Roswell Fanatics

Part 11


“You’ve missed your last two sessions.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

Dr. Culling narrowed his eyes at the ghost of a smile playing around the corners of his patient’s mouth but decided not to push harder for any answers. If he knew one thing about Max by now, it was that leaning on him didn’t get him to open up any quicker.

He took a deep breath instead, settled deeper into his seat, “how has work been?”

He gave that enigmatic smile again, “I finished a little while ago. I’m just floating until I pick something else up.”

The doctor nodded again and jotted something down on his notepad, “you sure that’s a good idea?”

He shrugged noncommittally, “what?”

“Not taking another job right away.”

“Why would it be?”

“Idol hands are the devils workshop.”

That got a laugh from and Dr. Culling watched him closer, curious about what was going on.

“Indeed they are.”

He that, “how’s school been?”

Max’s face softened in thought, “what?”

“School. How’s it been going?”

He folded his arms across his chest, closing himself off, and the doctor made sure to take note of that as well.

“Well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You were going to say something else about university.”

When Max looked as though he was going to brush his concerns off, he went on, “you have to stay open with me if this therapy is going to be at all beneficial to you.”

There was quiet for a moment, “I know,” his patient replied softly, “I’ve just missed the last few days.”

“How many?”

“4 maybe.”

“Max…”

“What,” he asked with a hard edge, “I’ve missed 4 days in the whole time I’ve been there, I think I’ll be alright.”

“It’s not that, it’s that you had a routine. You never missed school or work or a session and suddenly you’re doing all three. You have to understand why that would worry me.”

“I saw Liz.”

Dr. culling looked up at him, not understanding the sudden shift in conversation, “what?”

“I saw Elizabeth Parker again a little while ago.”

The older man sat back then and adjusted the thin rimmed glasses on his face, trying to think of what to say, “how did that make you feel?”

“Crazy,” and there was a faraway look in the boys eyes that concerned the older man but he let him go on.

“Like I’d never left her presence, like I was just in love as I’d ever been. I felt like I was 17 again watching her go into her honors and AP classes while I stood out in the hall trying to find the right moment so I could cut school.”

Max laughed and started to relax again, “I felt like no time had passed, like I still knew her.”

Concern had officially grown into slight alarm but he didn’t show it, just went on, “what does this have to do with you missing all of your appointments?”

“Well,” he said slowly, “I was at her birthday party one night and the other three days I was too busy thinking about her or walking around hoping to run into her.”

“Maxwell I…”

“Uh oh… “ he cut in, “you’re calling me Maxwell, something’s wrong.”

“No, not yet anyway, you have to promise not to get any more involved with her than a friendly association.”

“Why?”

“You seem to be moving back slightly, missing school…that’s something you were doing when I first met you. Things you had grown out of and it worries me…”

Max shook his head and cut in, “it’s too late for that.”

“Why is it too late?”

“I came here from her house.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we’re back together and that’s how it’s going to stay,” he said firmly, then continued as if it had just crossed his mind,

“and I’m not regressing. I missed a few days because I was busy doing something else. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“What about Eliza?”

“We’re done.”

“Just like that?”

He shrugged, “it was hard but I told her from the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything serious.”

“And Liz is free?”

“….Yes.”

“Why the hesitation?”

He opened his mouth before shutting it.

“Maxwell…”

“She will be very soon.”

“You’re repeating the same things that you did when you were 17.”

“Maybe we are,” he replied after a moment’s thought, “but it won’t end the same because I love her. I always have and I’m not letting anyone talk me out of doing what we both want.”

“I’m not trying to talk you out of it,” he said slowly, “I just want you to promise to think before you act and to not return to bad

habits. I want you to be happy and it seems being with Liz makes you happy.”

He stopped, trying to make him understand, “I want you two to have a healthy relationship this time around.”

Max watched him tensely before he sighed and nodded.

“Could you bring her here? I would really like to talk to her.”

“I’ll see,” he got up to leave when the doctor stopped him in the doorway.

“How can you be sure she’s going to end it.”

He smiled, “because she loves me and she promised


-


James stepped quietly into the front room of his apartment feeling a trepidation he couldn’t quite understand. He glanced around the room quickly and frowned as he moved toward the armchair in the corner, picked up the picture he’d just had framed of he and Liz in Virginia, ignored the uneasy feeling in his gut as he placed it right side up again.

“Liz?”

When there was no answer he narrowed his eyes and surveyed the room again, everything was as it was supposed to be, nothing looked damaged or like it had been thrown around but something was off. Something was making the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Even though everything looked right, something was wrong and with that thought he quickly moved out of the entryway and into the kitchen to see Liz standing in a white gown washing the dishes.

He sighed; waiting to feel reassured and was disappointed when that feeling didn’t come. Something about this tableau struck him as false even though he’d walked up on her doing the dishes hundreds of times before. He wanted to back out of the kitchen before she caught wind of his presence, go back to work, pretend like he had never come home for his lunch break to check up on her but then it was too late. She began to turn around and he could make out the big smile on her face but she stopped before her body was totally facing him. Only caught his eyes after what seemed like an intense internal struggle.

“How was work?”

Her look was too artfully blank, the smile too wide and suddenly his heart was pounding in his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

She took a step back, “what do you mean?”

“Something’s wrong.”

Her face took on the look of a trapped animal and he walked across the floor and grabbed her upper arms, not wanting to hurt her but wanting to end the dread he felt building up inside of him.

“I love you. Just tell me what it is.”

She looked up then and smiled gently, “James…”

“Liz…” he cut her off but let his own idea trail off unfinished, it had something to do with him.

With Max.

He knew it then with just as much conviction as he would have if she had told him herself.

He thought back to the perfectly placed living room.

Their picture face down on the table.

James looked back at her then, his face scrunched up, his hands tightened on her arms, his mouth opened to speak and…

“What’s wrong with you,” she asked a little too loudly as she pulled out of his grasp and leaned against the counter top.

He looked at her, breathing hard, “something’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she replied quickly, swallowing and moving toward him, “I made you a piece of chicken and a potato though.

That’s all

He took a breath and shook his head, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she replied breathily.

It was a lie.

But he smiled and laughed like it wasn’t.

“I thought…”

“Sit down,” she said quickly, moving to pull the kitchen chair out and push him into it.

She moved to the fridge and poured him some water, placed it in his hand, urged him to take a drink.

He did, gratefully, and smiled up at her in relief, “I was so scared. I saw…and you.”

“It’s alright,” she said and he pretended not to see the sadness she was barely capable of hiding.

“I…”

“I would never want to hurt you,” she said out of nowhere, pulling him into a hug.

He leaned into it and disregarded the faint whiff of Aqua di Gio he could smell in her hair, must just be a figment of his overactive imagination.

“Tell me you love me.”

She stiffened up but didn’t let go, “James…”

“Please just tell me,” and his voice was so quiet.

She started to run her hand up and down his back and he felt sudden wetness on the shoulder of his shirt, “I love you James.”


-


“Did you tell him?”

She didn’t say anything, just threw her purse down before looking up at his expectant face, “he knows,” then stopped, “…I’m pretty sure he does anyway.”

“What does that mean? Didn’t you tell him?”

She covered her face and sighed.

“Goddamn it Liz!”

“I know,” she replied, moving towards him and pulling him into her embrace knowing he couldn’t deny her that, “he was just…I think he knows but he looked so hurt. He’s a good man Max, I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“So you’re just going to stay with him them? Don’t you know you’re hurting me?”

“You’re stronger than he is!”

“Come on!”

“Just…give me a day or two okay? I have to think of the best way to break this too him.”

He turned his back then, angry.

“I’m not leaving you,” she tried to sooth him, “I’m in love you but I’ve been with him for a while and I want to do as right by him as possible.”

He was yielding he knew she knew it, “Just give me until tomorrow okay?”

“It didn’t take me that long to cut Eliza Loose.”

“That girl,” she said with emphasis, “was someone you were sleeping with, not someone you lived with, paid bills with, and shared a bed with. She wasn’t someone you would have married.”

He pulled away then and looked at her sharply, “that’s funny that you say that because you’re right. I would have never married her or anyone else. I haven’t had a real relationship with anyone since you and look at you, all ready to get married to whoever.”

He had contemplated that fact before but he never realized how angry it made him. That he was so replaceable to her. That she cared even a little how James would fare after she was gone.

She balled up her fists, “it’s different.”

“How?”

“You know.”

“No I don’t!”

“You left me!”

Their back and forth had gotten progressively louder with each reply but stopped dead at her words.

“You left me,” she whispered this time. Looking up at him with big, distrustful, wounded eyes and he felt taken aback by her sudden outrage, her sudden emotion where he was beginning to think there was none.

“I had to,” he stumbled.

“I don’t want to hear about that,” and he could practically hear the sneer in her voice as she , put her hand up to quiet him.

“But that’s the truth! I asked you that day at Dizzies to talk to me and you wouldn’t.” he moved toward her, “talk to me now.”

She shook her head and ran her fingers along his ribcage, pulled him closer, stood on tip toes to try and get at his neck.
He put his hands over hers, thinking he should stop her but denying the impulse, “we need to talk. We’ll never work this out until we don’t,” and his voice came out huskier than what he would have liked.

“I don’t wanna talk,” she whispered, biting at the tendon connecting his neck to his shoulder.

“I’m angry at you,” he replied and was surprised by how true it was. He had been the one to leave but the thought that she was doing so well without him, that he wasn’t the only man she could love…

“I know,” she said, throwing his thoughts off track, and moving away to lean her back against the bar, “but touch me anyway.”

Part 12{Adult: For Sex}



She only had to wait a moment before he started toward her slowly.

Liz felt her heart beat ratchet up and her abdomen tighten in response to his nearness, the heated look in his eyes.

“Max…” she said lowly but he didn’t respond, just let his left arm slide around her waist and dragged her closer to him. A shaft of arousal shot through her stomach and she licked her lips, trying to calm down. He hadn’t even really touched her yet, not to mention that he’d just given three orgasms not 2 hours ago but you’d think she hadn’t had any in over a year with the way she was reacting to him.

“Max…,”

“Turn around,” he cut in and Instead of finishing her thought she did what he asked.

“Put your hands on the bar.”

She did it without a second thought.

Let him push her forward until she hit the bar and it began biting into her stomach gently. The memory of her first kiss with Kyle drifted into her mind, then he let one of the hands resting on hips glide up toward her breast and she wasn’t thinking about much of anything now except more.

And he gave it to her.

Slid his hand over her left breast and squeezed her gently, then harder and she gasped and arched her back to bring him closer. He brought his free hand up under her arm and grasped the opposite shoulder effectively chaining her to him and she felt a delicious shiver start to buckle her knees. She knew he’d let her go, all she had to do was give the word, but she trusted him implicitly and the thought that she couldn’t away didn’t scare her.

It turned her on even more.

They’d only been together twice but he was usually so gentle, all soft caresses and loving looks that she’d dreamed of during his absence, but this was different. He was rougher, more dominant and it was just as good as when he was all about sweetness.
She took one of her hands from the bar and blindly reached back, it landed on his side before she let it slip down and grasp the buckle of his belt.

