Roswell Fanatics

HEY! Dropping this off! Things are getting a little crazy, no doubt about it, but as it is with Max and Liz, they have to reach rock bottom before they come back up thriving. *sigh* Why is that?


Chapter 11:

I was young but I wasn’t naïve.
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave.
And still I have the pain I have to carry,
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried.
After all this time, I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it, Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more, Then you will ever know
And part of me died… When I let you go. ~ “Blind,” Lifehouse

The night was dark and uninviting. She craved the heat of warm arms and soft lips. Max held an allure more addictive than anything she’d ever experienced. She’d forgotten what it was like to be so close to him, to have him touch her. With each soft stroke of his fingers her soul came alive, along with the bitter realization of everything she’d never have.

She had a moment of weakness. It was forgivable, if it wasn’t for the way his eyes lit up at her words. She’d given him another glimmer of hope, and now his wild chase would never end. She sighed loudly, tucking her hands tightly into her pockets and walking the short distance to the CrashDown.

Everything was quiet and eerie, as she unlocked the back door and quietly crept into her apartment, and then into her bedroom. From the looks of it, her parents had gone to bed hours ago, and thankfully, Maria didn’t make it her mission to stay and give her the third degree. She just couldn’t handle it tonight.

She closed the door to her bedroom and looked around, smiling when she noticed the stacks of papers on the desk were neat and all of her encyclopedias had been put back in their designated location on the shelves. On top of the highest stack of notes, a yellow sticky note held writing in purple ink, all in caps.

Call me first thing in the AM. We gotta talk. Xoxo, M.

She nodded, as if Maria could see her agreeing, and started to change out of her jeans and shirt, into some more comfortable pajamas. She was emotionally worn out and she could use a long night of sleep. And there was no doubt what she’d be dreaming of. The imprint of Max’s lips still lay heavy on her own, and the images of a time so long ago, of steam and strawberries, and the smell of his skin, tinged with soap and cologne, it was all far too much.

She walked back over to the stack of papers on her desk, as she shuffled through, searching for her private notes. When the stack returned nothing, she rummaged through the desk, and then nearly ran across the room to look through a few of the volumes of the encyclopedias she’d used. She took a deep breath, realizing she was getting frantic. She didn’t want another scene like the one she had in her room earlier, so she decided to leave it alone for the night. There was always tomorrow.

Maria must have just misplaced the papers in her quest to bring some sense of order to Liz’s mangled world. She couldn’t fault the girl, in fact, she appreciated more than she could say. She lay in bed, drawing up the covers and wrapping them tightly around her body. She welcomed their comfort and closed her eyes, seeking the sleep that evaded her.

Despite her exhaustion, sleep didn’t come easy, and she tossed and turned for what felt like hours. Slowly, the darkness of unconscious sleep pulled her in. But the peace wouldn’t last.

The first startling sound was nearly deafening. Explosions roared like thunder at every possible turn. She couldn’t explain the feeling of nervous anxiety, but it was closely followed by crippling fear. She was running, looking back with every few steps, desperately hoping that the man she feared wasn’t behind her.

“I’m everywhere,” the deep, male voice slithered in her mind as a crushed piece of the building beside her stumbled down and knocked her to the ground, pinning her beneath it. She cried out in pain, but the area was desolate, and she wondered if anyone could even hear her over the sound of her world literally falling apart around her.

“Come on!” She looked up, startled to see Max standing in front of her, his arms extended, as he blasted the rocks from off her back. She could barely hear him over the sound of the nearing explosions and when she looked up at the sky, she forgot it was daytime, as the sunlight was covered by the thick clouds of smoke.

They ran endlessly, over and under and through every imaginable obstacle, and when they finally reached the pod chamber, Liz was sure she had never been happier to see anything else in her entire life. Her legs burned and ached but she pushed, up the steep incline and into the familiar darkness with the pulsing green glow.

She only had a moment to register, before she was being dragged through an opening and into the Granolith Chamber. The world around them shook and she fell into strong, familiar arms clad in leather. His golden eyes held more sadness than she ever wanted to see. Their plan was in motion; there was no backing out now.

A heavy melancholy set into her system, even as she kept up her brave appearance. Memories of a life well lived burned behind her eyes and she hated the thought of losing them. But a voice deep within her was condemning her to this fate, damning her for the luxury of a life she should never have enjoyed.

The images of Michael and Isabel’s deaths haunted her, and the guilt she carried had become too much. She would have to let him go if she was to allow anyone the chance to live. They both understood the severity of their actions, but neither understood the consequences. They acted out of desperation and fear. And even as they both looked over at the large machine in front of them, he held her tight, knowing that he couldn’t do what she was asking of him.

“I won’t leave you.”

“No, no, Max. You have to.”

“If I’m successful, if I can do this, you and I won’t exist. Not as we do now.”

The first pang of loss rippled through her system. The image of his death had already played over and over in her mind. She couldn’t bear to see it materialized. To know that she was in any way responsible. She knew his younger self enough to know that her plan would fail, and part of her hoped that was true. Part of her hoped it would allow some very dim glimmer of hope for their future. But another part, the more dominant, knew that her younger self could never carry the guilt of the end of the world on her shoulders, and it was why she knew that she would do all she could to stop it from happening. Because she was doing it now.

“Max, if you don’t do this we’re going to die. Everyone will. Max, you have to do this, you have to try it.”

Her voice hitched as she struggled to control her tears. She missed him and he wasn’t even gone.

“I’ll never see you again.”

The world shakes again and they’re both sent tumbling, falling onto the cool metal floors.

“Thank you,” he whispered, the familiar scent of his breath warming her face. His hands held her cheeks tight, and she wanted to close her eyes against the feel of him.

“For what?”

“For every kiss, every smile.”

She smiled sadly, knowing this was their goodbye, and feeling as each of her heart strings ripped with such force, she was afraid she’d just die.

“Max, I don’t have any regrets.”

He placed the quartz crystal into the base of the Granolith as the room flashed with a ray of light, taking away the man she loved and trapping him in the large glass cylinder. Fear and uncertainty were all she had left, and she reached up, wishing for just a brief moment she could disappear with him, to another universe completely, to a time when all of it could have been different.

She could have sworn he whispered I love you when her hand touched the glass and the entire room exploded, sending her forcefully to the ground. She called out his name in the deafening silence but received no answer. And then Kivar and his men stormed the chamber, a wicked smile curling on his lips as his eyes devoured her….

Liz shot up in bed, gasping for air. She clutched her shirt tight, as fabric crinkled in shaking fingers. The images that danced in her mind were like paper dolls with wicked smiles, teasing and terrifying. Bittersweet whispers tickled her ears and she cried into her hands. She’d been too wrapped up in dreams of white satin and strawberries dipped in champagne. Her wedding wasn’t the only thing that she changed. Tonight was a painful reminder of that.

Max had a way of making her forget, but the pure fear still ran deep in her blood. She wouldn’t let it happen again. Not to Michael or Isabel or any of her friends. Not to herself. She wouldn’t let them all suffer that way again. And if it meant suffering now, than she was willing to do it, if only to guarantee everyone else’s safety.

She shook off the remaining jitters and forced herself to lie back down. She would formulate a new plan first thing in the morning. Max would have to understand that no, meant no. She couldn’t afford another moment of weakness. If he pushed, she’d push harder. He would understand that this meant war.

A/N: Hey everyone! Just wanted to drop this off! It's a bit of a long chapter, but I'm sure you all won't mind. Either way, Awakening will be a bit of a longer wait. I've been really ill. I slept til 7:30pm today, if you can all believe that. *sigh*

Chapter 12:

We all begin out with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so. ~ “Fallen,” Sarah McLachlan

Liz rubbed harder at her tired eyes, and then went back to making a mess of the neat pile of papers Maria had made for her the night before. She’d lost her paper with the theories on it. Damnit, that was the most important one.

She didn’t respond to the soft knock on the door.

“Morning.”

“Mmhmm,” she mumbled, and then stopped, running her hand through her loose hair. She was quickly losing her patience.

“Your parents want to know if you’ll be having breakfast.”

“No, too busy.” A final search came up empty, and Liz grabbed one of the books on the desk and slammed it onto the ground in frustration. “Where the hell are they?”

The door to her room closed with a soft click as Maria folded her arms over her chest.

“You’re nearly as bad as I left you yesterday.”

“I was fine until… I just, do you know where my handwritten list of theories went?”

“Liz, look at me.”

