Always Saying Goodbye (SN,XO,UC,Mature) AN 3/26/10 [WIP]

[LittleBit]

Hey guys, it’s me again. I wanted to leave you another note to explain why I haven't posted yet. I only have one more part done before I'm completely out. The part after that has given me writer's block.

After this things get a little dicey between my lovebirds as we head into towards the dreaded Route 666 (Sorry, I loved how Dean acted with Cassie but I hated her. Ellie and I usually just call her the hose beast). I’m having problems getting into Dean’s head without sounding all emo-Sam as I write the parts during these episodes so I haven’t gotten anywhere. Anyone who has any helpful hints will be greatly appreciated

[LittleBit]

Thank you for the suggestion. I have to admit, you are very good at skirting the issue, we still don't have a new part! I was hoping the suggestion would therefore move things along, but no pressure or anything!

Honestly, I'll check it out, but I am super into Drifter fics right now, maybe even yours in the near future?!?!? *hopeful look*

It will be soon. I was actually able to write some on this story yesterday and the only reason I had to stop was because I was at work and it was time to go home. "Shush, don't tell anyone."

We'll see how things go the next couple of days and you'll see a new part.

[LittleBit]

Please forgive me...
Part 18
January 2006
Set after ‘Bugs’

“Kind of late to be out isn’t it Max? Shouldn’t you be at home with Xander?” Dean heard Liz ask as she came out from behind him.

Liz continued to stand in front of him but Dean was still cautious and didn’t let her go far. He rested his hand on her waist to pull her away if necessary as he watched the dark haired alien approach them. As the faint light hit Max better, Dean could see he looked like he was struggling on how best to answer to Liz. She must have noticed something too because she then added. “Nothing’s wrong is it?”

“No, nothing’s wrong.” Max replied a little too quickly for Dean’s liking. It was as if he trying too hard to cover something up and Dean wondered how long Max had been watching them. “I was just working late. Xander’s at home with Iz. I was just heading there; cutting through the park is quicker.”

“I think it would be faster to drive your car.” Dean declared, his hands gripping possessively around Liz’s waist. He watched as Max’s eyes focused on the movement causing the guy to shift uncomfortably. Dean couldn’t help but smirk at his reaction. He couldn’t help but lower his hands just enough to hook his thumbs into Liz’s front pockets, spreading his fingers over her hips. While Liz didn’t seem to even notice, Max’s eyes narrowed. “And then you wouldn’t have that pesky possibility of interrupting people who don’t like be interrupted.”

Max’s jaw tightened a bit at Dean’s tone. “Not that it’s any of your business but I had to ask my sister to baby sit at the last minute. Kyle is replacing something on Isabel’s car and I had to loan her mine so she could have Xander in his car seat.”

Liz suddenly became aware of the tension in the air and saw how the two guys were staring at each other crossly. She had no idea why they suddenly seemed to hate each other. Granted, Dean used to think that Max was weird when they were kids but she hadn’t picked up on any animosity. And the last time Dean had been in town, they had only seen each other in passing. Max had even told her later that he was relieved to know that she had a friend who had been able to help her with the search for the thing that killed her parents.

Liz bit her lip for a minute before speaking. “That makes sense. Max, I’m sure you remember Dean?”

“Yeah, your family ‘friend’.” Max replied, with heavy emphasis on the word friend as he looked again at the areas of Liz’s body that Dean was touching. Except this time he didn’t simply notice where Dean’s hands were but also the overall proximity of their bodies.

Liz noticed Max’s gaze and knew he was surprised to find her this way with Dean. She had never told him that she was seeing anyone, even as infrequent as she saw Dean. Nevertheless, Max always thought everyone should keep him apprised of everything going on in their lives, but Liz didn’t agree with that. They were friends but she still liked her privacy. “Well my saying we are friends might have been a bit of an understatement.”

“But Liz and I are definitely friendly.” Dean replied mockingly, leaving no doubt in Max’s mind how ‘well’ they knew each other.

Over the years, Dean had found himself being very wary of Max‘s fascination with Liz and seeing him here now didn’t fix any of that. If anything, the way that Max was staring at them only increased the feelings of uneasiness. In any other circumstance, he’d have nothing against the guy, if he paid any attention to him at all but the obsession Max had with Liz put him firmly entrenched on Dean’s radar.

Out of Max’s sight, Liz slipped her hand behind her and pinched Dean’s side a bit at the comment before saying. “Well it’s getting late and we should be getting out of here.”

“Yep, it’s time for bed.” Dean quipped, earning another hard pinch from Liz that ignored when he saw Max’s jaw clench and his eyes narrow more.

“Iz will be wanting to get home so...” Max said rigidly before heading in the direction of his apartment. “Talk to you later Liz.”

“Bye Max.” Liz said as she pulled Dean in the other direction. When she knew that Max was far enough away, Liz turned on Dean. “What was that about?”

“What was what?” Dean asked innocently.

“Whatever was going on between you and Max back there.” Liz explained. “I could have cut the tension between the two of you with your knife.”

“I don’t like the guy, never have. You know that.” Dean declared. “And I like him even less when I catch him sneaking around and spying on us.”

Liz rolled her eyes at Dean’s animosity. “Why would Max be following us?”

“Well not me so much as you.” Dean clarified. “I just happen to fall into his sights because I’m the guy who’s with you at the moment.”

