And the Road Shall Lead You Home (ML/ Adult) (Complete)

[Deejonaise]

**Warning: Extreme angst and violence ahead**


Chapter Twenty

“You know, I never wanted it to work out this way,” Tess remarked casually as she tightened the restraints on Liz’s wrists. The ropes burned and bit into Liz’s tender skin but she refused to emit even a whimper of pain. She would not give Tess Harding the satisfaction. Tess easily read the defiant gleam in Liz’s eyes. “This is Max’s fault, you know,” she said, fingering the dark blue bruise circling her neck, “If you’re looking for someone to blame…blame him.” Unsatisfied with Liz’s laconic stare, Tess snatched the gag from her mouth. “You look like you want to say something.”

“If you’re going to kill me just get it over with!” Liz ground out wearily.

She knew there was no use in begging for her life for the sake of her unborn child. Tess would only take malicious pleasure in her pleading, but would spare no mercy. And Liz was unable to use her powers as means of protection since Tess had already taken precautions against that by shooting her up with some unknown sedative. As a result her body felt heavy and sluggish and she was having a very difficult time concentrating.

“Oh, I have every intention of killing you,” Tess promised, giving Liz’s cheek a light pat, “But I want to make Max watch every second of it.”

“He’s going to kill you for this, Tess.”

“Oooh,” Tess mocked, “I’m so scared.” She threw back her head and barked a laugh. “Haven’t you figured it out yet, princess? I’ve got Max by the balls. He’ll do whatever I tell him to if it means keeping you safe. You were my ace in the hole the entire time.”

“You could escape right now,” Liz suggested, desperately endeavoring to keep awake, “Your ship is in the next chamber, Tess. Just run!”

“I’m not leaving without Max!” Tess snapped irately, “Or my son!”

“He tried to kill you, Tess!” Liz cried, “Can’t you get it? Max will never love you so why don’t you just give it up already!”

“I don’t want his love,” Tess scoffed bitterly as she rose to her feet, “I want his crown. And, after everything he’s put me through, I definitely deserve it.”

“You don’t have to go through with this then,” Liz reasoned in a whisper, “Max never wanted the crown to begin with. I’m sure he’d just give it to you if that’s all you want.” Without warning, Tess backhanded her hard across the mouth, splitting Liz’s lip open in a gushing wound. Liz bit down hard against the pain that exploded in her face.

“You bitch!” Tess snarled venomously, “It’s not enough that he’s made a fool of me over and over on your account but now you expect me to make it easy for him? No. You’re both going to suffer…just like I’ve suffered.”

“God…you’re insane,” Liz slurred as she slipped into unconsciousness.

“You haven’t seen crazy, sweetheart,” Tess whispered menacingly, “Not yet.” She stared down at Liz’s slumped form for a few seconds more before squaring her shoulders and exiting the cavern. Once outside she sealed the entrance of the cave closed and then made her way out into the main room of the pod chamber.

Tess felt defeated and tired, but the thirst for revenge imbued her with the strength to go on. She couldn’t stop until Max had lost everything that mattered to him, just as she’d lost. Then she could rest. Then it would be over. Tess sank down onto the stony floor of the chamber and waited.

But she didn’t have to do so very long. Quite before she was ready moonlight flooded into the podchamber as Max, Michael, Isabel and Valenti burst inside, prepared for battle and glaring murder. Isabel held Zan cradled close in her arms.

Max’s blood was pounding furiously through his brain. To think that only an hour before he had been ripping himself apart for fear of her possible death and now he was cursing himself because he hadn’t succeeded. She didn’t look any worse for wear either; save for the dark purple bruise around your neck and the charred hole in the right shoulder of her shirt.

Catching the direction of his stare, Tess quirked her lips into a caustic smile. “You should pat yourself on the back, Max,” she commended bitterly, “You almost succeeded and you would have to…if you’d had the balls.”

“Tess!” Max said, fairly spitting her name out like a curse, “Where’s Liz?”

She scrambled to her feet, feeling more omnipotent on her feet. “Bring me the baby first,” she ordered calmly.

“Like hell,” Max replied just as calmly, “Give me some sign that Liz is alright.”

“She’ll be dead in two seconds if you don’t bring me my child,” Tess threatened.

Max looked over at Isabel, who shook her head imperceptibly and began backing away. He leveled her with a pleading look before easing forward. Left with very little choice Max scooped his dozing son from a reluctant Isabel’s arms and crossed the podchamber to hand him to his mother. With ginger care he transferred the baby into Tess’ embrace, but it was obvious by his demeanor that he was loathe to do it. As Tess kissed and cooed and cuddled him close Max continued to hover, ready to snatch back his son at a moment’s notice.

“See?” Tess declared almost triumphantly as she jiggled the baby in her arms, “He loves me.” And there was no denying that. The happy smile that lit Zan’s expressive face when he saw his mother, the way he fisted his tiny hands so tightly in her curls. He adored her and Max could see that plainly. The realization made his stomach cramp.

“He doesn’t know what you are,” Max whispered gruffly, “But he will someday. Now give him back to me.”

“Not yet,” Tess said, dancing out of his reach, “There’s something you and I need to settle first. Starting with your little girlfriend.” She lifted her hand then and rolled back the heavy stone concealing Liz’s hiding place. Max whimpered a little when he saw Liz’s prone form but when he started forward Tess’ warning stopped him. “I wouldn’t do that,” she said, “I’ll blast her to kingdom come before you even reach her side.”

Shaking, Max pivoted around slowly to face her down. “What the hell did you do to her?” he demanded in a trembling whisper.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Tess mocked.

“What do you want, Tess?” Max cried.

“A lot of things, but we’ll start with the most immediate. First…you’re going back to Antar with me, Max,” Tess declared, “Tonight. And when we finally arrive home you’re going to make me your queen.”

“The hell he is!” Michael burst out irately, “Max, you don’t have to go anywhere!”

“Shut up, Michael,” Tess ordered brusquely, “Or I’ll blast you on principal. I’m the one calling the shots now.” It was then Max realized why she’d insisted on holding the baby. She knew that no one would dare to blast her while she did. “Exactly,” she confessed smugly when she watched realization dawn, “I dare any of you to be bold enough to attack me while I’m holding him.”

“Tess,” Valenti said in his most fatherly tone, “You don’t want to do this. The only person you’re hurting is yourself. Think of your son.”

“Don’t talk to me!” she snapped hysterically, “You hate me just as much as they do!” In her arms Zan began to fuss slightly but she cooed him back into calm.

“That’s not true, Tess,” Valenti denied, “Everything has just gotten way out of hand. Let me help you get out of this.”

Tess laughed at that. “You want to help me, Jim?” she jeered, “Is that why you have a gun trained at my head right now.” Valenti self-consciously lowered his weapon but to Tess his gesture made little difference. “Uh-uh...I don’t think so,” she said, “Fool me once…shame on you, but fool me twice…well, Nasedo didn’t raise no fool.” She leveled Max with a steady stare. “My ship is located in another part of this rock formation. We’re going now. Get Liz and let’s move.”

“Get Liz?” Max echoed in growing dread, “We can’t take her along! Tess, what are you planning?”

“It’s part of my surprise, silly,” Tess said, her features fixed in a travesty of a smile, “Now get your bitch and let’s move.”

“I’m not going to do this,” Max declared brusquely.

“Fine,” Tess said, “We’ll do this the hard way.” She sent a jolt of energy straight at Liz. The fallen girl cried out in pain as electrical currents crackled over her body. “The next time I’ll kill her,” Tess vowed as Max ran to Liz’s side, “Now pick her up and let’s move.’

Liz heaved a grunt of disoriented pain as Max scooped her into his arms. Her skin felt like it was on fire. A sharp ache was creeping over her every nerve ending. But when she felt Max’s gentle presence surrounding her Liz felt comforted. She clawed her way back to consciousness and fluttered open her heavy lids. “Max?” she breathed with a faint smile, “You found me.”

“I’ll always find you, Liz,” Max soothed her tenderly, “Don’t worry. I’m here and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“I hurt,” she mumbled.

“You’ll be okay,” he promised, “I’m sorry I got you into this mess.”

“How friggin noble and nauseatingly sweet!” Tess jeered from behind them, “Can we please spare the saccharine drama and get a move on!” She tossed a glance over her shoulder as the others started to follow. “Do it and I’ll kill them both,” she warned evenly, “This trip is for the four of us only.” When she turned back towards Max her features were completely devoid of expression. Max couldn’t remember a time ever when she had looked so cold, so menacing. “Straight ahead,” she ordered tersely.

“How do I know which direction?” Max asked as he winded his way through the dank caverns of Vasquez Rock, “I can barely see where I’m going!”

“You’ll find your way,” Tess said, “Just act as if your life depends on it.” She laughed a bit to herself. “That’s actually pretty funny because it actually does, Max.”

“Tess, leave Liz out of this,” Max pleaded evenly, “She’s innocent. She doesn’t deserve to be used this way.”

“Nobody’s innocent, Max,” Tess returned wearily, “Least of all, her. Besides we can’t have a proper send off without her. It just wouldn’t do.”

“Think about Zan for God’s sake!” he burst out fervidly, “Do you really want to do this in front of him?”

Tess pressed an absent kiss to her son’s temple. “Better that he learn about the tragedies of life sooner rather than later,” she reasoned coldly, “It will hurt less that way in the long run.”

“Well, I’m not going any further,” Max declared, halting abruptly and pivoting to face her, “Not one, single step.”

“I guess that means I’ll have to kill your girlfriend right here,” Tess said, raising her hand in menacing threat.

Max dove out the way just as Tess sent a bolt of fire from her fingertips. As he and Liz rolled to the nearby cover of a hanging rock, the blast hammered into the rock wall, shaking the confines of cave. Everyone screamed as rock and debris rained down heavily. When the rockslide finally halted the interior of the cave was pierced with Zan’s terrified screams. Max and Liz were bruised and battered, but not seriously injured.

“Is this what you want, Tess?” Max cried out in the darkness, “You almost killed us all!”

“Maybe that’s what I want,” she tossed back.

“What about Zan?” he asked her, “Listen to him, Tess! He’s hysterical right now. Why don’t you just give him to Liz and let her take him to safety? I’ll stay behind with you. I’ll do whatever the hell you want!” As he spoke Liz was already grasping his arm and shaking her head in refusal to leave.

“There’s no way I’m letting that bitch take my son anywhere!” Tess grated in awful tone, “Like hell! That would make everything neat and pretty for you, wouldn’t it, Max?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Max cried, “Look I’m willing to come out of my hiding place as a gesture of good faith. Just hand me the baby and we’ll end it, Tess.”

“Am I supposed to just trust you, Max?” she jeered, “I don’t think so.”

Max stood up tall, exposing himself in the dimness of the cave. “Then we’ll all be stuck here in this cave,” he reasoned, “Because if either of us tries to blast our way out we’ll only succeed in bringing this entire cavern down on our heads!” He held out his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m giving you a way out here, Tess…for you and our son.”

“Too bad I’m not going to take it, you son of a bitch,” Tess screamed back maniacally, sending forth several jolts of power that rocked the cave once more.

The first blast hit Max square in the chest, crumpling him at Liz’s feet. The second ripped through the rock they had used for coverage, slamming into Liz’s left shoulder and knocking her flat. The subsequent blasts bored into the walls and ceiling overhead, reverberating through the cave in a raucous sound wave.

For a moment there was absolute silence as the cave began to groan and heave and then the rocks began to fall in. Max didn’t think. Using the dwindling reserves of his strength he instinctively dragged himself towards Liz and curled his body over her, using himself as a shield as the cave walls crashed down around them with deafening force. Seconds later the rock fall had covered everything on the rock floor, including a fleeing Tess.

Michael, Valenti and Isabel were already in hot pursuit by the time the second blast sounded. They made it to the mouth of the cavern just as the entrance collapsed entirely. Isabel screamed in horror just as Michael grabbed her by the arm and yanked her from the path of more falling rock. But Isabel hardly registered that he’d saved her life. She was wholly aware that her brother, her nephew and Liz Parker were nowhere to be seen.

When the slide was finally over all that could be heard was the trickling of dirt as it settled.

[Deejonaise]

I don't think I've ever dreaded posting a part as much as this one. Well...here goes.



Chapter Twenty-One

Liz Parker April 2002

I’m Liz Parker and I’m feeling rather philosophical. So being in the hospital with a broken collarbone and shoulder and nothing to do but to sit on my ass has given me much needed time for clarity and this is the conclusion I’ve reached.

I don’t understand God. He says He will not give you more than you can bear. He says He will lighten your load, but I’m starting to believe that’s a crock. My load is anything but light these days and as for what I can bear…well I hurt so much some mornings I don’t even want to open my eyes. To put it as succinctly as possible: life sucks. But where is God? I sure as hell haven’t seen him lately.

**********

Liz pasted a welcoming smile on her face at the gentle knock that sounded at her hospital room door. With a brightness she didn’t feel she called for her visitor to enter. Liz was surprised and little overwhelmed when Max shuffled inside, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a small, pink teddy bear in the other. But the gifts were secondary in light of Max’s haggard expression. His every movements screamed excruciating pain, both physical and mental. His face was extremely pale, what part of it that wasn’t obscured by dark stubble. He was misery personified. Her heart literally ached when she saw him.

“Max!” she croaked softly, “What are you doing here? Maria told me that you were still recuperating.”

Recuperating was really an understatement though. According to Maria, Max had broken nearly every bone in his body and injured several vital organs. Once Valenti and Michael had dug them both from beneath the rubble Max hadn’t even been able to walk. Everyone had been sure of his imminent death. He didn’t even regain consciousness until two days after the incident, though his body had already begun a healing process to repair the damage done. They told him about Liz almost the instant he awakened. Max had been so devastated by the news that Isabel had flatly refused to tell him about his son. She insisted on waiting until Max was stronger. And, apparently, that day had come.

“I am still recuperating…technically, but I ducked out when the wardens finally lightened my guard,” he replied with a smile that did not touch his eyes, “I’ve been wanting to come by and see you since I heard the news but…well, you know. I just really needed to make sure you were okay, to see with my own eyes.” Max winced visibly as he absorbed the sight of her battered face and body and his eyes shimmered with tears of regret. He took a great gulping breath before thrusting forward his gifts. “These are for you,” he said simply, “I would have brought white roses but I couldn’t find them anywhere so…”

Liz took hold of the two irises and stuffed bear as if they were the most precious gifts on earth. She couldn’t speak at all because her throat had suddenly closed off with tears. At most she could accomplish only a bobbing nod as she hugged the flowers and bear to her breast. She was touched beyond measure that he’d made such dramatic effort to see her, especially considering the utter hell his life had become of late. Finally she managed to say in a thickened whisper, “You really didn’t have to do this, Max.” She turned to deposit her flowers in a nearby glass of water. “But thank you for the gesture.”

“I wish I could have done more,” he insisted gruffly. It was plain from the look in his eyes that he was blaming himself for everything that had happened to her. He was blaming himself…period. Noting Liz’s growing expression of pity, Max sought to redirect his attention and hers as well. “So who’s your friend,” he asked casually, finally acknowledging the blond young man who flanked her beside. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

Liz inhaled a sharp breath. In those few seconds she’d completely forgotten that David was even in the room. He had flown in only the day before after he’d learned of her accident and he’d barely left the hospital since. Somehow it made sense that he and Liz would grieve together even when, in truth, they barely knew one another.

