Title: I Won’t Hurt Anymore
Author: Ginger
Genre: AU N/A M/L Mature
Summary : Max has strayed once too often
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As I stood at the mirror putting the finishing touches on my hair before heading on out the door to go to work I knew I should be feeling something. Anything. But there was nothing.
It was as though all of the life had been sucked out of me and the ability to laugh, cry, shout, even smile had left my body. There was nothing, absolutely nothing. I was numb…it was the only word I could find to describe how I felt. He was gone and I knew it was the best thing for me. I knew this in my head but my heart was dead.
I knew when I married him that it would come to this someday…I knew it in my head but my heart wouldn’t let him go. I knew he would be mine for just a while and I was willing to settle for just a while. So my heart told me but my head said I should have better sense. I didn’t. I wanted him so badly. I ached when we were apart. I longed for his touch, to hear his voice, to see his smile, to watch him laugh. I lived for it all but I knew deep down that it was fleeting.
I reached for my purse and keys and headed for the door when I noticed he had left his jacket in the hall closet. Why didn’t he take all of his belongings? I picked up the jacket after I put my own on and walked out the door with it over my arm. I calmly walked to the side yard where the trash can was, lifted the lid and threw the jacket in without a second thought. He should have taken his jacket, it was quite a nice leather jacket after all. Oh well, it’s gone now. I slowly walked to the garage and got into my car, still in my calm, unfeeling, uncaring haze and drove off. I vaguely remember seeing a vehicle sitting at the curb as I left but managed to ignore it as I made my way to the end of the block and headed west.
As I drove through the morning traffic my mind wandered back to the whirlwind courtship we had. It was dazzling. Dazzling being the only word that my mind would come up with. He showered me with attention like I had never had before. Phone calls, cards, notes, flowers, beautiful hotel suites for just overnight or entire week-ends. We did things I had never done before and he treated me like I was the only person on the planet. It was a fairytale and I was the princess. It was wonderful. When he proposed my heart literally jumped with joy and my head said ‘be careful’.
I refused his proposal the first time. He later threw this up into my face while trying to justify his actions but I paid him no mind. By that time I had been through enough of his smooth talk and lies to let it all fall on deaf ears. The second time he proposed I convinced myself that he truly did love me and wanted to make a life with me but my head kept telling me ‘be careful’. The second time, a year later, I said yes and we tied the knot.
Before the marriage I was always comfortable with him and loved everything about him but after the marriage all of that security and comfort was gone. It was like I was waiting for the left shoe to drop all of the time and I could never figure out why. It wasn’t any one thing that stood out…I could never put my finger on exactly what made me so uncomfortable, uneasy. You know how, when you just feel something is wrong but there really isn’t any evidence of foul play, you just know it’s there. Well that’s how it was. I would find him and my best friend just a little too cozy for a husband and best friend to be but I would tell myself that I was crazy. It happened more times than I care to count. I kept thinking about it on my way to the office, why didn’t I just confront him? Well, if I would have he would have just laughed at me. He should have been an actor, he would have won an Oscar.
When I finally did catch him red handed he still had the gall to tell me that what I was seeing wasn’t really what it looked like. I had arrived home a day early from a business trip. I stood there dumb founded and then I started laughing. Out and out laughing at him as did Tess. We both looked at each other, my best friend and me, and we laughed at the ridiculous statement that man had just made.
“It wasn’t what it looked like!”
Jesus Christ Almighty, just how else could it be interpreted? They were both naked, in our bed, wine glasses on the night stand and humping like two dogs in heat and it wasn’t what it looked like! If he hadn’t said what he did I probably would have hit him with my overnight bag.
I started to giggle as I drove into the parking lot at work…what an idiot! Him or me? Take your pick.
The only sane one in the bunch was Tess…she just wanted a good time. Didn’t make any difference whose husband or boyfriend it was as long as it was fun with no strings attached. Well Max, go have fun. Feed your ego or whatever it is your craving because this chick is out of here for good.
The sad part is I knew Tess was like that, I just never dreamed that she would use my husband. Boy was I wrong on all counts. Well, I won’t be wrong anymore, not about this and it will be a very long time before anyone will have the chance to do it to me again. If you can’t trust your best friend then don’t have one. The really sad thing is, and it is sad, I don’t blame Tess. I knew what she was like, she has always been like this. I blame me for being so stupid. I don’t even blame Max…I wanted him, I got him and I knew it wouldn’t last. Sad part is, I think deep down I was hoping that it would last. I should have listened to my head, I really did know better.
When I finally reached my desk I was almost, not all the way but almost, out of my dazed state.
I put my purse on the shelf under the right hand side of the desk and walked to the coat room to hang my jacket on a hanger, grabbed two paper cups from the dispenser and filled both with coffee. I put sugar in one and left the other black then headed back to my desk and poured both cups into the mug that I took from my desk drawer. My coworker across from me was just settling into her area and we both filled each other in on our plans for the day and started to get to work. The day didn’t drag but it could have been a little busier, it would have kept my mind more occupied and I wouldn’t have had as many little mental interruptions but all in all it was a good day.
As it slowly started to wind down my phone started ringing and I looked up surprised…I never take calls at work. Being the boss affords me these privileges and not taking phone calls is one I truly like. I am never interrupted, never, and I love it. I slowly reached over and lifted the receiver and hit the blinking light and said:
“Sue, what’s up?”
“It’s your husband on line two.”
“Tell him I’ve gone for the day.” And I hung up.
Courtney looked over at me with raised eyebrows but never said a word as she reached into her bottom desk drawer for her purse. Then she turned and looked at me and said…
“Hey, are you okay?”
I looked back at her and smiled…
“Never better.”
And you know what? I was right! As I reached for my purse I noticed my wedding rings…very expensive wedding rings…I took them off and threw them in the trash can on my way out the door. If someone found them they could keep them, if not they are where they belong right along with everything else of that mans.
“I won’t hurt anymore Max Evans.”
The End
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