posting on scheduale is easier in my head.
'cause if you die will I get word that you're gone
Or will I hear it in passing conversation
Or will I stop short and fall to the ground
Distance is short when your hand carries what your eye found
Hold my hand just one more time
- Elias, Dispatch
When Mr Parker had knocked on his door the day before and asked if he had heard from Liz because his brother had called and told him that she wasn't doing so good, it killed him that he hadn't been able to say yes. They exchanged emails and occasionally talked on the phone but for the most part, since leaving Roswell, Liz had effectively cut herself off from her former friends. Kyle didn't like that they had basically let her.
So after Mr Parker had left, he had broken the bank with a flight from Albuquerque to Portland then a rental car to take him Forks. A five hour drive to Albuquerque, two layovers, a six hour drive from Portland, and he'd finally arrived at Liz's uncles place.
He had been ushered inside by a small worried woman as she juggled a baby on her hip and had been pointed towards a small home office in which he found a Murphy bed with a mass of blankets that he quickly realized was hiding his tiny friend.
“Hey there shorty,” a dark head peaked out and he forced a smile on his face.
Large black stains under her eyes, usually olive skin with an unhealthy pale pallor, and with the drawn look of someone who had neither slept or eaten, Liz Parker terrified him. Mentally comparing the image of his friend as she was before him to the one she had been the last time he had seen her before the Alien Abyss had imploded, Kyle opened his arms. He couldn't do much to help her but he'd be there for her and maybe he could make her laugh too.
“Kyle!” Slightly tangled in a quilt, he easily caught Liz as she jumped from the bed to his arms. “You know, sometimes I think I've got you figured out but then you do something completely unexpected.”
Face buried in her hair, holding her as tight as he could without hurting her, Kyle smiled, “It's part of my charm.”
A small laugh quickly turned into a sob and he found himself awkwardly patting her back. Despite the fact that he had spent an increasing amount of time with Liz, Maria, Isabel, and - before her betrayal – Tess, he was still a guy. A very masculine guy who was a football star, played basketball and baseball. There was just something about crying girls. They were all wet and emotional.
Liz started talking, her voice muffled against his shirt. He had to concentrate to understand her and even then he missed half the words “- he was a jerk – didn't deserve – loved him.”
Confused it took him a moment to understand what she was upset about. Of course no one else would make sure that Liz knew what had happened: Maria was oblivious, Isabel was an emotional wreck, Tess didn't care, and Michael, well he was acting a little odd. Gently pushing her away so he could see her face he decided that blunt was the only way to deliver the news, “Max isn't not dead Liz”
“What?” she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand in a gesture so childish that he forgot for a minute that she wasn't much younger than he was.
“Apparently you've got to try harder to kill his highness.”
She snorted and looked up at him with eyes wide with the hope that he was telling the truth, “Really?”
“Yep, guys' got more lives than a cat.”
Over the next few hours, Kyle explained what had happened over the last week. An older blond woman reeking of love for her sugar daddy had somehow managed to track Max down. She'd demanded that Max heal the her husband, the crypt-keeper. Max had initially said no but Max being the self-sacrificing ass that he was had eventually given in to save everyone else. Jump forward, mostly dead guy became Max, offed his wife, tried to kill Tess, and they were all pretty sure that he was going to come after Liz – which was why Michael had let it slip to Mr Parker that Max was dead, between tracking down his brother, dealing with Jesse's melt down over his wifes alien status, and trying to save Isabel from her bullet wound without a healer, after all Liz was smart enough to run the other way when a dead guy came knocking.
“It's all very daytime tv.”
_+_
“Bella Swan!” she looked up at the shortish man stepping out of the car with Liz and had absolutely no idea who he was. Since her breakdown, Liz hadn't contacted Bella and any calls to either her cellphone or her uncles had been turned away. Just like all her calls to Jake.
All in all it hadn't been a good week for Bella. Not only had Liz stopped talking to anyone, and had in fact missed several days of school, but after a disastrous night out at the movies with Jacob, and Mike, during which Jake had promised not to disappear like Edward and shut down like Liz, he had done the same.
