Roswell Fanatics

Author is ready to update.

Hello everybody,
I know this is an old story, but I found it in the dead and buried. At the time I was lost as to how to end it, but after reading it over it just came to me.


chapter eleven


Nodding at her cold, seemingly unconcerned response, Zan awkwardly adjusted his simple linen buttoned up black shirt.

His hands twisted together before reaching up to nervously rake his fingers through his, now, short, clean cut hair.

Crossing her bare feet at the ankles, Liz sighed as a cool breeze lifted her tousled loose waves away from her relaxed face.

Night had fallen quickly, and it was beautiful, sounds of nature rose like a symphony around them, while soft light from the white candles she put out flickered, joining bright fireflies, and the luminous crescent moon that was peeking through the treeline.

“This is a lovely place you’ve carved out for yourself Liz, it really speaks to who you are.”

Staring out onto the lake Liz calmly retorted, amused by his approval, his bold assumption that he knew her at all.

“Zan, let’s drop the pretense and be honest for once, if you think about it we hardly know each other.”

Knowing that wasn't entirely true, he chose to move on realizing that she was taking a big risk hearing him out this way.

Clearing his throat, he stumbled over his words as he glared down at the worn dock at his feet.

“Jess, I-I mean Ms. Palmer, your intern, tells me that your business is really growing. It must feel good to be in charge of your life, to be happy with your work, knowing that you’ve built something you care about from the ground up. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen you this content.”

Sighing, Liz reached for her wine, taking a leisurely sip, still refusing to show him a shred of respect by actually looking in his direction as he spoke.

“Well, you’ve been there, so you know how it feels. Not that my little business can be compared to the heights that your global empire has achieved, for me it’s still month to month, but I’m managing.”

Correcting her kindly, he dared to raise his eyes to gaze at her as she stared out across the rippling water as it reflected the moon and stars above.

“I never cared about the law, my heart was never in that company, you know the reasons why I worked so hard, and as I told you before, it isn’t mine any longer.”

Taking another sip of wine, Liz gestured back to the house, she still wasn’t going to give him an inch, but at the same saw no reason to be rude.

“I know you don’t care for wine, I do believe there’s a few beers in the fridge back at the house, that is if you intend to stay that long.”

Waving her off, wanting his mind to be clear, he shook his head, “I’m good.”

Taking a deep breath, Liz closed her eyes, feeling a slight buzz as the effects of her wine on an empty stomach began to hit her.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you still haven’t told me why you’re here. I’m sure it wasn’t to complement my home, and tell me how proud you are of my achievements, it’s not like we we’re friends, or anything else for that matter. So tell me, why am I graced with your presence tonight? Is there a purpose to this uninvited visit that you managed to wrangle out of my poor unsuspecting intern?”

It was then that she felt it, a warm, gentle hand place respectively on her wrist.

“Liz, please… just stop.”

There was no rise of aggression, no hint of a sexually charged maneuver in this oddly intimate touch.

His voice, edged along the side of raw vulnerability, soft and hoarse, there almost seemed to be a glimmer of humility laced within the clear desperate nature of his words.

Liz’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on his hand, and his thumb that softly brushed against her skin, she was wrestling with his intentions, completely distrusting his motives.

“Stop what?” she whispered, knowing all the while exactly what he meant.

Swallowing hard his hand fell away from her.

“Please, just look at me, I really need to talk to you. Just let me get this off my chest, and if you want, after that, I’ll disappear for real this time, I promise.”

Thinking for a moment, realizing she was more than capable of handling what ever he was going to throw her way, she gracefully lifted her legs over the lounge chair and sat up to face him while placing her glass back on the table.

Flipping her long black waves off her nearly bare shoulder, exposing the thin strap holding up her sundress, she leaned back bracing herself against the palms of her hands.

Now looking directly at him she raised her eyebrows signalling to him that he now had her full undivided attention.

“The last time we spoke, I wasn’t in my right mind. I hadn’t been in a very long time. I’m not here to plead my case, or give you a list a excuses. I just need you to understand something.”

