Long to Be Part 17
Posted: Wed Sep 03, 2003 1:01 pm
PART 17 ~ Liz
He gently pushed back my hair that had begun to stick to the side of my face. He leaned over me and began to kiss the length of my neck. I closed my eyes and arched my head back to give him better access to one of my pleasure zones. Our bodies were in motion and I was in heaven. It didn’t matter that I had just met him last night. I knew him and he knew me and all that mattered was that we had finally found one another.
His rhythm slowed and I looked up at him. What was he doing? I needed more and I needed it now. I pushed him over and onto his back. I was in control of how our bodies reacted to one another. I had never felt this way before and I wasn’t about to let it stop. “Liz… please.” He begged.
“Please, what Max?” I knew what he was asking but my body didn’t want anything to do with his request. I was so close. He placed his hands on my hips and slowed my rocking a little.
“Not yet.” His words were soft and made the tiny hairs on my neck stand at attention.
“But I’m ready for you.” I said as I leaned over him and whispered in his ear. While I was there I nipped at his earlobe and added, “I want you inside of me. All. Of. You. I’m going to join you. Do you want me to come with you?” He shook his head yes and closed his eyes as if he were preparing himself for the special moment. “Good.” I had never acted this way before and didn’t think it was possible for me to be such a seductress but the look in his eyes and the way that it made me feel to be lavished by his gaze made me do unbelievable things.
“Liz!” He screamed as we came together. I collapsed on top of him. He rolled the two of us over so we were now facing each other. I caressed his cheek and then kissed him. “I love you.” He said and I had to kiss him again. I knew that he loved me for I saw it in our connection. We shared our souls and it was beautiful.
“I love you too.” I replied and he rolled over onto his back and I snuggled in deep to him. Lying my head on his chest I fell asleep listening to the beating of his heart. The most amazing thing that occurred to me was that my heart was in sync with his. The two hearts beating as one.
I fought hard to stay asleep, not wanting this dream to end. My body automatically gravitates to the warmth beside me. Scooting closer so my backside is against it. Strong arms wrap tightly around me while feather light kisses make their way down the length of my neck and down the back of my shoulder. Goosebumps make their appearance on the surface of my skin as a small shiver races down my body.
I fought with all my might not to open my eyes. I knew I was in bed and I knew that I wasn’t alone. Maybe I was still dreaming. I so wanted to believe that I was. That was the only logical explanation for being where I was this morning. I was still in the magnificent dream that I had had last night.
I professed my love to a man that was always in my dreams, a man that until last night had no face. The faceless man appeared in my dreams as a teen now had a face of a dark haired Adonis, the face of Maria’s friend, Max. I take in a deep breath and sigh from the memory that I was reliving behind closed eyes. I was complete. Well, my dreams were now complete. Then it slowly dawned on me that the ache between my legs was telling me that maybe it was more than a dream.
The golden glow I saw behind my eyes led me to believe that it was a sunny day outside. It was going to be a great day. I just knew it. Boy was I wrong. I reached for my journal like I always did and wasn’t too surprised that it wasn’t there. Opening my eyes I realized that I wasn’t in the same room that I had woke up in yesterday or what I believed was yesterday. I didn’t dare move for I also realized that the strong arms and the warm body that were so tightly wrapped around me weren’t part of a dream but were real.
I pulled my arm back underneath the covers and lay there while I took in my surroundings. It was morning. I was right about that but wrong about how sunny it actually was. It looked absolutely dreary outside. The sun tried with all its might to seep in through the white mini blinds that covered the window. It was just too overcast for it to make it.
I debated with myself on whether to turn over and see who I was in bed with or whether just to lie here and enjoy the feelings that he was invoking in me. What was I going to do? What had I done? Was my dream really a dream or was it my altered reality?
“Good morning.” His hot breath whispered against my ear. He snuggled in and began working his way down my neck once again. I closed my eyes. A war was waging between my mind and my body. My mind told me to get out of there now that I didn’t belong where I was but my body reacted as if it had a mind of its own. It reacted with every kiss and nip that the stranger lavished on it. It reacted from the memory of last night.
I froze instantly as his hand moved from my waist to cup my breast. He must have felt me stiffen in response for he stopped; his lips were hovering just above my right shoulder. “Liz? Is everything okay?” His soft sultry voice asked.
