Paint Me A Picture (AU,M/L,ADULT) [COMPLETE] 4/6/05

[Itzstacie]

Chapter 20

Have you ever been so nervous that you felt like you wanted to throw up and pass out all at the same time, that’s how I feel right now as we walk to my father’s room? I know deep down he’s okay, Mr. Evans said so but then why is my heart pounding in my chest and my hands wont stay dry.

I pause at his door and I realize I’m actually scared to see him; I’m scared to see what he may look like, sound like. I feel a hand on my shoulder giving me a light squeeze and I turn to see Max looking at me with concern.

“I’m scared’ I rush out when my vision starts to cloud and the pounding intensifies within my chest, I can hear him following me as I quickly make my way to a near by chair. I lower my head in between my knees trying to get myself back under control.

I can feel Max softly rubbing soothing circles on my back, he kisses the top of my head ‘Liz he’s okay’ he reassures, I look up at him and see him give a small smile but that doesn’t stop the tears from swelling up ‘I know…its just’ I trail off.

He sits down next to me and takes my hands ‘It’s just what’ he coaxes, I shake my head because I know I am being ridiculous and I’m waiting for someone else to tell me that, but they don’t. Max just sits there rubbing his thumbs over the back of my hands ‘are you scared of what you might see’ he asks after a few minutes.

I nod my head yes standing up and start to pace ‘I know I sound stupid’ I say out loud, Max jumps up ‘hey’ he places his hands on my shoulders halting my movements ‘you are not stupid’ he states looking directly in my eyes.

‘You almost lost your father, you are entitled to be scared or whatever else you want to feel. It’s natural that you feel like this, you don’t know what changes this is going to bring but I know you’ll get thru them Liz you are stronger than most people I know…everything is going to be okay’ he says and just like that I’m okay.

We stand there in the hallway just holding each other until I pull back and nod my head ‘okay I’m ready’, he leans in and kisses the my forehead ‘do you want me to go with you’ he asks, I shake my head no, this is something I want to do by myself.

He tells me okay and softly kisses my lips after telling me he’ll be in the waiting room with Isabel and Alex.

I walk back to his door and take a deep breath before slowly pushing his door open, I walk in and notice he’s laying there with his eyes closed and he looks like he’s sleeping peacefully, inching my way in I just watch him for a movement, letting my eyes take in that he’s really okay.

I watch as he slowly open’s his eyes almost as if he knew I was there, turning his head in my direction he smiles ‘Lizzie’. In that instant I want to be five years old again just crawling up into his lap and in that moment I am ‘daddy’ I cry out as I launch myself at him.

I crawl up in his bed as he tells me to be easy, but even as his arms wrap around me I know the pain isn’t going to stop him from holding me. ‘I was so scared daddy I thought…I thought I lost you’ I sob out. He holds me closer to him whispering words ‘I’m okay baby…I’m not going anywhere’ he says.

‘Promise me’ I yell out as I pull back to look him in the eyes ‘promise me you’ll never leave me’ he takes my hands and pulls me back ‘I promise sweetie, and I’m so sorry for scaring you’ he says on the verge of tears.

I pull back and kiss his hands getting him upset is the last thing I want to do so I quickly tell him ‘none of that matters anymore daddy…your fine now’ I say, he smiles at me and nods his head. I ease myself off the bed to sit in the near by chair ‘when are the doctors going to let you come home’ I ask.

‘In a couple of days’ he says trying to reach for a cup of water ‘I’ll still have to take it easy’ I quickly grab the cup for him and fill it with water ‘that’s right which means no restaurant for you’ I say.

He takes the cup from me and frowns ‘I still have a business to run’ I can tell his stubborn streak is starting to show and I have to actually smile its one of things I inherited from him ‘oh no…you don’t, we have people who can do that and I can take care of the books and schedules’ I say with equal stubbornness.

He gives me a light chuckle and agrees with me ‘okay, okay you win…Michael told me the same thing’ to say I’m surprised is an understatement when was Michael here, where was I…visiting hours just started and more so I thought he was leaving.

‘Michael was here’ I ask confused looking at him, my father shakes his head yes ‘he snuck in before visiting hours’ I find myself smiling again only Michael I think.

‘I thought Michael was leaving…I mean that’s what he told me’ I ask ‘we he was and still may be, but he came by this morning and told me he was going to help out until I was back on my feet again’.

I know I shouldn’t be as surprised as I am, I mean I know my father and Michael have always had a small father son bond, on more than one occasion I had have Michael Geriun eating dinner with us.

To know that he is going to stay and look after things gives me some hope that Michael is on the verge of living again, that maybe by the time my father is well enough to take back over Michael will actually stay in Roswell where he belongs.

Max, Isabel and Alex came in after that and we stayed for another couple of hours just talking. My father made Max promise to take care of me; Max just looked at me and smiled telling my father always. He finally kicked us out of his room out of fear of Alex making him pop his stitches from laughing to hard.

As we drive to the Crash Down I look out at the passing shops, noticing the people going about their daily business and I smile, it’s been so long since I’ve laughed like that, so long since I felt like a normal teenage girl.

When we walk thru the doors I notice it’s not that busy but I do spot Michael behind the window talking to one of the cooks. I leave the others as they go get a booth and make my way to the back, Michael comes out and meets me halfway, we just stare at each other for a moment before I throw my arms around him ‘thank you’ I whisper.

He gives me an awkward hug and releases me ‘no problem’ he says giving me a knowingly look. I just smile and take his hand leading him over to the group of smiling people as we sit down Max wraps an arm around my shoulder and I lean into his embrace as we start talking about school next week.

[Itzstacie]

okay I know this short and I'm really sorry but I wanted to get something out before I leave Wednesday, I am going to Flordia for my fathers wedding and I wont be back until July 5th. by then hopefully I can find some time to write.

Part 21

“Daddy what do you think you are doing’ I yell as I catch him off guard. It’s been a month since he’s been home and I still find myself watching him like a hawk.

I know I must be getting on his nerves, but I can’t help it I almost lost him once and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t happen again. So I have become the nagging mother hen, always making sure he’s eating healthy, taking his medication and not doing anything that will overwork him.

I hear him sigh loudly as he continues to stock the box on the top shelf ‘Lizzie honey your driving me crazy, please I’m begging you go do something…anything you’re a young teenage girl, go do what teenage girls your age do’. He makes sure the box is secure before walking over to me and reaching into his back pocket for his wallet ‘here I’ll tell you what go shopping, take my credit card…girls always like that’

I narrow my eyes at him as he pushes the card into my hands ‘you know I’m not like other girls’ he smiles and pushes me out the door ‘pretend for me…just this once’ I look up and I see Michael standing there smirking ‘what’ I growl as I stomp past him.