“Max, this is David,” she said, her breath catching a little when they leaned over her bed to shake each other’s hands, “David, this is Max.”

“So this is your…” Max trailed off, unsure of the proper way to address his ex-girlfriend’s baby’s father.

“He’s my friend from Vermont,” Liz clarified softly, “He came as soon as he heard what happened.”

A shuttered look fell over Max’s eyes as he dropped David’s hand and took a reflexive step back. “It’s…it’s good you could be here,” he stammered, “Liz needs all the friends she can get right now.”

In answer, David favored Liz with a gentle smile and swept up her hand. “I’m taking good care of her,” he told Max, pressing a kiss to the back of Liz’s hand, “When she’ll let me.”

None of this went unnoticed by Max but his gaze remained unreadable so Liz was unsure of his thoughts at that moment. It was highly possible that David’s presence wasn’t’ making any impact on him at all, considering the circumstances but somehow Liz doubted it. Seeing David now and this way had to be like salt in a wound for Max. As if he weren’t suffering enough already…

“Were you in the cave with her when it collapsed?” David asked.

“Y…Yuh,” Max answered laconically.

“Wow?” David observed with a low whistle as he slid a glance down Max’s body, “And you got outta there with barely a scratch. How’d you manage that?”

“Just lucky I guess,” Max mumbled in evident misery.

But Liz knew it wasn’t luck just as she knew that Max hadn’t escaped without a scratch. He was scarred all over, physically and emotionally. Wanting to put an end to David’s innocent probing before it could get any more painful or direct Liz asked him, “Do you think I can have a moment alone with Max? We haven’t spoken since that night and I just want to make sure he’s alright.”

“Sure,” David agreed, leaning down to kiss her forehead, “I’ll just join your parents down in the cafeteria for lunch.”

“I banished them earlier,” Liz explained at Max’s questioning look, “They were driving me crazy with their constant hovering.”

She waited tentatively until David had left the room entirely and her hospital door had ceased movement altogether before she spoke again. “It’s not the end of the world, Max,” she said with a hitching sigh, “The doctors…they say I can still have more children some day.”

It struck Liz then that she was trying to reassure him about the situation when, in reality, she’d been left with a giant hole in her heart. She remembered distinctly the days when she wished her pregnancy away and now that it was gone Liz felt this great gnawing emptiness inside her. Earlier that morning she had laid her hand against her abdomen, as if unable to believe there was no longer a baby there. How had something she’d never wanted become a part of her so quickly? Yet, just when she had accustomed herself to the idea of being a mother…she wasn’t a mother anymore. Liz snorted an inward laugh of bitterness. Liz had never even felt her kick.

Max watched a myriad of expressions flutter across Liz’s face ranging from regret to outright bitterness and the sight caused him to die a little more. “I guess…I guess we have to take comfort where we can,” he mumbled, but it was obvious that he didn’t believe a word of that. He didn’t feel comforted either. Liz tried to transmit her sorrow, her empathy for him through her eyes but he rejected her goodwill, deliberately averting his gaze to the rolling cabinet alongside her bed.

“So how are you holding up?” he wondered tautly.

Liz closed her eyes and leaned back into her pillows. “It still doesn’t feel real,” she sighed, “I keep expecting for this all to be some horrible nightmare or something. Everything happened so fast. It’s all so different now.”

“Yeah,” Max agreed with an ironic rush of breath, “I’ve complicated your life all over again, huh Liz?”

“Please don’t say that. You saved my life, Max,” Liz whispered shakily, “I’d be dead now if it weren’t for you did in there.” She could still remember how his weight had pressed over her protectively, shielding her from most of the debris and how warm his blood had been as it trickled over her face. Liz still didn’t know how long they had been buried underneath all that rubble but she’d been certain that he was dead. He’d responded to none of her terrified pleas for reassurance. In those minutes, hours…whatever it had been Liz had wanted to die as well. The thought of losing him had hurt that much.

She looked up at him now and could tell that he was remembering as well. He didn’t say anything but his throat was working spasmodic despair as he held back his tears. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened,” she pleaded gently, “You have so much more to…I mean… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what happened.”

“We’re going to have a service for him the day after tomorrow,” Max revealed woodenly, “And um…I was wondering if you’d mind if I listed his name as Alexander on the gravestone. I always had intentions of changing it but…” He swallowed hard and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I guess I just ran out of time.”

Liz could no longer hold her tears at bay. The devastated meekness of his question tore her apart. There was just something so unnatural about burying your child, especially when that child wasn’t even a year old. “Max,” she sobbed, quickly swiping at her falling tears, “You know that’s fine with me. You didn’t even have to ask.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, “I didn’t want you to think I was trying to desecrate Alex’s memory or anything.”

She shook away his timid concern with a dismissive. “Max?” Liz murmured carefully, “Are…Are you okay?” She wanted to kick herself for the utter inanity of the question but she didn’t know what else to say to him. “I mean…do you need anything? Can I help in any way?”

He pinned her with his tortured green-gold gaze. “Can I help you?” He threw back his head and several tortured sobs bubbled up from his throat. “The only good thing that’s come from this is that Tess is finally gone. At least…at least she can’t destroy anything else.” He snorted to himself. “Like she hasn’t already destroyed enough.”

“Will you sit down?” she asked him after he had regained some control of himself, “Please? You’re look like you’re going to keel over,” she tacked on when he seemed to hesitate. With a heavy sigh Max grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it up alongside her hospital cot.

“You know the weirdest thing happened to me the other night,” she began shakily.

“What?”

“I guess it was when they were trying to revive me but…I had a dream about my daughter,” Liz whispered confidentially. Max flinched at the mention of her lost child but didn’t try to impede the progress of her story. Liz stared down at her lap, suddenly finding it as painful to look at him as he was finding it to look at her. “We were in the pod chamber and she was there. Only she wasn’t a baby at all but a grown woman and... She was so beautiful, Max…just like I imagined her. She told me that she had been waiting a long time to meet me and that she was sorry that we wouldn’t have any time together. And um…when I started to cry she said that she loved me and that she always would but…that I had to let her go…so I did.”

“Liz, it’s my fault,” Max choked, “It’s my fault you had to let go at all.”

“No, listen to me, Max,” Liz protested, licking at her tears, “She was okay and she wasn’t alone. There was a young man with her and he….he had the bluest eyes.” Liz deliberately fell silent then, letting the implication of her words sink into Max’s head.

Max stared at her hard, anguished and hopeful before shaking his head in brief denial. “You were hallucinating, Liz,” he said gruffly, “It wasn’t real. It couldn’t have been.”

“But it was real,” Liz denied, “Don’t you see, Max? They’re not alone. They’re have each other and they’re okay. Somehow I think that maybe…maybe it was supposed to work out this way. It was like they were where they were supposed to be.”

Max lowered his head and wept brokenly. “No. He was my baby,” he sobbed, “He wasn’t supposed to die. I was supposed to protect him and I didn’t. I failed him. I failed you, Liz.”

Liz stared at his bent head, yearning to reach out and sift her fingers through his hair. She wanted to take him against her and absorb his pain into her body. She actually lifted her hand for a second only to lose her nerve at the last moment and drop it back down against the bed. “You’re not God, Max,” she reminded him gently, “Didn’t you tell me that once?”

He folded his arms atop of her bed and then lay down his head. His tears leaked silently from the corners of his eyes, meandering down the bridge of his nose before rolling around his temple to be absorbed in the sleeve of his shirt. “I feel like I’m not even here, Liz,” he whispered painfully, “It’s like a bad dream or something. But I can’t wake up and I want to. I really want to.”

“My mom says it gets easier,” Liz said, “But sometimes…I feel like all of this is happening to someone else, like I’m hovering above just watching it all happen. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. Maybe when I leave the hospital,” she finished in consideration.

“I want to say I’m sorry to you, Liz, but…I know it’s not enough. It will never be enough.” He flicked her with a regretful look. “I’d heal you if I could--,”

“Shh,” Liz admonished with a trembling smile, “Heal thyself.” He didn’t smile at her teasing though she wished devoutly that he would. So she tried another tack, assuring him once more that she didn’t blame him and that she didn’t want him to blame himself either. Liz felt she couldn’t say it enough. She’d say it a million times if she thought it would provide him some modicum of comfort. “I’m tired of blaming you for everything. I’m tired of blaming myself. I just…I just want to rest for a little while. I just want to close my eyes and rest.”

She knew he understood what she meant without any further elaboration and that unspoken kinship between them dispelled any lingering uncertainty Liz might have felt. Without hesitation, she groped around in the sheets to find his hand so that she could link her fingers through his. “Will you stay for a while,” she implored quietly, “Just stay and rest with me?”

“I will,” Max agreed with a nod, slowly positioning himself alongside her on the narrow cot her, acutely aware of her warmth pressing against him.

This was the closest he’d been to her since she let him connect with her in the library that day. The moment felt awkward and foreign and frightening yet eventually they each found a way to relax. Max lost his rigidity and pulled Liz back against his shoulder. She leaned back into him willingly and heaved a weary, staccato sigh. Seconds later her calm demeanor had collapsed into despondent tears and she turned into Max shoulder to weep out the anguish she could contain no longer.

“We’ll be okay, Liz,” Max whispered as he stroked her hair soothingly, “Just cry it out and everything will be better.” He made the assurance more for her benefit than for his own. Because he didn’t believe tears would help at thing. Not at that moment. Not ever.

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Two

The wind didn’t blow on the day of Alexander Evans' funeral. Neither did the birds sing or the insects twitter. It was almost as if Mother Nature was mourning as well. Even the sky shed a few raindrops for the occasion, which was almost a miraculous occurrence considering they were in the middle of the desert.

Max knelt down and sifted his fingers through the fresh mound of earth that covered his son’s grave. He didn’t know what to say. He’d lost his ability for speech the second they lowered his tiny casket into the ground. The words were so full in his heart but they were stuck there, constricting his blood flow, slowly killing him. He had put his baby in the ground today and nothing about the world made sense anymore.

A single hand curved over Max’s shoulder, causing him to stiffen with awareness. “Max?” Isabel whispered from above him, “It’s time to go now.”

He twisted around to look up at her, feeling curiously detached in that moment. He’d supposed he’d be doubled over with the pain but there was only a solid ball of numbness in his chest. He felt…nothing. “Just go ahead without me,” he said with faint calm, “I’ll catch up later.”

“I don’t want to leave you here alone,” she protested hoarsely, “You need to be with your family right now.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, “But will you tell Valenti I said thank you for all his help? Burying Zan was hard enough without having to worry about our secret being exposed.”

Valenti had been good enough to take care of all the details. The official cause of death listed on Zan’s death certificate had been SIDS. There had been no questions and no autopsies as a result of Valenti’s help; thereby preserving the secrets Max had kept all his life. Although, at present, fear of discovery was the last thing on his mind. As for Tess’ body…Michael had graciously disposed of that. Neither Max nor Isabel had asked where. Neither of them had cared.

Isabel stooped down beside him, her brown eyes darting over his face fretfully. “Come with me,” she urged, taking hold of his hand, “Mom and Dad are waiting for us.”

Max gently, but firmly pulled his fingers from her grasp. “I need some time with him,” he told her, “Please. I promise I’ll be along later.”

She looked ready to argue him down but then she glimpsed a flicker of silent pleading in his eyes and her heart contracted with pity. He wasn’t purposely putting up a wall but he evidently didn’t have the stomach to bother with polite pretenses either. Certainly, he didn’t want platitudes or commiseration or even compassion at this point. He only wanted the opportunity to say good-bye to his son in private. Isabel understood the need. She, too, had needed her own private good-bye when Alex died. She, too, had craved a little time alone.

With a shuddering, sorrowful sigh she rose unsteadily to her feet and stared down helplessly at his bent head. “So don’t be long, okay?” she scolded tremulously, “I don’t want to have to come looking for you.” He didn’t promise that he wouldn’t stay long but he did offer her a faint smile over his shoulder before turning back to regard his son’s newly place gravestone.

Max listened to the muffled sound of her retreating footsteps before addressing the cold slab of granite that now marked his son’s grave. “I never thought we’d be here like this,” he whispered thickly, “The reality that I buried you today is just inconceivable…unnatural…

“I just never envisioned that this could happen, that I would be saying good-bye to you instead of the other way around.” He laughed to himself. “Oh, how you’d drive me crazy sometimes but… This morning I took a shower, you know, a real shower where I actually had the chance to linger. It was strange. I’ve gotten so used to dashing in and out for fear you’d set up a howl if I was gone too long.” He pressed his fingers into the damp mound of earth.

“It’s not only that I’d gotten used to caring for you but because I missed it, too,” he reminisced, “I missed getting out the shower and seeing you there, waiting for me. I missed you, buddy.” Max sniffled back his threatening tears. “I miss you a lot.”

In the very beginning he hadn’t even considered what it meant to be a father. Those first few weeks Max had just stared down at Zan and wondered, “What am I doing?” Back then he had been fairly certain he’d end by screwing Zan up in some fundamental way. More than once Max had questioned his qualifications as a father and a man, more than once he’d considered shirking his responsibility altogether.

But then it all began to change. Zan would no longer watch him with a wary stare whenever he came near, but would light up with gladness instead. No longer did Max go through half a dozen wipes and resort to using his powers just to change one poopy diaper. Max quickly became an expert at diapering Zan’s bottom in under a minute. And eventually Max stopped resenting the middle of the night feedings, too. He came to recognize those times as the most precious and cherish moments he’d shared with his son. Now…now that he had finally gained some confidence in himself as a father he had no one to be a father to.

Max was still marveling over that bitter irony when he heard rustling behind him. “The service was really beautiful.”

He hastily wiped away the remnants of his tears as he swiveled upright to face Liz. She stood about six feet away from him in a simple black dress, her left arm suspended in a cast, her deep brown eyes solemn. He had seen her earlier during the service but they hadn’t had the opportunity to speak. Max had supposed that she’d left with her parents long before now so her sudden appearance caught him off guard. “I was surprised to see you here this afternoon,” he murmured, “Maria said they weren’t planning to release you from the hospital until the end of the week.”

“I went AWOL and left against doctor’s orders,” she explained wryly, “I seriously doubt my health can get any worse at this point,” she added at Max’s frown of disapproval, “Believe me it worked out better this way.”

“I…I saw that your parents were here, too,” Max said, “I appreciated that. Thank you all for coming. The turnout was much bigger than I expected.”

“He must have been a great kid,” Liz replied gently.

“He could have been a great kid,” Max lamented, “He would have been…perfect.” Max rapidly blinked back the tears forming in his eyes and cleared his throat self-consciously. “I’m really glad you were able to make it,” he told Liz again.

“You didn’t really think I wouldn’t…did you?” Liz wondered painfully.

Max stared down at his shoes. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t,” he mumbled deeply, “So has your friend gone back home?”

“No, he’s still here,” she replied, “I think he’s still in shock, you know. He’d gotten himself so prepared to be a dad that…I don’t think he knows what to do with himself now. He’s having some problems with his folks so my dad’s agreed to let him hang with us for awhile.”

