Roswell Fanatics

Carolyn
Ellie
destiny
behr_able
Vanessa
Ginger
LilithAnn
dreambeliever
maxandlizforever
Eve
L-J-L 76


Whoa! Aside from agreeing with Ginger to hopefully never piss any of you off, I am very grateful for all this angry, hysterical, wonderful amazing fb! You are all awesome, Ellie, seriously I think I may be writing just so you can make me laugh
thank you so much everyone!

I woke up at two thirty from a horrifying nightmare and immediately went to the computer and wrote this, hopefully it's ok, it came out of my head very fast.

yes writing is definitely cathartic.








Chapter 12.









Criminal by Fiona Apple



I've been a bad bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad sad world
When a girl will break a boy
Just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence
At hand
But I keep livin' this day like
The next will never come

Oh help me but don't tell me
To deny it
I've got to cleanse myself
Of all these lies till I'm good
Enough for him
I've got a lot to lose and I'm
Bettin' high
So I'm beggin' you before it ends
Just tell me where to begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say
The devil wants to know

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to redeemed
To the one I've sinned against

Because he's all I ever knew of love




As his eyes fell to her so did the days that they had been separated, one by one like leaves falling from a tree, until not one second stood between them.

Standing there looking more beautiful then she ever she had his heart squeezed into a painful knot as his legs shook beneath him.

Forgetting how to breathe he leaned against the nurses desk behind him for support.

His hands curled into fists fighting the urge to grab her and hold her close to his chest; safe in his arms defying everything that had happened, erasing the truth.

Her mouth curled into a sexy sweet smile as she gazed upon him knowing he was securely in the palm of her hand just as he had always been.

“Hello Max.”

Her voice was silky smooth, it washed over him in waves that crashed against his broken soul breaking down any shaky defense he had managed to build up over these past six months.

Thank you God…

Thank you for bringing her back to me…


His voice was barely audible; his lungs were constricted scarcely letting any air through as his eyes panned down to her body that stood confident and stoic.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been looking for you.”

His mind raced spinning and turning in a dizzy whirlwind, what did this mean? Why was she back? Was she still married?

His eyes flashed down to her ring finger that lay bare against her tight skirt pressed to her curved thigh.

Her gaze followed his and her smile grew knowing exactly what he was looking for.

“Max do you want to get out of here?”

Slowly his wide sensitive amber stare made its way to the direction of the seductive tone that summoned him to go.

“Max?” Tilting her head to the side her long curly hair swept across her flawless skin that his lips grazed with his tongue so intimately the last time they embraced.

The memory left him disabled, his walls, as thin as they were crumbled at her feet like ashes.

Nodding slowly he wondered if his legs would even work, if his feet would betray him caught in the spell of her intoxicating perfume.

Stepping in front of him she left him to follow as he always did completely entangled in her web, trapped like a willing prisoner.

The power was exhilarating, she had missed it more than she realized.

He was mesmerized as he stumbled behind her, watching as her hips swayed back and forth calling out to him promising to end his horrible loneliness.

Stepping outside into the night he took a shuttering deep breath welcoming the cool air, anything to relieve the shock of having her so close and still so far away

“I-I don’t have a car – “

Resting her hand on his shoulder his mind went completely blank; all his sensations went to the warm embrace of her touch.

A knowing smile crept once again across her glossy sheer lips as his reaction registered in her wicked mind.

Relax Max I wont bite.

“No problem, I do.”

Leading him to a brand new black Mercedes his eyes flickered to the car and at her wondering who it belonged to.

So afraid to ask he bit back his question knowing that he would surely die if the name Chad was spoken from her lips.

Remaining silent he slid into the slick leather seat taking his eyes off her just long enough to get in before needing to stare again, he had to make sure she was real, that this was really happening.

Feeling his burning gaze she felt a strange comfort inside and suddenly she questioned why she stayed away so long.

Sure it was all part of the plan but he was oh so sweet and fun to play with, she wondered why she would deny herself of such pleasures.

Keeping her eyes straight ahead on the road she sat back and enjoyed his attentiveness.

“W-where…I mean do you still have your apartment here?”

Stiffening he swallowed hard as he felt her hand smooth across his thigh igniting the fire that had been dormant inside his tormented heart.

“We can’t go there, you have a place around here?”

He stilled as questions swirled inside his broken mind.

He was desperately trying to figure out her game but her presence was a painful constant distraction pulling him in deeper and deeper with each passing second.

He was powerless against her seductive dance.

His voice sounded defeated as he surrendered to what he knew in his heart to be a tragic if not fatal mistake.

“Yes, go to the edge of town, by the quarry.”

Pulling up to the laundry mat he turned his head away from her embarrassed at his poor dwellings.

His constant comparison to Chad in his head was more than he could take, he was sure she was making the same judgment.

“It’s just temporary.”

Following him up the back stairs she remained quiet assessing him noting how every move was a reaction to her.

She never felt so special, so beautiful so wanted.

The control she had over him was an incredible rush, like adrenalin pumping threw her veins.

Opening the door to his nearly bare apartment he shyly moved away from her unable to handle the close proximity.

“Would you like a drink?”

Scanning the scanty decorated living room she took a seat on the second hand dark green couch that was left by the last tenant.

Emerging from the kitchen with two glasses of vodka he stilled as she crossed her legs giving him a view of what he spent the last six months dreaming about.

It was as if every move was for his benefit, the motivation of breaking him down, as if that would be a hard thing to do.

Like her own personal puppet he was on his knees subject to her will.

It was criminal.

Taking a seat by her he nervously looked around trying his best to avoid her knowing how much it would hurt to accept that she was so close but unavailable to him.

Just to be near her, to be so close and not to be able to touch her…to feel her.

It was torture.

Taking a sip of the hard liquor she sighed before addressing him.

“I assume you are not a man of God?”

Sinking low he stared at a deep scratch etched into the hard wood floor by his feet.

“no.”

Tapping her nails on her glass she nodded. “ I can’t say I’m surprised, I mean lets face it someone with your talent shouldn’t be kept away in a world of celibacy.”

Her careless words snapped something deep inside him, forcing him to face what he feared most.

Leaving the seminary was the most painful decision he ever had to make and her causal dismisal was a slap in the face, if not a daggar to his soul.

He wondered briefly if a beating heart rested beneath her silky white breasts that now spilled from her low cut sweater.

“Why are you here?”

Shocked by his sudden assertiveness she sat speechless caught up by the pain that screamed from his wide damaged brandy shaded glare.

Suddenly it hit her like a wall of bricks tumbling down upon her.

Something was missing, something so innate to him.

His innocence was gone.

Lost was the strong muscular young man full of life and promise, a drawn thin weary shell took its place, a shadow of his former self.

Yes she could see it now, she was caught up in the excitement of being with him again to notice at first, but now it was very clear.

The naïve boy that prayed endlessly to a God she hated, cherished angels she knew didn’t exist was gone.

His jaw clenched as angry tears full of despair filled his eyes.

“I asked you a question.”

