I Can't Love You [M/L; Adult] Completed 01/18

[guelbebek]

Hey! I'm back in the country. I'm so amazed about the feedback you left Thanks so much and thanks to my wonderful beta Laure

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Pinkslipper



Chapter 21

“I don’t want to anymore.”

My feet hurt.

Max and Maria can search more; I won’t.

I sit down on a bench.

“What is it?”

Max sits down next to me.

“I’m hungry.”

Maria agrees with me.

We’re searching for two apartments.

Two apartments in a house.

We’ll never find it.

I refuse to live with Michael and Maria.

Maria refuses to leave me alone.

Max insisted that we move in together.

I said yes.

And Michael wants us to be close. Very close.

So we’re searching for two apartments in a house.

“What do you want to eat?”

We make our way to the Chinese restaurant.

It’s not a noble restaurant.

Advertisements are on the glass.

I take one.

“I’ll buy this.”

Max frowns.

Maria takes the paper out of my hand.

“Liz, the house costs 120,000.”

I shrug my shoulders.

I have too much money.

What should I do with it?

“It’s perfect,” I say.

Max studies the paper.

He’s always so mistrustful.

This house is not the newest one, but it’s the perfect one for us.

It is divided into two apartments.

You could make one of it, but we don’t need to.

It’s okay like it is.

“You’re right, Liz. And when Max goes back you wouldn’t be alone. You could be with us.”

Max looks at me.

Maybe he doesn’t want to go anymore.

I can’t read his mind.

I look out of the window and say: “Let’s eat.”

We order.

“Afterwards we’ll drive to the realtor and then to the bank.”

I have to go to the financial consulting anyway.

“Liz, you can’t buy us a house.”

I only look at him and say nothing.

The decision has been made.

Maria is impressed.

I won’t tell anybody else.

I’m not telling Michael either.

Why?

Men have pride and we don’t need Michael’s pride right now.

“Liz…”

“Max, I want to and I will.”

Since when am I so self-confident?

He shakes his head. He smiles.

He doesn’t say anything more.

In the evening, he will tell Michael.

Together they’ll try to change my mind.

But until then I’ve signed the deal.

We visit the small house.

I want to be on the second floor.

Maria and Michael can get the first one.

I feel safer on the top.

The first floor has three rooms and a veranda.

Our flat had a balcony instead of a veranda.

It’s okay though.

Max admits that it’s a good investment.

The realtor gives me the keys?

We’ll go to the notary tomorrow morning, I promise.

Then we go to the bank.

Maria and Max leave the room.

“That’s a good decision, to do something with your money.”

She’s friendly.

“Thank you.”

“Miss Parker, don’t you want to make more investments?”

Why should I?

“I know you get really good interests, but…”

I say no.

We say our good-byes.

I leave with a check in my hand.

Tomorrow I’m going to buy my first house.

We pick up Michael from the dorm.

He was at a screening test.

We want to surprise him.

Max still frowns because of the house, and because Michael doesn’t know yet.

We drive to it.

And we already have the key, so we go right up to it.

Michael looks confused.

Maria goes up with him.

Max and I look for our rooms.

“This is the biggest,” I say.

The apartment has three rooms.

One will be a living room.

“We could share this one.”

He smiles.

I bite at my lower lip.

I got carried away.

I don’t answer. I just look at him.

He regrets what he said.

I go to the others.

“Liz…”

I ignore him.

With lowered shoulders he follows me.

Max is one of my best friends.

We’ll just live together.

After six months, he’ll go.

“How do you like it, Michael?”

“Thank you.”

He hugs me.

I smile at him.

“I’ll start to pay it back to you when I get a job.”

“You want to give me money?”

He nods and smiles.

“Michael, I’m trying here to spend money.”

They all laugh.

But Max’ smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything about it.

He wants something from me which I can’t give him.

I can’t love him.

Max, I can’t love you.

If I could love I wouldn’t be here.

I would be in New York.

We go to the cinema.

We celebrate our new house.

Maria wants to go shopping in the next morning.

I’m looking forward it.

In a week we have holidays.

We will concentrate on the moving then.

It will be a distraction for me:

I won’t have much free time, and I won’t spend much time alone with Max.

That’s very good.

I told them I would pay for everything.

Max refuses.

Michael refuses.

He says they’ll pay for their own rooms.

And I say I’ll pay for the other expenses.

We go back home.

I want Maria to sleep with me.

But I can’t say it.

Max doesn’t talk.

He was silent the whole evening.

Maria looks me into the eyes.

I know what she wants.

I nod.

She smiles and follows Michael into his room.

Max and I enter my room.

“It was a joke.”

I take my pyjamas.

I know it was.

But I don’t like those jokes.

I don’t answer.

It has to make him crazy.

I’m crazy, too.

I come back, all changed for bed.

He’s sitting on my bed and looking straight into my eyes.

“Are you tired?”

Yes I am.

I shake my head.

He taps on a spot next to him.

I sit down.

I push my hands between my legs.

I know he notices it.

I’m hurting him.

But I’m just helping him not to be more hurt.

I’m not good for no one.

He wants to know if I’m angry.

I shake my head.

He says he’s jealous of Michael.

Because I am so playful with him.

“Max, I am playful with you, too.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re different; you’re distant.”

“Michael is my friend, you’re my friend.”

I’m tired.

I want to sleep.

“Only a friend?”

He looks so sad.

“Yes,” I whisper.

He smiles weakly.

He shakes his shoulders.

I want to cry.

I like him a lot.

He’s one of my three best friends.

And I only have three friends.

“Good night, Liz.”

He doesn’t kiss me on my temple.

He doesn’t smile honestly.

He just lays down on the mattress.

I turn to the wall.

He shouldn’t see my tears.

[guelbebek]

Thank you for the wonderful, amazing feedback! I love every word of it. Here is the next part, and again and again big thankd to my beta laure whi is sticking with me with this story and Blind Date.

Hope you like.

bye guel

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Dreamerlaure
cassie
pinkslipper


Chapter 22

3 months later

“Liz, talk to me.”

I’m silent.

“Liz!”

I don’t want to talk to her.

Why doesn’t she understand that?

“I see how you’re looking at him.”

How? I want to ask.

What do you see, because I don’t know what it is.

But I would like to know.

We’re in my room.

Max and Michael are out.

They didn’t want to take us with them.

Max made a joke.

He said he was fed up with us.

I don’t like those jokes.

“Liz, he’s the first man who’s aroused feelings in you.”

“You arouse feelings too.”

She’s my best friend. She’s done so much for me. I know she blames herself for the rape
because I was on my way home from her house when it happened.

Her mother wasn’t at home.

I lied to her, saying my parents would pick me up.

I thought I would make it home on my own and that I would be okay alone.

I’m the only one to be blamed, and I’ve told her this, but Maria has never forgiven
herself.

She’s my best friend.

“I’m not a man.” She laughs.

I laugh with her.

I laugh more often now.

“He kissed me on my cheek last night.”

Her eyes get huge.

“When?”

She knows our relationship has not been the best in the past few weeks.

He avoids me.

Since we started moving, it’s worked well. I’ve avoided him easily, but now, he’s avoiding me too.

Everybody has their own room.

And I stay away from him.

“He came into the room.”

“And?”

Maria is so curious.

“I pretended to be asleep.”

“Why?”

Why?

Because I miss the evenings with Max.

We don’t talk much lately.

I wanted to know what he was going to do.

He stroked my hair, and then he kissed my jaw and my cheek.

He covered me up, then he shut my laptop down.

I’m studying really hard now because I don’t want to disappoint Max.

I shrug my shoulders.