“So you’re saying that Max is jealous and wants to keep an eye on who I date?” Liz questioned. “Dean, Max and I are just friends. We have been for years.”

Dean noticed the slight smile on her face and the doubtful look in her eyes. She thought he was completely blowing things out of proportion and making a mistake but she was just blind to what he saw. “We were ‘just friends’ that first night in your bed too if I recall.”

“That was different.” Liz argued, her face turning serious. “Max and I had our time and it’s over.”

“You might see things that way, but I don’t think Max has gotten the message yet.” Dean proclaimed. “I study people all of the time Liz, its part of what I do and I’m telling you Max still looks at you like you’re his.”

“And you don’t want another guy coming into your territory?” Liz snapped in irritation.

Dean felt like hitting something in anger. She just didn’t get it. “I’m not being a possessive asshole here! Damn, why do women have to twist words around instead of shutting up and listening?!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Liz snapped back as if he had slapped her. “Maybe because unlike the other women I know you are usually around, I actually have the brain capacity to think for myself!”

Dean knew he had screwed up. Actually screwed up didn’t even come close to covering it but his anger which he refused to admit was possibly being fueled by jealousy, wouldn’t let it go. “Then you should put that big brain to use and notice what is right in front of you!”

“All I can see is the guy who is currently occupying my bed whenever he wants acting like a suspicious bastard over a guy I was involved with years ago!” Liz shouted.

“Involved?” Dean repeated, his left eyebrow lifting in disbelief. “I might not know a lot about the whole chick flick romance relationships but I’m pretty sure that when a guy risks his existence to heal you because he’s in love with you, he can’t just turn it off.”

“Funny, he was able to turn it off when he knocked up Tess!” Liz yelled back as she ran her hands through her hair in frustration. Dean was so hard headed at times that he wanted to make her scream. Not to mention that the argument was hitting a little too close to home with her own insecurities. “I’m done arguing with you about this. I’m going home, are you coming with me?”

“No.” Dean answered, the anger still lacing his voice. “I’m not tired. I’m going to get a drink.”

Liz watched Dean spin on his heel and she started to say something to stop him but kept her mouth shut. They hadn’t argued like this for a long time, not since just after her parents death and with the new aspect of their relationship, Liz wasn’t sure how to act with him. Usually when they’d argued in the past, they’d argue and then separate. A few hours later, things just kind of righted themselves when they came together again and the argument was forgotten.

But like everything between them the conclusion of their argument was different now too and when Dean appeared at her apartment a few hours later, he reeked of alcohol and passed out on the couch still wearing his boots. He left town early the next morning, with a hangover and barely a word to Liz.

[LittleBit]

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I added poll to the first page and plan to update soon. Let me explain the options a little more.

Option 1
Dean and Liz commit to each other but no formal commitment. What I mean is they are essentially living together except that Dean only 'lives' there part time. They are married in everyway but technically.

Option 2
Dean and Liz get formally married under the law. Tricky for Dean but not impossible if done correctly

Option 3
Dean and Liz get married in the eyes of the church but no formal papers are submitted to the courts. Abby would be legitimate.

As I said above, I plan to update soon. Work was dead yesterday and I wrote a part and a half on this. Next week will be dead too and I hope to write more soon. I'm in a difficult timeframe with the couple because they aren't exactly on friendly terms but they are working their way out of it and will be a lot easier soon.

[LittleBit]

Well here's the new part. I don't really like it because I'm worried that Dean is a bit OOC but I cna't figure out anything to change it.

Oh and for those of you who wanted me to get the two of them back together, sorry.

Part 19
Goodbye to Romance by Ozzy Osbourne (Sorry, couldn't get it to upload)
During the Episode ‘Faith’-After Dean is electrocuted, while he is in the hospital
March 2006

Dean looked at his cell phone as it sat in front of him on the hospital tray. It had slipped out of his pocket and into the car when they got out of the Impala to rescue the kids therefore avoided the a hundred thousand volts that had passed through his body. It was still in perfect working order, unlike his heart.

Ever since Sam had left, Dean had been staring at the phone, dredging up the nerve to call Liz. Not because he didn’t want to talk to Liz at this moment, she was one of the only three people in the world that he did want to talk to. But even his desire to hear her voice was squashed by the feeling in his gut about what he was going to have to force himself to ask her when he called. He was going to ask her for a favor, or to get him a favor. He was going to have Liz ask Max if he would heal his heart.

Dean didn’t want to do it; he would rather do just about anything than ask Max for a favor. Anything except die that is. He might have been able to convince Sam that he was okay with dying but in reality he wasn’t. Dean felt he was still needed here and that there was still fight inside him. So if he had to ask for help from a certain tight assed alien who still had eyes for Dean’s semi-girlfriend, then so be it. And if it turned out that Max couldn’t do anything for him, well then at least he’d be in Roswell with Liz and Sam and could die in what little peace he could find. However, Dean found that actually picking up the phone was a lot harder then he thought it would be.

Dean flipped open his phone and hit the speed dial. It rang Liz’s cell number several times before going to her voicemail. Dean didn’t think leaving on a voicemail that he was dying and needed her to call back would go over very well. But after five hours and four times calling her and getting the dumb ass voicemail, he was starting to get irritated enough to do just that.

