Re: ChildofInnocenceBook3Part11/?M J/L,D/L SPN/R 5/9/9
Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Chapter 11
Sam didn’t bother asking Dean what was wrong during the hunt. There was no doubt about it. Dean was cold and efficient and eerily like their father through the hunt. There was no sitting around to have a beer. No watching of TV. No resting until morning. They were back to Harvelle’s in four days.
Danny abandoned his babysitter and ran straight out the door. Dean scooped him up and breathed in the scent of a dirty little boy. Dean kissed his head then transferred his necklace from his neck to his boy’s. “I’m back. What’s going on, bud?”
Then he started chattering and Dean found that he was starting to understand some of it. He sat Danny on the toilet in the bathroom while he washed up a bit, then tackled getting some of the dirt off his boy. Then he gave up and ran the boy a bath. When he was done, he wrapped the boy in a towel and found Liz laying down in her room. She sat up when they walked in. “Oh my God, how long have you been back?”
“A while.” Dean set Danny on the bed and pointed to the dresser for his clothes. She nodded and began using the towel sop some of the water out of Danny’s hair. “Who was on Danny duty?”
“Ash.” She nodded to his disgusted face. “I had a headache.” She found the necklace around his neck. “I thought I told him to give this back to you.”
“He did. I just gave it to him again.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know. Sometime he entitles himself to other people’s stuff. I know how much it means to you.”
“That’s why I want him to have it.” Dean had the boy dressed in a few minutes, amulet resting on his stomach because the leather was so long. Then Danny grabbed his jacket from the corner and held it up to Dean. Dean put it on him. “Looking sharp, dude.” He hefted him onto his shoulder. “We’re going into town for dinner. Bring you something?”
“Sure.” She nodded and lay back down. “Whatever, I don’t care.” She stopped him at the door. “The carseat’s in Ellen’s truck.”
“Gotcha. Come on. Let’s get some grub.” Dean grinned at his son.
--
Liz was manning the bar when they came back. She took her dinner at the bar. It was slow. Jo and Sam were going over a catalog at a back table. Ash was shooting pool with a couple of regulars and Ellen was looking over a newspaper. Danny sat with his mom while she ate, so Dean took his beer over to Ellen. She circled something and showed it to him. He read it. “That’s a prank.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Dean snorted. “Chupacabras aren’t real.”
“Your daddy did teach you something, look at that.” Ellen went back to her paper. “I charge rent if you take one of my rooms for more than a month.”
“Noted.”
“You swindle Ash, I put it on your tab. You swindle me, I put your ass under my truck.”
“Got it.”
“I don’t know what you and Liz got worked out but you take girls to your room, it better not affect my waitstaff.”
“Got it.” Dean nodded. “Look, I got this job but it’s only like… three days a week. You need help here. I’ll pitch in.”
“Good to know.” She nodded and circled a few more items. “I find hunts sometimes, pass ‘em on to hunters. I might pass a few on to you… on the condition that my daughter does not go along for the ride.”
Dean looked up and met her eyes. “Her dad died on the hunt.”
“Got it in one, Dean. Good to know you’re just as sharp as the old man. That girl goes with you, you don’t bother coming back. I don’t care what blood you got under this roof. If she takes off after you…”
“I’ll hog tie her and throw her in the trunk.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” Ellen went back to her paper. “The hunting life makes it a short one. You got a boy to look after, get your priorities straight or you won’t be leaving a young man behind, he’ll only be a boy without a father to show him how it’s really done.” She leaned on the bar, head bowed. “Jesus, John was still young. Fifty-three.” She took a breath and laughed. “I know there’s bad blood between you and your daddy but… I gotta tell you… Even through everything that he done to me and mine, I always had a soft spot in my heart for him.”
“Ellen…”
“Just listen to me, Dean. I’m getting older. My friends keep dying on me and so I gotta make younger friends. Your daddy used to swing in here, babe on hip, toddler in tow and the hunters in here used to shoot daggers at him. Eye you boys like the plague. He’d cut ‘em to the quick with a look. He’d swagger right up to this bar and say “Hey beautiful, can I buy you a beer or you still with that ugly cuss at the end of the bar?” Then Bill would look up and smile. My man would just laugh and tell John “stop hitting on my woman. You’ll give her ideas.” You’d take Sam and sit under the table while they drank and told lies on each other. I’d get down there to offer something to eat or to drink but your backpack was like magic. Always had a juice box and always had a donut or a cupcake. John never wondered where you were cause you was always with one hand on his leg and the other on your brother.” Her smile faded. “Bill always wanted another one so Jo would have someone to do that with.”
