Sorry for the delay guyz! i had to do some last minute editing and i'm a bit hesitated to post it cuz 1. i havent' got my beta feedback on something in this and 2. i'm gona cuz a few tears.
Thanks for ya patience guyzso heres the next part.
Chapter 11
The wafting scent of the medical centre filled my nose with its sterile, vinegary aroma and made my stomach churn with mixtures of fear and nausea. Max had driven us out to a medical centre just outside of town, a place where know one would know us. But what he really meant was a place where he wasn’t noticed and put at risk of being asked why he was at a medical centre with his girlfriend.
I scoffed silently as I sat in the waiting area of the medical centre. My right leg bounced wildly as I blankly looked straight ahead, my mind swirling with deadening thoughts of what’s about the come.
I sure as hell didn’t want to go see some doctor, I feel fine and I don’t need some doctor giving me some crap, when I know everything is ok.
I don’t need some doctor…..confirming my pregnancy.
The thought made my mouth go dry; I don’t want to hear another person saying I actually am pregnant, telling me that the past few weeks of absolute hell is reality and not some nightmare.
Until now it had all been based on a pregnancy test I took a little over two weeks ago and now…now it was really going to be confirmed by a doctor.
My lungs began to burn as I took deeper breaths of air, trying to calm myself down. This was too much; I can’t sit here in these uncomfortable plastic chairs while irritating elevator music played overhead and a persistent Max continued to fill out some paperwork at the counter.
I looked over to him leaning on the counter and scribbling on the form with concentration, finding it annoying to have him do all the paper work, while I sit here on a verge of a break down. The drive over here was a long forty minutes, which expanded into an eternity of awkward silence. I wanted to question him more about his issues of his dead brother and he wanted to ignore and avoid anything that brought it up. Even when I got into the car and opened my mouth to speak, he quickly cut me off by telling me where we were going and how long it would take.
My patience has long worn off, I need him to tell me what his little brother has to do with me, and I need to know why he made me go through all this agonizing pain and why it didn’t even seem to bother him that he hurt me!....That I wasn’t trusted enough to know his darkest secret, like he knew mine!
Why can’t he trust me?
I silently questioned as I combed my fingers through my knotted hair and let out a shaky sigh to try and keep myself from throwing-up at this very moment.
I needed to get out, this smell was so thick I could almost taste the acid, I need to breathe! At that thought I readied my body to jump up and make a break for it….but I caught Max’s eye as he made his way over the seat next to me. I’m a prisoner; my bitter thoughts matched my expression as he lowered himself into the seat next to me.
“The nurse said Dr. Carlson will be with us soon.” I kept my blank stare ahead not wanting to acknowledge his existence.
“I filled out the forms for you.” He softly added in an attempt to get a reaction from me.
“Yeah, thanks.” I coldly retorted without looking at him once.
I nervously picked at my fingernails and continued to bounce my right leg quickly. It didn’t take a genius to realize I seriously didn’t want to be here and was on the edge of bolting right out of this office.
“Its gonna be okay, Liz. Were just having a check-up and then I‘ll take you home.” And cue Max’s sincere promise that everything will be fine, when everything wasn’t.
I turned to him unwillingly with a heated stare “It’s not gonna be okay.”
I slowly turned my head back and repressed glistening tears. I can’t be here, I want to leave, it’s too much, I can’t think while I’m around him and in this sterile environment. I can’t to breathe.
I stood stiffly with the intention of storming out of there, but I was stop by a doctor calling my name.
“Ms. Parker?” I froze mid-step and turned to the direction of the gentle voice. A caring faced woman stood at the hallway in a white long length lab coat holding a clipboard. Max stood behind me and I shifted to be further away as his hand hovered behind the small of my back to encourage me to walk forward. I took mechanical steps towards the doctor as she stepped aside and gestured to her examining room down the hallway, Max still hot on my heels as I concentrated solely on taking each step with my head down.
I sat down on an examining table and only then did I look up to see the doctor’s subtly concerned features masked behind an all too pleasant smile.
“So what can I do for you today Ms. Parker?” She questioned still holding her gaze.
“Ah...um…” I snapped my mouth shut, I couldn’t speak at all. I didn’t want to speak. I shifted, uncomfortable on the examining table and averted my eyes away shamefully.
Max stood beside me apprehensively picking at the cushion of the examining table then took over my rambling. “She fainted twice today and we just wanted to see if…the, umm, baby is okay.” He finished slowly also diverting his stare from the doctor’s, then to my distressed eyes.
“I see. Liz, have you been having any migraine like headaches, any blurred vision or dizziness?” Dr. Carlson firmly questioned while moving quickly around the small examining room, little did I realize that Max had backed away into the corner.
“Ah, no…but I felt I little dizzy before I fainted each time.” I quietly spoke to the doctor for the first time.
“How long before?” she quickly asked with a certain concern look cover her whole face.
“Umm, maybe five, ten minutes.” I slowly whisper trying to remember what happen before I fainted each time. All I could remember was Max and I biting each others heads off.
“Okay, Ms. Parker could you please put this on while I go out for just a minute.” She held a hospital gown in front of me; I warily took the gown and watch her exit the room swiftly. What was going on? Maybe something was wrong, very wrong. Why else would she had left in such a rush. What if the baby’s…
“Do you want me to leave?” Max asked interrupting my thoughts; I looked up to him terror written all over his face finding myself lost still in frantic thought. He shifted his weight on his feet ducking his head down as if to block everything out.
I shook my head quickly “No.” I whispered then fumbled to get undressed and into the gown quickly.
As soon as I placed the gown on and tied the top thread together at the back, Dr. Carlson swiftly open the door accompanied by a nurse this time. That whole time I hadn’t even notice that Max had slightly turned away while I had undressed myself.
“Okay, Liz we’re just going to give you a check up, to see if everything is okay.” She smiled to me then gestured for me to lie back down on the table.
The nurse then wheeled in an ultrasound machine next to the examining table; Dr. Carlson flicked a few switches as the nurse then placed a blanket up to my hip bones then lifted the gown to reveal my stomach, I didn’t paid much attention to as they continue I just watched as Max wrapped his arms around himself and continued to stare vacantly at the wall of cupboards beside him. I resisted the urge to call out to him, to snap him out of it.
“We’re just taking precautions to make sure the baby is alright from the falls.” Dr. Carlson stated.
This was all happening to fast, the nurse and doctor were doing all this too quickly. I didn’t want them to see the baby, it’ll prove I’m pregnant, it’ll prove to Max that he has a child and make him freak out all over again just like when I told him. That night started to play over in my head again, the memory of twisting nausea in my stomach when I saw Max’s face drain of color and cringe with fear at what I had caused.
“Ms. Parker,” Dr. Carlson jolted me from my thoughts.
“What?” I breathed out quickly in surprise.
“I’m just placing some of this jelly on your stomach, it might be a bit cold.” I nodded my head, my face still washed over with panic.
Max was off in the furthest corner of the room, looking like he was about to faint, his stare dead on the ultrasound screen like it was about to launch and attack him at any moment. What was wrong with him? It’s not like the baby would be visible.
The Doctor rattled me from my thoughts again as she glided the monitor over my belly, I kept my eyes straight ahead, I didn’t want to look, all I could see was Max’s haunted gaze.
“Okay, things look just fine. And judging from this you look about nine weeks along, Liz.” Dr. Carlson smiled to me with what she thought was good news, but I just kept a vacant stare ahead of me not noticing the doctor’s worried expression.
Max, who was still in the same position hugging himself uncomfortably and acted like he was about to be given a death wish. He shifted his feet as he began to snaps his mouth open and shut, the realization that he couldn’t stand being in this room acknowledging this baby dawned on me.
“Ah, I…” Max stuttered out looking to the doctor then to me with a helpless look. My stomach dropped at his action.
I just stared at him helplessly, my heart begging for him to stand next to me, to comfort me….to be the person I know and love more then anything.
But he diverted his eyes then dragged his fingers through his dark spiky hair looking to the floor.
“I-um, I’ll be out side.” He rushed out under his breath shaking his head quickly as he opened the door and left.
My stare turned to that of a helpless to a painful, hollow glance. My eyes glistened with tears as I continued to look to the door, silently willing it to open with Max striding back through.
I bit at my bottom lip to stop it from trembling as I wiped away tears that rolled down my cheek. Why was I crying, I’m supposed to be angry with pure hot rage, not weak and trembling. This is so confusing I hate him and need him all at the same time. This wasn’t fair, why can’t things just go back to the way they use to be.
Dr. Carlson had seen the event unfold and decided to continue as if she was oblivious to it, something I really appreciated.
“Okay when was the last time you had an actual full meal?” She reached into her pocket as she talked and then produced a pen to scribble on the clipboard.
“Umm…I don’t remember.” My voice wobbled out as I looked to the ceiling welcoming the distraction as tried to remember a meal I last ate, or even a meal I had kept down.
“Well that explains the fainting. You’re eating for two now.” She still scribbling notes down as she spoke.
“Uh-huh.” I nodded as she continued to speak and the nurse moved around the small space then finally left. I had gone into autopilot, giving the doctor the answers without really listening. All I could think about was Max’s eyes, how hollow and petrified then had seemed. He rejected me again, leaving me alone to fend for myself during this unwanted pregnancy.
“I can’t do this anymore.” I breathed out, not really being able to repress my downhearted thoughts any longer. I didn’t look to Dr. Carlson who had stopped asking questions by what she assumed was a soft mumble, I didn’t think she actually heard me, I had whisper in such low pain it couldn’t be heard.
“Ms. Parker I’ll just leave you to get dressed now.” She spoke tenderly
“Thanks.” I barely mumbled, my façade remained sullenly.
Dr. Carlson then nodded and exited the room, leaving me to dress back into my uniform and blue jacket.
I emerged from the examining room to see Max talking with the nurse; he nodded absentmindedly not meeting her eyes as she spoke to him.
Max’s head turned towards mine as I came into full view, nurse finally left and he shuttered a thank you to her as she walked away.
God, I wanted to know what was going on inside his head, why the hell does he keep bailing on me. I suddenly felt that hot anger resurface; I thought I lost in the examining room.
I stormed past him and out of the office, the cool fresh air hit me insistently, I took in as much as my lungs could handle. I was so glad to get out of that damn medical centre and actually be able to breathe.
I kept my eyes on the jeep as I briskly walked up to it. I took in the night air just one more time before I saw Max round the jeep and hop in.
The ride home was worse then the drive up there; my mind tumbled and screamed questions of fury at Max. Why was he being silent? He should at least say that he’s glad I’m okay, why the hell did he have to leave me in the examining room by myself? Why wasn’t anything working out between us?
Why are we falling apart?
If he just told me what’s wrong, why he’s freaking at every mention of the baby or what his brother has to do with me? Then maybe this would be okay. I turned to see if his face revealed anything that he was thinking. I was more then disappointed to find his face revealed nothing but a stone wall façade.
My fury built again, it was like my brain mixed with fury, concern, confusion and pain. One emotion after another quickly replacing whichever one made it to the surface in a second. I can’t decide what I’m feeling.
Max rounded into the Main drive of Roswell then took another corner till we were at the back of the Crashdown, where the back door was and the iron ladder to my balcony. Max turned off the ignition, which had filled the silence the whole trip back.
We sat for about a second before Max turned to me: “The nurse said you need to be taking prenatal vitamins and-”
“Why did you walk out?” The question escaped my mouth before I could stop it. I faced him with a waiting stare biting down on my bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
“I just…I don’t know.” He stuttered then diverted his eyes to the steering wheel.
“Bullshit!” I snapped out, “I saw you Max, there was something in your eyes that showed you weren’t just “freaked out” by the baby, it’s something else I know it.” I strained out, trying to keep a grip.
“And what if I don’t know how to explain it to you, what if I don’t know if I’m ready to say it to you or anyone else!” He raised his voice slightly, but tried to keep it low.
“Then I don’t think we should be together at the moment.” The words just rolled off my tongue and the moment they did I wanted to take it all back.
“What?” Max breathed out in confusion; I had hurt him again. And suddenly hurting him wasn’t as satisfying as before, he made me suffer but doing it to him just made me feel worse.
“It’s no different then now, Max. We don’t talk to each other, and every time we do we fight. You don’t even act like you care about how I’m feeling about this whole thing! I’m pregnant, Max and I’m so scared but you can’t see past your own fear to see how I’m feeling.” I couldn’t even believe I was saying all this to him. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t, it was like I wasn’t even in control.
Max merely just sat there in shock, as I blinked rapidly to keep the tears away.
“There’re two options here, Max. Either tell me what hell is going on with you and what your little brother has to do with anything…or we’re not together anymore. It’s your call.” My harsh tone became wobbly as I held his saddened stare.
“You can’t do that, Liz. It’s not as easy as just choosing between two options I hate.” Max’s tone was filled with anger but trembled as he finished “I’m not choosing!”
“It is easy, Max. Just choose, either tell me what’s such a big secret to you or we go our separate ways.” I gripped at the car seat trying desperately not to cry and keep a steady glare. This would prove his trust for me; this would prove he still loves me.
Max shook his head “I don’t want to lose you,” his stared vacantly ahead as I let out a sigh of relief but it was short lived “…but I just- I can’t tell you.”
He then looked back to me his eyes searching my face for understanding, but I didn’t give him that satisfaction.
“Fine.” I furiously trembled out. I then blindly jumped out of the jeep, running to the back door of the Crashdown.
“Liz! LIZ!” I faintly heard Max cry out behind me, but all I could hear was the pounding of my running feet and the breaking of my heart.
Forever Changed - [AU M/L MATURE] {COMPLETE}
Moderators: Anniepoo98, Rowedog, ISLANDGIRL5, Itzstacie, truelovepooh, FSU/MSW-94, Erina, Hunter, Forum Moderators
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Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
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Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
thanks Alien614 and roswells_hope_lily i really appreicate ur kind words. 
Now be gentle, 1st sex scene i've wrote and it was kinda hard to write.
Chapter 12
Beads of water sprayed on to my crouched body as I sat at the bottom of my shower crying continuously. Ten minutes ago I had just made the most painful decision. I broke up with Max…and I didn’t even want too.
I cradled my head in between my knees as I let the warm water run down my back, and coat me like a liquid blanket. The shower had become sanctuary, a refuge from me to curl up in a ball and cry out my heart. No one would intrude if I’m in the shower, so I was left alone for however long I wanted.
Sobs shook my body making it tremble with weakness; I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to take back what I said to Max. If he had just told me what made him not want this baby and what made him run out of the examining room, then everything would be fine…wouldn’t it?
I bit down on my lip, trying desperately to get a grip, I took a short, shaky breath to try and calm myself down. For only one moment did I stop, but it was short lived when I spotted that red satin robe hanging on the back of my door. It represented the night I became pregnant, it represented me and Max’s last night together, it represented everything I hated.
I flicked my hair back and looked into the mirror; soft, dark layers fell around my face as I stared at my reflection. I applied some more lip-gloss and then turned to the newly purchased red satin robe I had brought this morning before work.
My parents had left for a business trip this morning and I was in charge of the Crashdown, which meant I could close it at anytime I wanted. I had told Max to meet me here so we could get some study done before a Chemistry test next week. Little did he realize that I had planned a seduction last night when we were together, it’ll make up for what we couldn’t do last night, due to no protection and Max’s paranoia.
A small smirk of devilish pleasure developed on my face as I took the robe off its hook on the back of my bathroom door.
Walking out in only my underwear I contemplated whether keeping my also newly brought black mesh underwear on or take them off and just wear the robe. I looked into the long length mirror and throwing on the short red robe made my decision. Red and black look good together, plus I may as well wear it now for show seeing it’ll be coming off later.
Satisfied with what I saw I tightened the satin tie around my waist and turned off the overhead light leaving only my desk lamp on and a few candles. Everything was set all I needed now was Max. As if on cue I heard his jeep pull up outside just near the fire escape ladder that lead to my balcony. I quickly dashed around my room to grab a chem. book and threw it on the bed. Looking at myself one more time I dashed into the bathroom and closed the door. One thing I know about the best seduction is the subtler the better.
I heard Max jump onto the concreted floor of my balcony and make his way to my open window.
“Liz?” He called out as I heard him scuffle into my room.
“In here! I’ll be out in just a sec!” I smiled devilish, and then I slowly opened the door to make my entrance.
“Okay. ….. I’m glad we decided to study for this test, I really need the marks if I wanna get into the colleges my father…” Max’s mouth fell open at my appearance, I pretended I didn’t notice and continued to walk into the room occupying myself getting more Chem. books.
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you while I was in there, what were you saying?” I looked to his awe-stuck expression and I trembled as I felt his warm eyes drink in my body.
“Ah-um,” He coughed to clear his throat and I merely smiled innocently as he continued, “we should, um, get started.”
“Okay.” I said as we moved over to my bed and scattered the books everywhere. I felt Max’s eyes watch my every move as I sat down and let the top of the robe open a bit to reveal my black bra.
“Is this a seduction?” He smiled that sexy, liquid smile and looked into my eyes knowingly.
“Why would you say that?” I tried to ask innocently but couldn’t repress the devilish smile as I questioned him.
“Oh I don’t know, walking around in a little red robe, wearing black underwear and just letting some of that underwear peek out plus the dimness of the room and the lack of parents, kinda tips it off.” Max finished by looking me up and down.
“Max, I just got out of the shower and I threw this on because you had just arrived. Everything doesn’t have to be about sex.” I couldn’t keep a straight face as I playfully lied to him.
Max spread out on the bed, as I sat up opposite him I reached over to my bedside table leaning over him on purpose to get a pen. An innocent act, but also suggestive.
“Right because this is a very important test and we need to study.” He sarcastically continued.
“Definitely.” I agreed with a sarcastic nod as I sat back in my position.
We simply smiled at each other for about a second, I waited till Max gave up but I was surprised by the fact that he actually opened a book. I watched in confusion as he flipped through the pages seeming occupied but I then smiled when he through the book to the floor with a hooded, heated expression.
“Screw it!” He flung the rest of the books onto the floor and grabbed me by the waist bring me under his body. I giggled as he did, loving the weight of him on top of my body.
I groaned slightly as he kneeled up over me and took off his jacket and shirt.
“Thought I better catch up to you,” I giggled again as he leant up beside me again.
“So what did I do to deserve this kinda seduction?” He asked as he slowly opened the front of my robe, untying the sash gently as if he were opening the most precious gift in the world. My heart fluttered and I held my breath as he delicately peeled back the satin robe from my firm, soft skin. I snapped my attention back to his question, finding it hard to concentrate while he laid his warm hand over my stomach and slid in around to my back.
“Well seeing last night in the desert we didn’t get as far as we wanted to I thought I’d make up for it tonight.” I smiled up to him finding his scent intoxicating, it alone could send me over the edge.
“Well it’s a good thing I’m prepared this time.” He said a low voice coming closer to my eagerly awaiting mouth.
“Uh huh.” I barely breathed out before his lips lingered over mine.
My body twitched in anticipation as he moved his lips to brush over mine then kissed under my jaw. He knew all my weaknesses and it drove me crazy when he made this kind of move. Lucky I knew his too.
I let my hand softly trail down his defined torso then I tucked my hand just under his hipbone on the waistband of his jeans. Lingering touches in certain areas drove him crazy.
I finally moved my hands to unbutton his jeans and let him push them down to reveal his pulsing member. Our lips finally met together slowly as we ran our hands over each other, feeling the intense need to be closer.
Max brushed his lips over mine again and I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved my head up to his and began it down with me using my hands. We kissed softly for a few moments dragging our lips against each other; my tongue endeavoring to seek access against his lips. He didn’t disappoint our slick tongues slid against each sensually tasting each other with such satisfaction it was overwhelming.
I moaned into his mouth as he settled his pelvis right against mine, I ground my hips into his, feeling his member push against my centre.
We both groaned into each other’s mouth feeling the strong need to gain deeper access. I fumbled out of my robe, with Max’s assistance and he pulled me up onto his lap.
I straddled his waist grinding again against his crotch making Max moan in frustration. I trembled as I felt his growing arousal stroke again my core slowly making heated tension grow between us.
Max slid his large, warm hand up the soft curves of my back then combed into my thick chocolate hair. Max loved the feeling of my hair and touched it whenever he had the chance.
I felt one hand slid down my back creating a trail of tingling sensation and wrapped his firm forearm around my waist, he securely held me close with his strong muscled arm which pressed his pulsating member harder against me. Only thin fabrics were our barriers, Max slid his other hand from the nape of my neck then pinched the straps of my bra. I moved slightly back and smiled as he watched me take my black mesh bra off completely.
With a flick of the wrist I threw the bra across the room keeping my eyes on Max solely as he looked my body up and down. I felt a feverish tingle tremble through my body as he kissed his way down my throat and collarbone.
“Max…” I moaned out as he slowly made his way down my heaving chest, I let my head hang back as he continued his hot trail of kisses and braced myself on his well built shoulders.
“You like that, baby?” he breathed against my firm breast, lingering his touch.
I nodded spasmodically wanting nothing more then to feel his tender assault. He dragged his lips along my breast and flicked his tongue over my nipple. I gasped at the sensation, his body firmly pressed up against mine as he left wet, hot kisses on my breast.
I let my head roll back up, my hair fell around my face curtaining his face also. I cupped Max’s face to bring him to my lips. Our tongue’s sought each other wildly, exploring each other’s mouths.
Max pulled away slightly; “Stand up,” he breathed out; his honey eyes stared into mine with heated lust.
I obeyed his wish and stood on the bed as he kneeled before me. I smiled down to him as we kept our passionate stares. I combed his spiked up hair with my fingers then cupped his face. He then diverted his eyes to my stomach; he kissed a path over my navel and continued to the waistband of my underwear.
Max looked up to me again then slid his fingers under the waistband and slowly pulled my underwear down over my slender thighs. Max soon followed by leaving hot, wet kisses down my right thigh. I gasped at the sensation as he lingered one kiss closer to my centre.
My knees bucked from under me and I collapsed against his kneeling body. Max merely smiled at me through a hooded expression.
I returned that smile then flipped him on his back, Max chuckled at my forcefulness but his laugh turned into a gasp as I lingered my tongue down his torso, dragging it in a line from his pecs, past his defined, rock hard abs to stop at the waistband of his boxers.
Imitating what Max had just done to me, I kissed a trail down his thighs as I pulled off his boxers slowly over his muscled legs
Max moaned at the release of his throbbing member as I breathed hot air over him. It stood pulsating with strain for release; I took one more look up at Max his face contorted with growing pressure and devoured him completely. Max’s hips bucked in intense pleasure as I took in the soft flesh slowly.
“Ahh…Liz...” He groaned in between short gasps, I loved the fact that I could make him feel this way with a simple touch. I continued to lick his head, flicking my tongue and then letting my breath linger over his hardness.
Before I could continue Max grabbed my head and brought his lips to mine, I straddled his naked body and let his member rub against the openings of my core. Max then flipped me over onto my back and began to deeply kiss me, letting our mouths mold to each other.
I let out short gasps as Max teased me by barely penetrating me then withdrawing. I gripped at his muscled back and slid my hands down the curve of his clenched buttocks to try and guide him in more.
“Max…I need you… now,” I groaned in frustration, trying to get him to penetrate fully. But he continued to tease me.
“Max!” I gasped out when he almost drove in but pulled out again, my body was squirming to feel him inside me but his strong torso pinned me down. I couldn’t take it anymore. “…Please…” I begged through sharp gasps for air.
Max quickly shifted to lean over the side of the bed, fumbling with the packaging I groaned in frustration until he was back over me.
We looked deeply into each other’s eyes, my dark glistening eyes meet his warm amber ones and then he slowly penetrated me deeply. I shuddered in pleasure as Max began to rock slowly feeling satisfaction of have him inside me. The friction between us grew, as Max drove into me again and increased his speed. I lifted my hips to meet his steady thrust; I needed him deeper inside me.
“…Deeper…” I breathed out against his ear, and Max tightened his muscles and pushed deeper inside me, my breathing became harsh and labored. I felt Max’s hot breath against my ear, it come out harsh and quick. It sent quivering tingles down my spine as I gripped at his back as I came closer to the edge.
“Liz…Liz…Liz” Max chanted in hash breaths, I felt his hand move over my hip then venture down to my centre, I gasped in pleasure as his thumb rubbed against my clitoris in circular motions. Max’s thrusts came hard and faster, my hips bucking to deepen the thrust.
My walls tightened around his member as we both came closer to our release. Max took another long, deep thrust and I cried out in pleasure as I felt warm ripples of pleasure course through my body, and make me tremble from head to toe.
Max reached his climax screaming out my name one last time then collapsed onto my body in exhaustion.
After a few second Max lifted his face to look down at me, our panting breaths mingled with each other as we struggled for air.
“Wow.” I breathed out as he smiled at me brushed away my damp hair.
“What?” He asked whisper soft, that liquid smile never leaving his face.
“It’s never been that, I don’t know, intense before.” I finally spoke out unable to keep a big grin off my face.
“Well it’s been a long awaited event. I’ve been holding out seen last night.” Max commented in a low and sexy tone, which made me melt underneath him.
I traced my finger over his heaving chest above me, finding this moment of pure ecstasy, I could think of a better place then being wrapped up in Max’s warmth, his strong body, it was home for me.
“What are you thinking?” I asked him as he had been caressing my cheek and running his eyes over the features of my face, as if trying to remember me by heart.
“I’m thinking, just how much I love you that it hurts to be apart from you.” His tone was sincere and low; he traced his fingers over my lips
“Max, I love you more then you’ll ever know. You’re my soulmate.” I smiled as he continued to caress my face all over but shyly smiled at my words.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me, Liz.” He said as his eyes land on mine again concerned features replacing his warm smile, his honey eyes looked deep into mine as if needed me to reassure him, as if it might life or death at my ever next words.
“I promise.” I smiled to him, his face broke from its boyish worry and that melting smile came back. He brought his lips down to mine for a deep, sensual kiss that was slow and warm which was contrasted to the previous wild and frantic kisses moments ago. I giggled into his mouth when I felt him twitch to life again inside me.
“Again?” I playfully chuckled as he merely smiled casually back to me.
“I told you I’ve been holding out.” He came back down to my mouth capturing it again in a mind-blowing kiss that restarted our drives.
I flung out of the bottom of the tub feeling appalled by the fact that we had been so stupid, that our stupidity in not changing the condom had lead to all of this pain.
I swiftly ripped the red robe from the hook and disposed of it into the trash under the sink. I sunk to the floor weakly crying, wanting Max more then anything, to have him here, to experience that warmth of his body one last time. But I couldn’t now; I had officially fucked everything up!
I grabbed the hanging pink towel above me and draped it around my shoulders trying to make a protective blanket around me as I sat lifeless on the cold, tiled floor. I was loosing everything, reality was slipping from my grasp and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I suddenly felt that pang of nausea run through me,
“Oh god, not now.” I whimpered out as the morning sickness flooded my body and made me turn to the toilet to throw-up watery bile.
I didn’t need this, not now. I didn’t need any of this.
Now be gentle, 1st sex scene i've wrote and it was kinda hard to write.
Chapter 12
Beads of water sprayed on to my crouched body as I sat at the bottom of my shower crying continuously. Ten minutes ago I had just made the most painful decision. I broke up with Max…and I didn’t even want too.
I cradled my head in between my knees as I let the warm water run down my back, and coat me like a liquid blanket. The shower had become sanctuary, a refuge from me to curl up in a ball and cry out my heart. No one would intrude if I’m in the shower, so I was left alone for however long I wanted.
Sobs shook my body making it tremble with weakness; I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to take back what I said to Max. If he had just told me what made him not want this baby and what made him run out of the examining room, then everything would be fine…wouldn’t it?
I bit down on my lip, trying desperately to get a grip, I took a short, shaky breath to try and calm myself down. For only one moment did I stop, but it was short lived when I spotted that red satin robe hanging on the back of my door. It represented the night I became pregnant, it represented me and Max’s last night together, it represented everything I hated.
I flicked my hair back and looked into the mirror; soft, dark layers fell around my face as I stared at my reflection. I applied some more lip-gloss and then turned to the newly purchased red satin robe I had brought this morning before work.
My parents had left for a business trip this morning and I was in charge of the Crashdown, which meant I could close it at anytime I wanted. I had told Max to meet me here so we could get some study done before a Chemistry test next week. Little did he realize that I had planned a seduction last night when we were together, it’ll make up for what we couldn’t do last night, due to no protection and Max’s paranoia.
A small smirk of devilish pleasure developed on my face as I took the robe off its hook on the back of my bathroom door.
Walking out in only my underwear I contemplated whether keeping my also newly brought black mesh underwear on or take them off and just wear the robe. I looked into the long length mirror and throwing on the short red robe made my decision. Red and black look good together, plus I may as well wear it now for show seeing it’ll be coming off later.
Satisfied with what I saw I tightened the satin tie around my waist and turned off the overhead light leaving only my desk lamp on and a few candles. Everything was set all I needed now was Max. As if on cue I heard his jeep pull up outside just near the fire escape ladder that lead to my balcony. I quickly dashed around my room to grab a chem. book and threw it on the bed. Looking at myself one more time I dashed into the bathroom and closed the door. One thing I know about the best seduction is the subtler the better.
I heard Max jump onto the concreted floor of my balcony and make his way to my open window.
“Liz?” He called out as I heard him scuffle into my room.
“In here! I’ll be out in just a sec!” I smiled devilish, and then I slowly opened the door to make my entrance.
“Okay. ….. I’m glad we decided to study for this test, I really need the marks if I wanna get into the colleges my father…” Max’s mouth fell open at my appearance, I pretended I didn’t notice and continued to walk into the room occupying myself getting more Chem. books.
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you while I was in there, what were you saying?” I looked to his awe-stuck expression and I trembled as I felt his warm eyes drink in my body.
“Ah-um,” He coughed to clear his throat and I merely smiled innocently as he continued, “we should, um, get started.”