Maria gets irritated. “Liz, no old habits.”

So, we talk.

Really talk, not like 6 years ago but better than how it’s been.

Maria is proud of me.

Mrs. Madison is proud of me.

I visited her earlier today.

She sent me away, saying I should come back when I’m happy, and I went away without saying a word.

“He didn’t do anything. He just came in.”

“But I thought this was exactly what you wanted.”

Yes, I want him to be there.

Every now and then he should hold my hand, and give me a kiss…on my temple, on my cheek.

But I know his feelings.

It’s in his eyes.

I can’t make him hope, I can’t let him believe it could ever be more.

Could it?

Sometimes my heart cries yes.

But then I get scared and I suppress the feelings.

We hear the door open, which only means that they’re back.

In a second, Max will be coming into the living room.

Maria says goodbye.

She goes to her fiancée.

There is still no date for the marriage.

I walk into the room after she goes.

“Are you hungry?”

I cooked him something.

He looks a little bit drunk.

“Michael and I have already eaten.” He smiles.

It reaches his eyes.

I smile back.

“Good night, Max.”

“Good night.”

He stumbles into his room.

He isn’t too drunk, so he makes it.

I get comfortable in my bed.

Two minutes later, my door opens.

“Hey…” He smiles again.

“Did something happen?”

Oh please, don’t say you threw up.

I haven’t thrown up for a long time now, so I don’t even want to see it.

“I hardly saw you today.”

He’s sweet.

“Do you want to watch TV?”

Tomorrow is Sunday.

I bite on my lower lip.

I nod.

He waits for me, and then he takes my hand when we walk into the living room; it feels good.

We have a big TV.

There are two big couches in front of it, and there’s a table too.

It’s comfortable.

We both like it.

“What do you want to watch?”

I can only bring myself to watch comedies still.

We don’t find a thing we like, and then it’s silent.

He’s sitting on his side of the couch, leaning his head against the back of the couch, and then he turns his head, and looks into my eyes.

“I missed you.”

I look away.

He sighs.

He avoided me, too, so how can he miss me?

He closes his eyes.

“We’re living together.”

He laughs.

“That’s the astonishing thing: I miss you anyway.” He gets serious again.

He shifts so he’s closer to me.

I want him to take my hand, and then kiss me on my temple and my forehead.

I want him to stroke my cheek.

“Liz, I thought you wanted to shut me out.”

“You avoided me.”

He smiles sadly. “I did because I thought you wanted it like this. Is this what you want?”

I bite on my lower lip.

I don’t answer.

“Liz, every day I see you and my heart is in pain because you’re so far away.”

“But I’m here…” I whisper and lower my gaze.

He strokes my cheek and I close my eyes.

It feels wonderful.

I feel my chest tighten.

He draws a line over the contours of my face.

I look at him.

His eyes look wet, but it’s dark; I could be wrong.

“You’re so beautiful…”

His voice is rough.

For a second, I get scared.

He leans down beside me.

Did I delude myself about Max?

Does he know what he’s doing?

He should know better by now.

He isn’t allowed to destroy the moment.

A kiss would.

He presses his lips to my cheek, and I’m relieved.

We sit there for a while.

We don’t touch, but we talk.

Talking.

Laughing.

I feel Max’s arms around me.

I feel tired and when I start to fall asleep, Max carries me to my room.

I put my arms around his neck.

I feel safe.

He looks at my half closed eyes, and he smiles.

I smile back, then he kisses me on the tip of my nose. “Good night, Liz.”

He covers me, and I’m almost asleep again.

“Do I get a kiss?”

Right then, I wasn’t sure if I really said that. I didn’t know; I thought it was a part of my dream, a really good dream, and besides, my eyes were already closed.

But then, Max whispers, “You don’t really want that,” and he kisses me on my forehead.

Do I want it?

At that moment, it felt right.

Maybe it is right.

[guelbebek]

Hello Everyone! Thanks for the wonderful feedback. The story has 40 chapters so i think from now on everything will get ok in small steps Hope you like.

bye guel

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aliensister



Chapter 23

It’s the same night, the night Max and I talked about everything.

I hear a noise.

I’ve heard it now for a few minutes, but more than once, and it’s getting louder.

Maybe it’s by the door?

Maybe it’s from the window? There’s a thunderstorm outside.

I can’t sleep.

I shouldn’t do this, but I do it anyway.

The door opens noiselessly.

“Max?”

No response.

I walk closer to his bed.

“Max?”

He sighs.

Slowly he’s waking up as I sit down beside him.

“Liz?”

He opens his eyes.

He looks confused.

“What happened?”

I shrug my shoulders.

Now he’s fully awake.

“Liz, what is it?” He sounds worried.

Tired, I think. That’s what I should say.

“I can’t sleep.”

Why am I here?

I don’t go into Max’s room.

Never.

Only when it’s really necessary.

The question is, is this necessary?

I think it is.

He smiles.

He looks so sleepy.

“Is it because of the storm?”

I nod.

“What do you want to do?”

I bite on my lower lip, and look away.

He doesn’t ask if I want to sleep in here.

What does this mean?

Doesn’t he want to?

But then he moves to the other side; he doesn’t smile, he just opens the blanket and makes room for me.

Without a word, I lay down next to him.

The fear is forgotten.

With Max I feel safe.

I stretch out on my side, too.

This is my first time.

It’s my first time lying in a bed with a man.

Maybe I did once with my father…but I think I was too small to even remember.

For me, Max is the first one, and my first time for a lot of things.

His eyes look black, but maybe it’s only because it’s so dark.

We hardly touch.

We both have our knees pulled up - they touch.

I wonder what he’s thinking.

He looks into my eyes.

I feel tired, but I don’t want to fall asleep.

I don’t want to look away.

“Do you know what it’s doing to me now that you’re lying in my bed?”

For a tiny moment, I feel insulted.

Then I notice what he means.

I smile a little bit.

But, I don’t know what to do.

I wish I could give him more, or that I could love him.

But how should I know what it’s like?

How should I know that I love him?

I don’t even know what love is.

How does Max know?

Maybe I should ask him.

“Max, how do you know if you love someone?”

He closes his eyes for a moment.

What’s he thinking about?

About me?

I hope so.

“You think about this person all the time.”

I think about Max all the time.

“You miss him as soon as he’s not by your side, no matter how often you do see him. Actually you miss him all the time. Even when he’s lying right next to you.”

I miss Max all the time, and even now, when he’s lying next to me.

“You always want to be with him.”

I want Max to be with me.

“You want to spend your life with this person.”

I don’t want Max to go back to New York.

“The person’s smile makes you happy.”

I have to smile back every time Max smiles at me.

“How do you know that?”

Maybe Max is wrong.

“Because I feel all those things.”

For me?

He looks into my eyes.

I can’t ask him.

I don’t ask men about their feelings.

I see it in their eyes, but with Max I’m not so sure.

He strokes my cheek.

I close my eyes.

Does he feel this prickle, too?

“Liz?”

“Hmm.”

I don’t open my eyes.

I don’t want him to stop.

I feel his breath on my face.

Finally, I look at him, and he’s laying next to me, facing me.

His eyes seem to shine.

“I feel all those things for you.“

That means he loves me.

Is he trying to say that?

I don’t deserve his love.

I want to run away.

I want to hide.

But I can’t.

My legs won’t.

I feel the same.

Maybe I’m in love too, and only didn’t notice it.

But that’s not possible.

I can’t love.

I’ve noticed this from before, from just looking at my life.

Max’s hand lowers.

He strokes my back.

I sigh.

I’ve never felt something like this, something this beautiful.

“Can I kiss you?”

