Unfaithful (M/L AU Mature/Adult) Epilogue 1/17/07

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 6:33 pm

Title: Unfaithful
Author: Jessika aka Dreamer<3
Disclaimer: The characters of Roswell do not belong to me. No infringement intended. The concept come from a song by Rihanna, all rights to the song goes to her.
Rating/Category: AU/Adult
Summary: Liz is an unfaithful wife
AN: Ok, this fic is something I started a while ago, but I got sidetracked and put it on the backburner. But I've decided to start this up again, and it's not a long fic. About 5 chapters or so. So I should be posting this pretty fast, and be done with it soon.

Prologue

When I look around I see all these happy couples. They hold hands, kiss, and just seem so deep in love. If people see this they’re suppose feel giddy inside, and smile. Then why do I feel so empty, and feel like I have to look away?

I think that I, out of all people, should just look at these couples, smile, and then think about my husband. I’ve been with him my entire life.

We grew up together, our parents were best friends, and we lived next door to each other. I was best friends with his sister, and he was best friends with my brother.

When we hit junior high, I felt our relationship take a new shift. I felt myself get butterflies every time he was around, or any time his name was mentioned. I started to notice that he too suddenly looked at me differently. I wasn’t the only one who noticed, so when we officially became a couple freshman year in high school, it was no surprise to our families.

We were West Roswell High’s golden couple. We lost our virginities to each other at 15, and pledged our love for each other at 16. We went to Junior and Senior Prom together, and were made Prom Queen and King both years.

So when he proposed graduation day, it was no surprise when I said yes, and it was no surprise when we announced we were going to Yale University together, and sharing an apartment.

When we finally got married, after we graduated college, everyone attended our wedding. It was the perfect wedding. I wore my mother’s wedding dress, and as we said our vows we both cried. Our honeymoon was in Paris, and it was perfect, we spend the entire week making love, and it never seemed like our love could die.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what my husband feels for me. When ever we go out, people seem to comment to me how lucky I am because I have a husband who looks at me the way he does. I’m not stupid either, I know what he feels for me, I know that he loves me so much, that he doesn’t care if it kills him.

And that’s exactly what it’s doing to him. It’s killing him.

I don’t know when exactly it happened, but at some point through out or journey, I felt my love slip away. It turned from something that I wanted to happen, to something that was supposed to be.

When it first happened, I walked home, gave him a kiss on the cheek, told him I had fun with the girls, and that I was tired. So I went up to our bedroom, and cried myself to sleep. I felt horrible. I was a horrible wife. I vowed myself it would never happen again, and then I broke that vow.
I managed to keep it to myself for the first couple of months, but some where along those months, he found out the truth.

He pretends not to know, and I pretend to not know that he knows. We pretend in front of our families that we’re happy, and that’s basically what it’s come down too.

I know that he loves me, and it’s why he won’t let me go; he’s afraid of loosing me.

Every time I look into his eyes, I don’t see that love anymore, I see betrayal. I’m slowly killing him every time I walk out the door. Putting a gun to his head would be less painful than what I’m doing to him right now.

Now as I stare at myself in the mirror, I look at a woman I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be this person, who hurts the one person who loves her more than anyone else. I don’t want to kill the person who’s the key to my happiness. I don’t want to be a murderer.

I want to love my husband like he loves me, I want to love him like how I use to. I want to be the perfect wife. I don’t want to do this anymore; I don’t want to be the person I’ve become.

I don’t want to be Elizabeth Anne Parker-Evans, an unfaithful wife.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Wed Dec 27, 2006 11:45 am

Hey Guys Thanks for the great feedback! It means a lot! Hope you all had a great Christmas! and hope you all a Happy Holidays!!

Big Thanks to Emma (Emz80m) for betaing this last minute for me! You're the greatest chica!!!

Emz80m
dreamerfrvrp3 - lol I know Chad just has this place in my heart! lol
alizaleven
orphyfets
sprayadhesive- can't wait for more Broken Innocence you and dreamerfrvrp3 I need more!! lol

LegalAlien
guelbebek
vampiricheart- Chad is sexyy lol, i'd have a tough time too!

Chapter 1

It’s 3:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep. The reason I can’t sleep is because I’m aching to be with him. I’m aching for his touch, I’m aching for his voice, and I’m aching for him to be inside of me.

I’m lying next to my loving husband and all I can think about is being with another man. Every time I think about what I’m doing, and how I’m killing him, I feel my body shake, and feel like crying until I can’t breath.

I’m a horrible wife, and I know it. But I can’t stop.

His name is Anthony and he’s like a drug. When I’m with him, he makes everything else in my life disappear, and for every moment I’m with him, I feel less like myself. I can’t explain it, but when I’m with him, I’m not me, and I love not being me. I hate me.

I remember the first time I met him like it was yesterday. I was in a vulnerable state; I was tearing myself up in shreds because I felt my love for Max slipping away. I kept wondering over and over how can a person fall out of love?

I was sitting down on a park bench, watching couples holding hands, and kissing, and all I could do was cry. I wanted to love my husband, but it was slipping away and I couldn’t for the life of me understand why.