“Got used to the idea of being a dad, huh,” Max muttered in consideration, “I know that feeling pretty well myself.” He and Liz traded long, painful stares. Max grunted his way onto another topic. “So what about you? How are you doing?” But he hardly waited for her to answer the question before he followed up with, “You can’t be good otherwise the doctors wouldn’t have been trying to keep you til the end of the week.”

“Max,” she warned gently.

“Can you say setback, Liz?”

“I needed to be here,” she insisted, “You needed me.”

“No, I’m dealing,” he denied, trying to turn his back to her, but she wouldn’t let him.

“Okay, then I needed you,” Liz amended in a whisper, “You’re the only one I can talk to right now.”

The tautness left his body then and his eyes became hooded with worry. “Talk about what?” Max asked, aquiver with concern.

“I haven’t been sleeping very well at night,” Liz revealed quietly, “Nightmares. I keep dreaming that Tess is coming for me. I know she’s dead but,” she paused to tap her temple, “She’s not dead in here. Do you…do you ever dream about her, Max?”

“Every night,” he confessed quietly, “But I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m never going to get her out of my life. It’s like Maria told me a few weeks back…you reap what you sow.”

“You didn’t deserve this,” Liz whispered, “Not to lose your son.”

“Who knows, Liz?” Max replied with shrug, “We both know I’m no saint. And I didn’t always appreciate having Zan in my life. Maybe this is my punishment for being so ungrateful.”

“Don’t say things like that!” Liz scolded sharply, “No one deserves that kind of pain.” But honestly the same thoughts had been running through her own head lately. “You’re not the horrible person you make yourself out to be, Max,” she said faintly, “Your problem is that you take too much upon yourself, Max. You’re always trying to be the hero and… It’s not up to you to save the world.”

His mouth twisted in an ironic smirk. “I suppose that’s something we have in common, huh Liz?”

“What?”

“Our superhero complex,” he deadpanned. He had meant for the comment to be a joke but it was so close to the truth that Liz couldn’t smile. If she hadn’t taken it upon herself to be the world’s savior, if she had only gone to Max back then with the truth maybe this all would be different.

Max could spy the “what ifs” playing themselves out behind Liz’s eyes and the struggling beginnings of a true smile died on his lips rather quickly. He quickly endeavored to change the subject before they steered into heavier topics. “So how are you really, Liz?” he asked solemnly, “Not just the physical stuff.”

“Well, I think I’m okay,” she answered with a pensive frown, “It’s hard doing everything one handed but I think I’m sorta getting the hang of it. My parents have been really supportive about everything even though I can see the questions in their eyes. I’m going to have to think of some suitable explanation when the time comes.”

“Just tell them the truth,” Max suggested in laconic simplicity.

Liz gaped at him, shaking her head a bit as if she meant to unclog her ears. Between them, the silence stretched like miles and miles of deserted highway but Liz couldn’t make a response if she tried. She was dumbfounded…devastated…and a little frightened. She watched as he calmly stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets, casually pushing back the lapels of his suit jacket as he waited for her response.

“Max,” she said, blowing out a nervous breath, “You don’t know what you’re saying right now.”

“You think this is my grief talking?” he considered frankly, “Well, it’s not. I’ve given it a lot of thought, Liz, and I think it’s best. You’re going through one of the most difficult times in your life. The last thing you should be worrying about is making up lies to protect me…so just tell them the truth. I know you want to.”

“I…I do,” Liz confessed shakily, “But Max this is crazy and…dangerous.”

“Your parents love you,” he reasoned, “They might be a little shocked by the news at first but when they realize how important it is to you that they keep quiet then they will.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple at all,” Liz protested.

“It is that simple, Liz,” he countered flatly, “Do it with my blessing.”

For years Liz had fantasized about the moment when Max would finally agree to let her tell her parents the truth. In her daydreams they had always confronted Jeff and Nancy Parker together, claiming their undying love and devotion to one another. Liz had always imagined that when Max did finally agree it would only be after he’d done some very deep soul searching and agonizing over the prospect. She’d never imagined that the day would come only hours after he’d buried his son when they were broken up and barely friends and with a cold detachment she’d never seen before.

“What do Michael and Isabel have to say about this?” Liz asked carefully.

“They don’t know yet, but I’m sure they won’t object,” Max replied, “After all you’ve sacrificed for us and the lengths you’ve gone to just to protect our secret telling your parents is a small price. At least it will help them to understand what’s going on with you and maybe they won’t worry as much. Michael and Isabel will realize that, too…eventually.”

“Are you sure this is what you want, Max?”

Max nodded. “I’ll explain to them about the baby and what you’re going through,” he said, “They’ll understand.”

“What about what you’re going through?” Liz wondered tentatively, “Max, you buried your son today! None of this is important right now! You have to let yourself grieve.”

“I can’t do that,” he whispered in a fierce hiss, “Details, Liz. That’s the only thing holding me together right now. I have so many details going around in my head and if I handle those details, if I manage them just right I won’t go crazy.”

“I want to help you, Max,” Liz sobbed imploringly, “Just tell me how.”

He leveled her with a tormented stare, torn between the desire to take her offer and the instinct to push her away. Max expelled several jerky gasps. “I’m so afraid, Liz,” he uttered desperately.

“Of me?”

“Of hurting you,” he clarified in anguish, “Haven’t I done enough already? I can hardly looking at you without feeling sick with guilt!”

“You’ve saved my life, Max,” Liz murmured intently, “Twice. That’s nothing to feel guilty for.”

“We’ll call it even if you walk away right now,” he said.

Liz actually smiled at his anxious offer. “I can’t walk away from you. You’re a part of me just like I’m a part of you and that’s no accident. I think that maybe you and I will always be connected whether we want to be or not.” Liz hoped that he would close the distance between them then. She wanted him to hold her, nearly as much as she wanted to hold him. Unfortunately, Max kept his distance, scrutinizing her with a painfully bleak stare. Liz hung her head in defeat.

“I just wanted to offer my condolences,” she said thickly, “And to tell you that you’ve got a friend…when you’re ready.”

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Three

“So are you finally going to tell us why you called this early morning meeting, Maxwell?” Michael asked as he and Isabel stretched out onto his living room sofa, “I’ve still got sleep in my eyes.”

Only a few days had passed since Zan’s death. While Isabel and Michael visibly struggled to accept the loss Max seemed resigned to it. There had seemingly been no period of mourning as Max fell into a mode of determination that neither Isabel nor Michael had ever seen before. His single goal was to right all of his perceived wrongs and he had such tunnel vision concerning it that Isabel and Michael hardly recognized him anymore.

It went without saying that Max completely blamed himself for what happened in the cave that day. He faulted himself for not seeing the depth of Tess’ selfishness, her callousness. Truthfully, they had all been blind to it. Even Michael, who had always been prone to believe the worst about Tess, had never supposed she was entirely without motherly instincts, that she would actually hurt her own child. But she had been so twisted up with hate for Max that she couldn’t see anything else and nothing at all had mattered to her, not even her son.

Michael mentally attempted to shake his head free of the memory of that night but it refused to be banished. For the rest of his life he would remember exactly how it felt to pull his nephew’s tiny, lifeless body from the rubble. He had found Zan, rather ironically, cradled in his mother’s embrace. There had been such pain in that second that Michael couldn’t even cry, but Isabel…she had screamed and screamed. When she passed out from sheer grief Michael had counted it as a blessing.

He and Valenti had reasoned early on that Tess’ death might have been prevented had she not been trying to escape the damage she had done. Their guess had been that after she collapsed the cave she had tried to make a break for it with the baby and that had been her downfall. Damage had been done mostly to the rear and entrance of the cave. Max and Liz had been huddled in the middle. Their unlikely position had been the sole miracle of the night. The rest had been sheer disaster and they were all still struggling with the fallout.

“What’s this about, Max?” Isabel queried when her brother seemed reluctant to begin, “Don’t tell me you’ve given someone else permission to blab our secret?”

Michael elbowed her in the side for her tart remark, though he understood her frustration and anger. Much as it had galled him, he and Isabel had made a pact not to come down on Max for what he’d done. Michael had battled against the very real desire to beat some sense into Max in favor of showing some much-needed compassion. He had to remind himself that Max had just lost his son, after all, and it stood to reason that he would make rash decisions in the wake of such a loss. Fortunately, Liz had been prudent enough not to go to her parents and spill the beans right away, though she did inform Michael that she had every intention of telling them….just not any time soon. Michael could be grateful for that small miracle, at least.

“No, that’s not why I called you here, Isabel,” Max sighed wearily, “Besides I thought I explained to you all the reasons why I did what I did. Liz already has enough on her plate without having to concoct lies about why she was with me and Tess in that cave in the first place.”

“I get that she’s going through hell right now, Max,” Isabel conceded, “and it’s not that I’m not sympathetic but…so are you and you’re the one I’m concerned about right now. You and Liz haven’t exactly been on the best terms this last year. How do you know that her parents won’t come after you on principal?”

“Because I’m pretty sure they love their daughter more than they’ll hate me,” he answered quietly, “It’s not an issue right now anyway. Liz isn’t going to tell them now so we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Then why’d you want to meet this morning?” Michael asked, “If this isn’t about Liz then what’s going on?”

“We have a problem.”

Isabel thunked her head back against the edge of the sofa. “Oh good God!” she groaned in exasperation, “What now?”

“Khivar,” Max revealed grimly.

Both Isabel and Michael expelled audible sighs of relief. “So,” he prompted with a shrug, “What about him?”

“He’s still a threat to us,” Max replied, “And he’s proved already that he’s willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to kill me.” He tiredly dragged a hand through his disheveled hair. “Too many innocent people have already suffered for his obsession. It has to end.”

“But what can we do?” Isabel wondered, “He’s on Antar and we’re here on earth. Now that Tess has failed he doesn’t have any other way to get to you, Max.”

“That’s an assumption, Isabel.”

“He’s in hiding,” she reasoned desperately, “That has to mean something, right? His power over the people is dwindling.”

“Dwindling,” Max agreed, “But not gone. I can’t just keep waiting for him to come to me. I’m tired of being a sitting target.”

“What exactly are you proposing, Max?” Isabel asked slowly, a knot of dread already beginning to unfurl in her belly.

“I’m going back to Antar,” Max announced without preamble, “It’s the only way to end all this.”

“No fucking way!” Michael exploded before he could continue, “What the hell are you thinking, Max?”

“Listen to me before you fly off the handle,” Max cajoled desperately, “All this time I’ve been running away from my responsibility, my kingship. I thought that if I just turned my back then it all would go away, but burying my head in the sand cost me one of my friends, my relationship with Liz and her well being, and most importantly, my own son. No one is safe around me, Isabel. I’m putting you all at risk by staying and…and I sick of everyone else paying for my cowardice.”

“You’re not being a coward, Max!” Isabel cried. She leapt from the couch with the intention of comforting him but he waved her away. “You were being smart,” she finished in a tremulous whisper, “You were acting in the best interests of us all.”

“This isn’t up for debate,” he stated softly, “I’m going to go. It probably won’t be for another few months because I’m going to have to learn how to pilot Tess’ ship, but…I’ve made up my mind about this.”

“Who’s going to teach you how to pilot a friggin spaceship?” Michael exploded.

“Larek,” Max answered, “I thought I’d ask him to incorporate the lessons into our training sessions.”

“Then we’re going with you,” Michael interjected stubbornly.

“No,” Max rebutted, “I’m going alone.” He could already see the arguments welling up inside them so Max cut them off before they could begin. “Isabel, you have to stay here for our parents and keep them strong. I’ve lost a child so I know what my leaving will do to them. You’ll be all they have left.” He then turned to his best friend. “Michael, you can’t leave either. You have Maria to think about. She’ll be devastated if you leave especially because…there would be no guarantee that would come back.”

At the last of his statement Isabel choked out an anguished sob and turned into Michael’s waiting arms. “You can’t do this, Max,” he said above Isabel’s head, “This isn’t the way.”

Max bent to gather together his schoolbooks and jacket before straightened to regard his distressed friend and weeping sister once more. “It’s the only way, Michael,” he said, “And I’m going…as soon as I can.”

**********

“I can’t believe you’re going back to school already,” Maria remarked dubiously as Liz climbed into the passenger side of the Jetta, “Are you some kind of masochist?”

It was a continuing argument; one that had begun that morning when Liz had called Maria to bum a ride to school. Maria thought she was moving too fast, but Liz was so desperate to get out of the house that she paid Maria’s admonitions no heed. Honestly, Liz didn’t feel at all ready to return to school herself but neither did she want to stay home with nothing but her own miserable thoughts to keep her company.

David had, unfortunately, flown back home the previous night and Liz no longer had anyone to distract her from her thoughts. A part of her had been loath to see him leave, but a part of her also recognized his departure was for the best. Considering the delicate circumstances, Liz didn’t want to take the chance of their mutual grief developing into something inappropriate. Though she liked David and genuinely cared about him Liz didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore than she had when she was pregnant.

But the need to distract herself wasn’t the only reason Liz was ready to return to school. Most importantly Liz wanted to get back into a normal routine. She held onto the tenacious hope that acting normal would make her feel normal. And, since she’d only cried once that morning, Liz had to believe there was some validity to her theory.

“I’m behind enough in school as it is,” Liz explained to Maria as she positioned her book bag on the floor, “I can’t afford any more missed work…not if I want to graduate on time. And besides,” she continued as Maria smoothly pulled them out into traffic, “what was I going to do? Hang around at home all day and let my parents smother me with parental worry? No thank you.”

“They’re just concerned about you, Lizzie,” Maria replied mildly, “Do you know that your dad’s cornered me three times already about whether I know why you went to the cave with Max that night? He wants to know if you’re planning to get back together with him.”

Liz felt her stomach tumble with nervous agitation. “What did you tell him?” she asked in a trembling whisper.

“I told him that I didn’t know,” Maria said, “But that’s not going to hold him off for long. Sooner or later he’s going to start asking you. Which brings me to our next order of business… Are you?”

“Am I what?” Liz queried blankly.

“Getting back together with Max,” Maria clarified.

Liz rolled her eyes in irritated disbelief. “Maria, come on!” she burst out sharply, “Max just lost his son and I’ve recently suffered a miscarriage! The last thing on either of our minds is reconciliation.”

“Well, maybe it should be on your minds,” Maria retorted boldly, “This is maybe one of the hardest moments you’ll ever have in your lives, Liz. You need each other. This is the perfect time to put the past behind you and start over.”

“We are starting over,” Liz told her, “Just not together.” But when Maria heaved a disgusted growl she felt compelled to add, “It’s not like I haven’t tried, okay. I told Max I would be there for him if he needed me.”

“That’s it?” Maria scoffed, obviously disappointed with Liz’s answer, “Well, have you called him at all, made any such overtures?”

“Not since Zan’s funeral,” Liz confessed reluctantly, “But he seemed like he wanted to be alone, Maria. I didn’t want to bother him. You said it yourself. He’s having a hard time and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“You’re his soulmate, Liz,” Maria returned quietly, “You couldn’t possibly make anything worse for him. You’re the one who can save him.”

“Stop that,” Liz warned her sharply, “Maybe Max and I had something once but…that’s over now. We’re different people and we can’t go back. I do want to help him with this, Maria. I can’t stand to see him in so much pain but every time I go around him I only seem to make it worse.”

