To Roswell, With Love (CC, Teen) Part 3 of 3 May 2

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Chione
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To Roswell, With Love (CC, Teen) Part 3 of 3 May 2

Post by Chione »

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To Roswell, With Love</center>

by Chione

Category: CC M/L M/M I/K
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: I don’t own Roswell.
Summary: Ten years after Graduation, Liz Parker writes home.

Authoress’ Notes: This was just an idea that haunted me and wouldn’t go away so I thought I’d write it. Yes, it’s short. There is more, but whether or not I post it depends on how well this is received. It’s not exactly like my other stories, or like any usual story.

So. . . tell me what you think.




Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I don’t have much of an excuse, I suppose. We’ve been on the road a lot, moving from place to place and it’s been hard to find the time. Or maybe I’ve just been avoiding this. It’s easier not to think about how disappointed you must be in me. Here I am, twenty-eight years old, and I don’t have a college education. I didn’t make it to Harvard. Instead, I own a small restaurant with Maria and Isabel. I guess I was born for the restaurant business. Or I guess it’s the only thing I have the education for.

I hope things are going well with the Crashdown.

I suppose you’re wondering, why now? What’s changed that she has time to write us after ten years? Well, I’m a mother now. And I understand what it’s like to have children; I wonder how we could’ve done that to you. How you survived it. My children are my world. I’m sorry for up and leaving. I’m sorry for never saying goodbye. I’m sorry you couldn’t see my wedding, and I’m sorry you’re not here now. I wish so much that things had been different. I wish a lot of things had gone differently.

I had twins. Two little girls, who have their father’s eyes and their mother’s face. They’re already eighteen months old; they’ve gotten so big. We named them Emma and Jayden. Everyone calls her Jade. She’s our little angel, the quiet one, always playing with books and sitting on our laps. She’ll just quietly sneak up next to you and cuddle, and be perfectly content that way. We’re convinced Emma’s the musician. Anytime music is playing she just wiggles and dances and claps. Emma will just run around all day, and she eats so much, yet is so skinny. She doesn’t take medicine well either. Always the drama queen, she’ll make a big deal out of the littlest things and you just kind of have to let her get over her dramatics before she’s reasonable again.

You’d love them both, I know. I wish you could meet them. Maria calls them her little princesses.

Maria’s married. She and Michael tied the knot only a year after Max and I did, and they’re happy. They have their moments, and of course they fight all the time, but they’re happy. They have a child too, a little boy named Caleb. He’s two years older than the twins, and likes to take away their toys or peak into their cribs and get them to cry. It keeps us on our toes.

The twins have started teething, and it keeps them up at night. It was adorable; last night, I was trying to get Jade to go to sleep, but her teeth were keeping her awake. I gave her some medicine, and rubbed her back a little til she fell asleep. The whole time, Emma was sticking her head over the side of her crib and making cooing sounds at Jade. She’s such a little mother, trying to soothe her sister. Whenever Caleb picks on Jade, Emma always gets in between and plays peacekeeper. Jade may be the quiet one, but she’s got a temper and has discovered she can bite. So when Caleb takes her doll, she’ll bite his hand, and then he’ll started crying. It can be a mess. But it’s fun, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.

You should see our apartment, everything is either put away in a childproofed cabinet or is above child-level. We’ve had to start keeping the counters completely clean, or push everything way far back. Emma can reach stuff on the counters, and tries to pull them down on her head. Then yesterday, I found her climbing up on one of the chairs and handing things down from table to Jade. They’re getting too smart for us.

I keep thinking I should write these things down so I remember them when they’re older, but I never really do. So Max suggested I write them to you.

We all live together, I don’t think I mentioned that. Max and I share an apartment above our restaurant with Michael and Maria. Isabel and Kyle also have a room, but they recently started renting the apartment next door. Caleb sleeps in their old room, to keep him out of the girl’s room now that he’s getting older. It’s a cozy life.

