Roswell Fanatics

Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I'm sorry about liz only making small steps hope you can bear with me.

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Erina
Emz80m
begonia9508
clueless
Dreamerlaure
dreamer19
pinkslipper
Addicted2AmberEyes




Chapter 11

“Liz…”

It’s Max.

It wasn’t hard to find me.

I didn’t get very far.

I’m sitting on the steps in the stairwell; still inside the dorm.

I didn’t even make it out of the building.

Maria wouldn’t come after me.

She’s right.

“What is it?”

“I can’t make it.”

“Ah the money…”

Maria told him.

Surely she sent him after me.

“I don’t need money.”

I have more than enough.

I can’t be happy with my money.

“The marks.”

“Ah…those exams…”

Always these ah’s.

Not everything is so easy like he thinks.

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

He’s surprised.

It’s dark.

Why do I want to go out?

I don’t even have a jacket.

In the evenings and even in the spring it gets cool.

Seattle is colder than New York.

“Here.”

I take his jacket.

I smell his usual scent.

I’m proud of myself.

I don’t get panicked anymore when I smell him.

“Do you want to talk?”

“I can’t…”

“Why?“

Because I was raped.

Because…

Because I hate criminals.

They all warned me.

Don’t become a psychiatrist.

And more so not one who works in law.

“I am too prejudiced.”

We walk on the main streets.

I still don’t walk in alleys.

“You have to learn to be professional.”

“I can’t.”

I’ve recognized it.

I admit it now.

But I’m sorry for the years.

I studied in vain.

“I know you can do it.”

Max is the first one who’s ever said this.

All the others think I made the wrong decision.

He doesn’t.

“I can help you.”

I don’t answer.

It has to annoy him.

I hardly answer questions directly.

“I have to repeat all three exams next week.”

“I’ll help you study. I did most of the stuff, too.”

He stands in front of me.

Stops me from walking.

Anyone else would place his finger under my chin.

But not Max.

To anyone else he probably would do it.

But not to me.

“Liz…”

I look at him.

He smiles.

Max smiles a lot.

I like it.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper.

We turn around and walk back.

I tell him about the classes.

He makes a promise; he says I’m going to make it.

“How can you promise that?”

He looks at me and shrugs his shoulders.

I remember the past.

Back then other people promised too.

“If I don’t make it, it won’t be your fault.”

He doesn’t understand me.

Nobody’ll ever understand me.

“What do you mean?”

Should I tell him?

Normally I wouldn’t.

“My father always said that I’ll be safe and okay.”

He promised.

But I don’t blame him.

Max is silent.

I wouldn’t know what to say either.

“It didn’t happen how he thought it would. He broke his promise but it wasn’t his fault,” I say.

I don’t want to talk about it any more.

Max doesn’t ask.

We get silent.

“I get one week vacation. Maria will sleep with Michael and we’ll study all the time. Is that okay?”

I was once the best student.

And now?

I’m not.

I still am in at least in one class.

In Mr. Brown’s class I still rank as one of the best.

That only happened with Max’ help.

I nod.

“Liz, don’t worry.”

We get back to my room.

“Don’t you wonder what I wanted to say?”

He means when Maria came.

I’m afraid of already knowing it.

I don’t answer but this time he doesn’t let me go.

He leans down, and looks into my face.

He doesn’t touch me.

That calms me.

“Liz, I wish you would tell me. I only want to know everything about you because I’m starting to fall…”

I have to go.

“I have to go.”

I can’t hear this.

If this happens, then I have to break up the friendship.

Men like Max want more.

I go into my room, close the door quickly.

“Liz, where were you?”

Maria comes out of the bathroom..

I hug her.

She distracts my mind.

I can’t think about Max.

She asks questions.

I get panicked.

I lie down.

Sometime later she gives up.

“After tomorrow you can sleep over at Michael’s.”

“How?”

She sits at my desk.

“Max is staying here.“

She raises her eyebrows, smiles.

“We’re studying for my exams.”

We talk a little bit more.

Michael comes over, says hello.

He discusses something with Maria.

And I see Max at the door.

He’s looking directly into my eyes.

I turn to the other side.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback everyone. Hope you like the next part. Big thanks to my beta Lauren. I cant thank her enough.

Emz80m
dreamer19
Erina
begonia9508
alizaleven
clueless
pinkslipper
terri25
Dreamer<3


Chapter 12

“Let’s take a break.”

He’ll say no.

“Liz, we took a break an hour ago. We ate and you even slept. How much of a break do you still want?”

He laughs.

“I can’t concentrate anymore.”

I’m asking myself if he watched me while I was sleeping.

“Liz…”

“We’ve been studying for days.”

There’s still days before the first exam.

All three are in a row.

I look at him.

I smile.

“Okay.”

I jump up from the bed.

Where are my jogging pants?

I look at Max.

He has to turn around.

I don’t change in front of men.

Except Michael.

He turns around.

“What are you doing?”

“Running.”

Running away I want to say.

Away from you.

I feel uncomfortable.

Max and I are too close.

“Do you want company?”

“You can turn back.”

He looks and he waits.

I am running from him.

So, how can I run with him?

I nod.

I hate myself.

He changes. I don’t turn all the way around.

We run.

He’s much better than Maria.

We run over two hours.

My top adheres to my chest.

My hair is totally wet.

That’s my freedom: running till I can’t breathe.

I shower first.

Afterwards Max does.

I’m brushing my hair when he comes back in.

“Can I brush your hair?”

I don’t look at him.

I ignore his question.

I put in a pony-tail.

It’s hard with my new cut.

Short strands are coming out.

Once Max wanted to put some behind my ear.

He put up his hands, giving up, when I looked at him.

I ask myself how I look.

“Why do you never answer?“

“I was fifteen.”

When I answer it’s to another question.

He’s silent.

I don’t even know why I say this.

My eyes fill with tears.

I sit down on the bed.

He leaves a certain distance when he sits down too.

