All His Fault (AU,M/L,MATURE) (Complete)

[sweetbrowneyes]

As usual, thanks for the amazing feedback.

Chapter 18

Friday

Max awoke to the arousing smell of eggs and pancakes. He looked toward the table and spotted Liz pouring a large amount of syrup on her pancakes. As arousing as the smell was, it also made him sick.

"Morning Max." Liz chirped once she noticed that he was awake. "I brought breakfast from that small diner down the street. I got you some soup. You think you can hold that in?"

He sat up, holding his pounding head. He felt like he got hit by a train. And the blinding light from the sun shining in through the window did nothing to help the situation.

"Max?" Liz called when he didn't answer. "Are you okay?"

He groaned in response as he quickly made his way to the bathroom, fearing he might puke his guts any minute. He made it into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He gripped the edges of the sink as the room spun before him. Shutting his eyes, he waited for the nasueous feeling to pass a bit.

"Max, open the door." She called through the door as she twisted the knob. "Max?"

Letting go of the edges of the sink, he turned on the faucet and splashed the cool water on his heated face. He could hear Liz knocking on the other side of the door and the nauseous feeling creeped back up on him. The world around him turned upside down and swayed from side to side. The lights were too bright and it swirled around him, changing from white to blue to orange and then back to white.

"Max, the door is jammed. Open the door." She begged as she continued to turned the knob, willing it to open. It was then that she heard a dull thump on the other side of the door, and in panic, she banged harder on the door. "Max!!" She screamed. She twisted the knob as far as it could go and launched herself, shoulder first, at the door. It budged, but still didn't give way. She did it a second time and the door flew open, catching her by surprise, causing her to fall to the floor.

"Oh God." She gasped as she spotted Max, sprawled out in front of her. "Max?" She crawled towards him. "Max, please wake up." She said as she shook his arm. She jerked her hand away as she felt how warm his bare flesh was. She cupped his cheeks and felt his forehead. "You're burning up." She declared.

She grabbed a towel from the rack behind her and ran it under some cool water. Pillowing his head in her lap, she ran the towel over his forehead, causing Max let out a soft hiss.

He moaned as he started to come to. He cracked his eyes open only to close them again when they were met witht the bright light of the room.

"Can you sit up?" She asked, placing her hand behind his head for support. She could feel a knot forming on the back of his head from where he'd hit the floor.

Once she got him to sit up, he leaned against her, his head resting against her shoulder. "Can you stand?" She asked, not wanting him to get up to fast, making himself even worse off than he was now. He didn't respond and she patted his cheek to rouse him. "Sweetie, you have to stay awake so I can get you in the other room to lay down." She said.

"I don't feel so good." He mumbled as his eyes fell involuntarily shut.

"I know sweetie. You have to stay awake." She wrapped her arm around his back to keep him from falling backwards. "You need to lay down. And eat something." She wrapped his arm around her shoulder and got up on her knees and instructed Max to do the same. She started to get to her feet, but stopped when he started to sway. Placing one foot firmly on the floor, she stood and pulled Max up with her.

"You okay?" She asked once they were standing. He bobbed his head in a weak nod. "Okay." She slowly lead him out of the the bathroom and towards the bed.

He collapsed onto it, feeling worn out from the short trip. He felt hot and cold at the same time, his whole body feeling too drained to move. He kept his eyes closed, the sunlight streaming through the window increasing his pulsating headache. He heard Liz moving around the room and finally the sound of the blinds being pulled shut. He immediately felt his headache ease a bit.

"Thank you." He murmered.

"You're welcome." She returned.

He craved for a drink. He craved for that numbness it brought. He knew that the lack of alcohol was the reason he was so sick. His body had become dependant on the subsance and becuase of him not being able to have any, his body didn't know how to function. Now, everything was raw. Every emotion, had to be experienced without it. And he didn't know how to handle it. That numbness was gone and for the first time since he'd started drinking, everything came at him ten-fold.

Liz began stripping the bed, leaving only one sheet. She took one of the syrofoam containers her breakfast came in and washed it out in the bathroom sink and filled it with cold water. She took the towel she used earlier and set it and the container on the night stand. She sat at the head of the bed next to him and dipped the towel in the water. Wringing out the excess water she brought the towel to his overheated skin, and gently rubbed him down.

She moved the towel over his gaunt features and down his neck and over shoulders. She dipped the towel back in the water and started down his arms and back up again. She bit her lip as she moved over his chest, over his visible ribs and then his thinning waist.

After she was finished, she covered him with the sheet, folded the towel and placed it on his forehead. She got up and retrieved the waste can from the bathroom and the soup she'd bought for him.

"Max?" She called as she realized that he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up a bit. "You want me to..." She held up the soup.

Max shook his head. "No. I can do it." He felt nauseous all over again when the smell of the soup floated up to his nose. "Liz, I can't eat this. I'll just throw it right back up." He explained.

"Max, you have to eat something. Your stomach has to get used to something other than whiskey." She said pointedly.

He bowed his head, knowing that she was right.

"Eat." She said in a gentle but firm tone.

Max did as he was told and forced the hot soup down his throat. He took another spoonful before he felt it rising back up. He clamped his hand over his mouth and set the rest of the soup aside.

Liz grabbed the waste can for him and held it up just as he started to vomit.

He sat back once he was finished, feeling even hotter than he did earlier.

"Max, you have to eat." Liz said. "You're just going to make yourself even more sick." She said as she began to wipe him down with the towel again.

"I know." He said as he settled back against the pillows. Grabbing the soup, he slowly forced himself to eat all of it, cringing every time he felt the need to vomit. He closed his eyes, and as much as he tried to fight it, his exhaustion took its toll on him and he started to drift off.
************

Saturday

Liz stretched leisurely as she awoke from her nap. Laying still, she frowned as she noticed how quiet it was. She sat up and suspiously looked around the room. She looked next to her and saw that Max wasn't asleep next to her like he had been when she'd fallen asleep. He was gone. A note was left on the pillow in his place.

Liz,

I know you're probably thinking that I took off and now half way across the state by now, but I'm not. I just needed to get out for a while. Alone. I know you're about to jump out of bed and come looking for me, but you don't have to. I'll be back. And yes, I'm feeling better. I really don't know what it is, but I can't seem to leave. And believe me, I've tried. While you were sleeping I tried to leave. I packed all of my bags, grabbed some money and called a cab to the nearest bus station.

But I couldn't do it. And I don't know why. I just need some time to myself right now. Don't worry, I won't hurt myself. And I'll pick up a quick bite to eat somewhere for lunch. I'll be back before it gets too late.

I promise.

Max

Liz sighed in relief as she finished reading the note. Falling back against the pillows, she prayed that what he'd said in the note was true and that he would come back soon and safe.
*********

Walking up to the iron gates, Max paused, contemplating whether he could do this himself. It was just a grave right? A grave that held his beloved sister. He'd put her there and he needed her to know that he was sorry.

Pushing aganist the gates, he walked along the curved pathway, searching for the right grave stone. He halted in mid step when he saw it, shaded by a huge tree. He made his way around the many stones until he was standing right in front of it.

Isabel Harding
1978-1992
Beloved Daughter

He dropped to his knees, bowing his head, willing the tears away.

"I'm so sorry Iz." He said, losing the battle against his tears. "I just want you to know that...I loved you. I still do." He sat next the grave stone, leaning against the tree. "It's hard for me to say that. Because I'm scared of getting hurt. But....you're...gone so I couldn't possibly get hurt anymore. Right?" He wiped a stray tear away. "I never meant for this to happen. You were my best friend. I'm so sorry Iz." He shook his head as his tears blurred his vison. "But...I guess a sorry doesn't take back what happened. It doesn't take my pain away. And it doesn't bring you back. I wish it did. I miss you so much." He sobbed, bowing his head.

"But I guess you can be sort of proud of me." He said once he was able to get his tears under control. "I came out from behind the tree a little. Maria, she reminds me so much of you. That's probably why she's my best friend. She talks a lot just like you did. Once you get her going, you can't get her to stop." He chuckled softly through his tears. "She's always there for me, even when I'm being a jackass to her, like I am now. She doesn't take my bullshit. She'll tell it like she sees it.... Just like you used to. I guess....no, I know I love her. Maria, along with Alex and Michael are the reasons why I held on so long."

He stopped as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. There was a cool breeze, giving some relief from the heat. The leaves above him ruffled, swaying along with the wind. Specks of sunlight found it's way through the branches and leaves, shining down on the grave stone.

"I think I'm in love Isabel." He started. "I know you'd laugh at me like you did that time I told you I was in love with your barbie doll." He smiled at the memory. "I was serious then and I'm serious now. Her name is Liz. And she's....amazing." His smile faded. "She's the only one I've told about what happened. I've tried to push her away so many times so she wouldn't get hurt. So I wouldn't get hurt. But she won't budge. She's saved me so many times and she tells me all the time that she loves me, but I can't say it back. I've said it to her before, but it wasn't.....it was only in anger or sadness. I've never said it because I wanted to. And I know I hurt her because of that, but I'm scared that if I say it, I'll lose her, just like I always lose the ones I love."

He sighed as he picked at a blade of grass. He held it up, watching as it danced between his fingers, seemingly struggling to get free. The wind picked up and caught the blade of grass, carring it along with it.

Max envied that blade. Wishing that he could be free and just float away. Leave everything behind. But, he came to realize that it wasn't possible. He was weighed down by too many emotins. He had too much baggage.

"I don't think I can do it anymore Iz. It hurts so bad." He ran his hand, down his face. "I wish you were here. Then maybe.....maybe I wouldn't feel so confused. I want to leave so much, but I can't. I don't know what to do. Liz said that she would be here for me, but....I....I don't want to get hurt. I know she loves me, but what if she decides to stop one day, and then what will happen? I wouldn't be able to handle it. She means to much to me." He ran his fingers through the grass. Picking and pulling at one every so often. "I haven't told her that. I'm not......You were the last person that I said that to, and look what happened. I can't lose Liz. Or Maria for that matter. I'd rather die than hurt them. But I guess that's what I'm doing when I don't talk to them."
**********

After an hour of sitting at Isabel's grave, Max wandered through the streets of Alberqurque. He had no particular destination in mind, but he found himself at the park. He entered under the huge arch and proceeded down the paved path.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he watched as the kids played around, laughing and having fun and the parents who looked on with a worried eye.

But one family caught his eye and he moved to the nearest bench and watched them.

There were two kids, a boy and girl, not more than six and four, facing each other on the tire swing. He watched as they giggled and screamed as the swing twisted and turned, swinging back and forth. Their mother was pushing the swing, and between shouting out that they should keep their hands inside the swing, she was laughing right along with them. The father circled his family, a video camera in one hand and waving to his kids with the other.

Max smiled at the picture they made. He had always wanted a family like that. And he thought he almost had it when Lauren and Isabel moved in with him and his father. But that was just a dream that never came true.

After a while, the family started to leave and Max decided that he would go to before Liz got too worried. He got up and again stuck his hands in his pockets and headed towards the exit of the park. He kept his gaze to the ground, not wanting to see any more happy families. It'll only serve to remind him that he didn't have a family at all.

Max walked on, but stopped as he bumped into someone.

"I'm sor....." His apology was lost on his lips as he spotted who it was that he'd bumped into.

"Maxwell." A deep voice muttered harshly.

It was the father of the family he had been watching. He hadn't recongized him. That voice sent a shiver up his spine and his voice wavered as he choked out his next word.

"Dad."

TBC............

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 19

Saturday

"Dad." Max gasped as he stared wide eyed at the man in front of him. This was the man who watched as he was being beaten. He was the one who had left him to a horrible life.

Max took a step back, ready to flee the scene.

"Hank, who is this boy?" The woman asked.

Hank quickly masked his shock at seeing Max and turned to his wife. "Um...he's just someone I used to know." He said casually. Hank looked down to his two children who were staring at the young man intently. He shrugged his shoulders as he turned his gaze back to Max. "Why don't you guys go wait for me in the car? I'll be there in a few minutes." He gave his wife a sweet kiss on the lips and waited until they were out of sight to turn his attention towards Max who was still standing in complete shock.

"So..." hank started, looking Max up and down. "How have you been Max?" He said in a neutral tone.

Max took another step back, his eyes darting between Hank and the park exit. It suddenly got hotter, he felt as if his fever was creeping back on him. His palms were sweating, his head pounding.

Hank studied the boy before him. He was still the same broken, useless shit that he remember. And he fought the urge to pound in his face for taking away his beloved wife. It was his fault that she was gone and by the looks of him, he was paying for what he had done.

"How's Lauren?" He narrowed his eyes suspiously as Max flinched at that name. He stepped towards the boy only to have him take another step back.

"S-She's dead." He said almost in relief.

Sometimes Max would forget that she was gone because he was haunted by her all the time in his dreams. It was as if she had never left. Hank took a step towards him and his heart raced, his eyes growing wide as his expression suddenly turned from causal to hatred.

"You killed her too!!" He accused, advancing towards him. "Killing your mother and Isabel wasn't enough? You had to kill Lauren too!!"

Shaking his head, he backed away, his hands held out in front of him. "No. No I didn't. S-She left and overdosed on pills. I-It wasn't m-my fault."

All to quickly Hank grabbed the front of his shirt and slammed him into the nearest tree. He wrapped his hand around his throat only allowing enough air to get through to keep him conscious. "Don't fucking lie to me boy!! You killed her! Admit it!!"

"No. I swear I didn't." He choked. He hands tried to pry Hank's claws from his throat.

Hank balled his fist and drew it back before slamming it against Max's nose.

Max's head jerked back, hitting the hard bark of the tree he was pinned against. He could already feel the blood starting to flow out of his nose. "I saw you staring at my family!! I swear if they find out about you or you hurt them, I'll make what Lauren did to you seem like a walk in the fucking park!" He growled.

"I-I don't....I didn't want to...."

"Shut the fuck up!!" His hand tightened around his throat, as his anger grew.

Max's eyes widened in fear, his chest burning with the lack of air, he weakly beat at his hand as the world around him began to darken.

Hank suddenly pulled away and swiftly aimed another punch at his gut, affectively stealing the breath right from his lips. Max slid to the ground, clutching his stomach as he coughed and tried to pull precious air into his lungs.

"Useless piece of shit." Hank laughed as he watched the boy on his hands and knees, struggling to breathe. He kicked him once into his side before turning and walking away, making his way back to his family.

Max rolled over onto his back, staring up at the blue sky as he wheezed, his chest heaving with his labored breathing. He laid on the cold ground, defeated, worn out, feeling as if the world had just ended.

His father was right. He was useless. Look at what he had done to Liz's life. Here she was, out in the middle of a town she knew nothing about, all because of him. All he had ever done was cause torment to her life.

It was then that he had vowed that he would shut himself down completely. Maybe then would he be able to stop all of this pain. He could just be numb. These feelings, he didn't need them. He would be a rock, a mountain that no one could move.

So he let himself go numb, just like he wanted to be. And he felt nothing. Just like he wanted. He was now unbreakable, nothing would be able to get in.
************

Max walked into the motel room, his arms wrapped around his middle, startling Liz who was perched at the foot of the bed.

"Oh my God." She gasped as she took in his distraught appearance. His nose was covered in blood, his breathing labored. She rushed to his side, her hands roaming his face. She gently touched his nose and he winced at the contact.

She rushed over to the table and grabbed a box of tissues. She placed her fingers under his chin and gently pushed up and pressed the tissue against his bloodied nose. "What happened? Oh God....Do you need to go to a hospital? It doesn't look broken."

She removed the tissue and replaced it with another. The bleeding was starting to slow, but that did nothing to bring relief once she saw the red hand print around his neck.

"Oh God." She breathed as she lightly ran her fingers over his neck. She brought her gaze to his, his eyes were glistening with tears and she could tell that he was trying to keep them from falling. "Who did this to you?" She questioned softly, cupping his cheek. He winced as her thumb brushed against his nose.

He bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Feeling her warm arms wrap around his cold body, he fell into her, unable to hold himself up any more. They sank to the floor, Liz not being able to support both of their weights.

He was supposed to be numb. This heavy weight wasn't supposed to be baring down on him right now. Tears weren't supposed to be pricking his eyes just waiting to be released. He wasn't supposed to need Liz's comfort and love right now. He was supposed to be a rock, a mountain that no one could move. But before he could stop himself, he was burying his face into her hair, letting a river of tears flow free.

Liz immediately pulled him close. His tense body relaxed against her, needing her warmth and comforting presense to sooth him. His sobs grew harsher and the pain shot through him like lightening bolts, he needed something to hold onto, and Liz was right there.

He'd seen his father. He had fought his father, his father fought him. The man that was supposed to protect him. The man that was supposed to love him and be by his side through thick and thin. The man who'd left him, knowing what kind of life he was leaving him to. And he'd shuned him again, refusing to claim his own son. He was happy without him. He wanted to start a new family......without him.

"Shhhh. It's okay." She soothed as she stroked his back, rocking him as his fingers dug into her back.

He groaned as her arm brushed against his ribs. She frowned and look to him in question.

"I'm fine." He simply choked out.

She didn't listen and she grabbed the hem of his shirt and slowly pulling it up, revealing two darks bruises in his side.

"Oh Max. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry sweetie." She said, planting soft kisses on the top of his head. "I'm so sorry." Her own tears threatened to fall.

Why does all this have to happen to him? Just when he was starting to open up to her, some idiot had to go and hurt him. Was it his gentle soul that attracted all of this evil towards him? His loving nature? It seemed as if he was never going to get a break. But she knew that whether he did or not, she was in it for the long run.

Taking a deep breath to get his tears under control, he pulled away. "I...I need to get cleaned up." He mumbled softly, carefully avoiding her gaze.

She cupped his chin in her hand and brought his gaze to his. "Max, what happened? You weren't robbed were you?" She asked worriedly.

Of course he was. He was robbed of his innocene, his childhood, his happiness, his pride, his trust in anyone around him, the one loves he loved the most. Max had been getting robbed ever since he had been born.

He nodded his head, figuring it was a good enough excuse. She seemed to have bought it and he reached up to wipe away her tears. "I'm okay Liz. I just need to clean up." He managed a weak smile for her sake, but he knew she didn't buy into it. He just hated to see her cry, especially over him.

She placed her hand over his and held it in both her hers. "Don't do that Max. Don't act like this doesn't matter. Someone hurt you Max. Why am I in more panic than you are?"

He pulled away, getting to his feet. "I'm going to go take a bath." He turned to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

She watched him go, feeling an unbearable saddness for him pulling at her heart.

Max was so lost. Yesterday, he was heading down the right path, but today just threw him off course once again. And Liz was afraid that he had been thrown so far that he would never find his way back.

He had cut himself off completely from everyone back home and Liz thought that it was only a matter of time before he did the same with her.

Just then, her cell phone shrilled, cutting through the silence of the room. She stood and grabbed it off the table, flipping it open.

"Hello?" She answered wearly.

"Hey Liz. How's everything?" Maria asked, not sounding to happy either.

Liz glanced toward the bathroom door and slumped down on the foot of the bed. "Not good." She sighed. She heard the screech of the shower curtain being pulled back and the water being turned on.

"What happened? Is he okay? He hasn't hurt himself has he? Do you need me to come out there?" She quesioned in a big jumbled.

Liz answered what little she could make out of her ramble. "Today, he went out for a walk. He said he needed to be alone. And when he came back....I don't know. I guess he had gotten into a fight with someone."

"Oh my God? Is he okay?"

"Physcially, sort of." She said hesitantly. She heard the water shut off and Max stepping into the water, followed by his sigh in relief.

"What do you mean 'sort of'?"

"He got hit in the nose and he has two bruises on his side. God....they even tried to choke him." She cried.

"What?!?" Maria screamed into the phone.

"He has a red hand print around his neck. And he won't tell me what happened. He said that it was someone trying to rob him, but he was really broken up and don't think he was telling me the truth." She sighed and fell backwards on the bed. "Maria, he closing up again. Not that he was ever fully open, but at least we were making progress. We're back a square one. It even seemes like he's scared to look me in the eye, afraid that he'll see hatred or anger towards him."

"Where is he now?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "He's taking a bath."

"To tell the truth, I don't know what to do for him. We cn't do anything until he opens up. He hasn't told you anything else about what happened to his mother?"

Liz shook her head, aware that Maria couldn't see her. She had told Maria that Max had confided in her about his mother and Isabel and his father, but by Max's request, she hadn't told her what he said. Max wanted to tell them himself, when he was ready. And Liz could understand that. "No. But he is eating better than he had been. I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared for him. And I hate seeing him like this."

"I know." She agreed.

Liz heard a beep on her phone and she looked at the screen to see that her battery was low. "Maria I have to go. My battery needs recharging."

"Okay. Take care of him. And tell him I love him for me."

"I will. Tell my dad I love him and say hi to Michael and Alex for me."

"I will. Bye Liz."

"Bye." She hung up and set her phone on the night stand. She would have to charge it in the car because her charger was at home.

Scooting back so that she was resting against the head board, she flipped on the t.v and waited for Max to emerge from the bathroom. She flipped through the channels, finally settling on some reality show.

She really hated those things, but for some reason, she always found herself watching them. She watched, her face twisted in disgust as a woman swallowed two bettles and a worm. She pressed her hand to her throat, gagging as she imaged the feeling of the worms and bettles crawling around her mouth as she tried to chew them.

"Eck!!" She exclaimed as she flipped the channel to a teen drama. Again she flipped the channel, figuring she had enough drama already and finally settled on cartoons. Alex would be proud.

Liz frowned as the minutes passed and Max still hadn't come out of the bathroom. Walking up to the door, she knoced softly, calling out his name. She recieved no response and repeated her actions just in case he didn't hear her. But she still didn't get an answer.

Liz cautiously opened the door and poked her head inside. Her heart broke a little bit more at the sight of him. She moved to the side of the tub and kneeled on the floor.

Max had fallen asleep, not looking any more peaceful than he did when he was awake. His head and his knees the only thing visible from under the mountain bubbles that were slowly disappearing around him. His head was turned towards her, his lips slightly parted. She could see that his hands were resting on his chest, which rose and fell evenly with his deep breathing.

She had never seen a more beautiful sight in her life.

He had cleaned the blood off of his nose which was now turning purple and from the reddness of his skin, she could tell that he scrubbed fiercely. Reaching over, she cupped his cheek in her hand and he flinched at the contact. He stirred, frowning as he mumbled and threw his hand over the side of the tub, his hand dripping water onto the floor.

Liz grabbed his hand, rubbing it against her cheek. She placed a soft kiss in his palm and held his hand to her chest, over her heart and brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen over his eyes.