He sat down next to me, and asked me if everything was alright. I wiped my eyes dry and turned to look at him and prepared myself to say that I was fine, but when I looked at him something held me back.

He was absolutely breath taking. With his blonde hair and blue eyes, he was the exact opposite of Max. He had this bad boy appeal to him, and I didn’t understand why he came to talk to me, but it intrigued me, and I felt myself open up to him.

I told him everything I felt. I told him of my relationship with Max, and I told him how I felt for falling out of love with him.

His answer was simple. “Love isn’t enough sometimes.”

I guess he kind of took advantage of my state, because it came to a benefit for him. He pushed me farther from my husband and pushed me further towards him.

Within a week he managed to make me his. I promised myself not to do it again, but the more I tried the harder it got, and then it became an addiction. I had to see him; I had to be with him.

He knows that I’m still married but he doesn’t care. I guess part of that reason is that we have unbelievably earth shattering sex. I know that most of the reason that he’s with me is because I give him what he wants, if I didn’t give it to him, he probably wouldn’t bother with me. Knowing this I still do it. I can’t understand why.

I have a man who loves me with all his heart and I choose to betray him with a man who only wants me for my body.

I’ve grown to hate this person I’ve become. I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to be this person, but I’m so far in I don’t think I could turn back.

I look over to Max and when I’m positive that he’s sleeping, I grab my cell phone from the night stand and tip toe to the bathroom.

I’m like an alcoholic but instead of craving for alcohol, I crave him.

I dial the number that I’ve become so familiar with. I just needed to hear his voice.

He answers on the first ring and he knows that it’s me.

“Hey.” His voice sounds groggy and I know that I probably woke him, but he’s use to my phone calls around this time, so I know he won’t get mad.

“I needed to hear your voice.” I sigh as I whisper into my phone as I sit on the closed toilet seat.

“Can you sneak out?” I wish I could.

“I doubt it. I really need you right now.” I’m awful. As I talk to him my whole body shakes, and I feel these rush of emotions. I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs because I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I just so desperately want to stop.

“When can you come over?” His voice sounds desperate, almost as desperate as mine.

“In the morning.” He accepts it, and we stay on the phone for a couple of more seconds; there was really no more need for anything more. These phone calls are more a sense of assurance. It’s like when an alcoholic is with his family and he’s yearning for a drink, but his only choice is the glass of wine that he drinks with his dinner. It’s just a start up, and it keeps him occupied for a while and makes him think about it less until he can get to the good stuff like his whiskey. For me the phone calls let me know that he’s thinking about me too, and that I have something to look forward to when I next see him.

After we hang up I close the flip on my phone and place it on my bathroom countertop. I bury my hands in my hair and hang my head facing the floor.

I think about the first time with Anthony, and it drives me even crazier.

I had just gotten into a big fight with Max, and I didn’t know who else to turn to and I found myself driving in the direction I knew where I shouldn’t have even thought about going.

He opened the door and when he saw it was me he smiled. God the minute he smiled it made me go weak in the knees.

He opened it wide enough for me to walk in, and when I did, he led me to his living room.

He was offered me a drink, and I asked for vodka, straight. I didn’t know what I was thinking, I never had more then champagne or wine, but something about it seemed appealing at the time.

He sat down and handed me a drink as he drank his beer. I took a sip from it and as it passed down my throat the burning sensation that came with it made things seem less bad. When I felt that burn, I felt like less of a worse person, I didn’t feel like this cheating wife.

After that I got addicted, in the next 10 minutes I had gone through 3 glasses. I can vaguely remember crying about what was going on with Max, but after that things were unclear.

The next thing that I could remember was that he was on top of me pounding in and out of me, and it was amazing. I moaned his name in a chant, and it urged him to go faster and harder. The harder he went the more I felt.

I screamed out his name in ecstasy and within seconds he too reached his peak. We spent the next 4 hours doing things I had never even imagined doing, me being the little sheltered good girl that I was.

He fell asleep after being tremendously exhausted. I however on the other hand climbed out of the bed, put my clothes on, and cried my entire way home.

I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I didn’t even know who I was, I wasn’t the type of girl who would cheat on her husband, but then there I was, married and had just had sex with a man I barley knew.

When my phone rang, my throat was still burning from the vodka I bought right after I left Anthony’s house. My heart raced, and a part of me was wishing that it was him calling me, but when I read it the screen it was Max. I choked back a sob and answered the phone.

“Hello.” I said with my raspy voice.

“Hi.” He sounded upset, and at that moment I felt worse than I had earlier and tried my hardest not to break down and cry.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“I was just with some girlfriends having coffee.” I lied. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back all the emotions that were vibrating through my body.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I’m so sorry. I have been so frustrated at work, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” That’s when I lost it, it made me feel even worse because I knew how sincere he was, and I knew how much in love he was with me.

“I’m sorry too.” My body havocked and tears build up in my eyes and I tried my hardest to keep from sobbing.

“Will you be home soon?”

