Roswell Fanatics

My thanks and gratitude to the following for their comments:

Lurkers
Alien614 – many thanks as always
Heavenli24 – thanks, chica!
Earth2Mama – thanks
Dreamsatnight - thank you for everything.
Asabetha – thank you!
MiY – Thanks for the “true north” comments, I’m glad you liked it!
Lorastar – lol you make me laugh every day. Love ya!
L-J-L 76 – thanks!
Maya – welcome home! Thank you so much!
Augustus Snodgrass (x2) – love that sn! Welcome!
Spray (x2) – words just don’t cover it. Thank you, so much.
Cocogurl – Yeah, the new computer thing didn’t happen, so looks like you and I are in the same boat. Thank you
Morning Dreamgirl – Here for you is … the scene inside Liz’s bedroom. No, haven’t had to use the chapterette strategy at this story yet (I’m never gonna live that down, am I?)

Morning Dreamgirl wrote: I loved that Liz was his only 'true north'. That part made me smile and go "Aw!"

Thanks!
Thetvgeneral – have you left feedback before? Welcome! Sadly, there is no new computer, but Norman’s still got a beating heart … most of the time.
Scottie – thank you! I was actually kinda nervous about writing the sensitive candy scene, since I kept thinking it sounded like an M/L scene with the wrong names.
Beautiful86 -

Beautiful86 wrote:now you're just being mean. No I take that back. You're just showing off!!!

Me? A show-off? Never.
DMB – It all works out in my evil little brain … you didn’t really think I’d make Max unable to touch Liz, did you?
Zanssoulmate08 – I’m glad you’re back! I’ve missed you! Thanks for all your lovely comments. “Smack the gerbil’s head off?” Now that’s just a tad much … okay, maybe not.
Angel eyes – Welcome! Thanks for coming out of lurkdom! I’m v. glad you like it so far.
Behrluv32 – your “teaser” chapter has sicced (sp? Past tense of “sic”) Zanity on my case – he’s convinced it’s payback for the chapterette.
Dreamerfrvrp3 – one of these days I’m going to force you to choose which fic you like better, this or ES&L.



This chapter is dedicated to Sprayadhesive and Behrluv32.

Some lines taken from "Max In The City.' There's also a tiny little homage to 'End Of The World'. The song 'Let Me Let Go' is sung by Faith Hill and Vince Gill.

It’s a little confusing because a line from the song will be within the connection, so all italics will be thoughts and connections between our dreamers, and all bold italics will be the song.


The Butterfly Loss

Chapter 10 – Let Me Let Go


I thought it was over baby

The natural light flowed into the room like a river, bathing everything it touched with turquoise. As Max looked down at Liz, even though her skin was pale and clammy from over a day's worth of fever, he could have sworn the light made her glow.

We said our goodbyes

It was Liz who spoke first with a dry mouth and hooded eyes. "What …what day is it?"

"It's Sunday morning," Max answered softly.

But I can't go a day without your face

"Sunday?" Liz's eyes went wide with fear and worry. "My parents …"

"Shh," Max urged her, "they won't be back for a while. The sun's not even up yet. Look."

Going through my mind

Liz turned her head to the window and saw that he was right. She closed her eyes and sunk in the feeling of this day. The last few days, the very air had been so heavy, but now there was the relief and sanctuary she had been craving all around her. Hope shone through like the dawn after the agony of the last several days and the dull ache of the weeks and even months before that. She still had a slight headache but her stomach was calmer. The green currents that had been a constant companion ever since Wednesday hadn't yet made an appearance, and the usual pain that accompanied them had been replaced by something else. It was as if her skin, her blood, her bones, were all at a heightened awareness because of Max's presence. Even though her eyes were closed and they weren't touching, she could feel him there with her. She felt her soul and body at once soothed by his closeness and yet aching, not with pain, but with the knowledge that it wasn't enough.

In fact not a single minute

The sound of Max softly calling her name caused her to open her eyes and turn back to him again.

"What happened, Liz?" Liz didn't really know what to say to that, only partly because she wasn't entirely certain herself. Max tried another approach. "How long have you been …?"

Passes without you in it

"Tuesday," Liz whispered.

Tuesday. But he had only left on Monday! Was it his fault? It seemed a little strange that she would only start to show any signs of this … whatever it was after he left, especially after the things he'd said to her before he'd gone. If her being in danger had shown him anything, it was that none of those things he'd said were true. He thought they were at the time, but he'd really only ended up hurting both of them. And it was Liz who had suffered the most for it.

"What happened on Tuesday?"

Your voice, your touch,

"I … I woke up thinking about what you said." They both knew she was talking about the things he'd told her on Monday. "I put my hand on the nightstand and sat up, and when I opened my eyes, I saw this." Slowly, carefully, Liz hoisted herself up enough to reach over to the nightstand. She opened up the top drawer and pulled out the green glass blob. He took it from her and examined it. "I didn't know how it happened. I didn't really think about it at the time, but I think …"

"You think you did it," he finished for her, meeting her eyes.

"Yeah."

Max put the deformed candleholder on the floor and turned back to Liz. She took that as her cue to continue.

"Then I kind of … blew up a trash bag downstairs. Maria and I were arguing."

"About me?"

Memories of your love

Liz opened her mouth to say "About me and Kyle," but stopped herself, thinking that bringing up Kyle in that way would probably ruin the foundation they were rebuilding. So she simply said, "About me," figuring it wasn't really a lie anyway. "I had a little headache that time."

Are with me all of the time

"What else?"

"I burst the pipes for the water fountain in front of city hall because I was upset. And I … broke the front window of McPhee's Pharmacy." She looked down. The more she told him, the better she felt. "The pain got worse every time."

Let me let go, baby

Max nodded silently and waited for her to go on. "The next day Kyle and Maria were talking about the window, and I got scared. I hadn't told them about it. That's when it started to get really bad. But it went away after only a few minutes. I thought I was okay."

"Why didn't you say anything? To Isabel or Michael?"

She looked back up at him again. She swallowed deeply, but said nothing. Max nodded once, slowly, in understanding. They hadn't been too nice to Liz since the rumor broke about her and Kyle. Though neither of them had asked him directly if he knew about it, they'd both abruptly stopped mentioning her name in his presence and always suggested some place besides the Crashdown to hang out. They probably knew he'd known something because of how withdrawn he'd been, even more so than usual, ever since Copper Summit. They didn't speak a word, but their eyes communicated everything the other needed to know.

Let me let go

Max took a deep breath before asking her to tell him about what happened when she and Isabel were dream-walking him.

"I could feel the pain building up again. After I saw that … you were safe, it just … it hurt so much. I just remember it hurt. I don't … I don't really know what happened after that. I'm not even sure how I got up here."

If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart,

"Michael carried you," Max told her. "He and Isabel have been here ever since. Kyle and Maria are here, too."

"Ava?" Liz asked.

"She's out there."

Oh you're still in my soul

Liz inhaled deeply. "She said it's … it's because you healed me. Last year."

"I know. I'm so sorry, Liz.

"I'm not," Liz said resolutely but quietly. "Max, there hasn't been a single moment where I've wished that you hadn't saved me. I don't have any regrets about that, Max."

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Me, either." Liz started to cry quietly, because she knew that all she'd done for a long time now was hurt him, and herself by extension. She maintained her eye contact with him as a tear crept from the corner of her eye.

Let me let go

A warm peace began to slowly radiate through her body, starting from her hands and spreading out from there. Liz broke her staring contest with Max to look down at her hands. She saw them firmly encased within Max's. When had that happened? All she could remember from the last couple of days was that it hurt whenever anyone had touched her, but now she felt nothing but comfort and serenity, and it was strongest where her skin met Max's. That contact was like water to someone coming out of the desert. It was beautiful. It was peace. It was home.

Max followed her gaze to their hands. He'd been so careful not to touch her when he first entered the room. Still somehow, unknowingly, during their conversation they had reached for each other. Now that they were touching, Max wasn't ready to let go any time soon. How sad was it that he couldn't remember the last time he'd touched her skin? He looked back at her face – she didn't seem to be in any pain from his touch. He wondered for a brief moment if he could heal her, and the hope entailed in that thought caused him to grip her hands tighter.

I talked to you the other day

Feeling him squeeze her hands, she looked back up at him.

"Liz," he began, "I … I want to try something."

Looks like you've made your escape

"What?"

"I want to try to heal you … to see if I can. I don't want you to have to be in pain because of me."

You've put us behind

Liz pondered what he was asking for a silent minute. He'd connect with her … he'd get flashes of her. He could get flashes of some things she didn't want him to see.

No matter how I try

But his touch … oh, his hands on hers right now was the first time she'd felt anything but pain and sadness in days. He cared for her still; even though he still thought she'd slept with Kyle, she knew he still loved her. She even knew how hard he'd tried not to – hard enough to make Future Max disappear – but never hard enough to make the feeling actually go away.

I can't do the same

"Okay," she heard herself whisper.

Let me let go, baby

He didn't think he heard her correctly. He wasn't even sure he heard her at all. "Okay?"

Let me let go

"Yeah, okay."

Max released the air he'd been holding in. Slowly, he released her hands, and they both felt the cold air of the room hit them immediately. It was everything Liz could to keep herself from grabbing them back in hers again.

It just isn't right

Reverently, Max pulled back the sheets from Liz's body until the hem reached her waist. He looked back into her dark eyes. "Just try and …"

"Yeah," she said, "I know."

I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

He placed his right hand on her abdomen, an echo of another touch just like it from over a year before. His left hand he slipped into her right one. Though they were both out of practice, the connection quickly sparked.

Let me let go, darling, won’t you

*the connection*

*Pain … sadness … fear … loneliness … pain. Suddenly Max could feel everything of hers.*

*He sensed everything he knew she'd been through the last several days: every emotion; every wisp of pain; every smile, few though they were; every instance of fear and doubt. He could even feel the very tears that dampened her cheeks.*

*Trying to put that aside, he searched within her body for …*

I just got to know

*Green energy – his energy – poured into every nook and cranny of her body. Her human system had grown used to the dormant visitor, but the surge of power brought on by her emotional agony triggered an unknown power. The visitor was now an intruder, and the two sides were fighting to find a new balance.*

*Max tried to collect the energy and run it out of her body, back into his if necessary. He heard Liz cry out with the fight. But it wasn't working. Instead, he felt himself chase the energy deeper, further into every nook and cranny of her internal workings. A piece of his essence had found a home in her, and it was going to stay.*

If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart

Max closed the connection quickly before he could cause Liz greater pain. "I'm sorry," he panted. "I couldn't. I tried but … I'm sorry."

You’re still in my soul

Liz reached a hand to cup his cheek, keeping a tight reign on him with her other hand. "I know. I felt it. I know."

Let me let go

It was a long time before either of them moved from that spot. Finally, Liz asked with a trembling jaw, "Um, what about you? What happened in New York?"

The lights of this strange city are shining

Max let out a long breath. "It was a mistake to go. I was angry and I wasn't thinking. Rath and Lonnie, they … they caught on to a fight that Isabel and I were having and they manipulated and lied to me."

"Ava said they were the ones who killed the other you," Liz nodded.

"I'm not surprised."

But they don't hold no fascination for me

"What about the summit?"

Max let out a short, wry laugh. "Nicholas was there. He offered to let us return to Antar in exchange for the granolith. But … after what you said, I couldn't accept those terms."

Liz gave him a small smile. "I'm glad you didn't."

I try to find the bright side, baby

Max accepted her smile and let it warm his spirit before he continued. "Lonnie, she – she was doing everything she could to get me to say yes. She used every trick in the book, all because she just wanted to go home." Hr shook his head slowly. "I don't know who that girl was, but it's not my sister."

Liz rubbed his hand to give him comfort. "She was really worried about you," she said. "Michael, too." Again, silence fell over them, before Liz had to ask the question that was burning in her mind. "Where are Rath and Lonnie now?"

But everywhere I look

"I don't know," Max answered. "After the thing on the sidewalk, Tess said they took her back to their lair and tried to attack her to find out where the granolith was, like Nicholas did. I guess she just … went on the defensive. She said she didn't know what happened exactly, but she was alone when I found her."

"So they could still be out there."

"Maybe, but I doubt it. I don't think they'll be bothering us again."

Everywhere I turn

Liz nodded as she soaked in the meaning of those words. She could still remember the bitter metallic taste of Rath's tongue ring in her mouth when he'd forcibly kissed her, and the cold determination in Lonnie's eyes when she'd tried to bring down the scaffolding on Max's head. Those two were so different from, yet so indelibly connected to Michael and Isabel, that Liz wanted to feel bad for their deaths but was finding it impossible to do so.

You're all I see

When she didn't say anything right away, Max took the opportunity to tell her, "Liz, I … I want to thank you for saving my life." He left out the part about how seeing her in the midst of the grime and exhaust of New York City, she'd looked like the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Welcoming the change of subject, Liz replied, "I guess that makes us even."

Let me
Let me let go, baby

Max took a deep breath. "About what I said last week … I lied. I'd like to … start again … our friendship, that is. I mean," he paused, "I miss it."

"Yeah, um …" Liz couldn't keep the slight tinge of melancholy from her voice. "I miss it, too."

Let me let go

Max was relieved to hear her say that. He knew he'd done nothing to deserve her kindness or friendship for a while now, but the last few minutes they'd spent together had done such wonders for him, had brought him closer to her than he'd felt in months, made him feel full again after being empty for so long. Their renewed closeness gave him the courage to ask one more thing, one last thing that he knew he needed to get over before friendship could even be a possibility.

It just isn't right

"There's just one thing I have to say," he began tentatively as the blues of the morning gave way to purples and reds. "One thing I have to ask … and … I promise I'll never ask it again."

What Max didn't know was that Liz had been thinking thoughts very much along the lines of his own. They were being open, and honest, and the way he was holding her hands was bringing her more peace than she'd known in weeks. They weren't as in-tune with each other as they'd been in the spring, and somehow she knew that friendship would never be enough, but oh God, it was such a good start …

"Yeah, go ahead," Liz told him.

I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Max waited before he spoke the words that he knew could possibly break and destroy every good feeling he'd had since walking into that room. "Did you … sleep with Kyle?"

Liz sighed. Out of everything he could have asked her, he had to bring up the one thing she never wanted to talk about again. "Why did you have to ask me that?" she asked as she looked away.

Oh, let me let go, darling, won't you

"Because I need to know, Liz," he said firmly but not harshly.

"God, Max, please don't ask me that. Ask me anything but that."

I just got to know

"I need to know. I need to hear you say it, Liz."

"I don't want to. You've heard me say it enough times already, haven't you?" Her headache, which had been receding, was coming back again and was bringing some friends. The feeling of Max's hands on hers was the only thing keeping her in control as she felt the energy swell inside of her.

"Liz," Max could see what was happening, and he made his move to diffuse the situation before she could hurt herself. "Calm down, Liz. Liz, please calm down." He reached one hand up to her cheek and turned her back to him, so she could clearly see the worry etched in his features. He rubbed his thumb in small circles over her cheek. "Liz, please, please, just breathe." Slowly she obeyed him, matching her breathing to his own deep ins and outs. The headache eased and the energy calmed.

If this is for the best

"Liz," Max began again, still meeting her eyes, his hand still there on her cheek without stopping in its ministrations or letting her turn away again. "Liz, I know you've told me, but I know that there's something still wrong there. It doesn't feel right. Please, Liz … for the sake of everything we've rebuilt here today, please just tell me the truth."

Why are you still in my heart

Liz tried to fight the pleading in his voice, tried to remember why she had to lie to him again … but when he begged her on behalf of the precious minutes they'd spent together that morning, she just couldn't find the strength to lie to him again. All of her strength was in Max.

"No," was the whisper as the first hint of orange sunlight came peeking in from the balcony.

Yeah, you're still in my soul

Max’s breath hitched with her confession. She hadn’t slept with Kyle. Something inside of him had always known she hadn’t, but to hear the words from her own sweet mouth sent his soul into a place of both relief and upheaval.

“Then why, Liz?” Max pleaded, only a step away from tears. “Why did you … why?”

“Because I … I thought I had to. You weren’t supposed to love me, but you still did and,” Liz was inwardly debating over exactly how much to divulge to Max. She wasn’t ready to tell him about Future Max, not yet. So she crept as close as she could to that line without crossing over it. “And Maria, she-she found Courtney at Michael’s apartment. And she said it was the only thing that” she took a deep breath, “that it was the only thing she couldn’t forgive him for.” This conversation was suddenly getting very tiring for her. She just hoped he didn’t press her anymore.

Let me let go

Max knew that she was telling him the truth. Her voice, her eyes, the fidgeting moving of her hands, all these signs and more betrayed her fear and her nervousness. But there was more, too – he sensed through their connection that there was more that she didn’t want to tell him. He had been verily petrified at the way she’d nearly lost control when he’d argued with her before, and he didn’t want a repeat of that. So instead, he simply told her, “Liz, I know there’s more to this than what you’re telling me, and – hush,” he silenced her when she began to object, “and I just want you to know that I’m not going to push you on this – at least, not right now. Whatever it is, maybe you’re right not to tell me right now. But I want to work on this. What I said earlier about missing our friendship still stands. So let’s work on that for now. And just know that, when you’re ready to tell me the rest, I’ll be there to listen.”