He let out a soft sigh as his eyes slowly fluttered open. She smiled gently as his rubbed his eyes and found that his hand was wet.

She giggled softly as she wiped the bubbles away. "You were in here for a long time. I came in to check on you." She explained at his confused look.

"Oh." He said, noticing that she had his hand against her chest and his state of undress. His cheeks reddened in embarrassment and he pulled his hand out of her grasp. "I-I'm going to get out now." He said avoiding her eyes.

Liz nodded and got up to leave him to get dressed.

He emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, sporting a clean pair of boxers and a shirt.

"Are you hungry?" She asked as she watched him crawl into bed and curl under the covers beside her.

"No." He mumbled as he turned his back to her. She glanced at her watched and noticed that it was only four in the afternoon. The day was dragging and she knew he was exhausted.

"Maria called." He stayed silent. "She says she loves you."

Max squeezed his eyes shut. How could she still love him after he refused to talk to her. How could any of them tolerate him?

Liz was always there to comfort him, and all she asked was for him to talk to her. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't work up the nerve to open up to her. He was afraid that once he did, he would get left out in the cold, where he had been so many times before.

But he was hurting them by keeping himself safe and he did nothing to stop it. All Liz wanted was to make his pain go away, and she did to an extent. But then it would get to a point where it was so unbearable he couldn't even see straight. And right now he needed her, but he hesitated to ask because of his fear of rejection.

He rolled over on his other side and took a deep breath.

"Liz, can you.....can I... I mean...." He stuttered.

She smiled, knowing exactly what he needed. "You want me to be your pillow." She stated lightly. He nodded meekly, embarrassed to have to need her so much.

She patted her lap and he moved over, resting his head on her thigh. "Thank you." He mumbled in relief. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling calmed by her presense. And within minutes he was out.
************

Max sprung up from his nightmare an hour later. His eyes darted around the room, searching for any signs of danger.

"Max, it's okay. It was just a dream." Came Liz's voice from beside him.

"I h-have to get out of h-here." He said, avoiding her gaze. He moved away from her, searching the room for his bags.

"Max..."

"No! I can't stay here. It was stupid to come here. I have to leave. I have to get out of this town." He rambled as he frantically searched the room for his belongings. He stumbled into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and tooth paste. Shoving them into his bag, he moved to the dresser, removing any clothes that were stuffed inside.

Liz grabbed his arm and whirled him around to face her. "Max, stop."

"No. Let me go!! I have to get out of here!!" He sobbed. He jerked out of her grasp only to have her grab both his arms, holding him in place.

"Max, stop it!!" She commanded as he started to fight against her. His eyes were wide and unfocused, almost wild looking. They stumbled backwards into the wall as they both struggled for control.

"Ah!" Liz hissed as Max scratched her arm, just below the underside of her elbow.

"No!! Let go!! Let go!!" His pushes were weakening. His fatigue and brusied body not letting him get to his full strength and causing Liz to overpower him.

She grabbed hold of his arms, pushing him backwards. He stumbled and fell onto the bed with Liz falling on top of him.

She struggled to keep him from hurting himself as he thrashed beneath her. "Max, stop!!"

"Get off!! It hurts, it hurts!! Please stop!!" He screamed. He stopped pushing her as his hands moved down to cover his genitals as if he were frightened that that was what she was trying to get to. "Please...."

Liz stared down at him as he squirmed underneath her, his body bucking trying to throw her off. His eyes were now glazed over, that wild, frightened look still remained and she realized that Max wasn't there with her. In his mind, he thought she was Lauren. And he thought she was trying to violate him.

She quickly rolled off him, but still holding him close.

"Max, relax. Calm down." She soothed. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Noooo!!" He howled. He pushed against her, freeing himself from her grasp. He stood, backing away from the bed, shaking his head as she stood and slowly walked towards him. His heart pounding, he felt as if he were suffocating. Everything around him was pushing against him and he was to weak to fight back. His breathing quickened, the world around him swaying as he drew in shallow breaths.

Liz held out her hands in front of her, showing that she meant no harm. "Max, just calm down. Everything's going to be fine."

He shook his head, backing against the wall. "No. Please, stay away from me." He cried.

She slowly adavanced towards him, hoping not to startle him. "Max, I promise I won't hurt you. You have to snap out of it." His eyes flickered with recognition, but he still recoiled away as she crept towards him. "It's me, Liz. I won't hurt you. I want to help you."

"No." He cried. He sank to the floor, his body quivering with his sobs. His tears ran down his cheeks, soaking the front of his shirt. He curled into a ball, hoping to sheild himself from the pain.

"Max?" She wasn't sure if he was with her or not.

He looked up, his expression one of anguish and fear.

"Liz...." It was the only thing that he could get pass his dry lips.

Liz kneeled next to him, wrapping her arms around him. He immediately clung to her, her warmth calming his tremors.

"I'm here. Shhhh. I'm here Max." She assured him.

"No." He whispered. "Liz, I can't stay here any more." He sobbed.

He had to get out of here. This place held too many painful memories and they were all rushing at him at once, overtaking him. Threatening to just take complete control. He needed to leave and he needed to leave now.

"I know." She ducked her head so she could see his face. "You want to go back to Roswell?" He nodded before burying his face against her shoulder. His shoulders shook with the force of his cries. "Talk to me Max." She pleaded.

"I-I just need to get out of here. There are too many memories." He kept his head low, praying that she accepted his answer.

She was quiet for awhile and Max could feel her gaze on him. He knew she didn't believe him, or knew that it was more to the reason he wanted to leave, but for some reason, she didn't question him. She cupped his chin in her hand and brought his watery gaze to hers. She searched his eyes and he fought the urge to look away. Then she would know for sure that something was wrong. She reached up and dried his tears, kissing his now dry cheeks.

He spotted the scratch on her arm. "Liz, your bleeding." He exclaimed as he inspected her arm.

"It's okay. It's just a little scratch."

As he stared wide eyed at the small cut, he asked softly, "Did I do that?"

She bit her lip as she nodded. "You didn't mean to do it. You didn't know what you were doing." She tried to reassure him.

He shook his head as he pulled away from her. "No. I hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt you. I..."

"Max," She cupped his cheeks in her hands. "it's okay. I'm okay. You didn't know what you were doing. It's not your fault. I'm not made of porcelin. I'm not going to break because of a small scratch and that's what it is. You understand?"

He nodded.

"I'll call everyone and let them know we're headed back." She untangled herself from their embrace and stood, moving towards the phone.

Max watched her go, feeling cold and alone without her arms to surround him.

TBC........

Let me know what you think. I've been struggling with this chapter and it didn't seem right. So let me know how you guys take it.

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Hey guys. In honor of my birthday which is tomorrow : happy dance: I rushed to get this chapter out for you guys. You'll be happy to know that this part is lighter than the others, finally giving us all a break from the angst.

So here you go. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 20

Saturday Evening

Max and Liz rode in silence most of the way home. Max, too tired to talk, and Liz was to caught up thinking about what her next move would be.

She could tell that Max was conflicted. Now it was the matter of getting him to understand that she was indeed here to stay and would be here for him for whatever he needed. She had told him dozens of times, but maybe it was time for him to just come to her on his own. Maybe it would be better if he realized that she was here for him on his own. He either wanted her help or he didn't. Because it was nothing more that she could do. Max was border line to opening up completely and shutting down completely. And Liz thought that it was totally up to Max whether he opened up or shut down.

Glancing over at him, she found that he had finally fallen asleep. His head was against the window. Liz wasn't completely convinced that Max was fever free. She didn't like how pale his skin looked. Reaching over, she felt his forehead and found that he was cool. She only hoped that these few hours of sleep would be peaceful for him and add some color to his skin, knowing that once they got home, Maria would go crazy with worry.

A few hours later, Liz dropped Max off at the cliff so that he could pick up his jeep.

"You want to go up?" Liz asked. She had caught Max staring up at the cliff as he sat in the driver's seat of his jeep.

"No." He said, knowing that if he did, he would be tempted to jump.

They headed to the Crashdown, where their friends were supposed to be meeting them.

Max was barely able to get both feet out of the jeep before Maria hurled herself at him, locking her arms around his neck.

"Thank God you're okay." She against against his neck.

He smiled. He'd missed her. He hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Ria, I'm glad to see you too, but....I kind of need to breathe. And you're making that really hard to do." He said.

"Too bad. You shouldn't have scared me half to death." She said as she tightened her grip. He shot a helpless glance at Alex who had just walked out of the Crashdown. Alex shrugged, knowing how hard it was to get out of Maria's vice like grip.

Suddenly, she pulled away, swatting at his chest. "What the hell is wrong with you!?! Sneaking off like that. God, look how pale you are. You're as thin as a rail. If I wasn't so worried about you, I'd kick your ass." She pulled him close again.

"Does it hurt?" She said, gesturing to his nose that had started to swell slightly.

"No. It looks worse than what it really is." He said. She nodded and hugged him close again.

"Hey man." Alex greeted once Maria pulled away. "How's everything going?"

Max sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "It's going." They all headed inside the Crashdown.

Alex patted Max on the back. "Hang in there man. It'll get easier before you know it." He said softly.

Alex had never seen Max break down. And he was quite sure he didn't want to. If what Max was like afterwards was anything to go by, he was certain that he wouldn't want to see it himself. Alex had always known Max for being strong, never showing any vulnerablity. He was a rock, no emotion breaking through. And to see him so broken, so lost would just be too much. Of course he would be there for Max if he needed anything, but he couldn't imagine what he was going through. Alex didn't understand how a parent could just leave their child. It didn't make sense. He could never see one of his parents leaving him. And he knew that he wouldn't be much help because Max and Alex had two totally different lives.

Liz had told them that Max had confided in her, but she wouldn't tell them what he'd said, because that was what Max wanted. He wanted to tell them on his own, when he was ready. All Alex could do was hope that Max would place his trust in Liz and get better so that he could have his friend back.

"Hi dad." Liz greeted when she spotted her father wiping down the counter. She ran towards him, throwing her arms around him.

"Hey Lizzie." He said as he hugged his daughter. "Hey Max. How are you doing?" He asked once he spotted the young man still standing at the door.

"Hi Mr. Parker. I'm fine." He said nervously.

"Good, good. Why don't you all sit down and order something. The grill doesn't close for another five minutes." He offered, motioning towards an empty booth. They all ordered and sat in a nearby booth.

"Where's Michael?" Liz asked as she slid in next to Max.

"On Wednesday he got a job as a security guard at the mall. He's trying to save up for a car so that he'll have something for when he leaves for college." Alex explained.

"Has he decided where he wants to go?" Max asked.

"UNM. He doesn't want to go too far away from home. We were surprised that he got accepted." Maria answered.

"Enough about Michael. Let's talk about me." Alex said. Everyone groaned and he rolled his eyes. "Guess who I got to go to prom with me." He said with a huge grin.

"The boogie man?" Maria said.

"No."

"Martha Stewart?" Liz said.

"NO."

"Your mother?" Max said.

"NO!!" He slapped his hand on his forehead. "Just because I took here to the 8th grade dance doesn't mean that she has to come to evey dance." He glared over the table at him and Max held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, tell us. Who is this mystery person that you asked to the prom?" Maria said.

"I asked dun..dun..dun...are you ready?"

"Alex!!" They all yelled.

"Okay, okay. I asked Serena. She said that she has had a major crush on me ever since she moved here." He blew on his nails and then rubbed them on his chest. "Yep, she just couldn't resist my sex appeal."

"What sex appeal?" Maria snorted.

"What do you mean 'what sex appeal?' I've got loads of sex appeal. You just don't realize it because you've known me for so long." He turned his gaze to Liz. "Liz, when you first moved here, you liked what you saw didn't you?" He stood and got up to model, strutting back and forth between their booth and the table next to them.

"Yeah Alex. I wanted your bod." She winked.

"At least somebody has good taste in men." He said, glaring at Maria as he slid back into the booth.

"Hey! I resent that." She said, slapping him on the shoulder. "For your information, I have had a number of great boyfriends.

"Liar." Max coughed into his hands.

She turned her glare to Max. "I am not a liar. I have had plenty of experience with great boyfriends. What about Brian Harris?"

"He cheated on you an hour after you started going together." Max retorted.

"Okay, um...what about David Lo...."

"He went out with you to get back at his girlfriend." Alex and Liz chuckled in the background as she furrowed her brow together in deep thought.

"Richie Sum....."

"Druggy."

Harry Ku...."

"Conceited."

"Josh Nel...."

"Stalker."

"Erick Ar...."

"Homo." Alex and Liz were bursting at their seams in laughter. "Any more?" He said with an evil smile.

Maria pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine. I get the point." She pointed an accussing finger at Max. "Damn you and your knowledge of my many failed relationships." She said.

He shrugged. "You're the one that insists on telling me everything." He defended.

"Order's up!" Mr. Parker called from in the kitchen.

"I'll get it." Alex said as he got up to retrieve their food. He returned to the table, balancing the food in his hands.

They continued, keeping the conversation light. But that tension still hung over them and it would be a while before it was eased.
***********

Late Saturday Night

Max and Maria lay sprawled out on her living room floor watching Too Fast Too Furious. Maria laid on her side, her hand propping up her head. Max laid on his back, his head resting on her hip.

"Paul Walker is so sexy." She shrieked. After they had left the Crashdown, Max and Maria had retreated to her house for some much needed "chica and chico" time as Maria had called it. They had rented some movies, brought out the ice cream and other sorts of junk food that they didn't need to be eating. "Tyress is looking good too." She mumbled with a smirk.

"So I take it romance films and Brad Pitt is no longer on your list of obsessions?" He questioned as he crumpled his chocolate chip cookie into his vanilla ice cream. He mixed it up with his spoon and took a huge bite.

"No..... Wait. I do not obsess. I simply watch these people and admire them to the point were I know every single thing about them and refuse to watch any other people's work besides theirs." She explained confindently.

"Ob-ses-sion." He said as he turned his attention back to the movie.

She turned on her back, causing Max's head to slip off her hip and drop to the floor.

"Owww. Meanie." He pouted as he rubbed his head.

"Meanie? Haven't heard that in a while." She said as she laid her head back against the couch.

"Yeah, well. Give a little warning next time." He moved over and rested his head on her stomach.

"So, guess what I heard?" Maria started as she reached for the bag cookies. He turned his head and waited for her to continue. "Pam Troy is pregnant."

"Pam Troy? Evil, Pam Troy?" He questoned in disbelif. "Who in there right mind would want to do her?"

She reached down, swatting at his chest. "That's mean Max."

He shrugged innocently. "What? You can't tell me that she's not evil. She is the one who put glue in your milk shake at the fourth grade picnic. And then she cut off a chuck of your hair when you weren't looking because your hair was longer than hers. And then...."

"Okay, okay. She's evil." She rolled her eyes. "Guess who the father is." She said as she popped one of the mini cookies into her mouth.

"I give. Who?"

"Tommy Watson." He looked at her in surprise. "Yeah. Sickening isn't it. I heard they did it in the teacher's lounge and Mr. Ferguson was watching."

He rolled over, his cheek pressed against her stomach. "Oh yeah, that's realistic." Max remarked sarcastically. "Like Mr. Ferguson would actually sit there and watch a couple of horn dogs go at it."

"Hey, it could happen." She exclaimed.

"I don't think so." He rolled over again, returning his attention to the movie.

"I miss this." He said after a few minutes of silence.

She agreed. "Me too. We haven't done this in ages." She giggled. "Remember that time you rushed over in nothing but you're sweat pants because I was upset that Justin Kirkly broke up with me?"

"Oh yeah. That asshole." He said with a grin. " We were in here and then we fell asleep. When you're mom came home she thought that we were having sex. It looked so bad." They both burst into laughter.

"The look on her face was priceless." She laughed. "I could swear the people in the next town could hear her scream when she saw us on the couch. And why she tried to beat you with the remote control is still lost on me." Her stomach moved up and down with her laughter, making Max's head move right along with it.

"Your mom is scary when she's mad. I would never want to go up against her." He commented as he grabbed the bag of M&M's out of her hand.

"It's good to see you laughing again." She said once they had calmed down.

Max smiled at her and turned back to the movie.

About half way through the movie, he felt himself drifting off. He felt a M&M pelt him on the forehead and then another land on his chest. He looked up to see Maria entralled in the movie. But he could see the makings of a smirk on her features. He turned away from her, but watched out the corner of his eye.

Just as she lifted her hand to throw another one, Max jumped up. And with one swift movement, picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She yelp in surprise, before begging for mercy.

"Max!! I'm sorry. I wasn't really throwing them at you. They slipped and they just happened to land on you." She said.

"Riiiight." He said.

Just then, Amy walked through the front door. She went into the kitchen passing by the two teens. "Hey guys. Max, glad to see you're back." She said.

"Hi Amy. How was your date?" He said, hoisting Maria higher on his shoulder.

She scrunched up her nose. "It was okay, but I don't think I'm going to see him again."

"Yeah, okay that's great, but Mom, I'm in need of assiastance here." She gestured to Max and herself. "Would you please do something about him?" She shrieked as Max dug his fingers into her side, tickling her.

Amy turned to Max. "What'd she do?"

"She was throwing M&M's at me." He explained.

"Oh." She grabbed an container of yogurt out of the refringerator. "I'm going to bed." She called over her shoulder as she walked back into her room.

"Mom!! You're not going to say anything about this?!"

She looked bewildered for a second. "Um...Don't break anything?" She said in more of a question. "Goodnight."

"Noooooooo!!" She screamed dramatically as Max threw her down on the couch and tickled her senseless. "Max.....I ....have to.....go!!" She laughed.

"Go where?" He said with an evil smirk.

"T-The ba...."

He slowed his assualt letting her catch her breath. "The ba. Never heard of the place."

She squimred underneath him, kicking and screaming. She cursed him that he knew exactly where her ticklish spots where. "The BATHROOM!!!"

He let up, getting off of her and watching as she ran straight to the bathroom.

Max laid back on the couch and smiled. He'd missed this. Despite meeting his father for the first time in over a decade, he was happy. At least at this moment. For the first time in what seemed like eternity, he was actually happy. He missed being normal. Not that he ever was, but before all this drama, he was close to it. He'd missed just hanging out with his best friend and cracking jokes on the popular people at school. It was something about Maria that he's always admired about her. She always managed to put a smile on his face, no matter what situation he was in. And combined with Liz, they managed to put him on cloud nine.

"What'ya smiling at chico?" Maria asked as she walked back into the room. He shook his head and slid back onto the floor. "Liz?" He ducked his head, a blush reddening his cheeks. "Max, " She said knowingly. She kneeled in front of him and cupped his cheeks. She gasped as she looked into his eyes. "You're in love with her, aren't you?" He turned his gaze away. "My chico's in love!!" She let out a loud squeal and threw her arms around him.

"What's going on with you two? Have you told her? How did she react? Why haven't you told me about this? When did this happen? Why aren't you answering me!!??"

"Ria, calm down." He said as he pried himself out of her arms. "To be honest I just found out myself." He said shyly.

His expression turned serious and he turned to face her, and he got the sudden urge to pour his heart out. "Ria I don't know what to do. I want to be with her, but I don't think I'm ready, with everything going on right now. I'm scared. I don't want to get into this and then get hurt. And I admit it. Yes I.....I ....love her." He squeezed his eyes shut as if he expected the world to blow up at that moment. When nothing happened, he slowly opened one eye and then the other.

Maria sighed. "Max. Liz loves you. And you know I love you, but if she carries on one more coversation on her favorite subject, which is you, I swear I will strangle her. The girl goes on and on and there is no possible way that she'll hurt you intensionally. And believe it or not Max, you're already in this, you love her, she loves you. You just have to decide what's best for you. No one else can do that."

He nodded and laid his head on her shoulder. She immediately wrapped her arms around him. "I guess I owe you an explaination about why I told Liz first and not you." He said nervously. He really had no idea how she felt about the fact that he didn't tell her first and that he still wanted to wait to tell her.

She shook her head. "You don't have to explain anything." She said softly, as she laid her cheek on the top of his head. Max was surprised to find that she didn't seem mad about it. "Max, it doesn't matter to me who you told first. I'll be honest and say that I wish you could have come to me, but I'm just glad that you talked to someone."

"She was just there. She's always there. And I couldn't hold it in any more." He cried.

"I'm glad you told her but, I don't understand why you won't open up to us. You can't just tell Liz the story and just shut down again. You'll never get better like that." He remained quiet. "Max I know this is hard for you. And I know that you don't want to get hurt and you're scared of losing someone you love, but don't you think we're scared of losing you too? When you do these things to hurt yourself, you're not realizing that your hurting everyone else that loves you. And when you disappear without telling anyone and refuse to talk to me for a week, that hurts."

He shook his head. "Ria, I'm so sor...."

"No, Max." She interupted. "Stop apologizing. You can't apologize and do the same thing over again. You can't say you're sorry and then continue to shut down on us. It doesn't work like that." He sat up, breaking out of her embrace. "When my father left, who was the first person I ran to?"

He balled his fists at the thought of her dead beat father. I swore if he every saw him again, he'd beat the shit out of him.

"Me."

"Right. And when I stupidly thought I was pregnant by Chad Stevens just because he'd kissed me and my stomach was sore, who did I call at one in the morning?"

He chuckled softly. "Me."

"Right. Lord knows I need you, so why is it so hard for you to admit that you need me? Or that you need Liz? Or that you need help period? Why can you be there for me but then you won't let me be there for you?" He remined silent as he leaned his head back against the couch.

"Max, you have so many people you can talk to that will understand what you're going through. My father left me too. I know how you feel. Liz lost both her mother and her grandmother. And Michael doesn't even know who is real parents are. So you can't say that no one would understand because we've all been through things and we can help you, Max. You just have to make that first step and admit that you need help." He nodded. "And when you're ready to tell me, I'll be here. But in the meantime, please talk to Liz. I can't stand to see you like this. It's like my best friend is gone." She said with tears in her eyes.

"Ria," He pulled her into his arms. "I'm still me. I just...I don't know. Just give me some time. I know I've said that a lot in the past, but I mean it. I just need to get my head screwed on straight. I promise I'll tell you, but I don't think I'm ready to retell it again."

She nodded against his chest, wiped her eyes and said, "I understand."

It was time that he started thinking about other people around him. All this time he knew he was being selfish, but he never did anything to change it. Now that Maria had called him on it, he could see how much it was hurting them. At least he could try and do something.

"So, how about another movie?" He asked, wanting to lift her mood.

"Okay. What shall we watch, good sir?" She said with an accent as she got up to look at her collection of movies.