She remained silent, only she tilted her head to the side, causing the tiny strap to fall from her shoulder, and a few stray curls to tumble across her cheek grazing the swell of her breasts.

Liz had no idea that this simple motion had taken place, but for Zan it was enough to steal his breath away.

Memories had failed to remind him of her inescapable, exquisite beauty, not that he didn’t recall every single moment with remarkable painful clarity.

She had been burned into his mind, forever imprinted into his life, no matter how far he traveled, or what he did, he couldn’t shake her, not that he wanted to.

But here, sitting within inches of her, she seemed so different, confident, comfortable in her body, clearly owning her sexuality.

Her clever mind, boundless intelligence, and more important her self awareness, and self worth was unmistakable.

It was his turn to feel intimidated, to shudder in the wake of all that she had accomplished and gained within herself, to ponder the secrets of what was behind those penetrating expressive eyes that he could spend an eternity drowning in.

Pointing her pink toes towards his loafers, she nodded pushing him to continue.

“I’m listening.”

Two words, it was just two words that fell from her lips, but it was enough to give him hope, enough to know that she hadn’t completely shut him out of the realm of possibilities.

Seeming as if he were stuck, she sighed heavily.

“So if you’re not here to give me a list of excuses for what happened, why are you here Zan?”

“I’m here to apologize for my behavior, the way I treated you, the lies I told you. I was manipulative in ways that are unforgivable. I could tell you that I acted that way because of my distrust and bitterness towards woman due to my wife’s infidelity. I also could try to explain how growing up with an alcoholic father, and how my mother abandoning me, at such a young age fueled my need to control and deceive you… but none of that matters or as I figured out would even be true.”

Standing Liz walked to the edge of the dock, unable to look at him any longer, not wanting to be reminded of who she once was, and how she allowed herself to be treated.

“So what is the truth?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he strained to push past his fears of what she would say, of the rejection he had coming to him for all that he had done, but he couldn’t hold back his feelings anymore.

He couldn’t move forward until he dealt this chapter of his life, good or bad, however the turnout, he needed closure, and he thought maybe she did too, that he owed her, at the very least, the truth.

Standing behind her, he took a chance and moved close, his hands barely grazing her fingers that fell by her side.

“When we first met, I felt something, it was strange and scary, I instantly wanted to be near you, to touch you. I felt as if the entire world disappeared when you were with me, just melted away. I … experienced feelings that I had never known with anyone. These feelings were so strong, so powerful, so all-consuming that it terrified me.”

Liz’s eyes widened, first with disbelief, then with suspicion, he definitely had her attention as she gazed out into the woods that glowed with the lights of hundreds of fireflies.

“Liz, it was then that I realized that what I felt for Jane wasn’t love. I was young, desperate for acceptance into that life of the privileged few, looking for someone to accept me for someone that I was pretending to be. Every moment with her was a lie, she never truly knew who I was, and that wasn’t fair to either of us. I was miserable because I was trying to live up to an image of a man that I thought I should be, powerful, successful, wealthy, someone that was in control of everyone and everything around them. Our marriage was never going to make it because, I wasn’t the person she thought I was, maybe she figured that out, maybe that's what caused her to - at any rate, It wasn’t her fault.”

Liz was startled at what she was hearing, he wasn’t putting the blame on anyone for his actions, he was taking responsibility for his own life choices, his flawed very human frailties that we all have.

“The point is, when I was around you all of this became paralyzingly clear. It was as if I had spent my entire life in a fog, walking around lost, and then you appeared out of no where and I saw myself for exactly what I was… a complete and utter fraud. It was more than I could handle, but beyond all that, something was happening that I had no idea how to deal with, because it had never truly happened before.”

Suddenly she felt his fingers touch her skin, curling around them tenderly, so soft, it made her heart jump a beat.