“You sound like you’re ready to give up, Liz.”

“Not ready, Maria,” Liz corrected tearfully, “I already have. Right now I’d be satisfied if Max and I could just be in the same room without hurting each other.” She leaned her head back against the seat rest and closed her eyes. “I just keep thinking that loving someone should not be this hard.”

“Didn’t Grandma Claudia say that if it wasn’t complicated then he probably wasn’t a soulmate,” Maria reminded her gently, “You know it’s true, Liz. Grandma Claudia was the wisest woman I’ve ever known.”

“Don’t do that,” Liz sniffled, “Don’t use my grandmother’s words against me.”

“What are you going to do?” Maria challenged, “Turn to David?”

“David is really a good guy,” Liz argued defensively, “He’s strong and dependable and he cares about me, Maria.”

“That’s the same thing you said about Kyle Valenti and my response hasn’t changed in all this time. I still think it sounds as if you’re describing a poodle.” Maria slid her friend a sympathetic look across the expanse of the Jetta. “It’s definitely not love, Liz, and that’s what you need right now. It’s the only way you’ll heal.”

Liz sat there following Maria’s impassioned monologue, blubbering her heart out. “Why are you doing this to me, Maria?” she choked in a whisper.

“Because you and Max belong together,” Maria answered quietly, “It’s just you both are too blind and hurt to see it.”

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Four

“I’ve got half a Galaxy Sub with your name on it.”

Max glanced up when Liz’s soft voice sounded above him. Just the sight of her standing there was enough to freeze his heart mid-beat. The sight of her bruised face and broken shoulder didn’t necessarily take him aback though the injuries were wince inducing. No, the jolt Max felt when he looked on her was brought on by the realization that, even with her obvious injuries, Liz Parker was still the most beautiful vision he’d ever beheld. And because, despite the cold detachment he’d been displaying for the past week, Max was extremely grateful to see her.

“You’re looking better,” he remarked softly as she took the seat across from him.

“Liar,” Liz scolded him softly, “I know I look like hell but thank you for trying to soften the blow.”

“I could heal it if you’d like,” Max told her absently, watching as she removed her sandwich, potato chips, and a shiny red apple from her lunchbag. He belatedly realized that this was not just some temporary stop for her but that Liz had every intention of eating lunch with him. In skittish reaction his eyes began darting around the cafeteria in search of Maria.

“You know it would be better to let them heal naturally, Max,” she replied with quiet practicality, “Thanks for the offer though.”

“Do they…I mean…are you in a lot of pain?” Max stammered tentatively. He thought perhaps that she was overdoing it and that she had returned to school too soon. But then Max remembered he was guilty of the same thing so he wisely kept his comments to himself.

“Not hardly,” Liz returned with a soft laugh, “Thank God for painkillers.” She noticed then the darting movements of his eyes. “What is it?”

“You’re…you’re not eating lunch with Maria?” he queried.

Liz paused in the act of popping the top to her soda and regarded him for a solemn moment, not knowing whether she should be hurt by the question or not. Finally she set her drink aside, and with as much dignity as she could muster, she asked, “Do you want me to leave, Max?”

“No!” Max burst out more vehemently than he’d intended. He proceeded to blush bright red when he realized he’d startled the attention of his fellow classmates and didn’t speak again until normal conversation around them resumed. “I’m glad to see you,” Max explained, “Really, you’re probably the only person I can stand to make conversation with right now but... I’m just surprised that you’re not having lunch with Maria today.”

“She ditched me for Michael,” Liz replied with a glimmering smile, “I guess I’m just no competition for those bulging pectorals of his.” Though that wasn’t entirely true. Maria hadn’t ditched her at all. Liz had, in fact, taken Maria’s sage morning advice to heart. Did it really matter that she and Max had bombed in a relationship? At present he was in desperate need of a friend and she was in desperate need to be his friend. Further avoidance just seemed pointless and hurtful.

Max found himself laughing a bit at the last of her statement. “Michael? With bulging pectorals? I don’t think so.” He coughed out a series of chuckles. “Yeah…that’s funny.”

“Doesn’t he work out with you?” she asked innocently. She already knew from Maria that Michael and exercise were arch rivals but she was willing to invent any excuse necessary to get Max talking.

“No,” Max replied in mild amusement, “Michael’s idea of exercise is lifting a potato chip to his mouth. He’s not paunch but…he’s definitely not brawn either. Strength training isn’t his thing.”

“Is it still your thing?” Liz asked softly, remembering the few times she’d watched him work out, most particularly the last time.

“When I work out it’s usually after I put Zan down for bed. It’s the only time I have quiet time,” Max replied automatically but then immediately went white when his words came back to him. An odd, choking noise rose from his throat as reality crashed over him in painful waves. His pain was a palpable entity in those seconds, rolling off him like an intense, burning heat. “I forgot,” he uttered thickly, “I can’t believe I forgot.”

Liz reached across the table to pat his head, gingerly stroking his fingers until he looked at her. “It’s okay, Max,” she whispered. He said nothing, but continually regarded her with tear-brightened eyes. “It’s a natural mistake.” However, her reassurance only seemed to bring him more pain. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Max replied dully, “I can’t. You’re the only one who doesn’t expect me to.”

“We all grieve in our own ways,” she remarked with gentle compassion, “You’re entitled to do what makes you comfortable.”

“Yes,” Max agreed with a hopeless nod.

“So then we won’t talk about it,” Liz agreed, “Only when you’re ready. In the meantime…let’s just eat our lunches. I’m starving.” She took one half of her sandwich, situated it on a napkin and pushed it across the table towards Max. “Bon appetite.”

He stared down at the sandwich as if it were some unknown life form come alive on the napkin. “I have a sandwich already,” he said inanely.

“Max, I know you love this sandwich,” Liz reasoned gently, “And Maria told me that you haven’t set foot in the Crashdown since before I left.” He still wouldn’t touch it. In fact, he was staring at both Liz and the sandwich with outright wariness much like a cornered animal. “Max, it’s just a sandwich,” she coaxed with a small smile, “Go on and take it.”

“What about you?” he wondered, inching his fingers over the napkin.

“We could make a trade if you like,” she suggested gently, “You take my sub and I’ll take your sandwich. Besides, I’m getting sick of Crashdown food anyway.” He seemed okay with that idea because a few seconds later they had made a tentative trade.

She had taken exactly one bite out of the bologna sandwich when Max asked her, “Why are you doing this? Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because you need me,” Liz answered simply, “And I need you.”

**********

“He’s going where?” Maria made her outburst so loudly that Michael felt compelled to cover her mouth with his hand.

“Shh, shh,” he scolded, casting an anxious glance in Max and Liz’s direction. They were apparently engrossed in conversation and unaware of Maria’s dramatic little scene. Michael jerked his girlfriend back down beside him as inconspicuously as he could. “You can’t say anything to her,” he warned her direly, “Max gave us specific orders not to tell anyone.”

“Um…there’s no way I’m keeping this from Liz!” Maria replied sardonically, “Oh my God! What the hell is he thinking?”

“Maria, you can’t say a word,” Michael urged her, “I promised Max I wouldn’t say anything and if he finds out--,”

“Then why did you?” Maria interrupted sharply, “Why did you tell me at all? Michael, you know I can’t sit on this kind of information! Have I ever struck you as the type of person prone to keeping secrets? I mean…hello…I’m nicknamed Maria Motormouth DeLuca for a reason! My God, I--,”

“I love you,” Michael whispered, cutting Maria off mid-tirade, “And I told you because we promised not to have any more secrets between us.”

Maria’s irritation was instantly dissolved in the cooling balm of his sweet reply. She forced herself to calm down then, taking several deep breaths. “So he’s going back to Antar,” she reasoned dryly, “And just what is he hoping to accomplish by this little suicide mission?”

“He plans on confronting Khivar,” Michael said, “He wants to put an end to it.”

“What about you?” Maria asked deliberately, her eyes suddenly flaring wide, “You’re not thinking of going with him, are you?” Michael averted his eyes but not before Maria saw the answer in his gaze. “Oh Michael…Michael, don’t do this,” she whined fretfully, “Please don’t do this to me. Our lives just started making sense again.”

“I can’t let him go alone.”

“You can’t let him go period,” Maria countered, “This is crazy talk.”

“Maria.” She shook her head in denial, not wanting to hear his explanations. “I’m his second, Maria,” Michael insisted fiercely, “It’s my job to stand by him and protect him. More than that…I’m his friend…his brother. He’s in pain and he needs me.”

“We all are in pain,” Maria threw back just as fiercely, “And I need you, Michael. Does he think that we’re not grieving for Zan, too? My God, I loved him, too! I held him. I fed him and changed his diapers. Losing him devastated me, too, but I’m not using my grief as a license to act crazy!”

“You know it’s different for him, Maria. Zan was his son!” Michael fired back, “You, of all people, know how much that little boy meant to him. He’s not thinking straight.”

“Apparently, he’s lucid enough to ask you to accompany him on a suicide mission,” Maria replied tartly.

“He didn’t ask me,” Michael revealed hesitantly, “I volunteered.”

Maria went cold all over. “Oh…you volunteered, did you,” she enunciated slowly.

“For the record, he said no,” Michael rushed out before she could completely lose her temper, “He said I needed to stay here and support you.”

“Well, at least that proves he’s not totally off his nut,” she grumbled unappreciatively.

Michael swept up her hand and sandwiched it between his own in a fervent caress. “You know I can’t let him go alone,” he whispered simply, “You know I can’t.”

“I know it,” Maria conceded with an unhappy pout, “But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. And I don’t. God, Michael…if you just let me tell Liz about it I know she could talk him out of it.”

“That’s exactly why he doesn’t want her to know,” Michael said, “He doesn’t want to be talked out of it, Maria. Believe me, Isabel and I have already tried. He’s going to go whether we agree or not.”

A shuddering sigh of defeat leaked from Maria’s chest and she slumped low as the fight left her body. “When are you supposed to leave?”

“Not for a few months,” Michael told her, “We have to learn how to fly the ship first. We’ll probably be ready to make the trip sometime this summer.”

“This summer?” Maria echoed gloomily, “That’s so soon. And how are you supposed to learn how to fly a spaceship?” But she was already answering her own question before Michael could even open his mouth. “Let me guess…Larek.”

“Hopefully, he can have us fully trained by graduation,” Michael said, “But that depends on how smoothly everything progresses.”

Maria cringed over how methodical Michael sounded in his plans. Apparently Max wasn’t the only one with his mind made up. “Does Max know you’re planning to go with him?”

“Not yet,” he replied sheepishly, “Right now he’s not in the frame of mind to discuss it rationally. I figured I’d let him stew for a while before bringing it up again.”

“Oh my God,” Maria muttered, “This is so surreal. Who ever thought there would come a day when Michael Guerin would be talking about rationale? It’s insane.”

“I have my moments, you know,” he said, hoping to make her laugh with some light-hearted teasing. It did not work.

“So is Isabel going with you, too?” Maria asked solemnly.

Michael shook his head. “Max told her no. He wants her to stay here and support their parents.” He made a clucking sound with his tongue. “She’s pretty pissed off about it, too.”

“I’ll bet,” Maria mumbled in agreement.

“She’s in a really bad way, Maria,” Michael confided quietly, “Between burying Zan, Max’s emotional shutdown, and the anniversary of Alex’s death looming Isabel’s on emotional overload. I’m afraid she’s going to snap.”

“Oh God,” Maria uttered mournfully, clamping her hand against her mouth, “I forgot…I forgot… He will have been dead at year, Michael. A whole year…”

“Yeah, I know,” he whispered, “And Isabel hasn’t been dealing with it well. You know how she was when he first died. She spent all that time at the cemetery…”

“You and Max thought she was losing it,” Maria recalled with a shudder, “I remember how she used to have ‘conversations’ with him like he was sitting right next to her. It was a little freaky.”

“I don’t want her going back to that place again,” Michael said anxiously, “I need to know that she’s being taken care of while Max and I are gone and… I’m asking you to do it.”

Maria swiveled around to pierce him with a widened gaze of surprise. “Me?” she burst out incredulously, “You’re not serious.”

“You’re the only one I trust to do it,” Michael insisted.

“But…but…but you know Isabel and I aren’t on good terms,” she stammered nervously, “I still haven’t forgiven her for the horrible things she said to Liz a couple of months back. Now you’re asking me to take care of her?”

“Maria, you’re the only one who can.”

“What makes you think she’ll even want to talk to me?” Maria reasoned, switching tactics, “Maybe she’ll resent me and think that I’m trying to interfere with her life.”

“She won’t think that,” Michael predicted, “I know Isabel acts all tough and self-assured but beneath that Ice Princess exterior she’s just a scared, little girl. She’s really fragile, Maria, and she needs someone.” Maria had to turn away from the last of that because, despite her iron resolve, she was indelibly moved by Michael’s words. He laid a hand on her shoulder, tenderly massaging the crook of her neck. “Come on,” he coaxed softly, “Do this for me, DeLuca.”

Several moments passed before the rigidity left Maria’s body and she heaved a disgruntled sigh of concession. “Oh, all right!” she cried in exasperation, “But only on one condition.”

“Anything,” Michael promised without reservation.

Maria lovingly cupped his cheek, her green eyes flashing with tears of remorse and dread. Tears she was too proud and too afraid to shed. “Promise you’ll come home,” she incited tremulously, “No matter what happens up there…just promise you’ll come back to me.”

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Five

“This is a cloaking device,” Larek explained, pointing to one of the ship’s various glowing green panels, “It is very practical when slipping past Earth’s defenses but it will do you no good when you enter the perimeters of our planet. Antarian technology is able to detect ships in the atmosphere cloaked or otherwise so it is important that you bring down your ship in neutral territory.”

“Cloaking devices…homing beacons…neutral territory… This is all too Star Trek for my taste,” Michael observed blandly.

“No one asked you to stay, Michael,” Max retorted pointedly before redirecting his attention back to Larek’s lesson. He had been patient and meticulous thus far but Max couldn’t help but wonder if Michael’s niggling was beginning to aggravate Larek just as much as it was aggravating him. Mentally dismissing Michael for the moment, Max asked, “So how long will it take me to reach Antar?”

“At maximum speed…three earth months,” Larek said.

“Three months!” Michael burst out dubiously, “That’s a load of bullsh--,”

“Michael!” Max cut in sharply, shooting his friend a warning look. A belligerent, silent exchange passed between them before Max once again focused his attention on Larek. “I’ll need supplies then,” he said, apparently not at all affected by the revelation that he wouldn’t reach Antar for three months, “What should I take with me?”

“Very little,” Larek answered, “Once leaving earth’s atmosphere you may engage the ship’s autopilot and then enter into hyper sleep. Your body will be sustained on life support until the time you reach Antar.”

Michael looked skeptical and his next words emphasized that state of mind. “What’s hyper sleep?” he asked, “It sounds weird.”

“Hyper sleep is a coma like state,” Larek explained, “When Lord Zan exits earth’s atmosphere he will enter into this chamber.” He led both Michael and Max over to a long, glass tube. The bottom was lined with soft, velvet like bedding. At the head, however, the tube appeared to be attached to some sort of computer unit.

Michael grimaced, running his fingers over the delicate glass case. “Looks like a glass casket if you ask me,” he muttered.