I’m really glad he does.

“Liz…”

“Let’s continue.”

I can’t say more.

I can’t talk about it.

The hate for myself kills me when I think about it.

I can’t think about it.

I prefer to remain silent.

We continue to study.

Max is patient person, not impatient like Michael.

Michael was here this morning.

He wants to go out for dinner.

He ruffled my hair, boxed my arm.

Softly like always.

Max was surprised.

With Michael I’m open. I’ve know him now for over six years.

I know he loves Maria to death.

He wants to marry her.

He once told me when he was drunk.

“Liz, I have to tell you something before we go.”

I ignore him.

Put my things aside.

Stand up and search for clothes.

Michael is paying today.

He found 200 dollars in the bar.

And he gets almost 50 dollars in tips in one night.

“Liz…”

I look at him.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

He thinks?

The last few days were full of hints.

Over and over he tried to talk to me.

“You can’t love someone after a month.”

Even I know this.

I get panicked.

I stumble. I can’t look at Max.

“Liz, you’re so different. So fragile…“

Bad word.

I open the bathroom door.

He should go now.

He lets his shoulders hang down.

I ignore his pleading face.

He’s 26.

He’s more experienced.

Maybe you can love someone after a month when you’re 26.

I can’t do this.

I’ll never be able to do it.

After an half an hour, we’re sitting in the restaurant.

I sit next to Maria.

In front of me is Max..

Michaels asks if something has happened.

“In the morning you were in such a good mood?”

He lays his hand down on mine.

Sometimes I have the feeling he knows something happened.

But that can’t be.

He thinks I was robbed. Nothing more.

I see how Max is watching our hands.

“It’s the stress. Don’t worry,” I answer.

Maria looks at me concerned.

She’s always concerned.

“I’m okay,” I say.

The server brings the food.

Max looks at me from time to time.

I avoid his eyes.

I don’t talk much.

When we get back to the dorm, I take Maria’s hand.

“Do you want to sleep over today?”

She looks like she has questions.

I say, “We haven’t seen each other much lately. We can talk a little bit.”

She looks pleased now.

Michael groans.

Max doesn’t react at all.

He takes his bag and goes over to Michael’s.

He can’t sleep here.

I’m afraid of him.

And I’m afraid of myself.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback everybody! I love it. here is the next part for you. Hope you like. I think I'll just make it since now and post about every four days

bye guel

begonia9508
Erina
alizaleven
dreamer19
Natalie36
clueless
yayaliens
Addicted2AmberEyes
cassie
Emz80m
raemac
ken_r


Chapter 13

I go into one of my classes.

After, I go shopping and buy a cell.

It is time. I should be available.

What would happen if someday I had to make an emergency call?

Max is probably already waiting for me.

I eat and drink a coffee in the city.

I should go back to the dorm.

But I can’t.

I don’t want to see Max.

I buy Maria a small present.

I buy a DVD to bring home for Michael.

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with so much money.

I transfer $1000 to Allyson’s account.

I do this regularly.

Maria doesn’t know anything about it.

Mrs. Madison either.

Hours later, I go back.

Max sits on my bed.

I get a shock when he jumps up.

”Where were you?”

I take a step back.

What is this?

“I was worried.”

Aha. Now this is starting.

I don’t want to be treated like that.

Maybe I’m crazy and not normal, but I don’t want to be pitied.

“I was shopping.”

“Liz, you never go anywhere alone and I thought, maybe…”

“I’m here…”

I sit down on the bed and hold my hands to my face.

I don’t want to finish his sentence in my mind.

“I’m sorry. I was worried. I didn’t want it to sound like that.”

I only nod.

“Look.”

I show him my new cell.

He laughs.

“You remind me of a child.”

I look at him.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay.”

I smile.

“Liz, about yesterday…”

I stand up and search through a drawer.

“Could you stop this? You don’t have to answer but could you at least listen to me?”

I look at him.

His dark hair. His dark eyes.

He looks pleadingly at me.

I lean against my desk and lower my gaze.

I bite my lower lip.

I want to run away.

“Liz, you’re getting me wrong. By fragile I didn’t mean that I pity you. It’s only…when I see you, I want to protect you and never leave you alone. I mean this: I want to be here for you. Will you let me be here for you?”

His last sentence is whispered.

I can’t stand this.

“I…”

I can’t say more.

What should I say?

I hate myself, how can you like me?

I can’t look into my own eyes, so how can I look in yours?

“Liz?”

“I want…”

“You want to be alone.”

He stands up.

I put my hand up, but what should I say?

Nothing crosses my mind.

“Only my parents, and Maria’s Mom know it. And Mrs. Madison.”

“Maria, too.”

But I don’t have to say this.

She’s my best friend.

She moved here with me. Of course she knows.

He sits down again.

I sit next to him.

Who is Mrs. Madison? Why doesn’t he ask?

He could ask so many things.

“She’s my therapist? Do you remember?”

He nods.

He’ll pick me up the next time I’m there too.

“Michael thinks I was only robbed.”

He looks away.

I knew it would come out this way.

I’m disgusted with me. So, why shouldn’t he be?

It’s normal.

“I was fifteen.”

He already knows that.

It was six years ago.

There are silent minutes between my sentences.

“I was at Maria’s.”

Maybe it wouldn’t had happened if I was more careful?

“I stayed too long there, and it happened on my way home.”

I can’t look at him.

I have the feeling he’s slided nearer.

But I can’t swear by it. I can’t look at him?

Why do I tell him this?

He’ll hate me.

“He looked like a Mexican.”

This he already knew, too.

I whimper.

The tears won’t stop.

“It’s your first time!”

“It’s your first time!”

“It’s your first time!”

I sob loudly.

Max still doesn’t touch me.

“That was…my first and last experience…”

I hear his breathing.

He’s upset.

Surely at himself.

Why should he spend so much time with me?

I’m scum, dirty, used.

I feel his hand on my shoulder.

