- Max was sitting on the floor of the abyss – his legs spread before him – and somehow Liz had come to be sitting on the floor in front of him – her own legs pulled up tight against her as he felt her back push softly against his chest. It was – he realized – very pleasant. But he found it bothered him a little that he had no actual memory of just how that had happened.
They had come in to the abyss together, and he’d started talking to Liz at once about the possibility that Kramer would allow her to be taken to Chicago for treatment. He realized she really didn’t believe that – but at least thought she ought to be kept informed. After a few minutes Izzy had said she was going to go explore the abyss – she’d been doing a lot of that lately and Max was at a loss to understand why. When he had gone out there he'd seen nothing but inky blackness. Also, he knew he knew for a fact that Izzy couldn’t get more than fifteen or twenty feet into the inky murk without he himself disappearing from the orb but somehow she’d developed a fascination with something out there – not that he had minded.
The first deep kiss that Liz had given him had disturbed him – on several levels. He had loved her since third grade but it had for a long time been a very Platonic sort of love. Even that Izzy had sort of feared - she tended to haze Max away from Liz throughout elementary school. But in fairness, he'd never pushed the issue himself much either. But even so, his feelings toward Liz hadn't been sexual - at least not then. He had been pretty much convinced that he was a different species from Liz and besides - that wasn't something that elementary school kids thought of very much.
At the end of Fifth grade they'd had 'Learning about Life,' the soon-to-be Middle Schoolers' introduction to sex education and he'd thought the whole subject vaguely distasteful. He couldn't imagine doing - THAT - with anyone. The whole idea of sexual attraction seeemed - eeeeew!
Until the day in seventh grade PE when he'd been going in to shower with his class after running a two mile run.
They'd been jogging in past the baseball field where the girl's were just finishing up a softball tournament. That's when he'd seen a triumphant Liz - who'd batted in the game winning run --being doused with Gatorade by Marian and her other teammates after they had won the softball championship. The embarrassed girl should have worn a bra that day. Her endowment hadn't been that much in the seventh grade, but the soaked t-shirt showed every bit of it that she had. He'd gotten one quick look and instantly turned his head away - streaking into the boy's shower room toward the most distant corner shower - desperate to get in the cold water before the other boys noticed the reaction of his body to hers. They would have teased him for weeks if they'd seen it. If Max had ever doubted his body was pretty human, that was the day he found out differently. His body was apparently just as willing to be attracted to a human as any of the other seventh grade boys bodies were. At least as long as the human was Liz.
That one episode had been a turning point in his - uh - non-relationship with Liz, he'd realized. Oh, nothing had changed on the surface – he'd never allow that of course – but in his daydreams he had found that his love for Liz was not merely Platonic. So it wasn't like Max wasn't aware that Liz could affect him THAT way – but even so, the deep kiss they'd shared in the dream-orb had been profoundly disturbing to him. It had shaken him to the core because it wasn't like he'd ever quite felt so overwhelmed by passion for her before that. In fact, Liz and passion just didn't really seem like a good fit at all.
It wasn't like Liz was a total prude – although she was clearly the 'Perfect Miss Parker.' It was, Max thought, more like she just didn't seem to care that much about – well – THAT. He'd seen her accept a few dates – knew she'd gone out fwith a few guys – but even in the boys locker room of West Roswell High where guys clearly tended to exaggerate their conquests, no one had ever claimed to have gotten past first base with Liz, and he had some doubts that those who'd made claims of getting to first base had even gotten that far. Liz just didn't seem that interested in .... well, passion - Max decided to call it – with anyone.
Oh, Max could understand easily enough why her kiss had stirred HIM up so much, but why had Liz – who had shown little interest in passion with anyone before – least of all Max Evans – suddenly taken an interest in him – of all people – like that? I mean – Liz just didn't do that sort of thing.
For all his own fantasizing he really could never have imagined her doing that with anyone – even a human someone. No, that one kiss was probably farther than Liz had ever gone with anyone – the sort of getting to first base that preceded getting to second base – and Liz would have never done that normally – unlike Pamela Troy, who if the locker room gossip was to be believed, literally was in a league of her own.
Granted, Liz didn't really believe that the dream-orb was real – and in fairness it wasn't. She was, he realized, as entitled to her dreams as he had been to those he'd had of her. But the situations weren't really parallel`. He could have dreamed of anyone – it wasn't like that with Liz. She had been trapped in the abyss and he was the only guy there the only guy who could be there. It wasn't like it was her choice to dream about him.
He knew that was responsible for his feelings of guilt over that kiss – and the guilt he felt as he responded to the delightful feeling of her back rubbing slowly against his chest while his arms encircled her waist. Liz, he was sure, really didn't believe this was happening and, if she had, she almost certainly wouldn't be doing it – and certainly not with him. It wasn't like she'd ever really seemed all that interested in him as anything other than as a friend and lab-partner in the real world
No – there could be only one explanation for why Liz was acting like she was. Liz was giving up. Liz was despairing of ever having any life outside of the abyss. She too had realized that the abyss was shrinking – that even this last vestige of self-awareness was fading. Liz had decided that she wanted to experience the part of her life that she had never had – the romantic part – maybe even THAT part.
As much as Max would have liked – oh let's be honest here – Max knew he'd have given his soul to go down that road with her – he cared too much about her to take advantage of her that way. He cared too much to use a desperate lonesome girl who had no one else to turn to to satisfy his own fantasies. He really couldn't bring himself to do that.
'So OK, Max,' he heard his mind tell himself, ' ...if that's the case, just how DID you get cuddled up to her like this?' The fact of the matter was, he really wasn't sure. But they were just spooning together – that seemed pretty harmless. It was so pleasant – and Liz DID seem happy, he rationalized, feeling the warmth of her against him – feeling her hair brush against his cheek as she turned and looked back at him – as her right hand went to his head and pulled him forward – her lips finding his. It would be several seconds until he could think of anything but her lips against his....