“He’s right you know’ he says, ‘Oh what would you know’ I state as I push open the swinging doors, he follows and grabs hold of my elbow ‘Hey’ he says when he sees I am getting upset ‘I know your worried okay…but cut him some slack okay, Liz your always hounding him’.

‘Excuse me if I just want to make sure he lives another fifty years’ I yell and instantly close my eyes realizing that the entire café just heard me, Michael pulls me away from the prying eyes ‘we all want that Liz, but you have to ease up, I know he appreciates everything you are doing but your are over doing it’.

“Fine’ I state as I whirl and storm thru the front doors of the Crash Down, I know I’m over reacting but I can’t help it. He’s the only relative that I have left and I don’t want to see something happen to him before his time.

Trying to take my mind off of it I find myself sitting out at the park underneath a shady tree sketching. I watch and draw as a lovingly father plays with his daughter in the sand box, I find myself smiling as they build up a sand castle then she turns and stomps it.

My eyes shift when I hear footsteps come up behind me and I smile as I see Max sitting down next to me, ‘hey’ he smiles as he leans over and pecks my lips ‘hey yourself’. He looks down at my drawing then out at the father and daughter ‘you’re really good at that’ he says.

I find myself blushing ‘thank you’ closing the pad up I place it down next to me ‘so what are you doing here, I thought you had to do some things for your mother’, he pulls his knees up resting his arms on top of them ‘Michael called me’ ‘oh’ is all I can as I draw my bottom lip in.

‘He said you might want someone to talk to’ he says glancing at me, I shake my head ‘no…I’m driving my father nuts, I get that’ he reaches over and takes my hand ‘no your not’ he tries to reassure, I just give him a look and he forms a half smile ‘okay so maybe you are…but if it makes you feel better he really does love that you are trying to take care of him’.

I just shrug my shoulders and look back at the father and daughter playing I smile as the daughter dumps sand on him and I can tell he isn’t too happy about it, but he just smiles and laughs it off. Out of the blue I hear him ask ‘what are you doing tonight’.

I turn and look at him ‘I hadn’t planned on anything why’ ‘I want to take you out on a date’ I smile bigger ‘a date’ he smiles shyly and looks down ‘well we are in a relationship…’ ‘Yes we are’ I say as I scoot closer to him.

He looks up and smiles and reaches up to cup my cheek ‘so let me take you out to dinner and a movie…or what ever you want to do’ I lean into his touch ‘okay’. ‘Great’ he smiles and leans in a little closer to me, I let my eyes drift down to his lips then back up to his eyes ‘it’s a date then’ I say as I lean closer.

‘Yeah’ he whispers as he closes the distance between us softly placing his lips on mine

[Itzstacie]

look what I have done...I am not compeletly happy with it but I promised I would get something out and I hope its okay. Life is finally back to normal and I have my internet working again and I'm unpacked in the new house so hopefully it wont be forever again before the next update. I am so sorry again about the wait and thank you all for being patient with me, I feel so bad that its been so long.

Chapter 22

I smile as he hands me a dozen white roses, I have to admit it makes me feel good to see him acting so shyly. It’s funny how shy we can be when we’ve known each other for so long, but I know it’s because we are entering a new territory.

There’s a new level of intimacy with us and it feel exciting and terrifying at the same time. We thought we knew each other so well but the truth was neither of us knew what we really felt deep down inside.

If you asked me what Max’s favorite color is I could tell you just like I could tell you his favorite food, music, books, etc, but if you asked me what his most deep darkest secret was I couldn’t tell you, its amazing how we couldn’t see what the other felt when we have been best friends all of our lives.

‘You look really beautiful’ he says as his cheeks take on a tint of pink and he nervously shifts from foot to foot. “Thank you’ I say shyly as I bring the roses up to my noses. He clears his throat nervously before asking me if I’m ready, I place the roses in a vase before we head out.

We have a nice quiet dinner just talking and laughing like we used too before heading to somewhere that he won’t tell me. I’m smiling because it’s nice to be with him this way again, seeing him do things like this again, and surprising me.

However the moment we pull up my smile falters and I look at him questionably ‘Max what are we doing here’.

He turns the jeep off and turns to face me ‘I haven’t been here since the funeral, and I know you haven’t either…I thought it would be something we both could do together, I thought it was time we visited her’ he reaches in the back seat and pulls out another bouquet of flowers ‘are you okay with it’ he asks.

I bit my bottom lip unsure…I mean I know she’s really gone, but somewhere in the back of my mind she’s still here and visiting her grave will just make it all the more real she’s really gone. Do I really want to let up on my fantasy that she’s just out traveling the world or doing something outrageous and fun.

Part of me knows that seeing the grave will just force the reality back down onto me and part of me knows I should do this, I look at his outstretched hand and place mine in his letting out a shaky ‘okay’.

He brings my hand to his lips and places a light kiss on the back of it ‘we can do this’ he says giving it a light squeeze. I sit while he gets out and runs around to open the door for me, once out of the jeep he takes my hand in his and together we walk up the stoned path.

When we reach the tombstone I notice fresh flowers already there, I wonder if Michael left them, I wonder if he comes here at all.

Max hands me the flowers and I kneel down placing them next to the ones already there, he kneels down next to me as I silently trace her name with my fingertips, I feel the tears start to fall as Max pulls me back against him.

No words are spoken as we both sit there, there’s no need for them, it’s almost like I can just think my thoughts and she’ll hear them, Max wraps an arm around my waist and we stay that way for a while.

‘Can I ask you something’ he asks me later as he helps me back up, ‘Sure’ I say as I dust myself off ‘Do you have any regrets’ I look up at him and think back replaying everything in my mind that led me here and I tell him the only thing I can say I regret is the fact that Maria is not here to see I’ve held onto my promise.

I stopped drinking, I’ve stopped Michael from going down that exact same road and I can say I am happy; I have a reason to smile again. I have my father, my friends and I have Max for the first time in my life I feel like soaring but I can’t help the nagging little voice in the back of my mind wondering when its all going to come crashing down.

The wind blows gently rustling my hair as he pulls me into his arms ‘I think she already knows’ he says as he tucks a strand behind my ear, I smile and close my eyes as a familiar scent of cedar oil drifts thru my nose almost like she’s here.

‘Do you have any’ I ask as I open my eyes and look into his, his nods his head then takes my hand leading me towards the jeep. ‘I regret not having the courage to tell you how I truly felt…I think maybe a lot of things could have been avoided’.

I stop as we get by the door ‘you weren’t the only reason why I started drinking Max’ he gives me this look and I forge ahead before he can say anything ‘Don’t blame yourself…me drinking was my fault and I take total blame for my actions. I could have said something to you…to my father…or my friends.

If anything you helped me more that I was willing to help myself, you went to my father when I didn’t have the courage to do so, we’ve both made mistakes, but you were the only one who stood behind me in all of this.

You could have walked away a thousand times even after the incident that happened on your birthday you were still there in the shadows watching over me and I cant tell you how much that means to me, how much more I love you for it’.