“Okay.” I said as we moved over to my bed and scattered the books everywhere. I felt Max’s eyes watch my every move as I sat down and let the top of the robe open a bit to reveal my black bra.
“Is this a seduction?” He smiled that sexy, liquid smile and looked into my eyes knowingly.
“Why would you say that?” I tried to ask innocently but couldn’t repress the devilish smile as I questioned him.
“Oh I don’t know, walking around in a little red robe, wearing black underwear and just letting some of that underwear peek out plus the dimness of the room and the lack of parents, kinda tips it off.” Max finished by looking me up and down.
“Max, I just got out of the shower and I threw this on because you had just arrived. Everything doesn’t have to be about sex.” I couldn’t keep a straight face as I playfully lied to him.
Max spread out on the bed, as I sat up opposite him I reached over to my bedside table leaning over him on purpose to get a pen. An innocent act, but also suggestive.
“Right because this is a very important test and we need to study.” He sarcastically continued.
“Definitely.” I agreed with a sarcastic nod as I sat back in my position.
We simply smiled at each other for about a second, I waited till Max gave up but I was surprised by the fact that he actually opened a book. I watched in confusion as he flipped through the pages seeming occupied but I then smiled when he through the book to the floor with a hooded, heated expression.
“Screw it!” He flung the rest of the books onto the floor and grabbed me by the waist bring me under his body. I giggled as he did, loving the weight of him on top of my body.
I groaned slightly as he kneeled up over me and took off his jacket and shirt.
“Thought I better catch up to you,” I giggled again as he leant up beside me again.
“So what did I do to deserve this kinda seduction?” He asked as he slowly opened the front of my robe, untying the sash gently as if he were opening the most precious gift in the world. My heart fluttered and I held my breath as he delicately peeled back the satin robe from my firm, soft skin. I snapped my attention back to his question, finding it hard to concentrate while he laid his warm hand over my stomach and slid in around to my back.
“Well seeing last night in the desert we didn’t get as far as we wanted to I thought I’d make up for it tonight.” I smiled up to him finding his scent intoxicating, it alone could send me over the edge.
“Well it’s a good thing I’m prepared this time.” He said a low voice coming closer to my eagerly awaiting mouth.
“Uh huh.” I barely breathed out before his lips lingered over mine.
My body twitched in anticipation as he moved his lips to brush over mine then kissed under my jaw. He knew all my weaknesses and it drove me crazy when he made this kind of move. Lucky I knew his too.
I let my hand softly trail down his defined torso then I tucked my hand just under his hipbone on the waistband of his jeans. Lingering touches in certain areas drove him crazy.
I finally moved my hands to unbutton his jeans and let him push them down to reveal his pulsing member. Our lips finally met together slowly as we ran our hands over each other, feeling the intense need to be closer.
Max brushed his lips over mine again and I couldn’t take it anymore, I moved my head up to his and began it down with me using my hands. We kissed softly for a few moments dragging our lips against each other; my tongue endeavoring to seek access against his lips. He didn’t disappoint our slick tongues slid against each sensually tasting each other with such satisfaction it was overwhelming.
I moaned into his mouth as he settled his pelvis right against mine, I ground my hips into his, feeling his member push against my centre.
We both groaned into each other’s mouth feeling the strong need to gain deeper access. I fumbled out of my robe, with Max’s assistance and he pulled me up onto his lap.
I straddled his waist grinding again against his crotch making Max moan in frustration. I trembled as I felt his growing arousal stroke again my core slowly making heated tension grow between us.
Max slid his large, warm hand up the soft curves of my back then combed into my thick chocolate hair. Max loved the feeling of my hair and touched it whenever he had the chance.
I felt one hand slid down my back creating a trail of tingling sensation and wrapped his firm forearm around my waist, he securely held me close with his strong muscled arm which pressed his pulsating member harder against me. Only thin fabrics were our barriers, Max slid his other hand from the nape of my neck then pinched the straps of my bra. I moved slightly back and smiled as he watched me take my black mesh bra off completely.
With a flick of the wrist I threw the bra across the room keeping my eyes on Max solely as he looked my body up and down. I felt a feverish tingle tremble through my body as he kissed his way down my throat and collarbone.
“Max…” I moaned out as he slowly made his way down my heaving chest, I let my head hang back as he continued his hot trail of kisses and braced myself on his well built shoulders.
“You like that, baby?” he breathed against my firm breast, lingering his touch.
I nodded spasmodically wanting nothing more then to feel his tender assault. He dragged his lips along my breast and flicked his tongue over my nipple. I gasped at the sensation, his body firmly pressed up against mine as he left wet, hot kisses on my breast.
I let my head roll back up, my hair fell around my face curtaining his face also. I cupped Max’s face to bring him to my lips. Our tongue’s sought each other wildly, exploring each other’s mouths.
Max pulled away slightly; “Stand up,” he breathed out; his honey eyes stared into mine with heated lust.
I obeyed his wish and stood on the bed as he kneeled before me. I smiled down to him as we kept our passionate stares. I combed his spiked up hair with my fingers then cupped his face. He then diverted his eyes to my stomach; he kissed a path over my navel and continued to the waistband of my underwear.
Max looked up to me again then slid his fingers under the waistband and slowly pulled my underwear down over my slender thighs. Max soon followed by leaving hot, wet kisses down my right thigh. I gasped at the sensation as he lingered one kiss closer to my centre.
My knees bucked from under me and I collapsed against his kneeling body. Max merely smiled at me through a hooded expression.
I returned that smile then flipped him on his back, Max chuckled at my forcefulness but his laugh turned into a gasp as I lingered my tongue down his torso, dragging it in a line from his pecs, past his defined, rock hard abs to stop at the waistband of his boxers.
Imitating what Max had just done to me, I kissed a trail down his thighs as I pulled off his boxers slowly over his muscled legs
Max moaned at the release of his throbbing member as I breathed hot air over him. It stood pulsating with strain for release; I took one more look up at Max his face contorted with growing pressure and devoured him completely. Max’s hips bucked in intense pleasure as I took in the soft flesh slowly.
“Ahh…Liz...” He groaned in between short gasps, I loved the fact that I could make him feel this way with a simple touch. I continued to lick his head, flicking my tongue and then letting my breath linger over his hardness.
Before I could continue Max grabbed my head and brought his lips to mine, I straddled his naked body and let his member rub against the openings of my core. Max then flipped me over onto my back and began to deeply kiss me, letting our mouths mold to each other.
I let out short gasps as Max teased me by barely penetrating me then withdrawing. I gripped at his muscled back and slid my hands down the curve of his clenched buttocks to try and guide him in more.
“Max…I need you… now,” I groaned in frustration, trying to get him to penetrate fully. But he continued to tease me.
“Max!” I gasped out when he almost drove in but pulled out again, my body was squirming to feel him inside me but his strong torso pinned me down. I couldn’t take it anymore. “…Please…” I begged through sharp gasps for air.
Max quickly shifted to lean over the side of the bed, fumbling with the packaging I groaned in frustration until he was back over me.
We looked deeply into each other’s eyes, my dark glistening eyes meet his warm amber ones and then he slowly penetrated me deeply. I shuddered in pleasure as Max began to rock slowly feeling satisfaction of have him inside me. The friction between us grew, as Max drove into me again and increased his speed. I lifted my hips to meet his steady thrust; I needed him deeper inside me.
“…Deeper…” I breathed out against his ear, and Max tightened his muscles and pushed deeper inside me, my breathing became harsh and labored. I felt Max’s hot breath against my ear, it come out harsh and quick. It sent quivering tingles down my spine as I gripped at his back as I came closer to the edge.
“Liz…Liz…Liz” Max chanted in hash breaths, I felt his hand move over my hip then venture down to my centre, I gasped in pleasure as his thumb rubbed against my clitoris in circular motions. Max’s thrusts came hard and faster, my hips bucking to deepen the thrust.
My walls tightened around his member as we both came closer to our release. Max took another long, deep thrust and I cried out in pleasure as I felt warm ripples of pleasure course through my body, and make me tremble from head to toe.
Max reached his climax screaming out my name one last time then collapsed onto my body in exhaustion.
After a few second Max lifted his face to look down at me, our panting breaths mingled with each other as we struggled for air.
“Wow.” I breathed out as he smiled at me brushed away my damp hair.
“What?” He asked whisper soft, that liquid smile never leaving his face.
“It’s never been that, I don’t know, intense before.” I finally spoke out unable to keep a big grin off my face.
“Well it’s been a long awaited event. I’ve been holding out seen last night.” Max commented in a low and sexy tone, which made me melt underneath him.
I traced my finger over his heaving chest above me, finding this moment of pure ecstasy, I could think of a better place then being wrapped up in Max’s warmth, his strong body, it was home for me.
“What are you thinking?” I asked him as he had been caressing my cheek and running his eyes over the features of my face, as if trying to remember me by heart.
“I’m thinking, just how much I love you that it hurts to be apart from you.” His tone was sincere and low; he traced his fingers over my lips
“Max, I love you more then you’ll ever know. You’re my soulmate.” I smiled as he continued to caress my face all over but shyly smiled at my words.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me, Liz.” He said as his eyes land on mine again concerned features replacing his warm smile, his honey eyes looked deep into mine as if needed me to reassure him, as if it might life or death at my ever next words.
“I promise.” I smiled to him, his face broke from its boyish worry and that melting smile came back. He brought his lips down to mine for a deep, sensual kiss that was slow and warm which was contrasted to the previous wild and frantic kisses moments ago. I giggled into his mouth when I felt him twitch to life again inside me.
“Again?” I playfully chuckled as he merely smiled casually back to me.
“I told you I’ve been holding out.” He came back down to my mouth capturing it again in a mind-blowing kiss that restarted our drives.
I flung out of the bottom of the tub feeling appalled by the fact that we had been so stupid, that our stupidity in not changing the condom had lead to all of this pain.
I swiftly ripped the red robe from the hook and disposed of it into the trash under the sink. I sunk to the floor weakly crying, wanting Max more then anything, to have him here, to experience that warmth of his body one last time. But I couldn’t now; I had officially fucked everything up!
I grabbed the hanging pink towel above me and draped it around my shoulders trying to make a protective blanket around me as I sat lifeless on the cold, tiled floor. I was loosing everything, reality was slipping from my grasp and I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I suddenly felt that pang of nausea run through me,
“Oh god, not now.” I whimpered out as the morning sickness flooded my body and made me turn to the toilet to throw-up watery bile.
I didn’t need this, not now. I didn’t need any of this.
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Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Thanks for ur patients guyz, i know Pure's about the bounce a whole in her chair.
So here chapter 13 for ya guyz, enjoy!
Chapter 13
Something had died in me that night, I simply stopped caring. It was now a week since I broke up with Max and he wasn’t making it any easier.
Everyday since then at school, and at work he has been trying to get me to talk, to get me to listen. I merely turn my back on him every time, breaking his heart even more and in the process breaking mine by having to be such a cold hearted bitch to him, but it’s for his own good and mine also.
It may be painful and incredibly hard not to give into his pleas to talk and wanting to understand but it’s the only way we can survive without completely ripping out each other’s heart.
I stare blankly at my English text, not even taking one word in as I continue to think about Max. He consumes my every thought that now I can’t even do something as simple as homework.
I throw my pen down disgustedly and stretch out my arms over my head. For a good hour I had be pretending to do homework and avoiding a family dinner in the dining room. Thank god my dad’s heading out for his little “Get out of the house” ritual that he does almost every night since Rosa died.
The only assumption I have is that at this time of night we are all under the same roof, normally everyday there is only one or two of us in the house. And yes at dinner we are in each other’s presence but are occupied by eating or me being lectured about how much I’m a screw up and just the general casual talk.
But straight after everyone’s finished my dad leaves the table, grabs his jacket and keys and tells us he’ll be back later while Mom and I clean up and I do homework while she does housework to keep busy.
So basically he can’t stand being around a family that seems incomplete to him.
As if on cue I hear the scrapping of the chair in the dining room and his boots striding down the hallway.
I feel relief wash over me because now I can freely move around the house without his grilling questions and disapproving looks.
That relief is short lived when the phone rings.
“Jeff, would ya get that!” I heard my mother scream from the kitchen; following that I heard my dad’s footsteps stop and then became louder as he made his way from the door to the phone in the living room.
Suddenly my attention was on knowing who could be ringing, my stomach flipped with dread at the thought it could be Max, but if it was Max my father would have been in here already giving me a disapproving glare as it would be too late for him to be ringing me.
I scoffed at the thought; my father had no idea about half the stuff I do behind his back to keep my sanity.
I then was startled when I heard the phone hang up with a slam, this can’t be good. What if it was Max, what if Max said something about me? Maybe it was that stupid medical centre ringing up asking if I was doing okay.
My heart rate thudded at an alarming speed; I could be totally reading too much into this, but my gut was telling me that something is up and my father isn’t pleased about it.
My bedroom door swung open with such force that I could hear the hinges rip a little from the wooden frame. I shot up from my desk causing my chair to topple over as I was so alarmed by his sudden presence and shaking a little with fear. What did he know?
My body stiffed when I saw his stone cold face glare at me like I was an unworthy criminal.
“What?” I stammered out quickly. I tried desperately to look casual and clueless to what he came in here for, but my body went into lock down. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak without sounding suspicious and even attempting to hold his glare steadily and straight on was hard enough, I had my head tilted slightly to the side and looked to him under my lashes.
“That was just your school on the phone.” He said frigidly as he crossed his arms over his chest, taking a threatening stance of authority.
I felt myself relax a little, because this had something to do with school, this I could handle. Among the many things I can’t make go away, this I could make go away.
“They said you’ve been skipping classes, being rude to teachers and not paying any attention at all in class. Would you like to explain, Liz? Because I know you wouldn’t want to lie to your father, the one who pays for your education.” He kept the icy glare and I knew I had to think quickly, I had to make something up fast or he’ll know I’m lying.
Snapping my mouth open and shut, I couldn’t think of one thing to say it’s not like I couldn’t tell him that I’m pregnant with Max’s baby which he didn’t even want and I just stupidly broke up with him which would prove to my dad that I really am a screw up and nothing would make him happier.
“I-um” I looked away as if to find a reasonable lie for why I did all of this, but I was too late he had cornered me completely and now I had to sit back and let him give me his worst.
“I know what you’ve been doing, you’ve been of with the Evans kid doing god knows what. Skipping school just to be with that snob of a kid is disgusting, Liz. You’d be smart to get rid of him.” He came into my room circling around my bed and pointed his finger at me.
“No, I…” I continue to fish around in my brain for a lie, any liar, even if it was lame.
“You’re probably off in the desert getting drunk, shooting up and having sex with him aren’t you! And this wouldn’t surprise me at all because both of you have no respect for anything!” He stood over me, his eyes drilling into mine.
“We haven’t been doing anything!” I retorted harshly under my breath trying to keep my emotions at bay. If I let myself lash out I wouldn’t stop and I wouldn’t know what I’d say. I’m not risking it.
“So explain to me what the hell you have been doing?” He yelled so loudly I felt it vibrate in my eardrums.
My Mom stood at the doorway interrupting my attempt to yell back at him.
“What’s going on?” She questioned sternly while rubbing her hands on a dishtowel.
“That was Liz’s school on the phone telling me that they were concerned with her bad behavior and her skipping classes.” He gave her the update without looking away from me.
“What?” She walked across my room to stand beside my father, something that she always did and which gave him more power over me.
“You better explain yourself, Elizabeth?” She gave me my full name whenever I had done something wrong, like when I was a child. She stood with her hands on her hips giving me a waiting stare.
“She was just about to enlighten me.” Dad added then crossed his arms again; I hated being scolded by my parents I felt so beneath them and they saw me like that too. Their true colors always came out whenever they were pissed off at me.
“Well?” Mom prodded as I merely looked between their glares as tried to think up a lie.
“I’ve been feeling sick lately and I didn’t want to miss a day of school. Are you both happy now?” I lied through my teeth giving them a furious glare as I shifted and then moved over to my bed. The quick escape of their doubting glances was something I always did as if second nature and it got me out of many situations, but something in my father’s face didn’t look like he was satisfied.
“That’s a pathetic lie, the teacher says it been happening for over three weeks now. No one’s sick for that long. Now tell us the truth!” He yelled again and became more impatient this time.
I looked at his forefinger that was but inches away from my nose, and I was suddenly cornered again. I then I saw my Mom pick up a piece of clothes from the floor.
“What is this?” Her raging tone matched her angry shocked eyes.
She held out Max’s jersey he had given me the night I had confronted him at his house and then ran out into the rain after he told me to get out.
The memory was still raw in my mind, I shook my head as of to rid it of the thought, but the evidence was staring me right in the face.
Mom shook it a little to push me to explain but I merely stared at it finding no words that could bail me out. My father then focused on the jersey and I could see the assumption play over his face.
“Was he here in my house?” He spat out in rage, I continued to snap my mouth open and shut “WAS HE HERE!” Dad screamed into my face and I finally found my voice…… my weak, quivering voice.
“I—I was soaked the other night when it was raining and he gave it to me to keep me warm.” I stuttered and realized that wasn’t the best idea to say that.
“BULLSHIT! He was here wasn’t he, I can see it!”
“It’s the truth!” I found my voice again, and stared at him with irritation burning in my eyes, it was the truth, I had stubbornly ran out into the rain and Max had not only given me his jersey but his jeep too.
“How am I supposed to believe that when the evidence is right here!” He shook the jersey at me as if the emphasizes his argument.
“Because I’m your daughter and you’re supposed to trust me!” I bit out at him finding myself becoming more and more irritated at his presence.
“Trust you! Ha!” He bit out as if he heard the most absurdly ridiculous thing ever. I’m not gonna lie, it hurt.
“So you’re telling me that you’ve never brought him up here, that you haven’t invited him over when we’re out, that you haven’t had sex with him in this very room!” He jabbered his finger into me with every word and I couldn’t deny that it hasn’t happened; I was just too tired to go on
I glared viciously and crossed my arms over my chest, I wasn’t going to deny it when I knew it pissed him off and he couldn’t do anything about it because Max and I were broken up.
“This is disgusting behaviour and I will not tolerate it under my roof, especially when I forbid him to even be up here!” He came as close to my face as possible and his icy glare drilled into eyes.
“You can never see Max Evans again.” He tone was low and strained under his breath.
I held my breath to make sure I wouldn’t break down and tell him we were broken up, this way he thinks he has broken my spirit instead of knowing the truth and gloating in the fact that I have fucked up a relationship I speak so highly of.
I bit down on my tongue as he through the jersey in my face and stormed out of my room. I waited until I heard the front door slam before I faced my mother.
“You bring this all on yourself, Liz.” My mother spoke in a matter of fact way as she headed for the door.
“That’s right Mom, everything is my fault isn’t?” I stated more then questioned
“Don’t do that, if you were more like--” I interrupted her without thinking
“What, if I were more like Rosa then I’d be a worthy daughter?” I didn’t even dare to look at her face, merely stared vacantly ahead to my window and she stood at the doorway. It was a totally low blow for me to take but it was the total truth whether they admitted it or not.
“Don’t you dare ever speak of you sister like that again!” She yelled at me and I couldn’t almost hear the tears in her voice. I didn’t turn to her I kept my eyes ahead of me as I heard her slam my door and lock it.
Rosa was never mentioned like that in this house, I never dared to say it before but now, and it was like I didn’t really care what they did. I just didn’t care at all anymore.
I sat on my bed and smoothed the ceases of the covers with my hand, instinctively I would have cried or screamed or even escaped down the iron ladder to run straight to Max like I usually did. But I didn’t do anything; I just sat there and just let the emotions wash over me as I dreaded my fathers return with aggravation.
I felt I sudden churn in my stomach, I placed my hand over my still somewhat flat stomach and stared down at my hand.
“Sorry.” I mindlessly whispered out as if to settle the flood of nausea that wasn’t just caused by the baby.
I was going to be severely punished, but it didn’t scare me in the slightly, by far this had been a step up in bad actions and hostile arguments I have had with my parents. It didn’t matter how I said it; it’s what I actually said which is so much worse and something I thought I couldn’t handle. But that punishment seemed like nothing. Nothing compares to the hell I was already in. Basically nothing surprised anymore, nothing shocked me. Nothing could be any worse than the way things are now.
So here chapter 13 for ya guyz, enjoy!
Chapter 13
Something had died in me that night, I simply stopped caring. It was now a week since I broke up with Max and he wasn’t making it any easier.
Everyday since then at school, and at work he has been trying to get me to talk, to get me to listen. I merely turn my back on him every time, breaking his heart even more and in the process breaking mine by having to be such a cold hearted bitch to him, but it’s for his own good and mine also.
It may be painful and incredibly hard not to give into his pleas to talk and wanting to understand but it’s the only way we can survive without completely ripping out each other’s heart.
I stare blankly at my English text, not even taking one word in as I continue to think about Max. He consumes my every thought that now I can’t even do something as simple as homework.
I throw my pen down disgustedly and stretch out my arms over my head. For a good hour I had be pretending to do homework and avoiding a family dinner in the dining room. Thank god my dad’s heading out for his little “Get out of the house” ritual that he does almost every night since Rosa died.
The only assumption I have is that at this time of night we are all under the same roof, normally everyday there is only one or two of us in the house. And yes at dinner we are in each other’s presence but are occupied by eating or me being lectured about how much I’m a screw up and just the general casual talk.
But straight after everyone’s finished my dad leaves the table, grabs his jacket and keys and tells us he’ll be back later while Mom and I clean up and I do homework while she does housework to keep busy.
So basically he can’t stand being around a family that seems incomplete to him.
As if on cue I hear the scrapping of the chair in the dining room and his boots striding down the hallway.
I feel relief wash over me because now I can freely move around the house without his grilling questions and disapproving looks.
That relief is short lived when the phone rings.
“Jeff, would ya get that!” I heard my mother scream from the kitchen; following that I heard my dad’s footsteps stop and then became louder as he made his way from the door to the phone in the living room.
Suddenly my attention was on knowing who could be ringing, my stomach flipped with dread at the thought it could be Max, but if it was Max my father would have been in here already giving me a disapproving glare as it would be too late for him to be ringing me.
I scoffed at the thought; my father had no idea about half the stuff I do behind his back to keep my sanity.
I then was startled when I heard the phone hang up with a slam, this can’t be good. What if it was Max, what if Max said something about me? Maybe it was that stupid medical centre ringing up asking if I was doing okay.
My heart rate thudded at an alarming speed; I could be totally reading too much into this, but my gut was telling me that something is up and my father isn’t pleased about it.
My bedroom door swung open with such force that I could hear the hinges rip a little from the wooden frame. I shot up from my desk causing my chair to topple over as I was so alarmed by his sudden presence and shaking a little with fear. What did he know?
My body stiffed when I saw his stone cold face glare at me like I was an unworthy criminal.
“What?” I stammered out quickly. I tried desperately to look casual and clueless to what he came in here for, but my body went into lock down. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak without sounding suspicious and even attempting to hold his glare steadily and straight on was hard enough, I had my head tilted slightly to the side and looked to him under my lashes.
“That was just your school on the phone.” He said frigidly as he crossed his arms over his chest, taking a threatening stance of authority.
I felt myself relax a little, because this had something to do with school, this I could handle. Among the many things I can’t make go away, this I could make go away.
“They said you’ve been skipping classes, being rude to teachers and not paying any attention at all in class. Would you like to explain, Liz? Because I know you wouldn’t want to lie to your father, the one who pays for your education.” He kept the icy glare and I knew I had to think quickly, I had to make something up fast or he’ll know I’m lying.
Snapping my mouth open and shut, I couldn’t think of one thing to say it’s not like I couldn’t tell him that I’m pregnant with Max’s baby which he didn’t even want and I just stupidly broke up with him which would prove to my dad that I really am a screw up and nothing would make him happier.
“I-um” I looked away as if to find a reasonable lie for why I did all of this, but I was too late he had cornered me completely and now I had to sit back and let him give me his worst.
“I know what you’ve been doing, you’ve been of with the Evans kid doing god knows what. Skipping school just to be with that snob of a kid is disgusting, Liz. You’d be smart to get rid of him.” He came into my room circling around my bed and pointed his finger at me.
“No, I…” I continue to fish around in my brain for a lie, any liar, even if it was lame.
“You’re probably off in the desert getting drunk, shooting up and having sex with him aren’t you! And this wouldn’t surprise me at all because both of you have no respect for anything!” He stood over me, his eyes drilling into mine.
“We haven’t been doing anything!” I retorted harshly under my breath trying to keep my emotions at bay. If I let myself lash out I wouldn’t stop and I wouldn’t know what I’d say. I’m not risking it.
“So explain to me what the hell you have been doing?” He yelled so loudly I felt it vibrate in my eardrums.
My Mom stood at the doorway interrupting my attempt to yell back at him.
“What’s going on?” She questioned sternly while rubbing her hands on a dishtowel.
“That was Liz’s school on the phone telling me that they were concerned with her bad behavior and her skipping classes.” He gave her the update without looking away from me.
“What?” She walked across my room to stand beside my father, something that she always did and which gave him more power over me.
“You better explain yourself, Elizabeth?” She gave me my full name whenever I had done something wrong, like when I was a child. She stood with her hands on her hips giving me a waiting stare.
“She was just about to enlighten me.” Dad added then crossed his arms again; I hated being scolded by my parents I felt so beneath them and they saw me like that too. Their true colors always came out whenever they were pissed off at me.
“Well?” Mom prodded as I merely looked between their glares as tried to think up a lie.
“I’ve been feeling sick lately and I didn’t want to miss a day of school. Are you both happy now?” I lied through my teeth giving them a furious glare as I shifted and then moved over to my bed. The quick escape of their doubting glances was something I always did as if second nature and it got me out of many situations, but something in my father’s face didn’t look like he was satisfied.
“That’s a pathetic lie, the teacher says it been happening for over three weeks now. No one’s sick for that long. Now tell us the truth!” He yelled again and became more impatient this time.
I looked at his forefinger that was but inches away from my nose, and I was suddenly cornered again. I then I saw my Mom pick up a piece of clothes from the floor.
“What is this?” Her raging tone matched her angry shocked eyes.
She held out Max’s jersey he had given me the night I had confronted him at his house and then ran out into the rain after he told me to get out.
The memory was still raw in my mind, I shook my head as of to rid it of the thought, but the evidence was staring me right in the face.
Mom shook it a little to push me to explain but I merely stared at it finding no words that could bail me out. My father then focused on the jersey and I could see the assumption play over his face.
“Was he here in my house?” He spat out in rage, I continued to snap my mouth open and shut “WAS HE HERE!” Dad screamed into my face and I finally found my voice…… my weak, quivering voice.
“I—I was soaked the other night when it was raining and he gave it to me to keep me warm.” I stuttered and realized that wasn’t the best idea to say that.
“BULLSHIT! He was here wasn’t he, I can see it!”
“It’s the truth!” I found my voice again, and stared at him with irritation burning in my eyes, it was the truth, I had stubbornly ran out into the rain and Max had not only given me his jersey but his jeep too.
“How am I supposed to believe that when the evidence is right here!” He shook the jersey at me as if the emphasizes his argument.
“Because I’m your daughter and you’re supposed to trust me!” I bit out at him finding myself becoming more and more irritated at his presence.
“Trust you! Ha!” He bit out as if he heard the most absurdly ridiculous thing ever. I’m not gonna lie, it hurt.
“So you’re telling me that you’ve never brought him up here, that you haven’t invited him over when we’re out, that you haven’t had sex with him in this very room!” He jabbered his finger into me with every word and I couldn’t deny that it hasn’t happened; I was just too tired to go on
I glared viciously and crossed my arms over my chest, I wasn’t going to deny it when I knew it pissed him off and he couldn’t do anything about it because Max and I were broken up.
“This is disgusting behaviour and I will not tolerate it under my roof, especially when I forbid him to even be up here!” He came as close to my face as possible and his icy glare drilled into eyes.
“You can never see Max Evans again.” He tone was low and strained under his breath.
I held my breath to make sure I wouldn’t break down and tell him we were broken up, this way he thinks he has broken my spirit instead of knowing the truth and gloating in the fact that I have fucked up a relationship I speak so highly of.
I bit down on my tongue as he through the jersey in my face and stormed out of my room. I waited until I heard the front door slam before I faced my mother.
“You bring this all on yourself, Liz.” My mother spoke in a matter of fact way as she headed for the door.
“That’s right Mom, everything is my fault isn’t?” I stated more then questioned
“Don’t do that, if you were more like--” I interrupted her without thinking
“What, if I were more like Rosa then I’d be a worthy daughter?” I didn’t even dare to look at her face, merely stared vacantly ahead to my window and she stood at the doorway. It was a totally low blow for me to take but it was the total truth whether they admitted it or not.
“Don’t you dare ever speak of you sister like that again!” She yelled at me and I couldn’t almost hear the tears in her voice. I didn’t turn to her I kept my eyes ahead of me as I heard her slam my door and lock it.
Rosa was never mentioned like that in this house, I never dared to say it before but now, and it was like I didn’t really care what they did. I just didn’t care at all anymore.
I sat on my bed and smoothed the ceases of the covers with my hand, instinctively I would have cried or screamed or even escaped down the iron ladder to run straight to Max like I usually did. But I didn’t do anything; I just sat there and just let the emotions wash over me as I dreaded my fathers return with aggravation.
I felt I sudden churn in my stomach, I placed my hand over my still somewhat flat stomach and stared down at my hand.
“Sorry.” I mindlessly whispered out as if to settle the flood of nausea that wasn’t just caused by the baby.
I was going to be severely punished, but it didn’t scare me in the slightly, by far this had been a step up in bad actions and hostile arguments I have had with my parents. It didn’t matter how I said it; it’s what I actually said which is so much worse and something I thought I couldn’t handle. But that punishment seemed like nothing. Nothing compares to the hell I was already in. Basically nothing surprised anymore, nothing shocked me. Nothing could be any worse than the way things are now.
Last edited by Hybrid-Angel on Sun Jan 18, 2004 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Okay heres chapter 14 u guyz! I hope ya like it!
p.s angsty ahead!
