The Essay (AU, M/L, TEEN- MATURE) COMPLETE; 4/28/05

[FamersAmers]

Thanks again everyone for the great feedback!!! I always love it!

Ok so I added a song to this part and I own nothing!! The song is called Don’t and it is by Shania Twain!

Part 11

While Michael and Isabel have just come out of Max's room here is what was happening to make them hear crying!

Three weeks later

Liz POV

This is not how I pictured my life. I am miserable. It is my own fault. I made my life this way, what is that saying about making your bed and having to lay in it. Well I had a little help from this guy named Max whom I thought was my best friend. Ha we don’t even see each other. We avoid each other like the plague. I take different routes to class so that I won’t see him and in biology we don’t even talk, we do our work and turn it in and say nothing. We don’t work together we secretly asked for the schedule to be changed and we don’t eat dinner with the family when the other is around unless we are forced too. Which isn’t very often, Diane had fixed it so one of us always works.

I am sitting in my room and I am printing out my essay. It is due on Monday and I thought about changing it so that it was about my grandma but I realized that Max Evans was the person whom inspired me and that hadn’t changed, it wasn’t going to change, so of course I left it. I am listening to the radio and this country song comes on.

Don't... don't you wish we tried
Do you feel what I feel inside
You know love is stronger than pride
Don't... no don't
Let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me don't close the door
So far this song is doing a good job of describing our relationship really, really well.

Cause I wanna hear you... Wanna be near you
Don't fight... don't argue
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away.. Don’t tell me to go

Don't... don't give up on trust
Don't give up on me... on us
We could just hold on long enough
We can do it.. We’ll get through it

Don't fight... don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away.. Don’t tell me to go

don’t pretend that it's ok

Things won't get better that way
and don't do something you might regret someday
don’t...
Don't give up on me

We can do it... we'll get through it

Don't fight... don't argue
Just give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you
Don't turn me away... don't tell me to go

Don't fight... don't argue (Don't give up on me)
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry (say that I'm sorry)
Just let me love you (Don't give up on me)
Don't turn me away... don't tell me to go

Don't fight... don't argue
Give me the chance to say that I'm sorry
Just let me love you (don't give up on me)
Don't turn me away... don't tell me to go

Oh yeah now I am in tears. I am so mad, why can a song say what people cant? If it described how one of us felt it described the other. I hate this and I hate what it has done. I start to thrash my room and throw pictures from off the dresser and the wall. I finally sink to the end of my bed in distress.
I hear my door open and I feel a pair of strong arms swoop me up. I know that they do not belong to Max, they are Michael’s. Oh but how I wish that they were Max’s arms. Just to hold me and tell me that he was sorry and I would too and it would be ok.
He and Isabel have come into my room “Shhh, Liz it will be alright.” He is soothing my hair and letting me cry into his cheat. “No…no…he…told…me…he…loved…me...and.” it is too hard to continue. “Shhh, we know. It is ok; you two will work it out.” Somehow I don’t think so, but I really hope he is right. He just held me for awhile, while I cried and Isabel picked up my room. “You two need to talk to each other and straighten this out Liz, he love you, you love him, fix this. We are tired of this Liz, for six months there has been this wedge between you and then since that blowout you two had had at the woods there has been nothing and Maria and Isabel get mad when we side with Max and we get mad when they side with you and vise versa., do you get what I am saying? This fight is affecting everyone, not just you two. I told Max to follow his heart, I am telling you the same thing, follow it Liz, isn’t that what Grandma Claudia always told you? We can’t fix this for you, you two have to fix it.” He is right, grandma always told me to follow my heart and make sure that I did right by it. I haven’t done that, I haven’t done that in a long time. “Guys if you don’t mind I would like to be alone.” They just nodded and left.
I looked at the mess I had made and what Isabel had picked up. There was one picture that she had left on my bed. A week ago was the prom, I went with Jason from the computer lab and Max went with some girl from the swim team and we had promised each other at least one dance so when he came calling for it I gave in. Isabel had paid one of the kids from somewhere to take a picture of us. I was dressed in a long black form fitting dress with a dark blue see through sparkle cover over the top and Max in his black tuxedo and we danced as if there was no one in the room. We danced and danced and danced. It was as if there was nothing wrong. We weren’t even aware someone had taken the picture. Then yesterday while walking to history some guy named Jake came up to me and handed me the envelope. I remember opening it and running to find Maria. I’ll get to her in a minute, anyway I took that picture and I gave it to Isabel and she framed it and gave it to me. We looked so happy. So on to Maria!

My friend Maria whom you haven’t heard much about. She is a busy girl and she is working all of the shifts I refuse to take so we are not on very good terms. I see what Michael said by Max and I screwing with everyone lives. Well I haven’t told them that I am about to mess their comfortable world up even more. Back to Maria she has been there and been there and I go to her for all those things I can’t go to Max for and she gives me all of this advice but sometimes I take her for granted. She told me to fix things with Max and make them better but I put it off and I put her off. I did not want to hear what she had to say because I knew that she was right.

I guess I have to fill you in on the last three weeks. Ok so right after the fight with Max in the woods everyone knew about it. Well it was also common knowledge that I wasn’t a fan of Max’s and Max wasn’t one of mine and he was still hanging around with Miss Priss. Which don’t ask me why he does these things, because I don’t know? You know I used to think he did it on purpose but now I am not so sure. I just think he is dense and sometimes stupid. But anyway he and Maria came to blows and I will take you back to that.

We were in the hall way before 5th period, so basically we are at lunch and Max is on the baseball team, I don’t know if I have mentioned this to you or not. But Max plays short stop and he is quite good at it and he occasionally eats with them. Well since our blowout he has become a permanent fixture with them. So anyway we were all at my locker while I was switching books and the snot had to open her mouth.
“Oh look if it isn’t little Lizzy Parker looking all alone without her Max, I mean if he doesn’t want her who will?” all of her little friends start laughing and Kyle and the baseball team are right behind them staring. “Tess knock it off.” Kyle grabbed her arm and whispered something in her ear. The guy can be an ass but he knows when to be civil. “No you know what this little slut was the reason Max broke up with me, I want my say.” She pulled her arm away and came walking up to me, of course the group walked in front of me and that is when I said it. “You know what if Goldilocks has something to say to me let her say it, Come on Tess speak your mind.” This blew her away cause most of the time I am reserved. “Alright, you took him from me; you took him and turned him against me with your little names and your little games. He would have been mine if it hadn’t have been for you.” “Tess you never had him, he got tired of you being around, he got tired of hearing you whine and listening to you bitch. If you are looking for someone to blame? Blame yourself because you were the problem not me. And Tess just so you know I had him long before you ever did.” There is said it I made my peace and I closed my locker and I walked away and that is when it happened. “Yeah well I will have him in ways you will only dream of. I may not of had his heart Liz Parker but I had his BODY!” I couldn’t even turn around. I just ran, I ran and didn’t look back.

I got the whole story from Maria later so this is her version. I guess they were all standing there watching in horror when she said that “Serves the mouse right. Ha see what she says next time she comes face to face with me?” Maria threw her books down on the ground turned Tess around and punched her right between the nose. Then she turned to Max and went after him. “She loves you, she trusted you, she told you things and gave you things and you slept with the first person to spread her legs to you, You asshole, you don’t deserve her, stay away from her from all of us.” Then Michael took her and the gang walked away. Tess was going to turn Maria in and all I know is Tess never turned her in, she was about too and Max told her that she had deserved it and she was to make a formal apology to me the next time she saw me.

Well I got that apology and she told me that she had never slept with Max and that she would leave us all alone. I was kind of happy about not having to deal with her anymore. Ok I was really happy!! But of course that alienated Maria from Max whom were quite good friends and Maria from me when I refused to talk to Max about any of it. So she told me that she would be my friend but wanted nothing to do with the Max thing until it was fixed. So Maria and I aren’t really talking about the Max situation. But she is coming for ice cream with the gang in about 40 minutes so I can tell them the news.

We graduate in a week, and I leave in one week and a day. I am going to Boston next Saturday. I got accepted to Summer school and I decided that I might as well take this opportunity and get it done. So I went to Diane and Philip about two weeks ago and asked them if I could go. They said they thought it was a fab idea, as Diane put it and Philip of course took the approach of ‘I think you are running from this problem with Max and I think there is no need to rush things’ of course I made a point to tell them that I had never asked for much of anything and all I wanted was to get an early start on school. So finally after talking and tears we agreed and got my arrangements all set up. My only problem is I am too chicken to tell everyone. So tonight is ice cream and that is when it is going to come out. Only one problem, Max isn’t going to be there. He has baseball night or some crap like that.

So I have composed my self and Diane helped me get myself and the ice cream together. Isabel went to pick up Alex and Michael left to got get Maria. Max is up stairs getting ready for his baseball outing and personally I wish he was staying and Diane told me that I should tell him that. I know I know she is right but I just can’t make the first move.

The doorbell rings and I just happen to look at the clock. 7:00 wow the time flies. So I run to the door and Michael and Maria are there. I have them come in and they have movie with them. “No doubt some action flick?” I say. “Oh no girl, total romance tonight.” She puts her hand in the air for hi five and I slap it. “Girls! UMPH” we laugh and they go into the kitchen where Iz and Alex have just come through the back. “Hey guys, so Lizzy why the ice cream?”
“Alex you always ask questions?” Isabel shoots him a glance and I speak. “Well I have some news and I wanted to share and so I thought what a better way to do it than over ice cream, my favorite food, with my favorite people, besides this might be the last time I get to tell you all sooo…” The doorbell rang, “I’ll go get it.” I take off for the door and I open it to find Cindy Foster standing there. “Hi Cindy what can I do for you?” I am curious as to why she is at the house, she and Isabel aren’t friends and she and I aren’t even close to being friends. “Hi Liz, I’m actually here for Max, he is here right?” I nod and step aside. Why is she here for Max, she doesn’t talk to Max, Max cant eve stand her, we have had this conversation more than one time. “Yeah come in I will go get him.” I leave her in the foyer and I run up the stairs to Max’s room. I knock on the door. “Come in.” I open the door and there he is. What a God, is it possible to be so mad at someone yet be so in love at the same time. He turns to face me. “Hey what’s up?” he looks surprised to see me. I would be too especially since I made the no contact rule. “Um Cindy Foster is here for you.”
“Oh great, can you tell her I will be down in a second.” I go to turn around and then it comes out of my mouth. “Hey Max I thought you were going out with the baseball team?”
“Oh I am it is just Cindy is going and since Bob is out of service she offered to take me. Why?”
“Oh well maybe when you are done and we are still hanging you can hang with us?” he looks at me. “Is that what you want?”
“I want you to stay so I can tell you what I am going to tell everyone else, but I don’t expect that, so go and have a good time and maybe we can talk later.” Ok I know I gave in I was the first to give in. “I would really like that.”
“Have fun tonight Max.” I shut the door and leave before he can say anything. I run back down the stairs “Cindy he will be down in a second you can come in the kitchen if you want.” I see that she is uncomfortable and she tells me no thank you.

When I get into the Kitchen they are all standing around staring at the ice cream. “Well it isn’t going to serve itself and it is going to melt.” They automatically dig in start making Sundays galore and we make our way to the kitchen table.

