Natalie36: Keep your fingers crossed. The two of them are far from easy. There is a lot of tension right now and that’s really not helping the situation.
keepsmiling7: Lol, no, that’s a job that would take nerves of steel and the patience of a saint!
Eva: Yes, sadly we are. Will he stay... that remains to be seen but he’s adamant that he won’t. His actions are contrary to his words.
sarammlover: Lol, we noticed you were MIA! Yep, the tree search was just an easy excursion that allowed them to get away for a little while. Michael and Maria, they’re stalling on the answer to that question. Well, let’s be honest, Michael’s the one who’s dug his heels in. The Maldives? It seems that’s stalled out.
As for Janus, they fully intend to take him out. But if they should fail we can always send in Special Agent Sara for backup!Part 75
“I know you’ll be fine, Maria. You’re strong, a lot stronger than anyone else can see. Your life’s gonna be in a certain amount of danger for the next few years, maybe for as long as you live, and that’s why you have to always keep in mind that people can’t be trusted easily. I’ve taught you a few ways to protect yourself and I want you to keep learning.”
She stood there and stared holes into the opposite wall, listening to his words and trying to block out her emotions while remaining silent.
Michael almost smirked at her stubbornness. Sometimes she was a lot like him. “You think I can’t wait for the moment when I can leave this all behind – “
A snort of agreement escaped her lips.
“Where I can leave you behind,” he went on, stepping up behind her with his hands on the surface of the counter to trap her.
“It’s the truth,” she whispered.
“No,” he admitted for the first time. Not only to her but also to his own self. “I wanna get the hell away from most of these people because I’m not used to considering anyone else’s thoughts and all the bullshit that goes along with that. I don’t think like that about you though.”
“Then why do you want to leave me?”
“I’m not what you need, Maria.” He brushed her hair away from one side of her neck and dipped his head to bite the soft skin. “You only think you do now, but that can be attributed to the situation. One day in the future you’ll see I was right. One day when you’ve found a man willing to give you more than just sex and protection from a few assassins.”
She closed her eyes against the onslaught of feelings that rioted through her at his nearness. “I’ve spent most of my life having someone else dictate my every move – “
“It’s not the same thing,” he denied, his breath gusting against her neck and raising goosebumps on her skin.
“It sure as hell feels like it. I don’t need someone else telling me what I should do or how I feel.”
He could hear the edge of anger creeping into her voice again. Anger was good. Anger would get her through this. It would get her through accepting that this thing between them was never meant to last and it would push her through the softer emotions. She’d come out the other side stronger for it. But anger wasn’t what he wanted at the moment. He inhaled her scent and dragged his lips against her flesh.
She didn’t know that what they had could last for any significant amount of time, but she was willing to try. The problem was, it was impossible to work on a relationship with only one half of a couple. And in this situation the other half had dug his heels in and already decided it could never work. Was he right? Hell, she didn’t know. The difference was, given the opportunity she would give it everything she had to make it work and hope like hell that it would last.
Nothing in life came with a guarantee. She’d foolishly believed there were things that did before her life had taken this most recent turn, but if there was one thing she’d learned during her time with Michael, it was that guarantees didn’t exist. Yes, he was a bad bet, but damn it, shouldn’t it be her choice whether or not to risk it? It wasn’t like she’d be doing something new and risking her heart – she’d already lost that to him. No, she’d never told him, but she knew the truth, and even though he’d as much as admitted that it wasn’t easy for him to walk away, he still intended to do it as soon as he could.
She sighed when he shifted and her head tipped to one side, granting him greater access even though she wanted to hold onto her anger. But she had no willpower when it came to this man and they both knew it. Would it make a difference if she confessed her feelings to him? She had her doubts. He was convinced leaving her was best for everyone concerned and she knew once he’d made his mind up about something there was little chance of changing it.
“Well, I’m not telling you how to feel at the moment,” he muttered against her skin and used one foot to push her legs apart.