When he finally reached Liz, Dean heard laughter and amusement in her greeting. ‘Hello?’

“Hey, it’s me.” Dean replied irritation in his voice. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

‘Sorry, Xander turned the volume down to vibrate last night and I didn’t hear it all day.’ Liz explained. ‘What’s up? Is something wrong?’

‘Yeah, something’s wrong.’ Dean thought but not about his current medical situation. “So Xander was at the café last night?”

“No.” Liz answered. “He got a hold of it when I was in his room.”

Dean’s eyes widened at Liz’s casual answer that she had been in Xander’s room, in Max’s house. The machine next to him that monitored his heart started to beep louder as his temper flared. ‘What the hell was she doing at Max’s house last night?’ She as supposed to be at home, by herself, wrapped head to toe in ugly flannel pajamas with gross clay makeup crap on her face waiting for him to call or stop over. Dean knew she would probably balk at that but he didn’t really give a shit. He was just about to ask her when he heard something in the background of her end of the phone. ‘Liz, where do you want me to put the food?’

Even with hundreds of miles between them, the voice was unmistakable. It was Max. Max was at Liz’s place, having dinner and sounding very comfortable. And Dean had heard enough. “Well it sounds like you are busy so I’ll just…Bye Liz…”

Dean heard Liz’s voice briefly say something but it was cut off when he snapped his phone shut. He shoved down the compulsion to throw it across the room and instead smacked the pitcher of water sitting on the table in front of him across the room. He wasn’t aware of the loud incessant beeping of the monitor until a nurse came running in. “Mr. Winchester, you have to calm down.”

“Go away, leave me alone.” Dean huffed at the older woman, not even trying to be nice.

“Your heart is very weak right now and you could go into cardiac arrest if you continue like this. The nurse replied firmly as she checked the monitor and his vitals.

“I’m fine.” Dean lied.

“Your tests say otherwise. I will call the doctor to give you a sedative if necessary.” The nurse stated giving him a look that told Dean that she meant what she said and would go through with her threat. “We are trying to help you and make you comfortable Mr. Winchester. Whether you like it or not.”

After a few minutes, Dean convinced the nurse that he was calming down and left. As soon as she was gone, he started looking around for his stuff. The thought of asking Max to heal him while he was being so cozy with Liz was now out of the question which meant Dean had little chance of survival. And if he was going to die, he sure as hell wasn’t going to do it stuck in this room with Nurse Ratchet on the ward.

%%%%%%%%%

At the end of Route 666
April 2006

Dean listened to the rhythmic thumping of his baby’s tires as Sam drove her down the highway out of Missouri. When he had told his brother to drive, Dean had planned on trying to catch some sleep but it wasn’t happening. His brain just wouldn’t shut down and give him some peace. Instead, it gave him a rolling slideshow of the mess that was his life. Not the hunting part, aside from still not finding their dad and still looking for the Yellow Eyed Demon, things had been going well on that front.

No the mess came from the women in his life, well mostly one woman. Dean felt he really couldn’t include Cassie into the same category as Liz. Maybe once he did, but not now. After the last conversation he’d had with her, Dean knew that there was nothing beyond physical between him and Cassie. They had only been using each other, she to coerce him into finding out what killed her father, and he had been using her to block out Liz. Things were still raw for him when he thought about Liz and he had just wanted to forget about her. Not something that was easy to do when she had always been a fairly constant part of his life and he drove for endless hours left him with time to fill.

Then suddenly Cassie was there and Dean had worried that he would most likely get stuck talking to her about the unresolved crap between them. However, she quickly moved past the talking and into her bed. Dean didn’t have to think, everything he had to do was solely with his downstairs brain and not the upstairs one. If he did, then he would think about how everything about the warm body against him was wrong.

His time with Cassie had been completely different then the brief time with Layla. Layla was a beautiful woman but not one that he could use to lose himself in to forget about Liz. She was too wholesome and spiritual for anything like that, nevertheless there was something about her that had drawn Dean to her, and he felt better for having her in his life for a brief time. Even if during that time he was the one who taken her hope of a miracle. She had given him a bright spot in his life and he had condemned her to death by taking away Roy’s healing powers.

Dean was starting to feel that he wasn’t enough for any woman. He hadn’t been enough of a normal kind of guy for Cassie, enough of a hero for Layla and just plain not enough for Liz. This was why he had always tried to stay detached because any type of emotional attachment he made outside of his family just turned to ash.

When his thoughts went in the emotional self pitying direction, Dean shifted his body around to find another position and hopefully change his thoughts. After all he sure as hell wasn’t going to act like Sam, and go all emo-boy and everything. He still had some dignity damn it. Right then Dean decided that when they stopped for the night, he was going to hit the computers. He needed something to hunt, the sooner the better. Leave all of this crap behind him and go back to what he knew he was good at.

Okay, there it is. I hope it wasn't too big of a disappointment but I had to drive a deep wedge between Dean and Liz to explain Cassie or as Ellie calls her 'the hose beast'. I liked how Dean was with Cassie, but I didn't like Cassie whatsoever.

[LittleBit]

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Just wanted to let you guys know I have not forgotten or abandoned this story. I've been super busy lately between my oldest's track season and a bunch of stuff going on at work. I got a two step promotion. Good news for me money wise but bad news in the way that I won't have any time to write at work. But I can still write at home of course and will get everything moving on this fic soon.