I wasn’t surprised that he knew my name and something about his voice was familiar. Could it really be Maria’s friend Max that I was in bed with? Could my dream really be coming true? I shook the possibility out; he was with Tess, the blonde that rubbed me the wrong way the first time I laid eyes on her.
I nervously shook my head. “Yeah.” It came out weak and unsure of itself.
I felt the bed move and knew he was trying to peer over the top of me and see for sure that I was okay. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my scared expression from him. Was I really scared? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t scared of him that’s for sure but I was scared of the situation. What was I going to do? How was I going to get around this?
Did he know about my other half? I quickly pulled the covers over my head and hid. I used to do it all the time when I was a child and was scared to face the real world. Sometimes it’s just hard to break old habits. I chose not to say another word for I knew if I did that my voice wouldn’t work. I would sound like I was scared and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Liz.” I could hear a tinge of panic in his voice. “What are you doing underneath there?” He pulled his side of the covers up and crawled in underneath them with me. The dim light from the room flashed as he pulled them up and over his head. It was getting rather warm underneath here as the two of laid in silence. I was glad that it was dark enough that I couldn’t see anything either. It meant that he wouldn’t be able to see me as well.
I began to relax. “Nothing.” I answered firmly now that I knew he wouldn’t be able to see my expression on my face and I had some courage now that I was deep undercover with no possibility of being spied.
“Why are you hiding from me?” He reached his hand over to caress my face and I closed my eyes.
The instant he touched me, I saw it all. I saw him seeing me at the party and what was going through his mind. I saw him finding me crouched on the ground crying begging him to remember for me. I didn’t wait for anything else to flash before my eyes. This was Max. He had stayed with me during it all or maybe I was the one that stayed with him. “Max?”
“Yes…” He hesitated to say anything else. He probably was scared that I would do something crazy. I wasn’t so sure that I wouldn’t.
I knew what I had to do. There was no lying to him anymore. No matter how my body wanted to respond to his I had to tell him about me. I had to make sure he knew the truth before I would ever think of continuing a relationship with him.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
He snuggled in deeper and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me in closer to him. I could feel his breath coming out of his nose and landing softly against my forehead. I felt how his body reacted to my naked body being this close to him I looked at his chest and ran a hesitant hand over the smoothness of it. Once again déjà vu crawled up the back of my mind and tangled with a memory that lay dormant there.
“I thought we covered this last night.” He began and then leaned in for a kiss. “You know there isn’t anything that you can’t tell me that will make me change the way I feel about you.” I heard his conviction as well as felt it with each additional kiss that was given to me.
I so wanted to believe that but I knew that there was no way around it. I was a freak and a guy like Max wouldn’t want to be caught dead in bed with a freak like me. “I… I…” I didn’t know how to start. I couldn’t do it. I pulled the covers off my head and wrapped them close to my body. He followed my lead and did the same. His eyes sparkled and his hair fell over one eyebrow. A scene from early on in my dream flashed before my eyes. He smiled at me and went to reach for me. I couldn’t let him do this. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to me. I was quickly growing attached to him and I couldn’t. I pulled away and he stopped in mid-motion.
“I don’t remember last night.” I pressed out quickly. It was like a stubborn Band-Aid that was over a fresh wound that needed cleansing. Rip it off fast and the pain would be over with quickly. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I have a split personality and…” I rolled over and got out of bed as quickly as I could. I searched for my clothes and began pulling them on. I couldn’t look at his face. I didn’t want to see his expression. I couldn’t live with myself if I saw something that resembled hate or fear. “I’ll just get going.” I continued on. The entire time I kept reliving my dream. At least I would always have my dreams.
My heart ached but from what, I wasn’t sure. Every move that I made was made with difficulty. My body wasn’t reacting to what my mind was telling it to do. “I just wanted to let you know that it’s not your fault. I’ve never had this happen to me before. I’m sorry.” Tears began to spill from my eyes. My life had impeded against another.
I had my sweater on or what I believed to be as my sweater and was in the process of pulling on my jeans. I heard the springs in the bed move and knew he was getting out of bed as well. I wouldn’t have much time to get out of here. I needed to hurry.
He hadn’t said anything at all and I was grateful for it. With my jeans on I quickly jammed my feet into my shoes. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. I stood up, once my shoes were on, and quickly exited the bedroom. I heard him following. I was about to throw the door open and walk out of his life forever, when his hand reached around me and kept it closed. “Don’t go.” He whispered in my ear. His hot breath once again sent chills through my body. “Please. You asked me to remember for you because you wouldn’t be able to. Don’t you want to stay and find out what happened? Don’t you want to know how you’ve changed my life? Don’t you want to know how much I’ve learned to love you in such a short time? Let me share your other side with you. Let me show you what it is to be complete for you have made me complete.” His voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear every word that came from his mouth.