Chapter 14
“So you heard about Tess Harding’s fabulous party she’s throwing tonight? Everyone’s invited.” Maria’s chipper mood contrasted with my own. She leaned against the locker next to mine hugging her books while I slowly sorted through my books.
“That’s great, you gonna go?” I mechanically asked her, my face remained emotionless as I kept looking through my locker.
“Liz, that’s not the kinda enthusiasm I’m looking for.” Maria said in a singsong voice, she was like an over enthusiastic cheerleader.
I gave her an empty expression as I shut my locker and moved down the hallway to our last class. It had been another long day. On my fathers little outing last night he came up with my punishment, I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere till he says so which could be forever, not even the library. I was to go to school for every class and make up for ones I missed and then work every afternoon shift till closing time.
It was only the first day of my punishment and I was already sick of it. Maria walked beside me as we made our way to Math.
“Liz, c’mon it’s been over a week seen you and Max broke up. And I understand that you need space but….” She paused slightly as we both stopped in the middle of the hallway. “You can’t push him away, Liz. If he wants to talk, talk to him maybe you’ll get that chance to know why his being such a bastard. I may not know the half of what’s going on with both of you, but he looks like hell….and so do you.” She held on to my forearm and waited till I actually faced her.
“You’re right, Maria you don’t know half of it. And what’s the point of listening to Max when he won’t even listen to me.” My impassive voice shocked her as I only then stared into her eyes, then proceded the rest of the way down the hall.
“Okay, okay!” She caught up with my stride and then whirled me around to face her.
“Just promise me you won’t keep going on like this.” Her eyes glistened with worry as she search my face for truth, but I just continued to look vacantly at her and finally nodded just to keep her happy.
“I’ll see you at work, okay.” She then gave me a heartening smile then walked into her Math class. I began to walk to my math class further down the hall. I kept my eyes to the floor just in case Max was entering the room at the same time. Every class we had together was an opportunity for him to hound me with pleas and question as to why I won’t even talk to him.
At one point I even screamed at him to leave me alone, the whole class had turned around to face us and I was mortified that I had done such a thing when he only wanted to talk. He didn’t deserve me screaming at him like that, I’ve already done enough.
As I approached the class I looked up to see where I was going, but regretted the action and stopped dead in my tracks, Max was also approaching the door closer to it than I was. We stood merely inches away from each other looking into each other’s sullen expressions.
For the first time I really looked at him, his dark hair that usually spiked up was now flat and scruffy, his form was sagged as his shoulders curved in a tired defeat and his five o’clock shadow was more darker and defined lining his tightened jaw. But the thing I noticed the most was his dull, dense amber eyes that had once sparkled but now seem weary and completely sunken.
I prepared myself for his usual determined stride towards me, but to my absolute surprise Max simply diverted his eyes dejectedly and continued into the classroom with his head down and shuffling his feet.
I stood outside the classroom dazed by what just happened, for this past week Max has relentlessly been hounding me to simply talk and try and work things out. But now, not even a determined expression but a defeated one. I didn’t know if I should be happy that he stopped annoying me so we could finally have some space, or sad that he’s given up on trying to fix us.
An overwhelming desire to run up to him and scream for him to not give up clouded my mind. What if he has given up on us completely, why wouldn’t he? I haven’t given him the time of day I’ve been such a bitch to him. Making him choose between me and confessing something so traumatizing was so stupid, I could have done this in a much more civil way but I couldn’t control my emotions.
Maybe I should talk to him and stop putting him on a pedestal; it’s his life too.
The second bell rang for class to begin; I shook off my stupor and walked into the classroom making up my mind that I would finally talk to Max, that I would stop pushing him away and deal with what was to come whether I like it or not.
*********************
“So Liz you gonna try coming to this party?” Maria asked as she tied her hair back in the mirror of the staff bathroom.
I watched as she flicked the elastic around her blond locks and then finally placed the silver glittered antenna band on her head.
“Do you really think that I would want to go another Tess Harding Party? People get drunk, dance around like idiots breaking expensive things, as Tess ‘the sheep’ tries to score points in popularity and then the police are there by twelve anyway breaking it up.” I stated sarcastically
Maria turned to me unaffected by my mocking attitude, “Your point?”
“Whatever.” I leant against the doorframe and rolled my eyes, for a few seconds there, things felt normal. I wanted that feeling to linger in me, expand into countless hours and never go away.
“C’mon Liz, everyone likes to party! Even grumpy bitches like yourself.”
“Ouch.” I smirked in obvious defeat
“Liz, I’m worried about you.” Our lighthearted conversation just turned serious.
“You have to try and live a little before have to grow up completely.”
Maria was always pointing out the most important parts of life. It was true, in nine months I’m gonna be a mother to someone who’s needs come before mine and who counts on me 24/7. My freedom as a child is slipping away, but it’s not like I could really enjoy myself anyway.
Whoa! Back it up a bit, am I really gonna keep this baby, am I really gonna go through with it. The thought itself was shocking; I’ve never really consisted any of this. I suddenly realized Maria was still in the room
“I know.” I muttered under my breath keeping my gaze to the floor.
“But I can’t Maria, for one thing my parents are keeping me under surveillance and wont’ let me even go to the store without one of them accompanying me.” I shook my head as I looked to my feet before I continued
“I’m just messed up at the moment Maria and I can’t have fun till everything is fixed.” I looked at her saddened by my realization and scared to admit my next step to her.
“I’m gonna talk to Max tomorrow. You were right, no matter how much he was being a complete bastard I can’t just push him, because it’s not just one sided, I’ve been hurtful to him too. And I just want it to stop.”
Maria moved forward and embraced me in a tight, secure hug. I welcomed such warmth from her without hesitation, it reminded me that they were still people in the world who knew I was pregnant and gave me their full support. It gave me hope.
“I’m glad you realize this, Chica. You gotta face him sometime and listen to what has to say. You guys don’t deserve going through this kinda pain.” She pulled back to look me in the eye, bracing my shoulders as she did.
“Which brings me to my next question,” I watched as the gentle concern washed over her face, I nodded for her to continue.
“What are you doing about the baby?” She questioned softly and slowly, the question was totally unsettling to me. I turned my head away but Maria pulled my shoulders forward to look me in the eye and press the issue.
“I’ve avoid these kinda question for a while now Liz, because I know you don’t want to talk about it. But you really need to Liz; you need to think about it. So what are you doing?” She quickly added as I avoid eye contact feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute.
“I don’t know. I don’t know because I don’t wanna think about it because any decision I make won’t make anything better. I-I ...just can’t okay.” I repressed the glistening in my eyes, it was hard acknowledging the baby growing inside me at this very minute, it upset me, that it didn’t bring me joy or Max joy, it just brought pain, confusion and total and complete fear.
“Okay.” Maria tenderly responded rubbing the top length of my arms comfortingly.
“Liz!” I heard my father yelled from the kitchen
“We better get to work.” I sighed rolling my eyes at my father’s yelling.
As we walked out towards the front I felt some of the weight on my shoulders lift, Maria was by my side completely and I was going to talk to Max tomorrow and maybe even fix what damage I had done.
As I served customers I didn’t feel aggravated by their demands, as I have been lately, it almost felt bearable, like I could get through it and I did. I let Maria off early so she could go to Tess Harding’s party, something I didn’t mind doing seen the Crashdown was pretty slow tonight.
The last customers paid for their meals and made their way out, I swept the floors and placed the chairs on the table, I found some peace in just slowly working my way around the floors, it was silent and very still. Dad was up stairs doing some bills while Mom was probably just coming home with the shopping. I liked being alone downstairs it would keep me occupied instead of sitting in my room rotting away.
I started to think about the last time Tess had had a party, the neighbors called the cops and Maria, Michael, Max and I sat back and laughed as Tess tried to pull her moves on the officer to try and get out of this mess, which lead to her being arrested for supplying alcohol to minors.
Something really big would always happen at the party; the gossip would spread like a virus at our school. And what happened to the person would never die till the next party. Like last time Jordan Taylor was stripped completely naked and through into the Harding’s pool, his girlfriend Ashley Okabe was so embarrassed by it that she broke up with him while he nakedly swam in the pool.
I wondered what big thing would happen this time. I feel sorry for the poor person who would have to have the whole schooling gossiping about them and joking about them. It was never pretty.
“Liz!” My thoughts were jolted as I heard my mother scream my name as she thudded halfway down the stair from the back room, “Dinner’s ready!”
“Oh goody” I muttered under my breath as I made my way to the back room, dreading the extra crap I’ll get from both parents. The thought alone was deadening enough.
I ascended the stairs quickly and readied myself for tonight’s torture, but to my surprise my parents were seated at the table that had no usual set up of plates and food.
They sat stiffly at each end of the table waiting patiently for my arrival; this is so not good. I only get this whenever I have really done something wrong, or something terrible has happened like the night when they told Rosa and I that Grandma had died.
I approached slowly suddenly feeling a wave of dizziness flood my body, they know I’m pregnant that must be it why else would they be doing this.
“Oh shit.” I muttered under my breath, my heart began to pound in my chest wildly and my breath rasped from my dry lips. I didn’t know what was louder my thumping heart or my harsh hiccuping breathing that vibrated through my ears.
“Liz we need to speak with you.” Mom stated as they both noticed my entrance.
They watched my every move coldly as I took my seat at the table briskly. Both pairs of eyes drilled into me as I tried to meet their eye level.
“What?” I bit out coldly, uncomfortable under their gazes
“Your mother and I have made a decision,” He coolly stated looking down at me; I gripped the sit with my clammy hands thinking this was a weird turn to take to realizing my impending motherhood.
With out blinking he continued “If you don’t shape up and starting respecting the rules we have given then we will ship you off to the all Girls School of Vermont.”
“What?” I yelped out in fear, I couldn’t leave home and if they did move me they would definitely find out about the pregnancy. I can’t go; they can’t do this to me.
“We have it all ready, Liz. So if you ever feel like making a quick escape from this house, just know that it comes with a price.” He finished in a composed manner before my mother left the table to retrieve the dinner.
It happened so fast, a single decision told to me in seconds and there was no compromise, no choice whether I wanted to or not. It was a command that I had to follow
I rest my elbows on the table then cradle my head in my hands. This was not good, even when I was doing the right thing they just assumed that I had done something wrong and further punished me.
I closed my eyes willing the panic in my mind to stop. As my mother sat a plate of hot food in front of me I sat back merely staring at the untouched food, not even having the energy to pretend I was eating.
So I just sat, willing my mind blank as my parents continue casually eating and talking as if nothing had happened. Not even acknowledging I was there!
I hate my parents.
p.s angsty ahead!
Chapter 14
“So you heard about Tess Harding’s fabulous party she’s throwing tonight? Everyone’s invited.” Maria’s chipper mood contrasted with my own. She leaned against the locker next to mine hugging her books while I slowly sorted through my books.
“That’s great, you gonna go?” I mechanically asked her, my face remained emotionless as I kept looking through my locker.
“Liz, that’s not the kinda enthusiasm I’m looking for.” Maria said in a singsong voice, she was like an over enthusiastic cheerleader.
I gave her an empty expression as I shut my locker and moved down the hallway to our last class. It had been another long day. On my fathers little outing last night he came up with my punishment, I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere till he says so which could be forever, not even the library. I was to go to school for every class and make up for ones I missed and then work every afternoon shift till closing time.
It was only the first day of my punishment and I was already sick of it. Maria walked beside me as we made our way to Math.
“Liz, c’mon it’s been over a week seen you and Max broke up. And I understand that you need space but….” She paused slightly as we both stopped in the middle of the hallway. “You can’t push him away, Liz. If he wants to talk, talk to him maybe you’ll get that chance to know why his being such a bastard. I may not know the half of what’s going on with both of you, but he looks like hell….and so do you.” She held on to my forearm and waited till I actually faced her.
“You’re right, Maria you don’t know half of it. And what’s the point of listening to Max when he won’t even listen to me.” My impassive voice shocked her as I only then stared into her eyes, then proceded the rest of the way down the hall.
“Okay, okay!” She caught up with my stride and then whirled me around to face her.
“Just promise me you won’t keep going on like this.” Her eyes glistened with worry as she search my face for truth, but I just continued to look vacantly at her and finally nodded just to keep her happy.
“I’ll see you at work, okay.” She then gave me a heartening smile then walked into her Math class. I began to walk to my math class further down the hall. I kept my eyes to the floor just in case Max was entering the room at the same time. Every class we had together was an opportunity for him to hound me with pleas and question as to why I won’t even talk to him.
At one point I even screamed at him to leave me alone, the whole class had turned around to face us and I was mortified that I had done such a thing when he only wanted to talk. He didn’t deserve me screaming at him like that, I’ve already done enough.
As I approached the class I looked up to see where I was going, but regretted the action and stopped dead in my tracks, Max was also approaching the door closer to it than I was. We stood merely inches away from each other looking into each other’s sullen expressions.
For the first time I really looked at him, his dark hair that usually spiked up was now flat and scruffy, his form was sagged as his shoulders curved in a tired defeat and his five o’clock shadow was more darker and defined lining his tightened jaw. But the thing I noticed the most was his dull, dense amber eyes that had once sparkled but now seem weary and completely sunken.
I prepared myself for his usual determined stride towards me, but to my absolute surprise Max simply diverted his eyes dejectedly and continued into the classroom with his head down and shuffling his feet.
I stood outside the classroom dazed by what just happened, for this past week Max has relentlessly been hounding me to simply talk and try and work things out. But now, not even a determined expression but a defeated one. I didn’t know if I should be happy that he stopped annoying me so we could finally have some space, or sad that he’s given up on trying to fix us.
An overwhelming desire to run up to him and scream for him to not give up clouded my mind. What if he has given up on us completely, why wouldn’t he? I haven’t given him the time of day I’ve been such a bitch to him. Making him choose between me and confessing something so traumatizing was so stupid, I could have done this in a much more civil way but I couldn’t control my emotions.
Maybe I should talk to him and stop putting him on a pedestal; it’s his life too.
The second bell rang for class to begin; I shook off my stupor and walked into the classroom making up my mind that I would finally talk to Max, that I would stop pushing him away and deal with what was to come whether I like it or not.
*********************
“So Liz you gonna try coming to this party?” Maria asked as she tied her hair back in the mirror of the staff bathroom.
I watched as she flicked the elastic around her blond locks and then finally placed the silver glittered antenna band on her head.
“Do you really think that I would want to go another Tess Harding Party? People get drunk, dance around like idiots breaking expensive things, as Tess ‘the sheep’ tries to score points in popularity and then the police are there by twelve anyway breaking it up.” I stated sarcastically
Maria turned to me unaffected by my mocking attitude, “Your point?”
“Whatever.” I leant against the doorframe and rolled my eyes, for a few seconds there, things felt normal. I wanted that feeling to linger in me, expand into countless hours and never go away.
“C’mon Liz, everyone likes to party! Even grumpy bitches like yourself.”
“Ouch.” I smirked in obvious defeat
“Liz, I’m worried about you.” Our lighthearted conversation just turned serious.
“You have to try and live a little before have to grow up completely.”
Maria was always pointing out the most important parts of life. It was true, in nine months I’m gonna be a mother to someone who’s needs come before mine and who counts on me 24/7. My freedom as a child is slipping away, but it’s not like I could really enjoy myself anyway.
Whoa! Back it up a bit, am I really gonna keep this baby, am I really gonna go through with it. The thought itself was shocking; I’ve never really consisted any of this. I suddenly realized Maria was still in the room
“I know.” I muttered under my breath keeping my gaze to the floor.
“But I can’t Maria, for one thing my parents are keeping me under surveillance and wont’ let me even go to the store without one of them accompanying me.” I shook my head as I looked to my feet before I continued
“I’m just messed up at the moment Maria and I can’t have fun till everything is fixed.” I looked at her saddened by my realization and scared to admit my next step to her.
“I’m gonna talk to Max tomorrow. You were right, no matter how much he was being a complete bastard I can’t just push him, because it’s not just one sided, I’ve been hurtful to him too. And I just want it to stop.”
Maria moved forward and embraced me in a tight, secure hug. I welcomed such warmth from her without hesitation, it reminded me that they were still people in the world who knew I was pregnant and gave me their full support. It gave me hope.
“I’m glad you realize this, Chica. You gotta face him sometime and listen to what has to say. You guys don’t deserve going through this kinda pain.” She pulled back to look me in the eye, bracing my shoulders as she did.
“Which brings me to my next question,” I watched as the gentle concern washed over her face, I nodded for her to continue.
“What are you doing about the baby?” She questioned softly and slowly, the question was totally unsettling to me. I turned my head away but Maria pulled my shoulders forward to look me in the eye and press the issue.
“I’ve avoid these kinda question for a while now Liz, because I know you don’t want to talk about it. But you really need to Liz; you need to think about it. So what are you doing?” She quickly added as I avoid eye contact feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute.
“I don’t know. I don’t know because I don’t wanna think about it because any decision I make won’t make anything better. I-I ...just can’t okay.” I repressed the glistening in my eyes, it was hard acknowledging the baby growing inside me at this very minute, it upset me, that it didn’t bring me joy or Max joy, it just brought pain, confusion and total and complete fear.
“Okay.” Maria tenderly responded rubbing the top length of my arms comfortingly.
“Liz!” I heard my father yelled from the kitchen
“We better get to work.” I sighed rolling my eyes at my father’s yelling.
As we walked out towards the front I felt some of the weight on my shoulders lift, Maria was by my side completely and I was going to talk to Max tomorrow and maybe even fix what damage I had done.
As I served customers I didn’t feel aggravated by their demands, as I have been lately, it almost felt bearable, like I could get through it and I did. I let Maria off early so she could go to Tess Harding’s party, something I didn’t mind doing seen the Crashdown was pretty slow tonight.
The last customers paid for their meals and made their way out, I swept the floors and placed the chairs on the table, I found some peace in just slowly working my way around the floors, it was silent and very still. Dad was up stairs doing some bills while Mom was probably just coming home with the shopping. I liked being alone downstairs it would keep me occupied instead of sitting in my room rotting away.
I started to think about the last time Tess had had a party, the neighbors called the cops and Maria, Michael, Max and I sat back and laughed as Tess tried to pull her moves on the officer to try and get out of this mess, which lead to her being arrested for supplying alcohol to minors.
Something really big would always happen at the party; the gossip would spread like a virus at our school. And what happened to the person would never die till the next party. Like last time Jordan Taylor was stripped completely naked and through into the Harding’s pool, his girlfriend Ashley Okabe was so embarrassed by it that she broke up with him while he nakedly swam in the pool.
I wondered what big thing would happen this time. I feel sorry for the poor person who would have to have the whole schooling gossiping about them and joking about them. It was never pretty.
“Liz!” My thoughts were jolted as I heard my mother scream my name as she thudded halfway down the stair from the back room, “Dinner’s ready!”
“Oh goody” I muttered under my breath as I made my way to the back room, dreading the extra crap I’ll get from both parents. The thought alone was deadening enough.
I ascended the stairs quickly and readied myself for tonight’s torture, but to my surprise my parents were seated at the table that had no usual set up of plates and food.
They sat stiffly at each end of the table waiting patiently for my arrival; this is so not good. I only get this whenever I have really done something wrong, or something terrible has happened like the night when they told Rosa and I that Grandma had died.
I approached slowly suddenly feeling a wave of dizziness flood my body, they know I’m pregnant that must be it why else would they be doing this.
“Oh shit.” I muttered under my breath, my heart began to pound in my chest wildly and my breath rasped from my dry lips. I didn’t know what was louder my thumping heart or my harsh hiccuping breathing that vibrated through my ears.
“Liz we need to speak with you.” Mom stated as they both noticed my entrance.
They watched my every move coldly as I took my seat at the table briskly. Both pairs of eyes drilled into me as I tried to meet their eye level.
“What?” I bit out coldly, uncomfortable under their gazes
“Your mother and I have made a decision,” He coolly stated looking down at me; I gripped the sit with my clammy hands thinking this was a weird turn to take to realizing my impending motherhood.
With out blinking he continued “If you don’t shape up and starting respecting the rules we have given then we will ship you off to the all Girls School of Vermont.”
“What?” I yelped out in fear, I couldn’t leave home and if they did move me they would definitely find out about the pregnancy. I can’t go; they can’t do this to me.
“We have it all ready, Liz. So if you ever feel like making a quick escape from this house, just know that it comes with a price.” He finished in a composed manner before my mother left the table to retrieve the dinner.
It happened so fast, a single decision told to me in seconds and there was no compromise, no choice whether I wanted to or not. It was a command that I had to follow
I rest my elbows on the table then cradle my head in my hands. This was not good, even when I was doing the right thing they just assumed that I had done something wrong and further punished me.
I closed my eyes willing the panic in my mind to stop. As my mother sat a plate of hot food in front of me I sat back merely staring at the untouched food, not even having the energy to pretend I was eating.
So I just sat, willing my mind blank as my parents continue casually eating and talking as if nothing had happened. Not even acknowledging I was there!
I hate my parents.
-
Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Oh Dee what would i do without u, u crack me up :lol!:
Now heres the next part and i'm givin a Strong Warning:Double whammie of angst. Remember to breathe!
this is pretty lenghtie then usually cuz i tried to get as much angst outa the way.
so please bare with me cuz the next chapter isn't gona be packed with angst, i hope.
Chapter 15
Insomnia plagued me last night as I tossed and turned for a good few hours before finally grabbing my blanket and crawling out onto my balcony to watch the starry night turn slowly into dawn.
I lay on my deck chair just staring into space wondering how I was to approach Max in the following hours and how I was to keep my parents from sending me away to boarding school. Fury swamped my body, as the thought was down right ridiculous as it was their way of getting rid of the ‘unwanted daughter’.
In those hours last night in the cool breezing and humming of night life I had vengefully thought that I could make them send me away then I could run away and never look back, but as soon as it entered my mind I knew I didn’t want to leave my home, friends and most of all Max.
Max. Had he gone through another sleepless night like me, tossing and turning at thoughts of me? Or even having a night wondering what to say to me?
I shook my head of any thought like that as I closed my car door, I should be in the frame of mind to be able to approach Max and talk to him, really talk to him.
I rushed through the school parking lot not noticing the pointing fingers and whispers as I passed people. I briskly walked through the corridor realizing that a lot of people were now staring at me and either snickering or whispering. What the hell was going on, did I have something on my face? Was there a ‘kick me’ sign on my back?
I shifted my bag on my shoulder suddenly realizing ever person in the hallway was actually staring at me. What the hell was going on?
I picked up my brisk walk and almost ran the rest of the way to my locker with my head down as more eyes burned into the back of my head. Did they know something about Max and me? About the baby?!
I suddenly ran into hard chest that made me step back to get my balance. I looked up quickly to apologize but my mouth snapped shut when I saw Max staring down at me. His eyes were red and glazed over and even worse than they were yesterday.
“Max…Hi.” I stuttered out, not noticing the continuing stares in the hallway.
“Hi,” Max barely spoke; he looked haggard and completely miserable. I resisted the urge to comfort him, to hug him, to be wrapped up in his scent. I felt some relief in his miserable appearance that he was finally feeling what I was feeling. I felt a hope that he finally sees the damage he’s done, because how could he look like that and say they don’t care.
“Liz, we really need to talk…” He muttered out while closing his eyes and scratching his eyebrow as if it would help him focus. This endearing habit made me want to smile but I bit down on my lip to keep from doing it and continued on.
“You’re right; we do need to talk without breaking out into some fight--”
“Liz, --”
“I mean you were right this whole week and I just shouldn’t have pushed you away—“
“Liz --.”
“…-we should just at least come to some kind of agreement or understanding so that--”
“Liz!” Max bit out loudly when I hadn’t really noticed he was trying to get my attention.
“What?” I questioned innocently and nervously. Something seemed wrong with Max, waves of guilt played over his face at my every word.
“I…” He took a long breath then continued gradually, “I did something really, really bad…..look, maybe we should talk somewhere else.” He gestured his hand to the people pretending not to listen, but I wanted to know now.
“What?” I slowly wavered out in a dreading tone, my eyes glistening with tears of fear, dread and anger.
“Last night I…um--” He swallowed thickly but before he could continue JayJay Preston, the school’s most popular jock walked up to Max slapping him on the back without acknowledging me at all.
“Hey Evans, nice way to score with that hottie Tess Harding last night.”
JayJay gave a smile of approval then continued to linger on Max shoulder, but my vision was blurred by tears and I felt like my body go into total melt down. I couldn’t breathe, think or move. Was he being serious, did I just hear him correctly
“Oh sorry, Liz.” JayJay snickered out then gave one of his jock friends a high five.
I just stared at Max, shock and pain consuming my body. My throat was choked up with tears and the deafening beat of my heart. I wanted the floor to open and just swallow me whole.
“Fuck off, JayJay!” I heard Max bellow and then throw JayJay across the hallway and into the crowd of people.
Max quickly turned back to me, but all I could do was slowly shake my head as Max took a step forward, tears also glistening in his eyes.
“Liz, I--” He held out his as he came closer.
“Why?” I sobbed out my bottom lip trembling as I stood gripping my fists. He snapped his mouth open and shut.
“WHY?” I screamed loudly as it seemed to hush the crowd gathering around us watching the tragic event unfold, it sickened me that people would get entertainment out of this.
“I was really, really drunk and--” He tried to come closer to me but I stepped back again.
“Did you sleep with her?!” My voice wavered with anger and betrayal, ragged breath escaped my mouth as the constant tears streamed down my cheeks, I didn’t bother wiping them away.
He looked down to the floor, and then slowly brought his gaze again to mine. His face said it all. His eyes were flooded with guilt and treachery.
“You bastard.” My hand whipped up from my side and viciously slapped him across the face; I then turned on my heels and pushed my way through the crowds of people blocking my escape.
“Liz!” Max yelled from behind me, but nothing could stop me now my mind blocked with the thoughts of Max actually sleeping with my most hated person on this plant. That bastard knew how much I hated her yet he still went to her. The sobs frantically building in my throat caused an aching desire to just crumble to the ground and never get up.
My feet pounded on the ground as I hysterically sobbed and cried and made my way past the mass of students swarming the hall and back to the car.
As I burst through the main school entrance, I felt a thick, muscled arm wrap around my waist, I struggled to free myself from it grasp. I didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Max.
“L-Let…me-me go!” I cried out weakly trying to push myself from his tight grip.
Max crouched over me, my back against his chest. As I fumbled to be free he pressed me closer to his body. To a body that he gave away to that bitch, a body that only I saw, a body that could still be cover with her dry sweat mixed with his.
I sobbed again; I trembled from the force of my crying. It was worse then anything I had ever experienced, all the hurt and mind numbing pain of everything that has happened over the past two months was resurfacing. But nothing felt worse than knowing he could do this to me.
Max continued to hold me, I could feel his sobs harshly brush against my ear as his head rested near the crook of my neck.
“Please Liz…please.” He begged holding me tighter, but I shook my head still crying hopelessly. I gripped at his forearm as if it kept him from holding me tighter
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…please Liz, I thought we were over and it hurt so much…I didn’t know what to do. Please Liz, talk to me. Please don’t go…..please don’t leave me again.” He wavered out, only for the slightest second did I consider it, but the harsh reality was just too much to bear. He slept with Tess and it made me physically ill.
“Please let-let go….your hurting me.” I rushed out the lie quicker then expected, I knew that he would let go if I told him that and he did. Too bad he doesn’t do that when he’s emotional hurting me.
“I’m sorry, Liz. I’m such an idiot, it was bad, fucked-up judgment…I didn’t mean for it to happen….but please Liz don’t leave me.” He pleaded as new tears ran down his face.
I shook my head as I backed away slowly finding a little control and composure, “How…how could you do this to me? I came to school hoping to make….to make thing better but you…” I couldn’t continue I was just so disgusted and I felt like the world was collapsing around me once again. This was too much, how the hell could this happen to a person like me.
I sobbed again diverting my eyes to try and compose myself, but I couldn’t. Slowly I looked back to his pleading gaze, his frightened stare as I just backed away doing what I did the best, running away.
“Liz…please.” I barely heard Max as I sprinted to the car, looking back only once to see him drop heavily to his knees.
I drove blindly home, not remembering that I wasn’t allowed to be doing this, that any slip up would send me away to boarding school, but it didn’t matter to me, nothing did.
I screeched around the corner and came to a stop in the alley way behind the Crashdown. Slamming the car door shut I stormed through the back door into the back staff room. Running up the stair as quick as I could I wasn’t able to avoid my father’s presence. Within seconds of slamming my door shut my father came storming through, fury burning on his face.
“Why aren’t you at school? We made it pretty clear Liz that there are no excuses for leaving!” His tone was moments from screaming the place down. I couldn’t deal with him; I didn’t care what he said…I didn’t care.
“Liz, don’t make me ask again.” He advanced forward taking a harsher tone. I didn’t even look him in the eye I just wanted him out, I wanted to just sit in my shower and be alone.
I shifted my weight from foot to foot swaying slightly as I braced my hands on each side of my head.
“Please just get out.” I muttered as I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying, I never cried in front of my parents and I wasn’t about to start now.
“Not without an explanation.” My father then crossed his arms over his chest a sign that he wasn’t moving one step out of this room.
“Just get out!” I hollered at him still shifting my weight uncomfortably and avoiding his stare completely.
“NO! I will not let you get away with this! Either get back in that car right now and get back to school or I send you off to Vermont!” He came closer to stand over me; I was so irritated by him I just wanted him out
“You can’t send me to that boarding school!” I screamed out finally meeting his glare above me, not thinking about what I was saying. I was at the end of my rope.
“Oh yes I can! I can do whatever I want.” He bit out somewhat immaturely.
“I can’t go!” I yelled out again in total aggravation.
“Why because Max is here and you can’t leave him!”
“No because I’m pregnant and he is the father!” I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as it left my mouth.
Nice move, Parker. Now just dig yourself a grave.