Liz waited until he finished. It constantly amazed her how incredible Max really was. “Thank you,” she said slowly, knowing those two little words alone could never portray everything she felt at that moment. She squeezed his hand, which still clasped hers over her T-shirt-hidden stomach.

Let me let go

After a comfortable silence, she spoke once more. “So what happens now, Max?”

Max pondered her question, then answered assuredly, “I’ll work with you for now, to try and make this” his eyes turned from hers to run down the length of her torso, stopping only where her waist and legs were hidden under the sheets and comforter, and back up again, “as easy as possible. And we’ll work on the friendship thing, too.”

Liz nodded in agreement, but she couldn’t help the small frown that tugged downwards at the corner of her mouth. She looked down, hoping to hide it from him.

“What is it?” he asked. No such luck, apparently.

Let me let go

“I was wondering, would you … could you just … hold me?” Her voice was tiny, like a child’s, a child that Max had an overwhelming urge to protect. Knowing that this was probably going against the “friends” rule, he stood up, groaning with the discovery of how sore his knees had become during the time he’d been kneeling there. Liz scooted over to make room for him, and he climbed gently into the bed, staying over the covers. After they got comfortable, he wrapped his arms around her. Automatically she bent her head against his chest and fell into the most peaceful sleep she’d had in days.

This was how Max and Liz entered the new day.

Let me let go




~*~*~*~*~
TBC

Thank you, everyone!

Lurkers
Earth2Mama
Kristy – thanks for coming out of lurkdom!
Loviedovie
Cocogurl
RosyLady
Alien614
Michelle in Yonkers – thanks!
Mezz
Maya
Thetvgeneral
DMB -

DreamerMaxBehrian wrote:

LairaBehr4 wrote:DMB – It all works out in my evil little brain … you didn’t really think I’d make Max unable to touch Liz, did you?

Well, I was hoping not, but it is you after all, so I really wouldn’t have put it past you,

Hey!
She’ll tell him the whole story soon.

Behrluv32 – thanks
Scottie
Augustus Snodgrass (x2) – was this soon enough for you?
BehrObsession
Beautiful86
Carter13
Dreamerfrvrp3 – thanks!
Angel Eyes
Lorastar – thank you, babe



You guys are all wonderful. Thank you, so much!






Chapter Eleven – Coffee Confessionals


Chapter Eleven


Lost in all of their own thoughts, Michael, Maria, Tess, Kyle, Isabel and Ava all sat tensely about the Parker’s living room. They were all exhausted, but none could even think of sleep.

From his spot on the couch, Michael had a glimpse of the microwave in the kitchen. The digital neon green numbers told him close to two hours had passed since they’d all taken to their stations and left Max and Liz alone. It was now after seven. The café was meant to open at nine for Sunday breakfast. It probably wouldn’t be too busy, since most of Roswell was either away still or had relatives visiting, but they had to open anyway. If they didn’t, it could get back to Mr. and Mrs. Parker.

Michael looked down at Maria. She was lying in the fetal position with her head resting up on his leg and her hands clasped over his right one. His left arm hung around her back and curled over, letting his fingers graze her stomach through her shirt.

“I gotta get ready to open up soon,” he whispered to her, but the whole room heard him. Maria looked up in understanding, and nodded before lying her head back down again. He was right, unfortunately. If Max and Liz stayed in there much longer, they’d have to open up the restaurant without her again. Maria didn’t mind, but her parents were coming back today, and Liz’s continuous absence would be conspicuous soon.

Kyle, meanwhile, was stuck somewhere between relief and panic. He knew from the way Max had looked when he’d entered the apartment earlier, and the way he’d seen Liz looking at Max, that the whole secret about that stunt she’d pulled back in October would be out soon. Thank Buddha, he thought. The whole thing had been such a mess. He wasn’t even sure why she’d wanted him to do it, anyway. It was so obvious that she was miserable without him. Not to mention the obvious physical dangers. He and Max had never really gotten along anyway, and Kyle really didn’t want to piss off an alien king. He’d walked around in a state of perpetual fear last Friday after Mitch and Pauly had high-fived him in the locker room Friday for “nailing” Liz Parker, terrified of what Max might do to get even.

Plus, the idea of being “connected” to Max like Ava had explained wasn’t exactly putting smiles on his face.

Tess was trying to formulate a plan for fixing everything that had gone wrong, but nothing was coming. There were too many uncertainties, too many unpredictable aspects of the situation right now that she couldn’t guarantee nothing would go wrong. Hell, even in New York, when she’d been so certain that everything would go according to plan, it had all managed to fall apart around her. The only thing she could do right now, she determined, was calm down, be patient, and see where the dice started to fall. She had to be patient, and sooner or later she’d get her chance.

Isabel hardly knew what to think about anything right now. Her life had been catapulted every which way since Thanksgiving, until she felt like she no longer knew which way was up. Isabel had a tendency to think in absolutes: there was black, there was white, but there was no gray. Liz had kept their secret, had been there for them, covered for them a hundred times for over a year. But she’d also broken up with Max, run away for the summer, and proceeded to sleep with Kyle after getting back. But the wisps of feeling that Isabel caught as she and Liz had been working together to help Max had her utterly confused. She hadn’t really seen anything concrete, like she could in a dream-walk. No, it was more like dipping your finger just below the surface of the water as you ride in a boat. She’d only received a short sensation of what was really there, especially since most of her energy had been focused on getting to Max. Everything else was secondary, but it was all there nonetheless. Liz still loved Max, she could sense; and for Kyle, she felt no special connection or sentiment beyond friendship. It was befuddling, to say the least.

Not for the first time that day, Isabel wished that Alex had come back already. He always seemed to have something thoughtful to say that would bring everything back into focus for her. Or if not, his many quirks, talents and jokes could at least lighten the situation. Seeing Michael and Maria so entwined with the other made her long to have Alex’s arm around her as Michael’s was around Maria now.

God, what the hell was taking so long?

As if in answer to her thoughts, the door to Liz’s bedroom rattled and creaked as Max pulled it open and stepped into the living room. He noticed that the entire room seemed to shift with his entrance; everyone suddenly straightened up, widened their eyes, leaned towards him expectantly. He raised a finger to his lips, indicating that they were to stay quiet, before he softly closed the door behind him and went to join the inner circle.

“How is she?” asked Maria, worry dripping from her words.

“She’s asleep,” Max told her. Her face was still lined with questions, so he reassured her further. “She’ll be okay.”

Maria visibly eased, and leaned back into Michael and the couch again.

“So you were able to heal her?” Isabel asked.

Max shook his head. “It’s not something that can be healed. There’s some part of me that’s in her because I healed her last year. It’s deep. I can’t make it go away.”

The room fell into silence once more. What was hurting Liz was still inside her, and it couldn’t be healed, not even by Max. Maria shivered at the thought and clung closer to Michael.

“But she’s okay, right?” Kyle asked.

Max turned towards him and met his gaze. “Yeah,” he said. “She’s a lot better now. It’s gonna be okay.”

Some of the tension that had returned to the room lessened.

After a few more moments of silence had passed, Michael inhaled deeply. “I gotta go fire up the grill,” he said. “Who wants breakfast?”

Though no one had really felt like eating before, the mention of the word “breakfast” led everyone to join in a collective stomach growl.

“Oatmeal would be nice,” said Maria as she sat up and stretched. “With cream and brown sugar. Mmm …”

“Pancakes,” said Isabel, “laced with tabasco.” Ava nodded and Tess voiced her agreement.

“Eggs!” Kyle smacked his hands and rubbed them together. “Eggs and toast and bacon and coffee and orange juice and …” He stood up as he began to rattle off his list and started to the door and down the stairs. Tess went down after him, then Isabel. Ava quietly moved to follow, but Maria caught her before she could descend down the stairs and linked her arm through Ava’s, giving her a wide smile, which she returned. Michael stood up and faced Max.

“You want your usual?”

“Yeah,” he said. “And maybe some buttered toast for Liz. I’m going to stay up here for a while.”

Michael nodded and went down to the café, closing the front door behind him.

Max went back into Liz’s room and lay down beside her still-sleeping form.

~*~*~*~*~

Michael turned on the grill and started taking stock of all the food items in the fridge and the shelves there in the kitchen. He made a mental note to go grab some more pancake mix from the store room before the diner opened, but it looked as though there was enough in the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. He pulled out some eggs, egg mix, butter, bacon, pancake batter, milk, and some peppers and green onions. He popped the tin of butter into the microwave to melt, then chopped the veggies for Max’s omelet. He added some extra milk to the pancake batter left from yesterday and mixed it together. As he heard the microwave sound off, indicating that the butter was melted, he looked up through the window that overlooked the dining area. Tess, Kyle, Isabel and Ava were sitting at the counter. Maria was just finishing turning on the coffee machine and taking all their orders. She had pulled her hair back out of her face, and he could see her eyes sparkle as Kyle said something that made her laugh. She was still dressed in her pajamas, which consisted of a white Crashdown T-shirt with an alien face on the front, and pink drawstring pajama pants with white and yellow stripes. She looked absolutely beautiful.

“Order up, Spaceboy,” she said as she attached the slip from her order pad to the clip board and turned it so he could pull it down. Scrambled eggs and bacon for Kyle, pancakes for Isabel, Tess and Ava, and Maria still wanted oatmeal. Plus the veggie omelet and toast for Liz and Max upstairs. Michael shook his head. Seven orders to fill, and they hadn’t even opened yet.

After putting the veggies, bacon and eggs on the grill, Michael bent down and pulled out a large pot. He filled it about half-way with water, placed it on the stove and turned the flames on. Knowing it’d take too long to heat up normally, he placed his hand over it and held it there a few seconds until he could feel the condensation on his skin. Then he retrieved a box of Quaker Oat and poured them in. He added some milk and brown sugar, just a little bit in case people didn’t like them, but enough to add some small flavor. By the time he was done with this, it was time to flip the pancakes and finish Max’s omelet.

Just as he was about to call over his shoulder for Maria to make some toast, he heard the door swing open. Maria sailed in with two glasses clutched in one hand. She reached into the fridge and grabbed the orange juice and used it to fill one glass. Next she did the same with the milk. As she was getting ready to leave again, Michael reached out and pulled her lightly by her arm.

“Hey,” he said quietly just before he kissed her. It was a light kiss, not passionate, but comforting, reassuring. He knew she’d had a rough few days and he wanted her to know that he was there for her.

When he pulled away, Maria looked relaxed for the first time since she’d shown up on Thanksgiving. “Hey,” she said back, her eyes still closed. She breathed in deeply through her nose, lifting her head a little. As she exhaled the same way, she opened her eyes and looked at him, smiling. He smiled back – well, as much as Michael could, anyway – and released her arm.

“Need any help back here?” she asked him.

“No, I got it. Could you make some toast, though?”

“Yeah, sure.” Maria turned, took the cups she’d filled and walked back to the counter. She handed Isabel her milk and Kyle his orange juice, then put two slices of bread in the toaster. Next she began pouring coffee for everyone, putting Michael’s on the counter sill and calling his name to get his attention. He eyed the coffee and nodded.

A minute later, the toast was done. Maria placed it on a small plate and put it on the sill next to the coffee. “Here’s your toast,” she called over the sound of food sizzling away.

He turned to look at it, then said, “Put some butter on there.”

Maria rolled her eyes at his barking command. So much for Prince Charming, she thought. She pulled two butter packets from the box in the small fridge under the coffee maker where they were stored and added them to the plate.

Michael finished Max’s omelet, put a couple pieces of bacon on the plate, then walked over to the counter. He noticed that, while the rest of the group was talking and even laughing a little, Ava, who was sitting closest to him, wasn’t joining in.

“Hey,” he said to her. She turned and looked at him. “Would you take these up to Max?”

Ava nodded. “Yeah.” She slid off the stool and took the two plates, one in each hand, through the swinging door and to the back stairs. When she reached the door to the apartment, she had to use her foot to knock.

The door opened, and Max looked down at the food. “Thanks,” he told her as he took the plates from her. He started to turn to walk towards the kitchen. “You want to come in?”

Ava had actually been feeling rather uncomfortable downstairs with the others. The group had a little dynamic to them. It wasn’t perfect, and she could definitely sense some underlying tensions among them, but that morning they were making an effort to skate over them and have as normal a morning as possible. Ava felt out of place. She’d always been the loner among the four dupes, and she didn’t know how to break out of that role. Staying upstairs would put off the awkwardness she felt a little while. Liz had been really nice to her, and Max didn’t seem like such a bad guy – much different from Zan, actually. “’Kay,” she finally answered, and closed the door behind her. Max walked the plates into the kitchen, and Ava followed.

“Do you want some coffee?” Max asked her. She nodded, and he began to fill the Parker’s Mr. Coffee pot with water. After pouring it into the back of the machine, he went to the freezer to get out the ground coffee beans. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I actually have some questions about … everything.”

“I dunno how much I can help,” she answered a little shortly, but honestly. She was kind of annoyed now; all his hospitality and kindness was just because he wanted something from her. Maybe he wasn’t so different from Zan after all.

“Isabel and Liz said that you know things we don’t. You knew Liz would be able to get through to me in New York. You knew things about why this was happening, about what was going on, things that we didn’t. Please,” he begged, “anything you can tell me that might help me make this easier for her, anything …” His eyes pleaded with her for understanding.

Ava had to admit, he did have a point. Liz had been nothing but kind to her since her arrival, and she didn’t deserve to be in so much pain.

Looking over Max’s shoulder, she indicated, “Coffee’s ready.”

“Oh,” Max straightened up, a little surprised at the sudden change in subject. He reached up and pulled down two coffee cups. “Do you want milk or sugar?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Ava said. Max poured the coffee, leaving enough room in both cups for them to add milk. He turned around and placed one cup in front of Ava, and the other near where he’d been standing. He went to the fridge to grab the milk, then scanned the kitchen until he found the sugar bowl resting on the caddy near the table. He reached for it and placed the two items in front of Ava. Then he went to the silverware drawer and pulled out two spoons, as well as a fork and knife for his omelet.

Ava watched him move about rather confidently, but not comfortably. He definitely knew his way around this kitchen, so if she had to guess, he was uncomfortable because she still hadn’t answered his plea for help. But there was something in his movements, too, that made her reconsider her earlier opinion of him. He wasn’t doing this to try to bribe her into helping him. He was doing this because he was a nice guy.

A nice guy. Ava had thought such creatures were just a rumor.

“Really, I don’t know what all I can tell ya,” she said as Max handed her a spoon. She’d already poured milk into her coffee, and now she went for a healthy serving of sugar.

Max made a motion with his knife over the omelet, offering to share half with her. She shook her head no. So he reached for the milk instead. “Can you tell me why I couldn’t heal her?”

“You ain’t supposed to,” she answered. “You freely gave her somethin’ that she needed to survive, and she took it. It’s part o’ her now. If you take it back again, even if that were possible, it’ll be as if you had never healed her at all.”

Max nodded slowly. “So it is my fault,” he said sadly as he started to spoon sugar into his cup. He tried to hide how his body started to shake with this confirmation.

“It ain’t like that,” Ava reassured him. “You gave her a part of yourself, a part of your life, so she could live. You’re a part of her now, and she’s a part of you. You have a responsibility to take care o’ her, and so does she.”

“What about what’s been happening to her lately? Why did that happen?”

“I dunno. I only know stories about what happens to Antarians when they been healed by other Antarians. It’s prolly jus’ happening like this ‘cause she’s a human.”

“Well, what happens when we heal other Antarians?”

“Pretty much the same thing. It’s a sign, see, that you can’t live without the other person, and they can’t live without you. Among Antarians, it doesn’t always hurt like it does with her, because they’re the same species. They just start to share in each other’s powers is all, and they’re bound to protect each other. It’s the closest two friends can get.”

Her words had started to loosen Max up a little, enough so that he took his first bite of omelet since he’d given Ava her coffee. Michael had already added in Tabasco sauce, and mixed with the sweetness in his mouth that lingered from his coffee, it tasted delicious. When he heard the word “friends”, though, Max stopped chewing as he suddenly remembered Kyle. Liz, after all, hadn’t been the only person he’d healed. He swallowed loudly. “Does this mean I have to protect Kyle, too?”

“Waidaminute, waidaminute – you healed Kyle?” Ava asked through narrowed eyes. Max nodded. “What the hell are you trying to do? Why don’tcha just put up a flare or somethin’?”

“Kyle got shot because his dad was helping us hide. I couldn’t just let him die,” Max defended.

Ava shook her head. “You’re too nice for your own good,” she warned.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Max muttered. While he didn’t dislike the guy as much now that he knew the truth about him and Liz, the two of them had never particularly gotten along, and Max wasn’t thrilled about the idea of being forced to protect him for the rest of his life.

“So this thing that’s happening to Liz – it’s a change? To make her more like me?”

“Yeah.”

“And it’s only worse for her because she’s human?”

“I think so. And it don’t help that she’s wound up tighter than a nun’s knickers. The writin’ on the wall said that you had to chill a bit to make the connection in the first place, and staying chill helps with the changes.”

“So we just have to keep her calm, right?”