TTL

LittleBit

[LittleBit]

Yes, your eyes are not playing tricks on you, there is actually a new part. Hope it was worth the wait. It went through I don't even know how many changes.

Part 20
Roswell, NM
Before Hell House
May 2006

The alley was dark and quiet when Liz entered it, heading to her back door. She could have gone through the front, but that would have taken a few extra minutes to unlock the double doors and she felt safer going through the alley. Maria said that her logic was twisted but Liz always had the feeling of being too exposed if she went through the front door. It did after all face Main Street, who wouldn’t feel exposed?

Liz had just slid her key in the door when she felt someone behind her. Thinking more of protecting herself than her secret, Liz whirled around with her hand raised taking the offensive. “Whoa hey Liz, it’s just me.”

“Dean?” Liz asked in surprise as she saw him step into the light. “What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me like that?”

“I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to make sure you were alone before I said anything.” Dean answered. He noticed that Liz had not lowered her hand yet and he could see faint sparks dance along her fingertips. “Um, Liz…you want to lower your hand now?”

“Why should I?” Liz demanded. “I haven’t heard a thing from you in months. I called you back as soon as you hung and just got your voicemail; just like the countless other times that I called you and never got a call back. Things between us might be relaxed but damn it, I’d like to know if you’re dead or not. Maybe a little shock would do you some good."

“Thanks, but I think I’ve had enough to last me awhile.” Dean snapped back.

Something in Dean’s voice told Liz to lower her hand but her anger was still raging. “Do you know the hell I’ve been feeling the last few months?! How worried I’ve been! I didn’t know if you were alive, dead, or sitting in prison until I had Valenti run nation wide searches of police and medical databases trying to find you!”

Several of the light bulbs above the back doors of the nearby building suddenly exploded, sending sparks and glass raining down on them and the street. Dean ducked to avoid being cut before looking over at Liz’s seething face. “Forget this, it’s not worth it. See you around Liz, have a good life with Max.”

A nearby dumpster whipped around as if it was nothing but a piece of paper and blocked Dean’s path. Dean was able to stop just short of it. He tried to push it out of his way but the dumpster wouldn’t budge. He slammed his fists into the side in frustration. “Damn Liz, move this thing!”

“Not until you tell me why the hell Max has to do with the way you are acting?!” Liz yelled as she stomped towards him so that her face was only a few inches from him.

“Just forget I came!” Dean snapped back.

Liz reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him from launching another attack on the helpless dumpster. She wasn’t sure whether to slug him or kiss him because she felt like doing both. "I can’t forget that you showed up on my doorstep out of nowhere and I don’t want to. I want to know why?!”

“Look, I came here because I don’t like to burn my bridges even when things go south and we might not be on friendly terms.” Dean declared. It wasn’t a complete lie; Liz had been in his life for so long that he didn’t want to completely give up contact with her. Even if that contact meant that, he’d have to see her with Max as well. But truthfully, he just really wanted to see her. “I just came here to talk.”

“Well you’re doing a bang up job of it.” Liz launched back.

“Yeah, well that was before you tried to make me impersonate a microwave burrito.” Dean retorted.

Liz had no idea what was wrong with Dean or why he so pissed off by her threat of zapping him but she was determined not to let him leave until she found out. “Do you think you could stop being ass for five minutes so that we could sit down, have a beer, and talk about this like we are halfway civilized?”

“I’ve never been one to turn down free booze.” Dean agreed before following her inside. They steered clear of the café and went right up to her apartment. After Liz dropped her stuff and got them both a beer, an uneasy silence took hold of them. Neither was completely sure what to say but felt comfort from the other’s presence.

After half of her beer was gone, Liz felt her anger at Dean and the tension in the room settle on her and suddenly she was very tired. She looked away from the bottle and directly into his eyes. “Dean, why are you here?”

“I guess I wanted to say good-bye.” Dean stated after a few moments. “I know that you went back with Max, who will probably be coming in here at any minute, and I didn’t want to completely screw over our friendship. I don’t have a lot of people who I trust so I don’t like to loose them.”

“You wouldn’t lose me. No matter what I’m always here for you and Sam. I hope you both know that. I care about the two of you as more then just childhood friends. Sam is the closest thing I have to a brother and…you.” Liz hesitated for a minute before she was able to say the words. “I love you.”

Dean’s eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “You what?”

“I love you. I have for awhile.” Liz repeated as she moved closer to him, forcing him to keep eye contact with her. She lifted her hand up to his cheek. “I’m not with Max, Dean. I don’t know why you think…”

But Dean didn’t let her finish her sentence. He only gave a shit about was the first two. He grabbed her arms, pulled her towards him, and pressed his lips against hers. He could feel Liz’s surprise at his actions but she quickly surrendered to him.

At the taste of her lips, Dean felt as if he was a drowning getting a long awaited taste of water. His mouth molded over hers forcefully, parting her lips with the thrust of his tongue as he ravished her mouth with his. Her hands trailed up his arms and encircled his neck, as she put all of her energy in the kiss. His hands had drifted to her hips, holding her steady which Liz was especially thankful for as she was hit by a barrage of flashes and emotions. They were so strong, so overwhelming that it took a minute for Liz to understand them.