My heart starts to pound.

Not because of panic, but because of excitement.

What should I say?

I bite on my lower lip.

His eyes look down at my lips, and then he looks me into the eyes again.

With his hand on my back he brings me closer to him.

I nod shyly.

“Close your eyes.”

I don’t listen to a lot of people.

I only listen to myself, but right now, I’m listening to Max.

I feel his soft lips on mine, for a tiny second.

Then I stroke his cheek, for the first time.

He releases me.

He lays his hand on my cheek, too.

I open my eyes.

“Did you like it?”

Max is 26 years old, but he sounds unsure anyway.

The kiss was so short, but I don’t think I would have made it last anymore.

I close my eyes, and don’t answer.

I take my hand back, and he does too.

Only our knees are touching again.

“Liz you can be silent every other time, but please not now.”

I open my eyes.

“What do you want to know?”

“If you like it?”

I smile.

He smiles back.

“Good night, Max.”

He kisses me on my forehead.

“Good night, Liz.”

I try to sleep.

It doesn’t work.

I catch Max watching me, and calmly, I close my eyes again.

It doesn’t bother me.

I feel comfortable.

[guelbebek]

Hey Everybody! Thanks for the wonderful, amazing, unbelieving feedback! I loved every word about it and just had to write some words back. Here is the next part, hope all of you will like.

Bye guel


behralicious87 – oh there are some real of them i had one for inspiration but he wasnt mine
behrluv32 – thanks
aliensister – i laughed so much when I read your feedback im glad you feel like dancing when you read about max & liz
dreamer19 – thanks. So here is the next one
raemac – from now on, she’ll really try to go on with her life
begonia9508 – her heart trusts him but her mind still doesn’t. but it will work, i promise
katydid – thanks
Rowedog – I’m a dreamer too so I hope I wont disappoint you (and all the others) with my chracters
cassie – thank you
aussietrueblue – thanks
Emz80m – thank you
Flamehair - thanks
omwf – I’m also writing a sequel in german but I don’t think I will ever finish it, so I wont translate it.
clueless – hope today is soon
Addicted2AmberEyes – thank you, describing max out of Liz eyes is not so easy as I thought before I started the story. So that all of you like my Max means a lot to me.
behr_able – welcome, hope you like the next parts too
Dreamerlaure – Hey laure! You’re leaving feedback though you know the parts already you’re really a perfect beta - I’ll try to translate more this weekend
Natalie36 – thanks
pinkslipper – thank you
roswell4life – jepp it was already time for the first kiss. There will be more


Chapter 24

Isabel is coming today.

Max is at the airport, waiting for her.

“Where will they sleep?” Maria asked me when we were shopping. Since we were cooking dinner together, we went shopping for groceries earlier.

“I don’t know.”

Maria knows her well.

I’ve only seen her in pictures.

But Maria and Michael are engaged; maybe they want to be alone.

“Let’s ask Max and Michael later.”

I agreed with her.

While we are in the kitchen, Maria stops what she is doing and looks at me confused.

“What?”

She points to the refrigerator.

I raise my eyebrows. I don’t get it.

She gets more precise when she points to a note from Max.

“What?”

I can’t read what is written on it from where I am, but he always writes me notes.

He doesn’t want me to worry.

And he asks for notes from me, too.

“It reads, ‘Beautiful, I’m coming home late today, so don’t wait with the dinner.’”

I wanted to throw it away.

But I couldn’t.

It was the first time.

Beautiful.

He’s never called me that.

He’s said I am beautiful…but ‘Beautiful’ is new.

Maria doesn’t know about our kiss.

It’s already been a week since that.

If I tell her now, she’ll kill me, all because I waited a whole week.

Michael comes home, luckily, making Maria forget about the ‘Beautiful’ note.

He found a job in a famous factory.

“How was your day?” Maria asks.

“It was okay.” He kisses Maria, and then he looks at the pots. “Mhmm…When are Isabel and Kyle coming?“

“They should be here soon.”

“Okay, I’ll go take a shower.” He kisses Maria on the cheek and leaves the kitchen to head to their apartment.

Max and I are on the second floor, and they’re on the first.

A little bit later I hear Max’s key.

I’m excited.

Finally I’m going to meet Max’s sister.

But I’m also nervous.

I don’t want one more man in our house.

Only Michael and Max.

I don’t want a Kyle.

Maybe he’s nice, but you never know.

Max and Kyle come in, carrying two bags each.

He’s smaller than Max, and he looks nice.

They’re only staying for a week, but, why do they have so much with them?

Isabel comes in last.

Tall. Thin. Wonderful blonde hair.

She wears sunglasses.

As she enters, she takes them off.

Her eyes shine.

She hugs Michael and Maria, and says hello.

She has a sweet voice.

She gives me her hand.

Max introduces me as his best friend.

I smile.

She looks very nice.

“That’s Kyle, Isabel’s boyfriend.”

He’s new for all of us, only Max knew him.

He shakes hands with all of us.

Then they go into the living room, and I go back into the kitchen to prepare the table for dinner.

Max follows me.

“Liz, will it disturb you when they sleep here?”

“Of course not.”

How can he ask me this?

“Then I would have to sleep in your room.”

Ah, because of that he asks.

I don’t answer.

“Michael’s guest room only has a small bed, but our rooms I have big ones.”

Hmm.

The guestroom wouldn’t be comfortable.

“Okay.”

“I can sleep on the mattress, if you want me to.”

Oh, like before.

I smile.

“No, you don’t have to.”

I start blushing, and then he laughs and pulls me into his arms.

He places his chin on my head.

I put my arms around him.

It’s still new for me.

And I feel so small.

It’s like his body is everywhere.

I feel safe.

“Max, can you…Oh…”

We separate.

Isabel is standing at the door, waiting.

“Can I what?” Max smiles, and Isabel does too.

I, however, get even redder and leave the kitchen quickly.

After the dinner, Isabel and Kyle go to bed immediately.

Their flight was exhausting.

I changed Max’s sheets for them right before dinner as they’re sleeping in his room.

I go shower, and Max cleans up the kitchen.

He didn’t want me to do it.

He said I did enough for his sister.

I’m brushing my hair when he comes out of his shower wearing only boxers.

He dries his short hair with the towel.

His skin is wet.

For the first time I feel something.

Not disgust.

Not anger.

It’s not arousal either.

But it’s something.

That’s good, isn’t it?

“Do you have to go to the college tomorrow?”

I shake my head.

I don’t have to be back for two days.

I’m doing really well in school right now, and going is actually enjoyable again.

I look at him questioningly.

“I want to show Isabel and Kyle Seattle. You should come with us.”

I’m surprised.

This is his family.

Why does he want me to go with them?

“Will you?”

I hesitate for a moment but nod.

I crawl under my blanket.

I have on shorts and a top.

I haven’t worn a nightgown in years.

Max turns the light down.

In the moonlight I can see him though.

I lay on my back, letting my head fall back onto the pillow.

Max lays down next to me; he starts playing with my hair.

“Liz, are you glad that we met each other?”

Max asks such things often.

He wants me to talk to him.

But I don’t like to talk about my feelings.

I’m always afraid that I’ll give myself away.

So, I’m never fully honest with Max.

This time, I answer. “Yes.”

He breathes in deeply.

I think he was holding his breath for me.

He kisses me on my cheek, and I turn my face to him.

I’m pretty sure I liked it, the kiss we had last week.

And I know I want him to kiss me again.

I place my hand on his cheek, and he kisses my thumb when I stroke his lips.

I close my eyes.

I’m expecting it, and I don’t have to wait long.

This time it’s longer.

I feel his tongue on my lips.