After a moment’s hesitation, she looked up, taking a deep breath and releasing it, feeling like a deflating balloon.

“You look awful.”

“I didn’t get much sleep, ok? And I’m in a foul mood, Maria, so don’t push my buttons. I just want my list back.”

Maria’s eyes widened as she lifted an eyebrow in question.

“You think I took your list?”

“I don’t know, but you’re the last person to leave my room and I really… I just… I’m not in the mood to play Dr. Maria today, ok, so just hand it over.”

“We have to talk about what happened in here yesterday.”

Liz sighed as loudly as she could muster, turning her back to Maria. She picked up the book and slammed it back onto the desk.

“Nothing happened. And that’s how it’s going to stay. I did this for a reason. Now I told you that reason, and I expect you to respect it. Tell me now if I can’t depend on you Maria, because I will carry my own burden if I have to.”

“Damn, you are like Class A biotch today, huh?” Maria plopped herself on the edge of the bed and Liz rubbed her forehead in frustration, pushing herself toward her, and falling down right beside her.

“I am… so gone right now. Maria, I swear I feel like I’m going to fall apart.” Liz rubbed at her eyes again, fighting back the tears that were cracking her voice.

“Now, now. There will be none of that.” Maria wrapped her arm around Liz’s shoulders and pressed tight, pulling her toward her.

“Just, yesterday, with everything. My system was on overload. All of the information, the research, and then Max coming up here all high and mighty… if you hadn’t walked in when you did, I don’t know what I would have done Maria.”

“He’s a pretty convincing man.”

“He plays on my weaknesses, and it’s not fair. He doesn’t understand what I’m doing, that I’m trying to protect him.”

“Why don’t you tell him?”

“Because he’d never understand! He’d simply condemn me for making such a life altering decision without talking to him first. Because it’s his life too, and he feels he has a say.”

Maria snickered, running her fingers through Liz’s long hair in comfort.

“Hate to break it to ya, babe, but he does have a say.”

“No,” Liz sat up straight, determination sharpening her shoulders. “I said I would do this, I’m doing it all the way. I’m in too deep to turn back, Maria.”

“Sweetie, you’re talking nonsense.”

“I know. I’m so tired.” A yawn broke its way through, emphasizing her point and she pushed herself up, back toward the desk, to look through the pile of papers in one final, futile effort.

“Liz, last night, when you ran off… Max was alone in your room. I saw him holding some papers but when I went to talk to him, well he ran off too. I didn’t see what they were but he was all flustered. I think he might…”

“My theories!” Life sprung back into Liz’s near limp body, and she looked up with wide saucer eyes. A second later she had on her coat and was running down the stairs.

“Liz, wait! What about…?” the question faded into the outside breeze as Maria’s voice disappeared, replaced by the sound of their small town traffic around late morning.

She was walking so fast it felt as though her rubbery legs would bend, tossing her toward the ground. Each step was harder and faster than the last, as she took all of the familiar turns toward the Evans’ residence. Max Evans was going to get a piece of her mind.

How dare he go through her personal belongings? And then be so brazen as to take them?! Who the hell did he think he was? She knew he’d been desperate for answers but this was just too much. If he wanted to play dirty, she’d play dirty. She’d beat him at his own stupid game.

The beginnings of a headache pounded at her temples and she briefly wondered if it was the lack of sleep, lack of food, or the product of how completely pissed she was. Then again, it could have been all three.

As she walked toward the quaint house on Murray Lane, her small hands balled into fists at her sides. She was looking forward to this. After the way he controlled the situation the day before, she wanted nothing more than to put him back in his place. When she reached his window she knocked furiously, waiting rather impatiently for his response.

The first burn of anger came when she received no answer. She leaned in, cupping her hand over her eyes and looking through the glass, to see an empty room. She cursed under her breath and stomped her foot. This was not happening.

She turned in a pointless circle, trying to think of what to do next. Her eyes were continually drawn back to the window and the empty room that lay just inside. Her life shattering, future changing papers were just a few feet away, waiting to be rescued, and it was barely her fault when she pushed open the window and with a brief look around, jumped in.

She winced at the pressure on her ankles as she landed into a squat on the wooden floors. She listened carefully for any sign of life outside the rooms, but heard nothing. The room was just as she remembered it, and a wave of nostalgia hit her hard, as she looked around, remembering the last time she was with him there. The awful image of his teary eyes flashed across her mind, and she bit down hard, tightening her jaw. She had to focus.

Her eyes fell on his desk, and she made her way over, ruffling over a few papers. Homework, newspapers, and several pages of what looked like an unfinished letter littered the space. She turned toward his bed, and lifted the edge of the mattress as she looked beneath, but found nothing.

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips as her eyes landed on his dresser. She rushed over, opening the first drawer and pushing past the underwear and socks. She gasped, when she pulled out a strip of pictures.

Anger sizzled as her temples started pounding. Tears glazed her eyes as she looked down at young, smiling faces.

“Liz, what are you doing here?”

She swung around, as Max’s confused face stared back at her across the room. She hadn’t even heard him come in.

“What’s this?” she forced out, waving the strip of pictures in her hand.

“That?” he asked, stuffing his hands nervously in his pockets.

“THIS! You took it from my room! You stole it! Along with my notes! I want them back.”

“Woah, you’re gonna come and yell at me?” he motioned to the window and they both took a step toward the center of the room, as if ready for a duel. “You just broke into my room.”

“You had no right to steal my things! They are mine, Max,” she bit out, standing her ground. He stormed toward her in frustration, pulling folded papers from his leather coat pockets. She was startled when he tossed them at her, and they flew all around her, and then twirled their way toward the floor in a messy, scattered swirl.

“Is that what you want?” he shouted in her direction, the vein in his neck throbbing. She watched him in silence, refusing to bend over and pick up the papers that were burning a hole in the ground beside her.

“YES!”

He stared at her, his eyes expectant, his jaw tight. It took all she had not to cower under his expression, not to melt under his lustful gaze.

“What? You expect me to say thank you?” she resorted to sarcasm, a way to protect her delicate heart.

“Are we really going to live the rest of our lives like this?” he finally whispered, his eyes dropping sadly toward the ground, even as he took a step back and fell seated onto the edge of his bed.

“Don’t,” she said quickly, as her eyes immediately left his pained expression. She turned her body away from him as she crossed her arms over her chest. “This isn’t about what was or what should be. This is about how I can’t trust you. You took a moment of weakness and you stole my things!”

“You are the last person who can talk about trust, Liz.”

“Excuse me?” Her eyes widened, as she turned sharply back in his direction, his own dark eyes glaring at her accusingly. He stood up, and suddenly seemed to be right in front of her. She could feel his heat, could feel the way his body beckoned and pushed all at once.

“What were your words? Oh yes, of course. You put me up on this pedestal, Liz.”

“Don’t you throw that back in my face!”

“Trust me, you said. When every second I turned, you lied and cheated. Forget it. I thought I knew you, but I guess I was wrong.” He was right in her face, his breath warm against her skin, his gold eyes glowing with anger. She looked up at him defiantly, even as her knees shook violently. Her eyes were watering with each word, but she bit the inside of her lip hard, to avoid letting the tears fall.

Her entire body was shaking with anger and hurt. He had no idea how his words were stabbing her so hard, but she refused to back down. She had her reasons, and even if he didn’t understand, she was doing it for his own good.

“Funny, how you think you know a person. Because the Max Evans I knew would never steal my private notes from my room.”

“And the Liz Parker I knew wouldn’t lie to me. She wouldn’t purposely do something that she knew would crush me.”

“You wouldn’t back down!” she yelled, nearly jumping on her tip toes, and then turning her back to him, unable to contain looking at him any longer.

“Because I fought too long and too hard to just back down,” his voice hitched in pained frustration and she felt the immediate cold rush of air as he walked away, his heavy steps pounding on the rugged floor, pacing back and forth behind her. “Dammit Liz, you don’t get it! When I needed you most, you left me. With scars and nightmares, you left me to deal with them alone, as you ran away from us. And all I wanted when you came back was to show you that despite all that happened, I was still me. That I wasn’t the hideous creature they accused me of being. That I could still be the person you fell in love with. I NEEDED to hear that, Liz. Instead, you come to me, throwing my worst fears in my face, reminding me once again that my not being normal will forever stand in the way of what we could be. Telling me that you want to date other boys, that you want to have children with someone else. Do you have any idea what that did to me? Forgive me, Liz. I guess a broken heart changes a man.”