I see his eyes glistening then sparkle as he steps closer to me and wraps an arm around my waist ‘what’ ‘say it again’ he says placing my hand over his heart ‘what’ I whisper as I start to get lost into his golden sea ‘the last part’ he whispers leaning his head closer to mine’.

I smile and lean a little closer ‘what, I love you’ he lets out a happy sigh leaning his forehead on mine ‘you make my heart skip a beat every time you say it’.

‘I do, do I…well then let me repeat it’ I whisper as I bring my lips closer to his ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ ‘I love you too’ he whispers right before sealing his lips on mine.

We stay that way just holding each other and softly caressing each others lips before we pull apart and he helps me up in the jeep. The drive home is in silence buts it a comfortable silence and I can’t express how much that means to me.

The first thing that strikes me when we pull up is that the lights are still on in the Crash Down, being that I know the café closed over an hour ago sends me into a full fledged panic. Max grabs my hand immediately squeezing it as I start to tremble.

‘Michael probably forgot to turn the lights off’ he tells me, I nod my head wanting to agree because in the past he’s done that. I give him a small smile and wait as he hops out and runs around to open my door.

The moment we walk to the door I stop short when I notice my father talking to a dark haired woman, it’s not the fact that he’s talking to another woman that has my stomach twisting in knots all of a sudden but the look on his face.

His expression is guarded but I can see that underneath his calm features he’s on edge with whatever this woman is telling him, when he runs his hands down his face and shouts an angry no it forces my feet to propel forward.

I step in and stop a few feet away looking between the two, my father looks at me worriedly and slowly gets up moving towards me. “Dad’ I ask worried as he wraps an arm around my waist and leads me towards the booth, I look at the woman who is looking at me with sympathy.

“What’s going on’ I demand as my father turns me to face him, calmly he speaks trying not to upset me ‘Honey this is Barbara…she’s a friend of your mothers’.

[Itzstacie]

Don't kill me to bad!



Chapter 23

My Mother is dying!

I shouldn’t care right; it shouldn’t matter to me if the woman who gave me life is dying. She abandoned me, didn’t want to be a part of my life. She could have made contact but she didn’t, not one time in my life did she seem to care.

So why should I, I don’t even know her, so why do I feel like my world is crashing down around me. Why do I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin and just hide.

It hurts to breathe and all I can do is cry, after my mothers friend told me that my mother was dying and wanted to see me I immediately walked straight to my room ignoring everyone, she never wanted to see me before so why is she doing this to me now.

Part of me is curious, part of me wants to know why she left me, why she never wrote called or anything and the other half of me is saying to hell with her so what if she’s dying.

‘Liz please open the door’ Max calls softly from the other side of my locked door, I can’t deal with him right now, I don’t want him to witness me breaking down, my walls are crumbling fast and everything I worked so hard for is crashing down hard and fast and I cant face him.

“I just…I just need to be alone right now, please just go home’ I plead while placing a chair underneath the door handle to make sure no one can get in.

‘I can’t do that…please just open the door, please I just want to make sure your okay’ he cries out, I can hear the fear in his voice ‘I’m okay…. I’ll call you later’ I say as I start rummaging through my room, there has to be one here somewhere, I need it…I need to feel numb so I can’t deal with the pain of thinking about my mother.

“Liz please’ he cries louder as I start ignoring his pleas and start looking around my room, I walk into my closet and start tossing things around. Dammit I know there must be one here somewhere, I can feel my skin itching, its calling me, I need to find it before I jump out of my skin.

I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, I tug on my hair hard scanning my room getting frustrated, as I glance around I notice my nightstand. Suddenly remembering I run and drop to my knees yanking the drawers out and pull out the bottle that was hidden underneath it.

I pick it up and sit on the edge of my bed staring at it, Why did she have to come back in my life now, why is the only thing repeating in my mind. I place my hand on the lid, I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling, I hurt enough in my life haven’t, why does God keep doing this to me, I’m only a teenage girl I shouldn’t have to face the things I have faced, I shouldn’t have had to deal with the heartache in my life. I haven’t even really lived yet and the years I have lived have been filled with so much pain.

I bring the bottle to my lips, It’ll be okay now I can do it this one time and I can take the pain and confusion away and It’ll all be okay, I close my eyes and let the liquid run down my throat, Its been a while and it burns to much that I wind up coughing.

‘Liz what are you doing’ Max begins to pound on my door ‘nothing’ I lie as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand ‘Open the door Liz’ his cries have turned into panic as he continues to bang on the door.

I turn back to the bottle and bring it up to my lips ‘Its going to be okay now’ I say to myself, the pounding stops and I slide down to the floor resting my back on the side of my bed. I lean my head back letting the alcohol take effect, I can feel it working its way through my blood numbing everything as it goes.

I finish off the bottle and look up to see Max staring at me through my window his face is set with anguish and anger as he eyes the bottle. Before I can get up to do anything he’s putting his fist through my window and opening it, I scramble sloppily up to my feet as he climbs in.

Ignoring the blood dripping from his hand he grabs the bottle and throws to the ground before grasping me by my arms ‘Why Liz…why would you do this’ he cries out.

My body begins to tremble with guilt, and I can’t look at him ‘I did…n’t …want to…to…to hurt’ I sob out. He lets go and picks up the empty bottle ‘this is what’s hurting you’ he yells ‘why couldn’t you just talk to me I was right here…after everything God Liz how could you’.

‘You don’t understand’ I say as I try to start using excuses ‘Oh I understand’ he says, I try and take his hand ‘Max your hand is bleeding’ trying to get my mind off the fact that I have let him down not to mention my father when he finds out.

He yanks his hand from me ‘fuck my hand…did you…did you mean anything you said tonight’ he whispers as his bottom lip trembles violently.

“You know I did’

‘Bullshit’ he cries out ‘if it did then you wouldn’t have done this, you haven’t learned at all’ he points to the bottle them to myself ‘was it really worth it, is she really worth it’ he takes a step forward ‘look at what you’ve done to yourself, all that work you did, the rehab down the drain for a woman would didn’t give a shit about you’.

I turn my back to him as the tears stream down my face ‘I’m sor…rry’ I cry out, my heart breaks more when I hear his broken whisper ‘I can’t do this again’ my body whips around to face him as my heart pounds in my chest ‘what’ I ask shakily.

He looks me in my eyes not caring that the tears are blurring both of our vision “I can’t watch you do this again…it hurt so much to watch you go down like that…I can’t…I cant do it again’

I take a step towards him as he takes one back holding up his hand “Don’t’ he says shaking his head, he wipes his eyes then straightens up his shoulders “I love you but I cant be the one this time…I’m sorry I just-‘ he says.

‘Max’ I sob out as he makes his way towards my door ‘I’m sorry’ I cry out, he doesn’t turn around but opens my door ‘when you decide life is more important you know where to find me’ he walks out leaving me to fall to my knees sobbing.