“Yeah, but no one asked you,” Max returned glibly, “So how does this thing work, Larek?”

“The machine depresses your body’s vital signs,” he told them, “They become nearly imperceptible and, to the untrained eye, you would be presumed dead. However, the machine actually preserves your life, slowing the growth rate of your cells so that they aren’t damaged by the light speed travel.”

“Is this the only one of these…hypo sleep thingies,” Michael wondered, missing the curious glance Max sent in his direction.

“There are several more below deck,” Larek said quickly, “Now if you have any further questions please shelve them until our next lesson. I must return Brody’s body to the Center.”

“Of course,” Max agreed but he called to Larek once more just as he was exiting the ship chamber.

“Yes, my lord?”

“How is everything on Antar?” Max asked, “Are you still experiencing the landquakes?”

“More frequently than ever before,” Larek answered, “Our scientists are scrambling to determine the cause and some think that it is time to evacuate the planet.”

“What do you think?”

Larek shrugged. “The quakes are not deadly,” he replied speculatively, “Only a few have perished as a result of them. I believe they shall pass.” His reassurance didn’t seem to squelch Max’s concern so he asked, “What is troubling you, my lord?”

“It’s just that…lately I’ve been having these dreams, well nightmares really, about the v-constellation being destroyed,” Max confessed shakily, “They just seem so real and I can’t shake them. It’s like I have this feeling deep inside me that something terrible is going to happen.”

Larek crossed the cave floor to lay a supportive hand against Max’s shoulder. It was the most emotion he’d displayed since Max had met him. “My lord,” he began patiently, “It is your grief that is making you see these things. The tragic loss of your young son has caused you to see death and destruction where there are none.”

Max shook his head in denial. “I don’t think that’s it at all.”

“Then we will analyze your dreams,” Larek offered, “Only we must do so at another time, when the human is better prepared.”

Max nodded his agreement, albeit reluctantly, and walked Larek out to Brody’s car. Max dipped out of sight as Larek relinquished control and Brody regained full consciousness. He then proceeded to have a small meltdown over finding himself in the middle of the desert with no recollection of how he’d come to be there. Max watched him until he finally regained his composure and drove out of sight before he turned to trudge back up the mountain towards the spaceship chamber.

He found Michael just where he’d left him, perusing the various panels on the ship’s dash. “So why did you stay behind?” he demanded, startling Michael with his sudden and unannounced entrance.

Michael glowered at him. “Do you have to sneak up?”

“Why’d you stay,” he asked again, “You could have left when Isabel did.”

“I thought maybe you could use one friend,” Michael prevaricated, “Since your sister isn’t speaking to you.”

“What is this?” Max wondered suspiciously, “The new and improved Michael? Since when are you warm and fuzzy?”

“Since my best friend lost his son and he doesn’t need to be alone,” Michael answered gently, “Got a problem with that?”

Max winced at the reminder and wilted back into one of the control chairs. The very fact that Michael’s succinct observation was true made it all that much harder to swallow. “Don’t treat me like I’m some kind of emotional basket case, Michael,” Max warned calmly, “I’ve been through hard times before and I’ve handled it.”

“I just calls em like I sees em,” Michael replied with a shrug.

“Have you seen me break down once?” Max demanded irately, “Have you seen me lose control? If the white room didn’t break me, Michael, then nothing will. I’m handling this. So stop trying to tell me how I should feel.”

“That’s exactly the problem, Maxwell,” Michael returned, “Grief can’t be handled! You either feel it or you don’t. End of story.”

“I’m not letting mine consume me,” Max said.

“No, you’re not letting yourself feel anything at all,” Michael countered quietly.

“Is this why you stayed behind,” Max asked in a flash of irritation, “To lecture me? I wish I would have known then I wouldn’t have even come back here.”

“You want to bury your head in the sand that’s fine with me,” Michael replied brusquely, “But try thinking of someone else besides yourself, Max!”

“Like who?” Max sighed in weary disdain.

“Like Isabel!” Michael shouted, “Have you even noticed that she’s hanging on by a thread these days?”

Michael’s rebuke served its purpose, to lacerate Max with guilt. He tucked his head shamefully, abruptly deflated of all his righteous indignation. “She’s not talking to me, Michael,” he whispered, “What am I supposed to do?”

“Well, you could stop trying to control everything and everyone around you for one,” Michael suggested, “Isabel isn’t a child so why are you treating her like one?”

“I don’t try to control people,” Max protested weakly, “And I’m not treating Isabel like anything. I’ve made decisions in her best interests and that’s all.”

“Like hell you have,” Michael snorted, “God! You’re holding on so tight that you’re slowly choking the life out of us! You’re micromanaging the people who care about you, Maxwell. Me, your parents, Isabel…Liz.”

Max jumped at the sound of her name, stabbing Michael with a penetrating glare. “What does Liz have to do with it?”

“I’ve been watching you,” Michael replied, “You’ve had lunch with her everyday for the past week. How is she going to feel when she finds out that you plan to leave for Antar and possibly never return?”

Max didn’t have an answer for that. He had already been asking himself the same question for some time now. Without warning he’d found himself at an unexpected crossroads and he had no idea what he should do.

He and Liz were hardly friends. Beyond sharing their lunch period, in which they spoke only about inane, trivial things, they did not socialize. And yet, that half hour a day had become the center of Max’s universe. Liz didn’t expect him to grieve or share his feelings or even behave fairly. She simply let him be whatever he was that day, be it surly or depressed or even sarcastic. She endured his vacillating moods without ever blinking an eye. In one week Liz Parker had become his lifeline. Really, Max slowly recognized, she always had been.

Which introduced his dilemma. He was keeping a very big secret from her. On the one hand he could argue that they weren’t friends and that he wasn’t obligated to tell her anything. But then on the other hand, he remembered that Liz had used that same argument on him when withholding pertinent information and he hadn’t liked it very much. Max wasn’t a hypocrite. So then he had to be honest about the real reason he was keeping the truth from her. He was frightened of her reaction.

The last time he’d made plans to leave the plant entirely Liz had let him kiss her good-bye but she hadn’t asked him to stay and Max acknowledged, somewhere deep inside himself, that he had wanted her to ask. He had wanted his leaving to matter to her. His feelings were the same now. Even now, when he felt that to go was his duty he still hoped that she would fight for him to stay but the odds for that were alarmingly against that possibility.

Max wanted to matter to Liz and he just wasn’t sure if he did anymore. Sure she had made overtures towards friendship aplenty since Zan’s death but Max was almost certain that her actions had been motivated out of pity and not some genuine desire to know him again. Before Tess blew both their lives to hell Liz had been content to keep her distance from him. Would that desire reassert itself once he became a coping, functioning individual again? It was the fear of that possibility that compelled Max to maintain his distance from Liz and to keep his secret from her.

Max lifted a weary glance to Michael’s expectant face. “What do you want from me?” he asked tiredly.

“You could let us in,” Michael recommended, “That’s a start.”

Max uttered a faint laugh in response. “You’re planning to come with me when I leave, aren’t you?” he sighed in resignation, “That’s why you kept asking Larek all those questions.”

“I won’t let you go alone, Maxwell.” Michael expected the mother of all arguments, in fact he had planned all his rebuttals in advance because of it so he was wholly surprised when Max leaned back his head, favored him with a fatigued smile and said, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Michael prompted in complete shock.

“Okay,” Max confirmed.

Michael leveled him with a mistrustful look. “Just like that?”

“I’m too tired to fight you,” Max told him, “And I didn’t really want to go alone anyway. I’m glad you’ll be there with me, Michael. Thank you.”

**********

“Your mother said I could come straight back.”

Isabel bolted upright on her bed as Maria crept into her bedroom. She frowned her displeasure, her brown eyes narrowing sharply. “If you’re looking for Michael he’s hanging out with Max at Vasquez Rock,” she said coldly.

Undeterred by her frosty greeting, Maria replied, “I…I know that. I actually came here to see you, Isabel. I thought we could talk.”

Isabel snorted outright at the suggestion. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

Maria tentatively folded herself down onto Isabel’s bed, ignoring her disdainful glare over Maria’s presumptiveness. “I thought we could talk about Alex,” she pressed gently.

Almost instantly Isabel’s eyes teared up with the mention of his name. Wanting to cover up her sudden emotion she swiveled back around on her bed and casually resumed polishing her toenails a high glossed pink. “What about him?” she asked, her glib tone ruined by the husky catch in her voice.

“Well,” Maria began carefully, “Next week will mark the year anniversary…you know…that he’s been dead.”

“I know that,” Isabel confirmed hoarsely.

“Yeah so…Liz and I were talking about it and we thought that maybe we could throw a party in his honor.”

Isabel froze at the suggestion, calmly screwed the cap on her polish and set it aside. “A party?” she spat in an angry hiss, “You want to commemorate the day of Alex’s death by having a party?”

“Isabel, you know how he was,” Maria reasoned gently, “Alex totally loved life. He wouldn’t want us thinking about him with tears and sorrow. He’d want us laughing when we remembered him.” Maria pressed a hand against Isabel’s trembling forearm. “He’d want that for you especially, Isabel.”

Mutinous tears rolled down the rotund softness of Isabel’s cheeks. “Why are you telling me all this?” she asked Maria in a hoarse whisper.

“Because we all loved Alex…you, me and Liz,” Maria said, “And he loved us. It would be nice if we stopped fighting long enough to celebrate his memory.”

“I don’t understand,” Isabel replied, shaking her head in confusion, “What made you come here all of a sudden? Did Michael put you up to it?”

“He asked me to watch after you,” Maria confessed, “But I started wondering all on my own why we weren’t friends anymore.”

Isabel opened her mouth; ready to run down the list but found herself unable to remember any of the reasons she’d held to so steadfastly for more than a year. Finally she said regretfully, “I really don’t remember.”

“Neither do I,” Maria said, “I don’t know when it became the humans vs. the aliens but it has to stop. Alex wouldn’t have wanted his death to pull us apart. He would have wanted it to bring us together.”

Isabel didn’t need to reflect on the logic of Maria’s argument very long. “So this party,” she prodded casually, “What did you and Liz have in mind?”

An overjoyed smile bursting across her face, Maria excitedly revealed the plan. “Well, first we thought we’d go to Whitmans and get some of Alex’s home movies from when he was a kid. And then we thought…”

[Deejonaise]

Does it seem like I just posted? Well, I did and here I am again. I've managed to write ahead a few chapters so I thought, "Why not?" So here goes.



Chapter Twenty-Six

“Hello?”

Max checked the automatic impulse to hang up the phone. He couldn’t fathom what had possessed him. One moment he was reclined on his bed making a passable attempt at studying while mentally chastising himself for not going through Zan’s things like he’d promised. For three days now his mother had been offering to help him sort through Zan’s belongings. She seemed to believe that if Max donated Zan’s things to charity he might find some comfort in knowing he had helped someone in need by doing so.

But Max didn’t think as altruistically as his mother. The very thought of some other baby sleeping in Zan’s crib, wearing his sweet-smelling pajamas, playing with his toys was cutting to Max. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to give his son’s things away and so he did what had become his m.o. of late, he procrastinated.

He ducked. He dodged. He pretended to be blind to the problem. Just as he had done with his experiences in the white room Max pushed his feelings deep, refusing to dwell on the pain. Presently, Max’s way of ducking the pain that accompanied the thought of sorting his dead son’s belongings was the very acceptable excuse of study. His mother couldn’t fault him for trying to improve his grades now could she?

However, Max’s plans had certain loopholes, namely that his studying had degenerated to nothing more than staring blankly at the textbook page while playing over in his mind the things he was so desperate to avoid. In an anxious attempt to distract himself Max had rolled for the phone and dialed out Liz’s number before he’d really even thought about it. The reality of what he’d done didn’t hit him until seconds later when she said hello. That’s the moment that his inward panic began.

“Hello?” Liz said again when she received no response, “Is anybody there?”

Max closed his eyes, swallowed reflexively and plunged right in. He said, “Liz?” One word, one syllable, eight billion implications. Max sighed deep and long, gathering his courage. “Liz, it’s me.”

“Max?” she said and there was a giddy thread of joy in her tone when she said his name, “Is that rally you?” He had been the last person she would have expected to call her, but he had always been the one she’d been hoping for. Liz found it difficult to mask her delight over that fact. “It’s good to hear from you,” she said.

Again Max gulped, his belly giving a sickening flutter in response to her unimpeded greeting. “Am I catching you at a bad time?” He half hoped that was the case because his chest was suddenly tight with dread. He had the queasy instinct that the conversation between them would not go smoothly at all.

“No. No,” Liz protested, “It’s a perfect time. I was just laying here thinking about you actually.” Her admission stunned Max, left him momentarily speechless. “I think that I’ve gotten so used to talking to you during the week that the weekends always seem extra long,” she said, “I’m really glad you called.”

“You are?” Max wondered in surprise, “Why?”

“Well for starters…Isabel, Maria, and I are throwing a party in Alex’s honor next week,” Liz explained, “We’d like for you to come.”

Max gradually lifted upright on his bed, a befuddled frown creasing his brow. “Isabel?” he echoed in surprise, “You’re planning a party with Isabel? As in my sister Isabel?”

“How many Isabels do you know?” Liz teased.

“You’re serious?” he said, “I didn’t realize you two were that close.”

Liz expelled a laugh over his dubious tone. “Max, I know this is shocking for you but Isabel and I have managed to put our differences aside,” she said lightly, “For Alex’s sake.”

“So you’re planning a party together,” Max said, still a bit stunned by the idea, “How do you go from barely speaking to planning a party?”

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” Liz replied, “We’re just going to get together at my house and watch some old home movies of Alex. Maybe have some pizza and popcorn and reminisce about him.”

“We?”

Liz rattled off the list of guests. “Well there’s me and Maria and Isabel and Michael and Kyle and you…that is if you say yes,” she cajoled sweetly, “What do you say, Max?”

Though he wanted to go, perhaps more than he could possibly express, Max felt compelled to refuse the offer. For a long while now he’d felt separate from the group, especially following Alex’s death and that feeling had only grown with the death of his son. “Thank you for asking, Liz, but,” he told her as a way of cushioning the blow of his rejection, “I just don’t think I belong there.”

Needless to say, Liz had not been expecting his refusal. “Max, what are you talking about?” she burst out, “Of course you belong there! You were Alex’s friend, too.”

“Some friend,” Max muttered under his breath, “Knowing me put his life in danger and ultimately killed him, Liz. I live with that everyday. I can’t go to that party.”

“Max, that’s not true,” Liz protested.

“Isn’t it?” he challenged, “Didn’t you accuse me of being responsible for his death yourself? Didn’t you say it was my fault?”

“I was grieving,” Liz returned weakly, “And it didn’t come out the way it was supposed to. Max, you know I didn’t mean it like that. Tess is the one who killed Alex. Not you. Not me. Tess. All the blame belongs on her shoulders.”

Max closed his eyes, needing to hear her words almost as much as he rebelled against hearing them. In his mind, though Tess was the one who had physically jeopardized Alex’s life, Max knew he had been the catalyst for it all. Keeping his secret had cost Alex his life. Perhaps if Max hadn’t opened himself to the idea of trusting Tess her obsession wouldn’t have grown to such an uncontrollable level, where she was perfectly willing to do any and everything to get what she wanted.

