Roswell Fanatics

Ellie
roswell3053
angelina
carolyn
Kris


thanks so much for your awesome fb, this story should be moving very quickly now with updates every few days...let hope




Chapter 11








Slowly her long dark eyelashes began to slowly flicker as the she awoke, her heart pounding from the dream that awakened every part of her being.

Lying on her stomach she smiled lazily as she stretched her stiff achy limbs struck by how her body still felt the unforgiving ecstasy of his touch.

A soft sigh fell from her lips as she still felt the affects of his strong but gentle hands and how they had reduced her to a shivering weak mess of utter happiness.

Clutching the pillow under her head she nuzzled her messy hair pressing her nude body deep into the mattress.

Thinking to herself that if she had this dream every night her insomnia would surly be a thing of the past.

Breathing out Liz was lost in a heavenly haze trying hard to recall every second that his imaginary hands and tongue caressed her willing body.

That’s when she felt the very real pressure of a hand on the bed by her thigh.

Lying on her stomach with her head turned towards the wall her eyes were still shut but her heart immediately began to race.

“Good morning.”

At that moment it all came rushing back to her like a ton of bricks leaving her paralyzed lost as to what to say or do.

Quietly she cleared her throat still unable to look past the wall that was in her line of vision.

She fisted the sheet in her hand as she felt the bed lower even more as he placed a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder.

Without the haze of vodka to cloud her brain the reality of what they did stung her hard but at the same time gave her a sense of total bliss.

Slowly she turned over pulled the sheet up to her neck realizing just fucked up that sounded in her head.

Bringing her knees up to her chest she couldn’t help but stare at him as he now was standing at the foot of the bed with her back to her pulling his belt through the buckle.

Her bottom lip drew inside as her mouth as her teeth bit down hard mesmerized his hard sculpted tattooed body.

God he was fucking beauiful.

Through darkened hooked eyes she wrapped her arms around her knees studying how each muscle on his strong back contracted and bulged with every move he made.

She couldn’t believe that this was happening, that they had actually slept together and he had said those words that were coming with lightening speed from her memory now.

Liz knew this part all too well, in seconds the classic selective amnesia would rear its ugly head and he would be all cold and distance.

Bracing herself for the enviable she ran her fingers through her disheveled hair and wiped away the smudged black mascara that she was sure fixated under her eyes.

With a sickening feeling of guilt in the pit of her empty stomach she knew the only place she could go now is home, which to her seemed unimaginable.

“I don’t want to put you out or anything but do you think you could give me a lift to the bus station, I’m low on cash, I don’t think I have enough for the train.”

Stilling his movements for a second he pulled a white tee shirt over his head and turned around to face her.

Butterflies fluttered mercilessly in her stomach as his handsome face looked sternly back at her.

‘only you can make an already horrible situation worse Liz’ she thought to herself knowing that right or wrong she was in love with him.

“Where are you going?”

Closing her eyes briefly she fisted her hands hating that even the sound of his deep husky voice could send her reeling.

Determined to hold on to her last shred of dignity and not show him how much this hurt her she shrugged her shoulders looking around for her clothes.

“Well I’m not going to stay here alone, I don’t even know the guy that rents this place.”

Confused he rubbed his jet-black spiked hair and walked to her side of the bed.

“Did I miss something? Where am I going?”

Lowering her long wavy hair so it hid her face like a curtain she picked at the skin along side her fingernail (a bad habit she picked up as a child when ever she was nervous, something that didn't escape his attention.)

Her voice was softer then a whisper feeling increasingly vulnerable as he knelt on the floor holding her destructive fingers still while bringing his face within inches of her.

“To be honest... I’m surprised you’re still here.”

Nudging her hair from her cheek he pressed his lips against her temple gliding them to her ear sending chills up her spine.

“I meant everything I said last night Liz, I watched you sleep all night afraid that if I didn’t I wake to find this was all a dream.”

Laughing softly she leaned into his mouth melting under his manly musky scent.

Taking on a serious tone he pulled away defensively. “Is something funny?”

Quickly explaining she grabbed his face pressing her forehead to his. “Last night was so amazing that when I woke I was convinced it had to be a dream. Something as incredible as last night just couldn’t have been real.”

Unable to control herself she lifted the bottom of his shirt and slipped her slender fingers along the ridges of his stomach smiling as they tensed instantaneously from her touch.

"I'm used to men getting what they want from me and then disappearing."

Cupping her face he began to place soft kisses along her jaw line his body hardening already from just the touch of her warm hands on him.

“Angel, forget about the past, I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Melting inside her heart jumped, never had anyone referred to her in such a way.

Although she had been hurt too many times too count somehow she believe his words. He had seen the worst of her and it hadn’t scared him away, there was nothing to hide, no reason to pretend she was something she wasn’t.

Her voice cracked with emotion as his hands drifted from her face pulling the sheet off her completely.

“Please say it again…call me your Angel again.”

His chest filled with pride that someone as low as he was could make her feel so much, that with just his words he could make someone as wonderful as her happy.

Swiftly he pulled his shirt over his head and licked her nipple into his mouth causing her to gasp.

His hands struggled to undo his belt buckle as he rasped against her breast.

“My angel …my beautiful angel…”

Desperate to feel him inside again where everything was still and quiet, where she was safe from the painful world outside she begged him.

“Please Zan…please…”

They both knew they were doing everything to avoid facing the reality of their situation.

The harsh light of morning had brought with it the consequences of their actions and soon they would have to tell Max.

But not now they both thought as hands sought out the solace and peace that they both so desperately needed from each other.

Not now…not yet…

Liz threw her head back as he tortuously attacked her neck while reaching between her thighs to lightly caress her most sensitive spot.

“So wet, you're so wet for me already…my angel.”

Moaning as he began to kiss down between the valley of her breasts to her trembling stomach and futher below.

She was shivering so hard he had to hold her down before lifting her legs over his shoulders.

“Zan…oh god …please…”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Quickly moving from beneath her Zan threw the sheet over her and held his finger to his lips his eyes flying to the door seeing that it had been left unlocked.