And I guess I didn’t really explain the Kyle and Isabel situation. About seven years ago, Isabel got a letter from Jesse (he gave it to Jim, and Jim sent it along to us). He asked if he should bother waiting. He loved her, but he was young, and lonely. Self-sacrificing woman that she is (hard to believe, I suppose, because she’s very selfish in some ways, but it’s true), she told him no. The divorce papers arrived a few months later. It can be lonely on the road like we’ve been, I know if I hadn’t had Max I’d have gone crazy. Kyle and Isabel were the only two of us not attached to anyone, and it was inevitable they got close. Five years ago, it became more than close.

The four of us have a bet going on how long it will be til they get married. No one thinks it’ll be long.

I know it’s not the life you imagined for me. I know you blame Max, for taking me away and for being what he is. But he gave me more than enough chances to back out. He told me a hundred times to leave him, that it wasn’t safe. And I chose to love him.

Daddy, a long time ago, back when Grandma Claudia would tell me stories of true love and romance and soul mates, you sat me down one night and told me something different. You told me that love wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t magical, and it didn’t happen without effort. I was upset because I’d been dumped by my very first boyfriend, in seventh grade, and I thought my life was over. I thought I’d failed at love and I’d never have another chance. You said love was something that took years to form, and it came from a mutual liking of two people. But in order for love to exist, those two people must both put effort into the relationship. Love was more than an emotion, it was a choice. Made daily. That everyday you got up in the morning deciding that you were going to love Mom for the rest of your life. That she was the one you wanted to be with. Liking and caring was involuntary, but loving was a choice.

Max and I have caused each other a lot of harm in the past, I know that. When we were young we thought we were soul mates, our love was meant to be. And maybe that’s true. Maybe somehow we were destined to find and love one another. But I’m older now, I’ve lived with this man for ten years. I love him. We fight, and we say hurtful things that we don’t mean except when we’re angry, but we love each other. We may sometimes bring out the worst in each other, but we also bring out the best. There’s no other life I’d rather have than the one I’ve got if I had to give up Max for it.

What I meant with all of this was that I chose this life. It wouldn’t have worked out otherwise. If I didn’t choose to love Max through all the bad days, if I didn’t decide everyday that he was the one for me despite the hardships, then we wouldn’t still be married and happy.

Please don’t blame Max. Be happy for me.

This sounds like a goodbye, doesn’t it? I hope it isn’t. I hope we can stay here for many more years, I hope the FBI doesn’t get another lead on us. I’ll try and write every once and awhile, let you know we’re alive and safe and happy. It isn’t safe for me to contact you too often. But this letter will be carefully sent and delivered so that no one can track it. Please burn it when you’ve read it through. I know you won’t turn us in, but it seems so easy for a hint of us to be found that we can’t risk even this small letter to remain.

I love you both, so much.

Liz


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Last edited by Chione on Wed May 02, 2007 6:39 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Chione
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Post by Chione »

Thanks so much for all the wonderful feedback. I hope this didn't take too long. Starting college has been a bit of a roadblock in my writing life, but hopefully I'm all settled and can get to work updating everything.

Thanks to everyone who read, and everyone who left feedback:
frenchkiss70
behrlyliz
jbcna
Jessibelle47
JRose
Ellie
Timelord31
begonia9508
Jason's Lover
Aliane
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Thank you all so much! And now, without further ado, Chapter Two:




To Roswell, With Love
Part Two




Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s me again. I’m sitting in my room right now, Maria’s in the living room with the kids. Jade and Emma turned four yesterday. In a few months, they start preschool. It’s just down the street, a beautiful little building. Max and I went to meet the teachers last Monday. We have to be careful about sending the twins to school, they’re so advanced for their age. Jade is already reading books, not terribly long ones, just the small ones for young children, but she can manage if the language doesn’t get too complicated. They know how to count to a twenty, and both can sing their alphabet without trouble. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a result of their unique heritage, or if it’s not at all related to Max’s origins. It doesn’t matter, really. I love them, exactly as they are.

They’ve grown up so fast. I know they’re only four, but it feels like they’ll be turning eighteen and going off to high school before too long. I want to keep them with me forever. It’s funny how the slightest thing can seem so dangerous to them, I want to wrap them up and protect them always.