“No!” I shout out.

Men aren’t allowed to touch me.

Only Michael. Max isn’t.

I let the tears roll down.

Why should I wipe them away?

They’ll only stop when I sleep.

Max says something.

I don’t hear it.

I lay down under the blanket.

I turn away from him.

He says something for the second time.

I don’t understand it.

“I want to be alone.”

I’ve made no progress.

But I’m proud of myself.

I opened myself to somebody.

The reason isn’t so important.

He doesn’t have to know that I did it because of my fear.

I wanted to push him away.

I did it.

Now I can live in my own world again.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback. here is the next chapter for you.

bye guel


Chapter 14

The door opens.

”Liz, are you ready?”

“Ah Max, does this have to be so early?”

“Out of the bed.”

“Go away! Let me sleep.”

Murmur.

“No, we have lots of to do.”

“Get out!”

Laughter.

“Maria, stand up and go over to Michael.”

My face is turned to the wall.

I listen silently.

Maria stands up swearing.

I still don’t react.

Why is Max here?

Why does he still want to study with me?

“Liz, I have here a black coffee without sugar. Mhmm…”

He holds the cup over my head.

That’s unfair.

I smell the roast.

That’s really unfair.

“You want to study?”

I ask him without turning around.

“Of course, I want you to pass your exams.”

I get out of the bed.

Without answering, I step into the bathroom.

I shower and take my time.

Max knows it now.

I don’t know how to behave myself.

I want to turn back the time.

He should go.

Disappear.

My life should get normal again.

“That’s good Liz.”

We’re sitting far away.

He praises me.

I don’t want his pity.

“That’s enough.”

He look questioningly at me.

“I have to think about my other classes.”

Those aren’t my only exams.

I still have the regular ones.

“But you have only two days left.”

“I’m prepared.”

“Do you want to…”

“I want to be alone.”

He nods.

I bite at my lower lip.

I’m unfriendly.

I can’t do anything against it.

I don’t give excuses to men.

Except Michael.

Max goes.

Tears run down my cheeks.

What am I doing?

I’m unfriendly.

Then I’m friendly.

I never answer.

Then I tell him almost everything.

I go running.

I study more and I sleep.

Max is sleeping at Michael’s again.

Maria sleeps here.

She’s always complaining.

And she wants to go to New York.

Wants to visit her mother.

She says she’ll wait until I can go with her.

I can’t.

I cry.

She comforts me.

She says it’s good that I’m crying.

I feel better afterwards.

But I can’t go to that city.

Can’t go back to my parents.

They won’t want me.

Nobody wants me.

I take my first exam.

It goes good.

Max asks about it.

I lay with my back to him.

I ignore him. Don’t answer.

“I hope it was good.”

He goes.

I pass my other exams.

I go to my classes.

I argue with Maria.

Michael prepares for his final exam.

It’s about time. He’s 24.

Max is a workaholic.

His two months are practically over.

I hardly saw him.

He goes out of my way.

And I’m glad about it.

Maria says that lately he opens the bathroom door.

I’m already asleep when he comes back though.

Meanwhile I run everyday.

Till it gets dark.

When I’m alone, I come back before it’s dark.

Or I run with Michael.

Sometimes he needs a break too.

With him I’m not afraid.

Max never comes with me.

And I don’t ask men.

Only Michael.

Not Max.

Maria is not talking to me anymore.

She wants to blackmail me.

She wants me to go with her to New York.

After my shower, I lay down.

“Liz?”

It’s Max.

I sit up.

“Can we talk?”

I don’t answer.

I don’t answer often.

Is this good?

I nod to him.

I free my hair from the towel.

I need something to do.

My lower lip is raw.

What does he want from me?

I can’t bear to talk about it.

I don’t want him to talk about it.

“Liz, I’m going back to New York.”

New York. New York.

I don’t want to think about it.

I look at him.

I know he thinks it too.

He smiles.

I smile back.

It’s been a long time since I saw his smile.

He wants to say goodbye.

I don’t hug men.

Only Michael.

“My practice training is over.”

I know.

He got the best grades.

Michael was proud.

“I wanted to talk with you before I go.”

I fight against the will to cover my ears.

“You don’t make it easy.”

He puts his hands into his pockets.

I make a pony-tail.

“I don’t do anything,” I say.

Maybe that’s the reason.

“Exactly that makes it so hard.”

He’s silent. I’m silent.

“Liz, I’m 26 years old.“

I know that.

“I’ve already gotten to know a few women.“

I’m not interested in this.

“And I’ve never felt anything near what I feel for you.”

He knows I don’t want to hear the three words.

He knows what to say.

“I don’t want to give you up Liz.”

I’m a hopeless case…He can’t heal me.

“I want to be with you, someday…”

He’s going back to New York.

We can’t be together.

And I don’t want it.

“Liz, do you want me to come back?”

I look at him.

I don’t answer.

He smiles. I smile back.

“I’ll come back.”

He pushes a loose strand behind my ear.

I see his effort not to touch my cheek.

He doesn’t.

He goes.

Thanks for the great feedback i love hearing from you, I'll just post and run cause I have to study. Hope you like.

bye guel

Chapter 15

One month later

“Hey, there you are.”

Max.

Max.

“Max, I’m glad that you’re here, but it isn’t such a good idea that you are in Liz’ room.”

Maria.

“Why? What is it? Michael, who this woman“?

Impolite.

“That’s Mrs. Madison, Liz’ therapist.”

“What is she doing here?”

“I’m here because I’m worried about Liz.”

“What is it?”

“Max maybe it’s better that I tell you this in Michael’s room. You really shouldn’t be here.”

“What happened? Why didn’t you call? Didn’t I say you should call if something happened to her?”

“Max…” It’s Maria.

“Maria, I think she’s asleep. I’ll bring Mrs. Madison to her car and you can tell Max what happened.”

Michael.