“Far’s I know.”

“You said she’ll start to share in my powers – does that mean she’ll be able to heal, too?”

“Dunno. Maybe I should have said ‘strength’ instead o’ ‘powers’. With Antarians, they get stronger ‘cause they’re tied to each other, ya know? Sometimes they start to share powers, sometimes not. But Liz is a human, so who knows, really.” Ava sighed loudly. “Ya had enough of Twenty Questions for now? My pancakes are prolly ready.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you from your breakfast.”

“S’okay,” she said. She wasn’t really sure why, but for some reason she was getting uncomfortable. She didn’t get a bad vibe or anything like that from Max, quite the opposite, in fact. But it was hard to be around him and not think about Zan, not wish that he’d cared about her the way Max obviously did about Liz. Ava hoped Liz realized how lucky she was. At least downstairs, she could sit back and observe. Years of verbal abuse and condescension had made Ava into an avid people-watcher, and she preferred to listen rather than talk. Maybe that was part of why she was so uncomfortable, too.

Either way, she put her coffee mug in the sink and went back downstairs.

Max finished his omelet quickly, then took the toast back to Liz’s bedroom so it would be ready for her when she woke up.



~~~~
TBC

Hi everyone,

Sorry it’s been so long – RL has been insane. I’ll do better!

My thanks to the following:

Lurkers

Augustus Snodgrass – you’re too good to me. You’re a closet candy-lover? Ah.
Sprayadhesive (x3) – enough bunnies for ya? Speaking of which, how’s ‘At All costs’ going?
Tarajeff73 – welcome! I’m glad you like it so far. Your compliments are so generous – thank you.
Guelbebek – thanks, hon. You’re too sweet.
Earth2Mama – where would the fun in that be?
L-J-L 76 (x2)
BehrObsession
DMB (x3) – Come back when you can, dearest. You always pick up on things – that comment about Max being a “good guy” was indeed meant to imply that Zan was not. You are, as always, amazing.
Zanssoulmate08 –

Zanssoulmate08 wrote:I seriously LOVE you (just so ya know)!

Ditto.
Vampyrax
Cocogurl
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Zanity – does that note you left qualify as feedback?
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Tabby – welcome!




The Butterfly Loss

Chapter Twelve – Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

Liz felt the daylight pulling her out of her dreamless sleep. Her journey back into consciousness was peaceful, content even. For the first time in days, maybe weeks, she felt as though the day might hold some happiness for her.

She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but she knew Max was there. She still felt that awareness of him acutely, and the mere thought of his presence made her smile. Liz yawned and stretched, reluctant to tear herself from the first decent sleep she'd had in days. Finally, her eyes opened and she scanned the room until she found Max leaning against her desk, looking down at the cup of coffee grasped in his hands. It was almost scary how, in spite of all they'd been through so far this year, just seeing Max there, just knowing he was there, made her happier than she could express in words.

"Hi," her voice cracked, still heavy with sleep.

He looked up with mild surprise. "Hey. You feeling better?"

"Mmm," she answered in the affirmative, sitting up and stretching her arms over her head and groaning with the effort.

Max looked away from the image of her pajama-clad body spreading out like that. He took a deep breath, summoning the courage he needed for what he wanted to say to her. There were a lot of things he wanted to get through now that she was awake again, and well-rested. Max was guilt-ridden at being responsible for the pain Liz had been going through, and what made it worse was that he hadn’t even been there for her. He wanted to make it up to her; but to do that, he had some favors to ask of her, and he was terrified of asking more than she was willing to give. "Umm, are you hungry? Michael made you some toast."

"Yes, please," Liz smiled. She, on the other hand, had woken up in a better mood than she'd known in … she couldn't even remember how long. The sun was shining, birds were chirping – okay, maybe that last one was all in her head, but that didn’t matter. She was determined to spend the day in laid-back relaxation, recuperating from the emotional and physical roller coaster of the last week. And if she had anything to say about it, her friends would enjoy the same reprieve.

Max cautiously made his way to the side of the bed, an echo of where he'd been when he'd first come into the apartment earlier that morning. As he walked, he quickly ran his hand over the plate, heating up its contents, which had long since turned cold.

"Mm, thank you," Liz said as she took a bite. The warm, crunchy toast was a shock to her system. She could feel her body waking up with every chew. Flitting her mind back, she realized the last thing she could remember eating was … ice cream with Ava on Thanksgiving, before Michael and Isabel had shown up. Was that really all she'd eaten in the last two and a half days? That was just unhealthy. Granted, she'd been a little preoccupied, what with her ongoing metamorphosis into the Human Sparkler and being somewhat incapacitated. But still. She made a mental note to eat at least one substantial meal a day for the next few days. Usually her meals consisted of a quick breakfast, avoiding the mystery meat in the school cafeteria, and quick bites of whatever she could get during her shifts. Sometimes she'd keep some crackers in her desk for when she studied, but not often.

"Liz?" Max's voice calling out to her made her thoughts crumble into dust.

"Hm, yeah?" She asked as she took another bite and looked over at him. His expression was rather stony, and for one brief terrifying moment, she thought he might retreat back into the awkward distance they’d held with each other for so many weeks now. But no, Max wouldn’t do that, not after everything they’d talked about earlier. He’d told her, promised her, they were going to rebuild, start over.

Oh God, was it only this morning? It felt ages ago.

Enough with the internal monologue, Liz, she directed herself, and turned her attention undividedly back to Max as he began to speak again.

"I was … I was talking a little bit more to Ava, and she thinks that maybe part of the reason this has been so hard for you the last few days has been because you were stressed out."

Liz nodded in understanding. Stressed out, yeah, sure, that would cover it. But not wanting to spoil her optimistic attitude, she instead focused her attention on what Max was trying to say to her, rather than expounding on the many implications the two little words “stressed out” carried.

"Okay," she said, seeing that Max was waiting for a response to his statement.

"Well, she said that everything you’re going through …it’s going to make you start to develop powers. Like us."

He definitely had her attention now. "Am I … turning into …?"

"No! At least," he answered quickly, "I don't think so."

"Okay … then what's going on exactly?"

"I don't really know, Ava just kept saying that there's a part of me that’s now a part of you."

"Right. Well, we knew that …” Liz stated slowly. She’d felt Max’s efforts when he’d tried to heal her earlier, and she remembered recognizing, through her connection to him, a part of his essence in her. This wasn’t exactly news.

Already, her scientific mind was at work. Was this why she'd been able to see things from Max back in the spring? Why he'd been able to see things from her? No, that couldn't be it, she told herself as she remembered Michael and Maria's experience from around that same time. Michael had been able to see things from Maria, so that couldn't be it. Then what …?

"Yeah. She, um," Max cleared his throat, breaking her out of her thoughts yet again. "She thinks that it would be better for you to have someone to kind of walk you through this stuff. I mean, we never really talked about this, but our powers didn't develop overnight for us, either."

Liz nodded again. That sounded logical. After all, her parents would be back tonight and she'd have to go to school tomorrow, so she couldn’t exactly continue to blow stuff up.

"What's most important right now is that you stay calm, so that it doesn't hurt as bad or get more difficult for you," Max continued. He reached out and took her hand, which was holding the plate in her lap, and grasped it in his own. “Can you do that for me, Liz? Please?”

Liz couldn’t speak, she was so distracted from the warmth that radiated from Max’s hand over hers. The instincts that had told her earlier that he was in the room seemed to be screaming with joy at the physical contact she was experiencing now. She looked up at Max, and couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. She hadn’t even realized that she’d been holding her breath until she heard the audible gasp she made when her eyes met Max’s. “Yeah,” she whispered, “Of course. Of course I can do that.”

“Thank you.” Max didn’t know why, but he’d been terrified that she’d refuse somehow, that she wouldn’t want any help from him or from anyone else. Being here with her like this felt so ethereal, so fragile, that he was certain if he pushed to hard or got his hopes up too high, she’d disappear before his very eyes.

And there’d be nothing he’d be able to do about it.

So he willed himself to control everything he was feeling and experiencing, for the sake of putting Liz and her needs first. In the meantime, he’d relish in the exquisite joy of feeling her small fingers wrapped up in his.

“Okay, then … um, I figure, sometime soon, we could start just … going over things. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Just to get you acclimated, make sure that you’re okay. We can practice or just relax or …” Max trailed off as Liz’s soft laughter lightly filled the room like fairy dust. He realized then that he’d been rambling rather aimlessly. He let out a small chuckle at his own foolish nervousness. Then he squeezed Liz’s hand to emphasize the seriousness of his next words and met her gaze head-on. “We just need for you to be safe, Liz. I need to be sure that you’re safe, and that you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Max,” Liz assured him. “That sounds good. It’s a good idea.”

“Okay …” Max honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d used the word ‘okay’ so many times in a day. “So, uh, why don’t you take it easy today? We’ve got the diner covered downstairs. What time are your parents getting back tonight?”

“I don’t know – probably not until after the dinner rush.” Liz knew her parents didn’t get to have many days away from the diner, and she’d assured them before they left that she’d be able to handle everything.

Max nodded as he drew his hand away. “We can take care of everything until then. Are you all right? Is there anything you need?”

“No, thanks, I’m good,” she assured him.

“All right. I’m gonna go downstairs and see if I can help out Michael.” He took the empty plate from Liz’s lap and stood up to walk towards the door. Just as he was about to exit the room, he turned back around. “I’ll send up Maria in a minute.” Then he curled one hand around the door to close it.

“Max!” Liz called out.

“Yeah?” He abruptly turned to face her again.

Liz took a deep breath. “Thank you,” she told him. Max only smiled sadly at her before closing the door behind his retreating form.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“OF COURSE she’s in trouble!” Maria screamed at Michael. “She blew up a fountain! Not a little one, either! Her arms looked like lightening bolts! She could play Zeus in the next school play!”

“Look, I’m not saying it’s not serious, all right? But do you really think Max is going to let anything happen to her?”

“Oh, get with the rest of the band, Space boy,” retorted Maria. “Max couldn’t heal her! Whatever’s going on with her, it’s taking up long-term residence.”

“Will you both shut up?” hissed Isabel through the window. “The customers have ears, you know.”

Michael and Maria resorted to glaring at each other until Max came down the stairs a few seconds later.

“How’s she doing?” Maria asked. There was no need to clarify who the subject of her inquiry was.

“She’s good, I think. I think she’s doing much better.” Max swallowed and nodded. He honestly hadn’t been able to form much of an opinion about how Liz was doing during the brief time it had taken him to exit the Parker’s apartment. “Why don’t you go up and see her? I’ll cover for you.”

“Great!” Maria exclaimed as she practically bounded towards the stairs. Half way up, she called back, “Oh, Max? Don’t even think of keeping my tips.” And like a flash, the door clicked open and shut again.

Max and Michael regarded each other. “Need any help in here?” Max asked.

Michael nodded at two plates full of food. “Those go to the second booth from the window,” he said. Max scooped them up and dutifully delivered them to the waiting patrons. He looked over his shoulder and had to laugh as Isabel struggled in a losing battle against the milk shake machine. Tess sat quietly at the counter, apparently finding something of great interest to study in her cup of coffee, while Kyle walked around the café with a large black pot, giving out refills.

Just as Max realized that Ava wasn’t among the dining room’s population, the front door opened with a loud jingle. “I was summoned, and I came,” called out Alex as he took a couple of steps inside. “What’s going on?”

~*~*~*~*~

“Sounds like a good idea, Liz,” Maria commented after Liz had filled her in on all that had transpired between Max and her that day. “I mean, if you’re going to become a Czechoslovakian, who better to show you the ropes than a Czechoslovakian?”

“Well, it’s better than picking up garbage from off the floor,” Liz joked.

“Yeah, but still, you can’t deny that it would be fun to see if you could make Mr. Talge’s toupee, like, spontaneously catch on fire or something.”

Liz laughed – their Advanced Algebraic Trigonometry teacher definitely did have the world’s worst taste in hairpieces.

“So … did you tell him yet?” Maria asked.

Liz shook her head. “I can’t, Maria. You know I can’t.”

“I know nothing of the kind. It’s not like you’ll be able to keep it from him for long anyway, Liz.”

“I know, and I hate lying to him. But I just … I can’t take the risk of things ending up like they did before. I mean, in this other … timeline, I guess, Max and I were just these kids who loved each other and didn’t know that anything could or would happen as a result of it. But if I tell him too soon now, not only would it happen all over again, but it’d be my fault. I know better this time. I mean, he already knows something’s up, and I know I’m going to have to tell him sooner or later. Right now, I’m just hoping it will be later.”

Maria shook her head. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Liz.”

Liz looked down at the crumpled sheets. “Yeah,” she said, “me, too.”

A moment later, Maria said, “So what’s the plan for today?”

“Well, Max wanted me to stay in bed and rest, but I think I’ve had enough of staying in bed for one day. I think I’ll shower and come join you guys downstairs.”

“Yeah, a shower is definitely a good idea, babe,” Maria teased. “I mean, I wasn’t going to say anything,” Liz had to roll her eyes at that one. “But it’s definitely time for a shower.”

“Ha, ha,” Liz playfully pushed Maria in the arm, prompting her to climb off the bed and head for the door. Liz followed suit, but in the direction of the bathroom.

“I’ll see you later,” Maria told her.

“See you in a bit,” Liz said before closing the door to her bathroom.



~~~~
TBC

Hi guys,



Once again I'm sorry for being gone so long. Life is crazy. But I'm on a bit of a writing jag – my next project will be to get the next chapter of ' Tabasco' out, then 'Some Enchanted Evening', then 'ES&L' and back to this story again. So fear not, loyal readers, I shall return!



My sincere thanks to the following for their comments and kind wishes:



Lurkers
Angel eyes
Behrluv32 – You SO have not updated.
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Cocogurl
Loviedovie
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Heavenli24 – glad I could brighten up your day for you.
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Earth2Mama – thanks!
Augustus Snodgrass (x2)– Oh, you …
Dreamsatnight – Look at you! All back and everything …
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Maya
Scottie – I really do owe you a beer …
Kristy – yay! Lurkdom is nice, but trust me, I make posting much more fun!
Dreamerfrvrp3 – that's all the fb you have for me? A BUMP? Grrr …
Lorastar – I'M COMING TO CALI, BABY!!!
FrenchDreamer – merci pour tout!



My beta is MISSING IN ACTION, but I'm posting this anyway. Keep in mind it's subject to changes.





The Butterfly Loss

Chapter Thirteen (a) – You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught


Max kept his eyes peeled as he looked out over the moving throngs of heads in the hallway of West Roswell High. His arms were laden with all the class work and homework he’d missed while on that crazy trip to New York. He was a pretty good student most of the time, and teachers generally liked him, but his absence last week had definitely tested the limits of their generosity. So far, his day had been rife with evil glares, threats of detention, and enough make-up work to last him until Christmas. Even now he was standing still against the wall, hoping to avoid the attention of any of the faculty as he waited across from Liz’s locker in the hope of seeing her before the bell rang to send him to his next class.

She really had made a remarkable recovery. When Liz had come practically bounding down the stairs Sunday morning after her shower, she’d been almost recognizable from the pale creature he’d seen earlier. Max hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her. The change was startling. Her eyes had been bright, her cheeks were brushed with a deep pink that Max knew wasn’t from any make-up case, and her movements had been lively. She looked like her old self.

One of the first things Liz had noticed was that Ava wasn’t among the crowd sitting in the dining room. A small debate had broken out about who would go look for her – Liz wanted to, but Max thought she should take it easy and volunteered to go instead. Michael wondered why anybody should go at all, but they took that in stride; after all, he’d never been the most welcoming of creatures.

Finally, Max went out in search of Ava, and quickly found her down the street in the park. She’d said she felt conspicuous with Tess there and didn’t want to call any unwarranted attention by being a twin. Max understood this, and they sat in some silence before finally going back to figure out where Ava would stay while she was in town. She couldn’t stay with the Valenti’s since their small home was already hosting Tess. Kyle suggested she stay at Michael’s place, but this idea was quickly dismissed, since even Isabel agreed that no girl deserved such a fate. Eventually, Maria called her mom and said that one of Tess’s cousins had run away from New York and needed a place to crash. Amy Deluca had always held a soft spot for displaced people, having been unceremoniously thrown out of her parent’s house when she got pregnant at sixteen. Ava had a place on their sofa for as long as she may need it.

Once that issue was settled, the rest of Sunday passed very smoothly, and by the time the Parkers walked in the door a little after eight that night, the weekend seemed like a distant memory.

The harsh tones of the bell jolted Max from out of his memories. He sighed – he was late for English now, and Miss Hardy wasn’t the type to forgive too easily. Ah well, at least she was the last class before lunch.

Max hurried into the next wing as best he could and closed Ms. Hardy’s door behind him.

“Mr. Evans,” she greeted him with sarcasm from where she stood next to her desk. “So nice of you to join us.”

“Sorry, Ms. Hardy,” he said sincerely.

“For being late? Or for all those days you missed last week?”

Clearly, Ms. Hardy was having a bad day. She was usually very pleasant – strict and tough, but reasonable and cheery. Today, though, she seemed to be determined to make somebody at least as miserable as she felt, and Max already had a sneaking suspicion it would be him.