[Itzstacie]

I know I probably lost half of my readers on this story and I once again say I am sorry for my RL being crazy and not getting to update like I want to...for those still around thank you so much for having patience with me.


Part 24

It’s been a week since Max walked out of my door, I know he’s hurting as much as I am. I can see it his eyes whenever I look at him, I can see him wanting to reach out to me but he hold’s his ground.

I know I’m the one who messed up, I gave into the temptation again and failed everyone around me. I also know I can’t stop.

It’s a never ending cycle, I hurt…I drink, I know the pain I’m causing is my doing but I’m powerless to stop it. My father wants to send me back to that place but I threatened him that I would run away, I’m in control.

He watches me all the time thinking he’s stopping me, he checks the apartment over and over so I learned to become sneaker, I’ve learned to hide my emotions well making sure I drink just enough to where I’m not drunk but enough to get me through the day.

I keep telling myself ‘it’s the last time’ each sip I take I repeat ‘it’s the last one’ over and over only to repeat the mantra over when I wake up the next day.

These wall mock me, they taunt me reminding me over and over again that I’ve been here to many times in the last year. I feel like I can’t breathe, I’m suffocating feeling like I’m going to be sucked into this vortex, but it doesn’t stop my feet from moving forward.

If anything being isolated has done this week is given me the strength to finally face my mother, don’t ask me where it came from. It’s not the fact that she’s dying that brought me here, but because I wanted to know why?…why did she leave me?…why couldn’t she love me.

I stand outside her door with my insides a mess, the alcohol I induced before does nothing to squash the frazzled remains of my nerves, now that I stand here outside her door, I’m frozen to move forward, deep down I’m terrified of what her answers will be.

The decision is taken away from me when the door opens and a startled nurse jumps back ‘My goodness you scared me’ she places a hand over her heart ‘are you here to see Nancy’ she asks.

She steps back smiling ‘Nancy you have a visitor’ the nurse pats my arm as she walks by ‘go ahead in honey’.

Well too late to turn back now, I keep my eyes downcast as I walk into her room, only when I hear her gasp do I look up ‘Your even more beautiful than I imagined’.

I bite my bottom lip hard to keep it from trembling as I nervously shift from foot to foot, It’s kind of ironic that I had so much to say, to ask that now I cant find the words once I’m here.

‘I…I didn’t think you would come’ she says softly ‘ I know what you must be thinking’.

My head snaps up ‘no you don’t…you don’t know a dam thing about me’.

She looks away and shakes her head ‘your right…. I’m sorry’.

I can see the tears shimmering on the edge of her lashes, my own lashes mirrors hers and blink rapidly trying to will them away.

‘Elizabeth, I can only imagine how much you hate me right now, lord knows I hate me…I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I regret. I know that nothing I can say or do is ever going to make up for it…but if you let me I would like to try and explain’.

‘Why should I’ I yell ‘why should I listen to anything you have to say now, you didn’t think It was important the last fifteen years of my life…so why now’.

‘I know but please try and understand I was –

‘Understand??? I’ll tell you what I understand; you left your two year old daughter and her father because you didn’t love us’.

‘NO’ she shakes her head ‘I did love you both very much, I do love you –

‘Don’t say that, you didn’t love us, you didn’t care…if you did you would have never left’.

‘Please just let me explain’

‘NO’ I yell ‘I don’t want to hear it, you expect me to what feel sorry for you because your dying, expect me to what say all is forgiven, want me to let you clear your guilt so you can die happy…well guess what I’m glad your dying, I hope you rot in hell’.

The tears are coursing down my face as my body trembles uncontrollably, I feel like I’m not even really here, that I’m standing outside myself saying all of these horrible things.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ she sobs out “I thought I was doing what was best, I didn’t want to leave’.

‘THEN WHY DID YOU’ I sob out ‘did you know…. Do you even care I had to listen to my father cry himself to sleep for two years…. That we spent years trying to understand why you left…God who do you think you are…. What gives you the right to walk back into our lives now…we don’t need you…. I DON’T NEED YOU!… we are fine without you now…how…how could you come back here…how could you just come here and turn our lives upside down again…why couldn’t…why couldn’t you love me…what did I do that was so wrong’. I sobbingly hiccup out.

“It wasn’t you…I swear it wasn’t you’ she cries.

I turn my back to her as I try to control myself; my body is shaking so hard my legs wanting to give out on me.

‘I have a problem’ she whispers out “I’ve had even before you were born, I hid it well from everyone, my friends my family, even your father when…. When I found out I was pregnant with you I tried to stop, I even succeeded for a while, I was so sure I had my life under control again’.

My cries have downed to sniffles as I wrap my arms around myself but I don’t turn to face her, I think if I did I would lose it all over again.

“I started to become depressed…I started snapping at everyone, at your father mostly, it got to the point where I couldn’t stand him to even touch me. One night…one night I went out with an old friend, just to get away. I thought that if I could just go out with the girls for a little while I would be okay, that it was just something I needed because I was always cooped up at home’.

‘We went to a club, at first I thought I could handle it, I thought that I would be okay, I was strong I could handle it…but it was within thirty minutes that I gave in and started drinking heavily’.

I gasp as I turn around and look at her; the knowledge is starting to sink in and squeezing the life out of me.

‘I couldn’t stop’ she says ‘I would hide it from Jeff, whenever he was down in the café I would stay upstairs and drink, if he knew he never said anything, I think…I think he did know and just ignored it because I was being affectionate again towards him.’

I want to yell at her to stop, that I don’t want to hear anymore. The thought of me doing the same thing to my father has me feeling like the lowest thing alive; the guilt is gnawing away at my insides.

‘Two days before I left, your father had gone out of town on a business trip for the café, the minute he left I got so drunk I…I passed out. I don’t remember how long I was out but when I woke up I heard you screaming,

I ran to where you were and I freaked out when I saw you…you were…you were covered in blood…you somehow managed to pull a chair over to the counter and climbed on top of it. You were trying to get to the cookies because the jar was broken on the floor…that’s how you got that scar above your eye, I guess the chair tipped over and you fell with the jar’.

I mindlessly bring my hand to my scar running my fingers over it.

“I was so scared, I rushed you the emergency room and once we got back home the force of what I had done hit me, I knew I was in no shape to raise you, I didn’t deserve to be a mother to you…I wouldn’t have been able to live myself if something happened to you again, but I also knew I wouldn’t be able to stop drinking again, I was week.

So I made a decision when your father got back I lied about what happened to your eye and when everyone went to bed I left. I knew Jeff would take care you, he would raise you right because what good would a drunken mother be, I didn’t want you turn out like me.’

I stand there blinking at her, you know how they say the truth will set you free, well her truth just slapped me hard in the face and what do I do…. I laugh out loud, not a funny ha ha laugh but a Oh GOD I can’t believe this one.