“She was robbed yesterday. It happened when she was running. Her cell phone was taken away and it was the only thing she had with her…we wanted to call you but not right away. We wanted to wait until she’s better.“

She’s whispering to him.

“What is going on with her…is she okay”

Concern.

“Nothing, but she hasn’t spoken since yesterday. She’s also not eating and she lies in her bed all the time.”

She’s concerned too.

“Maria, can I have a minute alone with her?”

“Max…”

“Please.”

“Okay. But call me if something is up.”

I hear her go.

“Liz, I’m so sorry.“

I close my eyes.

“I never should have left you alone.”

I feel a kiss on my forehead.

I tremble.

My eyes fill with tears.

He can’t see it yet.

“I’m so sorry…”

He whispers.

He strokes my hair.

I bite at my lower lip.

“You’re awake.”

He knows it. I know it.

He pulls his hand back.

He doesn’t touch me anymore.

“Why don’t you talk? Maria is worried.”

“How was it at home?” I ask.

Max is different.

I don’t know how but he’s different.

I can talk with him.

I see him as a good friend.

“Can you turn to me, please?”

I don’t want to.

But he asks another time.

I turn back and pull the blanket higher until it’s under my chin.

Silent tears drop on the pillow.

Max takes his jacket off.

He sits down on the ground.

He leans his head on the side of my bed, and looks past me to the wall.

It’s better this way.

I can watch him when he looks away.

“It was okay. I saw my parents and my sister. “

Isabel Evans.

She’s Michael’s twin.

I’ve seen her once or twice in a picture.

“But I missed you.”

He looks quickly at me.

He was only away a month.

How can he miss me in a month?

I don’t miss men.

Only Michael.

And my father sometimes.

But, my home is linked with bad memories…and I don’t like thinking about home.

“I signed up for a class with the university. I’m going to stay here for a semester.”

But I’m not the reason.

I know this.

“Because of you.”

That can’t be.

Why should Max stay here because of me?

I change the topic.

“I was panicked and wanted to cry.”

The tears stop.

The trembling stops.

“He was so small, a street kid even.”

I pause.

“After he got my cell, I called him.”

Max can listen really good.

”Why?”

“He might have been more afraid than me.”

“Could be, but what did you want from him?”

He again looks quickly at me.

I watch him all the time.

“I made a deal with him because I wanted to help him.”

“Liz, he robbed you!”

I know I’m crazy.

But he was a kid.

Kids aren’t murderers.

“Is this why you don’t talk to anybody?”

Max is clever. Maria would kill me if she knew what I did.

“They wouldn’t understand it.”

He looks at me.

He understands me.

He knows that I’m crazy.

“I’m proud of you.”

This I didn’t expect.

“I understand, and I think what you did was good. This way, you’ll overcome your fears.”

“Max, it was a kid.”

No.

I don’t say the names of men.

I only say Michael’s and some of my professors’s.

He smiles.

He notices everything.

“What deal did you make with him?”

“We’re meeting on Sunday at the same spot he held me up.”

“For what?”

Will he also understand this?

When he starts to talk it out of me, I’ll throw him out.

“I’ll bring him cash so he can give me back my cell.”

He frowns.

He shift and gets more comfortable.

I don’t want to throw him out.

“Why don’t you buy a new one? It’s simpler.”

“He needs money and I my cell. Why should I go buying one? “

Sometimes I have a mind.

I am going to meet up with a criminal kid though.

“How much are you paying him? “

“2000.”

He expected it, but he frowns.

“Can you afford it?”

I smile and nod.

I can afford much more than that, but I don’t say that to him.

“Then it’s okay. How old was he?”

Older than six.

If he had been six, I think I would have just run off.

Maybe 12, maybe 14?

Young, too young to live on the streets.

Bad things can happen to kids; look what happened to me.

“About 13.”

That’s a good average.

“Hmm…Liz?”

He looks into my eyes.

“Didn’t you miss me at all?”

He smiles weakly.

I don’t miss men.

I’ve already said that.

I smile back.

My smile isn’t a lie.

I missed him as a friend.

And I like talking to him.

He’s a good listener.

He’s a good guy, like Michael said.

“Liz, I know you don’t want to hear this but I feel more than friendship for you. I don’t want to give you up because the feeling is too beautiful. I want to show you how it can be.”

No, no, no.

I don’t want to hear this.

I turn to my other side.

“Do you come with me on Sunday?”

I hear him walking to the bath.

“If you want me to,” he answers.

Max is strange too.

Would I ask if I didn’t want him there?

I don’t answer.

He goes away.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback Here is the next part, hope you like.


Chapter 16

“Are you okay?”

It’s Madison-day.

I nod.

I am okay.

The boy didn’t came on Sunday at first.

With Max by my side I waited till midnight.

Then he came.

He said he watched us for hours.

I knew it.

I think Max knew it, too.

He never suggested we should go.

“What happened?”

She knows right away when something’s happened.

“I helped a street kid.”

I don’t want to be proud of myself.

I want to show my think processing:

I helped a criminal.

“Do you feel good about it?”

I nod.

We talk.

Today I answer most of her questions.

She asks about Max.

But those questions I ignore.

She notices it.

Mrs. Madison smiles.

I don’t smile back.

She thinks she knows what I feel.

She knows nothing.

“Do you stay today for the whole time?”

I look confused.

She looks at the clock.

I’ve been here now for 55 minutes.

It’s the first time I’ve stayed so long.

When I make it through a whole session, it will be the last time.

Mrs. Madison said so.

“Still five minutes and then it’s over.”

I nod.

I bite at my lower lip.

“What are you going to do after our session?”

Should I answer?

My answer contains Max.

“I’ll go to the haircutter.”

“And?”

“Get my hair cut.”

“With Maria?”

“No, alone.”

“Who’s driving you?”

So many questions.

“Max.”

“Is he picking you up from there?”

He has a class.

Afterwards he’ll pick me up.

“Yes.”

“What will you do then?”

“Shopping.”

She asks for what.

How should I know this before I go?