Informed consent (M/L ADULT) [COMPLETE]
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Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/13/2009
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/13/2009
- The fact of the matter, Liz thought, as she nestled against his chest, was that if this were the REAL Max Evans, she would almost certainly not be doing this. Oh, it wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Max Evans - she certainly couldn't lie to herself about a thing like that. It's simply that Max Evans had never shown the least bit of interest toward her in THAT way.
They'd been friends since the third grade - Platonic friends of course - that's all anyone was in elementary school. She hadn't thought about anyone in other than Platonic terms until the Fifth grade, when they had their 'Learning about Life' class - and those initial thoughts had been - Ewwwww.
The first time she'd ever thought of a boy as other than - Ewwww, had been in seventh grade. The girls had just finished the softball tournament and as her team was celebrating their victory in the finals, the seventh grade boys had just come back from a 2 mile run. Max Evans - his sweaty t-shirt peeled off his back and held in his hands and wearing just his gym shorts and athletic shoes had led the class right by the softball field. He'd had the sun glistening off his sweat soaked chest, and he'd looked like a young Adonis. Liz had found herself almost instantly fantasizing about the two of them locked in a passionate embrace with nothing but sweat between them.
Liz had never experienced a feeling anything like that before. She had gone bright red and her mouth had been hanging open with her tongue dangling out - at least that's the excuse Maria had given for her and Jenny Rogers upending the water cooler on her.
But the feelings had never been reciprocated. She'd actually seen him take one look at her - her beige sports bra clearly visible through the Gatorade soaked white t-shirt, and he'd turned away - actually increasing the speed of his jogging toward the gym.
No, much as she wished it were different, the REAL Max Evans had never shown any romantic interest. That was one of the reasons she knew dream-Izzy and dream-Max weren't really even real, let alone some sort of aliens.
Oh, she'd tried. She'd maneuvered and connived, actually getting two other guys to ask her out - right in front of Max. Nothing. No, it wasn't being 'the Perfect Miss Parker,' that made her seem like such a prude - it was simply that the only guy she'd ever really been attracted to didn't seem to even notice she was female.
She had actually kissed a couple of those boys - as a way of thanking them for their attempt to provide her with a pleasant date. It just hadn't seemed like much fun- and she sure didn't want to lead them on into additional dates that would get their hopes up. Until she got over her crush about Max Evans, romance for her just wasn't going to happen.
So for years she had contented herself with her fantasies content to hope that somehow - someday - Max would come around, or that - alternatively - she would somehow get over him. The problem was that neither had happened.
She was starting to realize just what this was - this abyss. It was her mind - or what was left of it after the accident - and in that mind she was playing out her own personal morality play. This was the only world she had left - and it too appeared to be slowly dying -so she was going to take what enjoyment she could from her fantasy within it. Of course, what enjoyment she could seemed to be limited right now by Izzy - her personal Jiminy Cricket, playing a role not unlike what Liz had suspected her of doing in elementary school when Isabel Evans always seemed to be keeping her and Max from becoming too friendly. But she had to admit there was some wisdom to Izzy's cautions. It wasn't like she was real experienced at this or anything. Of course, she thought as she turned her head back to look at him - cupped his head in her hand and brought it forward until their lips met as she leaned back in to his chest - some things were just too good to rush.
She heard a small moan as her tongue touched his - a small part of her brain idly wondering if it had come from her or Max. Most of her brain appeared to be otherwise occupied.
Last edited by greywolf on Tue Mar 17, 2009 9:46 am, edited 3 times in total.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/17/2009
- It was only 24 hours later but the small group was again gathered in the conference room at Evans and Evans, attorneys at law. It had been a time of uncertainty for all of the Roswell crowd, wondering what proposal the insurance company would bring to the table - but the time had at last arrived.
"These are the figures that came from the actuary people and the accountants," said Fred Kramer, handing out a small stack of copies to each of those present. "The figures for the medical airlift are an estimate, but they are probably within 10% of their share of the costs - the issue is timing of the appointment for some reason - but they don't make that much difference overall. The bottom line is this ... the insurance company will break even," 'or at least come close enough to satisfy the judge,' he thought to himself, "...if we trade six weeks of care in the rehabilitation ward for six weeks of nursing home care. What that means really is that we could fly Liz up to Chicago - with room in the plane for her family and a couple of attendants - any time in the next six weeks - do the test and see what it says. If it's a positive test we could then fund the treatment for her based upon a 70% likelihood that we would NOT have to pay for her long term care. If it were negative, we would simply fly everyone back here and start the transfer from the rehab hospital about six weeks earlier than we would have otherwise done it. The front part of this - the transfer to Chicago and testing - is just about revenue neutral. Actually, it costs the company a little more than it saves, but that's balanced against the rather small probability of the rather substantial savings that occurs if Liz is cured. I couldn't get the actuarial people and accountants to buy off on your 15% annual increase in nursing home costs, Max," said Kramer, looking directly at Max and shrugging his shoulders. "They claim that 9% is a better estimate, but it's probably the best deal that I could get from the judge anyway. The hospital will provide a room for Mr. and Mrs. Parker for the time that Liz is there - the company will provide a room for the nurse ... or is she going to require a nurse, doctor? We've budgeted for that too if need be."
"No," replied Doctor Taylor. "In fact, for the trip itself - well, if you wanted to just take Maria and Isabel, I'm sure they would be able to handle Liz for those few hours. They certainly know enough about managing her care for the few hours she'll actually be enroute."
"Well, then we could use that money to provide a hotel room for them to stay during the time Liz will be there -- if that's your desire, of course," Kramer said, nodding to Jeff and Nancy.
"This is sort of overwhelming..." said Nancy. "Do we get to talk this over?"
