pandas2001: The relationships (both friends and romantic) were one of the things that really pulled me in with Roswell.
Don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up but here's a nice long chapter and striving to get the next chapter up by next Friday if not sooner.
Oh and I think it was
Soopke that asked if Missouri was still alive in SPN, I was skimming through the story this week and noticed I never answered that question. They never really mentioned her again after that episode I don't think. So.. she's still alive and I always wanted to see her again. I don't think I'm the only one.
Chapter Ten
Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry lyrics in italics.
The next night.
Sam and Ava walked leisurely down the street, hands twined together in between them as Sam listened to Ava talk about the final assignment for her psychology class. She grew quiet after their laughter faded. She bit her lip, worried about the dead space. The dinner at the restaurant had been nice but now it seemed to be failing or really, she was. She tried to remember how easy it was with him before, how the silence wasn't awkward or out of place but familiar and comforting. Now she felt like if she didn't fill the dead air growing between them, they may never get past it.
“Are you okay?” Sam asked with a squeeze of her hand.
“What? Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be?” She chuckled but it sounded odd to her own ears. She cringed inwardly.
Sam looked down at her. “Did Zan not.. take you out for ice cream or is it the hand holding thing? We don't have to if..”
She cut him off, “no! No, this is nice.” She felt the heat flush her cheeks and looked away. “It's nothing like that.. I'm just..”
“Fidgeting like your trapped somewhere you don't want to be?”
“I am not!” She looked down at her hand still in his then back up at him catching the concern marring his brow. “I just..” She blew out a breath and her gaze dropped to her feet. “Maybe I am a little out of my league. It's been a long time.. and even then Zan and I were always together. There was no awkward..”
“Awkward huh?”
“No.. I didn't mean it like that.. I'm awkward.. Not you. I get lost in this touchy feely stuff. I just used to.. Well.. you know the baser instincts not the whole relationship thing.”
Sam stopped walking and turned towards her, not letting go of her hand. “Ava, you don't have to be someone different with me. If you don't like something you can tell me. I don't want to change you, I just want to get to know you.” The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, “I seem to remember you saying that to me at one point.” She smiled and he lifted their joined hands, “does this make you uncomfortable?”
She shook her head. “No. It's.. Nice.”
He brought her hand up to his lips and she glanced around. “What about this?” His lips brushed against the back of her hand with each word and she felt the flutters in her stomach.
“I.. Ah..” Her gaze settled on his hand holding hers just in front of his lips. “That’s okay.”
He pressed his lips against her hand then lowered their hands. “What is it that’s bothering you?”
She rolled her eyes as she rubbed her free hand against her Jean clad hip. “It didn't feel like an awkward silence to you?”
He chuckled, “nope.” His shy smile sent tingling goosebumps down her arms. “I was just enjoying the warm night with you. I can tell you some stories if you want but I think you’re just thinking about it too much..” He pursed his lips, “hmm. I thought that's what you said I was doing too.”
She tried to hide her smile then laughed softly. “Yeah.. maybe.” She punched his arm playfully and he smiled. Her gaze went to the sidewalk then she looked further ahead of them. Her smile faltered as her brow knit together. She narrowed her eyes. “Is that? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Sam followed her gaze and saw a woman walking ahead of them. “It can't be.. Meg? What is she doing here?”
“I was thinking the same thing.” Ava started walking and pulled him with her. “Come on, let's find out.”
~~
An hour and a half later, Sam and Ava burst through the apartment door causing dean and Liz to jump in their seats on the couch.
“What the hell got into you two?” Dean stared from the couch, his arm still around Liz’s shoulders.
Liz caught the look on Ava’s face and bent down, reaching under the couch. She pulled her hand out from under the couch with an accompanying rip. Dean’s jaw dropped as his gaze landed on the small smith and Wesson hand gun in her grip.