Her plan fell to pieces before her, this was not game, this was a person.

Anguish punctuated every syllable as he slammed his glass down on the floor.

Raking his hands threw his thick black hair he felt as if would lose his mind.

He was trapped…caught between the need to pull her in and taste her soft lips and the urge to shake her awakening her to see the destruction she had caused.

“Please Liz, I-I can’t – “

His vulnerability was overwhelming, his torment blatant.

Setting her glass down she moved closer to him raising her hand hovering just above his shoulder almost afraid to touch him.

It felt as it he would break beneath her fingertips.

Her voice was softer, more careful as she searched for now the right words for her disappearance.

“Max, I had to go.”

Shaking he breathlessly turned towards her tears now slipping from his beautiful scorned eyes.

Taking her hand he held it against his chest, pressing it to his broken heart that still and always would beat just for her.

Struck by his unwavering honesty, his unrelenting insistence on bearing his soul, she shuttered falling fast from her high perch.

His whisper was like a knife to the hardened organ that she thought was impervious to feeling anything.

Covering his hand over hers his face twisted in a beautiful declaration of what exactly she had done.

“Do you feel that?”

Nodding slowly she tried to pull her hand away but he held it firmly refusing to let her avoid her deed.

“It’s my heart – “

A shaky breath left his lips as he stared deep into her remorseful eyes.

“...and It is ruined…forever.”

There was that feeling again, deep in her gut, clawing and nawing it's way upwards to the one place she's tried to keep hidden from the world.

Trying to shake his unrelenting glare she averted her eyes only to have him squeeze her hand harder forcing her to face his pain.

What she felt ...

What she still feels, was there surfacing, willing its way into her damaged heart, out of the tight grip of her stubborn unremitting spirit.

She couldn't deny it or push it away...it was real, and it terrified her.



Because he's all I ever knew of love

L-J-L 76
dreambeliever
Eve
Ellie
Carolyn
Vanessa
Ginger
Jan
LilithAnn: the fb you left me for that last chpt was something I will never forget, thank u so much, I can't believe someone feels that way about my writing...you really made me so happy!



Thank you all so much for your, awesome fb! I"m warning you all right now this is not going to go the way you want it to, but more like what might really happen in real life. I think its very easy to say what we would do in a situation when its not our heart thats struggling, love is a powerful thing and it can reduce us into doing things we're not very proud of...at least that's where our Max is right now.

Ellie, don't break your computer out of anger its' not worth it..
This is just for you, because lets face it I can't resist when you bat those eye lashes at me

I tried very hard to write this last night but i'm very sick and under the influence of Nyquil, I actually passed out with my forehead on the key board! Just wanted you to know that I tried to get you this update yesterday but the Nyquil proved to be stronger than i thought

anyway not feeling my best, stupid flu wont let me go... hope this is ok, please excuse any spelling or grammer mistakes, i"m a little out of it, to say the least.




Chapter 12






Completely entranced by the pain radiating from his deep soulful damaged eyes she continued to stare as the weight of his words worked harder to destroy her powerful walls.

Slowly the moment of strength that seemed to possess him began to fall away piece by piece until he was once again the broken man sitting before her barely holding it together.

Looking down at his hand he immediately let her go completely unaware of the grip he had on her.

“I’m sorry.”

His whispered voice faltered as his head fell defeated into his hands that were resting on his knees.

“why?”

The sound of his voice was so low and faint she was unsure whether it really came from him or her own guilt riddled imagination.

Letting out a short gasp she swallowed the rest of the Vodka welcoming the burn as it flamed its way down her tight constricted throat.

Digging his fingers into his scalp he repeated the same words but with a punch of fury demanding an answer.

“Tell me why!”

Jumping she stood quickly watching as her once rock steady hands shook helplessly around the cheep empty glass.

Walking to the window she eased apart the blinds and stared out into the night that held no comfort for her.

Standing from his spot he willed his legs to work as he silently came up behind her.

Months of pain and bitterness rose in his throat as he tried to steady his breathing.

Tears stung his eyes, but these tears were not born of pain and abandonment but of bitterness and resentment.

He knew whatever answer she gave him would not bring him the peace his so needed.

Biting his emotions back he walked to where she was becoming almost flush against her body,

His eyes slid shut as the scent of her hair invaded his senses, It was then the he felt the line between right and wrong begin to blur.

Having her this close after all those months of missing her, dreaming about her, enduring one agonizing lonely night after another was just too hard to fight.

All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and feel her warm body, escape into her soft moans as he pleased her.

He wanted to forget, he wanted to forget it all…

All the pain, longing, betrayal, he wanted to put it out of his tortured mind how his life was torn apart and meaningless...at least just for a little while.

Breathing her in he brushed her hair away from the back of her neck and pressed his lips against her sweet salty skin.

The room began to spin slowly; everything became hazy as if he were falling into a weightless state of nothing but the beauty, the nearness of …her.

He was quite aware of the delusion he was creating for himself but the break from the agonizing pain was something he had to have, no matter how wrong it was.

He was well aware that she didn’t answer his question but maybe that was ok, at least for now, he needed to stay in this heavenly deception for as long as possible.

Sliding his gentle hands around her waist he pressed his body flush to hers.

His lips fell apart when she sharply inhaled and arched back against him rubbing her bottom along his erection.

You can do this … he tried to convince himself as he slipped his hands underneath the hem of her sweater caressing the hot silky skin of her stomach.

Panting breathlessly against the nape of her neck one hand disappeared under the waist of her skirt while the other moved upwards underneath her bra to cup her breast.

A deep shiver ran through her as she rested her weight back against him giving in to the desire that she had convinced herself she could live without for so long.

Max was determined to let his mind go blank, to not let anything ruin this moment as fleeting as it most likely was going to be.

It's amazing how people talk about how they would never let themselves be used or give into something they knew was wrong, but its very different when it actually happens to you.

It's really extremely humbling when you find yourself willing to take whatever affection is being thrown your way just to escape your pain.

It wasn’t even something he needed to think about as she leaned back shivering in his arms.

Her intoxicating scent, the silky softness of her body, and the throaty little satisfying moans and whimpers that escaped her lips were no match for him.

Her spell was all consuming like a fire burning through him destroying any fight he had left inside him.

As his fingers slipped beneath her panties stroking quickly over her clit and his thumb brushed roughly against her nipple her head fell back into his chest.

Rocking against his hard cock she gasped for air as she screamed out his name.

“Max!”

He wanted all of her, to be the only one in her mind, her heart, even if it was for this brief moment.

Rolling and gently pinching her sensitive nipple she moaned as she reached back and grasped his thighs for support.

It wasn’t until he teased her nether lips open and delved inside assaulting her senses with deep slow strokes while his thumb flicked tortuously up against her swollen clit, that she shattered whimpering against his body.

Suddenly he felt a surge of indescribable need rush through his hard body.

Bending her over the old radiator he clutched her skirt and pulled it high to her waist, with one tug on her lacy panties they ripped and fell to the floor.

For a brief spit second Chad flashed into his mind, tears stung his hurt brandy eyes as he shook his image away and fumbled for his belt.