“Zan? It’s Max, listen I ran into Dan, he told me he saw you at the liquor store. I know that Denise was with you.”

Several seconds went by as they both sat on the bed frozen afraid he would hear them if they moved.

“Zan I know you’re in here I see your truck outside. I promise I won’t judge you, I’m just worried about you, please just open the door, I just want to help.”

Suddenly they watched in horror as the doorknob began to turn.

Standing up Liz wrapped herself in the sheet and pointed to the bathroom but they both knew there was no time.

Any second Max would open the door and all of their lives would forever be changed.

roswell3053
Ellie
angelina
Carolyn
black bird fly (stop reading my mind you're beginning to scare me )
Kris

thanks so much for your fb! I should be updating every few days now, I have two new stories that are waiting in the wings and I wont start them until I finish this one and frozen in time, so I'll be writing like crazy.

Oh something is wrong with my word, so if there are mistakes, grammer or spelling I do apologize, my daughter is so smart I'm sure she''ll be able to fix it in the morning, yes she is only eleven, and she can do just about anything with a computer, thank god! I just love her!






chapter 12






Watching as the doornob slowly began to turn, Zan grabbed Liz by the wrist and gently but firmly pulled her down to the bed laying her on her side away from the door and threw the sheet over her so only her hair was showing.

Just as she pulled the cover over her face Max had walked threw the door.

With wide eyes he stared down at the bed and slowly walked backwards waving for Zan to follow him outside.

Shaking purfusely Liz held the sheet tight in her fist just under her watery eyes, guilt choking like bile in her throat.

The dream world that she had ran to was bleeding through into the nightmnare that was the reality of the what they had done.

It had been so easy to block the world out when she was with Zan, she felt accepted and free, even loved, although that was so hard for her to really believe.

Now it was all blowing up in her face, just like everything else in her life.

She knew she should feel sorry for Max but she couldn't help but feel absolute terror for Zan.

She couldn't imagine what it must be like facing him, having to look into his eyes and lie.

"Zan I'm sorry, I didn't know she was here, what the hell happened?? When did she come back?"

Running his hands through his dark spikey hair Zan wrapped his arms around his body freezing from the cold winter air unable to look Max in the eyes.

Worried and confused Max paced the small porch totally stunned that Denise was back.

"I couldn't believe it when Dan told me, I thought for sure it was a mistake, I mean its been so long. Did she call you? Did you just run into her?"

Staring at the chipped grey paint on the wooden slates under his feet Zan couldn't hold a complete thought in his mind, his head was spinning realizing just how close he had come to Max walking in on them and how that would've destroyed him.

"Hey, talk to me, why aren't you saying anything? Is everything alright? I can't imagine what you must be going through right now."

Still silent Zan leaned against the door as his own guilt crept up his throat squeezing tightly his stomach into painful knots.

Truly worried for his brother Max reached out and held him at his shoulders forcing him to look at him.

"Look I know this isn't the time to talk, I don't want to upset her by being here. Just please when you get a chance call me. I don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me. I did what I did because I was looking out for you, you're my brother and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Zan nodded back to him physically unable to even speak.

"Ok I can see your upset but please promise me that you'll call me when you can talk. I won't judge you, or go near her. You're the only real family I have left Zan, I won't interfer I just want to help you. Please let me be there for you, It's the least I can do after ...everything."

Zan couldn't believe his ears. Max had never came close to apologizing for what happened with Denise.

Was he finally accepting him for who he was? Did he see just how wrong his actions were?

The world seemed to be spinning when Max completely took Zan off guard and pulled him in for a hug.

"Listen, I know there wasn't a job, I get it, you needed time alone with her, but I'm telling you there's no reason to lie to me. I just want you to be happy ...I want you to have what I have with LIz, and if being with her is what's going to make you happy then I have to accept that."

Zan felt as if he had been physically punched in the gut.

Max had no clue that Liz didn't have the same feelings for him, he wasn't even aware that they had problems.

"I'm going to go before she wakes up and comes outside, I'm sure i'm not the one she wants to see right now. Just promise that you'll call when you can."

Slowly raising his eyes towards Max he hoarsly choked out two words.

"I promise."

Standing still in shock Zan watched as Max walked down the stairs and drove away.

Cold air rushed from his mouth like a cloud of smoke as he slowly walked back into the apartment and sat on the bed.

Pulling the sheet down slightly Liz whispered shivering still from just how close they came to being caught.

"I heard a car drive away, is he gone?"

With his back to her all he could do was nod once.

Rising up on her knees Liz moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders kissing him softly on the neck.

"Oh my god you're freezing."

Tense silence filled the air as Zan stared off into the distance sitll hearing his brother's words in his head.

"So, I take it he thought I was Denise?"

Again giving her a single nod he lowered his head in shame torn between the salvation he so desperately longed for and the brother who he truly loved.

Feeling the weight of his guilt she sat back giving him the space she thought he needed.

"Zan, it's not our fault we fell in love."

Closing his eyes he felt his heart clench, knowing that no matter what he did now someone was going to get horribly hurt.

Standing almost in a zombie state he pulled his shirt over his head grabbed his sweatshirt and keys and headed for the door.

Panicking Liz ran after him wrapping the sheet around her body.

"Wait, where are you going?"

With his hand already turning the doorknob he muffled a few words that she could barely understand and left.

"Going for a drive, be back later...we have to talk."

His voice was serious and she knew by the tone that she had to let him go.

Sitting quietly on the bed she took a deep breath and did the opposite of what every normal person would do in that situation.

You see this was Liz's 'normal' what she was used to.

In fact if everything went fine she wouldn't have known how to handle it.

Fighting back tears she found her clothes and dressed.

Forcing her mind to blank out she robotically made the bed and straightened up.

The pain was familiar almost comforting, like being in the company of an old friend.

Standing in front of the dingy mirror in the bathroom she ran her fingers through her hair.

Searching in her purse she found a hair tie and pulled her knotted locks up into a high ponytail before splashing some cold water on her face.

Hestiating for a minute she stared at her reflection as drops of water ran down her drawn out pale face.