Both Emma and Jade have learned to talk, too. Emma holds all kinds of elaborate conversations with herself, with her stuffed animals, particularly her stuffed wolf, who she calls Riley. Jade has a bear named Alex that she carries with her everywhere, though she doesn’t talk as much as Emma. She says Alex protects her at night from the monsters. Both girls think creatures live in the dark under their beds. Max and I have yet to dissuade them.

Maria’s son, Caleb, he’s six, and has started first grade. Michael cried the day he started kindergarten. Maria and I never let him forget it, either. She’s pregnant again, we think it’s a girl this time. She’s so excited, she can’t wait to have someone to shop for, to dress up in adorable little outfits and do her hair. There’s something special about having a daughter. I think there must be something special about sons too, though I wouldn’t know myself. Maybe in year or so, Max and I can have another child. For now, the twins are more than enough.

Besides, I may be an aunt shortly. Isabel and Kyle got married a little over a year ago, and any day now we expect them to announce Isabel’s pregnancy. It’s just a hunch of mine, really, but as someone who’s been there before, I know what pregnancy looks like. I’ll have two new babies to play with, and at the end of the day, can hand them back to their parents to take care of.

The restaurant is thriving. I hope everything’s going well at the Crashdown. I miss Blood of Alien smoothies. I’ve never been able to reproduce them. It wouldn’t be the same, anyway.

Maria would say I’m avoiding the subject, and I suppose I am. It was her idea that I write you now, if only to have an excuse to really think about what’s going on in my head. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to her, because of her connection to Michael, which inevitably leads back to Max. It’s not that I don’t want him to know what I’m thinking, I just would prefer to know myself, first.

I’m sure you know about Zan. I mentioned him frequently in my journal. The son of Max and Tess, the half-brother to my girls. Well, we found him. He was adopted by a young couple who live nearby, and we didn’t even mean to find him. Max couldn’t sleep for several nights because he kept feeling his son. And then we ran into them, they came by the restaurant. They just moved here, and seem quite nice. Zan is twelve years old, almost a teenager.

He looks just like Max.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t help laughing, really. Nothing ever goes smoothly in our lives. Max is so torn up about this, having his son so close by, and unable to do anything. And I--

I don’t know. I can’t look at Zan without also seeing Tess and what she did. And I hate that there’s still something in this world that binds Max and Tess despite everything. Something of his will always belong to her, no matter what I do.

I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m a grown woman, with a devoted husband whom I love, and children I would give the world for. Yet I’m bothered by this child, this innocent boy who was born more than ten years ago.

I thought I was over this. I thought I’d moved past it all.

Obviously I can’t talk to Max. I don’t want to hurt him, I know he wants more than anything for Zan to be a part of our family, but---I don’t think that’s possible. Not only because Zan knows nothing about Max, or even that he’s adopted, but because I’m not sure I could handle it. I’d like to think so, but seeing him, grown up and with Max’s face, his hair, Tess’s ice blue eyes. . .

I don’t know. I want to say that I would welcome him with open arms should he ever need us, but I can’t say for sure. I love Zan because he’s a part of Max.

I hate him too. Because he’s the child of Tess Harding, who stole my best friend and ruined several years of my life. I won’t say she messed things up with me and Max, because we did plenty of that ourselves, but she certainly wasn’t adverse to taking advantage of our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities that we let her see because we trusted her. It’s not fair of me, but it’s what I feel. Does that make me a horrible person?

It’s something I can’t talk to Max about. Not because he’d be angry, he’d just guilt himself to death all over again. We don’t need that. He’s beaten himself up over the Tess thing so many times, and he truly loves his son. I don’t begrudge him that, I don’t want to take away from his love of his son. I don’t want him to feel guilty for loving him. It just--hurts sometimes.

That’s life, though, isn’t it? Sometimes things hurt, and you try to get over them. They can still hurt, but you learn to appreciate what you have. You move on. There are ups and downs to everything. Take the bad with the good. All those things people say.

Life isn’t the fairytale with happily ever afters. Life is just an ever after.