I say, bits and pieces.

“For who?”

“Mainly for Max.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s going to stay here for half a year and he needs clothes.”

She nods, smiles.

Only one more minute and I’ll make it.

“Where is he going to sleep?”

Sleep?

I didn’t thought of this.

The two months from before he stayed with Michael.

But six months?

Michael won’t allow that.

He’s still studying for his final exams.

Maria is still living with him.

She won’t want Max too.

Max needs an apartment.

He can’t sleep in my room.

Not for six months.

I’ll ask him about this today.

“The time is over.”

I stand up. This time I’m calm, not hectic.

“Take care, Liz.”

I smile.

Mrs. Madison hugs me.

“We’ll see each other again.”

She believes me.

I won’t schedule a session anymore.

I didn’t leave before it was due; I made it through a session.

I don’t think I should come anymore.

Mrs. Madison thinks the same.

But, sometimes, I’ll visit her.

At the haircutter I demand that a woman wash my hair.

They look confused but they do it.

My hair gets cut like the last time.

“Do you also want to make me up?”

They smile.

The stylist comes to me.

“Like the last time?”

She’s very friendly.

And she remembers me.

I nod.

“Have you got a date?”

She varnishes my nails.

At first I don’t answer, but she’s so friendly and I don’t want to be unfriendly.

“No date.”

“Then why are you making yourself up?” She smiles.

“I’m going out.”

This isn’t the same like a date.

She grins.

I smile back.

“With a man?”

“He’s only a friend.”

“Everybody says that.”

She murmurs.

I don’t hold it against her.

Maybe I should tell her about it?

My friend is in love with me.

But I’m a person who can’t love.

What should I do?

Hmm, should I ask her for advice?

Maybe the next time.

After two hours, I’m finished.

I only have to wait a few minutes for Max.

“Where are you going to live?”

He’s looking for a jacket.

He’s already spent a lot of money.

“I’ll look for a small apartment.”

Hmm.

I would like an apartment, too.

I once wanted to buy one for me and Maria, but I didn’t want her separate from Michael.

And he wouldn’t take an apartment from me.

False Pride.

“Why don’t you buy anything?”

He already has a few bags and I don’t have any.

“I haven’t found anything I like.”

He smiles.

“You have the most wide spread size. They make so many things for your size.”

I shrug my shoulders.

“Liz…”

“I didn’t find anything.”

“Come.”

He goes into the women’s section.

He collects a dozen jeans.

And even underwear.

I blush.

He looks for a pretty jacket; he knows what I like.

Shoes. Sandals. Boots.

A hat.

New trackies.

Sweatshirts and pullovers.

He stops when he has both of his hands full and mine too.

“I’m going to sit down here.”

And?

He waits.

“You’ll try everything and the best ones you can buy.”

My eyes go wide.

I don’t like changing in the dressing room.

And I don’t try on underwear in there.

“I’ll buy everything.”

“What?!”

I shrug my shoulders.

“Come on, help me.”

“Liz, this is worth…”

“I said I’ll take everything.”

I can sort them at home.

Some I can give to Maria.

We put everything in the trunk.

Max leans against it.

“Why did you do that?”

“I didn’t want to try them all on.”

He laughs.

He laughs wildly.

Afterwards he put his arm around my shoulders.

I get stiff.

But I have myself under control.

He has to take his arm away anyway when he goes to the driver’s side.

I feel his lips…on my temple.

He lets go of me.

“I admire you.”

He laughs again.

I’m silent.

He looks at me.

Then he gets into a bad mood.

It’s like that a lot.

He says it isn’t my fault.

But then why do I feel guilty?

I can’t give him what he deserves.

I can’t love him.

Max, I can’t love you.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback everyone! I love every word of it

raemac – yes, it will take her awhile though
cassie – Liz can afford those clothes, if I would go shopping and spent so much money I would regret it, too
Addicted2AmberEyes – denial ist the keyword here
clueless – thanks here is the part
begonia9508 – there will come better parts, I promise but i think worse, too but all bearable
Erina – no worry, I just wanted to show off max’ feelings for once, it will be not a very long part
ken_r – do you think max would let her run? i dont think so
Blink1lit – thanks for the kind words
Emz80m – im a dreamer, what should I answer?
Stars at Night10 – thanks and I hope your computer is ok now, I know how mobiles can sometimes get on your nerves
dreamer19 – thank you
rowedog – hey im glad you feedbacked and came out of “lurking”

and here it is, next chapter will be Max POV, the first and last one

bye guel



Chapter 17

I’m typing something for Michael.

He’s still studying for his exams, and it’ll be over soon.

Maria isn’t here.

She went somewhere with her class.

She’s coming back in three days.

My cell rings, and it hardly rings.

It’s probably Maria.

Only her, Michael and Max have the number.

”Hello?”

I put the phone between head and shoulder and keep on typing.

“Good to hear your voice, Liz.”

I’m silent.

I can’t say the kind words back.

This voice is from the past.

I’ve closed up to the past.

“Hello, Mrs. DeLuca.”

I am polite.

“How are you?”

“Good and you?”

“I’m good, too but I miss you and Maria. I haven’t even seen you for two years.”

Two years ago she was here.

I’ve never phoned her.

I only talk with Maria and Michael.

And now Max.

Yes, the school is good.

No, I don’t want to come to New York.

Yes, of course Maria and I are still best friends.

She’s away with her class.

No, I don’t know why Michael isn’t answering the phone.

Yes, he treats her like a queen; you don’t have to threaten him.

Those two are very happy.

Me?

I don’t have the time to be happy.

“Liz, you know what next month is…”

I throw the cell on my bed.

I close my eyes.

I forget she knew.

I go into the bathroom.

I cry my soul out of my body.

My heart cries: It’s over.

But I can’t get my voice to speak.

I look in the mirror.

My eyes are bloodshot.

After a while I go back.

The phone rings again.

I walk up and down.