“I’m on my way.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up and my entire body fell apart and my shook with hot painful sobs. I just couldn’t stop. I vowed that I would never let it happen again; Max didn’t deserve it.

When I got home I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I told him I was tired. He smiled and nodded, he told me if I was hungry to let him know and he’d whip something up. I just nodded my head and walked upstairs. I changed my clothes, took a shower to rid me of my sins, and cried myself to sleep.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:58 pm

Thanks for all your feedback!! I really appreciate it, it truly means a lot!!

dreamerfrvrp3
LegalAlien
orphyfets
sprayadhesive

Chapter 2

It’s the next morning, and Max and I prepare for our day. Max heads off to work as the chief executive for his booming advertisement business, which was passed down to him from his father, while I prepare to meet Anthony.

Even though Max knows where I am going, he asks any ways, in which I return with a lie about going out with my friend Serena. Serena is a girl I’ve met through Anthony, we meet every so often, but we’re not the best of friends as I’ve made us to be.

Before Anthony stepped into the picture, my life consisted of not much activity. I would on occasion go and visit with my parents or in-laws, and on the days that my sister-in law, Maria, didn’t have work, I would spend the day with her.

I’ve never had a job. Things just happened for me, and I didn’t need to do anything.

Sure I had dreams, one in particular. I dreamt of being a fashion designer. It was like every chance I had at paper I would sketch anything, a top, a dress, anything that popped into my head. I had even designed my own wedding dress; it was the epitome of perfect. But I never got it made; I wore my mothers dress instead.

When I was in High School I would dream of going to FIDM, Fashion Institute of Designing and Merchandising. But of course all my dreams were washed away the minute I got married.

With high hopes for Max, and his father’s booming business, everyone found it unnecessary for me to work. They thought it would be a burden. Of course me being the perfect daughter I was I listened to what everyone said and so I sat back and let Max follow his dream, while I did nothing except be the supportive housewife.

Of course Max wasn’t one of those husbands who buried themselves is their work. He would be home by 5 and there were only a couple of days where he had to work late. He made me his first priority always. Never once do I remember Max putting anything before me, it was like his nature, what ever I needed he would tend to it. Some where along those lines, he wasn’t the one who could tend to my needs. I wish I could just go to him and have him fix everything like he did, but he can’t. I wish so much that I knew why.

“Ok, honey I have to go. Will you be home for dinner?” I turn to look at Max while I put on my earring. When I look into his eyes I see confusion, I see a boy so desperately in love, but so far gone and desperately trying to hold on to something that slipped out of his grasp so long ago. I hate that I put that in his eyes. His eyes were one of things I loved most about him. I loved how when I looked in them I would feel like I was floating in the clouds because I could never think a person could ever look at me with such passion, but he did. He loved me so much and I loved him back, but now none of that’s there.

“Yeah, I’ll be home for dinner.” I gave him a weak smile and I saw him struggle to return one. God I just want to stop him from hurting, but I don’t know how to. He gives me a slight kiss on the cheek and leaves the house. I close my eye as a single tear drops from my eye. It’s the same routine every time. He leaves knowing well aware of what I’m going to do, and I feel guilty and I cry, but despite it all my feet always lead me to the same destination.

He opens the door and is on que he quickly grabs me pulls me to him. He closes the door behind him before quickly making me his.

It’s like this most of the time. He calls me when he needs me, and if I have the opportunity I rush my way over. I don’t think about my actions when it comes to him, I just do whatever pops into my mind. I guess that’s part of the reason why I always come back to him. It’s because my life was always made for me, the actions I lead in my life with Max, they are all pre-destined for me. My parents and everyone expect us to be this great loving couple, Max runs his father’s business just as it was planned, and I stay at home and am the good little housewife, just like it was all planned.

But with Anthony, nothing is planned. It’s all spontaneous. He calls, I rush over. We have sex, and it’s never the same. Every time it’s different, Anthony does things to me that I’ve never even imagined could be done.

With Max things are just so gentle, loving, and perfect. It’s like the stuff you see in the movies, and it is yet again something predictable and planned.

As Anthony pounds into me fast, my orgasm approaching, I can’t help but turn my face to the side. Whenever he brings me to my orgasm I never look at him straight in the eyes. In fact I never look him straight in the eyes when we have sex. I just can’t do it, because if I do, then I won’t be met with warm amber eyes like I’m suppose to be met with.

We reach our peak together and he pulls out of me and rolls to his side. He reaches over to his nightstand to grab a cigarette, and I turn to my side and let the silent tears roll down my cheek.

We make small conversation. It’s never anything romantic; it’s just him saying all the things he wants to do to me. In return I get turned on and soon we find ourselves having sex again.

After another two hours, I leave and rush back home. Max should be coming home in twenty minutes and I want to get there before he does. Even though he knows where I am, I still need to put up the charade. Like I said, are movements are all predictable.

Once I get home, I set the placing for the dinner table and on que Max walks in through the door. He walks over to me and places a kiss on my cheek, and tells me he’ll be down soon.