In the middle of eating my Sunday I decided that I have to spill my guts but Michael beats me to the punch, “Ok Parker, not that we don’t love eating ice cream and spending time with you but spill it what is this great news.” I put my spoon down and swallow the ice cream that I have in my mouth. All of the sudden my palms are sweating. “Well I got accepted to the summer program at Harvard.”
“So what does that mean?” Alex asks me. “Well it means that I get to start a semester before the other freshman.” Maria then asks her questions. “Is this a good thing?”
“This is a great thing, most freshmen don’t even get in, and most freshmen have to start in fall.” Isabel says what I want to hear. “Well that is great you should go!” Everyone shakes there head and agrees. Then Michael asks that one question. “When do you leave?” I put my spoon down again and look at them “I have to leave next Saturday.” I look down and I hear the gasps from the girls. I am afraid to look up and I know that they know it. “How long have you know about this?” Isabel seems upset and I don’t blame her. “Philip just Okayed it two days ago, and I wanted you all to be here when I told you. This is a good opportunity guys and it could mean good things for me. I mean it is the summer and when Michael comes and moves over I mean you guys can come and go apartment hunting and spend time with me.” I am trying to make this sound like a good thing. “Well then if this is a good thing you should go!” Maria always was good to me. “You think so, really?” I look at her and she looks back at me. “Of course would I lie to you?” I get up and we hug and then everyone hugs me and congratulates me and then the door opens behind us.

Max stood there and watched us “Hey what is all the excitement about?” We all composed ourselves and the Mag 4 decided that they were going to desert me. “Well Liz, um…We have plans to um…go…” Michael is trying really hard to think of something and then Alex saves him. “The movies, you know that movie, the one we all wanted to see is playing at the old fair grounds and well we decided that now would be perfect time to go.” They all agreed and nodded “Well…We will see you two later.” I laugh. “Yeah guys see ya later.” Max waves them off and I look at the clock. 8:00, “Wow Max you’re home early?” It wasn’t really a question more like a statement but whatever. “Yeah well you know I am on the baseball team I am not really into the baseball team and so I kinda got bored.” I’m really nervous. “Oh yeah. Well you want some ice cream?” I’m trying to loosen the tension, but that isn’t going so well. I look at the table of filled ice cream bowls and laugh. Max picks up on this and begins to pick the bowls up. “You know for kids you were so into ice cream and hanging out with you they sure wanted to go to that movie?”
“Ha well I think they were trying you get you and I alone.” He laughs. “What is so funny?”
“Nothing you would think they would try to keep us away from each other?” ha not funny Max, you can insert your foot in your mouth now! “Yeah YOU would think that.” I turn away with the bowl in hand.” He looks at me, “I’m sorry Liz I didn’t mean it, how about that bowl of ice cream, I see you still have a full bowl, plus I think I owe you one from like three weeks ago.” I look at him and he remembered, not that I thought he would forget but he remembered. “Yeah and to think you are home early to actually eat it with me too.”
“Ooh a little sarcastic are we Parker?”
“Only when it comes to you.” I then realize he threw away my bowl. “Hey butt, you threw away my bowl!” He smiles at me and I know he did it on purpose. “Oh me I am so sorry, you want more?”
“Yes now slave make me a Sunday!” Ok now this is weird cause why are we acting like this? “Yes master, would you like me to peel you a grape?” I laugh, “Well since you are up.” He throws the dish towel at me and I sit back at the table. I know that we are in for a big conversation, I just don’t know if I am ready for it.
[/i]

[FamersAmers]

The song is Over and Over Again by Nelly Featuring Tim McGraw...and I dont own it, none of it

Part 12


So Max and I are sitting at the table in silence, he brought me over my ice cream and of course I am so plain. I like regular vanilla while Max over there has everything under the sun piled on top of that thing. I swear I don’t know how he does it, he can eat that and he will never gain a pound. “So how was baseball?” ok I was never good at small talk. “It was good, you know we went to the crash and ate and I just wasn’t really having a good time so I asked Cindy to bring me home.” Oh yes Cindy “I’m a ditz” Foster. Gosh I just realized I have nothing nice to say about anyone. “So Cindy, how is that going?” he looks at me funny, “How is what going? She took me to the Crash, that was it, there is nothing going on.” Then he starts laughing and is almost rolling on the floor. “What is wrong with you Max Evans.” He is laughing so hard he can barley talk. “I…cant…believe…that…you….thought….” he is laughing so hard he cant even finish. “Ok when you are done laughing?” Gosh, try to have a serious conversation! He composes himself and then sits up. “Ok seriously there is nothing going on with me and Foster Hoster.” Glad I’m not the only one using names. “Oh ok well I mean the girl came to pick you up, I just though…”
“Yea well Parker you thought wrong! There is no one, I haven’t dated anyone in three weeks.”
“Wow and here I thought plenty of fish were trying to get with Max “The Fox” Evans.” I look down I am now embarrassed. “Yeah well they are but you know me, Im kinda just hooked on one or at least I am trying to hook her.” I look up and smile. “Liz, we really have to talk about this.”
“Yeah I know, I just don’t know how?”
“This is me you are talking to, we can always talk.”
“Ok then why cant you start the conversation?” he looks away. “Exactly, the same reason. You know Max, I have a lot to say and I guess I should start so you just eat and I will talk. Is that ok?” he nods his head and I begin.

“Ok Max, you know you have dated girls off and on for 4 years. Since we were freshman there has been Alice, Andrea, Jen, Tara, Ally, Pam, I cant believe you dated her, Heather, Brittany, Meg, Cynthia, and I could go on and on. Ok I didn’t get along with any of them but I tolerated them and they me. They were never mean to me nor me to them. Then Tess came along. Lovely Tess and suddenly I was evil and a slut and all of these things that I never even would have called her to her face, she was telling me to mine. She was jealous of our realationship while I was jealous of the one that you had with her. See she was the one that was hugging you and kissing you and doing things with you that I used to do. Ok so we never kissed, but she took my spot. I don’t know if she made you stop doing that or if you just decided that you wanted to, but you hurt me. I decided that you were just trying to keep the peace with Tess, but then I started to realize that you never stood up for me. She would tell me things and do things to me and the only time you ever told her anything was when it came the something about sex. Why was that Max?...” he almost started to talk. “Wait I am not done. Ok so you let her so all of those things to me and it hurt, I felt that I no longer mattered. Do you remember that night you came into my room and told me that I was the best thing in your life? Well if I was the best thing you sure had a funny way to show it. Do you know how long I have loved you? I have loved you almost all of my life. I have been alive 17 years and 13 of those years have been occupied by you and 10 of them I have loved you, 4 of them I have really, really loved you. You are apart of me, I almost need you to breath, I almost don’t know how to live with you. You know that song on the radio by Tim McGraw and Nelly. Where he says ‘I cant go on not loving you’ well Max that is how I feel, I cant go on not loving you, cause loving you is encoded in my DNA. So I don’t know what possessed you to act the way that you did, but I want you to know that you destroyed part of me. I don’t know how to get that part back either.” I am crying now and Max has tears in his eyes and he is just sitting there. “Can I talk now?” I gesture for him to start.

“Ok wow, um that was a lot to take in, but I understand. I have been a real jerk. No I have been worse. I am like pond scum, or whatever it was from that movie ‘My Best Friends Wedding’ that is what I feel like. Remember when we were doing the survey and I told you that I was afraid I was going to make a choice and that I would screw it up and mess up everything? Well I did that, I screwed my life up. The one thing I ever knew in my life that I knew to be true was you, you were the one who was there when I broke up with all those girls, you were there when I won the games, when I failed the tests, whenever I have done anything you have been there. I realized sometime in Junior High that I loved you. Not like a friend is supposed to love a friend but how my dad loved my mom. I was so afraid that you didn’t feel the same way back. Now I know I was just stupid. But when I started dating Tess I had realized that my feelings for you were really strong and so I kept myself with Tess so that I could hide behind them. If I was with her I didn’t have to own up to the fact that I loved you. Well then she would say things and I would let her get away with it, I don’t know why I did that, I really don’t because there is no excuse for it at all, I was stupid and an idiot. I have loved you for so long I don’t know how to not love you Liz. And I know that you think I don’t know what Love is but you are wrong Liz, I know what love is and I know that I want it with you. Please I am asking for you to forgive me.” We are silent and I am stirring my ice cream with my spoon and making soup. I don’t know what to say. He thinks that he can say that he is sorry and that it can just be fixed.

“Max I am leaving on Saturday.” He looks up with tear stained eyes. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to Boston, I got accepted to the summer school program and I am going to go.”
“But what about us?” Oh my gosh Max there is no us, you made that clear, “Max you need to give me time, all those things you said they were beautiful, I am really touched, but you cant just expect me to say, ok and take you into my arms. It doesn’t work like that.” He just plays with his ice cream. “Listen Max I am going to go and lets see where we are after the summer, maybe we can start over and be friends, you know say hi and whatever.”
“Is that what you want?” NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. “No, but it is what I need.” Oh how cliché that is such a bogus line! It isn’t what I need; I just don’t know what I need. “Ok then, so Saturday?”
“Yeah! I am really excited about Boston."
“Wow, so where are you going to live?”
“Well, your dad called and they are going to take me in the apartment/ dorms for the summer and when you and Michael get there and if I want to move in I can.”
“Yeah that sounds great.” There is the awkward silence between us now and I hate it. “Well Liz, I have to work the morning shift so I am going to bed, I guess I will talk to you late.”
“Yeah I would like that.” I take my bowl to the sink and wash it down the drain and cry into the sink. I could have said I wanted him, I could have fixed it and I didn’t. But I cant just yet, I just cant.

[FamersAmers]

Thanks again for the great feedback. It really makes me think about what I wirte in the next part. and I want to let you know that part 14 will be up later tonight or early in the morning depending I have to finish some of it.

Part 13

So another crazy Saturday afternoon at the Crashdown and it is the first shift that Max and I have worked together in three weeks. The only reason we are doing it now is the fact that everyone thought, “Hey the Crashdown seems to be the place for breakfast.” So of course we are all pulling an extra shift and it actually isn’t that bad.

The baseball team makes its way into the diner at around 1:30 and with them is the cheerleading squad. Oh Yippee!!! Can’t you hear the enthusiasm? Of course Maria gives me the secret nod and she takes them even though they are in my section, three weeks with no run ins is good and I intend to keep it that way.

10:00 pm and oh my goodness! I don’t think I can stand another minute. The diner is empty and we are all sitting on at the counter just slouching around. Diane told us we could close it and we did. I think Max and Michael worked 12 hours and Maria, Isabel and I worked 9. We are all dead!

“Hey Liz is your paper ready?”
“What paper?”
“Um your exit paper you know the one that had to be like 10 pages. " Maria looks at me like I have lost my head.
“Oh that paper yeah I am turning it in on Monday and um I am waiting to hear about it. Then I just put in all my other papers and stuff for Saturday, can you believe it I leave in a week?” I am kinda sad think about it. I can’t believe that I have known these people all my life and I am leaving them. "No a week is too soon!" i nod in agreement “Well guys I am going to go, I think I am a little tired, but how about we get together sometime this week and hang?” they all agree and we decide for Friday night after graduation! “Good night!”

I head out the door I am walking tonight. Philip had my car checked out today and forgot to bring it out to me. I am walking down the street when I hear some one yelling. “LIZ!!” I turn around and Max is running toward me. “Hey what’s up?”
“Yeah, do you mind if I walk with you?”
“No not at all, in fact I would prefer not to be alone.” So we start walking and there is silence. “So…what ya thinking?” I am taken by his question; well not really he always could tell when I was deep in thought. “Just how much I am going to miss this place, the smell, the feel of the air. How much I am going to miss the places and the people, well only some of the people.” I chuckle.
“Well, you know you could stay!” I laugh. “No I cant I already accepted, and plus this is a great opportunity.” We are quiet again and there is only silence. We round the corner to the house and he stops me. “Liz did you make this choice to go because of me?” he knows me all to well, if I say no I am lying if I say I am hurting his feelings. “Max I made this choice because an opportunity came my way that I couldn’t afford to pass up, can you understand that?” he nods and we walk to the house.