He was telling me that he knew. The other side of me had shone herself to him. I had to look up and see if he was telling me the truth or if it was just a ploy to keep me here longer. When I slowly turned my head and our eyes locked I knew that what he was saying, indeed, was the truth. “She told you?” I asked in a half-whisper. He let go of the door and reached for my hand.
He was still shirtless. In his haste he had only pulled on a pair of jeans. I figured he either couldn’t find his shirt or was in too big of a hurry to catch up with me. Pulling me away from the door hand in hand I followed him to the kitchen table. There were so many questions flowing through my mind at this very moment. “I’ve spent my entire life going to psychiatrist after psychiatrist to try and find out the cause of me losing time and she never once gave them a clue that she even existed.” I tried to hold my disgust with the fact that she so openly shared herself with a total stranger to myself but he looked over his shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile.
He let loose of my hand and walked into the kitchen. “Her name is Andra.” He said as he reached into the cupboard and pulled down two glasses for us to drink out of.
“Andra,” I tried her name out for myself. It had a ring to it and part of me surged with its calling. Was it her trying to surface? I wasn’t sure but I sat down at the table and continued to listen to the story of me.
“Once upon a time there was a princess from a far away land and her name was Andra Aliya.” He smiled at me as he peered through the opening. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not and I appreciated the gesture of trying to relieve some of the tension in the air.
“Andra Aliya… a princess.” He shook his head as I repeated her name. I guess he thought I was asking if I pronounced it right or not. He reached into the refrigerator and grabbed the orange juice. “Any relation to Princess Leah?”
“No,” he said with a half chuckle. It was the least I could do. This playful bantering between us felt good. It felt right. I wasn’t so sure about the princess part but I believed that he believed it was true.
It was hard for me to take my eyes off of him. I followed his every move watching his muscles work beneath his golden skin. The sight of him makes my stomach do flip-flops. He poured the juice into the glasses and then returned the carton back to its rightful place. “What else do you know?” I asked as I sat on the edge of my seat steeling myself for what was to come next. All thoughts of the possible sex with him pushed to the back of my mind to be dealt with at a later time.
“I know everything there is to know about her. About her life… before.” He brought the glasses over and sat them down in front of me. “She showed most of it to me yesterday.” He went back to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of hot sauce and then set that down in between the two glasses.
“Yesterday?” That answered one question. “How long was I gone this time?” I had hoped that it hadn’t been that long although the scene that I woke up to and the dreams that I thought I had had could mean that the two of them had become quite close. I was so confused and the pounding in my head began to increase. I rubbed at it with my hand and waited for him to answer. I felt like there was a fog rolling in and no matter how much I swiped at it; it wasn’t going to clear out anytime soon.
“It wasn’t that long. Today is Sunday. I met you at the party just the other night. It was only a day.” He must have seen the lost look on my face for he continued rather quickly. “She’s aware of you or at least knows who you are.”
I couldn’t get past the time frame and didn’t pay any attention to what he was saying. “A day?” I looked down at the juice. A day so much had happened in a day. Bile began to rise and I needed to quell it quickly so I grabbed the juice and chugged it. It tasted awful. I sat the glass down hard and rubbed at my mouth. “I’m being taken over by a ghost of a long ago princess. Great.” I mumbled more to myself then to him.
“Here.” He took the hot sauce and put it into the glass and then slowly and carefully swished the glass around letting the red mix with the orange. “Try that.” I looked up at him and hesitated. He nodded his reassurance and I did as he instructed. I wondered if this would help my head or not. Anything was worth a shot.
I took a sip of the juice reluctantly dreading the awful taste that was about to invade my mouth but to my surprise it was really, really good. “How did you know that I would like that… that stuff in my juice?”
“Because that’s the way I like it.” One side of his mouth rounded up into a half smile and then faded. He took a deep breath as if what he had to say next was going to be really hard. Why, I had no idea but I knew it would be. His eyes never wavered from mine. He held them the entire time. It was hard for me to concentrate on the here and now without falling back into the dream I had had. “She’s not a ghost…” He paused as if to ponder the idea and then continued, “She’s just as real as you or I. She has feelings like you do.” He said when I continued to drink my now altered orange juice. “She’s a part of you. You are a part of her; it’s just for some reason you aren’t whole. You aren’t complete. It’s like the two of you are battling for control over your body. I really don’t understand…”
“My body? You just said that we were one.” I had interrupted him. He scooted closer to me and swung around to face me. He grabbed both of my hands in his and squeezed them ever so slightly.