He groaned lowly, the first sound he’d made since he told her to put her hands down and pushed forward, rubbing himself against her lower back. She bit her lip and met his thrust with one of her own, let her hand slither up and shimmy into the waistband of his jeans. Max was panting now and so was she even though he’d been still ever since she touched him. She pushed herself against him, to get it back to work, and it jerked back to life slowly. He let his hand fall down her body and up her skirt, following her lead.

She spread her legs then, as wide as the stools and her own ability to stay standing allowed, and he took her position for the invitation it was. Ran the tip of his fingernail along the stretch of skin on her inner thigh that connected her pelvis to her leg and made the muscle there jump in his wake. She moaned and reached deeper until she could grasp him fully and he jerked like he’d touched a live wire, stopped teasing and just cupped her fully in his hand, gave her a strong circular rub and she let the top half of her body lay flat on the cool granite.

He moved closed and bent to mimic her 90 degree angled position, put his hand over her own and held it tightly. Liz used his closeness to get a better grip on him, stroked him once before she used the sticky liquid at his tip to try and smooth the way.

“Ohhhh Liz…”

And his voice was low and strained and awed and rough and she smiled as she stroked him again, harder this time. Closer, probably, to the way he would have done it himself and just thinking about that made her wetter. He must have noticed because he let out an appreciative groan and moved his hand inside of her panties. Slipped his hand past her clit and gathered some moisture before moving back up and using his middle and ring finger to rub her in that spot.

She gasped, pushing herself down onto his hand shamelessly.

“Sometimes,” he said as if his hand wasn’t between her thighs, as if her own hand wasn’t gripping him, “I think this all you want me for,” and he punctuated the question by letting the tip of a finger penetrate her.

She wanted to disagree with him, turn around in his arms and tell him that he was the first person she ever cared about and that he would be the last as well but the hand that had been cradling hers this whole time had moved up to shoulder to pull down the side of her dress. He squeezed his hand in between the cool counter top and her skin to pinch her nipple slightly, then harder and then roll it and she realized he was right.

When his hands were on her, that was all she wanted from him and right now she wanted more.

He pulled her up, so she would lean against him, and reached past her head into a cabinet, pulling out a small square package and tearing it open with his teeth. She wanted to laugh at the knowledge that he kept condoms in his kitchen but then she felt him pulling her panties down and only taking time to free one leg, heard the tell tale descent of a zipper and then he lifted her leg until it was resting over a nearby stool to give himself some room to maneuver.

“I…”

“It’s okay,” he breathed out as he pushed himself between her thighs, slicking himself up before he began to push inside her.

“I don’t have status or money but I have this and, if it’s all you want from me, I’ll give it to you.”

He leaned forward a little, pushing her along with him, trying to get some leverage as he pushed inside her slowly and, when she began to relax, he was able to push a little deeper and begin a steady stroke, hooked his chin over her shoulder and put his elbow on the counter top to help him keep his purchase.

He slipped his free hand back between her legs and she grabbed his wrist, not trying to stop him or change the pace or even keep him there. She did it just to feel him, know it was him there. She slid the other one up to his neck and let her head lull back onto his shoulder.

“I do love you.”

When he didn’t react, she turned his face towards her. Close enough to see herself in his eyes, close enough to kiss.

“I love you and I want you for more than this,” he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of her then and she had to stop to get her bearings before continuing. “I’ve always wanted to be with you.”

And he looked so goofily ecstatic about her pronouncement that she felt bad. Decided in that moment she’d tell Max she loved every time she saw him so he’d never doubt again. Began to say just that when he rubbed her clit so hard knew she’d be sore later but right now all she saw was stars and slid down over the counter top, unable to hold herself up at the moment.
He didn’t seem to mind the new position. Grabbed her shoulders and pumped faster and harder and then he was shaking and groaning real low and pulling her up to cuddle her closer to him, “I love you,” he said after a moment, breathless.

“I’m gonna leave him tonight,” she said slowly, “I’m not waiting, then I’m coming back to be with you.”

He hugged her tighter and nipped at her neck, trying to hide his happiness, “alright. But I’m coming with you.”

“No,” she said quickly, pulling out of his grasp gently and turning toward him, trying to put herself back together, “I did this to him. I’ll finish it.”

He looked like he wanted to argue but tamped down on it, “okay. I’ll see you when you get back?”

She nodded in the affirmative and pulled him to her for a kiss before backing away.

“Can I use your bathroom?”

-

“You’re leaving me.”

She shrieked in her throat and turned toward the voice quickly and there James was, sitting in the front room waiting for her, sitting in the chair that she and Max had…

Liz shut the thought down quickly, almost afraid that he would be able to hear it.

“James?”

“You’re leaving me,” he repeated quietly and he didn’t sound distressed or angry or happy or anything.

She closed the door behind her and tried to still herself against this conversation and build up her bravery.

“Yes. I’m leaving.”

He was sitting in the dark so she flipped the switch on the wall next to her, make it easier for her to predict his moods.

“It’s Max right?”

She started and stopped twice before telling him, “yes.”

He shook his head slowly and chuckled without mirth, “I pushed you to him.”

“No,” she said sternly, moving towards him, “you didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“I pushed you at him,” he said continued, as if she hadn’t spoken at all, “you said you didn’t want to see him but I…”

“You didn’t do anything. I should have told you earlier.”

He turned on her angrily and she stepped back, “how long has this been going on?”

“I don’t want…”

“I didn’t ask you what you want,” he yelled.

She leaned against the door. He’d never screamed at her, never raised his voice in an argument, never really got angry at all. They talked everything out when they had disagreements and this sudden change in tactics scared her a little.

“Not long.”

“How long’s not long,” he asked, composed again.

“Since my birthday.”

His eyes widened in shock, “when you ran from the table and he went after you…”

She didn’t answer, just looked away but that was an answer in and of itself.

“Oh my God Liz.”

“Please believe me when I say I loved you James.”

“Loved,” he snorted, emphasizing the past tense she’d used, “we haven’t even broken up yet and I’m already in your rearview mirror.”

“No,” she was starting to cry even though she’d sworn to herself on the cab ride over that she wouldn’t.

“Did you ever even love me,” he was strangely calm again, like they were talking about what to eat tonight and not the demise of their 2 year relationship.

“Of course I did,” she said emphatically, moving towards him, “I do still.”

“But you’re going to be with him now?”

“Yes.”

There was a long stretch of quiet where all they could hear was each other’s breathing. She wanted to go to him, tell him that she loved him and that she was sorry and forget all about everything that had occurred today. But she stood her ground. Going over there now would only hurt him more in the long run because there was no way she would be able to stay away from Max

He wouldn’t let her.

She wouldn’t want too.

He stood up and moved into the kitchen to sit at the table. She stayed by the door for a moment before following him and standing in the doorway. He pulled an apple out of the basket of fruit she sat there earlier in the day and took a bite.

“I knew when I came back for lunch,” he said, “when I walked in…I just knew. I came in and our picture was face down and it was like…like a ghost walked over my grave you know?”

She nodded but he didn’t look up and so he didn’t notice.

“Have you brought him here?”

“No,” she responded without thinking.

“Don’t lie to me,” he said under his breath.

“I’m not,” she shrieked, “I’ve never brought him here!”

“You’ve slept with him?!”

“No!”

He shook his head angrily, “you’re lying.”

“I don’t want to hurt you!”

“This has nothing to do with me,” he replied looking at her like she was someone he’d never seen before, “It’s about you never
wanting to take responsibility!”

“That’s not true,” she replied, on the defensive.

“Yes it is. Your parents have dictated every move of your life. Where you went to college, where you worked, you’ve never made any decisions for yourself so, in case they failed, you’d be the victim and it’s always easier to be the victim.”

“Shut up James,” she said and he complied. Stared at her until he came up with something else to say.

“You don’t want to tell me the truth because you don’t want me to hate you but I already do so it doesn’t matter. You can tell me.

She felt her heart clench at his words but accepted their truth anyway. She was afraid of him hating her, of anyone not liking her and that character flaw had affected every decision she’d ever made up to this point, just like he said.

Every decision, that is, except her choice to be with Max

That had set off arguments, fights, disappointments and heartache; but they had all been her own. It was time to stop running, and start taking on some accountability.

“You’re right,” she said slowly, moving toward him and sitting in the chair opposite his own, “I didn’t want you to hate me but I need to learn that that’s out of my hands. I can’t control your feelings and I need to tell you the truth, even if it hurt you.”

He looked up then, his red eyes surprised.

“I have brought him here,” she said, breathing hard, “and I’ve slept with him too.”

“You cheated on me.”

It wasn’t a question which is just as well because she didn’t have an answer.

A lot of things went through her mind. She wanted to ask him for his forgiveness but didn’t, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry,” he asked unbelievably, “you’re sorry,” he asked, “I hope your hearts breaking. Is it?”

She tried to get her breathing under control and answer him truthfully, “yes.”

“Good,” he replied after a moment as if he was asking a coworker about their day. As if they hadn’t ever loved each other. As if he didn’t know her at all.

“Now get out,” he went on sharply, tipping his hand and showing his anger, “I’ll have your stuff packed up by tomorrow. We’ll talk to each other later about everything else.”

“James…”

“Please leave,” he requested quietly, getting up and turning away from her. She got up and went to their room to grab some
clothes before making her way to the door, “I’m sorry,” Liz said again softly, wiping her tear stained cheeks.

“I know that doesn’t change anything but I really never wanted it to be this way.”

“I don't believe you,” he responded in a monotone.

She watched his down turned head, trying to think of something she could say to make this better, before exiting the apartment and saying nothing.

-

She almost dropped her clothes when she flew through the front doors of their apartment building, gasping for breath, trying not to cry and looking for a cab when someone placed a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned quickly before rolling her eyes.

“I thought I told you I was going to do this on my own.”

“You did,” Max responded, pulling her into his arms and trying to not be angry that she was upset over breaking up with James, “I just came to make sure you were alright. Are you?”

“No.”

He ran his hand through her hair and hugged her closer, “Come on,” he said, “I’ll hail us a cab and we’ll go home.”

“Home,” she asked, smiling a little.

“Yeah,” he responded, “it’s your home too now.”

He wiped away the remaining tears with his thumb and smiled, “let’s go.”

Part 13


Liz called into work the next day and took advantage her three weeks vacation starting that day. They were a little angry at her for the short notice she’d given but since she’d been there a good while, was a reliable worker and had never before taken advantage of the companies 3week paid leave, they cut her some slack and wished her luck.

The next two weeks were as close to a dream as she’d ever had.

Max had to be at school for 9 A.M and so they would get up at 7:30 and while he showered and dressed, she would make him breakfast and kiss him goodbye at the door. While he was gone she enjoyed her newfound solitude. Liz had never really had time in her up until this point to just sit and think, watch T.V, learn new dishes to cook, or just laze the day away.

She always had some sort of activity to do in high school. ”It’ll flesh out your résumé for college,” her mother said resolutely when she had objected to joining another after school group.

But she had time now.

He would come home around 6ish and she would have dinner ready. They would talk and smile and flirt and after they ate they would sit on the couch together while she watched T.V or read a book. Sometimes she’d even help him with his homework. They’d go and squeeze into his tiny master bathroom, combing their hair and knocking their elbows as they brushed her teeth.