When we get to the front door we go in “Thanks for walking me home Max.” he chuckles. “Oh you know it was so out of my way!” I hit his shoulder and tell him. “Shut up, don’t be such a smart ass!” I turn around and head up the stairs. “Hey Liz?” I turn around to face him. “Yeah Max?” he smiles that famous smile winks at me and says. “Goodnight, and sweet dreams.” I smile back and tell him. “You too Max, you too.” Ok why the heck won’t he say what he wants to say!

“Hey Max?” I don’t turn around and I wait. “Yeah,”
“Hey what would you think about you and me doing something before I leave?” Ok why am I the one that has to do everything. You know he isn’t showing me that he wants this very badly. “Aren’t I supposed to ask you that?”
“Yeah well I think Christmas might come again with the way you are moving.”
“Ha ha very funny Parker, and no I don’t want to do anything with you.” He says it very seriously, oh ouch that hurt. I try to keep the tears from my eyes but I fail. They are spilling out now, why does the boy have to be such an… “I want you to do something with me?” I turn around and wipe my face with the back of my hand. “You mean it?” he looks at me, “Of course I mean it, so you and me at 7:00 Thursday night, don’t be late Parker, don’t be late.” I can’t help but smile. “No worries Max I will be the one waiting on you.”
“Not this time Liz.” I know he means that in more ways than one.

So here it is Monday morning and I don’t want to get up. Then this annoying sound comes from my door. “NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH, Time to get up sleepy head.” Ok I liked him so much better when I wasn’t talking to him. “I liked you better when you ignored me!”
“Don’t lie P, you know you like it, plus only 5 more days of this and then no more! And we both know that you are into torture so don’t complain. Now get up you are going to be late!” I pull my self out of bed.

By the time that I got ready I didn’t have time to eat so Diane had given me an orange instead of a bagel and I jumped into my car with Isabel and Max and headed to school. When we got there I didn’t even stop to mingle I just handed my homework to Maria who in turn told me I was a Goddess, I told Michael to copy and I went straight to History.

I walk in and of course Pam is right there, just once I wish that she would not be there when I walk in. Wishful thinking? Yeah probably! So I sit down and that is when she starts in on me. “You know Parker, Kyle and I broke up!” Oh how I am sorry to hear that! “Oh Pam, I’m sorry.”
“Well don’t you want to know why?”
“I don’t think it is any of my business.”
“Well he decided that he wanted to be with Vicki and so he left me.” That is when I feel bad. I have been in Pam’s shoes, I have been right there and I know what that feels like. “I’m really sorry Pam.” She looks at me and there is something in her eyes. “No Liz I am sorry, I didn’t know what it felt like till today and I am really sorry that I hurt you.” I smile at her tell her it is ok, take out my essay and hand it in. I pray that it is long enough to keep my valedictorian status!!

So by lunch time everyone is raving about Vicki and Kyle which I feel bad for Pam, I mean I don’t like her, but no one deserves that. Of course she has found a friend in Tess being that they are both boyfriend less and well they look like to sad dogs. I am walking down the hall when Mrs. Watson the Principles secretary catches me. “Um Liz, just the girl I was looking for. Mr. Stellers wants you in his office.”
“Um ok let me just drop this stuff in my locker.” She turns the other way and I head to my locker to drop my books off.

I run into Max on the way and of course he offers to come with me but I decline and make my way to the office alone.

When I get there I sit and wait in the very uncomfortable office chairs. I wonder where they buy these things. I wonder if there is a warehouse that sells uncomfortable furniture to make people suffer during the wait. What do you think?

So I am waiting and Mr. Stellers comes out and points at me and tells me to come in. I make my way in and sit in the uncomfortable blue chair in front of his desk. “Well Miss Parker I wanted to congratulate you on your Essay, Fine job that you did. It didn’t meet the requirements but by content alone, we accepted it. So on Friday; be ready to make your speech along side your Salutatorian Max Evans.”

YES!!!! I DID IT!!! Max did it. “Thank you Mr. Stellers, I wont let you down, thank you so much!” he laughs, why is everyone laughing at me? “Don’t thank me Liz, this is your hard work that has gotten you here, not mine.” He shakes my hand and sends me out the door. SMACK

Ok this running into Max thing has got to stop! “Wow slow down there Speedy.” This time it is my turn to laugh. “What has gotten into you?”
“I got it Max, 4 years and I got it and it finally paid off!!” I am jumping up and down in his arms and he is just laughing at me. “Did you honestly think that you wouldn’t get it?” I shrug and Mr. Stellers calls him in. “Talk to you later Liz?”
“Promise?”
“Of course.” Ok I am beginning to like this Max, only he we still have unresolved issues. I nod and skip out of the office.

[FamersAmers]

The song is by Howie Day called Collide! And I used a quote uesd in Graduation Season Three once again I own nothing. Altough I think I would like to own Howie Day

Ok and the next part will be graduation I promise and it will move so much faster!!

Part 14

Well now it is Thursday and 5:30 to be exact and I am going through Isabel’s closet because I have packed mine and I am trying to find something to wear. She is sitting on the bed flipping through a magazine and I am flinging things from the closet. “You know what go across the hall and ask him if this is casual?” I am commanding her. “Yes Sergeant Parker anything else why I am up?” I give her mocking look. “No just go.” She goes out and comes back in. “Max says if you feel like wearing a dress, wear a dress, if you feel like jeans wear jeans, it is up to you.” Ok what is that supposed to mean. “MEN!!!” I throw my hands up and decided on her pink and black blouse that has a swoop neck. She agrees and decided that my hair will look better up in a pony tail; she lightly curls it and then pulls it up. I have no idea why I am obsessing about this. Wait I do know, I am in love with a guy and we are going out. When we finish with everything it is 6:50 and I turn to her. “Ok Iz this is it, my last chance at this.” She looks at me and smiles. “And if by some chance this goes the way you want it to, would you stay?” “No, I would ask him to come with me?” she just smiles. “Ok get out of here, you and I will have a conversation when you get back!” I hug her and head for the stairs.

When I get to the bottom of the stair there is a picnic basket a blanket and the video camera bag sitting there. I look around and I don’t see Max. I head into the kitchen and find Diane and Philip sitting at the table. “Hey guys, what’s up?”
“Hi sweetie, Philip and I were just discussing the arrangements for Saturday. We are leaving at 4:00 in the morning and you and I are taking the explorer and then Philip is going to drive the U-haul.”
“Sounds good to me, have you seen Max around.” Diane gets up from the table and goes to the fridge and takes out a box. “Here this is for you, and I am supposed to tell you to have fun tonight.” She hands me the box and kisses me cheek. The top of the box says Come to the Front Door and STOP! So of course I go to the front door and stop. Then on the front door is a note that says Open the BOX! So I open the box and inside is one white rose and a blind fold with another note. Take the blind fold, put it on, open the door and wait. Ok this guy is crazy. But I obey and I put the blind fold on. I open the door and I wait.

I’m waiting for what seems like forever when I hear footsteps. “You know being blind could be a good thing?” ha who does he think he is. “Ha it depends who it would be good for?” He laughs and takes my hands and leads me to the car. He puts me into the car and I know we are not taking the jeep because I had to step down instead of up. He has started driving and I am getting restless. “Ok Max, where are we going?”
“Secret.”
“Come on Max.”
“Nope.”
“Please”
“No”
“What is it with you and one word answers?”
“They are not all one word answers now be quiet you are going to ruin it before we get there.” Ok rude much? I am trying to wait but it is killing me I haven’t even seen him or what he is wearing. “Oh by the way did I tell you how beautiful you look?”
“No you didn’t.”
“Well you do, you look beautiful.”
“Well thank you, 10 points for you.”
“Oh I am getting points now, not losing them?”
“Be careful the night is not over!” I laugh and he pulls the car over. Oh, Oh I want to get out so bad, I want to know where we are.

He comes around and gets me and he tells me to stand where I am at. I hear him walk away and I hear moment and it seams like it has been 10 minuets and I am getting anxious. “Max?”
“I’m here Liz give me one…more…second…” I hear him come back and he takes my hand. “Ok Liz you can take the blind fold off.” I take it off and that is when I see it.

Max is there wearing a v neck sweater and jeans and looks good enough to eat, I think I want him for dessert. Oh did I say that out loud? There is a blanket with a picnic on it and a radio and he has it all set up in our secret place. “Max?” I look at him for answers. “Well the last time we were here we didn’t have a good time and I thought that we might be able to make a new memory.” I smile and he takes my hand. “Come sit and eat.” “Wow Max this is awesome.” He hands me a sandwich. “Peanut butter and Jelly my fav.” “And I cut the crust off and I used pomegranate jelly and chunky peanut butter.” I smile and I take a bite. “Wow this is really good.” He laughs at me and we continue to eat in peace.

When we are done eating I lie down on the blanket and listen to the song that is on. It is by Howie Day.

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

But I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

I'm quiet, you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find, you and I collide

Don't stop here
I've lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find, you and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

I think this song somehow applies to me and Max and how I worry about us not working but then I realize that maybe we will always work. “Hey Liz?”
“Yeah?” he sits up and looks down at me. “I am going to talk and I need for you to listen and when I am done if you want me to take you home that is fine I will take you home.” I nod “Ok go ahead.”

“ I screwed up, I royally screwed up, I took what I had for granted. You see I had this amazing best friend whom adored me and whom I adored and I figured that she would always be there for me and then one day I pushed her over the edge and I lost her. You see I really did sleep with Tess. We had gone to Paulie’s party, you remember you had gone, and I got plastered and Tess took me to her house and one thing led to another and I slept with her. I don’t even remember it, I just remember waking up and being next to her and being so grossed out that I could do nothing but throw up. When I composed my self she told me that she would destroy me and my friends if I so much as breathed wrong. So I went along with her and stood by her. I gave in to her. I didn’t want my reputation damaged in anyway. In the process I let her destroy you, I let her say things about you and tell you things and hurt you. I let her do that because I was too afraid of what she would do to me. See I was really protecting myself. What kind of friend does that Liz? What kind of friend does that to someone he cared about? I am asking you to forgive me and try to see past what an ass I have been over the last year and think about what we have had for the last 10 years. I am asking for that.”

My heart has stopped. He slept with her, he lied to me, and he made her lie to me. He made her tell me that it wasn’t true. He wants my forgiveness and he hasn’t even earned it. I sit up I can’t even sit there and look at him right now. I breathe out. “Oh you want my forgiveness? You want me to tell you it is ok? Is that what you want?” I am crying now, why is it that he always makes me cry? “I want you to tell me what you think.”

“What I think? OH HOW COULD YOU, YOU JUST SLEPT WITH HER, YOU JUST….SLEPT WITH HER AND YOU HAVENT EVEN SAID YOU ARE SORRY… YOU WANT MY FORGIVNESS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN SAID YOU ARE SORRY!!” I am screaming at him I am so mad!! “Don’t scream Liz, I am sorry, you know that.” “NO, NO I DON’T.” I stop screaming and pull myself together. “I don’t know that you are sorry, you don’t tell me, you don’t ever say it. Why Max, why did you…” I point at him. “Why did you not tell me, I would have understood. But no you let her treat me like trash, you treated me like trash, because you wanted to save your reputation? You expect me to just get over that or something. Well I am sorry it is going to take time. And this isn’t going to magically fix itself because you want it to. I want it to be fixed so bad Max I do but it can’t. It takes work and this dinner and this effort was a good step but Max you aren’t trying.”
“What are you talking about I just made an effort.” He just doesn’t get it. “You know what Max, you and I talk but we never really TALK, tell me what is in your heart, tell me what you really fell, tell me.” He looks at me and takes my hands in his. “I never ever told you I was sorry, I never did, I didn’t know what to say sorry for, I didn’t know whether to apologize for calling you a slut, which I know was so wrong, it couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Then I didn’t know how to apologize for letting Tess treat you the way that she did. Truthfully I was a coward. I am so sorry Liz. How can I make this up to you? Please we have to work this out.” I can hear the desperation in his voice. Can he hear the desperation in my heart?