With one powerful surge he buried himself deep within her.

Her warm wet walls pulsed around him but instead of elation and bliss he was inundated with thoughts of her with Chad.

While trying desperately to kill the pain he only managed to bring more upon himself.

Bending over her his heart splintered into a million pieces,

The comfort and peace he was after was but an illusion as reality ripped its way into his heart.

Pumping slowly inside her the vision of her in the arms of another man played out over and over in his mind.

His fingers dug in her hips as he surged forward again and again while his soul crumbled inside him.

Grasping onto the cold iron radiator Liz began to wonder if she had pushed him too far.

Unable to think she clung on to the hard surface as indescribable pleasure coursed threw her trembling body.

Panting she met him stroke for stroke as she quickly sped towards the edge.

Crying out his name she started to shutter with pleasure until she felt something cold against her spine.

The wetness of his tears made her freeze as a long breathless moan escaped his lips.

Stumbling away from her he pulled his jeans up as he shook his head back and forth more confused than ever.

The momentary escape he was looking for only left him in more pain as he collapsed on the couch.

Grabbing for the vodka bottle he filled his glass and took a long sip as he wiped his eyes dry.

Now feeling the full force of the damage she had done Liz quickly reached for her clothes.

Staring off into space Max closed his eyes unable to look at the unenviable conclusion.

Wondering why she wasn’t leaving his voice cracked as he unwillingly looked up at her.

“Isn’t this your cue to leave?”

Sitting on the opposite side of the sofa Liz reached for a throw pillow and held it tight against her chest.

“Please Max, can we …talk?”

Ellie: omg I loved that you gave Max your phone number! you kill me Ellie! thanks so much!
Carolyn: Next update Liz will finally admit to her actions, I promise...thanks so much!
Ginger: thanks for reading!
Vanessa: Wow sweetie I don't even know how to respond to what you said. It just meant the world to me, thank you so so much!
L-J- 76: hopefully most of your questions will get answered in the next update, thanks so much for being here!
behr-able: she is going to begin to feel the weight of what she has done, I promise. thanks so much!
dreambeliever: I love that you felt what he felt. thank you so much!!
Eve: he loves her, we do stupid things when were in love. pain is not easily fought. thanks so much for being here!
Jan: the momentous moment is coming Jan.. miss you terribly, thanks so much for the fb sweetie.
LilithAnn: thank you so so much for all your kind words! I'm afraid Max still is going to suffer before he gets the answers he wants. the next update I promise!
OmegaRam1: thank you so much for your really sweet fb! I'm so happy you found this story, Liz will pay I promise, maybe not as much as everyone would like Im guessing!







Chapter 13.








“Talk?”

Sinking into the faded green second hand couch Max turned away as tears welled in his eyes.

Desperately he tried to hold on to the last piece of dignity he possessed but like everything else that had slipped through his fingers salty streams of pain fell down his cheeks regardless of how hard he tried to stop them.

Bringing the glass to his lips he wiped away the evidence with the back of his hand trapped between wanting to throw her out and keeping her close forever.

Sliding his eyes shut anger consumed him, bitter self hatred flowed through his tired body as his seemly never ending confusion twisted his heart.

Why did God do this to him, he never hurt anyone, never caused any pain or wanted for anything.

He needed her to understand, needed to understand himself why this had happened to him.

It wasn’t that Max didn’t know suffering. The time spent in the cancer ward holding the hands of dying patients, watching them slip away far too young to leave this world had taught him that life was unfair.

But he was different, this wasn’t the same, in his mind people that were tormented by disease or war, victims of abuse or crime were blameless in their hell.

He felt as if he chose this fate, that he was given a test of strength and character and he failed.

And he was being punished.

Punished for his tarnished soul, his unworthiness to carry such a holy position in life.

His hell was self made, designed by the needs and desires of a selfish weak man.

His voice cracked as he searched for the courage to divulge his feelings for her, although he was quite sure he was as transparent as glass.

Damn his foolish heart, if it wasn’t damned already.

"That day that I saw you crying alone… sitting on the bench…”

Taking a much-needed breath he hesitated while she turned towards him and nodded.

“Yes, I remember.”

A bitter laugh briefly escaped from him as he realized the absurdity of what he was about to say.

“I –I wanted to help you. I …felt for you…felt your pain, your suffering.”

Pushing himself off the couch with what little energy he had he leaned against the bricked up fireplace in the corner of the room as memories played like a movie in his mind.

Staring off into his past his eyes glazed over as if he were watching something beautiful unfold before him.

“You, you were like nothing I had ever seen before. So fiery and full of life, so …beautiful, tragically beautiful, like in the fairytales the nuns told me as a child, about the princess trapped in the tall castle. Put there by the evil witch, and it was my job to save you.”

Taking another sip of whiskey he lowered his voice as the powerful liquor burned his throat.

“Looking back I believe I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you.”

His voice fell to a whisper as his eyes drifted to the floor in defeat.

“That was the last time I have known what it's like to have peace in my heart.”

Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable Liz started to rise from the couch, she never stuck around long enough to truly understand the damage she was doing, it was all too overwhelming too raw…too real.

Turning to face her he raised his hand in her direction causing the whiskey to spill onto the floor

“Sit down!”

Taken off guard by his commanding tone she sat back down and clutched the pillow once again in her arms.

“It was you that wanted to talk …remember?”

Regretting ever speaking those words she floundered for something cruel to say to release her from hearing him...from having to sit through his pain.

“Max, Chad – “

“Chad! Tell me, does Chad know that you’re with me right now? Will you tell him how I fucked you nice and slow while you came shivering within my hands? Tell me Liz do you torture him the same way you do me?”

Enraged by his shocking crude remarks she ran over to him and slapped him hard across the face.

He stood unaffected, numb by the agony that already infected his broken heart.

“What? Do I have it wrong? Have we been... making love all this time?”

Breathless she backed away unable to escape from her past.

Shaking his head dismally he looked down at her and cupped her cheek gently.

“No, it couldn’t have been making love, because you... don’t love me.”

“Max, stop this…please.”

A small smile appeared as he brushed his thumb over her lips.

“I know I was naive…stupid really, but tell me do you feel anything?”

Placing his hand over her heart her face collapsed in shame.

“Yes, there it is pounding away, like a scared rabbit. You’re dying to run aren’t you? It’s killing you to be forced to listen to the ramblings of a ridiculous boy, who you clearly have no use for other than to play with when the mood strikes you.”

“I-I wasn’t playing – “

Throwing the glass to the ground Max clutched her shoulders and stared down into her tear filled eyes.

“Then what are you doing Liz! Do you even know? Do you have any idea what you have done to me?”

Swallowing hard Liz trembled as her mouth opened and closed, words refusing to come to the surface.

Releasing her he turned his back and braced his hands against the wall unable to even look at her anymore.

“Just go.”

Slowly she reached her hand out to him before letting it fall to her side.

Suddenly even to touch him seemed wrong.

“I don’t want to run anymore Max.”