“I know it’s confusing. I’ve had my whole life to deal with this and even though I’m aware of everything it’s not the same.”
“This happens to you?” Relief spread throughout my body. He was like me or I was like him.
“No, not exactly. I have no past memories. I have no idea who I was before.” The relief sank and was gone instantly.
“Neither do I?” I said firmly throwing my hands up into the air. I stood up and began to pace.
“But she’s does.” He stood up and followed me into the living room. “When you’re not here she is. She knows what she was before as if it happened in this lifetime.
“So,” I turned and pinned him with my gaze, “what you’re saying is that I’ve lived before.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” He went back to the table and grabbed his orange juice. Evidently relieved that we were getting somewhere with this conversation.
“And you don’t find the need to lock me up in a loony bin?” I walked back into the dining area of his small apartment and sat back down. I felt like a teeter totter… up… down… up… down...
He smiled and took a sip of his orange juice. “You’re not crazy, Liz. You’re special. You’re one of…” he hesitated for just a brief moment and then continued, “us? You’re who I’ve been looking for my entire life. My entire life on this planet.”
I stood up. “Okay, I see why you’re not wanting to send me to the loony bin. You, yourself, need to be admitted. This is crazy Max.”
“Just listen. I know it’s going to sound crazy but it’s the only way I can help you. I have to tell you and you have to keep an open mind about it all and maybe, just maybe we can figure out a way of getting the two of you as one.” I sat down because his eyes begged me to.
“What if she doesn’t want to be one with me? What if she wants to destroy me and have my life all to herself? She’s already got you.”
He took my hands in his and looked me in the eye. Instantly calming me. The sincerity in his voice and the look in his eyes did wonders with my anxiety. “I won’t let her do that and besides that’s not the way it’s supposed to be, her time is over. We can never go back to that life.” I nodded slightly and he continued. “Do you believe in aliens?” I motioned to stand up again and he quickly continued. “The crash in 1947 wasn’t a weather balloon that the government tried to cover up. It was what it was rumored to be. The crash in 1947 was the ship that brought me and others like me here to Earth.”
“I was born in 1983, Max and you sure as hell don’t look like you’re almost sixty years old.” I couldn’t take it any longer. This was ridiculous. I stood up and began to pace again.
“I’m not. I was in a pod and was released in 1989. I don’t know why we were sent here but I know that you were sent here to find me.” I stopped and watched him. He slumped back into his chair and stared back at me. He believed everything that he was saying. He believed in aliens and he believed that I was like him.
“She told you this?” Was that hesitation? I wasn’t sure. I was tired of pacing. I sat back down in the chair that I had just vacated.
“Well, not really. You showed me.”
“She’s not me!” I yelled at him. I wasn’t an alien. He stood up and crouched down in front of me.
“I can try and show you like she showed me.” He said quietly. His eyes spoke volumes to me and I found myself calming just by having him rest a gentle hand on my knee. I looked down where his hand touched my knee and felt a tingling sensation pool just below the surface.
“What’s happening to me?” I hadn’t planned on saying that out loud. I meant to ask myself in hopes of my other half answering me but knew I was being foolish.
“What?” He pulled his hand off my knee as if it were a hot plate.
“That! You felt it, I know you did.” I stood up and he stood up with me. “I can’t take this anymore. I’ve got to go.”
“Liz, wait. There’s something I need to tell you.” I turned around and faced him.
“What.” I said. My voice sounded as if I was unsure of myself, which I knew I was. When the expression that resided on his face reached my brain I realized that he was scared. I took a tentative step toward him. “What is it, Max?”
“It’s just…” he took a step to me and reached for me. His hand snaked up the sleeve of my sweater. I looked down where he was touching me and I was glowing. I immediately pulled away from him.
“Liz, don’t pull away. I want you to stay. I need you to stay.” Max pleaded.
“Max, I’m not her! I’m not Andra! I’m Liz Parker.” Why would he want me to stay? Didn’t he know what he was getting himself into? “Why do you want me?” My heart began to ache with anticipation for what he was going to say. Would I be soaring for his declaration or would I be scooping up the bits and pieces of a broken heart? I didn’t know and I wasn’t sure I want to know.