"Well, milady. I've heard quite a talk about this fellow Will Smith in a picture called Bad Boys 2." He said, matching her accent.

"Another sexy one." She said as she put the DVD into the player. Max moved to the couch, stretching out on his side.

Max smiled. "You're so boy crazy."

"Don't I know it." She stretched out of the opposite end. She grabbed the blanket that they were using while they were on the floor and covered them both. They watched the movie in silence, both feeling the day catch up with them.

"Ria?" He murmered as he drifted off.

"Hmmm?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Thank you for forcing me to be your best friend all those years ago."

She smiled. "My pleasure." She yawned and turned away from the flashing light of the t.v. "Max?"

"Hmmm?"

She let her eyes drift shut. "If you tell anyone that story about Chad Stevens, I'll kill you."

"Noted."

TBC...........

See you guys next week.

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 21

Sunday

Max laid awake, staring up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. He had slept for an hour, only to wake up and not be able to get back to sleep. Maria snored softly next to him and he smiled as he heard her mutter obscenities in her sleep.

He sat up and carefully moved off the couch. Walking into the kitchen, he opened the freezer and took out an ice cream sandwich. He opened the wrapper and wasn't surprised when he spotted Maria saggering into the kitchen, holding out her hand for a sandwich. Reaching into the freezer, he pulled out another one and handed it to her. She could always smell them a mile away and she could never resist one.

"What are you doing up so late? And why are you eating ice cream sandwiches wihout me?" She asked as she took a huge bit out of her sandwich. She rolled her eyes heavenward in pleasure.

"I couldn't sleep." He said as he took a bite out of his own. He sat at the kitchen table and she sat across from him.

"You need to talk to her, Max." Maria said.

"How did you know I was thinking about Liz?" She had always amazed him by somehow knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"I know you. And you need to let her know what you want from her and you need to know what she wants from you. It's like you two are stuck in limbo."

He shook his head, but agreeing with her whole heartedly. "I know. I'm just so confused right now." He said. He sat his sandwich aside, suddenly losing his appetite.

"I think you need to tell Liz that and then maybe between the two of you, you can figure out what it is that you both want. I mean you told me yourself that you loved her." He nodded. "Well tell her that. She needs to know Max. But don't tell her because you feel like you owe her or because you feel guilty. Don't say it if you don't mean it. That'a not something you can just throw around."

"I know all of that Ria. It's just....."

"You don't want to get hurt." She finished. "That's bullshit Max. How can you possibiliy get anymore hurt than you already are? As bad as it is, you were and possibility are considering suicide Max." Her voice weavered slightly, but she had to make him see that he needed help. "You can't get anymore hurt than that. Liz has proven to you so many times that she loves you and will be there through thick and thin, but you still refuse to see it. Why is that, Max?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Don't do that Max. I know you know. And you know I know you know." She frowned as she thought about what she had just said. "If that made any sense, you'll see what I'm trying to get at."

He sighed and sat up, slouching in his chair. "I can't handle this right now."

"Max you're making this harder than it really is. You keep running away and that's what's making this so hard. All you have to do is tell her how you feel. And I know it's hard for you to spill your guts and put your heart out on the line like that, but it's the only way this'll get better. It's the only way you'll get better. Even if it's a simple 'Thank you. I love you.' That's a start in the right direction. I mean, even now, you're sitting here openingly talking to me about this. Am I running away from you?" He shook his head. "Am I hurting you? Am I leaving you, not caring at all what happens to you?" He again shook his head. "Well then why is it so hard for you to trust us? Trust Liz?"

His sighed. "I guess.....I'm afraid of...love...period. I've lost too many people I love already. And with Liz....it's so strong and I can't....I've never felt that way before. If I open up to her, she'll have the power to just crush me."

"Well, don't you think you need to tell Liz this?"

He leaned forward in his seat, placing his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands. Max looked up to Maria, his eyes pleading with her to help him. Give him some advice. But he knew what he had to do, and Maria's words only emphasised that fact. Because if he didn't do something now, he would definately lose her and that was something he as not ready for.

"I'm going back to sleep. I don't know about you, but I need my beauty rest." She got up from the table and moved back to the couch, leaving Max to try and figure out what to do on his own.
*********

Max breathed in the fresh morning air as he took a sip of his liquor. He had left Maria's after she had fallen back asleep, leaving a note saying that he needed some time to think and that he would talk to her later. He had bought two bottles of any alcohol he could get his hands on at three in the morning, his body was craving for it and he needed to satisfy it. His indecison about talking to Liz had brought on all of his insecurties and fears. But even with the liquor, he didn't feel any better than he did without it.

So now he was back on his cliff. He felt restless, out of place.

He felt alone.

He took another sip.

He raised his eyes, staring at cloudy sky above him, the moon peeking in and out of view. He could smell the rain in the air before he felt the first drop on his cheek. Only one thought came to mind. One thought that he could never seem to get out his mind.

Liz loved him.

That still seemed unreal to him. How could she love him after knowing what he had done? How could she still see the right in him when he had done so many wrongs? How could she tolerate him? He owed her so much. She had taken him out of the city, taken care of him, cleaning his wounds, lending her shoulder to cry on and he gave her nothing in return. All she had done was love him and he kept doing what he feared that she would do to him.

He rejected her.

Now he just felt like an idiot, just using her as an emotional doormat. When in truth, he really did need her. He couldn't do without her.

He took another sip.

The rain was falling harder now. The cold drops soothing his heated skin. He shifted his position and laid on his back, not caring that he was getting soaked.

For some reason, Liz stayed with him. She understood him. She had been nothing but good to him. So why was it so hard to say three simple words? Why was it so hard to open up to her?

He took another sip.

Maybe when he did talk to her, it would become more real to him. His love for her and her love for him was real. But he knew his love would bring nothing but pain to everyone involved. The only two people he had said ‘I love you’ to had left him.

He thought of Maria. His best friend. His safe haven for the last ten years. He wasn’t even sure that he would have made it as long as he did without her. He loved Maria to no ends, but he had never told her. She had said it many times to him, but he would always avoid saying it back.

He’d rejected her too, without even knowing it.

He took his last sip.

He turned on his stomach, his head and arms dangling dangerously off the edge of the cliff. He stared down at the running water below, pounding into the rocks as it twist and turned along the bank. Slowly, he let the empty bottle slip from his fingers and watched as it tumbled in the air, making a low whistling sound as it fell. It crashed on the rocks below, the river sweeping the remains away.

He longed to be that bottle. To just end it all. But unfortunately, unlike the bottle, he wasn’t empty. Not any more. He had all of these feelings for people that loved him and that glued him to the cliff. As much as he craved to end everything, he couldn’t.

At least not now.

He stood shakily on his feet, giving the river below and the clouded sky above one last longing look, before stumbling down the side of the cliff.

He nearly tripped over himself as he tried to climb in the jeep, the alcohol slightly clouding his senses. He'd forgotton to put the top up, the insides of the jeep were soaked. But he didn't care. He leaned forward and laid his head on the steering wheel. Refusing to let his tears fall, he shut his eyes tight and balled up his fist.

Did he really love Liz? He knew he did. With all his heart. But he wasn't supposed to. At least he didn't think he wasn't. They both would end up getting hurt. But Maria had said that Liz would never hurt him. But he was to be a stone wall, never letting anyone get close. But that's where he'd messed up. He made his mistake by letting Maria get too close to him. And now Liz. They both had a strong hold over him and he didn't know how to break it. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. He closed himself off. But that didn't seem to be working. He knew that he wouldn't be able to survive without Liz or Maria.

A few minutes later, he lifted his head and started the jeep. He knew he shouldn’t drive under the influence, but if he stayed here, he knew he would climb back up that cliff and end it all.

He turned the jeep around and headed back to the road.

As he turned back on the highway, his thoughts turning back to what Maria had told him earlier that evening.

Why is it so hard for you to admit that you need me?
Or that you need Liz?
Or that you need help period?

He knew that he was petrified of needing someone. That was just another way of getting hurt. He knew that if he admitted to himself and to the world that he needed Liz or Maria he would just be setting himself up for a whole lot of pain that he knew he couldn’t handle. Because one day they were going to find someone better and he'd be left in the dust.

But, Liz loved him. He didn't know why, but she loved him. And she made sure he wouldn’t forget it. She was always there comforting him when he felt like he couldn’t go on. She stood by his side, whether he was closed off or not. She was there, whether he liked it or not. She refused to leave his side. And Maria, she was always there through thick and thin. What was so different about this time? Why would they leave him now? That's when he realized that they wouldn't, because they loved him so much.

And it took him this long to realize it.

Thirty minutes later, he turned down his street and pulled into the parking lot of his small apartment building. He killed the engine and sat still, listening to the rain pour over him. He didn’t want to go in yet. He didn’t want to walk into that silent, cold apartment. It would only reinforce what he already knew.

He was alone.

Deciding against going in, he turned the key in the ignition and drove off. He didn’t really know where he was headed to, he just drove.

But he knew where he was going to end up.

He pulled up into the Crashdown parking lot and cut the engine. He sat there, staring up at Liz’s window. Her light was off and he doubted she was awake. Not when it was almost four in the morning.

Getting out of the jeep, he dragged himself over to the alley and climbed up her ladder. He moved to the window and kneeled on the cold, wet ground, gazing into the dark room.

His angel was asleep. He watched her until she began to stir and he half hoped that she would wake up and see him. She would smile and he would smile back. She would get up and open the window and he would climb through. She would ask if something was wrong and he'd lie and say no. She then would lead him to her bed where she would cuddle her warm body close to his, and they would fall fast asleep.

But she only turned on her side, facing him and settled back into a peaceful sleep.

Feeling his own eyelids growing heavy, he made his way over to her lawn chair and settled himself down. She’d left her blanket out here. He pulled it close, breathing in her sweet scent. Before long, he was dozing off into a troubled sleep.
*********

“Come on Maxie. Don’t fight it. You get what you deserve.” She hissed as she crawled onto his bed.

He didn’t respond as he thrashed violently. The ropes that held him in place ripped at the skin on his wrist.

“No one wants you, so why fight it?” She crawled on top of him, sitting on his legs to prevent him from kicking her. She punched him in the eye. “Stop movin!!!”

“Get off of me. Stop, nooooooo!!!!” He yelled, ignoring the throbbing in his eye.

“Shhhhh. You don’t want to wake up the neighbors do you?” She said in a disgustingly sweet voice.

“Get off, get off, get off.....” He screamed.

She stood up on the bed and repeatedly kicked him in his gut, leaving him gasping for air.

“I told you to shut up!! You ruined my life!! You killed everything, my dreams, my daughter. Now I‘m going to make you suffer.” She vowed as she towered over him.

His eyes widened in fear as she undid the draw strings on his sweat pants. His breathing quickened, wheezing in and out of his bruised lungs. She drew his pants down, blocking out his pleading cries. She went in for the kill.

He cried softly as she thrust into him. It was all he could do because it hurt to do anything else.

He whimpered as her nails dug into his chest, drawing blood as she slowly dragged her nail down to his waist.

She slapped him across the face. “Shut up!!” She commanded, but he didn’t feel it as he struggled to breath air into his lungs. She pressed against his bruised chest, making it even harder for him to breath. Somehow finding the strength, he gave one final violent thrash, knocking her off of the bed and onto the floor.

“You fuckin bastard!! I swear I’ll fuckin kill you!!“ She stormed out of the room only to return moments later with a sharp carving knife. “You should be dead. I should have killed you a long time ago.”

“Please don’t hurt me anymore. I’ve had enough. Please.” He begged weakly, his swollen jaw making it hard for him to talk.

“I don’t think so.” She flipped him on his stomach, his arms, still tied to the bed, painfully twisted above his head, his chest aching with every shaky breath he took.

He held his breath as he felt the cold metal of the knife on his back. He howled in pain as she slowly dragged the knife down the middle of his back.

“Rest in peace Maxie.“ She whispered in his ear before everything went black.
*************

The thunder clapped loudly, waking Liz out of her peaceful slumber. The lightening crackled through the sky and Liz sprang up, spotted a figure on her balcony.

She heard a tortured cry as the lightening flashed, brightening the balcony. Liz burst through the window, seeing that the figure was Max. He was huddled in the middle of her lawn chair, his knees pulled tightly to his chest, his body shivered violently in the thundering rain. His large, glassy eyes stared straight ahead as softly mumbled to himself.

“Max?!” She yelled over the thunder. He didn’t acknowledge her. His mouth moved, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying.

She moved towards him, touching his shoulder lightly. He didn’t move. “Max?”

“Get off, get off, get off.” He chanted.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the window. She hopped through first, before pulling him through next. He sank to the floor, curling into himself.

She pulled him into an embrace. He tensed, but he didn’t pull away. “Max, it’s okay. You’re safe now.” She soothed.

He continued to chant.

“Max?” She shook his shoulder, trying to rouse him out of his stupor. “Max? Can you hear me?” She cupped his face into her hands. “Max, look at me. Look at me.” She said firmly. His eyes flickered closed, then opened again and tried to focus on her. “Max, can you hear me?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but only a sob escaped as he collapsed into her arms. His tears mixed with the rain water that dripped from his face as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

“Shhh. You’re safe now. She won’t hurt you again. It was a dream.” She wiped this tears away with the pads of her thumb. “Come on. You’re freezing.” She took his hand and sat down on the chair at her desk.

She went into her bathroom and returned with some towels. Wrapping a towel over his shoulders, she proceded to take off his shoes and socks. She then peeled off his jacket and his shirt and draped it over the back chair to dry.

"Stand up." She said softly. He obeyed, staring at her as she moved to take off his pants, leaving him in only his boxers, which were thankfully dry. "Max what were you doing out there?" She asked as she dried him off the best she could.

"I'm s-sorry. I d-didn't want to b-be alone." He stuttered.

"I thought you were at Maria's. God, you're so cold." She said as she rubbed his arms to warm him up.

She moved to her bed and pulled back her covers, he slipped in, automatically curling into a ball. She dried herself off and changed into a new pair of pajamas. She flicked off her light and climbed in next to Max.

"You want to tell me about it?" She asked as Max moved closer to her.

To her surprise, he nodded. "S-She was hurting me. She wouldn't stop. S-She r-raped me." He cried.

Just then her door flew open to reveal her father. “Lizzie? What’s was all of that....” Mr. Parker stopped when he spotted Liz’s boyfriend in bed with his little girl. “...noise.” He finished lamely.

"Dad!?!" Liz called out in surprise. She reached over and flicked on her lamp.

"Max, did you say that you were raped?" He asked the young, frightened looking boy.

Max sat up, franticly looking around the room for his clothes. "I-I'm s-sorry M-Mr. Parker. I'll leave."

"No Max, you don't have to." He said, surprising the two teens. Max hesitantly settled back down in Liz's arms. "Max, is this what's been bothering you? You were raped?" He asked for the second time.

Max nodded, trying to hide his face in Liz's hair. "I'm sorry dad. He was outside...he was soaked and...."

"It's okay.....I trust you." He said. He glanced at Max's wet clothes hanging on Liz's chair. "I'll put these in the dryer." He said.

"Um.....Thanks dad." She said. She still was waiting for the day that her father caught them in bed and was going to go crazy.

"Get some sleep you two." He said, before leaving the room and surprisingly closing the door behind him.

"I'm sor..." Max started.

She put her finger up to his lips to silence him. "Stop apologizing. Obviously he's not mad. And I'm not mad you're here either. Now tell me what happened. What were you dreaming of?" She whispered. She continued to rub his back and arms as he continued to shiver. She couldn't tell if it was from the cold or the nightmare.

"I-I was sleeping and sh...Lauren c-came into my r-room and tied me up. And then...s-she wouldn't stop. It hurt so much. And I couldn't breathe. S-She kept hurting me. I-I begged her to stop, but she wouldn't. She t-told me that I r-ruined her life and that n-no one would want me. S-She told me t-that she would kill me. B-But I couldn't do anything because everything hurt. S-She wouldn't get off. She wouldn't get off...." He cried.

"Shhhh. It's okay." She whispered in his ear.

"It's not. It was so real. It was like I was there again. It still hurts. It hurts so much." He sobbed into her shoulder.

"Max, that woman was crazy. She didn't know what she was talking about. She had no right to do what she did to you. She was a sick person and she can't hurt again. She's gone Max. Don't let her keep haunting you."

He draped his arm around her waist and hugged her close. "But I can't stop it. Liz make it stop. Please make the pain stop." He mumbled desperately.

"Max I can't help you unless you let me know what's going on. You can't close up every time something happens."

"So, then what do I do?" He asked, wiping his eyes.

"Ask for help. And when you do I'll be there."

He nodded as he let his eyes drift shut.

"Liz?"

"Yes?"

He swallowed the lump his his throat before continuing. "The reason why I wanted to come back was because.....because I saw my father."

"What?!" She shrieked. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've kicked his ass."

"It wasn't necessary." He said, keeping his eyes closed.

"Bullshit!! He deserves to have his balls cut off and served to him for breakfast!!" She exclaimed. Her eyes widened as it suddenly came to her. "He was the one that you got into the fight with."

Max remained quiet and Liz started to worry that he was shutting down on her again.

"Max?" She rubbed his back as a shudder ran through him.

"I....I went to the c-cemetery that day to see Isabel's g-grave. I stayed there for over an hour, just letting her know how sorry I am about what happened. And I talked to her and Maria and Alex and Michael and....you." His grip around her waist tightened as if he was afraid she was going to slip away from him. "I told her that ....I was afraid of losing you and Maria. I told her how much you mean to me. And I told her that I'm afraid of loving you because I'm afraid of losing you. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I lost you. I told her about all the times you saved me from myself and how you're always there for me."

"And then....then I went to the park and I saw him.... I didn't recongize him at first. I-I was about to leave when I bumped into him.....He was with his family."

"I'm so sorry." She buried her hand in his hair and massaged the back of his head.

"He looked so happy. I've never seen him like that before. He had two kids, a boy and a girl. And a wife. His wife asked him who I was and he didn't.....he wouldn't tell her the truth. He didn't even claim me." He cried. "It hurt so much to see him. I used to dream of him coming back for me and taking me away from Lauren. But I guess he was busy making another family to worry about me."

"Max, I'm sorry. But you're better off without him. Obviously he's too blind to see want he's missing. Don't let whatever he said get to you. He doesn't deserve you. And you deserve better than him. And I know because it's not your fault that he's a jackass. You need to move on and let the past go." She cupped his cheek, wiping his silent tears away with her thumb. "I know it's hard for you Max, but you have to realize that you have so many people here that love you. You keep trying to look to the past, but you can't change anything that happened. And none of what happened was your fault. You have to believe that. And please come to me if you need anything Max. Don't hold it in, it'll only make things worse."

He nodded, looking up at her for the first time since he'd started talking. "I'll try."

She smiled and brushed away a few strands of hair that fell over his eyes. "That's all I ask." She said softly as she leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Liz?"

"Yeah?"

"You said that I should ask for help and that you'd be there for me when I did." She nodded and waited for him to continue. He pulled away from her, not knowing how she would react. "Well, I went to the cliff tonight. And before I did I.....I .....Liz I need you to help me stop drinking."

"You were drinking tonight." She in more of a statement than a question. She could smell the alochol all over him.

He nodded. "I'm sorry. I can't stop. I just had this urge and...I couldn't help it. I just....while I was up there, I realized how much I hurt you and how...I can't stop on my own."

She searched his features, finding nothing but honesty and determination.

Pulling him back into her arms, she kissed him on the top of his head. "You know I'll help you."

"Thank you." He said, feeling himself already drifting off.

She sighed in relief as Max relaxed against her, his tight grip around her waist finally loosening.

"Sweet dreams Max." She whispered in his ear.

Max had finally came to her that was all she could ever want. And maybe now he could start healing. He could start feeling again. And maybe he could start living the life he deserved. He was going to be okay.

"Liz?" He murmured sleepily.

"Yes Max."

"I love you."

She smiled, tears of joy filling her eyes. "I love you too Max." He was going to be okay. "I love you too."

TBC...........

Okay, I know this part was angsty but I promise that the next parts won't be as angsty as the last parts were. I'm trying to make the parts lighter than the last ones have been. So just bare with me. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for the wonderful feedback. You guys are the best.

See you next week!!

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Sorry if this sucks.....

Chapter 22

It wasn't until mid afternoon that Max finally stirred. He pressed his face deeper into the pillow, breathing in the sweet scent of vanilla. He opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the sun shining in through the window. Funny how the weather seemed to reflect his mood. Last night everything was dark, gloomy, so unclear to him, but now, the sun was shining and it was a new day. He loved Liz and Liz loved him. And just finally being able to say he loved her and to know that he wasn't going to lose her brightened his day just a little bit more.

He saw her sitting out on her balcony, snacking on a box of teddy grahams. He spotted his freshly dried clothes sitting on the foot of the bed and he quickly slipped on his pants, shirt and shoes before climbing out the window.

"Well look who decided to join the land of he living." Liz chirped as she spotted him walking towards. She smiled at his hair, which was adorably sticking out in all directions.

"How long was I out?" He asked as he ran his hand through his sleep tousled hair.

She glanced at her watch. "Well, it's three o'clock now."

He moved to sit at the foot of the lawn chair she was sitting on. "Afternoon shift?" He asked, pointing to the silver antennas bobbing on her head.

"Oh!!" She quickly tugged them off and threw them at him as he started to chuckle. "Ha, ha. I just got off. And I forgot to take them off."

"Or you just thought they looked great with your ensemble." He teased, motioning to her faded blue sweat pants and her yellow hoodie. Even though her clothes didn't match and her hair was thrown into a messy ponytail, she had never looked more beautiful to him. But he was too shy to tell her that.

"What are you talking about? This is the hottest new trend. It's called, 'just got off from work and I want to laze around the house for the rest of the day'." She smiled when he laughed. "Besides, this is your hoodie." This was her favorite hoodie. His spicy scent was all over it and she loved to cuddle up in it. It almost felt like Max was holding her, keeping her warm, but there was no substitute for the real thing.

He reached to grab some teddy grahams, but she jerked the box away. "Mine." She growled.

"I can't have any?" He pouted.

"Do you like my outfit?" She said, dangling the box in front of him.

"Your outfit is gorgeous." He smiled.

"Okay then. You may have some." She handed him the box.

"Never get in between a woman and her teddy grahams." He muttered.

"You're in a good mood today." She commented as she bit off the head of one of the tiny bears.

He popped a couple of the bears in his mouth. "Well, I had a good night's sleep." He frowned. "Well at least half the night."