“Both,” Max stood just inside the door still as Ms. Hardy pinned him with her glare.

“Well, you can make up the time you spent communing with nature today in lunch time detention,” Ms. Hardy informed him crisply. Knowing that any argument or defense he made would not be taken well, Max just nodded. Ms. Hardy looked back at the book on her desk, apparently satisfied. Max took it as his cue to take his seat.

“As I was about to say before Mr. Evans decided to grace us with his presence,” Ms. Hardy continued, “over the break you all should have finished reading ‘Fo’ Dolla’,’ also known in some circles as chapter ten.” She reached over and took her green copy of ‘Tales of the South Pacific’ into her hands. The rest of the class reluctantly followed suit amongst an emission of tired groans. Apparently the first day back was being tough on everyone. “Your test on this book will be to discuss the chapters in the context of each other, so in preparation, I want to hear your guys’ thoughts on this chapter in comparison to chapter eight, ‘Our Heroine’. In that chapter, we had Nellie Forbush and Emile De Becque, and in chapter ten there’s Liat and Joe Cable. Let me ask, which couple did you guys like more?”

“I liked Nellie and De Becque the best,” Joan (pronounced like Joanne) Valenzuela began from her seat. She was a tall girl with long, thick hair. She took advanced classes, but performed only moderately well, usually garnering B’s and C’s. “He’s smart, he sticks to his convictions, he speaks his mind plainly and he doesn’t try to force his beliefs onto others. And he doesn’t string Nellie along like Joe does Liat.”

“Not only that,” spoke up Mike Ramsey from the back of the room, “but they’re so similar. They have the same thoughts at the same time. If you look just at the words they say to each other, the sentences standing alone are kinda cryptic, but they both know exactly what the other one means.” Mike was on the football team, and had made the placement into Advanced English by barely a tenth of a point. If it had been up to him, he’d be in the regular English class, but he knew taking an advanced class or two would help any chances he might have of getting a scholarship to college. Ms. Hardy had assured him that if he voiced his opinion and could defend it with the reading, he’d pass the class. But the boy was intimidated; he was out of his league in this room, and he knew it. Therefore, he always thought very carefully before he said anything. It was a rarity that he did so without being called on.

The fact that he’d spoken up at all told Max that he’d had some very strong opinions about the matter. Max himself had fallen a little behind, and had only kept himself awake long enough to briefly skim over the pages. However, he’d be lying if he said he’d given the book a second thought after closing it.

“I liked Joe and Liat better,” Pam Troy smiled. No one quite knew how she’d managed to test into this class, but almost everyone believed it had something to do with a cheat sheet.

“You would,” snickered Joan, and a round of giggles erupted.

“No, seriously. If we’re gonna talk about people who can read each other’s minds – Joe and Liat barely speak the same language. There’s no foreplay, like, at all – they meet, he says ‘Hello’, and before you know it he’s tearing her clothes off. It’s like, bam! Instantaneous. They just see each other and they fall in love. It’s, like, destiny, or something.”

“Falling in love isn’t the same thing as falling into bed,” said Elaine Sanchez, a petite Philippino girl who, Max knew, was Liz’s only real competition for valedictorian. Liz had also tested into the class, but because she was also taking Calculus this year (a class usually reserved only for seniors), they’d had to place her in a different session taught by Mr. Perez later in the day. All the students caught the pointed comment at Pam, but as Elaine didn’t seem to want to call special attention to it, no one else did it for her. “And can you really say that Liat fell in love by choice? She’s spent her life being raised by nuns at school and her extremely bossy and rather scary mother at home. Mom walks into the house with this guy and tells her to ‘love’ him, like it’s a light switch. Whether that means Liat’s supposed to fall in love with him or make love to him isn’t clear, but either way, she’s done nothing in her life but respond to authority.”

“She has a father,” Ms. Hardy pointed out.

“Who’s mentioned in passing only, if ever. And he’s never referred to as anything other than ‘Liat’s father’ or ‘Bloody Mary’s husband’. He’s just as submissive as his daughter,” Elaine argued.

“But Nellie’s pretty submissive, too,” said Eddie Langdon. He was on the basketball team with Kyle, though his skills were nothing to brag about. At a school any larger than West Roswell, he wouldn’t have stood a chance at getting on the team. Still, he was a very hard worker, which served him well both on the court and in the classroom. “With everything she does, she wonders what her Momma would think. In the absence of her mom, she goes to that older nurse, Dinah, for approval. Even when she’s thinking about marrying Emile, she just has to write home to mom.

“Plus, Nellie seems more like the type who’s constantly falling in and out of love. A few weeks before she met Emile, she was proposing marriage to another guy and thinking her world would end when she found out he was already married. Then, a month later, she wants to marry Emile. But after she finds out that he has illegitimate Polynesian kids, she flips out. She can’t see past their skin color to what great kids they are. And her first order of business after this revelation is to write to her old boyfriend back in Arkansas and tell him she’ll marry him. This girl goes through more men than an old issue of Playboy.”

Another round of laughter followed Eddie’s reference. Trying to regain control, Ms. Hardy picked out an unsuspecting victim. “What do you think, Max?”

Max was a little surprised at being called upon, but at least he wasn’t entirely unprepared. “At least Nellie went back,” he said softly. “Joe just gave up. He didn’t fight for Liat – not against his family’s expectations or his own prejudices. He loved her, but he refused to fight for her. Nellie recognized that she was making a mistake, went back to De Becque’s house, and stood her ground. And she was facing the same prejudices as Joe was, maybe even worse. She was willing to fight.”

Ms. Hardy was surprised – she hadn’t expected that reaction from Max. He was a very intelligent student, and he always said something interesting, when he could be persuaded to say anything at all, but that particular opinion of his was rather unexpected. She would have loved to try and get him to go into further detail, but he’d touched on something that she knew needed to be addressed, and this might be the only chance she’d have for a while.

“Let’s talk a little bit more about the prejudices Joe was facing and the prejudices Nellie was facing. What was really so different about the two?” From there the conversation continued from there on to the distinctions between Tonkinese and Polynesian, and whether James Michener’s book could be considered the ‘Huckleberry Finn’ of the twentieth century. But Max only half paid attention as he internally pondered the war-torn world that Michener portrayed where prejudices morphed into expectations and expectations masqueraded as morals; where true happiness cost dearly and too many people settled for – or were destroyed by – cheap substitutions.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When the bell rang for lunch, Max was excused by Ms. Hardy for ten minutes in order to get some food from the cafeteria, but with strict instructions that if he got back in eleven minutes rather than ten, he’d be in detention the next day as well.

Max breathlessly scoured the campus before finally spotting Liz just as she was about to head into the cafeteria. Alex was with her, and she was laughing at a joke he was telling her. She wore khaki pants and a white top that contrasted beautifully against her tawny skin.

“Liz!” Max called out. At once, she and Alex turned towards him. As Max jogged to where they were, Liz turned and said something to Alex, which prompted him to continue through the double doors without waiting for her.

“Hey, Max,” Liz smiled. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I can’t talk much, I have detention with Ms. Hardy, but I wanted to know if you wanted to get together after school today and … study,” he concluded meaningfully.

Catching on, Liz nodded. “Well, I have to work until five. Is that okay?”

Max quickly agreed to come pick her up from the Crashdown at five and then was forced by time constraints to turn around and leave her just as suddenly as he’d appeared.

Ms. Hardy was eating New England clam chowder from a Tupperware bowl with a plastic spoon when he returned. Quietly, Max took his usual seat and pulled out Michener to at least appear to be doing something productive.

“That was an interesting comment you made in class today, Max,” Ms. Hardy told him as she finished the last of her chowder. He looked up and saw that she was watching him. She was wearing a dark blue cotton shirt with a high neck and a forest green pencil skirt. While she usually wore contacts, today her thin wire-framed glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. She was a young teacher, less than ten years older than most of her students, which was part of why she was so strict – she needed to make sure her authority was clear, and she didn’t have the age of some of her colleagues to rely on. Still, she was smart, talented, and very professional.

“It was?” Max asked, wondering why she brought it up.

“Yes, it was. The only problem with it was, you didn’t really tell me your opinion, you just told me about the story. You said Nellie fought for what she wanted. What do you think about that?”

Max thought about it for a second. “I guess I thought that made her braver than Joe Cable was.”

Ms. Hardy nodded. Then she stood up. “Listen, Max,” she began to walk around to the front of her desk, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but your grades have been slipping for a while now. Not dramatically, but enough to notice. Why don’t you talk to me about the book a little today? We can both stave off some boredom, and I’ll be willing to count it as some extra credit to get your average back up.”

Max thought about it and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Ms. Hardy echoed. “So tell me more about how Nellie is braver than Joe.”

“Well, they’re both in the same situation – they come from families that have expectations of them. They’re both quasi-engaged. They both fall in love with people they wouldn’t have even met if it weren’t for the war. And they fall in love with people their families back home wouldn’t approve of. Joe lets that dictate his actions, but Nellie decides to take a risk instead.”

“But the nuances of their situations aren’t identical, Max. Nellie’s only socializing on the island is limited to married doctors and officers and the other nurses. Dinah’s the only real friend she has, and Dinah’s not stupid. She encourages Nellie to follow her heart and make the right decisions. The only prejudicial socializing that Nellie has is coming from her mother, and her mother is about nine thousand miles away in Arkansas. And she’s in love with a man who has the whole island’s respect and goodwill. Joe, on the other hand, goes to the officer’s club and listens to the others make fun of the native girls, show off their pictures as the epitome of exotic sex objects, and in the same breath swear they wouldn’t touch those girls with ten-foot poles. He’s still actively subjected to the scrutiny of the men he commands, his fellow officers, even his superiors.”

Before you get an ill opinion of Ms. Hardy, dear reader, let your author assure you that she wouldn’t consider having this conversation with just any student. She knew Max to be intelligent and mature beyond his years, and therefore, where she might not have argued such a complex point in front of the whole class, especially knowing the effect that the mere mention of the word “sex” had on the typical high school male, she knew Max would – you’ll pardon the phrase, oh readers – rise above any petty immaturities.

“Nellie was an ensign – she had nothing but superiors. And she knew when she was being foolish,” Max argued. “Joan was right when she said that Joe stringed Liat along – he told her he loved her and was proud of her, then refused to marry her.”

“He never told her he would. Joe was honest with her the whole time. He never lied to her. Emile hid his secrets from Nellie until she’d already agreed to marry him.”

“He was afraid to lose her,” Max said sadly.

“Joe was afraid of losing Liat, too, but that didn’t stop him from telling her the truth,” Ms. Hardy responded. “Max, you’ve got some good arguments, but think a little bit more about whether you’re being entirely fair to Joe and Liat.” Max nodded his acquiescence to Ms. Hardy’s instructions. “Now, about the homework you missed …”


~~~~
TBC

Out of sheer boredom, I’m posting this early. Sorry it’s so short, I’d meant to post the two parts together, but my beta had to go and disappear on me. She still hasn’t gotten the edits back to me, so this part is subject to change.

My thanks to:

L-J-L 75
Earth2Mama (x2) – oh yes, I’m just full of clever ideas like that.
Augustus – Give the book a try, it’s amazing.
Angel eyes
Scottie – thanks! My beta and I were agonizing for hours trying to find a book that would work for this.
Dreamerfrvrp3 – this part’s for you.
Sprayadhesive – we missed you!
Dreamsatnight – I heart you!





The Butterfly Loss

Chapter Thirteen (b) – One Dream in My Heart

The overhead bell chimed as Max pushed the door open and gingerly walked into the café at 4:58 that afternoon. He looked around, but didn’t see Liz right away. Mr. Parker, though, was behind the counter, and waved at Max as he walked in. Max waved back then went to sit in his usual booth to wait for Liz.

As he gracefully slid into the booth, Max’s ears perked up at the sound of ‘Que Sera Sera’ by Doris Day sounding from the overhead speakers. Clearly, Mr. Parker was in charge of the music selection today. Years of spending time in the café had taught him to recognize exactly what music tastes the various members of the Crashdown staff, and especially the Parker family, had. Of all of them, Mr. Parker’s taste was the most volatile – even more so than Maria’s. He might listen to Pink Floyd one day and the Big Bopper the next. Sometimes Liz managed to veto his choices that she regarded as being too embarrassing, but today was obviously not one of those days.

None too soon for his liking, Doris Day faded into potent silence marred by the background chatter of other customers. Through the window in the door that led to the back room, Max saw a swish of turquoise and silver coming down the stairs. His heart sped up in anticipation as a single chord on an electric guitar played over the stereo. Just as Liz pushed the door open and walked into the room, the Everly Brothers began to sing in harmonized voices.

Dream
Dream, dream, dream
Dream
Dream, dream, dream

Liz walked over to the counter next to the kitchen and picked up a plate that was waiting for her. She smiled at her dad before she went to deliver the hot food to its rightful owner at a booth near Max’s.

When I want you in my arms
When I want you and all your charms
Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream

After setting the plate down and asking if the customer needed anything else, Liz looked to her right and smiled at Max. The world teetered on its edge.

Dream, dream, dream

She walked to Max, standing just outside the booth. “Hey, I’m going to be a few minutes, Agnes didn’t show up again and I need to help out my dad.”

Max nodded. “That’s okay, I’ll wait.”

“Would you like anything?”

When I feel blue in the night
And I need you to hold me tight
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream.

“Cherry coke?” Max asked.

“Coming right up.” With that Liz turned on her heel and went to fetch his drink.

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

For the next few minutes, Max returned to the days before the shooting as he just watched Liz deftly maneuver about the café, picking up orders, delivering food and drinks, being her cheery wonderful self to all. The pale, ill-looking creature from only a day before was not even a distant memory in Max’s mind.

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream

Dream, dream, dream
Dream

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I’m dreamin’ my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream

Dream, dream, dream
Dream
Dream, dream, dream
Dream
Dream, dream, dream

Once again, Max felt the world shift as Liz approached him. “I’m just going to run upstairs and change,” she told him.

“I’ll be here.”

She exited the dining area just as “Wendy” by Association came on. Max watched through the glass as she went up the stairs. He waited a little bit before getting out of his booth and going over to the cash register where Mr. Parker was now stationed, tapping his pencil on the counter in rhythm as he quietly sang along.

Who’s creepin’ down the streets of the city
Smilin’ at everybody she sees,
Who’s reachin’ out to capture a moment?
Everyone knows it’s Wendy

And Wendy has stormy eyes
That clash at the sound of lies
And Wendy has wings to fly
Above the clouds
Above the clouds
Above the clouds
Above the clouds

“Hey, Mr. Parker,” Max interrupted the singing.

“Hey, Max.” Mr. Parker put down his pencil and sat up. “Thanks again for helping Liz out when she was sick this weekend. I really appreciate it.”

“Oh, it was no problem.” Max reached for his wallet, but Mr. Parker put his hands up to stop him.

“It’s on the house,” he insisted.

Max was about to offer to pay once more, when Liz appeared at his side. She carried a small tote bag with a few school books inside. “Ready?” she asked.

“Let’s go,” he nodded.

Max thanked Mr. Parker, and Liz him goodbye and headed out the front door that Max held open for her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Two hours later, Max and Liz practiced blasting pebbles in the desert terrain against a glowing sunset. A sunset in the desert is different from a sunset anywhere else. The sky morphs into shades of yellow, then orange, then red, then pink, then purple, then black. Much like the ocean, the sand reflects the changes in the sky overhead. As the shadows become long, the sand begins to look like a sea of lava at your feet. The pink and purple hues that follow rival any field of poppies found in a temperate zone. The waves of sand are disturbed by limited plant life, mostly cacti and sage bushes reaching for the sun. The few flowers that can be found in the day collapse in on themselves as protection against the night. The sun radiates a bright red even as it slips over the horizon, looking like an apple that someone has taken a bite out of. Its light continues to stay strong as if to promise a return the following morning. The heat curls away with every passing minute, and every creature can feel the temperature drop intensely.

Liz wasn’t able to do much other than gather her strength together. Holding it inside of her was such a strong instinct, even after so brief a period, that she had trouble releasing it. Max tried to get her to focus on a single target, but usually she’d end up blowing a crater all around herself rather than at any focal point.

“Maybe this was too much for the first day,” he said to her as they walked back to the jeep after the sun had fallen. “Maybe we should start with paper cuts or something.”

“But I thought you were the only one who could heal,” Liz questioned.

“That’s for big things, like sickness or … gunshot wounds. Isabel and Michael can fix cuts, bruises, even broken bones.”

Liz nodded, remembering with a sinking feeling how it felt to watch Tess heal a cut on Max’s face when Nasedo had died. At the time, she’d taken it as a sign of Max and Tess’s connection, because they could share the same power of healing. Now she realized she’d been overanalyzing the event.

Another thought popped into her head. “Oh! Can you teach me to change colors?”

“What?” Max laughed.

“Well, Isabel changed the color of my nail polish once, and I thought … that’d be kinda convenient.”

“Yeah, we could try that for next time.” Max held open the door to the jeep and offered Liz his hand as she climbed in. He was pretty happy with the way the day had gone. He and Liz only had one class together this year, Advanced Biology, and they weren’t lab partners as they had been last year. And apparently Ms. Hardy hadn’t been the only teacher upset with Max for ditching last week, and they had all given him extra work that had kept him on his toes all day. As a result, he and Liz had only spent those scant seconds during the lunch break together before he’d shown up at the Crashdown. And though they didn’t have much to show for their work today, they’d had some fun conversation, had made each other laugh, and were definitely starting to rebuild foundations that both had begun to think were beyond repair.

Max closed her door and began to walk around to the driver’s side. Liz took the opportunity to reach behind her and grab her bag from where she’d chucked it behind the seat when she’d first gotten in. As she did, a streak of yellow letters against a green background caught her eye and stirred something in her memory. She stretched again and clasped the book in her hands and then pulled it out of Max’s backpack to get a closer look. Her eyes scanned over the words, scarcely understanding the compilation of the letters there; she was lost in a vortex of remembrances that would otherwise have rested peacefully.

“What are you looking at?” Max’s voice brought her reluctantly back to reality.

“You’re reading ‘Tales of the South Pacific’?” Liz asked.

“Yeah, it’s for English class. Aren’t you guys reading it, too?”

Liz shook her head. “Perez has us reading ‘Jane Eyre’ right now.” Her eyes continued to peruse the book that she knew so well, but had never read herself. She pulled the covers apart and flipped through, searching for familiar passages.

“Have you read it before?” Max asked her. He could see her eyes lovingly beholding the book.

“I haven’t read it, but my dad used to read it out loud to me.”

Max understood. He remembered, actually, that once while they were making out, he’d seen a flash of her as a younger child, about 11 or 12, laying on a couch while her dad read aloud from a book from his sofa-chair. The book, Max thought, had been something about adventure; Robert Louis Stevenson or maybe Alexandre Dumas. It had been something that Liz enjoyed, that made her feel safe, to hear her father’s deep timbre weaving stories of places she’d never seen. Apparently Michener had also been a part of that tradition.

“How far along are you guys?” Liz inquired of Max.

“We just finished chapter ten – Joe and Liat.”

Liz smiled sadly. “That chapter used to make me cry,” she confided softly.

“Why?” Max was surprised that Liz had such a strong reaction to the two characters. He wondered if she’d still feel so strongly if she knew that Pam Troy shared her opinion.

“Because of what they lost, I guess. They were really in love. Maybe they could have had the real thing, enough to last for a lifetime.” Liz took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “But it was like, everything in the world conspired to keep them apart. No matter how much they wanted it, it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Maybe it could have been,” Max told her. “Maybe they could have made it if they were willing to fight for each other.”

“But could they really have been happy? I mean, Joe was turning his back on everyone else in his life – his family, his friends … his fiancée. It could have been very easy for Liat to stay with him, but the cost to Joe might have been more than she could repay.” Liz looked into Max’s eyes for a long time before he spoke again.

“I don’t know if that’s true, Liz. But don’t you think they both would have been so much happier together than they ever possibly could have been apart?” Max wasn’t sure whether they were talking about the characters in the novel or not, but more than anything he wanted to hear Liz’s answer.

Liz could feel the tears stinging behind her eyes as her brain scrambled for an answer, but could only register the way he was looking at her.

A shrill mechanical ringing startled the both of them, making them spring apart when they hadn’t even noticed how close they’d gotten. Liz dug into her canvas bag and pulled out her cell phone. “Yeah, hello? Hi, Dad. Yeah, we’re … we’re on our way. We should be there in twenty minutes. Bye.”

Max reluctantly reached to the keys, turned the ignition on, and drove back to the main highway leaving a trail of black dust in his wake. The moment was lost.