I stared at his mixed expressions of shock, rage and satisfaction that I had finally screwed up big time, I feared this moment most of all.
“YOU’RE WHAT!” He snapped out right before my mother made her usual entrance standing bewildered at the sight of me in actual mortification and fear while my father stood in down right outrage.
“You-You heard me.” My tone was shaky but I tried to strain it out in harshness. Before he could response I turned on my heels, run the rest of the way to my small bathroom and slammed the door quickly locking it as I did.
I pressed up against the back of the door and slid down to the floor.
How could I be so stupid, how could I let it slip so easily.
Oh god, I can’t leave this bathroom, not for anything. I wasn’t just afraid of what my parents would think or act; it was how my father would take it that scared me the most. He hasn’t hit me before, but he has come close but only when he was really angry and something tells me that he’s beyond anger right now.
As I sat on the floor, my heart pounding in my ears, I heard my mother nagging my father to know just what happened.
“She’s WHAT?” I heard her yelp right before she and my dad come right up against the door hammering their fists on it wildly. I shuffle along the floor crawling my way into the furthest corner and bracing my knees into my chest.
I was actually shaking all over with fear, and not just fear of my parents. I was truly alone in all this, the thought was completely numbing and I couldn’t repress the flood of tears anymore. Sobs wrecked my body as I pressed myself further into the cold tile wall.
“Help me…someone please help me.” I prayed in hiccupping sobs.
I had sunk to my lowest, Max had slept with that fucking bitch Tess and the thought alone made me want to vomit, my parents knew I was pregnant because of my stupidity of letting it slip in a moment of rage and now I’m totally alone ……and it is all my fault.
If I hadn’t idiotically broken up with Max and not been such a bitch to him, then he wouldn’t have gone to her…would he? Oh god, why did he do it! Why did he go to her and not me….why doesn’t her love me?
My father pounded again on the door, screaming for me to come out while I could hear my mother chanting her disbelief and disgust.
“ELIZABETH GET OUT HERE NOW!” He hollowed before slamming his fists against the door once again.
“No.” I whimpered out softly before letting my head drop to my knees, I had never been more terrified of my parents or never more pained about Max…..and I just wanted to end it all.
Before my thoughts could carry on I heard my father stop abruptly beating on the door. I snapped my head up hoping that he had given up and stormed off.
I was wrong.
“YOU!” I heard my dad roar with rage, and it wasn’t at me.
“Mr. Parker! I just wanted a moment with Liz!” That was Max! What was he doing here…he’ll be killed.
I jumped from the floor and burst through the door to see Max holding up his hands up in surrender as my father advanced on him with a clenched fist.
“Max!” I yelped out forgetting that being in the bathroom was my only safe haven.
“You little bastard!” My father grumbled out before slamming his fist hard into Max’s face, the slapping thud of skin and bone made my jaw tense at its sound.
Max stumbled back against the window where he would have made his little entrance from my balcony. I stood in pure shock and quickly snapped out of my stupor to see my father bring his fist back to hit Max with another one.
“Dad! Stop it!” I ran forward launching my hands at his fist to jar them from making another blow. But I only drew attention on myself. Using the arm I had gripped tightly too, dad pushed me back and turned all of his fury on me once again.
I stumbled from his force and finally crumbled to the ground when I lost my footing, backing into my bed.
“How could you do this? How could you be such an idiot!” My father yelled as he took slow steps forward while I scrambled to get up off the floor.
“Getting yourself knocked up! Well done, Liz you’ve succeeded in hitting your lowest!”
I roared out again, I didn’t even notice Max wiping the blood from his mouth and taking note that I was about to receive the total wrath of my father. “It was a mistake!” I whimpered out finding myself digging an even deeper grave, now with Max here how the hell was I supposed to survive this while he stood right there making a situation worse
“A mistake! That’s no excuse for being so irresponsible. It’s disgusting how you can so freely give yourself out to this son of a bitch. People will talk and they will think you’re easy!” He bit out icy cold.
“Well I guess Rosa and I do have something in common!” I retorted frigidly, I was skating on very thin ice here and mentioning my sister and her real truth cut my parents up.
“You little slut.” He muttered in fury then raised his hand pulling it back to slap me with an open hand.
I sucked in my breath and froze in place, his abuse had been only verbal but now it was about to be physical. Before I could receive his blow Max intercepted and grabbing my father’s wrist firmly. Max was way stronger than my father, but I knew he wouldn’t use his strength on my father unless it was dangerous.
“Don’t you dare touch her.” Max whipped my father’s hand away and stood protectively in front of me. Strangely enough I wanted to have him near me.
“Get out of my way, Evans.” My father challenged, boring his eyes into Max. I felt the air crackle with growing tension. I stepped up closer behind Max and gripped at his elbow, I felt his tense arm muscles slightly relax, but it was short-lived because my dad grabbed Max by the shoulders and slammed him into my desk.
“MAX!” I yelped once again trying to step forward but I felt my mother grip my arm and pull me back whipping me around to face her. It was her first movement I’d seen since I had stepped outside that bathroom.
At first I thought it was because she wanted my father to have the chance to beat the hell out of Max, but surprisingly I was wrong her gesture was out of care. She did not want me to be hurt. I could see it in her glassy, glistening eyes. For a moment it shocked me completely and she saw my bewilderment. And what made it even weirder was she seemed hurt by my look.
I snapped back into reality when I heard Max and my father stumble into my long length mirror. The mirror shattered into a million pieces cascading to the floor along with both their bodies, crunching the already shattered bits of mirror into more dust. Funny enough it seemed to represent to me each stage of my heart breaking. Max rejecting me and the baby; shattering my heart, then me breaking up with Max and causing more damage; each falling piece of my heart coming to a crash to the ground and of course Max sleeping with Tess; my heart grinding to dust.
“Jeff, get off him!” I heard my mother yell when my father began to pound his fist in Max’s face again, pinning Max to the ground with his knee. The sound of colliding bones smacking against each other made me lurch once again and pull my dad back by the hair and shoulder.
“GET OFF HIM!” I screamed as my father once again focussed his force on me but was stopped by Max jolting forward and pushing my father on his back.
Before I could react Max jumped up grabbing my hand firmly and sprinted out the door with me struggling behind. My father didn’t make another sound and I was surprised, I thought he would have told me to never come back or cursed and come charging after us, but he did nothing as Max and I made a break for it running down the stairs and jumping into Max’s jeep.
How did all this happen in one day, in merely hours? It was daunting.
And how was I supposed to deal with it, when I couldn’t even deal with a teen pregnancy, let alone hateful parents and an emotional retarded boyfriend who cheated on me.
It was like my life was an endless spiral of turmoil, and escape seemed futile.
Now heres the next part and i'm givin a Strong Warning:Double whammie of angst. Remember to breathe!
this is pretty lenghtie then usually cuz i tried to get as much angst outa the way.
so please bare with me cuz the next chapter isn't gona be packed with angst, i hope.
Chapter 15
Insomnia plagued me last night as I tossed and turned for a good few hours before finally grabbing my blanket and crawling out onto my balcony to watch the starry night turn slowly into dawn.
I lay on my deck chair just staring into space wondering how I was to approach Max in the following hours and how I was to keep my parents from sending me away to boarding school. Fury swamped my body, as the thought was down right ridiculous as it was their way of getting rid of the ‘unwanted daughter’.
In those hours last night in the cool breezing and humming of night life I had vengefully thought that I could make them send me away then I could run away and never look back, but as soon as it entered my mind I knew I didn’t want to leave my home, friends and most of all Max.
Max. Had he gone through another sleepless night like me, tossing and turning at thoughts of me? Or even having a night wondering what to say to me?
I shook my head of any thought like that as I closed my car door, I should be in the frame of mind to be able to approach Max and talk to him, really talk to him.
I rushed through the school parking lot not noticing the pointing fingers and whispers as I passed people. I briskly walked through the corridor realizing that a lot of people were now staring at me and either snickering or whispering. What the hell was going on, did I have something on my face? Was there a ‘kick me’ sign on my back?
I shifted my bag on my shoulder suddenly realizing ever person in the hallway was actually staring at me. What the hell was going on?
I picked up my brisk walk and almost ran the rest of the way to my locker with my head down as more eyes burned into the back of my head. Did they know something about Max and me? About the baby?!
I suddenly ran into hard chest that made me step back to get my balance. I looked up quickly to apologize but my mouth snapped shut when I saw Max staring down at me. His eyes were red and glazed over and even worse than they were yesterday.
“Max…Hi.” I stuttered out, not noticing the continuing stares in the hallway.
“Hi,” Max barely spoke; he looked haggard and completely miserable. I resisted the urge to comfort him, to hug him, to be wrapped up in his scent. I felt some relief in his miserable appearance that he was finally feeling what I was feeling. I felt a hope that he finally sees the damage he’s done, because how could he look like that and say they don’t care.
“Liz, we really need to talk…” He muttered out while closing his eyes and scratching his eyebrow as if it would help him focus. This endearing habit made me want to smile but I bit down on my lip to keep from doing it and continued on.
“You’re right; we do need to talk without breaking out into some fight--”
“Liz, --”
“I mean you were right this whole week and I just shouldn’t have pushed you away—“
“Liz --.”
“…-we should just at least come to some kind of agreement or understanding so that--”
“Liz!” Max bit out loudly when I hadn’t really noticed he was trying to get my attention.
“What?” I questioned innocently and nervously. Something seemed wrong with Max, waves of guilt played over his face at my every word.
“I…” He took a long breath then continued gradually, “I did something really, really bad…..look, maybe we should talk somewhere else.” He gestured his hand to the people pretending not to listen, but I wanted to know now.
“What?” I slowly wavered out in a dreading tone, my eyes glistening with tears of fear, dread and anger.
“Last night I…um--” He swallowed thickly but before he could continue JayJay Preston, the school’s most popular jock walked up to Max slapping him on the back without acknowledging me at all.
“Hey Evans, nice way to score with that hottie Tess Harding last night.”
JayJay gave a smile of approval then continued to linger on Max shoulder, but my vision was blurred by tears and I felt like my body go into total melt down. I couldn’t breathe, think or move. Was he being serious, did I just hear him correctly
“Oh sorry, Liz.” JayJay snickered out then gave one of his jock friends a high five.
I just stared at Max, shock and pain consuming my body. My throat was choked up with tears and the deafening beat of my heart. I wanted the floor to open and just swallow me whole.
“Fuck off, JayJay!” I heard Max bellow and then throw JayJay across the hallway and into the crowd of people.
Max quickly turned back to me, but all I could do was slowly shake my head as Max took a step forward, tears also glistening in his eyes.
“Liz, I--” He held out his as he came closer.
“Why?” I sobbed out my bottom lip trembling as I stood gripping my fists. He snapped his mouth open and shut.
“WHY?” I screamed loudly as it seemed to hush the crowd gathering around us watching the tragic event unfold, it sickened me that people would get entertainment out of this.
“I was really, really drunk and--” He tried to come closer to me but I stepped back again.
“Did you sleep with her?!” My voice wavered with anger and betrayal, ragged breath escaped my mouth as the constant tears streamed down my cheeks, I didn’t bother wiping them away.
He looked down to the floor, and then slowly brought his gaze again to mine. His face said it all. His eyes were flooded with guilt and treachery.
“You bastard.” My hand whipped up from my side and viciously slapped him across the face; I then turned on my heels and pushed my way through the crowds of people blocking my escape.
“Liz!” Max yelled from behind me, but nothing could stop me now my mind blocked with the thoughts of Max actually sleeping with my most hated person on this plant. That bastard knew how much I hated her yet he still went to her. The sobs frantically building in my throat caused an aching desire to just crumble to the ground and never get up.
My feet pounded on the ground as I hysterically sobbed and cried and made my way past the mass of students swarming the hall and back to the car.
As I burst through the main school entrance, I felt a thick, muscled arm wrap around my waist, I struggled to free myself from it grasp. I didn’t need to turn around to know that it was Max.
“L-Let…me-me go!” I cried out weakly trying to push myself from his tight grip.
Max crouched over me, my back against his chest. As I fumbled to be free he pressed me closer to his body. To a body that he gave away to that bitch, a body that only I saw, a body that could still be cover with her dry sweat mixed with his.
I sobbed again; I trembled from the force of my crying. It was worse then anything I had ever experienced, all the hurt and mind numbing pain of everything that has happened over the past two months was resurfacing. But nothing felt worse than knowing he could do this to me.
Max continued to hold me, I could feel his sobs harshly brush against my ear as his head rested near the crook of my neck.
“Please Liz…please.” He begged holding me tighter, but I shook my head still crying hopelessly. I gripped at his forearm as if it kept him from holding me tighter
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…please Liz, I thought we were over and it hurt so much…I didn’t know what to do. Please Liz, talk to me. Please don’t go…..please don’t leave me again.” He wavered out, only for the slightest second did I consider it, but the harsh reality was just too much to bear. He slept with Tess and it made me physically ill.
“Please let-let go….your hurting me.” I rushed out the lie quicker then expected, I knew that he would let go if I told him that and he did. Too bad he doesn’t do that when he’s emotional hurting me.
“I’m sorry, Liz. I’m such an idiot, it was bad, fucked-up judgment…I didn’t mean for it to happen….but please Liz don’t leave me.” He pleaded as new tears ran down his face.
I shook my head as I backed away slowly finding a little control and composure, “How…how could you do this to me? I came to school hoping to make….to make thing better but you…” I couldn’t continue I was just so disgusted and I felt like the world was collapsing around me once again. This was too much, how the hell could this happen to a person like me.
I sobbed again diverting my eyes to try and compose myself, but I couldn’t. Slowly I looked back to his pleading gaze, his frightened stare as I just backed away doing what I did the best, running away.
“Liz…please.” I barely heard Max as I sprinted to the car, looking back only once to see him drop heavily to his knees.
I drove blindly home, not remembering that I wasn’t allowed to be doing this, that any slip up would send me away to boarding school, but it didn’t matter to me, nothing did.
I screeched around the corner and came to a stop in the alley way behind the Crashdown. Slamming the car door shut I stormed through the back door into the back staff room. Running up the stair as quick as I could I wasn’t able to avoid my father’s presence. Within seconds of slamming my door shut my father came storming through, fury burning on his face.
“Why aren’t you at school? We made it pretty clear Liz that there are no excuses for leaving!” His tone was moments from screaming the place down. I couldn’t deal with him; I didn’t care what he said…I didn’t care.
“Liz, don’t make me ask again.” He advanced forward taking a harsher tone. I didn’t even look him in the eye I just wanted him out, I wanted to just sit in my shower and be alone.
I shifted my weight from foot to foot swaying slightly as I braced my hands on each side of my head.
“Please just get out.” I muttered as I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying, I never cried in front of my parents and I wasn’t about to start now.
“Not without an explanation.” My father then crossed his arms over his chest a sign that he wasn’t moving one step out of this room.
“Just get out!” I hollered at him still shifting my weight uncomfortably and avoiding his stare completely.
“NO! I will not let you get away with this! Either get back in that car right now and get back to school or I send you off to Vermont!” He came closer to stand over me; I was so irritated by him I just wanted him out
“You can’t send me to that boarding school!” I screamed out finally meeting his glare above me, not thinking about what I was saying. I was at the end of my rope.
“Oh yes I can! I can do whatever I want.” He bit out somewhat immaturely.
“I can’t go!” I yelled out again in total aggravation.
“Why because Max is here and you can’t leave him!”
“No because I’m pregnant and he is the father!” I slapped my hand over my mouth as soon as it left my mouth.
Nice move, Parker. Now just dig yourself a grave.
I stared at his mixed expressions of shock, rage and satisfaction that I had finally screwed up big time, I feared this moment most of all.
“YOU’RE WHAT!” He snapped out right before my mother made her usual entrance standing bewildered at the sight of me in actual mortification and fear while my father stood in down right outrage.
“You-You heard me.” My tone was shaky but I tried to strain it out in harshness. Before he could response I turned on my heels, run the rest of the way to my small bathroom and slammed the door quickly locking it as I did.
I pressed up against the back of the door and slid down to the floor.
How could I be so stupid, how could I let it slip so easily.
Oh god, I can’t leave this bathroom, not for anything. I wasn’t just afraid of what my parents would think or act; it was how my father would take it that scared me the most. He hasn’t hit me before, but he has come close but only when he was really angry and something tells me that he’s beyond anger right now.
As I sat on the floor, my heart pounding in my ears, I heard my mother nagging my father to know just what happened.
“She’s WHAT?” I heard her yelp right before she and my dad come right up against the door hammering their fists on it wildly. I shuffle along the floor crawling my way into the furthest corner and bracing my knees into my chest.
I was actually shaking all over with fear, and not just fear of my parents. I was truly alone in all this, the thought was completely numbing and I couldn’t repress the flood of tears anymore. Sobs wrecked my body as I pressed myself further into the cold tile wall.
“Help me…someone please help me.” I prayed in hiccupping sobs.
I had sunk to my lowest, Max had slept with that fucking bitch Tess and the thought alone made me want to vomit, my parents knew I was pregnant because of my stupidity of letting it slip in a moment of rage and now I’m totally alone ……and it is all my fault.
If I hadn’t idiotically broken up with Max and not been such a bitch to him, then he wouldn’t have gone to her…would he? Oh god, why did he do it! Why did he go to her and not me….why doesn’t her love me?
My father pounded again on the door, screaming for me to come out while I could hear my mother chanting her disbelief and disgust.
“ELIZABETH GET OUT HERE NOW!” He hollowed before slamming his fists against the door once again.
“No.” I whimpered out softly before letting my head drop to my knees, I had never been more terrified of my parents or never more pained about Max…..and I just wanted to end it all.
Before my thoughts could carry on I heard my father stop abruptly beating on the door. I snapped my head up hoping that he had given up and stormed off.
I was wrong.
“YOU!” I heard my dad roar with rage, and it wasn’t at me.
“Mr. Parker! I just wanted a moment with Liz!” That was Max! What was he doing here…he’ll be killed.
I jumped from the floor and burst through the door to see Max holding up his hands up in surrender as my father advanced on him with a clenched fist.
“Max!” I yelped out forgetting that being in the bathroom was my only safe haven.
“You little bastard!” My father grumbled out before slamming his fist hard into Max’s face, the slapping thud of skin and bone made my jaw tense at its sound.
Max stumbled back against the window where he would have made his little entrance from my balcony. I stood in pure shock and quickly snapped out of my stupor to see my father bring his fist back to hit Max with another one.
“Dad! Stop it!” I ran forward launching my hands at his fist to jar them from making another blow. But I only drew attention on myself. Using the arm I had gripped tightly too, dad pushed me back and turned all of his fury on me once again.
I stumbled from his force and finally crumbled to the ground when I lost my footing, backing into my bed.
“How could you do this? How could you be such an idiot!” My father yelled as he took slow steps forward while I scrambled to get up off the floor.
“Getting yourself knocked up! Well done, Liz you’ve succeeded in hitting your lowest!”
I roared out again, I didn’t even notice Max wiping the blood from his mouth and taking note that I was about to receive the total wrath of my father. “It was a mistake!” I whimpered out finding myself digging an even deeper grave, now with Max here how the hell was I supposed to survive this while he stood right there making a situation worse
“A mistake! That’s no excuse for being so irresponsible. It’s disgusting how you can so freely give yourself out to this son of a bitch. People will talk and they will think you’re easy!” He bit out icy cold.
“Well I guess Rosa and I do have something in common!” I retorted frigidly, I was skating on very thin ice here and mentioning my sister and her real truth cut my parents up.
“You little slut.” He muttered in fury then raised his hand pulling it back to slap me with an open hand.
I sucked in my breath and froze in place, his abuse had been only verbal but now it was about to be physical. Before I could receive his blow Max intercepted and grabbing my father’s wrist firmly. Max was way stronger than my father, but I knew he wouldn’t use his strength on my father unless it was dangerous.
“Don’t you dare touch her.” Max whipped my father’s hand away and stood protectively in front of me. Strangely enough I wanted to have him near me.
“Get out of my way, Evans.” My father challenged, boring his eyes into Max. I felt the air crackle with growing tension. I stepped up closer behind Max and gripped at his elbow, I felt his tense arm muscles slightly relax, but it was short-lived because my dad grabbed Max by the shoulders and slammed him into my desk.
“MAX!” I yelped once again trying to step forward but I felt my mother grip my arm and pull me back whipping me around to face her. It was her first movement I’d seen since I had stepped outside that bathroom.
At first I thought it was because she wanted my father to have the chance to beat the hell out of Max, but surprisingly I was wrong her gesture was out of care. She did not want me to be hurt. I could see it in her glassy, glistening eyes. For a moment it shocked me completely and she saw my bewilderment. And what made it even weirder was she seemed hurt by my look.
I snapped back into reality when I heard Max and my father stumble into my long length mirror. The mirror shattered into a million pieces cascading to the floor along with both their bodies, crunching the already shattered bits of mirror into more dust. Funny enough it seemed to represent to me each stage of my heart breaking. Max rejecting me and the baby; shattering my heart, then me breaking up with Max and causing more damage; each falling piece of my heart coming to a crash to the ground and of course Max sleeping with Tess; my heart grinding to dust.
“Jeff, get off him!” I heard my mother yell when my father began to pound his fist in Max’s face again, pinning Max to the ground with his knee. The sound of colliding bones smacking against each other made me lurch once again and pull my dad back by the hair and shoulder.
“GET OFF HIM!” I screamed as my father once again focussed his force on me but was stopped by Max jolting forward and pushing my father on his back.
Before I could react Max jumped up grabbing my hand firmly and sprinted out the door with me struggling behind. My father didn’t make another sound and I was surprised, I thought he would have told me to never come back or cursed and come charging after us, but he did nothing as Max and I made a break for it running down the stairs and jumping into Max’s jeep.
How did all this happen in one day, in merely hours? It was daunting.
And how was I supposed to deal with it, when I couldn’t even deal with a teen pregnancy, let alone hateful parents and an emotional retarded boyfriend who cheated on me.
It was like my life was an endless spiral of turmoil, and escape seemed futile.
-
Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
thank u so much u guyz, for all ur great comments and feedback.
Heres the next chapter and i hope u like.
Chapter 16
As Max pulled into the curb in front of a café just outside of town, I suddenly found myself realizing where I was. The past few minutes seemed to flash before my eyes and now I was numb with shock and complete disorientation. What just happened seemed like a nightmare beyond extremes.
And now here I sat in the passenger seat of Max’s jeep yet again, curled up in a ball and considering the options of whether to run for it or just play out the situation and then walk away. My mind was fogged with upsetting thoughts that I couldn’t repress and dealing with Max was not something I think I could do. I couldn’t even look at him.
Max unbuckled his seatbelt and step out of the jeep gingerly as if the slight movement could send me running, and he was probably right.
“C’mon, you should eat something.” He suggested softly while putting his hands in his pockets and averting his eyes self-consciously.
I didn’t even blink, but as soon as he headed towards the little café I slid out of the seat feeling all cramped up from being in the same position for too long.
I had no idea why I walked behind him into the café, why I continued to sit down at a table next to the window and let Max just watch me.
“What can I get you?” a sociable waitress asked us, pen and pad in hand.
I didn’t even look at her I merely kept my gaze vacant and straight out the window as Max looked between me and the waitress snapping his mouth open and shut.
“Nothing for me thanks.” He mumbled out to the waitress then looked to me self-consciously. But I just continued to stare out the window carelessly. The waitress obviously looked to Max for assistance, because he began to slowly place an order for me.
“Um, she’ll have a glass of milk and um…” He quickly picked up the menu and glanced at it for a second before hesitantly continuing, like I would scream at him at any second. I can barely look at him, let alone scream.
“…Blueberry pancakes.”
“Okay.” The waitress jotted down the order, but Max quickly added to the list.
“With strawberry ice cream.” He added without hesitation.
God, I hate that he knows my favorite foods and how I like them, or how I eat it. I hate how he knows everything about me and it seems that I don’t know anything about him.
“I’m not hungry.” I stated without blinking, without moving.
“You should eat, Liz. You need the energy.” He pointed out cautiously.
I didn’t respond because unfortunately he was right; all I had this morning was some toast that I nibbled at. I found that eating in the morning was really hard to do now. Maybe it’s from morning sickness. Anything I put in my mouth would come back out later anyway.
“Why are we here?” my question wavered out, it had swam around in my mind ever since we stepped foot in this quaint café. I wasn’t ready to speak with him; actually I didn’t want to speak to him at all. What makes him think that anything can be fixed now!
“I thought we could talk. We need to talk.” He leant forward more on the table as if to push me to speak with him.
“I can’t even look at you right now.” My tone was bitter and strained. If I did look at him, I felt sick, really sick. It was overwhelming to even to be here right now let alone to actually break out in conversation.
“Liz, I need to explain what happened.” He pleaded out, emotion trembling in his tone. I remained silent, but he took it as an opportunity to continue.
“Liz, I was so upset about everything that’s happened. It hurt so badly.” He uttered and from what I saw out of the corner of my eye the memory seemed to make him cringe.
“I just…I didn’t know how to deal. So Michael took me to the party.”
“Max, I really don’t want to hear this.” I whimpered out ducking my head so I could look at my fidgeting fingers in my lap.
“Please Liz, I have to explain.” I bit down my bottom lip in attempt to stop myself from looking up or crying out as he continued.
“When we were there, I copped an earful from Maria about how messed you were and how much I’ve hurt you. So I grabbed a bottle of vodka or whatever else I could find and just drank……and drank.” His tone was thick with emotion as he recapped the night to me.
“Eventually I ran out, so I went upstairs to Mr. Harding’s mini bar he keeps in his office. I don’t really remember much after that—“
“Well let me finish it off for you. You slept with that dirty whore with too much money that I personally hate. Don’t try and play the victim here Max, the only way you’d be the victim is if she raped you.” My words were harsh and thick, and I was ready for his reply but all I was meant with was silence.
For the first time since I left my house I looked up to Max and what I saw shook me to the bone and turned my world around again. His eyes diverted in shame and I saw raw emotion play over his features without even slightly hiding them.
I was totally taken aback by this information; it never entered my mind that Tess would have the ability to rape Max. It’s not like she had the strength to do it, but then again she did have the insanity to pull something like that. But it still seemed absolutely ludicrous, there had to be something else.
“Here ya go, Blueberry Pancakes and a glass of milk.” The waitress jolted me from my thoughts interrupting our somewhat conversation, then left as quickly as she came.
“Max?” I questioned slowly watching as he kept his eyes away from mine.
“I wouldn’t call it that. We started doing….stuff then I had to push her away a couple of times, but I was too drunk to even move. I don’t remember much after that…I-I think I passed out.” He ducked his head and scratched eyebrow, something he did when in serious moment or when he was trying to think.
My heart pounded in my chest, there was only question in my mind that seemed to determine everything, and I don’t think I was ready to even hear what he has to say.
I swallowed pass the thick tears in my throat and found my voice to try and ask my question.
“So, umm, there’s a chance you might not have slept with her.” I trembled out, building up my hopes that maybe it was all just a rumor that Tess had spread in order to gain popularity. One of her many sick games.
“Liz, I--” He finally looked up but I interrupted before he could continue
“Please don’t finish that.” I closed my eyes and shook my head quickly; my hopes had yet again been crushed. If I actually heard what he was about to say I surely would throw these pancakes in his face and storm out of there.
After a few seconds of silence I found myself sinking lower and lower into turmoil. Why did everything happen now, and so severely?
It was becoming too much of effort to even get up in the morning or exist through the day and now I know I definitely won’t even leave my bed.
“Why, Max? Why did you do it?” Unshed tears lingered in my eyes as my tone pleaded for an explanation for everything.
“I wasn’t really wanting to do it at all, she took advantage of me--”
“That’s not a good enough excuse, Max and you know it.” I bit out harshly, tears rolling slowly down my cheeks. I sat back for a few moments and collected myself as I watched Max shamefully duck his head in defeat.
“I guess I just gave up….on everything.” It scared me to actually hear those words from Max, he never gave up on anything and it hurt so much to realise what he meant by everything, he meant us.
Max saw the obvious pain in my eyes as I poked the pancakes with a fork. “I wish I could back Liz and just do everything differently. I shouldn’t have ran out on you after you told me that you were pregnant.”
“And I still don’t know why.” I drop the fork and gave Max an icy stare.
“Liz, please. It’s dead and buried and I want it to stay that way.” He whispered out diverting his gaze elsewhere
“Too bad, Max because that secret is what tore us apart.” I mumbled out in a snippy tone.
I grab my fork once again and scooped up some of the now melting strawberry ice cream, bringing the fork in front of my mouth, I hesitantly licked at the fork scared that it would sending me running to the bathroom to heave up nothing in particular, but to my surprise my stomach growled for more.
I started to cautiously nibble away at the ice cream and finally got the courage to take a bit of the pancake. While I half-heartedly munched slowly away at my pancakes, I didn’t really enjoy them the way I would have if it weren’t for Max’s silent brooding. Normally I would have run away by now, but to where. The school would be crackling with new gossip and I would be the laughing stock of the school, my parents definitely would kill me if I went home right now so that was out of the question and I didn’t have my car so I couldn’t drive anywhere. So I had no choice but to be here sitting across from Max while we both go through hell.
I looked up to see uncertainty and guilt play over his face, his eyes searched his hands as if he were looking for answers.
“What?” I croaked out feeling that familiar worry of receiving more painful information as he unclasped he hand from each other and placed them in his lap.
“It was my fault.” He whispered out ducking his head even lower.
“Your fault what?” I signed out in painful frustration
“That he is dead.” My ears perked up at what he just said; I didn’t make the slightest movement as if it would jolt him from telling me this stupid secret. Max looked up slowly, gazing at me under his hooded eyes. His eyes sparkled with growing tears and I suddenly felt a little guilty for causing such grief. He diverted his eyes quickly from my attentive gaze then continued to speak.
“We were in the car on our way for his check-up, and I wanted to go to Baskin Robins. I started to….to kick the back of my Mom’s seat, screaming that I wanted ice cream.” His eyes bored into the tabletop, as he seemed to relive the event in front of his hollow eyes.