Ginger
Ellie
L-J-L76
Carolyn
LilithAnn
Vanessa
RoswellianDreamer
Jan x2
Eve
behr-able
dreambeliever
destiny

omg, can I just say this has been some of the funniest fb I have ever gotten from one of the sadess story's I LOVE LOVE all of your fb's so much, thank you for seriously making me laugh!
ok now let's see if I'm able to do the impossible and change your minds about Liz...maybe just a little???

just to make it clear, I don't expect anyone to forgive her, and I'm not justifying what she did, because obviously it was horrible, all I'm asking is for everyone to sit back for a second and think about her life and maybe have a little understanding of why she did what she did, and please if I didn't make it clear, let me know.
thanks again





Chapter 14





“I don’t want to run anymore.”

Feeling the effects of the whiskey Max lost his balance as he turned to look at her.

Caught off guard by the quick effects of the alcohol he swayed back and forth feeling suddenly dizzy, stepping towards him she caught him in her arms.

Steadying his balance he slowly looked down into her eyes soothing himself for one fleeting moment before it all came crashing back to him.

Tilting her head to the side she saw his emotion change from adoration to repulsion, her heart clinched as she slowly backed away, “don’t you think you had enough?”

Laughing Max reached for the bottle before stumbling onto the couch.

“Your concern for my well being is very touching Liz, too bad you didn’t have the same compassion for me when you were destroying my life.”

Sighing she sat near him, she began wringing her hands together nervously as she searched for the right words, knowing there really weren’t any she slowly began, “I never …expected to develop …feelings for you.”

Tired and emotionally drained Max stared straight ahead numbly taking another swig of liquor, “forgive me if I’m not up to deciphering your coded riddles, why don’t you try saying exactly what you mean for once.”

Grabbing of the throw pillows off the couch she held it close to her chest and nodded, “fair enough,”

Liz stared out into space as if she were there back in time reliving everything.

"That day that you saw me on the bench, it wasn't just my mother I was upset about, but I guess I have to start at the beginning for you to really understand."

Taking a deep breath, she began to tell him things that no one knew, things that she didn't even want to admit to herself.

"It had only been a short time that I had been back in town with my mom, I came because she was sick, but Its the reasons why I stayed away that are more important here."

Clearing her throat she tried to steady her shaky hands. Knowing that after this she would lose him forever made it almost impossible to go on.

“I hadn’t seen my mother in years before I found out about the cancer, between the drinking and the abuse I couldn’t wait to get away from her.”

“At fifteen I went to live with relatives in the city. My aunt Sylvia her husband Rick and their son…Chad.”

Soaked by whiskey it took time for Max to understand exactly what she was saying, but for some reason the fact that Chad was her cousin jumped out at him right away.

Slowly he turned to look at her, “Chad is your – “

“Cousin, that’s right, meaning he wasn’t my fiancé, which means another lie. Listen you can say anything you want when I'm done but if you want me to finish you have to let me keep going, because if I stop now I’ll never be able to start again…and you’ll never know the truth.”

Taking another sip Max continued to stare at her, “go ahead.” His whisper was hoarse and weary but full of an unmistakable need to know.

“They were kind enough I guess but they never let me forget where I can from and who I was, in their eyes I was trash, from the wrong side of the tracks. Like mother like daughter I guess.”

Wiping a tear from her eye Max watched in fascination as the walls around her began to crack and split revealing a much softer side of the woman he loved.

“Anyway a few months before I came back I started receiving letters from her.”

“From your mother?”

Nodding she continued on.

“Apologies, explanations, she tried to tell me why she made the mistakes she made. Told me tragic stories of her youth and how she did the best she could. It was all very Life Time of the week movie.”

Taking the bottle out of his hands she took a sip and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Little by little he began to see the real Liz emerge.

“I read them and quickly threw them out, in my eyes nothing could give me back my childhood, nothing could erase the abuse that she allowed to happen, that would screw me up for the rest of my life.”

After a long hesitation Max quietly urged her on. "Liz, please, don't stop."

“I spend my nights partying with Chad and his friends, and my days sleeping. Chad had plenty of money and he took care of me. He was the only one who treated me like a human being, like family. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me, including pretending to be my fiancé.”

“I don’t understand…why?”

“One day I got this letter from her that was different from the rest. It seemed she had found God. I guess that happens when you have cancer and you’re going to die. Anyway she talked about finally finding peace and forgiveness … honestly I just really skimmed through that part, it was the cancer that had my attention. I drove home that very same day.”

Pulling her knees up to her chest she suddenly looked like a little girl to him, vulnerable and lost.

“All I kept thinking was how much time I had wasted in New York drinking and partying. All this time gone when I could’ve been with her. When I finally arrived at the house I was in for an even bigger surprise. It seemed her and Jesus were closer than I thought.”

Her laugher turned to tears that quickly faded as she regained her strength.

“There were pictures of him and crosses everywhere, and she was completely different. Calm and in control of her emotions, there was no yelling or accusing, no resentment or blame.”

Looking towards him she wondered if he would even understand what she was going to say next, but it was too late to stop now.

“I don’t know why but it made me more angry, why was God enough to stop her from her destructive behavior when I couldn’t. What was it about me that wasn’t good enough, her own baby, her only child?”

Her voice became shaky but she did her best to steady herself.

“It wasn’t long after that when she started to get very sick, it was only days before she slipped into the coma.”

“It was that day when the doctor pulled me aside and told me about how the cancer was genetic and that I should be tested. Even after he told me I wasn’t afraid, I just figure something like that just couldn’t happen to me. I was too young, too healthy. It just wasn’t possible. Only that it turned out it was.”

Sitting straight up Max turned completely pale.

“Liz –“

Holding out her hand she stopped him from saying anything else.

“Please let me finish.”

Wiping the tears from her eyes that refuse to stop she pushed forward.

“It was that day, that day that you found me sitting on the bench. That was the day I found out I was going to die. I was so scared, I needed someone to blame, something to punish for all this pain. I looked up and saw that big cross on the hill over looking everything, promising that we would be taken care of and all of sudden it seemed so clear.”

“What did?”

“ Retribution."

“I don’t understand.”

“This God, this all powerful being gets to sit up there and decide who lives a shitty painful life and who gets to be happy. It didn’t seem fair to me, when I looked at you, so happy, so at peace with the world, with yourself, I just thought …why him? You blindly believed so much in him, so much that you were willing to give up your entire life to service his …cause.”

Her voice became so soft it was almost impossible for him to understand her.

“Saying this now, knowing how I feel about you, is very difficult for me. It made me angry that you couldn’t understand why I didn’t believe. You had your whole life ahead of you and I had nothing. I wanted to show you why people didn’t have faith in God, why people didn’t blindly give themselves to someone who they have no proof of, who never saves anyone. Who is never there when you really…need him, who wouldn’t even protect a child that cried out for his help night after night.”

"Liz -"

"NO! I need you to understand, I wanted to see if I could hurt you so bad ...that I could make you lose your belief in him, your faith in God. Only then could you really understand, I don't know I guess in a way I wanted to take something precious away from him."

