, which he probably will), it will show his disregard for the law, and that, coupled with what Tay says in therapy should help immensely.
Oh! Self Defense classes!
You can sign up for these just about anywhere, even at local YMCA's in some cities. Just an extra precaution you, your sister, and mother might consider, given the fact that he has made threats. Even though it (hopefully) won't come to that, it's always good to know how to defend yourself.
If I think of something else, I'll let you know.
Hope it all works out for you.
Ashley
During the next conversation with him, she can record what he's saying and if there is another death threat (which if he's that unstable, there will probably be more than one), it'll be recorded. It'll be proof that he is verbally and emotionally (and possibly physically) abusive. (Physically as in capable of it.)
The restraining order is good, but depending on where you live (since all states have different laws) some are easier to get than others.
I'd also suggest talking to the neighbors as well as family and friends, and just asking them to keep an extra eye on things, if something looks out of place, etc., etc. You can do this without being the bad guy and smearing his name all over (which would be bad for you in court), just so they know that you want to ensure everyone's safety. Make sure that you also talk to the local police who would be responding to your neighborhood, and let them know what's going on, that there have been threats made, so if there is a need to call them, they'll respond more quickly.
My other suggestion would be to get the six year old to talk to a professional therapist or psychologist. I'm sure that it's a trying time for him since it is concerning his biological father. On top of that, if he mentions something about his father's emotional/verbal abuse and it's presented during the divorce/custody hearing (along with the taped threats), the chances of the dad having that much access to your brother is limited - it will also increase the chances of it being survisied.
Now I know that therapy can get expensive, but considering what is going on right now, it's something that I suggest. After all, even when all is said and done, he still has to deal with the fact that it was his father who did all that stuff, and since his father is set on seeing him (and thus causing more problems) some children, regardless of what they say, feel as if such conflict is there fault. He needs to be able to know that it's not, that he's just so special that everyone wants to be around him.
Other than that, unless you can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he is an immediate threat to the child, most courts are unwilling to remove the child from contact with the parent completely.
Just get as much physical evidence as you can (i.e. tape, etc.), file a restraining order (and when he breaks it, which he probably will), it will show his disregard for the law, and that, coupled with what Tay says in therapy should help immensely.
Oh! Self Defense classes!
You can sign up for these just about anywhere, even at local YMCA's in some cities. Just an extra precaution you, your sister, and mother might consider, given the fact that he has made threats. Even though it (hopefully) won't come to that, it's always good to know how to defend yourself.
If I think of something else, I'll let you know.
Hope it all works out for you.
Ashley
But if he is threatening to kill your mom she should definitly go to the police and make a report about that