“I kicked even harder and my Mom turned around to scream at me, to tell me to stop it, but I didn’t…and…and then.” Tears streamed down his face as his voice trembled with pain, and all I could do is watch as he revealed the most fearful and painfully traumatic event that had ever happened to him.
“Then she ran a red light and this car couldn’t stop in time….it smashed into the side of the car my brother was on.” Max snapped out of it a little and slowly brought his hollow gaze to mine.
“Max, I’m so sorry. But what does that have to do with me?” I tenderly questioned
“Everything.” He whispered.
“What?” I closed my eyes in confusion trying to work out what he was saying, and then it hit me.
“Your scared you will hurt our baby.” I breathed out
“And you.” He added looking to me bleakly
“I still don’t--”
“After…. what happened my mother was never the same. I caused her too much pain, my whole family too much pain and I swore I’d never do it again.” He slowly finished then uncomfortably fidgeting in his seat.
“Oh.” I breathed out, but still there was something more to Max thinking it was his fault, which it wasn’t. No one can be responsible for a situation like that; no child should go through such pain at such a young age.
Before I could speak again Max stood quickly and avoided my confused stare.
“You finished.” He bit out quickly.
I nodded and stood up slowly as Max cut passed the other occupied tables and paid at the café’s register. Max made swift movements as I slowly walked to the door; he held it open as I stepped outside and processed to walk to the jeep.
It was fogging my mind to have just received Max’s big secret and I suddenly wish he hadn’t told me, it was better when I could just hate him solely for what he had done, but now there was reason, actual reason behind his reaction. I don’t forgive him for what he did, leaving me basically alone and pregnant, but I find some hope in the fact that he does have some reasons behind it and not just because he is a cold hearted jerk.
Was this a good thing? It definitely didn’t make things easier….but it was a start.
As I crawled into the jeep, I watched quietly as Max slowly swung into the jeep and just sat, and slowly placed his keys in the ignition.
Max gripped the steering wheel contorting his face to try not to cry, but it was too late. Max suddenly slammed the steering wheel with his hands in frustration. The sudden outburst made me jump and I watched as he gripped the steering wheel once again, so tightly his knuckles went white. He breathed out labored breaths and I couldn’t help but place my hand gently on his forearm.
“It wasn’t your fault, Max.” I spoke tenderly, leaving my hand on his tense arm.
“Everything’s my fault! It’s my fault he's dead, it’s my fault that everything I love I lose……..it’s my fault that I’ve lost you. The only person in this world who loves me for me.” Max bit out angrily
I pulled my hand back, finding myself somewhat angry again not just at Max, but at myself too.
“Can we ever go back?” Max whimpered out facing me for the first time, new tears glistening in his sullen amber eyes.
“I don’t think I can go back, Max. I’m still really angry at you.” My voice trembled as I continued and I strained out my next words feeling ill at saying it. “You slept with her, Max. Even if she took advantage, you still allowed it to happen. You gave up. And I just can’t get past that right now.”
Max turned slowly back towards the steering wheel and half-heartedly turned the ignition make the jeep roar to life, and pulled out into the street.
“Where should I take you?” Max mumbled without looking towards me
“Just take me home.” I tiredly sighed out
“What? Are you crazy?” Max’s tone wavered with concern as he looked to me in confusion.
“Please, Max I just wanna go home.” I spoke in a tired, pleading tone
Max rounded the corner on to the main drive, and in what only felt like two minutes pulled up in front of the Crashdown.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to slide out of the car, but before I could jump out Max grabbed me by the hand.
“I can’t let you go in there alone.” He slowly explained
“What and you come in with me?” I bitterly remarked, but he didn’t let go.
“What if he try’s--” I pulled my arm away slowly and stepped out of the jeep interrupting him at the same time
“He won’t” I said firmly, but Max wasn’t convinced
“I’ll be fine” I commented in slight frustration, when really I knew that this might not be the best idea.
Max nodded and drove away quickly, after he cut around the corner towards school I finally turned towards the front of the Crashdown and suddenly felt the idea of Max being with me might not have been such a bad idea.
Heres the next chapter and i hope u like.
Chapter 16
As Max pulled into the curb in front of a café just outside of town, I suddenly found myself realizing where I was. The past few minutes seemed to flash before my eyes and now I was numb with shock and complete disorientation. What just happened seemed like a nightmare beyond extremes.
And now here I sat in the passenger seat of Max’s jeep yet again, curled up in a ball and considering the options of whether to run for it or just play out the situation and then walk away. My mind was fogged with upsetting thoughts that I couldn’t repress and dealing with Max was not something I think I could do. I couldn’t even look at him.
Max unbuckled his seatbelt and step out of the jeep gingerly as if the slight movement could send me running, and he was probably right.
“C’mon, you should eat something.” He suggested softly while putting his hands in his pockets and averting his eyes self-consciously.
I didn’t even blink, but as soon as he headed towards the little café I slid out of the seat feeling all cramped up from being in the same position for too long.
I had no idea why I walked behind him into the café, why I continued to sit down at a table next to the window and let Max just watch me.
“What can I get you?” a sociable waitress asked us, pen and pad in hand.
I didn’t even look at her I merely kept my gaze vacant and straight out the window as Max looked between me and the waitress snapping his mouth open and shut.
“Nothing for me thanks.” He mumbled out to the waitress then looked to me self-consciously. But I just continued to stare out the window carelessly. The waitress obviously looked to Max for assistance, because he began to slowly place an order for me.
“Um, she’ll have a glass of milk and um…” He quickly picked up the menu and glanced at it for a second before hesitantly continuing, like I would scream at him at any second. I can barely look at him, let alone scream.
“…Blueberry pancakes.”
“Okay.” The waitress jotted down the order, but Max quickly added to the list.
“With strawberry ice cream.” He added without hesitation.
God, I hate that he knows my favorite foods and how I like them, or how I eat it. I hate how he knows everything about me and it seems that I don’t know anything about him.
“I’m not hungry.” I stated without blinking, without moving.
“You should eat, Liz. You need the energy.” He pointed out cautiously.
I didn’t respond because unfortunately he was right; all I had this morning was some toast that I nibbled at. I found that eating in the morning was really hard to do now. Maybe it’s from morning sickness. Anything I put in my mouth would come back out later anyway.
“Why are we here?” my question wavered out, it had swam around in my mind ever since we stepped foot in this quaint café. I wasn’t ready to speak with him; actually I didn’t want to speak to him at all. What makes him think that anything can be fixed now!
“I thought we could talk. We need to talk.” He leant forward more on the table as if to push me to speak with him.
“I can’t even look at you right now.” My tone was bitter and strained. If I did look at him, I felt sick, really sick. It was overwhelming to even to be here right now let alone to actually break out in conversation.
“Liz, I need to explain what happened.” He pleaded out, emotion trembling in his tone. I remained silent, but he took it as an opportunity to continue.
“Liz, I was so upset about everything that’s happened. It hurt so badly.” He uttered and from what I saw out of the corner of my eye the memory seemed to make him cringe.
“I just…I didn’t know how to deal. So Michael took me to the party.”
“Max, I really don’t want to hear this.” I whimpered out ducking my head so I could look at my fidgeting fingers in my lap.
“Please Liz, I have to explain.” I bit down my bottom lip in attempt to stop myself from looking up or crying out as he continued.
“When we were there, I copped an earful from Maria about how messed you were and how much I’ve hurt you. So I grabbed a bottle of vodka or whatever else I could find and just drank……and drank.” His tone was thick with emotion as he recapped the night to me.
“Eventually I ran out, so I went upstairs to Mr. Harding’s mini bar he keeps in his office. I don’t really remember much after that—“
“Well let me finish it off for you. You slept with that dirty whore with too much money that I personally hate. Don’t try and play the victim here Max, the only way you’d be the victim is if she raped you.” My words were harsh and thick, and I was ready for his reply but all I was meant with was silence.
For the first time since I left my house I looked up to Max and what I saw shook me to the bone and turned my world around again. His eyes diverted in shame and I saw raw emotion play over his features without even slightly hiding them.
I was totally taken aback by this information; it never entered my mind that Tess would have the ability to rape Max. It’s not like she had the strength to do it, but then again she did have the insanity to pull something like that. But it still seemed absolutely ludicrous, there had to be something else.
“Here ya go, Blueberry Pancakes and a glass of milk.” The waitress jolted me from my thoughts interrupting our somewhat conversation, then left as quickly as she came.
“Max?” I questioned slowly watching as he kept his eyes away from mine.
“I wouldn’t call it that. We started doing….stuff then I had to push her away a couple of times, but I was too drunk to even move. I don’t remember much after that…I-I think I passed out.” He ducked his head and scratched eyebrow, something he did when in serious moment or when he was trying to think.
My heart pounded in my chest, there was only question in my mind that seemed to determine everything, and I don’t think I was ready to even hear what he has to say.
I swallowed pass the thick tears in my throat and found my voice to try and ask my question.
“So, umm, there’s a chance you might not have slept with her.” I trembled out, building up my hopes that maybe it was all just a rumor that Tess had spread in order to gain popularity. One of her many sick games.
“Liz, I--” He finally looked up but I interrupted before he could continue
“Please don’t finish that.” I closed my eyes and shook my head quickly; my hopes had yet again been crushed. If I actually heard what he was about to say I surely would throw these pancakes in his face and storm out of there.
After a few seconds of silence I found myself sinking lower and lower into turmoil. Why did everything happen now, and so severely?
It was becoming too much of effort to even get up in the morning or exist through the day and now I know I definitely won’t even leave my bed.
“Why, Max? Why did you do it?” Unshed tears lingered in my eyes as my tone pleaded for an explanation for everything.
“I wasn’t really wanting to do it at all, she took advantage of me--”
“That’s not a good enough excuse, Max and you know it.” I bit out harshly, tears rolling slowly down my cheeks. I sat back for a few moments and collected myself as I watched Max shamefully duck his head in defeat.
“I guess I just gave up….on everything.” It scared me to actually hear those words from Max, he never gave up on anything and it hurt so much to realise what he meant by everything, he meant us.
Max saw the obvious pain in my eyes as I poked the pancakes with a fork. “I wish I could back Liz and just do everything differently. I shouldn’t have ran out on you after you told me that you were pregnant.”
“And I still don’t know why.” I drop the fork and gave Max an icy stare.
“Liz, please. It’s dead and buried and I want it to stay that way.” He whispered out diverting his gaze elsewhere
“Too bad, Max because that secret is what tore us apart.” I mumbled out in a snippy tone.
I grab my fork once again and scooped up some of the now melting strawberry ice cream, bringing the fork in front of my mouth, I hesitantly licked at the fork scared that it would sending me running to the bathroom to heave up nothing in particular, but to my surprise my stomach growled for more.
I started to cautiously nibble away at the ice cream and finally got the courage to take a bit of the pancake. While I half-heartedly munched slowly away at my pancakes, I didn’t really enjoy them the way I would have if it weren’t for Max’s silent brooding. Normally I would have run away by now, but to where. The school would be crackling with new gossip and I would be the laughing stock of the school, my parents definitely would kill me if I went home right now so that was out of the question and I didn’t have my car so I couldn’t drive anywhere. So I had no choice but to be here sitting across from Max while we both go through hell.
I looked up to see uncertainty and guilt play over his face, his eyes searched his hands as if he were looking for answers.
“What?” I croaked out feeling that familiar worry of receiving more painful information as he unclasped he hand from each other and placed them in his lap.
“It was my fault.” He whispered out ducking his head even lower.
“Your fault what?” I signed out in painful frustration
“That he is dead.” My ears perked up at what he just said; I didn’t make the slightest movement as if it would jolt him from telling me this stupid secret. Max looked up slowly, gazing at me under his hooded eyes. His eyes sparkled with growing tears and I suddenly felt a little guilty for causing such grief. He diverted his eyes quickly from my attentive gaze then continued to speak.
“We were in the car on our way for his check-up, and I wanted to go to Baskin Robins. I started to….to kick the back of my Mom’s seat, screaming that I wanted ice cream.” His eyes bored into the tabletop, as he seemed to relive the event in front of his hollow eyes.
“I kicked even harder and my Mom turned around to scream at me, to tell me to stop it, but I didn’t…and…and then.” Tears streamed down his face as his voice trembled with pain, and all I could do is watch as he revealed the most fearful and painfully traumatic event that had ever happened to him.
“Then she ran a red light and this car couldn’t stop in time….it smashed into the side of the car my brother was on.” Max snapped out of it a little and slowly brought his hollow gaze to mine.
“Max, I’m so sorry. But what does that have to do with me?” I tenderly questioned
“Everything.” He whispered.
“What?” I closed my eyes in confusion trying to work out what he was saying, and then it hit me.
“Your scared you will hurt our baby.” I breathed out
“And you.” He added looking to me bleakly
“I still don’t--”
“After…. what happened my mother was never the same. I caused her too much pain, my whole family too much pain and I swore I’d never do it again.” He slowly finished then uncomfortably fidgeting in his seat.
“Oh.” I breathed out, but still there was something more to Max thinking it was his fault, which it wasn’t. No one can be responsible for a situation like that; no child should go through such pain at such a young age.
Before I could speak again Max stood quickly and avoided my confused stare.
“You finished.” He bit out quickly.
I nodded and stood up slowly as Max cut passed the other occupied tables and paid at the café’s register. Max made swift movements as I slowly walked to the door; he held it open as I stepped outside and processed to walk to the jeep.
It was fogging my mind to have just received Max’s big secret and I suddenly wish he hadn’t told me, it was better when I could just hate him solely for what he had done, but now there was reason, actual reason behind his reaction. I don’t forgive him for what he did, leaving me basically alone and pregnant, but I find some hope in the fact that he does have some reasons behind it and not just because he is a cold hearted jerk.
Was this a good thing? It definitely didn’t make things easier….but it was a start.
As I crawled into the jeep, I watched quietly as Max slowly swung into the jeep and just sat, and slowly placed his keys in the ignition.
Max gripped the steering wheel contorting his face to try not to cry, but it was too late. Max suddenly slammed the steering wheel with his hands in frustration. The sudden outburst made me jump and I watched as he gripped the steering wheel once again, so tightly his knuckles went white. He breathed out labored breaths and I couldn’t help but place my hand gently on his forearm.
“It wasn’t your fault, Max.” I spoke tenderly, leaving my hand on his tense arm.
“Everything’s my fault! It’s my fault he's dead, it’s my fault that everything I love I lose……..it’s my fault that I’ve lost you. The only person in this world who loves me for me.” Max bit out angrily
I pulled my hand back, finding myself somewhat angry again not just at Max, but at myself too.
“Can we ever go back?” Max whimpered out facing me for the first time, new tears glistening in his sullen amber eyes.
“I don’t think I can go back, Max. I’m still really angry at you.” My voice trembled as I continued and I strained out my next words feeling ill at saying it. “You slept with her, Max. Even if she took advantage, you still allowed it to happen. You gave up. And I just can’t get past that right now.”
Max turned slowly back towards the steering wheel and half-heartedly turned the ignition make the jeep roar to life, and pulled out into the street.
“Where should I take you?” Max mumbled without looking towards me
“Just take me home.” I tiredly sighed out
“What? Are you crazy?” Max’s tone wavered with concern as he looked to me in confusion.
“Please, Max I just wanna go home.” I spoke in a tired, pleading tone
Max rounded the corner on to the main drive, and in what only felt like two minutes pulled up in front of the Crashdown.
I unbuckled my seatbelt and started to slide out of the car, but before I could jump out Max grabbed me by the hand.
“I can’t let you go in there alone.” He slowly explained
“What and you come in with me?” I bitterly remarked, but he didn’t let go.
“What if he try’s--” I pulled my arm away slowly and stepped out of the jeep interrupting him at the same time
“He won’t” I said firmly, but Max wasn’t convinced
“I’ll be fine” I commented in slight frustration, when really I knew that this might not be the best idea.
Max nodded and drove away quickly, after he cut around the corner towards school I finally turned towards the front of the Crashdown and suddenly felt the idea of Max being with me might not have been such a bad idea.
-
Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Sorry for such a delay guyz, this chapter will be a tone down of the angsty
enjoy guyz!
Chapter 17
I don’t know how long I stood there, just staring at my life long home. Fearing a place that I grew up in, I lived in and loved. It’s strange how I could always find comfort in my home above my parents’ alien-theme restaurant.
Rosa and I would ride our bikes on this very sidewalk, then race each other down the alleyway. We’d get yelled at by Mom to stay away from the roads and that we would scare away customers, but Rosa would pout at Dad and he would send us out the back to ride again. What happened to that man who was our hero, who we’d play hide and seek with in a blackout, who would spin me and Rosa around till we felt sick, the father that I once loved and who loved me? Where did he go?
He was suddenly replaced with a bitter old man, who my Mom feared and I hated. It almost seemed like that part of him died with Rosa and my Mom quickly followed. And then it got worse, I became the target for all that went wrong, even her death. I don’t understand the resentment my parents have for me, only that sometimes it seemed like they were yelling at me and not who they should have been yelling at.
Rosa.
A strong breeze whiped past my face causing my hair to stick across my tear strained face. Brushing the bits of hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear I took one last deep breath and took a step forward.
“Liz?” A very familiar male voice made me stop in my tracks and put a genuine smile on my face.
“Alex?” I spun around and was happily met with his goofy grin
“Hey, Liz--” Before he finished his sentence I leapt into his arms, tightly embracing him and welcoming his Alex scent.
“Whoa, Parker! I think you broke a rib.” Alex pulled away slightly to stare down at me wide eyed
“Sorry, it’s just that I missed you so much. Oh my god, when did you get back? I thought you weren’t coming back for like another month, does Maria know?” I didn’t stop to take a breath and I barely broke from his embrace
“Have you been drinking coffee again, 'cause you know how jumpy that makes you.” He sarcastically commented, before giving me another quick hug
“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re here. I missed you….we all did.”
“Well it’s nice to know I’m loved. And I missed you too.” He added sincerely I felt almost somewhat happy again…almost. Everything was still there but for the briefest moment I could linger in the joy that one of my best friends is back home. Everything seemed to fade away at the moment
“So why were you just standing outside the Crashdown, are you considering remodeling or are you just fascinated by the pretty lights.” I giggled at his witty humor; Alex’s humor could bring light to any situation. It felt like old times again
“No, it’s kinda a long story…..So tell me everything, when did you get back?” I avoided the reason as to why I was standing outside.
“Well I got back two o’clock this morning, I decided to come home early as a surprise, as much as the hot chocolate and Swedish woman played a big part in staying there I thought it would be best coming home and seeing how things were since my departure.” He smiled back at me, as I giggled once more, and god it felt so good to smile
“Well you look so good, kinda buff.” I commented as I looked him over, finally seeing the slight changes, especially the light goatee on his chin
“Well you know if I even prepare a diabolical plan the ‘goatee stroking’ just adds to the effect.” He emphasized by stroking at his goatee, then looking me up and down
“And you look…..different.” Swirls of worry clouded his expression so I was quick to interrupt his growing concern
“So tell me, was there any Swedish flings I should know about, I want to know everything.” With girlish delight I giggled when I saw a sparkle in his eye
I gasped playful, “Who is she? Tell me!” I yanked at his hand with child-like impatience
“God, you’ve become worse then Maria.” He noted with a knitted brow
“Stop.” I smirked at him, pushing him playfully
“Well since it’s been a long five months, I guess I could spill what happened over a few Choc Peppermint Ice Chillers, what do ya say Liz?”
“Sounds great.” I smiled up to him before we made our way down the street to our favorite coffeehouse to get our favorite drinks.
Walking down the main drive with Alex looping his arm around my shoulders like always gave me so much comfort that it flooded through my body and made the world I was in only moments ago melt away.
After slowly walking down the sidewalk, chatting back and forth about Alex’s trip and avoiding any chat about my life we eventually reached our destination, placed our orders and took a seat at our little table up the back.
“So that’s how Leanna and I met.” Alex finished up his story of the ridiculous way they met
“I can’t believe you met and bonded while stuck on a ski lift for three hours.” I laughed out as Alex took a sip of his chiller and shrugged
“So tell me what’s going on around here, you and Max still Roswell’s Romeo and Juliet?” He asked putting down his drink.
I ducked my head finding the irony of his comment. I know he saw the pain flash across my face cause his smile fell .
“Liz, what happened?” He tone was soft and tender, and all I could do was shake my head and sink lower into my seat.
“Nothing.” I whispered out while trying to keep my eyes from his
“Liz, c’mon, it’s me here.” He dismissed my last comment.
“It’s a long story.” I mumbled not really willing to speak of events that were still happening up to this moment.
“I’ve got time.” He quickly added, giving his full attention to me
I took a deep sigh and closed my eyes bracing myself to speak, it didn’t get easier telling people this, only one person took it supportively and I just hope he will too.
“Alex, a lot kinda happened when you were gone, and, umm, I’m….Alex, I’m….pregnant.” I finally brought my eyes to his, to find that his expression was completely shocked.
“I’m speechless--” He stuttered out
“There’s more too it.” I added slowly, and watched as his confusion and concern grew.
I began to go into detail as to what had happened over the past two months, from Max walking away from me to him sleeping with Tess. At first I didn’t expect myself to delve into it so much, the pain of it all seeming unbearable but it just all poured out of my mouth with no hesitations. When I finally stopped it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders, speaking to someone outside of the circle gave me such relief and I was thankful the person was Alex.
“And that’s why I was standing out front of the Crashdown, I didn’t know if I wanted to go back in and face my parents, after what happened.”
“Are you sure I was only gone for five months, because it seems longer.” Alex remarked “God how did all this happen while I was gone?” he asked amazed at what had happened in such a short time.
“I don’t know.” I mumbled out, stirring my Peach Chiller with the straw.
“So is there a reason why Max behaved like he did?” Alex tried to recap in his mind the questions he had wanted to ask throughout my breathless speech. I had made a point not to include his ‘reasons’ because it was something Max never really said to anyone, why should I go spilling it out to everyone.
“On top of being a teenage father, Max is scared he could hurt the baby…and me.” Well that much I could tell without giving it all away.
“Umm, earth to Liz! He's doing it already.” Alex pointed out loudly; as I didn’t deny it but merely half-heartedly shrugged.
“From my perspective, you have gone through enough, Liz. And being scared that he might hurt the baby is no excuse. Are you sure that’s all it’s about for him?” Alex examined my face for any hidden truths, and he found it.
“There is something else.” He discovered and leant on the table closer to push for me to confess.
“Well, I can’t really say anything, it’s something he experienced as a child….with a death of a family member.” I hesitantly let out, feeling a pang of guilt wash over me at telling something so painful for Max.
“Oh, you mean his little brother, Jeremy.” Alex added casually then took a sip of his drink.
“Wha-….How did you know about that?” I stammered out in total puzzlement.
“My parents have known the Evans before we were all born, so I think they went to the funeral. I was told to never speak of it around Max and the Evans' when we were with them.”
“Oh.” I breathed out; overcome by what he just said.
“What?” Alex asked after slurping the last of his chiller
“Its just Max is still really devastated by it; he has always blamed himself for the accident.” I spoke out; realizing how unsympathetic and heartless I was when he told me. Something that I had pushed to know and stupidly made him choose between me or keeping something to himself that he considered the worst and most terribly painful thing he had done. Pure guilt and regret flooded through my veins as I twisted my hair into a bun and let it fall out over my shoulders.
“Why wouldn’t he, his whole family kinda shunned him afterwards. Diane Evans went through this bad case of depression and that’s basically why Philip Evans is kinda cold hearted half the time….so my mother tells me.”
At this newfound information I braced my head on my palms feeling like the cruelest person alive. I had always known that Mr. Evans always gave Max a hard time, and was worse than my father in some ways, but this was just heartbreaking. And I needed to see Max more then ever right now.
“It’s so awful. How come he never told me?” I asked Alex hoping he knew the answer.
“Maybe he didn’t want you to know cause you might have done what his family did, or maybe he just didn’t want to bring up the past.” Alex finished slowly.
“I’ve been so selfish, Alex. I pressured him into telling me and when he didn’t I pushed him away.” I sniffed and tried to keep it together
Alex reached across and took my hand between his, trying to get my attention.
“Liz, you and Max are going through a very difficult time. I mean you’re a pregnant seventeen year old and Max…well I think he’s having just as hard a time as you are, maybe worse.” Alex gently spoke still holding my hand tightly.
“How is he having a harder time then me?” I scoffed, wiping away a single tear.
“He stupidly slept with someone in a very drunken moment, while I know that uptight, prissy little bitch Tess would have made a move and not let go. In a very weak moment, physical and mental, he was taken advantage of. He has made a major mistake, Liz and I know Max would have never done it intentionally.”
“He still slept with her, Alex.” I said as if it was reason enough.
“Not willingly.”
“But it still hurts though!” I whimpered.
“Maybe, but would you rather sit here drowning in a peach chiller mixed with tears over how hurt he made you or go to him and really talk this out.” Alex pushed on
“Alex, it’s not that simple.” I mumbled out trying to explain how much everything had gone wrong.
“You were going to do it first thing this morning.” Alex pointed out
“Yeah, well that was before the I found out he slept with her!” I was becoming irritated with this conversation quickly. Mainly because I felt Alex couldn’t comprehend how much pain I had gone through in such a short time. It irritated me also that I could make it as simple as Alex described, I just couldn’t.
“Sorry, just trying to help.” Alex mumbled then picked up his empty cup and spun it around between his hands on the table.
“I know, Alex. I’m sorry; it’s just hard to forget everything that’s happened. I want to make this a little better, but….” I ducked my head not really wanting to finished my sentence
“What?” Alex looked into my eyes, waiting patiently for me to continue.
“….How can I be sure he won’t hurt me again.” I sullenly whispered
Alex huffed out a long sigh then his brows knitted together in thought. “I can’t sit here and say he won’t, Liz. But when you love someone enough, sometimes the pain is worth it. It makes the relationship stronger…..it makes you stronger.” Alex’s tone was softhearted and wise; I had missed our talks so much because he always had insightful words of wisdom.
“What if he doesn’t really love me anymore?” I spoke aloud my most feared question.
“He does, I know he does.” Alex reassured me, but I didn’t really believe it.
“Thank you, Alex. I know this isn’t exactly a great welcome back party.” I chuckled, feeling a little bad for dragging Alex into the emotional chaos that has become my life.
“Hey, I’m not complaining. Personally I thought our little heart to heart was a great way to be welcomed back, makes me realize how much you guys can’t deal without me.” Alex said then stood up holding out his hand, as I merely smiled up to him.
“C’mon, lets go hit the old hang outs and have an Alex and Liz day, till everyone has finished at school.” Alex then sweetened the deal, “We can drive by the cheese factory and laugh at the workers choice of lifestyle.”
“Okay, just until school is finished.” I stood quickly, choosing to stay with Alex as he presence gave me a break from my usual, daily basis of depression.
It’s not to say that I had completely pushed it from my mind, it was still there but I was just letting it linger in the back, and trying to have some good quality time with my best friend Alex.
***********************************
I waved off Alex as he drove into traffic and down the main drive.
We had spent the whole day talking about Alex’s adventures in Sweden to the point where we ended up at his house looking at slides for two hours. I was grateful that I had spent sometime away from this ever continous rant of turmoil and pain. After having to deal with Max, my parents and Max’s secret I definitely deserved some getaway time.
I turned around to face the front of the Crashdown, finding it annoying to have finished where I started five hours ago. It was daunting to just be stuck in one place and trying to get the courage to make that move again.
The street was busier now, with students coming home from school and people finishing work, the street bustled with the lives of the tourists and residents of Roswell. But I seemed oblivious to the people who walked past me and slightly knocked me off balance.
With one last deep breath I took that step forward and proceeded into the Crashdown. The place was somewhat empty, only just starting to fill with the daily after-school rush. I slowly made my way to the staff door and cautiously looked around then ascended the stair softly.
I didn’t know why I was being so quiet; it’s not like I won’t go unnoticed. Finding my quiet attempt ridiculous I walked the rest of the way to my room not caring if I made noise.
Oddly enough the house was quiet, too quiet. The air hung with a warm musky scent indicating it hadn’t been circulated in a while. I strode down the hallway feeling a little panicked that I hadn’t yet been cornered by my parents. Picking up my pace I trotted down the hall thinking that I had successfully avoiding another argument with my parents
I stepped around my bedroom doorway and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me.
“Mom?”
enjoy guyz!
Chapter 17
I don’t know how long I stood there, just staring at my life long home. Fearing a place that I grew up in, I lived in and loved. It’s strange how I could always find comfort in my home above my parents’ alien-theme restaurant.
Rosa and I would ride our bikes on this very sidewalk, then race each other down the alleyway. We’d get yelled at by Mom to stay away from the roads and that we would scare away customers, but Rosa would pout at Dad and he would send us out the back to ride again. What happened to that man who was our hero, who we’d play hide and seek with in a blackout, who would spin me and Rosa around till we felt sick, the father that I once loved and who loved me? Where did he go?
He was suddenly replaced with a bitter old man, who my Mom feared and I hated. It almost seemed like that part of him died with Rosa and my Mom quickly followed. And then it got worse, I became the target for all that went wrong, even her death. I don’t understand the resentment my parents have for me, only that sometimes it seemed like they were yelling at me and not who they should have been yelling at.
Rosa.
A strong breeze whiped past my face causing my hair to stick across my tear strained face. Brushing the bits of hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear I took one last deep breath and took a step forward.
“Liz?” A very familiar male voice made me stop in my tracks and put a genuine smile on my face.
“Alex?” I spun around and was happily met with his goofy grin
“Hey, Liz--” Before he finished his sentence I leapt into his arms, tightly embracing him and welcoming his Alex scent.