~~~~
TBC

Hi everyone,

Sorry this took so long. I’ll dispense with the usual excuses and just say that I’ll try to do better. So thank you all for your continued bumps and encouragement!

Love,
Me

Thanks to the following -
L-J-L 76 (x3)
Dreamsatnight – get better!
Sprayadhesive (x4) – love you. And, you were nuts before.
FrenchDreamer (x3)
Luzser1800 – Thanks! Um, post more of ‘Scripted’ soon?
Natz
Maya
Cocogurl
Mezz -

mezz wrote:You posted coz you were bored? Is it bad of me to wish you boredom more often?

Not at all.
Alien614
Scottie – beers! Soon!
Beautiful86 (x2)
Kristy – Yes! ‘Some Enchanted Evening’ was meant as another ‘South Pacific’ reference. I blame Emile DeBecque for my obsession with all things French. And let’s face it, Joe Cable was pretty damn good looking, too.
Augustus Snodgrass (x6)
Zanssoulmate08 (x2) – Thank you again for giving me this challenge.
Dreamerfrvrp3
Tabby
Alien_Friend – welcome to the show!
Confusedfool
Earth2Mama
Cocogurl








The Butterfly Loss

Chapter 14 – The Power Of Goodbye

Max barely registered the asphalt that wound under the tires of his car, or the desert as it rapidly passed by his window. Instead, he was entranced by what Liz had said when they were talking about that book from his English class. They were both using the circumstances of Joe and Liat to talk about their own situation without actually having to bring it up. Max knew it, Liz knew it, and Max knew Liz knew it. He also knew that she was thinking about their earlier conversation, too, mulling over the words he’d said to her and the private things that only she knew, things that she hadn’t shared with him yet. They were both avoiding the true subject, avoiding even looking at each other. What a change, Max thought, from just a few short hours ago, when he’d been unable to keep his gaze off of her as she’d practically floated around the café. It was the same dance they’d been doing, it felt like, for so long – even since before Michael had gotten sick last year. One step forward, two steps back. Max had promised not to push Liz for answers she wasn’t ready to tell him, but he couldn’t help but fear that this dance they were in would consume them if they didn’t take control.

Absentmindedly, Max turned a corner and suddenly realized he was less than two blocks from the Crashdown. Liz must have realized it too, for whereas she’d been perfectly still so far on the drive, now she was looking around the floor under her feet for her purse, keys and lip gloss. Hoping to end the evening on a high note, if possible, Max asked her, “So what other time do you have this week? To practice?”

Caught a little off-guard by his question, Liz thought for a moment. “Um, my dad actually hasn’t made up the schedule yet. Can I let you know tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Max resigned. He didn’t want to push her – he’d promised not to push her – but every act of letting her go, which only a week ago would have felt bittersweet, was now just bitter.

Shaking off these thoughts, Max pulled into a parking space near the front of the Crash and turned the car off. He exited quickly and made his way around to open the door for Liz. She stepped out as gracefully as if she were walking on a cloud. Together, they walked towards the front door of the restaurant in silence. It was near closing time, so there was no foot traffic; Liz saw only her parents and Michael moving around inside the café. Turning, she looked up at Max.

“Thank you for tonight, Max,” she told him sincerely. “I really appreciate it.”

Max met her gaze unflinchingly. “Anytime,” he said softly. They stood like that for just a moment, but in that moment their old connection sprang to life within them both. Feeling it grow, sensing the familiar sensations inside of her, Liz was the first to step back and look away. She put her hand on the door and pushed it open. “Good night,” she said quickly.

“Good night,” she heard him say before she stepped inside and let the door close behind her.

The door to the back swung open, and Michael walked towards her. “Hey,” he greeted. “Max still out there?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. I’ll try and catch him.” Then suddenly, Michael remembered why Liz had been out with Max. He eyed her meaningfully. “You okay?”

Liz nodded her head, adding a grateful smile. “Go on, you’ll miss him.”

“Right. See you tomorrow, Liz.”

“Night.”

Michael dashed out the front door and called out to Max just before he backed up from his parking space. Without words, he jumped into the passenger seat and Max drove off in the direction of Michael’s apartment.

Liz watched as the jeep disappeared down the street. She sighed and turned to walk towards the back room. Her father suddenly appeared in the window to the kitchen. “Hey, Lizzie,” he called to her. “You have a visitor.” With his head, he nodded towards one of the booths against the wall. Liz turned and was surprised to see Ava sitting so still and quiet in the middle booth, that she’d gone completely unnoticed.

Liz sat down across from Ava, not saying a word. Finishing up in the back, Jeff Parker switched off the lights in the kitchen, but left on a few in the dining area. He gave the girls a smile. “We’ll see you upstairs, Liz. Ava, don’t forget your bag back here.” He vanished behind the wall, but Liz waited until she heard the voice of him and her mother moving up the stairs and into the apartment.

“Hey,” she finally greeted. “What’s going on?”

“I jus wantedja to know, I’m leavin’,” Ava told her without preamble.

Liz was stunned. “Why?” was all she could manage to say.

Ava hardly knew how to explain it to her. “Ain’t nothun’ for me here.”

“But, you could go to school. Amy and Maria would let you stay, I’m sure, and my dad could give you a job.”

“Liz …” Ava shook her head. “School ain’t for me. I ain’t never been in school befo’. And it ain’t like I fit in here. I’m gonna go.”

“Where? Where will you go?”

Ava shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the table. “Dunno. Mebbe back ta New York. Mebbe California. Jus’ dunno.”

“Ava, you’re welcome to stay. Please, just think about it for a few more days,” Liz pleaded, but in vain.

“Nah, I’m gonna go. I wanna try life by m’self for a while.” What Ava didn’t tell Liz was that she was terrified of being dependant again. She’d stayed with Rath, Zan and Lonnie and with all the abuse, distrust and thinly veiled contempt that came with them, for far too long, telling herself it was worthwhile because of the temporary comfort that Zan had provided her body with. But in her brief time in Roswell, she quickly came to recognize that the bond between these friends was based on something deeper, something far more special; something they maybe didn’t even recognize, and something that she herself would never completely fit into. She’d felt like an outsider all of her life, relied on other people all her life. Ava wanted to strike out and find something on her own, build a life on her own terms instead of passively taking what came her way. As much as she would like to take advantage of what Liz was offering, doing so would cause her only to fall back into old habits.

Liz nodded sadly as she came to terms with Ava’s decision. It was strange that she felt such a kinship with this girl whom she’d met less than two weeks ago. Ava put on a tough exterior – piercings, gothic make-up, purple hair with black streaks – but her eyes betrayed the vulnerability and loneliness she felt inside, something that Liz was well acquainted with. She sensed that she and Ava were very similar people, whereas Tess and Ava couldn’t have been more different. The cold detachment that reigned Tess’s ice-like eyes was replaced with a sad but hopeful shimmer in Ava’s deep and welcoming irises. The two pairs were identical and yet startlingly different.

“Are you sure you won’t at least think about it for a while?” Liz asked once more, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah. It’s time ta go.” Ava straightened a little in her seat, the small but significant movement telling Liz that her mind was made up.

“Do you need anything? I mean, I don’t have much, but if there’s anything you--”

“Nuh thanks, I’ll be a’ight.” This was the first real goodbye that Ava had ever said, at least when she really did regret parting company. She didn’t like it very much and wanted it to be over with as soon as possible. She scooted herself out of the booth and stood up. Liz quickly followed, walking with her into the back of the café.

“When will you leave?” she asked sadly.

Ava stopped walking at the couch. A small canvas bag was lying on the floor. “There’s a bus leavin’ soon. I got a ticket. A’ready said g’bye to Maria an’ Amy.” They turned to face each other. Once again, Ava determined she really didn’t like goodbyes.

“Goodbye,” Liz said awkwardly. “Good luck, okay?”

Ava smiled slightly. “Thanks. You, too.”

Liz wanted Ava to stay, longed to continue their fledgling camaraderie, but knew it would be in vain to try to convincer her. She held herself back from giving Ava a hug like the type her grandmother used to give her when they said goodbye, sensing a discomfort with physical displays of affection on Ava’s part on top of the unease of such a new friendship. But she couldn’t resist temptation entirely, so after a few clumsy seconds, she leaned forward and put her arms around Ava’s shoulders, squeezing lightly and backing off quickly, not wanting Ava to feel suffocated in any way.

No one had ever given Ava a hug before. The only time she’d witnessed them had been with well-dressed families on the street, or once in a long while, she’d see a couple embracing like that. She was flattered and grateful that Liz felt strongly enough to give her one, but she didn’t really know how to return it or what to do. So, playing it off lightly, she gave a small smile, rolled her eyes, and said, “So cornball.”

“Okay,” Liz said with a smile, instinctively understanding.

With that, Ava picked up her bag, turned around and walked out the door.

Liz sighed and lay down on the couch. She closed her eyes, breathed deeply, and let the silence of the still air around her wash over her like a blanket. The day had been long and full, and she was exhausted, yet the day felt incomplete. Something had to be done first.

Liz sat up reluctantly from the couch, but when she stood she became filled with a sense of purpose. Ascending the stairs, that sense became stronger. She could almost feel her goal calling to her from her room, telling her she wouldn’t be at peace again until the impulse she felt was sated. Bypassing her parents as quickly as possible, she went into her room and shut the door. Without preamble she moved her wooden floor mirror away from the wall and fell to her knees quickly, her fingers flying to trace the edges of one lonely brick. With a little nudging, the brick slid from its resting place and fell into her hands, lightly sprinkling them with a thin layer of cement dust. She didn’t look into the empty space created by the brick’s absence, just reached the long, thin fingers of one hand inside. They circled around their goal and pulled out a journal of brown leather. Liz spent a few moments reacquainting herself with her journal, with its look, feel and weight. She’d made an entry just after that morning out at the Pod Chamber, and then had put it away. At that time, feeling its weight in her lap as she wrote had felt more akin to that brick on the floor, or a whole load of them. It was the weight of all her hopes and dreams, not only from sophomore year, but from all the many months before that, ever since her grandmother had given this gift to her. At one time, they seemed full of promise and hope, and especially over the last year, of a life enjoyed. But after that morning, everything had been so confused and jumbled that she simply knew filling all the empty pages in the world wouldn’t help her sort through a single thing. And so she’d put it away, expecting never to connect with the girl who wrote those lines ever again.

Liz didn’t think she’d missed writing in this thing. She’d certainly never thought about it, had never been struck with the desire to write in it again and ignored it, quashed it, buried it. She’d gone six months forgetting it had even existed, that she’d ever spent hours agonizing over the words that could adequately reflect her life before committing them to paper. But now, with the journal in her hands once more, she felt more complete somehow – more alive. It was as if none of the events that had marked her life since that morning in May had happened, as long as they weren’t written about. She’d spent so much time in this half-life these last months, ignoring every impulse or desire for the sake of everyone around her. This journal was her luxury, and she knew it couldn’t be denied anymore.

She quickly grabbed a pen from her desk and scrambled out the window. Finding the automatic matchstick that she kept on the balcony, she proceeded to light a few of the candles and plugged in the string of lights along the window frames. When she was satisfied with the atmosphere she’d created, she sat down to write. And as she did, she was struck with a sensation that she’d become rather familiar with over the last week – she felt as if she was waking up from a bad dream, or as if she was coming to life again.


November 27, 2000

I’m Liz Parker, and five days ago I thought things would never really be okay again. Five days ago, I thought that everything I cared about last year was lost to me.

But then, with the help of Isabel, I went to New York without leaving the dining room and returned a favor from over a year ago. And what I’ve realized since I woke up and saw Max kneeling next to me, is that maybe, like when he healed me last year, this is a chance for us to get to know each other again, to get back something that we’ve lost. So much has happened, but there’s a chance to put it all behind us and move on from here.

All I have to do is irrevocably alter the lives of everyone I love.

Again.