Hatred and distain looked back at her, for a moment she felt like punching the refection of the loser that stared back at her but she had to remain calm, bringing on an anxiety attack wouldn't be the smartest move at this point.

Again she forced her mind to blank out, to think of nothing, to feel nothing.

Pulling out some blush and mascara she did her best to attempt to look like a normal person.

She even practiced smiling in the mirror trying to appear like everyone else in the world just going about their day.

After she was all ready she looked everywhere for something to write with and a piece of paper but ended up settling on her eye liner and the mirror in the bathroom.

Leaning back against the tile she thought of all the things she wanted to say to him, all the feelings she had for him that she had never had for anyone else in her life. She wanted to tell him how grateful she was for giving her last night, for making her feel loved and wanted and most of all accepted for exactly who she was. She wanted to explain to him how special he was, what a beautiful heart he had and how he deserved so much better, and how she knew one day he would find someone worthy of his love.

She also wanted him to forgive himself, she wanted to take all the blame, to free him of all the horrible guilt he must be feeling....

She wanted to say so much.

Raising the black liner to the glass she left her last words to him and walked out the door shuddering under the cold winter air before stopping briefly to ask where the bus stop was located.

Three hours later Zan pulled into the alleyway and ran up the stairs as fast as he could already missing her terribly and feeling like hell that he just left her there.

Bursting through the door he scanned the room panicking before eyeing the bathroom door.

"Angel! I'm so sorry! listen we have to talk ...I have so much I want to say to you - "

Falling agaisnt the wall Zan stared in disbelief at the mirror as seven black words slid misshapened down the mirror.

I understand

Goodbye Zan

I love you


He held his head in his hands as he slid down the bathroom wall, his eyes fixated on the words before him.

"No, not again...please god ... not again."

Ellie
Carolyn
angelina
Kris



thanks so much for your fb!







Chapter 13







Liz watched as water streamed down her widow pane like tears from the sky.

She wondered briefly if angels cry for all the pain we go through, or if God even existed at all.

Ignoring once again the vibrating phone on the kitchen table she questioned if the letter she wrote to Max would even make any sense to him.

He knew nothing about her, she listened and observed, watched his every move.

She became what she thought he would want but you can’t change what’s broken and wrong on the inside.

He never would’ve wanted her for who she really was, that she knew for a fact... not like Zan did.

But none of that mattered now, by now Max would know the truth and she would be long gone.

Her punishment was fitting she thought to herself as she reached for her suitcase.

Losing the only person she was ever able to open up to, the only person that truly loved her for exactly who she was without needing her or wanting her to change was more than she thought she could handle.

But its what she thought she deserved.

She tensed as she heard her mother’s slippers shuffled down the stairs, too out of it to actually pick up her feet she held onto the banister tightly.

“Liz honey are you down here?”

Holding her breath she sat silent hoping that she wouldn’t be found.

She couldn’t handle any sloppy melodramatic goodbyes from what she thought would surly be her future staring back at her with blood shot eyes and shaky hands.

“There you are.”

“Hey ma. “

Sitting by her she wrapped her arm around her shoulder, the smell of alcohol still lingering from the night before.

“I know it hurts baby, but it will get easier, I promise.”

Liz cringed damning herself for spilling her guts to her mom the night she came home sobbing uncontrollably.

Vulnerable and lost she told her the whole story and now she was paying for her weakened state of mind.

“Well you know what they say sweetie, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Liz bit hard into her bottom lip thinking whoever said that was a fucking idiot.

“I have to go mom, my train is leaving soon.”

Reaching for her keys her mother's pink fuzzy bathrobe got caught on the corner of the counter.

Liz recognized this morning hangover's clumsy behavior all too well and waved her away, “I’ll walk ma, its fine, I need to clear my head.”

Nodding her mother knew when not to put up a fight with her feisty daughter, “Ok babe, give Aunt Sue my love.”

Liz gave her mom a stiff hug before grabbing her stuff and walking out the door. “Sure ma, love you.”

Tears stung her eyes as the cool air hit her face, she thought she heard a faint love you too but kept up her steady pace.

She had a two-mile walk and a ten-hour train ride to sit and think about him.

Liz remembered how her grandmother would sit and talk about the boy she loved when she was eighteen.

Ninety years old and she couldn’t let it go, his name was Christopher and he was the one.

Liz knew the details by heart, his blue eyes the flush of pink in his baby face cheeks when he would see her.

It was heartbreaking to hear how she lost him to another and she wondered if this was her fate.

If she was doomed to the retelling of the story of her one true love and how she walked away from him forever, Alexander Evans…


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Holding the yellow lined paper in his trembling hands Max sat on the couch eventually letting it fall to the floor.

His watery eyes wandered to his cell as it became all too clear on why he couldn’t get a hold of her.

The words although laying on the hard wood floor rang loud in his head as he stared blankly out the glass doors, his eyes following the rain as it plopped drop by drop in the large puddle in the melting snow.




Max,

I don’t know really how to say this, but something deep inside is telling me it’s the right thing to do, so for once I’m going to listen to that voice.

I’ve made so many mistakes, and I’ve done things that I am not proud of, but I want you to know that knowing you wasn’t one of them.

When I met you I was so broken, and you were so wonderful.

You were responsible and sweet, a true gentleman and the kindest person I have ever known.

I thought if I became the person you wanted, if I disguised myself in just the right way you wouldn’t see who I really was inside.

But Max I was wrong.

You can’t hide forever, and now I don’t want to.

I have to be ok with who I am, and I know that you wouldn’t have loved that person.

I’m leaving town, I can’t stay here, not after what I’ve done.

You see Max I’ve fallen in love with someone and I was with him while we were together.

This is something that I will regret for the rest of my life, but in taking responsibility for this I also have to tell you that my intention was never to hurt anyone.

This person was broken like me, I think because of that he was able to see me for who I really was, and he accepted me, I believe maybe even loved me.

None of this matters now, we can never be together, and that is why I have to go.

I am telling you this because I don’t want you to think that this had anything to do with you.