“Maybe not how to feel, no,” she mumbled. It was too easy to give in to him because in spite of the fact that this would solve nothing, she wanted him like she’d never wanted anything else in her life. “But you’re sure as hell telling me what I can and can’t do.”
“Not doin’ that at the moment either,” Michael denied and let one hand wander from the counter over her arm to her side where it wrapped around her middle.
Her head fell back to rest against his shoulder and her eyes drifted closed. She was quickly losing the battle to stay on track. “Distracting me from the subject is basically the same thing.”
Yes it was, but he didn’t care as long as it worked.
His lack of verbal response let her know he was well aware of the tactic he was using to get her away from the current topic. She debated back and forth, trying to figure out what she should do. It would be so easy to just say the hell with it and let it go for now, but they were running out of time. She sighed heavily. That was just one more reason in favor of dropping it and taking what he was offering. “I still don’t understand why we can’t be together.”
His movements stilled and he sighed. So much for his tactic. “Because I don’t do girlfriends.”
“How do you know? You’ve never even tried.”
“I don’t want to. Why would I have to try anything?”
“I guess you don’t, Michael. I guess if all you want is to be alone, to never have anyone in your life who gives a damn about you, then I guess you’ve already got what you want.”
He let go of her and took a step back. The mood was ruined anyway and he wasn’t gonna try to fix it again. “I have all I need,” was all he said.
“I think you have all you allow yourself to need,” she said sadly.
“It isn’t as bad as you make it sound.”
She nodded. “Well, I suppose if you can do it, so can I.” She pushed away from the counter and shrugged as she looked at him. “Just find some willing guy once in a while, screw my brains out and then move on. Fuck the emotional involvement. That is the way it’s done, isn’t it?”
He clenched his hands. Just the thought of another guy’s paws on her body pissed him off like nothing else. “Only if that’s the way you want it,” he hissed angrily.
“Why should I want it to be any different? There’s no point in trying to invest myself in another situation that’s only gonna end up falling apart eventually.”
“Not everyone you gonna meet’s gonna be a trained assassin,” he snapped.
“Does it matter? No, it doesn’t! You think assassins are the only men around with commitment issues? Besides, with the divorce rate on the rise, it’d probably only be a matter of time anyway. It’s too much work.” And why bother when the one man she wanted, the one she’d fallen for, didn’t want her beyond the moment?
He shrugged, pretending he didn’t care. “If that’s what you want... go for it.”
“Fine, I will.”
“Good!”
She controlled her expression as she looked at him directly, her defiant eyes locking with his. “At least now I won’t have to worry about my virginity getting in the way. Thanks for that, Bane.”
“Don’t gimme that bullshit, DeLuca!”
Now he was pissed off? Good! “Call it what you want.”
“It’s not who you are!”
“Don’t worry about it. If that lifestyle’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me. It’ll save a lot of time and energy.”
“Whatever.” He turned to leave. He needed to leave before he broke something.
She watched him, taking a perverse enjoyment in the fact that his back and shoulders were so taut he looked like he could snap in two at any second. “Fine, go. That’s what you do best anyway.” She waited until he reached the doorway. “Well, next to giving a girl a good fuck.” She was pushing him and she knew it, but she was hurt and pissed off and at the moment she didn’t give a damn.
He froze and turned his head slightly. What was speaking was the hurt – rationally he knew that, but he felt his own anger increasing in response. “Yeah, DeLuca, and now you’re one more notch on my belt.”
“It’s not like you ever said any different.” But there had been times she’d been so sure he felt more for her than he knew how to say. Obviously she was mistaken. She cursed her stupid heart for falling for him. She laughed, hoping like hell it didn’t sound as brittle to him as it did to her own ears. “At least you set the bar high.”
“We all need a challenge once in a while,” he winked, but didn’t feel it.
“Don’t talk to me about challenges,” she scoffed. “The biggest challenge of your life is staring you in the face and you’re running from it.”
“Bullshit,” he exploded.
She controlled the urge to smirk at his reaction. “What’re you so scared of?”