She hadn’t meant for the entry to end so morosely; but if she was honest with herself, she wasn’t sure it was morose. Ironic, possibly, but not morose. The impulse to tell Max everything about her and Kyle, everything about everything, had been so great for so long, and she was weak from the fight. Ava’s departure only furthered that emotional exhaustion. She knew that the only way she’d find comfort again was in that place she was in last year, where no matter how crazy everything was, it was honest. They were honest. There in that plastic folding chair, Liz began to truly understand the meaning behind the words “the truth shall set you free.” The phrase ceased to be a trite motto; instead, it sang to her veins. And the song told her that the truth was the only thing in the world she had, and as long as she kept it from Max, it wouldn’t ever, couldn’t ever, be enough to sustain her. No matter the consequences, the truth was something she was going to have to share.





~~~~
TBC

Hey! I'm back!!


Katydid – Yeah, a lot of people were sorry to see Ava go. I might bring her back later on.
Earth2Mama (x2) – I just meant that she'd "alter their lives" by telling Max the truth about everything that FM said and all she did at his behest.
Sprayadhesive – you're always nuts.
Augustus Snodgrass – slap you for loving my stories? What kind of abusive friend would that make me? Plus, I doubt you'd love me or the products of my imagination for long if I took to slapping you.
Angel Kisses 70 – you're so sweet! Thank you!
The Short Aiel
Cocogurl
L-J-L 76
Thetvgeneral
FrenchDreamer
Scottie – what are your holiday plans like? I still owe you beers! (note I didn't say "a beer again!)
Alien_Friend (x3)
BehrObsession
Maya
Behrluv32 – go work on PP!
Luna_Seer
Zanssoulmate08 – thank you as always. Did I mention how much I love the word "brazen"? I might have to work it into one of the later chapters.
Alien614
Beautiful86 – I'm back!
Dreamerfrvrp3




The Butterfly Loss

Chapter 15 – Scaredy Cat

It was Thursday before Liz even had the chance to think about a way to tell Max about everything that had happened in October. Maybe it was because she was working every closing shifts while Max worked afternoons. Maybe it was because Max was still catching up on the work he’d missed. Or maybe it was because she was just too damn scared.

Yep, that was it. She was scared. She couldn’t figure out how on earth to tell him about everything that had happened, everything Max had witnessed, in October. Every opening line sounded lame and idiotic, not to mention completely unbelievable, even by Czechoslovakian standards. And trying to figure out how to put everything into words was driving Liz to distraction. It was one thing to tell Maria – she was so crazy that no matter what you said and how crazy your own words might sound to you, she could make sense of it. But Max was bestowed with no such insanity, and consequently, Liz was left with no ideas for how to do this.

She was so lost in her thoughts, staring into the darkness of her locker, that she didn’t even hear him come up and stand a couple of lockers away from her.

“Hey,” Max greeted.

Liz turned, a little shocked at the disruption of her thoughts, and tried to ignore the way her stomach quivered with that one little syllable. “Hey,” she said in return, then got back to trading books from her backpack to her locker.

Max stood waiting for her, unsure of what else to say. While things were definitely improving between them since the weekend, they still weren’t entirely passed the awkwardness, and in trying to coordinate a “study time” this week, they’d pretty much exhausted any and all formalities.

They were still standing together in silence, Max facing Liz with his shoulder against the lockers, Liz facing her locker and fiddling absently with her school supplies, when Maria approached them, occupying the space between them but going unnoticed by both. “My, my, my, aren’t we chatty this morning?” she quipped sarcastically.

Liz whipped around. “Oh, hi, Maria.”

“Oh, hi, Liz.” Maria’s eyes narrowed.

Max cleared his throat. “Well I, uh, I’m gonna go to class.”

Liz looked back up at him, but didn’t say anything. When Maria realized she wouldn’t be responding in any sort of a timely manner, she said, “Good plan there, Max.”

“Okay. See you.” Max stood up straight and walked down the hall.

Maria noticed Liz staring after him as he left. “Okay, spill, chica. What’s going on?”

“What?”

“With you, with him, with you and him!” Maria gestured wildly. Liz opened her mouth, but Maria interrupted her. “And don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about; you know very well what I’m talking about.”

Liz sighed as she closed her locker, and the two of them fell walked side by side in a well-practiced pace to their history class. “I’ve decided to tell him, Maria.”

Maria looked at Liz blankly. “Tell who what?”

“Tell Max about Future Max.”

Maria gaped. “Girl, finally! You should have told him a long time ago. So, is that what all that was back there at your locker? Did you tell him that you guys needed to talk? ‘Cause they never like to hear that, you know. Gives ‘em the heebie-jeebies.”

“No, I didn’t say anything just now. I just … I don’t know how to say it, you know? I just don’t know how to actually form the words. I hurt him so much, Maria. How do I even begin to tell him that I did that because, in some twisted way, he asked me to?”

“Well, you told me easily enough,” Maria reasoned as they walked in the door of Mr. Hunter’s U.S. History class.

“Well yeah, but, that was different.”

“How’s it different, Liz?”

“It just … is.” Liz took her seat, and Maria slid into the seat behind her. “I mean, you saw how it was with us. How he couldn’t even look at me. Ever since they found that book last year, Max has been determined to be in control of his own life and make his own decisions. And I manipulated all his insecurities to take that away from him. We’re just starting to be friends again. I’ve made so many mistakes already. What if he can’t forgive this? What if it’s just too much for us to ever get past?”

“Look – first of all, Max already knows about the thing with Kyle, so that’s out of the way. And secondly, I think the best way to get him to forgive you for taking away his choices like that is to put the control back in his hands, and the only way to do that is to tell him the truth.” The shrill sound of the bell rang and Maria’s last words were almost lost in the shuffle around them as the other students scrambled to their seats. “You can only make it better from here, Liz.”

As Mr. Hunter began class, Liz couldn’t help thinking that those were eerily similar to what might be called “famous last words.”

~*~*~*~

“A little frustrated, Maxwell?”

Max had to stop himself from groaning out loud. Why did Michael always end up being in the restroom when he was putting his fists through the stalls?

Rubbing his slightly bruised knuckles, Max stepped away from the neon green toilet stall and leaned his head back against the tiles next to the drying machine. Michael stepped in from the entrance and hopped up on the counter between the sink and the wall that Max was leaning against. “What’s going on?” he inquired. Max sighed. “Liz?” Michael ventured a guess. Max squeezed his eyes shut and Michael knew he was right. “What’s up? I thought everything was going well for you two since Monday.”

“Yeah, but I’ve hardly seen her since then. Our work schedules have been completely messed up this week, and we just,” he sighed, “we can’t seem to get it together.”

Michael knew he wasn’t talking just about this week. “What’re you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s not anyone’s fault, right? It’s just the way things happened right now. I know it’ll get better sometime – at least, I think it will – but still, it sucks.”

Michael nodded slowly, sagely. Then he abruptly stood up and quipped, “You’ll work it out,” before turning around and washing his hands in the sink.

Max chuckled. “Well thank you for your continued patience and attention, Dr. Freud.”

“Hey, I’m just stating a fact.” Michael turned on the drying machine, causing Max to move over slightly. “You’ll work it out.”

As they made their way out the door, Max muttered under his breath, “I feel better already.”


~*~*~*~

“You are such a chicken.”

“I am not!”

“You so totally are.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Then why don’t you just go over there, drag him into the Eraser Room at tell him? As I recall, you guys had your share of meaningful conversations in there.” Maria scoffed. “As if you couldn’t find anything better to do in the Eraser Room, for God’s sake.”

Liz thought up an answer for that one as she tried to recover from the humiliation of having gotten into an “am not/are too” argument with Maria in the quad. Sadly, she couldn’t come up with anything.

“Baaaawk! Bawk bawk bawk!” Maria made chicken noises in a gleeful tone.

“Stop that!” Liz admonished playfully.

“Hey guys,” Alex greeted cheerfully as he approached and sat down. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, we’re just going over the indisputable fact that Liz is a chicken,” Maria seriously informed him.

“Well, as long as you’re making good use of your time.”

“Okay, you guys aren’t funny!” Liz tried to scold, but her lips curled upwards in a smile even as the words passed over them. She knew the teasing was all in good fun, and it wasn’t entirely unfounded, either. She still needed to work up the guts to go up and tell Max the truth. But the bottom line was, she was terrified of what might happen when she did, and that fear was paralyzing her. She just didn’t think she could take another confrontation like the one they’d had in Arizona, where Max had been so hurt and angry at her that she felt like tearing her own heart out to distract her from the pain.

“Hey,” a voice behind her caused shivers to run up and down her spine. Liz looked up at Maria’s and Alex’s faces. They were both staring at a figure above and behind Liz, their expressions confirmed what Liz already knew was true.

She turned around and looked up, shielding her eyes from the sunlight directly overhead. “Hi, Max.”

“Watch this,” Maria whispered to Alex.

Max crouched down and sat on the grass with his legs out and his back to Alex and Maria so that he was directly facing Liz. “So, I know you’re busy tonight, but I was wondering what your schedule’s like this weekend.”

Liz thought for a moment since her father had only made up the weekend schedule that morning. “I’m opening and closing on Saturday. I’ll have the lunch shift off and then I have Sunday through Tuesday off.”

“Opening and closing?” Max inquired. That was an awful work day, starting before 7am and not finishing until after 9pm.

“Yeah, Agnes is out sick again and Jenny’s still not back from maternity leave, and Lupe has to go to her cousin’s wedding in Mexico this weekend.” Maria shot Liz a glance that said something along the lines of, “Oh, please.” Liz narrowed her eyes in return; after all, she was telling the truth. Then she turned her attention back to Max, who didn’t see Maria’s share of the exchange, but didn’t question what Liz’s gesture meant. “What about you?” she asked.

“I’m working the day shift at the Center both days,” he responded. That meant he’d show up at 10am, open the doors at 10:30, and get off of work at 4:30pm, right when Liz would be starting her second shift of the day on Saturday. “How about Sunday night? I’ll come to the café and we can go from there.”

Oh, God, Liz thought. She was trapped. Stuck. There was no way out of this one. She’d have to say yes. “Um, okay.”

“All right,” Max said, satisfied that they’d committed to a time. He’d have loved to stay a little while longer, but he could feel Maria’s eyes boring holes into his back. It was very unnerving. He’d probably interrupted something when he’d approached them. Max rose to his feet. “I’m going to go get food. I’ll see you all later.”

“Bye,” Liz said softly.

“Bye, Max!” Maria called, a little too edgy to everyone’s ears.

“Later,” Alex mumbled between bites of his sandwich.

Liz turned and watched over her shoulder as Max walked away. Every movement made her breath catch in her throat.

“Baaaaaaaaaawwwwk! Bawk bawk bawk bawk!” came Maria’s voice.


~~~~
TBC

My thanks to the following:

Sprayadhesive
Carter13
Thetvgeneral
L-J-L 76
Dreamer-laure
Luna_Seer
Angel Kisses 70
Cocogurl
Addicted2AmberEyes
Alien_Friend
FrenchDreamer
Maya
Katydid
Earth2Mama
LovinRoswell
Roswelldreamer4life
Rave_girl297
Alien614
Belleoftheball
Zanssoulmate08 – thanks as always!
Lurkers

I know this one is short, and I’m sorry for that!




Lines taken from ‘Pilot’ and SH.


The Butterfly Loss

Chapter 16 – Reap What You Sow

The roller-coaster of emotions didn’t seem to be coming to a stop any time soon. Liz could feel pent up energy – nervousness, fear, uncertainty – coursing through her body, causing her to shake as she swept the floor of the dining area. A week ago, this feeling frightened her beyond comprehension, but now it was like a familiar friend whose mere presence gave her small comfort. No, the real fear was of something else entirely. She was afraid of what would happen when she told Max the truth about what he’d seen in October. And as much as she’d have loved to put that off for a lifetime or two, she knew it had to happen soon. It was only by mere coincidence that they hadn’t spent more than a few minutes in each other’s company this week. And, much like it felt last week when Max was in New York, Liz knew deeply, instinctively, that her time was running out.

Two soft knocks at the front door made her look up and freeze. How was it that he knew she was thinking about him? And he did know; she could tell from the look on his face. He knew that she was thinking about him, and that there was a reason they hadn’t seen much of each other this week.

Slowly she walked to the door and unlocked it, never breaking eye contact. She pulled the door towards her a little, and he pushed it from the other side. Before she knew it, he’d slipped inside and was standing in front of her.

“What are you doing here, Max?” she asked softly. Even as she said it, she could feel a whisper of the past somewhere in her memory. It reminded her that once she’d said the same words, though under much different circumstances.

“I just wanted to see you. I couldn’t wait until Sunday. I just …” Max reached out and played with a strand of Liz’s hair that had fallen astray from her pony tale before releasing it, “wanted to see you.”

Liz forced herself to break eye contact, only for a second, to check the clock behind her. “Max, it’s after ten. Your shift’s been over for hours. Won’t your parents be wondering where you are?” Max’s mother had gotten a bit clingy since he’d returned from his “camping trip”. Isabel suspected it was because she still regretted his absence over Thanksgiving.

“They’ve already gone to bed,” Max told her. He walked further into the café and slid out of his leather jacket, placing it on the counter. “Can I help with anything?”

Liz gaped for a minute – he was wearing that black T-shirt that was just tight enough to remind her of how beautiful his body was. Combined with his dark hair, his skin and eyes seemed to glow, even in the terrible half-light of the café.

“Uh … no – I mean, no, I’m …” Liz had to stop herself from staring. “I’m just about finished up.”

Max nodded and leaned with his elbows against the counter and watched Liz sweep the floor. How was it possible that anyone in that uniform could still look beautiful? She was tired, even a little sweaty, wearing an almost shapeless neon dress … and yet he couldn’t stop his eyes from traveling up the back of her legs, his head from imagining what treasures might be hidden from view by the cotton dress, his mouth from watering just a little at the thought of feeling her kiss again.

She’d almost finished, and there was a small pile of dirt, dust and discarded trash that her broom had discovered on the floor. Max grabbed the dustpan from where it sat on the floor a few feet away from him. Without saying a word, he crouched down in front of the dirt pile. He looked up at her just as she looked at him. Liz smiled a small smile. How many guys would help a girl by holding a dustpan? Housework of any kind was enough to send Michael heading for the hills, Liz knew from hearing Isabel and Maria talk about the state of a certain green unnamed substance in his bathroom. But then again, Max was different. Max had always been different. She knew that.

He stood up and dumped the contents of the dustpan into a large trash can that usually stood behind the counter. Then he walked back towards Liz with his hand outstretched. “I’ll put that away for you,” he said.

His hand fisted around the broom, fitting snugly between Liz’s grip. As soon as she felt his warmth crawling into her, she knew that this was the moment. The time for fear had passed.

“Max wait, I – I need to talk to you.” Liz gripped the broom tighter and pulled it towards herself until Max released it. She walked around him and placed the broom so that it leaned against the counter in the space Max had so recently occupied. When she turned back around, she noticed that he still had the dustpan in his hands. That wouldn’t do. She took it from him and put it on the floor next to the broom.

Max looked intently at her. “What’s going on, Liz?”

Liz hadn’t really thought past this point yet. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she tried to think of the words that would get him to understand … everything. She found none. “I don’t know how to … tell you …”

Then suddenly an idea popped into her head. It was perfect; they were standing in almost exactly the same spot as …

“Can I show you? Can I … can I let you see?”

Max felt a tremendous joy and humility at what she was asking. She wanted him to see her, to see a part of her – the essence of her – in which there were no lies or misunderstandings. It was like being invited to tour the Garden of Eden, for if there was such a place, surely it would be a part of Liz.

He stepped closer to her. His hands automatically went up to feel the soft skin of her chin, her neck, her cheeks. He had to force himself not to kiss her with everything he was feeling.

Liz wanted nothing more than to kiss him and forget that everything from May onwards had ever happened, but there were more pressing matters at hand. “Just take deep breaths,” she whispered, “and try to let your mind blank out.”

Getting a blank mind was hard to do when he was standing that close to Liz, but Max tried his best.

As their connection gained strength inside of her, inside of him, between them, Liz closed her eyes and concentrated. She tried to let him know how deeply sorry she was, how much it pained her to ever hurt him in any way. And when she felt his wonder at what she was referring to, she opened the floodgates and showed him everything. All the secrets, all the questions, all the answers came flowing forth, until she had nothing left to give.

The cold air hit her face harshly where his fingers had kept her warm less than a second before. Liz forced her eyes open and nearly started crying at the sight of Max standing several feet back from her, fists clenched, chest heaving, eyes glaring.

“What,” he breathed through clenched teeth, “the FUCK was that?”

Liz was stunned. She’d never known Max to use that kind of profanity.

All the joy had definitely gone out of the situation now. “You just … played with my life like that? I never thought you’d do that. I never thought you were capable of just … using people like that...”

“It wasn’t playing, Max. It wasn’t ever a game.”

“Then what? You wanted to get me off your back so badly, you tricked me into thinking you’d slept with the one person you knew I could never be for you?”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Liz cried.

“The right thing? The right thing would have been to tell me the truth, Liz. I never lied to you! I’ve always been honest with you, from Day One! Even that-that … version of me or whatever he was, at least he was honest with you! Jesus, Liz! How could you do it?”

Before Liz could even think of an answer, she heard her father’s voice calling from the apartment. “Liz? Who’s there?”

Max looked at the door that led to the back room, then back at Liz. His teeth grated against each other. “I … I gotta go.”

He’d stormed out the front door before she could register what had happened.

“Sweetheart?” Jeff Parker walked in through the door. “Are you alone down here?”

Liz’s body stiffened and she willed the stinging in her eyes to go away. “Yeah,” she answered, hoping he didn’t notice the way her voice cracked. “I’m alone.”


~*~*~*~
TBC

Thank you everyone again for your feedback and support.

This part was really tough to write, and I imagine the next one will be even tougher. But I wanted to thank you all for putting up with me.

Okay now, it’s time for another game! Aren’t you guys excited?

For today’s cultural reference game, see if you can spot the reference to one of my favorite books from childhood (the main character reminded me of my brother). People who cheat and use search engines, well, that’s not very nice.



The Butterfly Loss

Chapter Seventeen – If I Could Turn Back Time

Tess stepped out of the shower and into the mist-covered bathroom. She picked up her towel from the hanger on the wall – there was no way it would be touching any of the other surfaces in this room, since the Valenti men had let themselves go somewhat since the departure of Jim’s wife several years earlier. She wrapped the warm terrycloth around her body, and felt a shiver on the back of her neck, as though she was being watched. She moved to the mirrored counter where cotton balls and a bottle of astringent awaited her. She lifted her hand to the mirror to clear the fog.

She was only half-shocked to see Nicholas’s reflection in the mirror, standing against the wall near the door.

“Didn’t hear you come in,” she snorted.

“Didn’t think I needed an invitation.”

Tess reached for a cotton ball and the astringent bottle. “What are you doing here? I told you, nothing’s happened yet.”

“I came to,” Nicholas licked his lips, “protect my interests here.”