Dean felt Liz’s body tense up for a minute before she pulled her lips away from him. Surprised by her actions, he looked at her to see what was wrong and was met with her brown eyes full of sorrow. “Liz? What’s wrong?”

But Liz didn’t say anything; instead, she just pulled him close again in a hug. Although questioning the sanity of females, Dean didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth at having Liz in his arms again. But when he felt the tears, he had to ask. “Liz? You’re confusing the hell out of me here.”

“Come on.” Liz said as she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door. “It’s late but I know Max will understand when I tell him…”

Catching on faster then most would give him credit for; Dean realized that she had seen almost everything that had happened to him a few months before. She knew about the shock he had received that damaged his heart but not that he was fine now. “Liz, we don’t need to go to Max.”

“Dean, I’m not arguing with you about this!” Liz declared fiercely. “I’m not going to stand here and let you die because you misread the fact that Max and Xander were at my apartment and let the green eyed monster keep you from coming to me for help.”

“Hey, how’d you know about that?” Dean asked but suddenly knew the answer to his own question. “You got a flash off of me when we kissed didn’t you? You got in my head.”

“Yes.” Liz replied quickly as she continued to pull Dean toward the door. She was not going to loose him, not if she had someway to fix it.

“Is that the first time?” Dean couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t like the thought of anyone in his head, even Liz. But he quickly put that line of thoughts to the back burner and concentrated on keeping Liz from dragging his ass out of the room. Adrenaline had her moving quickly and with more then normal force. Dean finally had to yank her arm back to get her to stop.

“Liz…Liz… damn it wait!” Dean yelled. When he got his desired reaction, he quickly launched into an explanation. “I’m not dying. I’m fine. Sammy found someone to help and I’m fine now.”

“You are?” Liz asked, sounding as if she didn’t quite believe him.

“Confused as hell but my ticker is working like it should.” Dean explained.

“You’re not the only one confused.” Liz replied.

Dean pulled Liz over to the couch. “Sit down. I’m going to grab us another couple of beers and talk. Try to figure out what we each know and piece together the rest.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Liz asked.

“Yeah, why?” Dean responded.

“Because I always thought you’d have to be on your death bed before I’d hear you say that you want to ‘talk’.” Liz replied sarcastically causing Dean to roll his eyes as he headed for the refrigerator.

An hour later, Dean was stretched out on Liz’s couch with her in his arms lying on his chest listening to the strong heart beat within. The heart that had been so damaged that the doctors had thought he’d be dead by now. Dean had been cavalier about the whole thing, saying that a hunter’s life was dangerous and that he had known he was going to die young but he could tell that Liz could see through his bullshit. Dean had still wanted to live. That desire to live caused him to reach out to a person he despised so that he could keep living but jealousy had caused him to almost die.

If it hadn’t been for his brother, Liz would have been getting a phone call from Sam telling her that Dean was dead. All because Dean had thought that, she had chosen Max over him. He should have spoken up when he called her and told her what was going on, it would have save a lot of pain. And he wouldn’t be dreading what he was about to tell her. “If I’m going to run off at the mouth, there is one more thing I need to tell you.”

The sudden tension in Dean’s body caused Liz to raise her head to look at him. Something in Dean’s eyes made Liz suddenly feel nauseous. “I’m not going to like this am I?”

“No.” Dean said as he shook his head. “A few weeks after I was in the hospital, I got a call about a possible hunt. The call was from Cassie.”

“As in ‘you told me you hunt ghosts and I think you are total nut job Cassie’?” Liz asked.

“Yeah, that would be her.” Dean said with a wince. “There was a bitter redneck ghost hunting people in her hometown and she called me.”

“And since you are telling me all of this, I have a feeling that your relationship wasn’t purely professional.” Liz stated.

“No.” Dean answered as he shook his head. “I didn’t plan for it; I just went to help her out. But then we started arguing about what happened before and…”

“Do you still love her?” Liz asked interrupting.

“What? NO.” Dean insisted. “Listen, what was between Cassie and me is over. It never should have been started. She just wanted help and did anything to get it and I just wanted to…forget.”

Liz understood then what Dean was saying. He had always dealt with his emotions differently then most people, instead of working things out, he’d just push them down until he could ignore them, cover them up with humor, or find something that could distract him from them. Moreover, although there was a lot between them, Dean wasn’t hers. At least not only hers. She herself had been the one that suggested that they just let their relationship go where it went and nothing more.
Of course, that didn’t mean that knowing that he had been with an ex-girlfriend didn’t sting like a bitch.

Dean watched a million different emotions flit across Liz’s face and got nervous. He didn’t like it when she was quiet, it made “Come on Liz, say something.”

“What can I say?”

“I don’t know; call me an asshole or a pig or something.” Dean stated incredibly. He had been enough women in his life to know that Liz’s reaction was abnormal. Wasn’t she supposed to be upset?

Liz couldn’t help but smile a little bit at Dean’s words. “But that would make me a hypocrite. I mean I was the one who suggested the terms of our relationship. Remember? No strings? You’re not mine Dean, you can do whatever or whoever you want. Doesn’t mean I’m not jealous or like that she used you for her own agenda. But it is what it is.”

Dean stared at her surprised. Their ‘pact’ hadn’t kept him from getting jealous when he thought she was screwing around with Max. Of course he was never one to play by the rules while Liz was the rule maker. “You know, sometimes you are entirely too logical to be normal.”