“Whoa, Parker! I think you broke a rib.” Alex pulled away slightly to stare down at me wide eyed
“Sorry, it’s just that I missed you so much. Oh my god, when did you get back? I thought you weren’t coming back for like another month, does Maria know?” I didn’t stop to take a breath and I barely broke from his embrace
“Have you been drinking coffee again, 'cause you know how jumpy that makes you.” He sarcastically commented, before giving me another quick hug
“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’re here. I missed you….we all did.”
“Well it’s nice to know I’m loved. And I missed you too.” He added sincerely I felt almost somewhat happy again…almost. Everything was still there but for the briefest moment I could linger in the joy that one of my best friends is back home. Everything seemed to fade away at the moment
“So why were you just standing outside the Crashdown, are you considering remodeling or are you just fascinated by the pretty lights.” I giggled at his witty humor; Alex’s humor could bring light to any situation. It felt like old times again
“No, it’s kinda a long story…..So tell me everything, when did you get back?” I avoided the reason as to why I was standing outside.
“Well I got back two o’clock this morning, I decided to come home early as a surprise, as much as the hot chocolate and Swedish woman played a big part in staying there I thought it would be best coming home and seeing how things were since my departure.” He smiled back at me, as I giggled once more, and god it felt so good to smile
“Well you look so good, kinda buff.” I commented as I looked him over, finally seeing the slight changes, especially the light goatee on his chin
“Well you know if I even prepare a diabolical plan the ‘goatee stroking’ just adds to the effect.” He emphasized by stroking at his goatee, then looking me up and down
“And you look…..different.” Swirls of worry clouded his expression so I was quick to interrupt his growing concern
“So tell me, was there any Swedish flings I should know about, I want to know everything.” With girlish delight I giggled when I saw a sparkle in his eye
I gasped playful, “Who is she? Tell me!” I yanked at his hand with child-like impatience
“God, you’ve become worse then Maria.” He noted with a knitted brow
“Stop.” I smirked at him, pushing him playfully
“Well since it’s been a long five months, I guess I could spill what happened over a few Choc Peppermint Ice Chillers, what do ya say Liz?”
“Sounds great.” I smiled up to him before we made our way down the street to our favorite coffeehouse to get our favorite drinks.
Walking down the main drive with Alex looping his arm around my shoulders like always gave me so much comfort that it flooded through my body and made the world I was in only moments ago melt away.
After slowly walking down the sidewalk, chatting back and forth about Alex’s trip and avoiding any chat about my life we eventually reached our destination, placed our orders and took a seat at our little table up the back.
“So that’s how Leanna and I met.” Alex finished up his story of the ridiculous way they met
“I can’t believe you met and bonded while stuck on a ski lift for three hours.” I laughed out as Alex took a sip of his chiller and shrugged
“So tell me what’s going on around here, you and Max still Roswell’s Romeo and Juliet?” He asked putting down his drink.
I ducked my head finding the irony of his comment. I know he saw the pain flash across my face cause his smile fell .
“Liz, what happened?” He tone was soft and tender, and all I could do was shake my head and sink lower into my seat.
“Nothing.” I whispered out while trying to keep my eyes from his
“Liz, c’mon, it’s me here.” He dismissed my last comment.
“It’s a long story.” I mumbled not really willing to speak of events that were still happening up to this moment.
“I’ve got time.” He quickly added, giving his full attention to me
I took a deep sigh and closed my eyes bracing myself to speak, it didn’t get easier telling people this, only one person took it supportively and I just hope he will too.
“Alex, a lot kinda happened when you were gone, and, umm, I’m….Alex, I’m….pregnant.” I finally brought my eyes to his, to find that his expression was completely shocked.
“I’m speechless--” He stuttered out
“There’s more too it.” I added slowly, and watched as his confusion and concern grew.
I began to go into detail as to what had happened over the past two months, from Max walking away from me to him sleeping with Tess. At first I didn’t expect myself to delve into it so much, the pain of it all seeming unbearable but it just all poured out of my mouth with no hesitations. When I finally stopped it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders, speaking to someone outside of the circle gave me such relief and I was thankful the person was Alex.
“And that’s why I was standing out front of the Crashdown, I didn’t know if I wanted to go back in and face my parents, after what happened.”
“Are you sure I was only gone for five months, because it seems longer.” Alex remarked “God how did all this happen while I was gone?” he asked amazed at what had happened in such a short time.
“I don’t know.” I mumbled out, stirring my Peach Chiller with the straw.
“So is there a reason why Max behaved like he did?” Alex tried to recap in his mind the questions he had wanted to ask throughout my breathless speech. I had made a point not to include his ‘reasons’ because it was something Max never really said to anyone, why should I go spilling it out to everyone.
“On top of being a teenage father, Max is scared he could hurt the baby…and me.” Well that much I could tell without giving it all away.
“Umm, earth to Liz! He's doing it already.” Alex pointed out loudly; as I didn’t deny it but merely half-heartedly shrugged.
“From my perspective, you have gone through enough, Liz. And being scared that he might hurt the baby is no excuse. Are you sure that’s all it’s about for him?” Alex examined my face for any hidden truths, and he found it.
“There is something else.” He discovered and leant on the table closer to push for me to confess.
“Well, I can’t really say anything, it’s something he experienced as a child….with a death of a family member.” I hesitantly let out, feeling a pang of guilt wash over me at telling something so painful for Max.
“Oh, you mean his little brother, Jeremy.” Alex added casually then took a sip of his drink.
“Wha-….How did you know about that?” I stammered out in total puzzlement.
“My parents have known the Evans before we were all born, so I think they went to the funeral. I was told to never speak of it around Max and the Evans' when we were with them.”
“Oh.” I breathed out; overcome by what he just said.
“What?” Alex asked after slurping the last of his chiller
“Its just Max is still really devastated by it; he has always blamed himself for the accident.” I spoke out; realizing how unsympathetic and heartless I was when he told me. Something that I had pushed to know and stupidly made him choose between me or keeping something to himself that he considered the worst and most terribly painful thing he had done. Pure guilt and regret flooded through my veins as I twisted my hair into a bun and let it fall out over my shoulders.
“Why wouldn’t he, his whole family kinda shunned him afterwards. Diane Evans went through this bad case of depression and that’s basically why Philip Evans is kinda cold hearted half the time….so my mother tells me.”
At this newfound information I braced my head on my palms feeling like the cruelest person alive. I had always known that Mr. Evans always gave Max a hard time, and was worse than my father in some ways, but this was just heartbreaking. And I needed to see Max more then ever right now.
“It’s so awful. How come he never told me?” I asked Alex hoping he knew the answer.
“Maybe he didn’t want you to know cause you might have done what his family did, or maybe he just didn’t want to bring up the past.” Alex finished slowly.
“I’ve been so selfish, Alex. I pressured him into telling me and when he didn’t I pushed him away.” I sniffed and tried to keep it together
Alex reached across and took my hand between his, trying to get my attention.
“Liz, you and Max are going through a very difficult time. I mean you’re a pregnant seventeen year old and Max…well I think he’s having just as hard a time as you are, maybe worse.” Alex gently spoke still holding my hand tightly.
“How is he having a harder time then me?” I scoffed, wiping away a single tear.
“He stupidly slept with someone in a very drunken moment, while I know that uptight, prissy little bitch Tess would have made a move and not let go. In a very weak moment, physical and mental, he was taken advantage of. He has made a major mistake, Liz and I know Max would have never done it intentionally.”
“He still slept with her, Alex.” I said as if it was reason enough.
“Not willingly.”
“But it still hurts though!” I whimpered.
“Maybe, but would you rather sit here drowning in a peach chiller mixed with tears over how hurt he made you or go to him and really talk this out.” Alex pushed on
“Alex, it’s not that simple.” I mumbled out trying to explain how much everything had gone wrong.
“You were going to do it first thing this morning.” Alex pointed out
“Yeah, well that was before the I found out he slept with her!” I was becoming irritated with this conversation quickly. Mainly because I felt Alex couldn’t comprehend how much pain I had gone through in such a short time. It irritated me also that I could make it as simple as Alex described, I just couldn’t.
“Sorry, just trying to help.” Alex mumbled then picked up his empty cup and spun it around between his hands on the table.
“I know, Alex. I’m sorry; it’s just hard to forget everything that’s happened. I want to make this a little better, but….” I ducked my head not really wanting to finished my sentence
“What?” Alex looked into my eyes, waiting patiently for me to continue.
“….How can I be sure he won’t hurt me again.” I sullenly whispered
Alex huffed out a long sigh then his brows knitted together in thought. “I can’t sit here and say he won’t, Liz. But when you love someone enough, sometimes the pain is worth it. It makes the relationship stronger…..it makes you stronger.” Alex’s tone was softhearted and wise; I had missed our talks so much because he always had insightful words of wisdom.
“What if he doesn’t really love me anymore?” I spoke aloud my most feared question.
“He does, I know he does.” Alex reassured me, but I didn’t really believe it.
“Thank you, Alex. I know this isn’t exactly a great welcome back party.” I chuckled, feeling a little bad for dragging Alex into the emotional chaos that has become my life.
“Hey, I’m not complaining. Personally I thought our little heart to heart was a great way to be welcomed back, makes me realize how much you guys can’t deal without me.” Alex said then stood up holding out his hand, as I merely smiled up to him.
“C’mon, lets go hit the old hang outs and have an Alex and Liz day, till everyone has finished at school.” Alex then sweetened the deal, “We can drive by the cheese factory and laugh at the workers choice of lifestyle.”
“Okay, just until school is finished.” I stood quickly, choosing to stay with Alex as he presence gave me a break from my usual, daily basis of depression.
It’s not to say that I had completely pushed it from my mind, it was still there but I was just letting it linger in the back, and trying to have some good quality time with my best friend Alex.
***********************************
I waved off Alex as he drove into traffic and down the main drive.
We had spent the whole day talking about Alex’s adventures in Sweden to the point where we ended up at his house looking at slides for two hours. I was grateful that I had spent sometime away from this ever continous rant of turmoil and pain. After having to deal with Max, my parents and Max’s secret I definitely deserved some getaway time.
I turned around to face the front of the Crashdown, finding it annoying to have finished where I started five hours ago. It was daunting to just be stuck in one place and trying to get the courage to make that move again.
The street was busier now, with students coming home from school and people finishing work, the street bustled with the lives of the tourists and residents of Roswell. But I seemed oblivious to the people who walked past me and slightly knocked me off balance.
With one last deep breath I took that step forward and proceeded into the Crashdown. The place was somewhat empty, only just starting to fill with the daily after-school rush. I slowly made my way to the staff door and cautiously looked around then ascended the stair softly.
I didn’t know why I was being so quiet; it’s not like I won’t go unnoticed. Finding my quiet attempt ridiculous I walked the rest of the way to my room not caring if I made noise.
Oddly enough the house was quiet, too quiet. The air hung with a warm musky scent indicating it hadn’t been circulated in a while. I strode down the hallway feeling a little panicked that I hadn’t yet been cornered by my parents. Picking up my pace I trotted down the hall thinking that I had successfully avoiding another argument with my parents
I stepped around my bedroom doorway and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me.
“Mom?”
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Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Guys i'm sooooo sorry for this delay, and keeping u hanging on a cliffhanger 
but heres the next chapter so enjoy!
Chapter 18
I was bewildered to find my Mom sitting on the edge of my bed cuddling my favorite stuffed animal, Sherlock, a ragged old dog with a patch on its eye.
What was my Mom doing sulking in my bedroom and where was my dad?
My levels of panic heightened that something terrible had happened; maybe Max pushed my father away too hard. Maybe he left to hunt Max down…what if he went to hurt Max?
I stepped fully into my room but my mother didn’t even flinch. My heart pounded in my ears as I came closer to my mother's still form.
Tears strained her face as she hugged the stuffed toy closer and kept a vacant stare out the window.
Suddenly worried that my father had hit her I came to kneel before her searching her face for blood or fresh bruises.
“Mom?” I looked up to her with concern, I was worried about her strange behavior, she was never like this and it was really starting to scare me.
“Where’s dad?” I tenderly asked, hoping she would snap out of it soon.
“He's out.” She murmured still not looking at me; I looked away knowing that he was probably just at a bar or something
“I’m so sorry, Liz.” She mumbled once more as the tears silently fell down her face
“Mom, you're really scaring me.” I trembled out; she never really apologizes to me after something like this happened.
Without warning she lunged forward and embraced me in a tight hug as I merely stiffed in her arms shocked at her approached. Sure I had received her hugs many times, but not like this, not like a comforting hug that I use to get after a bad dream.
“What’s going on?” I whimpered out after she released me
“Nothing. I’m just sorry for everything.” She held my face and brought me in for another hug
What surprised me most out of all was her apologizing to me. This was a very rare thing to happened, and why now?
She released me from her embrace and then put my most treasured toy a sided, then quietly chuckled.
“Remember how Rosa put gum in Sherlock’s hair and you cried and cried till I got it out with a pair of scissors.” She reminiscenced to herself, as I shook my head in disappointment because she was thinking about Rosa and not me.
“Yeah I remember.” I mumbled out callously
“I’ll never forget the night she died….” She mumbled dejectedly
I looked up to her face shocked that she was actually talking about this. Never was the night of Rosa’s death spoken of in the house, why the hell was she suddenly saying all of this now. Her strange behavior made me shiver slightly; I was becoming more alarmed as she continued to speak “…how quiet you were through the whole thing.” She continued, not looking at me but ahead as if the night was replaying in her head.
“Didn’t think you noticed.” I ducked my head and looked elsewhere, somewhat cautious that my speaking also would give her a chance to yell at me.
“Of course I did, I watched you most of all. I watched how you didn’t cry one tear at the funeral or afterwards.” Her confessions kept me in place kneeling in front of her while she spoke from the heart. I was general interested and surprised.
“Why didn’t you cry, Liz?” She seemed to need to know the answer, like she had wanted to know for quiet some time now.
“I don’t know…. I thought I had to be strong for you and dad by not crying.” I hesitantly said, pushing half of the other truth into the back of my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever confess that I thought Rosa deserved what she got.
“I did see you cry though.” My mom said finally looking at me, two pairs of glistening eyes reflecting each other. I looked to her suddenly perplexed by what she said; I didn’t think I did cry around that time, I made sure I didn’t.
“You were on your balcony after the funeral and escaping all the people and relatives who were having tea. And you were silently crying to yourself holding Sherlock close to your heart.” She looked to the window that led to my balcony as if she were seeing it all again.
“All I wanted to do was come out there and hold my little girl close. I wanted to join you in your peaceful solitude.”
I was somewhat shocked that I had completely forgotten about that event up until now. I had always ignored any thought of that day, thinking about it made me cringe with anger and sorrow and I just wanted it erased from my mind.
“Why didn’t you come out?” I let the question roll from my tongue unwillingly.
“I thought you needed your time alone, plus everyone would look for us and bother us.”
“So! That doesn’t mean I didn’t need my mother. God, why have you all these years just assumed the best for me is to just be alone!” I stood up quickly feel frustrated by her and her poor parenting. “All the time you have just left me the defend myself!” I bellowed down to her.
“No I haven’t--”
“Yes you have!” My emotions wavered out thickly, “God, you walk around in dad’s shadow all the time doing everything he pleases!” I bit out feeling my shoulder tense with aggravation. I waited for her reply, expecting this conversation to turn sour, but again my mother had succeeded in surprising me for the fourth time in fifteen minutes.
“I know.” She plainly said then stood slowly and walked towards my door not once turning around. “Dinner will be ready in at seven.” She muttered as she proceeded out my door and into the kitchen.
All I could do was stare at my door, confused and astonished by what just happened. How did she just do that? Most of my life I haven’t seen any side like that of my mother, she was always one step behind my father and always expecting more from me. But just then, she was vulnerable and raw. It seemed like for the first time in ages she had let her true self through.
But what would be the trigger? What just made her just open up to me and why now of all times? The question swirled in my brain making it harder to comprehend
Maybe she thought enough was enough, or maybe she thought my dad was way out of line.
Maybe she thought she could lose another daughter. And maybe there’s hope for her after all.
Walking over to my window I shut it and stepped over the still shattered bits of my mirror that blanketed my floor with a light shimmer. It crunched loudly as I walked back and forth readjusting my room back to the way it was before the fighting between my Dad and Max.
After swiping up the last bits of broken mirror I was finally done clearing my room. Finding the cleaning a good way to keep me busy I continue to clean the rest of my room not noticing Maria standing in the doorway.
“Hey Chica.” I spun around gasping as did; she always had a tendency to sneak up on me.
“Oh, hey Maria.” I said finally, placing the old rag down that I was using to clean my desk.
Maria walked into my room quickly and closed the distance between use with a hug. I loved that about Maria, she knew when you needed affection and support.
“God Liz I’m so sorry about what Max did. He is such a jerk for doing it.” She spoke next to my ear hugging me tighter. “What do you want me to do? I can go beat up his cheating ass.” She pulled away from me to examine my face. I scoffed slightly at her words and shook my head lightly.
“Oh god, it’s worse than I thought.” She breathed out becoming more concerned as she looked me over as if the pain were physical.
“It’s okay Maria.” Trying to reassure her I gave her small smile.
“No, it’s not Liz. I was the one who pushed him to do it.” She declared then pulled me over to sit down on my bed.
“What?” I scoffed again finding this some kind of joke; she couldn’t have pushed him to do it. If anything it was I who pushed him.
“I found him at the party last night sitting in the corner downing a bottle of vodka. I approached him, fueled by rage and alcohol I started screaming that he had ruined your life and how much he had hurt you…..Then he pushed passed me throwing the empty bottle against the wall and left the room.” She looked at me as if she just admitted the most terrible crime and was waiting for her punishment.
“Maria, it’s not your fault.” I gave her an earnest look hoping she’d understand that she didn’t do anything wrong.
“It must be 'cause I saw the way he was before I screamed at him, Liz; he looked so different, so…..crushed. And I just made it worse by telling him he was a low life.” Maria was in her paranoid delusional phase thinking that she made something worse.
“Maria, you didn’t push him. I did. For that whole week after I stupidly broke up with him I was this cold hearted bitch and I didn’t give him the time of day to even make up for abandoning me.” I told her while holding her hand as we sat on my bed.
“Besides we were broken up, technically he didn’t cheat on me.” I wavered mournfully
“The hell he didn’t!” Maria explored, “You were still semi-involved with each other and he hurt you.” I merely looked to my hands finding truth in what she said, but it didn’t make things any better
“I’m sorry Liz; I just…I didn’t mean to go up to him.” She mumbled out
“It’s okay; you were just upset and a little drunk.” I told her tenderly
“So what happened to you today, I heard that Max came up to you to tell you and you punched him in the face or something.” I scoffed bitterly at the misleading gossip that circled our school.
“I slapped him and then I ran way.”
“Didn’t he come after you?” she asked forcing all attention to me.
“Yeah, he did. I came home, me and my dad had a big fight and I accidentally slipped out that I was pregnant.” I mumbled out sullenly.
“What?” Maria breathed out in shock.
“That’s not all. Max then came in and my father hit him. They wrestled each other for a while, Dad had hit Max a couple of times but Max didn’t hit back at all. He just took it. After Max pushed my father off him he grabbed my hand and we just ran for it.”
“Your dad didn’t come after you?” Maria asked still shocked, I answered by shaking my head, “Then what happened?”
“Max took me to a café and tried to explain what happened.”
“And?”
“He was taken advantage of.”
Maria then bust out into a fit of giggles, flinging her head back in laughter.
“Oh yeah, right!” She scoffed in disbelief
“He wasn’t joking. Had said that he went up stairs to find more alcohol, then Tess came in and took advantage of the situation.” I ducked my head feeling my stomach roll and drive with nausea.
“Oh my god, you’re serious?” I nodded my head once again at her question. She once again embraced me in a tight hug, sighing softly then asked “So how did your parent take the news of you impending motherhood?”
“Not so good.” I broke away from her hug, finding it strange that I wasn’t a crying mess considering that I just went through hell and back. I was more numb then anything else.
“Where are they now?” she questioned while smoothing over my hair.
“My Mom said that my Dad was out and she’s in the kitchen, I think.” I slowly answered.
“No she isn’t no-one's in your house except you, Liz.” Maria said
“What?” I questioned in disbelief
“Your house is empty.” Maria stated in a matter of fact tone
I jumped from my bed with Maria following close behind as I looked out my door and proceeded down the hallway searching my house for my Mom.
“Mom!” I bellowed out. Maria stood next to me in the kitchen as we looked around for traces of my mother.
“Maybe she went out.” Maria concluded.
“Yeah maybe.” But I wasn’t convinced.
“So where have you been the rest of the day, I’ve been looking for you all over.” Maria returned her attention to the subject at hand.
“Oh I was just with Alex.” I casually finished then slapped my head against my forehead remembering it was secret that he was back.
“Alex!” Maria squealed
“Y-Yeah. It was supposed to be a surprise that he was back.” Finished kicking myself for spoiling the surprise. Before I knew it Maria run back into my room and had grabbed my coat.
“C’mon, let’s go!” Maria threw the coat at me and raced to my front door, stopping when she saw me not moving.
“Liz, c’mon I wanna see Alex.” Maria fidgeted impatiently in place like a child.
“I better stay home.” I said apologetically
“Liz, it’ll be fun. It’ll be like the old days, a ‘Three Musketeer’ reunion.” I laughed at our childhood nickname.
“Sorry.” I continued to deny her offer. Maria walked back up slowly and took my hands in hers.
“If you need anything just call, okay?” She looked at me sternly making sure I got the message.
“Okay.”
“And if ya need a place stay tonight, my door is always open.” She finished with giving me one last hug.
“Okay. Now go, Alex has much to talk about.” I watched as she giggled in girlish excitement then trotted out the front door.
The house was still, with an eerie silence, it sent shivers down my spine because it felt so stale, so……dead. I wandered back to my room pulling my hair from my face into a ponytail, I felt overwhelmed with fatigue and nausea. I needed something solid in my stomach, but I was scared to go eat anything. I flopped down onto my bed taking in a deep breath then finally nodded off to sleep. Pregnancy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
Bang!
I jerked awake at the sound of a slamming door. Suddenly remembering previous events I stood quickly and moved over to my window just in case I need to make an escape. I glanced quickly at my clock to see that it was ten o’clock, I had been asleep for five hours.
My father’s heels stomped along the wooden floor echoing through the house as he strode closer to my room. I lifted my window feeling the panic wash over me; at least I’ll get a head start if he comes in here.
But to my total surprise he continued past my room and slammed the door of his study. Creeping over to my closed door, I gingerly opened it to see if anything was outside, but there was only an empty hallway.
Stepping outside my door I paced down towards the kitchen, feeling growls of hunger replacing nausea. I came into full view to see my mother sitting alone in the dark holding a cup of tea between her long fingers.
As I came into full view she finally noticed my presence. She turned her head slowly to face me.
“Are you hungry?” she murmured still sitting at the table with her cup of now cold tea.
“A little.” I quietly spoke still concerned over her behavior, she was such a busy body, never without something to do, and now she was still and placid. It made my stress levels heighten with her vacant expression and distance stare.
What was going on? My father just returned from, god knows where and isn’t standing here having a fight with me and my mother is totally out of character, she’s acting beyond normal and not running around after my dad.
“Let me get you some dinner.” She stood quickly not letting me refuse her offer. She scrambled off into the kitchen moving around quickly to make me something to eat as I sat at my usual place at the table. It suddenly occurred to me that she wasn’t here this afternoon after we finished talking. I wonder where she went off too.
She slid a plate of hot food in front of me then sat opposite me at the table. Feeling like she went to the trouble I start to will myself to eat my food. And I was surprised to not have the immediate sick feeling afterwards.
I slid the empty plate away and finally looked up to her; she had been watching me the entire time. I felt her eyes bore into my ducked head.
“Where were you this afternoon?” I asked her straight out hoping for an answer for her strange behavior.
“I …went down to the…umm, store.” She diverted her gaze quickly
I looked over to the counter in the kitchen and found no brown paper bags of shopping, or any trace of something that was brought.
Disappointed that there was no evidence of her manner, I took in a deep breath and looked at her again. She still had her gaze down, looking into her lap. She looked almost guilty, I couldn’t really tell from just the soft lighting of the two lamps.
“I’m going to go to bed.” She finally said then reached for my plate and her cup then exited the dining area. After I heard my parents bedroom click softly shut I got up from the table and decided to go for a walk, hoping it would clear my head.
Quietly tip toeing past my dad's study, where he was still, I crept into my room and softly closed my door with a click.
I grabbed my coat and walked over to my window, this was the best time of night to go for a walk because it was normally quiet and still outside.
As I crawled out my window, I could already feel the coolness of the night air ease my mind. Taking one deep breath I carefully swung one leg over the ledge of my balcony and proceeded down the rickety iron ladder and wandered off into the night.
Little did I know what lay ahead.
TBC
but heres the next chapter so enjoy!Chapter 18
I was bewildered to find my Mom sitting on the edge of my bed cuddling my favorite stuffed animal, Sherlock, a ragged old dog with a patch on its eye.
What was my Mom doing sulking in my bedroom and where was my dad?
My levels of panic heightened that something terrible had happened; maybe Max pushed my father away too hard. Maybe he left to hunt Max down…what if he went to hurt Max?
I stepped fully into my room but my mother didn’t even flinch. My heart pounded in my ears as I came closer to my mother's still form.
Tears strained her face as she hugged the stuffed toy closer and kept a vacant stare out the window.
Suddenly worried that my father had hit her I came to kneel before her searching her face for blood or fresh bruises.
“Mom?” I looked up to her with concern, I was worried about her strange behavior, she was never like this and it was really starting to scare me.
“Where’s dad?” I tenderly asked, hoping she would snap out of it soon.
“He's out.” She murmured still not looking at me; I looked away knowing that he was probably just at a bar or something
“I’m so sorry, Liz.” She mumbled once more as the tears silently fell down her face
“Mom, you're really scaring me.” I trembled out; she never really apologizes to me after something like this happened.
Without warning she lunged forward and embraced me in a tight hug as I merely stiffed in her arms shocked at her approached. Sure I had received her hugs many times, but not like this, not like a comforting hug that I use to get after a bad dream.
“What’s going on?” I whimpered out after she released me
“Nothing. I’m just sorry for everything.” She held my face and brought me in for another hug
What surprised me most out of all was her apologizing to me. This was a very rare thing to happened, and why now?
She released me from her embrace and then put my most treasured toy a sided, then quietly chuckled.
“Remember how Rosa put gum in Sherlock’s hair and you cried and cried till I got it out with a pair of scissors.” She reminiscenced to herself, as I shook my head in disappointment because she was thinking about Rosa and not me.
“Yeah I remember.” I mumbled out callously
“I’ll never forget the night she died….” She mumbled dejectedly
I looked up to her face shocked that she was actually talking about this. Never was the night of Rosa’s death spoken of in the house, why the hell was she suddenly saying all of this now. Her strange behavior made me shiver slightly; I was becoming more alarmed as she continued to speak “…how quiet you were through the whole thing.” She continued, not looking at me but ahead as if the night was replaying in her head.
“Didn’t think you noticed.” I ducked my head and looked elsewhere, somewhat cautious that my speaking also would give her a chance to yell at me.
“Of course I did, I watched you most of all. I watched how you didn’t cry one tear at the funeral or afterwards.” Her confessions kept me in place kneeling in front of her while she spoke from the heart. I was general interested and surprised.
“Why didn’t you cry, Liz?” She seemed to need to know the answer, like she had wanted to know for quiet some time now.
“I don’t know…. I thought I had to be strong for you and dad by not crying.” I hesitantly said, pushing half of the other truth into the back of my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever confess that I thought Rosa deserved what she got.
“I did see you cry though.” My mom said finally looking at me, two pairs of glistening eyes reflecting each other. I looked to her suddenly perplexed by what she said; I didn’t think I did cry around that time, I made sure I didn’t.
“You were on your balcony after the funeral and escaping all the people and relatives who were having tea. And you were silently crying to yourself holding Sherlock close to your heart.” She looked to the window that led to my balcony as if she were seeing it all again.
“All I wanted to do was come out there and hold my little girl close. I wanted to join you in your peaceful solitude.”
I was somewhat shocked that I had completely forgotten about that event up until now. I had always ignored any thought of that day, thinking about it made me cringe with anger and sorrow and I just wanted it erased from my mind.
“Why didn’t you come out?” I let the question roll from my tongue unwillingly.
“I thought you needed your time alone, plus everyone would look for us and bother us.”
“So! That doesn’t mean I didn’t need my mother. God, why have you all these years just assumed the best for me is to just be alone!” I stood up quickly feel frustrated by her and her poor parenting. “All the time you have just left me the defend myself!” I bellowed down to her.
“No I haven’t--”
“Yes you have!” My emotions wavered out thickly, “God, you walk around in dad’s shadow all the time doing everything he pleases!” I bit out feeling my shoulder tense with aggravation. I waited for her reply, expecting this conversation to turn sour, but again my mother had succeeded in surprising me for the fourth time in fifteen minutes.
“I know.” She plainly said then stood slowly and walked towards my door not once turning around. “Dinner will be ready in at seven.” She muttered as she proceeded out my door and into the kitchen.
All I could do was stare at my door, confused and astonished by what just happened. How did she just do that? Most of my life I haven’t seen any side like that of my mother, she was always one step behind my father and always expecting more from me. But just then, she was vulnerable and raw. It seemed like for the first time in ages she had let her true self through.
But what would be the trigger? What just made her just open up to me and why now of all times? The question swirled in my brain making it harder to comprehend
Maybe she thought enough was enough, or maybe she thought my dad was way out of line.
Maybe she thought she could lose another daughter. And maybe there’s hope for her after all.
Walking over to my window I shut it and stepped over the still shattered bits of my mirror that blanketed my floor with a light shimmer. It crunched loudly as I walked back and forth readjusting my room back to the way it was before the fighting between my Dad and Max.
After swiping up the last bits of broken mirror I was finally done clearing my room. Finding the cleaning a good way to keep me busy I continue to clean the rest of my room not noticing Maria standing in the doorway.