I know that you will find someone who is everything you want in a woman and I know that you know that too.

Where ever I go I will take the memory of you with me and hold it close to my heart.

I am so sorry for everything,

Forgiving me is something that I hope comes in time, but Max you have to forgive him…

He loves you,

And he needs you now more than ever.

Liz


~~~~~~~~



Forgive him

He loves you

Needs you now more than ever….


The words ran over and over in his head like a loop relentlessly spelling the truth out to him until he broke down and accepted exactly what she meant.


Jumping his cell phone snapped him out of his haze; the voice was calm and gentle.

“Hello? Is this Maxwell Evans?”

Hearing the authoritative voice on the other end immediately sounded off alarms in his head.

"Yes."

“This is South West Hospital we have your brother here.”

Panicked he stuttered out his name hoping they had made a mistake.

“A-Alexander Evans?”

“Yes, Mr. Evans I’m afraid its urgent that you come down to the hospital immediately.”

Ellie: I know you have no sympathy for them both but I hope you still hang in there to see how it all works out. thanks sweetie!
Carolyn: So much more to the story, hope you hang in there, thanks so much for being here as always!
Kris: Always look forward to your fb, thank you so much! hope you like the next part!
angelina: so awesome to have you back! thank you so much for all your support!
JanLove all your stories sweetie! thank you for all your support!!
Taitor: wow thank you! that means so much coming from someone as talented as you!
roswell3053I know its hard to feel for them but give me a chance to change your mind thanks so much for being here!
Huge thank you for everyone who left fb and is lurking this story! Throwing you a curve ball hope you stay with me





Chapter 14








A million things ran through Max’s mind as he took off down the hospital corridor, his pulse raced wondering if he was going to lose the only family he had left.

Spotting a familiar face he grabbed a hold of her shoulder so thankful that she was working that day.

“Jennie! Someone from the hospital called me, Zan’s here, do you know anything?”

Out of breath and emotionally distraught Max almost collapsed in the young nurse’s arms.

Jennie tried to be professional but seeing Max again brought back so many emotions of his parent’s accident and his time spent with her at the hospital it was hard for her not to well up with tears to see him so upset.

Wrapping her arm around his waist she calmly led him to a private small waiting area that was just for family of intensive care patients.

Sitting next to him she handed him a cup of water and reached for his hand.

“Max, Zan will be fine, I’m so sorry I didn’t call you myself but he arrived right before my shift started.”

Relief washed over him as he looked back at the sweet and caring girl with the long auburn hair and green eyes.

Max hadn’t realized till just that moment how much he had missed her.

He couldn’t help but take comfort in her after everything she had done for him in the past, he knew that he would be able to handle whatever he had to face this time with her there to help him.

Memories quickly resurfaced as he recalled that horrible night when they were called to the emergency room.

Zan was despondent sitting in the waiting room unable to even move leaving Max alone to handle an impossible horrific situation.

With both his parents sent to immediate surgery Max was responsible for a mountain of paper work and hard decisions.

But Jennie was there with him by his side helping him through it all.

She was a young nurse just out of school but incredibly caring and amazing at her job, with a gentle hand she guided Max through the worst week of his life.

Jennie went above and beyond what her job called for, partly because that was just the kind of girl she was and partly because in a way a small part of her fell in love with him that night.

When both their parents lingered on after their surgery on life support Max had to make the final heart wrenching decision to let them go, he would have crumbled under that emotional strain if not for Jennie.

She never left his side helping him with arrangements and pushing through hospital red tape that would’ve taken days to work out.

She was his angel.

After it was all over Max found it too painful to go back, but he always thought about her, always wondered if not for the circumstances maybe something more could’ve developed between them.

Snapping out of his thoughts suddenly he stood up searching for Zan’s room.

“I don’t understand, the person on the phone told me that it was urgent that I come to the hospital immediately.”

Reaching for his hand she softened her voice hating that he was going through yet another tragedy.

“Max I said Zan would be fine and he will, but its going to be a long hard road of therapy and healing before that happens.”

Fearing the worst he thought back to Liz’s letter. “Please tell me he didn’t try to commit suicide.”

Shaking her head she squeezed his hand gently. “No Max, Zan was in an accident. He was on Charles Street when his truck stalled, a tracker trailer was coming right for him, apparently he tried to stop but slid on black ice and sideswiped him sending him into a telephone pole.”

Devastated Max sat back down bringing Jennie’s hand with him. “If he was on Charles Street that means he was coming back to see me.”

Nodding Jennie smiled. “That’s what we think too Max.”

He wondered briefly if he was on his way to tell him the truth about Liz when this happened.

Shaking the thought from his head he focused again on Jennie’s emerald sympathetic gaze.

“So how bad is it? Is he awake?’

Hesitating briefly Jennie looked up at Zan’s door and sighed.

“Both his legs were shattered and he punctured a lung. He also broke several ribs not to mention that he is covered in glass, he’ll definitely need a plastic surgeon for the facial abrasions.”

Max’s stomach twisted in knots, worried what this could mean.

“Oh my god, Jennie…will he walk again?”

Stroking Max’s thumb she gave him the hard truth. “Honestly Max that is entirely up to Zan, he’ll have to endure several painful operations and months of difficult physical therapy but in the end it all comes down how hard he’s willing to work for it.”

Exhausted Max stood not wanting to let her go.

“Can I see him?”

Walking him to the door she stopped briefly feeling the need to prepare him of the extent of Zan’s injuries

“Max I have to warn you, he was knocked into the driver’s side window, his face is badly cut, he looks very different, you need to prepare yourself.”

Pushing the door open quickly Max rushed to Zan’s bedside.

Jennie placed her hand on Max’s shoulder as she watched his hands begin to shake.

“He’s under a lot of medication, his surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, they had to wait until he was stable.”

Zan was hardly recognizable from the deep cuts along his cheeks and jaw, he was hooked up to many tubes and machines, it was a nightmare, a nightmare Max was reliving again.