Want to know how I know for sure that Max knows about my affair? He never kisses me on the lips anymore. Even when we make love, he never kisses me on the lips. He’ll kiss me everywhere but on my lips.

I remember back when he first told me that he loved me. He had his hand cupped on my cheek, and he rubbed his thumb over my lips. He told me how he loved my lips, and then I asked what else he loved about me. Then he told me he loved me, and ever since then, it was all like something out of a fairytale book. Only somewhere along the lines of our happy lives turned into a nightmare, and it’s all because of me.

Max comes down to eat dinner and we eat mostly in silence with a little conversation here and there.

He asks how my day was as he takes a sip of his wine, and I see him clench his jaw right before he swallows. I know it must kill him to hear my answer, because I’m not going to tell him the truth. I tell him it was ok, and he looks down at his plate and cuts his steak.

I ask him how work was, and he tells me it was ok. He doesn’t look at me in the eye after that anymore. We finish dinner, and the maid comes in to quickly clear the table.

We walk upstairs and he goes into his office to do his work as I walk into the bedroom and read a book.

Two hours later, I change into my night gown, and Max comes in the room to change as well.

Max looks at me and there’s something about the look of his face that I can’t read. I could tell what was about to come wasn’t going to be good, want to know how? The look on Max’s face wasn’t predictable.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:45 pm

Hey Guys!! I want to thank you all soooo much for your wonderful feedback! It really means so much and I loved each and everyone of your responses!

Big thanks to my beta Emz80m for betaing this for me! Your the greatest!

I just want to say I know how most of you feel about Liz, and I feel the exact same way, when I heard the song about Rihanna. I was confused because she knew what she did was wrong but she didn't stop herself. So I interpreted my own way and I came up with this.

dreamerfrvrp3 - lol I'm working on it, I've got a couple chapters posted but I want to complete my other fic Get it Together first, and when I have 7 chapters written for it I'll post, maybe in a month or so!
flyawayraven- lol I'm sure this part will help you figure it out and you won't have to scream *hopefully* lol.
orphyfets- they're in quite a sticky situation aren't they? lol
Get Over It- I've only seen bits and peices of unfaithful but I assure you Max will not go psycho, lol this is a really short fic so it won't lol. And you're right on the money with the feedback, you summed everything up, and Liz has more problems than being a coward.
guelbebek - It's good that you have so much faith in her lol
sweetbrowneyes- Now I know how unhappy you are with Liz lol and I completley agree with you 100%, I dislike her as well, when I heard the song Unfaithful I was like what the hell you know that you're unfaithful but yet you keep doing it, so I interpreted it to this, I hope you won't be too dissapointed with the ending, because I am a die hard dreamer lol, By the way I am loving Best of Me!!
FamersAmers- Thanks so much! Liz does have a lot of issues she needs to sort out but you are absolutley right about her actions being wrong.
dream18- lol I know who would want to cheat on Jason Behr? but then again Chad Michael Murray, it is a tough decsion lol.
frenchkiss70- What Liz did is wrong, and I completley understand where you are coming from, and I hope you won't be upset with me on how I end this

lol
mareli- I wouldn't say the two were trapped into the marriage because Liz was in love with him when they were younger and wanted to marry him, it's just after they got married she just got lost. I understand your point, but in a way isn't Max a coward too? He knows what's going on but doesn't say anything...well...

I loved your connection to real life because it does happen in real life I've seen it dozens of times!
clueless- Thanks so much for the feedback!!
sprayadhesive- Maybe this part will help your frustration? lol *hopefully* lol, by the way I finally had a chance to read Confidental and you have made me cry so much! lol, it's a beautiful story and I want an update very soon!! lol

Thanks again for all the feedback!!

Chapter 3

“Liz…” I watch him as he struggles with his words. My heart pounds fast as I am anxious to find out what he is going to say.

He walks over to me and kneels in front of me. I look into his eyes and I see tears welling up and suddenly a rush of sadness surges through me and tears swell up in mine as well.

He grabs my hand and kisses it softly before he breaks down.

I kneel down next to him and I break down as well. We’re both on the floor crying and I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to make my husband cry, I don’t want to cry. Max has done so much for me; he’s never done anything wrong.

“Max, help me.” I cried. He looked at me and he grabbed my cheek.

“Please Liz tell me, how can I help you. Please I’ll do anything, what have I done wrong? What have I done wrong? How did we end up this way?”

I cry, I cry so hard that my words get stuck in my throat because it’s so swelled up. My chest starts heaving and I can’t breathe. I want it to stop, I want to end it.

“I don’t know. Help me Max; please I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this person. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” I cry harder and for the first time in a long while Max takes me into his arms and he holds me. He really holds me, and I actually feel safe. I haven’t felt this safe in so long.

We calm down after a bit, but it was no use because I know it will all start again when we start talking.

“Max…” I’m trying to get the words out, but I honestly don’t know what to say. I want to make things right, but I’ve been saying and promising these things to myself for so long. I don’t know if I can do it alone.

“I…I need help Max.” Max looks at me.