Her smile faded too. "What happened last night, Max? What made you decide to come here?"

He was silent. It seemed like the perfect time to talk to her and tell her how he felt about her. Like Maria said, she needed to know and she deserved to know.

He opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped when there a knock on Liz's bedroom door. She threw an apologetic smile in his direction before climbing through the window, closely followed by Max.

Max sat on the bed as Liz went to open her door.

"Yeah dad?"

"Liz, your Aunt Alicia is on the phone. She wants to talk you." He said with a smile.

She squealed and ran out of the room to retrieve the phone.

"Hey Max." He greeted once they were alone.

"Hi Mr. Parker. Thank you for letting me stay over last night." He said shyly.

Mr. Parker stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. "No problem. I trust that you'll be responsible with my daughter and I know how it is." He studied the young man before him, seeing a scarred child along with a lot of his young self. "Liz told me about your drinking problem."

Max flinched and looked out the window, ashamed to look him in the face.

"When did you start?"

His tone wasn't accusing, and he didn't seem as if he were going to throw him out for being a bad influence on Liz, but still, he couldn't help but wince, knowing that he knew.

"Last year." He said, still staring out the window.

"I undestand why you did it. I used drugs as an escape too. I thought it was helping me forget everything. But it only served to make me sick. Quitting isn't going to be easy Max. The withdrawls differ from person to person, but from what I experienced, it's not easy."

Max frowned, finally turning his gaze to his. "You did drugs?"

He nodded and sat in Liz's desk chair. "Liz told me that you were sick while you were gone. I'm not trying to scare you out of quitting Max, but that's just the beginning. I'm just letting you know what to expect. There are going to be times where you feel like you can't go on without a drink, but you have to stick to it. Because it'll be worth it in the end."

Max was quiet, his thoughts going back to when he had that fever and how Liz had to take care of him. He felt like such a child, and in a way, he cherished that feeling because no one had ever taken care of him before.

No one had cared enough.

But on the other hand, he hated it. He hated to depend on her, he hated that he was so weak. He hated that he needed her so much. He hated that she cared and that he loved her for it.

"I was suicial when I was your age." Mr. Parker started, breaking Max out of his thoughts.

"You were?" He questioned in disbelief.

He nodded. "I was failing school, my dad and I didn't get along very well and I was into drugs. I know how sufficating life can be and that sometimes there's only one person that you really want to be with. One person that can help you."

"Liz." Max whispered, not thinking that Mr. Parker could hear him.

He smiled. "Yeah. Mine was my wife and yours is Liz. Talk to her, she can help you heal. You have to learn to ask for help sometimes. Keeping everything in won't do you any good."

Max let out a humorless laugh. "Believe me, I realize that now."

"I'm glad you do. When I met my wife, I held out on telling her my problems for a year and a half. She stayed with me regardless of what happened, or what I was going through. She kept me alive. Telling her was the hardest thing that I ever had to do next to the withdrawls. I didn't know how she was going to react, but she stuck everything out with me. She helped me get off drugs, she tutored me in all the subjects I was failing and she even reconciled my father and I." He said with a faint smile.

"She sounds like she was a wonderful person." Max said.

"She was. And Liz reminds me so much of her." He paused to let Max take everything in. He only hoped that sharing his own experience would help Max see that there was a better life than this if he only would get help. "Cherish her. Embrace her Max. Don't be afraid to love her."

Max nodded, letting Mr. Parker's words soak in, storing them in his mind for later use. "Can I ask you a question?" He said hesitantly.

Mr. Parker nodded. "Sure."

He wrung his fingers, trying to find the right words. "Were you ever uh....afriad you would lose her?....Um....your wife I mean. How do you deal with losing someone close to you?"

He shrugged. "I was afraid that I was going to lose her. I was always afraid that one day she'll see me just as my father saw me. But, I guess I just had to take a chance and trust her. I never regreted doing that. And when I did lose her to cancer, it was like my world had ended." He paused, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "But then I guess you realize that life has to go on, you can't mourn forever. You have to deal with it. You never really forget, but you have to move on. And I figured that she wouldn't want me to give up, she'd want me to be happy. I had Liz, and in that sense, my wife was still with me."

Max was silent. Not knowing what to say. Now he knew why his nightmares haunted him, why he was still in so much pain over Isabel's death. He had never really dealt with it. He never dealt with anything. At the time he was busy trying to survive against Lauren. And even now, he pushed the issue aside, with the excuse of wanting to be normal. When in reality he could never be normal unless he dealt with it.

"But Max, I think you should at least think about get couseling. Rape is serious and that's not something that you can just get over."

Max cringed. He hated this, he hated that Mr. Parker, Liz's dad knew that he was raped. He felt so dirty, he felt corrupted, he felt....tainted.

"You need to talk to someone that can help you get through this."

Max shook his head. The thought of going to a shrink made him feel sick. He could barely confide in the people closest to him, how would he be able to talk to a complete stranger?

"I-I don't know Mr. Parker. Couseling....."

"It's just a suggestion. Just think about it." He said, genuinely corcerned for the young man who had captured his daughter's heart.

"I will. Thank you Mr. Parker. For everything." He managed a weak smile.

"Your welcome. And Mr. Parker's my father. I'm Jeff. As Liz would say," He placed his hands on his hips and mimicked his daughter's voice. "Don't get it twisted."

Max let out a bark of laughter. "I won't Mr.....Jeff."

"Good. Now, how about we head down and get you some lunch?" Max nodded and followed Jeff out of the room. "I'll be honest with you Max, I've never seen a boy who could sleep as long as you." He said as they walked down the hall, into the living room.

Max chuckled behind him. He gave a smile and a wave to Liz as they passed her by in the living room. She smiled brightly and continued gabbing on the phone.

They headed downstairs and Max spotted Maria and Michael sitting in a booth in the counter. He headed over to them.

Michael sat on the edge of the booth, his arms crossed stubbornly in front of his chest. While Maria sat on the opposite side, close to the wall, her arms also crossed in front of his chest.

"Whoa. Can you feel the love?" Max said, as he slid in next to Maria.

"Shut up Max." They both muttered.

"Okay, I'm definately not wanted here." He said as he started to leave.

Before he could get up, Maria grabbed his arm. "Would you please talk to this thunderhead. With all your male testosterone, maybe you could knock some sense into his peanut brain!!" She roared.

"Hey! I told you that I don't want to go. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do." Michael countered.

"In that case, you won't be getting any he....."

Max covered her mouth before she could finish her sentence. "God, Ria! Waayy too much information." He exclaimed.

"Maxwell, would you knock some sense into your best friend?" Michael bellowed.

Max sighed. "What's wrong now?"

They both started to shout at him at the same time and all Max could get out of it was a bunch of jumbled words.

"Hey!!" Max shouted, halting their shouting match. He smacked his hand to his forehead and ran it down his face. But he should be used to this by now. He would always be the moderator when Michael and Maria were at it. And they were at it a lot. And for some reason, Maria and Michael had developed an unwritten law that whatever Max said, goes.

"Ria, would you please tell me what's going on?' He said.

"Why does she always get to go first. You're being biased Max, you can't choose her just because she'd your best friend." Michael complained.

"I'm not. Haven't you heard of ladies first?" Michael mumbled something under his breath but didn't say another word.

"Okay," Max said as he turned to Maria. "What's wrong?"

"Dumbnuts over here doesn't want to go to prom." She explained.

"Objection!!" Michael shouted. "No name calling."

"No name calling Ria. Now, go on."

She rolled her eyes before continuing. "Well, he doesn't want to go with me to prom. He doesn't think it's important. But I say he should, because it's his last year of high school and it would special for me if he came to my junior prom, just like I went to his."

"Good point. Okay, Michael, what's your side?"

"I say that the dance is pointless. I don't want to go and I didn't want to go to my junior prom last year, but she dragged me to it." He voiced.

"Well you should want to go. It's a once in a lifetime chance." Maria huffed.

"It's just a stupid dance."

"Yeah. just like Metallica is just a stupid band."

Michael gasped. "Did you....I can't beli....Oh my...." He stopped trying to form a corhent sentence and just gasped again.

Max fought the urge to snicker. The fact that saying Metallica was just a band was more insulting than being called a dumbnut was very amusing to him.

"I don't have to take this shit." Michael said as he stood up from the booth. Giving Maria one final glare, he stormed out of the Crashdown.

"God, you men are so..... so...UGH!!!!" She pushed at Max until he slid out of the booth and stomped into the back room. Just then, Jeff came by, bringing with him some fries and a burger.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked as he set down the plate.

"Michael."

"Oh." Was all he said before he walked away.

Max ate alone for awhile, until Liz slid in the seat across from him. "Hey." She said. She had changed out of her sweat pants into some jeans, but she kept the yellow hoodie on.

"Hi."

"What's wrong with Maria?"

"Michael." He said as he took his last bite of his sandwich.

"Oh."

"Liz, can we go somewhere? We...uh...we need to talk...about us." "He said.

She frowned. "Yeah. I know."

Unbeknowest to Max, Liz had her own fears about them. Besides her fear of losing him to his pain and suffering, she feared that this is where he was coming to break everything off completely. Even though he had said that he was going to try and talk to her, she was hesitant to admit that she still had her doubts. She had no idea what he was going to say, and that frightened her.

"So um...let's go."
**********

Liz wasn't in the least surprised when Max pulled the jeep o a stop in front of the cliff. They climbed out and headed towards the top, Liz glancing nervously at him as he walked beside her. Ever since he had mentioned that he wanted to talk to her, he had seemed a bit distant. And she could write it off as being nervousness, but regardless, she was starting to get worried.

"Max?" She walked up to him, placing a soothing hand on his arm. He jumped at the contact. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He said as if he was trying to convince himself as well. The sand around them was still wet from the down pour from last night. Max pulled out the blanket he had tucked under his arm and spread it out.

They sat close to the edge, she faced him, but he couldn't bring himself to turn towards her.

"So what happened last night?" She asked, breaking the short silence that had fallen over them

He swallowed, his throat suddenly becoming dry. "I was at Maria's and I couldn't sleep. I needed to get out and think for awhile and I came here. Afterwards, I drove home, but I couldn't bring myself to go in, so I ended up at your house."

She stuffed her hands in the front pockets of the hoodie. "Max it was freezing last night. Why didn't you just come in?"

He shrugged. "I didn't want to wake you. But I guess I did that anyway." He turned his gaze away from hers. "Plus, I was kind of out of it. I had been drinking. But now I realize that drinking doesn't help me anymore." He bowed his head, staring at the toe of his shoe. "I guess it never really helped me. It just pushed the things that hurt me the most into the back of my mind. You were right, it wasn't going to solve any of my problems."

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" She asked softly.

"Yeah. I mean...no, but.... I just...." He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. "Okay. Um...First I should say thank you for....for taking care of me all this time, Liz. I uh....I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there for me. I don't tell you that enough. I should, but I don't." His eyes downcast, he played with the hem of his jacket. "And I know that I've been acting like a jerk and you're still there. But I don't want you to feel like I'm just using you for a shoulder to cry on, because I'm not. I just really.....really need you." He said, concentrating on the buttons on his jacket. "You've been there and...and I haven''t given you anything in return. I'm sorry for that."

She cupped his chin in her hand and brought his downcast eyes to hers. "Max, all I want from you is to let me help you. I want you to let me in. I want the old Max back. I miss stargazing with you, walking through the park, going to the movies, just being with you. That's what I want." She dropped her hand, seeing that he was now staring intently at her. "I want you Max."

He faced her fully now, his brow furrowed into a frown. "You want me to let you in." He shook his head, lowering his eyes. "You don't know how much power you'll hold over me. How much you already hold over me. What I...what I feel....for you is....it's so strong. I've never felt like this for anyone before and....if I lost you....I wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Don't you think you have that same power over me!!" She shouted suddenly. "When we were in the hospital, waiting to hear if you were alive or not, don't you think that hurt me?!? That I was scared for you and for myself because I was losing you!!?? When I saw you sitting on the kitchen floor with that knife, when I found out that you went missing, when I saw you about to jump off this damn cliff, or when you walked into that motel beaten, with a fucking hand print around your throat, don't you think that affected me?!?" Sometime during her rant she had started to cry, her tears rolling down her cheeks falling onto the sand.

"Liz...."

"No!! You act as if your the only one being hurt here!! Stop acting like you don't matter to me because you do!!" Max pulled her into his arms and she went willingly, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in the crook of his neck. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to see you so broken?" She mumbled through her tears.

"Liz, please don't cry." He said, his own tears threatening to fall. But he refused to give in to them. This was his chance to comfort her for once and he wasn't going to spoil it by breaking when she needed him.

"Now you know how I feel." He nodded. "I want to help you Max, but you have to let me in. I'm not going to lose you Max. I've lost too many people I love already."

And it was true. She had lost her mother and her grandmother and it was then that he realized exactly how much he was hurting her. She had a fear of getting hurt just like he did, both wondering when the other was going to leave. Liz was just as scared about this relationship as he was.

"Liz, I'm sorry. I never knew. I'm so sorry." Max pulled away, leaning down so that he could see her face "I'll try Liz. I promise I will. " She nodded and he reached out to her and brushed away her tears, before placing a tender kiss on her forehead. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"And I don't want you to hurt anymore." She whispered.

"Where do we stand now? I mean...what's going to happen....." He gestured between the two of them and she nodded in understanding of what he was asking.

She brushed his bangs back only to have them fall back where they were. "That's up to you. I'm ready, I want to be with you. But I don't want you to get into anything that you're not ready for." She explained softly.

"I want to be with you." He said quietly almost shyly as he lowered his eyes, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

She smiled at his naivety. She placed her hand on his knee and he covered her hand with his, lacing their fingers together. "Then we'll go slow. We'll only go further if you think you're ready. Okay?"

"Okay." Pulling her closer, he brushed his lips against hers in a quick kiss. Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes, enjoying the soft cool breeze and the feeling of her tiny body pressed to his. It felt as if he hadn't held her in ages, when it was only last night when he was in her arms. It was refreshing to hold her and to do so just because he wanted to.

"I love you." He whispered uncertainly. He wasn't used to saying it and it left a tingling sensation on his lips. He smiled slightly when he heard her soft gasp. Apparently, she wasn't fully used to him saying either.

"I love you." She murmered. She pulled away. "It's not so bad being in love is it?"

He shook his head, kissing her soft, sweet lips. "No. I guess It's not bad at all."

TBC...........

As usually, feedback is awsome. See you guys next week.

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 23

Tuesday

Three days, six hours and twenty-three minutes.

It felt like an eternity. An eternity of feeling every single emotion being thrown at him without the aid of alcohol to numb him. Thoughts and feelings, nightmares and fears that he used to drown away with the beverage, freely cluttered his mind. Slowly sufficating him, threatening to take control. Every time Lauren or his father's accusing eyes haunted him in his dreams or he relived Isabel's accident, he was a little bit closer to losing it and giving in completely.

Liz was the only thing keeping him sane.

But even her soothing presence sometimes wasn't enough. The guilt that stirred inside of him got the better of him and even Liz couldn't soothe that. She was young, beautiful, so full of life, she was supposed to be enjoying hereslf right now. Just hanging out with her friends, and enjoying the world around her, but she couldn't do that, because she had to take care of him. He was this dark cloud over her sushine. And he hated that he relied on her to keep his sanity because he was holding her back. He was stopping her from being normal.

Max was brought out of his thoughts as a dark shadow feel over him from where his head lay in Liz's lap.

"Alex, you owe me two bucks." Michael called.

"For what?" Alex asked, looking up from the dorrito bag he was holding.

"I told you everytime you wear one of my shirts, you pay me two bucks." He said, pointing to the black tee shirt Alex was wearing.

"But, I'm broke." Alex claimed.

"Pay up." He grumbled.

Alex looked helplessly to Max. "Max, old buddy old pal." He grinned, slapping him on the foot. "Could you sort of loan me two dollars?" He received a groan in response, but he grinned knowingly when Max reached into his pocket and pull out two dollars. "You're my savor." He said as he grabbed the money and handed it to Michael.

"Alex!!" Maria stomped purposely into the quad, headed straight for the tree her friends were sitting under. "Alex please take this God awful thing back your brother." Maria ordered, dangling a blue and yellow letterman jacket from her finger.

Alex sighed. "Maria, he's standing right next to you. Why don't you give it you him yourself?" Maria raised her eyebrows, looking at him as if he were crazy. He grabbed the jacket. "What has my misguided brother done to have you return his most prized letterman jacket."

"Oh, you didn't hear?" She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

Michael took the jacket from Alex. "Here we go again." He muttered.

Alex shrunk back against the tree, thinking that he was in trouble with her for not knowing what was going on. "I'm sorry. I wasn't updated on the latest news in the Guerin/Deluca relationship." He said, holding his hands out in front of him.

"Well, let me tell you...." And this started yet another shouting match between Maria and Michael.

Max rolled his eyes and tried to tune them out. This would be about the fifteenth time that he had to hear about Michael and his unwillingness to attend prom. And he was sure he would go completely mad if he heard it again.

Liz leaned down, brushing his bangs off his forehead. He could smell a hint of the soap she had used that morning, mixed with baby powder. Inhaling deeply, the corners of his mouth twiched up in a soft smile. She pecked his lips softly before moving her lips to his ear. "I'll bet you five bucks, they're back together by the end of the week." She whispered.

He laughed. "You're on." She grabbed his hand and they shook on it.

"God, you are so infurating!!" Maria shouted before stomping off, back into the school.

"Women!!" Michael growled before storming off towards another table.

Alex let out a breath of air. "That went well." He said sarcastically. "Now I'll have to sit around the house and listen to him gripe about how he was right and she was wrong. Anyone want to adopt me?" He asked seriously.

"I feel for you Alex." Liz said as she threaded her fingers through Max's hair. "I wouldn't last a day in your house living with Michael."

"Thanks a lot Liz. You've really boosted my mood." He snorted in laughter. "At least I'm not Maria's number one confidant. Right Max."

"Don't rub it in." He muttered as he sat up. Grabbing Liz around her waist, he pulled her into his lap.

"Taste this." She said, holding a sandwich up to his mouth. She watched as he took a bite, chewing thoughtfully, before scrunching his face. She giggled.

He slowly swallowed the sandwich. "Ewww, Liz. What is that?" He said, clicking his tongue, trying desperatly to get the awful taste out of his mouth.

"Baloney and ketchup." Alex answered. "My recipe. Obviously some people don't appreciate the beauty in the companionship of baloney and ketchup." He said glaring at Max.

Max pointed his finger at Alex. "You're crazy." He turned to Liz. "And you are too for eating that."

She shrugged before taking a huge bite. "Heads up Alex. Serena's coming this way." Liz annouced as she spotted the curvy, green eyed beauty coming their way.

"Hey guys. Hey Alex." She greeted cheerfully, her brown curls, boucing about her tan features.

Alex stood to greet her, kissing her sweetly on her cheek. "Hey babe."

'Babe' Liz mouthed to Max. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey Serena. So I'm guessing you guys are together now?" Liz asked.

Serena nodded, grabbing Alex's hand. "I finally got him to stop acting so shy and ask me out." She smiled. Alex's grin grew a mile long.

"Alex, shy? Never thought you could put those two in the same sentence." Max teased.

"Ha! Not funny." He said giving Max a warning look. Alex sat down pulling Serena next to him.

Serena frowned once she spotted Max's face. "Max, what happened?" She asked, gesturing to his nose.

Max darted his eyes to Liz before lowering them. "I got hit in the face with a basketball." He said, his voice strained and quiet.

"Oh. Does it hurt?" She questioned, her tone revealing that she was genuinely concerned.

He shook his head. "It's fine." He said simply, rubbing his nose lightly with his fingers. The majority of the swelling had gone down and the purple and black color had mostly faded, but it was still noticable. About fifteen people had come up to him already and asked what had happened.

His nose was healing quickly, but the fact that it had been his own father that had hit him wasn't easy for Max to forget. Liz had told him numerous times that he was better off without his father, and that he deserved better, but he couldn't help but thinking about those two little kids. His kids that he'd seemed so proud of. He had never looked at Max the way he'd looked at those two children. And that only twisted the knife further in Max's heart. The fact that he wasn't good enough for his father was weighing heavily on him. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake it off.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.

Liz lifted herself up from Max's lap and started to gather her books. She turned back to Max, who made no move to get up from the ground. He was staring at his hands in his lap, his shoulders slumped as he fidgeted with his fingers. She knew that he was thinking about his father. She kneeled down in front of him, placing her hand under his chin and gently pushing up so that his gaze met hers.

"Max...."

He smiled weakly, raising his tired eyes. "I'm fine." He whispered. He stood and grabbed his bookbag. Reaching for Liz's hand they made their way towards the building.

"Max, I've been thinking." She started, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. "I think that maybe we should tell someone."

Max stopped walking, but his gaze never met hers. Seeing that he wasn't going to say anything, she continued. "I think that we should go to the police. Max, what he did to you..... he could be charged with assault and battery. He had no ri....."

She was cut off by his quiet but firm response. "No."

"Max...." She protested.

He shook his head, still not able to look her in the eye. "I can't Liz. What he did....." 'I deserved it.' It was what he wanted to say. It was the truth.

Liz turned to stand in front of him, bending down so that she could catch his eye. "He can't get away with what he did to you. He hurt you Max. Why can't you see that he hurt you? He was in the wrong, not you. He's the one who needs to be punished, not you." Cupping his cheeks in her hands, she stared him in the eyes. "You have to learn to stick up for yourself. You're letting him win. You're letting his lies get the better of you. You are so much better than this Max. Why is it that you can stick up for me when I'm in trouble, but you can't stick up for yourself?"

He took in a deep breath and leaned his forehead against hers. "I...I..." He didn't even know the answer himself. He didn't know why he was quick to stand up, to fight for the ones close to him, but when it came to defending himself, he just sat back and took whatever was coming his way.

Instead of answering her question, he said, "He's not a threat to me anymore. I just want everything to settle down and go back to normal. Liz, just please let this go. I just want to forget this." She couldn't ignore the desperation in his tone and she sighed, realizing that Max wasn't going to cave on this subject.

"Fine." She didn't really want to add more stress to his already stressful life, so she let it go. But she had a feeling that she would be regretting it later.
***********

Wednesday

She spotted him at the back of the library and she let out a sigh of relief as she quietly made her way over to him. She had gone into full panic when she realized that he hadn't shown up for class. She was just about to go to his apartment and check there when someone had told her that they had seen him walking into the library.

"Max?" She said as she closed the distance between them. He was clearly asleep. His arm was outstretched, pillowing his head, his books and numerous papers cluttered the table around him.