The room fell silent and she risked turning around to look up at him. The weight of his sadness crushed her. She swallowed hard, wanting to take away his pain, wanting to reduce the uncontrollable beating of his heart, because even at a distance, she was sure she could feel it beating in her own chest. How could she explain to him what she’d once tried to explain to his future self?

Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that I didn't want to die for him? He's the only reason that I'm alive right now.

“I know I lied to you,” she started slowly, taking a cautious step in his direction. “I don’t deny that. But it’s only been because I love you.”

The sound of his laughter startled her, and she couldn’t help the way her anger flared. She was trying to be honest, trying to open up, but he was laughing at her.

“Love me? That’s loving me, Liz? Setting me up to find you in bed with your ex?”

“At least I didn’t waltz into your life with a pre-determined mate,” she bit out, her pride bruised. She didn’t miss the way his head snapped in her direction, the way his fists balled at his sides.

“This isn’t about Tess.”

“Oh, it’s more about Tess than you know.”

“Liz, I CHOSE you,” he whispered as he walked toward her. But she reached out her hand quickly, stopping him in his tracks.

“YOU HAD NO CHOICE!” she finally exploded, her bottom lip quivering, the first string of tears falling, uninvited. “You don’t see it! You have absolutely NO choice. If you’re not with Tess, then none of us have a future. You can’t fight what was meant to be, Max. You and I… it can only lead to disaster.”

She dropped to the floor, desperately trying to keep the last strings of control in check. Everything within her was snapping as she quickly gathered up the loose papers and pushed them into a messy stack. She didn’t notice when he bent down, kneeling beside her, grabbing a few in silence. It wasn’t until their hands met on the floor that she looked up, her blurred vision catching his stern expression.

“I… I have to go.”

“Liz, wait,” he reached over, his warm hand grasping her elbow, sending a jold of energy through her system.

“Please, let me go. I can’t. I can’t do this.”

“I still love you,” he bit out quickly, pulling her toward him. They nearly crashed, as her hair came flying around them, their faces near inches apart.

“I know… but don’t.” She struggled to stand up, as she ran toward the window, stuffing wrinkled papers into her pockets.

“Liz,” he whispered, barely audible.

She stopped, turning slowly to the side.

“If you walk away from us this time, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do this again.”

The tears in his voice broke her heart and she couldn’t stop herself when she ran toward his direction and planted her lips on his. She kissed him blindly, as months of hurt and pain melted together, as desire and passion burned, as his hands brought warmth back into her cold body. She never wanted to let go, as she lost herself in him, in the depth of his emotions. She couldn’t breathe, but it suddenly didn’t matter, because she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

They moved like fluid, as she pulled him toward her onto the bed, grabbing at his shirt in desperate need.

“No,” he breathed out, even as she covered his lips with another hot kiss. “Liz, we can’t do this. Not like this.”

She ignored his words of warning, as she ripped at his shirt, trying desperately to lift it above his head.

“Liz,” he said more firmly, grabbing her wrists, even as his eyes explored her with dark desire. “Stop.”

“I need you,” she cried out, leaning forward to kiss him.

“This isn’t how it should be. You’re not in the right frame of mind.”

“Fine,” she snapped, gathering herself together quickly and heading toward the window. She wasn’t sure what was happening but everything was such a blur. Her emotions were out of control, and with every passing second, she was sure she would lose her mind. Before she could make it to the window, she tripped, falling onto her hands and knees, the sound of her sobs suddenly too loud in her own ears. “You want to know the truth?”

She felt Max’s strong arms on her waist as he lifted her off the floor, but she fought him, pulling herself away, and falling back wildly.

“The truth is that if you and I ever had sex, if we ever got married, the whole world would frickin’ end. Can you believe it?” she laughed hysterically, the tears falling in a long streaks. “It’s that impossible. The entire world would just cease to exist. I don’t know about you Max, but one night doesn’t seem worth the lives of 6 billion people.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the future. I’m talking about us. So come on Max, decide. We have this one chance. We can do this and let all those lives rest on our conscience. Or, we can walk away from each other, knowing that despite how much we love each other, we’re not selfish enough to forfeit the future of mankind.”

“Liz, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not,” she laughed again. “How could you?”

“Maybe you should just sit down for a second,” he started slowly, but she’d already headed back out, and this time, she didn’t turn around.

“Goodbye, Max,” she said, and jumped out the window, running down the street in no particular direction.

Sorry guys! lol I'm here, I'm here! I don't know what happened! This week just got away from me. Anyway, here I am! *smooches* Enjoy!

Chapter 13:

Pressed up against the glass
I found myself wanting sympathy
But to be consumed again
Oh I know would be the death of me
And there is a love that’s inherently given
A kind of blindness offered to appease
And in that light of forbidden joy
Oh I know I won’t receive it.
You know if I leave you now
It doesn’t mean that I love you any less
It’s just the state I’m in
I can’t be good to anyone else like this. ~ “Wait”, Sarah McLachlan

Max walked down the streets of Roswell, unsure why they all seemed so suddenly unfamiliar. His entire life was strange to him, a shell of what it once was. He looked up for a moment, as one of the street lights changed, and he didn’t bother to look down the street as he crossed, because the town was as empty as he felt.

He turned down the corner, and stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets, feeling a numbing chill pass through his system. That last confrontation with Liz still had him shaken. The range of emotions that had passed between them was so overwhelming that he nearly broke down. But he’d quickly had to get himself under control, for her sake. He had never seen Liz unravel like that, and it scared him to death.

Whatever she was hiding was eating at her, bit by bit. She was a mess of emotions, and just when he thought she had heard enough, she nearly attacked him. He couldn’t hide the way he felt about her, how his entire body responded to her touch. When she led him onto her bed, he had been tempted to give himself the final moment, because he knew when they awoke, she’d run from him again. But he just couldn’t do it, because the wild rip at his shirt kept reminding him that it wasn’t really Liz. That something had consumed her.

But all that he could deal with. It was the final moments together, when she started spouting insanities about the end of the world and the death of 6 billion people that really did it for him. He was certain at that point that she was certifiably insane. But the fear in her eyes was unmistakable. For some reason, Liz truly believed what she was saying, and it was scaring her.

“Hey you, need a ride?” a light, playful voice said from the side of the road, as he looked up to meet bright blue eyes. He hadn’t heard the red mustang pull up beside him and his face registered his shock.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked, her smile fading, her eyes taking on a worried crease.

“Going for a walk,” he said flatly, as he bit down hard, tightening his jaw.

“It’s pretty cold out here tonight.”

“Yea.”

The silence lingered for a few minutes, and when he looked back up, he could see Tess struggling with some inner thoughts.

“Max, I’m headed toward the store, Want to join me?”

“Sure,” he shrugged, and stepped into the car, unable to look over at her.

The car started back up and he was grateful for the temporary silence, as they drove down the streets of Roswell.

“So,” she started slowly, turning to look at him for a brief moment, and then looking back onto the road. “Know anything about chocolate chip cookies?”

“What?” he asked, finally looking over at her.

“Nothing, I just needed to get your attention. I’ll be getting some chocolate chips and some cookie dough from the store, Kyle and Jim are having a movie marathon tonight.”

“Oh.”

“Gotta feed the sweet tooth,” she said with a smile, genuine happiness shining from her eyes. Max looked at her carefully for a moment, startled by how different she seemed.

“You really seem to be happy at the Valentis.”

“They’re really great. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at home.”

He nodded, realizing just how true it must be. Tess held a glow he’d never seen before, and for the first time since she’d arrived all those months ago, he found himself enjoying her company.

“You and Kyle seem to be getting close.”

He didn’t miss the way her cheeks flushed and a hint of a smile curled on her lips.

“Yea, I guess,” she stated, keeping her eyes glued to the road.

“That’s really great,” Max said, turning his head to look back out the window, and sighing loudly.

“Everything ok?”

“I um… I don’t know,” he finally admitted, sinking into the brown leather seats.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t think it’s anything you really want to hear.”

“Try me,” she said with a smile, and he breathed out deeply, nodding his head in response.

“I think Liz and I are really over. For good.”

He struggled to push the words out, struggled to keep his tears in check. He had never felt more defeated.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” she whispered, her voice dropping sadly.

“I fought with all I had, but I honestly don’t think I have anything left. Everytime I’m around her, it’s like I lose another part of myself. I just… I don’t have anything else to give.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, as Tess slowed down passing by the local grocery store, and then sped up, as if thinking against it.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“There’s a place just outside of town. They have white chocolate chips. I figured we could go there.”