“Hey Chica.” I spun around gasping as did; she always had a tendency to sneak up on me.
“Oh, hey Maria.” I said finally, placing the old rag down that I was using to clean my desk.
Maria walked into my room quickly and closed the distance between use with a hug. I loved that about Maria, she knew when you needed affection and support.
“God Liz I’m so sorry about what Max did. He is such a jerk for doing it.” She spoke next to my ear hugging me tighter. “What do you want me to do? I can go beat up his cheating ass.” She pulled away from me to examine my face. I scoffed slightly at her words and shook my head lightly.
“Oh god, it’s worse than I thought.” She breathed out becoming more concerned as she looked me over as if the pain were physical.
“It’s okay Maria.” Trying to reassure her I gave her small smile.
“No, it’s not Liz. I was the one who pushed him to do it.” She declared then pulled me over to sit down on my bed.
“What?” I scoffed again finding this some kind of joke; she couldn’t have pushed him to do it. If anything it was I who pushed him.
“I found him at the party last night sitting in the corner downing a bottle of vodka. I approached him, fueled by rage and alcohol I started screaming that he had ruined your life and how much he had hurt you…..Then he pushed passed me throwing the empty bottle against the wall and left the room.” She looked at me as if she just admitted the most terrible crime and was waiting for her punishment.
“Maria, it’s not your fault.” I gave her an earnest look hoping she’d understand that she didn’t do anything wrong.
“It must be 'cause I saw the way he was before I screamed at him, Liz; he looked so different, so…..crushed. And I just made it worse by telling him he was a low life.” Maria was in her paranoid delusional phase thinking that she made something worse.
“Maria, you didn’t push him. I did. For that whole week after I stupidly broke up with him I was this cold hearted bitch and I didn’t give him the time of day to even make up for abandoning me.” I told her while holding her hand as we sat on my bed.
“Besides we were broken up, technically he didn’t cheat on me.” I wavered mournfully
“The hell he didn’t!” Maria explored, “You were still semi-involved with each other and he hurt you.” I merely looked to my hands finding truth in what she said, but it didn’t make things any better
“I’m sorry Liz; I just…I didn’t mean to go up to him.” She mumbled out
“It’s okay; you were just upset and a little drunk.” I told her tenderly
“So what happened to you today, I heard that Max came up to you to tell you and you punched him in the face or something.” I scoffed bitterly at the misleading gossip that circled our school.
“I slapped him and then I ran way.”
“Didn’t he come after you?” she asked forcing all attention to me.
“Yeah, he did. I came home, me and my dad had a big fight and I accidentally slipped out that I was pregnant.” I mumbled out sullenly.
“What?” Maria breathed out in shock.
“That’s not all. Max then came in and my father hit him. They wrestled each other for a while, Dad had hit Max a couple of times but Max didn’t hit back at all. He just took it. After Max pushed my father off him he grabbed my hand and we just ran for it.”
“Your dad didn’t come after you?” Maria asked still shocked, I answered by shaking my head, “Then what happened?”
“Max took me to a café and tried to explain what happened.”
“And?”
“He was taken advantage of.”
Maria then bust out into a fit of giggles, flinging her head back in laughter.
“Oh yeah, right!” She scoffed in disbelief
“He wasn’t joking. Had said that he went up stairs to find more alcohol, then Tess came in and took advantage of the situation.” I ducked my head feeling my stomach roll and drive with nausea.
“Oh my god, you’re serious?” I nodded my head once again at her question. She once again embraced me in a tight hug, sighing softly then asked “So how did your parent take the news of you impending motherhood?”
“Not so good.” I broke away from her hug, finding it strange that I wasn’t a crying mess considering that I just went through hell and back. I was more numb then anything else.
“Where are they now?” she questioned while smoothing over my hair.
“My Mom said that my Dad was out and she’s in the kitchen, I think.” I slowly answered.
“No she isn’t no-one's in your house except you, Liz.” Maria said
“What?” I questioned in disbelief
“Your house is empty.” Maria stated in a matter of fact tone
I jumped from my bed with Maria following close behind as I looked out my door and proceeded down the hallway searching my house for my Mom.
“Mom!” I bellowed out. Maria stood next to me in the kitchen as we looked around for traces of my mother.
“Maybe she went out.” Maria concluded.
“Yeah maybe.” But I wasn’t convinced.
“So where have you been the rest of the day, I’ve been looking for you all over.” Maria returned her attention to the subject at hand.
“Oh I was just with Alex.” I casually finished then slapped my head against my forehead remembering it was secret that he was back.
“Alex!” Maria squealed
“Y-Yeah. It was supposed to be a surprise that he was back.” Finished kicking myself for spoiling the surprise. Before I knew it Maria run back into my room and had grabbed my coat.
“C’mon, let’s go!” Maria threw the coat at me and raced to my front door, stopping when she saw me not moving.
“Liz, c’mon I wanna see Alex.” Maria fidgeted impatiently in place like a child.
“I better stay home.” I said apologetically
“Liz, it’ll be fun. It’ll be like the old days, a ‘Three Musketeer’ reunion.” I laughed at our childhood nickname.
“Sorry.” I continued to deny her offer. Maria walked back up slowly and took my hands in hers.
“If you need anything just call, okay?” She looked at me sternly making sure I got the message.
“Okay.”
“And if ya need a place stay tonight, my door is always open.” She finished with giving me one last hug.
“Okay. Now go, Alex has much to talk about.” I watched as she giggled in girlish excitement then trotted out the front door.
The house was still, with an eerie silence, it sent shivers down my spine because it felt so stale, so……dead. I wandered back to my room pulling my hair from my face into a ponytail, I felt overwhelmed with fatigue and nausea. I needed something solid in my stomach, but I was scared to go eat anything. I flopped down onto my bed taking in a deep breath then finally nodded off to sleep. Pregnancy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
Bang!
I jerked awake at the sound of a slamming door. Suddenly remembering previous events I stood quickly and moved over to my window just in case I need to make an escape. I glanced quickly at my clock to see that it was ten o’clock, I had been asleep for five hours.
My father’s heels stomped along the wooden floor echoing through the house as he strode closer to my room. I lifted my window feeling the panic wash over me; at least I’ll get a head start if he comes in here.
But to my total surprise he continued past my room and slammed the door of his study. Creeping over to my closed door, I gingerly opened it to see if anything was outside, but there was only an empty hallway.
Stepping outside my door I paced down towards the kitchen, feeling growls of hunger replacing nausea. I came into full view to see my mother sitting alone in the dark holding a cup of tea between her long fingers.
As I came into full view she finally noticed my presence. She turned her head slowly to face me.
“Are you hungry?” she murmured still sitting at the table with her cup of now cold tea.
“A little.” I quietly spoke still concerned over her behavior, she was such a busy body, never without something to do, and now she was still and placid. It made my stress levels heighten with her vacant expression and distance stare.
What was going on? My father just returned from, god knows where and isn’t standing here having a fight with me and my mother is totally out of character, she’s acting beyond normal and not running around after my dad.
“Let me get you some dinner.” She stood quickly not letting me refuse her offer. She scrambled off into the kitchen moving around quickly to make me something to eat as I sat at my usual place at the table. It suddenly occurred to me that she wasn’t here this afternoon after we finished talking. I wonder where she went off too.
She slid a plate of hot food in front of me then sat opposite me at the table. Feeling like she went to the trouble I start to will myself to eat my food. And I was surprised to not have the immediate sick feeling afterwards.
I slid the empty plate away and finally looked up to her; she had been watching me the entire time. I felt her eyes bore into my ducked head.
“Where were you this afternoon?” I asked her straight out hoping for an answer for her strange behavior.
“I …went down to the…umm, store.” She diverted her gaze quickly
I looked over to the counter in the kitchen and found no brown paper bags of shopping, or any trace of something that was brought.
Disappointed that there was no evidence of her manner, I took in a deep breath and looked at her again. She still had her gaze down, looking into her lap. She looked almost guilty, I couldn’t really tell from just the soft lighting of the two lamps.
“I’m going to go to bed.” She finally said then reached for my plate and her cup then exited the dining area. After I heard my parents bedroom click softly shut I got up from the table and decided to go for a walk, hoping it would clear my head.
Quietly tip toeing past my dad's study, where he was still, I crept into my room and softly closed my door with a click.
I grabbed my coat and walked over to my window, this was the best time of night to go for a walk because it was normally quiet and still outside.
As I crawled out my window, I could already feel the coolness of the night air ease my mind. Taking one deep breath I carefully swung one leg over the ledge of my balcony and proceeded down the rickety iron ladder and wandered off into the night.
Little did I know what lay ahead.
TBC
-
Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
K heres the next chapter ppl! i just added the last touches, so its all ready to go.
Chapter 19
The streets of Roswell hummed with electricity from overhead streetlights and the crisp smell of cold night air filled my lungs as I strolled through my hometown.
I had been walking around for over an hour and I was still confused about my mother, my father and of course Max. It was hard not to think of him.
How could I possibly patch things up with him, knowing that he could just give up on us then go have sex with Tess Harding. I mentally slapped myself for thinking like that, he was drunk and I had pushed him away. It’s my fault he slept with her, it’s my fault his miserable, it’s my fault my father beat him up …. and it’ll be my fault if I lose him all together.
As I walked through Summerhaven Park I felt that familiar shiver run through my body. The shiver caused by the realization that my life had gone into a tailspin. Just being pregnant was enough. I stopped abruptly to place a hand on my stomach through the fold of my jacket. Could I be a mother to this child? Even through all the pain I’ve gone through I’ve always had this baby, and maybe that’s a good thing.
Then and there I had official made my choice, I’m keeping this baby. Before the decision of having it or not lingered in my mind, in every waking moment wondering what was the right choice. Truthful the idea that I was pregnant really scared me, but now I have an overwhelming feeling to keep my baby…not because I have too, because I want too.
The little person inside of me will need and depend on me. It will love me, just like Max did. And at least I’ll have a part of Max always with me.
A bittersweet smile spread across my face as I continued to stroll through the park taking in its tranquil environment. But a harsh sound of glass shattering broke the silence of the night. I scanned the expanse of grass and trees feeling my heart quicken with panic. Glass didn’t just break randomly unless another person was hidden in the shadows knocking it over.
Feeling the hair on the back of my neck and arms stand on end I turned around quickly, suddenly feeling that the surrounding park, which moments ago was peaceful and safe, may now bear a stranger amongst it dark shadows.
Then another sound filled the night, the sound of glass thumping against wood. I arched my neck to seek out this new sound of muffled murmurs to see a person sitting on the wooden bridge arching over the large pond at the centre of the park.
The sound of glass thudding on wood was a bottle of spirits being lifted to the person’s mouth then drunkenly slammed back down into position. The mystery drunk swayed slightly while he sat on the wooden ledge facing the other way. Creeping closer I wanted to know who this person was, just to see if I could help him be on his way. It was pretty dangerous to be drinking on a wooden ledge on a bridge over a pond.
As I came closer it appeared that the person was a younger man, around eighteen, with a build like Max. As the drunk tilled his head back to take another swig of his hard liquor, the moon light slightly illuminated his face and I gasped at the realization of just who this mystery drunk was.
“Max?” I said in shock as I half walked, half jogged to the bridge. As I approached Max noticed my presence, turning around to face me then back to the stretch of water.
“Hey Liz.” He said too casually.
“What are you doing? Get down from there.” I asked in pure surprise and distress
Max bobbed his head in what looked like a ‘no’ and took another gulp of his Jim Bean, wincing as the fiery taste passed through his throat.
“What happened over here?” I pointed out at the bits of shattered remains of an empty liquor bottle on the bridge, taking another step closer to his hunched over form.
“I threw it.” He exclaimed childishly then took another swig as I stepped even closer nodding my head as I did. I really didn’t like the bridge ledge he was sitting on right now, not that it was particular but there still could be an accident and that’s the last thing I wanted.
“I was finished with Mr. Jack Daniels an’ decided ta get we-acquainted with his cousin Jim Bean.”
He held the bottle in front of him giving it a small salute, “Mr. Bean.” He murmured in greeting to his liquor bottle before gulping down another mouthful.
Ignore his drunken sarcasms I suddenly noticed the dried blood on his eyebrow. The slick blood had trickled down his cheekbone and I gasped when I came into full view of his bruised face.
“Max, what happened?” I gasped holding my hands to my mouth; I didn’t know my dad had hit him that hard, or that much.
“Oh, nothing really. Just dat my dad found out you were pregnant because your dad had come over an’ told him.” His said blankly in slurred speech
“Oh my god.” I whispered under my breath, that’s where he went to this afternoon; he went to tell Mr. Evans because he knows as much as I do that it wouldn’t go down well with him.
“It looks worse than it really is.” He said in a matter of fact tone, turning to me and raising his eyebrows as he did.
Max took another gulp of his Jim Bean, this time more than usual. Stepping forward I pulled bottle away from his mouth, but he refused to loosen his grip causing it to spill over his shirt. “Max, that’s enough.” I yanked at the bottle again, but he yanked it away from my grasp, while childishly chanting a slurred ‘No’.
“No, Liz you can’t have any. It’ll hurt the baby.” He murmured, his unfocused eyes looking at me.
“Max, how much have you had?” I scolded.
He brought one hand out in front of him using his fingers to count as he raised his eyebrows as if to see them better. He quickly turned back to me
“One ‘n’ a half.” He told me emphasizing with a shake of the half empty bottle. “But you made me spill sum.” He added while looking down to his shirt thudding his hand across the strain to try and get rid of it.
“Okay Max, just get down.” I took hold of his forearm trying to jerk him off the ledge. “Come on, Max. Get down!”
“Naw, I wanna stay up here! No!” Max finally jerked free from my grasp only to loose his balance and fall off the edge into the pond below.
“MAX!” I bellowed as I looked over the edge into the dark ripples water. No sign of him. I ran off the bridge to the side of the pond yelling his as I did. “Max! MAX!” I continued to scream at the dark waters under the bridge. Still no answer. Suddenly becoming overly worried I took off my jacket and jumped into the waist deep pond, trudging through its murky water.
“Max!” I yelped as I saw a form awkwardly try to stand on the slimly rocks below the surface and then slipping to fall back into the water.
Treading carefully I made my way over to Max who continued to try to stand. I bit down on my lip giggled inwardly at his clumsy attempts. Finally reaching him I held onto his forearm and helped him up. He still slipped and fell as I tried to keep him walking through the dirty, chilly water. As I stepped onto the grass beside the pond I turned around and helped Max step up, only to have him fall, heavily, face down on the mossy grass.
“Oww.” He moaned into the grass bed.
“Max, c’mon.” I knelt down beside him to prop him up like a rag doll, if he passed out now he’d freeze to death.
As he sat up he rubbed at his head confusedly, and then looked into my eyes, not just a glance, but really looked at me. Like he was finding the most precious answer in the world on my face.
“Are you okay? Did you hit your head? God knows you've been through enough head injuries.” I said looking over his face for anymore scratches or bruises.
He shook his head heavily still maintaining his gaze as I examined the cut above his eyebrow, thanking god that it didn’t needed any stitches.
“I miss you.” He murmured, catching me off guard and making me fall silent. “I wish I could go back when you told me about da baby and change everything.” He slurred miserably
“The past is the past, Max.” I sighed, disappointed that his finding his truth was motivated by intoxication.
“Do ya know what I did after you told me?” He brought his head closer as if it was the biggest secret in the world.
I shook my head unenthusiastically not really wanting to hear what he actually did after I had gone out on a limb and expected some sort of support, to be only met with a turned back and aching loneliness.
“I went home and when I knew your parents would be asleep I came back to talk to you an’ say I’m sorry but you….you were asleep.” He looked down at his hands that supported his weight as if he was afraid to admit what he did.
“You looked so beautiful So I just watched you sleep……an’….then I put my hand over your stomach,” To my utter surprise Max looked at my stomach and placed one of his large, wet hands against it gently then looked up to my eyes once more.
“…….because I realized that I was a daddy.” Tears began to spill from his liquid honey eyes as his features contorted with sorrow.
I couldn’t help but let my tears fall too. All this time I had thought he had shut out my existence that entire time, not even wanting to confront me at all…but he had come back. He had wanted to talk to me.
Although it didn’t make up for that entire two weeks of silence and hurt, it still gave me hope that maybe the entire thing was a misunderstanding. But then why wouldn’t he come to me the next day or the day after that. That familiar torment crept to the surface once more as I placed my hand over his hand that spread over the tiny bump in my stomach.
“Why didn’t you come to me the next day Max? Why didn’t you wake me?” I more pleaded then asked.
“I was terrified.” He said lamely
“You were terrified.” I scoffed bitterly at him pushing his hand away
“Why is that your answer to everything? Did it even occur to you that I was more afraid than you were? That I needed you more then ever!” I bellowed, finding this a futile argument, he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.
I pushed myself to my feet and looked down at Max, his tears still continued to fall openly as he looked ahead of himself trapped in churning turmoil.
“He was right, I am coward.” His words wavered out in a slur that it was hard to understand.
“Who’s right?” I asked, quietly kinda already knowing he was talking about his father.
“My dad, his right. I never do anything right.” He mournfully slurred in self-pity.
“Max your--”
“No! Don’t.” He bit out, “I can’t live up to your standard or my father's.” With that he thudded onto his back and rolled over on his side putting his back to me.
“Max, c’mon get up. You’ll freeze to death.” I declared rolling him onto his back only to have him roll back into place.
“I deserve it.” Max murmured stubbornly once more.
“Max, c’mon please just get up so I can take you home.” I pleaded in aggravation
He mumbled another ‘No’, before I started to pull him to his feet. He swayed slightly at the rush of getting up. I held onto his forearm and I fished around in his pockets for his keys. As I continued my search Max began to bend down again, I quickly held onto his waist so that he wouldn’t fall.
“Max, what are you doing? Get up.” I struggled to keep him from falling
Max stumbled back upright with my jacket in his hand and placed it around my shoulders.
“You’ll get cold.” He said tenderly as I slid my arms into the sleeves.
“Thanks, and so will you if we don’t get you home. Did you drive here?” He nodded his head heavily as we began to walk to the jeep.
As we came to the driver's seat I propped Max up against the jeep and proceeded to look for the keys. “Where are they?” I mumbled to myself.
I heard a jingle of metal next to my head, as I looked up at Max he was holding the car keys in front me grinning proudly. Jingling them to emphasize that he had them all along. I snatched them from his grasp then pushed him to walk around and hop in the passenger seat. Max sat groggily in the sit and then dropped his head back to look at the stars.
“‘Member when we’d watch da star, Liz. I use’ta love watching da star with you…Your eyes would reflected the stars making dem sparkle…..” He murmured contently to himself.
“An’ ‘member how we use to try an’ court everyone of dem when we were lil, before dat time we kissed.” He continued to slur out swing his arm up pointing towards the night sky to point at each star before letting his arm dropped like a dead weight into his lap.
As I started the jeep Max slipped into a drunken coma causing his head to fall onto my lap heavily. I merely stared down at him, combing my fingers through his messy dark hair, finding the moment bittersweet as I hadn’t touched him like that for over a month.
What made it even worse was that Max made a reference to when we were younger, when things were happier…when things were easier.
Max would always say that God must have put a sprinkle of stars in my eyes to make them sparkle as they did. And I would always response by telling him that God must have used golden honey to make his liquid amber eyes.
I swallowed the tears in my throat hating to dwell on a past that seemed to just linger in memory.
God it was like the madness of my life was never ending, all I wanted was a peaceful stroll through park to clear my mind, but of course my curse of turmoil decided to intervene, making me question everything all over again.
I placed the jeep in drive and drove down the silent streets still with Max passed out on my lap finding the moment blissful and bittersweet.
Chapter 19
The streets of Roswell hummed with electricity from overhead streetlights and the crisp smell of cold night air filled my lungs as I strolled through my hometown.
I had been walking around for over an hour and I was still confused about my mother, my father and of course Max. It was hard not to think of him.
How could I possibly patch things up with him, knowing that he could just give up on us then go have sex with Tess Harding. I mentally slapped myself for thinking like that, he was drunk and I had pushed him away. It’s my fault he slept with her, it’s my fault his miserable, it’s my fault my father beat him up …. and it’ll be my fault if I lose him all together.
As I walked through Summerhaven Park I felt that familiar shiver run through my body. The shiver caused by the realization that my life had gone into a tailspin. Just being pregnant was enough. I stopped abruptly to place a hand on my stomach through the fold of my jacket. Could I be a mother to this child? Even through all the pain I’ve gone through I’ve always had this baby, and maybe that’s a good thing.
Then and there I had official made my choice, I’m keeping this baby. Before the decision of having it or not lingered in my mind, in every waking moment wondering what was the right choice. Truthful the idea that I was pregnant really scared me, but now I have an overwhelming feeling to keep my baby…not because I have too, because I want too.
The little person inside of me will need and depend on me. It will love me, just like Max did. And at least I’ll have a part of Max always with me.
A bittersweet smile spread across my face as I continued to stroll through the park taking in its tranquil environment. But a harsh sound of glass shattering broke the silence of the night. I scanned the expanse of grass and trees feeling my heart quicken with panic. Glass didn’t just break randomly unless another person was hidden in the shadows knocking it over.
Feeling the hair on the back of my neck and arms stand on end I turned around quickly, suddenly feeling that the surrounding park, which moments ago was peaceful and safe, may now bear a stranger amongst it dark shadows.
Then another sound filled the night, the sound of glass thumping against wood. I arched my neck to seek out this new sound of muffled murmurs to see a person sitting on the wooden bridge arching over the large pond at the centre of the park.
The sound of glass thudding on wood was a bottle of spirits being lifted to the person’s mouth then drunkenly slammed back down into position. The mystery drunk swayed slightly while he sat on the wooden ledge facing the other way. Creeping closer I wanted to know who this person was, just to see if I could help him be on his way. It was pretty dangerous to be drinking on a wooden ledge on a bridge over a pond.
As I came closer it appeared that the person was a younger man, around eighteen, with a build like Max. As the drunk tilled his head back to take another swig of his hard liquor, the moon light slightly illuminated his face and I gasped at the realization of just who this mystery drunk was.
“Max?” I said in shock as I half walked, half jogged to the bridge. As I approached Max noticed my presence, turning around to face me then back to the stretch of water.
“Hey Liz.” He said too casually.
“What are you doing? Get down from there.” I asked in pure surprise and distress
Max bobbed his head in what looked like a ‘no’ and took another gulp of his Jim Bean, wincing as the fiery taste passed through his throat.
“What happened over here?” I pointed out at the bits of shattered remains of an empty liquor bottle on the bridge, taking another step closer to his hunched over form.
“I threw it.” He exclaimed childishly then took another swig as I stepped even closer nodding my head as I did. I really didn’t like the bridge ledge he was sitting on right now, not that it was particular but there still could be an accident and that’s the last thing I wanted.
“I was finished with Mr. Jack Daniels an’ decided ta get we-acquainted with his cousin Jim Bean.”
He held the bottle in front of him giving it a small salute, “Mr. Bean.” He murmured in greeting to his liquor bottle before gulping down another mouthful.
Ignore his drunken sarcasms I suddenly noticed the dried blood on his eyebrow. The slick blood had trickled down his cheekbone and I gasped when I came into full view of his bruised face.
“Max, what happened?” I gasped holding my hands to my mouth; I didn’t know my dad had hit him that hard, or that much.
“Oh, nothing really. Just dat my dad found out you were pregnant because your dad had come over an’ told him.” His said blankly in slurred speech
“Oh my god.” I whispered under my breath, that’s where he went to this afternoon; he went to tell Mr. Evans because he knows as much as I do that it wouldn’t go down well with him.
“It looks worse than it really is.” He said in a matter of fact tone, turning to me and raising his eyebrows as he did.
Max took another gulp of his Jim Bean, this time more than usual. Stepping forward I pulled bottle away from his mouth, but he refused to loosen his grip causing it to spill over his shirt. “Max, that’s enough.” I yanked at the bottle again, but he yanked it away from my grasp, while childishly chanting a slurred ‘No’.
“No, Liz you can’t have any. It’ll hurt the baby.” He murmured, his unfocused eyes looking at me.
“Max, how much have you had?” I scolded.
He brought one hand out in front of him using his fingers to count as he raised his eyebrows as if to see them better. He quickly turned back to me
“One ‘n’ a half.” He told me emphasizing with a shake of the half empty bottle. “But you made me spill sum.” He added while looking down to his shirt thudding his hand across the strain to try and get rid of it.
“Okay Max, just get down.” I took hold of his forearm trying to jerk him off the ledge. “Come on, Max. Get down!”
“Naw, I wanna stay up here! No!” Max finally jerked free from my grasp only to loose his balance and fall off the edge into the pond below.
“MAX!” I bellowed as I looked over the edge into the dark ripples water. No sign of him. I ran off the bridge to the side of the pond yelling his as I did. “Max! MAX!” I continued to scream at the dark waters under the bridge. Still no answer. Suddenly becoming overly worried I took off my jacket and jumped into the waist deep pond, trudging through its murky water.
“Max!” I yelped as I saw a form awkwardly try to stand on the slimly rocks below the surface and then slipping to fall back into the water.
Treading carefully I made my way over to Max who continued to try to stand. I bit down on my lip giggled inwardly at his clumsy attempts. Finally reaching him I held onto his forearm and helped him up. He still slipped and fell as I tried to keep him walking through the dirty, chilly water. As I stepped onto the grass beside the pond I turned around and helped Max step up, only to have him fall, heavily, face down on the mossy grass.
“Oww.” He moaned into the grass bed.
“Max, c’mon.” I knelt down beside him to prop him up like a rag doll, if he passed out now he’d freeze to death.
As he sat up he rubbed at his head confusedly, and then looked into my eyes, not just a glance, but really looked at me. Like he was finding the most precious answer in the world on my face.
“Are you okay? Did you hit your head? God knows you've been through enough head injuries.” I said looking over his face for anymore scratches or bruises.
He shook his head heavily still maintaining his gaze as I examined the cut above his eyebrow, thanking god that it didn’t needed any stitches.
“I miss you.” He murmured, catching me off guard and making me fall silent. “I wish I could go back when you told me about da baby and change everything.” He slurred miserably
“The past is the past, Max.” I sighed, disappointed that his finding his truth was motivated by intoxication.
“Do ya know what I did after you told me?” He brought his head closer as if it was the biggest secret in the world.
I shook my head unenthusiastically not really wanting to hear what he actually did after I had gone out on a limb and expected some sort of support, to be only met with a turned back and aching loneliness.
“I went home and when I knew your parents would be asleep I came back to talk to you an’ say I’m sorry but you….you were asleep.” He looked down at his hands that supported his weight as if he was afraid to admit what he did.
“You looked so beautiful So I just watched you sleep……an’….then I put my hand over your stomach,” To my utter surprise Max looked at my stomach and placed one of his large, wet hands against it gently then looked up to my eyes once more.
“…….because I realized that I was a daddy.” Tears began to spill from his liquid honey eyes as his features contorted with sorrow.
I couldn’t help but let my tears fall too. All this time I had thought he had shut out my existence that entire time, not even wanting to confront me at all…but he had come back. He had wanted to talk to me.
Although it didn’t make up for that entire two weeks of silence and hurt, it still gave me hope that maybe the entire thing was a misunderstanding. But then why wouldn’t he come to me the next day or the day after that. That familiar torment crept to the surface once more as I placed my hand over his hand that spread over the tiny bump in my stomach.
“Why didn’t you come to me the next day Max? Why didn’t you wake me?” I more pleaded then asked.
“I was terrified.” He said lamely
“You were terrified.” I scoffed bitterly at him pushing his hand away
“Why is that your answer to everything? Did it even occur to you that I was more afraid than you were? That I needed you more then ever!” I bellowed, finding this a futile argument, he was drunk and probably wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning.
I pushed myself to my feet and looked down at Max, his tears still continued to fall openly as he looked ahead of himself trapped in churning turmoil.
“He was right, I am coward.” His words wavered out in a slur that it was hard to understand.
“Who’s right?” I asked, quietly kinda already knowing he was talking about his father.
“My dad, his right. I never do anything right.” He mournfully slurred in self-pity.
“Max your--”
“No! Don’t.” He bit out, “I can’t live up to your standard or my father's.” With that he thudded onto his back and rolled over on his side putting his back to me.
“Max, c’mon get up. You’ll freeze to death.” I declared rolling him onto his back only to have him roll back into place.
“I deserve it.” Max murmured stubbornly once more.
“Max, c’mon please just get up so I can take you home.” I pleaded in aggravation
He mumbled another ‘No’, before I started to pull him to his feet. He swayed slightly at the rush of getting up. I held onto his forearm and I fished around in his pockets for his keys. As I continued my search Max began to bend down again, I quickly held onto his waist so that he wouldn’t fall.
“Max, what are you doing? Get up.” I struggled to keep him from falling
Max stumbled back upright with my jacket in his hand and placed it around my shoulders.
“You’ll get cold.” He said tenderly as I slid my arms into the sleeves.
“Thanks, and so will you if we don’t get you home. Did you drive here?” He nodded his head heavily as we began to walk to the jeep.
As we came to the driver's seat I propped Max up against the jeep and proceeded to look for the keys. “Where are they?” I mumbled to myself.
I heard a jingle of metal next to my head, as I looked up at Max he was holding the car keys in front me grinning proudly. Jingling them to emphasize that he had them all along. I snatched them from his grasp then pushed him to walk around and hop in the passenger seat. Max sat groggily in the sit and then dropped his head back to look at the stars.
“‘Member when we’d watch da star, Liz. I use’ta love watching da star with you…Your eyes would reflected the stars making dem sparkle…..” He murmured contently to himself.
“An’ ‘member how we use to try an’ court everyone of dem when we were lil, before dat time we kissed.” He continued to slur out swing his arm up pointing towards the night sky to point at each star before letting his arm dropped like a dead weight into his lap.
As I started the jeep Max slipped into a drunken coma causing his head to fall onto my lap heavily. I merely stared down at him, combing my fingers through his messy dark hair, finding the moment bittersweet as I hadn’t touched him like that for over a month.