Then they would go into his…their bedroom and she would make him groan using nothing but her hands and her mouth and her body. Sometimes, afterward, she’d look at the ceiling with a smile and hope to die before she ever tired of his touch.

Liz gazed at the clock and got up from her seated position on the couch. Every now and then she went to NYU to eat lunch with him but today she decided to stay and start dinner early. She was happy, the happiest she’d been in a long time but something was niggling at the back of her mind. Something that was making the longest uninterrupted time that’d ever spent together less enjoyable then it should have been but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was exactly.

Then the phone rang but she knee deep into the side salad she was making decided to let it ring. She smiled as Max’s voice filled the room telling whoever it was calling to leave their name and number and he would get back to them. They would have to record a new one now that she was there full time.

That thought made her smile brighter until the callers voice filled the room.

“Hello Maxwell. This is Dr. Culling and I was just calling to make sure everything was alright. You’ve missed all your appointments for the last three weeks and I think we need to talk about what was said at our last meeting. As you know, my cell phone number is…”

Liz almost dropped the salad bowl before righting it and placing it on the table. This was it, she’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop and it just had. She selfishly considered erasing it for a moment before vetoing the thought. She didn’t even know who this Dr. Culling was but she felt threatened by him none the less.

“I’ll just play it by ear, she said to herself lowly, turning to set the table.

“I’ll see what he wants to do and we’ll go from there.”

She nodded her head, happy that was resolved, and got back to work. He’d be back soon.

-

Liz heard the door open but didn’t move to greet him as she usually did, just sat at the table and chewed the side if her fingernail with nervousness. She couldn’t see what he was doing but she knew anyway. He sat his bag down as soon as he entered, tired after hauling it around all day. He’d glance around for her and then he would see the flashing light on the voicemail. Then she heard it…

“Hello Maxwell…”

It was stopped almost as soon as he began to play it and she heard the tell tale beep every one of those things made when it was erasing. He came into the kitchen and leaned down to nuzzled the side of her neck.

“How has your day been?”

“Good,” she smiled up at him, not sure how she felt about his erasing that message, “I made us chicken spaghetti and salad.”

He backed away from her, studying the look on her face before saying, “that sounds good.”

She got up and they each served themselves a healthy portion before sitting back down again. They chatted over dinner about their respective jobs, when he was going to apply to the academy, his school and she felt herself relaxing a little until he spoke up.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she said too quickly, sitting up straight, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” he replied quietly, looking at her closely, “when I came in you looked strange.”

“Who’s Dr. Culling? Is he the therapist you told me you were seeing,” the question popped out without her consent and she immediately wished she could push the words back into her mouth and have him not hear them but he was already looking all wide eyed and leaning back, away from her, into his chair.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d heard that or not.”

“I did,” she stated plainly, waiting for him to say…something. She wasn’t sure what.

He looked down and picked at his plate before answering, “he’s my therapist.”

“He said you haven’t been going to your appointments.”

“I haven’t.”

“Why? When you spoke of him before I got the feeling he was helping you out.”

“He’s not good for us,” he said, voice oddly detached.

“What does that mean?”

“He didn’t want me to start seeing you again.”

“Huh!?”

“He said he didn’t want us to be anything more than friends but that was after I went to your apartment that day…”

It was really silly, considering the things they’d done since, but bringing that day up at the kitchen table made her blush.

“…too late to try and stop being with you at that point. Even if he’d told me that the first day I saw you again, it would have been too late,” he reached across the table and grabbed her hand, “I can’t be in the same city with you and not be with you.”

“Why would he not want you with me?”

“I don’t know,” he replied angrily, “so I’d keep going to see him three days a week.”

“He doesn’t even know me.”

“Liz,” he waited until she was looking at him to continue, “I don’t need him anymore so it doesn’t even matter. I have you now and you’re all that matters.”

She swallowed and smiled, letting him hold her hand tight, before they got up, washed their dishes and put the food away. They took their bathes, brushed their teeth and she slipped into bed beside him later that evening.

“Good night,” he whispered, already half out of it, spooning himself to her back.

“Good night Max,” she murmured back, not feeling sleepy at all.

-

They started the morning the same way they did every day. Up at 7:30, breakfast, a kiss goodbye at the door. The only difference was that, as soon as he left, she went and called information to find the address of Dr. Cullings’ office. She walked down the street hurriedly, afraid she would run into him even though his school was clear across town and sighed with relief when she found the building and was able to duck inside unseen. She hesitated before opening the door to his office and patiently waited at his receptionists’ desk until the older woman was free to speak.

“Welcome to Dr. Cullings’ office, how may I help you.”

Liz opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out. She suddenly wanted to run from this place as fast as she’d come in. She was simply fighting a case of cold feet. She and Max were finally happy after fighting and fussing and running from one another their whole life and she was just looking for a way to continue the cycle.

To keep the drama coming, because that was all they’d ever really had before

“Nevermind,” she said quickly, already moving to the door when someone behind her spoke.

“Elizabeth Parker?”

She stopped cold thinking, irrationally, that maybe he wouldn’t be able to see her anymore. She’d be free to walk back out onto the street and forget she’d ever been here in the first place. Laugh at her ridiculous impulse to come and see what this person, who didn’t know her at all, had to say about her and Max’s relationship.

The man she assumed was Dr. Culling had moved while she thinking. Close enough that he was touching her elbow, “you’re Maxs’ Elizabeth right?”

“That’s right,” she said, turning toward him, feeling defensive.

“Is Max with you?”

“No,” she replied and he raised his eyebrows, “how did you know what I looked like?”

“He showed me a picture once.”

“Yeah well,” she went on pulling out of his grasp, “I’m leaving now so…”

“Well let’s talk first. I’m guessing that’s why you came here in the first place right?”

She hesitated, looking for a way out, “what about your patients?”

“It’s my lunch break,” he replied, never breaking eye contact, “you wouldn’t mind if I ate a sandwich while we spoke would you?”

“No,” responded without thought, reflexively polite.”

“Well come in,” he touched her elbow again and ushered her into his small but tidy office.

“I’m not sitting on that chaise,” she stated firmly.

“I would never think to talk to you there; you’re not one of patients. We’ll talk at my desk,” he motioned to a dark mahogany piece of furniture and she made her way over to it.

He pulled out her chair and after a moment she took a seat.

“Well,” he said with a soft smile, rifling through a lower drawer and pulling out a little baggie containing a slightly squished sandwich and a bag of baked Lays. , “what did you come to speak to me about today?”

“I heard the message you left for Max the other day and I…

“You were curious.”

“I guess so.”

“Why?”

She shrugged and they lapsed into a sort of awkward silence.

“Did he talk about me a lot?”

“I can’t say what a patient tells me while in session.”

She nodded, “of course.”

“But I can say that I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time.”

“So you could tell me to stay away from him,” she seethed, angry that this man would have the guts to say that about her then sit and smile in her face.

“I would never tell him not to be with you.”

“He wouldn’t listen anyway.”

“No he wouldn’t,” Dr. Culling said, looking lose limbed and totally at ease, “he’s too dependent on you.”

“No. He just loves me too much,” she corrected him getting to her feet, “and this was a terrible idea so I’m going to leave now.”

“I never meant to imply that he didn’t love you. I’m sorry if you got that impression.”

She crossed her arms over chest and looked down at him.

“Will you stay and sit?”

“I’ll stay and stand,” that get a small grin out of him.

“Whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Do you know I live with him now?”

That little piece of information seemed to throw him for a loop and she rejoiced at gaining the upper hand.

“You had a live-in boyfriend though right?”

“That’s over.”

“Was it a hard break-up?”

“That’s none of you god damn business.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said, not perturbed at all by her outburst, “I didn’t know about your arrangements but it doesn’t surprise me. Tell me one thing though, when’s the last time you spoke to your friends or family?”

The question came from out of left field and, just like that, she was playing defense again, “excuse me?”

“When’s the last time you spoke to some friends or family? Have you called them since you moved in with Max?”

Liz opened her mouth to say yes but stopped and thought first. She distinctly remembered looking at the ID on her cell phone while she and Max watched T.V, seeing Maria’s name and pressing ignore.

“Can’t remember?”

“I’m thinking,” she replied sharply.

The phone had rung many times while she was there but, more often than not, they ignored it. They didn’t have parties or invite anyone over. They went to dinner, clubs and community functions but stuck together.

“Can’t come up with anything can you?”

She looked away, “we’ve just been busy.”

“No. It’s just that, now you have each other, everyone else is expendable.”

“We love each other,” she said lowly, frightened by the truth she was seeing in his words.

“I know, but love doesn’t mean possession. You can want to be with someone and still have a life of your own. Your relationship has a lot of the elements that are unheal …”

“I have to go,” she interrupted while turning and making her way to the door.

He stood and met her there, “I would really like it if you came back here. We have things to talk about.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” she said, looking straight ahead.

“Here’s my card then,” he sighed, “if you change your mind.”

She took it and without glancing at it, placed the little square of paper into her purse and exited the building.

-

Liz was washing some dishes when she heard him unlocking the door. She stalled for a second before starting up again. She considered telling where she’d been today but decided against it, what did that guy know anyway? But then she thought about that night on the couch when she’d ignored Maria’s phone call. She thought about how they never spoke to anyone in the building, how Dr. Culling said love didn’t mean ownership.

Maybe he was right. Having friends and doing things separately didn’t mean that they loved each other any less; it didn’t mean they were any less devoted to one another. Perhaps she would go back, and bring Max with her. Have Dr. Culling help them work their way through whatever it was that made them cling to one another so much.

She turned to tell Max just that when she saw him kneeling before her with a little velvet black box and all her good intentions flew out the window.

“What are you doing?”

He smiled brightly, “asking the girl of my dreams to marry me.”

“Max…”

“Just say yes.”

She stood there for a second, covered her mouth with her hands, tears in her eyes, and said yes before letting him put the ring on her finger and pull her to the ground. Pull her jeans, t-shirt and everything else off of her, let him slip into her body then carry her to their bed and do it all over again.

She lay there later that night, Max’s head resting on her bare breast, and admired the way the light from the neon sign that shown through their window looked caught in her small diamond solitaire. This was truly the happiest she’d ever been but there was that little niggle again, in the back of her mind, telling her to beware.

She told it fuck off and let herself drift into sleep.

-

I want to dedicate this chapter to Hunter and Carrie.

Part 14


“You don’t have to go back to work.”

Liz stretched out on their bed and looked at him curiously, “huh?”

He smiled shyly and ducked away from her gaze, piquing her interest even more, “I said you could stay home if you want.”

She felt her heart beat kick up a little, “uh Max…”

“Just think about it,” he replied lowly, entwining his fingers with hers, twisting his ring around her finger, “I’m about to go to the academy but after that you could stay home if you want. I’ll be working and we’ll be married soon so…” she must have had a look because he went on quickly, “it’s just a thought. Just something to consider.”

She forced out a smile and nuzzled the side of his neck before taking a bite, “Alright, I’ll think about it.”

-

“I wasn’t sure if you would come back or not.”