He nodded slowly, realizing she was giving him more time. He couldn’t express just how grateful he really was.

“You know, sometimes,” she started slowly; “there’s only so much you can do, before you have to let things run their course.”

“I feel like my entire world just ended,” he admitted sadly, and looked up when he felt her warm hand on his.

“The feeling will pass,” she said with a small smile. “The world goes on, Max.”

“She was my world.”

They drove in silence, as they passed the city limit sign. The urge to flee Roswell was overwhelming, and he was thankful for the distance, if only for a little while.

“Max,” Tess started slowly, and he turned toward her. “Sometimes, what you think you want, isn’t exactly what you get.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you and Liz have this whole concept of what your relationship should be. Of what it once was. You’ve both changed, and maybe, you both need time to figure yourselves out first, before you’re able to be together again.”

“I guess,” he shrugged, leaning against the seat and closing his eyes to the night.

“Just… don’t give up on her. Don’t lose faith in what you once had. It was strong enough to fight destiny, it should be strong enough to overcome this.”

He winced at her words, looking down uncomfortably.

“Tess, about that…”

“No, don’t. Look, I’m over it. I thought that this was what I wanted, but I’m starting to realize that it’s not. I’m really happy with the Valenti’s, Max, and the four of us being together doesn’t mean we have to be, together. You know?”

Liz’s words suddenly rang through his head. You need Tess. If she leaves, you won’t be strong enough without her.

“So you’re not leaving?”

“Leaving?” she asked, laughing lightly as she looked over. “Were you planning on kicking me out?”

He shook his head quickly and it only served to make her laugh harder.

“No Max, I’m not going anywhere.”

She looked over toward the side of the road and smiled.

“We’re here.”

She parked the car and opened the door, ready to go out.

“Tess?”

“Hm?” she turned around, bending over to face him.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too, Max. Me too.”

A/N: The wait is over my lovelies! I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Sorry for the wait! Life tends to get hectic at times.


Chapter 14:

If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Don’t tell me its too late
Cause I’ve relied on my illusion
to keep me warm at night
and I’ve denied in my capacity to love
but I am willing to give up this fight. ~ “Dirty Little Secret,” Sarah McLachlan

Love. The word itself was something she had come to despise. The very emotion was the source of feelings beyond anyone’s control. Wars had been fought for it, people had died over it, and now, Liz found herself caught in a trap, damned by love she was meant to have, but vowed to let go, which now lingered just beyond her reach, beckoning, tempting.

Each slow step on the concrete echoed in her ears, deafening. Her eyes could barely make out the objects around her as blurred shapes filled the night. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of another window, staring at her terrifying expression. Puffy red eyes stared back, her hair wild and windblown. Her cheeks pale and flushed all at once, streaked with tears. Her nose was red, and she sniffed loudly, trying to gather her breath. She felt as though she could pass out and cease to exist.

She reached up, lifting her fists toward the glass in a pathetic attempt at knocking, but her strength failed her and she fell on top of the glass, as her sobs exploded from deep within her stomach. Each uncontrollable howl was a nightmare to her own ears, and when the windows swung open, she barely realized when she fell into warm arms.

“Liz?” bright blue eyes stared through the layer of tears, and she blinked, releasing them and clearing her warped vision. “Are you ok?” he asked, struggling to pick her up and hold her against him. He watched her carefully, and without a word, she crumbled under his gaze, her arms flying around his neck, as she erupted into a new batch of tears. “Woah, woah, what’s wrong?”

“I… I… can’t.” Each word came out as a muffled cry, and she fought to control her breathing, if only to prevent hyperventilating.

“Liz, you have to take a nice deep breath and then talk. I can’t understand you.”

She took in a shaky breath and nodded against his shoulders, not wanting to let go of him just yet, finding comfort in his arms. She closed her eyes tight, grasping his shirt in her small fists as memories of Max’s arms flashed mercilessly. Warmth, safety, desire. God, what had she done?

“Liz,” Alex whispered softly, as he pulled her arm’s length, his warm eyes exploring her face in nervous anxiety. “Just sit here on the bed. I’m going to go get us some orange sodas and then you can tell me everything.”

He turned to walk away, but her fingers clutched his shirt tight, unwilling, or better yet, unable to let him go.

“I don’t think I can be alone right now,” she finally pushed out, and he nodded, understanding. He walked back toward her, pushing back the wild strands of hair from her face and tucking them behind her ears.

“Is this about Max?” She nodded, sniffing loudly, reaching up and rubbing at her aching eyes. “Liz, I thought things were better between you two, I mean… I saw you guys in Vegas, and there was just… something.”

The mention of Vegas stung like the tip of a cold blade against skin. She closed her eyes, pushing away the immediate image that her mind conjured up of a smokey club, of dancing in his arms, of a long, forbidden drive to Phoenix. It felt like a lifetime ago.

“There was a spark. Despite everything you guys have been through, I could see something there, Liz. You both still love each other, so what is the problem?”

“The problem is that I’ve let things escalate to this point…” she took a deep breath, and plopped down on the bed, tucking her legs beneath her. “I have no idea how to go back.”

“You can’t go back Liz, you just have to move forward.”

Move forward. Everything sounded so simple when stated that way. It was why she loved Alex. Unlike Maria, everything was black and white. And unlike herself, he didn’t overcomplicate things. They either were or they weren’t. And that was really the only thing she understood right at that moment. But could she move forward? Could she still have a version of happily ever after? Whether she was with Max or without him, she was condemned.

“I’ve done a very bad thing, Alex. I’ve lied and fooled a person I love. And I feel completely trapped by my actions.”

“That’s not like you,” he whispered, as he encouraged her to continue, his sky blue eyes holding the promise of understanding and comfort.

“No, it’s not. But I was desperate. I mean, the whole future of the stinking world was lying on my shoulders…”

She saw his confused expression and stopped short, suddenly realizing that Alex didn’t know any of the whole, long, twisted story. She could only laugh. He was so out of the loop. Why did she and Maria insist on leaving him out? Didn’t they realize what a pillar of strength he was?

“This is insane… I can’t believe I’m going to say this…”

“Liz?”

“Alex, a few months ago, a future version of Max came to me and told me that things had to change. That I had to help him and Tess get together or the world would end.”

“A what?”

“But more than that, he said that I had to make him fall out of love with me, so I pretended to sleep with Kyle.”

“You WHAT?!” Alex’s eyes widened as turned away from her, stunned to silence. He jumped from the bed in shock, pacing back and forth. When he finally stopped, he turned wide eyes in her direction, shaking his head, still unable to process it all. “Wow… umm… well that explains the strange tension we’ve had lately.”

He tried to smile, but when it failed, he rushed toward her, sitting beside her again, taking her small hands in his.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t. The only one who knows is Maria, and it was because I had to tell her. I couldn’t afford it getting back to Max.”

“Oh, Liz,” he sighed loudly, taking her back into his arms and holding her tight.

“I’m scared,” she finally admitted against him, as the grip around her heart started to lessen with that simple admission. “I’m scared because I want to love him, because I can’t stop loving him, and because I don’t know if I can deal with the consequences of my feelings. Because a part of me doesn’t care about the future, as long as I can be happy. And that makes me selfish, Alex.”

“No, Liz that makes you human.” He finally pulled back, smiling sadly. “Do you know why God didn’t give us the ability to see the future?”

She shook her head, her brows creased in confusion.

“Because that isn’t our purpose. We’re supposed to live each day as if it were our last.”

“But Alex,” she started to protest, but he hushed her quickly, placing his hand over her lips for a brief moment.

“Forget tomorrow for a second, Liz. Forget the implications of a future that you’ve already changed. And try to focus on the things that haven’t changed. Max still loves you. You haven’t been able to sway his feelings. Maybe THAT’S your purpose.”

“God, I wish you were right.”

“I am right. I’m right about everything.”

She laughed finally, as relief flooded her system. The feeling was so welcome, so fulfilling and it gave her a quick glimmer of hope. Maybe all was not yet lost.

“So…” she started, staring at him, begging for some direction.

“Well, you can sleep here, or you can go home, and first thing in the morning, I suggest you call him.”

“Thank you, Alex,” she smiled, and wrapped her arms around him again, before heading toward the window.

“It’s what I’m here for.”

A/N: I'm here, I'm here! Sorry for how late this is, but this week has been a bit of a roller coaster, and I needed to get myself settled in, before I could get anything done. But here it is!