“You can’t hold yourself responsible for Tess’ actions,” Liz whispered, as if she’d heard the thoughts playing themselves over in Max’s head.

“How do you know I’m doing that?” he asked quietly.

“Because I did the same thing,” Liz confessed in a gentle murmur, “I blamed myself for messing around with the timeline and changing everything around. In that first time Alex lived, Max. He lived and he was there to dance at our wedding and--,”

“Our wedding?” Max interrupted with a painful hitch, “Wait a minute. Are you saying…did we…get married in that first timeline?”

Liz stifled a groan. She had forgotten that she’d never shared with Max the finer details of Future Max’s visit. She had never explained to him that the night of Gomez had been the night they became lovers. She didn’t tell him about how they had eloped to Vegas at nineteen or how they spent fourteen glorious years loving each other. At the time none of those things had seemed to matter at all, but now… Liz wished one hundred times over she had shared those precious moments with Max because they had mattered. Now she imagined the news would hit Max like a ton of bricks and shatter what was remaining of his fragile emotions.

“Just forget I said anything,” Liz mumbled, “It’s not important anymore.”

“Don’t give me that! Did you say that we got married in that first timeline, Liz?” he insisted tightly, “Tell me!”

“Yes,” Liz confessed with broken reluctance, “Yes. We got married, Max. When we were nineteen years old.”

“Oh God,” Max groaned, “Oh my God. None of this had to happen. We could have been together… All this time we could have.”

“I was trying to protect us,” she defended breathlessly, “Future Max said--,”

“I don’t want to hear anymore about Future Max!” he exploded suddenly, “God, why didn’t you tell me! Arghh!”

“I made the best decision I could with the information I had, Max.”

“Is that the same reason you left me that summer?” he bit out. Now that he had punctured the wall holding back all his anguish and pain and fury and the ensuing tidal wave was enormous. “Why the hell did you leave me, Liz? Don’t you see how everything just went to hell after that? I was a mess and more scared than I’ve ever been in my life! You made promises to me! You said you loved me! How could you just walk away?”

On the other end of the phone, Liz flinched and shuddered, taken off guard by his sudden blast of anger. “Max--,”

“I needed you,” he uttered thickly, “I needed you after everything that happened in that white room and you left me alone. You talk about me betraying our friendship and turning my back on you, but you walked away first, Liz!”

“It is not the same thing,” Liz threw back tearfully, “I was trying to do what was best for Max and you…you were just feeling sorry for yourself.” But his words smarted despite her defensive rebuttal. Max was right. She hadn’t been there for him then, which was the reason she was trying damnably hard to be there for him now.

“You’re right about that, Liz,” he agreed in tumultuous emotion, “I was feeling sorry for myself. All I ever wanted was to be with you and I could never figure out what I did wrong…why you left me. Why you didn’t seem to want me when you came back.”

“Max…I never meant to hurt you,” Liz whispered, “I was so confused. I wanted to be with you but…I was afraid.”

“Yeah,” he sighed despondently, “Seems like fear always holds us back, doesn’t it, Liz?”

“I don’t understand,” she whispered.

“Do you remember last year at prom,” he asked softly, “when you told me we should just stop pretending? I thought you meant to stop pretending that we should be together. I thought you were telling me that you’d given up and…right then, Liz, I gave up, too. I thought it was your way of saying you didn’t love me anymore.”

“Is that why you kissed Tess?” Liz wondered bitterly. Max actually laughed at her question, a short, barking, acrimonious laugh.

“You want to know why I kissed her, Liz?” Max prodded softly, “I’ll tell you why. I knew you were there. I felt you when you saw us and I waited for you to say something, anything. Yell, scream at me for being a bastard, anything to let me know that you still had feelings for me but you just walked away. And then later you told me that you were okay with it, that you were moving on and that you basically didn’t care. I kissed Tess at our prom together and you didn’t give a damn.”

“You saw me?” Liz gasped, “You saw me standing there and you kissed her anyway? Why would you do that, Max?”

“Because I wanted you to feel like I felt,” he said thickly, “when I climbed up onto your balcony that night and found you in bed with Kyle. I wanted you to hurt as much as I had. But you know something? The irony was that I hurt myself more than I could have ever hurt you and I’ve regretted it every day since.

“That year it seemed like all you and I could do was play games with each other. We were so busy hurting and trying not to hurt that we only made things worse between us. And things could have been so simple, Liz. If we’d only said what was in our hearts from the very beginning. If only I’d said it.”

“And what was that, Max?” Liz murmured gently, “What was in your heart to tell me?”

“That you were wrong,” he replied, “We weren’t pretending. We were magic together, Liz. And no matter what I remembered about Tess or my past life or what my duty was to my planet, you were future. You were always my future, my life, the center of my world, everything and all that I could have ever wanted. I loved you, Liz.”

Liz hitched a painful breath at his admission, doubling over on her bed with the impact of it. “Why are you telling me this, Max?”

“Life’s short,” he whispered, “And things change quickly. I’ve lost a great deal in such a short time and it made me realize that sometimes in life there aren’t any second chances. Sometimes you have to stop being afraid of the hurt and say what needs to be said. Screw the consequences, you know. And I won’t always be here, Liz…so I needed you to know the truth.”

“Know what, Max?”

“That I did love you, Liz…more than anything,” he declared softly, “And I still do.”

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” Liz whispered when she opened her front door and found Max standing outside.

She felt slightly lightheaded as she stared up into his inscrutable stare, her eyes urgently searching for the thoughts going on behind it. Three days ago he had turned her words on its axis with his unexpected declaration of love and three days had gone by without so much as a word of explanation from him. Max had been purposely avoiding her all that time and Liz was too shaken by the entire situation to pursue him about it. Now that she knew Max’s feelings about her she was frantically trying to sort out her own for him.

“I changed my mind,” he replied self-consciously, unaware of the self-doubt plaguing Liz at that second, “Is it…is that all right that I came?” Suddenly the idea of dropping by so unexpectedly seemed like a monumentally bad idea. “Should I leave?”

“N…No. Of course you don’t have to leave,” Liz stammered, stepping aside so he could enter. Her breath caught in a soundless gasp as he brushed past her, so close she could smell the fading scent of his aftershave. Liz glued her eyes on Max’s Adam’s apple, watching it bob spastically as she soaked in the warmth of his proximity.

Hearing her intake of breath, Max paused in the frame so that they were standing chest to chest. Liz shrank away from him in reaction and again Max wondered if he’d made the right decision by coming. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he whispered again.

Liz peered up at him through the canopy of her dark lashes. “I’m sorry. I’m just surprised,” she mumbled gruffly, “After the other night…”

“You mean when I told you I loved you and then hung up in your face,” Max concluded ironically, “Yeah…I’m sorry about that.”

Swallowing hard, Liz found the courage to reach for his hand. To her surprise he didn’t pull away but let his fingers twine with hers. Their eyes locked in a silent stare and Liz heaved a little sigh of relief. “I’m not.”

Unfortunately, the beginning of their intimate exchange was cut short with Isabel’s sudden advance. Liz and Max hastily dropped hands as Isabel reached their sides. “Max? I…I wasn’t expecting you to come,” she said, apparently not noticing any residual awkwardness between her brother and his ex-girlfriend, “I thought you had to work tonight.”

“I’m…um…just gonna give you two a few minutes,” Liz mumbled, reluctantly excusing herself so that brother and sister could speak to one another privately.

“I’m surprised you’re talking to me,” Max said with a degree of sarcasm, “I’ve gotten nothing but the cold shoulder from you for weeks now.”

“Don’t act all affronted, Max,” Isabel fired back, unfazed by her brother’s chiding, “You know you’re being highhanded about this whole thing not to mention completely unreasonable!”

“I thought this night was supposed to be about Alex,” Max evaded, throwing a cautionary glance over her shoulder towards their friends. Though everyone did make a big production of keeping busy and chatting each other up Max had the distinct impression that they were all listening in on his rather heated exchange with Isabel. He expelled a short, frustrated sigh. “Can we just talk about this later?” he asked.

Isabel snorted. “Yeah right,” she said, “Like I really believe you’re going to actually try talking to me for a change as opposed to trying to dictate my life, Max. But you’re right. This night is about Alex and I don’t want anything to ruin it. So if you’re so determined to ride off for Antar on a suicide mission I’m not going to try and stop you…not tonight anyways.”

“I guess that’s better than nothing,” Max grunted ungratefully.

Despite his sardonic reply Isabel gradually softened towards him, her expression tempered with sisterly sympathy. “I am glad you could come tonight,” she whispered, “I hated the thought of you staying at home all by yourself.”

“I could have gone to the movies with Mom and Dad,” Max replied lamely.

“Oooh the joys of being the third wheel, Max. How could you pass it up?” Isabel teased him and then she hugged him close, her embrace protective and loving. “This is where you belong, okay,” she said soberly, “Let us help you heal.” Isabel felt the tight bunching of his shoulders with her whispered words and decided to quit while she was ahead. She knew there was little good in pushing Max to do something he was not ready for, but she also wanted him to know that she would be there for him when he was ready. They all had to grieve in their own way. “Do you want something to eat,” she asked neutrally, taking a step back to give Max his space, “We’ve got pizza…hot wings…burgers…whatever you’re in the mood for.”

“I could go for a slice,” Max murmured.

After Isabel left to fulfill his request Max removed his jacket but continued to hover near the front door, still waffling between the need to stay and the urge to leave. However, his unspoken agony was quickly forgotten when Maria approached him, pizza slice in hand and, judging from the look on her face, she wasn’t coming to make small talk.

Well aware of what was on her mind before she could even open her mouth Max quickly readied his defense. “I didn’t ask him to come with me, Maria,” he said as Maria thrust the paper plate into his hands, “He made that decision by himself.”

“You didn’t exactly order him to stay either!” she threw back tartly, “And we both know how very good you are at ordering people around, don’t we, Max!”

“He’s Michael,” Max returned in sheepish explanation, “He makes his own decisions. I can’t tell him what to do, as evidenced by the fact that he’s planning to come with me in the first place.”

“Well, if you’d never come up with such a ridiculous idea to start with…” Maria grumbled before delivering a wicked pinch to his forearm, “Max, what are you thinking?”

Before she could assault him further, Max danced out of her reach with a heavy sigh and set aside his pizza, suddenly not very hungry at all. “I’m trying to do the right thing for a change,” he replied evenly, “Khivar needs to be stopped and I’m the only one who can do it. It’s my responsibility.”

“Not this way,” Maria advised, “You’re going to a planet you don’t remember to fight some guy who will probably flatten you in two seconds. What if you and Michael walk into an ambush or…or worse? Max, think! This isn’t a good idea.”

“What would you have me do instead?” Max demanded in an infuriated hiss, “Sit tight and wait for him to come to me?”

“It’s an idea.”

“Well I did that twice already,” he snapped, “And because I did my friend and my son are dead. I’m not waiting anymore. I’m not going to let anyone else die because of me.”

Maria snapped her mouth shut, abruptly stripped of all her arguments when hammered with his fierce refutation. “Couldn’t you, at least, tell Liz what you’re planning?” she sighed in frustration.

“She can’t know, Maria,” Max insisted.

Though he had been livid when he learned that Michael had gone against his wishes and told Maria the truth his ire had gradually cooled when he realized that Maria would not tell. Max could even understand what had motivated Michael to do it. He well knew how secrets and deceptions could be the death of a relationship, even when the intentions were good. Fortunately, Maria respected them both enough to keep the information to herself. Much as it galled her Max knew Maria wouldn’t say anything because she knew the secret wasn’t hers to reveal. Max would confess the truth to Liz if and when he was ready.

“I know. I know,” Maria muttered unhappily, “She can’t know but… I don’t get it. If you’re not planning to let her know that you’re leaving the planet then why did you tell her that you still loved her the other night? You’ve got her all confused and--,”

“She told you?” Max groaned in interruption, humiliated to his core.

“Was it supposed to be a secret?” Maria returned glibly, “I just don’t get you, Max. You plan to leave the planet, probably forever, without giving the girl a single heads-up but then you tell her that you’re still in love with her. What do you want to do? Shatter her into a million pieces?”

Max didn’t founder long in the wake of Maria’s demand because Michael quickly swooped in to rescue him. “All right that’s enough,” he disrupted, scooting up behind Maria and hooking his arms around her waist, “Stop giving Max a hard time. If you want to be mad at someone…be mad at me.”

Maria twisted in his arms, green eyes flashing. “Oh, I am mad at you, bucko,” she seethed, “Both of you are absolute lunatics! This plan is insane not to mention totally unfeasible! God, I just want to shake some sense into you both!”

“Maria, give him a break,” Michael coaxed, “He just lost his son.” Michael said the words low but not so much that Max didn’t hear them. He didn’t quite succeed in concealing his wince of pain.

“I know it,” Maria whispered and then she turned to Max and leveled him with an emphatic stare, “I know it,” she said again, “And that’s what makes this even harder. Don’t you see, Max? We already lost Alex and Zan. Do we have to lose you and Michael, too?” She tore out of Michael’s arms and ran for the kitchen.

Michael flicked Max with a sorrowful glance. “I should go after her,” he said, “I’m sorry, Max. What she said… She was out of line.”

“No, she wasn’t,” Max denied soberly, “She’s justified. She loves you, Michael.” The two young men stared at each other for a moment longer, as if recognizing for the first time the significant changes that had taken place within them both in the space of a year. “Go after her,” Max told his friend, “She needs you.” Once Michael had disappeared into the kitchen Max started to turn towards the front door, deciding that it was best for him to leave after all, when he was intercepted by Liz.

“You’re not leaving are you?” she asked breathlessly.

“I think I upset Maria,” Max said, “I should really just go before I make things worse.”

As he reached for the door Liz snagged hold of his sleeve. “It’s not you,” she whispered, “We’re all a little sensitive because of the day.”

“Yeah,” Max mumbled in laconic agreement.

“Won’t you stay?” Liz beseeched, “Just for an hour…maybe?” Her fingers tightened reflexively on his forearm. “Please, Max? I think we need to talk.”

“What about your parents?” he asked, looking for an out.

“They’re gone for the night,” Liz said, “This is the perfect opportunity for us to talk or just hang out…whatever. I don’t want you to leave. So what do you say?” The odds of him saying “yes” did not look promising. Max looked at the moment like he would prefer to have all his teeth extracted without the benefit of a painkiller but he nodded nonetheless and let Liz half drag, half lead him into the living room.

The room was alive with activity. Kyle was sprawled across the couch, offering wisecracking remarks to Isabel as she wrestled unsuccessfully with the VCR. When he spotted Max, however, he inclined his head in a nod of greeting and made room on the sofa. “Evans,” he greeted curtly as Max sank down beside him.

“Valenti,” Max returned with equal curtness.

Witnessing the stiff exchange between them Liz felt responsible and guilty. The tension had started that night she set up Max to find her in bed with Kyle and it hadn’t abated since then. Liz nibbled on her lower lip, warring within herself over whether she should stay and attempt to fix what she had broken or beat a hasty retreat. Liz decided to go with the latter.

“I’m just gonna…um…go help Isabel with the VCR,” she said, “Why don’t you two just get reacquainted, huh?” As she scrambled away Max and Kyle leveled one another with dubious glances.