She shrugged and went to sit on the chaise, “I didn’t think I would but…”

He thought about mentioning what she had said to him on their last visit about where she was sitting right now but decided against it, “You keep thinking about what I said during out last visit?”

She ran her hands through her hair nervously, “that was part of it.”

“And that ring on your finger was the other part,” he said dryly, pointing at her left hand.

She stuck her hands in her pockets even though it was too late to try and hide them from him, “maybe.”

He watched her for a moment before moving across the floor and taking a seat, “Max knows you’re here?”

“He does not.”

“Why do you keep coming here?”

“This is only my second visit. I wouldn’t say I keep coming here.”

“Then why are you coming to visit me,” he replied with a smile.

“Because I keep thinking about what you said to me on my last visit. Why do you think we can’t be together.”

“I don’t think you shouldn’t be with him, I just think you two need to slow down and pull away a little. You just found each other again and, if that ring means what I think it means, you’re already going to get married.”

“We’re in love,” she argued.

“But you haven’t seen him for years. You two aren’t the same people no matter how much you’re trying to be.”

“We’re not,” she said lowly, feeling attacked.

He sighed, “then what do you think is going on?”

She shrugged, “isn’t that your job?”

“No it isn’t. We’re just chatting about my patient, I’m not counseling you but if I was, I would be helping you figure out what was going on in your life.”

“Was that a not so subtle way of saying if I keep coming here I’m going to have to start making appointments?”

“Yes and no. I would like for you to try and talk to Max about coming back but I would also like for you to come with him as a couple and alone.”

“Is something wrong with us,” she asked after a moment of silence.

He folded his hands and leaned forward, “do you feel like there is?”

“Maybe.”

“Like what?”

She liked her lips, trying to decide whether or not to tell him the real deal or water it down, “I still haven’t told him how it was after he left me.”

“He won’t talk about it?”

“Just the opposite actually, he’s asked me quite a few times but I won’t go into it.”

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing,” she said with a mirthless chuckle, “I was so pathetic and stupid right after he left. I don’t want to tell anyone about that. Especially not him.”

“But if you love him, why wouldn’t you want to share your pain.”

“It would make me feel…weak,” she replied. He noted how remote she seemed during this visit when she was so emotional during their last.

“What do you mean?”

“He would have something over me.”

“Does that bother you?”

She nodded absently, eyes fixed on some part of the wall to the right of his face, “He already has enough.”

“In what way?”

“Sex,” she said plainly, “that’s pretty much all we do.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“It’s easy. Easier than talking about other things.”

"Like what happened after he left?"

He thought she wasn't going to answer but she did after a second of quiet, “like how I pined after him for a year after he left. I would search everyone’s face on the street to see if it belonged to him,” she changed her position getting agitated.

“He has no idea what it’s like to love someone and then to have them just disappear on you one day. I mean, there was his mother but she died. He knew what happened to her. He wasn't left wondering is she was dead or alive.”

“Is that why you’re angry with him?”

“I’m not…”mad at him is what she’d planned to say but thinking about it now, maybe she was.

“No, that’s not why I’m mad,” she said after a second, “I’m mad because of how he embarrassed me.”

“Go on.”

“The looks on my parents face when I walked back in that door after telling them I was leaving with Max and there was nothing they could do. They told me to be smart, to think of my future and I told them that he was my future and I didn’t want to be anywhere without him and I’d show them!”

She laughed sharply at the memory, “I walked in there and they were having dinner and my mother looks over and tells me to go wash my face and study because my test for college was the next day. The look on her face…and the kids at school, all those faces said, poor stupid Liz, she got hoodwinked by that delinquent. She believed in him and he humiliated her in front of everyone.”
She stopped for a minute, relieved to have said the words out loud after so many years bottling them up, “that’s why I try to keep as much power as I can in this relationship. That’s why I’m...not as happy as I should be.”

They looked at each other across the room and she continued, “sometimes,” she leaned forward as though confessing a secret, “I think about just getting up and leaving or never coming back home after work, give him a taste of his own medicine,” she remarked almost wistfully.

“Would you ever actually go through with that?”

Liz looked at him like he was crazy, “of course not, I love Max,” she leaned back, “you’ve never thought about trying to get back at someone you love?”

He didn’t answer her question, just stated one of his own, “have you ever talked to anyone about this before.”

She shook her head.

“I would really like for you to start making appointments with me Liz,” he said slowly.

“I don’t need a therapist.”

“Don’t think of me as that. I’m just,” he stopped, searching for a word, “someone who can listen to your problems and give you advice on how to work through them.”

She looked at him and said, “I’ll think about it.”

He accepted that even though he wanted a more concrete guarantee from her.

“You still haven’t said what you think needs to happen between Max and me.”

He folded his hands, trying to think of the best way to say this and deciding the direct route was it, “you need to move out.”

She had been looking off into the distance and his answer didn’t register on her face at all, “move out,” but her voice sounded higher pitched, a little worried.

“Yes, not break up with him, just move out.”

She turned toward him, “what would we do?”

“Date.”

“Date,” she asked, starting to show a little emotion, “we’re engaged, we’re not dating.”

This is where it was going to get sticky, “I think that you two should put that on hold.”

And she was up and out of her seat, “excuse me?”

“Have you set a date?”

She thought for a moment, “we weren’t planning on anything big. A little ceremony in some church with a few friends or we might even just go to City Hall. We don’t want anything that requires a lot of planning or anything.”

“Well then there should be no issue in you not getting married any time within, say, the next,” he thought one number then cut it half so as to not alarm her further, “6 months.”

“6 months,” she said a little louder than what she would have liked but before stepping out of the cab in front of this office she’d promised to herself that she would stay cordial, detached and that she would keep her memories and feelings to herself. Since 2 and 3 had already gone out the window, might as well chuck being pleasant out as well.

“I just want your marriage to start out on as truthful and stable ground as possible. You two could get married right after you leave this office, I couldn’t stop you, but you’ll be giving your relationship a harder road to hoe.”

“I’m not the only one of us who has issues!”

“You’re right, but you’re the only one here. You have to do this for both of you and I know it’s not fair but it’s the way it is.”

She took a few steadying breathes, “I can’t.”

“You can. You have to.”

“I wouldn’t even know how to talk to him about it. How to keep things under control.”

He leaned forward, feeling that she was about to finally start listening to him, “I’ll tell you how to talk to him so he knows that you’re not walking out.”

She sat down heavily, feeling a little dazed by this whole situation, “what should I do?”

-

Liz stepped out of the cab and looked up the side of the building, counting floors until she reached the right one, looked in the window and sighed. The light was on. She considered going up stairs and not saying anything at all when she thought back to what Dr. Culling had said and straightened her spine.

Gathering her resolve, she walked into the building and hopped on the elevator, which had finally been fixed, pressing her floor number and wishing the floors went by slower because before she knew it, they hissed open and she stepped off after only a moment’s hesitation. She glided the hall and stopped outside their door, trying to decide when the right time to tell him would be, when he opened the door with a big smile.

“Why are skulking around out here?”

“I’m not,” she said quickly, changing to change her expression before he caught wind, “I was just thinking.”

“ ’Bout what,” he asked, moving aside and ushering her in before shutting the door and walking to the kitchen.

She followed after him and sat in a chair at the table, “Nothing really,” she smiled then, “you cooked for me?”

She could feel him smiling, “I am,” he said, without turning around, “where were you today?”

Liz could tell he was trying to act casual with the question but a certain weight had entered the room that wasn’t there before. She turned to wall in front of her even though he wasn’t facing her, “nowhere really, just to see Maria.”

She saw him nod out the corner of her eye and start stirring whatever was in the big pot before him. She took this moment to stare at the back of his head, to trace the musculature that the white t-shirt he was wearing couldn’t cover.

She took this moment to memorize him in case…just in case.

Liz stood up and went to stand next to him, gazing into the pots depth, “what are you making noodles for?”

“Chicken Alfredo.”

“My favorite.”

“Your favorite,” he stated with a grin before it slipped from his face, “what’s up Liz?”

“I was just thinking about earlier.”

“You don’t have to stay home,” he said quickly, “it was just an idea I had but I know you love science and I would never try and talk you into something you didn’t want to do,” he slowed down, “I just love having you here when I get home.”

She smiled and for the first time today, felt her eyes starting to mist over. She took his hand and brought it to her face, watched him watch her as she swept her lips across it closed her eyes. Wanting them to be like this forever.

What she was about to do would be the first step in the right direction.

“What was that for,” he asked softly, feeling the need to whisper lest she stop.

Liz didn’t open her eyes for a moment, just enjoying his touch. Knowing for sure now that Dr. Culling was right and that this needed to be done.

“Max,” she looked up and locked eyes with him, holding his hand tightly, “I’m moving out."

Part 15


It was very quiet for a short stretch of time. Max looked at her face and then gave a crooked smile, completely throwing her off.

“What?”

She swallowed, blinking back the tears she felt trying to fall and not really wanting to repeat what she’d just said but knowing she had to. She swallowed and straightened her spine, “I said I’m leaving.”

They looked at each other and she watched as the smiled slipped from his face incrementally, “what do you mean?”

She took a breath, and started to pace, “I think we have an unhealthy relationship and that we’ll never get better if don’t get out from underneath one another.”Liz stopped moving when there was no response and looked at him, only to take a step back at the anger and confusion covering his face.

“Who have you been talking to?”

“Nobody,” she responded quickly, too quickly obviously because he looked more suspicious and took a step closer.

“You sure?”

“I would know if I had been speaking to someone about us,” she answered, fighting annoyance and wondering why she shouldn’t just tell him she’d been seeing a therapist. ‘Because then he won’t believe you really feel these things. He’ll think someone’s been whispering in your ear and he’ll touch you because that always worked every other time.’

He searched her face and must have seen her sincerity, must have come to believe that this wasn’t some stupid joke because his face softened, “Is this because I wanted you to stay home? It was just a suggestion, I know you love your job and I won’t bring that up again.”

“No,” she responded softly, and took a deep breath. It was all beginning to click into place, looking at him she was finally starting to get what Dr. Culling had been trying to tell her during their visits. Liz had only decided to go through with his suggestion because the rational part of her brain, the part that attracted her to science, knew that what he was saying was right but now she starting to feel it.

And feel strong as well.

Stronger than she ever had and wondered if this was how he’d felt when he decided he had to leave. Had he felt broken but somehow more stable than he remembered? Had he felt trapped by his love for her but free as well because he knew he was trying to help her?

Help then both?

She wanted to ask him about it but thought he might misunderstand and take this for some kind of act of revenge. The Liz he knew would’ve been capable of that.

This Liz wasn’t anymore.

Could he tell she was changing right before his eyes? Liz took a breath and felt sad and happy and confused all at the same time but In this moment she also felt calm, she felt herself becoming brand new.

His mouth opened and the words, “what’s going on,” came tumbling out gracelessly.

“I’m leaving because if I don’t do it now, one of us will be doing it later,” she replied peacefully.

“What does that even mean?!”

“That something’s not right between us and you know it. I’m taking the initiative to try and fix it.”

