Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 3:05 pm
Thanks guys for all the FB.
~~Chapter 21~~
It’s been a month and a half since Max fell into the coma and it hasn’t gotten any easier. Thanksgiving was a sad holiday. We tried to make it as normal as possible for Alana but none of us was in the mood to celebrate. We made a turkey and went over to Isabel and Alex’s but it wasn’t the same. When it came time to give thanks it took all my strength to not cry, I’m sure we all felt the same way.
It’s already December and usually by this time we would have a tree already. I haven’t even thought about going shopping. I’m going to wait a few weeks and get a tree, Alana has been asking about it and I want to make things as normal as I can for her.
Diane went to see Max and Philip went with her. I guess he thought she would say something to Max and didn’t want to take a chance. She spent two hours with him then left to the Bahamas again. I’m upset that she did that but I know that she didn’t feel wanted and that’s why she left. She’s never been close to her children but Max especially. Max fights with his father but he’s close to him. I just hope that the divorce goes smoothly so Philip can move on from that situation.
She asked about Isabel but Iz didn’t want to see her. Philip had Isabel at least call her to say hello and she did.
“Mommy can we get a tree for dad’s room? A little one mommy.” Alana just finished her homework and we are helping with dinner.
“We’ll see baby but I think your dad will like that.” She’s always thinking of him. She wanted to bring his blanket from his room saying that he will be more comfortable with it. We bought a few things from his house mostly pictures that he had that were his favorites of Alana. She insisted on bringing some pictures of me too so we did that.
“Ok honey dinner is almost ready go up and wash your hands ok.” She hops off the stool and goes to the bathroom.
Philip is working late tonight so it’s just Alana and I for dinner. The house feels so empty even though he’s only one other person. I don’t know how he used to stay here alone every night.
After our visit with Max I double checked if we could bring in a small artificial tree into his room and the nurse said it was ok. Tomorrow Alana and I will go shopping and get one.
~~
“It’s almost Christmas.”
“I know sweetheart.”
“I want you to be here with us Max.”
“I will be.”
“Don’t make empty promises.”
“Do you doubt me?” His hands hover just above my lips.
“No. I’m sorry I’m just frustrated.” He smiles and lies back down next to me.
“I know. It’s ok. God how is it that you get more beautiful every time I see you?”
“Stop. I look like hell.”
“No you don’t you look radiant.”
“Yeah right.” I reach out to touch him but hold back a little not wanting him to vanish again like very other time.
“You can touch me. It’s ok. My time is almost up.”
“What? What do you mean by that?” I sit up staring into his eyes. I feel the tears form in mine. He can’t mean what I think he means.
“Its fine I promise. Everything will be fine. Trust me. Have faith Liz, always have faith.”
“Max please, tell me what you mean.” He runs his hands through my hair and brings his lips to mine. I open my mouth welcoming his tongue. I need him …all of him.
“I have to go for now.”
“What?! NO!” He stands up and walks a few steps before turning back to look at me one last time.
“Faith and love Liz. That’s all you need.” I want to run after him but I’m stuck in place. I watch him disappear into the horizon and lay back down breaking down into sobs.
I usually wake up right after he disappears but this time I didn’t wake up until my alarm clock went off. I roll over and turn the alarm off before getting my sippers on.
Today is Friday and Alana is going to a sleepover tonight. I get all her things ready and make her some breakfast before going up to see if she’s ready to go yet.
“Baby you have all your things for tonight? We have to bring them now because you are going to go home with Amy’s mommy after school ok?” I grab her toothbrush and special bubble gum toothpaste and place them into her pink Hello Kitty suitcase.
“Yes mommy I have everything.” I see her looking up at me like she wants to say something.
“What is it Alana. You don’t want to go?”
“No, I want to go but will daddy be sad if I don’t go see him? I don’t want him to be sad.”
“Baby your dad will understand. Everything will be ok; you can see him as soon as I pick you up tomorrow ok?” She smiles and gives me a hug before heading downstairs.
~~
“Liz you need to make an appointment already. You need to start taking care of yourself too.” Isabel is in a foul ass mood and I’m her target.