I curl my shaking fingers into balls as I stop abruptly and look up at her ‘well guess what MOTHER, whadda you know it didn’t matter that you left because I turned out like you after all’ and then I do what I had been itching to do since I got there I bolt.

I can feel my heart pounding in heavily in my chest as my feet keep moving, my lungs are burning and I’m gasping for air but I don’t stop running.

The farther away from the hospital the better, fear is coursing through my veins and it keeps me moving my feet even as I stumble and fall.

The cold rain starts pelting down numbing me to the burning sensations of the cuts and bruises I know I have from falling, I see the house in the distance and will my legs to keep moving.

The lights are off but it doesn’t stop me I pound on the window waiting for him to come, I gulp in hugh amount of air as my chest heaves and the tears stream down my face.

I see the light switch on and jump back when I see his surprised expression as he opens the window, he quickly frowns ‘Liz’ he asks worriedly.

And in that moment it all comes out ‘ help me…help me please…I…I don’t want to be like her…I’m not her…I’m not her’ I choke out in harsh broken sobs.

He flies out the window and I find myself engulfed into his arms as we sink to the wet ground ‘what happened’ he asks as he rubs his hand up and down my back I just keep repeating ‘I’m not her…I’m not her’ as we stay kneeling there with the rain coming down.

[Itzstacie]

thank you guys so much for your feedback, I cant tell you how much it means to know I still have readers for my fic and even picked up a few new ones, thank you so much. I think you all will be glad to finally see the turning point, I think I put Liz thru enough.

Part 25


I stand there shivering, soaked to the bone watching as Max walks into the bathroom and returns with some towels. I carefully follow his movements as he goes and pulls out a couple pairs of sweat suits ‘here you can change into these’ he says.

I watch as he stands there mimicking my actions his body shaking too, its only then that I realize that he’s only wearing a pair of boxers.

I find myself memorized by the drops dripping from his hair and rolling down his toned chest only to be absorbed by the edges of his boxers ‘Liz’ he whispers snapping me out my daze ‘go ahead and get changed before you get sick’ he says.

I nod absently minded as he gently nudges me towards the bathroom, once inside I close the door and slide down to the floor, closing my eyes and resting my head against the door. My life is such a mess, I wonder if it’s possible to sink any lower than I have.

I replay the conversation with my mother over and over, after the million of scenarios I played out over the course of my life, I had never imagined that I would turn out just like her after all. My father God I can’t help but wonder if knew about her problem and if he did what I must have put him through.

I throw my hand over my mouth trying to drown out my sobs, I know I have noone to blame but myself, the force of hurt and pain that I caused everyone around me hits me head on. My father, Max, Isabel, Michael, Alex and others, how am I ever going to be about to look them in the eye again.

I’ve hurt them so much and all they did was try and reach out to me, a little voice in the back of my head tells me they will forgive me but a part of me has a hard time believing it. How much can you actually put someone through before they wash their hands of you completely?

“Liz’ I hear Max ask softly from the other side ‘Just…just a minute’ my voice cracks as I quickly scramble up and strip off my clothes. After changing I stare at myself in the mirror noticing the way my eyes and nose are red and puffy from crying.

I stare harder and for the first time in a long time, I see myself. I see the damage I have done and I finally wake up and realize what I have to do.

I open the door and see Max sitting on the edge of his bed, slowly he brings his eyes up to mine and my heart breaks more knowing how much pain I caused him, how much I hurt him, this person who means everything to me.

He stands up slowly as I stand there nervously twisting my hands together ‘are you ready to tell me what happened’ he asks.

I shake my head feeling the tears swell up again at his grief stricken face ‘I’ I lick my lips trying to get it out ‘I want too…and I will…can…can you just hold me for right now’. He looks hesitant and I quickly plead ‘please I…I promise I will tell you, there’s so much I want to tell you but I just cant form the words’.

‘Okay’ he agrees just like that, making my heart clench more, he walks over and takes my trembling hands into his and leads me over to the bed and pulls the covers back.

‘I called your father, he knows you’re here’ he says as I climb in ‘thank you’ I whisper out. He slides into next to me drawing me to him and I quickly let myself relax in his touch, its only then do I notice that I wasn’t the only one trembling.

He shuts off the light and I hear him take a staggered breath, I close my eyes and just breathe him in realizing how much I really missed him and just how I really do need him in my life.

We both lay there in silence neither one of us sleeping, I swallow a couple of times before bringing my eyes up to his, even in the dark I can him staring up at the ceiling ‘I saw my mother’ I whisper out.

He closes his eyes for a moment then brings his gaze to me ‘what did she say’ he asks. ‘She’ my voice catches and he pulls me tighter and starts rubbing my back softly. ‘She told me why she left’.

He waits for me to continue ‘I found out were not so different after all…she left because she had a drinking problem’. “Liz’ he whispers out ‘guess the apple doesn’t fall from the tree huh, instead of just leaving like she did…I pushed everyone away’.

‘Your not like her’ he says ‘how can you say that…I’m just like her’. ‘Because Liz I know you, I know you can beat this thing, you just have to believe in yourself and realize that there is something you can do about it’.

He shifts so that we are laying side by side ‘and if you can’t do it for yourself then do it for everyone that loves you and that is worried about you…do it…do it for me please…Liz please because its killing me to see you like this’ he cries out.

I feel warm drops hit my face, my stomach flip flops as I feel my bottom lip start to tremble “I love you Liz…I love you so much and I’m so scared because I don’t know how to help you, I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m so scared…I’m so scared’ his soft cries turn into sobs.

I quickly wrap my arms around him ‘I’m sorry…I’m so sorry’ I start crying again “I don’t want to be this person anymore, I want to be me…I want to be normal again…please help me Max’.

He doesn’t get a chance to reply as his bedroom door quickly opens “Max honey I heard you crying, what is…Liz’ Diane questions as she turns on the lights. “What are you doing here this late honey’.

Before I can say anything Mr. Evans appears and I scramble out of the bed ‘What is going on’ he asks clearly not happy about being woke up.

Before Max can say anything I reply ‘Please don’t be mad at him…I showed up here for help’ I close my eyes and take a deep breath opening them I glance at Max who is looking at me with love and encouragement then look to his parents.

I swallow hard then take the steps that I know I need to take ‘I have a problem and I’m in trouble’ I say

“What is it honey’ Diane asks worriedly.

I bit my bottom lip then take the plunge “I am an alcoholic’.

[Itzstacie]

Part 26

I stare up at the familiar house and try to squash the nervousness in my stomach; I look at my hands and find them trembling slightly. I bit my bottom lip as I look around trying to spot any differences, the car door opens and I look up into a pair of warm amber eyes.

He places a hand out and I nervously place mine in his letting him help me out of the car. I take a deep breath and he wraps his arms around me tenderly ‘Are you okay’ he asks.