Crying openly now she stood and picked up her purse.

“What I did was horrible and evil, I know that, I don’t expect anything from you, I know you must hate me. I don't deserve anything less. I'm only going to ask one thing from you and then I'll go."

Max sat back as she got down on her knees in front of him. Tears streamed down her face as she took his hands and held them tight.

"I know that I hurt you, but Max ...please...seeing you like this, knowing how you've thrown everything away because of me is more than I can take. I am begging you, please don't give up on your dreams, don't stop helping people. You have a gift Max, you have an incredibly big open heart. You can do good in this world, you can help people. You are special in ways that are impossible to put into words. Don't let what I did to you take all that away. Please...If you feel anything for me...if you ever did. Don't give up on yourself."

Sniffing she wiped the dripping mascara from her face and walked towards the door, with her hand on the doorknob she was sobbing barely able to breathe.

“If I had known you, known what a beautiful amazing person you are …I never, even then I wouldn’t have…but I guess that doesn’t matter now, the damage has been done.”

Opening the door she trembled as she took one last look at him.

“I never expected to fall in love with you, and the ironic thing is that’s all I ever really wanted. Someone to love and who would love me back. I guess I should consider myself lucky I was able to experience that before I die. I wasn’t looking for you tonight at the hospital Max, I was there seeing my doctor. I refused any treatment, he says I may have a few months left.”

Max sat on the couch and just stared at the floor, she didn’t expect anything from him, she knew she didn’t deserve his sympathy.

“I am sorry Max, from the depths of my soul, I am sorry. But know this, I love you more than anything in this world, and I will always be grateful for every second I was able to spend with you.”

Taking a deep breath she left closing the door behind her.

"Goodbye Max."

mary mary wrote:We all know Max will convince her to have the treatment but he really should get on with his life and let her die. Now that's cruel but I'm still not convinced she has any good in her

Ginger! "he really should get on with his life and let her die??"
omg! OK I wasn't expecting everyone to fall on their knees and forgive her but you really think she deserves to die?? Wow!

I love writing seriously flawed characters, especially when I"ve seen the sweetest kindest people do some pretty horrible things when put in very difficult situations...I'm not judging here...quite the opposite, i'm like an observer, just telling the story...

I just want to point out one thing, Liz has nothing to gain here by telling him the truth, she doesn't expect anything or want anything from him, only when she sees just how much damage she has caused is when she opens up her heart and becomes very vulnerable.

she is not getting anything for herself by telling him this horrible thing she did, she could have just left. It seems to me that she did all this because she needed him to know that he wasn't alone in his feeings, that she did and still loves him, also she is very upset by what he has become and takes full responsibitlity for it.

Notice she is not blaming her mother or God or anyone else now, she knows that she is the cause of all this pain. So in a way she has grown and changed, possibly too little too late for most of you but is it every too late for forgiveness? I guess that is the question here. if one is truly regretful and understands the pain they have caused and truly is sorry, plus takes fully responsiblitly for their actions, is it too late?

I'm just putting this out there...

LIke I said I am just the writer, I have no opinion...

I have to say my favorite part about writing this is reading everyone's reactions...

very interesting

again thank you Ginger, and everyone else for your very strong opinions on this story, I really appreciate all of you taking the time to write them!

Carrie

Thank you so much for all the feedback...I seriously appreciate all of you're opinions...




chapter 15





Sitting at the broken down bar Charlie, against his better judgment pours yet another whiskey for a very distraught Max.

Barely able to keep his head up Max nods and slides his wilted hand across the worn mahogany wood to grasp the glass that he hopes will take his pain away.

Tears teeter then fall over the edge of his blood shot swollen eyes one by one.

Raising the shaky glass to his lips the world begins to blur. Deep in his dark black hole of despair he smiles at the haze of colors. Slowly he reaches for the distorted image in front of him.

Her chocolate wide eyes, the muted hue of her pink cheek, the wet red curve of her lips…she was everywhere and no where all at once...just memories playing with his tired mind.

Like her raven hair that slid threw his fingers as he held her tight, she disappeared…always elusive from his grasp …just out of reach from his heart.

Never his, never his to have …to love…

Coughing as the alcohol hit his throat, his deep voice strained as his need to numb the pain only grew stronger.

“Another C-charlie.”

A deep sigh resonated from across the bar as the sound of the heavy door opened.

“Just in time Father.”

Averting his stare Max tried to hide his obvious drunken state from Father Paul.

“Thanks a lot Charlie, c-could alwaysss count on you.”

Waving his hand the old Priest signaled for Charlie to leave them alone.

“I think you’ve had enough my son.”

Max cringed as he felt the heavy warm hand on his shoulder.

He didn’t want help, didn’t want forgiveness.

His solitude was his only peace. There he could be alone with his memories of her ...only there he felt safe.

“Please leave me alone.”

Leaning his forehead on his arm he began to sob. Embarrassed and lost he felt himself falling deeper into that deep dark black hole that never seem to end.

He was too weak to grab onto the sides anymore, too much in pain to hold on to the twisting broken branches that pieced the sides just out of his reach.

“I’ve got you son…I’ve got you.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~`


Little by little he began to hear voices pulling him out of the empty void.

Sharp throbbing pain rattled his head as his achy eyes opened against the brightness of the unwelcomed sun.

Hatred for the joyful star filled his chest as he rolled over on his side feeling the full effect the night before.

He loathed the shiny happy beast that warmed the earth.

She was dying …how could flowers continue to bloom and the world persist on spinning.

With enormous effort he rose from his bed and made his way to the window.

Moving the curtain aside he rested his sore head on the cool glass and pressed his hand against the pane.

He watched as people walked down the sidewalk laughing and talking, he glared at the careless birds as they flew above.

Don’t they know?

Can’t they feel the life of his love fading away?

Grasping the shade from above he lowered it quickly, blocking out the offensive light and the unsympathetic cold-hearted world.

Shaky and sick he began to feel his stomach churn as sweat covered his still boyish face.

Running to the bathroom just in time the alcohol that soothed him took its revenge.

“I’m sorry dear I have to go now, I will call you when I know more.”

Unable to open his eyes he felt a pair of strong hands lifting his frail body before blacking out completely.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Soft hands drifted threw his thick dark hair consoling him as the moon shimmered across the vast ocean.

Breathing in deeply Max felt no pain, no sickness only love as he sat up from her lap and gazed into her bight loving eyes.

He was dreaming, he knew he was, but that was fine with him.

She looked like an angel dressed in a white sundress with her bare feet buried playfully in the sand.

“Look at all the stars Max, they came out for us.”

He smiled as he stared up into the black sky that was lit by thousands of brilliant shimmering lights.

“They came out for you Liz. You are so beautiful it almost hurts to look at you."

Shaking her head at him she giggled as she rose and ran to the waters edge.

"You are a silly hopeless romantic Max, but I love you anyway."

Following her he reached out his hand to catch hers at it flowed with the warm breeze.

"I love you Liz."