Ava rolled her eyes at Dean’s reaction. “It’s okay. No one is following us. But we found Meg, Sam’s hunch was right. That chick is twisted and dabbling in some dark shit. We followed her to this crap warehouse where she’s got the whole Manson setup conversing with blood on the shrine crazy daeva shit. She's gotta be the one controlling them but from the sounds of it someone else is giving the orders.” Ava disappeared into the kitchen then came out with two water bottles. She handed one to Sam. “Did I miss anything?”
Liz glanced at Dean and caught his slack jaw close then turn into a frown. His gaze met hers and she almost heard him lock down as he quickly turned to Sam and Ava. Liz felt the uneasiness bloom and gnaw at her gut.
Sam glanced between Dean and Liz, his gaze lingering on Liz’s gun. “No.. Not really. Whoever she was talking to.. by way of a bowl she was swirling something in.. she told them the brothers were there. I’m pretty sure she was talking about us.”
“There?” Dean asked.
Sam scratched the back of his head. “There was this restaurant there that I wanted to take Ava.”
“There as in Fremont, where the murders happened?” At the guilty look on Sam’s face, dean dropped his head for a moment then stood up. “Damnit Sam, after finding out those people were born in Lawrence and we all agreed we wouldn’t stumble into something blind..”
Sam bristled, “we didn’t go there for the case! I took Ava there for dinner not to stumble into ancient demons!”
Dean watched him quietly then said. “You and I are going back.”
Liz shook her head as her hand tensed around the gun she kept carefully at her side. “It doesn't feel right.”
Ava nodded. “I agree and I don't know much about demons but.. it's too easy. She just happened to walk in front of us near the restaurant and we just happened to see her to get the chance to follow her?” Ava turned a skeptical eye on Dean.
Liz glanced between her friends before settling her gaze on Ava catching her eye. “We should go with them.”
Dean’s head snapped in her direction. “No way.”
“What?” Liz turned towards him, “we'd hang back just in case this isn't as easy as you seem to think it is.”
“I never said it'd be easy but this bitch is dabbling in shit I don't want anywhere near the two of you.”
“We’re big girls. And we’re packing heat that, let's be honest, is a little more reliable than yours!” Ava threw out glancing at Sam’s face, reading something there that worried her.
“No.” Dean said flatly as he looked for his jacket.
Liz stepped up to Dean. “Oh but you two can go right into the devil bitch’s playroom?”
“We’ve done this before..”
Liz couldn't help but notice how he didn't meet her eye as he started in on his tirade. She interrupted him, “oh really? Do you even know what she really is? What exactly she's playing with? Besides the fact that they're really old and tear people to shreds? Or maybe who she's working for and what her big picture is?”
“You don't need to be anywhere near any demons.” He glanced back at Sam and Ava, “we don't want them to know about you guys at all. If you think there's connections to us you have to understand..”
Ava put her hands on her hips. “She knows about me.”
“Yeah but for all she knows, you’re just a friend of Sam's.” Dean turned to Sam, “right?”
Ava quirked her brow, “I was a pretty damn possessive friend.”
Dean paced to the other side of the room getting some distance from Liz. “I can't let you get involved. You just got out of all the shit that made your life hell for how many years? NO! I'm not screwing your life up!” He turned a pleading look on Liz even though he was answering Ava.
“Maybe it's not your decision!” Liz raised her voice as she glared while moving towards him.
His muscles tensed as his hands balled into fists. “It is my fucking decision! This is my fight and you’re not going to be part of it!”
She stopped in front of him, catching his glance back and watched the realization hit him that he cornered himself. “I'm pretty sure I became a part of it when I became a part of your life!” Dean stepped around her and started to move away as she continued. “We agreed! You agreed that we wouldn’t hold each other..”
Dean slammed his open palm against the wall. “DAMNIT LIZ, I LIED!” Liz pulled back and looked at him, the anger still burning in her eyes. Dean continued with stiff movements to punctuate his words. “A monster doesn't give a shit about appearances! They're not going to bury you alive in the desert! Don't you get it? They will skin you alive and leave me nothing but a god damn head in a box in the desert just for laughs! And that gun will only make it more fun for them!”