After hearing this whole speech I get up from the blanket and walk to the pond. I know that he is following me. “You know Max, it will be 11 years since my parents died next Thursday. Did you know that?” He just shakes his head. “Do you know how alone I have felt? I have felt like apart of my heart has been gone. I have felt like a part of me has been missing, I felt lost. I didn’t know how to go on. I need you like I need air. But I can’t need you when you are poisonous air. So here is my deal. I need you to make me a deal. I am still leaving on Saturday but I want to be friends with you and I want to start off slow and work up to something more maybe someday. But I need you to prove to me that you love me. Because right now I don’t feel it.” he just stares out at the water. “How do I do that when you are over 2000 miles away?” I smile at him. “You are a smart guy Max, you will think of something.” I put my arm around his shoulder to show him that I am not hostile. He then pulls me into a hug.

I can feel him crying and I am crying as well. “So Mr. Evans did this ruin the date?” He shrugs “I don’t know did you want me to take you home?”
“No I was thinking we go for ice cream, what do you think?” I smile my big smile. “I think that sounds good.” He takes my hand and we pick up the picnic stuff and head for the ice creams shop.

On the way over we of course talked about our talks and how neither one of us had written them and how we needed to, and how it was rounding 9:30 and graduation was in less than 12 hours. We talked small talk and then of course we ate our ice cream and he took me home.

When we got home I hugged him. “You know Max, I still love you, I may not like what you did but I never stopped loving you, please don’t ever think that I did.” He hugs me again and I walk into my room. I sit on my bed and cry. Why does this have to hurt. He slept with her, how do I get over that? How do I move past that? I guess it helps to know that it was nothing more than sex, but the thing is, is that, that one act is something that I don’t take lightly I don’t throw it around, it is something that was meant for love. And the promise, the promise that no one has mentioned to you. We promised each other one time that we would always wait for love. I wipe the tears from my eyes and make my way to the computer.

I print out my essay, and put it into a manila folder. I write a quick note.

Max,

Hope you understand

Love,

Lizzybeth

I put it into the folder grab my bear and put them in front of Max’s door and leave them there.

I then go back to my computer and type out my speech to my class.

I was sitting down trying to decide what great speech I was going to write about the future being ahead of us and living for the future when I decided that it wasn’t a good plan. I thought about telling you that you need a plan, a plan that would map it all for you so you would never go wrong. Well I was wrong because life doesn’t go as you plan. You can plan it out all you want and then it can all go a different way. Fate has a way of disrupting the best laid plans of mice and men. Robert Burns said that. It is the truth. You have to live life one day at a time. Take this life and live it, use it up make it count. Go make something of yourselves, even if you are just a waitress at Denny’s or a top surgeon in New York make it count, make your life happy. Don’t wait around for other people to do it. Do it for yourself and in 10 years do not look back and have regrets about things you had no control over. Look at the things that you did and be grateful that you did them, be grateful for all the experiences that you had, good and bad, because they have made you who you are. Be happy with who you are because you are great! Class of 2003 Make it Count!

There it is not perfect but it is what I want to say. I turn off my computer, put my pj’s on and crawl into bed. Then I realize I need to talk to Iz. I walk to her room and knock. I walk in but the lights are off and she is asleep. “Tomorrow Izzy, Tomorrow.” I close the door and realize that the folder and bear are gone from the hallway and I put my ear up to Max’s door. I hear nothing. I wonder whether or not to knock and decide not to. I just turn to my room close the door and climb into bed. Tomorrow is a big day.

[FamersAmers]

Part 15


Ok so you want to know why I have forgiven Max so soon. Ok well let me let you in on a little secret, I really haven’t forgiven him. I am still quite mad, but I am leaving tomorrow and I figure if I stay mad at him I am going to be mad at him an entire summer and it is going to fester and fester and I am going to end up bitter and angry.

Yes I am hurt that he lied to me, he slept with that whore and he lied to me and made her lie to me. There is no moving past that, even though I have decided to try I don’t know that I can. I want to be something more with Max, but I just don’t think that it will be possible. He has destroyed too much.

I look at the clock and it reads 7, I have an hour and a half before I have to be at the field and I hear Max in the bathroom. I get up and go to Isabel’s room. She is sitting on the bed talking on her cell phone. She sees me, tells Alex she will call him later and hangs up. “Ok, dish!” I look at her and the tears just start. “He slept with Tess at Paulie’s party 3 months ago.” She looks at me with her mouth wide open. “Que?” since when did she start speaking Spanish? “Como say what?”
“He slept with her Isabel and then he wanted to save his own ass so he acted like the ass that he was and treated me like shit and he admitted all of it, told me all of it.” She suddenly started pacing the room. “Ok you know when I told him to talk to you I never imagined that he would tell you that, I told him to be honest not be brutally honest and break your heart into all the pieces that he could and then step on it. What was he thinking; he could have gotten a disease. He could have gotten her pregnant, what was he thinking?”
“I guess that was the problem he wasn’t thinking.”
“He was drunk right?”
“Oh and that makes it ok? So he is drunk that suddenly makes it alright?” she looks at me. “What did you tell him?” I rehash the whole thing and then she tells me. “And you were that nice to him, I would have kicked him in the nuts. You are way too nice, are you sick?”
“Isabel I am leaving tomorrow I don’t want to go away mad at him, I mean to go away on bad terms is going to make things worse. So I gave in, it was for the best.” She sits down on the bed and looks at me. “It’s your heart, not mine, be careful Liz, he may be my brother, but you are my sister and I love you.” I hug her “Ok I have to go get ready!” I run out of her room and into the bathroom. You know these people never really talk we never ever talk we just…I don’t know what we do.

Oh it smells like him in here. I love it, I am going to miss it. I think I need to steal his aftershave and take it with me. Oh this smell makes me think I am in heaven. When I get out of the shower I realize that I forgot my clothes. Not cool. So of course I have to make it to my room without anyone seeing me.

I make it to my room and I close the door and there is Max in my room. “Ok what are you doing in here?” he smiles. “It isn’t like I haven’t seen you in a towel before.” Ok daring, “Yeah well, what are you doing here?” He hands me a box “Ok you cant open it till later and don’t just stand there in a towel, at least get dressed.” I roll my eyes kick him out and I put the box on my bed.

I run down the stairs and find everyone waiting down stairs. Diane hands me my cap and gown. “Ok you two need to hurry and get to the field or you are going to be late.” I look at Max and he grabs the keys to the jeep. “Come on P, I will take you.” I take off after him and close the door on my way out.

We get to the field and I hop out of the jeep and I start walking to the field. Max and I had been silent all the way to the field and it was not a comfortable silence. I am walking fast when max comes up to me. “This is it Liz, it is the end.” I look at him and smile. “Nah not the end, it is the beginning.” I take his hand and we walk up to the stage.

Everyone has gathered and the procession as started. Of course everyone is at the front o the line. You know with E, and D and G and then here I am with P and Alex is way in the back with W.

We have all taken our seats and of course Max and I get to sit up on the stage. Prestigious honor, or something like that. The class president Missy Perkins gets up and starts.

“Welcome to Graduation for the class of 2003. We are here to Celebrate 4 years, of hard work and goofing off.” There of course is loud clapping and cheering. “We are going to hear from your Salutatorian first and then your Valedictorian you know them as Max and Liz the dynamic duo.” There is clapping and of course loud cheering from the Magnificent 4. You can always tell the cheering from Maria and Michael. Max makes his way to the stage and it is silent.

“Class of 2003, We DID IT!! We managed to prove them wrong. Some of them said we couldn’t do it, well we did. As I sat in my room last night trying to figure out what to write I came up with one thing. Follow your heart. A wise woman once said that to me. She told me “Max that heart of yours has power, power to change the way things are, use your heart, and follow it.” She was right. We all have powerful hearts, we can change the world, and we can change anything we want to because we have to power to do so. I haven’t followed my heart and I have made a complete mess of my life. He turned and looked at me. Don’t mess your life up because you are afraid. See your dreams and go for them. Make your dreams happen. Congratulations Class of 2003. we did it”

There of course is loud cheering and I think about his speech he could have done so much better than that, so much better. But it came from his heart and that is all that matters. He comes and sits back down and he takes my hand in his. “This is it Lizzybeth, you can do it.” I smile and stand up and make my way to the podium. I dig in pocket and realize that I forgot to put my speech in my pocket. Guess I am winging it!

“Good Evening, you all know me and you all know that I had this speech planned out and written out and then what you don’t know is that I left it at home. And I can picture those that know me quite well gasping right now. I know! Believe me. Well now I have to wing my speech and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. Max talked about Following your heart. He is right you should. Your heart whispers, it doesn’t scream at you, so listen carefully, it knows what it wants. You know what you want, whether you want to admit it or not. We sit here tonight some of us with futures unknown. We don’t know whether we will be successful or not, rich or poor, skinny or fat, divorced or married for 10 years with 5 kids, when we come back to our 10 year reunion. But if you are successful, rich, skinny, married and have 5 kids, make the most of it, be happy, love with all you have and be all that you are. Be content with the life you have. If you are not successful, fat, divorced, and you have 5 kids anyway, do something that will make you happy. Make your dreams happen. Don’t wait around for other people to do it. Do it for yourself and in 10 years do not look back and have regrets about things you had no control over. Look at the things that you did and be grateful that you did them, be grateful for all the experiences that you had, good and bad, because they have made you who you are. Be happy with who you are because you are great! Class of 2003 Make it Count!

I hear a loud roar and make it back to my seat. Max grabs my hand and we sit there that way until the end of graduation.

After graduation and the hugs and tears and the huge display of fireworks, in which I think they set part of the field next door on fire, we are headed to the crashdown for the after party. There is going to be a lunch and stuff. Of course it is like 1:00 because with 500 graduating seniors, the biggest group in like 20 years, it took forever.

So we went to the Crash and everyone who is anyone is there. Of course Kyle and Vicki, Pam and her new friend Dave whom her brother brought from college came. She introduced me to him. Then of course Tess just walked in with some hot guy. I am assuming she is trying to make Max jealous. Then the baseball team is there and Paulie and Cindy and few other popular people.

I am sitting my normal booth with Maria and Isabel. “Ok so you guys will only be like a few hours away you can come visit and I can come visit.” I am trying to reassure her. “Yeah but that doesn’t make up for the whole summer.” Maria is really upset about me going away. “I know but I was thinking, in which I already talked to Diane and Philip, when Max and the guys come get there apartment, you two come with and go get yours and just make like a two week trip out of it.” Their faces light up. “Really?” I nod. “Oh Liz this is so cool!” Isabel says, “And you can totally come to New York with us and apartment hunt, Maria and I need a third opinion.”
“I would love to. And plus we can visit each other all the time, I mean we are only three hours away.” They nod and we all hug. The guys are walking toward us and Max scoots in next to me and Alex next to Isabel and of course Michael pulls a chair up to the table. “Ok so what are you three talking about. “Traveling between Boston and New York.” Max looks at me. “Which none of you are going to do on your own.” I turn an look at him. “Ok who made you the boss?” I get agitated when he thinks he can just tell me what to do. “It isn’t safe to be traveling back and forth especially for a girl.” I just look at him. Michael of course is making the cut it out sign to Max. Smart man Michael is. “Why not?”
“Anything can happen and you wouldn’t know what to do, you will need to take a guy with you.” Oh that is how it is. “Well maybe I will find some tall dark handsome man in Boston and take him with me. I’m sure the girls wont mind, then I wont be traveling alone, since you know it is so unsafe.” I turn from him and fold my arms. “I don’t know why I bother.” Did he just say that? “Oh whatever Max, if you have a problem I am sure that your bed buddy over there would love to talk to you.” I see the hurt in his face the minute I say that and I feel like such a jerk. He gets up from the table and walks away. “Nice goin Liz.” I say it out loud. “Still holding on to that?” Michael asks and Maria hits him in the arm. “OUCH Sorry Liz.” Did he just ask me if I was still holding on to that, I was only told yesterday! “No it is ok; I shouldn’t have said that, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I should go after him.” I go to get up and Michael stops me
“No let me go this time.” I smile at him and let him go.