“I’ll do anything. Please just, just tell me what to do Liz.”

“I’m messed up Max. I have all these thoughts in my head. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I don’t even want to do them sometimes, but it’s just… Max I think I need to see someone.”

He understands.

“Liz, I’ll do whatever it takes. I love you so much, I don’t care what happened, I don’t care about the past. You’re my life Liz.” I look into his eyes and I know that he’s telling the truth. He still loves me, after everything I’ve done, I’ve broke our vows, I broken my promises, and he still loves me. He still wants to take me back.

I need to end this now. I need help, and I’m going to do it. Not for me but for Max. He’s been through so much, now I’m going pay him back. I can’t loose him.

“No Max. You’ve never done anything wrong. It’s all me. I … I’ve messed up so bad. I don’t know why, but I got sidetracked. I’m going to try Max, I promise. I’m going to try really hard.” I mean it too. I’m done with this. I want my life back and I want my husband to live again.

He holds me for the rest of the night, and for the first time in what seems like forever, I can sleep throughout the whole night without needing him.

<center>*****</center>

We’re walking down this big hallway the next morning. Max cancels all his meetings, and takes the day off work. Just like I said, I’m always his first priority.

He told me where we’re going is suppose to be good. He looked it up online, and she’s one of Connecticut’s top psychologists.

We enter her room and Max grabs my hand for support. I smile at him; I know things will be ok now. I know they will be.

Max at first suggested we do couples therapy, but I told him that my situation had nothing to do with him. There was something wrong with me, and not him. He tried to deny it saying that he should have been more open, but I quickly dismissed it. Max is perfect; he’s never done anything wrong. It’s me who should be doing this.

We sit down on the chairs adjacent to her. We talk briefly about how the process will go, and then we set up a schedule for when I’m to meet her.

Seeing that I don’t really do much in my daily activity, it wasn’t that hard to come up with a schedule.

I’m going to be meeting with her for four hours a day on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We thank her and we walk back towards the car.

It’s not that long of a drive, but we manage to make some conversation.

I ask him if we should tell our parents about my situation.

“It’s up to you Liz. Whatever you choose, I’ll always stand by you.” I choose not to tell them. Not at the time anyways.

It takes me a while to notice that we weren’t going in the direction of our house. I look at him.

“Where are we going?” I ask. He then smiles a bit and tells me it’s a surprise. I smile and ask him to tell me, but he won’t budge. My heart starts fluttering, and I get butterflies in my stomach.

He pulls over to the side of the road and I look at him curiously. He pulls out a blindfold from the front pocket of his shirt and smiles.

“Max, come on…” I whine but he doesn’t budge and I allow him to put the blindfold on me. When he’s sure I can’t see he starts driving again.

We come to a stop shortly after and I hear him turn off the engine.

“Hold on.” He says and I hear that he gets out of the car. Seconds later the door next to me opens me and he grabs my hand and helps me out the car. I stumble a little seeing that I can’t see, but he quickly tends to me. We walk a short distance, which includes walking up a flight of stairs.

My heart pounds faster and when we finally come to a stop I smile excited to know what I’m going to see.

He unfolds my blindfold and I gasp at the sight in front of me. We’re on the rooftop of a hotel in New York City, and we’re surrounded by candles and white rose petals and the most amazing view of the city. There is a single table in the middle of the roof top, and there are waiters quickly bustling about to make things perfect.

“After you.” He whispers in my ear. I look up at him and smile, and then I do something really unpredictable. I gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. He looks at me surprised; it’s been so long since we’ve kissed on the lips.

We walk over to the table and sit down, at my seat there a single white rose on top of my plate and I smile.

We spent the entire night talking and dining, and just having a good time. I don’t deserve him; I’ve messed up so much. But as the night goes on I start to fall in love with my husband all over again, and it feels so damn good to say so.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Sun Jan 14, 2007 4:29 pm

Hey everyone I want to thank you all so much for insightful and wonderful feedback. I loved each and everyone one of your responses. Now it's time to get a little glance into Max's mind.

I'd love to leave indepth individual feedback but I'm in a bit of a rush but I loved each and everyone of your feedbacks, it really means so much!

sprayadhesive- I can't wait for that update

guelbebek
flyawayraven
orphyfets
frenchkiss70- Hope this clears up some confusion
Get Over It- You pretty much read Liz perfectly lol
clueless
sweetbrowneyes- just left you feedback lol
sylvia37- I just want to so say I'm so happy you are reading one of my stories, I love all your work!!

Chapter 4

Max P.O.V.

Most people believe that marriage is a blessing but then why don't marriages last anymore?

People get married as much as they change their underwear and I never understood the point of it. Marriage is supposed to be sacred act, an act of love, and being able to forgive.

That's why I married Lizzie. I have loved Liz for as long as I can remember. When we hit junior high I started having these feelings for her and she was no longer little Lizzie but beautiful carefree Liz. She was everything I wanted and when we I got her it was pure bliss.