“I will ok?” I don’t feel like arguing and it’s best to just agree with her anyway.
“God is it so hard to move furniture around? I gave them a freaking diagram and did they follow it? NO!” What the hell is she talking about? We are in the nursery and she’s freaking about something.
“Liz!” Shit I wasn’t listening.
“Yeah? Sorry I was thinking. Everything looks fine to me though.” She hands me her diagram and everything looks like her picture.
“Isabel everything looks fine to me.” She spins around as quickly as she can.
“What? Are you insane? Look at the scale at the bottom nothing is spaced out like I asked. You know the job really isn’t that hard to being with. I should have just done it myself.”
“Whoa! Calm down and step away from the furniture, you are not moving anything in this room. Wait till Alex gets home please.” She stops trying to move something and agrees to wait.
“Why don’t we go downstairs and binge on Ice cream while watching Love Actually for the millionth time?”
“Ok.” I’m glad she agrees and we go downstairs to do that. It should kill a few hours since we pause and rewind the movie when Dido’s Here with me comes on among many other parts we love.
“Ok so Hugh Grant in this movie or in Two Weeks Notice?” We always play this game.
“Umm this one for sure. He was annoying in Two Weeks Notice even though I love that movie too.” Agreed.
“Ok Liz umm…….Matt Damon or Jason Behr?”
“Isabel please. First of all there is no comparison and I’m sure you know who the answer to that is.” She looks at me for a minute and doesn’t say anything like she doesn’t know who it is.
“I don’t know Liz, who is it?” She asks in a sing song voice.
“Come on Iz. Jason Behr of course.” She knows this. She asks me this every time we play. No matter who she puts up against him I always pick the same.
“I can’t believe you think my brother looks like him. I just don’t see it.”
“Whatever. Next.” We laugh and play a few more rounds then have to rewind half the movie because we were talking. It takes us a little over 3 hours to watch the whole thing and I never want to eat another bite of anything chocolate again. Well maybe not until tomorrow.
“I’m going to head over with you tonight if you don’t mind. Alex won’t be home till late and I don’t feel like driving.”
“Alright. Alana is at a sleepover anyway. I could use the company.” I was going to go see Max this afternoon but I spend the day with Isabel. We watch a few move movies and just lounge around until lunch time. Emily fixes us some Salads and French fries, Isabel’s request. After lunch we take a walk around the neighborhood.
“Liz how do you think things are going to be when he wakes up?” It’s freezing out here.
“I don’t know. The nurse told me that he was healthy so the chances are good that he will be able to walk and things like that. Is that what you meant?”
“Yeah that and well….I don’t want to pry but what about you and Max? I mean are you going to move in together right away?”
“I don’t know. Max and I didn’t talk about it but, I want to and I’m sure he does too. We spent too much time apart I want to be with him every chance I get especially after all this. You just never know. I could have lost him without ever telling him how I felt. Life is too short to dance around things. I do want to live with him but I’d have to talk to him about it I guess.”
“I know what you mean about life being too short. I’ve been thinking about that and I want to build a better relationship with my father. He’s always been there for me and it’s not his fault that my mother is the way she is. I’ve been mad at him but she made her own choices.” I’m so happy to hear that. Philip will be happy too.
“Isabel that’s great. Your father will love that very much.” I’m saddened a little thinking about my parents. They never met Alana.
“Do you miss them?” She shocks me with that question.
“Who my parents?” She nods.
“Max told me about it. Don’t be mad at him he was upset about it too and needed to talk to someone about it.”
“I’m not upset with him. It is hard sometimes. They did the best they could for me but it was hard on them. They were so happy for me when I got a scholarship and sent me whatever money they could to make things easier for me. They didn’t get a chance to visit me so often since they were in New Mexico but we talked all the time. I wasn’t very close to them but I loved them. I’m just sad that they never got to meet Alana.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring it up.” She says as we turn the corner to go back to her house.
“It’s ok. It’s nice to talk about it sometimes.” I do feel better now and I’m glad we are going back to the house cause I’m freezing my ass off.