If she calls more than five times I’ll turn the phone off.

“Liz?”

Max’s head appears at the door.

I turn my back to him.

He enters.

“Why don’t you take the call?”

He’s behind me.

“It’s Maria’s mother.”

I turn to him.

He notices that I was crying.

He doesn’t ask.

I’m glad but I know he will.

His eyebrows raise instead.

“She lives in New York.”

His eyes get softer.

I don’t want his pity, but it’s not like I say this stuff a lot.

One time he shouted back, said it was love and not pity.

Afterwards he went away.

When he came back, I was already lying in bed.

I pretended to be asleep.

He took my hand in his.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’ll never leave you alone.”

I didn’t answer and he went back out.

I believe him.

He’s my friend and he will be my friend forever.

But nothing more.

I take the phone.

“Hello?”

“Miss, don’t ever hang up on me again.”

I didn’t. I threw the phone away.

“I’m sorry.”

“Liz, I know you don’t want to hear it.”

Max sits down on my stool. He looks worried.

I don’t want to talk to Amy, and not when Max is in the same room.

“You know what next month is…will you come?”

I don’t answer.

Amy sighs.

She only sighs when she’s desperate.

“No, but I’ll send double the amount.”

“Liz!”

Allyson’s birthday is next month.

I send her money every month.

This time I’ll send her 2000 instead of 1000.

My parents used to send me 500 a month till now.

They started when I moved to Seattle.

I was 16.

And by 21, I had all this money; I’m rich.

And this way I can pay the money back to her.

Now, they stopped sending me money.

I didn’t need it, but it was the only contact I had to them.

It hurts.

And I can’t change it.

I’m not a good daughter.

“Money is no present and besides…”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

She sighs, she accepts it.

”How is Jerry doing?”

Jerry is her brother.

He lives in Seattle so, Maria and I chose Seattle.

He took the both of us in.

Michael came to the dorm.

Then Maria and me too.

“He’s good.”

I don’t see him very often.

He’s a stranger. I avoid strangers.

I look at Max.

He’s watching me searchingly.

Tears are welling up in my eyes.

Amy tells me about the last months.

I excuse myself before I hang up.

I sink to the ground, cover my face.

“Liz…” Max whispers.

I feel his hand on my shoulder.

The other in my hair.

“Why can’t it just stop?”

My body trembles.

I can’t talk.

“Shhh…”

Max strokes my hair.

I don’t protest.

“Everything will be ok.”

That’s wrong.

Max has no idea.

I’m such a bad person.

“I can’t anymore…”

I hold Max’s shirt tightly.

I can’t take it anymore.

Loud sobs take me over.

And when I don’t know what to do, I do the last thing I thought I would ever do.

I fling my arms around Max’s neck.

I cry openly.

He sits on the ground.

Then, he opens his legs and puts me between them.

Not on his lap; he’s such a good guy.

“Shhh…I’ll stay with you…forever.”

It’s a whisper.

“Everything is going to be okay.”

For the first time, I cry openly.

And it’s not for that happened to me, but for what I am causing.

Thanks for the amazing, wonderful feedback

dreamer19 – yeah, maria felt guilty for a long time
rowedog – I’m sorry Alison, i’m from germany and i think o got the name from „the notebook“ but im not sure anymore
Blink1lit – Thanks
begonia9508 – daughter? Good theory
clueless – thanks
Addicted2AmberEyes – this story has 40 chapters so I think the answers will come in small steps
aussietrueblue – thanks
Erina – the money issue will be explained in this part
elodie – thank you but the corrections are from my beta Dreamerlaure, without her you would definitely notice that English is not my first language
Emz80m – yes you’re right, and now liz has to understand that life is going, and who will help her?
Natalie36 – thanks
pinkslipper – that’s sweet, I’m really glad that you can feel with liz
raemac – thanks
behralicious87 – thank you, if someone can break liz’ walls then this will be max
aliensister – thank you, here is the next part



Max POV guys, but its short, hope you like

bye guel


Chapter 18

I worry about her. I had already seen the sadness and despair in her eyes, but her break down still shocks me. I’m asking myself what the trigger was.

We’re sitting on her bed; she’s leaning against the wall and I’m sitting next to her. I watch her beautiful but frowning face and I’m wondering what she’s thinking. Since she stopped crying, she’s said nothing.

The situation is awkward. I thought she would open up now because I could touch and hold her, but I was wrong. Then she stands up, and without saying a word, sits down on the bed. Now I’m trying to read her mind, to guess what is troubling her, but Liz is an inscrutable person. I wish she would talk to me and tell me more. I want to hear from her.

“Liz…where did you get all the money?” I ask cautiously. Her eyes are closed and her head leans against the wall. From time to time a silent tear runs down her cheek and I wish them away with my thumb.

I want to touch her, say her what I feel for her, but with that I would only frighten her. How should I handle a young, beautiful woman who generally hates men?

She doesn’t answer and I wait patiently. Meanwhile I am accustomed to it and I think she really needs my patience.

“Inherited.”

She always gives such answers. I try to read more words in her few words or in her gaze but it’s impossible. Her eyes hardy show emotions and her statements are too short for me to even interpret something.

“From who?”

I watch her, I watch how she’s biting at her lower lip. She does this a lot. It’s one of the first things I noticed about her. I can see that she’s trying to calm down and I stroke her hand.

I want to pull her into my arms but I feel her dejection. I also don’t want to shock her because she’s starting to trust me, and I don’t want to destroy this.

She opens her eyes and looks at me. My hearts starts to pound and I try to sit calmly. I don’t know how she does this, but she controls my body. She could only smile once and I could die because my heart is beating so rapidly.

Liz…brown eyes…brown hair. She is so beautiful that words don’t do her justice. Every man would want her on his side and this innocence… such an innocence she wears; how could this bastard do this to her?