OH! BTW.... I failed to mention... TWO MORE CHPTS AND we're DONE! LOL. Yes, I know... But it's true! Stay tuned!

Chapter 15:

Turn out the light
Just say goodnight to yourself
May I remind you
When you find you, are all alone
Is when you’ve got to be strong,
That’s when they call you in the night.
Cause my self esteem
It’s been low,
Go ahead and count, it’s been lower than low.
I know the feeling, of you stealing
Life out from under me. ~ “Save Yourself”, SenseField

Somewhere between sleep and reality, Liz heard the sounds of pots knocking together, metal scraping metal. She closed her eyes tight, wanting to ward off the sounds, the streak of light that was shining from the window.

A low grunt escaped her lips and she turned around, bringing the blanket up higher, to cover half of her face. She couldn’t have been sleeping more than five minutes. If that. Her head was still a heavy mess of thoughts, as memories of the night before flickered mercilessly. She moaned, letting her eyes open and stared at the blank ceiling above her bed. She had been so out of control. She had to fix things.

Her parents’ voices drifted from downstairs and she shook her head for a moment, trying to remember how she got back to the CrashDown. It was all pretty much a blur after Alex’s house. But, somehow, she’d made it, and passed out without even changing.

It took a lot of effort, but she pulled herself up and out of bed, taking a few, deep, cleansing breaths. She had to call Max. The thought made her nauseous. What was she even going to say to him? Oh God, she hadn’t even thought about it. She didn’t want to imagine it.

Her cell phone stared at her from her nightstand and she picked it up and dialed, before she could talk herself out of it. Each ring sounded far too loud against her ear, and she cradled her forehead when her temples pounded loudly at her sides.

Come on, she begged, wanting nothing more than to hear his voice. It would at least mean they hadn’t reached a point they could never return from. That maybe he was willing to hear her out. He had to have known that she wasn’t herself. And everything she said… he had to have questions! Stupid, she cursed beneath her breath. Liz, you are just sooo stupid.

When his voice broke through her thoughts, she jumped, her heart nearly leaping out of her chest. But it sank right down to her stomach when she realized it was just his voicemail. Dammit, she nearly cried, and hung up, not sure she would make any sense even if she tried to leave a message.

She would give him a little while. He could still be asleep. Or perhaps, he couldn’t hear his phone. Or worse… he could hate her and never want to speak to her again. Oh God, Maria moment. She was just freaking out. Breathe, Liz.

She looked around, drawing a blank. She would keep herself busy for a little while and then call him back. If he didn’t answer, she would go see him. Yes, that was a good plan.

The shower beckoned, as she went in, trying to wash away all uncertainty. The hot water served to calm her down, but her stomach was still in knots, many minutes later. She got into her uniform and headed down to the main area of the CrashDown, ready to get to work. She hadn’t been this eager to serve in a long time. Misery seemed to stir dedication… for all the wrong things. She sighed, tying on her apron and pushing forward the back door as her eyes took in the breakfast crowd.

It was relatively small, mainly families with children, enjoying each other’s company. But she knew that would soon change, as the Saturday crowd would grow into something fierce.

“Morning sunshine,” Maria said with a smile, as she tossed a rag in her direction. “Alex called me. Am I to understand you had a meltdown and decided not to include me?”

Liz felt a heavy blush reach her cheeks. It sounded so ridiculous out loud. Even now, as the thought back on it, she could only imagine what Max was thinking. She must have scared him half to death.

“Don’t worry chica, I’m not taking it personally.”

“It was just a bad night. Max and I sorta… had it out. And it got pretty ugly, and I think I just reached that breaking point.”

“I’m surprised it took you this long.”

Liz wiped down the counter, nodding her head in agreement and looking over at Maria who was leaning against the divider to the kitchen.

“So what now?”

“I have to call Max, and apologize for making a total jackass out of myself.”

“That bad, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

The sound of the ringing above the door distracted them both, and they looked up just in time to see Alex walking in with a big goofy grin and a paper bag.

“I know it’s still early in the morning. But, I figured, if we were still in bad shape, ice cream would do the trick. So, I’m keeping this in the fridge, and if we need it, it’ll be there.”

Liz laughed, startled that she was capable of it under such circumstances.

“You better stop, Alex. All those things are my job,” Maria threatened playfully, with a raised eyebrow.

“Can’t help it if I’m better at it than you are.”

He sat down, rambling about new ideas for the Whits, as Liz came back and forth, taking orders. Her mind wandered, as she caught bits and pieces of what he said, and then drifted to possible made up scenarios. Various monologues repeated, and she shook her head, knowing that they just wouldn’t work. What could she say to the man whose heart she broke irreparably? How could she right wrongs that she continued to make?

“Right, Liz?” Maria’s voice interrupted her thoughts and Liz looked up, a blank expression covering her features. “Told you she wasn’t listening.”

“Sorry guys…” Liz tried to smile, but it was exhausting. She felt like she needed to go back to sleep, and she’d just woken up! Her eyes glanced down at the watch on her wrist and she sighed loudly. “I’ll be back, I just have to go make a quick phone call.”

She headed into the back room, and searched for his name in the address book. The three little letters stared back at her, mocking, daring her to press SEND. Her fingers trembled against the keys and she pressed down, forcing herself to face the music.

Again, the sound of ringing echoed on the other line, long, loud, and terrifying.

“Answer,” she whispered more to herself than to him, “please answer.”

A thud sounded behind her, and she turned around quickly, as Maria leaned in to the swinging door.

“Hey, we’ve got company.”

Liz’s heart beat hard and she swallowed, trying to keep it down in her chest. She nodded, sensitive to everything around her, and followed Maria out into the dining hall. Isabel and Michael sat at the usual booth, unusual smiles covering their faces.

“Hey guys,” she said, resisting the urge to run toward them. She looked around, but Max wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Part of her took a heavy breath. The other part lingered on disappointment. Maybe it was better this way, she thought, seeing him would probably only make things worse. The phone was much safer.

“Hey Liz,” Isabel smiled wide, as her eyes drifted toward Alex, sitting on the counter. “Where’s my brother?”

Something in Isabel’s voice was playful, as if she expected a coy answer in return. Liz couldn’t help the way her brows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“He must have left early if he beat us here.”

“He’s not here,” Liz said too quickly, and then stopped, as Isabel’s smile faded. They stared at each other for a long moment and an uncomfortable silence built between them.

“He didn’t come here?” Isabel finally forced out, puzzled. Michael sat uncomfortably in his seat, and reached up to run a frustrated hand over his face.

“Didn’t we agree to meet here for breakfast today?” he snapped, and Isabel nodded mutely, simply shrugging in response.

“When did he say that?” Liz asked suddenly, and both sets of brown eyes pierced through her, waiting, expecting. “I just…” she swallowed hard, hoping that her intense blush wasn’t obvious. “We sort of had a fight… an argument, thing. Maybe he just changed his mind.”

“No, he would have told us,” Isabel said, dismissing the possibility. “Maybe he’s just late.”

“Right…” Liz said, even as Isabel nervously twirled the ends of her hair. Her demeanor betrayed that something else was going on. Something she didn’t know about. After she took their orders, she turned around, walking toward the kitchen, not missing the hushed whispers behind her.

The bell above the CrashDown door rang loudly and she turned in time to see Kyle Valenti walk in, a frown covering his face, tired bags under his eyes.

“Morning,” he grunted, as he placed himself on a stool by the counter.

“You look awful,” Alex said as he spun toward him, taking a sip of his nearly complete orange soda, leaving behind a loud gurgling sound.

“As do you,” he retorted with biting sarcasm.

Liz listened from a distance, leaning against the divider of the kitchen, placing her order on the wheel. She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to drum out the nagging feeling that lingered just beneath the surface. Something was off, it didn’t feel right. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it kept bothering her, making her stomach turn in unrelenting circles.

“You ok?”

“I stayed up late last night, waiting for Tess to bring home some damn cookies, and nothing. Both movies ended and I fell asleep and she hadn’t brought them home yet. I called her before I passed out; she just said something about Max….”

Liz’s eyes flew open at the mention of his name. Everything froze and then proceeded to moved in slow motion.

“Max?”

Her voice sounded more like a croak, and she swallowed hard, even as her eyes watered from the lack of air.