“You just have to open your lips,” he whispers, and I listen to him.

“God…Liz…”

It is wonderful.

He moves closer, his body presses into my side, waist and hips, but he doesn’t press on top of me.

He props up on his left arm and places his hand on my cheek as the other hand strokes my other cheek.

The feeling of his lips won’t go away for the whole night.

It was wonderful.

Max is wonderful.

So soft, so tender.

I think I’m falling for him.

Or…did I already fall a long time ago?

[guelbebek]

Hey! Thank you for the wonderful feedback. I had a bad day but when I read your kind words my mood lights up so thanks sooo much

Alison, cassie and mellie, you're so funny its like a competition who has the last thing to say. I listed your posts, looks like cassie won

Hope everybody likes the new part. School is almost over, i still have to decide what to study? any suggestions for my major subject?

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Chapter 25

Maria is coming over today.

Michael is working.

Max has classes.

I had a class in the morning, and now I’m home.

Maria comes into the apartment with her key and finds me in the kitchen.

I make coffee for us, and we sit outside on the balcony and drink it there.

The sun is shining.

The summer is almost over, so we’re enjoying the last warm days that we have left.

“Liz, I have to tell you something.”

I haven’t seen her so nervous in a long time.

“But first, I want to know if you’re okay.”

She worries all the time.

I feel better.

Since I’ve known Max, I feel normal, a little bit healed.

And I heal every day a little bit more.

Max heals me too.

It feels good.

“Maria, I’m doing okay.”

She looks searchingly into my eyes.

“Really.” I insist.

“Okay.“

“Now tell me.”

I don’t like to wait.

Maria is shining all over her face.

“Liz, I’m having a baby.”

What?!

A child?

She’s happy.

“Maria, that’s wonderful.”

She knows my smile doesn’t reach my eyes, but I hug her, and smile as much as I can anyway.

“Does Michael already know?”

She shakes her head.

She doesn’t need to worry.

We both know he will be happy.

Later that evening we get blankets for ourselves.

I’m wondering where Max is since it’s already getting dark.

I bring my legs up to my chest.

Last night I sat out here with Max.

He sat behind me, and I was in between his legs.

He stood up once suddenly.

Why?

He didn’t answer, and he didn’t tell me.

I didn’t ask him anything else about it, but maybe he didn’t want to frighten me.

But I felt him before he stood up.

The thing is I didn’t get panicked, and that’s really good.

It didn’t arouse me either.

Maria says it should arouse me.

I’ll admit, it wasn’t disgusting either.

Max and I talked.

He asked questions.

What happened with your grandmother?

She was old, she died, I explained.

Why doesn’t Michael know about the…rape?

That my parents hushed it up.

Maria asked me later if she could tell him, and I said no.

What’s going on with my parents?

Why don’t I have contact with them anymore?

I didn’t answer him then.

Max kissed me on my neck.

He pleaded with me to tell it him someday, and I nodded.

When I’m ready, I will be completely open with him.

“Michael and I want to marry next year.”

Next year Maria will graduate.

I won’t. I have two years left to go.

I’m one year later than her in college because there was no other choice.

She tells me what her mother said.

She wants to visit us soon.

She wants to see the new house, wants to see her daughter.

I can’t look forward it.

She will only make me remember the past.

The present, and the future is all that matters to me now; the past hurts too much.

She will make me remember that I’m not honest with Max.

The balcony door opens.

“Hey, Max,” Maria says.

He greets her, then he comes to me.

He sits down on my stool, and he rubs my knees.

“Isn’t it cold?”

“We’ll go in soon.”

The dinner is ready; we waited for him.

Michael is eating dinner with his coworkers, so it’s just us tonight.

“Okay, I’ll go shower before dinner.”

He gives me a kiss, on my mouth, and then he disappears.

“Oh my God!” Maria cries out.

Fortunately Max is already inside.

“What did I miss? You’re such a bad friend, Liz, why didn’t you tell me?”

I smile, but then I see she looks genuinely disappointed.

Max and I have already kissed a few times, and I tell her that, and then I tell her what else has happened.

She’s shocked.

“I didn’t know that you are feeling that good.”

“Maria, I have a bad conscience.”

She looks at me sympathetically.

“When are you sure you can tell him? It’s okay if you want to wait.”

Deliberately she’s not saying it.

I couldn’t bear it.

That’s the reason why I don’t deserve Max.

I’m a bad person.

I damage everybody.

And up until now I thought I wasn’t capable of loving.

Now I’m starting to think differently.

It’s confusing me because only one can be right.

We change the mood of our conversation as we talk about other things, but then she comes back to it.

“Liz, I still have to ask you something.”

She reminds me of former times right now, and of our friendship in former times from all those years ago.

We were closer then, more intimate, and now, finally it’s happening again.

“Do you, Max and you I mean, sleep in one room?”

I tell her that we have since the week Isabel and Kyle were here.

Isbael is very nice.

I get along well with her.

She probably thought I’m funny or strange, but I did like her.

However I don’t sleep in his room without a reason.

I can’t, but could I?

Could I just ask him?

I don’t dare to but I would like to.

I feel safer when he’s near.

A few times I’ve woken up in his arms.

It was a beautiful feeling.

“Ever since, no more.”

She smiles. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why?”

I know her reason why. It’s because I’m Liz Parker.

She surprises me when she says, “You’re in love with Michael’s big brother. I could never have imagined this half a year ago.”

In love?

I didn’t say anything about being in love.

She noticed though.

I’ve fallen for Max Evans.

I think of him all the time.

I miss him all the time, and I want him to stay here forever.

We eat dinner together later.

Max learns that Maria is pregnant in between dinner and desert.

I learn that Max likes children very much.

He said he even wanted to be a children’s doctor once, but then he changed his mind about the type of doctor he wanted to be.

Afterwards I can’t sleep.

Max is still studying when I enter his room.

“Hey,” I say shyly.

I already have my pajamas on.

He turns to me. “Hey, what is it?”

“It’s late.”

He looks at his watch, and sees that it’s already past midnight.

I wanted him to be sleeping when I came in, but then he didn’t turn the light out, and I couldn’t wait anymore.

“I’ll stop now.”

He turns his notebook over, closes it, and puts it down.

“Should we go to sleep?”

I can’t look at him.

I bite on my lower lip.

It’s suddenly very quiet, but maybe he didn’t hear me.

“Should we?” he says back. He looks at me questioningly.

I go to his bed hesitantly.

I crawl under the blanket.

I can smell him.

He smells so good.

He smiles, and then he sits up and takes off his shirt.

I watch him.

I see his powerful shoulder blades that slide from left to right as his arms move.

He takes off his pants.

Underneath he’s wearing black boxers.

“Aren’t you cold?”

He shakes his head.

“How could it be cold with you in a same bed?”

I roll my eyes.

I feels good to be so playful.

“Do you want to warm me up?”

What does he mean?

He lays next to me, kisses me on the tip of my nose.

I don’t answer.

He notices my confusion.

“Look…”

He fits my body against his and cuddles with me by sliding one arm under my neck, and turning me onto my side and putting his other arm around me.

My body is tense.

“Do you like it?” he whispers in my ear.

His voice is so calming so I relax and lean into his body.

It feels freeing, like I don’t have to go through my life alone.

It’s like he’s taken a burden off of my shoulders.

But I know I still have to tell him.

[guelbebek]

Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I'm just posting and running Thanks also to DreamerLaure, who is a perfect beta

hope you like, guel

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DreamerLaure



Chapter 26

“Don’t go.”

I stop my movements to free myself from Max’s embrace, and I stay still.

He’s holding me like last night still, only tighter.

