Roswell Fanatics

I am pretty much done with my boyfriend, he doesn't seem to want to be with me anymore. For most people it's normal to break up, but for its me its not. I had been hurt really bad once when I wad severely depressed and couldn't take it. I hope I can hande it this time. I wish I had more to keep me going.

I do think people have misconceptions of depression. I don't know if i suffer from clinical depression but i do definitely have major boughts of melancholia, ie. i don't talk to anyone nor do i leave my room for days, i tend to become extremely antisocial, i suppose i have suicidal thoughts and tendacies but it seems like now a days everyone does... not that i am in any way down playing them nor their seriousness.

At the same time I know what it is like to care for someone with depression. My mum has bipolar disorder and it's extremely hard to deal with because she says and does really horrible things. but i love her so much i want to make her happy. My family and I sort of became enablers for her and eventually after fifteen years and my childhood pretty much devastated we had to let her go. It was probably the hardest thing to deal with. She only saw it as us not loving her anymore but the truth is, it was becoming unhealthy for us to be around her. I was tearing myself up because I couldn't help her and when we tried she lashed out and hurt us and it was a never ending cycle. That is what is so hard... loving someone and really realizing that you can't do anything for them. letting go is ridiculously difficult and I question our decisions everyday.

what do you say to someone who is so, so sad... i don't know because a lot of times no matter what someone says to try and get me out of bed it doesn't work. Unless someone comes and gets you, you can't. Until the day you can do it yourself. that's a good day. when i get out of bed myself that is a perfect day for me, mostly cause i did it alone.

if you loose someone who did help you maintain that equalibrium somewhat it's good to indulge in things like roswell!

erin.

Ugh! My Doctor just doubled my dosage of Lexapro to 20mg, and my system is NOT taking it well...I think I'm gonna pass out and just lie on the floor for a couple of years...buh-bye Ms. Happy-go-lucky.

-Sarah

I was on lexapro didn't work for me. I'm on zoloft now. And don't ever take effexor! I am less depressed b/c my bf and I are still together but I've just really realized he's leaving for good and now I'm more depressed. Does anyone else have trouble sleeping? Bc I don't sleep anymore, except for midmorning.

I usually have to take some kind of medicine to get myself to sleep. It's a bad, bad, bad thing to do, but I have to sleep, and I won't otherwise.

Or sometimes I'm just so worn out from staying awake so long and being busy/stressed with school work that I'll just pass out as soon as I get in bed. That's rare though.

I know exactly how you guys feel. It's seven thirty in the morning and I'm just now getting ready for bed. I just can't seem to wind down until the sun comes up and sometimes it's even difficult then. I've tried all the tricks and even tylonal pm. I pop them like tic tacs and nothing happens

I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 3 years ago- soon after being 'asked to leave' school...3 months before I would've graduated.

The first day I was given my prescription, I contemplated the irony in OD'ing on anti-depressants. (Apparently it's actually impossible. Something about the way they're made)

However, I never thought seriously about killing myself. Running away, frequently. I have a very low pain tolerance, and strong emotional ties to my family and friends, who I know will miss me if I decide to go...

I spent most of my high school years reading fanfiction and being obsessed with a variety of shows and books. That was my therapy- and my escape from reality.

Looking back on old diary entries and original poetry, it's amazing to me what things went through my head. Very depressing, but then again, I was having a tough time at school and home.

I was failing school, being held back for year 12- and mostly because my then undiagnosed ADD was not making it easy to concentrate on my studies. Home was difficult too. My parents divorced my last year of primary school, my dad remarrying a year or so later. Don't get me wrong, my stepmum is great, and she and my mum get along fantastically, but her childhood haunts her, and has a profound impact on our lives, whether she knows we know or not. My mum..well, let's just say we had our fair share of spats, but it's all sorted and Mother's Day is 3 times more expensive these days for me than it is for most people. Take that as you will, I can explain it if people want to know. Barest details, of course.

And if you think this post was long, you should see the notes my shrink writes up when I have my appointment every three months. Don't know why I bother, really. It's not like I *take* the medication. It doesn't make much of a difference when it's affecting me, and more often than not I forget to take it.

Nicki

I don't suffer from depression technically but there have been moments in my life where I haven't felt like living. I've been pretty much a shy loner for most of my life and the very few friends that I have are all on the internet which is the place I feel most comfortable socialising. It's very hard sometimes and I have felt suicidal on occasion but I do seem to work my way out if it and it helps that I can access resources on the internet.

Same here. Most of my friends are online and there's very few people I've kept in contact with in RL.
And those that I have are usually more screwed up than I am in most things.

I think fanfiction and being able to talk to people with the same interests (especially if they're also at the point of obsession!) is the best way to lift up spirits. I'm not sure where I'd be now, otherwise.
Damn chemical imbalance in my brain.

Nicki

PS. There's an Australian thread if you want to come say 'hi' to some other Aussies. Just look under the Non-American Roswellians section.

I think we also suffer from depression at times, sometimes it gets worse where you feel suicidal. I went into the hospital when I thought I couldn't get out of it. But the psychatrist there said something that stuck with me. He said I needed to learn how to get through the dark times with going into the hospital. Because some people go in there constantly and they start to depend on it. Not to say you shouldn't go into the hosptial if you really need the help. But I haven't had to go back since and I don't want to go back. Fanfiction I think does help. Just like reading anything else that interests you, it can take you into a different world for awhile.