It’s comforting to write this down. To tell someone, even indirectly. And it helps to get the thoughts out of my head, to express them so they can start to fade. I used to use my journal for that, but now it’s too risky to keep a written account in our home, so these letters are my only outlet. Knowing I’m telling my parents, knowing you’ll read this, makes it all okay. Because no matter how old you get, parents are sometimes the only ones you can truly go to. I have faith that no matter what I say, no matter where I go, you’ll always love me.

I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful you gave me such an amazing environment to grow up in. I can never thank you enough. I pray one day I can come home and show you the life, the family I’ve built for myself with the foundations you gave me years ago.

I miss you both, and love you so much,

Liz


P.S I hope my ramblings don’t worry you. Things have honestly been wonderful here, just a few bumps every now and then. We're safe, and we're happy.
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Post by Chione »

And here it is, after way, way, way too long. It ended up that I didn't like the third letter. And it took me forever to figure out how I wanted to end this.

So there will be one more part after this. Just a short epilogue, really.

Also, a big, huge, mountain of a thank you to everyone who has responded to this little interlude of mine. It's not exactly a full-fledged story, but the idea for it was nagging. I baby sat these triplets last summer, and they became my inspiration for Emma and Jade, and the idea blossomed from that. (The triplets were obviously three, versus the twins in the story, but the third -- Jake -- is pretty much the third of the real kids I baby sat, he's just a few years removed. I thought it unlikely Liz would ever have triplets.)

Please review! Tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is always appreciated :D

To Roswell, With Love

Part 3



Dear Mom and Dad,

Can you believe I turn 35 today? When I was young, anything over 25 seemed old, and I’ve got a decade on that. I never imagined I’d be here.

I suppose it only makes sense that I get nostalgic when writing to you.

I remember when I was eight, I had my future all planned out. Even then, Harvard was in my sights. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to study there, just that was where I was going. And I was going to be married at 26, after I’d held a job for a few years and had been independent. After at least five years of marriage, I’d have two children: a boy and a girl. I think I even had their names picked out, though I can’t remember them now. I’d be a working woman, not dependent on her husband but equal. Now, my husband was going to be perfect. A hardworking man, willing to let me do my own thing, but loyal and always there when I needed him. I would be his first and only wife; no previous marriages, no stepchildren, not too much baggage (though at that age, I certainly didn’t know quite what that entailed). But most importantly in my vision of the future, I would never sacrifice my dreams for a man.

This doesn’ t really have a point. It’s just . . . funny how things turn out, isn’t it? And though it’s been different, I don’t regret where I am and what I have.

I thought I’d get right to the point in this letter, not avoid painful topics until later. Zan. Max’s son by Tess. The name his adoptive parents chose is Kevin. He’s a senior in high school now, just down the street from the twin’s elementary school. I can’t believe it’s really been eighteen years since Tess. I can bear to write her name now, say it even, which is a big step for me. I’ve struggled with this Tess Complex, as Maria calls it, for many years.

Shortly after my last letter, I ran into Kevin and his parents. They were having dinner in the restaurant. A celebratory dinner in honor of Kevin’s excellent report card. Such a normal thing. I realized it’s pity I should feel for Tess, nothing more. Pity, because she never got to know her son. Never got to raise him, spend time with him, watch him grow into the man he is becoming. She never even got to have Max, not his love. I have a loving husband; I can wake up and lay in bed in the morning at his side (sorry, Dad). I get to take my children to school in the morning, fix their lunches, read them stories and wrestle them into bed at night. Max, Michael, Maria, Isabel and Kyle, they’re all part of my family. Tess never had any of that, and never will. She made our life rough for a while, and took someone from us who can never be replaced. But in the end, time passed and we lived our lives and are happy. It was only a span of two years in which she really mattered at all. I pity her.