‘I’m scared’ I answer in honesty, two weeks ago I was dead set on going back to this place, now here I am determined to make it the three months or longer if I have to, I am determined to regain control of my life again.

It was scary, strange and surprisingly freeing at the same time when I said those words ‘I’m an alcoholic’. It was almost as if I didn’t say them right then and there I knew I would be lost forever, and when Mrs. Evans didn’t say a word but instead just took me into her arms and cried along with me it was like this huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

The whole time we talked will sitting there in Max’s room she never once looked down on me but instead listened and held me the way a mother should, a way my own mother should have throughout my life. I did wind up going back to the hospital with Max by my side. After more tears were shed I told her the words she needed to hear, I told her I forgave her.

I think I wanted to be the better person, I know she didn’t deserve my forgiveness or even my understanding but somewhere along the way I realized that my life wasn’t so bad without her there, My father more than made up for it and even thou it was never said out loud or its by blood I did have a mother, Diane was my mother. Thinking back she was always there when I was growing up even when I needed to just escape Nancy she would take me in and treat me like one of her own.

The words she told me gave me the courage and the strength to face my mother again; she said “God always has a plan for us, that he would never lead us into a direction that he didn’t think we could handle’.
I may never understand totally why he chose my path, but I think deep down I do. I had a hard lesson to learn and it took everything that has happened to me in my life to learn it.

I think it’s finally sunk in that I have people who love me, who care about me and in the end I know I am stronger now, I don’t have to be this perfect person I’m allowed to make mistakes and people aren’t going to run away because of it.

Out of all the people I talked to these last two weeks, the hardest was my father. Tears were shred when I talked to Alex, Isabel, Michael and even Tess; the tears were not out of anger but were out of understanding and mending fences.

I realized that these people were what were most important; I finally saw how destroying my life was also destroying theirs. Not so much in a psychical way but more of an emotional one, I saw how much I hurt them by shutting them out making them feel helpless and confused.

I was more surprised by Michael’s reaction more than the others; he told me he was never angry with me just disappointed in me. He wondered how I could so easily save him from going down that road but not myself that I should have known that Maria wouldn’t have wanted me to end up like I did either.

That hurt the most, knowing I broke a promise to her, I helped Michael but I didn’t help myself. Even when he took me his arms hugging me and whispering ‘she’ll forgive you, I know she’s looking down right now and smiling’ didn’t ease the guilt any less.

When I was ready to admit to my father, Mrs. Evans was sitting right there next to me every step of the way, I know I had already disappointed him but I was terrified to face him with the truth. I told him everything from the sneaking around, to facing my mother.

He was shocked to find out the truth, he swore he never knew about the drinking and it hurt him more that neither my mother nor I came to him. When I told him I was ready to back to rehab he sobbed tears of joy and told me he loved me. I know he was disappointed when I told him that I wanted Max to bring me this time.

I think in someway he understood that this was something that I needed to do, I guess in some way it’s my way of proving to Max that I’m serious about going, about taking back control. We haven’t officially got back together but I know that one day we will be.

‘Why are you scared’ he asks me snapping me out of my daydream. I look up at him and shrug my shoulders ‘I’m not really sure, I know what I want to do but deep down I’m scared I’ll fail again and it terrifies me that I’ll disappoint everyone again’.

‘You wont’ he says tucking a strand of hair behind my ear ‘how can you be so sure’ I ask. His eyes bore into mine and I can’t help it my heart skips a beat ‘because I believe in you’ he whispers.

‘I’m glad one of us does’ I whisper back, his hand slides up and cups my cheek ‘you will too, I know because I know you, your stronger than you think and I know because you have a ton of people supporting you and who love you’ he says.

I lean into his hand and close my eyes, ‘do you’ I ask as I open them back up and look into his. His lips curve up ‘you know I do’ he says ‘and when you get out I’ll be waiting for you’. ‘You will’ I ask, he nods his head and I smile, I pull back and took towards the house ‘I guess I should go’.

He nods and takes my hand picking my suitcase up with the other ‘promise me you’ll call or write as soon as you can’ he asks, I look at him ‘everyday’ I smile at him.

We walk hand in hand to the door and he sets my suitcase down, taking my arms he pulls me towards him and slides his hands around my waist, I lay my head on his chest and just breath him in “I’m going to miss you’ I say after a moment as I feel the tears start to swell up. “I’ll miss you too’ he says taking his head and burying it in my neck taking a deep sigh.

I hold on for a minute longer than pull back ‘I’ll see you soon’ I say and he nods, I watch as his gaze drops to my lips and leans forward a little. I close the gap and press my lips softly against his. I close my eyes letting him take the lead as we stand there kissing softly.

He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine “this is harder than I thought it would be’ he says, a tear escapes me and he reaches up to wipe it away “I know’ I say as my bottom lip trembles, he raises his head and looks into my eyes ‘I love you’ he says and in that instant I believe in myself, I believe that I am finally going to beat this.

[Itzstacie]

okay here it is, Its extermely short and really sucks. I tried to get something out but i had a hard time with this chapter. Also to let you know this fic is winding down maybe one or two chapters left.


Dont be to harsh---It's my bday today

Chapter 27

I ‘m going home today, It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here six months. I know what your thinking that I should have only been here for three, but the thing is at the end of three months I knew I wasn’t ready.

My body was psychically ready but emotionally I still had a ways to go, I had to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin before being comfortable around other people.

There was still a lot to learn about myself and a lot I needed to deal with, the biggest obstacle that I had to overcome was the alcohol but in the end it wasn’t really the biggest factor the biggest factor was learning that I couldn’t blame my problems on other people.

Its strange that somedays it was incredibly easy while others were so pain stacking that I wanted to pull my hair out. I have to say the nights with the shakes were the worst, when your whole body trembles and there is nothing you can do but close your eyes and pray it will be over soon.

My counselor told me that it would go away over time as soon as my body learned to function again without the alcohol. There was times when I wanted to give up so badly because I couldn’t deal with the tremors but my counselor kept behind me and instead of giving up I finally believed that I would beat this thing.

Max was true to his word and wrote me like everyday, when I was finally able to start receiving mail they gave me two full shoeboxes. I cherished those letters, to know that I had everyone back home believing in me and waiting for the day for me to come home.

His words gave me the determination and his love gave me warmth at night when I was alone in my room. I think the nights were the worst when I was lying in bed missing everyone. I missed my father the most.

I mean I always looked up to him, he was my hero, my mentor and somewhere along the way I forgot that. He was always there for me when I needed him, always picking me back up, kissing my scrapes, even when he was married to Nancy I know he would have been there for me if only I had gone to him.

I took him for granted and in the process of my downhill spiral he got hurt and I think that hurts the most, the fact that I disappointed him and that something no child wants to do with their parents.