“Yea, guess she found him on the side of the road or something,” he said as he turned toward her for a moment, and then spun back around to face Alex. “But anyway, I don’t even know if she made it home or not. Thought maybe she stayed with someone or something. Figured I’d come here to find her…”

The world faded to black as Liz felt her knees crumble beneath her. Reality ceased to exist. There was nothing but a numbing pain through all her limbs. Her chest was tight, her heart beating wildly, her chest aching so hard, she thought it bled. She practically fell onto one of the seats beside him, trying to make sense of the sudden wave of nausea crawling through her.

“Guess she’s not here either.”

“Guess not,” Alex chirped in, “I haven’t seen her.”

“Let me try and call her again.”

“Kyle, hey, when’d you get here?” Maria said with a smile, as she placed a glass of water in front of him. Her blue eyes drifted over toward Liz and she stopped, a concerned look covering her face. “You ok babe? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Fine,” she forced out, even as she covered her mouth, forcing herself to take deep, even breaths. A sudden, unwarranted image flashed through her mind of a rainy night, outside the CrashDown, of dripping hair crashing into a passionate kiss. She gagged, and covered her mouth tighter, to prevent the panic from exploding.

“Dammit, this girl needs to get a new cell phone.” Kyle flipped his phone closed and picked up a menu. “So, what’s good this morning?”

Something within Liz clicked. The image of the lovers’ card flashed through her mind, the vision of a wedding that was never meant to be. Max’s angry kiss, Phoenix, their final confrontation… all of it collapsed into a slew of images and emotions that had Liz bending over in pain.

“Liz?” Kyle asked, a worried hint in his voice.

“Oh God,” She stumbled out of her seat, rushing toward the back door, and collapsing onto the ground when she got there, crawling on her hands and knees toward a bathroom that felt like it was too far away.

A strong hand grabbed her arm, and pulled her up, as brown eyes crashed with worried blue ones.

“Hey, talk to me,” Kyle pleaded. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I’m going to be sick,” she managed to push out, despite her dry mouth, and the awful burn in her throat.

“Was it something you ate?” Alex asked as he came up on her other side, helping her stand. “Did you even eat?”

She stared at him blankly and he shook his head in disappointment, sitting her on the couch.

“I thought you woke up ok this morning…” he started slowly.

“Wait, what happened?” Kyle looked between the both of them, confused and wanting answers.

“Max…” he started, and Kyle simply nodded, understanding.

“Was it something I said?” he asked suddenly, his blue eyes full of worry. “Because I didn’t mean to imply that they were… I mean… I just thought it was weird that she wasn’t home, but I bet that it’s just cause…”

“Stop it,” she snapped, turning burning eyes in his direction. “I’m not a child, I can handle the truth.”

“What are you talking about? I never said you were a child.” Kyle stepped back, as Maria walked over, slamming the door open pushing toward them.

“Liz, what is going on?” Maria interrupted, as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I have to go. I need some air.”

“Woah, what? What about your shift?”

“I can’t! I can’t…” Liz kept repeating, as her dream slowly warped within her mind, the sick image of herself fading out of her wedding dress, replaced by blonde hair and blue eyes.

“LIZ! Get. A. Grip.” Maria shook her shoulders, her eyes begging her to let it go, begging to let her in.

“I’m leaving.” Liz said with such finality that the four of them stopped and stared at each other for a few long, excruciating moments. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t be here right now.”

She stood up, pushing past them toward her locker, as she removed her antennas and apron and tossed them inside.

“This isn’t a good idea. You shouldn’t be out alone when you’re like this,” Maria was biting on her nails nervously, looking to the guys for support.

“You can’t keep running away from things. It doesn’t make your problems go away,” Kyle said, and she stopped, as his words weighed on her shoulders.

“This is how it has to be,” Liz said slowly, each word carefully articulated, forced and yet, still incredibly weak. “I made my bed, now I have to lie in it.”

“Wait,” Maria said quickly, running toward her locker and pulling out small box. “When I was in your room, I put this together. I was going to give it to you today, because… well I just think you should look at that before you do anything you’re going to regret.”

Liz stared down at the small, stationary sized box in her hands. Her eyes drifted toward a metal object hanging in the locker, a small sparkle bouncing off of it from the light. She looked back toward Maria and nodded, reaching over and hugging her tight, as her hand came up slowly and she grabbed the set of keys, squeezing them tightly in her hand to prevent them from making noise.

“What are you planning to do? Where are you even going to go?” Alex asked in frustration, running a worried hand through his hair.

“I have to finish this,” she finally realized, nodding her head softly. “Because although my mind knows that this is the way it has to be, my heart is having a hard time believing it.”

She reached the door and didn’t turn back, as she headed out into the bright day, overwhelmed by the way her body shivered. Everything felt cold, lifeless.

She looked down at the keys she held in one hand and sighed. She would return Maria’s car. For now, her soul was taking her in one very clear direction. As she stepped into the car, she threw the box on the passenger seat beside her, startled when it flew open, revealing pictures and papers that came flying out.

She leaned over and picked up what looked like a card, and as she turned it, her eyes filled with tears. A silly cartoon heart was on the cover, and when she opened it, Max’s handwriting filled the inside.

Her eyes fell onto a sentence that stuck out, as if screaming at her above all the rest.

Because my entire life, all I’ve ever known, is what it feels like to love you.

She cursed loudly, slamming her hands against the steering wheel. She couldn’t be here, in this place that harbored such painful, bittersweet memories.

She stepped on the pedal hard and headed toward the highway, wanting the freeness of the open road to surround her.

Chapter 16:

Our road is long
Your hope is strong
Please don’t ever let go, oh no.
I know I don’t know you
But I want you so bad.
Everyone has a secret
Oh, can they keep it?
Oh, no they can’t. ~ “Secret”, Maroon 5.

Every half hour, a new group of giggling lovers would pass by, streaked in gowns of various colors, and whispering secrets of undying affection. The speakers played a variety of love tunes, which seemed to repeat every hour or so, and with each new pronouncement of man and wife, Max thought he would likely disappear. Or at least he wished he would.

He sat in the back of the small chapel, his eyes taking every inch in, memorizing its corners and crevices, letting his heart indulge in the vivid emotions that were coursing through him. He had no right to be there, to be enjoying the pure extent of his misery the way he was, but something about this place called to him, and soothed him in ways being in Roswell didn’t.

Every once in a while, he would see her, dressed in white, her big brown eyes staring into his adoringly, the way she used to. His mind would fill in the gaps, as he led her to their room in Phoenix, and he drank his fill of her love, never fully sated.

In those daydreams he possessed her in ways he wished he had that night, so long ago. When her small hands traveled the expanse of his chest, shivering with need, her eyes burning with desire. Every inch of him had been on fire, every emotion had roared to life, consuming him, making him feel more human than ever. She was his only thought, his only concern for days.

“You alright?” the female voice beside him asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. He nodded slowly, afraid to look over, afraid that all of his regrets would be clearly visible in his eyes.

But her hand touched his shoulder softly, and his eyes were drawn up, to meet eyes as blue and deep as the very ocean. She held compassion in her eyes, and something more. The white dress that hugged her curves enhanced her pale skin, the freckles over chest glimmering with the sparkling powder that brushed her shoulders.

“Yea,” he breathed out, trying to sound certain, but failing miserably.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” she asked carefully, examining his face.

“No, yea, I’m sure,” he stumbled over his words, but stood up slowly, nodding his head.

“Thank you,” she said with a wide smile, her bouncing curls covering her delicate face.

He couldn’t help the way his lips curled up into a smile as he bent his elbow in her direction, and she linked her arm with his.

“My father is going to kill me,” she said with a small giggle.

Max looked over, meeting her face head on, examining the spread of soft brown freckles over her nose and cheeks.

“Why isn’t he here?” he couldn’t help but ask.

“Because he doesn’t approve,” she said softly, “he thinks I’m too young.”

“Maybe he’s right,” he breathed out, before he could stop himself, and then cursed under his breath at his insensitivity. “Sorry.”

“Hmm… age is just a number. You can’t put a number on true love. If you feel a certain way, you know it’ll be forever. That nothing, no matter how awful can change that.”

“People change,” Max started slowly, breathing in deep. “They realize they want different things.”

“Perhaps,” she said, with no anger or frustration in her voice. “But they also grow. And people can grow together.”

“People can also grow apart.”

She turned her eyes in his direction, looking at him with such intense examination that he had to turn his own eyes away.

“You’re a real mystery, Max. Why then, if you’re so pessimistic about marriage, are you sitting here in this chapel?”