Titling her head her long wavy hair fell across her golden shoulders, he was completely captivated by her every move.

As if she was reminded by the purpose of her visit her voice softened as if she had something important to say.

His hand tightened around hers hoping to keep her close to him …always close to him.

“Max you know I’m going to die.”

Pressing his lips upon her delicate long fingers he breathed her in.

“I know.”

His tone was barely heard as his heart constricted in agony.

Dancing in the cool water she skipped along the small crashing waves as she gazed up at the inviting night sky.

“You have to let me go Max.”

Pulling her into his chest he wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could refusing to face the truth, unwilling to release the only love he’s ever known.

“I-I …can’t”

Raising his face to the heavens he opened his eyes pleading to a God he no longer was sure existed.

“You can’t have her! Please! She didn’t understand ….she isn’t to blame!”

Horror struck his heart as he felt her small frame disappear. Slowly looking down his arms fell to his side as cool salty air drifted in the space she had occupied.

“NO!”

Falling to his knees he grasped at the muddy wet sand watching as his fingers sunk into its grip.

He was alone …despair his only companion.

“Max…wake up. You’re alight son. It was just a dream my boy …just a dream.”

Shivering Max sat up against the hard headboard still feeling the warmth of her body in his arms.

“She’s got cancer Father.”

Nodding slowly the elderly mentor rested his hand on his fragile shoulder.

“I know Max.”

Looking up at him with torment blatant in his eyes Max swallowed hard as each breath painfully expelled from his strangled throat.

“I have to help her.”

thank you so much for all your fb, I seriously appreciate every single word.
I don't have much time to post, please forgive any mistakes I have missed.
LilithAnn I promise to be in touch soon, I know you understand, hoping so much you are well. Ellie thank you so much for you message and for calling me, what was it? Queen of Drama? you seriously make me smile.
Also thank you to a certain brilliant writer for all your support, you know who you are







Chapter 16




Twisting turning white cool sheets knot into a ball at the end of the bed, sleep had become nearly impossible for Liz.

Not that it ever came easy, not since the age of ten that is, not since her nightmare began.

Restlessly flipping the pillow over once more she eased her head down as the rhythm of her heart pounded away erratically inside her chest.

Exhausted but unable to tear herself away from this memory her tired reddened eyes remained focused on the picture hanging across the room.

A young man holding his daughter on a swing in the park on a beautiful autumn day, golden yellow and bright ruby leaves frame this happy perfect image.

A father beaming with love for his little girl, a little girl safe in the arms of her idol, her protector, her everything …her daddy.

Secure in his arms, she remembered him vividly, the way he smelled, the deep tone of his voice, the broad curve of his smile when he laughed. But she especially remembered how proud he always was that she was his baby... that was before. Before the nightmare, before the loss of innocence…she remembered back when she was good enough for his love.

Slowly her heavy eyes began to close while images blurred together and fatigue took over her pained heart.

“Daddy…”

Mumbling for him she surrendered into a state of unconsciousness hoping to find peace, knowing in her heart that he would be waiting to drag her back into her past, back into her living nightmare that refused to let her rest.

Slowly her fingers curled into fists as the shadows on the yellow walls begin to appear in the misty corners of her dreaming mind.

Familiar fear griped her as her eyes widened at the sight of the doorknob as it began to turn.

She pulls the covers over her head to hide from the monster but she knows all too well there is no escape.

Tiny muscles tense as her small body coils into a ball at the touch of his rough callous hands.

“Shh, don’t wake your mommy Lizzy. You know what I’ll have to do.”

She cries for her father but he’s too far away, he doesn’t want her anymore. There is a new wife now, another family. Children more important to him, she is nothing more than baggage left over from a failed marriage. A reminder of something bad, something wrong.

She is wrong.

Little hands struggle against a force too strong for her as stifled screams are muffled by thick pressing fingers.

“NO! Please! You’re hurting ME!! NO!! DADDY HELP ME!!”

Max hearing her pleas rams his shoulder several times against the door before breaking a small pane of glass along side of the lock.

Running down the hallway he is expecting to find Liz fighting off an attacker instead he finds her stretched out hands pushing at nothing.

“STOP! Its hurts! IT HURTS!”

Confusion at the sound of her childlike voice slowly turns to horror when he realizes what is happening.

Carefully approaching her he fights to quell the images that are tearing at his heart.

A new understanding comes into focus for Liz as gentle arms pull her sweaty body from her damp sheets.

Tears stream from her startled eyes as she finds herself free from the yellow room. Breathless she struggles to make sense of the warm boyish handsome face before her.

“Shh Liz, it’s me …you’re safe. I’ve got you… I’ve got you now.”

Gasping she shivers terrified against his chest as his deep whispering voice continues to comfort her.

As reality begins to become clearer she backs away from him confused. “What? How did you…”

Pulling back her matted hair from her wide eyes she raised her knees to her chest protectively terrified that he knew her secret.

“Liz, are you ok? Who …I-I mean…I’m so… sorry.”

His voice was so kind, so full of concern she thought maybe she was still dreaming.

Whispering her pain was almost too much for him as he watched her cower to the corner of her bed.

Shame filled her as she wondered what he had heard her say in her sleep.

Shocked by the obvious fear that was still blatant on her sweaty face he kept his distance on the edge of the bed.

“H-how …the door was locked. How did you get in?”

Looking towards the dark hallway he recalled how desperate and loud her screams were.

“I heard you… yelling, I heard you all the way outside, I thought someone was hurting you. I’m sorry, I busted your door, it sounded like you were being attacked.”

He tried to keep his tone calm while slowly reaching for her hand as her fingernails dug into her knees cutting the skin.

“I wasn't completely wrong... was I Liz?”

Pulling her fallen sleeve up over her bare shoulder she wiped her tears from her face mortified by what he had witnessed.

Unable to look him in the eye she focused her gaze on the curve of the rose on her comforter.

She physically had to force every word from her throat as she sat there feeling completely vulnerable and exposed.

“Thank you…for…helping... but you have to go.”

Tears spilled one by one down her cheeks as she lowered her head using her hair as a dark curtain hoping to hide her sins from him.

Placing his hand over hers he leaned closer dying inside as he witnessed her raw humiliation. “Please Liz... I can’t leave you like this.”

Her mind splintered into a million thoughts as her memories still played intensely before her.

Emotion that was hidden deep down inside clawed and ripped its way to the surface as she tried to comprehend his concern, she wondered how he could even bear to look at her.

Her ugliness shone as bright as a thousand suns against his beautiful heart. She was a disgrace …an abomination.

She was… nothing.

Vanessa
Ginger
dreambeliever
Ellie
angelina
carolyn
Eve
LilithAnn
Jan
Destiny

Sorry for being away for so long , thanks as always to Ellie for wanting more , and all of you for your amazing fb .









Chapter 17.








The warmth from his chest burned against her tear stained cheek as her shame dug into her heart refusing to accept any love or forgiveness.

Not from a man who had spent his life giving selflessly to others expecting nothing in return but to feel the sun on his face and the soft grass under his feet.