"Of course," replied Kramer. "We'll just leave the proposal here. Review it with Ms. Evans and Doctor Taylor - decide what you want to do or if you have any questions, give me a call at my office. If you decide to take this option, I'll draw up a contract and deliver it to Ms. Evans for her review. Sign it and get it back to me and we can get this process in motion. I'll give Doctor Taylor the go-ahead and confirm that with the Institute as soon as we get the signed contract back. I want you to understand that not everyone is like the shysters that you were dealing with. I know insurance companies seem like big abstract things, but they are really no more and no less than the sum total of their policyholders. Unfortunately the policyholders of this company dropped the ball with their oversight of management. Due to your daughter's case - and the intervention of Ms Evans here - that is being corrected. If we actually DID have unlimited funds and if it were up to me, I'd just sau the hell with it and authorize Doctor Taylor to just try the treatment, but that's no the way it is in the real world Mr. and Mrs. Parker. I'm glad that young Mr. Evans there forced us to take a look at this - at least give you this option. But no one is twisting anyone's arm here. This isn't a take it now or leave it option. Take all the time you need - you have another six weeks before we get to the point that the residual acute care cost will be smaller than the cost of transporting Liz up north to have the test. Take your time and be sure. From what Dr. Rothstein has told me, this seems like a reasonable option and probably what he'd do if it were his child - but the decision is yours. Talk it over with Liz's physician and make sure that you understand the option you choose, but either way - it is your choice."
After Rothstein and Kramer left, Jeff Parker and his wife found themselves looking at Doctor Taylor, Diane, and Max Evans.
"From the medical standpoint, Dr. Taylor,..." asked Jeff Parker, "... what do you think of the testing procedure? I tried to look this up in the library, but apparently all the books and journals on this subject were checked out." He felt his wife's fott kick his shin under the table and hastily continued, "...uh, not that I would have likely understood them anyway."
"I had to go online to find that information last night myself - thanks for the references Max - and it appears pretty much as Max here explained it, Mr. Parker," said Dctor Emily Taylor. "Basically if the test is positive, there is about a seventy percent chance that Liz will benefit from the treatment. If it is negative, she is very unlikely - not impossible, but very unlikely - that she would benefit from the treatment. What it actually comes down to is what will give Liz the best chance - the possibility that she might spontaneously recover in the last six weeks of the year of acute treatment she is authorized, versus the possibility she might recover with neurotrophin treatment. Unfortunately, both probabilities are small. Worst of all, Liz has a specific injury to the reticular activating system that seems from the limited studies available to be LESS likely to recover than the average brain injury causing coma. That being the case it's hard to say with certainty what would be the best medical option. My guess - and I certainly don't have the statistics to make it any more than a guess, is that the testing and treatment option would likely be the better medical option, but Liz's particular injury is an unusual one - the number of people with similar injuries who have been treated is just too small to know with any great surety."
Nancy Parker looked to Diane Evans and nodded.
"From the legal standpoint, it appears that what Mr. Kramer is proposing is a reasonable contract modification. "I'll have Max go through the figures but - from a preliminary look, it doesn't look like the insurance company makes any money on this deal. I have a feeling that Mr. Kramer was being honest about this - he has no monetary interest in the company himself, he's simply on a fee for service basis from the court to help to keep the company together now that most of their senior and much of their middle management are under indictments and aren't allowed in the building. If you two decide to go forward with this, I'll let him know - then review the contract modification he sends us."
Nancy looked at him but Jeff couldn't help looking at Max Evans. The boy's eyes burned with intensity. It was like the boy's mind was trying to connect with him - force him to say yes. "I think Nancy and I need to talk this over. We have six weeks - I think we should discuss it a couple of days anyway."
As Jeff finished Max Evans' eyes seemed to burn into his - the disappointment and disapproval obvious on his face.
"I think that's entirely reasonable." said Diane. "In fact, given the gravity of the decision, and the fact that you have six weeks to spare here - I'd actually discourage you from making a decision until both of you are comfortable with it."
"But mom," started Max....
"Hush, Max. Liz is their daughter and it is their decision. They are going to have to be the ones to live with it. That's only fair Max, they are her family, and you are just a friend." Except she knew, even as she said it that it was a lie. She wasn't sure how it had happened - or when - but somehow Max considered himself far more than just a lab partner to the comatose girl. Somehow her mother's heart told her that two souls were hovering on the brink of being lost here, and only one of them belonged to Liz Parker. But it wasn't going to help matters for Max and Jeff Parker to get in to it. The day might come that would be unavoidable, but she didn't want it to happen today. She looked at Nancy Parker and an unseen appeal somehow went between the two women.
Nancy looked at Max ... no one else .... and said, "...We just need to think about it a little - just a day or two, right Jeff?"
His wife's hand on his distracted him - broke his eye contact with Max. "Uh -yes, we just need to talk about it a little - think it over. Then we'll give you an answer,' he said, looking back at Diane Evans.
The meeting quickly broke up as the Parkers left for the Crashdown.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/18/2009
- A half hour later in the Parker kitchen:
“I cannot believe that you are even thinking about NOT accepting that offer, Jeff Parker.”
Jeff wondered if he looked as miserable as he felt. “No – not really. Doctor Taylor seems to think that’s best, and she’s always leveled with us – even that first day. It’s just that the way that Max pushed this through….”
“This is not about you and Max Evans, dear. It’s about our daughter and what’s best for her.”
“I know that. I know that we owe Diane Evans for the fact that Liz isn’t already in a nursing home – not just there six weeks before she otherwise would be.”
“Well, we aren’t obligated to give up those six weeks. Max gave us the opportunity to say yes – it’s not like he took the decision away from us, but why on Earth we wouldn’t want to give Liz the chance….? That I really can’t imagine.”
“No –you are right. I’ll call Diane. Tell her that we want to go through with the testing and hopefully the treatment – let her contact Kramer to arrange the contract modification. It’s just that….”
“It’s just that Max was the one who pushed this through and you are uncomfortable with that,” said Nancy, looking at him with an indulgent smile and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
“Nancy, did you look in that kid’s eyes? Did you see the intensity there? The…. the fanaticism? He must have read a dozen books about this – got articles that neither of the doctors there had yet seen. Then when Kramer said they couldn’t pay for the treatment – it was like his brain went into overdrive or something to figure out the economics and convince him. ”
“And we should be very happy he did, too Jeff," said Nancy, the squeeze continuing, "....and as for his intensity - his fanaticism you call it? It's not all that different from what I see in your eyes when you get to thinking about Liz. Like a quiet desperation - wanting to do something, but being unable to..."