The next few years of our lives felt like we were floating on a clouds, we were so happy and in love. We graduated high school and got married immediately after. Our honeymoon was perfect and I couldn't be more in love but then it happened.

I'm pretty sure Liz never found out but it was this one time, I was working late at the office, I usually never work this late, always am home by 5, but this time we had a big project.

I don't know how it started and I don't know what happened but the next thing I knew I was waking up next to my secretary. I know what you're thinking I was drunk and made a mistake but I wasn't drunk, in fact I didn't drink anything that night, except for some coffee.

After that I couldn't look at Liz in the eyes. I loved my wife so much and I couldn't understand how I let this happen. After that I tried to be the perfect husband.

What I didn't know was that by being the perfect husband was what caused the biggest drift in our marriage.

I remember telling Liz that I was going to open up her own fashion boutique, but that was before it happened. After that I stopped making my promises because I broke the biggest promise of our lives.

I watched as Liz was told by her parents to do nothing and let me take care of the responsibilities. I let them take away her dreams because I felt that I had to do everything in the marriage because I was the one who had broken vows.

Then Liz got distant and then I started to smell his cologne on her. I knew what was happening but I never said anything. I couldn't because I drove her to it.

I couldn't leave her for the same thing I had done. So I sat back and let it happen.

I love her so much, so much, but I don't know what happened to us. That's why I came to her that night and broke down in front of her. I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted things to go back to how they were.

I let her confess to me how she thought she was so messed up and how it was all her fault and I never said a word.

I never said a word about my own infidelity and just let her take the blame. Then I dismissed it like it was nothing, I had to.

No matter how much it killed me knowing she was with another man I had to forgive because I led her to it by doing the exact same thing.

I made her go to therapy when I should have joined her, but instead I put it all on her shoulders and brushed it off and tried to hide my wrong doings by doing romantic things.

I want to start over and that means forgiving her, but it's not fair to her.

She needs to know the truth, she needs to find out why all this happened. I need to let go of this burden I've been holding onto.

I sigh and walk into our bedroom where I find my wife sitting quietly reading a book. She looks so beautiful.

“Honey?” She looks up her book and smiles at me.

“Hmm?” I take in a big breath. This is it.

<center>*****</center>

Liz P.O.V.

Therapy helped me realize a lot of things.

My therapist told me that I was suffering from depression. She told me that it had a lot to do with my parents and how my life was planned for me. She told me my life style was unhealthy and that sitting around the house can make a person feel alone even when they really aren’t alone.

I never fell out of love with Max, I just got lost in my depression. I know that because a few weeks into therapy my love for Max increased. Max and I spend more time together, talking and just enjoying each other’s company, and I knew that I loved Max very much. Everything he did, everything he said, the way he touched me, the way he looked in my eyes, it all made my heart race again, and when I saw that he was happy again, I started loving again.

My therapist told me that my affair with Anthony was because I felt so alone. She told me that I just wanted to get out of my own skin and by being with Anthony I was able to do so. She confirmed my theory on our relationship being an addiction for me. She helped cure me in so many ways I wasn’t sure that I could ever be able to thank her.

Max is just amazing, he does things to keep me happy, he’s never messed up in our whole marriage and I’m so lucky and blessed to have him, and the fact that he forgave me, it’s like something I can’t explain.

As Max walks into our bedroom I smile. He looks so handsome. He’s just perfect.

“Honey?” I smile up at him.

“Hmm?” I ask. I watch him struggle with his words a bit and I start getting scared.

“I need to talk to you about something.” My heart starts beating fast.

“What is it?” I ask. He walks up to me and bends down in front of me, just like he did when we broke down together. He grabs both of my hands and I start shaking.

“Max, what is it?” He closes his eyes and a single tear runs down his cheek.

“Do you remember when the company was working on the McArthur project?” He asked. I looked at him confused. What does this have to do with anything? It was nearly 3 years ago.

“Yes, you were so busy that month, stayed late a couple of tim…” I widened my eyes. No it couldn’t be.

“I’m so sorry Lizzie, I never meant for it to happen. I don’t even know how it did. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.” I start crying. That was a whole year before I started my affair with Anthony.

I pull away from him.

“Is that the only reason why you forgave me so quickly!? Is that why you dismissed it like it was nothing!? Is that why you never said anything!? Because you did the same exact thing!” I screamed out.

“I’m sorry Liz, I’m so sorry.” He cries he walks closer to me but I back away.

“Here I was thinking it was because you loved me so much, but it wasn’t it was because you didn’t want to feel like a hypocrite!” I cry harder. How could this be? How could this be?

“I DO LOVE LIZ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I’M SORRY PLEASE!” He kneels in front of me. I look into his eyes and I don’t know what to think anymore. Everything I thought was a lie.

I don’t know what to do, and I do the only thing that I can think of. I run to him. I can hear Max’s cries in the background but I tune them out. As I get into my car and start it I try to drive off but something stops me.

I love Max, I love him so much. How can I judge him for what he did when I did the same thing to him for years? I break down in the car and cry hard as I clutch onto my steering wheel. How did we end up this way? How did we get so lost and sidetracked?