“It feels good to wake up with you.”

I want to turn to him, but I don’t because he’s holding me.

When he loosens his grip, I turn, face him and lay my head on his outstretched arm.

“Where did you want to go?”

His voice is rough.

He just woke up.

I don’t answer.

I don’t know if I can answer that.

Maybe I would have gone to my room?

Or maybe I’d be making breakfast; I would thought of what I wanted to do later, but I did want to get up.

“Liz, I want to talk with you.”

He looks at me, and I lower my gaze.

He takes my hand and presses it against his heart.

It’s beating faster than normal.

“I want to ask you what happened then.”

I pull my hand away, and I try to free myself.

“Liz, no…”

”Max, no, I’m not ready,” I whisper, and tears well up in my eyes.

It’s not the rape itself that makes me panic when I’m with him.

But I can’t talk with him yet because it’s the time in my life after the rape that I want to protect the most.

“Liz, please stop it.”

I know he’s afraid of hurting me because he doesn’t want to destroy the trust between us, but I hate myself.

I should have told him in the beginning.

This is getting more and more difficult.

He tries it in a different way.

“Look at me.”

It works.

I’m still fighting, but I listen to him.

I look into his eyes and they’re glistening..

Oh my God.

What kind of a person am I?

Here I am pushing a 26-year old, my Max to the brink of tears.

“Answer whichever questions you want, but let me be here for you. When I think about what happened to you, my blood boils. I can’t understand how a man…”

He stops.

He wipes a tear away from my face and he kisses me on my lips softly.

“I just don’t get it. How could he do this to you. You’re so beautiful and you’re a wonderful person.”

No, I’m not.

I wish he could understand, but for him to understand I would have had to have explained it to him.

Did I explain it to him?

No.

And maybe it’s best not to.

We become quiet, and I cry silently.

Max kisses me all over my face when I do, and it helps.

“What do you want to know?”

“Did they find him and lock him up?”

I shake my head.

He looks at me curiously.

“They never found him.”

I accepted it.

He is still free.

I can’t change it, in fact, nobody can change it.

Life is just like that.

“I’m sorry.”

He pulls me to him.

I feel safe.

“What about your parents?”

I’m silent.

“Why don’t you have any contact with them?”

He strokes my cheek.

“Liz you can talk to me about everything. No matter what happened before I will be here for you. I will be here forever if you let me.”

No, you won’t.

You’ll feel disgusted.

You’ll judge me.

“Have you ever visited them?”

I shake my head.

“Do you want to visit them? I can go with you if you want to.”

“Max, could we stop?”

He looks hurt, but he nods.

“Of course. What do you want for breakfast?”

He stands up.

“I’m not hungry,” I say.

I’m lying.

I know it, he knows it.

“Okay. Do you want me to drive you to the university later? I have to go to the clinic, but it’s on my way.”

I shake my head.

“Okay,” he says quietly.

He sounds sad, but he goes anyway.

And me, I cry myself to sleep.

When I wake up, I feel his touch.

He strokes my hair out of my face, and I pretend to be asleep still.

“If only you knew that you mean everything to me.”

I know that.

I’m afraid to lose that.

He writes a note for me on the nightstand and then he goes.

It’s a sweet note and it makes me smile when I read it.

Maria drives me later.

She has classes too and she tells me that it’s no problem.

After class though, Mr. Brown asks me to stay.

“How are you, Miss Parker?”

“Good.”

Why does he want to know?

“Your recent essays have been excellent.”

I smile a thank you.

“Whatever reason you have, continue writing like this.”

“Thank you.”

I get praised from everybody, but I can’t be happy.

I’m walking in the hallway to get outside when someone says, “Liz!”

It’s Amy.

I know her from Mr. Brown’s class.

I’ve never talked to her before though.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

How often do I have to hear this today?

“Good and you?”

We make small talk.

I can tell she wants something from me because otherwise she wouldn’t be talking to me, and then of course she asks me sweetly if I can help her.

I’m too friendly.

She drives home with me and Maria, and we sit down in the living room to correct her essay.

It takes much longer than I thought, and she’s even there when I hear Max open the door.

I didn’t want her to be here when Max came home, but it’s happening anyway.

He greets all of us.

He only gives me a kiss on my cheek.

But Amy’s look disturbs me.

He acknowledges Maria, shakes hands with Amy, and then he leaves us alone again.

“Who was that?”

Can’t she ask me if he’s my boyfriend?

Now if she had, I could’ve answered with a yes.

I would have meant that he’s my best friend, but she wouldn’t have to know that.

Instead I say, “My best friend.”

She smiles.

“Is he single? He’s handsome.”

I could lie.

Her eyes are shining and she’s smiling like a cat.

I’ll lie.

“He has a girlfriend.”

Why do I lie?

Am I jealous?

I’m not necessarily.

Amy flirts with Max when she’s going.

She asks him what he’s doing tonight.

Without hesitating, “I’m going out with my girlfriend.“

Oh no.

He heard me.

I lie and it gets discovered.

How embarrassing.

Amy’s smile disappears.

She’s actually pretty.

She’s got long brown locks that fall down her back, and opulent breasts.

Her bust is smaller than mine, if it’s possible, but still, Amy’s pretty.

“What are you really going to do today?”

Amy is gone, and Max looks at me confused. “Didn’t your friend already ask me this?”

Am I his girlfriend?

Are Max and me now together?

“I thought we were going out with Maria and Michael to celebrate the pregnancy?”

Oh, I forgot all about this.

Michael still doesn’t know; he’ll find out tonight.

Max goes into the kitchen and I follow him.

“Max?”

He’s preparing dinner for us and he’s starting to get everything out.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t look at me, so I go closer to him and stand beside him.

“Am I your girlfriend?”

I see his smile from beside him.

First he turns his face so I can’t see him and he goes and washes his hands.

But then he comes to me, and gives me a kiss.

A real kiss.

I stroke his neck during it, and it feels wonderful.

I feel wonderful.

It doesn’t disturb me what I can feel between his legs.

Instead I press my body against his, and when he stops kissing me, he buries his head in my shoulder and I lean my face on his chest.

“I hope you are.”

I can hear him smile, and I smile too.

I should visit Mrs. Madison tomorrow to say that I’m happy, but the truth is, I’m not.

[guelbebek]

Hi!
I'm sorry this comes so late but RL was hectic But Here it is and i hope you like,
Thanks for the wonderful feedback!

bye guel


Chapter 27

2 ½ months later

“Max, Max, stop it…”

He pushes me under the water all the time.

I hear Michael laughing.

Maria is sitting on his shoulders.

She wanted to come today because soon she’s going to have a huge belly.

Kyle is standing on the springboard, and Isabel’s lying on her towel; she doesn’t want her hair to get wet.

And we’re all in the indoor swimming pool since it’s cold outside.

Max doesn’t let go of me.

I try to get away from him, but he still doesn’t let me go.

When I get back to the surface, I cry, “Max!”

I’m thinking he’s going to do it again, but then he presses his lips on mine.

The others know that we’re a couple now.

Usually I don’t go swimming, but Max convinced me to come.

He strokes my belly.

Bites down on my lower lip.

And he even strokes for a second, my bottom.

I’m familiar with his touches now.

I don’t want to miss it ever again.

Max has the prettiest hands I know.

He whispers how beautiful I am.

I cry out when I feel something between my legs.

I become panicked, lock eyes with Max, and he tries to pull me away.

It’s too late though, because Michael has me on his shoulders already as he surfaces.

Max looks at me.

We made this deal that every time that I get panicked, I have to look into his eyes.

When I do, I’m supposed to calm down again.