A man who appreciated every gift handed down from the heavens.

It was as if every flower that grew from the earth or something as simple as the smile on a child’s face was to be seen as a precious endowment from God.

He was a man of faith, in his mind proof of God’s existence shone all around him.

Life itself was all the evidence Max needed to believe.

That was until she tore it all away.

She shivered against his soothing hands as he stroked her back gently and lovingly without judgment.

“Shh…I’ve got you …It’s going to be alright now.” He rasped softly.

She squeezed her eyes tightly closed as she heard the steady beat of his innocent heart thumping away in a body she worked so hard to destroy.

Pain bitterness and excruciating loneliness ravaged her broken spirit causing her to test the boundaries, will and belief of a young man whose only need was to love her.

Pulling away from him she gazed into his weary golden eyes knowing that she had systematically set out to ruin his very resolve.

It was that very same resolve that time and time again left her stunned and confused.

His unrelenting determination to love her without conditions, to accept her against a sea of faults and insecurities, his unremitting resilience to come back to her no matter how bad she hurt him.

She expected him to run like everyone else did, to instantly forget and abandoned her the way everyone she ever loved had done.

She never truly believed she had the power to hurt anyone, how could someone so worthless, so pointless to this world effect someone’s heart.

It was unthinkable, impossible, and completely irrational.

Or so she thought so until she looked into his eyes that night.

Hovering over her, chest heaving, heart pounding away his lips trembling as he eased slowly inside her.

The emotionless stone cold glare that she was used to as men took what they wanted from her was shockingly replaced by the warm amber gaze completely captivated by her every move.

All at once she felt it, like a damn had burst filling her with love and acceptance.

There was no fear no deceit only him…only Max falling in love with her.

With every stroke, every kiss, every soft loving word her abusive past faded away into nothingness.

He was her savior, cleansing her making her pure, and free from the chains that bound her for so long.

It was as if years of pain and loneliness were washed away by his untainted pure innocent heart.

For the first time in her life she felt whole completely safe and worse …loved.

It never occurred to her that she would ever feel this way what was even more disconcerting was the way she felt when he was gone.

Liz was used to being alone, she was used to handling betrayal and pain. It was something she had to learn to live with.

What she knew she couldn’t handle was this feeling.

This strange uncomfortable ache in her chest her belly her…everything.

It was the fear of losing …him.

Suddenly she had so much too lose, her days of drifting from one meaningless cold relationship to the next were easy to handle next to the very idea of living with the emptiness that would be left inside her if Max ever left.

As she sat there that night staring out at the rain she knew it would only be a matter of time.

It would only be so long before he would see her for what she really was …before he saw what every other person she loved had seen.

The fear was paralyzing.

She loved him in a way she didn’t think was possible. Her tattered broken heart felt untouched bursting with happiness when she was with him when he was away…. agony.

It was beyond terrifying, to hold so close, something that you never had, something that could change your life forever and know inside it was only a matter of time before it would all just disappear.

She knew she wouldn’t live through it; she knew that in her heart, and when he did leave her she knew that would be the end…the end of her.

To walk through life knowing what it feels like to love and be loved and live without it … just the idea of it was unbearable.

She knew he would be fine; he had people around him to love him and support him. He had his work his purpose in life.

Who was she to even think that she was good enough to even affect him.

She was nobody …he …Max… was everything.

Her plan would’ve worked if she could’ve just stayed away, if she didn’t think about him every second of every day that endlessly dragged by tormenting her to the point of insanity.

Just one more time she’d tell herself, just one more touch of his strong gentle hands on her skin. Just one more taste of his lips as he smoothed his soft mouth over her body.

She could pretend in these brief moments that she was his, that she was worthy of such a love from such a man.

That was until it became too painful holding what you know you could never have… what will never be yours.

That was the day when she faked her engagement and ran away.

Convinced he would take his vows and move into his rightful given place under Father Paul’s instruction, she left.

She even wondered if at one point she would even be remembered.

Alone just an hour away she stayed with her cousin in the city and spent the next months crying away her days lost in a despair worse than anything she had ever known.

There she would’ve stayed if it weren’t for a persistent cough that refused to leave.

Standing there as the doctor told her of her fate her only thought was all the moments she could’ve had with him, all the time that she could never get back lost forever because of her fear and insecurities.

She believed this was her punishment; this was her hour of atonement for what she had done, for the innocence she took and the deceit she so skillfully delivered.

How ironic that something that started out as a way of shutting out her pain only in the end caused her so much more.

Rushing out of the hospital and straight into the arms of the old priest she was startled out of her anguish as she heard in Irish brogue what had actually happened to Max.

His words rang over and over again in her ears.

Abandoned his calling

Alcoholic

Hopeless

Alone


Without thinking she jumped in her cousin’s car and made her way to the hospital in the small town where she was told he would be.

What she would say or do was lost to her as she sped down the curved wooded roads that closed the distance between them.

All she could concentrate on was seeing him again, hearing his voice having him close.

Then came the anger the hateful words.

She could deny nothing, how was it possible to even to begin to explain why she did what she had done.

She knew he’d never understand. She was there to say goodbye to allow him to speak his peace for closure so he could get on with his life and forget about her.

She came back for him, to heal the wounds that she was responsible for.

Her fate was sealed, to live in a world without him, no… she’d let the cancer take her.

She needed the pain to be over.

She needed to finally …rest.

All that mattered now was Max.

Shook from her memories by his sweet deep voice she focused once again on the present.

Tilting her head to the side she admired his still beautiful young face, his strong jaw and warm smile that seemed to come so easily for him.

Kindness wasn’t something he had to work for, it was innate, and anything less would be unnatural for him.

Looking at him she felt a tiny spark of relief knowing that at least she hadn’t taken that away from him, that her vile unforgivable actions hadn’t robbed him of the incredible compassion that made him so special to this world.

But still she couldn’t conceive of a soul so pure with selfless unconditional beautiful love so void of the destructive sins that she had grown to know so well could exist.

She prayed for the first time. She prayed for him, that he would find his way again. That it wasn’t too late.

Looking at his drawn pale face and skinny body the repercussions of her behavior were very plain to see.

His solitude, his agony that he wore bravely as if it were an irremovable part of him …a crown of thorns, a crown that she had placed on his loving head as he trustingly knelt before her was very evident.

Suddenly she held her chest as the black poison constricted inside her lungs growing clutching eating away at the tender pink tissue beneath it.

Falling against the headboard she gasped as sharp knife like wounds plunged deep inside her chest.

Max’s stunned eyes widened with fear and concern as he reached for her phone on the nightstand and pulled her back into his arms.

Wrapping a sheet around her shoulders he rocked her back and forth as she struggled to speak.

Hearing the sirens echoing down the street he closed his eyes praying to a God that clearly had never left his side.

Pulling away from him her voice strained against the wrenching pain in her chest.

Seeing how desperate she was to tell him all the things he already knew he rested her head against his shoulder as he carried her cradled in his arms out the front door.