“You’re not cold?” I ask her.
“Nope. Not at all.” She says. She doesn’t even have her coat bundled up. I like the cold but I’ll admit when I’m freezing.
“You’re insane. You should go to Alaska.”
“I’ve always wanted to. Alex would die though. He hates the cold.” We get to the house and I take my jacket and shoes off.
“Why haven’t you ever moved to where it’s hotter then?” I ask.
“Yeah right. I’m never moving from Boston unless it’s to Italy or something. I love the city and I love the snow. Where do you suggest I move to Florida? Old people and humidity no thank you! Not to mention the hurricanes.”
“Ok ok point taken.” I’m so tired from the walk we had. I guess Isabel is too since she suggest we go up to her room and lay down. Not a bad idea.
“Emily please wake us up at 5 so we can eat. Otherwise I’d sleep through dinner.” Isabel tells her before we head upstairs.
“Si senora Isabel.” We say goodbye and go upstairs. Isabel is in her bed while I lay on the chaise lounge she has near the window. We talk and gossip for a while before drifting off to sleep.
When I wake up I’m a little sad that I didn’t dream of Max. I’ve gotten used to it and expected it. Isabel is still asleep and I want to let her rest so I quietly slip out of the room and go downstairs.
Emily is starting to prepare dinner and it smells great already. I hear my cell phone ring moments later and hurry to get it from my purse.
“Hello.” I didn’t look at the caller ID to see who it was.
“Liz hi, it’s Philip. I just wanted to see how things were.”
“Everything is fine. I’m with Isabel right now. We are going to head to the hospital together after dinner. Alana is at a sleepover tonight.” He says ok then tells me he will be home late again and that I shouldn’t wait it. I feel that he is working too much but it helps take his mind off things.
After a short visit I drop Isabel off and head home. Ann is asleep and the house is especially quiet tonight. I’m almost scared a little as I walk up to my room. I decide to treat myself to a nice long bath and get the water running. I pour in some bath salt as well as some rosewater and lavender. It will help me calm down and get some much needed rest. After lighting a few candles I slowly step into the tub and sink down into the warm water. The suds coat my body and I quickly smell the aroma of the Vanilla scented candles I lit. Leaning my head on the pillow I close my eyes and finally relax completely.
I’m all wrinkled when I step out but I enjoyed it. I laid there and didn’t think about a thing. For a brief moment in time I was simple Liz parker without a care in the world. I crawl into bed and am quickly reminded of Max when I see a picture of the three of us as I go to turn the lamp off. Alana put it there a few days ago. It is a picture of the three of us from when we went to New York. I pick up the picture and trace Max’s face before placing a kiss on it and turning the lamp off.
I’m lying in the grass field but Max isn’t here.
“Max?” I call out to him but there is no answer. I lie down and close my eyes trying to will him to join me. I miss the conversations we have even if it’s only a dream.
“Liz.” I hear his voice but I can’t see him. I stand up and strain my eyes searching for him but he’s no where to be found.
“Liz….” His voice is like an echo like he’s far away.
“Max where are you? I can’t see you.” I’m calling out for him as my tears cascade down my face.
“Liz it’s time for you to leave this place.” What does he mean by that?
“Max….”
“Liz wake up.” My eyes flutter open and I see Philip standing over me.
“What’s wrong?” I’m instantly on alert.
“Liz Max had to go into surgery. His brain has swelled and they needed to operate to alleviate the pressure.”
“Oh God. NO! Philip no, no, no.” For the first time since I’ve known Philip I throw myself into his arms and cry like a child. Why is this happening? Is this some sick life lesson about being honest with someone? Life is tough but I never thought it was this cruel.
“Liz he’ll be fine. Come on let’s get dressed and go to the hospital. We can be there when he gets out of surgery.” I look over at him and see that he is still in his pajamas.
“Ok.” I wipe my eyes and start to get dressed. I glance over at the clock and see that it is 4:44AM. Is this the time that will forever mark my world crashing down on me? Only one way to find out.