"Well, the difference is I know what I want to happen with Liz. I don't know what Max wants to happen with Liz, and I'm not sure that I'd approve if I did."
"What if the Albuquerque police are just plain wrong, Jeff? What it what's driving Max like this is the same thing that puts that desperation in your eyes - love for Liz."
"Max had his chance to date Liz - he never bothered to do that - never tried to get close to her at all until she was - vulnerable."
"That's just that Albuquerque detective who talked to you talking Jeff. What if it was something else? Something else altogether? Everyone complains that kids start dating - start getting involved - start having sex, way too early. What if they were just being good kids - doing what everybody wishes their kids would do and taking it slow? Then this happened to Liz and it just forced Max to confront what he really felt. You know, if Max and Liz had been dating for a year, I don't think we'd be feeling like this at all. We'd be commiserating with Max - bonding together in our sorrow over this - not fighting the boy."
"But they never did date. There never was that relationship," protested Jeff.
"No ... no there wasn't. For whatever reason, it never got started. But .... I'll tell you what Maria told me. Liz had a real crush on Max. It started in the seventh grade and really never went away. In the eight grade Maria finally told Liz that she ought to 'go after' Max - that she ought to push for a relationship, that way she'd at least know - and Liz almost did. She told Maria that you loved her 'Perfect Miss Parker' image, and she couldn't do that to you."
"So the fact that they never started dating was my fault?" Jeff asked dubiously.
"Jeff dear, that's not what I said. In fact, any young lady not willing to stand up to her daddy for her guy, certainly isn't mature enough for romance. The point, dear, is that had Max shown an interest, it might well have happened. It certainly might have happened the last couple of years. Liz didn't HAVE to choose Max as a lab partner these last two years. Obviously she trusted him - was still interested. Maria said she didn't think Liz ever really lost hope - she just wasn't willing to make the first move."
"I don't know - maybe - who knows what might have happened. It's just that - Nancy, I can't look at the boy without getting the feeling he's - hiding something. But - that can't stop me from doing what's best for Liz. I'll make the call to his mother .... make the deal with the insurance company. But I'm still not comfortable with him being near Liz, and don't even THINK about asking him to go to Chicago for the test."
"I'm sure no one is expecting that, Jeff," Nancy said reassuringly.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/20/2009
- “…and then, when the neurotrophins stimulate your injured reticular activating system, we hope it’s going to boost you into a higher level of self awareness and if you become conscious, I’ll be there. Then I can connect with you and use my powers to heal the nerve tracts that are injured but not yet functional, and bring you back to normal.”
Izzy looked at Liz and had to suppress a chuckle. She doubted that Liz believed a thing that Max was saying, but she was apparently working hard for a connection of her own. Izzy was, in fact, admiring her technique, and giving serious consideration to using it on Alex.
It was apparent when they’d come in to the orb that Liz had been there for some time, and likely would be too tired to stay very long. That’s why Max had gone into this rapid-fire explanation of her upcoming trip to Chicago. Liz had – Izzy was pretty sure_-- feigned fatigue – in the orb sitting down actually took no less effort than standing, the whole place was virtual anyway – and looked up at Max with her head at an awkward angle. That had led Max to sit down beside her. She’d then engaged Izzy in a little conversation, putting herself between the two of them and slowly backing up against Max’s chest as they’d talk. It was sort of like the movement of an amoeba – before Max really knew what had hit him, Liz was spooned up against his chest and was now looking Izzy in the eyes and then nodding her head toward the swirling darkness. Izzy got the hint.
“Uh, while you finish your explanation to Liz…,” she said, interrupting and getting to her feet, “I think I’ll go uh –study the composition of the mist some more. Maybe I’ll find something that can help make it less bleak out there.” That was of course nonsense. She could as easily have said she was going into the darkness to watch the submarine races there, and it would have been as truthful.
Nonetheless, she doubted that her presence would be missed, and she’d just do a little daydreaming of her own about applying Liz’s technique to her own next physical contact with Alex. She wished she could somehow actually do that, but without him actually knowing about her – without him actually understanding that – well, those twins might never even be a possibility – was it cruel to him and to her to let the relationship deepen?
Liz watched Izzy disappear into the black mists and snuggled back against dream-Max. After listening to him she was more sure than ever that the whole thing was a fantasy. Oh, maybe not the proposed treatment – the medical rationale seemed sound enough – but Max – had it been the real Max – would have never made the kind of mistake this dream-Max had made. The chance wasn’t 10% that she would be brought back to consciousness by the drugs – it was 10% ONLY if she qualified for the treatment, and the odds against that were high. The chance was very high that – even if this scheme had been true, and Liz supposed it might be – she might have overheard such a thing even in her coma from one of the medical people and somehow incorporated it in to this dream – the chance was very high that the screening test would eliminate her from consideration for the treatment altogether. And she probably ought to tell that to this fake dream-Max, but somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to destroy his enthusiasm. Besides, she had another use for his enthusiasm and an experiment of her own she wished to try.
She leaned back against him and brought his hands to her waist .....
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/21/2009
- As she saw Izzy smile and retreat into the distance – obscured by the black mists of the abyss, Liz snuggled back against dream-Max’s chest with a soft sigh. Dream-Max continued to babble about neurotrophins but she was barely listening. She had another subject in mind.
Liz had experienced one other period of self-awareness in the abyss since last she’d dreamed of Izzy and dream-Max. Originally she’d been overcome with loneliness at such times – finding herself alone in the abyss – but knowing the knowledge – or at least the belief – that the two would appear to her in the future had made those intervals of isolation much less unbearable. During that time she’d built in her mind a model of reality – at least the current reality. It did NOT include actual visitors – and certainly not alien ones, although there were elements of truth in the things these constructs of her subconscious had spoken about.