“I’ve been told that before.” Liz replied sadly, as she lowered herself back down to the couch and curled up against him. The two of them dropped into silence, and it wasn’t until he heard her breathing taper off that Dean realized that Liz had fallen asleep. After everything that night, he wasn’t surprised that she was exhausted. Emotional crap was tiring. He was bushed too but his brain was still wired as he thought about what Liz had said.

[LittleBit]

I hope everyone is having a happy 4th for those of you who celebrate! Hope you all like the part!

Part 21
Roswell, NM
May 2006
I JUST WANT YOU BY OZZY OSBOURNE
“Liz…Liz wake up.” Dean said as he knelt next to the couch and gently prodded her awake. He’d been next to her for awhile when an idea had popped into his head. He had left her to sleep while he started working on it. He worked until he could help but disturb her. She looked so sweet and beautiful sleeping but she needed to get up if he was going to get the show on the road.

Liz’s eyes slowly opened and saw Dean’s face hovering a few inches away. The room was covered in shadows and she could see out the windows that it was still dark outside. She must have fallen asleep lying on him on the couch. “Dean? What time is it?”

“About two.” Dean answered as he grabbed her hands and pulled her up into a sitting position. “Come on, I need you to come with me.”

“Ug, couldn’t you have carried me into my bed instead of waking me up?” Liz grumbled.

Dean smiled at her grumpiness. “You’re not going to bed, but you can sleep if you want to.”

Liz was still half asleep but aware enough to realize Dean was leading her away from her bedroom and out of her apartment. “Where are we going?”

“Road trip to see a friend of mine.” Dean replied when they got to the bottom of the stairs and out to his car. As he got her into the backseat and settled, she said. “Okay.”

Liz fell back to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow in the backseat. Dean didn’t think that she even realized that he had moved her which surprised him. Like him, she was usually very alert to what was going on around her. They weren’t light sleepers but could be roused quickly if something were out of the ordinary. It showed how much she trusted him for her radar to not go off.

Dean quickly locked the back door before jumping into his car. Within fifteen minutes, they were outside of Roswell town limits heading north. Dean drove for hours, checking on Liz ever so often just to find her still sleeping. The sun had began to inch over the horizon when he heard rustling coming from the back.

As Liz’s consciousness became awake, she started to roll over when she suddenly became aware that she was not in her bed. Her eyes flew open as she bolted upright and saw the interior of the Impala. Turning toward the front, she yelled. “DEAN?! You want to tell me why the hell I am in the backseat of your car?”

“I didn’t think you’d be as comfortable in the front.” Dean replied only to feel a sudden push against his back. “Hey! Careful with the upholstery!”

“You know damn well what I meant.” Liz retorted. “Tell me what is going on.”

“We’re taking a road trip to Wyoming.” Dean answered.

“A road trip?” Liz repeated. “I can’t just leave Dean; I have responsibilities at home, friends who freak if I suddenly go missing, a job, and a restaurant. Not to mention that I don’t have any clothes.”

“Taken care of. I called Maria. She said me that you don’t have to work tomorrow, and I told her we were going away for a couple of days. They are taking care of the café and excuses so no one thinks you were abducted by aliens. As for clothes, while I think they are not needed in your case, I grabbed your emergency bag out of your room.”

Liz ran through a mental list in her head and realized that Dean had covered everything. Not that she was surprised. “You could have woken me up first.”

“Actually I did. You said Okay.” Dean stated. “I didn’t wait for you to wake up more because it cuts into our time. I figured you’d be pretty pissed if I made you late for work.”

“Could have worked that out if I had been given some warning.” Liz replied as she climbed over the front seat of the Impala. “So why the sudden need for a road trip? I mean, I know that last night was a little ‘intense’ but I don’t think we needed to leave town.”

“We do if Roswell doesn’t have what we need.” Dean stated.

Something in his voice made Liz study him for a minute. “Where are we going? Hunting?”

“No, I’m definitely not taking you hunting. You handle the aliens, I’ll handle the demons.” Dean answered as he looked over at her. “But we are going to visit a hunter…well more like researcher actually but a good friend. Pastor Jim helped my dad I don’t know how many times growing up.”

Liz’s eyebrows scrunched together in curiosity. “Yeah, I’ve heard you talk about him over the years. But if we aren’t going hunting, why the impromptu visit?”

“He’s doing me a favor.” Dean answered, suddenly feeling a little nervous about not talking his plan through with Liz before he put her in the car.

“Dean, what kind of favor could you need that would require a Member of the clergy?” Liz asked confused.

For the safety of himself and his car, Dean pulled over onto the shoulder before turning to face Liz. “I asked Pastor Jim if he would marry us.”

For a moment, Liz stared at him before narrowing her eyes in suspicion. “Cristo.”

“I’m not possessed Liz, this is all me.” Dean declared with a frown on his face.

“Well what do you expect me to think when you tell me that you just asked your family pastor to marry us?”

“Okay, point taken.” Dean conceded with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Why?” Liz said suddenly.

“He understands the need for to keep this private; he said that as long as I’m willing to get married in the eyes of God, he’ll overlook the paperwork.” Dean explained.

“That’s good but that’s not what I meant.” Liz stated as she tried to wrap her head around everything that was happening. “I meant why do you want to marry me? Why now? We’ve been separated for months, during which you thought I was with someone else and I thought you were warming the beds of every bar girl in the Midwest. Even before that we made sure to keep things from getting too serious.”