We were so in love in high school. Even after we got married, we were perfect. I know I love him, I know I do. When I’m with him it’s the only real time that I’m happy.

When we actually sit and talk like the old times everything’s perfect. Then I think back to what Max said. I realize that a few months after the McArthur project was when I started drifting away from Max.

How is this all connected? I started to fall out of love with him after him, but my therapist said I never fell out of love him, I got lost in my depression. Were my parents the real reason for my depression? Was it Max? Did he change after the McArthur project? All these thoughts and I don’t know what to make of them. Where the hell did I go wrong?

I feel the door open next to me and I cry Max looks up at me.

“I couldn’t go.” I whisper. He cries next to me.

“Tell me how did this happen to us Max how did this happen to us?” I cry.

“I don’t know Liz. I don’t know. I’m sorry I let you take all the blame, but I couldn’t tell you the truth, I couldn’t lose you. Don’t you know how much I love you? I was so afraid.” I started to laugh.

“I know how you feel Max, I was just there.” Isn’t this all so ironic?

“What do we do now Max?” I ask.

“I don’t know Liz, I don’t know, but hopefully we can get through it together?” He pleads with me.

I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t have an answer for anything anymore.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Mon Jan 15, 2007 12:20 pm

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the great feedback it really means a lot! I love all your thoughts and opinions!!

Chapter 5

Liz P.O.V

2 years later

It’s been a while since my marriage was on its way to dumpsters.

I know that Max had decided that he wanted to get through the situation together, but I decided that that wasn’t what was best for us. I mean look at how far that had led us at that point, we were both so deep in and I just didn’t want to make it worse.

We decided to get separated, it was the best decision for us. Even our therapist suggested it. We started going to therapy together every week. But I also went alone too. I needed to understand everything around me because I was so confused.

Our therapist told us that we needed to separate for the reason that we were never really not together before. We were in love in high school and thought it was the best decision to get married, but we never really sought other options.

Max had said that many couples get married right out of high school and end up just fine, she told us that some couples do, and just because we didn’t doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other. She told us that we do love each other, but we just got lost. We needed to explore something more than what we already had, because we weren’t sure if our love was enough. That’s why Max slept with his secretary, and that was why I slept with Anthony the first time.

She said that my first time sleeping with Anthony was like that first snort of coke that gets coke addicts addicted. My attentions of sleeping with Anthony at first was the same reason why Max slept with his secretary, but Max was able to handle himself better, I on the other hand got addicted.

I just wanted to get that taste of something other than what I was used to, and it spiraled out of control. I knew I never wanted to be with Anthony, I hated what I was doing with him, but I just couldn’t stop. That’s why I was the first one to suggest that we separate. I was the one who had done more damage to the marriage.

I realized that the McArthur project had nothing to do with my affair with Anthony and I probably would have ended up doing it anyways. It wasn’t fair to Max. What I had done was far worse than what he did, even if what he had done was before my affair.

Our parents were disappointed in us, they immediately said that we need to get back together, I told them that our matters were no longer in their hands. We were our own people, and we needed to do what was best for us.

Nothing felt better than standing up to my parents.

Anyways Max and I continued therapy but Max moved into a different house.

I only saw Anthony one time after all this had happened and that was to tell him that I couldn’t continue seeing him. He told me I was thinking irrationally, especially when I told him that Max and I were separated, but I told him I knew exactly what I was doing.

I needed to be by myself for once. I needed to know what it really felt like to be alone, I needed to be able to be content alone so that if Max and I ever do decide to get back together this would never happen again.

I don’t deserve Max, I really don’t. I know that he made a mistake but his mistake was nothing compared to my mistake. He tried to dismiss it but I told him to stop. I told him to stop putting me up on this pedestal because I wasn’t this great person. I wasn’t perfect, I was far from it.

I told him to stop running away from his fears of loosing me because I should have been the one being afraid of loosing him.

That’s when he opened up to me about how much he hated knowing that I was with another man. He screamed at me for doing it. He had actually grown balls and I was proud of him.

A year after we separated he told me he wanted to start dating again. I told him that he didn’t need my permission to date other women. So he started dating and I went back to school.

I dated on occasion, but none of the men compared to Max so I decided to just stop and concentrate on my studies.

After that the only time I saw Max was every Friday, at our therapy meeting. I couldn’t believe how much I was missing him. Knowing that he was other women tore me apart inside but I knew I deserved that pain. It was what I had done to him so now I had to go through it too.

After a while I started getting use to being alone. I told myself that if Max was happy than I would be too.

So that’s where we are now. I’m in my third year of FIDM, I managed to work hard enough to skip through a year, and I should be graduating next year with a degree in Apparel Manufacturing Management.

As for Anthony and I, well he kept calling me after I ended what we had but, I changed my number. A couple weeks later I saw him walking with busty blonde and that’s the end of our story.

And that’s where I am now. It’s been two years since Max and I have separated, and there was no mention of reconciliation. We still go to therapy every Friday, and that’s about it.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen to us at this point. I wish so much that we could just start over and take things slow, because I know that I love Max. I know this because I want nothing more in this world than for Max to be happy, even if that means that we will never be together again.