Max stepped closer and pushed the stray hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear, “Because it’s you.” Max ran his fingers lightly over my cheek and down along my jaw until he came to my chin. Gently he raised my face so that I was looking into his eyes. Those eyes, two amber pools that seemed to draw me in. They spoke to my inner core and sent things in motion that I never knew could react that way.
“Liz, I’ve always been looking, as far back as I can remember, I’ve never dated. I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl because I was always looking for the one that was for me. That special person that was put here for me.” He must have seen the doubt in my eyes, so he shook his head. “I don’t understand it either, but Friday night, before I knew anything about you or Andra, any of that stuff. I knew. One look at you and I knew. You were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” I found it hard to believe what he was declaring to me. He was talking about love at first sight. That didn’t exist. Love at first sight was a fairy tale. Love at first sight happened to princes and princesses and we were neither. I was sure now, he was crazy as I was.
“Max? How could you know that? How could you …” he placed a finger on my lips, silencing my protests.
“I know it isn’t logical and I can’t explain it myself, but I know.” He continued to look into my eyes trying to read what was there. “I think you know it too. If you would just let yourself feel, you’d know.”
Damn him. He didn’t try to argue or explain the unexplainable. He just told me to feel. I shook my head. There was no way I was going to let my feelings rule over logic. That wasn’t me. I was always one to plan. Emotions never ruled logic did. He was asking me to go against everything that I knew and throw caution to the wind on a feeling. Besides, what I was feeling right now defied logic. I had known him all of three or so hours but his words just felt right. Being with him just felt right. I reached up and as my fingers came in contact with his cheek they started to glow.
I stood there and stared and then finally voiced as I pulled my hand away from him. I rubbed it against my pant’s leg causing the tingling sensation to slowly disappear. “What’s happening to me?” I tried to stay strong, really I did but my head began to swim and before I knew it I was on the floor looking up into Max’s eyes.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you.” I couldn’t remember where I was. Or what I was doing before I found out that I was on the floor.
“Max?” His eyes were full of concern.
“I’m here Liz.” He scooped me up and walked the two of us over to the couch and sat me down. Our sudden movements made a sharp pain pierce my head right behind my eyes. I cringed in pain.
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I could hear him shuffling around the apartment. I didn’t dare open my eyes for I knew the minute I did the searing pain would streak across my mind. Something was happening to me and I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know.
“Here, I got you a cold rag to put over your head.” Max’s voice filled the silence as well as my disturbing thoughts. He gently placed the cold rag on my forehead and I shivered as the cold encompassed the throbbing.
“Thanks,” I said as quietly as I could. “What time is it?” I asked. My world had tilted and I felt like I didn’t know anything anymore. I needed some balance and I needed to place myself back into the real world and the only way to do that was to know the time and date as well as my surroundings.
“It’s almost nine.” He was hesitant to give me the information I could hear it in his voice. Was he really concerned for me? Was he really worried that I would leave? I didn’t know.
“And the date is…” I could hear him take a breath so he could answer but I held my hand up to stop him. “No, I need to do this myself. If I don’t then I won’t be able to function. The date is… January 10, 2005?” I wasn’t sure how I came up with that date but something in the back of my mind was telling it to me so I repeated it.
“Yeah, that’s right.” If I were to open my eyes I’m sure I would see his smile as well as his sparkling eyes looking down on me. I didn’t dare and I didn’t see; but I knew. Somehow I knew what he would look like with me laying on his couch in pain his concern would be very much clear. “Are you starting to feel any better?” He asked.
“Yeah, just give me a moment. I’m just really tired.” Never in my life had I come back from an episode feeling so drained. I felt like I could sleep for the rest of the week and still be on empty. “You guys must have gone on a four-hour hike yesterday.” Not only was I tired but my body ached and I didn’t want to blame it on the sex that we had had yesterday but the more I thought about it the more I knew that that was the reason I hurt all over. We didn’t go on any four-hour trek; my body just participated in passion-filled sex.
“No we didn’t.” He said to himself but didn’t do a very good job of it. He was uncomfortable with our situation. Hell, I would be uncomfortable with our situation if it was any other guy other than him. The thought puzzled me. For some reason I wasn’t too upset with loosing my virginity to Max. Maybe somewhere deep down inside of me, the thought had crossed my mind as having him be the one. “I can heal you. Take some of the pain away.” I immediately sat up and the pain ripped across my forehead. What pain was he talking about and how the hell can he heal?