I want a normal life again, and he’s helping me.

He laughs, and I laugh too.

Then Michael carries me away on his shoulders.

We whisper to each other and laugh.

It feels good.

Michael is a good friend who never asks questions, but he knows more than he shows.

We go to the edge of the pool where Isabel is lying.

I push my legs down in the water, and kick them out again, splashing Isabel wet.

She stands up cursing.

She curses her twin brother, and she looks at me angrily.

It doesn’t last long though.

After a few seconds she’s grinning.

“Oh why not?” she says, and she jumps into the water too.

It’s a beautiful day.

I don’t have many beautiful days, but lately, every one I have has to something to do with Max.

Max and Kyle are practicing their swimming for a competition.

And Maria even joins in. She jumps in a few times.

Later Isabel and I go to buy food.

“I’m looking forward to having you in New York.”

New York.

I have to think about something else.

Max isn’t here so I can’t look into his eyes.

But I have to keep calm.

I don’t know what Isabel is talking about, “What do you mean?”

“Max’s graduation. He has already let us tidy up his room and reorganize it because he wants you to feel comfortable.”

Me?

In Max’s room?

In New York?

I’m hearing about this for the first time.

“Isabel, I’m not going to New York.”

“Why not?”

She looks at me questioningly.

I don’t answer.

I don’t like what is happening, and I get in a bad mood.

We eat, but don’t talk much, then we go back to sit with the others, and a shadow comes up to me.

“Liz, do you want to jump too?”

Max.

I don’t look at him.

I bite down on my lower lip.

What should I do?

What was Max thinking?

I won’t go to his graduation.

I won’t go to it so long as it’s in that city.

I can’t do this.

“Liz, what’s wrong?”

He holds my hand, and I don’t twitch.

Lately everything’s been normal, and this is just an old friend, a bad mood that I thought I’d gotten over.

Now it’s come back.

I don’t answer.

“Liz, talk to me; what happened?”

His voice is commanding but soft at the same time.

“I won’t go to New York.”

He sighs.

I don’t talk to him the rest of the day.

I pretty much live in Max’s room, but we are in mine for the night since Isabel and Kyle are in his while they’re here.

We go to sleep that night, and I turn my back to him.

Throughout the day he’s tried repeatedly to talk to me, and I’ve ignored him.

“Liz?”

He touches my back.

“Stop it.”

He won’t.

I don’t really want him to stop, but I say these things because I’m hurting.

I know that and he knows it too.

He caresses me, softly.

“I won’t go with you.”

“It’s my graduation. This is huge; after that day, I’ll be a real doctor.”

Not quite.

He has to do his residency, which is just more school for three more years cloaked as work.

But, he will be Dr. Evans.

He’s already finished all of his classes and taken the MCAT’s; he’s done.

I don’t answer.

“You know how much this means to me,” he whispers.

“Your family will be there.”

He doesn’t need me there, too.

“Liz, turn around.”

I refuse, but when he says, “Please,” I listen to him.

He looks into my eyes, “I want you to be there.”

I can’t…why doesn’t he understand this?

“Max…”

I don’t know what to say.

Tears fill my eyes.

“No…stop it. You know I can’t bear seeing you cry.”

I nod.

He kisses my tears away.

“I just can’t Max. I can’t go.”

I’ve made progress, yes, but this is a too big step.

If I go, I’m going to fall and I might never get back up.

“I know you expect it from me, and…”

“I expect nothing, do you hear? Don’t pressure yourself because of me.”

He looks me in the eyes.

He’s such a good man.

Max.

My Max.

If I could only say to you that I love you.

If only I could tell you everything.

I have a bad conscience about all of this though, and I lower my gaze.

“Liz, look at me.“

I look into his eyes.

They glisten.

“I love you, Liz.”

That’s the first time.

I bite down at my lower lip.

I can’t say it back.

“Was it too much? Too early? You don’t have to say it back.“

He looks sad, but he’s so understanding.

I can only shake my head, and when he pulls me into his arms, I cry.

I can hear his heavy breaths.

It kills me to see him like this too, and to not be able to help him.

I calm down.

My body is still tense.

“Are you still angry?”

He asks because of New York.

But how can I be; I can’t ever be angry with him for long.

I say this to him, and he cups my face.

I have on a pair of pajamas with buttons on the pants, and he opens them slowly.

I get goosebumps when the fresh air touches my skin.

Max looks down at me.

My breasts move in time with my ragged breaths and the reason he breathes deeply too is because he’s watching them.

“You’re so beautiful…” he whispers, and he slides down my front.

He kisses me around my underwear, on my stomach.

Every night he does a little bit more.

“Good night, Liz.”

He lays his face on my shoulder.

Some nights I hug him, some nights I kiss him, because I want to give him something back.

He gives me so much, too much even.

He’s too good for me.

[guelbebek]

Hey guys! Thanks for your wonderful thoughts and I saw this was nominated so thanks to all of you for reading and liking. I know we're making little steps here and this can get on the nerves as a reader, but this is my first Liz who is so weak and needs Max so much. So i have to develop her character slowly and I hope you bear with me.

bye guel

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Chapter 28

“Liz, I’m begging you here; please come with me.”

It’s Amy.

She’s visiting us.

All five of us are sitting in the living room, and Max looks at me.

I bite down on my lower lip.

Max, Michael and Amy are leaving tomorrow.

It was by chance that it worked out like this: Amy’s one week vacation ends tomorrow, and so does Max’s education as he’s graduating then.

I look carefully at Amy, my eyes silent pleading her not to push this.

She knows why I don’t want to go.

She has to be careful in front of Michael, and in front of Max.

“Six years, Liz, six years.”

I can’t answer.

I know I’m a bad person.

Amy reminds me of it, and last week, while she was here, she reminded me.

And Max is hurt.

I’ve been distant lately.

I slept in my own room for a few days.

He worries.

He tries to hide his love and how he feels about me because he thinks that’s the reason I’m pulling away.

He thinks he frightens me with his feelings and he hasn’t said it again.

So he’s only told me once, “I love you.”

“I can’t,” I whisper to Amy.

Michael opens his mouth, but Maria stops him from talking.

Why do they look at me like that?

Max is the only one who doesn’t. Instead he looks away.

Amy tries to convince me for the next couple of minutes, and Max stands up and goes.

I stay a little bit longer, but then I excuse myself too.

I want to go to my boyfriend.

I want him to hug me, to never let go.

At that moment, I feel so alone.

Everybody is against me.

Even Max.

It’s my fault. With how I’ve been acting, I made this happen.

I go to him, but first I knock on his door.

It breaks my heart that I don’t even have the courage anymore to go in without knocking.

I wait but he doesn’t answer.

Then I open the door.

I see him standing by the window.

His hands are in his pockets.

I watch him for a few minutes.

When he doesn’t react, I bite my lower lip. I should have seen this coming. After all, no one can bear me for a long time.

“Max?”

No answer.

He’s acting like me from before, when we just met.

It must have been bad back then, and I probably hurt him a lot.

I stand behind him, and I do something I’ve never done before.

I put my arms around him and hug him.

Satisfied when he doesn’t pull away, I place the side of my face on his back.

He’s caught.

He doesn’t want to go tomorrow, or at least not without me. Now, I’m even ruining his graduation.

Tears fill my eyes, “Max?”

He places his hand on mine, and he strokes me even though he’s angry.

“Don’t you want to come with me?”

He’ll want to ask more questions if I answer this one.

Why does Maria’s Mom want to take you with her so much?

Is it about your parents?

Have you got any siblings?

I never answer these questions so I don’t answer this one either.

He sighs; he knows the answer.

