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TITLE: I Hope You Think of Me
AUTHOR: Zoey T. (roswells_angel285)
RATING: Teen
CATEGORY: M/L
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Roswell (it belongs to Melinda Metz) or the
song "Tim McGraw" (it belongs to Taylor Swift).
SUMMARY: What if Max came back to life after the whole
Wheeler/Metachem thing but nobody knew? Here's my outlook. Liz's POV.
Takes place three years after the fire.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Pretty angsty. I just needed to get some of my
emotions out there b/c my ex, who claimed he wanted to stay friends, is
being a total asshole. Gimme feedback!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"You said the way my blue eyes shined
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said that's a lie...."
Here I sit on the balcony of my parents' restaurant, thinking about everyhting
that happened here. It's where Max and I shared our first kiss, where he
broke up with me, where I broke his heart. It's where I wrote everything that
happened between him and I down in my journal. So many memorys, so
many emotions....
I used to believe that everything would work itself out if I just waited. That
Max and I would get back together and have a family; that I'd get my
happily-ever-after. It never happened. I didn't even get to tell him I loved him
one last time before he died.
Valenti said that Max died a hero, and I agree, but I don't understand how God
could take him from me. I feel like I'm being punished for letting such stupid things
come between us, for not keeping the faith that he begged me to keep in us.
It doesn't matter now. I've tried to go on with my life.
I'm a junior at Harvard, studying Microbiology like I always dreamed. I'm doing okay,
but it's hard not to think of Max when we were partners all through high school in
science. Sometimes I get flashes of how things could've been, and I have to get a
bathroom pass so I can calm myself down and keep from crying my eyes out.
"Just a boy in a Chevy truck
That had a tendency of getting stuck
On back roads at night
And I was right there beside him
All summer long
And then in time I woke up
To find that summer gone...."
Everything reminds me of him. Sometimes I could swear I see him, that I hear
his voice calling my name. I've even believed that I've smelt his scent on my
pillow a couple times. I know it's crazy to think he's still here when I know he's
not. It's just a coping mechanism, I suppose.
I can't believe I lost two of the most important men in my life in less than a year.
It seems surreal, like it's a really bad dream. Unfortunately, it won't go away. I
don't know what I'd do without Maria, Michael, Kyle, and Isabel, I don't think I
would've stayed sane.
Sometimes it's hard to keep myself from just giving up on life because I don't
know what I'm living for anymore. I lost my whole future, and my plan had to
change, when Max died.
"When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me...."
I still don't know where I'm going with my life. I mean, yeah, I still want to be
a microbiologist and get married and have a family, but with who? I always
imagined myself with Max. Even when we weren't together, when we were
having problems, he was still the only person I ever saw in my future. Now,
I'm not sure if I could be with someone else, because I'd always be comparing
him to Max.
It still hurts to think about the fact that Max and I never got to make love before
he left. It just feels so wrong. I'm sure I'll die a virgin, because I don't think I
could ever let anyone touch me the way Max did. It seems too wrong to even
think it. No, I was meant to be with Max, and now he's gone. There's nothing
that can change that.
"September saw a month of tears
And thanking God that you weren't here
To see me like that
But in a box beneath my bed
Is a letter that you never read
From three summers back
It's hard not to find all a little bittersweet
And looking back on of that
It's nice to believe...."
What was that? I could almost swear I heard Max's voice, calling for me.
Just my imagination again, most likely. What else could it be? Max is
dead. Dead, dead, d-e-a-d, dead. Get a grip, Parker.
But I couldn't help myself. I stood and went to the side of my balcony and
peered down. On the bottom of my ladder, I saw an envelope that some-
one must've taped there. Strange.
I carefully climbed down the ladder and looked at the handwriting on the
front of the envelope and went still. There was my name, but it was his
handwriting. Even after three long years I'd know that hand anywhere. I
pulled the letter off of my ladder, then climbed back onto my balcony.
Once settled into one of my lawn chairs, I opened the letter with shaking hands
and read what he'd written.
"When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
The moon like a spotlight on the lake
When you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me...."
Just seeing my name written at the top of the page made my eyes fill
with tears. As I read on I couldn't believe what it said. So much pain and
longing, and this was my answer. What kind of sick joke could this be?
Who would do something so cruel as to claim that Max was alive?
I shook my head and read the letter again. The same words stared back
at me, in his handwriting, telling me how much he loved and missed me, and
that he was sorry for not finding a way to get a hold of me sooner. It wasn't,
couldn't be true. I'd felt him die.
"And I'm back for the first time since then
And I'm standing on your street
And there's a letter left on your front step
And the first thing that you'll read...."
I cried for hours on my balcony, snuggled into my blanket in sadness, feeling
a cold that it couldn't help. I fell asleep that way.
When I woke the next morning, Max was kneeling next to me, stroking the hair
out of my face. I blinked at him, thinking I had completely lost it. "Am I dreaming?"
I asked.
He smiled and shook his head.
"Am I dead, then? Are you an angel?" I know, stupid, but what was I supposed to
think? A man I believed had been dead three years was less than a foot from me.
"No." I felt my heart beat faster at the sound of his voice. I reached out and touched
his stubbled cheek and stared into his honey-colored eyes. I felt my eyes fill with
tears when he didn't vanish. Instead, he pressed his cheek against my hand and
covered it with his own.
I started to shake my head to clear it, believing I was hallucinating, but then I saw
the tears gathering in his eyes and I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and
touched my lips to his.
Without a thought, our connection came alive and I let out a surprised gasp as
his tongue took the opportunity to slip into my mouth. Images flashed behind my
closed eyelids of his struggle to get free of Wheeler and find me, and his search
when he succeeded. His hope, desperation, frustration, but above all was his love
for me. He'd been searching for my for two years.
I knew he was seeing my depression, my indecisiveness about what to do
with the rest of my life, crying every night because he was gone, throwing
myself into school and work as a temporary escape from the pain that filled
me. My pain, hopelessness, and self-hate all went to him in a blink of an eye,
and I couldn't stop it.
When he pulled away, tears were making trailed down his face, reflecting my
reaction. He put his arms around me and shifted onto the seat with me, holding
me close as he whispered, "It's over now. I'm here and I'll never leave you again."
We fell asleep that way, and my last thought before I drifted off was I believe you.
"And when you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think my favorite song
The one we danced to all night long
I hope it takes you back to that place
And when you think happiness
I hope you think that little black dress
Think of my head on your chest
And my old faded blue jeans
When you think Tim McGraw
I hope you think of me...."
"He said the way by blue eyes shined
Put those Georgia stars to shame that night
I said that's a lie...."