The way Liz saw it, she was indeed in a coma from the auto accident. That was almost certain. Initially, she’d been self aware more frequently and the visible portion of the abyss had been noticeably larger. In fact, initially she had been overwhelmed by the emptiness for what had seemed like an eternity. Gradually, she figured, she had gone – not insane really – although who could tell what insanity was in a dream – but eventually she’d started to hallucinate Max and Isabel Evans. She could recall reading a science article at one time about sensory deprivation inducing hallucinations, and she was pretty sure that was exactly what was happening to her. Her brain – or whatever remained of it – was incapable of getting much in the way of input while she lay in the coma. She’d visualized that as this abyss, and as the emptiness and heart-rending loneliness of that isolation had started to make her wish for death to end her misery, her subconscious mind had developed Izzy – a friendly version of her longtime social/romantic nemesis – the sister who had kept her away from Max Evans, and it had developed dream-Max – a dream version of the guy she’d always wanted to take an interest in her – and in these dreams one that really did care for her. In fact, had the real Max been even a fraction as attentive to her and concerned for her as the REAL Max Evans was … but that had never happened, she told herself, and certainly wasn’t going to now.
It was these hallucinations, Liz believed, that had kept her sane – providing the illusion of the sensory input that was now denied her. They had certainly helped her depression. It was that terrible depression, Liz believed, that when she was first in the coma had caused the contraction of the abyss. She had often thought, before the hallucinatory figures had come to her, that life was no longer worth living. Somehow that had shrunk the abyss. Even now that Izzy and dream-Max were visiting about one-third of the times she was in the abyss, that shrinking had not altogether stopped. But their presence – hallucinatory though it was – had enabled her to finally look forward to something – rather than just dreading the isolation of the abyss.
Their last visit though … that session with dream-Max, had been absolutely enjoyable. OK, it wasn’t real, she knew that. Still, it was as close to real as she was ever going to get – she had become certain of that fact. Moreover, it had given her motivation – motivation to put her scientific mind to work and do a little experimenting during the last awareness period when neither Izzy of dream-Max had been present.
There hadn’t been much to experiment on in the abyss – black mist that retreats as you advance toward it is not much of a resource – so she’d experimented on herself. She had felt – real. Izzy had explained that people in normal dream-orbs could create whole worlds – and of course she remembered doing precisely that in dreams before her accident. She’d also said that because her dream-orb wasn’t normal, it deteriorated quickly as it got farther from her conscious mind. The mind itself – or at least the self-awareness – visualized itself as her – the person in the middle. Liz didn’t have to believe that Izzy was an alien to see the logic that her subconscious mind had revealed to her.
In the model she built of her situation – the mind of Liz Parker trapped in a defective dream – it seemed the farther away things were – and she wasn’t sure if that were physical or metaphysical distance – the less control she had over them, hence anything at a distance was a formless, lightless, featureless, nothing. Conversely, at the center was her mind – represented by her body.
She supposed she wore clothes in this dream because that was what her mind visualized as normal. Granted, the dark dress wasn’t much – and perhaps that was because she really didn’t have the level of consciousness to sustain more than just a featureless black dress. Then again, maybe she did.
She’d tried an experiment – looking at her fingernails. She had tried to visualize them – visualize the picture of them in her mind as tightly as she possibly could – then visualize them as they would be with bright pink nail polish. To her surprise, it had worked. Oh, it was hard to do – difficult to sustain – and didn’t last long – but she could do it. As soon as she lost her concentration – not that there was much in the abyss to distract her – or after what subjectively seemed like just a few minutes, everything sort of reverted to status quo. But for those few seconds she could control at least a small portion of her small world. She’d moved on to further experiments.
During the last awareness period without dream-Max and Izzy she had managed to create two new hairdos – she’d stopped that because she had no mirror to see herself anyway – and two different outfits neither of them dramatically different from the simple shift she always wore. But the real purpose of the experiments hadn’t been really about wardrobe or hair style – at least not for it’s own sake. As Liz pushed herself back into dream-Max’s chest, feeling the warmth of him – feeling his breath in her hair – it was time for a more serious experiment.
What Izzy had said – that she ought to take things slow with dream-Max – that she ought not to do anything to lead dream-Max on – to not do anything that she might regret when she finally opened her eyes and Max healed her really didn’t make that much sense to her. First of all, dream-Max wasn’t real, the very fact that he was so unlike Max with his constant attention to her proved that. Secondly, Max and Isabel Evans were NOT aliens.
But the third reason was the most important reason – the reason that she was going to do what she was now going to do. Because even though she knew he was imaginary, she loved the way that dream-Max cared for her. If Max had ever – ever in the years they’d been lab partners – cared that much for her – well, Max would damn sure be at second base by now. Why should it be any different for dream-Max? Especially when it was as close to the real thing as one Liz Parker was now ever going to experience.
As Liz pressed back into him Max saw her turn her head – her lips reaching for his. He’d promised himself not to let it go too far this time. He’d felt guilty, knowing that Liz didn’t really think he was real. Yes, she had started it and it had been – awesome – but there had also been a feeling of guilt. It was like he was intruding in a private dream of hers – a dream where he wouldn’t have been welcome if Liz had really believed she wasn’t just dreaming. But the sweetness of her lips was apparently greater than his sense of guilt he soon discovered as he leaned forward – his whole body quivering as her tongue darted between her lips to caress his own tongue. OK, his mind told him. This far and no farther – it wouldn’t be fair.
She’d practiced it – and it worked, as she drew his hands to her waist. The simple smock rippled and slid briefly as her mind commanded it, and she could feel the levis and blouse replace it. She covered her hands with his and drew them closer.
Max was startled to find his hand strike skin at Liz’s waist. He would have sworn she was wearing a smock rather than something open at the midriff – but that shock was nothing compared to what happened next as he felt Liz’s right hand sliding his upward – over the flatness of her abdomen – caressing her navel gently in passing – upward to her ribcage – his heart fluttering as she brought him to her bra…..
