The Differences between men and women

[killjoy]

I found this and after reading it I was ROTFLMAO.It's a little bit to help men and women understand what they really mean when they say something.I thought I'd just post it here for all of you to read


WHAT SHE SAYS/WHAT SHE MEANS

Can't we just be friends? /There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine.

I just need some space/without you in it

Do I look fat in this dress?/We haven't had a fight in a while

No, pizza's fine/Cheap bastard

I just do not want a boyfriend now/ I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend

I don't know; what do you want to do/I can't believe that you have nothing planned

I don't really mind where we eat/As long as it's the place I've already decided on

I like you but../I don't like you

You never listen/You never listen

We're moving too quickly/I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if that cute new guy at work has a girlfriend or not.

I'll be ready in a minute/I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.

Oh Yes! Right there /Well, near there; I just want to get this over with

I'm just going out with the girls/We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends

There's no one else/I am doing your brother

Size doesn't count/unless I want an orgasm

We need/I want

It's your decision/The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want/You'll pay for this later

We need to talk/I need to complain

Sure...go ahead/I don't want you to.

I'm not upset/Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're...so manly/You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight./Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!/I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights./I have flabby thighs.

Hang the picture there./No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise /I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?/I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?/I did something today you're really not going to like..

I'll be ready in a minute./Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat?/Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate./Just agree with me and everyone will be happy!

Are you listening to me!?/Too late, you're so dead.

Yes/No

No/No

Maybe/ No

I'm sorry./ You'll be sorry.

I'm not yelling!/Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.



WHAT HE SAID/WHAT HE MEANS.

I'm hungry./I'm hungry.(This one is very important so please remember it ladies)

I'm sleepy./I'm sleepy.

I'm tired./I'm tired.

Do you want to go to a movie?/I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner?/I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime?/I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

May I have this dance?/I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress!/Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage./I want to fondle you.

What's wrong?/Why the hell are you making such a big deal out of this?

What's wrong?/What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong?/I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored./Do you want to have sex?

I love you./Let's have sex now.

I love you, too./Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair./I liked it better before.

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair./You cut your hair?It doesn't look any different than before!

Let's talk./I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

(while shopping)

I like that one better./Would you just pick any freakin' dress so we can go home! The game is about to start!

Sweetheart I really don't think that blouse you're wanting to try on matches that skirt you just bought./I'm gay.

[Morning Dreamgirl]

Okay, that was funny!

I loved it!

Some of those things were so true!

Especially for the guys I think!

Just kidding guys... Or am I?

Ashley

[FaithfulAngel24]

LOL Those were hiarious!

Thanks Killjoy

[killjoy]

How To Shower Like A Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.

Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.



How To Shower Like A Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the bedroom floor.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and than scratch yourself in very inappropriate areas.

Get in the shower.

Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

Wash your privates and surrounding area.

Drop soap to the bottom of the tub when finished,leaving hair on the soap bar.

Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)

Make a shampoo Mohawk.

Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

Pee (in the shower)

Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your shampoo Mohawk.

Partially dry off.

Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

Leave bathroom fan and light on.

Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, flash said female, say "Yeah baby!" and thrust your pelvis at her.

Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed or just jump in the bed still naked and half wet.

[Morning Dreamgirl]

While we're in the sharing spirit...

Men’s Rules (that women should know)

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.

[FaithfulAngel24]

Those were hilarious!!!! Thanks for sharing!

[Lillie]

LOL. Loved them all.

[belleoftheball]

LMAO!
I so needed that, I'm having a bad day

[maxandliz4ever1357]

Hahahaha!

Loved both of them.

[Flamehair]

I like stuff like this