“I was falling in love with you. It was the first time since I was that little frightened kid, hiding from my father, that I felt totally and completely out of control. You were like sand slipping through my fingers. I tried every duplicitous skill I had learned over the years, desperate to hold onto you. I bullied you, dug into your past, used it to my advantage. I made it seem as if you needed me by playing on your insecurities, when all along it was me that needed you.”

Liz was speechless, her emotions were all over the place, she hated every word that was passing through his lips, and at the same time was deeply affected by the fact that he came to this truth on his own.

But what really struck her was his need to confess this to her, after all this time.

“Zan, if your telling me this because you think there’s a chance that - “

“Liz, wait… before you say anything else, please just turn around, I need to look into you eyes just one more time.”

Hesitating for a moment, she faced him expressionless, strong, unwavering in her belief that she could ever trust him again.

His full lips curve upwards on one side, in a lopsided warm smile, still awestruck by everything that she was, at the fact that one look from her could level him completely to the ground in pieces.

“The last time we saw each other, you told me that I never counted on falling in love with you. You were right, you blindsided me, knocked me off my feet, you turned my entire world upside down. You pushed me to totally reevaluate who I was, my entire life, and I’ve done that Liz, I know who I am now.”

Her lips parted, as if she were about to speak, so afraid of what she was going to say he raised his hand, cupping her cheek tenderly.

“Liz, I was - no... I am completely, irrevocably in love with you. You told me that if I wanted you, to prove it. That’s all I’m asking for, just one chance to prove that everything I’m saying is true, let me show you that I can be a man who is worthy of being with someone who is as amazing and special as I know you are.”

Covering his hand, lowering it away from her face she shook her head, silently letting him down.

Devastated, he nodded, understanding her position.

Reaching for his keys in his pocket he smiled weakly before turning to walk away.

“Thank you for hearing me out, it was more than I deserve. I wish you nothing but happiness Liz, nothing but the very best in life.”

She stood on the dock alone, watching him walk away, feeling as if the world had just turned on it’s side, struggling to breathe.

It was almost until he disappeared into the darkness that he stopped.

Her expressive eyes widened with shock as he turned towards her and rushed back.

“I can’t just walk away Liz, because then I would be lying to again, and I promised not to do that. I know you felt something for me back then, maybe it wasn’t love, but it was powerful, it was so real I can still taste it on my tongue when we kissed, sometimes at night I wake remembering what it felt like to be inside you, I can’t believe you don’t think of it too, because Liz, it was heaven. I can’t imagine that being anything but love. For that, maybe for that alone, give me one more chance. Just let me take you on a date. A real date, just one night. If you don’t feel the same after that I promise you’ll never see me again. All I’m asking for is one date.”

Breathless, completely shaken by his heartfelt admission Zan stared down at her, waiting for a sign, for anything.

Liz lowered her head, averting her eyes from his intense stare, her silence was enough.

Letting go of a deep shuddering breath, he slowly turned back to make his way to his car.

Standing at his open door he took a second, needing to gather his feelings, and accept her decision.

“Zan.”

Startled he lifted a hopeful glance in the direction of her voice.

She was standing on her porch, with one foot inside her house looking back at him.

“Saturday night, eight o’clock… and just so we understand each other, this is just a date, nothing more.”

Falling back against his car his eyes glistened with unexpected tears as she disappeared into her house.

Hey Carrie, I read the story again because alas!... I forgot most of it!

But now that its back, read and I remember, I am looking forwards for more because these twos were always both lying to each other and it will take times to be honest with each other!

