Author: Lindsay
Category: M/L
Rating: TEEN.
Disclaimer: The characters of Roswell belong to The WB, Melinda Metz, and UPN.
Summary: Tag to Freeze. Based on the Roswell episode Departure. Max POV. I know some of you aren’t going to be satisfied with Max, but then some of you never are. This is my telling…and I’m satisfied.
<center>
</center><center>Edge</center>
We're livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself from fallin'…
-Steven Tyler
Have you ever stood on the edge of a cliff and looked over? Seen the sharp drop, felt that gross thrill of anticipation even as you long to stumble backwards to safety? One wrong move…and you could fall.
The ground could crumble beneath your feet, the plummet swallowing you whole as you try to grab onto anything within your reach.
But everything’s…gone.
You remember a time when you believed anything was possible. When a pair of lush lips curved at the sight of you, delight sparkled within soft eyes. You remember how it felt to hear her laugh, to be on the receiving end of that joyful sound.
The only thing you hear now is the sound of silence. And grieving. The bitter echo of choices made and paths lost. All you can see is that sweet edge…
You’re standing there now, one foot precariously hugging the precipice as you watch her walk away, not for the first time…but you fear for the last. Your throat burns to cry out, your legs threaten to buckle…and you’re that much closer to falling.
“I trusted you!”
Did you ever trust yourself?
“God, I saved myself for you!”
But you couldn’t save anyone.
“You never loved me.”
The words sting like an arrow to the heart…because you know the truth. Everything you’ve done can be traced back to one simple thing…her.
Even during your darkest hour… each touch of your hands against her skin brought memories of softer curves that you’d only imagined.
Darker eyes, silkier hair…
You fell.
“What do we do now, Max?”
You turn at the sound of her voice, the slightly worried timbre trailing off as you meet familiar brown eyes.
You want to rail against her, against them all. Don’t they realize you don’t know? You’ve never known. All you know just walked down a desert cliff and never looked back.
You’ve been operating with only half a mind, half a heart for so long, that the answer doesn’t come straight away. It’s there…just beyond your grasp…a hand held over the edge to bring you back.
“I have to save...”
Your son?
Yourself?
An entire world?
But what comes out of your mouth is none of those things, but maybe the one thing you know you can’t save.
“Liz.”
<center>***</center>
You’re standing on another edge now…this one not jagged and rocky, but strewn with Christmas lights and a ladder you’ve climbed countless times before.
You wait for her to come to the window, wondering if she’ll even know you’re there. The connection seems gone…but you know it still remains, shaky and tenuous. Until brown eyes blink at you, you don’t realize how close you were to falling.
“What are you doing here, Max?”
Words you’ve heard before, once upon a time. A different tone, a coy smile accompanied.
This time there’s no tone, no smile.
There’s silence, mistrust, hurt. Pain. Regret. And before you know it, the words are spilling from your trembling lips. “I had sex with Tess…I…”
Something shifts in her frozen demeanor, but all too quickly it’s masked as she stares back at you. “I know.”
“I wished it was you.”
“Is that supposed to make it okay?” she laughs, but there’s no humor. A heavy sigh, before she moves to turn away. “Don’t do this, Max. Don’t come here because it’s…safe.”
“I’m here because…” Your lips are dry, your eyes burning as icy fingers trail over your body, dragging you closer to the edge. “I love you.”
It should be that simple, but it’s not.
“But not like you love her,” she throws back thickly. “And I can’t live that way. Goodbye, Max.”
A bolt of energy shoots from your palm, trapping her from moving as your heart beats a thick pulse in your chest. “Wait.”
She doesn’t turn, but you sense the simmering anger below the surface. Her voice is cool. “No.”
“I love you.”
“You don’t know what love is.”
“And you do?” The words are born of desperation and a throbbing pain that engulfs you.
She turns then, and you glimpse a crack in the veneer covering her features. Her eyes are wide and luminous, her voice breaking with emotion as she breathes an answer that is final and unyielding.
“Not anymore.”
You aren’t aware of sinking to the ground, everything becomes a distant blur as she disappears. A raw cry pierces the air, and strangely it sounds like your own voice.
And you’re falling…
And there’s no one there to save you.
