Roswell Fanatics

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing


It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.

2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer while listening to the sporting game on the radio.

4. The man places the meat on the grill.

5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

I have seen this in action. it is not a pretty sight.

Yes, we women are rather complicated, but well worth the price

Men are like ... Floor tile.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.

Men are like ... Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like ... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like ... Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like ... Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like ... Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like ... Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.

Men are like ... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like ... Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like ... Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like ... Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like ... High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like ... Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ... Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like ... Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like ... Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like ... Blenders
You think that you need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like ... Coolers
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like ... Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do, and are usually wrong.

Men are like ... Lawn Mowers
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

Men are like ... Laxatives
They irritate the shit out of you.

Men are like ... Noodles
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Men are like ... Weather
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like ... Plungers
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like ... Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like ... Snowstorms
They sound exciting, but you never know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

Men are like ... Used Cars
Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable.

Men are like ... Vacations
They never seem to be long enough, tho' when it's over you're a little bit sad.

LMAO
Those were damn good kj

Men are like ... Floor tile.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime

That ones my favorite

Thanks Killjoy

Ok I don't know if this goes on this thread but I wanted to put it out here anyway.Another thing is what this thing is about.I've been in lust millions of times but in love only once.So I can see those parts of it But I've never been married so that part is lost on me.But I thought I'd share it with all of you.So enjoy


Love, Lust and Marriage

Love: When you take a bubble bath together
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 McDonald's Happy Meals . . . to go

Love: Giving your love some candy
Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping the kids' candy off of the carpet

Love: Sex every night
Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: What's sex?

Love: A night out at the symphony
Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice

Love: French perfume
Lust: Brut aftershave
Marriage: "The baby needs changing again. . ."

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .

Love: Finding the "Fell in Love on AOL" room
Lust: Finding the "Blonde Dominatrix" room
Marriage: Finding the "Married and Looking" room

Love: Long drives through the countryside
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

Love: Talking and cuddling
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .

my favourite

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenaged daughter has borrowed all of your jackets

Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them) from their gals from "The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score" from Men's Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115, along with some things that are just expected of guys, therefore having a score of zero:

Simple Duties:

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings: +5

But return with only beer: -5

You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5

You pummel it with a six iron: +10

It's her father: -10

_____________________________

Social Engagements:

You stay by her side the entire party: 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2

Named Tiffany: -4

Tiffany is a dancer: -6

Tiffany has implants: -8

_____________________________ Saturday Afternoons:

You visit her parents: +1

You visit her parents & actually make conversation: +3

You visit her parents & stare vacantly at the TV: -3

And the television is off: -6

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6

And you didn't even go to college: -10

And it's not really your underwear: -15

Her Birthday:

You take her out to dinner: 0

You take her out to dinner & it's not a sports bar: +1

Okay, it is a sports bar: -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3

It's a sports bar,it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team:-10

You give her a gift: 0

You give her a gift, & it's a small appliance: -10

You give her a gift, & it's not a small appliance: +1

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10

With her credit card: -30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

_____________________________ Thoughtfulness:

You forget to pick her up: -25

It's pouring down rain where she's waiting and nothing for her to wait under: -35

The pouring down rain ruins her new hairdo: -50

_____________________________ A Night Out with Your Pals:

You have a few beers: -9

For every beer after three, -2 again

And miss curfew by an hour: -12

You get home at 3 a.m.: -20

You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30

And not wearing any pants: -40

*holding up a slip of paper* "Whose phone number is this?!" -200

_____________________________ A Night Out, Just The Two of You:

You go see a comic: +2

He's crude and sexist: -2

You laugh: -5

You laugh too much: -10

She's not laughing: -15

You laugh harder: -25

_____________________________ Driving:

You lose the directions on a trip: -4

You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15

You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up close & personal: -25

She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

_____________________________ Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5

You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10