“Are you still angry?”

He turns around, and kisses my eyes. “Liz, I was never angry. I can’t be angry at you.”

That’s true.

I smile.

“Do you want to sleep here again?” he smiles and kisses me on my lips.

I shake my head.

He lets his arms drop.

He’s frustrated.

I can feel it.

After we go back to the others, and we go out to dinner to celebrate Max’s graduation.

And Amy gets me alone for a moment.

We were walking back to the car park when she caught up to me.

“Liz, you seem much more better now.”

I nod.

That’s right.

I am better.

I have Max on my side.

And I don’t want to change this.

I don’t want to lose him.

“Don’t you want to come with us?”

I shake my head.

“Only one look, Liz. You’ll see…”

“Mrs. DeLuca, I said no.”

That was too loud.

Max turns around to us.

I can’t look at him.

There are so many questions and I can’t answer even one of them.

I don’t want to lose him.

Amy is here alone, and since Michael and Maria have a guestroom with a single bed, tonight she’ll sleep there, Max’ll sleep in his own room, and I’ll sleep in mine.

But I can’t sleep.

Max is flying out in the morning.

Michael’s going with him, but still, I’m not.

Will he wake me?

Say goodbye?

Kiss me?

I get up suddenly.

I can’t sleep this night without him.

The last few nights were terrible and it’s all because I spent them without him.

I go to his room and tiptoe in.

His nightlamp is still on. He can’t sleep too.

I’m a little bit ashamed.

I’m only wearing a top and short shorts that barely cover my thighs.

He opens the blanket, and without speaking I lay down next to him.

He bends over me, kisses my neck, and caresses me.

It feels beautiful.

I sigh softly.

I run my fingers through his hair, and his hand runs under my top, touching my skin.

I don’t know what to do.

He whispers, “Can I?”

He knows when to stop he says.

Even if it would kill him.

I’m not wearing any underwear and Max is so close to me right now, but instead of feeling panic, I feel excitement.

I feel this pulling between my legs, and it’s getting stronger.

Max lowers his lips to mine.

It’s our first real kiss in days.

I missed him.

I can see the longing in his eyes.

“Liz…I’ve waited for you…I’ve wanted you so badly.”

I know what he means.

He came into my room the last couple of nights.

I was awake, but I pretended to sleep.

He stroked and kissed me and went away again.

He touches me now.

“Max…”

He looks into my eyes.

They glisten.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear my name as a whisper, a sigh from your lips?”

I blush.

Max is awakening new feelings in me; it’s foreign but good.

He brushes my nipple with his thumb.

I close my eyes.

The touch causes a sweet pain between my legs.

“Liz…can I?”

He raises his other hand over my top, and his other hand is still on my breast.

I think about his tongue.

How with his tongue he licks my neck and it makes me tremble.

His tongue in my mouth makes me weak.

And I want to feel it on my breasts too.

I nod and take it off.

He helps me.

“You’re so wonderful.”

Max closes his eyes.

He breathes rapidly.

Doesn’t he like me?

He strokes me with his hands.

“If you only knew what you’re doing to me…”

It doesn’t sound like he’s blaming me so maybe it isn’t blame.

“Liz…”

I look at him expectantly.

“What should I do?” he asks.

He doesn’t want to go too far.

I don’t know.

I’ve never done this before.

I pull him towards me, and press my lips on his neck for the first time.

He sighs my name.

Then he strokes my sides, my breast, and my stomach.

Seconds later his fingers wander lower.

He presses his lips to my breast and I push my chest against him.

It wasn’t intentional.

My body is reacting on its own.

I stroke his shoulders, and I feel his powerful muscles under my hands.

I’m enjoying every touch because it’s wonderful, unbelievable even.

I can feel him between my legs.

For a quick second, I tense.

Max looks at me.

“Please don’t be afraid of me.”

I smile. “Why should I be afraid of you?”

He smiles.

It means a lot to him that I’m not afraid of him.

“Was it okay?”

I’m ashamed to be so naked in front of him while we’re talking so casually.

I hug him so he can’t see me fully, and I press my chest into his.

What does he feel?

I feel safe.

He rolls over on his back and takes me with him so that I’m on top.

“You haven’t answered yet.”

I bury my head in his neck.

“Even I didn’t want you to stop.”

He laughs.

I feel comfortable.

Beautiful.

Loved.

I feel like a woman again.

[guelbebek]

Hi! Welcome to new readers and I am so thankful to you for your wonderful feedback! Lauren and I have six more parts finished and i think i can manage to translate the last 5 without making a delay here. Though for those you read "Blind Date" there will be one, because I still have no part translated and Laurens notebook crashes, so maybe there will be an update in about two weeks.

Hope you like this part, bye guel


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Chapter 29

Maria picks me up from college.

Since she has today free, we decide to spend lots of time together.

She even sleeps in my room again.

Maria wants to do much today that I’m having a hard time keeping up with everything she has planned.

“What do you want to do now?” I ask her.

“You have a meeting with the gynecologist.”

I’ve never been to one before.

I don’t go to gynecologists.

Never.

“I won’t go.”

“Liz, you have to. We have to get you on pill.”

I told her how beautiful it was.

And what I felt: his arousal pressing against my thigh and then my own arousal making my heart quicken.

But sex?

No.

“Maria, I can’t get pregnant.”

“Liz, sometime soon, you’ll sleep together. You should be prepared for this.”

She wants to prepare me physically, but what about mentally?

I’m not ready.

I won’t ever be ready.

“No.”

I look out of the window.

Maria is silent for a moment.

“We’ll get it for you. You don’t have to take it immediately.”

I don’t refuse.

I can throw it away if I want to.

We go to the hairdresser.

Maria wants to get her hair colored.

I was here last week and I’ve decided that I like my hair shorter. Max does too, so I’m not sure I want to grow it long again.

After we go shopping, and we buy everything we see.

I pay for everything.

We go to the bank.

I transfer money to New York.

“Hey…”

Max is on the phone.

He says that he’ll come back later than planned.

I get in a bad mood.

He wanted to be here in the morning.

I haven’t seen him for a week now.

“Max, I miss you.”

That’s the first time I’ve said it.

He says he misses me too, and he even calls me his angel.

But I’m not an angel.

I’m far from it.

For starters, I want him to come back earlier.

I don’t want to be alone anymore.

Michael is coming today.

Then Maria is going to sleep on the first floor.

And me, I will be all alone.

He says he’s sorry, but that he can’t do anything to change it.

When I hang up, Maria and I go into a restaurant for dinner.

We go home after and watch a film.

Maria has to pick up Michael tonight from the airport but until then we sit on their veranda.

We have on our coats because it’s winter and it’s cool.

“How is it for you?”

We’re talking about Max.

I think about it.

I can’t describe it.

Up until now men disgusted me.

But Max…

He’s so different.

So lovely, soft.

“I love him, Maria.”

I admit it.

I can love him.

I do love him.

And up until now I thought I couldn’t do it.

She looks at me and smiles

“I’m so happy for you. Liz, the feelings you have when you’re with him, they will get more beautiful as you get more intimate.”

I blush and look away. The safest place to look is into the sky.

I can’t see the stars because the sky is filled with clouds, but I look anyway.

Hopefully we won’t have a storm.

“Did you hear me?”

I’m thinking about it.

If I don’t have sex, Max will leave me someday.

No man can live without sex.

I say this to Maria.

“Liz, you’ll see how good it can be. Once you’re one with him, you won’t think about anything else in the world.”

Unknowingly, she strokes her belly.

Her eyes are shining.

She’s so happy with Michael.

I want this too.

But I can’t.