“How’d he die?”
Ellen stiffened up a bit but blew out a breath. “He went hunting with your daddy and he ain’t come back… neither of ‘em. Well, not John for a long time. He came and I think he was waiting on me to kill him but I never could. I knew it was gonna happen. If it weren’t your daddy, it would’ve been some other hunter.” She met Dean’s gaze once more. “I liked your daddy. Better it was John than some other asshole I didn’t like so much.”
“I wasn’t ever mad at him.” Dean muttered as he took a drink from the bottle in front of him. “I was jealous.”
“As I understand it, you got the girl.”
“Sure but I had to fight for it. It was easy for him.”
“Knowing your daddy… I’m sure it wasn’t easy, Dean.”
Dean stared at her for along moment but nodded to her wisdom. “Probably not.”
--
Dean woke up with Danny in his bed and Liz sitting in the doorway with a book. “No thunderstorms last night.”
“Don’t think it’s about being scared anymore.” She answered without looking up. “I think he knows who you are.” She yawned and turned a page. “You got him? I’ve been up a while.”
“Why do you sit there if you know where he is?” Dean sat up to look at her.
“Cause I don’t want him to fall off the bed.” She closed her book and tilted her head at him. “I’m gonna grab a shower and get some breakfast started. I think Ellen wants to put your muscles to work so… I’ll let you know when I gotta take him back.”
“Got it.”
Dean had Sam sit while he had his shower. Then they both got Danny dressed when he finally woke up. The kid was even nice to Sam for once. They ate breakfast. Ellen sent Ash, Dean and Sam into town to pick up a couple of replacement tables and three sets of chairs. Then Dean and Danny rolled a ball around the bar until Ellen shooed them out to make room for paying customers.
Then Dean had taken Danny out to the Impala for a nap. The music on low, the car humming and Dean telling Danny stories about his grandfather. Danny had fallen asleep draped across the front seat, his hand fisted in Dean’s jacket. Liz had walked up to the car, head tilted and pointed to the bar. Dean shook his head and switched the car off. He rolled the window down and she leaned in over him to stroke her son’s head. “We should take him inside.”
“Give us a minute. It’s loud in there.” Dean nodded when she straightened.
“Don’t spoil him too much, Dean. I’ve worked really hard to maintain some sort of normalcy for him.”
“Got it.” He nodded. He watched her walk away. She always made him wonder… would she always be walking away from him.
--
Liz woke when Dean set Danny down in his crib. “What happened?”
“He climbed out again.” Dean kissed his head and backed away.
“You didn’t have to bring him back in here.”
“Didn’t want you to panic.”
She sat up so he sat on the end of her bed. “Okay… thanks for bringing him back.”
“Yeah, well…”
“He adores you, Dean… I don’t mind if you want to come in and take him to do something…”
“You were saying earlier…”
“I know but really… just love him and don’t be afraid to be his dad. He’s not always happy with me but… that’s part of the job.” She touched his arm. “That’s really what I meant.”
“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Liz.”
“Neither do I. Being a mother isn’t something that just is… I have to work at it, too. I… didn’t have any memories of a mother or a father. I had Pastor Jim for a while…”
“How did he react when you found out you were pregnant?”
It was difficult to see his face in the dark but she scooted closer and found his hand. “He was shocked. He went into his room to pray for two days. I thought he was mad at me.” He squeezed her hand back. “I’d only been in his house for a month or so. I didn’t know him well yet… Then he came out and told me not to worry about a thing that I would be taken care of and my child would be… a blessing.” She choked up at the end. “And he was right. I was floundering and after I started taking care of myself for him… I had a purpose and I didn’t focus on what I didn’t know.”