She felt steely with her sudden resolve and he looked at her, dumbfounded. She imagined he could feel her surety and smiled a little, he thought she was weak. He’d never said it and she wasn’t even sure he was conscientious of it but she knew. She wasn’t angry about it though because she had been the weaker of the two of them.Even with all the shit that had been going on in his life, he’d always been the backbone in their relationship.

She sighed sadly even just thinking about it, Liz had been on the road of trying to better herself slowly for the past decade but she’d come to realize that it was time to stop trying and start doing. She could see the shock and hurt on his face and felt some of her happiness about her new found resolve slipping away. She wanted to make him smile again but this new Liz was finally capable of doing the right thing even when she didn’t want to. Even when it hurt.

Especially when it hurt.

He got this look on his face then. The look he got right before he slid his palm along the curve of her shoulder, the sensitive inside of her arms, the taper of her waist before he would slip one his fingers, just barely, into the top of her jeans at the small of her back and she felt her heart start to palpitate faster. He was wearing that look he got right before he got her to do something and as he moved closer and reached out for her saying, “Liz…,” in that bedroom baritone.

She batted his hand away quickly before she could think to do otherwise, “don’t even try it.”

If it was possible, he looked even more surprised and confused then he had earlier and she felt insane laughter bubbling up inside of her. This was a serious moment! She was trying to change the rules of a game they had been playing for the entirety of their lives and it was going to painful, people were going to scream and cry and be angry but when she thought of the two of them and the dense things they did, sometimes, she could only laugh or cry at how stupid they could be so stupid sometimes.

“Liz!”

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and sobered up again.

“That’s not going to work anymore.”

“What’s not?”

“You know what,” she replied with narrowed eyes, “That’s part of problem right there. We don’t ever talk.”

She stopped and hugged him suddenly, pulling him close and even though he was stiff in her arms and didn’t respond she didn’t let go, “I know why you do that but I love you for more than that and I should have said it more,” she whispered softly into his chest.

He pushed her away then, not hard enough for her to go far but with enough strength to make her let him go.

“Liz…”

“Go back to Dr. Culling,” she spoke over him, “I’m going to find a therapist too and we’ll and work it out from there, “

“I’m not sure if that’s the best thing to do,” he countered, he sounded shaken and she wanted to reassure him, pull him back into her arms and kiss him until he was happy again, but she wasn’t as confident her new found determination could survive that much contact so she didn’t.

“It’s the only option we have right now,” she said before turning and making her way to the room. She pulled down the suitcase they stored in the top of his closet and started to throw clothes into it without really looking to make she would have all the things she needed. He followed her into the room and hovered over her back and she felt vulnerable for the first time during this conversation.

Her original plan was to wait and tell him after she’d already moved all her clothes and made other sleeping arrangements but she knew as soon as walked into the house and saw him cooking with that smile and that face that she might never go if she waited one more second let alone one more day.

“You’re really doing it then,” he asked and she could hear tears in his voice.
She stopped and turned her head to the side, almost meeting his gaze but stopping just short, “yes.”

“So what, you’re going to go back to James, forget I ever existed?”

She faced him then, “I don’t want to break off our engagement and I don’t want to leave you, I’m just going to live somewhere else for the time being but we’ll see each other.”

“When?”

“Everyday.”

“That’s not enough,” he said with certainty, eyes shiny. “I can’t go from having you with me every moment I’m not in class or at work, from having you right next to me every night and helping me make breakfast every morning to seeing you every now and then.”

“We’ll see each other all the time Max.”

“What about our engagement?”

“We’re just going to put it on hold for a little while,” she said desperately, trying to make him believe her.

He didn’t say anything, just looked at her with accusing eyes and she shook her head, only hesitating once before picking up the bag and walking through the house to the front door. She grabbed the knob and began to turn it when he yelled from his doorway across the room.

“If you leave don’t come back.”

She turned toward him, shocked at his words even though she knew she shouldn’t have been.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Give me back my ring,” he said, face blank, arms crossed over his broad chest.

“Max…”

He covered the floor in her direction quickly, stopping right in front of her and placing his arm on the door, over her shoulder, shutting it loudly. He put his other hand out, palm up, “Give it to me.”

Her breath hitched at his nearness. If this were any other day, if they hadn’t just been fighting, if she hadn’t just put their engagement on hold his hand would be underneath her skirt right now but she had done all those things and the last thing he looked like he wanted to do was touch her.

“You…”

“Just give it to me,” he said, voice rising and she stood up tall, pushing him back, “No.”

He looked like he was considering making her give the diamond up but he reached around her instead, grabbing for the knob, pulling it open and moving out of the way.

“Well just get out then,” he said, “I can get it later.”

She picked back up the handle getting ready to leave then stopping, “I’m coming back.”

“Not if you walk out,” and he sounded so sure of it. So set that she found herself stepping forward, running her hand along the edge of his jaw. He tensed up, like he did when she hugged him, before moving his face into her caress and closing his eyes. He grabbed her upper arms, eyes glassy again.

“You’re staying?”

She cut him off with a gentle kiss if you could even call it that, more of a brush of their lips, “No but I love you please believe that.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because you made a hard decision for us once and now it’s my turn.”

She started to pull away and he held on so pulled harder until he let go and walked out of the door.

“I swear to God Liz, don’t come back if you leave,” he yelled after her down the hall. Sounding frantic and she wanted to go back but didn’t.

She didn’t even turn around.

-

“Well, well, well,” Mara replied. Looking her friend over and not offering to let her in.

“The prodigal daughter returns.”

“’Ria…”

“Let me see,” the blond said, speaking over her. “You disappear for two weeks. You don’t answer my calls or my texts or my emails and now here you are with a suitcase outside my door.”

“I broke up with James and now I’m marrying Max.”

“Excuse me,” she asked loudly, self satisfied smirk dropping from her lips.

And just like that she snapped. The ephemeral surety she’d felt slipping away earlier now completely gone.

“…and I’ve been seeing a therapist cause we’re all fucked up and he said I should leave and I wasn’t supposed to tonight but I knew if I didn’t do it when I had the nerve I never would so I did and he tried to make me give him his ring back but I wouldn't and he kicked me out…” she shared breathlessly, tears flowing freely down her face.

“Oh Liz,” Maria cooed, opening the door and her arms wide to accept her friend.

“You know I love you right? That I was just messing with you earlier.”

Liz nodded wetly.

“Well come on then,” she responded, moving to the side and letting Liz walk through the door.

“I’ll get us a drink.”

Part 16


She called all the time.

More than once a day that first week, less so now that they were a month out from the break up but still often, every afternoon at 3 to be exact, when she had her second 15 minute break and he was done with school.

The first week she was gone, the only thing he’d done was go to school, work, and cook. Actually, that was still pretty much all he did. Other than that, he was in bed, staring at the only photo he had of the two of them together. How could they have known one another their whole lives and never taken any pictures together? The thought that he wouldn’t have much to remember her by both saddened and relieved him.

He put the picture down and rolled over onto her pillow, taking a deep breath even though he’d promised himself yesterday to box it, and her other things, up and stop acting so sappy but he couldn’t help himself. He hadn’t washed it and it was beginning to smell more like sleep than her Be Delicious perfume but when he concentrated, he could still find a wisp of it.
That would be gone soon as well.

He started at the ring of his cell before shaking it off and pulling himself into a seated position. He glanced at the clock, 3 on the dot, and for a split second considered not answering it. The sooner he stopped engaging her, the easier it would be to send her her things, the easier it would be to stop thinking about her and the easier it would be to move on.

He nodded; his new path set…but picked up the phone anyway.

“Hello Liz.”

“Hey Max, what’s going on,” it kind of annoyed him how she would call and pretend like everything was alright. Like she was just away for an afternoon and would be there in the evening. He wanted to tell her so but he could hear her smile through the phone and since she wasn’t there to get the wrong idea, he allowed himself to relax and smile in response.

“Just boxing up your stuff,” he said it as lightly as possible and smiled wider at the barely audible gasp she gave. It was petty, but he was glad he could still hurt her. There was silence for a second.

“Well what are you doing,” the conversational tone was back in place.

“Studying, how’s work?”

“It’s going well,” she perked up, “we found this enzyme…” he half listened, half zoned out as she explained. He could never really understand what she was talking about when she went off on work related stories but he liked to listen anyway. To hear the cadence of her excited voice, to share in that joy with her.

“…you know?”

“Yes,” he replied, getting back into the conversation, “when are you coming to get your stuff,” he asked, a little perturbed that he still wanted to talk to her when she’d so unceremoniously dumped him.

“Soon,” she replied gently, started to say something, stopped, then went on with it, “but wouldn’t it be easier to just leave it there until I move back?”

He rolled his eyes and ignored the up kick in his heartbeat, “when? Today?”

He knew what she would say to that, the same thing she said everyday when she called and they inevitabely got back to this same issue.

“…I can’t until we both start trying to work out our issues. Have you been seeing your therapist?”

“I don’t need a doctor,” he replied sullenly.

“That’s funny because you thought you needed one before I showed back up,”

“Well I don’t need one anymore.”

She stopped and seemed to be gathering herself for a moment before quietly saying, “I’m seeing someone.”
He, literally, felt himself start to choke at her words. Going from a little annoyed yet hopeful to jealous in the span of a second,

“Who,” he asked sharply.

“Not like that,” she corrected quickly, “I’m seeing a psychiatrist.”

He took a moment to breathe, embarrassed and pissed off that he’d tipped his hand. He decided to go for nonchalant even though that was the emotion farthest from his current state of mind, “well good for you.”

“You graduate next week right?”

She did that all the time now; change the subject to diffuse the fight. Though he was happy she’d let his last slip go, it bothered him that she probably learned the tactic from the same person who had talked her into leaving him.

“Yes.”

“I would love to come.”

“No.”

She groaned, “I really think…”

“I don’t care what you think,” he said without thought and immediately regretted it. He wanted to tell her sorry, ask for her forgiveness and beg her to come home.

Instead he said, “you forfeited that when you left.”

“But I love you.”

“Stop saying that.”

“No.”

“Well I’m not listening anymore,” with that, he flipped the phone closed. It lacked the satisfying bang a land line would have given but it would have to do.

-

Liz sighed and put the phone into its cradle. The first couple of times he’d done that she’d been angry, now it was just par for the course. Dr. Culling told her to give him his space, to let him breath and she was doing that by not calling 7 times a day anymore but she’d made it clear that she wasn’t cutting off all communication between the two of them no matter what anyone thought and the Dr. had accepted that.

She was going to keep calling Max and telling him she loved him every day, even if he didn’t want to hear it.
And no matter how much he denied it, she knew he did. Why else would he keep picking up the phone?

-

Max must have walked in and out of Dr. Cullings office 5 times before going up to the receptionist with a strained smile.

“How may I help you,” she asked a little flirtatiously, he ignored that.

“I was if the Dr. was…”

“Max?”

He turned and saw his therapist with a smile, “hey Dr. Culling.”

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been well, I’m graduating next week.”

The older man put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m so happy to hear that.”

They stood in front of one another a little awkwardly for a moment, “did you come for something in particular?”

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second if you had an opening.”

He looked down at his watch “I have a moment. Follow me into my office.”