Standing over him, she gabbed the pencil that lay limply in his hand. She shook his arm and his eyes fluttered open.

"Hi." She said softly as she took the seat next to him.

He groaned as pressed his head to his head and sat up. "Hey. What time is it?" He asked groggily.

"1:45. You missed two classes. Why were you in here?"

He yawned as he started to pack up his things. His head was pounding, a steady dull thud right over his temples. "I thought I do some of the work I missed last week. My grades are slipping and I guess I just fell asleep."

"And you drooled on your history paper." She smiled, as she picked up the paper, holding it between her thumb and forefinger. "Look at this thing, it's soaking wet." She teased.

He grabbed the paper from her, rolling his eyes. "It's not that bad. It's just a spot." He laughed. He shoved the history paper and the rest of his belongings into his book bag and threw it over his shoulder.

"More like a puddle." She retorted.

Max laughed as he stood, but the smile quickly faltered as the color drained from his face and he was overwhelmed with incrediable nauesa. His legs weakened underneath him and he slumped back down on the chair.

Liz turned to him worried gaze to him. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, but stopped as that only served to make him dizzy. "Nothing. I just.....I just stood to quickly is all." He swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat and waited for the dizziness to pass.

She leaned in closer, feeling his forehead. "Max, maybe you should get home and lay down."

He gently pushed her hand away. "I-I'm fine. I just need to sit down for awhile."

Ignoring him, she placed her hand over his forehead and then moved them down to his cheeks. "Max, you're really warm and I don't like how pale you are."

"Liz, I'm fine now. I just..." He stopped as another wave of pain hit him. "got a little dizzy."

"Max...."

"Liz......"

"Max..."

"Liz....."

"Max...." She clamped her hand over his mouth before he could speak. "Look, there's only one more class left, you're not missing much. Now I'm taking you home and you're going to lay down, eat something and then rest." She gave him the don't -argue -with -me -just -do - what -I -say look. "Now, I'm going to remove my hand and when I do, you're going to agree because you love me and you know thatI'm right. If you don't then I will forcibily drag you out of here myself." She narrowed her eyes. "I may be small, but I have power, Evans. Lots of power. You do not want to suffer my wrath." She said as she removed her hand from his mouth.

She saw his amused smile, knowing that she would never be able to take him. "Are you...are you laughing at me?" She gasped. "Don't laugh at me, Max. I'm serious." She scolded once he started to chuckle softly. "If you don't go home, then I'll take you to the nurse. These withdrawls that you're having can easily turn dangerous Max. And I don't want you passing out in the middle of the hallway."

He sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to give up. He nodded and slowly started to pull himself up, grabbing the edge of the table to steady himself. A wave of dizziness hit him and Liz hurried to his side, slipping under his arm to help support him.

"Come on." She said. At snails pace, they made their way out of the library.
***********

Max awoke to something cold being pressed against his forehead. He moaned as it's coolness spread throughout his body, soothing his pulsating headache.

"Max?" He tried to open his eyes, but he found that they were too heavy. He rolled his head to the side, fighting to stay conscious. "Max?" He forced his eyes open, his lashes barely lifting off his cheeks.

"What happened?" He slurred as he surveyed his surroundings. How did he get home, in his bed?

He felt soft fingers stroking back his hair. The movement almost lulling him back to sleep. "You passed out in the car, sweetie. You don't remember walking up here? Of course you don't. You were really out of it." She answered herself.

He shook his head, closing his eyes as the room spun before him. "I shouldn't do that."

"Do what?" Liz asked.

"Shake my head. It makes me dizzy." His heart was thumping wildly in his chest and he tried to concentrate on taking deep, even breaths to calm it. He needed a drink. His body felt as if it were going to shut down without it. He pressed his trembling hand against his chest and took a deep breath.

"Why am I so tired?" He blinked slowly, turning his blurry gaze to her. She was sitting above him and it was then that he realized that his head was laying on her thigh.

"It's the medicine that I gave you Max. My dad, gave it to me. He said that it's supposed to help you rest." She explained as she looked worriedly down on him as he eyes started to fall shut. She hated the way he layed so still when he was sleeping, the only indication that he was okay was the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Her father had told her that it was normal, but she couldn't help but hover over him.

"Max?" He opened his eyes to see Maria standing at the foot of the bed.

"Hey Ria. What are you doing here?" He asked groggily, trying desperately not to succumb to the darkness that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Can't I come by to see if my chico is okay?" She teased. "Actually, I'm cooking you dinner. How does a nice hot bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup sound?"

He swallowed, feeling his lunch rise in his throat at the sound of food. "Nauseating." He groaned.

She smiled. "In sick people's talk, that means delicious. I'll go start on it."

He nodded, but quickly stopped. "God, next time I do that, somebody please throw me out the window." He squeezed his eyes shut as the dim light of the lamp suddenly became to bright.

"Max, can I get you anything? You want something to drink?" Liz asked him.

He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "Liz, why do you do this? I don't want you to hate me."

She frowned. "What are you talking about? I don't hate you."

He sighed as he pushed himself off her leg and layed his head on the pillow next to her. "You shouldn't have to be here taking care of me. Somewhere down the line, you'll look back and see that you just wasted your time worrying about me. I'm holding you back when you should be out having fun. It's not fair to you."

She moved to lay on her side, propping herself up on her elbow so that she could face him. "Max, this isn't fair to you either. Yes, you've made some mistakes like drinking when you had a better solution to solving your problems. But, this isn't fair to you either."

"But, you just keep giving and giving and not getting anything in return. And I'm sorry. I don't want you to resent me for that."

"Max, I told you what I wanted. And that's you. I mean, I'll be honest. Yes I wish that you weren't sick and you could walk without passing out. But as long as I'm with you, I'm happy." She laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. "There's no other place I'd rather be right now. You know that if I don't want to do something I don't do it. I told you that I want to be here with you and I want to help you. Stop feeling guilty about my choice to be with you."

He pressed his lips into her hair. "I love you. And I promise, as soon as I'm better I'm cooking you a huge dinner." He whispered, feeling the medicine pulling him back into oblivion.

She raised her head, resting her chin on his chest so that she could look at him. "Um...Max. Couldn't you just treat me to a movie or something. I've tasted your cooking and um....yeah I'd rather do something else."

He smiled as he closed his eyes. "Then I'll have it catered, with rose pedals all around us and a marichi band playing in the background and candles everywhere. And bozo serving us dessert."

"Bozo? Max, you're delirious." She laughed.

He mumbled something as his lips searched out hers, but he only made it to her nose before he was dead to the world.

"I love you Max." She reached up to press her lips to his. He smiled softly in his sleep, pulling her closer to his heated body. Resting her head on his chest, she closed her eyes. And it wasn't long before she joined him in slumber.

TBC.........

A/N: Hey all. Okay, some of you have doubts about Max and Liz and their relationship. I can assure you that they'll be together until the end. Or until something happens. I know I'm evil. Anyway please let me know what you think and thanks for the feedback.

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 24

Wednesday Night

Liz rolled over, slowly waking as muffled gags reached her ears. Disoriented, she brought her pillow over her head, hoping to drown out the horrible sound.

"Max, what is that?" She mumbled, her eyes already falling shut as she started to doze off again.

The gags got louder, more violent and she was suddenly wide awake, realizing that Max wasn't next to her. Jumping out of bed, she stumbled through the dark room, making her way into the bathroom. The light was off and she reached out, searching for the switch in the darkness. Finally finding it, she flicked it on, shielding her eyes as they slowly adjusted to the new brightness.

He was sitting against the tub, his legs pulled tightly to his chest, his head resting on his arms. Stepping closer to him and kneeling in front of him, she could see the tremors racking through his body.

"Max?"

"Liz." He wheezed. "It hurts. It hurts."

"I know sweetie." She said as she felt his forehead and his flushed cheeks. His skin was dry and heated, dark circles of fatigue appeared under his eyes in contrast to his pasty white skin.

"I can't do this Liz. I can't. I need a drink. I can't....." He abruptly scrambled to his knees, leaning over the toilet just before he began to retch.

When he was finished, he collapsed against the tub, his head lolling against the cool surface.

"Liz." A soft whisper was the only thing that he could manage to get out. The world was blurred and all he could feel was a chill running up and down his spine and the dull pounding of his head. His body felt heavy and his eye lids felt as if they had lead attached to them. He didn't know if it was from the lack of sleep or the lack of alcohol.

"I'm here Max. I'm here." She murmured as she brushed back his hair.

Spotting a cup sitting on the counter next to the sink, she grabbed it and filled it with water. She handed it to Max and he rinsed out his mouth, before spitting in the toilet.

"Okay.....um, we just need to get you back in the other room. Can you make into the bedroom?" He nodded, slowly pushing himself up on his knees. He reached up, grabbing the edge of the counter for support, and unsteadily pulled himself to his feet.

He swallowed as he felt the contents of his stomach rise, the acidic bile burned his throat and he fought against it, knowing he didn't have enough energy to make it to the toilet just a few inches away. He could feel himself shaking, the uncontrollable tremors taking control and demanding alcohol. He knew that if he had just one drink, everything would be okay. He needed just one sip, anything to get him through this.

He swayed on his feet, and started to tip over when Liz hurried to his side, and they both slowly slid to the floor.

"I just need to stay here for awhile." He stated breathlessly, relying heavily on her to hold up his weight and he closed his eyes.

She nodded and propped him up against the wall. She silently left the room and walked into the kitchen, taking a bowl out of the cabinet. She filled it with cold water before grabbing a towel out of the hall closet and heading back into the bathroom.

Sitting the bowl on the floor beside him, she dipped the towel into the water and wrung it out. She wiped him down with the cool towel, hoping that it gave him some relief to the heat. She dipped the towel in the water again before folding it and placing it over his forehead.

"Here Max," She said as she picked up the cup she’d used earlier. She filled it with fresh water. "Drink this." She pressed the edge of the cup against his lips. He opened his eyes and tilted his head back to let the cold liquid enter his dry mouth. He gulped down the whole glass, sighing in satisfaction as it slid down his throat.

"Thank you." He murmured sleepily.

She smiled, brushing back his hair. "You ready to try and get up now?" He nodded and she moved to his side as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She helped him steady himself as he stood, and together they slowly made it into the bedroom.

Max let out a groan as they both collapsed onto the bed, Max falling on top of her. He was breathing heavily, completely exhausted from the simple task. He tried to move as much of his weight off of Liz as he could, wanting so badly to help her, help him. He hated being this weak, not being able to take care of himself and relying on Liz. But he was so tired. So very tired.

He buried is face in her neck, nuzzling his nose against her soft cool skin. Liz wrapped her arms around him, burying her fingers in his hair.

"Just relax now Max. I've got you." She said as she placed a gentle kiss over his temple. She began to untangle herself from their embrace, but he tightened his grip on her.

"Wait. Just let me hold you for a second." He whispered against her.

He focused on Liz. Her soft body under his, her fingers gently massaging his head. He sighed as he left a trail of lazy kisses up and down her neck, and she shivered under his touch. She whispered softly in his ear, reassuring him that everything would be okay. That she was there for him. And that she loved him. He let himself drown in her and he relaxed.

"Max?" She moved her hands from his hair to stroke his back, her finger tracing the path of his long scar. When he didn't respond, she pulled the sheet over them and settled back against the pillows. Pressing her lips against his forehead in a soft kiss, she watched over him for the rest of the night.
**************

Her voice was haunting him. Poking and prodding at his mind, backing him into a corner. He cried out for help. For anything that would stop the voices, stop the haunting. He tried to push against them, but they came at him stronger, louder.

Don't hide from me Maxie.

There was no where to hide. No closet to close himself up in, no dark corners to creep into. He was stuck in this whirlwind of voices.

"Please... stay away from me."

No one else wants you.

He was a curse, a black hole, some how sucking the life out of everything and everyone involved with him.

"Liz....."

You don't deserve her. She's pure, beautiful, and special. Your trash, used, spoiled.

Tainted.

He wasn't good enough for her. He would never be. He would always be this dark spot in her life.

He didn't deserve her.

Kiss me. Don't fight it Maxie. You know you want it. No one else wants you.

"No. Please....."

Don't run from me!! You killed her!! It's your fault!! Your worth shit boy!!

You're a murderer.

"No. Go away."

You get what you deserve. You're trash Maxie. No one will want used garbage. You'll be alone. You’re tainted.

Alone.

Tainted.
*********

Thursday

Max jerked up in bed, a quiet whimper lost on his lips as the last of his nightmare lingered on in his mind. It echoed around him until it faded completely, but he couldn't forget, he couldn't let go. Those voices, they continued to taunt him.

After catching his breath, he sagged against the headboard, the nightmare leaving him trembling. He jumped, recoiling farther against the headboard as his bedroom door swung open.

Kiss me Maxie. Don't hide from me.

Shaking with fear, he whispered a soft "No…" And waited for what was to come.

He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with the sheet, knowing she was going to be on the other side, knowing what was going to happen. She was coming for him and she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted.

His breathing quickened as he heard the footsteps of someone entering the room. His heart beat erratically in his chest as if it were trying to push itself out of his skin.

"Max?"

It took awhile for that voice to register in his cluttered mind. Pushing through all the taunting voices, it's soft sweet tone overpowered them all until it was the only sound echoing in his mind.

He opened his eyes and peeked out from under the sheet. A dry sob escaped him as he saw Liz standing next to the bed, and gentle smile gracing her sweet lips, but her eyes expressing great worry. He didn't notice the tray she was holding, his eyes were locked on her face, unable to look away. He didn't notice the silent tears running down his cheeks, dripping onto the sheet he clutched so tightly in his hands.

Liz set the tray of food on the nightstand and slid onto the bed, pulling him into her arms. By the fear in his eyes and the shudders running through his body, she could tell what had happened. She rocked him slowly as he cried silently against her.

She was so silent. He wanted to cry out. He wanted her to speak, to say something. He needed something to drown out these voices. He couldn't handle the truth. He needed her to lie to him. To let him know that everything was okay. That he was going to be fine. These voices were insulting him with the truth.

He wanted it to stop.

"Max, what's wrong?" She asked, as he pressed his hands to his ears, a pained expression on his features as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"They won't stop. Please make them stop." Came his desperate plea. "They won't stop."

"Shhhh." She whispered as she pulled his hands away from his ears. "What won't stop? Talk to me Max."

He opened his eyes, his tears spilling out as he raised them to look at her. His voice was muffled against her neck as he spoke. "She won't leave me alone. She keeps torturing me. She won't go away."

"Lauren?" He nodded. "Max, it was just a dream. She's not here anymore. She can't hurt you." She brushed at his tears. "What did she say?"

Lowering his eyes, he pressed his face into her neck, tightening his hold on her. "She wanted me to do things that I didn't to do. She kept telling me that I killed Isabel. I got what I deserved. I'm alone and no one wants me. I'm trash. I don't deserve you."

"Stop it, Max. It's not true. Stop letting your nightmares get to you. She's gone. It's time for you to move on."

"I can't."

"You're not letting yourself. You keep letting her get to you. You believe what she tells you. Even though she's gone, you're still under her power. You have to want to move on. You have to realize that what she told you were lies Max." She craned her neck to see his face. "The truth is people don't always get what they deserve. You didn't get what you deserved. You never deserved that hell that you had to go through. You are worth so much more than that."

He shook his head in protest. "Listen to me. She took something from you Max. She stole your innocence, your childhood. She tried to steal your soul Max, she tried to steal your good heart, but she could never do it. She wanted you to be mad at the world. She wanted you to hate everyone and everything like she did. But she couldn't do it. She only managed to make you turn that hate onto yourself when you did nothing to deserve it."

"But I kill...."

"Stop it." She interrupted firmily. "You weren't responsible for her death. You were six years old Max. Did you push her out into the street?" He shook his head. "Were you driving the car?" Again, he shook his head. "Max, you had nothing to do with her death. What happened, happened. And it was because of fate. Do you understand now?" She knew that he was still struggling with that fact, but she knew that he needed time to see the truth. That truth being that he wasn't responsible and he needed to move on. She watched him as he nodded his head and managed a small smile. "I love you. You know that."

"I know." He croaked, his voice hoarse from his tears.

She leaned down and placed a quick peck on his lips. "Good. I made you breakfast. Well, brunch. Seeing as it is eleven right now." Max sat up, wiping his eyes as she reached over to grabbed the tray.

"Thank you for this Liz. For everything." He said as he stared down at the eggs, bacon, bread and glass of orange juice sitting on the tray. "But I thought you were going to school today. You didn't have to stay here for me."

"I've told you millions of times Max. You are what's important to me. And I wasn't about to let you stay here by yourself with a fever of 102." She sighed when he looked at her skeptically. "Don't worry. Maria's getting all of our work for us. We're not missing anything."

"But....."

Liz threw up her hands in surrender. "Fine. If you don't want me to stay, I'll go." She stood from the bed. "I guess I won't be able to give you that big bowl of ice cream I was going to make." She said as she walked away.

"Wait. What ice cream?" He asked suspiciously.

Liz hid her knowing smirk as she turned around to face him. "After you were done with your food, I was going to make us a huge bowl of ice cream. And I was thinking that we could go in the living room and watch a couple of movies while you rest. But you don't want me to stay so...." She turned to leave again.

"Wait." He called again. "What kind of ice cream." He asked, not bothering to hide his interest.

"Oh, just vanilla mixed with chocolate chip cookies crumbled inside."

His favorite. Max unconsciously licked his lips. He bet Maria told her that he was a sucker for ice cream. "I guess you could maybe stay a little while. You know, so we can watch the movies and all."

"Yeah, so we can watch the movies." She repeated knowingly. She couldn't help but laugh at the expression on his face.

Max smiled, grabbing the fork that was sitting on the tray and started to eat. "Maria told you, didn't she?" Liz moved to sit next to him again.

"Yeah. And I'm glad she did. Who would have guessed that Max Evans would have a weakness for vanilla ice cream with chocolate chip cookies? She told me that she could get you to do anything when you guys were younger if she promised you a bowl of ice cream." She laughed.

He ducked his head as his cheeks reddened. "Fine. I'll admit it. I like ice cream."

She shook her head as she grabbed a piece of bacon from his tray. "Maria said it was more like an obsession." She corrected.

"Okay, okay. I obsess over ice cream. Is that a crime?" He said, rolling his eyes.

She laughed. "No. I guess not. You just have a huge sweet tooth."

"Hmm." He said as he swallowed a mouthful of eggs. "That must be why I love you so much." He said.

It was Liz's turn to blush, but she couldn't keep the grin off her face. This was the Max that she had missed. The Max before everything was brought out into the open and all the drama started. Not that she regretted that he was finally opening up, but she had missed him. He was slowly coming back and she cherished these short and very few carefree moments she had with him.

"You're supposed to be sick. Stop flirting with the nurse." She scolded playfully.

"Yes ma'am." He said with a salute.

"But, seriously, how are you feeling?" She pressed her hand up to his forehead.

“I feel a little bit better than last night. Thanks to my nurse.” He said, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry for keeping you up last night. You must be exhausted.” His temporary good mood diminished as he thought about him being so helpless and having Liz to help him.

“Cut it out. I don’t want to talking or thinking that you’re helpless. Anyone who goes through withdrawals need help Max. But, unfortunately not everyone has someone to help them like you do. So shut up and let me take care of you.” She said firmly. “You’re in no condition to be doing anything anyway.”

“I’m fine Liz.” He said, trying to hide his grimace as his nausea started to creep back on him. He pushed the tray of food away setting it next to him.

She raised her eyebrow doubtfully. She stood and left the room, returning a few seconds later with a thermometer.

“Liz, what are yo…” He was cut off when she shoved the thermometer in his mouth. She pulled the thermometer out of his mouth a few minutes later and checked the temperature.

“You have a fever of 101. I’m staying.”

Max sighed as he slumped back against the pillows. “Look Max. I know you’re not used to this, but you have to learn to ask for help sometimes. A fever is not something to play with. Especially when you’re having withdrawals.”

“But….”

She pressed her finger against his lips to silence him. “Max, I came too close to losing you once and I’m not getting that close again.” She moved her finger and cupped his cheek. “You are going to get through this. And when you do, you’re going to make me the biggest dinner because you love me.” She said jokingly.

“I do love you.” He whispered seriously.

“And I love you. And I just want you to get better. And you know Maria’s going crazy worrying about you. Just be glad that I’m not her.”

He smiled softly and pulled her close, kissing her lips. “Thank you Liz. I love you. I love you so much.” He mumbled as he hugged his heated body closer to her.

Liz’s heart burst with love. This is what made it worth it to her. Being able to tell him she loved him and to have him be able to say it back, it made it all worth while. And this love, she had never felt anything like it before. Not until this broken spirit had entered her life and somehow through everything, she had managed to see him, under everything. She had managed to break through his walls, unlock his doors. And behind them was this wonderful person, this wonderful love, the greatest feeling in the world. And she wouldn’t give it up for anything.

“You want that ice cream now?” She asked as she slightly pulled away from him.

He sadly shook his head. “I don’t think I have the stomach for it.”

“You wanna just watch a movie?” He nodded his head in agreement. She helped his steady himself as he stood and made his way into the bathroom to freshen up.

While he was in the bathroom, Liz headed into the living room to choose a movie before settling on the couch. A few minutes later, Max stumbled into the room, collapsing on the couch.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded as he lay on his side, pulling her down against him. “I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded.” He said, waving his hand in the air to emphasize that it was no big deal.

She looked up at him skeptically before turning around and resting her head under his chin. She started the movie and only thirty minutes into it, she dozed off, the night of staying up and caring for Max catching up with her.

Max held her close, not paying any attention to the movie playing in the background, but to the sound of her deep even breaths and the way she sighed his name when he kissed the top of her head. She rolled over to face him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

He stared at her peaceful features in awe. And again he had to wonder how this beautiful person, inside and out, could ever want to be his. And then he was overjoyed that she was his. That she could just come into his life and turn it upside down. She had been the only one who could break down his walls, the only one he had learned to trust in such a short time. She had showed him that she loved him to no ends and now it was his turn to do the same.

TBC………

Hey guys. Sorry for the wait. My muse kind of broke down on me. Hope you enjoyed.

P.S. Thanks for the bump Sarah.

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 25

Friday

The smell of something burning finally woke Liz from her peaceful slumber. Her eyes still unwilling to open, she rolled over, her hand searching for Max’s hard body. When she only came in contact with soft, cool sheets, she jerked up in panic.

She heard what sounded like pots and pans hitting the floor and she quickly flung back the sheets and hopped out of bed. She made her way down the hallway, but the scene in the kitchen halted her movements.