Her voice lowered as if to counter his high volume yet the steel in it matched perfectly. “My head is not the only one they’d like to put in a box.”
“This is not..” The anger on his face simmered as his shoulders fell but the determined set of his jaw made his point loud and clear. “This is different and I will not let you become a game piece to them. My dad didn’t want you even asking questions because he didn’t want you to get hurt and that’s something that I agree with him wholeheartedly on.”
Liz stared for a second without a word. The thought of throwing her little meeting with his father in his face seemed appealing but would do nothing to help the situation. She remembered the look in John’s eyes as he told her about wishing he was there to save Jess and warning her that asking questions about the demon could get her in trouble. She threw the gun down on the table and spun away from him. “Fine. Do it your way but if I'm the one left with directions to your fucking casket..” She stalked out of the room letting her words trail behind her.
Dean dropped himself onto the sofa and covered his face with his hands. “I just.. can’t.” A voice in his head was screaming for her to fight him. He felt no relief from her backing down because it wasn’t her way and the fear that she would follow no matter what he said was suffocating.
“Holy shit.” Ava whispered only loud enough for Sam to hear. “What the hell just happened?”
“You just saw the stubborn drill Sargent. The piece of our father that dean apparently picked up. At least he showed more emotion than dad.”
“This is bad, isn't it?”
Sam nodded. “If he's this adamant about her staying away from the demons so they won't find out about you guys then the whole ‘join us on the road’ is definitely out of the question.”
“There goes that surprise.”
Sam toward turned to her, a mix of worry and curiosity written in his features. “What?”
“You really think she only got you all set up for your finals? Liz is a graduate of Stanford. Everything's done. She chose to receive her diploma instead of wait til the end of spring to walk in graduation. Maybe she'll be changing her mind now though.”
Sam's eyes were as big as saucers. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, she wanted to help you guys, after all you were there to help us.”
Sam frowned and looked back to dean. “I don't think he sees it that way.”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
~~
An hour later, Sam found Dean under the hood of the Impala. Sam leaned against the side of the car. “Pretending something’s broken so you actually know how to fix it?”
Dean leaned up and glanced at his brother then only grunted in response. A few minutes passed with only the sounds Dean made under the hood and the occasional car passing by. “Well, are you just going to stand there or give me a speech?”
Sam walked around to the front of the car and leaned under the hood looking at the impeccable contents. “You know you have to fix it before we can leave. There’s no way in hell I’ll let you screw it up again.”
Dean looked at his brother indignantly. “Me? Are you kidding?” Sam folded his arms and Dean cursed under his breathe, “shit. Shoulda known you’d take her side.”
Sam straightened. “You know damn well this isn’t about sides. She just wants to help like we helped.. well kinda helped them.” At Dean’s rising hackles, he lifted his hands in surrender. “Hey, I agree with you. I’m not sure how wise it would be knowing what they could do to them both and not knowing exactly how they would play it. But you spent enough time being mad at each other for nothing. Don’t put each other through it again just because you don’t agree. In a real relationship you’re going to find yourselves in that position a lot. Believe me. It’s just a lot tougher with our situation. Jumping back on the road and letting that fester.. you don’t want that. I know you don’t want to lose her. Letting that anger grow will do pretty much the same thing that you’re afraid a demon will do. Don’t let them take her away from you.”
Dean’s gaze fell to the engine in front of him then moved back up to his brother and nodded his head. “Don’t worry about it.”
Sam shrugged, “can’t help it. You’re my brother and like it or not, she’s my best friend basically like my little sister.”
Dean cringed, “please don’t say that.”
Sam chuckled, “if you ever get married you’ll just make it legal.” Sam turned, “don’t waste too much time out here fiddling with your toy if you really want to leave tonight.”
Sam walked back into the house and Dean leaned against the car and watched him go. He looked up towards the room where he and Liz had just spent a couple of amazing nights. “Shit.”