For the first few minutes they sat together on the couch not trading a word and watching Liz and Isabel haggle over which tape to play first. However, it was Kyle who relented in the end and broke the uncomfortable silence between them. “So I’m surprised you came,” he said neutrally.

“That seems to be the general consensus,” Max replied sardonically.

“I’m sorry about your kid.”

“Me, too,” Max said. Several beats passed before he followed up with, “I’m sorry about…Tess. I know you cared for her.”

“You don’t have to say that,” Kyle said gruffly, “She hurt you a lot…turned your life upside down. I don’t expect you to be sorry she’s dead.”

“She turned your life upside down, too,” Max replied. The two boys regarded one another in empathizing stare before looking away. “I guess we have that in common, huh Valenti?”

Kyle grunted a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, I guess we do.” Silence stretched between them for a second time but not as awkward or as tension filled as the first. And, as with the first time, Kyle was the one to override it. “Listen, Evans,” he began haltingly, “About Liz and that night… I only lied to you because well…you know…she asked me to. It seemed really important to her and I wanted to help. I never knew the reasons why until after she’d come back home.”

“I know that already,” Max told him.

“I just wanted you to know that it was never anything personal,” Kyle pressed on, “I’ve always been grateful to you for…for…well, you know. You’re a decent guy, Max, and I think you got one helluva raw deal. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Thanks for saying that, Kyle.”

At that moment Michael and Maria exited the kitchen arm and arm. Maria’s eyes were slightly puffy and red-rimmed but other than that she appeared in good spirits. With their return Liz and Isabel announced that it was time to start the movies. Once the movie was popped in differences were finally put aside and all six friends settled down around the television to watch the antics of their dearly missed Alex.

After an hour had commenced it was easy to see that Alex’s parents had adored him. They had taped dozens of moments in his life, from practices with his band to the pie-eating contest at his family reunion picnics. In all those scenes Alex displayed an irrepressible zest for life that was reflected in his guileless smile and laughing blue eyes. So as his friends watched the taped chronicles of his life they didn’t remember him as he had been the last time they’d seen him, cold with death and covered in blood, but they remembered his laughing sarcasm and sparkling wit. They remembered all the things about him that had made them laugh uproariously and they smiled with the remembrance. By the time the last tape finished playing no one had shed any tears, but there was a gigantic sense of loss when it was all over.

“Well I guess that’s it,” Maria said in subdued tones, her smile gradually fading, “We’ve seen them all.”

“Not quite,” Isabel said, rising to her feet on shaky legs and reaching for her purse, “There’s still one other tape.” She pulled the videocassette free from her bag and crossed the living room to insert it into the VCR. “It’s not technically a video of our Alex,” she explained, “But I thought seeing a few pictures of another Alex might be nice as well.”

No sooner had she finished speaking than the television screen burst to life with the words, “Zan gives Daddy a wake up call.” A shaky picture of a sleeping Max came into focus on screen. He lay asleep on his sofa, snoring blissfully, his pre-Calculus book draped over his chest.

A few seconds later a snickering Isabel came into view, toting her nephew in her arms. In the background Diane Evans could be heard admonishing her daughter to “play nice.” Isabel just giggled again and bent down to tickle a feather beneath her brother’s nose. Max snuffled in his sleep, grunted and batted away the offending object but did not awaken. Isabel repeated her joke several times, but her antics failed to wake Max.

Obviously very near to laughing combustion, she finally whispered something into her nephew’s ear and then leaned Zan forward over Max’s head so that he could deliver an enthusiastic and unexpected wop to his father’s forehead with the ball of his rattle. Max bolted up from the sofa with a yelping curse, causing his mother, sister and son to dissolve in fitful laughter. The camera wobbled on his comically confused expression for a few seconds more before the screen blinked out.

Watching the scene play out on screen everyone in the room had a hearty laugh…everyone except Max and Liz. While the others were engrossed with the newest scene of Zan pulling himself up into a standing position Liz was carefully watching for Max’s reaction. His features were chalk white, his lips compressed in a tight, bloodless line. His fingers were curled so tightly into the armrest of the sofa Liz feared that he might actually rip through the material.

While watching the captured memories of her nephew’s life was catharsis for Isabel it was clearly hell for Max. His eyes were so glassy with pain that it hurt Liz to look at him. She started to request that Isabel stop the tape at the precise moment Max leapt off the sofa and went tearing for the front door, ignoring Isabel’s plaintive calls behind him.

“Let me go after him!” Liz said sharply when Isabel started to follow in Max’s wake. She caught up with him at the bottom of the stairs just as he was about to push through the swinging doors. “Max, wait!” she cried, causing him to freeze mid-step, “You can’t just leave.”

Max stood with his back to her but even with the distance Liz could see that his shoulders were shaking. “Liz, I really have to go now,” he said but his words were so garbled that she could barely understand them. That’s when she realized that Max was dangerously close to emotional breakdown. “Please let me leave,” he begged tearfully, “I can’t do this right now.”

But Liz didn’t bow to his anguished pleading. Instead she swallowed her trepidation and reserve and she crept up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his heaving back. “Just let it out, Max,” she soothed gently, “I’ll hold you. I promise I’ll hold you the entire time.”

She was ill prepared for the moment when his knees gave out and they went sliding down to the floor. His body shook so violently that Liz could barely hold onto him as he wept. But somehow she managed. She locked her arms around him and stroked his trembling back, cradling his face against her stomach as he broke down in a way in which she had never seen him do before. Even when he pushed her away and yelled out hurtful accusations Liz would not let him go. Long after the tumult had passed and he lay sobbing quietly, his head pressed into her lap Liz held him tight.

Held him and held him…like she planned never to let go.

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“…your change is $1.63.”

Max folded his palm around the bill and change Liz pressed into his hand, trapping her fingers there. Liz inhaled a staccato sigh as electrical currents zinged through her body with the contact. She slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze directly.

“Thank you,” he whispered. They stood suspended, captured in an unearthly, silent exchange, saying with their hearts what they couldn’t say with their mouths: “Thank you,” “I miss you,” “I’m sorry,” “Good-bye.” Max and Liz might have remained locked that way for eternity had Mr. Parker not chosen that moment to clear his throat in loud disapproval.

With a self-conscious start, Max released Liz’s fingers, shoved the money deep into his pocket, and scooped up Brody’s order. “Thanks again, Liz,” he said softly, pinning her with one last look.

“Anytime,” Liz whispered back, watching as he winded his way back towards the entrance and disappeared.

“Lizzie,” her father growled, instantly snapping Liz out of her dreamy daze, “I’ve told you how I feel about that boy coming here.”

Liz repressed the urge to roll her eyes. “Dad,” she began patiently, “He was just here picking up his boss’ to go order. That’s it. Please don’t make a federal case out of it.”

Jeff leaned his weight against the counter and gave his daughter a knowing look. “You and I know perfectly well that it’s not ‘it’, Liz,” he said matter-of-factly, “I saw the way he was looking at you just now…the way you were looking at him. He was holding your hand, for Pete’s sake!”

“I was giving him his change, Dad,” Liz denied, but her cheeks were flaming with the accusation because she knew that what her dad was saying was true. “Should I have just chucked it at him from across the restaurant instead?”

“You don’t need to get involved with him again,” her father advised sagely, completely ignoring her sarcasm, “After everything you’ve been through this last month with the miscarriage and trying to earn enough credits to graduate with your class the last thing you need to do is welcome that boy back into your life. His life is a mess. His child just died and the mother’s nowhere to be found. I know you feel like you both have a great deal in common right now but this is a dangerous time. You’re both still grieving, Liz. It’s not a good idea to take on his problems in addition to your own.”

Liz hastily averted her eyes. “I’m not doing that,” she repudiated weakly, “I’m not.”

Jeff snorted in response. “Is that why you went to the cave with him that night?” he demanded sharply, “Because it sure as hell seems to me like you’re getting involved again.”

“I told you that we went there to talk, Dad!”

“Talk, hmm,” Jeff said, clearly skeptical, “You go there to talk and nearly get yourself killed. You lose your baby and he walks away without a scratch. Why doesn’t this seem right to me.”

“Dad, please,” Liz implored.

“All I’m saying is that disaster seems to follow Max Evans wherever he goes,” her father coaxed softly, “Just please, for my piece of mind, stay away from him, Lizzie.”

“I can’t promise you that, Dad,” she whispered without regret, “But I will promise to be careful. I won’t rush into anything headlong.”

“Damn your soft heart,” her father admonished softly, “Just like your grandmother.” Jeff leaned forward, framing her small face in his hand, and pressed a fatherly kiss to the center of her forehead. “I love you, Lizzie,” he whispered, “I only want to protect you. That’s all.”

“I know it,” Liz replied thickly. The words were hardly coherent due to the tears clogging her throat. “I’ll be careful, Dad,” she promised.

Jeff smiled at her, a sad, wistful smile that didn’t touch his eyes. “I know that,” he said as he dropped his hands from her face, “Well, I guess I won’t keep you any longer. Get back to work. Time is money.”

Liz smiled at his weak joke but when he disappeared into the storeroom her smile collapsed altogether. Absently she fingered her injured shoulder and wondered just what was she doing. Two months ago she’d had a clear path. She was going to keep her distance from Max Evans, graduate high school and then go to Harvard just like she’d always planned. Two months ago she had been preparing herself for life as a single mother and the responsibilities that came along with that fact. Now there was no baby and all her feelings for Max were muddled beyond comprehension.

On the one hand she was still angry about the way things had gone down between them after Alex’s death, but on the other she was now beginning to see where she’d failed Max as well. Liz supposed she had excused her mistakes all this time because Max was the alien after all. He was the one with all the superhuman ability and sensitive intellect. He should have been able to see into her soul, to look beyond the lies she’d told him to see the truth in her heart. He should have been able to see that she still loved him.

But the reality was that he had been just as messed up and confused as she’d been. His alien abilities hadn’t imbued him with any greater wisdom, but really had only made him all the more vulnerable. So there it was. Liz could admit the truth to herself. She had messed up as well. As much as she wanted to place the demise of their relationship solely at Max’s door Liz knew she had played her part as well.

However, none of that changed the fact that Max had deeply disappointed her. He had damaged her trust so thoroughly that Liz wasn’t even sure that he could ever regain it. She wasn’t sure that she was ready to forgive him at all. But then she also wasn’t ready to let him go. As a result, she was wedged in a place of sick indecision.

Truthfully, she was left with only two options. She could choose to forgive Max and move on with him in her life or she could choose not to and spend that time apart from him. However, they could never reconcile at all if they didn’t settle the problems that had driven them apart in the first place.

If the goal was really to rebuild trust in one another, to gain back what they had lost Liz knew they would have to air out their feelings eventually. Neither of them had taken the time to talk to each other since she returned. In the beginning Liz had been adamant about keeping her distance but then when Zan died she had wanted to extend herself as a friend. But now she realized that the situation between them was evolving too quickly and with none of their many, many, many issues worked through. Liz realized that she couldn’t make a commitment to him, not in friendship or otherwise until those issues had been resolved, hers and his.

“He’s just worried about you, Liz.”

Liz whipped around guiltily at the sound of Maria’s voice, belatedly realizing that she’d been standing at the service counter for the last few minutes staring off into space. She leveled Maria with a blank look. “Did you say something, Maria?”

“Your dad,” Maria clarified, “You’re upset about what he said about Max. Don’t look so shocked. I was eavesdropping,” she added unapologetically, “and I heard everything he said to you.”

“You have no shame,” Liz admonished faintly.

“You looked like you were going to burst into tears at any second,” Maria said, “I thought maybe you could use a friend. I wasn’t trying to be nosy or anything.”

Liz grunted her acceptance of that explanation. “So is this the part where you tell me that everything my dad said was right?”

“Nah, don’t think so,” Maria said, “You know I don’t give sensible advice. But…” she prefaced before Liz could interrupt, “I think you should probably put the brakes on whatever’s going on with you and Max right now.”

“Wait. Wait a minute,” Liz said, shaking her head in confusion, “Not two weeks ago you were espousing on and on about how Max and I belonged together and how we were too foolish to see it. Now you’re saying I should slow down. What’s with the 180, Maria?”

Unable to reveal to Liz the reason for her true hesitation, the fact that Max might not even be on the planet very much longer, Maria decided to go with the next best thing. Maybe if she could push Liz in the right direction the whole thing with Max and Michael returning to Antar could die a quick death and Liz and Max could finally begin to heal.

“Liz, you’re just now learning to trust Max again,” she said, “But now that he’s told you that he still loves you it’s like you’re right back to the longing stares and moony looks. I mean…does that mean that you guys are over everything that happened?”

“I…I’m tired of being angry about it,” Liz whispered, “And hurt. I’m tired of blaming him and having him blame me right back. It’s redundant, Maria, and it gets us nowhere.”

“Then why don’t you stop blaming each other,” Maria advised, casually buffing her nails on the front of her uniform.

“Excuse me?”

“Liz, you’ve been so busy pointing out all the ways that Max wronged you and why you can’t forgive him,” Maria replied, “But have you even once tried thinking about all the ways that you’ve wronged him and the unforgivable things you’ve done?”

“Are you blaming me--,”

“Now don’t go flying off the handle,” Maria rushed out before Liz could work herself up into a fit, “That’s not it at all. What I’m saying is that maybe you and Max might make some actual progress if you both tried taking some personal responsibility for where your relationship is right now instead of pointing fingers.”

Liz deflated, her anger fizzling out almost as abruptly as it began. Maria was saying nothing that she hadn’t already realized on her own. “I thought you said you didn’t give sensible advice,” she muttered wryly.

“You caught me on an off day,” Maria teased, “So that being the case I’m just going to roll with it, okay.”

“Let me have it,” Liz invited.

“Okay, so let’s practice, shall we?” Maria opened, “Let’s go down the list of all the things you did wrong in the relationship. And no justifications, Liz,” she added in warning, “Just stick to the facts and accept responsibility.”

Thinking about where she’d gone wrong was one thing, but making the admission aloud was something else entirely. With a faint shake of her head Liz took several retreating steps. “Maria, this is a bad idea,” she prevaricated, “We’re supposed to be working. What about our tables?”

“Are you kidding me?” Maria burst out with a dubious glance about the near empty café, “This place is Deadsville, babe, and you know it. Table 14 will probably nurse that coffee until the cows come home so I think we’re covered. In the meantime, we can either spend the time refilling the salt and sugar caddies or we can pick apart the remnants of your twisted psyche.”

“The caddies it is,” Liz decided smoothly, but as she started to skip off Maria plucked hold of the back of her uniform. “I don’t think so,” her friend said firmly, “Now spill it.”

“Why are you doing this to me, Maria?” Liz whined plaintively.

“So you’ll know the format when you and Max finally hash things out,” Maria returned fluidly, “Now start talking. Let’s start with how you ran off to Florida after you guys heard the Mom-o-gram.”

“Maria, you know why I did that,” Liz protested, “Max had a destiny and I didn’t--,”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Maria interrupted, “No excuses, Liz, remember? Just the facts. Now what’s the real reason you ran away from him? And remember that this is me, Maria DeLuca, your best friend from before either one of us could spell. I know you better than anyone alive so don’t give me all that nobility crap. Why did you really run away from Max that day on the mountain?”