Thanks EVE

Thank you for coming back to finish this. Wish some of the other authors would do the same, but I should have known we could depend on you Carrie.
Now I really need to go back and read from the first.......my mind doesn't retain like it used to.
Thanks,
Carolyn

Re read the whole thing. Glad you came back to this. Thank you. I wish I could get a look into Zan and Liz's future. Hopefully its a hot one lol

oh these two sure have a journey ahead but what a journey to be together. can't wait for more

OMG I am IN LOVE with this story!!!!!! Its so hot and sexy and I want more. I have to admit, I liked the strong confident Zan at the beginning of the story better.......but tender Zan is ok too! I am so glad you decided to bring this story back! Hugs, Sara

Tashchen ~ thank you, you're pretty much why I'm here
Eve ~ thank you, not sure if you know this, but you left me my first fb, seven years ago, you've been with me ever since, unbelievable, huge hugs to you.
Carolyn ~ who I believe is my assigned guardian angel, thank you!
AlysLuv ~ so shocked that you read this over, thank you!
Natalie ~ it will be a crazy journey, that is for sure, thank you!
sarammlover ~ I don't want to give anything away, but come on, this is zan we're dealing with . thanks for the very sweet fb!



Chapter twelve




Over the next week Liz was inundated with thoughts of Zan, memories were everywhere, like signs, reminding her, calling her back, drawing her in.

Dangerous thoughts, consuming, distracting, heated images, that lingered longer than she liked in her waking hours and sleeping dreams.

Doing her best to concentrate on her work, he kept drifting into her mind, uninvited, like someone whispering in her ear.

This ghost from her past that was ever present, unrelenting in his wishes to keep her off balance, reminding her of his effect on her.

Each time she refused to give in, diverting herself she take a brisk run on the treadmill or bury herself in busy paperwork, or even some bad tv, but nothing seemed to work.

She began to feel like a fool, accepting his offer, knowing that people don’t change, especially him.

But she couldn’t help herself, he was so convincing, with his casual, but stylish clothes, his clean cut appearance and sensitive guy routine.

Rolling her eyes over her morning coffee as Saturday quickly came she gazed out the window staring into the woods, unable to hold back the memories any longer.

Her heart began to race as she recalled that first night, she could almost hear the pounding rain as it pelted the roof of the truck as he slammed into her, taking her as if she were already his, possessing her like no other.

Covering her face with her hands, her skin flushed hot, she couldn’t believe she had sex with a perfect stranger.

But the truth was, he wasn’t just anyone, she knew it from the first moment she saw him in the shadows, drink in hand, a stare that could melt ice, eyes the color of a harvest moon, haunting, daunting, he knew what she needed, how to touch her before even speaking a word.

There was just something about him, something dangerous, wild, unpredictable, it was the first and last time she’d ever acted that way, let herself completely lose control, to be that reckless, utterly careless.

Sipping her coffee, she slid her finger down the mug capturing the condensation, realizing she hadn’t been with anyone since him, sexually that is.

She told herself that she was too busy to get involved, starting a new business, working on herself, finding out who Liz Parker really was, and wanted, but that wasn’t completely true.

Thinking back she wondered if she were just lying to herself, if it had more to do with him, how deep inside she knew no one could ever measure up to the way he made her feel, the places he took her, the woman inside he released.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t try.

There was Peter, he was the real estate agent who sold her her little home by the lake she loved so much.

Peter usually dealt with commercial properties, multi million dollar deals, but he owed a favor to one of Liz’s good friends who knew he’d find her the perfect place.

It wasn’t long before he asked her out, she hesitantly agreed knowing she needed to move forward with her life.

Peter was movie star handsome, six foot something, wavy blonde hair, and steel blue eyes that looked like the sea on a clear day.

He dressed impeccably, he was a complete gentleman with old school manners minus the chauvinistic attitude, he was perfect.

They went on several dates, each one better than the last, taking her to the best restaurants in town, the ballet, a Shakespeare play in the park, it was all straight out of a movie.

The conversation never lacked, he was incredibly intelligent without being condescending, he could discuss any topic from current events, to music, to art.

Peter wasn’t afraid to be open with his feelings, talking honestly about past failed relationships and his hope for the future, for love.

At the end of each date he’d give her a modest kiss, feeling her out, never pushing or rushing anything.

Liz was happy, or at least she had convinced herself she was, but he was always there, beneath her skin, in her bed, appearing in her dreams, making her come so hard she’d wake breathless, drenched, shaking with just a memory.