~~
It took Dean forty-five minutes to build up the courage and get a couple of strong thoughts planned out before entering the apartment again. It was quiet as he made his way towards Liz’s room. He paused right in front of her door and took a deep breath in, mentally went over his list of proper arguments quickly before raising his hand to knock. His hand froze in mid-air just in front of her door and his heart pounded. He felt like he had an impossible task in front of him and he wasn't sure if he could actually attempt it. Music from the other side of the door broke through his rising panic. It was something soothing, a flowing melody from the deep, rich sound of a cello. A fact he probably never would've known if he never got to know her. It seemed useless when he learned it but there was something about it that stuck with him. Something that seeped under his skin just like her.
The door opened and he watched her back as she slowly moved to her desk on the other side of her room. He broke from his shock and closed the door behind him then took a seat on the edge of the bed facing her back as she sat at the desk, fingers flying across her keyboard. He sighed, “I know that wasn't what you wanted to hear but I can't take the risk. It may seem like a long jump to you but this is my world..”
“I get it.” She whispered.
He continued on as if he hadn't heard her even though he barely heard her over the music coming from the laptop’s speakers. “I know how they play and it ain't pretty.”
“I know.”
“They don't have a cover to keep and they don't give a shit if someone knows they’re evil, hell they pride themselves on it.”
She spun the chair around to face him, “for god’s sake! I said I know! I understand and I would still go!”
He gazed into her brown eyes clearly seeing the fight going on inside her head. “I know you would but I need you safe.” She didn't look away but he caught the irritation that flickered across her features. “If we need the extra help, you know I'd call.”
She interrupted, “yeah right. Not even on your death bed.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I promise. If we need the help I will call you.”
Her face remained blank. “No, you won't.”
Dean watched her for a moment and his smile faded. He stood from the bed and moved to her then knelt in front of her chair. He cupped her face with his hands and she closed her eyes, pressing her face into his palms. “I can't let the same thing happen again. Twice in my family. That's too many. I..”
She opened her eyes, “I told you I get it.” Her hand came up from her lap and pressed against his chest just above his heart. She whispered, “I understand why, I do.”
He nodded then felt the tear roll down the inside of his finger. He looked down at her lips. A quick pull of air opened her mouth slightly and he captured her lips. It was soft, promising everything he couldn't with actual words. When he broke apart from her, he kept telling himself he had to do this, he had to keep her safe even though his gut twisted as he slowly backed away unable to turn away from her.
Liz suddenly broke from her frozen state and ran the few steps to him, grabbed his arms to stop him from turning and going through the door. “Just remember where I am when it's over. I may still be pissed so you have some major making up to do.” She gripped the edges of his jacket and pulled, forcing him to lean down to her. “But you come back to me in one piece. Do you hear me?”
He nodded once staring into her eyes almost like a deer in headlights, not quite sure what her next move would be.
She watched him for a few quick moments with only a slight bit of anger left at the situation then pressed her lips to his. Her hands slid up and around his neck and his arms wove around her back pulling her to him. He lifted her from the ground as he straightened and moved her to the bed. He placed her down on the mattress then broke the kiss. The conflict his body was dealing with read easily on his face. He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I love you. I need you safe.”
“I want to keep you safe.” She whispered.
“You already did and the only way to do that now is to stay here, stay away from them. If they can't get you.. that will keep me from doing something stupid.” He opened his eyes and sighed. “We’ve got to go if we want to make it there in time.” He pushed up off the bed and started backing away again. “I’ll call I promise.”
She propped herself on her elbows and watched him. “I swear to god if I have to hunt you down because you don't answer after an appropriate amount of time..”
He smirked, “I will never again feel the warmth of your skin or the touch of your goddess like hands.”
Her smile held a sadness she couldn't hide as a tear slipped down her face. “Damn straight. Now get out of here before I change my mind and follow you.”
His smirk faltered as he watched her. He nodded once, swallowed hard, and forced himself to move out of the room one step at a time.