“You think that I don’t really want to do this? That it will be too serious for me and I’ll bolt?” Dean asked.

“No.” Liz declared. “Unlike the image you show, I know how you’re wired. You might enjoy the company of women, lots of women over the years, but I’ve always known that once you settled that it would be it for you. There’s nothing more important to you than the people you love and you will do whatever you have to do to keep them.”

Now it was Dean’s turn to be quiet. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. In her apartment, he had been thinking about her and the last few months without her. Suddenly the idea hit him and kept going. He had never been one to question his instincts so he had just ran with it. Explaining why was going to be a bit more difficult. “Because…I love you too. You’re the girl you told me I’d find that night on your balcony.”

“But to jump right into marriage…”

“So instead you’d rather we wait for however long and waste time? Our lives are too crazy to do things like that.” Dean argued.

Liz couldn’t help but smile. “Are you sure that voltage didn’t do more than mess with your heart? You’re acting awfully girly.”

“Believe me baby, I’m still all man. With Man parts and everything.” Dean assured her.

“Well I see someone is still stuck to the TV during his downtime.” Liz teased after he quoted Firefly.

“You’re avoiding the subject.” Dean replied, he had a lot of experience with that so he recognized the tactic.

“I’m thinking.” Liz said. “I just want to make sure that this is what you really want.”

“It is. We wouldn’t be in this car if I wasn’t.”

“Well you could have asked me first.” Liz stated. “You should have asked me first. I could have said no.”

“Are you?” Dean asked.

"Well no. But you still should have asked me." Liz responded before leaning forward and kissing him. When she pulled back, she smiled again. “You better get this car going; we don’t want to keep that man waiting.”

Dean didn’t need any more of an answer than that. He shifted the car into gear and pulled out into traffic.

[LittleBit]

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Just wanted to let you guys know I haven't forgotten about you. I have been writing and actually have a part to post but I have been very busy the last few weeks. My family and I took our first big family vacation since my son Alex was born 3 years ago and I was stressing beforehand. But everything went well and the boys loved New York City. Now I'm working on planning a 60th birthday party for my aunt not to mention that school starts back in 2 weeks (YEAH!). There has been cross country practice, supply shopping and new uniform fittings...the list goes on and on. Anyways, I'll quit whining about my lack of time and just tell you that there will be a new part up soon. Thanks for hanging in there.

[LittleBit]

*Peeks out* Waves White flag** I know it's been a while since I posted but I come bearing gifts. Well a gift. Hope everyone enjoys it, it's not one of my favorites. I'm sorry I haven't finished this story yet. I have all kinds of ideas but then suffer from performance issues.

Part 22
En Route to Wyoming
May 2006

As they drove towards Pastor Jim, Liz stared out the window as she gathered her thoughts. Things were happening so quickly that it was hard to absorb. Just yesterday she was pissed off at Dean and today she was planning to marry him. Life was funny that way, her life anyway.

Liz pulled her gaze off of the road and over to Dean. She couldn’t believe what a mess they had made of things. But they had worked things out and he had told her that he loved her. She had lived through the experience of him almost dying almost as much as Dean had through her flash; she had felt his feelings when he had heard Max on her side of the phone call. He had been angry, jealous and lost at the thought that she was with Max. If he had not told her that he loved her Liz would have known just from reliving that moment. And Liz decided that before she married him she was going to make sure that Dean never felt like he was second to Max again.
“That night you called me, Max was at my apartment for dinner.”

“Okay, I really don’t want to hear this.” Dean said as he shook his head.

“Just listen, I need to tell you this.” Liz implored. “He was there dropping off dinner as payback for me babysitting Xander the night before.”

Dean’s eye went from the road to her. “Babysitting?”

“Yes. Babysitting.” Liz repeated. “That’s why I was in Xander’s room and how he got a hold of my phone.”

“So you weren’t having dinner with him?” Dean asked.

“No. We had both just gotten off work; he came in, and dropped off enough sweet and sour burritos to feed an army.” Liz explained. “And left.”

“But when you answered, you’d been laughing.” Dean stated.

Liz had to think back for a minute to remember what he was talking about. “Oh! Max was telling me about an embarrassing accident that he had had the night before on his date.”

“Date?” Dean repeated, starting to feel like a mockingbird. A complete dumbass mockingbird.

“After the way things were left last time you were in town, I got to thinking and realized you might have been…right about Max. I talked to Isabel and Maria and they pretty much confirmed that while we were just friends, Max still held a torch for me somewhere inside.” Liz admitted. “So a week after you were gone, I asked him to meet me for lunch.”

“You asked him out on a date?”

“No. Just a lunch. In the park, paid for my own food and everything.” Liz explained. “We sat down and I laid everything I was thinking out on the table. I made sure that Max knew that I still cared about him, but only as a friend. He admitted to me that he had been jealous when he saw me with you and had lashed out a bit. He asked me point blank if there was any chance even remotely and I told him no. He…it didn’t stop him from kissing me.”

Liz saw Dean’s body tense up at her statement and she quickly explained. “I didn’t kiss him back, I pushed away. When I did, I saw something in his eyes that just told me my rejection had sunk in. He apologized and we talked a bit more after about you.”

“Me?”