I sit back in the booth and we carry on a conversation about nonsense for awhile when Tess comes over. “Hello little people.” I look up with disgust and she has that hot guy with her. “Hello blondie.” Maria tells her. “Tess.” I aknowledge her. “Well where is Max?” I look towards the back. “He and Michael went to take care of some stuff can I help you?” she smiles at me. “Oh I wanted to introduce you all to Austin, he is from Boston, he is here for the weekend helping move his parents and he didn’t have anything to do so I am showing him around.” Austin is a hottie. “Hello.” I am being polite and we are all polite to him. “Hi” he is so cute!!!!
“Austin goes to Harvard and I was just telling him how you Parker were going to Harvard. You two should talk.” Ok I don’t know what she is doing but I don’t like it. “Yeah maybe.” I say. “Well if you have a minute maybe right now.” He says to me. I mean the guy is hot but I am not too sure about this. Then of course Maria and Isabel give me the go ahead. “Sure why not.”

[FamersAmers]

Thanks to you wonderful people who read this and leave me such wonderful feedback. To those who dont leave feedback You are cool too!

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Part 16

So I was seriously thinking of letting you hear Max’s point of view but I don’t really care how you see him right now so you can hear me and my conversation with Mr. Hottie.

We walk over to the corner booth in the back and it is awkward at first. “So Liz, where are you going to be living?” I fidget, of course I do that when I am nervous, “Oh I am living on 19th and Livingston in the…”
“You are living in the apartment complex that function as a dorm?” I look at him funny, “Yeah how did you know?”
“I live there; in fact I am in apartment 425, are you in 435?”
“435? Yeah that is me.” This is so not a coincidence; this has gerbil written all over it. “Not to sound completely rude or anything but how do you know so much about me?” I am cautious now and he is making me uncomfortable. “Well when my dad got transferred here Ed Harding raved about his daughters boyfriends friend going to Boston and he had mentioned something to me and I had mentioned something about where to live and that the girls in 435 were awesome.” That is when it clicks. She did it to get me away for the summer! “Austin it was good to meet you and I am sure that we will see each other again soon, in fact I am sure we will have the whole summer together. This is the last night I get to spend with my family so I hope you don’t mind.” He stands up and shakes my hand. “Not at all I totally understand, I am sure we will see each other again Liz, I look forward to it.” I shake his hand. I turn around and look for them. I see her standing with Pam Troy and I see Max coming out of the back with Michael. This is so not what I wanted to do the last night that I left. But SCREW THIS!!

I walk over to Tess and with my sight set on my goal I ignore everyone trying to talk to me. When I get there Pam looks at me, “Liz great speech.” I look at her “Thank you, if you don’t mind can I steal Tess for a few minutes?” I look at Tess and in the nicest possible manner I smile. She agrees and he go to the booth. “Hey Liz, Tess?” They look at me questioningly. “If you want to know come outside I refuse to make a scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant.” I look at Max. “Out side NOW” he looks at me and then at Tess and he follows me out.

I of course have decided that behind the ally would be the best place. No one goes back there other than to dumb the trash and engage in sexual activity from time to time, so I know that no one of importance will look for us there.

“Liz, what is going on, and why is pooky with us?” you can’t help but love Maria. I look at Max. “Did you know?” he looks at me “What?”
“DID YOU KNOW?”
“Did I know what Liz; I don’t know what you are talking about?”
“Did you know about her plan to get me away for the summer?” he looks at me and for the first time I cant read his face. I have always been able to read his face. Even when he was being a jerk, so I can’t tell if he is lying to me. I see Tess from the corner of my eye trying to leave. “Get back here. Michael don’t let her leave.” Michael stands in front of her making sure she can’t leave. “Answer the question Max did you know?”
“No I didn’t know.” He looks down at the ground. “Why are you looking at the ground Max? I’M NOT IN THE GROUND! LOOK AT ME I AM RIGHT HERE!” ok screaming is not going to help but it will make me feel better. “I swear I didn’t know. She said that she had something exciting planned for us for the summer but she never told me.” I really can’t tell if he is lying to me. I want to believe him so much but I just cant right now. “I’m so not done with you.” I turn to Tess and she is smiling at me. “You BITCH.” I slap her across the face. Her hand immediately cradles her face. “What did you do that for?”
“Oh don’t play the victim. You know why, you had your daddy look into my college info and had him place me in housing and get me into summer school so you could get me away.” She just keeps smiling. “You had him, you have had him for six months you have him in all the ways you could have him, and you didn’t have to get rid of me.”
“Yes I did.” I look at her coldly. “Why?”
“Oh now who is playing stupid? I may have had him in all the physical ways. But come on Liz in all the emotional ways he was yours. I wanted that, he slept with me and it was never ever love. It was sex that is all it was, it was a fix, he got fixed and so did I. Only I wanted more and he wasn’t willing to give it. You know why? Because his heart didn’t belong to me Liz, it belonged to you. It has always belonged to you. That is why I had my dad get you into summer school and I have my dad get me into Cambridge. Thinking it would work, it didn’t. Then I brought Austin here, thinking that he would swoon you and well obviously that didn’t work. So looks like you won Liz.”

Wow I don’t even know what to say, I almost feel bad for her. Bad for her in a sense that she gave her heart, what little heart she has to a boy who couldn’t give it back. She also answered my other question; she and Max had sex more than once. That is another reason I feel for her, her is this act that I feel is something that should be between people who love each other and he is handing it out like it is candy, I mean she did it too, but I think it was more for her.

I look at her. “Go get out of here.” I look at Max who is looking down at the ground. “Do you have anything to say?” he looks up and at me. “I don’t know what to say.” Typical. “Figures… you never do, you never have anything to say. Just once, once you could have stuck up for me. ME would that have been to much to ask? Whatever forget it Max” I turn and face the group. “It is late and I have to finish packing. Why not stop by later tonight so I can say goodbye.” They all nod and I make my way out of the ally.

When I get out of the ally and onto the street I let the tears fall freely. Does he not understand? Does he just not get it? I wipe my tears away and go into the restaurant I say my goodbyes to people and go home to pack.

When I get home it is quiet and I get to my room and it is almost boxed up. There is only a little left to do and I am almost too tired to do it, but the boxes aren’t going to pack themselves. I go to my night stand and take out a piece of paper and a pen.

Dearest Max,

Why we keep doing this to our selves I don’t think I will ever understand. We go around and around and around and we never ever hit the target. I thought that by trying to forgive you and making things ok before I left would make everything ok. I realized that I was wrong. I realized that things don’t just become ok because you want them to. No matter how much you believe in magic or dreams, you have to work things out.

I’m not doing that, I am leaving. I’m running away from the problem. You know all this time I was blaming you for the mess. But in reality I am as much to blame as you are. Instead of trying to work this out I am running from it. So when I called you a coward I was being a hypocrite. I am running, I am going to Boston to get away. I want get away from you, Tess and the whole thing, because if I am not around it then it isn’t real. I wish that it were true, but my heart tells me other wise.

I don’t know how to make this better; I think you are just as lost in this as I am. I don’t know how to tell you that we can work this out and that it will be ok. I don’t know how to get past you sleeping with Tess and it being JUST sex. I don’t know how to get past the way that you treated me. I know with time I will get past them, I just don’t know when that time will be. I know one thing that I will never ever get past though, that is my love for you. My love for you is eternal. Not the kind that dies when we die. This love will last forever. I hope you realize that.

I love you

Love

Lizzybeth

p.s. I bought this about six months ago and I want you to have it!!! It was meant for you!

I go to the closet and get the box of the top shelf. I open it and look at the watch. Max had been talking about getting a new one and I bought it for him. I had the inside inscribed with Follow your heart, it will always guide you. I close the box and put the letter in an envelope. I take them to Max’s room and I leave them on his bed.

When I get back to my room I finish packing my things and there is a knock on my door. “Come in.” I look up and Isabel is standing there. “Hey, you ok?” I look at her and the tears begin to fall. “No…how am I supposed to do this?” she takes me into a hug and tells me “I don’t know Liz, but tomorrow is a new day with a new start and I guess you wont have to worry about it.” I look at her and I know she wishes that it were true. “I wish it were true too.”
“Yeah I know, but thank you for the present it was really awesome.” She loves her earrings and she is wearing them. “I got you something.” She holds out a tiny box. “Actually I didn’t buy it.” I look at her and I take the box. I open it and there is the pendent that my grandma gave to Isabel when we were in the 3rd grade. “But this is yours?” she smiles at me. “Not any more, it is yours, I got my use out of it and now it is your turn. Wear it!” I put it on and smile. “I love it thank you so much.” She hugs me and points to the box. “I think you have something else in that thing over there,” I look over and she goes and gets the box. “I am not sure I want to open it.” She gives me a look like ‘are you stupid?’ “Yes you do and you are going to, so open it.” She gives me the box and walks out of my room. I look at the box with the pretty pink ribbon on it. I take the envelope and I open it

My dearest Lizzybeth

We may not be Seeing Eye to Eye right now, and that is my fault, but please take this and wear it and know that I love you.

Max

I open the box and there is a smaller box in the box. So I open that one and another box, another box, and another, until I reach a small rectangular box. I am almost afraid to open it. I decided to go for it and when I do I am shocked.

There in the clue velvet is a golden bracelet with tiny sapphires. It is the most beautiful bracelet. There are tears in my eyes. I don’t even know what to say. Am I supposed to feel bad now?

“Liz the Mag 4 are here to say goodbye.” I hear Diane call me from downstairs and I make my way. I get the bottom of the stairs and there they are looking quite pathetic. “Ok guys come on.” They all look at me and the tears start to come out of my eyes. “Michael you first.” Maria says and he shakes his head. “Fine I will go.” Alex comes up to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. “Lizzy, I will miss you. You take care and we will be there in a couple of months. You and me and Michael every Tuesday night, that is our date night.” I pull away from him and look him in the eyes. “Ok, I will miss you too Alex, promise you will call?” he shakes his head and Michael comes next.

“Ok Liz, be good take care of yourself and do not get into cars with strange men.” I laugh and he looks at me. “I am being serious.” I pull him into a hug. “I know, I wont, promise me you will take care of him.” He nods so I know he is saying yes. “Promise you will call?” he nods again, “and Tuesday night is our night!” he nods again and backs away from me.

Maria is last and she is looking at the floor. “Come here chica.” I pull her into a hug and we stay like that for a long time. “I am so sorry Liz I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
“It is all in the past and we have nothing but the future. So take care of the gang over the summer for me and you guys are coming out in like 6 weeks and no worries we will talk like every other day.” She pulls away. “Promise?”
“Cross my heart!” I say and make the sign over my heart. “We love you Liz.”
“I love you guys too.” They tell me good night and I go into the den and say my goodnights to the family. No goodbye’s just goodnights. Those will have to wait for tomorrow.