She tried, but Liz couldn’t deny that it was so much more than the physical that was missed, she longed for his complexities, how she never knew what to expect, how the depths of his passion for her took her to unknown exciting heights of pleasure and pain that it sometimes seemed unreal.

There wasn’t one concrete aspect of Zan, he was the sum of many parts, some secret and dark, other’s heart wrenchingly raw, spilling over with emotion.

There was no forgetting how arduous the task of being with him was, he was an enigma, an impossible challenge, forcing her to evolve, daring her at every turn.

Peter tried, taking her tenderly to his bed, his touch was gentle, his moves slow, predictable, gracious, but there was nothing there, it suddenly occurred to her that maybe she had become the dangerous one.

Stopping him before the moment actually commenced, she politely, albeit painfully dressed and left, leading to the end of Peter.

Zan had released something inside her, something wild, she had a taste of something primal, a window into herself, her true self, the person she was always meant to be, she couldn’t turn away from it or deny it’s truth, with or without him, there would be no going back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a powder blue towel around herself before moving to face her reflection.

Swiping away the condensation from the mirror with her hand, she leaned her palms on the sink to stare into the image of the woman she had become, realizing just how much she had changed from her days with Carl.

Stepping away to get ready, Liz took a deep breath keeping her resolve to be strong.

~~~~~~~

Stepping out of a beautiful restored blue 1954 ford truck he gazed up to her.

The bright summer sun had gone away, dusk was falling over the countryside, the darker edge of twilight, the time between day and night, it was the perfect backdrop to make his entrance.

Shaking her head at the timing, she stared down at him from her porch, he wasn’t dressed like a choirboy this time, but he didn’t appear like a redneck biker either, no this time he was something different, once again he was revealing a different side, a new angle.

He looked casual but dressy at once, button up white shirt, dark jeans, black boots, clean cut and handsome as hell, he straddled both personalities, one foot in the past, one in the present, as if the truth was still undetermined.

Liz was not at all surprised, she expected the unexpected, people don’t change who they are at the core of their being, still the jury was out, she hadn’t closed the door completely on him just yet.

Shadowed by a navy blue sky, with the background music of cicadas screeching hauntingly around him, he leaned back against his truck, folding his arms across his chest, one boot anchored over the other, tilting his head as if to take her in slowly, with purpose.

‘There you are’ she breathed out to herself witnessing a glimpse of the Zan she remembered.

The night was hot, stifling, muggy air hung thick determining her dress for the evening, if you could call it that.

Silky black clinging to curves he had not seen in far too long, she took a step forward on very high heels exposing tan long legs that garnered a shuddered breath from him that he tried hard to hold back.

Braless, her short slip of a dress tied around her neck in a single knot, a tempting little bow, that if pulled just right would reveal what had been kept from him for far too long.

She never said she would play fair.

Walking towards the passenger door, he opened it slowly, keeping his eyes locked on her, as if he had a choice.

“You look lovely tonight.”

Forgoing returning the compliment she flipped her long, shiny hair over her bare shoulder, watching closely as he followed her every move.

Her smokey eyes lingered along the length of his truck before stepping in, having to use the help of his hand to make the height.

“One of yours?”

Closing the door he leaned into the open window, noticing how she didn’t even flinch, her confidence defined her, adding an edge to her sexuality that bordered on maddening, it was all he could do to keep his hands from shaking.

“Yes, do you like it?”

Hesitating for a moment she skimmed her fingers along the slick new dashboard.

“It’s very nice, it’s amazing how you can transform something old and rusted that clearly doesn’t work anymore, into something so pretty with just a coat of paint, and some shiny new parts.”

Making her point, she met his intense stare head on, daring him to call her on her on her dead on assessment of his… truck.

Backing up, he looked away as if needing to answer to her insulting analogy.