<center>*****</center>

Max P.O.V

The last two years of my life has been a long journey. My marriage was on its way to being shattered because of the mistakes that my wife and I both made.

We got separated, and I actually do believe it was what was best for us, no matter how much I hated the idea at first.

Liz has been understanding through the entire ride. When she told me she wanted to separate I was sure that she would run straight back to him, but she didn’t. She actually ended things with him and went to school. I was so proud of her.

I knew that Liz loved me, I knew it all along, but it was like our therapist said, love needs to build and it’s not this perfect thing that we made it out to be, we both need to contribute to it, not just expect it to always be there.

She said that we should start seeking other options and that’s why I started dating. I needed to see what was out there. Liz told me it was what best for me. She told me she didn’t deserve me and it killed me when she said that because in my heart I know that we deserve each other but we just abused our love so much that it made us hard to realize it.

I have been dating casually for a year now but I have never met a girl like Liz.

I’ve seen her these past two years and she really has changed so much. I’ve seen her with her studies and there is something about fashion that put a spark back into her eyes.

I also see this glimmer in her eyes every time she sees me and I am actually confident enough to say that she loves me. I know it’s weird to say, but I know that my wife loves me and it took us a while to get here.

We had to build our love and our trust back up but to me in the end it was all worth it because I never want to spend my life with any one other than Liz.

I was just so opt to having everything back to the way it used to be that I didn’t realize that we were to far gone that it couldn’t be like that anymore. I was a coward during my marriage and Liz finally told me to grow some balls and I did. It felt good to let everything out and now I’m ready to start over.

That’s why I’m headed over to her house now too. I have a bouquet of white roses in my hand and I’m heading over to ask her out on a date.

She opens the door surprised.

“Max?” She asks. I smile and hand the flowers over to her. She takes them and smiles.

“What’s going on?” She asked. I smile and reach my hand out.

“Hi my name is Max Evans, I don’t know if you know me, but I’ve been watching you from afar for the last two years, and I would love nothing more to take you out to dinner.” She smiles at me, tears welding up in her eyes.

Oh yeah, she definitely loves me.

She grabs my hand and shakes it.

“Liz Evans.”

“Evans isn’t that a coincidence.” She laughs and gestures me inside her house.

I pray that this is a good beginning to what will hopefully be a very healthy relationship.

Dreamer<3 · Post by **Dreamer<3** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:34 pm

Ok guys this is the end of it! I want to thank you all who took the time and voiced your opinons! I love reading every one of your responses and I'm so ecstatic that I got to hear what you had to say.

As a writer all of your thoughts and insights made writing all worth it and I can't thank you all more for all your wonderful feedback.

I hope you all like my very short epilogue and thanks once again!

Epilogue

Liz P.O.V

So my marriage wasn’t easy for its first couple of years, but whose is?

It took me a while but after a lot of time and realizing and really growing up I realized that marriage needs full effort and you can’t always expect it to just be there. I guess that’s what happens when you marry young.

Now don’t get me wrong marrying Max was probably the best decision I have ever made in my life but it probably wasn’t a wise choice to do so so early on in our lives.

But that’s all in the past now. I just turned 27 and now I think I’m old enough to know right from wrong and understand the true meaning of love, and trust me I do understand love.

I love Max with every fiber in my body, he’s my second half and I truly think that we were made for each other. Just because we had some ups and downs doesn’t mean that we weren’t supposed to end up together. I mean we are human aren’t we? We’re both entitled to make some mistakes.

So I guess I should end this little inside look on my life by saying that after Max asked me out for our “first date” things have been great since that. We dated for about 7 months before we decided it was time to move back in with each other. Another 4 months later we renewed our vows and it was the most perfect day of my life. I actually got to wear the dress I designed for my first wedding. I couldn’t have been happier that day everything was just perfect.

For my birthday Max opened up a boutique that featured all the clothes I’ve ever designed. I actually got to live my dreams, and it was all because of him.

I owe everything to Max, we’ve been through so much, and the fact that we’ve been able to get through it all amazes me everyday.

My life is no longer predictable, I live my life to the fullest now, every day is a new day and I love that I get to share those days with Max.

I’m proud to say that that drama filled chapter in my life is over and done with. I’m not saying that I should be redeemed for it, I hated everything about that chapter in my life, and I wish so much that I never got sidetracked, but I guess that’s what life is all about. I’m just lucky to have this amazing man that I can call my husband.

I’m able to love my husband again, and now when I see happy couples kissing and holding hands, my heart warms up and I smile.

Smiling, I love smiling now. It seems to be what I do all the time now. I’m even doing it now, as I’m lying on the couch in the arms of my husband as we watch TV.

He whispers in my ear how much he loves me, and I tell him how much I love him back. He kisses the back of my neck and then places his hand on my big belly.

That’s right, I Elizabeth Anne Parker-Evans am a proud mother to be, and I couldn’t be any happier.