“I think my dad knew… but he never told me…”
“Yeah… I think so, too. I don’t know what Jim and John thought they were doing.” She took a breath. “I was so lost and confused, Dean. I had no one to teach me… and I was working when I went into labor and the doctors were afraid that I was too small to deliver naturally and I was so scared…” She smiled and turned her face to their son. “But then they put him in my arms and he was so quiet. He didn’t cry at first… I fell in love, Dean. The bottom of my world fell out and he was the only thing that mattered.”
He fixed his eyes on her face in the dark. Could see her smile and for the very first time he was glad to have given her something. He was starting to feel like he was somewhat responsible for Danny. Right now, the boy was just this little person… and he’d been growing on Dean in serious leaps and bounds. The idea was becoming reality, quickly. And Dean kind of liked the feeling he got when he woke to find Danny had stolen into his bed. He had held on to the boy for about twenty minutes before making the decision to take him back to his bed.
“I didn’t ask a whole lot of questions.” Liz revealed. “Pastor Jim made me feel safe and I trusted that he knew better than I did about what had happened to me. When he died… I started asking the questions but there was no one to answer them… I waited around a while… to see who showed up to the funeral. John didn’t come. Some of Jim’s friends pointed me this way. Said John had stopped by a long time ago. He was the only person that I knew knew something… and so… I packed Danny up and came this way.”
“What if Danny wasn’t mine?”
“Would I still feel the way I do? Maybe… I knew it when I saw him last, Dean… he wasn’t the one.”
“How do I know that…”
“You don’t.” She leaned forward to cup his face. “I’m not even sure myself… but I know who it’s not. It’s not Max and it’s not John… and Good Lord is it not Ash.” She took a breath and took a chance. “I don’t know if I want to do this again, Dean. We got so much history and none of it good.”
“Well, maybe we do nothing but I’m still going to come back for him.”
“Maybe you give me some time? Maybe I want it? I want you… but it’s all happening really fast and… I don’t know how to do this…” She pulled him close. “Dean, I don’t even understand how I’m here, now. You guys stuck me in this body, in this life but how do I know that I get to keep it?”
“Fight for it.”
“How?”
Dean turned to look at his son. Sleeping. “I don’t know how not to fight for it. Cause… he’s… mine. And I’ve had demons and spirits and monsters after me and they’re not going to get to him.”
“Stay here… with us, tonight?”
TBC
Sam didn’t bother asking Dean what was wrong during the hunt. There was no doubt about it. Dean was cold and efficient and eerily like their father through the hunt. There was no sitting around to have a beer. No watching of TV. No resting until morning. They were back to Harvelle’s in four days.
Danny abandoned his babysitter and ran straight out the door. Dean scooped him up and breathed in the scent of a dirty little boy. Dean kissed his head then transferred his necklace from his neck to his boy’s. “I’m back. What’s going on, bud?”
Then he started chattering and Dean found that he was starting to understand some of it. He sat Danny on the toilet in the bathroom while he washed up a bit, then tackled getting some of the dirt off his boy. Then he gave up and ran the boy a bath. When he was done, he wrapped the boy in a towel and found Liz laying down in her room. She sat up when they walked in. “Oh my God, how long have you been back?”
“A while.” Dean set Danny on the bed and pointed to the dresser for his clothes. She nodded and began using the towel sop some of the water out of Danny’s hair. “Who was on Danny duty?”
“Ash.” She nodded to his disgusted face. “I had a headache.” She found the necklace around his neck. “I thought I told him to give this back to you.”
“He did. I just gave it to him again.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, I didn’t know. Sometime he entitles himself to other people’s stuff. I know how much it means to you.”
“That’s why I want him to have it.” Dean had the boy dressed in a few minutes, amulet resting on his stomach because the leather was so long. Then Danny grabbed his jacket from the corner and held it up to Dean. Dean put it on him. “Looking sharp, dude.” He hefted him onto his shoulder. “We’re going into town for dinner. Bring you something?”
“Sure.” She nodded and lay back down. “Whatever, I don’t care.” She stopped him at the door. “The carseat’s in Ellen’s truck.”
“Gotcha. Come on. Let’s get some grub.” Dean grinned at his son.
--
Liz was manning the bar when they came back. She took her dinner at the bar. It was slow. Jo and Sam were going over a catalog at a back table. Ash was shooting pool with a couple of regulars and Ellen was looking over a newspaper. Danny sat with his mom while she ate, so Dean took his beer over to Ellen. She circled something and showed it to him. He read it. “That’s a prank.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Dean snorted. “Chupacabras aren’t real.”