Tess rolled her eyes. “Must be tough for you to be perpetually stuck in mid-puberty. Are you even capable of getting it up?”

“Lonnie never had any complaints.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet the voice cracking was a real turn-on.” Tess squeezed her eyes shut and put her arms up in the air. In a high, screeching voice, she cried, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!,” purposely cracking her voice on the last syllable. Then she lowered her arms again. “Very sexy.”

“I’ve found ways to make up for it. And once we get back home, believe me, you won’t be left wanting.”

“Yeah, well, at the rate things are going here, we’ll never get back there.” Tess let out an exasperated sigh before she started to treat her skin. Her powers helped her avoid the pitfalls of so many teenagers, but they couldn’t take care of everything, and besides, there were some pretty interesting products out there. As long as she was stuck on this planet, she might as well enjoy some of what it had to offer.

“You still haven’t found the granilith?” Nicholas enquired.

“They won’t even tell me where it is.” Tess felt like a failure. She had only one job to do, and she couldn’t even do that right. She’d underestimated Liz’s hold on Max. The only thing in her favor at the moment was that they weren’t actually dating again. In fact, they’d seemed pretty ill-at-ease, even after the overblown drama of Thanksgiving weekend. Leave it to those two to make everything more complicated than it needed to be.

“Well, I suggest you get that information out of him, and fast. Before he shares the power of the seal with someone else.”

“He won’t,” Tess said in a low and menacing voice. Her eyes met Nicholas’ in the mirror, but she didn’t raise her head at all. She looked like a lion getting ready to pounce. “He won’t.”

Nicholas met her evil glare with one of his own. “He’d better not.” He reached out for the door handle to the bathroom. Tess opened her mouth to tell him not to go out that way when the Valentis might see him, but before she could say anything, he cut her off. “Don’t worry, they’re watching football. They didn’t even notice me come in.” He pursed his lips together at her, kissing the air. “Bye, sweets.” And with that, he was gone.

Tess looked back at her reflection in the mirror, trying to convince herself of what she had just assured Nicholas. Surely Max and Liz weren’t at the point yet that Nicholas feared.

Were they?

~*~*~*~*~

Max Evans was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, the kind Judith Viorst could have made a fortune off of. His head hurt and he had hardly gotten any sleep this weekend. Brody was probably going to fire him if he broke one more piece of equipment this weekend.

Just twenty-five minutes before I came here, I held Michael in my arms … dead.

An echo of the flash he’d gotten from Liz two days ago echoed in his head. He shook it forcefully to get it out, cramping his neck in the process. He grit his teeth against the pain and lifted up his right hand to massage it away.

Isabel died two weeks before that.

Max suddenly felt his mouth go dry. Isabel … he couldn’t even think of it.

He wasn’t even really mad at Liz anymore. He couldn’t deny that he had been angry at her when he first found out; she’d conspired with … well, some twisted version of himself … and with Tess … and Kyle … she’d set him up to manipulate everything he felt for her. She used it to take the control of his own fate out of his hands. Finding out it was all a lie had been such a relief, but now …

Well? What about now? What really was so different?

Everything.

And he … he’d treated her so horribly ever since October, and she’d bore it all, had never lost her temper or thrown it in his face that she’d slept with Kyle – or hadn’t slept with Kyle – for his sake alone. He wanted to hurt her the way he was hurting. But instead of getting the vindication or relief that he wanted, he just ended up sending them even deeper into the whirling madness of pain that they now found themselves in. And he didn’t know if they’d make it out unscathed.

That thought was running through his mind as he bumped into one of the surgical lamps he’d been setting up at the alien autopsy exhibit, sending it crashing to the floor. The light bulb shattered, scattering glass everywhere. In surprise, Max jumped back, hitting another lamp with his outstretched arm. This, too, fell with another loud clang!

Brody looked down from the overhead room window, where he kept the computer he used to search for alien life. If he’d only known exactly how close he was to what he sought. Max saw him sigh deeply, and then he yelled down to him, “Why don’t you go on home, Max, if you’re only going to keep this up?”

Though the words might seem harsh, Max knew that he and Brody had gotten over their initial antagonism and that he didn’t mean anything by it.

Still, it might be better for all involved if he went home early today.

Max hung up his apron on one of the hooks in the closet and made his way up the stairs and out the door. As he walked to his jeep, he couldn’t help but glance over at the Crashdown and wonder if Liz was there, if she was thinking of him, feeling as miserable as he did. The thought that maybe she was didn’t bring him any comfort.

~*~*~*~*~

A few hours later, Max had effectively shut himself in his room so he could properly lament losing his temper and plan a way to apologize to her. She’d done all of those things for him, because he … the future he, anyway … had asked her to. Nothing more. He’d felt her agony as she’d watched him sit down at that table with Tess, the elation she felt when she learned they got married, the heartbreak when all chance of that wedding in Vegas were quashed. It was a messy, horrible situation that she was in, an impossible decision put on her plate … and it was all because of him. A year ago he would have sworn to shield her from every kind of pain, and now he was the instrument of it. He wasn’t sure if they’d ever find their way back to anything good again, but he wasn’t willing to let go without a fight. Not any more. Not ever again.

A light rat-tat-tatting at his window startled him from his position on his bed, laying flat on his back with his arms folded behind his head. By the time he was sitting up straight, he knew who it was.

His suspicions were confirmed when he pulled back the curtain and saw Liz’s petite form standing in the cold December night. They shared a meaningful look, and wordlessly, Max opened the window and helped her inside.

~*~*~*~
TBC

Some lines taken from “Departure” and EOTW.

The Butterfly Loss

Chapter Eighteen – Be With Me Tonight - I

When I was born, they looked at me and said,
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
When you were born, they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

We got these chains hanging ‘round our necks,
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
When temptation calls, we just look away.

This name is the hair shirt I wear
And this hair shirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
Bear it with me, bear it with me, bear it with me.
Be with me tonight,
I know it isn’t right,
But be with me tonight.


‘What A Good Boy’
Barenaked Ladies




For a few minutes after Liz set foot on the floor of Max’s room, the two simply stood facing each other. Max was unsure of what she was doing there – she had, after all, only been in his room twice before – once while they were dating, before his parents found them there, and once in October – and neither event was one he liked to remember, for very different reasons. And here she was again. Only a few minutes ago, he had thought that he would only need to see her again, and he could apologize for losing his temper the way he had; but now, with her standing before him, her last visit came ringing back in his mind like a bell; and even though he knew now the reasons for that visit, which had brought him the worst pain he’d known – until the following night, that is – it didn’t make it any easier to take the first step.

Liz was having rather similar thoughts herself as she stood there and tried to keep her jaw from trembling. She’d laid her secret out before him, and had been rebuffed. She’d told him several days ago that she’d never slept with Kyle; but the truth about why she’d conducted her ruse was the equivalent of the other shoe dropping, and she didn’t know if they’d be able to get past that betrayal.

When the silence finally got to be too much for her, Liz began cautiously, “I … I didn’t know if you still wanted to train. Or not. I just … didn’t want to not show. We never really … settled that.”

Max nodded in response. He was mixed up, confused, but he could recognize a proverbial olive branch when he saw one. “Are you cold?” he asked gently.

“No,” Liz shook her head.

“You’re trembling,” Max pointed out. He moved to one side and motioned to his desk with one arm. “Come, sit down.” Liz made her way to sit down at his desk. Max leaned over and grabbed a navy blue fleece blanket that was folded across the foot of his bed. When Liz had moved the chair so that she could sit facing him, he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Her hands came up to grab the corners of the blanket from his grasp, her fingers grazing his in the process. For a moment they floated along the edges of each other’s souls; not quite seeing into them – there were no flashes or stars floating overhead – but more like testing the waters, dipping toes into the tide. In that moment, Max knew Liz’s fear and trepidation in coming here tonight, and Liz saw into Max’s rightful anger at her deception, and regret at his outburst.

They both knew they had a long way to go tonight before things could be resolved, but with this new understanding of each other, they were both willing to try.

~*~*~*~

“It wasn’t fair of you, Liz,” Max told her calmly. He sat with his knees bent towards the ceiling, facing his bedroom window. His head was tilted towards Liz, who still sat in his desk chair. She was sitting to one side, her left shoulder leaning against the back of the chair, her left foot resting near her hip on the seat of the chair, that knee pointing up. The fleece blanket still hung over her shoulders. “It’s exactly what Tess and … that message in the cave were trying to do. Control me, control my decisions. You knew that about me, knew that I didn’t care about whatever it was that Nasedo said, that all I wanted to do was live my life the way I wanted to. And you took the situation, and knowing me the way you do, you took everything you knew to hurt me the deepest way you could, so you could control me through the hurt and the lies. You lied to me, Liz. Over and over. Just so you could have that control over me. I don’t want to be controlled, Liz. I’m not a king. I’m seventeen. I’m not even legally responsible for my own life yet, let alone some planet a billion lightyears away that I’ve never seen. It’s what I’ve been fighting against ever since last September. Michael, Isabel and I, and even Tess, if she’d realize it, we’re here leading our own lives. We can make our own obligations here, our own choices. We don’t need to be controlled.”

“Max, that’s … true and not true at the same time. Just the fact that the future you came to me at all proves it, doesn’t it? That we are responsible for that planet, and this one, even if we don’t want to be. And I don’t know what else we could have done to change it so that the world wouldn’t end, or so that you wouldn’t love me, or so that it just wouldn’t be our responsibility anymore. But I do know that you’d never be happy if you knew that being with me caused all this other destruction and death.”

“I think we’ve sacrificed enough, Liz,” Max gruffed.

“But there was a reason for it. And it wasn’t even entirely out of line, trying to fix everything, control everything. You do it all the time, and you don’t even see it sometimes. You say you don’t need to be controlled, but you try to control Michael. That trip to Texas last year, the camping trip, those stunts he pulled on Kyle’s friends when my grandmother was sick – oh yeah,” she said as he straightened up after hearing her words, “I know about that. But all that stuff, you’re trying to control what he does.”

“Michael means well in all those things, but he doesn’t always see the possible outcomes of his actions.”

“Exactly. And maybe … you and me didn’t see them, either. The way that things happened in that other timeline, maybe you and me being together like we were then, maybe it caused … everything. Max, everyone we know died. Everyone. And even though we didn’t kill them, it was our being together and making the decisions that we made then that just, just caused this chain of events that led to him – or, you – coming to my balcony. And, in a weird way, it was you making the decisions, calling the shots, even then. I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I did what you were asking, what you thought was right.”

“I know you didn’t want to, but Liz, you did. You took everything that I was doing, everything that you and I could have been, and told and … showed me … that it wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t good enough. You set me up for all of that, Liz, and it hurts. It hurts so much …”

Despite the force of the words and underlying pain in everything they had told each other tonight, they were both relatively serene. There had been no yelling as there had been in the café, no violent accusation; just two broken people trying to fit the pieces back together again.

“I know that … everything that you’ve gone through since then, that it’s my fault, and I’m sorry for that. But it wasn’t just me. I had this … version of you, who’d spent years with me, telling me that I needed to do this for him, for you, to save everybody else. And he, he was so sad, Max. He was looking at me like he’d lost everything. You can’t tell me that you’d still be able to be you if Isabel and Michael were dead. But there’s more than that, too. Max, you came to me and said that you and I couldn’t end up together. We couldn’t. Because if we did, everyone we know would be destroyed, and it would be because of us. Because you and I were willing to give up all that so we could be together.” Liz struggled to keep control of her voice as she finally gave voice to the one thing that she hadn’t allowed herself to say, or even really think about, since the moment she’d crawled back into her room after Future Max had vanished into nothingness. “And I don’t know if you, he, whatever, was wrong about that, or if there were other things that caused it all, or what. But you came to me and said that we had to keep it from happening. That it wasn’t worth us being together if everyone else had to die. And not just the people we know, but the people we don’t know, too. Everybody we had ever met, ever would meet, would never meet. All gone. And they, all of them, didn’t deserve to die just because you loved me.” Her eyes began to sting and cloud. “And I’m not saying he was wrong, or that I shouldn’t have done it. But … I wasn’t worth it either, Max. I wasn’t worth loving, either.” The first tear fell down her cheek and found a home at the corner of her lips. “And I had you there, you who had loved me for fourteen years and been with me when all these terrible things had happened, and you told me that I had to make you fall out of love with me, so that none of it would happen. I hate thinking that all our friends and family and all those people we’ll never even meet, that they died because of us. I don’t want anyone to die because of us. But I … I still… even knowing what I know, it’s so hard …” her sobs took over and she couldn’t speak anymore. She raised her right hand to cover her eyes as she cried.

Max crawled on his hands and knees until he was in front of her, then gently clutched her right elbow and left calf, and pulled her down to him. How easily the fell into his arms, even after everything. And there, under his soothing strokes, she wrapped her arms around his back, pushed her head into his chest and cried until she could cry no more. He felt his shirt dampen under her eyes as he held her.

Several minutes – an eternity – later, Liz’s breathing evened out, and the only remnants of her tears were the tracks down her face. “How’s your head?” Max whispered. The memory of the immeasurable pain he’d found her in on his return from New York was still fresh in his mind, and remembering that it was worse when she was distressed or upset, he wanted to take all precautions. He still wasn’t entirely convinced that she was completely cured; after all, she still had some of his cells in her.

“S’okay,” Liz sniffled.

Max brought his hands to her face and used his fingertips to lightly prod her into looking at him. “Liz,” he whispered venerably, “you’re always worth it. Don’t ever think that you’re not. Because if there’s one thing I’ve done right in my life, it was to get you into it. To be around you. To love you.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “It’s always worth it.”

Liz was in awe at everything she saw staring back at her in his eyes; truth, wonder, pleading, acceptance, yearning, love. Most of all, love. Her jaw trembled. “It’s worth it for me, too.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, Max tilted his face downwards towards hers, a journey that passed in an eternity and a second at once. For a precious second, he pressed her lips against hers, felt her heart in his, at once so full and pained. Only with him was it beginning to ease, in spite of how she had fought against the urge to seek her comfort there. Max leaned away again, but didn’t release his grip. “I’m so sorry, Max,” Liz sniffled. “I tried. I tried so hard. But I can’t …”

“Me too,” Max assuaged. “I can’t, either. I tried to … but I can’t stop.”

Liz brought one hand under Max’s arm and up to hold his face the way he was holding hers. “Then don’t. Please don’t.” She pulled him down and kissed him again, pulling his bottom lip between hers and sucking gently. Max let out a harsh breath and pulled her closer to him. A small whimper escaped through her mouth, and she pushed her tongue at his lips. Max hesitated only a moment before he opened his mouth to hers as well. Languidly, cautiously, they became reacquainted with each other through the kiss, allayed each other, healed each other.

Eyes full of need, Liz looked up into Max’s eyes. “Love me, Max.”

“I do,” he promised. “I always have. Always will.”

“No. Love me,” she said more insistently. She brought her other hand up from his back and clutched his shoulders. “Love me.”

Her request began to dawn on him. Already one arm was curled around her waist, the other stretched along her back to reach her shoulder. He searched her face for any sign of uncertainty. “Liz?”

“Please love me,” she pleaded before kissing him again.

Max tried to keep himself from getting lost in her words, her skin, her scent, her voice, her kiss, her soul … but oh, it was so good to be back in her arms again, to hear those beautiful words, to be so close to her. Through their connection he felt her certainty mixed with her desperation and violent need to feel love that she wanted only from him. It was overpowering and humbling and awesome, and entirely reciprocated. And still he hesitated. “We don’t have to, Liz,” he pulled his lips away and looked at her. “We just got back here. We don’t have to go so fast.”

“Fast?” Liz whispered as she inched away. Her hands moved to his chest as she tried to create some space and recover from what he was saying.

“No! Liz,” Max saw that he’d taken her words the wrong way. He didn’t want to leave her in any doubt of what he wanted. “Liz, I want this with you, with no one else but you. But you just told me how … I just showed up at your room, and we made love, and it caused the end of the world. I don’t want to repeat history, Liz. Not in this life or in any other.”

“I don’t, either,” she said. “And we don’t have to. We can still make our own destinies, Max. And I think I figured out how.”

Max barely registered her words as his eyes caught the little corner of her neck that shielded her racing pulse. He swallowed. “H-how?”

“By not letting any of that define us. Not the day at the pod chambers, or the night of the concert … none of it.” She caressed his cheek, ignoring the way her hand trembled slightly. “It feels like, all this time … ever since the first night we kissed, or even before that, that there was all this stuff that got in the way of it being just about you and me. And, you know, maybe if we could get some of that back, then we can just find our way together.” Max dragged his eyes away from her neck, her lips, and up to her eyes, where he held her gaze despite the way he felt his entire being shaking under what she was asking. “Be with me tonight, Max. Please.”

Whether it was the enormity of everything that had happened tonight, or for the past few days, weeks, months, or whether it was just because she was the one doing the asking, desire unfurled in Max’s belly and he crushed her mouth to his. The fleece blanket fell unheeded from Liz’s shoulders as his hands began an over-the-clothes exploration. Her baby doll shirt was a size too big, and material bunched between his fingers as he touched her back, her shoulders, ran the curves of his fingers down her spine, massaged her neck.