His hand went to support my back as I looked to him through half-lidded eyes. “What do you mean you can heal me?”
“That’s my gift. We all have gifts.”
“When you say all… you mean…” I didn’t want to assume whom he meant but I had a sneaking suspicion that Maria was going to be one of those that he named. She was the center of it all. She was the one that took me to the party last night. I shook my head. It wasn’t last night it was Friday night and it was two days ago.
I could see him running his options through his mind. His eyes darkening and lighting with each and every option that he contemplated. “Lay back down a minute. I can see that sitting up is hurting you.” He helped me lie back down as he thought some more. “There are others that are like me. Like us.” He added as if it were an afterthought. He was including me.
“Maria?” I offered.
“No, Maria’s normal. Although I have to wonder sometimes if she’s not from somewhere out there.” He smiled. My stomach went out of control and started fluttering around as if there were a bunch of butterflies that had suddenly been disturbed and had taken flight. Once again he was trying to lighten the mood. If I wouldn’t turn all shades of red I would have let the sigh escape my lips but I fought the urge. Now wasn’t the time to forget about our situation. I was on a fact-finding mission and I couldn’t get sidetracked by extremely good looks.
Okay, so Maria wasn’t like him but she was in the know. She knew about them, she had to. My next guess was obvious; there was no doubt in my mind who was one of them. “Tess.” The way she clung to him she had to be one of them. She didn’t like me invading on her territory. I wonder how she’s going to react once she finds out that I’ve shared his bed. I shook my head again. I was thinking mean and evil thoughts and it wasn’t like me. For some reason I didn’t like this girl. I didn’t have sufficient enough proof to make that assumption but something or, maybe I should say someone didn’t like her. If what he was saying were true and I was like him and I didn’t like her then she had to be one of us.
Us… how easy that slipped in there. I quit letting my thoughts run wild and pinned him. He must have known that I was trying to piece together my so-called life. “Yes, she’s one of us.” I knew it but it wasn’t much of a victory.
“Michael and Isabel?” They too had a feeling that I couldn’t quite get around. They looked at me like I was hiding something or maybe they were just being overly cautious. They were definitely different.
“Yes, Michael, Isabel and I came out of our pods together. Our parents picked Isabel and me up that night but Michael was leery, he didn’t trust anyone so he stayed behind and was later put into foster care.”
“Where was Tess?” She was so adamant about keeping her hold on him, surely she was there in the early years.
“She didn’t emerge until later. She didn’t find us until the spring of our sophomore year.”
“How did she find you? Do you guys come with some kind of tracking device?”
“No, although we can sense each other when we use our powers. She found us because of the rumors of a strange healing."
“You healed someone and they talked?”
“No, Maria didn’t talk but I wasn’t exactly thinking very clearly. She was shot at the local diner and I just couldn’t let her die. Michael would have gone downhill. She was his whole life at the time when he had no one else. She was his normal and seeing her lying there on the floor I knew that Isabel and I would end up losing him as well.”
“So you healed her in a crowded restaurant in Roswell. How convenient. The alien capitol of the world.” He smiled slightly. The memories were troubling.
“Tess checked the mysterious healing out and found the three of you.” My head had quit hurting and I was actually excited about finding this information out. Even though I didn’t believe that I was one of them I knew that they were different. “What was her family like?”
“She didn’t have one. We were sent to Earth with a protector and he raised her. You can’t take her as she is. She’s a little standoffish because she was raised by the only one that remembers the life we had before we came here.”
“What? I liked her.” I said heavily laced with sarcasm. He moved to sit up on the couch. Evidently crouching on the floor was uncomfortable. He took the washcloth and switched it around so that the cool side was against my head. His fingers lingered in my hair when he pushed it back. We sat and stared at each other and I couldn’t quite understand what was traveling through his mind but I felt my heart wanting to reach for him and make all doubt disappear. I pulled away ever so slightly just enough to bring him to the present.
“Come on.” A hint of humor entered the conversation. “I know the two of you would throw down if the rest of us weren’t there. She couldn’t get away from you fast enough but I know now why it was like that.”
“Why?” I asked without thinking. It was like I didn’t know anything and the more he talked the more information I received. My mind was craving more and more of this unbelievable fairy tale. I didn’t want to ask myself if I really wanted to know? I pushed all insecurity aside. I needed to know.