“I can assure you there’s much more to a restoration than just the exterior.”

Getting behind the wheel he took off down the road stealing glances at her while she stared straight ahead, completely undaunted by his mixed demeanor.

“So, where are we going?”

Clenching the steering wheel, he nearly went off the road unable to tear his eyes away from her.

Tightening his jaw he breathed out hard with his response, feeling his plan unraveling quickly.

“The beach, I thought we could take a walk, talk for a while, then back to my place, I’d like to cook you dinner… if that’s alright with you.”

Paying more attention to the scenery, than him, she breathed out casually.

”That’s fine.”

After driving in silence for almost an hour he turned onto a dirt road that paralleled a private stretch of beach.

Uncrossing her legs, she removed her heels as she glanced out the window at the ocean view.

Slamming the breaks a little too hard, he got out of the truck on the desolate hidden cove, that he happened to own.

Appearing by just the light of the pale moon, guarded by wispy clouds, he opened her door abruptly.

Jumping out, without his assistance this time, leaving her heels behind, she innocently gazed up at him as he became increasingly unhinged.

“Zan? Is something wrong? You seem upset?”

Walking a few feet away to gather his thoughts and calm himself, he soon abandoned that idea and rushed towards her.

“Why did you come here, why did you agree to go out with me if you were just going to act as if you don’t care, as if you’d rather be anywhere else.”

Appearing shocked, she leaned against his truck lifting her bare foot back to rest on the fender.

“So, you just thought that one visit from you, baring your soul so to speak, and I’d just believe every word falling from that pretty mouth of your’s? You’re forgetting, I know you Zan.”

Caught between wanting to kiss her hard and leaving her there to find her own way home, he began to pace back and forth.

“Everything I said was true, I meant every word.”

Shrugging, Liz glanced out to the crashing waves beside them wistfully.

“That’s just it Zan, they’re just words.”

Growing angry now he stepped closer to her, startled at her seemingly total and complete disinterest in him, or in them for that matter.

“What the hell does that mean?”

Mimicking him she acted as he did, using the soft sensitive voice just as he did last week.

“I want to apologize for the way I treated you - you were like sand slipping through my fingers - you blindsided me - I am completely, irrevocably in love with you - let me prove to you that I can be a man worthy of someone as special as you are - “

“Fucking stop!”

Tilting her head to the side, Liz crossed her arms in front of her gazing up at him as if she has just caught him, hook, line and liar.

“Did you really think I was going to buy that bullshit? You showing up in those jcpenney clothes, with your short hair, and shy fumbling ways. Seriously Zan, how stupid do you think I am?”

Glaring at her he came closer. “How much time do you have?”

Laughing out loud, in his face, unfazed by his pathetic insult, knowing she had wounded his pride, she lifted her chin in defiance, unafraid.

“Well that was fast, guess you're not, completely, irrevocably, in love with me anymore.”

Caging her in, he placed his hands on either side of her head before bringing his mouth dangerously close to hers.

“I do love you.”

Not missing a beat she flashed her long eyelashes upwards.

“You fed me lies, you told me what you thought I wanted to hear, but I’m not that girl anymore Zan. You made sure of that.”

Shaking his head slightly he lowered his voice, deepening it to a husky tone showing his true self.

“Fine, I may have worded it the way I thought you’d want to hear it, but it’s true, all of it.”

Rolling her eyes dismissively she planted her foot firmly back down on the ground, glaring back at him undaunted by his aggressiveness.

“I don’t believe you.”

Just then something occurred to him, a glint of wildness sparked in his golden eyes as grin raced across his lips.

Brushing his mouth along her ear, he rasped calmly.

“Then why did you agree to go out with me Liz?”

Taken off guard by the question, she remained quiet, just long enough to verify his suspicions.

Lifting her dark hair, lacing it through his fingers, he swept his mouth along her neck, whispering gruffly, unapologetically.

“You felt it didn’t you? You know there’s something there, something real.”

Peter is nice, perfect is many ways. But he isn't Zan.......and it does appear that there is something very special between these two.
I would be honored to have the guardian angel job anytime.
Your writing gives me so much pleasure!
Thanks,
Carolyn