After I noticed she was different, I started asking. I asked Michael first. He shook his head and said that Liz was robbed in New York, but nothing more. But in his eyes I could see that he was thinking about it. He assumed it, but he didn’t know for sure. I waited a few days, tried to suppress the feeling and when it wouldn’t go away, I asked Maria and she got tears in her eyes.

“From my Grandma.”

She smiles hesitantly. My heart makes a hop. She surely loved her grandmother very much and I wonder what else she’s thinking.

“Is it much?”

She waits a moment. She won’t say much but I would need half an eternity to get all of the answers to my questions. “Far too much.”

I understand now how she could by all of the clothes in the mall and why she can live here without the help of her parents. Liz is a wealthy but unhappy woman. I want to make her happy. I want to love her for a lifetime.

When I got back to New York, during that month I separated from my girlfriend. We were not really together any more and we hadn’t broken up officially. The reason was simple: I fell for Liz. This unfriendly, uncommunicative girl made me fall in love with her. She couldn’t have made it better when she wanted me to love her.

We are silent for a while. I think this is calming her. Her tears have stopped and she’s bling now again and again. I’m surprised when I feel her soft hand in mine. Happily I close my hands around her hand. I didn’t know one-side love can be so destroying. I even don’t know if Liz could ever love me.

Maybe she only sees her tormentor in me and the thought of that is killing me.

“Are you feeling better?”

I can see in her weak smile that she won’t answer this question. She won’t feel better when she can’t forget what happened those years ago. More than anything else I want to make it undone. If I had known her then, I would’ve protected her, but her father thought so too and he couldn’t do it.

“You think you know everything,” she says.

Those hurt me the most. She’ll say something without relation to what I’m talking about, and I’ll understand nothing. I want to ask about it, I want to ask her a dozen questions, but I can’t. I can’t push her because then she would close up again. I couldn’t stand it if she did.

“What Liz? What don’t I know?” I whisper and stroke her hand. Maybe I can only do this for a short time, and I want to use it.

She stands up. The loss of her physical closeness makes me sad. She bites at her lower lip again and this is her sign that she’s getting upset about one thing, the thing she won’t tell me.

“You don’t know me.”

“I’m trying. I want to get to know you.”

“I’m a bad person.”

She’s angry; I can hear it in her tone. Why does she think so little of herself? “Liz, you’re a wonderful person.”

She only looks at me. She acts like I have insulted or hurt her. Why doesn’t she understand what I feel for her? Maria warned me; she said Liz wouldn’t love me, that she couldn’t love me. But maybe I can show Liz that not every man is like she thinks.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Hi everyone and welcome to new readers. I passed two exams, german and maths. German was bad but math was top. Tomorrow is the turn of English, and Laure this will prove you that my English is bad I'll tell you my mark

Thanks for the amazing feedback.

bye guel

dreamer19
begonia9508
Dreamerlaure
clueless
cassie
Addicted2AmberEyes
pinkslipper
Emz80m
rowedog
Nz_Roswell
behralicious87
raemac
aliensister
aussietrueblue


Chapter 19

He doesn’t understand.

He’ll never understand it.

“You don’t know who I am.”

I’m a disgusting person.

I know it.

My parents know it.

Amy and Maria know it.

I’m sick.

“Liz, my feelings for you grow every day…”

I bite at my lower lip.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

That was loud.

It wasn’t deliberately.

“You have to accept it,” he says.

“I don’t have to do anything.”

What is he thinking?

“Do you know how this is for me?” he asks.

I look at him.

He looks sad.

“I see you every day, want to tell you what I feel, and every time you reject me. You even don’t believe what I’m saying to you.”

I believe him.

That’s the bad thing.

But I don’t want to disappoint him or hurt him.

“Do you know how it is for me? Every day I have to look into the mirror, knowing that I’m not a whole woman and that I’m a terrible person?”

He’s shocked.

I am too.

I haven’t said so many words in a row in a long time.

“Of course you’re a woman!”

He looks tortured.

No, I’m not.

I sit down on my bed.

Max kneels down in front of me, places his hands on my knees.

I don’t wince.

I’m used to Max.

“Liz…you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

He’s serious.

I can see it in his eyes.

I don’t study psychology for vain.

“I can’t believe you, Max.”

Max. This is the second time.

“Why not?”

He’s so caring and soft.

I can hardly believe that he’s a man.

“You don’t know me well enough.”

“You’re hinting at something. Tell me.”

He demands too much.

I can’t tell him.

Maybe in a few years. But not now.

“Do you at least believe what I’m feeling for you?”

He looks so pained.

I’m causing this.

I damage everybody.

We hear the key in the door.

“Hey, you two.”

Maria smiles. She’s back.

Earlier than I thought.

Max stands up.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

We look at her.

“Michael’s final exam is tomorrow. Is it okay that I spend the night with him?”

Max has to sleep here.

It isn’t a problem for me.

But, I think for him it is one.

“Of course it is.”

Max smiles.

I smile too.

“Max, can I be alone with Liz for a few moments.”

“I have to go anyway.”

Max winks at us and disappears.

A date?

With who? Trish?

“I have to tell you two things.”

She’s beaming.

Is she pregnant?

I hope not.

I look at her questioningly.

“Come on, say it.”

“Michael proposed!”

My eyes go wide.

Right before his final exams?!

“What if you had said no?”

She knows what I mean.

He would have failed every exam.

“He said I couldn’t say no because of his exams.”

That’s so typical of Michael.

He’s going to go and risk four years of college in two minutes.

“Is he in his room?”

Maria nods.

We go over to him.

I congratulate him.

Normally I don’t hug men.

I hug Michael and sometimes Max too.

Michael pulls Maria into his arms.

“I’m finished. I’m not studying any more.”

Maria laughs.

I smile.

“What do you want to do?” Maria asks.

“Spend the night with my fiancée. “

They kiss.

I disappear in my own room.

After my shower, I start reading.

I can’t ask Max for any more help.

I have to do something on my own.

I’m hoping I’ll do well.

The last three exams were good.

I can’t sleep.