[FamersAmers]

Thanks you all for your great feedback...awesome as alaways!!! You all deserve GOLD STARS! Well sometime during the weekend Lizza will be posting Part 18 so keep your eye out for it, I am going to be gone for awhile! Thanks!


Part 17

Diane and Philip are up in the den when I go to say goodnight. They are looking at home videos and I watch for a while. “You aren’t getting all sentimental on me are you?” they turn around and wipe their eyes and stand up. “Oh Liz, I can’t believe you are going.” She hugs me and they tell me they have something to tell me. I sit on the couch and wait for what they have to say. “Liz when your parents died we were so afraid to take you in, we were afraid we wouldn’t be enough for you. We were scared of you. But you fit in so well, and this place in my heart that was a little vacant you filled. You have been my daughter for 10 years and you will continue to be my daughter until the day you die. I love you like my own and I hope that you have felt that.” I am crying as she is. “You have been more than enough. Thank you for making me a daughter for giving me this life. I would have been lost without you.” I hug them both and tell them I will miss them. “You will come home for holidays?” I think they think I don’t want to come back here
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, this is my home.” I walk out of the room and up to mine. I have to finish packing.

At around midnight there is a knock on my door. “Yeah it is open.” I turn around and there is Isabel. “Hey what’s up?” I walk over to her and sit on my bed and pat next to me so she will sit. “I just wanted to give you this.” She hands me another present wrapped in the funny papers. I can’t help but laugh when I notice my name in Michaels hand writing. I open it and see the puter picture frame with the six of us in it. I have tears in my eyes when I look up at her. “Thank you so much you have no idea what this means to me.” I hug her “I love you Isabel and I will miss our conversations.”
“That is why dad got us cell phones.”
“What?”
“Here” she handed me the cell phone. “Dad got the three of us cell phones so that we could do mobile to mobile and not charge us anything.”
“Oh this is great, you now know I will be talking to you a lot.”
“Yeah I know.” She gets up and turns to the door. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye to him Liz, just don’t leave him like that.” I smile at her and she hugs me and walks out the door.

I sit there for a minute and I look at my bear. I hug him and I almost feel love coming though that bear, but it is my imagination. I look through the hall way at the closed door and I make my way to it. With bear in hand I walk up to the door and knock. There is no answer and I open it slightly. There is Max asleep on the bed. I walk over to the bed and sit down. I stare at him.

I am woken up at 2:45 by the sound of my alarm. I hear the people down stairs and I make my way down. There in the kitchen are Michael and Alex along with Isabel and Max and Diane and Philip. “Morning we were waiting for you to get up so we could pack that bed of yours.” I yawn and proceed to tell them “It is all yours.” I pour a cup of coffee and join the table. I sit in silence listening to them talk about loading my stuff. They get up and go load it while I make my way to the bathroom to get ready.

When I come out they are all done and the car has been packed. I come down the stairs and there is a line waiting on me. I make my way to each one. I hug the group and at the end there is Max. I make my way to him and hug him. “I will miss you most, don’t forget me.”
“It isn’t possible.” He kisses my cheek and hands me an envelope, I let go of him. There are tears in both of our eyes. This fight is over.

I am in the car with Diane and I remember the envelope that Max has left me. I take it out and open it. Inside there are two letters and a 10 page paper. I stare at them and decided to wait till later to read them.

The tears are running down my cheeks and I look at Diane. She just smiles and tells me that it will be ok; we haven’t lost each other yet. I just smile at her I don’t want to cry anymore.

As we pull up to the apartments I am excited. They are dorms but in the style of apartments and I have two roommates. Beth and Shelly, they ere both from Boston and seem to be nice. I have talked to them a few times and they are really nice. I have my own room; they decided it would be ok. I am really glad I didn’t want to have to share a room. I go up with Diane and Philip and I know that I will have to explain things. So here we go.

We get to room 435 and I knock on the door. A blonde girl opens the door and screams at me. “Oh Liz!!! You are finally here.” They lead us in and Diane and Philip are taken by how nice they are. “Oh you must be Mr. and Mrs., Parker, nice to meet you.” We look at each other and back at her. “Beth this is Diane and Philip Evans, my parents died when I was 7 and I have lived with them ever since.” She looks horrified. “Oh gosh I am so sorry, I think I am going to go and hide under my pillow now.” We laugh and tell her it isn’t necessary and she shows me to my room. “Wow Liz this is nice.” Diane and Phillip think it is nice and I love it. “Yeah it is awesome, lets get started.”

By 6:00 we have moved everything in and some of the guys in the apartment next door have helped us. Of course Philip and Diane order Pizza and invite everyone who helped. Austin of course had gotten home yesterday so he was home to help us move. He won Diane and Philip over with his charm and Philip made arrangements with him to keep me safe.

Diane and Philip have left and already my phone has rung twice. Once from Isabel telling me that she missed me even though I had only been gone for three days. She told me that the house was kind of dark and the next two months were going to be horrible. I told her that July would be here before we knew it. She agreed told me to call her later and then we hung up.

Not too long after she called the phone rang again and it was Philip telling me to be safe, that they loved me and to not forget to call every Sunday. I agreed told them I loved them and hung up the phone.

I’m starting life on my own and it is kinda of scary!

[FamersAmers]

Hi its jsut Lizza, posting the next part!

Part 18

Things in apartment 435 were going quiet well for Liz Parker. Her new roommates were keeping her busy with tours and parties, while Austin was pushing her for dates. She of course being Liz Parker still had study central located in her so her studies came first.

She had moped most of the first week she had gotten there, she stayed in her room, she only came out to eat and go to class. Her roommates finally got the nerve to ask her what was up and of course she cracked.

She told them all about Max and how much she felt like she didn’t know who she was. So they told her college was about finding yourself. So what did she do? She tried to find herself.

Shelly her roommate whom was also a beauty magician decided that Liz needed a new look and the first thing that had to go was the hair. So she chopped it all off giving it a short yet sexy look to it. She felt like that was a big enough change for the time being and left it at that.

Everyone loved her hair. She sent pictures home and Isabel and Maria raved about it, and of course the boys agreed. Then Austin and his roommates just whistled at her. She felt like a new Liz Parker. That was also the week she decided that she needed to get out more. She went on her first date with Austin, only as friends to a local party which Beth’s brother was hosting. She found extremely crazy, but found that most of her summer school class mates were there…now did that surprise her.

She loosened up a bit and of course she found that she enjoyed life and didn’t worry so much about Max and what he was doing or what he would think. Max would call and she would make the phone calls as short as possible sometimes not answering them letting them go straight to voice mail. She even let the guys or her roommates pick up the phone and give some crazy line, she felt but she really didn’t care.

Of course July 16th was around the corner and the 5 of them would be there. They all told her how they couldn’t wait and how much they were looking forward too it. Liz was looking forward to it too, except the part that had to do with Max. She had done a nice job of running and now she couldn’t run anymore.


Back home in Roswell things were not going so well. After Liz left the gang went straight to Max and had a talk with him. They sat him down and told him how the cow ate the cabbage.

“Look we told you and told you and told you and you refused to listen…so now you are at a point were she is gone. Did we not tell you?” Michael is quite perturbed and he had every right to be, he was not a happy camper about the situation. “She will forgive me.”
“Yeah you keep telling your self that Maxwell, you keep letting yourself believe that lie.”
“How the hell would you know?” Alex then intercedes, “Max she wont take your phone calls and if she does they are short and pointless, she deletes your emails and she wont talk to us about you, I doubt forgiveness his high on her list of things to do for Max. I mean what did you expect, you slept with some girl, which by the way I have no idea why you feel guilty about it, you weren’t with Liz, second of all you lied and told her it never happened, then you had Tess lie. Then you tell her you slept with her but only once and then you slept with her more than once. Max the truth would have been so much better. She could have forgotten the sec thing, but or one lie but like 5 lies.” He looked at Alex. “Max you cant expect sorry to make this better, you have to do something about this, oh and another thing, when she confronted Tess and you said nothing, you always say nothing, you should have stuck up for her, say something!” Alex had a point

Of course Max still moped around and Liz still refused to talk to him. He worked or stayed in his bedroom. He wasted time trying to get Liz to talk to him and he even sent her flowers. Those were the only things that didn’t come back. He wondered if she had read his letters but he couldn’t be sure. If she had would she really be acting this way?

It was July 14th and he was so excited to be going to Boston. He couldn’t wait to see Liz, the gang had talked about her looking different but he wanted to see her. Was it a good different or a bad different. He wanted to know. He was packing his suitcase when his phone rang. He looked at the ID box and it read LIZ. He picked it up. “Hello”
“Hey”
“Hey, you busy?”
“No just packing, how is school?”
“Good, we are getting ready to go to a party thing.”
“Isabel said you do that a lot.”
“Do what a lot?
“Party.”
“Oh kind of, but only after all my work is done, anyway just wanted to double check what time your plane got in so I could be in the airport on time.” Max walked to the dresser and picked up his ticket. “We will arrive at 12:00pm EST” she laughed, EST. “Ok I will be there.”
“With bells on your toes?”
“Just for you? Yeah I guess so!” she smiled into the phone as did he. “Can’t wait Liz.”
“Me either, talk to you later Max, bye” and she hung up.

Ok this might be progress she was calling him! Granted it was to check the time but it was still progress she could have called anyone else!

Liz was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when there was a knock on her bedroom door. “Yeah come in it is open.” She was not paying attention to who it was until she heard the voice. “Hey Liz?” she turned the corner and saw Austin in her room. “What do you need?”
“Oh I have a favor to ask. On Friday I have to go to this Law banquet and I need a date, I was wondering if you would go with me?” not even thinking about the Friday or the fact that all of her friends would be here she agreed. “Of course I would be honored.” This was going to blow up in Liz Parkers face and in the back of her brain she knew


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[FamersAmers]

Thanks to Evelynn who made my banner. And thanks to Melyssa for editing...dont know what I would do without you...be LOST!!! And to all of you readers and feedbackers you are awesome!!!!


Chapter 19


Here I am standing in the Boston airport waiting for the 5 of them and I am really nervous. Austin had offered to come with me, but under the circumstances I told him it would be better if he didn’t.

Let me tell you about Austin…I already told you he was a hottie, but what I failed to mention is that I like him. He likes me too and he’s admitted it, so have I. Even though Tess is behind this in some way I can’t help but have feelings for him. I’m just not ready for a relationship, so we hang out all the time. He once called me Lizzybeth and I told him he had to come up with a different name, because I didn’t like that one. Of course, that was a lie, but I didn’t want to bring up Max. I was getting over Max, well maybe not, but I like to be in denial.

So now calls me Parker, which isn’t much better but I don’t say anything. I help him with his studying, and he and I do things together on a regular basis. He even offered to come with me to pick everyone up, but I told him no. I didn’t want him to meet Max. I know Max knows about him, I’m just not ready for them to meet yet. I’m not ready for him to know how I feel about Max and vice versa.

I see people start to come off of the plane and there’s Isabel. “Izzy!” I run up to her and she sees me.

“Lizzy, you look beautiful…turn.” I turn around and Maria sees me.

“Girlfriend, I definitely give it two thumbs up. I mean you look good.”

“Thank you!” I hug her and then turn to Michael. “Wow! You look great!” I hug him “It’s so good to see you.”

“Who’s the little hottie with the short hair?”

“ALEX!!!” I give him a hug and he lets me go.

And then there he is. He hasn’t changed one bit. He’s the same Max; only he’s dressed amazingly. “Max,” I smile and he smiles back. “You look good…different, but good.”

“So you like?”