“Hello?” she held out her hand but it was ignored in favor of a strong hug that brought her to her tippy toes. It was reminiscent of Jacob's bear hugs and it made her miss her friend even more. Which is probably why she hugged him back as tightly as she could.
“I've known you for too long for handshakes.”
Stumbling as she was released, she looked between Liz and the stranger, “Who are you?”
“Me? I'm Kyle, Liz's favorite ex.”
Liz snorted and shoved him good-naturedly, “because there are so many to choose from.”
“Well, there's me and Max and that blind date guy and we can't forget Sean.”
“Sean's not an ex he's an annoyance.”
“You sound like Maria,” Kyle gave her a bright smile, “but it's true, you always did have more people in love with you than you actually dated.”
“It is not my fault that guy seem to like what they see.”
“Oh yes, so many men so little time.”
“Don't listen to him Bells,” she was surprised to feel that there was a smile on her face identical to the one on Liz's as she watched her friend joke. “He'll have you think I'm some sort of tease but I'll have you know that when we were dating over half the cheerleading squad had a crush on him and it only got worse after we broke up.”
Kyle rubbed his hands on his chest, “Why wouldn't they want this sexy body?”a surprised laugh bubbled up coming out of her mouth as a half strangled giggle. “What you don't think I'm sexy?”
Wide eyes reminded her of Shane when Liz had scolded him for jumping on Mickey. Bella tried to keep her face straight as she answered but ended up laughing, “You're actually sort of beautiful.”
He was, light brown hair was short but long enough that it brushed is forehead. Bright blue eyes twinkled with humor and intelligence. He had the build of an athlete that complemented his easy smile.
“You hear that Lizzy,” he swung his arm to rest on her shoulder and she let him, “some one appreciates me.”
And he smelled good too.
“Is he always like this?” Liz unlocked the door to her apartment and they followed her up the narrow stairs. Kyle still holding her close.
“When he's not being philosophical and talking about Buddha.”
“You're a Buddhist?” he let go of her to slip through the narrow apartment door.
Though Liz still lived in the apartment above the shop, the place felt abandoned as if she hadn't spent much time there which Bella could believe was the truth. Wally didn't seem like the kind of person that would leave his niece alone when she was having a break down.
“We all have to find our Zen, I found mine with Buddha.”
Bella half wished half wondered if she would ever be able to find anything that would let her accept the pain that Edward had left her with. While she had gotten better, and was at least able to think his name without feeling as if she would be swallowed whole by the grief, she wondered if it was possible that at some point in the future she'd be able to look back at the relationship with the fondness she'd seen others exhibit over their first loves rather than with pain.
It'd be nice to not feel as if her life had come screeching to a halt when he'd abandoned her.
“I've got a surprise for you Liz,” Kyle reached into the duffle bag he'd carried up. Pulling out a red dvd case, he held it up with a flourish.
“You didn't.”
“I did,” Liz gave him a large hug, her expression open and joyful. Bella was coming to notice that Liz laughed more freely, smiled more often, and was all together calmer with Kyle. She felt as if she was really seeing her for the first time.
“I really do love you Kyle.”
“You couldn't have figured that out before you left me for he-who-will-not-be-named?”
Liz gave him a cheeky little grin, “Voldemort?”
“Haha, you're so funny. Really, I'm dying here,” he said it in such a deadpan manner that Bella couldn't stop from laughing. It was unexpected and the shock of the act left her oddly confused but it felt so good she was giddy for it to happen again.
“What is it?”
Kyle once again drew her near, she could feel the fleece of his jacket against her cheek. It felt nice, he felt nice. She shoved the thought away. He might be warm and kind and might not treat her as if one wrong word would make her break down, but no matter how cute he was, she couldn't stop seeing Edward.
“This my pale little friend,” her smile froze and she tried to remind herself that she was pale. Few people ever believed she was from Arizona, even when she had lived there. The comment had nothing to do with the Cullens, “is the best Christmas movie ever made.”
Her voice was full of skepticism as she replied, “Honestly?”
“It's got the Muppets and Michael Caine, what more do you need?”