He did, somewhat reluctantly, and after he shut the door behind them, Max took a seat.

“Well what brought you back here?”

He shook his head, “Liz left me.”

He nodded, “go on.”

“I just need someone to talk to who doesn’t have a dog in the fight you know. If I talk to my family, they’ll agree with me and I don’t really have any good friends here to talk with.” He sighed, “I just want someone who will tell me the truth.”

“You want to resume your appointments then?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “I guess.”

“I have to say Max,” Dr. Culling said, walking around the desk and perching on the corner, “I’m glad to hear that.”

“I know you are.”

“I just think you’re on the right track and you could only get better from here.”

“Well I…”

“Sorry to interrupt,” the receptionist said over the intercom, “but a patient is here and she’s saying it’s an emergency.”

Someone slightly out of range spoke.

“Her name’s Elizabeth.”

There was an electric quiet for a moment after she said that and everything he had been wondering about suddenly clicked into place. He took a breath but didn’t let it out and looked up to see Dr. Culling watching him.

“You were trying to make me leave her,” he said lowly.

“Hold on…”

“She only started acting strange after you called my house that time,” his mouth opened in astonishment, “how did I not think of this?”

“Now Maxwell…,” the doctor said calmly, trying to get control of the situation.
But his patient was already up and leaving the room.

-

If someone would have asked Liz just two moments what the last thing on Earth she would ever expect to see was. She would have said peace on Earth but now that she was face to face with one Maxwell Evans in the very last place she would have ever expected, or wanted, to see him…

Well now she had a new answer to that question.

-

He watched her pick imaginary lint off the lapel of her charcoal grey skirt suit; she must have dropped by from work, her maple syrup colored hair pinned up with strategic bits loose about her face.

She looked more beautiful than ever.

That just made him angrier.

He crossed his arms over his chest, “what are you doing here?”

“Nothing…”

“I can’t believe you let him talk you into dumping me.”

“He didn’t talk me into anything! I thought it was the right thing.”

“You thought it was the right thing to lie to me.”

“No!”

“So when were you going to let me in on the fact that you were seeing my therapist?”

She struggled for words before throwing her hands up, “okay fine. I wasn’t ever going to tell you but that’s because I was already looking for another doctor and I didn’t think it was…necessary.”

“I think we should move this to my office,” Dr. Culling said, noticing that all eyes on the two people in the center of the room.

They ignored him.

“Not necessary?”

“I knew you’d just blame it on him and not believe me when I said I thought it all out and decided to do this because it was the best thing for us Max!”

“If you two are going to keep screaming,” the doctor said in a tone sharp enough to catch their attention, “we need to take this conversation into my office.”

“No need,” Max replied calmly, never looking away from Liz, “I’m done,” and he turned to walk out of the office.

“Fine leave,” she screamed after him.

“I’m already gone,” he yelled back over his shoulder and disappeared through the doors.

-

Liz followed Dr. Culling into his office without a word, feeling completely wrung out.

“Do you two fight like that often?”

“Every day.”

He sighed, “I know you’ve already made up your mind about this but I seriously think it would be best for you to give him his space.”

“I do give him his space,” she said, sitting down in the same chair she was offered when this whole mess began, “I didn’t run after
him just now, there’s his space.”

“Liz…”

“What?!”

“What are you going to do?”

She shrugged, “his graduations next week.”

“He invited you,” he asked, perking up at their prospects.

“No, but I’m going anyway.”

He sighed and finally took his own seat, “I’m not sure that’s the best course of action.”

She rolled her eyes and he continued.

“I just think maybe you ought to give him his space and his ring and let him get himself together on his own time.”

She shook her head, “No, he’s upset now but he loves me.”

“How do you know that?”

She about growled at the accusation and he went on quickly, “I’m not trying to diminish what you two have ever felt about one another or what you had but have you ever thought maybe that relationship wasn’t supposed to last forever? That maybe you were meant to love each other for that moment and that’s it?”

He was worried she would shrug his advice off but she actually appeared to be thinking about it, taking his words in and chewing them over, until she finally began shaking her head slowly.

“No, that’s not it.”

“And I’ll ask again, how do you know?”

She stood and held his gaze with a dreamy look and a sure demeanor, “because if he didn't love me, he would stop answering the phone.

Part 17


“I’m pretty sure what you did was illegal.”

Dr. Culling turned at the sound of his patient’s voice and smiled slightly, “hello Max," it had been 4 days since his and Liz's confrontation, "I wasn’t sure I would see you again.”

“Or at least unethical,” he went on, not skipping a beat.

“I didn’t tell her anything confidential about you. The only things we spoke about were things she brought up.”

“Things that involved me?”

“Sometimes.”

“Can’t you see there’s something wrong with that?!”

“Not really,” he replied, “she first came here because of you but our subsequent visits were all about her.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, “Dr. Culling…”

“We never spoke of what happened in our sessions. I treated her as the separate patient she was and yes you came up in quite a few of those sessions but I never bought in the things that you said to me. Those are all confidential.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, “but can’t you see how I might be unhappy about that? How I might now find it hard to trust you?”

He hesitated before speaking, “I have many patients besides you Maxwell.”

“But only one of them is the girl I’ve been talking to you about this whole time!”

“That’s true,” he replied, conceding his point.

Max tightened his jaw, “well then why did you take her on?”

He took a breath, “are you going to keep me as your therapist?”

The younger man scoffed, “that would be difficult seeing as though I don’t trust you.”

“Well then can we speak as friends?”

“As associates.”

That brought a smile to his face, “then I’ll tell you why I took her on instead of giving her a recommendation when she came by.”

That caught his attention but he tried to play it cool, “why?”

“I was…interested in her.”

He took an angry step forward but stopped when the other man put his hands up in defense, “not in that way.”

He backed off, reluctant, but wanting to hear what he had to say, “go ahead.”

“I was curious to see the girl you’d told me so much about.”

“What?”

“You know,” he said instead of answering the question, “I listen to people talk about themselves all day, every day and most of the time, I’m ashamed to say, it’s pretty boring. People whining about this and that and whatever else but you…you were different. You were interesting. “

Max took a step back, wanting to storm out of the room but unable to look away.

“You, of course, weren’t the first abused person I’ve ever helped but you were the first one I became interested in personally. I want to help every person who comes through those doors but something about you made me need to help you.”

“Why,” he asked, enthralled and repelled by his admission.

He shrugged, “When you told me how you’d been living and why you left I felt invested.”

“But don’t you feel that way with everyone?”

“No.”

“Then why do you do this if you don’t want to help people?!”

He looked down at his hands, “because I did when I was younger. I thought I could save the world and as the years have gone by I’ve seen that I can’t. That people are going to keep sabotaging themselves and they’re going to keep hurting each other.”

He met Max’s eyes again, “you can’t imagine what I felt like when I realized that people didn’t come here to change, they came here to talk and then go back to repeating the same unhealthy behaviors. But you were different. You wanted to do better and I wanted to help you.”

“What does that have to do with Liz?”

“She seemed to be the only other shaping factor in your life besides your father, when I got the chance to talk to her, I took it.”

Max felt his breath catching, “and what did you think of her?”

“That’s confidential.”

Max’s eyes narrowed and the older man laughed, “I can tell you that I thought she was sweet. Conflicted, but sweet.”

“Conflicted about what?”

“You would have to ask her.”

Max looked at him and fought down the urge to hit him, “How can I do that when you told her to leave me?”

“You haven’t been in touch?”

“Not for the last few days,” he thought for a second, "you haven't seen her?"

"I can't really get into that, but I…”

“Whatever it is, I don't care,” he said sharply, “I just want to know why you told her she should leave.”

“Because you two need to forge lives independent of one another.”

“We were apart for 10 years!”

“But not really right?”

Max rolled his eyes, “whatever.”

“But that’s just it, you lived in those memories and when she came back into your life you two went right back to where you were. Have you ever even gone out on a date?”

He opened his mouth to reply and hesitated only a moment, “we’ve been friends forever. We’ve gone everywhere together.”

“But I’m asking about a date. You know, when one person calls the other and sets up a time to meet.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” he said flatly and the Dr. sat up straighter.

“I’m sorry, I was being unprofessional.”

“This whole thing is unprofessional!”

“I just wanted to help you,” he said lowly, “and when I met her, I wanted to help her too.”

“But why did you tell her to leave me,” he asked louder than what he would’ve liked, sick of talking around what he really wanted to know.”

“Because I thought I was helping. I believed that a separation was the only way you two could really begin to become your own person. “

“Yeah well,” he replied, no longer angry just…tired, “you broke us up instead.”

He turned to leave the office when Dr. Culling said something that brought him up short, “Are you going to stay in counseling?”

He thought about not answering but decided it couldn’t hurt, “yes…probably.”

“I just want you to know I really wanted to help you two. I only had the best of intentions.”

Max turned back then, angry again, “Don’t ever try and get in touch with either of us again.”

“Liz can decide for herself whether or not she wants to continue with me.”

He stepped back in the room then, lowered his voice, “do it or I'll take this to your higher ups and they’ll decide whether what you did was unethical or just a slight conflict of interest.”

The older man quieted then and Max watched him, making sure he understood his seriousness, before he left his office for the last time”

-

Liz stretched up on her tip toes to try and get a better view him up on stage. When she’d asked for a ticket, he had told her not to come. To give him some time and she'd decided to try and respect his wishes. She stopped calling everyday, dropping their correspondence down to once a week. He hadn't answered the phone this week but she understood that he had a right to be angry.

She'd tried to stay away but the ceremony was on the front lawn and...she couldn't.

Liz would regret it forever if she didn’t see him graduate.

“…Max Evans…”

She focused on the stage again at his name and began to clap when she saw his family off to the left of her going crazy. She impulsively ducked away out of their sight and watched him as he smiled at them and waved, looking embarrassed, before making his way back to his seat on the lawn. She felt stupid for shying away from them but only God knew what he’d been telling them and she Michael had never been particularly friendly so…better safe than sorry.

She left after his name was called and wandered around town for about an hour, thinking, when she looked across the street and saw Dizzies. The first place they'd gone when she saw him again, the first time she'd ever waked away from him. Liz shook off her melancholy mood and started to make her way over when she stopped short. Before...everything, they'd planned on coming here for lunch after his graduation and the last thing she needed was to run into him and his family when he'd made it abundantly clear that he didn't want to see her.

She considered leaving but thought better of it, he wouldn't come here with them. Dianne and Philip had money, they would probably go somewhere nice. She nodded to herself and made her way across the street and into the diner.

-

Max hugged his family happily and squinted as he looked out into the crowd around them, turning away when he realized he was searching for her face. He'd asked her not to come and she wasn't here so why did that hurt him?

“Where do you want to go for dinner,” Philip asked with a wide smile, breaking him out of his thoughts, “It’s on Dianne and me.”

They could have gone somewhere fairly nice and somewhat expensive, some place that had been profiled in a magazine but he said, “Dizzies,” without a thought.

As they waved down two cabs and crammed in, he tried to keep up with the conversation instead of think about whether she be there or not. It was a big city though, she probably wouldn't and it bothered him that he was sort of hoping she would be.

-

Liz looked up the moment the bell on the door trilled, announcing some new patrons and met Isabels eyes.