How do you build back trust once its been broken, I know he forgives me he’s’ told me a hundred of times but I know deep down things will never be the same. My mother finally died about two months after I was here, and the weird think was I wasn’t all that sad about it.

I know a part of me should have been sad but how can you be sad about someone you never knew.

My life has taken on a new path one that is going to be an everyday struggle to stay sober, to have the courage to open up and talk to those around me. The biggest thing I have learned so far is to open up and let people in, that even thou I feel like my life is falling apart, I don’t have to turn to alcohol. I’m allowed to make mistakes and if I do people aren’t going to stop loving me.

As I pack my bag I have a new level of tolerance that wasn’t there before, I’m ready to face the world again and I know I wont be facing it alone this time.

Is it natural that a part of me is still scared, I haven’t seen anyone since Max dropped me off six months ago, well I have seen my father. Max wanted to but never did, he finally told me in a letter that he thought that it was best that he didn’t, that I needed the time to get better and he was right, I did need this time to concentrate on me.

He told me that he would still be waiting for me when I got home, that he hoped we could start over with our relationship. I think that itself gave me strength and courage I never knew I had.

‘Liz your dad is here’ Michelle tells me, she was one of the girls here too.

I close my suitcase and look around at the room that’s been my home for the last six months, closing my eyes I take a deep breath, this is it.

Making my way downstairs I see my father talking to my counselor, when he sees me he immediately smiles and opens his arms, I run the rest of the way flinging myself into his arms.

‘Lets go home honey’ he says squeezing me, I smile and inhale ‘yes lets go home’.

[Itzstacie]

Chapter 28

I stare out my window, just looking at my trusty lounge chair, Its strange and warm all at once being in my room. Strange because I haven’t been here in so long and warm because simply put its home.

Its funny how you can feel so many emotions at one time, how is it possible to be both calm and nervous at the same time. It’s been so long since I have felt calm in my life, and its welcoming. I’m nervous because I’m torn between wanting to pick up the phone and call Max or just wait for him to come to me.

It’s not because I’m scared of being turned away, I know he is waiting for me and I know that he’d be happy to see me, but it’s the butterflies I know I will get when I see him. That flutterness I feel in my heart everything I see him.

What do I say to him when I do see him, do we just pick back up where we left off or is it going to be something we start back at the beginning with? I used to be so comfortable in Max’s presence that I never second-guessed myself but ever since I fell in love with him, I get scared of what to say or what to do.

Blowing out my breath I turn and head downstairs ready to face the world again, I’m curious to see if anything has changed since I’ve been gone. When I get downstairs in the back of the café I’m surprised to see Michael there, I thought for sure he would long gone.

When he sees me he smiles and suprises me by engulfing me in a hug ‘your dad told me you would be back today…you look good’ he says. “Thank you’ I manage to get out while trying to hide the shock of Michael Geriun actually hugging me.

He pulls back ‘are you glad to be back home’ ‘yes I am’ I say as he leads me over to the couch. Sitting down I look over at him ‘I thought you would have been gone by now’, he shrugs and leans his elbows on his knees ‘I had planned on it…I didn’t think there was really anything left here for me after Maria’.

I bite my lip at the mention of her name, when I was in counseling it finally hit me that she was really gone, but at the same time I realized that she would always live on. She would live on inside my heart and I know that she would watch over me.

‘So what changed your mind’ I ask, he looks at me then turns back ‘I realized that there was more than just her here, I had other people who loved me just the same’.

I smile ‘I’m glad to hear that, because its true … you’re a part of my family Michael, I love you and I need you just as much’. He smiles ‘I love you too in that sisterly kind of way…you and your dad have given me more than you should, you made me a part of your family and I realized I couldn’t just walk away from that’.

‘I’m glad because I would miss you…you know’; he nods his head and looks down at the ground ‘can I tell you something’ he asks. Nodding my head ‘sure’ he looks at me then back down to the ground ‘the others don’t know yet’.

Now he really has me curious, and inside I have to admit that I’m really happy for him to tell me first before anyone else, it makes me feel like we have really connected on a new level.

He rubs his hands on his jeans and blows out his breath ‘I met someone’ he says, I’m speechless on what to say part of me is afraid but the other part is happy to see him moving on and starting to live again.

‘That’s great’ I manage to get out ‘its…it’s not serious but we get along really well and she knows about Maria. She’s willing to take whatever I can give…do you…do you think Maria would understand’ he asks.

I lean forward and take his hand ‘ I think Maria would want you to move on and find happiness again, I know she would understand and I’m sure she is smiling down on you right now’. He nods his head and quickly wipes his eye ‘thank you’ he says, giving his hand a squeeze ‘can I ask what her name is’.

‘Michelle’ he says ‘I’m not really ready to bring her around everyone else yet…but I would really like for you to meet her’. I smile ‘I would really like that’ I say, he smiles and gets up ‘ I should get back to work’. ‘Okay…I’m just going to take a walk around’.

I make my way towards the swinging doors stopping when I hear him call my name, turning to look at him ‘thank you’ he says, smiling I tell him your welcome and leave the café.

I walk for a while just looking and soaking in the memories I have of this town, I stop and buy some flowers before going to the cemetery. Once there I sit and tell Maria everything that has been going on before I get up and make my way to the park.

Its dark now not even realizing that time flew by, staring up at the sky I let out a sigh and just sit there in the gentle breeze.

‘Liz’ I hear his familiar voice even before I see him, turning my head my breath hitches as I stare into his golden eyes. I almost forgot how beautiful his eyes are, the way they seem to just suck you in and never let go.

‘Hi’ I force my vocal chords to work while feeling the butterflies start to form, ‘when…when did you get back’ he asks me as he continues to just soak in every inch of me ‘this morning’ I answer pushing a loose strand behind my ear.

‘That’s good’ he says and stands there nervously, we continue to stare at each other for a few minutes before I push over and ask him if would like to sit. He nods and smile at me taking a seat next to me ‘I knew you were coming home today…I just…I wanted to let you get settled before-

‘I understand’ I say cutting him off placing a hand on his arm, he stares down at it and I wonder if he can feel them trembling underneath. ‘You look really good’ he says bringing his gaze back up to my eyes ‘thank you…so do you’ I say sliding my hand away.

We both sit in silence for a while before turning to each other ‘so-‘ we both say at the same time, he breaks out into a laugh ‘you first’. I laugh and nod my head ‘why is this so weird for us…I mean we’ve known each other our whole lives’.

He leans his elbows on his knees ‘I wouldn’t say weird…. More like nervous, there are so many things I want to say to you, but I don’t even know where to begin’.

‘How about we start with how have you been’ I say, he smiles and nods his head. I feel my heart jump when he slides his fingers into mine ‘so Liz how have you been’ he says smiling. I laugh as I relax next to him ‘oh you know’.