Liz’s hands, too, seemed to have taken on a life of their own, touching his forearms, biceps, shoulders and neck, before circling around him as best he could. Her legs were both off to one side, and she struggled to find a more comfortable position where she could move easier. Max’s back was screaming in pain from the strain of holding the both of them for so long in so awkward a position. When Liz’s hip bumped into the growing tent in his jeans, it became too much. He clutched her closely and flipped over, then lifted her so quickly that she hardly knew what had happened until she felt the cushion of his mattress under her back.

Snippets of flashes came at both of them; shared memories of the two of them together, bits and pieces of a time before they knew each other as well as they knew themselves, of the mere shells of themselves that they were reduced to when they were apart. There were dreams, fantasies, wishes, regrets, things that cannot be put into words at all.

Max broke away from the kiss for the first time, just long enough to gasp in some air and whisper, “Liz, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Even as he said it, he ground his hips into hers just a little bit harder. Liz moaned and tightened her arms around him, trying to bring him closer, closer. Max kissed every bit of fair skin on her neck, shoulders, chest that her shirt would allow, moving his hands beneath her to offer support to whatever area he was concentrating on at any given moment.

“Ah! Max,” Liz cried out. As soon as she heard the sound, a part of her regained enough presence of mind to ask, “Are your parents here?”

“Clovis,” Max told her with his teeth full of the fleshy skin on top of her shoulders.

“I-Isabel?”

“Jenna Alvarez.”

“Huh?” What did Jenna Alvarez have anything to do with it?

Max smiled and slid down her chest. “She’s staying at Jenna Alvarez’s tonight.” He brought one hand up from beneath her and hooked a finger in the hem of her shirt, pulling it down, kissing all along the way. He pulled back and blew soft air along the moisture-covered path he’d just kissed, Liz let out another loud moan and pulled him back up to her. Her kisses were voracious, wanting. She’d been deprived too long, and could never get enough to fill her appetite.

Liz’s enthusiasm was contagious to Max, and he too felt that he would not know satisfaction until there was no air, no skin, not a single barrier between them. But his caution was hard to let go of. “We don’t have to do this tonight, Liz,” he mumbled between kisses.

“No!” Liz exclaimed and tightened her grip. Never mind the soreness in her arms from holding so tight for so long; she was taking no chances that he’d move away from her. Through their connection she begged him not to leave her wanting.

Inside of him, Max sensed her mistaken thoughts of his intentions; and to reassure her that he didn’t intend to go anywhere, he kissed her again, soothing her impatient tongue with his certain one. As he did so, he flattened his body against her and fell into hers, not enough to crush her, but enough for her to know that this is where he was, where he wanted to be, whom he wanted to be with.

“Liz,” he whispered, and looked deeply in her eyes, silently asking a million questions. Was she sure? Not just for her, but for everything? Would they be okay? And would she still be with him when it was over?

Was it still worth it?

Just as silently, Liz gave her answer, and their fate for the evening was sealed. And then there was no more questioning, no more hesitating. The fates of all planets could wait until morning. Right now, there was only them.

Max brought his mouth to Liz’s and kissed her for all the months, weeks, days, minutes that he hadn’t been able to; for their time apart, for her time in Florida, for the days he’d stayed away, for the time before she’d even known the truth about him. And he kissed her for the moments in the future when life would keep them from ever being as they were right now. Liz returned every kiss, every moment, every sentiment. She could feel heat emanating from under his T-shirt, and suddenly needed to see him again more than she needed anything else. Except, for the life of her, she couldn’t remember how to take a shirt off. She couldn’t remember how to take a shirt off! Oh God, how do you take a shirt off again?

Through the steady stream of flashes and emotions that she received from him, and the ones she was hoping she was sending to him as well, Liz tried to focus on the “off” part. And from nowhere, her fingers bunched up the material until finally there was no more layer of cotton underneath her fingers, just that raw heat she’d felt. Suddenly Max’s scent filled her nostrils more fully than it had a second ago – a mix of soap and sunshine that made her head lull back and her breath fall short as Max moved his attention from her mouth to her cheeks and neck, more insistently than earlier. The effect on her spurred her to finish this process of “off” until she could feel Max’s delectable skin beneath her fingers, and the shirt above them. Then she lifted her arms towards her head.

For his own part, Max had not a single thought in his head besides Liz’s scent, her taste, the feel of her lips and skin, the beautiful noises coming from her throat, and the incredible images coming from her extraordinary soul. He saw her memories of the past, her dreams, her hopes, her regrets where he was concerned. A few stuck out in his brain in particular; the indescribable agony he’d left her in when he’d gone to New York and before that, when he’d confronted her during their stay in Arizona. Then he saw some of the dreams and fantasies she’d had of him, of what their first night together might have been like if things had been different. He decided he was going to do everything he could to reconcile the reality they found themselves in with the images she’d had in her mind.

But it was so hard to think about that when her fingers were massaging the skin along his sensitive sides.

Wait, his skin? How did that happen? Wasn’t he wearing a shirt?

Oooh, Liz had the shirt bunched up around his neck and was struggling to get it off of him, which proved difficult since he wouldn’t remove his arms from her. Quickly, he kissed his way back to her mouth for a quick kiss, one that clearly left her wanting more. He whipped his shirt off and threw it to one side before he bent back down and gave her more of what she’d just tasted. Soon, though, he began to think that it was extremely unfair for him to be shirtless when she wasn’t. So again he sucked his way back down her throat and moved his fingers to her waist. A thin sheen of sweat had begun to accumulate near underneath Liz’s collarbones, and Max eagerly licked up the taste of it. Nothing had ever tasted so exotic. His hands squeezed her waist and gathered flesh between his teeth. He let out a growl as his hands found her wonderfully smooth stomach. He moved his lips to kiss a straight line from the conclave hole at the base of her neck to the top hem of her v-shaped shirt, making his kisses light and feathery as his hands inched her shirt up with a similar pressure. Liz’s eyes flew open and she tried to get him to look up at her so he could see that now was not the time for him to be so gentle, that light was killing her, that she needed to feel him more, more, more. She threaded her fingers through the base of his skull and tried to push him closer. From her place against Max’s pillow, Liz saw the corners of Max’s mouth stretching widely. He knew exactly what she wanted, and exactly what he was denying her.

Well, perhaps it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine. Liz hooked her hand underneath Max’s biceps and brought him up to meet her mouth again, and while she had him so distracted, she brought her hands to his chest and pushed him over and onto his back. The two of them took a deep breath as they each took stock of their new respective positions.

And then, Liz made her move, kissing down Max’s throat as he had done hers, poking her tongue out into places along his body that she’d never tasted before. As she increased her pressure along the sensitive skin beneath his ear, she received a flash from him of a fantasy he’d had for a long time, she could tell. She sat back on his stomach and, for the first time in a long time, studied the utter perfection of Max Evans topless. From the freckles on top of his shoulder to the extraordinarily crafted ridges of his chest and highly erotic lines of his six-pack tummy, she touched and looked on in amazement, her eyes darkening. Max couldn’t hide how aroused he became by her perusal of his body, and Liz couldn’t help her reaction to his reaction. Together, they fed each other’s pleasure and intensity. Soon, Liz was grinding into Max’s very alert arousal; he had one hand on her right leg, moving towards the enticing line of her ass to help her in her efforts, and the other clasping one of her own hands which rested over his heart.

When he couldn’t take the sweet torture anymore, Max sat up. Rather than sliding down his legs, Liz wrapped her legs around him and pulled her core closer to his, leaving both of them speechless with the sensation. Liz recovered first, and bent down to start kissing Max’s shoulder. Max responded by lifting Liz’s top over her head so quickly, it took less than a second. His hands cradled her cheeks, one thumb behind each ear, as he moved her to face him, allowing him to look over her torso, the most skin of hers he’d ever seen outside of the fantasies shared between him and her. Liz grasped his biceps and used her les to balance her position, causing them to go as close as their thick denim jeans would allow. She unabashedly watched his eyes make their examination of her. When they looked back into hers, clouded over with desire, Liz made her next move; she pushed him back down on the bed and began to plaster hurried kisses all over his chest and stomach, moving quickly downwards to where, together, they had caused something that Liz couldn’t wait to see. Inexperienced as she was at taking off someone else’s belt, she fumbled slightly, but not because she was nervous. She knew that Max enjoyed every moment of her adoration of him, both emotional and now, physical. She’d seen a fantasy of his with her like this, and could swear she felt her own pulse rate rising as fantasy became reality.

Max was indeed awestruck at Liz, his beautiful, magical Liz, leaning over him as she had in his dreams, her long hair cascading everywhere. She was erotic, passionate, amazing, left him breathless at every turn. But he didn’t want to be the only one breathless. He wanted to make sure that, no matter where their actions took them tonight, they went together. He grabbed her hands from the waist of his jeans, pulled her up, and kissed her. He moved both of them over, so that they lay on their sides. He held one arm around her back – her creamy, soft back; he’d have to remember to pay some attention to that area of her body later – and used his other hand to touch her beautiful face, run fingers through her luxurious hair. His elbow grazed across her breast, covered only by a thin layer plain black silk from her bra. He nearly lost any semblance of control as that pliant part of her body shifted and changed under the easy weight of his arm. But no, that wouldn’t be right.

“Slow,” he whispered as he finally managed to stop kissing her. It had quite possibly been the hardest thing he’d ever done. “Slow. There’s no rush, Liz,” his eyes adored hers, getting lost in their liquid depths.

Liz gave a nod to show that she understood. When they kissed again, it wasn’t with the previous frenzy of their reconciliation, but with the understanding that this was something to be cherished and enjoyed and prolonged as much as possible.

Max’s hand made a move for Liz’s bra strap and eased it down, watching its path, feeling Liz’s eyes on him the whole time. When it would go no further, he hooked two fingers into the cup to help it along, and with a look to Liz, bent down to taste that beauty for the first time. Her nipples had never felt as painfully hard as they did with Max’s mouth moving all around one of them. They slowly moved over onto her back, and when she was comfortable, Max encased her dusty peak into his mouth, granting the only relief from the pain that could be found. Liz gasped with pleasure. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe. From what she’d seen, Max’s fantasies had never moved past this point. She knew he’d imagined her naked, but had received no images of him loving her like this. It was amazing. There were no words to describe all the pleasure that shot from where his mouth touched her. Max soon moved to lower the other strap, this time kissing along her shoulder and arm as it moved downwards. When his lips connected with her other nipple, Liz bowed her chest off the bed and reached behind her of her own accord, unhooking her bra. She slipped it from underneath Max’s chin and threw it away. She never missed it, and neither did Max. By the time he even realized it was gone, he’d kissed his way gently, slowly, down her stomach and was dipping her tongue into her bellybutton. She laughed; he could tell it tickled her. He looked up, past her erect breasts which both glowed under the light from the thin layer of his saliva. They both smiled at each other, and for a moment, both forgot what it was they were doing.

The agonizing throbbing in his nether regions reminded him. But now, suddenly, it was not as important to finish the task of undressing her. Nothing was as important as kissing her again. So he did, a short but deep kiss, after which he had to pull away – but only with his lips. The rest of him pulled her closer, shifted them onto their sides again, and enjoyed the feeling of her liquid-like skin against his. He smiled at her and tried to hide the quivering of his jaw, which was unaccustomed to such remarkable pleasure coursing through his body. Though the rest of him remained hard and unfailing, his jaw shook like a leaf. Liz saw it, and noted the strange contradiction between the muscles there, and the ones that seemed to be perfectly firm and steady elsewhere. His chiseled arms held her tightly to him. His strong legs were intertwined with hers. And his, well … everything else seemed to be suffering no difficulties, if the rock-like protrusion now poking her between her legs was any indication.

He kissed her again, searching for any hesitation or uncertainty; and sensing none, he slowly reached down and unbuttoned the button of her jeans. Liz gasped at feeling his fingers there, where no one had ever touched her. Their appearance at that sensitive space made her realize suddenly that her panties were wet, so very wet, and that every caress of his fingers was making them wetter. Hmmm, had anything ever felt so good?

That would be a no.

Max lowered her zipper slowly. His eyes sank shut and he sharply inhaled when his fingers felt the moisture coming from the other side of her panties. Taking advantage of his closed eyes, Liz bent in and kissed him again. From this kiss, Max received his guidance. He moved his hands to her sides and dipped them between the cotton bands of her bikini-style panties. He lowered both her jeans and underwear down her thighs, as far as his hands could reach, and then together they kicked them off. Moving as almost one, their hands made a slow journey to Max’s own jeans, and repeated the process. Again, they took several moments to touch, feel, caress, look and learn to each other’s content.

When the mutual studying of each other’s bodies was over, Max turned them both onto his back, and then flipped again so that Liz was lying beneath him. “Wait … just one second,” he whispered. He reluctantly moved off of her and reached back towards the position they’d just left, and stretched with one arm to the top drawer of his nightstand. He still had the condom in his wallet from all those months ago, the condom he’d bought after their rendezvous at Michael’s apartment, before he’d shown up at the alley outside her balcony and taken her out to the desert. Blindly he groped until his hands found the worn leather square of his wallet, and then he searched until he pulled out the square with “Durex” marked all over it. It had been a long time since he’d believed they’d actually get to this place where they were now, but he was glad that the rest of the box still lay hidden under his bed.

But for now, all he needed was one.

While he was over on that corner of the bed, he pulled back the already rumpled comforter and top-sheet. The hand which held the condom, he held out to Liz, who glided her hand over his clasped fingers and moved under the covers as gracefully as she could. As she moved, Max couldn’t take his eyes off of the dark triangle at the top juncture of her legs, glistening in the light. She laughed, and he looked up at her and knew she had caught him staring. They shared grand smiles as she slipped beneath the covers, and he followed her, making it her turn to stare. Neither made a move to turn the light off, wanting to see every inch and every minute of each other.

Max rained kisses all over her face, neck and shoulders, and Liz reciprocated. They held each other closely, deeply intertwining their bodies, their hearts, and their souls. Time and again his prominent arousal would caress her highly sensitized core. When finally he sensed that the time was right, he looked into her eyes yet again, and kissed her with everything he had to offer as he eased into her slowly and gently.

Nothing had ever felt as wonderful as Max being inside of her, Liz thought. It was life, it was paradise, it was water in the desert, it was ecstasy and bliss and rapture in one incredible moment of feeling him coming deeper and deeper into her.

Nothing had ever felt as wonderful as being inside of her, Max thought. It was life, it was paradise, it was water in the desert, it was ecstasy and bliss and rapture in one incredible moment of feeling himself going deeper and deeper into her.

They both felt it when he reached her barrier at the same moment. Without thinking twice about it, Max reached one hand down and placed it just above her coarse curls. His jaw trembled again, but he leaned in and kissed her as gently and as deliberately as he could, trying to make every movement, every stroke of his tongue against hers, count.

Neither of them saw the soft glow come from under his handprint, nor did they notice that suddenly Max’s path into Liz was now unobstructed. But they both felt everything, every nuance of each other’s bodies and souls, as he pushed into her to his hilt. This was no mere physical connection, no small thing they had done; in every way, now, they were one. They spent several minutes just getting accustomed to the sensation of the fulfillment of so many of their dreams, exchanging sweet kisses and waiting until each of them felt comfortable enough to move again. They didn’t need to ask when or whether it was okay to move, for each could feel the sensations they created in the other, how they felt to the other. Finally, both of them knew that they were no longer one and one, but one.

When they could wait no longer, they began to move, pulling back and pushing forward. There were no more flashes like the ones they’d received in the past, only a complete intertwining of one within the other until it was impossible to tell them apart. The sounds and sights of their lovemaking flowed into each other indiscernibly. They felt their own sensations, and the ones their bodies and actions created in the other, which served only to feed their mutual pleasure. The gasps and moans of their ascent filled the room until they both reached their peak at the same moment, and saw stars in each other’s eyes.

They both became capable of conscious thought at the same moment. The tide of their physical pleasure had ebbed, but they could both feel the changes within themselves. It was as if all the heartache they’d endured had weighed on their hearts and souls and had now been dissolved in each other’s arms. They could feel each other’s heartbeats within their own bodies, each other’s souls within their own.

Max broke eye contact first; he leaned down and kissed the tiny mole she had near the top of her left breast, close to her heart. He felt her shiver from the gesture, both beneath him, and from his place still inside of her, and from deep within himself, as though it was his soul which shivered. He closed his eyes and leaned up to kiss her as he held her tightly. “I love you, Liz,” he told her. “I don’t know if I got to actually say that tonight. I never wanted my first time to be with anyone but you. I never want to make love to anyone but you.”

Liz threaded her fingers through the hair behind his ear and pulled him back down to her. Through their connection, she told him that she felt exactly the same, and let him see exactly how much she loved him.

Finally the pull to sleep became too great to ignore. Max shifted onto his side and pulled Liz into his arms, unwilling to let go even to sleep. One hand gave a small wave behind her back, and the light dimmed into darkness.

Before Liz was carried off into her dreams, she whispered, “I love you” so softly, even Max could barely hear it. But hear it he did, and he fell asleep with a smile on his lips at hearing the beautiful sound.

The cementing was complete.

~*~
TBC