She clutched the table and thought about getting up, about making her way out the back door but then the tall blonde was whispering to the group of people around her and then they were all looking over to the corner booth she currently occupied. She took a deep breath and smiled awkwardly.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. Evans," she said, meeting their strained glances. "Iz, Michael...Max” she moved to look at him but stopped short and looked back everyone else instead as she yelled across the diner, feeling stupid but unable to stop talking, “how have you all been?”

They glanced between one another quickly, no one speaking until Philip stepped forward, “well and you.”

“Awesome,” she said too quickly and from the look on his face, he didn’t believe her. Liz stood quickly; suddenly unable to bear their pity filled looks anymore. She threw some money on the table next to her half eaten sandwich. She walked over to them with stilted steps, steadily avoiding Max's gaze, and sporting a huge plastic grin, “I was just on my way out,” she put her back against the glass trying to stay as far away from them as possible, “but it was good to see you again.”

“Liz…”

She stopped for a second at the sound of his voice. Without looking back she said, " I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here," and slipped out the door before he could reply.

-

Now all eyes were on him.

“Max…” Isabel started slowly and he cut in, not really wanting to hear it.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he said and turned away from them, walking across the dining room and into the back hallway.

Pushing into the bathroom and making his way to the sink. He turned the faucet on and leaned over, splashing his face and trying to even out his breath. He should have done something; he wasn’t sure what but…something other than just stand there when he saw her.

The look on her face when they all turned toward her was something he'd never forget, like she’d been trapped, like…

“Max?”

He gasped and turned quickly, startled by Philips voice.

“You scared the hell out of me,” he said loudly, smiling a little.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, its fine,” he said, waving it off and turning toward him, noticing the contemplative look on the other man’s face, “did you need to speak to me?”

He took a breath, seemingly about to speak, before thinking better of it and stopping for a moment. Max didn’t rush him; he waited as a strange unknown knot began to gather in his stomach.

“I know we haven’t been the closest…”

“Philip…”

“No it’s okay,” he said quickly, “I know we love each other, we just don’t speak as much as you do with the other 3 and I’m not really sure what happened between you and Liz...”

“I don’t think…”

“You’re a grown man and you don’t need my opinion but please let me give it to you anyway.”

Max looked down, the last thing he wanted to discuss was his relationship with Liz but Philip never asked much of him and if this was what he wanted he would let him speak his piece, before meeting his eyes again and nodding

“I know she did something to you and you probably feel betrayed and angry but the look on your face when you saw her just now,” he shook his head, searching for words, “it seems like you still want her.”

“It’s not that easy,” he said under his breath.

“Why?”

“Because who says love is enough? I’ve wanted to be with her since I was a kid but it’s been over a decade now and it still isn’t working out. When should I just write her off and move on?”

“Well, ask yourself if the bad times outweigh the good and if so, can you see anyone else making you as happy, as crazy but in a good way,” he amended with a smile, and Max let out a short laugh, “as sad, as angry and if the answers no;” he shrugged as if it was obvious, “reassess.”

“It’s not…”

“That easy? It is though Max. I’ve seen quite a few of the girls you’ve been with and I’ve never seen anyone make you reach the highs or the lows you’ve had but her.”

Max rubbed his temple and closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on, his heart beginning to hurt.

“I’m not trying to save that relationship if it really is over but I don’t think it is. You’ve been separated for 10 years; do you really want to live the rest of your life without her?”

Max started to say something but he stopped him, “either way you go, I just want you to know I love you and I wish you the best. I just want you to stop suffering.”

Max took two shaky breathes before pulling the older man into a tight hug.

“Tell me you’ll consider your options and do whatever you need to do to be happy.”

He nodded into Philips neck and leaned back away from him.

“Well then go and do what you have to do.”

-

They walked back into the dining room and took a seat, ignoring the questioning looks the rest of the people there sent them.

“Look Max…”

“Michael don’t,” Iz said tightly, grabbing a hold of his arm.

“I have to,” he replied, shaking her off, “don’t even think of going after her. I know you two had something special once but why can’t you see it’s over? I can’t watch you go through another make up and break up with her man. Let her go, you’ll find someone else.”

He was taken aback by the sudden outburst and looked around the table. The only other person confused was Philip, both women met his eyes apologetically.

“We didn’t want to bring it up at your dinner,” Iz said, giving Michael the side eye, “but yeah, we were talking and…”

She looked at the other two for help, “you just hurt so much when you’re with her,” Dianne picked up.

They all stopped talking then, looking at him for a reaction. He just stared back, taking in their advice, thinking of what Philip talked to him about in the bathroom, trying to answer those questions and it all came up the same.

Liz.

It was all about her for him, it always had been and it seemed like it always would be no matter how much he might wish otherwise. He took a breath and sat back in his seat. Letting the inevitable wash over him and said “I hurt her too.”

They tried to talk but he kept going, “We’ve been trying to punish one another for so long and hurting ourselves in the process," he sighed, "but I think I’m ready to stop now.”

They all looked at him with open mouths, ”yeah it’s hard,” he put down his fork, “maybe too hard, and it hasn’t worked out with us more than it has and maybe it’s stupid but I love her and I can’t let her go,” he cleared his throat and corrected lowly, “I won’t let her go.”

There was a dead quiet then everyone started talking at once. Everyone except Philip who only smiled gently and gave a slight nod as Max stood and made his way to the door. Stepping through it without a backwards glance.

Part 18{Adult: For some sexuality}


He’d searched for her outside of Dizzies: but she was a fast mover and was gone before he could catch her, at Maria’s: ignoring her screeching and threats, at his own place: though he couldn’t imagine why she would go there and he was right because she hadn’t. He leaned against the wood door and took a breath, considering calling the search off for tonight. He ran a hand through his hair and briefly wondered if he should call and see where his family was before deciding against it. They were all adults and could make their way to the hotel on their own.

The last thing he wanted was to hear about how he and Liz didn’t belong together.

Max sighed and looked around his quiet apartment.

His quiet, dark, apartment.

His quiet, dark, empty apartment and he felt his heart clench. Took a deep breath and walked back out of the door quickly, descended the stairs, and burst out onto the street. He looked both directions, didn’t really have anywhere to be or anywhere to go but he knew he had to get out of here and so he just turned in a direction and…walked.

Walked until he started to sweat, until it started to get dark, until his feet began to hurt and when he finally looked up from the pavement he came to face to face with wide glass doors with the word ‘Pfizer’ etched into them. He took a breath, and moved closer to the window, put his hands around his eyes so he could get a better look through the glass and saw someone sitting in the green space he’d helped to build.

There was no reason for him to believe it was her, he could barely see, but something made him push through the doors and walk into the lobby slowly.

“Hey Max,” Davis, the night guard said with a smile, “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

He tore his away from the green space and smiled back slightly, “yeah, I’ve been a little busy with school and all.”

“That makes sense. It’s good to see you though.”

Max nodded and took a breath, moved forward without a thought, like a moth to a flame. He went across the lobby and out into the yard, closing the door quietly behind him and just…looked at her. It felt like it had been ages since the last time they’d been alone.

He wanted to savor it.

Remember how she looked right this moment when there was still hope, before anything bad was said, before one of them could break the others heart.

Again.

She looked…

“I didn’t know you’d be there,” she said suddenly, startling him but not turning to look at him, “I thought you’d go to a nicer place since you’re family was here.”

He thought for a moment, “we made plans to go there before…”

“Yeah we did,” she cut in snippily, “so why’d you show up if you thought I might be there?”

“Why’d you show up,” he asked, mimicking her tone before he stopped, took a deep breath and a step back, trying to not let this disintegrate into a shouting match. He looked at the back of her head, and, feeling himself calming down took a seat next to her.

She jerked slightly in surprise at his proximity and he raised his hand, intending to lay it against the ridges of her spine. He let it hang in the air for a moment before dropping it back into his lap.

He didn’t have the right to touch her without permission anymore.

“Don’t answer that,” he amended quickly, when he heard her about to speak, “I already know.”

The air felt very still, “you do?”

“The same reason I did.”

She finally turned toward him slowly then, looking a little suspicious, “why?”

“Why do you think?”

She didn’t say anything and he started to get worried, looked down at his lap and asked quietly “you wanted to see me?”

She was still quiet, “That’s why you went to the diner right? Because you thought I might go there?”

She moved her hair from her face, looking thoughtful, “honestly, I just kind of wandered there without thinking about it. I remember leaving after you got your diploma and…”

“You were at my graduation?”

She stopped and he could see, even in the darkness, even in the shade provided by a tree he’d put in the ground himself, her begin to blush slightly, “I couldn’t not go to that. I know how important it was to you.”

“I wanted you to be there.”

“You said you didn’t.”

“I lied.”

She shook her head and looked away again, unconsciously twirling his ring around her finger, “you can’t do this.”

“What,” he asked, genuinely confused, “want to see you?”

“Yes! You can’t come and see me when you’ve been telling me that you need space,” she said loudly but somehow still quietly, “It…” she struggled to find the right words, “confuses me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, “I was confused! I wanted to punish you and for a little while that took over everything else but my mind is clear now.” He took her shoulder and turned it until she finally turned toward him though she still wouldn’t look up.

“I love you and nothing is worth spending one more minute apart.”

“Max…”

And her voice was shaking and he grabbed her shoulders, “I’m sorry.”

She finally looked up then on a breath, “No I’m sorry,” she said quickly, shoving her face into his neck and pulling him close.

“I wanting to tell you about Culling but…”

“Don’t worry about it,” he cut in, “I was mad and I’m still mad that you kept that from me but I can get over it.” she squeezed his shoulder and let out a tear filled moan, “I will get over it because the only other course of action is to leave and that’s not even possible for me.”

“But…”

“I tried to let you go,” he said softly, “but I was sick over you. I couldn’t…”

“I couldn’t without you either,” she said pulling back and even through her eyes and nose were red, her mascara was running and she was sniffling, he’d never seen her smile so big, “I was totally stalking you while we were broken up,” she said on a laugh.

He smiled big at that, “I know.”

“I just wanted you to know that I loved you no matter what.”

“I knew that Liz,” he said, smile slipping, “no matter what, I never forgot that and I know that you did what you did because you thought it was right. That’s the only reason either of us has ever done anything to other. Because we thought it was right.”

“Because we loved each other,” she added quietly, running her hand along his jaw, moving in close.

“We still do, and we always will,” he finished and touched her lips with his own gently, for a fleeting moment, before moving away again.

“Max,” Liz said softly and he knew what that voice meant. No matter how long it had been, he could never forget, “kiss me…”

He looked at her then, eyes closed, face tilted, waiting for him and all he had to do was lean in and take what she was offering. Take what he had been missing but he moved back instead. She opened her eyes after a moment, “what is it?”

He pushed her hair back with a smile and ignored everything in him that was screaming for him to kiss her, to take her home…he stopped, refusing to finish that train of thought, “nothing.”

“But…”

“I just think maybe we should hold off on all of that for a little while.”

She narrowed her eyes, “you don’t want to…”

“Oh I definitely want to,” he said quickly, “I just think it would be better to do this all the way if we’re going to do it.”