“It’s growing on me.” He hugs me and I feel safe. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m completely safe. I feel like I am home. “Well let’s go. I brought the Expedition and so we can all fit.”

“That’s right. Mom said that you took some of your money and bought an SUV.”

“I love it! It will be great for when the snow comes in.”

“Can’t wait for that one.” Michael is such a smart ass and I love him for it.

“Ok, so I’ve arranged for all of you to stay with me. Well, the boys are going to stay in the apartment next door. They have a whole room that isn’t occupied and they offered. Then I have the couch and I have an extra bed in my room, so Iz and Maria will stay with me.”

“Sounds good. Let’s go.”

I load them up into my SUV and head toward my apartment. When we get there I take them up to my apartment and they love it.

“Liz, I thought you were living in the dorms?”

I look at Max. “This is a dorm. It’s just an apartment dorm…it’s awesome and I love it! We have so many great people on our floor. We’re always hanging out.” I can see his smile fade and I let them in. “Ok…Isabel, Maria, that room right there is mine. Go ahead go in and pick a bed.”

“Where are you sleeping?” Isabel questions me and I look at the couch.

“MAL is my sleeping partner tonight”

“MAL?”

“Long story tell you about it later…I promise.” Turning back to the boys “Ok, let me go get Austin and Paton and tell them you’re here.” Just then the door to the apartment flies open.

“Oh, Parker, where are you? I saw the SUV.”

“Aus, we’re in here.” And Austin comes in.

“Hey.” He walks over and kisses my cheek.

“Austin, this is the gang. This is Isabel.”

“Nice to see you again…I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Like wise.”

I move on “This is Maria.”

“Oh, the famous Maria. It’s great to meet you.”
“Charmed.” He turns around and she mouths to me. “ Still a HOTTIE”

“I KNOW” And I continue to move on. “This is Michael and Alex.”

“Oh, the boys. It’s good to meet you…she talks about you all the time.”

“Yeah nice to meet you, Austin.” Michael shakes his hand and Alex does the same. “You sure made an impression on our Lizzy.”

“I try.” Nice, he’s going to show how cocky he is.

I turn to Max and I see the expression on his face. It’s enough to make me want to crawl up and die. “Austin, this is Max. Max, this is Austin.”

“Wow, you’re the only one I’ve never heard about it. My little Lizzy was hiding you from me.”

I see and feel Max’s blood start to boil. “Yeah, I’m too special to mention.”

“Oh I see, hiding something Liz?”

I look at both of them. “Nothing to hide…now be civil. Max, Austin, Austin, Max…plain and simple, now sake hands and play nice.” They shake and Austin has to open his big mouth.

“We can talk about this later.”

I look at Austin and shoot him the evil eye. “Guys, you’re staying with Austin and his roommate Paton. They live across the hall from here, so if you need anything they can help you, and don’t knock on my door just come in.”

“Alright, guys, come with me.” They follow Austin out and Isabel and Maria come over to me.

“Ok, did you see the tension between Max and Austin?”

“Yeah…you could cut it with a knife.” Isabel was right. “You guys didn’t tell him that we were friends, did you?”

“Oh, guys. I mean come on…I know we aren’t dating, but you could have told him.”

Maria then states the obvious to me “You could have too.”

“I know, I know. Didn’t Tess tell him?”

“Oh Tess…you should have been there. We were in the Crash and she asked how you and Aaron were and he blew up on her. He told her “ Look Bitch, haven’t you done enough harm? Do you have to keep on doing it? Get it through your thick head that we are done… move on. Get over us, because there is no us anymore…and if you ever speak to Liz the way you have spoken to her in the past I will duct tape your mouth so tight you wont know how to get it off. DO you understand? ” It was so funny…you should’ve been there. So, Austin calls you Lizzy?”

“Yeah. Well he tried to call me Lizzybeth.”

“Really?” Isabel questions me.

“Yeah.” I hated telling them, it made me feel like I was betraying Max.

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him I hated the name and he was to never call me that again. He dropped it after that.”

“You hate the name?” They knew I didn’t, they were just making sure. I think. “Now how can I hate it? But I hate anyone other than Max calling me that… it’s something that’s reserved for him.”

“So how serious are you and Austin.”

It’s a simple question from the girls “He told me he liked me…and I like him. I just don’t love him. I could never love him. I constantly compare him to Max.”

“You got it bad.” Maria laughs at me.

“I know, but what can I say?”

Isabel looks at me. “Hey, did you ever read his essay?”

“What essay?”

“The one he gave to you.”

“No, I never did. I totally forgot about it. Why?” What does his essay have to do with this?

“Read it sometime.”

“Have you read it?” They both nod.

“We’ve all read it. I think maybe it’s time for you too.”

I decide to let them unpack. I go to the drawer and take out the envelopes. They’re both sealed. I take them into the living room, and I sit on the couch. I open the first one and read.

Lizzybeth,

My dearest, Lizzybeth, there are no words to describe the pain and the sorrow that I have caused you. I can’t even say sorry to take the pain away. What kind of person does that? What kind of person loves someone so much that they hurt them? Not any person I know. I kept trying to tell myself that I loved you, but that isn’t love. At least not a love that you deserve, no one deserves that. I treated you like trash and you don’t treat the ones you love like trash.

I know that I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, and sometimes it hurts to be alive. It hurts to know that I have hurt you. It hurts to know that I can’t take it back. It hurts to know that I stood there while Tess did those things to you and said nothing. I don’t know how to make that better. I don’t know how to fix it.

I know that you are leaving and that you will go and meet guys. I hope that you will still keep me in your heart. I don’t and won’t blame you if you move on. You deserve better, you deserve more than I can give you, better than I can give you. But please, know that I am here if you want me, when you want me.

I love you, Elizabeth Parker. Remember you are not broken, you are beautiful, and perfect, and I love you just the way you are

I read what you wrote about me in your essay and I am so lucky to be so loved by someone. I am so lucky to have that someone be you. Thank you for loving me that much, and for seeing the good that is in me.

Max
Of course I’m crying when the girls come out of the bedroom. I put the letter down and look at them. “Do I dare open the other one?” Maria looks at me and Isabel takes a seat next to me. I take the next envelope and open it.

Find me here
Speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That is leading me to the place where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You are everything

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

You calm the storms
You give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Would you take me deeper now

Cause you're all I want
you are all I need
you are everything, everything

I know that song by heart…I could sing it by heart too. It was the song we danced to at the Prom…it was our song. I’m crying and Isabel hands me the manila folder. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. I take out the essay and I start reading it.

In the world today there are so many people who inspire us. These people inspire us to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, astronauts, but how many of them inspire us to be us. One person in my whole life inspired me to do that. She is the one person who taught me that to be anything less than what you are supposed to be is sacrificing a part of us. That woman was Liz Parker. You all know her as that, I know her as Lizzybeth. She is the one person whom inspires me above all the others.

Liz came to live with us after her parents died in a bad car accident. I didn’t want her to live with us, and before she had come I had made her life a living hell. I hated her and I made her hate me. It was a good situation. When she finally came, that first night she cried. She cried for hours and I finally got tired of hearing it. I was bound to tell her to shut up, but the minute I saw her I couldn’t say anything. She looked so lost and scared…and she was afraid. I knew what that was like, I had experienced it not too long before. I went to her bed and wrapped my arms around her. My heart just melted, there was no way I could be mean to this girl anymore. Thus we became best friends.

Ok pulling out of my reading here, this is really long so I am going to skip it to the last paragraph, because let me just say it says the same thing it says in mine.

I haven’t been the greatest to Liz the last couple of months. I know what they say, you don’t treat your best friend like trash, but I did and I lost her. I let someone whom meant nothing to me ruin us forever.

Elizabeth Parker has been the one person who inspires me to be me. She has an immense amount of faith in me when I don’t. She is the one person whom knows what is going on inside my head with just looking at me. Lately I haven’t been that great to her, but I hope she knows that she means everything to me and that I love her. Without her, my life means nothing.
Once again, I look up through my tears and see Isabel and Maria staring at me. I don’t know what to say. Max hasn’t shown me all the feelings that he described in the letter, the song, or the essay and it confuses me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks, and they both pull me into a hug. Just then the door to my apartment swings open and there stands a very angry Michael, a very confused Alex, and Max whom is extremely red and screaming something.

“What is going on?” Isabel asks as she stands up from the couch.

“I think Max and Michael need a new place to stay tonight. I think they wore out their welcome.” It’s all Alex says before I know that something has happened with Austin.

“What happened?” I look at them and tap my foot.

“He started it.”

“I don’t care who started it, tell me what happened.” I look at Max and back at Michael and of course they are saying nothing. I then look at Alex who starts to explain.

“Well he and Max kinda got into it about you two being in a relationship.”

I look at Max. “Ugh, you and I will deal with this later. I’m hungry, as I am sure you all are, so let’s go eat.” They all agree and Max and I just stare at each other. How dare he?


After lunch we made our way back to the apartment. Everyone was tired and they wanted to take naps. Of course I had to do damage control or put Michael and Max in our apartment for the night. Which I didn’t mind doing.

So I went over to the guys’ apartment and without knocking, which I never do, I went in. I found Austin sitting at the counter.

“Hey,”

Austin looked up and smiled. “Hey, yourself.”

“Listen, I’m sorry about Max and Michael…you know they’re really protective of me.”

“You think?”

I looked at him questioningly. “Why do you say that?”

“Well, when they asked what my intentions were toward you and I told them that I liked you, I mean that I really liked you…they kinda went crazy.”

“Well you know I grew up with them. Max is practically my brother.” He then returns the questioning look to me.

“What?” I ask innocently.

“Yeah…if you say so.” He looks back at his magazine.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Liz, come on…any idiot can see that you two are nuts for each other. Remember when I was in Roswell? Tess wanted me to move in on you to get you away from Max because she was so worried that you were going to take him. But what she didn’t know is that you already had him, he already has you. He doesn’t have to worry about me. You and I, we could never be more than just friends, because you have this thing for Max…it’s in your eyes. It’s written all over you…you just need to open your eyes and see it.”

“But I do see it. What if the problem is we don’t see it? Maybe the problem is that he hurt me, hurt me too bad.”

He smiles at me. “Well, see we are all human. We’re all aloud to make mistakes. We’re all aloud to make them…sometimes they hurt us, and sometimes we hurt other people. But think about it this way…if you were the one making the mistake that Max was making, would you want to be forgiven?” I don’t say anything…I just look at him. “Just something for you to think about. Oh, Liz, I would still like it if you still went with me tonight…cause it’s too late to find another date…but we can go just as friends. Please?”

I smile at him. “I would like that, Austin. Can I ask you something?”

He looks at me “Shoot.”

“When Tess asked you to get me out of the way, what did you tell her?”

He laughed for a second and then looked at me. “I told her to give it up, because if she couldn’t see how much you two were meant for each other maybe she was as dumb as everyone made her out to be. Maybe she was a gerbil, the bleached whale, blonde bitch from hell, blonde bimbo…need I go on.” He just smiles at me.

“Ok, I get the point.” I smile a thank you to him, and head out the door, totally forgetting whether or not the boys could sleep there. Oh well…they can stay with us.

When I get back to my apartment there in no one in sight. I go into the kitchen and Max is sitting at the bar. He picks his head up and looks at me. “Hey where is everyone?”

“Well Isabel and Alex are asleep, and so are Maria and Michael. I wanted to stay awake and apologize. Liz, I’m so sorry.”

I just look at him now remembering the words I’d read earlier. “I read your letter, song, and essay. They were beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You know they were all truth. I may not show it, or haven’t shown it, but it’s the truth. Believe that.”

“I know it was.”

“Go out with me tonight.”