Of course, I make it sound easy now. At the time, it was a battle every day not to hate her. Rationally, I knew pity was the only thing I should feel, but emotions don’t work like that and there were all these other things -- feelings -- in the way. I hated her, I envied her, and I somehow could not get past the idea that she had come out on top. There was no grand epiphany for how I overcame that obstacle. Just time, and a conscious effort. I never told Max much about my feelings with his son. It’s not a personal thing, and though he’s my husband, there are still things he won’t -- can’t -- understand. And that’s just part of life, or so I’ve learned.

But on to happier news.

Three years ago, I gave birth to a little boy. We named him Jake. Caleb, Emma, Jayden, Grace, Melodie and Jake. All our children. Isabel announced her pregnancy only days after I wrote you, as I’d suspected. She had a little girl, the fourth child to be born from our group. Kyle wanted to name her Alexis, but Isabel chose Grace instead. I’m not sure when or how it happened, but Isabel, Maria, and I came to a silent agreement that none of our children would be named after Alex. Our husbands sort of assumed that at least one child would bear his name; it surprised them that it never happened, I know. But Alex was . . . how to explain it? Alex was our dear friend, and we miss him, but his memory is just that. A memory. That name holds so much fear and doubt and longing and grief and regret, things we don’t want to place on one of our children. The name would be such a burden. They are not going to be bound by our pasts.

Caleb, Michael and Maria’s oldest, will be a teenager soon. He’s eleven, and already almost as tall as I am. His little sister, Melodie, adores him to the point of idolization. He won’t admit it, but he likes it. I think he’d rather Emma adore him, though. Maria and I have decided they would make a cute couple, one day. When they’re both much older.

Melodie is already five, and she’ll start kindergarten in the fall. Have I mentioned her before? I think Maria was pregnant last time I wrote you, so I wouldn’t’ve. She’s the second and final Guerin child, a real spitfire like her mother. I caught her hiding under Caleb’s bed yesterday; she was avoiding her mother in hopes of getting out of taking a bath. I let Maria search a bit longer before telling.

Our apartment has gotten crowded, what with Melodie sharing a room with the twins and Jake sharing with Caleb. Maria and Michael have been out looking for another apartment for them to move to, but there’s something safe and comforting about being in a group, so close together, that none of us are quite anxious to give up. We’ve lived together -- in a pile, really -- for so long. It’ll be an adjustment, especially for the kids who’ve grown up with more than one set of parents. We’ve helped each other. We all have our roles, our things to take care of, and not having the Guerins around will take some shifting about.

It makes me feel, finally, like we’ve grown up. All this time and something still felt like we were teenagers on the run and now I feel like an actual adult. With a family, a steady job (our restaurant is doing great, by the way), and now a home to ourselves. Our group spreading its wings, so to speak. Amazing, isn’t it, how when you’re young, everything seems so immediate. Urgent. Like you have only the time you’re in, and maybe a bit longer, but not much. Now I realize that we had all the time in the world. I’ve lived twice as long as I had when I left Roswell, and if I’m lucky, I’ve got another 35 or more to go.

I don’t know, exactly, what I’m trying to say to you. I want to visit Roswell, to show my children where their father and I grew up. And I want you to know them, better than what I can write in a letter or two. How can I possibly find the words to describe their smiles? Their laughter? Jade’s collection of books that has filled her room and spilled out onto the bookshelves in the living room, Emma’s talent with the guitar Maria gave her for Christmas, Jake’s stubborn refusal to wear anything but blue (and he will only wear his spiderman underwear, so we have two pairs that I alternate washing everyday). It still only tells you so much, and it’s so limited. Jade sings in the car; her favorite CD is the soundtrack to Les Misèrables that Michael got her for her birthday. It’s the only time she really gets loud, unless she’s yelling at Emma or Caleb, which she does frequently.

Emma, on the other hand, is always loud, in everything she does. She’ll be quiet when Caleb is around, but not for long, and it’s always that loud sort of quiet where every little thing she does is a sound, just not so much words. Dramatic sighs, huffs, dropping of her juice cups, giggling madly behind her hand in a way she seems to think is subtle. She likes to paint, and we’ve had to ground her once after she painted all over the kitchen wall (not the first time, we’d warned her at least twice previous and she did it anyway when she got her brand new paints, courtesy of Kyle). When she’s mad at us, she’ll stay up late playing her guitar and keeping Jade and Mel from falling asleep until we come in to give attention to whatever it is she’s upset about. Max and I are working to curb her of that habit, but so far no luck. Our next step will be to take the guitar away until she can learn to express her anger in a way that’s a bit more productive and less disturbing of other’s sleep.