The kitchen floor was covered in what looked like pancake mix and broken egg shells. The toaster produced two very black pieces of bread and the sink was pilled with dishes. The air was a smoky grey and Max, who from behind looked to have somehow managed to keep himself clean through this disaster, waved his hand in front of his face and let out a loud cough.

“Max?” Liz called, while trying to stifle her laughter.

Startled, he whirled around, the spatula in his hand dripped pancake mix all over the floor. Liz tried to hide her giggle as she saw that the front of him was in total contrast to his back. He had egg yolk, pancake mix and some other substances smeared over his ‘kiss the cook’ apron. She couldn’t even come up with a logical explanation as to why there was pancake mix and butter on his face and in his hair.

“Liz!” He shouted in surprise, hiding the spatula behind his back as if that would somehow hide the mess that he had made. “What are you doing up so early?”

Her amused smile widen. He looked as if he had gotten caught eating candy before dinner. “I smelt something burning.” She said as she slowly stepped into the room. “Max, what did you do?”

His shoulders slumped in defeat and he set the spatula on the counter. “I was trying to cook you breakfast. But things got a little out of control.” He said with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders. And before he could prepare himself, Liz launched herself into his arms, pressing her lips firmly to his. He wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her up.

“I love you.” She mumbled as rested her forehead against his.

“Wow. If I get this kind of reaction for screwing up breakfast, what kind would I get if I actually cooked it right?” He said as he let her slide down his body and onto the floor.

“So, I’d say that you’re feeling better?”

He nodded, even though his head still throbbed, it wasn’t as unbearable as it had been. At least now he could stand on his own with getting dizzy. “Much. Thanks again to my private nurse.” He smiled at her, showing off his adorable dimples.

“How’d you get this stuff into your hair?” She asked a she picked at his hair.

He rolled his eyes. “You don’t want to know.”

“So what happened?” She asked, gesturing to the mess around them.

“First I tried to cook the stupid eggs, but I kept burning them and they kept getting stuck to the skillet.” He pouted.

“I’m sure that they’re fine.” She reassured him as she turned towards the stove. Using the spatula, she tried to force the eggs from the skillet, but they wouldn’t budge. She scraped them harder until they flew off and into the sink. “Well, some people like theirs well done.”

“I tried to cook you pancakes, but I couldn’t keep the stupid things from spreading all over the pan. And then the toaster went haywire and burnt the toast.” He whined. “I wanted to have a nice breakfast with you. I just wanted to do something for you for a change.”

“You are so cute.” She said as she cleaned off his face with a paper towel. She then tossed it aside and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Max, you didn’t have to do anything for me. But I appreciate this anyway.” She pulled his head down to meet his lips with hers. “You’ve been eating ice cream, haven’t you?” She could taste the vanilla on his lips.

“Yes I have. And it was damn good.” He said as he tried to bring his lips to hers again, but she stopped him.

“But it’s so early.”

“Sue me.”

She giggled as he nibbled on her bottom lip and she parted her lips to grant his tongue access. She moaned into his mouth as their tongues fused together in a heated, sensual kiss. Max picked her up without breaking the kiss and deposited her on top of the counter. She spread her legs allowing him to step in between them.

A loud shriek broke the couple apart and they breathlessly turned to see a shocked Maria standing in the doorway.

“Um….hi Ria.” Max said as he helped Liz off the counter.

“Hi Ria? Is that all you have to say to me?” She questioned.

“Um…yeah, pretty much.”

“While I’m in the middle of a major relationship crisis, you two are in here just sucking face right in front of me. Have you no heart?” She spat bitterly.

“Ria, I didn….”

She held up her hand. “Save it Max. While you were in here trying to please your girlfriend, making her breakfast and being a wonderful boyfriend and whatnot, I was at home, alone, stuffing my face with Twinkies and ice cream sandwiches. I come over to my best friend’s house to try and find some sort of solace and what do I find?”

“Maria, Max was ju….”

“I find him making out with his girlfriend, when I need him the most. I ask you, what has this world come to?” She said before storming out of the apartment.

Liz blinked, not really sure of what just happened. “Um…wow.”

Max shook his head as he started to clean the mess he made. “She’s always like this when she and Michael having a disagreement. You sort of get used to it after you’ve been around her through these things as much as I have.”

Liz grabbed some papers towels and started to wipe up the broken eggs from the floor. “Is she always so….harsh and bitter towards men?” Max raised his eyebrows in a what - do - you - think - look. “Sorry. Stupid question.”

“Once, she formed this organization called GAG. Girls Against Guys. She handed out fliers and insisted on having the meetings here.”

“Awww. That must have been hard for you.”

“Thirty girls, who hate guys and I’m the only guy in the room, yeah it was pretty bad.” He shook his head as he finished wiping down the counter. “But, I think she’s really pissed this time.”

She threw the paper towel into the trash. “Well, I just hope that she’s in a better mood by this afternoon. We’re supposed to go shopping for my prom dress.”

“That’ll be fun.” He commented dryly.

“Soooo, you don’t think they’ll be getting back together soon?” She asked, thinking about the bet that they had made.

“No. At least not for awhile.” He said.

As casually as she could, she back out of the kitchen, trying to get out of paying him five dollars. “Liz, where are you going?”

“Damn.” She cursed under her breath. “I um...I need to get home. I need to get ready for school.”

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “You have a drawer full of clothes here.”

She shook her head, backing up towards the front door. "Oh um... I need to get my favorite hoodie. I left it at home." She bumped into the door, letting out a nervous laugh and she ran her hand along the surface of the door to find the knob.

“You brought it over yesterday after work. And you’re still in your pajamas.” He said as he advanced towards her.

"I have to go. You know..... to work or something." Her eyes widen as Max made his way over to her, a knowing smirk plastered on his face. She hurried to open the door. "So um... I see you later. Love you. Bye." Just as she was about to run out the door, Max grabbed her arm, pulling her back into the apartment and closing the door behind her.

She feigned innocence as she pressed her body against the door. "Wha...What are you doing Max?"

He placed his hand on the door above her head. "You owe me five dollars don't you?" He smirked.

She waved her hand in the air. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He brought his free hand to rest on her waist. "You don't remember betting me that Maria and Michael would be back together by the end of the week?"

"Ohhhh. That."

"Yes. That." He said mockingly.

"Yeah, that wasn't me." She said innocently.

He raised his eyebrows. "It wasn't. So, who was it then? Because I'd really like to see this person again. You know she was very beautiful and smart. And I think I'm in love with her." He said seriously, moving his hand to run up and down her arm.

She smacked her hand to her forehead. "You know what? That was me. Silly me. It must have slipped my mind or something."

He nodded, narrowing his eyes. "When people lose bets, things do tend to just slip their mind." He commented sarcastically.

"So you understand then. I'll see you later Max." She started to reach for the door knob, but Max once again stopped her.

He poked her on her nose with his finger. "You owe me five bucks Liz."

"Max." She pouted, wrapping her hands around his neck. "You’re not seriously going to make me pay?" She said as she began to nibble on his collarbone. "Are you?" She stood on her tip toes and brushed her lips against his. He immediately responded, removing his hand from the door and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.

"Are..... you.....trying to.....distract.....me." He asked between kisses.

"Yes."

"Okay. Just asking."

"Be quiet. You're talking too much." She mumbled against his lips.

He nibbled on her bottom lip, gently sucking it in between his lips. "You're talking.....telling me...to stop.....talking."

"I know.....But I....was just....talking so....that I.....could tell.....you to stop....talking." She mumbled. Her tongue mingled with his and she moaned into his mouth, burying her fingers into his hair at the back of his head.

He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. "Maybe.....Maybe both of us should just shut up." He said breathlessly.

"Yeah. That's a good idea." She breathed before she pulled his mouth back down to hers. Moans and sighs of pleasure filled the otherwise silent apartment. The couple started to back up finding their way to the couch without disturbing the kiss.

Liz positioned herself so that she was settled between his legs, her center against his arousal. Without thinking, her hands slid down his sides, before traveling back up under his shirt, her hands burning a hot trail over his tight abs.

Kiss me. Don't fight it Maxie. You know you want it.

She's pure, beautiful, and special. Your trash, used, spoiled.

Don't fight it Maxie.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

He felt as if he was suffocating, and he opened his eyes. He didn’t see Liz’s warm, loving eyes looking back at him. The eyes he saw were angry, icy blue eyes piercing through him, the eyes were accusing. The hair that was brushing up against his chest wasn’t silky brown, it was bleached blond curls.

Max shut his eyes tight, trying desperately to focus on Liz, focus on her presence surrounding him and not on the mocking voices clouding his mind. This was Liz, this was the girl he loved touching him, and he reminded himself of this over and over.

Don't fight it Maxie. Kiss me.

He bit his lip as Liz moved down his jaw and latched her mouth onto his neck. A small cry left his lips and Liz immediately stopped her movements. She looked down to see Max shaking in her arms, his features etched in terror.

“Max?” It was then that she realized that she had her hands under his shirt and she quickly yanked them out, cautiously placing them on either side of his face. “Max, I’m sorry. I was going too fast. I’m sorry.” She rolled off of him and pulled him against her chest. He tensed almost fighting against her, his eyes squeezed shut as he pushed at her shoulders. “Max, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” He relaxed against her at the sound of her voice, as a strangled sob escaped him. “Shhhh. It’s okay.” She soothed as she stroked his back with one hand and massaged his scalp with the other.

“I’m s-sorry. I tried to c-convince myself th-that it wasn’t her.” He cried his voice muffled against her neck. “I can’t let go. It still haunts me.”

“Max, you can’t expect something like this just to go away. It takes time.”

“I’m sorry. I just completely ruined your morning.” He said. He glanced up at her then quickly looked away, ashamed that he couldn’t make out with his girlfriend without freaking out. He sat up and wiped his eyes.

“I need to finish cleaning the kitchen. And I still need to get ready for school.” He started to get up when Liz caught his arm and he jumped at the contact.

“Are you okay?” She asked taking his hand in hers.

“I’m fine.” He assured her, carefully avoiding her gaze.

“Then why are you shaking?”

He was silent. And he stayed that way for a few moments before he stood and walked into the kitchen. Liz sighed and fell back against the couch. If only he could know what was going through his mind right now. She wished that he would just stop being so afraid to confide in her. But knowing that he wouldn’t talk if she kept hounding him, she would just keep a close eye on him and wait until he was ready.
***********

“I hate my boobs!!”

“What?”

Liz angrily stomped out of the dressing room, her arms folded in front of her, hiding her chest. “Look at this. I look like a freaking eleven year old in this thing.” She whined, gesturing to her chest which definitely did not fill out the dark red dress.

“Liz, all we have to do is pin it in the back and you’ll be fine.” Maria assured her while walking around, observing how the dress fit her. “But maybe we should go with another dress. Maybe a powder blue or a light purple.”

“Fine. Whatever. Regardless of what I try on, my boobs are going to look like two nails in a wall.” She huffed as she turned to change out of the dress.

“Liz, you’re gorgeous babe. Just because you don’t have big honkers, doesn’t mean anything. Mine are small and I’m a knock out.” She said as she admired herself in the mirror outside of the dressing rooms stalls. She puckered up her lips and shimmied her shoulders.

Liz walked out of the stall, giving Maria a funny look before breezing pass her shimmying friend.

Finally realizing that Liz was no longer in the dressing room, Maria stopped her movements and scurried after her. She found her putting the dress back on the rack.

“What’s with all of the insecurities anyway? By the way Max was devouring you this morning, you’re just perfect for him.”

Liz’s mood took another turn for the worse as she thought about what happened that morning. She was so worried for him. The fear she had seen in his eyes was like nothing she had seen before. Liz couldn’t help but think that it was because of her that he freaked out. It was her fault, but in reality, it wasn’t.

Did that made any sense at all?

Liz was the one touching him. But, he was picturing Lauren touching him when he didn’t want to be. He was picturing her taken advantage of him. But Liz couldn’t shake the feeling that it was something wrong with her.

But that was totally irrational.

Her insecurities were getting the better of her. Max loved her for who she was.

But she couldn’t help the way she felt.

“I’m not being insecure.” She denied, knowing that that was a lie. “I’m just saying…I have small boobs.” She said, wanting to change the subject.

“What about this one?” Maria suggested, holding up the dress.

Liz studied it, her eyes narrowed as she turned it around several times. “Cute, simple and affordable. I’ll try it on.” She headed for the dressing room and came out a few minutes later with a huge grin plastered on her face.

“Model for me babe.” Maria requested as she surveyed the dress. The dress was midnight blue, with thin straps holding it up on her petite form. It was covered with sparkles, making it look as if you were staring up into the night’s sky. On one side, the dress fell to mid-thigh, while the other continued to swoop down until it just reached her knee.

“Gorgeous babe. Max will have a heart attack. And then I would have to sue you for killing my best friend.” She smiled as Liz did a little twirl.

She laughed. “Okay, I want this one. Now we have to get back. My shift starts in twenty minutes.”
*********

Liz struggled to lift her feet high enough to reach the first step of the stairs leading to the apartment above the restaurant. For the last four hours, she had been on her feet, without any breaks. These people acted as if the Crashdown was the only restaurant in town. She was the only waitress working tonight and her father had left for some conference in Hondo and wouldn’t be back until Monday. She had Agnes, but she never did any work. Luckily, Maria offered to help and relieve Liz of some of her customers.

But she still wanted to sink into a steaming hot bath and then sleep forever.

She opened the front door and walked through the darkened living room. Pulling off her antennas, she tossed them on the couch and made her way into the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of Snapple out of the refrigerator, she headed up to her room.

But when she entered her room, she stopped dead in her tracks and she fumbled to keep from dropping the Snapple bottle and spilling it all over the floor.

There, perched on either side of her bed on the nightstands were two vases overflowing with white roses. In the middle of her bed sat a small black teddy bear, holding a single white rose and a small red heart. Next to it was an envelope with her name scrawled across it in Max’s handwriting.

Shaking herself from the shock, she walked forward and picked up the envelope and eagerly opened it.

To My Favorite Girl,

I love you. I love you so much sometimes it hurts. And I don’t have the right words to say. I’m not a smooth talker, so I can’t sweet talk you. You know I can’t cook, so I can’t cook you a three course meal. I try, but I can’t put into words how much you mean to me. I don’t want this to be corny but, sometimes I watch you while you’re sleep.

And you’re gorgeous. Beautiful.

And I just can’t understand why this bright light, this ray of sunshine would want to have anything to do with me. I can’t figure out why this angel would want to heal my tattered soul.

But you have showed me time and time again that you’re here to stay and that you love me. I still don’t understand it. And maybe I never will. But thank you for seeing me. Thank you for being there, for lending me your shoulder to cry on. You’re my rock. My sun. And I thank you for that.

I wrote this because I don’t have enough courage to say this in person. But I love you. Please don’t ever doubt that.

You’re my fallen angel.

I love you.

Max

Liz was crying by the time she finished. She slumped down on her bed and reached for the teddy bear, pulling it close to her chest. She inhaled the delicate scent of the rose and reread the card over and over until she noticed something was written on the back.

P.S. Change into the clothes I left out for you on your dresser and come out on the balcony.

Her heart filling with giddy anticipation, she clutched the bear to her chest and quickly made her way to her dresser. Sitting on top of it was a short pair of pajama shorts that she normally wore to bed and a small tee shirt, which would leave her shoulders and some of her stomach exposed. She raised her eyebrow in confusion as to why he wanted her to wear her pajamas, but she quickly changed and made her way to the window, the small black bear still clutched securely against her.

She pulled back the curtain, and pushed the window open, climbing out onto the balcony. When she straightened, her jaw fell open at the scene in front of her.

All of her candles that she kept up there were lit, their flames dancing in the soft breeze. The floor of the balcony was covered with a large comforter, almost covering the entire balcony. In the center of the balcony sat Max, surrounded by dozens and dozens of pillows.

“Hi.” He said quietly, not knowing if she liked the surprise or not. She was just standing there, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. He stood and walked towards her, taking her hand in his. “What do you think?”

“Wow.” She breathed. “Max, when did you do all of this?” She asked, finally bringing her eyes to his.

“While you were working. I picked up the roses and the bear while you were shopping with Maria.” He tugged on her hand and led her to the circle of pillows.

“They’re gorgeous Max.” She said, still in disbelief. “This is gorgeous. And I love my bear.” She said hugging the teddy bear closer. "Thank you." She said before pulling him into a tight embrace.

“You deserve it Liz. Have you eaten yet?”

She shook her head and watched as he turned to grab a picnic basket from behind the pillows. “I thought that maybe we could have a picnic and do a little stargazing. And then sleep under the stars.” He pulled out a large plastic container. “And don't worry. I didn’t go in your drawers to get your pajamas. I had Maria come and get them. I didn’t know how you would feel if you knew I was snooping around in your underwear drawer.”

“Always a gentleman.” She smiled before kissing his lips sweetly.

“How does lasagna sound?” He said.

“Lasagna sounds great.” She sighed, cuddling into his chest as he opened the container. He took out two plates, forks and napkins.

“Don’t worry I didn’t cook it.” He smiled as Liz giggled beside him. He fixed both of their plates and then pulled out two wine glasses and a bottle filled with a brownish liquid.

“Max…”

He handed her a glass. “It’s apple cider Liz.” He smiled as he filled the glasses. “A toast.” He said as he raised his glass. Liz copied his movement. “To the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“And to the most wonderful guy in the world.” Liz added. Max ducked his head as his cheeks reddened, only to be raised again when Liz placed her finger under his chin and brought his eyes to hers. “It’s true Max. Don’t doubt yourself.”

He nodded as their glasses touched, causing a soft clink sound. He intertwined his arm with hers and they took a sip of their cider.

“So, where’d you get the food? It smells good.” She said as they settled back against the pillows and started to eat.

“Senor Chows.” He said with a sheepish grin. She laughed as she rolled her eyes.

Aside from the soft breeze, the night was warm and the moon was big and full. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight and the stars were bright, twinkling in all their heavenly brilliance.

Max and Liz stared, captivated by the night sky. “It’s amazing how each star seems so small when you’re looking at them from here. But, they’re really giant balls of fire. I mean some of these stars are about the size of thousands of earths put together. Can you image something so huge?” Liz wondered aloud from where she safely sat in between Max’s legs.

“I know. It’s really hard to believe that we’re alone in this universe. I mean, it’s so huge. For all we know, there could be another world, with people just like us living on it, wondering the same things we are.” He whispered as his eyes darted across the wide vastness of darkness. He wondered if his mother was up there, watching him. Or Isabel, looking down on him, smiling. Or maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she was mad at him for what he had done. Maybe she too believed that he got what he deserved.

He tensed at his thoughts and his arms unconsciously tightened around Liz.

Liz tilted her head back to see his face and asked, “You okay?”

He nodded. “I’m fine.” Her gaze lingered on him as she tried to figure out whether he was lying or not. “Lay down.” He said softly, wanting to direct the attention off of him. Liz did as she was told and watched as he moved to grab a small bottle from behind the pillows.

“I know you’ve been working hard today and since you do everything to soothe me when I need it, I figured I could at least try and return the favor.” He motioned for her to roll over on her back and she complied without hesitation. The smell of coconut floated to her nose and she let out a small moan as she felt Max’s strong hands massaging her feet. He paid special attention to each one, seemingly hitting the sorest spots.

Blocking out her soft moans and sighs of pleasure, Max concentrated on the job at hand and moved up the back of her legs, kneading her calves and her thighs.

“That feels so good.” She groaned as he started to manipulate her lower back, relaxing every muscle he touched. His warm hands traveled farther up her shirt, before shying away and moving to her arms. He treated them lovingly and slowly, oiling them with the sweet smelling lotion before moving to her neck and shoulders. “You’re wonderful Max Evans.” She murmured as his slow, relaxing movement eased her into sleep.

It wasn’t until he could hear her steady, deep breathing that he stopped and put the lotion away. He grabbed the blanket that was set off to the side and covered them both. He settled down next to her, encircling her small frame in his arms.

It felt so good doing things for her and making her happy. Knowing that he was the one to put that peaceful smile on her face, warmed his heart. And for the first time in a long while, he felt at peace because she was at peace. And he decided that it was no better feeling than that.

TBC………………

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the wonderful feedback. Let me know what you think. See you next week.

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Chapter 26

It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining brightly, and it was just the right temperature to go running through the sprinklers. It was the perfect day to just sit out on the porch and enjoy the slight breeze, the kind of day that left the little kids gazing out the window, just waiting for the sound of the ice cream man’s trunk to come down their street.

But he didn’t see the slow moving ice cream trunk that everyone adored. And he didn’t run to see if he had enough change to buy a popsicle.

The sound of tires scraping against the road, a piercing scream, and finally a deadly thud, reached his ears. He wanted to run. He wanted to get help, he just wanted to move. But he was frozen, his eyes glued to the scene in front of him.

Now he stared at the tire marks on the street, where the car had tried desperately to stop on time, but had failed miserably. He felt someone shaking him, asking him questions. But he couldn’t hear it, he didn’t want to. Only the blaring sound of sirens whizzing down the street could reach his ears.

Thick, dark red blood seeped through the cracks in the street, leaving a trail to where he dared not to look. He knew what he would find. And there was no hope for her. She was gone and he was alone.

Someone was pulling him, forcing him to move and he found that his was following that trail of blood. He fought the hand pulling him. He screamed and yelled, cried out for someone to help him. He was only met with the sympathetic eyes of the growing crowd.

He turned his head, and then he saw her. He dropped to his knees, heaving out the acid that rose in his throat.

Her back was clearly broken as it twisted around the lamp post. Her arms, neck and legs were bent at odd angles, all sprouting blood soaking the surrounding area.

There was a stale sense of death in the air and it was crushing him. There was too much blood. Too much red. He turned to run, only to be stopped again and being forced to look at the mangled mess of blood that once was his sister.

“Look what you did.” Came an angry tearful voice, whispering his ear. “You killed her.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, but all he could see was red. He couldn’t get away from it. And then the guilt washed over him, crashing down on him like a waterfall. He drowned himself in it. It was all he could feel. And not even the beatings that came that night could penetrate that feeling. He was lost and he didn’t care to be found.
************

Saturday

Max yawned as he stared sleepily at the cartoon playing on the television. He made a mental note to kill Alex later for getting him hooked on these things. He’d been up since four this morning, too afraid to go back to sleep. He felt like a child, not being able to sleep until his mother tucked him in at night. He was pathetic. Letting his dreams get to him and scaring him shitless. But, he couldn’t stop it. He’d staple his eyes open if it meant that he wouldn’t have to experience that accident again.