“I’m not scared,” he growled. “I’ve faced more than you can even think of, Blondie. It made me who I am so just fuckin’ accept it instead of pushing my buttons.”
She waved a hand dismissively. “Either it’s fear or what we’ve shared never meant a damn thing to you.”
“I told you what it meant right from the start,” he said more calmly again.
“Yeah, you did. And I don’t hold that against you. You were honest with me from the start. You told me it’d never be anything more than sex.” She paused a moment, feeling her nerves settle as she went over what he’d said to her earlier. “But somewhere along the way that changed, didn’t it? It became more than just sex between us.”
He shrugged one shoulder. It wasn’t really in him to deny it, but what would it change? “It wasn’t just sex.”
She shook her head tiredly. “I don’t understand why if it wasn’t just sex, you’re not willing to see where this thing could go.”
“Maria,” he hung his head.
She bit her bottom lip as she stared at him, the defeated pose tearing at something inside of her. She wanted him to say he’d stay, that he wanted to try to make things between them work, but she also wanted him to do those things of his own free will and not because she’d badgered him into it. “Alright,” she said finally, feeling like everything inside of her was shaking, threatening to pull her apart. She turned and opened the refrigerator, hoping to distract herself with something mundane, like what to make for dinner.
Michael stared at her back for a very long while, not able to say or do anything. He couldn’t really explain what kept him from staying. Was it safer for them that way? Probably. Was it better for her life? Maybe. Did he need to be alone? The answer to that question had always been a clear yes, but it wavered – every day a little more.
*****
Maria leaned her head against the window on her right, not caring about the coolness of it while she stared out at the parking lot of the small private airport outside of DC. It was silent in the car while they waited for the airplane being prepared for takeoff.
“It’s time,” Michael glanced at his wristwatch and then in the backseat where Kyle and Tess were sitting.
The other man nodded and moved to open the door. “Then we should get this over with.” He hated goodbyes and although it wasn’t even a real goodbye for them, none of them knew if or when their paths would cross again.
After the trial had come to an end and most of the Circle members had gotten their well-deserved punishment, they had all agreed it was better to split up sooner rather than later to be careful. Max and Liz couldn’t wait to get the hell away from the city and Kyle and Tess had agreed to give them a hand getting their new lives started. No one knew if there was still potential danger out there and they couldn’t be careful enough – at least not for the next few months.
Maria pushed her door open and stepped out, her eyes empty while they locked on the vehicle next to them. Was this it? All they had been through together and they would just leave and never see each other again? It sounded wrong. So wrong.
“Come on,” Michael stepped up next to her and guided her with a hand on her arm. She had hardly eaten the last few days, having had no appetite because of the fact that she was going to have to say goodbye to her best friends.
“I can walk alone,” she brushed his hand off.
“I never said you couldn’t,” he muttered under his breath as she kept walking. He was proud of her in spite of the fact that she was doing her best to piss him off.
Liz looked just as miserable when she climbed out of the second car. She squinted against the sunlight reflecting off of the snow. There it was. The airplane that would take them to a new life. Would it be better? Worth living?
Max stood nearby, silently assessing every movement around them. He wondered if he’d be so aware, so vigilant, for the rest of his life. He longed for the days when this first-hand knowledge of evil hadn’t existed. His gaze shifted to his girlfriend and he could see how difficult it was to say goodbye. She’d been plagued by nightmares for the past couple of weeks, both of them had, but they had gotten worse for her the closer it came to leaving because there was no way of knowing if they’d ever get the chance to see Maria again.
A man in uniform stepped closer and handed a key over to Tess with a nod. “It’s ready whenever you are.”
“Thanks.” As soon as he was gone she turned to Kyle. “I’m gonna do the pre-flight check and make sure no one’s tampered with anything.”
“Sounds good,” he agreed.
She moved away, pausing next to Michael. It wouldn’t be long before he and Val took off in separate directions, moving their civilians to their own destinations. Once that task was accomplished she knew they’d be heading out to track Janus, and she didn’t know if or when she’d see either of them again. “Take care of yourself, big man.”