“We're watching it now,” Liz decreed, grabbing a bag of chips and a box of cookies from the kitchen before popping the disk into the player and settling into the arm chair leaving the couch open.
“The Christmas after my mom died my dad was a mess so my grandfather asked the Parkers to watch me for a while. Liz had gotten the Muppet Christmas Carol as a gift, we watched it and it became a tradition to watch it together every year.”
Bella learned quickly that they weren't lying when they said it was a standing tradition. In fact they had memorized most of the film, including the songs. Their rendition of the Muppets girls choir in the first song, had her in stitches, especially Kyle falsetto crooning.
“He must be so lonely. He must be so sad. He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad. He's really a victim of fear and of fright. Look closely and there must be a sweet man inside,” they looked to each other and in time with the movie, “nah”
They continued like that, randomly speaking along with the characters as Scrooge went along with the ghost of Christmas past. Kyle particularly enjoyed “Light the lamp not the rat” as he alone performed the parts of both Rizzo and Gonzo. Scrooge had just had his heart broken and was breaking out into a particularly disturbing version of 'The Love Is Gone' when Liz got out of the chair she'd been cuddled into.
“You want me to fast forward this?” Kyle asked, not bothering to move from the couch or even move his arm from where it had been sitting on the couch behind her since she'd sat down.
“No, I've got to use the bathroom.”
Feeling slightly uncomfortable at how comfortable she was, Bella quickly thought of a reason to get up, “Liz, do you have a sweatshirt I can borrow?”
Kyle pulled her closer, “I can keep you warm.”
She pretended to consider it before responding, “I think I'll stick with the sweatshirt.”
“Ah be still my wounded heart,” he dramatically grabbed his chest as she stood, her face flushed pink.
Was it possible that she'd just been flirting with Liz's ex? No, she couldn't have. He was friendly, kind, and just trying to make her feel better. That was it. Still Liz's knowing look set her on edge.
She followed her friend into the small bedroom and went to the closet as directed as Liz ducked into the bathroom. Gray and lined with fleece, the sweatshirt she choose had obviously belonged to someone else. It was much too large for Liz to have bought it.
“Oh,” she turned to see Liz staring at the sweatshirt as if mesmerized.
“Is this ok?”
Her dark haired shook stopping Bella as she'd moved to take it off, “Nah it's fine. I just forgot I had that.”
“Was it his?” the elusive ex Max. She supposed that everyone tried to keep something of the person they loved. Even if it was only a piece of clothing.
“Hm, yeah,” Liz blinked and smiled at Bella. “Are you sure you didn't want to invite Jacob? I haven't gotten to meet him yet and Kyle wouldn't have minded having another guy around.”
Bella felt her face crumble. She would have liked to have Jake come with her. He would have liked Kyle, the two of them would have joked together as if they'd known each other for years and she'd like to think that he would make Liz as happy as he made her.
“What happened?”
“I don't know,” she swallowed trying to keep herself from crying, “I haven't seen him in over a week. He won't even answer the phone.”
“And you don't know why?”
“No, at first Billy said he was sick. Now, he keeps saying that Jake is busy and I shouldn't go down to La Push.”
“Well I think that's bull,” Liz gave her a big smile like she had worked out a solution to at least one major problem in the world. “We'll go tomorrow.”
“I don't know. He could be busy, it's the holidays. What if he'd just doing things around the rez or trying to buy Billy a gift or...”
“Ok, ok we'll wait till after Christmas but we're going as soon as the holidays are over.”
She conceded with a nod, feeling better now that Liz was determined to help but feeling worse because she still wasn't talking to her other best friend. The song was done when they walked back into the living room. Despite what she'd feel about it later, Bella allowed herself to be pulled back down on the couch with Liz. His arm wrapped around her tightly bringing them flush against each other.
He smiled down at her widely, “Just in case you get cold.”
_+_
It was cold in Washington. And wet. Altogether, after growing up in Roswell, living in Forks was kind of miserable. At least weather wise but Liz liked to think that she'd adjusted over the last couple of months. She wore plenty of layers, owned a heavy duty pair of boots, about a dozen pairs of wool socks, five pairs of long-johns, and fleece sheets.