“Because…Because I wanted to leave him before he could leave me,” Liz confessed weakly.

It was the first and only time Liz had made that confession aloud or otherwise. That moment in the podchamber when Max saw his mother for the first time had been shattering to Liz. Until that point she had only harbored doubts that she and Max didn’t belong together, but when she heard that message Liz had known it. Liz feared more than anything that one day Max would choose to follow his destiny and he would leave her. And Max had brought that very fear to fruition when he turned to Tess and planned to leave the planet with her. That was the reason Liz was so frightened of putting her trust in him again.

“And that’s why you waited so long to tell him the truth about Future Max, isn’t it?” Maria reasoned softly, watching Liz’s face grow progressively darker with emotion, “Because somewhere inside you believed that drivel about you and Max not belonging together. You actually convinced yourself that he was better off with that she-devil Tess.”

“He told me that our loving each other ended the world, Maria!” Liz exploded hotly, “What was I supposed to do? Even Max himself was telling me we didn’t belong together. I just didn’t want to be hurt anymore.”

“And in trying to protect yourself you tap-danced all over Max’s feelings in the process,” Maria concluded evenly, “Now do you see where you went wrong, Liz?” Realization dawning in painful rays, Liz managed a small nod and ducked her head to hide the tears that had begun tracking down her cheeks. Maria wordlessly passed her a napkin to dry her face.

“I’m not saying that all this is all your fault,” Maria whispered soothingly.

“Well, it sure sounds like it,” Liz grumbled, dabbing at her eyes.

“That’s not it at all, Liz. I am, by no means, a relationship guru…I mean Spaceboy only recently learned how to trade audible expressions of affection with me. I definitely do not have all the answers to love,” Maria said when Liz’s sniffles had died down, “But I do know that progress can never be made in a relationship when both parties spend most of their time blaming each other for the state of said relationship.”

“Max and I aren’t in a relationship,” Liz pointed out flatly, “So isn’t all this wonderful advice you’re giving somewhat misplaced?”

“Don’t think so. You want to be in a relationship with him eventually or we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Maria countered cheekily, “So same difference.”

Liz neglected to point out to her that the only reason they were having the conversation was because she had pushed it. “So then what?” she wondered sardonically, “What should my next move be, O Knowledgeable One?” Liz wondered sardonically.

“Go to Max and admit your part,” Maria said, “Take responsibility and apologize.”

“Apologize?” Liz sputtered, “But what about him? What about the things he did? At least I wasn’t trying to purposely hurt him and I--,”

“Nope, don’t do that,” Maria replied, “That’s where you trip yourself up every time. This is about internal reflection, Liz. What you gave to your relationship and what you took from it. Focus on your part only.”

“And what about Max?”

“That’s completely up to him, sweetheart.”

“So what’s the point if he’s not going to admit his mistakes?” Liz asked in irritation.

“Then you’ll know where you stand with him,” Maria said sagely, “and if he really means it when he says he loves you. If he can’t stand before you and openly admit where he’s gone wrong without putting the blame on your shoulders then he’s not for you, Liz. You deserve better. Move on with your life and be happy. Get married, have kids and invite Auntie Maria over for the holidays and all the major family functions.”

“And what if Max is willing to humble himself, if he’s willing to admit where he went wrong,” Liz considered, “What then?”

“All the above still applies and then you get to live happily ever after, silly,” Maria returned simply, “What else?”

[Deejonaise]

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Liz watched from a distance as Max exited the library and loped towards his car, her heart doing a dip low into her belly at the sight of him. Though she had been planning the nuances of this confrontation for three days now Liz’s every coherent thought flew from her brain as she exited the driver’s seat of her early graduation gift, a newly purchased, but very used Ford Escort.

After taking her time to make sure she’d locked all her doors Liz started out towards Max. Twice on her way to him Liz stumbled and almost turned back, but one last boost of courage sent her running across the parking lot to catch him. She made it to his car just as he cranked the ignition and started to back from his parking space.

However the moment he spotted her Max braked hard and promptly cut the engine. The stupefied look on his face said it all. Liz might have laughed if the matters on her mind weren’t so serious. She wiggled her fingers at him in greeting.

Max didn’t really know how to respond. He was pretty sure that whatever had sent Liz scurrying across the library parking lot at 10:00 on a Saturday morning could not be good. Training her with a wary gaze, Max slowly rolled down his window. “Hey,” he greeted carefully, “What are you doing out here?”

“Looking for you actually,” Liz answered quietly.

Max frowned at her answer, but not in displeasure. He was rather surprised that she would go through so much trouble to track him down. “How’d you know to find me here in the first place?”

“Isabel.”

Max snorted to himself, the corner of his mouth lifting in an ironic smile. “Why am I not surprised by that?” he muttered to himself, “It’s okay. I know she had good intentions though. She always does. And besides…I’m glad to see you. I’ve been meaning to call you for the last few days but…I’ve had work and everything.”

It was a lame excuse and Max knew it. Truthfully, his reasons for not calling her had nothing to do with his hectic schedule but more to do with the fact he had absolutely no idea what to say to her. Ever since the other night when she’d held him during his little breakdown Max had felt awkward and wholly unworthy of approaching her. Liz had been nothing short of compassionate and patient with him during the last month and it finally dawned on Max, and much to his disgrace, that he had given her back nothing in return.

Here she had been a decent friend to him and during her own personal difficulties and it had been weeks since he’d asked after her or even offered to be there for her if she needed someone. And Max was slowly coming to realize that his penchant for getting wrapped up in his own drama had been an ongoing problem in his relationship with Liz. It was a painful and shaming realization for Max, a fact that Maria had been quick to drive home for him at 6:00 that morning as he slept on Michael’s sofa. He’d had every intention of seeking Liz out later for a little talk time but, as usual, she beat him to it.

“So I’m glad I caught you or…er…you caught me,” he said wryly, “Because I think there are some things I need to say to you.”

“Yeah,” Liz mumbled in interruption, “But before you get into all that there’s something that I want to say to you first.”

Her ominous tone made Max’s stomach roll and he leaned his forehead against the steering wheel. “Is this about the other night when I told you I loved you because I’m not expecting you--,”

Liz waved her hand dismissively, cutting him off from saying anything further. “Listen, Max. I have something to tell you, something very important and,” she rushed out nervously, “…and I really, really need you to just shut up while I say it.” He jerked up his head at the last of her straightforward declaration, staring up at her wide-eyed surprise and dutifully snapped his mouth shut. “Okay then.”

“Okay then,” Liz repeated, clearing her throat, “So I owe you an apology.” She paused a moment at the flaring of his eyes, letting her pronouncement sink in before continuing. “The thing is…I shouldn’t have run away from you that summer after we learned about your destiny…at least not before explaining to you why I had to leave. I was just so scared that you were going to leave me that all I could think to do was run away. So I guess you were right when you said that fear always held us back.

“But I loved you, Max. I loved you so much and the last thing I wanted was to walk away, but I didn’t want to stick around waiting for the day when you decided you destiny was more important than being with me. I was trying to protect myself and…I guess I did it at your expense. It was selfish and it was wrong and I know that now,” she admitted hoarsely, “I owed it to you to stay behind long enough to tell you the truth but I was too afraid. I made all the decisions that day and that wasn’t fair to you. But,” she added when he opened his mouth to comment, “I don’t think that at all excuses how you completely turned on me later that year or how you were after Alex died. You were an ass to me, Max, and I didn’t deserve that.”

“You’re right,” he agreed calmly, “I was an ass to you and you didn’t deserve it.” Liz was so staggered by his unsolicited confession that she could do nothing more than stand there and stare at him in stammering silence. “That’s what I wanted to say to you, Liz,” he finished quietly, “Part of it anyway.”

“Oh,” Liz puffed out in surprise, her rigid stance relaxing a bit.

He favored her with a slight smile. “Do you think we could go somewhere together?” he asked and quickly added when he glimpsed the reluctant flash in her eyes, “Just to talk, Liz.”

Still a bit taken aback by his unexpected response to her apology/tirade, Liz inclined her in a dazed nod. “I’ll just get my car,” she said, but in that second she couldn’t even remember where she had parked it.

Fortunately she was saved from having to wander around because Max leaned sideways to push open his passenger side door. “No,” Max protested softly, “I’ll do the driving and you’ll listen. Is it a deal?”

He looked up at her so imploringly that Liz found it difficult to say no. “It’s a deal,” she said, already crossing around the front of the car to climb inside. Liz was so worked up over the fact that they were alone in a car together that it didn’t cross her mind to ask where they were going until a full five minutes had elapsed.

“Just for a drive,” he told her, “I thought I’d make it a long one since I’ve got a lot of ground to cover with you.”

“A lot of ground, huh?” Liz considered aloud, “Is this a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I guess it depends on you,” he said.

Liz tucked her hands beneath her thighs, hunched her shoulders and mentally prepared herself for whatever he was about to say. “So what’s on your mind, Max?”

“I owe you an apology, too,” he replied bluntly, “Actually lots and lots of them.”

“You do?”

“You see…I’ve had a lot of time to think these last couple of weeks and I’ve come to realize that I’ve placed a lot of responsibility for my actions on your shoulders,” he clarified candidly, “I realize in retrospect it’s easy to say well if ‘you did this then I would have done that,’ but that’s just crap. The truth is that I made the choices I made because I wanted to make. But then when the consequences were more than I could handle I started blaming you and…I acted like a jerk.”

“That’s a massive understatement,” Liz muttered in commentary, “It was like I didn’t even know who you were, Max. You were this totally different person.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know who I was either, Liz,” he said, “I was just in so much pain and…really the only thing I could think of doing was hurting you as much as you hurt me. That’s why I excluded you when everything went down with Whittaker, that’s why I came to you and told you that I was leaving for New York with Tess, that’s why I kissed her at prom. I didn’t realize I was doing it at the time but…I was purposely throwing her in your face.” He leveled her with a brief, but penetrating look. “And that was your worst nightmare, wasn’t it, Liz? I made everything worse. The truth is you didn’t create this horrible situation between us…I did.”

“W…Wow,” Liz breathed shakily, “You really have been giving this a lot of thought, huh? Have you, by any chance, been talking to Maria about any of this?”

“I’ll admit that she did give me an earful concerning my misdeeds,” Max confessed.

“Is that why you’re saying all this to me now?” Liz asked, “Because Maria put you up to doing it?”

“No,” he denied softly, “I’m saying it because it’s true, Liz.” Without warning he pulled them off onto the side of the road. Liz gripped the armrest as they swerved onto the desert plain and came to a bone-jarring stop. She hardly had the chance to burst into a tirade before Max had swiveled around in his seat to face her fully, his next words causing her to forget her anger altogether.

“Since Zan died you’ve been absolutely incredible to me, Liz,” he declared solemnly, “I’ve felt like a man drowning and you’ve been my life preserver, this totally amazing friend but I can’t say that I’ve been the same to you.”

“You lost your son,” Liz interjected in a whisper.

“You lost a child, too, Liz,” he pointed out, “But who’s supporting you, huh?”

“It’s different for you, Max,” she refuted softly, “You held Zan. You fed him and rocked him. He was real to you. I won’t even pretend to comprehend what you’re going through right now.”

“Hell,” he provided faintly, “I’m in hell, but you’ve made it…bearable. And that’s when it hit me. You’ve always made everything in my life bearable, Liz. You’ve always been there for me…when I didn’t deserve it, when I pushed you away, even when it would have been in your best interest to run far and fast. You’ve always been my friend and…I can never thank you enough for that. I can never express to you what your support has meant to me.” Realizing instinctively that he was leading up to something important Liz forced herself to remain quiet during his monologue.

“You fault yourself for running away from me that summer,” he went on deliberately, “And I’ve faulted you, too, but we were both wrong to do that, Liz. After everything that happened that year, all the secrets and the lies, the fear and people shooting at us it’s little wonder you needed a break after hearing what you did in that cave. God! I can totally understand why you ran. Hell, I’m surprised you decided to come back.”

“Max, don’t excuse what I did,” Liz whispered, “I was wrong to leave you without explanation. Justified or not, you did deserve better.”

“So did you, Liz,” Max said soberly, “You deserved better than me. But for some reason you loved me anyway and you came back. Despite everything you came back only to find yourself knee deep in the alien chaos all over again. And yet you did everything you could to help and protect us, even to the point of breaking your own heart.”

“All I did was confuse the hell out of you and we both know it,” Liz returned glumly, “I am truly sorry for that, Max. I did have good intentions.”

“I know you did, Liz, and I’m sorry too,” he replied, “I know I’ve said it a hundred times already but it bears repeating. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I wasn’t a stronger person.” He uttered a self-deprecating chuckle. “I’m sorry about a lot of things.”

“So where does that leave us now,” Liz queried shakily.

Max stared out the windshield at the barren landscape before them, thinking that it was a perfect metaphor for what they’re relationship had become. He couldn’t fathom how something so lush and vibrant was now hanging on by a slender lifeline. “I don’t know,” he mumbled more to himself than to her, “I just keep thinking that if Zan hadn’t died you wouldn’t even be speaking to me right now.”

“Nah,” Liz denied with a trembling laugh, “I might have said hello to you every now and then in the hall at school. You were starting to grow on me again…a little.”

He pinned her with a trenchant stare. “And now?”

Liz squirmed a bit under his intense scrutiny, feeling flush and nervous all at once with the look he was giving her. “What are you asking me, Max?” she queried slowly.

“I’m not asking you for a commitment if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said quickly, “I’m just offering my services as a friend the same as you did to me. I’m not saying I’ll be a great one…there’s still plenty of stuff that I’m dealing with but…I promise to do my best.”

“Max, you don’t have to--,”

His hopeful expression plummeted like a skydiver with no parachute. “You don’t want to be my friend,” he concluded miserably.

“It’s not that at all,” Liz protested hastily, “It’s just that…you see I…what I’m trying to say is…”

“You still don’t trust me,” Max finished in a near inaudible whisper.

His devastated reaction nearly tore her apart and she stared down at her hands to avoid his ravaged stare. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she murmured, “It’s like…I can be a friend to you, but I don’t know if I believe you can be one back. I don’t want to put my hope in you just to be let down again.”

For the longest time he didn’t respond but Liz could hear the harsh rasp of his breath, as if he were struggling not to cry. Finally, and without preamble, he said, “I’m leaving.”

Liz lifted her head slowly. “What?”

“I’m leaving,” he said again, “I wasn’t going to tell you at first but… I don’t want to lie to you, Liz. I just…I just want to be your friend again. I want you to stop being afraid of me.”

“When are you leaving?” she asked, clearly blindsided by his news, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going back home,” Max replied, “Maybe at the end of the summer, maybe sooner.”

“You’re going back to Antar, Max?” she croaked in disbelief, “Why?”

“Because I can’t spend the rest of my life hiding down here,” he explained gruffly, “I’m not expecting you to convince me to stay. In fact, I don’t want you to. All I want is the chance for us to be friends again, Liz. Just the chance…before I leave. I just want to make it up to you,” he implored, “And…if you decide that you can’t be bothered with me and that there’s really no chance of us ever regaining any of what we lost then I’ll leave and you’ll never have to see me again.”

“And if it’s the other way around?” she demanded tearfully, “If I let myself need you again and you still leave for Antar? What then, Max?”