“Liz…I uh, you know…”
She’d half anticipated this reaction and forced her lips against his – a gentle moan coming from him as her tongue played with his… now if only she could hold her concentration.
He had intended – well, he’d told himself he intended – to pull his hand away. The kiss had taken him by surprise and he’d lost several seconds just enjoying the bliss – and by that time she had managed to bring his right hand to the fine laciness of her bra, and he found himself cupping her left breast through the bra. He told himself it was the shock – the suddenness of it – that had kept his hand there even after hers had dropped back to his waist – but he knew he was lying to himself. And for a second he enjoyed it – just caressing her breast through the bra – before the guilt sat in. And he would have – he really would have removed his hand – probably – had the bra not dissolved into nothingness.
‘I know it’s just a dream …but this is so wonderful...,’ Liz told herself – feeling the warmth of his hand against her – feeling the nipple engorge in reaction to his nearness….
He felt the nipple engorge then – it was as if his hand had a mind of its own, as his thumb and forefinger softly played with her engorging nipple – feeling it harden against his fingers. Suddenly her lips were back against his – his heart was beating – his tongue was in her mouth tasting hers – his hand was refusing to budge from where it was…. It was wrong – he knew it was wrong to take advantage of an injured and isolated and lonely girl this way. But he couldn’t help himself. A thousand nights of his own dreams about this had somehow conditioned him. He wanted this too bad to do the right thing – to not take advantage of someone he’d never even dated – not once in all these years he’d loved her. He realized suddenly that he’d never told her he cared – not in all those years. But even so – even with the guilt, it was too wonderful – too beautiful – for him to break away from her. Until he felt her take his left hand and move it downward across the flatness of her lower abdomen – past the waistline of her pants ... his fingers feeling the fine hair as his fingertips were slowly moved toward her mound….
Despite the pleasure she knew she’d been fading. As enjoyable as it was, she couldn’t keep conscious. She realized it was happening and even so, she’d pulled his left hand downward, savoring the closeness of him. As she felt the abyss collapse her last thoughts were that if she couldn’t really have Max, at least she could have this dream of him. Then consciousness departed her.
“Liz, no!" he said, although his body obviously didn’t share the concerns of his conscience. But he was talking to the ceiling. The dream had ended and he was all alone in his own bed – his body still shaking from the adrenalin rush Liz had triggered in him in the abyss.
He’d have to speak to Izzy, he knew – tell her not to leave them alone like that. Apparently Jeff Parker’s fears were not altogether without foundation. He lacked the will power to not take advantage of a confused and damaged Liz Parker. It wasn’t that he didn’t want that – didn’t want her – but it ought to be with her informed and knowing consent – otherwise, it was little better than virtual rape. If he cared for her, he owed her better than that -- and he did care for her. Yes, he'd have to speak to Izzy.
After Chicago - when he had healed her – when she knew the truth and believed – if she still wanted him then….. well… he’d devote his life to making her happy then. But he did love her – and that meant he couldn’t allow her to do something she might regret when she finally believed the truth. If he couldn't do that for her, he was no better than what Jeff Parker believed him to be....
That being settled in his mind for the moment, he looked at the clock. It was 2:17AM. An excellent time, he decided, for a very long, very cold shower.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/21/2009(2)
The knock came on the door in the late afternoon of the Parker residence in the back of the Crashdown and Nancy hurried to the door, wanting to get there before Jeff.
“Good afternoon Mrs. Parker,” said the amber-eyed young man – obviously a little nervous about being there.
“Come in, Max,” Nancy said. “Have a seat and I’ll go get Jeff.”
Soon the three were gathered at the kitchen table.
“Mom reviewed the contract from the insurance company and thinks it’s OK – here are her notes on it.”
“Thank you, Max,” said Nancy, looking at her husband looking at Max. She had been working on Jeff all morning – hoping that she could somehow defuse the distrust Jeff had for the man. Nancy had known Max for years, not well enough perhaps. He was always the quiet well-mannered kid that hung back a little bit. Nancy had been as reluctant for her daughter to start in to the teenage dating scene as any mother but even when Liz was back in middle school she remembered thinking that when that day finally came, she hoped that Liz wouldn’t overlook the shy young man. According to Maria Liz hadn’t, but nothing had ever really happened – and now this. Perhaps she should have been afraid of the young boy – after the concerns expressed by the Albuquerque police detective, but the man hadn’t known Max at all. How could he really judge? Besides … when she looked into Max’s eyes when he talked about Liz these days, she saw the same pain expressed in them that she did when she talked to Jeff. The two of them were more alike than either realized – at least in so far as their worrying about Liz.
“Dr Taylor read the journal articles you gave her, Max,” said Jeff. “She said the odds aren’t great, but they are better if we take this option than if we just continue to wait, even if we give up the last three weeks of her rehab care.” It took a few seconds but Jeff finally squeezed out the last few words of what he had been debating saying. “…I want to thank you – Nancy and I both want to thank you for all the research – and coming up with this deal – to give Liz that chance.”
Max nodded, then looked up. “The aircraft the insurance company hired - since the doctor said she won't need a nurse.... it has room for one more passenger besides you and Marian and Izzy. I'd like to go along - to be there when Liz has her test."
Nancy watched Jeff pause - considering the request - hoping her talk with him had been enough. Then she winced as 'shy' Max opened his mouth again.
"Please, Mr. Parker. I really NEED to be there."
'What was it with guys?' Nancy asked herself. That had been precisely the wrong thing to say - evoking pictures in Jeff's mind of a Max Evans under treatment for an obsession. If he'd only said he'd really LIKE to be there.....
"Max," Jeff said, "... I don't want you to think we don't appreciate how hard you worked on this -- the studying and the deal-making, but I don't think I'd be comfortable changing the restraining order right now to have you come along."
The pain in the boys seemed real to Jeff, but he still couldn't take the chance. But maybe he was wrong about the boy - He found himself hoping he was. "Tell you what, Max... when Liz wakes up I'll ask her if she'd like to see you. If she says yes, I'll pay for the ticket to fly you up to Chicago that same day.."