See you on Thursday.
~~Chapter 21~~
It’s been a month and a half since Max fell into the coma and it hasn’t gotten any easier. Thanksgiving was a sad holiday. We tried to make it as normal as possible for Alana but none of us was in the mood to celebrate. We made a turkey and went over to Isabel and Alex’s but it wasn’t the same. When it came time to give thanks it took all my strength to not cry, I’m sure we all felt the same way.
It’s already December and usually by this time we would have a tree already. I haven’t even thought about going shopping. I’m going to wait a few weeks and get a tree, Alana has been asking about it and I want to make things as normal as I can for her.
Diane went to see Max and Philip went with her. I guess he thought she would say something to Max and didn’t want to take a chance. She spent two hours with him then left to the Bahamas again. I’m upset that she did that but I know that she didn’t feel wanted and that’s why she left. She’s never been close to her children but Max especially. Max fights with his father but he’s close to him. I just hope that the divorce goes smoothly so Philip can move on from that situation.
She asked about Isabel but Iz didn’t want to see her. Philip had Isabel at least call her to say hello and she did.
“Mommy can we get a tree for dad’s room? A little one mommy.” Alana just finished her homework and we are helping with dinner.
“We’ll see baby but I think your dad will like that.” She’s always thinking of him. She wanted to bring his blanket from his room saying that he will be more comfortable with it. We bought a few things from his house mostly pictures that he had that were his favorites of Alana. She insisted on bringing some pictures of me too so we did that.
“Ok honey dinner is almost ready go up and wash your hands ok.” She hops off the stool and goes to the bathroom.
Philip is working late tonight so it’s just Alana and I for dinner. The house feels so empty even though he’s only one other person. I don’t know how he used to stay here alone every night.
After our visit with Max I double checked if we could bring in a small artificial tree into his room and the nurse said it was ok. Tomorrow Alana and I will go shopping and get one.
~~
“It’s almost Christmas.”
“I know sweetheart.”
“I want you to be here with us Max.”
“I will be.”
“Don’t make empty promises.”
“Do you doubt me?” His hands hover just above my lips.
“No. I’m sorry I’m just frustrated.” He smiles and lies back down next to me.
“I know. It’s ok. God how is it that you get more beautiful every time I see you?”
“Stop. I look like hell.”
“No you don’t you look radiant.”
“Yeah right.” I reach out to touch him but hold back a little not wanting him to vanish again like very other time.
“You can touch me. It’s ok. My time is almost up.”
“What? What do you mean by that?” I sit up staring into his eyes. I feel the tears form in mine. He can’t mean what I think he means.
“Its fine I promise. Everything will be fine. Trust me. Have faith Liz, always have faith.”
“Max please, tell me what you mean.” He runs his hands through my hair and brings his lips to mine. I open my mouth welcoming his tongue. I need him …all of him.
“I have to go for now.”
“What?! NO!” He stands up and walks a few steps before turning back to look at me one last time.
“Faith and love Liz. That’s all you need.” I want to run after him but I’m stuck in place. I watch him disappear into the horizon and lay back down breaking down into sobs.
I usually wake up right after he disappears but this time I didn’t wake up until my alarm clock went off. I roll over and turn the alarm off before getting my sippers on.
Today is Friday and Alana is going to a sleepover tonight. I get all her things ready and make her some breakfast before going up to see if she’s ready to go yet.
“Baby you have all your things for tonight? We have to bring them now because you are going to go home with Amy’s mommy after school ok?” I grab her toothbrush and special bubble gum toothpaste and place them into her pink Hello Kitty suitcase.
“Yes mommy I have everything.” I see her looking up at me like she wants to say something.
“What is it Alana. You don’t want to go?”
“No, I want to go but will daddy be sad if I don’t go see him? I don’t want him to be sad.”
“Baby your dad will understand. Everything will be ok; you can see him as soon as I pick you up tomorrow ok?” She smiles and gives me a hug before heading downstairs.
~~
“Liz you need to make an appointment already. You need to start taking care of yourself too.” Isabel is in a foul ass mood and I’m her target.