“Remember the princess I said that you were?” I nodded and swallowed deeply. I’ve always been down to earth and referring to myself as a princess just didn’t seem right. I felt like I was a type of girl that did things for herself not one that was waited on hand and foot and I was definitely not one that lived in a castle and lived happily ever after. That wasn’t me and no matter how much Max wanted to argue with me about it I had a feeling I was right. “Your father was murdered and everyone thought that you had done it. Everyone except me, and a select few at first.”
“This is ridiculous.” I sat up and regretted it instantly. The pain sliced through my head but I forced myself to stay sitting. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to subside before I tried to move any more but it wasn’t, so I lay back down.
“No, it’s not. It’s the truth. So much of what I saw yesterday feels right. If you would just let me try I’m sure I can show you some of it.”
“No. I don’t want to know. I need time to think. I’ve got to get out of here.” I swung my legs onto the floor and started walking for the door and when I was about halfway there, someone knocked on it. I stopped and looked back to where Max was standing.
“Ignore it. They’ll go away.”
“You just can’t ignore them. What if it’s one of your other girlfriends or something.” I felt the need to lash out at him for reasons that were beyond his control. It wasn’t his fault that I chose to ignore what he was saying. I felt like pressing my hands to my ears just so I wouldn’t have to hear of the possibility. My world was chaotic enough I didn’t need anymore twists to it.
Maybe I was being mean to him for what we did. What they did, my other half. Maybe I was hurt that I wasn’t there to enjoy it that all I would ever have of the event would be in my dreams. It wasn’t fair. I now hated my other half more than before and the only one that I could vent to was the only one that I didn’t want to hurt.
“Liz.” But my lashing out didn’t faze him. He took two long strides and had me in his arms. “There is no other. There’s no one but you.”
“Don’t forget the murdering princess.” He dropped his hands and I felt badly for what I had said but it was too late now to take any of it back. I was destined to be alone. If my chaotic life wasn’t enough to make sure; then my subconscious would make sure I was and then if it failed my other half would jump right in and do the deed. At lease I could count on her to ruin any sort of normal life I might ever have.
“I told you. You didn’t murder anybody.”
“Max! I hear you in there. Open up this door this instant.” The person on the outside of the door continued her pounding. The voice sounded familiar I had to ask.
“Is that Maria?” I looked at the door and then back to him. It sounded like her.
“She’ll go away.” He told me grabbing hold of my arm.
“No I won’t.” She responded. “Liz, open up the door.” I looked to Max and he shook his head for me not to open up the front door. His not wanting Maria in here made me want her in here even more. Maybe she would be able to act as a buffer between us. Make him stop telling me the stuff that I didn’t want to hear. I went to the door and opened it up.
She just stood there. Lack jaw and all. I grabbed her arm and pulled her in. The weather outside was miserable. It was trying to rain but it was too cold to do it, so the rain was more like slush than anything else. “Maria. I’m so glad you’re here. Now you can keep Max company. I have to go.”
She looked to Max and then back to me by the door. “Liz… why are you wearing Max’s sweater?”
I looked down at myself and then back to the shirtless Max, I could feel my embarrassment begin to rise to my cheeks. How stupid was I? That was the reason why he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I had his on. “Ummm…” I held up one finger. “I’ll… I’ll be right back.” I ran to the bedroom and quickly searched for my sweater. I paused… what if I wasn’t wearing a sweater? What if I was wearing a shirt? Oh, god… I think I’m going to throw up. I couldn’t see it anywhere. I got down on my hands and knees and was in the process of crawling around on the bedroom floor when I heard the two of them laughing at me.
“Are you looking for this?” She said. I got up again and pushed the pain behind as well as my hair that was all in my face. I needed to get out of here. I quickly snatched the sweater and went to the bathroom. I closed and locked the door behind me. I could hear their murmuring and chose to ignore it. It didn’t concern me. Not anymore, it didn’t. I was out of here.
With my sweater on and Max’s in my hand I exited the bathroom. I tossed the sweater at him and he put it on in front of both of us. “I was telling Max that we could all go shopping this morning. You know… get some breakfast and then walk the streets.” She must have seen my confusion for she stopped about what they were going to do and started explaining what they usually do. “Max and I are the only morning people in our group. Michael works nights on the weekends so he likes to sleep a few hours before he interacts with me. It works better that way.” She shook her head slightly as if it would help me understand Michael’s psyche. I still didn’t but I didn’t let her know that I wasn’t really following.