“Because you needed someone to give you away,” he said with a weak smile, before they headed toward the smiling Elvis. Her eyes watered when her soon to be husband smiled wide, looking at her with open adoration. Max felt a twinge of jealousy, knowing that it was something he could never have. After the short ceremony, he signed as a witness, and wished them both a happy life. Before they ran off in marital bliss, she hugged him tight, whispering into his ear.

“If you still love her, then nothing that has happened between you both will change that,” she pulled back, a wide smile covering her face, and she kissed him softly on the cheek, handing him her bouquet. “Go find her.”

He stared down at the bundle of white roses and his stomach jumped for a moment, a strange flutter of butterflies filling within him.

“Take care, Serena,” he said with a pensive expression on his face. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Same here,” she said brightly, placing her hand in her husband’s and winking playfully. “Maybe we’ll stop by Roswell, New Mexico sometime.”

He nodded and waved them off, plopping himself back into the empty pew in the back of the chapel, staring down at the bouquet. The memory of Liz’s desperate kiss was lingering on his lips, her wild words echoing in his memory. There was so much he didn’t understand. All he knew was that Liz was convinced Tess could never leave them, for the sake of their survival, and that although she still loved him, he was not allowed to love her in return. Of course, she failed to understand that Max didn’t know how to NOT love her. That loving her was as natural as blinking, breathing.

So here he was, alone, in a chapel that represented everything he wanted with every fiber of his being, everything that fate and time itself deemed his, but that he would never own. He picked at a few of the petals, remembering for a moment how much Liz loved white roses.

Are you happy?

I didn’t know what happy was until this very moment…

The words startled him, and he looked up, his eyes roaming the room, even as he realized that they were his, a fragment of a moment never achieved, but that felt more real than anything he could imagine.

He breathed out heavy and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes against the haunting images. He needed direction. Guidance. Something to tell him what do to next, because he honestly had no idea where to go from here.

And then, like a sign from God, the doors stormed open and he heard the desperate pants of breathing whoosh beside him. His eyes shot open as wild brown hair swirled over her face, and big brown eyes looked up to the ceiling in pleading. She looked like a lost soul, seeking sanctuary, completely out of place in the bright chapel. And time froze, as lives crashed together, memories he never made swirling through his mind vividly, emotions filling him so deeply, he wanted to cry out. Passion, the color of her skin under candle light, the taste of her kisses, the sound of her laughter first thing in the morning. Pain, the loss of lives, of family, of friends. Destruction. Happiness, smiles, whispered secrets, each touch of their hands.

She turned toward him, and their eyes met unexpectedly across the room, as his body burned, calling to hers. She walked in his direction, each step like slow torture, every second passing like an eternity. He could barely breathe, as his chest heaved up and down, and his eyes drunk her in. He wasn’t sure she was real, and for a moment, thought he had summoned her with his very mind.

But he stood when she reached him, and when her eyes looked up at him, he couldn’t help the way his hand drifted to her arm, needing to touch her, needing to verify his fears. And all he felt was warm flesh, an electrical current that zipped through his body, and a sudden wave of regret and desire all rolled into one. Her breath brushed his face and he sighed, trembling.

“Max…”

A/N: Well, what can I say? Here it is. The end. You have all been very brave, sticking through this awful ride. *lol* And I hope it has been all you imagined, all you bargained for. How does one move on, after you've hit rock bottom? There is only one way to go... and that's up. So, here is the beginning of a long healing process....

Comments on your comments to follow.

Chapter 17:

I’ll always remember,
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended so soon.
You were all by yourself,
Staring up at a dark, grey sky,
I … was… changed.
In places no one will find
All your feelings so deep inside,
Was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes;
The moment I saw you cry. ~ “Cry”, Mandy Moore

“Max…”

It was soft, breathless, like a prayer to the wind.

But her eyes betrayed the panic within as big, brown depths were weighed down by regret and desperation at the very sight of him.

“Liz…” he whispered in return, taking a careful step toward her, his eyes roaming her face, as traces of who she used to be lingered in the shadows of her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

She stared up at him in confusion.

“What am I doing here? Max, what are you doing here?”

He shrugged, stuffing his hands nervously in his pockets, not knowing what to say. She was standing so close, he wanted to reach out and touch her, to soften the harsh lines of her creased brows, to pat down the wild strands of her hair and let it run through his fingers. He remembered what it felt like, thick and silky against his skin.

“Where’s Tess?” she blurted out suddenly, breaking their silence as she looked around the small chapel, leaning over to look behind him at the empty pews.

“Tess?” He looked behind him, searching the empty space, wondering in confusion why Liz would possibly come searching for Tess at the Elvis Chapel in Vegas.

“Yes.” Her voice was snappy, as she crossed her arms over her chest in expectation, a small puff of breath escaping her lips. Frustration was written all over her features, as if they were playing a game he should have known, but that he continued to fail.

They stared at each other for a few intense moments, fire burning between them, both too close to breaking, and too stubborn to give in. Max finally shook his head, running a weary hand through his hair.

“Why would Tess be here?”

“Weren’t you with her last night?”

Another long silence. His eyes roamed her face, and her jaw twitched, as she pulled her eyes away from his uncomfortably. He was looking for something in her expression, anything to give him a sign of what she was thinking, because he couldn’t for one second follow her logic.

“Yea, I spoke to her, we rode together for a while,” he shook his head, wondering how it was relevant, shrugging his shoulders in disbelief. “I needed to clear my head… after everything you said to me, I just… ”

“Wait,” she broke in quickly, shaking her head desperately, and holding up her hand to stop him. “Look, it doesn’t matter. This is the way it should be, both of you… together. I’m happy that you’ve finally figured it out.”

She turned to walk away and before he could think, instinct took over, as he reached out, his fingers wrapping around her slender elbow, pulling her toward him. They stood frozen, as something between both of them exploded, her eyes jumping between his hand and his eyes. He let go of her slowly, taking a step back, cursing under his breath. What was he doing? Didn’t she make it clear what she wanted from him? Why did he keep pushing when there was obviously nothing left to fight for?

“Because I can’t stop…” he whispered, more to himself than anything else. Her gaze burned a slow heat into his cheeks, and when he finally looked up to meet her face, a question hung in her eyes.

“What was that?” she finally asked. And for a moment, he thought of what to say, if there were any words that would win her over, change her mind. And just as briefly, the moment passed. He wouldn’t. It was too exhausting.

“Nothing,” he finally said, on a whispered breath. “I just… I wanted you to know that I’ll never forget what it felt like to be with you, and I’ll always relate what it felt like to be human with being in your arms.”

“Max, please…” she tried to interrupt, but this time, he held out his hand, letting his finger linger far too close to her lips. Lips he’d kissed so many times, but which now seemed so foreign.

“Please let me finish.”

She nodded slowly, and he swallowed hard.

“You once said that you wrote down what it was like, so that years from now, you’d know what it was supposed to feel like. For me, the memory of us will always be my anchor, my connection to this life, to this Earth. And… it’ll last me a lifetime. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is… thank you.”

The entire room weighed down on him, as her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears. He wondered if she was having as much trouble breathing as he was, and with his final ounce of strength, he leaned forward, whispering against her ear.

“Goodbye, Liz.”

He let his lips brush her cheek lightly and then gathered all of his restraint, to pull back, unable to look into her eyes that final time. She turned around slowly, and walked away, out the double doors of the chapel.

He fell back onto one of the white pews, and released a heavy breath, as tears gathered in his eyes. His hands were shaking violently at his sides, and he slammed the chair before him, even as he lost the last bit of control. For the first time in his life, he wished he’d never fallen in love with Liz Parker.

<center>***</center>

She opened her eyes slowly, as the feel of his fingers on her skin sent spurts of energy throughout her body.

“What are you doing?” she whispered, her voice groggy from sleep. She looked into his eyes, startled by the intense sadness that lingered there. Something in her stomach turned, and she swallowed hard, willing away the sudden lump that threatened to spill into uncontrollable sobs. “Max?”

“Do you ever wish we could go back?” he asked suddenly, his eyes trailing her naked skin, hesitant to meet her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Back to that night… the first night.”

She got up on her elbow, propping her hand beneath her cheek, holding herself up to look at him carefully. He slowly brought his eyes toward hers, and the minute they met, the doubt that lingered there broke her heart.

“Every day that I have lived with you has been… nothing short of magical. Max, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

“Liz…” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t save you.”