“Your daddy did teach you something, look at that.” Ellen went back to her paper. “I charge rent if you take one of my rooms for more than a month.”
“Noted.”
“You swindle Ash, I put it on your tab. You swindle me, I put your ass under my truck.”
“Got it.”
“I don’t know what you and Liz got worked out but you take girls to your room, it better not affect my waitstaff.”
“Got it.” Dean nodded. “Look, I got this job but it’s only like… three days a week. You need help here. I’ll pitch in.”
“Good to know.” She nodded and circled a few more items. “I find hunts sometimes, pass ‘em on to hunters. I might pass a few on to you… on the condition that my daughter does not go along for the ride.”
Dean looked up and met her eyes. “Her dad died on the hunt.”
“Got it in one, Dean. Good to know you’re just as sharp as the old man. That girl goes with you, you don’t bother coming back. I don’t care what blood you got under this roof. If she takes off after you…”
“I’ll hog tie her and throw her in the trunk.”
“That’s what I want to hear.” Ellen went back to her paper. “The hunting life makes it a short one. You got a boy to look after, get your priorities straight or you won’t be leaving a young man behind, he’ll only be a boy without a father to show him how it’s really done.” She leaned on the bar, head bowed. “Jesus, John was still young. Fifty-three.” She took a breath and laughed. “I know there’s bad blood between you and your daddy but… I gotta tell you… Even through everything that he done to me and mine, I always had a soft spot in my heart for him.”
“Ellen…”
“Just listen to me, Dean. I’m getting older. My friends keep dying on me and so I gotta make younger friends. Your daddy used to swing in here, babe on hip, toddler in tow and the hunters in here used to shoot daggers at him. Eye you boys like the plague. He’d cut ‘em to the quick with a look. He’d swagger right up to this bar and say “Hey beautiful, can I buy you a beer or you still with that ugly cuss at the end of the bar?” Then Bill would look up and smile. My man would just laugh and tell John “stop hitting on my woman. You’ll give her ideas.” You’d take Sam and sit under the table while they drank and told lies on each other. I’d get down there to offer something to eat or to drink but your backpack was like magic. Always had a juice box and always had a donut or a cupcake. John never wondered where you were cause you was always with one hand on his leg and the other on your brother.” Her smile faded. “Bill always wanted another one so Jo would have someone to do that with.”
“How’d he die?”
Ellen stiffened up a bit but blew out a breath. “He went hunting with your daddy and he ain’t come back… neither of ‘em. Well, not John for a long time. He came and I think he was waiting on me to kill him but I never could. I knew it was gonna happen. If it weren’t your daddy, it would’ve been some other hunter.” She met Dean’s gaze once more. “I liked your daddy. Better it was John than some other asshole I didn’t like so much.”
“I wasn’t ever mad at him.” Dean muttered as he took a drink from the bottle in front of him. “I was jealous.”
“As I understand it, you got the girl.”
“Sure but I had to fight for it. It was easy for him.”
“Knowing your daddy… I’m sure it wasn’t easy, Dean.”
Dean stared at her for along moment but nodded to her wisdom. “Probably not.”
--
Dean woke up with Danny in his bed and Liz sitting in the doorway with a book. “No thunderstorms last night.”
“Don’t think it’s about being scared anymore.” She answered without looking up. “I think he knows who you are.” She yawned and turned a page. “You got him? I’ve been up a while.”
“Why do you sit there if you know where he is?” Dean sat up to look at her.
“Cause I don’t want him to fall off the bed.” She closed her book and tilted her head at him. “I’m gonna grab a shower and get some breakfast started. I think Ellen wants to put your muscles to work so… I’ll let you know when I gotta take him back.”
“Got it.”
Dean had Sam sit while he had his shower. Then they both got Danny dressed when he finally woke up. The kid was even nice to Sam for once. They ate breakfast. Ellen sent Ash, Dean and Sam into town to pick up a couple of replacement tables and three sets of chairs. Then Dean and Danny rolled a ball around the bar until Ellen shooed them out to make room for paying customers.