Liz was still asleep. Apparently, she was more tired than he thought. She hadn’t even stirred when he woke up screaming from his nightmare. And for that, he was grateful. He hated disturbing her just because he couldn’t get through the night.

Through all the time that they had spent together last night, they never brought up the subject of Max’s earlier breakdown. And again he was grateful. He couldn’t believe that Lauren still haunted him to the point where Liz couldn’t touch him without him breaking down. One minute he was enjoying the feeling of Liz and then the next, he was petrified of his memories, letting them take control. What if he actually hurt her one day? Would she be as understanding as she is now? Would she just give up on him?

Max was about to get up and head back to Liz, when he heard a knock at the door. He sighed wearily and headed to the front door. He swung it open to reveal Maria, dressed in her turquoise uniform, complete with silver apron.

“Hey Ria.” He said with a simulated smile.

“Hey. I brought you and Liz breakfast.” She said holding out a couple of Styrofoam carry-outs. “And, you can wipe that fake smile off your face. I know you too well.” She said as she made her way into the living room. “You look like you haven’t slept in three decades.”

Max groaned and closed the door behind her. He followed her as she moved into the kitchen.

“Where’s Liz?”

“Still sleeping.” He walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of Snapple. He handed one to her and sat at the table.

“Like you should be? You look like you just crawled out of the grave.” She commented as she fixed them both a plate.

“Gee, thanks for the boat of confidence.” He muttered.

“So how did everything go last night?” She asked as she pulled out some plates and forks out of the cabinet. “I know she enjoyed the massage. Your massages are killer. You could make some money off of those hands of yours.”

“Everything went great.” He said, rubbing his tired eyes.

“Maybe you and Liz should come to the party tonight.” She suggested as she fixed both of their plates.

“What party?”

“Samantha Berkley’s. She has the perfect party house and the parental units are on a business trip.” He grumbled something, a sure sign that he would decline. “Come on Max. You hadn’t been out in a while.”

“I’m out all the time.” He argued.

She shot him a knowing look. “You know what I mean. Come on. You can help me spy on Michael. That’s the reason I’m going anyway.” She said shamelessly.

He rolled his eyes. “Of course. What other reason is there to go to a party than to spy on your ex?” He laughed when she glared at him. “Take Alex as long as Serena is going you know he’ll go anywhere. And maybe Liz would want to go.” He said, taking a huge gulp of his Snapple.

“She’s not gonna want to go unless you go. Please Max.” She whined, sticking out her lower lip.

“Milton comes back today. He may need me to come in to work.” He said, not at all moved by her pitiful expression

“You know Milton. He hates to see you working on the weekends. He probably won’t call until Monday.” She said, figuring she had him trapped.

“I’m really not in the party mood, Ria.” He sighed.

“When are you ever?” She griped.

He sighed. “Go. Stalk your boyfriend and have a great time.” She stuck out her tongue, giving him an evil look. “Have you talked to him at all anyway?”

She dropped her fork and it landed on the plate with a loud clink. “No. He’s avoiding me on top of being his normal jackass self.” She pouted. “Max, help me.” She whined.

He cringed. “Stop with the whining. I think you should just talk to him. But, you know how stubborn he is. So if that didn’t work, you should use um…your assets to get your point across.” He said, taking a sip of his Snapple.

“So you’re saying I should put the banana in the donut hole?”

Max choked on his Snapple and Maria rushed to his side, thumping him on the back until he was able to swallow.

“You okay?”

He nodded as he tried to catch his breath. “Yeah, let’s just change the subject. I really don’t want to talk about bananas and donut holes right now. Especially yours and Michael’s.” He pressed his hands to his eyes. “Ahhh! I had a visual!! Quick, throw something in my eyes!! The horror!! The horror!!” He expressed dramatically.

She threw a napkin at him. “Shut up, Max.” He laughed as he ducked the flying object.

“So I take it you didn’t sleep well last night.” She commented as Max tried to stifle a yawn.

He knew this was coming. “I slept just fine, thank you very much.”

“Now you’re lying.” She said as she ate the last of her breakfast.

“Ria, I really don’t feel like doing this right now.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m just saying that you need a full night’s rest. Not to mention that you need to pick up some more weight.” She said, reaching down to pat his stomach. She cleaned off her plate and washed it off in the sink.

“Ria. I get, okay? Could you just stop with the mother mode?” He snapped as he cleaned his own plate. “And I thought we were talking about the party.”

“Don’t change the subject.” She scolded, giving him a pointed look. “Max, I know you’re still grieving over your sister‘s death, but you have to move on and realize that it wasn't your fault. Don’t you see what this is doing to you? You’re starving yourself and you can barely keep your eyes open. You need to believe that it wasn’t your fault.”

He shook his head in denial as he slumped down at the table. “I can’t.”

“Damn it Max, would you stop it already! It's not your fault! You weren't the one driving the damned car! You didn't push her out into the street! You were not responsible! All you did was read her diary! You were being a typical little brother! You had nothing to do with her death!"

He kept quiet, making invisible shapes on the surface of the table with his finger. Every time someone told him that he wanted to believe them, then that horrible image of Isabel flashed across his mind. And he was reminded again of what he'd done.

“I’m gonna go lay back down.” He mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

“Max…” She called, reaching out to catch his arm. “Stop doing this to yourself. Stop torturing yourself.”

He turned away, hating to see the sympathy and forgiveness in her eyes. Sympathy for what he’d been through and the fact that he couldn’t let it go. But, why was she so forgiving? What was she forgiving him for? For putting her through so much over the years? For not trusting her enough to confide in her? For making her worry about him every time she saw him retreating into himself? How could she forgive him so easily when he couldn’t forgive himself?

He backed away from her, his feelings getting the better of him. “I have to go.” He whispered as he turned and fled out of the room. Maria watched him go and wondered not for the first time why he couldn’t confide in her. But, she didn’t even think Max knew the answer to that. Sighing in defeat, she started out of the apartment and headed to work.

Max closed himself in Liz’s bedroom, pacing the length of the area to calm his agitated nerves. Somewhere along the time, his hands started to shake and his nausea returned. His need for alcohol amplified as his insides felt as if they would stop functioning without the liquid soon. His heart beat irregularly and he staggered into Liz’s bathroom and kneeled over the toilet, waiting to empty his stomach.

That horrible image of Isabel’s distorted body kept running through his mind and he fought the urge to tear off his scalp and rip out his brain. How could Maria say that it wasn’t his fault? Looking at that image, he knew it was. Why else would this still be haunting him? Why wouldn’t it leave him alone? Why did he always ask these same questions and never get an answer?

He didn’t have to wait long before he heaved up his breakfast, leaving him feeling empty and exhausted when he finished. He cleaned himself up, brushing his teeth with his toothbrush he’d brought over yesterday. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

He was a shell of his former self. He was once had an average lean shape, tanned to a golden bronze, his features chiseled in a masculine way. Now he was way too thin, his features gaunt and his skin a ghostly white, his eyes dull and weary. It was a wonder that his friends could stand to look at him.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, he left the bathroom, climbed through Liz’s window and approached her sleeping form.

She was simply gorgeous in everyway, just the opposite of him.

He slid under the sheets and pulled her body close. Sighing in her sleep, she cuddled against him before growing still again. Max frowned when she didn’t wake and he leaned down, nibbling gently on the soft skin of her neck. He ran his lips against the underside of her chin, savoring her sweet taste. The need for alcohol or something that would numb him grew too strong. And Liz was the best thing. He needed to get lost in her. He wanted to just feel her and nothing else.

“Wonderful wake up call.” She sighed as she brought her arms to wrap around his neck. She moaned as he sucked sweetly at a spot behind her ear. Shivering under him, she buried her fingers in his soft thick hair, pulling him closer. He was obviously unaware of the affect he had on her as he continued down her neck to taste her collarbone. His kisses became fierce, hungry, he wanted her and nothing else. His hands traveled up her shirt and down her sides, over her hips and her thighs, kneading her velvety flesh. He kissed his way up to her chin, almost roughly taking the underside of her jaw in his mouth as his hand brushed against her breast.

It was then that Liz snapped out of her sexual haze and she realized what was going on. “Max…” She said. She waited for him to stop.

He wasn’t there. He had to get lost in her. He had to get away from himself. She was so much better than him. He shifted so that he was laying on top of her, his legs positioned in between hers. He wanted her and nothing else.

“Max.” She said more firmly, pushing slightly at his shoulders.

He lifted one hand from beneath her shirt and buried it in her hair, tangling it in its softness. He hadn’t taken notice to the tears falling from his eyes as he worked on her neck, making love to her delicate skin with his tongue. He just wanted to climb into her. He needed to get lost in her.

Nothing but her.

“Max!!” She shouted, affectively pushing him off of her.

Max was stunned for a minute, lost at what just happened. His lips were swollen and red, his vision was blurred and he had no idea why. His breathing came out in short puffs as he tried to gain control. His trembling hadn’t ceased and he felt cold. So cold. Once his breathing was normal, he swiped at his eyes, confused to find tears. He looked to Liz. Her expression was one of shock and worry and he looked to his shaky hands and realized what he had done.

He had practically attacked her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, slowly moving away from her. What had he done? He had attacked her. “I’m so sorry.”

Liz shook herself from the shock and inched closer to him, only to have him back away. “What happened? What’s going on?” She questioned. He looked completely frightened of her. “Max, please…” She begged, reaching out to him.

He shook his head, pushing himself away from her, afraid that he would hurt her. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked as the tears streamed down his face, his eyes wide with fear and panic. He backed himself into a corner and rested his head on his knees as he rocked himself and chanted that he was sorry.

Liz was lost on what to do. Her greatest fear was true. Max was afraid of her. She wanted to protect him, she wanted to comfort him. But how could she when he was afraid of her.

Slowly moving to sit next to him, she placed a hand on his shoulder, only to have him jump away. “Max, please…” She whimpered, her own tears falling onto her shirt.

He stood, frantically looking for his shoes and his keys. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I have to get out of here.”

Liz wiped her eyes. “Max, you shouldn’t drive right now.”

He ignored her, his eyes darting across the balcony. “I have to go.” He stuttered as he moved to the edge of the balcony.

“Max,” She grabbed onto him, holding him close. And he struggled against her, but she held firm. “I’m not going to hurt you. Please Max.”

He slid to the ground, his cries coming out in soft sobs, his body shaking in fear and the need for alcohol. “I hurt you.” He moaned desperately. “I’m sorry.”

Dropping to her knees, she gathered him in her arms, holding him as tightly as she could. He was rigid against her, but didn’t pull away.

“I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” He mumbled into her chest.

Now she understood. Max wasn’t afraid of her. He was afraid for her. He was afraid that he’d hurt her. And he was convinced that he just did. He was so fragile and she had a need to protect him, to soothe his fears. But she had to work out her own before she could do that. She had her own insecurities eating away at her. Though they could be eased if she could talk to him and understand what was going on. But she couldn't do that knwo, not when he was in this state. It would only make it worse if they were both insecure.

“Is Maria downstairs?” She asked. He nodded, pulling himself away from her and retreating back into a corner. Her heart clinched at the sight of him. He was a small frightened child, just trying to keep himself from getting hurt and hurting the people he loved in the process. She silently turned away from him, his cries echoing behind her, jerking her own tears out of her eyes. She climbed through the window and then headed to her closest. Pulling on her robe, she tossed a cautious look back at Max’s huddled form before hurrying out of the room and downstairs.

She walked into the back room just in time to meet Maria who was walking in.

“What’s wrong?” Maria asked, immediately alarmed by Liz’s distraught appearance.

“It’s Max.” It was all Liz said before she grabbed Maria’s hand and dragged her up the stairs, back to Max.

“What happened?” Maria asked as she stepped out onto the balcony and spotted Max’s trembling form. She kneeled next to him and he clung to her for dear life.

“I hurt her. I‘m sorry.” He cried against her. Maria looked to Liz, who looked just as devastated as Max did. “I have to get out of here.”

Liz nodded her head and sunk to the ground, grabbing the black bear Max had given her last night, hugging it to her chest. Maria turned away from Liz and turned her green eyes to Max. “Sweetie, everything’s going to be fine. I’m going to take you home okay?” He nodded and pulled himself up. He collected his things, avoiding Liz’s pleading gaze as he moved around the balcony. He climbed through the window and headed downstairs.

“I’ll watch over the restaurant.” Liz offered. “My shift starts in an hour any way.” She sniffled.

“Are you okay? He didn’t really hurt you did he?” Maria asked, kneeling in front of her.

“I’m alright. It was just…He’ll tell you.” Maria crushed her into a hug before standing and following where Max had left. And it wasn’t until Liz could no longer hear Maria’s footsteps that she really broke down.
**********

The ride home was made in silence and it was a relief to finally reach the apartment building and head inside. All Max wanted to do was hide from the world. He’d hurt Liz and now there was nothing else here for him. It was his greatest fear and he’d almost done what Lauren had done to him all those years before.

Max walked stiffly in front of Maria. His eyes were vacant. He felt like he was outside of his body, watching himself wither away. And he liked it. He deserved to fade away, become nothing. Because he’d hurt Liz. And he hated himself.

Walking into the dead silence of his apartment was complete torture. He could hear those voices taunting him clearly. There was nothing to distract him, nothing to hide behind. And as soon as he walked through the door, they all assaulted him. They came rushing at him with great speed.

You destroy everything you come in contact with.

He doubled over, stumbled towards the couch and laying on his stomach, burying is face in the cushions. It was true. He’d completely destroyed Liz’s life with all of his emotional baggage. It wasn’t fair that she had to suffer because of him. It wasn’t fair that all his friends had to suffer because of him.

Maria covered his shivering body with a light blanket. She sat next to him, lifted his head and pillowed it in her lap. He waited for her to ask what happened, to shot questions left and right. But she never did. She only shifted her fingers through his hair and rubbed his back. He couldn’t stand the silence. He wanted her to talk, say anything. But she was quiet, her fingers playing at the ends of his hair.

“I attacked her.” He started, his voice raspy, full of self loathing. “She was sleeping and I had to get away from myself. I couldn’t have any alcohol, and I couldn’t handle it. I just needed to get lost in her. So I…..So I laid beside her and I started kissing her. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. It was blocking out everything I was feeling and all I could feel was her. I heard her calling me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. She had to push me off of her. I molested her. God knows I don’t want to hurt her, but I did. And I’m sorry.”

“You did not molest her Max. You were just caught up in your emotions. Max, what you need to do is talk to her. You’re letting your fear get the better of you. She thinks that you’re afraid of her. I saw the hurt in her eyes Max. And it wasn’t completely your fault. Liz has some insecurities she needs to work out. You two need to talk to each other and stop running from these things. You’re never going to beat this is you don’t face it head on. You keep making these assumptions that something bad is going to happen. It won’t be easy Max, but it will get easier.”

He shook his head, his silent tears falling onto her bare leg. “It hurts too much. It’s too much to handle.”

“That’s because you’re trying to do it all on your own. And you only brought Liz half way in the door. You can’t tell her and then that’s it. She wants you to talk to her. That means that when you wake up from a nightmare and she asks you what happen, you tell her exactly what happened. And you listen to what she says. You have to get rid of this notion that everything is your fault. You can’t control everything.” She explained gently, wiping the tears from his face.

"You don't know the whole story Ria. You don't know what you're talking about." He said quietly.

"Well, why don't you tell me? All I know is that some asshole blamed you for your sister's death and you believe that load of bullshit." She stated. "So tell me Max. Why do you believe that so much? Why are you depressed? And what really happened between you and your mother?"

It was then that Max felt the guilt of not telling her wash over him again. Maria had been with him through thick and thin. This was probably why he was so afraid to tell her. Because he didn’t know what he would do if he lost her. He was so afraid that she would shun him and reinforce what his father and Lauren would drill into his head. And he didn’t want to hurt her like he had done to Liz. It was his fault and he deserved every bad thing that happened to him.

But she’d always been there for him and vice versa. And it wasn’t fair to assume that she would leave him high and dry, not when she had been there for him so many times before. Not when she openly expressed that she loved him and would always be by his side.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. And instead of running and using his usual excuses, Max ignored his nagging fear of rejection. He took a deep breath and told her everything. He told her about his birth mother dying and Isabel being his lifesaver when he had no one to shield him from his father’s accusing eyes. He told her about Lauren and how she reacted to Isabel’s death and how alone and scared he had felt when he had no one to save him from her. He relayed the horrible details of his nightmares and how they still taunted him, reminding him of the wrongs he had done.

By the time he finished, Maria was raging with fury, pacing the length of the living room like a wide animal.

“I can‘t believe I actually liked that conniving slut!! That bitch better be glad she's dead....” She growled, her arms flying crazily around her, while Max sat on the couch, his head bowed. “And you’re father. How could he leave you with that...that witch, knowing what she was capable of?!? That dickless piece of shit!! I swear if he ever shows his sorry ass around here, he’ll be too busy trying to get my high heel from up his ass to blame you for anything!!” She yelled to no one in particular. “How could anyone do that to a child?!? A child that happens to be my best friend?!”

She suddenly turned towards Max, her features softening, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Oh Max, I’m so sorry.” She moved to sit next to him, taking both of his hands in hers. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it. I’m so sorry. I should’ve seen it. Can you forgive me?” She cried.

Max sat in shock, his jaw dropping in amazement. Here he was, scared stiff that she would be furious with him for doing what he did and not telling her, and she was apologizing to him? That didn’t make sense, did it? But what was she sorry for? He was the one who messed up. He was the one who screwed up and caused all of this.

“Max? Max, did you hear me?” She asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Uh....yeah. You’re apologizing to me?”

“I should have known something was wrong. I could have done something to stop it. I’m so sorry.”

“Ria, it’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. I never told anyone and I cover up my scars pretty good." He said.

“Max, how could you not be angry about this? That woman violated you!! She took your innocence from you!! She hurt you!!” She said in disbelief.

He shook his head in disagreement. “It was my own fault. I killed my mother and I killed my sister. I deserved what happened.” He stated, the self-loathing not absent in his tone.

“No, Max you didn‘t. No one deserves what happened to you, except maybe Lauren and your father. If anyone was at fault it was them.” She let go of his hands and cupped his cheeks. “You need to stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over. The way I see it, you’re better off without them. Your father and Lauren were too dumb to see what a great person you are. You don’t need them.”

“You sound like Liz.” He said with a slight smile.

She dropped her hands. “Well, Liz is right. Just please remember that we love you and we don’t want to lose you. You need to deal with this and stop running away from it.” She cried. “God when I saw you on the floor in your kitchen, I.....I thought I was going to lose you. I didn‘t think I would be sitting here with you again.”

“Don’t cry.” He soothed, reaching to wipe her tears. “You know I hate it.”

She shivered at the memory of all of his blood on the floor and how pale and cold his skin was. “I know. But I can’t help it. Just promise me that if you ever get to that point where you feel like you can’t go on, come and talk to us Max. Come to me, or Liz, or Alex, or even Michael. Just promise me that.” She said in a desperate voice.

He nodded, lowering his eyes. She pulled him into a tight embrace, whispering how much she loved him.

“There’s one more thing I need to tell you.” He said.

Maria pulled away from their embrace and waited for him to speak.

“When Liz and I went to Albuquerque I um…I saw my father.” He waited for a reaction, but none came, so he continued. “I ran into him at a park and….and he had a wife and two kids.” He bowed his head as tears pricked his eyes. “He was the one who I had gotten into the fight with. I…He told me that it was my fault that Lauren was dead. And that if I ever came near his family, he’d kill me.”

“Oh Max.” Maria gasped and she pulled him back into an embrace. “Does it still hurt?” She asked as she pressed her hand on his cheek, her thumb resting on his slightly swollen nose.

He winced. “Yes, when you do that, it does.” He pulled away from her and grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up. He showed her the two dark bruises where Hank had punched and kicked him in his stomach.

“Does it hurt?” She asked as she reached to touch them. He nodded, lowering his shirt. She brought her watery gaze to his. “Max, you have to report him.”

“No.” He said firmly, jerking away from her. “Everything’s fine.”

“Everything’s not fine. That bastard had no right to put his hands on you. That’s assault and battery Max.” She insisted.

“I don’t care what it is. Just leave it alone. I’ll live my life and he’ll live his.” He stood and paced around the room.

“Max, you have to do something about this. You can’t just let him get away with this.” Maria stated. “That’s like saying its okay to go around threatening and beating on other people. I mean, what if he does it to someone else?”

Max slumped down on the couch, his leg bouncing in an uneasy matter. All he wanted was for all of this to go away. He couldn’t deal with all of this right now. Not without a drink.

Placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder, she sat next to him. “Max, think about it. He could be hurting his wife, or worse, his kids. You don’t know what he’s doing. You can’t let a man like that get away with this.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “What if he’s a great father? What if he’s a great husband and he loves his kids? I don’t want those kids to grow up without a father like I did.” He argued, his voice muffled against his hands.

“But, what if he’s a horrible father? What if he’s a horrible husband and beats his kids? You don’t want those kids to grow up with that same kind of treatment as you did.” Maria explained gently. “You can’t take a chance like that. We all know he’s capable of doing something like this, I wouldn’t risk the wellbeing of those kids in the hands of that man, Max.”

He shook his head in denial, his defenses where weakening and he gave everything he could to keep from caving. “But, he was so proud of them. He never looked at me that way. He was everything that I wanted in a father to those kids.” He cried.

“Look, he may not have been doing anything to them when you ran into him, but who knows if he’ll start doing it sooner or later. Max, you can’t risk it. And even if he never does anything to them, he’s done something to you. And he shouldn’t get away with that.”

He was silent for awhile and he covered his face with his hands. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he thought of what Hank could do to those kids. He would never what to put anyone through what he went through.

“But what evidence do I have against him?” He sighed.

“Well, the fact that you have two gigantic bruises on your stomach would qualify as evidence Max. That man needs to be in prison or at least put to some type of punishment.”

He let out a long sigh as he settled back against the couch. “Fine, I’ll go to the police. But, I don’t want to see him.”

“Um...you may have to Max. But we’ll try and avoid it as much as possible.” Maria said, her eyes and mixture of sympathy and concern.

“It’ll be fine Max. And once this is over, you won’t have to worry about him.” She was satisfied when he nodded and managed a small smile. “Love you chico.” She said, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him cheek.

He wrapped his arms around her waist. “Love you too Ria.” He whispered, surprising Maria as well as himself. She tightened her hold on him, her tears falling onto her shoulder. “You can’t cry every time I say it Ria.” He teased.