She tries to convince me how beautiful making love can be.

I listen to her say everything quietly.

Later she stands and gets ready to go. She leaves to pick up Michael.

Soon they will be able to hug again.

As for me I will be alone.

Max won’t come.

I lay down in his bed while she’s gone.

I want to smell him.

I start to cry, and I try to cry myself into sleep.

I only notice him when the bed dips.

“Hey…shhh…stop crying.”

I hate him.

He lied to me.

But I’m pressing myself against him tightly.

I missed him so much.

I can’t live without Max.

He’s my safety net, my life, and my everything.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

I nod against his chest, and I press myself a little bit more into him.

“What is up with you? Why were you crying? I could hear you from the hallway.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.”

I take a chance and say, “I wanted you to be here.”

“You were crying for all of that?”

Doesn’t he believe me?

I frown, and I realize that it’s understandable if he doesn’t. I’ve given him the cold shoulder so much lately.

I nod.

Max lays me on the bed gently, and then he lays down next to me, putting his head on his arm.

He moves so he’s facing me and he looks into my face and smiles.

That’s all it takes because I start crying again.

“I didn’t lie. My father wanted me to stay and help him out with the company but when I heard your voice… you were so sad.” He strokes my hair and traces his fingers along my jaw so that he brushes away my tears. He looks deeply into my eyes, “I knew I had to come. I worked until my flight, and then I came out here to you.”

I pull him down to me.

Then I kiss his lips softly.

“I missed you.”

I’ve never said this to him in person, and saying it over the phone was easier, but I feel so happy when he doesn’t hesitate.

He smiles brightly.

“I missed you, too.”

He kisses me on my forehead.

“What did you do here?”

“I was with Maria. She slept here with me. In my room, of course.”

“I’m glad to see you sleeping in my bed today.”

He strokes my cheeks.

“It smells like you.”

We’re silent for a while, and we kiss from time to time.

Then I take of his shirt, and I caress his muscles.

He closes his eyes and lays down next to me.

I turn to my side, stroke his jaw, his chest, and his strong arms.

After a while I hear his calm breathing.

It must have been a hard day.

He sighs in his sleep.

I feel him put his arms around me and pull me towards him.

I’m so happy he’s here again.

I watch him for a while.

He looks sweet in his sleep.

My Max.

“I love you, Max.”

[guelbebek]

I'm in a hurry, but i was late with my post and didnt want you to wait longer. Thanks for the wonderful feedback everyone,

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Chapter 30

“Your parents called.”

The plate in my hands falls to the ground.

It shatters and breaks into a thousand pieces.

Just like my heart.

I try to clean it up.

Max helps me with it.

Amy.

They got the number from Amy.

I can’t believe it.

My hands tremble.

Max leads me out of the kitchen.

What did they want?

What did they say to him?

Who do they think he is?

My boyfriend?

Just somebody?

“What did they want?”

“They wanted to talk to you, but you were showering.”

I say nothing.

I can’t ask questions.

“It was your mother. She said you probably wouldn’t want to talk to them anyway.”

Oh no.

How much did she tell him?

“Did she ask you who you are?”

“Yes, I said I was Michael’s brother. They wanted me to pass a message on to you.”

I look at him.

He seems normal.

Unchanged.

Maybe they didn’t say anything to him.

“They want you to transfer $20,000 to them. They need it urgently.”

It has to be important.

If it wasn’t they would never have asked me for the money.

“They said it was very important for Allyson. Liz, who is Allyson?”

My parents.

$20,000.

For Allyson.

I stand up.

I have to go to the bank.

It has to be important.

Why don’t I call back?

I could ask them why.

Why do they need money for her?

Maybe it isn’t true.

Maybe they just want an extra loan.

But that can’t be.

My parents aren’t like that.

And they wouldn’t use Allyson under false pretense.

“Liz, what is it?”

“We have to go to the bank to transfer the money.”

He looks at me questioningly.

“That’s the first time they’ve called me in five years. It has to be important.”

Five?

I wanted to say six .

I should have said six.

It seems like Max didn’t notice.

I bite at my lower lip.

I wasn’t as panicked when he told me.

My financial advisor sends Max outside to wait.

I don’t refuse.

I transfer $30,000, just in case.

Maybe they need more.

But for what?

I don’t understand.

For Allyson?

She can’t need so much money.

Something’s not right.

We drive back home.

I have to get going because I have a class.

Max has to work during the night so he has to get ready, but I don’t like this.

I can hardly sleep anymore without his arms around me.

“Liz, can I ask you a private question?”

Please not about my parents.

I don’t answer.

He asks anyway.

“Why did your grandmother leave you the money and not your parents?”

This question I can answer.

“She died three years ago when I was eighteen.”

He waits.

“She had all the money and said that I’ve been through enough things and that I deserved this to make things easier. She’s secured my financial situation until the end of my life.”

“How much is it?”

Not many people know this.

He knows it’s a lot.

The clothes, the house, the transfers.

I can trust him.

“A little more than nine million.”

The car swerves for a moment.

“Excuse me?”

I don’t answer.

I told him the truth.

I know it.

He knows it.

We are silent for a moment.

Max is shocked.

“Where did she get so much money from?”

I have to laugh when I think about it.

“A few months before she died she won it in the lottery.”

Max looks at me disbelievingly.

It’s true.

She was 78.

Played the weekly lottery.

Won once.

Left it to me.

I’m rich because of her.

But I’m not happy.

I go to class and I come back home in the evening.

Max is sleeping.

He has to stay up all night so he needs to rest.

I’ll miss him though.

I want to touch him before he goes.

I want to feel his warmth and the safety I get from being in his arms.

I take my clothes off and I leave on my panties.

I lay down next to him.

He doesn’t wake up.

I press myself against his back and hug him.

I stroke his chest.

He sighs, and wakes up slowly.

He has to be ready in an hour anyway.

“Liz?”

“Hmm?”

He turns to me, and looks at me with sleepy eyes, “What is it?”

“I want to be asleep before you go.”

He notices what I’m wearing.

Or what I’m not wearing.

I feel a part of his body.

“Why?”

His voice is rough.

“I can’t sleep when you aren’t here.”

He smiles.

We kiss.

It’s tender.

It’s so soft.

Max’s hands roam all over my body.

I sigh under his touches.

It makes me go mad.

This sweet pain won’t go away.

It halts eventually at night, but still, it’s there.

“Liz…”

He strokes my inner thighs.

I open them for him.

I want him to touch me there, but I’m also afraid of it.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He leaves a mark on my jaw. I can feel it.

Tomorrow I’ll look into the mirror.

Each kiss is like a few minutes long and whenever he kisses me, I have a smile on my lips that lasts until long after the kiss is finished.

He kisses my breast.

He makes circles with his tongue.

I can hardly lay still.

Max presses his palm against me, touches my panties.

I tense my body but only for a moment.

He strokes me.

I ask him to not go down, and he nods.

But when he strokes me more, it’s like his hand is the fire burning under my skin although he’s not under it.

I feel him so intensely.

“You are so beautiful…amazing…you’re my angel.”

He whispers more words in my ear.

He kisses my whole body with one touch, and then he slides down on me.

He pulls my underwear down a little bit.

I bite at my lower lip.

I get panicked.

But I don’t want to.

I shouldn’t be afraid of Max.

He presses a kiss against my skin.

He’s never kissed me here before.

“And now come here.”

He lays down next to me and pulls me to his side.

“Sleep, otherwise you can’t sleep anymore.”

He’s wonderful.

He’s right.

I close my eyes.

I push my legs together.

The feeling has gotten stronger.

I don’t know how I will sleep now.