He squeezes my hand ‘seriously thou I’m really glad your home’ he says looking into my eyes, ‘so am I’ I say staring back into his.

[Itzstacie]

I know I know I suck...I am really sorry I can't believe how much RL has gotten really busy, I feel like I dont have time for anything anymore. Thank you for sticking with me guys, I hate that its taking me so long to get these parts out.

(Jumping time a little)


Chapter 29

I sit between my father and the Evans staring at the sea of maroon caps and gowns with my head held high.

Its graduation and even thou I am not walking with the rest of my class I don’t feel ashamed. I’ll get my chance, it won’t be till after the summer and I make up all my credits, I will get my diploma just like my friends are doing today.

I know I should feel sad but I’m not, I messed up my life, I had a problem but I’m getting better…I am better and it will only get better as the days go by.

I’m a recovering alcoholic, its something that I will have to live with everyday of my life. It will be a constant battle, it will be one I take day by day and with the people who love me and believe in me.

I look up to see a golden sea smiling back at me, causing me blush. I love this boy more than I ever thought was possible. There is no doubt in my mind or in my heart that he feels the same way.

Instead of trotting off to college like he should, he is staying in Roswell until I receive my diploma and we go off to college together. I told him he didn’t have to wait for me, he shouldn’t wait for me, but his reply was I’ve waited this long for you I can wait as long as I need to.

I don’t think I ever cried harder than I did there, his love for me amazes and stuns me and I thank God every day that he is my life because I know I would not be where I am today if he wasn’t.

It’s funny how I am thanking God now when before all I was doing was cursing at him for putting me through the things he did, I was so angry at him and it took me a long time to learn that the person I should be angry with was me.

But it’s in the past now and I have no doubt that if he throws anything else at me, I will come thru it with flying colors… I have the strength and the courage to face my problems head on now.

I stand up and clap loudly as they call out the names of my friends and I hoot and holler when Michael walks across the stage, I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of him, he stuck around and made it when I know people doubted him. He proved them all wrong and I know Maria is proud and smiling down at him right now.

After the ceremony there is going to be a party at the Crash down for the graduating class and I have to say I am really excited, Michael doesn’t know it yet but my father and I have a surprise for him, one that will probably change his life.

*******


While everyone is mingling and enjoying the evening, I look over at my father and give him a knowingly look. He walks towards me as I look to see where Michael is, he’s sitting with Michelle and he’s smiling.

I feel torn in a way because while I’m happy that he has moved on and finally found someone he could connect with, a part of me feels guilty because I wonder if he’s forgetting about Maria.

I think a lot of that has to do with my own guilt, because I really like Michelle and thou we aren’t close friends…we are friends, we laugh and joke around and a part of me feels like I’m betraying Maria for liking her so much, and I know I shouldn’t because this is what she would have wanted.

Michael has told me numerous times that he will never forget Maria and Michelle understands that Maria will always hold a place in his heart that no one will ever be able to touch. A lot of time I find myself wanting to slap myself for even thinking that he could ever forget her.

‘You ready pumpkin’ my dad asks as he puts an arm around my shoulder, I nod ‘do you think we would do it here or in private…you know how he gets’.

When my father first tome me what he did I couldn’t believe it and in that moment I don’t think I could have admired him more. ‘He’ll just have to get over it, because I want everyone to know what he means to us’ he says breaking me out of my thoughts.

He’s right, Michael has become part of my family and I know some people would find it strange that we feel this way… but I don’t care what they think, they could never understand the things he’s done for us.

‘Okay lets do it’ I say smiling and leading him over towards Michael, ‘Hey guys congratulations’ I say stopping in front of them ‘thanks Liz…I’m sorry you couldn’t be up there with us’ Michelle says sincerely.

I smile ‘its okay I’ll get my soon’ ‘that’s right’ my dad says smiling at me. Michelle doesn’t know the whole story behind me not walking with the rest and she doesn’t ask that’s one of the things I like about her.

She takes what she gets and makes the best out of it and doesn’t push, she just offers a shoulder and an ear to talk too when you want one. ‘Can I have everyone’s attention please’ my father shouts causing everyone to become quiet.

Max walks up behind me snaking an arm around my waist and I lean back into him as my father begins.

‘Well first off I just wanted to congratulate all you kids for graduating and I’m proud of each and every one of you, I’ve known all of you since you were little, watching you grow up in the café and I like to think we all have become family’.

He turns and looks directly at Michael and I see him getting a surprised look on his face wondering what’s going on. ‘What some of you probably don’t know is that one has become much more to me…Michael I want you to know that I have come to think and love you like a son, and what you have done for me and Liz I don’t know if we will ever be able to repay the help and support you have given us.

You wanted to leave Roswell but you stayed when I needed you the most and continued to be there even after my recovery, I want you to know that you will always have a home here with me and Liz’.

I see Michael trying hard to contain his emotions as he tries to take in everything my father is telling him, Max holds me tighter as I do the opposite the tears are flowing but they are tears of happiness instead of sadness.

My father pulls out an envelope and hands it to Michael, everyone watches as he opens it and sees what’s inside, and his face goes into shock as he tries to forms words as everyone eagerly waits to see what it is.

“Liz and I wanted to give you something back, so that check there is for your college tuition and stuff you will need to get started, and I also plan on paying for the rest of your education until you graduate’.

Michael sits there stunned and before he can reject the offer I step up ‘Michael let us do this for you, it’s the least we can do’. ‘But-‘ he starts, I don’t let him finish ‘But nothing you deserve to go to college just like everyone else and we wont take it back, this is our way of showing you how much you mean to us’.

I’m taken back as he launches off the stool and grabs me in a fierce hug, ‘thank you’ he muffles under a broken cry, I hug him tighter ‘no…thank you’ I whisper.

He sniffs and tries to wipe away the tears hurriedly so he doesn’t get embarrassed for crying in front of everyone. ‘Thank you, I don’t know what to say’ he tells my father ‘there’s nothing to say’ my dad says as he gives him a hug, I smile bigger when I see Michael hugging him tighter not caring that everyone is watching as he displays so much emotion.

‘Hey beautiful’ Max whispers as he comes back up to me, ‘hey’ I smile as he wraps his arms around me ‘that was a great thing you two did’ he says. ‘It was’ I agree ‘by the way congratulations Mr. Graduate’ I say nuzzling his ear ‘hmm…thanks I’m just sorry you weren’t one of us’.

I pull back and look in his eyes ‘don’t be its my own fault, but I’ll get mine soon enough’ he pecks my nose ‘I know’ I lean up and kiss his lips letting mine linger there for a few minutes just soaking him in ‘do you think your parent would let you get a way for a little while tonight’.

He glances over at his parent who are laughing at something Alex has said, then back to me ‘I’m sure they would, why’ “ I just want to spend some time alone with you tonight’.

He smiles his boyish smile ‘I think I can arrange that’ he says before leaning down to capture my lips.