Max shrugged his shoulders. He already had a reservation to fly out of Albuquerque and had reserved the room next to Maria and Izzy in the hotel - but it had been worth a try. He had the money from his savings acccount - years of summer jobs and research work he'd done for his mom and dad. If he had to, he could access his college money. It's just that he would have just been much happier if he'd really seen her - if he could just have been physically close to her. It had been a long time.
Jeff saw Nancy looking at him as the boy walked away. He knew from her expression she would have wanted him to let Max fly along - but he had a daughter to worry about, he didn't need the added worry of Max Evans.
It was sixteen hours after the last meeting in the abyss – and time for a girl to girl talk. Liz had barely felt the abyss form around her when Izzy was there – by herself – a quirky grin on her face.
“Liz, my friend,” she said, “… we need to talk.”
“Talk?” Liz asked, appearing to look around – no doubt for Max, Izzy assumed.
“Yes, Talk. I think you scared my brother half to death – not that I’m not pretty sure he enjoyed it. But he doesn’t want me to leave the two of you alone again.”
“But – I don’t want that.”
“No,” said Izzy, “..shaking her head, “… I don’t either. As much as I tried for all those years to keep you apart, the big idiot does need you. But you sort of got to understand the rules.”
“Rules? In a dream?”
“Rules in a dreamwalk anyway. Let me explain, again. When I first started dreamwalking guys in Middle School – we aren’t talking Alex here, I think he was born a gentleman – it was obvious they had a lot of rough edges. A lot of them dreamt of me, and like I told you, I could either watch from outside the dream-orb, or merge myself into the dream-Isabel they had created and act out in their dreams. For a lot of dreams, I didn’t even do that. There is a lot of sort of crude sex in many guys dreams, and I wasn’t even interested in watching. But a number of them who dreamt of me were acting nice enough – at least at first – so I joined them in the dream. On one occasion – with Alex – that even worked out, and with him I kept doing it. The other times – well, on occasion they’d just be boring – or their personality would just rub me the wrong way. Sometimes I’d fade out of the dream and leave them. Other times – well usually it was an attempt at seduction. Because I was playing the role that they had defined, I could tell when I didn’t go along with them that they were disappointed – angry. Sometimes a failed seduction would get – violent. But it really didn’t matter because at the first sign that I was being pushed to go somewhere I didn’t want to go, I’d just fade out of their dream. Maybe the seduction worked after that – maybe they simply raped me in their dream – but I wasn’t there – I didn’t feel it, and it was a dream or a nightmare I didn’t have to share.”
“So what does this have to do with me and Max?”
“Max isn’t dreamwalking you – he doesn’t have the range. I’m dreamwalking you, and carrying Max in with me. Then when I wander off into the mist and the two of you are alone – Max doesn’t have the option to leave the dream – he’s trapped here as long as I’m keeping him here and if I don’t know he wants to leave – here he stays. But I think it’s more than that.”
“More than that?”
“Yeah, it is your dream. What you are feeling towards him bleeds through to his dream-body, at least when it’s close to you, and the last couple times – even though I’ve been off in the mists and couldn’t see – I assume you have been getting real – uh – close.”
Even through the darkness of the abyss, Izzy thought she could detect a blush.
“So you are saying I can’t…”
“Lord, no, I’m saying you are scaring the poor boy half to death. He feels he has no control of himself and he feels he’s taking advantage of you. For most of his life he’s been morose because he had to keep his distance from you – now he has this weird mixture of guilt and pleasure because he’s closer than he feels comfortable with.”
“He doesn’t feel like I feel?”
“Liz, he knows you don’t believe he’s real – that is, the REAL Max Evans. He knows you are lonely and – my brother just isn’t the kind of guy to take advantage of a situation like that. It’s not that he’s not – attracted. I think he used up all the cold water in Roswell when he showered last night - it's just that HIS dream is of you acting like that with - him, not a dream of him that you don't think is real."
Just for a moment Liz wanted to believe - it would have been so great to think that Max really cared that much for her - but then her scientific mind reminded her - Occam's razor. Was this a series of incredibly impossible things - a pair of aliens living amongst everyone undetected for over a decade - and one of those wanting to be her boyfriend - or merely a badly damaged brain living out it's fantasies? It wasn't a hard call.
But nonetheless, her conscience - in the form of Izzy - was still intact enough to lecture her that she'd gone too far, too fast. She was not, after all, Pamela Troy, and her conscience didn't want her to act like her. Not that she would have. She didn't want legions of guys - just one. Dream Max was as close as she was going to get to him, she feared.
"OK, Jiminy Cricket. If we need to go slower, we'll go slower. I may not believe you, but I'll pretend to believe you. Just bring him back.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/23/2009
- 4 weeks earlier
“They’ll bring the air ambulance jet right here to Roswell and load you on board. Izzy and Maria will go with you. I’ll drive the jeep up to Albuquerque and leave for Chicago from there. My parents think I’m going to be spending a few days camping with Michael – my mom actually suggested that because she knew I was worrying about how your test – and treatment – would work…”
Liz smiled as she walked along with dream-Max, their arms around one another’s waists and her head against his shoulder. She couldn’t honestly say that dream Max wasn’t as bright as the real Max – but sometimes he seemed so easily distracted. Of course, she was under strict instructions not to distract him TOO much. It was funny and – unbearably sweet in a way to think that he didn’t trust himself not to do – well, what she was perfectly willing to have him do. She found she could savor that sweetness as something very special – at least for now. How many teenage girls had a guy that cared for them so much they wanted to save them from themselves, she asked herself. Not very many – of course, it was all a dream.
He was easily distracted though. He had insisted that Izzy stay put and not wander off as she had done before, and Izzy had obliged. Of course now Liz had gotten him to stroll with her out of sight of Izzy which had essentially the same effect on privacy as Izzy wandering off.
Liz turned toward him and stood on her tip-toes, giving him a soft kiss, before continuing the walk. If he wanted more, she’d oblige him. If not, she could wait – at least for a while.