He grunted. “You know it, Harding. Watch that man of yours.”
She smiled and nodded. “I always do.”
“Hey, I don’t need to be watched,” Kyle said when he overheard their conversation and he gave Bane a friendly slap on the shoulder. “Take care, man.”
One eyebrow arched as he studied the shorter man. “You do need a keeper, Valenti.” No, not in the physical sense, but there was something between the couple, something on a level he couldn’t hope to ever understand, that balanced the other man’s dark side.
He grunted and turned to Maria, giving her a slight wink. “Been a pleasure to know you, Maria. I’ve rarely met a girl tough enough to hold her own against this stubborn soldier.”
Michael sighed in annoyance. You’re not helpin’, Valenti, he thought as he shot a glare at the man. When that didn’t so much as register on his radar, he shifted to scan the airfield for potential threats.
Maria smiled, wishing it felt genuine. Kyle and his wife were nice and she’d be happy to see them again one day even though she had her doubts that would happen. Her gaze rested briefly on Michael, regretting the fact that she’d never be able to hold onto him. “Well,” she said, laughing and hoping it didn’t reveal her pain, “it’s not easy, but anything else just wouldn’t work with him.”
Tess chuckled and pulled the blonde into a hug. “You’re gonna have a great life. You’re strong. I wish you all the best.”
“Thanks, Tess. For everything. I really hope you guys don’t have any problems over your involvement in this mess.” So far they’d managed to cover their tracks but she knew like everything else, there were no guarantees.
“Don’t worry about us.” Her gaze shifted to Alex and Val and she just nodded.
“I guess if anyone here’s got a chance at knowing he’s okay,” she said with a slight nod in Michael’s direction, “it’ll be you guys.” She wanted to ask them to somehow let her know he was okay, but she knew she couldn’t. Hell, she didn’t even know where she was going from here. Michael hadn’t told anyone including her where her new life was going to start.
Liz stepped in front of Maria with watery eyes as she tried to find some words. “Gosh, I don’t wanna say goodbye to you.”
She could feel the dam that had been holding her emotions back threatening to burst wide open as she looked at the woman who had become so much more than just a friend. “I don’t either,” she admitted, her voice wavering. “But maybe one day...” she swallowed hard, fighting to avoid falling apart. “Maybe one day it’ll be safe.”
The brunette pressed her lips together and nodded wildly before just hugging her.
“You remember that beach house we talked about going to?” Maria murmured quietly as she held her friend tightly. “Out on the west coast?”
“Sure.”
None of them had ever been there. They’d run across the vacation rental in a brochure one cold rainy day while fantasizing about places they’d rather be. She kept her voice low as she spoke, knowing Michael would have a fit if he heard what she was saying. “In two years, if you guys haven’t run into any problems, go there. Two years from today, Liz. And if I haven’t had any trouble, I’ll meet you there.”
“Sounds good,” she squeezed her tightly and then let go, loving the way her friend had planted hope in her brain so easily.
Max rubbed his girlfriend’s arm as he moved past her to face Maria. “I’ve never been good at goodbyes,” he said as he looked at her. “They’re too final.”
“Yeah, let’s try to not think about it.”
He nodded. It was impossible to avoid thinking about it and they both knew it. “You take care of yourself, Maria.” He wanted to tell her to let them know if she needed anything, but with the way things were he knew there were too many risks involved. Not to mention neither of them knew where the other was going.
“And you take care of Liz and yourself.” She kissed his cheek and then stepped back, needing this to be over.
“I will,” he promised. He could tell that Maria was on the verge of losing it so he retreated back to his girlfriend’s side. “I’m gonna grab our things and help get them loaded.”
“Okay, let’s get a move on,” Tess said. No one knew how safe it was at the moment and right now they were all together and made too easy a target.