All he could think about was his parents and she knew it.

“I promise you he will be ok Max, it will just take time to heal.”

Holding back the tears he looked up to her grateful that she was there.

“M-Max?”

Max quickly looked down hearing Zan’s raspy barely audible voice whispering to him.

“Please don’t move Zan, I’m here, the doctors say your going to be fine.”

Looking up at him in a daze Zan’s eyes began to widen.

“The truck, it couldn’t …”

Placing her hand gently over Zan’s Jennie smiled empathetically, "We know, it’s alright, it wasn’t your fault, he slid on black ice and hit you, it was an accident, but your going to be fine.”

“What about the driv..”

Max knew somehow Zan would blame himself, again his stomach twisted tight.

“The driver was fine, no injuries at all, please Zan you have to rest, don’t try to talk anymore.”

Swallowing hard Zan winced in pain forcing the words from his throat.

“I need to talk to my …brother alone…”

Checking the bags of fluids above him Jennie nodded quickly before exiting the room.

“Just for a few minutes though ok? You really need to rest.”

Waiting for her to leave the room Zan groaned in pain as he struggled to sit up.

Seeing the agony in face Max gently placed his hand on his chest.” No, she said not to move!”

Just then he felt a dose of morphine rush through him forcing his eyes to feel extremely heavy, he could feel himself start to go out again.

Fighting it with all his strength he tried to confess unable to handle the guilt of what he had done any longer.

“Max, I have to talk to you, I’m so sorry… I-I …never meant... to hurt...you...”

Suddenly his body began to tense and his eyes opened wide, obviously in intense pain Max sighed with relief as Zan’s body slowly relaxed and he fell asleep.

Whispering to him as fixed his blankets Max tried to hold his tears back.

“It’s ok, Zan, sleep now…just sleep.”

angelina
ellie
carolyn
kris

thanks so much for sticking with this story! I so appreciate the fb!







Chapter 15





Four months later






Holding a bunch of flowers behind his back Max stood behind the nurse’s station waiting patiently for Jennie to finish her conversation with Dr. Reynolds.

Tapping the Orthopedic surgeon on the shoulder Nurse Betty pointed to Max and smiled.

“I believe someone is waiting to take Jennie for lunch Dr. Reynolds.”

Jennie turned around with a beaming smile when she saw Max waiting for her, Dr Reynolds’s on the other hand seemed to be more concerned than happy to see Max.

“Jennie would you mind if I steal Max away for a moment, I need to have a word with him.”

Nodding with a look of concern Jennie backed away so the Dr. could direct Max to his private office.

“Please have a seat Max, I need to talk to you about Zan’s progress.”

Worried Max sat quickly. “I’m confused did something happen? I thought his last surgery went well? “

Holding his hands up in his defense Dr. Reynolds nodded reassuringly.

“Please don’t misunderstand me Max, we are very happy with Zan’s surgeries. That’s just the point; at this stage he should be learning to walk again. We’ve had several doctors examine him and there is no physical reason why he shouldn’t be walking at least with a cane.”

Shrugging Max was confused. “I don’t think I understand, if you’re not worried about him physically then why isn’t he walking?”

Sighing the elderly doctor thought over his next words carefully, “Max Zan endured five surgeries and several painful facial graphs, and although he is very healthy and incredible strong we believe it’s taken a toll on him emotionally.”

Max felt a sting of guilt as he sat back in the green leather chair realizing that he had spent very little time with Zan during these past four months.

Sure he was at the hospital nearly everyday, but he was just now realizing that he was spending most of that time with Jennie.

It was Zan that constantly encouraged him to go see her just to talk or have dinner or lunch depending on the time of day, it was always Zan pushing him out the door as if he wanted to be alone.

Looking back up at the doctor it dawned on him what was happening.

“Max, the physical therapist’s can only do so much, if Zan wont try he will never walk again, we’re starting to be concerned that he is dealing with emotional problems. Possibly serious depression.”

Running his hands through his hair Max stood, his need to get out of that room was becoming overwhelming.

“Listen Max I know this is hard to hear but Zan just sits in front of his window all day and stares outside. He won’t see anyone except you and he refuses to work with his therapists. Is there anything you can think of that can help pull him out of this? Or possibly do you know of anything that is happening besides his accident that is affecting him so strongly?”

Shaking his head slowly he knew exactly what the problem was. “ Well doctor you’ve given me a lot to think about, let me sleep on it and I’ll see what I can do to help him. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for him. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shaking his hand the old man nodded with a gleam in his eye. “I’m sure Jennie will be happy to hear that you’ll be visiting Zan again tomorrow too.”

Walking down the hall flowers still in hand Max stopped and leaned against a gurney as past hurtful feelings welled up inside him.

With everything that Zan had been through they never really discussed what happened with Liz except for that first night when he tried to apologize but was too weak.

It just seemed as if it was too difficult for him to bring it up again. It was just understood how horrible he felt and how grateful he was that he had forgiven him

Suddenly he felt a soft hand grasp his arm. “Are these for me?”

It was obvious that Max was in serious distress as he weakly smiled at Jennie and nodded.

“Did Dr. Reynolds have bad news about Zan? Is everything alright?”

Looking up at her bright kind green eyes Max realized that he had developed a strong friendship over the past four months with Jennie, maybe even more.

At any rate he needed someone to talk to, someone he trusted.

“I really need to talk, do you think we could skip lunch? Is there anywhere private that we can go?”

Thinking for a moment she held up her finger and turned the corner to the nurse’s station.

Returning after only a few minutes she laced her fingers with his and lead him towards the parking lot.

“I was able to get Betty to take the rest of my shift, we can go back to my place, no one will bother us there.”



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Staring out at the park across the street from the hospital Zan sat in his wheel chair doing what he had done for the past four months, dream of Liz.

He ignored the door opening and the sound of his dinner plate being set down, he rarely ate, and he hated forced conversation which was what he had to endure almost everyday.

After he heard the door close he went back to imagining her out by the big willow tree leaning up against the smooth bark.