I already prepared the mattress for Max.

And he has a key.

I could sleep, but I can’t.

Shortly after eleven, the door opens.

He’s very quiet.

He doesn’t want to wake me up, but I’m already awake.

He takes off his clothes.

I see his back.

His muscular legs.

I don’t fear him.

I close my eyes.

He sits down on my bed.

I only hear his breath.

He kisses me on my temple.

I open my eyes.

Why?

Do I want to know where he was?

With who?

No, I don’t want to know.

“Hey, you’re still awake.”

He smiles. I smile back.

He lays down on the mattress and looks over at me.

I won’t ask him where he was.

He could say it without asking.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing, studied.”

Should I ask him, too?

“I was with a friend playing billards. He wants to meet you.”

He told him about me? What?

I’m curious what he said to him.

“Good night, Max.”

That was the third time I said his name.

“Good Night, Liz.”

Then I think of Maria.

Didn’t she want to tell me two things?

Hey guys! Thanks for the wonderful feedback. Here is the next part. I'm going away for a few days, hopefully I will be back with a new part on Thursday. Hope you like this one.

bye guel

PS: Welcome to new readers! And Hello to Lurkers

rowedog
clueless
begonia9508
dreamer19
Addicted2AmberEyes
omwf
aliensister
cassie
Emz80m
Flamehair
Erina


Chapter 20

“Oh god, hopefully it’s going good.”

Maria can’t sit still.

Michael is taking his final exam.

Max is in class.

He is annoyed.

He’s older than Michael but he’s finishing college after him.

“Maria, didn’t you want to say something to me yesterday?”

She frowns for a short time.

I can see that she’s thinking about it.

It’s nothing good then.

“Liz, Michael is now finished with studying.”

I wait.

“And we’re engaged.”

I can read her mind.

“And you two want to move together.”

She smiles softly.

“We don’t want to leave you alone. Come with us, and we’ll be together in an apartment. It won’t be a problem.”

“It’s okay.”

They have a right to live a life of their own.

I can’t force myself on them.

“But if you want to move in with Max…”

I throw a pillow at her head.

“Liz, I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

I smile a little.

“He’s good for you.”

I don’t answer.

I can’t live with Max.

Can you move in with your best friends?

Is Max one of my best friends?

Maybe yes, but nothing more.

We go to eat ice-cream.

We haven’t done this for a long time.

Michael will be all finished in two hours.

Max is coming home soon.

We’ll go out tonight.

Back to the club we were in last time.

I want to dance, but there are too many men.

Maybe I can dance with Max?

No.

Max comes. We sit and wait for Michael.

Then the door flies open and Michael storms into the room.

He pulls Maria in his arms.

They kiss sweetly. He tells her he loves her.

Afterwards Max and I hug him briefly.

Finally, he made it.

He thinks it was okay.

After the proposal I didn’t see him so happy.

“Liz, laugh!”

He throws me over his shoulder.

I see Max laughing.

And Maria looks worried.

But I don’t disappoint her.

Instead of crying, I’m laughing.

Really laughing.

I can hear it.

It feels good.

I pound against Michael’s back.

He swirls me around.

When he runs of breath he throws me on the bed.

Max helps me get back up.

For a long time I haven’t felt so good.

“Are you okay?”

Maria. She’s always worried.

“I’m perfect.“

I haven’t answer like that for a long time.

It’s Lady’s night in the club.

Maria and I get a free card.

We’re separated from Michael and Max.

But, I don’t want to go in without them.

Maria wheedles me, and I get over my fear.

There is not a lot going on.

The DJ plays a slow song.

Men will ask women to dance.

Michael goes to Maria’s side immediately when he comes in.

They go onto the dance floor and Maria leans into Michael.

It’s their happy day.

“Do you want to?” Max asks me.

I know I won’t dance later so I accept now.

I stay a certain distance from him.

My hands are on his shoulders.

We talk quietly.

Max makes me laugh, strokes my cheek.

“I love it when you laugh.”

I lower my gaze.

What is happening with me?

I’m not angry; why?

Why don’t I break his heart.

“You make me laugh.”

He smiles. He has a sweet smile.

Oh my God! What am I doing?

He kisses me on my forehead.

We get nearer.

I lean my cheek against his shoulder.

I’m so small.

“Liz…”

I close my eyes.

We move slowly to the music.

My heart begins to beat.

He strokes my back.

I feel comfortable.

It amazes me.

After a few minutes, the slow music ends.

We separate.

Max doesn’t let go of my hand when we walk back to the bar.

Michael and Maria are following us.

We’ve had a wonderful night.

“Good night,” Maria says.

She’s helping Michael stand, and he winks.

He’s drunk.

But, I’m happy for him.

He worked hard for his graduation.

Max and I walk into my room.

He lets go of my hand.

He watches TV while I am showering.

I dry my hair while he showers.

He comes back in his shorts.

His dark, wet hair is hanging over his forehead.

For the first time I see him through these eyes.

Different.

Not only as a friend.

He sits down next to me.

“Did you like it?”

He pushes a strand out of my hair.

I only nod.

I think I blush.

“Liz, look at me.”

His voice is so soft.

“I expect nothing from you.”

That takes a load off my mind.

“I only don’t want you to shut me out.”

I look at him, say nothing.

“Liz, holding your hand…”

He takes my hand in his.

“Kissing your forehead…”

He kisses me on my forehead.

“Max, you are 26… you are…”

“I’m nothing, Liz. Do you hear? I’m nothing without you.“

I can’t look at him.

He holds my face up.

“I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for you even if I have to wait forever.”

My eyes fill with tears.

This time not of fear or panic.

I just can’t believe it.

I can’t believe that someone could say such beautiful things to me.

“Hey…don’t cry, stop it.”

He smiles.

He pulls me into his arms.

We hug for a short time.

Afterwards he lays down on the mattress.

Then I turn to the wall.

The reason is I don’t want him to see my smile.