I wince, I can’t go out with him. “Oh, Max, I can’t. I have to go to this thing with Austin.”

“Are you and Austin together?” Max asks reluctantly.

I laugh a little because of the conversation I just had with Austin. “No. We’re just friends, but I am going to this dinner thing. I kinda promised a while ago, but maybe after wards we can talk. I mean really talk, Max. None of this crap we have been doing for the last 8 months.”

“Yeah, that would be great, but you had better go get ready or you’ll be late.”

I glance quickly at the clock and it says 4:00. “Oh shit, yeah.” I run to the back.

About and hour later, Isabel and Maria are up and have helped me into my dress. I’m wearing my prom dress, and Isabel did my hair so that it looked really cute along with my make up. I, of course, had to be dressed formal, and I’m really nervous that Max has to see me like this. Of course the girls think I look beautiful. Then, there’s a soft knock on my door.

“Liz, Austin is here.” Alex opens the door and comes in. “WOW! Michael, you got to check this out.”

The next thing I know, Michael has come in and they’re both staring at me. They both tell me they think I look beautiful, and that Austin is in the living room waiting. I walk out of my room and see that Max has his back turned.

“Wow…Liz, you look beautiful.” I blush and Austin tells me to turn. As I turn, I see that Max is just then turning around. His mouth drops open, and he stares at me. I stare back, and for a moment we’re lost in each other’s eyes.

Austin, feeling uncomfortable, says something to break the stare. “Are you ready?”

I turn to him and shake my head. I tell everyone I will see them later and to help themselves. As I leave I turn around to catch one more glimpse of Max just as he mouths something to me that I can’t quite make out.

While in the elevator I’m still trying to figure it out when it hits me. Then I get it…I know. I hit the stop button, and send the elevator back up. Quickly, I swing the apartment door back open. They all stare at me as I grab him into a hug. “Me too. Ditto, I love you too.” I kiss him right then and there.

It’s a hungry kiss, one full of force and need. When we pull apart Austin has come back into the apartment. I’m about to tell him I don’t want to go when Max looks up at Austin. “Take care of her…get her back in one piece.” Austin takes the small of my back and I look at Max with questioning eyes. “He has tonight…we have tomorrow and forever.” And then he winked.

TBC

[FamersAmers]

Sorry the updates havent been as frequent....I havent felt too great this week and there has been so much going on. Thanks for all the great feedback. Melyssa you da bomb girl!!!!! GOLD STAR

RASaero611- thank you
Lizza-thanks for the bump and the Napoleon dance-loved it!!!
alana-I love your feedback you trip me out!!!
Behrlyliz-Thank you
icequeen- thank you- still love the Napoleon dance
begonia9508-thanks
Emz80m- you are awesome Thank you!!! I would be so lost!!!
g7silvers- thanks
anonymousarfan- thanks...glad you like
SmileeUK- I think I can write you in
linliz-lol thanks

Chapter 20


Austin and I are at this dinner and let me tell you, there’s no one but old, boring people that study Law. Austin is off discussing politics with his professor, and has left me with his professor’s wife, whom just happens to be my biology teacher.

“Well, Liz, Austin told Frank you were from Roswell. He also said you were going to study medicine?”

“Yes, I am. A friend’s dad from back home, got me into the summer program and Celine Hardy told me it would get me ahead.”

“Yes, it will do that for you. Listen, stick with me and you will have no problems, and if you need help with anything see me or my TA’s and I will be more than happy to help or make them help you. And in your third year, you can apply for the TA spot.” She winked at me, and I so knew that I was going to love this woman! She takes me around to meet a few other wives. “Of course they all think that you’ll marry Austin now that you’ve shown up here with him.”

“Oh no, Austin and I are just friends…I have someone waiting for me.” My smile is so big I can’t seem to contain it.

“Well, if he can make you smile like that he must be a catch. Where did you meet him, the cafeteria?”

I laugh, she’s kinda funny in a not so cool way. “No, actually he’s a friend from home.”

She smiled. “You know, that’s how Frank and I got together. I came here and he was going to Cambridge. Well, he realized he couldn’t live without me, so he transferred. Now twenty-three years, and four kids later, here we are.” I smile at her story, and she takes my hand. “When you get a winner, Liz, keep him. Hold on to him, and fight for him. You’ll have to fight for him…if he is your soul mate, it will be complicated and you will have to fight, so put up your fight. Don’t give up, and twenty-three years, and four kids later, even though he’s gained twenty pounds and your boobs are sagging, you’ll still look at each other like you’re the only two in the room, and be more in love than the day you first realized that you were in love.”

I listened closely to everything she had to say, and realized that I wanted that. Although I could do with out the Max gaining twenty pounds, and my boobs sagging, I wanted to grow old and have kids with him. I wanted to know that after twenty-three years of marriage we were still madly in love with each other.

Austin eventually came back and mingled with me. I was really anxious to get home and he was anxious to meet the head of the law firm that had offered him a job starting in January. Of course, he insisted on taking me over there to meet his new boss. Mr. Dinksley was extremely nice, and he thought the two of us made a very nice couple. His wife complemented me on my hair and how she would love to cut hers short and have it still look beautiful.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Austin was ready to go. Like a gentlemen, he takes me back to my apartment. “Liz, thank you so much for going with me. I know that you didn’t want to go, especially with Max and all, but thank you.”

I smile kindly at him. My heart may belong to Max, but I know what a special guy Austin is. “Austin, I had a great time…thank you for inviting me.”

He walks me to the door and gives me a hug. “Make sure to forgive him, Liz, but make it all the way, none of this half way crap. He doesn’t deserve that and neither do you.”

I nod and smile again, then make my way into the apartment. It’s dark and I stub my toe on the brick that normally keeps our door open. “SHIT!” I hop to the light switch and turn on the lights. There’s no sign of anyone, so I hop over to the couch and sit on the back of it. Looking at my toe, I see that I didn’t do any real damage, it just hurts.

“Home so early?” I fly up over the couch with my shoe in my hand, and then accidentally tumble over the backside of the couch onto the floor. I find myself kneeling with my elbows on the cushions and my heel in my hand ready to attack.

I look up to see Max laughing at me. “What the hell is so funny? You scared the shit out of me and you’re laughing?” Max is absolutely busting up! He’s laughing so hard that he has to sit down on the couch almost dying. I’m glad that he finds this so funny. Suddenly, I realize I’m still on my knees with my heel in hand. I throw my shoe to the ground and get up to sit on the couch. By this time, he’s finally stopped laughing, and has managed to compose himself. “What the hell where you doing in the dark, because no person in their right mind sits in the dark?”

“Waiting for you to get back.” He states simply. “The Magnificent four, your roommates, and Patton went out clubbing, but I wanted to wait for you. I had a little headache, so I was lying down…in the dark.”

“Oh, well are you feeling better?”

“Much, I kinda got a kick out of watching you just now.”

“Glad that my pain made you feel better.” I grab the pillow and hit him with it, but he takes it, and puts it in his lap.

“So, how’s your toe?” He asks, trying to hold back a smile.

I crinkle my face and pout my lips. “It hurts, and I think I hurt my butt when I went over the couch. It wouldn’t surprise me if I tore my dress while I was at it.” I try to look while I’m still sitting.

Max stares at me with an unreadable expression. “You look really beautiful tonight, Liz.”

I can’t help but blush. “It isn’t like you’ve never seen me in this dress before.”

“I know, but this time it’s different…you’re different.”

I smile adoringly up at him. I can’t believe I’m really here with Max.

“Listen, do you want to go for a walk?”

“I would love to, but you aren’t going to make me go in this dress, are you?”

He smiles at me. “I think everyone should see how beautiful you are in that dress.”

He’s being so sweet. I’m still blushing, but I try to cover. “I would agree with you, but the shoes are killing me and I can’t walk another foot in them.”

“Ok, I know you own a pair of flip-flops, and no one is going to be looking at your feet, Lizzybeth.”

For some reason I can tell he really doesn’t want me out of this dress. “Alright, give me two seconds.” Quickly, I run to my room and grab my flip-flops.

I come back out to find Max waiting for me. “Every time you come out of that room, you take my breath away.”

Embarrassed, I smile at him, and give him a playful shove. “Thank you.” I turn and lock the door behind us as we leave.

As we’re walking out of the building, we run into several people from my hall, so I stop to introduce them to Max. I know that they’re intrigued that a hot guy is walking with me, and holding my hand. Come Monday, I’m sure I’ll be answering twenty questions.

We get outside and the cool summer air hits me. It’s nice and comfortable. “Ok, Liz…let’s find a new special place.”

I know just the spot already. I take his hand and lead him across the campus. Whoever decided that we should walk, really should’ve thought that one over. We come to a small forest and Max and I go in. There’s a small clearing, and in the clearing is a pond with a small river and waterfall. Max is in awe and I can tell instantly that he likes it.

“How many other people have this as their special place?”
“Who knows, but it’s ours now.” I smile at him and we take a seat on the bench. I know we have a lot to talk about, so I waste no time. “You go first.” I tell him. I can’t go first. He needs to.

“You know I’m so sorry. I can’t apologize enough, Liz. I’m sorry for Tess, for sleeping with her, for dating her, for letting her hurt you, for me hurting you, for everything. I just don’t know why I did it. But this is the last time that I’ll apologize for it…I won’t do it anymore. I can’t keep apologizing for everything that happened, and I won’t let you keep rubbing it in my face. So this is it. I’m sorry, Liz, for all of it. Every single bit of it. I need you in my life, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I love you. I want to be in love with you in twenty to thirty years. I want to marry you, and have children. I can already picture that, Liz.” He grabs my hands and there are tears in my eyes.

It isn’t that great of a speech, and the boy is so not good with words, but it came from his heart, so it touches me. “I forgive you. You know, it took someone else to make me see that I needed to forgive you wholeheartedly, instead of half-heartedly. He asked me if I was in your shoes…what would I want? I would want you to forgive me. If I had done to you what you had done to me…I would want you to forgive me, and I wouldn’t want you to hold a grudge. So that got me thinking, and I thought about it the whole time I was getting ready. Then it hit me, I don’t want to be mad at you, I don’t want to hate you, because hating you is like hating me. I have loved you for half of my life, Max. I needed to forgive you and to move on. I needed to get over it. I want to love you and be with you. I want to do all the things that people in love do, and forget about it. I want to be in love with you in twenty years, and if you’ve gained twenty pounds or I have, I still want to look at you, and for you to look at me, and for there to be complete love in both of our eyes. I want that, Max…I want the fairy tale. I want the dream.” I hug him. It’s a tight hug. The kind that is so powerful that it makes you feel loved and secure. “So, I think this leaves us in love and together?” I know this is a dumb question to ask him, but I need to hear it from him.

He smiles his best smile, the one that leaves me breathless. “Yes it does. It leaves you head over heals in love with me.” He winks at me and I slap his arm playfully, knowing that he’s talking about me falling over the couch earlier. He grabs my arm and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s tender, and his hand comes to rest on the nape of my neck. The kiss is soft, yet full of passion. His tongue sweeps my bottom lip as if asking for permission into my mouth. I oblige. His tongue moves into my mouth, and massages mine. I can feel his fingertips trailing up and down my neck, causing me to shudder slightly. My knees go weak and I can feel myself melt into him. I’ve waited so long for this moment, and it’s even more perfect than I could’ve ever imagined.

He ends the kiss and looks into my eyes. I’m so in love, and it’s sad that it took Austin to make me see it. I stand up slowly, making sure my knees will hold me, and I take Max’s hand. We wander back toward the apartment, hand in hand, and I wonder what I’m going to do with out him for a whole month. I’m in heaven right now, and I don’t ever want this moment to end!