He could picture her long wavy hair flowing in the breeze and her sensitive wide eyes staring up at him.

“I love you Zan, I miss you.”

Reaching out with his shaky hand to the window before him he mouthed the words I miss you too before choking back his tears.

Jarring him out of his fantasy Tina, a tough but sweet woman in her late fifties walked into his room.

“Well what’s it going to be today Zan, are you going to just sit there and sulk or are you going to learn how to use those legs again so you can get the hell out of here?”

Sighing Zan closed his eyes wishing he could just disappear.

His voice was deep and raspy full of sadness and despair.

“Sorry Tina, not today, not feeling very good. I think I’m coming down with something.”

Placing her hand on his shoulder Tina sat on his bed.

“Zan the people that love you are not going to give a rats ass about the scares on your face, in fact if you ask me they’re kind of sexy.”

Zan hung his head as thoughts of Liz refused to leave.

“Please Tina, I just want to be left alone.”

Nodding she rubbed his shoulder lightly. “Zan I can’t force you to work at this but I can tell you that you are far too young to throw your life away. There are plenty of people out there who have no choice in the matter. They will never walk, but you…you have been given a second chance, I’m sorry to be so hard on you but its selfish to just sit here and piss it all away.”

Her words hit him hard feeling for the first time guilty that he had the chance to walk again and couldn’t find the emotional strength to work at it.

Just as she was about to walk out the door Zan turned his wheel chair around and faced her.

“Hey Tina, if you promise not to be such a ball buster I’ll go down to the therapy room with you today.”

Winking she held the door open for him. “Sorry you know my policies, no promises sweet cheeks.”



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



“Please have a seat Max, can I get you something to eat or drink?”

Shaking his head 'no' Max leaned back against her couch unable to hold back feelings that he had been pushing down for too long.

“No, please just sit with me.”

Carefully sitting by him Jennie placed her hand on his knee and gently encouraged him to talk to her.

“Max, you know you can tell me anything, I would never judge you, I know what you’ve been through.”

Lowering his head he looked away from her and whispered quietly.

“You don’t know everything.”

Moving closer to him she whispered back sweetly. “Max there is nothing you could tell me that would ever make me turn away from you.”

Taking a deep breath he knew inside that eventually he would have to learn to trust again and Jennie had given him more than enough reason to believe that she would never hurt him.

Still he was deeply embarrassed by what had happen and though time had passed the pain was ever present.

Standing he walked to her fireplace and picked up a wooden carved candlestick.

As he told her the story of his brother’s betrayal and his first love he gently followed the lines with his fingers unable to face her.

After he was finished he stared at the design thinking how beautiful it was, and how something so pretty belonged in her apartment. It fit her personality, delicate but strong, exotic but not frail…just pretty just like her.

Standing there he felt ridiculous, how much of a man could he have been if his girlfriend fell for his own brother.

Immediately he regretted telling her everything until he felt her hand on his arm.

“Max, please look at me.”

He hesitated for a moment but he couldn’t deny how warm and soft her hand felt on his skin, it was more than a comforting touch of a friend.

Slowly he turned towards her and gazed down into her emerald eyes.

It suddenly occurred to him that he didn’t feel awkward or nervous, in fact he knew exactly what he wanted to do and at that moment nothing could hold him back.

Brushing her strawberry blonde hair from her face he placed his hands against her graceful neck tilting her face towards him.

Before he knew what was happening he was kissing her, and it was perfect.

She was perfect.

angelina
carolyn
Ellie

thanks so much for your fb!!







Chapter 16







9 months later




Zan’s hands shook as he aimed the tip of his cane into the soft earth below after pushing away from the security of the large Oak tree.

It was nearing his brother’s wedding ceremony and he had with great courage and strength kept his promise to stand by Max’s side as his best man.

Wincing for a moment he rubbed his thigh, as the scares from the last surgery throbbed beneath his stiff rented tuxedo.

“Hey, are you ok?”

His face relaxed as his brother’s voice quickly approached him.

“Couldn’t be better little brother, and you? If there’s any cold feet action I can have us out of here in five minutes.”

His sarcastic smile and devilish wink were merely reminisces of the man he used to be, only appearing once in a blue moon.

Max was more then happy when they did, it was those tiny moments that Max clung to hoping that Zan would make it through this.

Depression had swallowed him whole although he tried very hard to hide it.

Tina his physical therapist was convinced that the only reason he worked as hard as he did was because he made a promise to Max.

He had never seen his brother more happy or fulfilled, personally and professionally.

In six short months he had been promoted to Editor, and as far as love was concerned he had met his match with Jennie.

Within one month of dating he just knew she was the one proposing to her on Valentines Day at a party on bended knee in front of their family and friends.

The accident and the mere thought of loosing his relationship with his brother was a wake up call for Zan.

He vowed to turn his life around.

He hadn’t touched a drink after that night.

Between three major surgeries he volunteered for a habitat for humanity project.

Drawing up and supervising the execution of the construction of homes for families of ailing children that lived far from the hospital and couldn’t afford to relocate.

Giving seemed to help with the guilt he carried but the pain in his heart never subsided.

Max finally looked at him as if he were proud and their relationship grew because of it.

It was a bond that Zan would never risk harming not for anything, not even for love but it didn’t change his feelings for her.

Like and anchor weighing on his heart she was always with him.

The loss of her was a pain he had learned to live with, in a strange way it brought him comfort, his constant companion, his love.

Although he tried to hide it Max could see right through his façade of clever quips and fake smiles.

He thought that time would heal his heart, help him to forget her but with each day it just seemed to get worse.

It was only when Max asked him to be his best man, to stand by his side on the happiest day of his life that he saw that spark, that stubborn determination to walk again.

He only wished it were enough.