Wally laughed when she came over wearing two sweatshirt and her winter jacket but it kept her warm so she didn't really care. However, when there was running involved even the brisk chill of the desert winter was better than the biting cold of Forks.
Tears from the wind stringing her eyes, froze to her cheeks and her fingers were numb as she struggled to get the door to her uncles shop open. She'd left Kyle unconscious behind the grocery store where they'd gone to pick up diner but she wouldn't let herself worry about him. The man with Max's face was following her, his greatest enemy was the cold.
Rough frigid fingers yanked her away from the door she'd just opened. She staggered trying to keep her balance as the ground of her uncles shop rushed at her. Struggling to her feet she didn't move fast enough to avoid being grabbed again. Black dots swam across her eyes and pain laced through her body, stretching out from her back as she was slammed against the on top of one of the tables she'd been working on.
Unemotional brown eyes burned into her as familiar hands squeezed at her throat. Breathing became harder and harder as she fought to push him off. Head, arms, legs, chest, she hit and scratched anywhere she could reach but still Max held on.
“Ma-Max,” Liz managed to rasp out, her hands grasping at a two-by-four just out of reach, “p-p-please.”
His grip loosened slightly, just enough that she managed to wrap her hand around the wood and swing it at his head as hard as she could. It connected solidly, sending Max back. She kicked at him, putting as much of her strength into it as she could. He fell back and in horrified silence she watched him fall back on to the table saw.
There was a loud racket then quiet. Frozen in disbelief it took Liz a moment to process what happened. When she did she quickly scrambled over to Max's crumbled form, petrified by the dark pool of blood she could see gathering on the floor under his fallen form.
“Max,” she turned him over and pressed her hands against the wound on his side. The blade on the table saw was very sharp, it needed to be and it had cut through his skin easily. She couldn't tell how bad the wound was, not with all the blood. “HELP! SOMEONE HELP!”
“Liz,” his voice was faint but it was his. There was none of the distant disdain of before.
“I'm here,” she tried to be soothing but her voice shook. “I'm here.”
“Liz,” his eyes dropped shut, head lolling slightly to the side.
“Max! MAX!”
_+_
Before any solid conscious thought, Liz closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around him. Max was solid and warm and alive, so very alive. He didn't hesitate from returning the embrace. There was nothing that would ever keep him from being there for her, nothing but herself alone. She knew that which made it more painful.
Keeping herself from sinking into him permanently, Liz regretfully stepped away. It had been a close thing, saving Max. She'd kept pressure on the wound until Kyle had run headlong into the shop, followed closely by Michael and Isabel who had followed Max to Washington. As they'd worked together to heal Max with the stones, all she allowed herself to think was: please don't let Bella come over.
She had no idea how she'd ever be able to explain what her life had been.
“Liz,” she looked up at Max and remembered what it had been to love him before everything had fallen apart. Not very long ago she would have given anything to go back to then. “Please come home.”
“I can't.”
“Liz -”
“Don't Max,” he was looking at her as if she'd ripped out his heart. It would've been kinder for him to kill her. She wouldn't go back to all the fighting, let alone Tess. If she never saw the blond again it'd be too soon. “I can't go back to Roswell. I won't.”
“It'll be better. I promise.”
“No Max, just no. I love you, I do but there is nothing we can do to make this work and it'll only hurt us if we try.”
“It won't be easy -”
“But it shouldn't be this hard. Please Max, you need to let me go,” she choked on the words slightly, “and I need to let you go too.”
“Don't do this,” he looked like he was going to cry. It took everything she had not to fall apart with him.
Liz reached up and kissed him lightly, not bothering to struggle as he deepened it. She wanted that kiss too. His gentle coxing brought feelings to the surface that she had struggled to bury. With a sob she broke away, “I'm sorry.”
She was in the car and on the way home before she could make herself turn around.
"Like many non-violent men since that time, he was deeply hated." - on Desiderius Eramus
"Where there is life, there is hope." - Terence
"The mind has no sex." - Descartes
"As long as their is life there is pain. I'm damned to breathe and to be insane." - Old Man's Child