“I will ok?” I don’t feel like arguing and it’s best to just agree with her anyway.
“God is it so hard to move furniture around? I gave them a freaking diagram and did they follow it? NO!” What the hell is she talking about? We are in the nursery and she’s freaking about something.
“Liz!” Shit I wasn’t listening.
“Yeah? Sorry I was thinking. Everything looks fine to me though.” She hands me her diagram and everything looks like her picture.
“Isabel everything looks fine to me.” She spins around as quickly as she can.
“What? Are you insane? Look at the scale at the bottom nothing is spaced out like I asked. You know the job really isn’t that hard to being with. I should have just done it myself.”
“Whoa! Calm down and step away from the furniture, you are not moving anything in this room. Wait till Alex gets home please.” She stops trying to move something and agrees to wait.
“Why don’t we go downstairs and binge on Ice cream while watching Love Actually for the millionth time?”
“Ok.” I’m glad she agrees and we go downstairs to do that. It should kill a few hours since we pause and rewind the movie when Dido’s Here with me comes on among many other parts we love.
“Ok so Hugh Grant in this movie or in Two Weeks Notice?” We always play this game.
“Umm this one for sure. He was annoying in Two Weeks Notice even though I love that movie too.” Agreed.
“Ok Liz umm…….Matt Damon or Jason Behr?”
“Isabel please. First of all there is no comparison and I’m sure you know who the answer to that is.” She looks at me for a minute and doesn’t say anything like she doesn’t know who it is.
“I don’t know Liz, who is it?” She asks in a sing song voice.
“Come on Iz. Jason Behr of course.” She knows this. She asks me this every time we play. No matter who she puts up against him I always pick the same.
“I can’t believe you think my brother looks like him. I just don’t see it.”
“Whatever. Next.” We laugh and play a few more rounds then have to rewind half the movie because we were talking. It takes us a little over 3 hours to watch the whole thing and I never want to eat another bite of anything chocolate again. Well maybe not until tomorrow.
“I’m going to head over with you tonight if you don’t mind. Alex won’t be home till late and I don’t feel like driving.”
“Alright. Alana is at a sleepover anyway. I could use the company.” I was going to go see Max this afternoon but I spend the day with Isabel. We watch a few move movies and just lounge around until lunch time. Emily fixes us some Salads and French fries, Isabel’s request. After lunch we take a walk around the neighborhood.
“Liz how do you think things are going to be when he wakes up?” It’s freezing out here.
“I don’t know. The nurse told me that he was healthy so the chances are good that he will be able to walk and things like that. Is that what you meant?”
“Yeah that and well….I don’t want to pry but what about you and Max? I mean are you going to move in together right away?”
“I don’t know. Max and I didn’t talk about it but, I want to and I’m sure he does too. We spent too much time apart I want to be with him every chance I get especially after all this. You just never know. I could have lost him without ever telling him how I felt. Life is too short to dance around things. I do want to live with him but I’d have to talk to him about it I guess.”
“I know what you mean about life being too short. I’ve been thinking about that and I want to build a better relationship with my father. He’s always been there for me and it’s not his fault that my mother is the way she is. I’ve been mad at him but she made her own choices.” I’m so happy to hear that. Philip will be happy too.
“Isabel that’s great. Your father will love that very much.” I’m saddened a little thinking about my parents. They never met Alana.
“Do you miss them?” She shocks me with that question.
“Who my parents?” She nods.
“Max told me about it. Don’t be mad at him he was upset about it too and needed to talk to someone about it.”
“I’m not upset with him. It is hard sometimes. They did the best they could for me but it was hard on them. They were so happy for me when I got a scholarship and sent me whatever money they could to make things easier for me. They didn’t get a chance to visit me so often since they were in New Mexico but we talked all the time. I wasn’t very close to them but I loved them. I’m just sad that they never got to meet Alana.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring it up.” She says as we turn the corner to go back to her house.
“It’s ok. It’s nice to talk about it sometimes.” I do feel better now and I’m glad we are going back to the house cause I’m freezing my ass off.