Michael moved closer to Maria, raising his hand to rest against the small of her back in an effort to ease the pain he knew she was feeling as she watched her friends board the small plane. “They’ll get them settled in and make sure they’re safe before they leave ‘em,” he said, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of the propeller kicking to life.
“At least they’re gonna be together,” she said and changed her position – out of his reach.
He exhaled loudly. He didn’t know why it bothered him but it did. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? “C’mon, we should get movin’. We’ve already been out in the open too long.”
There was no point in arguing about that. One last time, she glanced at the plane and then she turned and walked back to the car they had come in, while Alex and Val climbed into the other one.
There was something ridiculously disappointing about it when she didn’t even give him so much as a single smart remark in response to his order. They would head back to the house and that night, after darkness fell, Val would be taking off with Alex, heading in yet another direction and leaving Maria alone with him. At least until the next morning when they took off for her new location.
*****
Alex paused at the entrance to the living room, his gaze roving over the mostly empty space before settling on the lone figure standing at the large picture window. Maria had been quiet since seeing Max and Liz off earlier that day. He hadn’t tried to engage her in conversation, knowing she needed the space to deal with her emotions. But his time was almost up and he and Val would be leaving soon, so he had to talk to her now.
“Hey, Maria,” he called softly to get her attention.
“I guess there’s no putting this off,” she said, her tone letting him know she’d been aware of his presence the whole time he’d been standing there.
“No. Val wants to get moving. She’s feeling cagey and that puts her in a mood.” He chuckled when she turned to look at him, her expressive eyes rolling impressively. “Yeah, okay, more of a mood than normal.”
“Sounds more like it.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “They’re not easy.”
“Let’s just not talk about it.” Going over the same fact – that they were stubborn and annoying – was beyond giving her a headache now.
Alex nodded and crossed the room to lean against the window frame close to her. “He give you any idea where you’re headin’?”
“No, I just requested someplace with no extremes in weather or nature.”
“Well, that’ll narrow it down.” He studied her for a minute. “Where’d you make plans to meet Max an’ Liz?” he asked quietly.
She glanced at the door behind him and when she was sure no one was watching, she pulled a small note out of her pants pockets and gave it to him. “Memorize it and then throw it away. Or better yet, burn it.”
He glanced over what was written in her distinctive handwriting and he nodded before balling it up and tossing it across the room where it landed in the fireplace with unerring accuracy. “I’ll see ya there.”
“Two years.”
“Two years,” he agreed. A lot could change in two years, but if he hadn’t run up against anything dangerous he’d be there.
“Be careful.” She stood on her tiptoes to hug him. “I know you won’t have a problem making new friends. You’re easygoing. Always keep that attitude.”
“I’ll do my best.” He smiled and nodded as his long arms came around her. “Don’t ever change, Maria.”
“You mean I should stay noisy and annoying?”
He laughed. “I’ve never found you annoying. Maybe a little loud from time to time, but never annoying,” he teased.
“Good. You got that right then.”
“At least we’re free to live our lives now.” He shook her gently. “We’re gonna be okay, Maria.”
“Yes, we will be,” she agreed. It wasn’t like she didn’t believe it. Of course she could survive somewhere alone, the question was: Was that life in the future really worth living?
He lifted his head when the familiar sound of a throat clearing drew his attention and he nodded when he saw Val tapping the face of her watch. “It’s time for me to go. No reason to start a road trip that’s God only knows how long with her in a pissy mood.”
“Okay, go,” she nodded, determined.
He released her and stepped around her. Facing her he reached out and tipped her chin up, meeting her gaze. “Two years, Maria.” He tapped his temple. “I’ll see you guys there.”
She nodded wordlessly and hoped it would work out that way.
“Alright, let me grab my bag and we’re outta here.”
“I thought you already had everything in the car?”
He purposefully brushed against Val as he passed her. “Everything but my laptop case and I’ll wanna make sure I have everything I need before you kick my ass out when we get to our destination, my love,” he said with a smirk.
“You better have,” she glared at him. “We’re not coming back here so you should check twice.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he disappeared into the other room.