~~~~~~~~``



Standing next to his brother under the gold and crimson leaves Zan gripped the handle of his cane hoping that his longish hair would hide the jagged scares on the right side of his cheek and jaw.

Except to work on his projects he was rarely seen outside, people seemed to only heighten the realization that he would forever be alone.

Crowds were a nightmare to him, but this day was special, this day stood for more than the happy celebration of two people joined together. For Zan it symbolized Max’s forgiveness, something that he thought he would never have.

He kept his face turned down and away from the crowd as the music started and all guests looked up to see the bride walk down the aisle.

The ceremony was short but romantic shaded by the colored leaves of autumn basking in the glow of a beautiful sunset.

He was so proud of his brother as he saw him transform from a boy into a man.

In a way everything was how it should be.

An hour later after many pictures they arrived at Dr. Reynolds’s home who had generously offered his sprawling backyard for the reception.

Jennie was radiant in a floor length modest satin gown that sat just off her shoulders forming snug to her tiny frame.

Pristine white tents bathed in tiny twinkling lights were scattered around a makeshift dance floor under the large moon surrounded by what seemed like a billion stars.

It was truly magical, it was what Max deserved.

After making a short difficult toast in front of two hundred or so people Zan limped painfully to a tree away from every one clearly over come with emotion.

With a shaky hand he pulled a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket.

Sucking in the much-needed nicotine Zan nodded to himself finally accepting the fate that life had dealt him.

His brother was a good sensitive man who deserved the very best in life, he knew in that moment that Max would be all right which was all he ever really wanted.

“Hey what are you doing out here, is everything ok? Are you in pain?”

Looking up at Max he angled one side of his mouth upwards raising his cigarette to his lips.

“You have to allow me at least one vice, I’m standing her in this monkey suit with your dumb ass friends and what’s left of our degenerate family.”

Laughing out loud Max loved that they could mess around like they used to, he had missed that incredible light that showed so bright inside him.

Max was often afraid that Zan would remain this shell of a man, someone who truly was hollow inside.

“You’re an ass you know that right?”

Nodding while taking another drag Zan suddenly became serious.

“I’m really proud of you, I hope she realizes how lucky she is.”

Touched by Zan’s shocking emotion Max stepped forward to hug him fully expecting him to push him away.

Instead Zan reached his good arm around him and held him close.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you, I hope someday you can forgive me. You deserve all of this, you deserve to be happy.”

Closing his eyes Max choked back tears.

“There was never a question that I would forgive you, you’ve turned into someone that mom and dad would be so proud of, I’m proud of you.”

Unable to speak Zan stared at the ground obviously affected by hearing words that he thought would never be spoken.

Just then Jennie joined them tugging gently on Max’s sleeve.

“Honey I don’t mean to interrupt you and your brother but that special guest has arrived."

With joy in his voice Max pulled Jennie in for a hug. “It’s about damn time.”

Taking his bride’s hand he kissed it softly.

“My love would you care for a dance with your husband?’

Sighing as she gazed into his handsome face and smiled brightly “I thought you’d never ask.”

A deep ache coursed through Zan’s leg making him decide that it was time to go.

Feeling satisfied that his brother was in good hands he threw his cigarette in the grass snuffing it out with the tip of his cane and began to walk to his car.

Stepping under the leaves of a willow tree he smiled sadly as her memory once again drifted within him.

He hoped deep in his heart that she was somewhere out there truly happy and finally at peace with the demons that tormented her.

His lips parted as he pictured her in his minds eye, beautiful and flawed in the most amazing way.

“Are you leaving?”

Stiffly halting his feet Zan steadied himself wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him.

It was only when she gently touched his back and spoke again that he let himself believe that it was really her.

Again her shaky voice fell to a whisper as the warmth of her hand engulfed him.

"Zan, its me...LIz."

Carolyn
angelina
roswell love
sarah
Jan
roswell5053
Healerfan

thank you so much to the people above for their lovely fb, also thanks so so much for those who have stuck with this story for so long. I've done something that I've never done before, I couldn't make up my mind how I wanted to end this, so wrote two endings. Hope you enjoy






Chapter 17








Chills sparked like electrical charges along his skin as her voice echoed in his ears.

“Zan...please...”

His stillness worried her as her hand slid from his shoulder to the edge of the rental jacket that hung loose on his slender body.

His heart hammered in his ears as his mind raced to accept that it was really her.

Looking down at his battered body he tensed under her touch.

He took a long shuddered breath worried of what she would think of his jagged scar on his face and his busted leg.

The sounds of the wedding began to fade into the distance as all his senses focused in on her.

Her uneven shallow breathing, her shaky hand that jingled the silver bracelet she always wore on her right wrist, her intoxicating perfume that quickly surrounded him leaving him to clench his cane for support.

“Can we talk.”

A slow nod was all he could offer as he made his way to a bench on the edge of the woods.

His face showed a slight grimace of pain as he stretched out his crippled leg that had obviously taken on too much that day.

A look of concern crossed her face as she reached out towards his thigh only to pull it back unsure of how her touch would be received.

“Are you...ok?”

Shivering suddenly his eyes began to tear as he looked off in the distance away from her.

He had been through so much, his time with her almost seemed like a dream, something perfect and surreal.

Her hand covered her mouth as the moonlight bathed him in white light just before he turned revealing his many injuries.

“I-I didn't know....Zan, I swear - “

Realizing that he couldn't hide his face forever he turned hesitantly, painfully towards her.

A warm smile flashed across his lips as he took her in.

His voice was deep and raspy full of emotion and longing.

“You look different...your hair, it's shorter.”

Self consciously she grasped at the ends of her raven hair that ended in a blunt bob along her jaw.

“I guess.... I just needed a change.”

Hypnotized by her wide almond shaped eyes that were absent the heavy dark eyeliner and mascara he stared at her unabashedly.

“It suits you...you look beautiful Liz.”

Biting her bottom lip to keep it from trembling she raised her hand to cup the side of his face.

Instinctively he leaned into her warm inviting fingers as tears now teetered along his dark eyelashes.

Her thumb protectively caressed the zigzagged scar that made its way from his temple to the edge of his chin.

Whispering softly she carefully angled his face to look at her.

“I'm so sorry.”

As her breathy words flowed over his weary body everything began to fall away.

It was as if they were the only two people in the world covered by the pale green leaves of the willow tree under a sky full of stars.

“You left.”

She closed her eyes as if the memory of it was too much to bear.

“I had to.”

Lifting her chin gently he urged her to look at him.