“I understand Liz, you don’t need to explain. The past means nothing now; all that matters is us. I love you Liz … I always will, I can see that love must be earned and proven to someone as wounded as you. I will show you what it is to be loved. You can rest now… please just trust in me and rest.”

As the stabbing pain ripped inside her she closed her eyes and collapsed against his body.

Stepping out onto the street he yelled towards the approaching ambulance.

“Hurry! Please!”

Good god woman what a chapter!!! You have to come back and let us know what happens next. Is Liz somehow going to be saved or are you going to give us a sad ending where she passes on? I never know with you!


Can't wait to read more.

JAN

Ellie x2
dreambeliever
Ginger
EVe
Lilithann
angelina
caroyln
Jan


Thank you so so much for sticking with this difficult story for so long... I really appreciate all the thoughtful fb... I really hope you like the ending ... this update goes back and forth from the present to flashbacks in the past.

The present time will be in bold txt and the flash backs will be in italics.

Again thank you so much!



Bible verse: Love is patient, love is kind...1 Corinthians 13:4-13






Chapter 18








'Take a deep breath' he said to himself as he nervously rose and walked to the podium that stood high above the sea of faces before him.

Looking down at the wooden platform he clutched the leather bound worn book in his hands and prayed silently that he was not alone.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as the paralyzing cold fearful sweat covered his youthful brow.

His handsome young face turned towards the excited anxious couple that stared lovingly into each other’s eyes.

Pain struck his heart as he pictured her lying in her hospital bed.


….



“Please stay with me …I’m so scared.”

Taking the cold washcloth from the nurse’s hand he nodded making her understand that he was going to take care of her from now on.

Backs were turned… rules ignored as everyone in the oncology ward understood without words that hospital regulations didn’t apply to them.

Wiping her forehead with a cold compress Max slipped in the bed beside her like many nights before and held her close to his chest.

After months of chemo and painful invasive treatments it was clear to the both of them that her fight was coming to an end.

“Max… I’m so tired… but I can’t let you go. Everything is getting dark. It must be a storm coming...it’s far too early for night.”

Agony ripped at his fragile heart as he realized what was happening.

Her voice faltered, as a deep unrelenting need to sleep began to take over.

Shaky and broken her raspy voice struggled for what she wanted.

“I-Is he here … can we? Please Max.”

Biting back the urge to break down and sob he remained strong for her returning the promise to do the same so many months ago.

She fought hard…unfortunately it just wasn’t enough… within six months the cancer had ravaged her body.

But because of Max her spirit …her heart had never been stronger.

His gentle deep warm voice floated over her like the fluttering of angels’ wings protecting her from harm soothing her tired drawn weak frail body.

“I will never leave you my love…you’re my girl …my everything. Just rest …just rest now. I’ve got you my sweet Elizabeth.”

Sighing a shuttered shallow breath she eased her feeble frame weakly against his cool strong torso lulled by the loving rhythmic beat of his comforting heart.

Tears filled his pained golden warm eyes as he nodded to father Paul.

“Please…please she doesn’t have much time left.”


….



Terror and a deep desperate void filled him as the words before him blurred and jumped off the page.

Doubt ravaged his broken tattered heart as his hands began to shake.

He had made his sacred vows to the priesthood five years ago but it was only now that Father Paul felt he was ready for such an emotional stride.

At first Max felt he was too, but the memories came flooding back like a busted damn consuming his still wounded heart.

Just then the doors to the old stone church flew open.

An unexpected exhilarating gust of cool autumn breezes blew haphazardly throughout the cathedral tossing red orange and yellow leaves down the crimson colored aisle as everyone looked on in disbelief.

Suddenly a peaceful serene feeling washed through him.

He whispered breathlessly her name knowing feeling believing in his heart …it was …her.

Lifting his hopeful childlike innocent gaze towards the rolling hills just beyond the grand arch shaped towering ashen doors he stared lost in the image that soared high into the grey misty dusk of the October sky.

A small smile covered his beautiful handsome face as he marveled his brandy gaze at the tips of the concrete archangel's wings that ascended gracefully and victoriously high towards the heavens above.

Like a whisper on the wind that swirled through his dark black hair he felt her presence all around him.

Her scent, her essence, her spirit and especially her heart kissed his skin like a thousand humming birds surrounding him at once.

There was no uncertainty.



You are not alone my love…

I am and will always be by your side …

Speak the words of love that you have so selflessly taught me…

Give them the gift of your precious beautiful heart…

I am here my love …

I am here …

Your Elizabeth…

Forever…




Taking a deep breath Max raised his bashfully sweet face confidently knowing that he needed to do this.

Clearing his husky deep voice he gazed over at his mentor Father Paul and nodded respectfully silently thanking him for his support and love.

Winking at the row of nuns that proudly sat tall by the Irish priest Max gave a special quiet gratitude to sister Ann who clutched her rosary tight praising God for the miracle happening before her eyes.

With velvet warm tones that had the crowd mesmerized instantaneously Max finally spoke to the blissful couple.

“I realize this passage I’m about to read is very common. It’s a reading that has been spoken many times at many weddings without much consideration to its meaning or truth.”

Grazing his fingers lightly over the words in front of him the mass of people sitting hypnotized by the his heartfelt sincere plea hung on his every breath.

“As everyone here knows I have experienced first hand the glorious miracle …the true gift of love.”

Instantly tears and quiet sobs filled the expansive two hundred year old church.

The small town knew very well the story of the naive innocent young boy that fell in love with a girl that in the end was not defeated by a horrible disease but was transformed into a loving trusting giving child of God.

A believer of love …

Because he showed her …

He loved her…

Max stayed strong lifted by the spirit of her love determined to share his story.

“The words I am about to speak are not just letters on a page or flowery phases pushed together to sound pretty and poetic. They lie within your heart when you give yourself to another …when you are lucky enough to sacrifice everything to know what it is to hold someone’s heart in your hand. To hear the whispers of angels as they dance around you celebrating the greatest gift of all …to love and be loved.”

….

A steady hand rested on Max’s shoulder as Father Paul whispered in his ear.

“Max you’ve told me your intentions about continuing on…after.” The elderly father figure wiped heavy tears from his steel blue eyes. “this won’t be official. You can’t –“

Clutching her pale face he begged to give him their last wish.

And so he did.

There in the dismal olive green room he recited the sacred vows bonding them together in their hearts for all eternity.

And as the last words were spoke pronouncing them man and wife she slipped away peacefully happy in love.

….

As his last memory of her lingered in his mind he closed his eyes praying for her strength.

Choking back tears he began to recite the true meaning of the gift he shared with her.

A gift born of pain and forgiving of understanding without conditions or judgment.

His gentle angelic tone echoed off the stone walls and stained glass windows like music as the autumn leaves danced in the wind around the concrete angel where he first laid eyes on her.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self – seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves…

love

never

fails…"








His work with the poor the sick and the needy were without bounds. His selfless and tireless heart drove him well into old age.

Still he never forgot the gift he was given as a young man, the love he had known stayed with him till the end.

Till the end brought them together again…

Just how he knew it would...