Liz sat still, storing up every ounce of willpower possible to keep from moving as the glowing red numbers on the clock counted off the minutes since he left the room. She heard the impala start up and jumped to the window. She pressed her hands onto the windowsill and stuck her head out. She caught him staring up at her before finally driving off.
“I don't like it.” Ava said from behind her.
Liz turned to Ava who was leaning on her doorframe. Liz swiped at her cheeks. “It's going to be fine.” She sounded more confident than she felt.
“Did you see something?”
Liz frowned as she turned to look out the window again. The impala was already out of sight. “I think. Their dad.. I think he's there.”
“You think?”
“It was more of a feeling than an actual vision. Someone was going to that warehouse and their concern wasn't her, it was them. I think it's John. If I wasn't sure.. at least sure enough that they'll pull through this then we’d be following them whether they knew it or not.”
“I still think it wouldn't hurt to be there. Just in case.”
Liz shook her head, “actually I think we'd be more of a liability than a help.” Ava's hand squeezed her shoulder and she brought her own hand to rest on top of Ava’s. “This thing.. it has a long reaching.. gaze. Believe me I wish I could say that he was wrong.. but I feel if we’re there.. it will only end badly.” They looked out the window as the music from her laptop filled the otherwise quiet space.
“Well, we know I'm going away and how I wish - I wish it weren't so.”
Liz turned and stared at the laptop almost as if it betrayed her in some way.
Ava glanced at the computer then took Liz’s arm gently and started to pull her away from the window. “Come on, let's get some ice cream or something.”
“So take this wine and drink with me and let's delay our misery.”
“I don’t remember putting that song on my playlist.” Liz craned her neck to look back at her laptop.
Ava turned Liz’s head to face her with a gentle hand. “It’s a friggin computer.. shuffle mode whatever. It can play whatever song it wants to. Who cares? Let’s go downstairs and get something to eat, okay?”
“Save tonight and fight the break of dawn.”
The lost look on Liz’s face morphed into mildly contained anger. She turned on her heel walked stiffly back to her desk and slapped the laptop shut. After a few seconds, the music cut out and Liz turned back and moved out the door. “I could use some vanilla ice cream about now. That sounds fantastic.”
Ava watched her quietly then followed behind her. “Vanilla. So you want any flavor with your ice cream? Some candy perhaps?”
“Maybe a shot of bourbon. Or two.”
~~
Hours later.
Dean drove. Even though the blood still dripped from the gashes on his forehead, he drove with his hands wrapped tight around the steering wheel. He was annoyed by the fact that someone working with demons had been right so he drove. He needed to think and he did his best thinking while free on an open highway. He wiped at the gash leaking blood into his eye, the answering stab of pain a welcomed and deserved punishment. He glanced at Sam who sat stoically next to him dreading what he knew he needed to say. "We're not the only ones that can be used against someone."
"What?" His brother’s confused countenance proving his mind was far off from their current position.
"You know what. Meg saw Ava with you.. If we.. If we let them know. Hell, they might already know about them. She used the Kansas link to draw us in but she might have been using the proximity to them too. If they get even the slightest hint of what they mean to us." Dean threw another glance towards his brother and swiped at the blood slipping into his eye again. He couldn't read Sam with his face turned towards the window. He had a feeling that was Sam’s main reason for turning away but not the only one. "Maybe just for a while. Until things cool down."
"You don't know how long that could be. And if you think they know about them.. that’s crazy! They will never go for it." Sam watched him skeptically.
"Liz is pretty much pissed at me so she's going to need a cooling down period anyway. I'll just tell her things are picking up and keep her off for a while. She's got her stuff so she'll be pissed and focus on that. Ava is taking classes maybe you can keep her at bay enough that she doesn't question. We found dad but we got separated and we've got some leads to chase. Take a couple of cases.." Dean sighed, “I’m sorry. I know you and Ava were just.. you know getting it together.”
"You were the one that said they'll never stop."