“You’re not cold?” I ask her.
“Nope. Not at all.” She says. She doesn’t even have her coat bundled up. I like the cold but I’ll admit when I’m freezing.
“You’re insane. You should go to Alaska.”
“I’ve always wanted to. Alex would die though. He hates the cold.” We get to the house and I take my jacket and shoes off.
“Why haven’t you ever moved to where it’s hotter then?” I ask.
“Yeah right. I’m never moving from Boston unless it’s to Italy or something. I love the city and I love the snow. Where do you suggest I move to Florida? Old people and humidity no thank you! Not to mention the hurricanes.”
“Ok ok point taken.” I’m so tired from the walk we had. I guess Isabel is too since she suggest we go up to her room and lay down. Not a bad idea.
“Emily please wake us up at 5 so we can eat. Otherwise I’d sleep through dinner.” Isabel tells her before we head upstairs.
“Si senora Isabel.” We say goodbye and go upstairs. Isabel is in her bed while I lay on the chaise lounge she has near the window. We talk and gossip for a while before drifting off to sleep.
When I wake up I’m a little sad that I didn’t dream of Max. I’ve gotten used to it and expected it. Isabel is still asleep and I want to let her rest so I quietly slip out of the room and go downstairs.
Emily is starting to prepare dinner and it smells great already. I hear my cell phone ring moments later and hurry to get it from my purse.
“Hello.” I didn’t look at the caller ID to see who it was.
“Liz hi, it’s Philip. I just wanted to see how things were.”
“Everything is fine. I’m with Isabel right now. We are going to head to the hospital together after dinner. Alana is at a sleepover tonight.” He says ok then tells me he will be home late again and that I shouldn’t wait it. I feel that he is working too much but it helps take his mind off things.
After a short visit I drop Isabel off and head home. Ann is asleep and the house is especially quiet tonight. I’m almost scared a little as I walk up to my room. I decide to treat myself to a nice long bath and get the water running. I pour in some bath salt as well as some rosewater and lavender. It will help me calm down and get some much needed rest. After lighting a few candles I slowly step into the tub and sink down into the warm water. The suds coat my body and I quickly smell the aroma of the Vanilla scented candles I lit. Leaning my head on the pillow I close my eyes and finally relax completely.
I’m all wrinkled when I step out but I enjoyed it. I laid there and didn’t think about a thing. For a brief moment in time I was simple Liz parker without a care in the world. I crawl into bed and am quickly reminded of Max when I see a picture of the three of us as I go to turn the lamp off. Alana put it there a few days ago. It is a picture of the three of us from when we went to New York. I pick up the picture and trace Max’s face before placing a kiss on it and turning the lamp off.
I’m lying in the grass field but Max isn’t here.
“Max?” I call out to him but there is no answer. I lie down and close my eyes trying to will him to join me. I miss the conversations we have even if it’s only a dream.
“Liz.” I hear his voice but I can’t see him. I stand up and strain my eyes searching for him but he’s no where to be found.
“Liz….” His voice is like an echo like he’s far away.
“Max where are you? I can’t see you.” I’m calling out for him as my tears cascade down my face.
“Liz it’s time for you to leave this place.” What does he mean by that?
“Max….”
“Liz wake up.” My eyes flutter open and I see Philip standing over me.
“What’s wrong?” I’m instantly on alert.
“Liz Max had to go into surgery. His brain has swelled and they needed to operate to alleviate the pressure.”
“Oh God. NO! Philip no, no, no.” For the first time since I’ve known Philip I throw myself into his arms and cry like a child. Why is this happening? Is this some sick life lesson about being honest with someone? Life is tough but I never thought it was this cruel.
“Liz he’ll be fine. Come on let’s get dressed and go to the hospital. We can be there when he gets out of surgery.” I look over at him and see that he is still in his pajamas.
“Ok.” I wipe my eyes and start to get dressed. I glance over at the clock and see that it is 4:44AM. Is this the time that will forever mark my world crashing down on me? Only one way to find out.
See you on Thursday.