She reached for his chin, bringing tearful eyes up to meet hers.

“In a few hours, everything we’ve had, it’ll just disappear. Liz, the thought of not loving you… it scares me.”

Liz felt her own tears start to fall down her cheeks, and she leaned forward, placing a soft kiss against his lips. She traced her fingers against his skin, memorizing the stubble on his chin, the scar on his cheek, the curve of his jaw. She never wanted to forget him in this moment, so vulnerable and open, so far from the warrior he’d become. For a moment, he was just her Max again, young and innocent, and worried about nothing but their love.

“Max, I have to believe, somewhere in my heart, that you and I, despite everything, will find each other again. Because I can’t believe that what I feel for you, that what we’ve had… I just won’t believe it. We belong together. Forget destiny, forget what should have been. Just, never forget how you felt at this moment, and I promise you, that I will be waiting for you, right here, on the other side.”

Liz froze as the doors to the chapel shut behind her. The images were so vivid in her mind, that she wasn’t sure that what she’d seen hadn’t actually just happened. She could feel Max’s fingers tracing her skin, his soft lips against her own, the intense sadness that mirrored what she’d felt just moments before. She’d lost him, once, in that other life. She’d let him go, trusting that it was for the best. And here she was, making the same mistake, trusting he would be strong enough to come back to her.

God, what had she done? He never once faltered in his faith in her, never once forgotten everything they’d shared. He did exactly what she’d asked him to.

Never forget how you felt at this moment, and I promise you, that I will be waiting for you, right here, on the other side.

The other side. She looked behind her as the skies opened, releasing torrential rain that slammed against her hot skin and through her thick hair. He was there. Right on the other side of that door. Suddenly, she realized she couldn’t breathe.

Everything they’d been through, every scream, every tear, had led them to this moment. To this decision. Her tears mixed with the rain, as she blinked, staring at the double doors in disbelief.

I will be waiting for you, right here, on the other side.

She could feel the current of electricity flowing through the air. Vegas was alive, and it was calling to her, screaming at her to listen to what it was saying.

Then, it was like she was drowning, as every memory of that old life slammed into her so hard, it literally took her breath away. She held on to the wall beside her, to keep herself up, as years worth of love and intimacy flashed through her mind. Whispers of what was and what could have been brought sobs to her lips, and she breathed deeply, to control the overwhelming surge of emotions within her.

But the brightest moment was the very last, as the double doors she had just been looking at opened, and she walked down the aisle, Max beside her, his hand wrapped tightly in her own. They stood in front of the chapel, smiling from ear to ear, their eyes devouring each other. And when Elvis finally told him to kiss the bride, she closed her eyes and fell into him, never to come back up for air.

“Oh God,” she pushed out, as the reality of this world crashed around her. It all suddenly made sense. From the moment they’d stepped into Vegas, something had been incredibly strong, overwhelming. Now, she understood. Time itself was fulfilling a promise she made in another life, bringing her back to him.


EPILOGUE:

Max looked over, as the doors swung open with a hard swoosh, and then slammed against the walls. The sound of thunder roared outside, and he could hear the sound of the rain slamming against the roof.

But his breath caught in his chest when Liz rushed in, dripping wet, her cheeks flushed and her nose red from what he could only imagine were her tears.

“Don’t say anything,” she pushed, out of breath, walking toward him slowly, each drop of water falling off her and dripping hard against the floor. “Just… just let me say something.”

He nodded, unable to stand, too shocked to think clearly. All he could do was stare at her, as she pushed wet strands from her face, tears falling in waterfalls down her face, every part of her body shaking.

“I know that I made some really big mistakes. I lied to you, I hurt you,” she said, as her voice started to thin, stretching sadly, struggling to remain in control. “And more than anything else, I didn’t trust us. I didn’t have enough faith in us. And I’m sorry. And I don’t expect for things to just be perfect again, I don’t. But Max, I just… I love you. I love you and I can’t live this life or any other life not loving you.”

He was frozen in place, unable to pull his eyes away, as she shifted her weight nervously from foot to foot. The silence between them stretched for what felt like an eternity, as her eyes darted around the room, and then came back to meet his. She held a sort of expectation on her face, and he was struggling to figure out what it was she wanted.

“Say something, please,” she begged, finally snapping him back to reality.

“What…?” he asked, his voice breaking, his jaw tightening in anger. “What the hell do you expect me to say?” He finally stood up, fueled by his adrenaline, as he paced within the small space between pews. “I gave you the chance, Liz, and you walked away! WHAT do you WANT me to do?”

“I know,” she cried desperately, taking another step toward him, reaching her hand out to him. When he felt her small fingers against his shoulder, his entire body turned in her direction, reacting violently to her presence. But he held back, holding himself down.

“What do you want, Liz?” he said each word carefully, even as his heart started beating wildly in his chest. When she finally closed the distance between them, and reached up, letting her hand cup his face, it took all of his strength not to crumble under her touch and let himself fall all over again. “I won’t be hurt again,” he warned, his voice throaty and deep.

“I don’t expect you to just trust me. I know I don’t deserve it.”

She looked at him earnestly, never taking her hand away from his face, sending small shivers through him with her slender fingers.

“What changed your mind?” he asked suddenly, wanting to know. Needing to know.

“It was all real,” she finally said, as she traced the line of jaw, letting her fingers linger over his chin and then dropping her hand. “Everything, the wedding, Phoenix. It was all real. You felt it because it really happened, just not here. Not now.”

“I’m not crazy,” he said with a wide-eyed shake of his head. She smiled sadly, shaking her head in response.

“No. You’re not crazy. I saw them too…”

“Then why? I mean… how?”

“I…” her eyes suddenly filled with guilt, and she looked down, away from him, carefully examining the floor. “I took it all away from us, and I understand now that I had no right to. But I did it because I felt I had no choice. Because I rather be unhappy than know that I sacrificed your life, and that of everyone we cared about.”

“What… what are you talking about?” Max asked frustrated, expelling a heavy breath, turning his face away from her.

“I’ll explain everything, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

“In return for what?”

He finally turned back toward her, and she stood right before him, a hair away, her eyes open and honest for the first time in months, her nose nearly touching his own. His eyes drifted from hers to her lips and then back up, as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Your heart.”

“And that’s it?” he asked, with a laugh of disbelief. “You expect me to just open my arms and let you back in? After everything?”

“No, of course not.” She shook her head, as her hair swayed from side to side against him, making him close his eyes, taking in her scent.

“It isn’t going to be easy to trust you again, Liz. You have to know that.”

“I do.”

They stood there, quiet and lost in thought, unable to take their eyes off of each other.

“I can’t do this again, Liz,” he finally said with a long, exhaled breath.

He hated the sound of his voice. Quiet. Defeated. He knew she could hear it. He sensed it in the way she took another step in his direction, her wet body shivering against him, seeking his heat.

“Give me just one night, Max. Just one. And I’ll tell you everything. Answer all of your questions. And…” her eyes drifted back toward his face, and she leaned in closer, her breath warm against his face. “Then you can decide what you want to do.”

“Liz…” he fought for his control, as his eyes drifted toward her lips.

“Don’t trust me, Max. Trust you heart. It’s what I should’ve done from the very beginning.”

He leaned down, and his lips softly grazed hers, sending a shiver through his body. Memories of laughs and tears flashed behind his lids, and he pressed his eyes closed tighter, to embrace them. Many of them were of their past. But some of them were new, memories of a future he was curious to explore. Maybe he and Liz weren’t beyond saving.

“Vegas is giving us a second chance, Max. If we don’t take it now… we may never get another.”

He shook his head, grabbing his coat from his seat as she moved back into the aisle, making room for him to leave. He took a few long steps toward the doors and stopped, looking back over his shoulder. Liz stood, her hands clasped together in front of her, her hair still dripping beside her, and her eyes looking down sadly.

“One night,” she looked up suddenly at the sound of his words. He extended his hand and she nodded her head, taking a cautious step in his direction. “I don’t make any promises.”

He knew she understood, she expressed it in a final, slow nod. She stared at him for a brief moment, her eyes drifting between his hand and his eyes, until he finally extended it further and she moved forward, placing her hand in his. A whisper drifted in the air between them.

I do.

They held each other’s hands firmly, seeking comfort in the lives they’d built and shattered, and walked out into the vibrant Vegas night. The magic drifted around them, and they looked up, to meet each other’s eyes a final time. Forgiveness and hope lingered there, as they both resolved to try again.

THE END.