Then Dean had taken Danny out to the Impala for a nap. The music on low, the car humming and Dean telling Danny stories about his grandfather. Danny had fallen asleep draped across the front seat, his hand fisted in Dean’s jacket. Liz had walked up to the car, head tilted and pointed to the bar. Dean shook his head and switched the car off. He rolled the window down and she leaned in over him to stroke her son’s head. “We should take him inside.”
“Give us a minute. It’s loud in there.” Dean nodded when she straightened.
“Don’t spoil him too much, Dean. I’ve worked really hard to maintain some sort of normalcy for him.”
“Got it.” He nodded. He watched her walk away. She always made him wonder… would she always be walking away from him.
--
Liz woke when Dean set Danny down in his crib. “What happened?”
“He climbed out again.” Dean kissed his head and backed away.
“You didn’t have to bring him back in here.”
“Didn’t want you to panic.”
She sat up so he sat on the end of her bed. “Okay… thanks for bringing him back.”
“Yeah, well…”
“He adores you, Dean… I don’t mind if you want to come in and take him to do something…”
“You were saying earlier…”
“I know but really… just love him and don’t be afraid to be his dad. He’s not always happy with me but… that’s part of the job.” She touched his arm. “That’s really what I meant.”
“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Liz.”
“Neither do I. Being a mother isn’t something that just is… I have to work at it, too. I… didn’t have any memories of a mother or a father. I had Pastor Jim for a while…”
“How did he react when you found out you were pregnant?”
It was difficult to see his face in the dark but she scooted closer and found his hand. “He was shocked. He went into his room to pray for two days. I thought he was mad at me.” He squeezed her hand back. “I’d only been in his house for a month or so. I didn’t know him well yet… Then he came out and told me not to worry about a thing that I would be taken care of and my child would be… a blessing.” She choked up at the end. “And he was right. I was floundering and after I started taking care of myself for him… I had a purpose and I didn’t focus on what I didn’t know.”
“I think my dad knew… but he never told me…”
“Yeah… I think so, too. I don’t know what Jim and John thought they were doing.” She took a breath. “I was so lost and confused, Dean. I had no one to teach me… and I was working when I went into labor and the doctors were afraid that I was too small to deliver naturally and I was so scared…” She smiled and turned her face to their son. “But then they put him in my arms and he was so quiet. He didn’t cry at first… I fell in love, Dean. The bottom of my world fell out and he was the only thing that mattered.”
He fixed his eyes on her face in the dark. Could see her smile and for the very first time he was glad to have given her something. He was starting to feel like he was somewhat responsible for Danny. Right now, the boy was just this little person… and he’d been growing on Dean in serious leaps and bounds. The idea was becoming reality, quickly. And Dean kind of liked the feeling he got when he woke to find Danny had stolen into his bed. He had held on to the boy for about twenty minutes before making the decision to take him back to his bed.
“I didn’t ask a whole lot of questions.” Liz revealed. “Pastor Jim made me feel safe and I trusted that he knew better than I did about what had happened to me. When he died… I started asking the questions but there was no one to answer them… I waited around a while… to see who showed up to the funeral. John didn’t come. Some of Jim’s friends pointed me this way. Said John had stopped by a long time ago. He was the only person that I knew knew something… and so… I packed Danny up and came this way.”
“What if Danny wasn’t mine?”
“Would I still feel the way I do? Maybe… I knew it when I saw him last, Dean… he wasn’t the one.”
“How do I know that…”
“You don’t.” She leaned forward to cup his face. “I’m not even sure myself… but I know who it’s not. It’s not Max and it’s not John… and Good Lord is it not Ash.” She took a breath and took a chance. “I don’t know if I want to do this again, Dean. We got so much history and none of it good.”
“Well, maybe we do nothing but I’m still going to come back for him.”
“Maybe you give me some time? Maybe I want it? I want you… but it’s all happening really fast and… I don’t know how to do this…” She pulled him close. “Dean, I don’t even understand how I’m here, now. You guys stuck me in this body, in this life but how do I know that I get to keep it?”
“Fight for it.”
“How?”
Dean turned to look at his son. Sleeping. “I don’t know how not to fight for it. Cause… he’s… mine. And I’ve had demons and spirits and monsters after me and they’re not going to get to him.”
“Stay here… with us, tonight?”
TBC