What made it even worse was that Max made a reference to when we were younger, when things were happier…when things were easier.
Max would always say that God must have put a sprinkle of stars in my eyes to make them sparkle as they did. And I would always response by telling him that God must have used golden honey to make his liquid amber eyes.
I swallowed the tears in my throat hating to dwell on a past that seemed to just linger in memory.
God it was like the madness of my life was never ending, all I wanted was a peaceful stroll through park to clear my mind, but of course my curse of turmoil decided to intervene, making me question everything all over again.
I placed the jeep in drive and drove down the silent streets still with Max passed out on my lap finding the moment blissful and bittersweet.
-
Hybrid-Angel
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 57
- Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
- Location: A room with padded walls
Sorry for the delay guyz! thanks for all ur amazing feedback, it puts a grin on my face.
heres chapter 20, enjoy.
Chapter 20
After a long bout of literally dragging Max’s ass through his bedroom window and collapsing to the floor exhausted I had finally gotten him home. At first I had opted to go through the front door, but I really didn’t what to risk his parents finding us coming through the front door late at night with Max dead drunk.
Max groaned into the carpet and tried to push himself up. I sat up against his bed to catch my breath after the effort of pushing and pulling his dead weight through the window. He’d slipped in and out of consciousness so thankfully he was able to walk a little from the jeep to his window.
“Liz?” He murmured lifting his head with much effort to find me.
“I’m here.” I whispered in the darkness.
Still on his stomach he swung his hand around to find me in the dark, only to have it whack against my knee.
“Oh good, you didn’t leave me.” He said but it was harder to understand since his face was smooshed against the carpet floor.
As Max began to shift again I knelt forward bracing his hips as he stumbled upright while knocking into the wall and then leaning against it to prop himself up. As he made these movements I had stumbled along with him and I now found myself pressed up against Max with my arms tight around his waist. The darkness of the room made it hard to see anything, but I knew that Max’s glazed over eyes were boring into mine.
Our foreheads were touching each other so I stepped back to gain some control and snap back into reality. Unseen urges coursed through my body at the close proximity of Max’s body and aftershave. I was torn between wrapping my arms around Max, promising never to let go and leaving him to bask in the glory of the pain I had endured over these past few weeks. My mind fogged over with confusion and I opted for the back up plan. Escape.
“Okay, well-um…I-I better go. Will you be okay?” I stuttered cowardly.
“Mmm-huh.” was his only reply before slowly sliding down the wall, I caught him just before he thumped to the floor and brought him to stand in the middle of the room, swaying as he did. Realizing that Max was too drunk to even talk or move I turned on the nearest lamp and gently shuffled him over to his bed to sit down while I undid his water filled shoes. I was suddenly caught off guard when his hand tucked my dirty, pond-watered hair behind my ear.
“Max, stop.” I whispered remorsefully, throwing the last shoe away and looking up to him. His eyes were pleading and fearful all at the same time.
“Why? Can’t we just pretend nothing ever happened?” He pleaded bringing both cold, shaking hands to my face. He caressed my cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs sending chills of desire through my body.
“Max, you know we can’t.” I brought my hands to his and pulled them slowly away from my face, hating doing so.
“Please.” He sobbed helplessly as unshed tears threatened to fall.
I averted my eyes, finding myself vulnerable under his pleading gaze. But it was suddenly forgotten when I realized Max was shaking all over from being cold. I hadn’t noticed when I placed him in the jeep that we were both soaked, but Max was more wet then me. Taking a mother hen action I quickly noticed his hands were ice cold too.
“Oh my god, Max your freezing.” I quickly looked over him rubbing the lengths of his still wet arms, hoping to radiate some heat. I would have thought the alcohol would have kept him warm considering how much he had.
“C’mon, let’s get you out of those clothes.” I said quickly while standing him up again, oblivious to the dangers of what I just said.
Max stood swaying slightly as I processed to help him lift his navy T-shirt over his head, revealing his shivering, muscled torso. I slowly took in his washboard abs and toned arms, groaning inwardly at missing the feel of running my hands over him.
Max noticed my eyes drink in his body and I was taken by surprise when he ran his fingers up the lengths of my arms and into my jacket to remove it from my shoulders.
My jacket fell to the floor along with Max’s wet T-shirt. Finding myself blushing, I reached for Max’s pants and undid them gingerly. I felt his honey eyes grilling into me as I focused all my attention of getting him out of his soaked through jeans.
As I let go of his pants they fell to the floor in a wet heap making a splatting noise as they circled around his feet. Max’s body twitched and shivered as I tousled his slick, wet hair and let my hands softly run down his face observing the wounds done by my father and Mr. Evans. He looked different somehow, like he had aged overnight or had been through a horrible battle, which was true in some ways.
He looked lost.
Before I knew it his soft, quivering lips brushed against mine sending hot sparks running through my chilled body. I had yearned to touch him like I used too and for him to touch me, before this mayhem began. The touch was electric and I craved more, craved his feather-light kisses, his warmth, and craved his loving touch. He was intoxicating.
Max tilted his head slightly and dripped his head in to kiss me once again, mostly savoring the taste as I let my mouth enjoy his tender assault. I missed it; I missed him so much it ached all over.
I was so wrapped up in his kiss that I forgot every painful and terrible thing that had happened, his mouth and body were like an escape to me, like I could forget the world for one second and just be in this moment.
Max gently pulled my body close to his as I braced my hands at the nape of his neck. Our tongue’s dueled wildly in need and desire that made me yearn for his closeness even more. I didn’t care anymore I just wanted to be with Max, to have him make love to me….to make me whole again.
Max reached for my pants pulling them down and letting them crumble to the floor. Our eyes locked for one single moment baring every part of our damaged souls and when I felt Max pull me against his growing arousal I knew I was doing this for the wrong reasons.
I snapped out of his reach shaking uncontrollably at the stupidity of what I was just willing to do. No….wanting to do. Max was already blushing, apologising as he also backed away slightly. “I’m sorry too.” I wavered out trying to regain some control as I searched the floor for my discarded pants.
When I finally picked them up I was shocked to Max shoulders shaking violently and it wasn’t because he was cold.
“Max?” I crept forward trying to see his face but he thudded to his knees before me before I could see the tears running down his face and his contorted expression.
Max wrapped his big arms around my hips and hugged my stomach to his face crying openly into my middle. I was torn between leaving him to cry myself and comforting him the way he should have for me. Hesitantly I placed my hands on top of his head stroking his damp hair and praying for the strength to get through this.
Standing now in only my long-sleeved T-shirt and underwear I let him hug my waist as I tried to sooth his sobs of pain. It had to be the scariest moment for me to see Max so…. broken. I had never seen him like this. Never! And I guess that’s why I stayed.
After his wrecked sobs died down to a sniffing hiccup I ushered him to his bed, letting him flop down heavily into the mattress. Pulling up his cover Max quickly grabbed my wrist as I had begun to turn away.
“Don’t go.” He slurred, not letting go of my wrist.
“Max I have to go.” I tried to reason with him, but he pulled me closer to him.
“Please just stay, please.” He whispered, tears wavering in his voice again.
Looking towards the window and then back down at Max’s struggle to stay conscious and keep me here, I quickly gave in knowing that he would fall asleep straight away and then I could sneak out.
“Okay.” I said as I snuggled down into his covers as he draped his arms heavily around me in a close hug.
The position was awkward, confusing and bittersweet to me. Max had just wept brokenly like I had never seen before, kissed me with so much raw emotion that it was breathtaking and confessed to me that he had returned the night I told him I was pregnant and had watched me sleep! Confusion clouded my mind, as I didn’t know if I should take everything he did to heart, because he had to be drunk to speak his own heart. I groaned out loud when it hit me that this was a big mistake. I should have just thrown him on the bed and left him to pass out in the dark. Not strip him down, kiss him and hold him while he fell into a drunken sleep.
Bitter tears ran down my face onto the pillow as Max nestled closer against my shoulder. This is a mistake, I shouldn’t even be here, and I shouldn’t feel like this is right. I should be angry or hurt that he even kissed me……but I’m not.
“What is wrong with me?” I whispered to the darkness. It was too overwhelming to be here, I had to get out.
As I started to shifted gingerly to not wake him and get the hell out of there, I abruptly stopped in place as Max moaned slightly, I watched his face like a ticking bomb hoping that he would at least move off me a little. But I was taken fully by surprise when his arm that lay just under my breast moved slowly down to rest his hand softly across my lower abdomen. I froze completely feeling his hand sprawl across my tummy, the moment was purely innocent and unexpected, and I couldn’t let myself leave. I placed my hand over his and snuggled back down into his bed as sweet tears of hope run down my cheeks.
A part of myself just let go for that minute, let go of the outside world and what tomorrow would bring. I wanted to have one moment where I could feel some peace wash over me as I lay there with Max; his hand and mine laying over our unborn child. Lying together as a family.
Resting my head against the pillow once more, I let that much needed sleep flood through my body and let me slip into an almost contented slumber.
**************************************
The Crashdown was packed with nagging customers and I was this close to calling Maria again for some much-needed back up. The dings of the order bell made me race toward the order window, coming face to face with Michael.
“Liz, push the salad. I’m sick of flipping these damn burgers.” Michael growled placing many hamburgers on the window before snatching another order from the order wheel.
Picking up the order for table three I dodged past the bratty kids playing some cowboy and Indian game and raced through the businessmen chatting and laughing at one another making the place even louder.
“Okay that’s two Will Smith burgers and a orbit rings.” I slid the plate onto table three not even staying to ask if they want anything else because another customer was waving his hand shouting for service as the ding of the order bell repeated over and over again.
It had been like this all weekend, busy with only me and Michael managing the whole restaurant while my father locked himself in his study and my mother was away from the house as much as she could. I didn’t know what was even going on any more; my parent’s behavior was so beyond normal that it now scared me. And all I can say is thank god for Michael, although grumpy as he could be, he totally promised to help me out whenever I needed it.
Like now, this was his weekend off and he offered to help out even if he was missing some big hockey game on the TV. Michael definitely had his moments.
“Excuse me, Miss! Miss!” an annoying lady called from her booth. Taking a deep breath I moved over to her booth and offered my automatic smile
“Yes ma’am.” I spoke over the loud swirls of laughter from the five businessmen not too far away.
“I asked for no pulp in my orange juice and my salad has cheese in it.” The snobbish lady ignorantly told me while sliding both orders away from her.
“Let me just fix that up for you.” I spoke through clenched teeth holding back on throwing the juice in her face.
Why did it have to be so hectic when I have to manage the café while both parents have a friggin’ breakdown! It’s bad enough with everything I have to put up with. Only yesterday morning did I realise I had fallen asleep in Max’s bed and have to sneak out his window at the crack of dawn wondering what the hell my next step was gonna be.
“Bang! Bang!” a little boy run past me, bumping into my thigh making the orange juice spill all over the front of my uniform. I grasped at the suddenly chill of juice running down my chest, freezing in place as if not to let it spill further and still holding the unsatisfied customer's salad in the other hand.
Regaining the control not to scream I took one deep breath and strode over into the kitchen to clean myself off. I found Michael trying to control the urge not to laugh, but he was failing miserably.
“It’s not funny, Guerin.” I bit out in a singsong voice, rushing to the sink to dab dry the orange on my uniform and down my top. This was just great I planned to have a simple weekend get through without tears or further aggravation.
Michael snorted a laugh as I continued to wipe down my clothes, praying that this rush would end soon.
“God I just wanted to have a quiet weekend.” I grumbled out furiously scrubbing out the orange juice.
“Well it sounds to me like this weekend hasn’t been as bad as you think.” Michael commented while flipping burgers, he only turned slightly to regard my mocking glare.
“Are you kidding me?” I remarked.
“Think about it, you’ve kept yourself busy, your parents aren’t on your back and your not worrying about Max as much as you would if you were sitting in your room sulking.” He finished matter-of-factly turning around to flip another burger.
“Yeah, I guess.” I realized quickly, even though the customers were incredibly annoying at least I wasn’t in my room sulking and over thinking my situation like the other night.
Suddenly Maria came bursting into the staff door babbling how sorry she was for not being here sooner. Giving Michael a quick kiss and hugging me as she tied up her apron and was ready to go.
“Okay I’ll take my half and you take your half.” She stated still rearranging herself as she looked through the order window. We had split up the area of the Crashdown age’s ago so that we got an even number of tables and if it was ever busy we could handle the tables easier this way.
“Good, because on your half you have that snotty lady who hates everything we bring her.” I said blankly as I made my way out again hearing Maria swear behind me.
Before I even made it through the staff door Maria swung me around to face her, her green eye grilling into mine.
“What?” I yelped in surprise
“Seeing you’ve been pulling a disappearing act for the past day I should at least know if you’re either preparing to become a magician or you’re just ignoring me.” Maria mocked.
“I haven’t been ignoring you.” I denied
“Phfft!”
“Okay maybe a little.” I rushed out, “But it’s not what you think, I’ve just needed some time to think about …stuff.” I declared as Maria folded her arms and raising her eyebrows in a scolding way.
“What ‘stuff’ would that be?”
“Maria have you by chance seen my life lately. To the untrained eye it can appear like some teenage drama series but I assure you it totally mayhem!” I sarcastically remarked turning only to be whipped back around again.
“Liz I know something happened with you and Max, you got that twitch in your eye.” She said while quickly point to my eye.
“There is no twitch.” I quickly bit out
“Uh Huh, then how come when I say Max’s name you twitch.” To my surprise I actually did twitch, “See!” Maria burst out pointing her finger.
“Oh would you stop, there is no twitch, enough with the accusing finger and twitchiness.” I quickly spat out
“Max.” Maria said with a deadpan face proving her point once again that I had developed a small twitch of the eye.
“Okay okay!” I sigh before continued messaging my eye, “I spent the night at his house.” I finished while walking into the waiter's station.
“What!” Maria yelped a little too loudly.
“It’s not what you think.” I turned to her leveling with her once again.
“Oh really, so you just slept in the same bed and nothing happened.”
“Yes…..well kinda, but not what you're thinking.” I tried to explain as Maria's eyebrows arched again in suspicion. I sighed heavily. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere till I explained myself. “The other night I went for a walk in Summerhaven Park and I found Max standing on the railing of the bridge, getting blind drunk. So after he fell in the water I rescued him and took him home and put him to bed.” I rushed out wanting to get back to work.
“And that’s it nothing in between, nothing to explain as to why you ended up staying the night. In his bed might I add.” I knew Maria wouldn’t be fully satisfied till all the night was re-hashed.
“He had some fight with his Dad, it must’ve been pretty big because he's never resorted to drinking after fighting with him.” I stop for a moment realizing just how serious it could be about Max and his cold-hearted father. “Anyway, he told me he missed me and that he had come back that night I told him I was pregnant, but I was asleep.”
“Excuse me, but that’s the crappiest excuse I’ve ever heard. He chickened out again.” Maria said tartly, as I merely shrugged not sure what to think, it was all so confusing.
“Excuse me Miss! I’ve been waiting for my burger for over thirty minutes!” An overweight guy yelled as he sat at the bench counter.
“Sir, I think of all the people here you can definitely wait for that hamburger.” Maria rudely bit back making the guy swear under his breath and leave the café.
“So anything else major before I drive into the chaos of this alien theme café.” Maria asked as we made our way to the tables
“Other then that….he kissed me.” I said before walk off to serve a custom hearing Maria's second yelp of disbelief circle around the Crashdown.
tbc
heres chapter 20, enjoy.
Chapter 20
After a long bout of literally dragging Max’s ass through his bedroom window and collapsing to the floor exhausted I had finally gotten him home. At first I had opted to go through the front door, but I really didn’t what to risk his parents finding us coming through the front door late at night with Max dead drunk.
Max groaned into the carpet and tried to push himself up. I sat up against his bed to catch my breath after the effort of pushing and pulling his dead weight through the window. He’d slipped in and out of consciousness so thankfully he was able to walk a little from the jeep to his window.
“Liz?” He murmured lifting his head with much effort to find me.
“I’m here.” I whispered in the darkness.
Still on his stomach he swung his hand around to find me in the dark, only to have it whack against my knee.
“Oh good, you didn’t leave me.” He said but it was harder to understand since his face was smooshed against the carpet floor.
As Max began to shift again I knelt forward bracing his hips as he stumbled upright while knocking into the wall and then leaning against it to prop himself up. As he made these movements I had stumbled along with him and I now found myself pressed up against Max with my arms tight around his waist. The darkness of the room made it hard to see anything, but I knew that Max’s glazed over eyes were boring into mine.
Our foreheads were touching each other so I stepped back to gain some control and snap back into reality. Unseen urges coursed through my body at the close proximity of Max’s body and aftershave. I was torn between wrapping my arms around Max, promising never to let go and leaving him to bask in the glory of the pain I had endured over these past few weeks. My mind fogged over with confusion and I opted for the back up plan. Escape.
“Okay, well-um…I-I better go. Will you be okay?” I stuttered cowardly.
“Mmm-huh.” was his only reply before slowly sliding down the wall, I caught him just before he thumped to the floor and brought him to stand in the middle of the room, swaying as he did. Realizing that Max was too drunk to even talk or move I turned on the nearest lamp and gently shuffled him over to his bed to sit down while I undid his water filled shoes. I was suddenly caught off guard when his hand tucked my dirty, pond-watered hair behind my ear.
“Max, stop.” I whispered remorsefully, throwing the last shoe away and looking up to him. His eyes were pleading and fearful all at the same time.
“Why? Can’t we just pretend nothing ever happened?” He pleaded bringing both cold, shaking hands to my face. He caressed my cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs sending chills of desire through my body.
“Max, you know we can’t.” I brought my hands to his and pulled them slowly away from my face, hating doing so.
“Please.” He sobbed helplessly as unshed tears threatened to fall.
I averted my eyes, finding myself vulnerable under his pleading gaze. But it was suddenly forgotten when I realized Max was shaking all over from being cold. I hadn’t noticed when I placed him in the jeep that we were both soaked, but Max was more wet then me. Taking a mother hen action I quickly noticed his hands were ice cold too.
“Oh my god, Max your freezing.” I quickly looked over him rubbing the lengths of his still wet arms, hoping to radiate some heat. I would have thought the alcohol would have kept him warm considering how much he had.
“C’mon, let’s get you out of those clothes.” I said quickly while standing him up again, oblivious to the dangers of what I just said.
Max stood swaying slightly as I processed to help him lift his navy T-shirt over his head, revealing his shivering, muscled torso. I slowly took in his washboard abs and toned arms, groaning inwardly at missing the feel of running my hands over him.
Max noticed my eyes drink in his body and I was taken by surprise when he ran his fingers up the lengths of my arms and into my jacket to remove it from my shoulders.
My jacket fell to the floor along with Max’s wet T-shirt. Finding myself blushing, I reached for Max’s pants and undid them gingerly. I felt his honey eyes grilling into me as I focused all my attention of getting him out of his soaked through jeans.
As I let go of his pants they fell to the floor in a wet heap making a splatting noise as they circled around his feet. Max’s body twitched and shivered as I tousled his slick, wet hair and let my hands softly run down his face observing the wounds done by my father and Mr. Evans. He looked different somehow, like he had aged overnight or had been through a horrible battle, which was true in some ways.
He looked lost.
Before I knew it his soft, quivering lips brushed against mine sending hot sparks running through my chilled body. I had yearned to touch him like I used too and for him to touch me, before this mayhem began. The touch was electric and I craved more, craved his feather-light kisses, his warmth, and craved his loving touch. He was intoxicating.
Max tilted his head slightly and dripped his head in to kiss me once again, mostly savoring the taste as I let my mouth enjoy his tender assault. I missed it; I missed him so much it ached all over.
I was so wrapped up in his kiss that I forgot every painful and terrible thing that had happened, his mouth and body were like an escape to me, like I could forget the world for one second and just be in this moment.
Max gently pulled my body close to his as I braced my hands at the nape of his neck. Our tongue’s dueled wildly in need and desire that made me yearn for his closeness even more. I didn’t care anymore I just wanted to be with Max, to have him make love to me….to make me whole again.
Max reached for my pants pulling them down and letting them crumble to the floor. Our eyes locked for one single moment baring every part of our damaged souls and when I felt Max pull me against his growing arousal I knew I was doing this for the wrong reasons.
I snapped out of his reach shaking uncontrollably at the stupidity of what I was just willing to do. No….wanting to do. Max was already blushing, apologising as he also backed away slightly. “I’m sorry too.” I wavered out trying to regain some control as I searched the floor for my discarded pants.
When I finally picked them up I was shocked to Max shoulders shaking violently and it wasn’t because he was cold.
“Max?” I crept forward trying to see his face but he thudded to his knees before me before I could see the tears running down his face and his contorted expression.
Max wrapped his big arms around my hips and hugged my stomach to his face crying openly into my middle. I was torn between leaving him to cry myself and comforting him the way he should have for me. Hesitantly I placed my hands on top of his head stroking his damp hair and praying for the strength to get through this.
Standing now in only my long-sleeved T-shirt and underwear I let him hug my waist as I tried to sooth his sobs of pain. It had to be the scariest moment for me to see Max so…. broken. I had never seen him like this. Never! And I guess that’s why I stayed.
After his wrecked sobs died down to a sniffing hiccup I ushered him to his bed, letting him flop down heavily into the mattress. Pulling up his cover Max quickly grabbed my wrist as I had begun to turn away.
“Don’t go.” He slurred, not letting go of my wrist.
“Max I have to go.” I tried to reason with him, but he pulled me closer to him.
“Please just stay, please.” He whispered, tears wavering in his voice again.
Looking towards the window and then back down at Max’s struggle to stay conscious and keep me here, I quickly gave in knowing that he would fall asleep straight away and then I could sneak out.
“Okay.” I said as I snuggled down into his covers as he draped his arms heavily around me in a close hug.
The position was awkward, confusing and bittersweet to me. Max had just wept brokenly like I had never seen before, kissed me with so much raw emotion that it was breathtaking and confessed to me that he had returned the night I told him I was pregnant and had watched me sleep! Confusion clouded my mind, as I didn’t know if I should take everything he did to heart, because he had to be drunk to speak his own heart. I groaned out loud when it hit me that this was a big mistake. I should have just thrown him on the bed and left him to pass out in the dark. Not strip him down, kiss him and hold him while he fell into a drunken sleep.
Bitter tears ran down my face onto the pillow as Max nestled closer against my shoulder. This is a mistake, I shouldn’t even be here, and I shouldn’t feel like this is right. I should be angry or hurt that he even kissed me……but I’m not.
“What is wrong with me?” I whispered to the darkness. It was too overwhelming to be here, I had to get out.
As I started to shifted gingerly to not wake him and get the hell out of there, I abruptly stopped in place as Max moaned slightly, I watched his face like a ticking bomb hoping that he would at least move off me a little. But I was taken fully by surprise when his arm that lay just under my breast moved slowly down to rest his hand softly across my lower abdomen. I froze completely feeling his hand sprawl across my tummy, the moment was purely innocent and unexpected, and I couldn’t let myself leave. I placed my hand over his and snuggled back down into his bed as sweet tears of hope run down my cheeks.
A part of myself just let go for that minute, let go of the outside world and what tomorrow would bring. I wanted to have one moment where I could feel some peace wash over me as I lay there with Max; his hand and mine laying over our unborn child. Lying together as a family.
Resting my head against the pillow once more, I let that much needed sleep flood through my body and let me slip into an almost contented slumber.
**************************************
The Crashdown was packed with nagging customers and I was this close to calling Maria again for some much-needed back up. The dings of the order bell made me race toward the order window, coming face to face with Michael.
“Liz, push the salad. I’m sick of flipping these damn burgers.” Michael growled placing many hamburgers on the window before snatching another order from the order wheel.
Picking up the order for table three I dodged past the bratty kids playing some cowboy and Indian game and raced through the businessmen chatting and laughing at one another making the place even louder.
“Okay that’s two Will Smith burgers and a orbit rings.” I slid the plate onto table three not even staying to ask if they want anything else because another customer was waving his hand shouting for service as the ding of the order bell repeated over and over again.
It had been like this all weekend, busy with only me and Michael managing the whole restaurant while my father locked himself in his study and my mother was away from the house as much as she could. I didn’t know what was even going on any more; my parent’s behavior was so beyond normal that it now scared me. And all I can say is thank god for Michael, although grumpy as he could be, he totally promised to help me out whenever I needed it.
Like now, this was his weekend off and he offered to help out even if he was missing some big hockey game on the TV. Michael definitely had his moments.
“Excuse me, Miss! Miss!” an annoying lady called from her booth. Taking a deep breath I moved over to her booth and offered my automatic smile
“Yes ma’am.” I spoke over the loud swirls of laughter from the five businessmen not too far away.
“I asked for no pulp in my orange juice and my salad has cheese in it.” The snobbish lady ignorantly told me while sliding both orders away from her.
“Let me just fix that up for you.” I spoke through clenched teeth holding back on throwing the juice in her face.
Why did it have to be so hectic when I have to manage the café while both parents have a friggin’ breakdown! It’s bad enough with everything I have to put up with. Only yesterday morning did I realise I had fallen asleep in Max’s bed and have to sneak out his window at the crack of dawn wondering what the hell my next step was gonna be.
“Bang! Bang!” a little boy run past me, bumping into my thigh making the orange juice spill all over the front of my uniform. I grasped at the suddenly chill of juice running down my chest, freezing in place as if not to let it spill further and still holding the unsatisfied customer's salad in the other hand.
Regaining the control not to scream I took one deep breath and strode over into the kitchen to clean myself off. I found Michael trying to control the urge not to laugh, but he was failing miserably.
“It’s not funny, Guerin.” I bit out in a singsong voice, rushing to the sink to dab dry the orange on my uniform and down my top. This was just great I planned to have a simple weekend get through without tears or further aggravation.
Michael snorted a laugh as I continued to wipe down my clothes, praying that this rush would end soon.
“God I just wanted to have a quiet weekend.” I grumbled out furiously scrubbing out the orange juice.
“Well it sounds to me like this weekend hasn’t been as bad as you think.” Michael commented while flipping burgers, he only turned slightly to regard my mocking glare.
“Are you kidding me?” I remarked.
“Think about it, you’ve kept yourself busy, your parents aren’t on your back and your not worrying about Max as much as you would if you were sitting in your room sulking.” He finished matter-of-factly turning around to flip another burger.
“Yeah, I guess.” I realized quickly, even though the customers were incredibly annoying at least I wasn’t in my room sulking and over thinking my situation like the other night.
Suddenly Maria came bursting into the staff door babbling how sorry she was for not being here sooner. Giving Michael a quick kiss and hugging me as she tied up her apron and was ready to go.
“Okay I’ll take my half and you take your half.” She stated still rearranging herself as she looked through the order window. We had split up the area of the Crashdown age’s ago so that we got an even number of tables and if it was ever busy we could handle the tables easier this way.
“Good, because on your half you have that snotty lady who hates everything we bring her.” I said blankly as I made my way out again hearing Maria swear behind me.
Before I even made it through the staff door Maria swung me around to face her, her green eye grilling into mine.
“What?” I yelped in surprise
“Seeing you’ve been pulling a disappearing act for the past day I should at least know if you’re either preparing to become a magician or you’re just ignoring me.” Maria mocked.
“I haven’t been ignoring you.” I denied
“Phfft!”
“Okay maybe a little.” I rushed out, “But it’s not what you think, I’ve just needed some time to think about …stuff.” I declared as Maria folded her arms and raising her eyebrows in a scolding way.
“What ‘stuff’ would that be?”
“Maria have you by chance seen my life lately. To the untrained eye it can appear like some teenage drama series but I assure you it totally mayhem!” I sarcastically remarked turning only to be whipped back around again.
“Liz I know something happened with you and Max, you got that twitch in your eye.” She said while quickly point to my eye.
“There is no twitch.” I quickly bit out
“Uh Huh, then how come when I say Max’s name you twitch.” To my surprise I actually did twitch, “See!” Maria burst out pointing her finger.
“Oh would you stop, there is no twitch, enough with the accusing finger and twitchiness.” I quickly spat out
“Max.” Maria said with a deadpan face proving her point once again that I had developed a small twitch of the eye.
“Okay okay!” I sigh before continued messaging my eye, “I spent the night at his house.” I finished while walking into the waiter's station.
“What!” Maria yelped a little too loudly.
“It’s not what you think.” I turned to her leveling with her once again.
“Oh really, so you just slept in the same bed and nothing happened.”
“Yes…..well kinda, but not what you're thinking.” I tried to explain as Maria's eyebrows arched again in suspicion. I sighed heavily. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere till I explained myself. “The other night I went for a walk in Summerhaven Park and I found Max standing on the railing of the bridge, getting blind drunk. So after he fell in the water I rescued him and took him home and put him to bed.” I rushed out wanting to get back to work.
“And that’s it nothing in between, nothing to explain as to why you ended up staying the night. In his bed might I add.” I knew Maria wouldn’t be fully satisfied till all the night was re-hashed.
“He had some fight with his Dad, it must’ve been pretty big because he's never resorted to drinking after fighting with him.” I stop for a moment realizing just how serious it could be about Max and his cold-hearted father. “Anyway, he told me he missed me and that he had come back that night I told him I was pregnant, but I was asleep.”
“Excuse me, but that’s the crappiest excuse I’ve ever heard. He chickened out again.” Maria said tartly, as I merely shrugged not sure what to think, it was all so confusing.
“Excuse me Miss! I’ve been waiting for my burger for over thirty minutes!” An overweight guy yelled as he sat at the bench counter.
“Sir, I think of all the people here you can definitely wait for that hamburger.” Maria rudely bit back making the guy swear under his breath and leave the café.
“So anything else major before I drive into the chaos of this alien theme café.” Maria asked as we made our way to the tables
“Other then that….he kissed me.” I said before walk off to serve a custom hearing Maria's second yelp of disbelief circle around the Crashdown.
tbc