And Jake. Only three, and he’s already got at least half a dozen women wrapped around his tiny, whimsical fingers. He’ll play you, let you think he’s shy with his down cast eyes and slow smile. Such a flirt. I know he didn’t get that from either of his parents. Maybe having Kyle around when he was a baby wasn’t a good influence. Jake and Grace are only a year apart, so much of the time they’ve been together and it’s been a tag-team effort between Max, Kyle, Isabel and me to raise them. Unlike all our other children, Grace is pretty much a carbon copy of her mother. At four, she’ll already boss Jake and Mel around, and last Christmas, she and Isabel decorated not only their apartment, but ours as well. Grace put a wreath on every bedroom door, putting her little hand on her hip to scold Caleb when he tried to take his down. Definitely Isabel’s child.

It’s hard to write these letters. On one hand, you’re my parents and I want you to know how happy I am. But I also want to be honest, I want you to know about my life as if we were right there in Roswell. Because if we were, I’d be over at the Crashdown all the time, asking advice, escaping the insanity of my apartment, seeking some been-there-done-that wisdom. Nothing’s perfect, after all. But by saying that, I don’t want you to get the impression I’m unhappy and dealing with it because it’ s what I’ve got. I’m happy. There are few things I would change in my life, and all of those were out of my control: Alex wouldn’t be dead and we wouldn’t be on the run.

We are. On the run, I mean. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that, but then Max will have one of his nightmares, and for the next few weeks, he won’t let any of the children leave the building without one of us adults with them. He wouldn’t even let them go to school if it weren’t for the rest of us forcing him to let up. It’s why every room in both apartments have painted walls, some bright color so as not to be mistaken for white. I knew he had occasional nightmares when we were in Roswell, but I suppose he had a better handle on the threat with the safety of the familiar. Or at least, he wasn’t as comfortable allowing the rest of us to see his fear. Either way, his experience with the FBI continues to haunt him. Not always, and not regularly, but frequently enough that Jade and Emma have termed his episodes “Daddy’s time of the month”. They think I don’t know what they call it, but moms are never as deaf as children think. I’m not sure which of their uncles to blame for that phrase, but I know they were the source.

It seems to make light of the situation, but realistically, Max has every right to be paranoid, and it’s not just a joke for the twins to giggle about. At any moment we could have to up and leave. By our front door, in a locked storage closet, we keep three duffel bags: one for each family, filled with the bare necessities of clothes. Just in case. Five thousand dollars in cash sits inside the wall of our bedroom. A simple wave of one of our six hands and we can reach in to take it out. Alien powers do come in handy when trying to be more creative with hiding money in places not under the bed or mattress.

The children don’t know, of course. How can they? How could we make them understand without ruining their childhood? Their ability to trust people? Without making them paranoid for what could be no reason at all? We may be able to stay here, safe, for as long as we wish. They might be done searching for us, or not. We don’t know.

Well, that digressed.

I wanted to tell you about Jake, and I wanted to talk to you in some way because I miss you. It’s easy, though, to start spilling my innermost thoughts here.

I’ll write you again, I promise. As soon as I have another chance to get a letter through. I know it’s so rare, and I’m sorry. I can’t imagine if my children----well, I just can’t imagine. I’m so sorry for all we’ve put you through.

Please show this letter to the Evanses too. Let them know their grandchildren as much as possible. And then burn it. So it can never be traced back here, so no one knows we’ve contacted you at all.

I hope so much to see you both again. I miss you, and I love you. Jade and Emma send their love as well, and Jake is waving, toothy grin on his face.

Someday, I promise you'll meet them. I promise we'll find a way back. It may be ten years from now, or we may show up tomorrow. But we will.

Love,
Liz
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