Liz had noticed that the abyss was still shrinking – it was most noticeable when Izzy and Max weren’t present, but even when they were it was slowly getting smaller. She wasn’t too sure how much time she had left. Yes, gentle kisses and loving caresses were wonderful for right now. But if her destiny was going to be to fade away to oblivion, she intended to go out with a bang, a blush coming to her cheeks as she realized the double entendre of that thought.
“What’s wrong,” he asked, noticing her flushing.
“Nothing,” she said, snuggling up to his shoulder with a grin.
Last edited by greywolf on Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/24/2009
- Isabel had watched the black mist swirl around her as Liz had led Max slowly away – wondering if the boy were really that gullible. Apparently he was. Despite Max’s insistence that she not wander off into the mist, Liz was maneuvering him to get a little privacy. Liz had promised her that she would be ‘ a good girl, at least for the immediate future…’ and she trusted her. She had, Isabel had decided, badly misjudged Liz for all these years. The girl would have been good for Max. As a matter of fact, all that seemed to be holding Max together right now was the fact that he had Liz to come visit every night.
Izzy realized she’d also been foolish to worry about Liz rejecting Max once she did become conscious and found out he was really truly a part-alien guy who had been dreamwalking her for all these months. Not because that might not still happen – it was at least a possibility, although as she had gotten to know Liz better she had started to doubt that. No, the real fear wasn’t that. Liz had been right about the odds of Max helping her – they weren’t nearly as great as Max was anticipating. Max had been stressed out – assuming that Liz’s trial dose would show that she qualified for the treatment, and that he’d have a chance of curing her when the massive dose of neurotrophins was given when she would have a 10% chance of briefly awakening even if a long-term cure wasn’t going to happen, but that simply wasn’t the way it would work. That brief period of consciousness was – for most people – basically a side-effect of the process. It wasn’t a cure – just a few minutes of lucidity – with no long term improvement. If Liz didn’t show a favorable response to the first dose, she’d never get to the second dose. The whole pre-treatment testing procedure was designed to eliminate ‘wasting’ the medical treatment on those people who would not show any long-term improvement.
No, she’d misplaced her concern – worrying about Liz rejecting Max once she believed the truth. The real worry was that Liz would never open her eyes – never see Max’s eyes looking in to hers – feel his mind connect with hers. And if that didn’t happen – well, Liz didn’t believe in it anyway – for Liz nothing would change. But Max would be crushed. THAT was the real risk to her brother. Not Liz’s rejection – but the sense of failure that would consume Max if he really wasn’t able to pull this miracle off.
No, THAT was what worried Isabel as she stood there in the abyss – sometimes hearing pleasant sounding noises coming from the couple who were probably less than 15 feet from her - noises that told her that Liz – while no doubt being ‘good,’ – wasn’t exactly trying to keep the relationship altogether Platonic. If Max couldn’t cure Liz, would he manage to get through this? Those were the thoughts that gave her nightmares now.
Re: Informed consent AU M/L ADULT 3/25/2009
- Three weeks earlier
"Are you sure about this, Max?" Diane asked. "I mean - I know it was my idea for you to go camping with Michael, but you could come back the day after tomorrow -- not spend three days in the Gila Wilderness area. Then you would be here near a phone when we found out the results of the test."
"And then what - spend another week worrying about whether or not the treatment itself will work? It can take up to six days you know. It doesn't work immediately. No, I don't see any reason I can't spend three days with Michael, and still get back here in time to hear the news. I'd have rather been there of course..."
"Max, if I wasn't your mother and didn't know you as well as I do - well, the Parker's are just worried sick about Liz. Don't take it personally. Just keep your fingers crossed that all this works out. That reminds me, I need to take your sister to the airport in a couple of hours and she's still at schools. Since you're taking the Jeep, I'd better go get her. Otherwise Alex will probably walk her all the way home and by the time the two of them get here, she won't have time to pack. Those two certainly can - dawdle," Diane said with a smile.
"I like him too, Mom. What's more, I approve of their dawdling. Izzy is as happy as I've ever seen her, or at least she would be if it wasn't for Liz."
Diane nodded her head. She wasn't just sure how Izzy had come to like Liz Parker so much, it had always seemed to her that her daughter hadn't even approved of Max liking her - but somehow Liz had become very important to Izzy, and through her connection to Liz, her friendship with Alex had blossomed as well. He was such a nice young man - not at all like the arrogant stuck-up guys Izzy used to date. While Diane obviously didn't want Izzy to get carried away with the young man, he was an exceptionally nice young man. For the first time in her life she actually approved of someone that Isabel was going with.
"Well, off with you now. Drive carefully, and if you have any trouble, give us a call from the Ranger's station."
"Will do, Mom," he said as she cornered him for the traditional Mom kiss. He hated lying to her, but the truth would have been worse. He WAS going over to Michael's - that much was the truth, but only to stash the camping gear. Then he was off to the Albuquerque airport and a flight to Chicago, Illinois.
Thirty minutes later he was at Michael's place.
Michael used his powers to unlock the trunk of the old hulk of a Cadillac that sat behind the trailer. It wasn't going anywhere. Even if the engine could be started - and it couldn't - the thing had no wheels. He used it only for a storage locker, unknown to his foster father who was no doubt off in a bar drinking himself into oblivion.
"Put the stuff in here."
Thanks, Michael."
"Is there anything else I can do?"
"No, just keep away from my folks place for the next three days, OK? They think your with me over in the Gila."
"Can do easy, Max. You take care on the drive to Albuquerque, alright?"
"I will. Thanks for doing this, Michael. I know that since this thing started neither Izzy nor I have seen that much of you - I'm sorry about that. Once this get's straightened out..."
"It's OK, Max. We are friends .. more than friends. Friends understand. I hope it all works out with Liz, OK?"
"Thanks Michael. I really mean that. I know you've got a sort of lonely life here and we've been neglecting you..."
"Nonsense. I've been keeping busy, don't worry about me. Now get going or you'll miss your plane in Albuquerque."
Three minutes later Max was driving north on highway 285.