She pulled away, lightly snapping his arm. “You just took me by surprise.” She cried while wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

He nodded and smiled sadly. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you after all these years. I was just being paranoid.”

“I knew. Every time you would go along with one of my schemes, I knew.” She laughed. “Now, I expect to hear this often. Every hour on the hour. Except for weekends where it would be every half hour.” She smiled when he groaned. “I’m staying here tonight. I can stalk Michael any time.”

His smile faded as he stepped away from her. “Ria you have to go. I’m not letting you skip out on the party because of me.”

“Max…”

“Maria…”

She slumped down on the couch, knowing when he used her full name he was completely serious and wasn’t up for an argument. “I’ll go, but I’m calling every other hour and you have to promise to talk to Liz.”

“Ria…”

“Maxwell…” She warned, using his same tactic.

He sighed and held out his hand. “Deal.”

She promptly took his hand and shook it. “Deal. Now cheer up chico. Everything’s going to be okay.” She reassured him.

“I know.” He said even though he had very little hope for himself. He had to admit that he felt better after talking to Maria. He felt like a huge weight was being lifted off his shoulders. She knew. And she was still here, lecturing him on how much weight he lost and how bad he looked. Same old Maria, comforting him, easing insecurities and never hesitating to put him in his place with no bullshit.

May not be what he liked, but it was definitely what he needed. And for that, he was grateful.

TBC.........

Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for the fedback.

Tiffany

[sweetbrowneyes]

Hey guys. I'm so sorry about the wait. But I was wandering around the nomination board and I found that this fic had some nominations for Best Fanfic No One Seems to be Reading, but Everyone Should.

Thanks to:

TatiLoca
I love Orli
Itzstacie
Pegleg
Crashdown2006

Thanks you guys.

Chapter 27

Saturday Evening

She knew he was down there. She had been aware of his presence for awhile now and she knew that it would take him awhile to work up the nerve to come to her. So she sat on her balcony, surrounded by the pillows he had laid out the night before, waiting for him to come to her. Waiting for him to put her insecurities at ease and waiting so that she could ease his.

On the street, Max sat next to the ladder that would lead him to Liz. He’d been sitting out here for over an hour, trying to get enough courage to go to her. But every time he stood to climb the ladder, a tidal wave of fear and uncertainty over what she might say or do washed over him and he shied away. He sank back down to the ground, waiting for his next spark of courage.

This had to stop. He had to stop running away. That was the cause of his problems now. He wouldn’t face him. The least he could do was go and talk to her. At least ease her insecurities. He had hurt her and the least he could do was apologize and be on his way. But it took him another half an hour before he could work up the nerve to stand and grab onto the ladder. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before he slowly pulled himself up, keeping his eyes locked on the wall in front of him. He hesitated when he reached the top before hopping over the wall. He kept his eyes low as he stuffed his hands in his pockets afraid that he would see fear and anger in her eyes. If he would have had the courage to look up, he would have seen the joy and relief shining in her eyes at the sight of him.

“Hey Max.” She spoke softly, her tone wavering in uncertainty.

“Hi.” He breathed, his eyes still locked to the ground.

“Um…you wanna sit down?” She asked, gesturing to a spot amongst the pillows. He simply moved across the space, closing the distance between them. He carefully eased down on the ground, afraid if he got to close he would hurt her. “How are you feeling?” She asked, aware of his hesitance to look at her. After brooding over the incident that happened this morning all day, she’d come to realize that Max didn’t trust himself. Especially not to hurt the people around him. All this time he’d been reluctant to open up to anyone was because he didn’t trust himself enough not to bring some sort of pain on to the ones he loved. He saw himself as a burden and along with his secrets, he was a harm to those close to him. And understanding dawned on her as to why he freaked out because he’d been afraid that he’d hurt her, not that he was afraid of her. But she needed to hear Max say it for her anxiety over the situation to be put at rest.

“I’m okay. How are you?” He looked at her out the corner of his eye, but turned away when his eyes met hers. His heart sped up and his breathing accelerated. Was that fear he saw? Was it anger? Was she really afraid of him? He jumped up, putting as much distance between them as the balcony would allow.

She was. He’d hurt her and now she was afraid of him. His hands clenched into fists as he fought to regain control. But it was useless. The thought of her being afraid to be around him was too much. He couldn’t take it. And he practically jumped out of his skin as she placed her hand on his shoulder; he hadn’t noticed her moving towards him. He backed himself into the corner, his eyes wide and his body trembling.

“Max, it’s okay.” She soothed as she inched closer. “No one’s getting hurt, Max.” She grabbed him around his waist, hugging his body to hers, his arms hung loosely at his sides. Resting her cheek against his chest, she could hear his rapid heart beat and his unsteady breathing. “Calm down. I’m not hurting you and you’re not hurting me. Just relax.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He protested, trying to shrug out of her hold.

“I know you don’t. And I don’t want to hurt you.” She told him.

“You don’t.” He whispered.

She pulled away slightly, only enough to look at him. “We have to talk.” She stated the obvious with a gentle smile lighting her features. He nodded, letting her lead him to their former seats.

Silence surrounded them. Neither knew where to start. The nervousness over what the other was going to say prevented them from talking. Max shut his eyes before building up the courage to look up, bringing his gaze to hers. He gasped when he saw love instead of anger. And concern instead of hurt. And he was confused as to why he saw doubt.

“Hi.” She smiled, glad to see his eyes for the first time that night.

“Hi.” He replied shyly.

He smiled and so did she, but they made no other movement as they just stared, both getting lost in the other. There were so many things that needed to be said. So many things that needed to be cleared up, but for right now, they were comfortable with just falling. Max’s golden eyes hypnotized her and her deep brown orbs amazed him. Her eyes were simple, but there were so different from any he’d ever seen. Maybe it was because he’d never paid attention to anyone else. Maybe because she was special and her eyes could demand his attention and he’d give it willingly.

“Max,” “Liz,” They said in unison.

Letting out nervous laugh, he gestured to her. “Ladies first.”

She nodded, wringing her fingers together as she scrambled to get her thoughts together. “Max… I want to know what happened this morning.” He turned away from her, standing to pace the length of the balcony, resisting the urge to hop over the edge of the balcony and run until his legs gave out. “I need to know.”

He turned to her, seeing the uncertainty in her eyes and he nodded. He wanted to tell her everything, but he just had to get his thoughts together. “I don’t know where to start.” He confessed.

She raised her hand, her palm up, ready to embrace his. His hand met hers, and their fingers intertwined. He settled down next to her, their clasped hands resting on his thigh. “Take your time Max.” Offering a soft smile, her fingers squeezed his, giving him comfort to go on.

And he took his time, taking in a deep breath before he spoke minutes later. “I woke up early this morning.” He started, his gaze focused on their clasped hands. “I had a nightmare about Isabel’s accident. Every time I have one, it gets harder and harder. It’s like I’m reliving the whole thing.” Liz laid her head on his shoulder as she rubbed his back at his broken tone. “I keep seeing her walking out into the street and that God awful sound of tires scratching against the road. I heard her screaming and every time I just stand there, watching the whole thing.” His eyes shut tightly. He wrapped his arms around her, laying his cheek on top of Liz’s head. “And I just feel this sense of helplessness wash over me. Why didn’t I help her? I could’ve done something other than watch her. Why did I let her die?” He cried, his tears falling into her hair.

Liz shifted to face him and said, “You didn’t Max. It’s not your fault.”

He lifted his head, his eyes round and filled with anguish. “Why do you believe that Liz? Why do you have so much faith in me? Why don’t you blame me?”

She raised her hands to cradle his tear streaked face, forcing his eyes to meet hers. “I know that you have a good heart. And I know that if there was anything that you could have done to help her, you would have done it. Max, if you let yourself see it, you’ll know why I love you so much. You’ll see that you weren’t responsible. You were six years old Max. Any boy, any person, unless they have super human powers would have done just the same as you. I don’t blame you because there’s nothing to blame you for.” Moving forward, she pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. “You have the purest heart Max, especially coming from the situation that you came from. You have to see that Max.”

He removed her hands from his face as he leaned to rest his forehead against hers. “I don’t know if I can.” He whispered.

“You will in time.” Eyes lowered, he pulled away only to rest his cheek against her shoulder, breathing in the soft scent of her hair. Her arms went around him stroking his back. “What happened after you woke up? Why didn’t you wake me up?” She asked after a few minutes.

“I didn’t want to disturb you. So I got up and went into the living room and I drowned myself in cartoons until Maria came over.” He explained, his breath tickling against her neck. “She brought breakfast and she told me that I needed sleep because I looked bad.” He chuckled softly despite the situation. “And then, I… I had a craving and I started thinking of Isabel and I couldn’t escape it. I didn’t know what to do. But then I saw you sleeping and I just… I don’t know. I just wanted drown in you. I didn’t want to be around myself and I thought that you could take all my pain away. I thought that you would make me forget and the nightmares would leave me alone. And you did, for awhile. So I kept… kissing you and I blocked out everything else. I couldn’t stop; I didn’t want to.” He sat up, wiping his damp cheeks. “When you pushed me away, I thought… I thought that I had hurt you. God Liz, I didn’t, did I?”

Anxiously shaking her head, she said, “No. You didn’t. I thought I had hurt you.” She admitted. “The other day, when we were at your apartment and you uh…. freaked out, I guess I figured that it was my fault. I thought that you were afraid of me or there was something wrong with me. I know that you were thinking of Lauren, but I couldn’t help but think that I had done something wrong. And…”

“Liz, don’t ever think that it’s you that I’m afraid of. It’s my fears and my insecurities.” He interrupted softly.

“Max, I’m worried about you. I know you know that already, but the other day, you looked so terrified and then you just shut down. I thought I had done something wrong. I would never want to be the one to cause you pain.” She said quietly.

He reached out to cup her cheek, brushing his thumb over her soft lips. “You did nothing wrong. Liz, I’ve never been intimate with anyone willingly. And when we’re together, it’s normal, but sometimes… I just get overwhelmed by my fears, and I can’t stop it and I’m thrown back to when... when she used to hurt me. Please don’t think that it’s you, because it’s not. It’s me. I don’t ever want you to doubt yourself when it comes to my love for you.” She nodded, turning her head to place a gentle kiss on his palm. “And there’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfect. And I love you just the way you are.” He reassured her.

Liz smiled, leaning into his gentle touch. “Thank you for saying that.”

“It’s all true Liz. I could never be afraid of you. It’s not you, it’s her. She still haunts me. But please don’t ever think that there’s something wrong with you, because there isn’t, you’re perfect.” He said as he folded her tiny hand into his larger one and kissed her palm gently.

“No one’s perfect, Max.” She said softly, as he nuzzled his cheek against her palm. She gasped as he looked up at her, his eyes bright with truthfulness and love. His eyes had to be the eighth wonder of the world. They were enchanting, so hard to turn away from, especially when they were like this.

“You’re the closest thing to it.” He said in all his seriousness. “I love you, Liz.”

“I love you too.” The corners of her mouth lifted slightly as her insecurities slowly faded and her eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t cry Liz.” He told her as a tear ran down her cheek. He wiped it away, replacing it with a soft kiss. Cringing as a few more fell from her eyes, he pulled her to his chest, locking his arms around her. Again they fell silent, both staring up into the starry sky.

“So…” Liz started, gazing up at him.

“So…” He repeated.

“So…. Tell me what happened when we were in your living room the other morning.”

He nodded reluctantly. As much as he wanted to forget it, he wanted to tell her, he needed to tell her. “I still don’t know what happened. One minute I was kissing you and then the next, I was seeing her.” He started softly, his eyes focused on some point above her head. “When you were touching me, I… I’ve never been touched by anyone else besides her. And I wanted to enjoy it, to enjoy you, but I couldn’t. She keeps haunting me and I tried to focus on you, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn’t stop it. I know I need to let it go and that she’s gone and can’t hurt me anymore, but I can’t stop it. No matter what I do, she’s still there and I’m thrown back into that house and when she used to force me to do things I didn’t want to.”

“I still have those dreams when she would do what she did to me. And every time I do it just reinforces what happened. It won’t leave me alone. I could have the best day of my life, having fun, being with you, just enjoying life… but when I go home… and when I close my eyes at night, I’m still reminded that I’m trapped in this hell. And I have to live with that everyday. I’m trapped Liz. And I’m sorry if I made you think that it was your fault. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I… I want to be able to kiss you and do other things that normal couples do, but I can’t. And I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Max. You have to let me in. All of the way. You’ve kept this bottled up for so long and you’ve just started to let yourself grieve over everything. It’s going to take time.” She told him.

Swiping at his tears, angry that he was so weak, he said, “It shouldn’t be this hard. Why does it have to hurt so much? Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do wrong? I never asked for this, why won’t it go away? Why…” He was assaulted by his grief and he shook as his sobs escaped him. Liz pulled him against her, holding him as he wept. “I don’t want to do this anymore Liz. I’m sick of crying and being weak, I’m sick of feeling helpless and alone. I’m sick of being afraid. But it’s the only thing I know how to do.”

Liz listened as he ranted, her heart breaking at his dejected tone. But she figured that it was best to keep quiet until he finished and she would give him all the comfort she could to ease his pain. She lay back against the pillows, bringing him with her, surrounding him with her arms.

He continued, his dead tone muffled against her shirt. “I’ve been in this hole for so long, I don’t even know how it feels to be truly happy. I’m sick of it all, but I can’t escape it. That’s why I tried to kill myself. I’m not strong enough to deal with this. And now, I don’t even have alcohol to block out the pain. I figured that if I was gone it’d be better for everyone. You guys wouldn’t have to worry about me. You wouldn’t have to deal with all of this… I wouldn’t have to deal with it. But Maria found me, you guys were still there. And the pain was still there.” He stopped and closed his eyes, exhausted but determined to get everything out. “After I got out of the hospital, and I was at Maria’s, I would sneak out every night and drive out to the cliff. I’d sit close to the edge and just wait.”

“For what?” She asked, tangling her fingers in his hair.

“To die.” He uttered without hesitation. Liz was taken aback by his brutally honest reply and she whimpered out his name, her soul aching for him. “I would wait for that one last push to send me falling over the edge. But it never came and every night I would drink until I was numb, because I didn’t feel as if I had anything else.”

And it hit her like a ton of bricks that each night she was closer to losing him. Whatever that push he was waiting would’ve killed him. If he had found that push he was waiting for, he wouldn’t be in her arms right now.

“Max.” She sobbed. “Why didn’t you ever come to me? God Max. I never knew…” She had never realized how alone he was feeling. And she had no idea that he was just living to die. This pain that he had endured, it was a wonder that he was able to function.

“I’d never felt so alone and I was surrounded by so many people. I didn’t know I had you Liz.” He cried, bunching her shirt into his fist. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t let myself see you. I was supposed to be alone and I never knew that someone could care about me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to you and Maria and Alex and Michael… I wouldn’t let myself see how much you all cared. And now I realize how much I hurt you by what I did. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He howled in a hoarse cry as he buried his face in her neck.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Shhhhh… I’m here Max.” She held him close as he cried, caught between joy that he had confided in her and sorrow that he had to go through so much alone and amazement that he had gone through these things and come out as sweet and loving as he did.

It wasn’t until a half hour later that his cries had ceased and his tired eyes began to droop closed.

“I told Maria.” He murmured, figuring that if he kept talking, he’d avoid falling into his nightmares.

“Everything?” She asked, her hand stroking the nape of his neck.

He bobbed his head in a lazy nod. “I told her I loved her.” He slurred. Closing his eyes, he curled against her, letting her warm body soothe him. Just for a minute, he thought. “She was happy. She cried and I didn’t like that.” He cracked his eyes open once sleep started to pull him in. Through blurred vision, he could make out Liz pulling the covers over them. The warmth surrounded him and he was too tired to protest against it.

“She thinks I should press charges against my father.”

Liz perked up at his statement. She had wanted him to press charges, but she didn’t want him to go through it if he felt he wasn’t ready. “Are you?” She asked, shaking him so that he would wake up and tell her what happened.

“Mmmhmm..” She secretly thanked Maria for somehow getting him to agree to do it. Liz listened as he rambled on about nothing as he desperately clung to the last of his consciousness, fighting off the powerful pull of sleep. He couldn’t watch Isabel die again. He couldn’t take it. He pried his eyes lids open to half mass only to have them fall closed again. He felt Liz’s arms tightening around him and she whispered sweetly in his ear. He was in a deep sleep before he could stop it, reliving the accident all over again.
**********

Liz jerked awake from her slumber, confused as to what it was that woke her up. She looked down to see Max sleeping soundly against her, showing no evidence that it was him having a nightmare that awoke her. A ringing reached her ears and she realized that the shrill sound was coming from Max’s pocket. She reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

“Hello?” She mumbled into the phone.

“Liz? Is Max there? Can I talk to him?” A blubbering Maria answered on the other line.

Liz sat up abruptly, causing Max to stir. “Maria, what’s wrong?”

“What happened?” Max asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he held his hand out for the phone.

He laid back and closed his eyes. “Hello?”

“Max, I need you to come and get me.” Maria spoke, her voice thick with tears.

Max was immediately awake. “Ria, what’s wrong?”

“I need you to come and pick me up. I’m still at the party.”

Max could hear the loud music playing in the background. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was two in the morning. “Isn’t Alex there with you?”

“He went somewhere with Serena. Please…” She voiced desperately.

He grabbed his keys and threw on his jacket. “I’m on my way.” He hung up the phone after she whispered a soft thank you and turned towards Liz.

“Is she okay?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. She wants me to go and pick her up. You want to ride with?” He asked, pulling her up and into his arms.

“No. She needs you right now.” On tip toes, she brushed her lips against his. “I’ll see you later okay?”

He nodded and leaned down for another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It took him all but ten minutes to reach Samantha Berkley’s house. It seemed that the whole block was full with cars and he just randomly parked anywhere. He hoped out of the jeep and started towards the house. Spotting Maria sitting on the porch, he headed towards her

Maria jumped up, running into Max’s awaiting arms, burying her face in his chest. “Get me out of here Max.” She pleaded.

He simply nodded, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her, leading her towards the jeep. He helped her into the passenger side before hoping in himself on the driver’s side. They rode in silence, nothing but the wind whizzing against them and Maria’s occasional snuffle to disturb it. A few minutes later, Max pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. He helped her out and they made there up to his apartment.

Maria blankly walked to the couch, curling up in Max’s jacket. It was rare to see Maria so upset. She was usually so strong and was the one to comfort everyone else. And to witness her breaking down was one of the hardest things Max had to see.

He moved to her side, pulling her close. “What happened?” He asked softly.

“He’s cheating on me. I saw him. He was with this…this big breasted bimbo.” She cried. “You could tell they were fake. The damned things moved even when she was sitting still. And they were pushed up so high, I bet if she wanted to, she could use them as a freakin chin rest. They looked like two giant balloons under her shirt and I swear if he would’ve squeezed them any harder, they would’ve popped. How could he do this to me? I mean, I’m no Pamela Anderson, but what’s wrong with what I’ve got?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re gorgeous. Michael is just stupid.” He assured her. “But, are you sure it was him?”

She nodded, laying her head on his shoulder. “It was him. Big hair and all.” She sniffed. “I tried to find him and confront him about it. I started to ask people if they’d seen him and they would give me this funny look, like I was the only one that didn’t know the big secret. God, I found them in an upstairs bedroom.” She sobbed.

“Oh Ria, I’m sorry.” He soothed as he stroked her arm.

“I hate him.” She growled.

“He’s a jerk.” Max muttered.

“An asshole.”

“A jerkoff.”

“A dick head.”

“A…a…a piece of cheese.”

“Cheese?” She looked up at him. “Where did you get cheese from?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I couldn’t think of anything else. Besides, it kind of fits.”

She raised her eyes brows and dried her eyes. “How so?”

“Well, cheese smells, and it also attracts rats.” He explained. “Therefore, Michael smells and is attractive to rat type women.”

“So, I’m attracted to him. Are you calling me a rat?” She asked, trying to hide her amusement.

He cleared his throat nervously. “N-No. You’re a….a beautiful swan.”

“I’m glad somebody feels that way.” She muttered. Unexpectedly, she pounded her fist on his thigh. “I can’t believe that asshole is cheating on me!!”

Max bit back a groan of pain as she continued to use his leg as her personal punching bag. “Technically, he’s not cheating. You two aren’t together so…” He trailed off as she threw a fierce glare his way.

“Whose side or you on?” She shrieked, her eyes burning with anger.

“Yours, of course.” He answered, holding his hands up in surrender. “He doesn’t deserve you Ria. You’re too good for him, if he doesn’t see what a great girl you are.” He said.

“It still hurts.” She whimpered as her tears stung her eyes again. “I loved him. I still do.”

“I know Ria. Want me to kick his ass?” He said seriously. Michael may be bigger than him, but Max might be able to get in a few hits. He’d do anything to ease her pain.

She let out a disgusted snort. “The asshole deserves it. I can’t believe that stupid bastard! It’s only been a fucking week! Am I that easy to get over? All I wanted was for him to go to the stupid prom. He acts like I’m asking him to walk to the damned moon for God’s sake. He always expects me to do things for him, but when I ask one simple favor, there’s always a problem. And now he’s fucking some other bitch.” She seethed.

Max let her rant and rave until she broke down into another round of tears. After she’d calmed down, she’d insisted that she was keeping him from some needed sleep and asked if he would take her home. She assured him numerous times that she’d be okay and he finally let her go, and returned to Liz’s. She was curled on her side; asleep. Burrowing under the covers and settling next to her, he pulled her close.

Maybe there was a reason he was still here. Seeing Maria so distraught and torn… is that what his friends had to go through every time he was that way? And Liz, she had seen the worst of it and still she understood and she was still at his side. He was loved and cared for and realizing that was something he’d never felt before. Regardless of what he’d put them through, they were still there. And it took him so long to realize that. He needed to move past this. If not for himself, but for his friends – his family.

He stared down at Liz, sleeping peacefully against his chest. She believed that he wasn’t to blame for what happened. She believed that he had a good heart and his soul was pure. She believed in time, he’d be able to see that too and that he’d be better. She believed in him. She had faith in him. And maybe if he had some faith in himself, he would see all that she saw in him for himself. It was time to stop running and start living. Whether he deserved it or not, was to blame or not, he was going to get better because Liz knew he could. That was all he needed, someone to believe in him, to be by his side. And now that he realized that he had that in Liz all along, anything was possible.

TBC........

I know it was long, but you guys desevre it after I kept you waiting for so long. Let me know what you think.

Tiffany