"That's why we need to stop them. So, they don't hurt anyone else."
Sam turned towards him, “and you think just shutting them out and..” His voice rose as he continued on angrily, “just pretending they never happened is a solution?!”
Dean’s grip on the wheel tightened. “It’s the only thing that will keep them safe! I didn’t say they never happ..”
“That’s bullshit and you know it! I will not just shut them out! I can’t just throw away people I love like you can!”
“NO! YOU’D MUCH RATHER SEE THEM ON THE FUCKING CEILING!”
“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Sam swung his fist towards his brother’s face as hard as he could. The car swerved sending Sam crashing into Dean. The car swerved again as Dean over corrected and shoved Sam away with one hand as he tried righting the car with the other, only causing it to swing hard the other way.
“Son of a..” Dean’s hands tightened on the wheel as he tried to take back control. Once the car was heading straight on the right side of the road again, he fumed but wouldn’t look at Sam. “Are you trying to just get it over with and kill us both?”
“You started this shit with..”
Dean interrupted him. “No. NO! I gave a solution to a very real problem! What did you do but bitch? You had no problem walking away from me and Dad and there was no big bad on our ass!”
Sam stared hard at Dean and the silence in the car only exaggerated their heated breathing. A few minutes passed then Sam finally spoke in a civil and controlled tone. “There was always a big bad, Dean. There obviously still is. It wasn’t easy to go on my own but I had to do it because that life.. this life was suffocating. It wasn’t the same for you because you enjoyed it..”
“Yeah, I know.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel again. “It was just fucking perfect for me.”
Sam threw a glance at his brother, his fury ebbing at the tension on Dean’s face. “But I also found out that walking away isn’t an option. Look what it got me? Just because I wasn’t in the life anymore didn’t mean I was completely out.. that I was safe, that the people around me were safe. That tells me that even if we try to walk away.. there will still be those ties. They won’t just disappear.”
“But right now they are safe and if we can keep them safe for a few months by staying away how is that a bad thing?” Dean peeked at his brother from the corner of his eye, “I almost lost her before. It’s not like I’m not thinking about that but there’s no way I can keep her safe by throwing her on the demon’s radar. Who the hell knows who else it’s got working for him.”
Sam nodded once before looking back out the window. "I can't guarantee anything but I'll try my best to keep them safe so I'll go along with this for as long as I can. I'm letting her know about the daeva's. They need to know how to protect themselves. And to keep an eye out because there's still nothing that tells us they aren't already on someone’s radar. Just like you said.. it was too close to them not to be suspicious."
Dean gave a stiff nod but kept his eyes on the road, his jaw still tense. He couldn't think like that. The demons would have used them. She wouldn’t have needed the little tricks like having Sam just happen to find her and follow her to that warehouse. No, they would have used Ava and Liz to draw them out. He had to keep them at a distance, keep them safe. But he was dreading having to keep Liz as far from him as he possibly could. He knew she'd be pissed when she found out, even more than she was now but she said she understood. She told him to remember where he belonged when it was over and like dad said, it was just getting started.
He just wished the tightness in his chest didn’t hurt so damn bad. He wished that he didn't feel sick at the thought of staying away from her for an open ended amount of time. He needed a distraction. He reached for the tape deck, “and if I find a scratch on Baby from that stunt I’m going to kick your ass.” An image of Liz in the backseat saying she had an itch he could scratch popped into his mind. He shoved the tape into the cassette dock, letting the beat of the drums and rifts of the guitars drown everything else out. Liz was too smart. Her little trick of connecting her memory with his car worked better than he ever thought.
He couldn’t be wrong about this. He had to take every precaution because he had too much to lose if he was wrong. An image of her smiling at him while sitting half naked on the hood of the impala flashed in his head. He wouldn’t lose her, he couldn’t, not now. If he had to stay away until this was over to make sure she was still alive at the end of this whole thing then so be it. He could deal with her anger as long as he still had her to deal with at all.