“He asked me about you.” Liz clarified. “You’ve been around for years but only on the edges. He knows little bits that I’ve let slip like that you’re a hunter but he never really knew anything about you. So I told him.”

“Like that I’m a god in the sack and can kill a man or something impersonating a man with just a ball point pen.” Dean stated his voice rich with arrogance.

“No.” Liz replied. “I told him about that you have a tough dangerous exterior but that you have a big heart. You’re selfless to the point that people think you have a death wish but in truth, you’d die protecting those you care about or an innocent you think needs it.”

“You make me sound like a big damn hero or something Liz.” Dean said uncomfortably.

“Wow, two Firefly references in one day. But what I’m saying is true. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks you are.”

Liz waited for a moment to see if what she said sunk in. Dean had serious issues with self worth and knew that things could quickly slip into another argument if she pushed too much. Instead, she watched him ignore her words and move on as he asked. “So what’d Max think of that?”

“He said that you sounded like a good guy.” Liz answered.

“And if he hadn’t thought that?” Dean couldn’t help but ask.

“Then I would have told him that it didn’t matter because he wasn’t the one sleeping with you.” Liz answered and broke into laughter when she saw Dean wince.

“I did not need that mental image in my brain.” Dean complained.

“Besides, Max has his own love life to deal with now. I introduced him to a coworker one night at the café but didn’t think anything about it until Maria said something about seeing sparks between them. We ganged up on Max, and eventually he asked her out hence my babysitting. They’ve been dating, slowly, ever since. They’re cute together; she’s a single parent too.” Liz explained.

Dean nodded as he pulled off the road and into a gas station. His baby was getting low on fuel as was his stomach. He pulled up at one of the pumps before looking at Liz. “Hungry?”

“Starving.” Liz exclaimed before she leaned over the seat to look around the back. She saw her purse sitting on the floor and she quickly snatched it up before opening her door. She headed inside as Dean messed with the gas tank. There was a small diner attached to the gas station. She ordered a bunch of food to go before retreating to the restroom. Luckily the gas station was fairly new and the restrooms were clean.

Once she got to the sink, Liz looked at the mirror to access the damage. Her ponytail was a mess from sleep, her eyes showed smudges of leftover makeup and she was still wearing the clothes she had worn under her lab coat at work the day previously. She was a complete mess but she would quickly fix that with the stuff in her bag and her powers.

Dean watched the door of the station from his perch against his car as he waited. Liz had disappeared inside more than fifteen minutes before and Dean was starting to get a bad feeling, like maybe she had decided to bolt or something. He was just about to go inside when the door swung open and she emerged carrying a large sack. But it wasn’t the sack that caught his attention; it was the change in her appearance. She looked like she had just returned from a fresh shower, she even had on a different set of clothes on and had a huge smile on her face as she handed him the sack. “You clean up good.”

“Gotta love alien powers. Wait until you see what I do with them when we get to Wyoming.” Liz joked. “I saw a couple of picnic tables around the side, do we have time to sit and eat?”

“Yeah, we’ve got a little bit.” Dean agreed before following her to the tables. He swung his legs over the bench as he watched Liz pull out the boxes of food.

“So where exactly in Wyoming are we going?” Liz asked as she munched on a fry.

“Cheyenne.” Dean answered. “Pastor Jim actually lives in Blue Earth, Minnesota but he’s down in Wyoming doing work with another pastor or something.”

“So when are we meeting up with everyone?” Liz inquired.

“Everyone?” Dean repeated confused.

“My friends, your dad, Sam? You said you talked to Maria so I figured they’d be meeting up with us.” Liz stated. But as she talked she saw the look on Dean’s face and knew something wasn’t right. “I mean, if we are going to be married our friends and family are going to be there.”

“Yeah, I guess they usually are.” Dean agreed. “But they won’t be.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t tell them.” Dean explained.

“You didn’t…but…” Liz couldn’t even get a full sentence out. “Why the hell not?”

“Dad’s not an option, I got your friends covering for you, and Sam…” Dean hesitated for a minute. “Sam’s not really in a wedding kind of mood right now.”

“But he’s your brother. I think he’d make an exception.” Liz declared.

“Things are really messed up right now alright. A few weeks back, Sam met a girl that he got friendly with, platonically not biblically. They split and then she popped up later to try and lure Dad. She tried to kill all three of us and he’s blaming himself.” Dean snapped before realizing he was being a little harsh.

“Look I didn’t mean to be an ass. I just don’t think it’s safe right now for my family or any hunter outside of Pastor Jim to know about us.” Dean explained. “Not even Sam.”

“Is it ever going to be safe?” Liz asked.

“I hope so.” Dean admitted. “Maybe I should just drive you back to Roswell.”

“Not getting cold feet are you Winchester?” Liz asked.

“No. I’m just not sure how smart this plan of mine is. After my mom and Jess…”

“I’m not Mary or Jess. I know what is out there and what to do to protect myself.” Liz declared. “And I’m not helpless if something does pop up.”

Dean knew she was right though it was still hard for him knowing that by marrying her; he would always being putting her in front of danger. But she’d been in danger from the hunting world for years simply by knowing him and his family. So with knowing that if she still chose him, he wasn’t going to turn her away. Shortly after they were back on the road heading north.

Sorry if you are confused, remember this is still set in S1 of SN.