“Do what?”

“Let’s go on a date,” he said suddenly.

She looked slightly confused at the change of subject but went along, “I thought you didn’t want to.”

“I just said that ‘cause I was mad but you were right. We should go on a date.”

She smiled bashfully, sort of confused but almost catching on, “where?”

“The Met, you’ve never been right?”

She nodded.

“Well then I want to take you.”

She smiled at him and slowly said, “okay,” like he had made her feel like that 17 year old girl he’d known again and his heart leapt.

“So you want to start over then?”

He smiled and helped her stand, “the right way this time.”

She took a breath and started pulling on their engagement ring.

“What are you…”

She struggled with it for a second before putting her mouth on it to try and slick the way and after a moment it finally pulled free. She tried to hand it to him but he backed away, “no Liz, I want you to keep it.”

“I don’t want this ring until we’re going to get married again,” she said with purpose, “I don’t want it until you’re ready to put it back on my finger.”

He put out his open palm and she placed it in the center, closing her own hand over his. They stood there, looking at one another for a moment before making their way through the door and into the lobby. They waved goodbye to Davis without looking away from each other and pushed through the door out onto the street. They stood on the curb for a moment and decided to take separate cabs, not totally trusting themselves to stay the course. He let her take the first one, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek before he caught his own home and half hour later he walked in the door with a stupid grin. He glanced at the phone and finally pulled out his cell to if his family had called.

They had.

12 times to be exact.

He groaned and only hesitated twice before calling them back. Isabel picked up.

“How’s the hotel?”

She didn’t say anything for a second and he heard the distinct sound of a door closing, “are you alright?! We’ve been calling you all day!”

“I was out.”

“Looking for Liz?”

“Okay,” he said with some force, “don’t say her name like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re over it! Like I’m stupid!”

“Max I…”

“I’m serious Iz,” he said lowly, “we’re going to be together whether you guys like it or not and you’re going to respect her.”

“This is ridiculous!”

“Maybe, but I’m going to be with her and I don’t want anything like what happened today to happen again got it?”

She sighed, sounded like she wanted to say something else but ended up going with, “yeah, okay.”

“Good. Make sure you tell the others and, “he took a breath, “I love you.”

“I love you too Max.”

“I know,” he said gently, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

He flipped the phone closed and went into his room to take a quick shower. He threw on some boxer shorts and grabbed the jeans he’d been wearing off the floor and pulled out the ring. He looked at it for a second before opening his side table and sitting it down inside. He turned over and lay down on top of the covers due to the warm night and put his arms behind his head, thought about the date they were going to have tomorrow, looked up at the ceiling and smiled.

-

“I guess he found you then?”

Liz gasped and put her hand over her heart at Maria’s sudden voice.

“Excuse me?”

“Max came sniffing around here earlier and from that idiotic look on your face I’m guessing he found you,” she started to smile a little, “and I’m guessing it was good news.”

The brunette laughed and threw herself down on the couch; her friend followed her and sat down, “tell me what happened.”

She went through every detail. Dizzies, walking, Pfizer, seeing him again…

And when she was done she looked up and saw Maria’s soft smile.

“I’m happy for you Liz. You two are crazy but I really do believe you love each other and as long as you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”

Liz took a breath, “thank you.”

The other woman shrugged, "and I won't apologize for all that stuff I said but I will be nice."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing concerning you," she replied with a coy smile.

Liz rolled her eyes, “you know,” she said after a moment, “his family is here. I saw Michael.”

“You did,” and the question was so casual it couldn’t have been anything but feigned.

“Yes. He and I have never really…gotten along but I know you two…”

“That was a long time ago,” she said quickly, “it’s ended for a reason.”

“But Max and I…”

“Not everyone is you two,” she said forcefully but with compassion, “him and me…we were all flash and no fire. Back then I thought that if there was no drama there was no love but I’m grown up now. I know the difference.”

“Maria?”

“I’m fine,” she said genuinely, “and I hope he’s alright too but that’s it.”

Liz nodded and they hugged tightly before Maria stood and went to her bedroom door, “goodnight.”

She nodded and went to the bathroom to long bath. She threw on an old t shirt and pulled out the couch, got under the blanket and drifted to sleep.

-

He was finally slightly underdressed when they met up, in a white t-shirt and jeans, but she looked beautiful in a purple knee length summer dress and gold sandals.

The Met was…nice.

Quiet, cold, the art was beautiful, of course, and they would talk about what they thought it meant sometimes. Other times they’d stare at it quizzically before catching the others eye with a laugh. They’d walk away then, almost touching hands.

Almost but not quite.

They left the building an hour and a half later and he stopped a passerby, “take a picture for us?”

They nodded with a smile and he pulled Liz into his side, slinging his arm around her shoulder.

“Say cheese,” their photographer said.

“Cheese!”

He blinked at the flash and Liz took a seat while he went over to get the camera and check the shot. He was happy to see his eyes were wide open in it, “thank you.”

The guy nodded, “Where are you two from?”

“Roswell, New Mexico,” he said without a thought even though he’d been in New York for years.

He looked over at Liz appreciatively and said, “she’s cute,” and that was one of the moments when Max knew for sure he was grown up because if he was really the same Max Evans from Roswell, he would have done a lot more than follow his line of sight and say, “yeah,” with a smile.

“Well,” he said, smacking his shoulder, “you two be careful and have fun.”

He nodded absently and made his back over to her, showed her the photo, “what do you think?”

He narrowed her eyes and moved it until she could get a good look before she nodded, “it’s nice. We don’t have many pictures of us together do we?”

He shook his head, “I’m working on remedying that though.”

Her face tinted red a little and he pulled her to her feet delighted, “let’s go for a walk.”

“Alright.”

They went to the park and sat around on a bench talking, about everything, about anything that popped into their heads, anything that was bothering them or that was interesting and he pushed her hair out of her face and smiled and thought about how happy he was, how much he’d been missing.

She smiled, suddenly looking sheepish, “I got something stuck in my teeth?”

“No.”

“Then what are you staring at? I look exactly the same.”

He shook his head, “No, its different now isn’t it?”

She looked like she wanted to say something else before her face softened, “yeah. I guess so.”

"Are you going to stay in therapy?"

The question took him slightly off guard and he didn;t answer for a moment, "yes."

"With Dr. Culling?"

"No, and I don't want you to either. I don't trust him."

She nodded, "yeah, I think we should probably just start fresh."

The looked at one another before she smiled slightly and leaned forward, “Kiss me.”

“Liz…”

She didn’t wait to hear what he had to say; just leaned forward and met his lips with her own, added pressure incrementally until he slipped his hand around her neck, pulled her closer, let her slip her tongue into his mouth before he followed suit, kept going until he couldn’t breathe and pulled away gently on a gasp.

She licked her lips, “Let’s go get something to eat? On me.”

“No…”

“On me,” she said, grabbing the front of his shirt with a smile and he relented, “alright.”

They went to nice little family sun place nearby with fantastic food and after a long argument she walked him home, promising she’d catch a cab outside his door and that it was stupid for him to bring her all the way to her place when he lived so close.

They stopped outside his door and she looked around, “you going to invite me up for a nightcap?”
He hesitated, “come on Max. We’re adults.”

He nodded, “yeah you’re right. Come on up.”

-

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t quite catch his breath, couldn’t quite keep her in his grip.

“Slow…slow down a little,” but she wasn’t listening. He looked up at her through slanted eyes and wondered absently if she had planned this all along or if it was something that just happened.

-

“You want me to make the coffee?”

“No, I want to make it.”

He nodded and sat down, stopped the nervous jiggling of his knee when he noticed it. She came back a moment later and sat down next to him, “I put the pot on and it’ll be ready soon.”

They sat tensely and she looked around, “the apartment still looks good.”

“You haven’t been gone too long.”

“No. But I thought you might have thrown everything out in a fit or something.”

“I considered it.”

She laughed and folded one leg underneath herself, got comfortable, “wanna take me on a tour then?”

“You lived here. You know every nook and cranny of this place.”

“Humor me.”

He looked at her and shrugged, “if you want to.”

She popped up, “alright, let’s go.”

He swung his arm and showed her the living room, led her to the kitchen, “this was built in 1972, in case you couldn’t tell from the beautiful architecture such as the dropped ceiling.”

Liz laughed and leaned against the wall, “is that it?”

“Well this is New York.”

She nodded and folded her arms across her chest, “What about the bedroom?”

-

It took three tries before he was able to get a sure enough grasp on her hips to reverse their positions and now they were moving slower, deeper, and she was breathing so hard, grasping onto his back, moaning, eyes shut tight.

It felt like it had been…forever since the last time he’d seen her like this, been able to bend one of her legs at the knee, flatten it against the bed. Since he’d been able to put the other one across his shoulder, hear her moan so loud it almost sounded like a shriek.

-

“Well I know you don’t need to see that room.”

“I want to though.”

“Liz…”

She stepped into his space with a determined look, “I want to see the bedroom.”

And he’d never really been able to say no to her. Especially when she wanted that so he took her hand in his and led her to the bedroom. When she kissed him, he kissed back, let her pull off his shirt, unbutton his pants, reached out and pulled off her dress, unhooked her bra and now here they were.

“Max…”

He came back into the moment with a thud, moaned, pulled her close, “Liz…”

She put her hands flat on the head board and grimaced a little. It was time to finish it. He let his hand slick down her arms, over the curve of her breast and onto the hot flesh between them and she let the headboard go, pulled him closer, “Max.”

He smiled into her neck, bit down gently against the tendon he found there and felt her flex against him and moan lowly. He started moving faster than, trying to catch up with her and felt it start quickly, spread outward from there and she held him close as he panted.

“Aren’t you happy you showed me your bedroom?”

He laughed, "you know," he said, "I had big plans for how I wanted this happen."

"Big plans like what?"

"Like for starters, it wasn't going to happen for at least a week. Maybe a week and a half at the most."

She laughed and he startled her with a sudden move to the side. She watched him dig through his side drawer and pull her ring out.

She took a breath, “Max…”

"...And this," he said, brandishing it before her eyes, "I wasn't going to give this back to you until at least 2 weeks into it."

"Max?"

“I love you.”

“I love you too but I don’t want you to think I did this so...”

“Liz,” he said gently, still trying to catch his breath, “I wanted to and so did you.”

“But…”

“It’s not like it was before. We aren’t like we were back then.”

She raised her head, smiled a little, “you say that like it was years ago.”

“Might as well have been.”

“Max I…”

“I want to marry you and I know we have issues to work out so it can be a long engagement.”

She smiled wide and covered her face, tearing up, giving in, “this is crazy.”

“We’re crazy.”

She laughed and he grabbed her left hand, “are we going to do this?”

“Yes,” she replied after a moment, “we are going to do this.”

He smiled back and grabbed her left hand, “Elizabeth Parker. Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she said quietly, “I will marry you Maxwell Evans.”

He moved to put the ring on her hand, remembered how she’d struggled to pull it off the first time and put the digit in his mouth, watched her eyes go all vague and hazy, before letting it slip out.

“I love you,” she said lowly.

“I love you too, no matter what,” he whispered and slid the ring on, let it hit home.

-