He wanted her to see that there was no anger, no resentment, that she truly had nothing to fear or hide from.

Slowly she edged her big sensitive eyes towards him lifting her long dark eyelashes and was instantly captured by the change in his warm amber gaze.

No longer full of torment and anger she sat mesmerized lost in his liquid honey stare.

His vulnerability was tangible showing her everything and welcoming her to do the same.

“Why are you here Liz?”

His voice was soft and kind, his body and mind too broken to harbor anything less than his open heart.

The lessons he had learned were so evident in his non accusatory non threatening tone.

The truth was all he searched for as he ran his thumb affectionately over her bottom lip.

Her eyes lifted towards the night sky as she sighed unsteadily, clearly this was very difficult for her.

“You know it took me months before I was able to look in the mirror, before I could peacefully sleep. First I punished myself, drank too much, took too many pills...”

He took her hand in his as she faltered stumbling over her words in a rush to get them out.

“It's ok … I've got you.”

A tear slipped down her cheek as his protective big hand gently squeezed her.

“It was hard, so many times I wanted to run back to you, but … I just couldn't be the wedge between you two. No matter how much we loved each other we would always be living under the shadow of Max, of the pain we caused him.”

Nodding he wiped her tear from her trembling chin.

“I know baby.”

Lost in his understanding brandy gaze she took a deep breath.

“I refused to end up like my mother, I guess I still had some fight in me yet. I got clean, started up at a community college out in Pennsylvania. I'm not sure what I want to do yet but that's ok. I even started running in the mornings if you can believe it. It helps my anxiety, clears my head.”

Tilting his head he brushed her hair from her eyes and smiled.

“That's great Liz.”

Nodding slowly she looked out into the dance floor as Max spun Jennie around in circles.

“Then one morning as I was leaving for school I found him at my door.”

Zan's eyes followed hers till Max's image came into view.

“He told me about your accident, about Jennie ….and...”

She looked down at their hands intertwined on her lap too nervous to continue.

His husky deep voice urged her on. “Liz ...please.”

“He told me that he was happy and that he wanted the same for you. He said … that you loved me.... that you...still love me.”

Sitting back against the bench Zan was never so grateful for Max then in that moment.

“Is that why you're here Liz?”

Holding his breath he closed his eyes waiting to hear the words he thought would stay locked in his dreams forever.

Placing her hand upon his heart she melted into his frail body feeling as if she were finally home at last.

“I never stopped loving you Zan.”

He knew his future was uncertain, that this was only the beginning, but that was enough for right now... it was more the enough.
















“I never stopped loving you Zan.”

He knew his future was uncertain, that this was only the beginning, but that was enough for right now... it was more the enough.

Neither of them spoke for a long time as they sat together in each others arms under the night sky until Liz finally broke their silence.

“So what happens now Zan?”

Kissing the top of her head he smiled as summer fireflies danced above them.

“I don't want to think about tomorrow, I'd like to stay here a little while longer... I'm not ready to go just yet.”

“Zan?”

“Zan, are you alright?”

Max's voice grew with concern as he approached his brother.

“I didn't know you were still here, do you need a ride?”

Lowering his head his long hair fell across his eyes hiding tears that were quickly forming.

“You looked like you were sleeping, did you have a nightmare?”

Piercing his cane in the soft earth Zan stood on his unsteady feet wincing as pain shot down his leg.

Staring back at the empty bench under the falling leaves of the willow tree he whispered wistfully.

“More like a dream.”

Wondering if he would ever truly be able to let her go, Max placed his arm around his brother's shoulder.

“Come on, let's go home.”







I have never felt the need to explain one of my fics before but after the many fb's I have received from this story perceiving it entirely the wrong way I feel that its really important to at least try and explain my intention behind this fic.

At first it appeared as a love triangle between M/L/Z. that is just a ploy to spark and keep your interest until the deeper more emotional tragic story revealed itself, unfortunately many people were hung up on the act of infedelity between Liz and Zan instead of seeing past the obvious to read why they were so drawn to each other to begin with.

this is not a story about one brother deceiving another, that was never my intention, it was a painful tale about two very lost tortured souls that found love and exceptance in each other, for the first time in their lives.

Unfortunately this love was forbidden because Liz was in a relationship with Max before hand . Its no secret that no matter how hard they tried to keep this affair from happening it did.

If you read carefully they didn't go into this lightly, it was agonizingly painful. They did everything from being down right cruel to each other, and to themselves to avoid surrending to the peace and love they have searched for their entire lives, but at the end they desperately fell into each other arms igniting disasterous results for every one involved.

Never was there a time where they didn't hate themselves for thier choices, choices that stemmed from deep rooted painful events in their lives that left them insecure anxiety ridden, failures at life.

The only time when they had over experienced true love and acceptance was in each other's arms.

If you really pay attention to the story it is Max who was the strong secure person who had a firm grasp on how to handle lifes up and downs which he suffered very few. Because of this he was very judgmental and critical of others. He was the one who has always and would always land on his feet and make it unscaved in this world.

the lack of sympathy for Zan and Liz surprised me but I still believe in these characters strongly and feel very much that they never intended to hurt anyone, in restrospect I feel that this is not a story about right and wrong, black or white but rather a glimpse into the very real human fralities that exist in all of us. Whether we act on them or not they are there, keeping us awake at night and haunting us during our waking hours.

Its the very real price of being human.

Anyway, there are some people that saw through the very superfical exterior of this story such as the sex and the anger to the heart and soul of the fic, hopefully if you choose to read this you will be one of them.

Mary Mary (ginger) thank you for being one of those people, your fb made the this story worth writing.

To the others I sincerely appreciate the time and effort you took to read this all the way through! I know it was a difficult story, and I appreciate the faith you had in me that in the end it would prove to be deeper and more meaningful than the way it all began.

Special thanks to Carolyn, Jan, roswell3053, Sarah, roswellian love, and angelina... your support kept me going when I came very close to throwing this in the dead and buried giving up on it completely. Your continued support with all my fics means more to me than you will ever know.



Carrie