The pounding in my head was getting worse and now it felt like I was coming down with a fever because I’m began to shiver. “Anyway, what do you say? You want to come with us?”
“I really can’t go Maria. My head feels like its ready to explode.” I tried to explain.
“Maria, I’m not going either. Liz and I have things we need to talk about.” Max said between clenched teeth.
“Oh, nonsense. Liz, three Tylenols and you’ll feel fine. And Max… the two of you can talk while we walk. I won’t interfere.” Max drew in his eyebrows at her. “What? Really, I won’t. I swear.” She held up three fingers. I didn’t want to interrupt the two and tell Maria that that was the sign of being a scout and there was no way that she was a scout. I had to smile. They started arguing and forgot about me entirely as I walked into the small kitchen area.
I sat down at the kitchen table and rested my head in my hands. Their raised voices were taking their toll on the pounding in my head. When I looked up and placed my hands down on top of the table I didn’t see the two of them arguing. I saw myself standing over this very same table. My hands were firmly on top of the table in the exact same position that I had just placed them in.
~*~FLASH~*~
“And I’m supposed to have a copy of this seal somewhere?” Max asked. He looked like he was angry about something. What was going on? I was having a dream while I was fully awake. I didn’t want to think that I had fallen asleep with the two of them arguing. My life is totally screwed up. There is no doubt about that at all. I nodded and stood up. I looked like hell. Dark circles under my eyes and my hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in ages.
I quit scrutinizing over my appearance and listened to what Max was asking her. “How do I pass the seal onto you?” Her cheeks, my cheeks, turned bright red. She, no… I need to quit talking about myself in the third person. The woman I’m looking at through Max’s eyes is me. Everything that I have ever dreamed of is happening at this very moment. I’m seeing me when I’m her. I straightened and the redness began to fade.
“The Seal of Power can only be passed through the act of love. I can’t talk about this any longer. My head hurts and I need to go lie down.” She was having the same problem I was, the headache was plaguing her as well. Did that mean that it was a physical thing rather than a psychological thing? “I’m going to kill the king of Antar and I’m going to change the way that the people are living there. That is my destiny and I am not going to stop until I have fulfilled it.”
I was a murdering princess. I knew it was too good to be true. Max didn’t know what he was saying but… maybe he did. He just chose to ignore it. I flat out told him I was going to kill the king. I saw it as plain as day. “So, I have sex with you and you leave?” Did I manipulate him into having sex with me just so I could get the seal? He didn’t sound too happy about having to do the deed with me. My heart fluttered just a little bit at the thought of him trying to protect our innocence.
“That’s what all this is about? You want to use me to get the seal?” I needed to concentrate on what was happening between us. This was all valuable information that I needed to know. I was planning on getting this seal and returning to Antar to kill the king. I had to pay attention because I had a feeling that it wasn’t just my life that I was playing with but several others as well.
I put my head in my hands like I had just done earlier and started to shake my head no. I wasn’t here just for the seal? Or having sex with Max wasn’t what this was all about? I didn’t have a clue why I was shaking my head but I couldn’t wait to find out. “You really don’t get it Max. You don’t understand. It’s not sex that allows us to share the seal. It’s love. We have to connect and make love.” I sounded so dramatic but there was definitely something underneath what I was saying. “This is useless. You don’t remember a thing. You still don’t realize what we meant to each other in the past.” I knew more than Max did? How was that possible? I could feel my frustration as well as how Max felt about me walking toward the door. He cared about her. Me. He actually felt like I was the one that he had been looking for.
He needed me to let him know that he wasn’t crazy. I can’t believe that he thought he was the one that was crazy. He thought I was just a figment of his imagination. He whispered into my ear and I could feel my body’s reaction to his whispered, “Don’t go. Stay here. There’s so much that we need to talk about. So much that I have to understand.” His hand cupped my shoulder and I stiffened. I wasn’t about to change my mind about going back to Antar that was the reason I stiffened.
“I’m not going to change my mind.” I warned him. No matter what he said to me I was going.
I held my ground against everything that my body wanted to do. I wanted to seep into his arms and let him hold me tight. I wanted to forget about what I had to do and live a normal life. I wanted to be normal with him but having these memories were what was keeping me from doing anything normal.
His voice broke through my self-pitying. “You don’t have to. I’m not asking you to change your mind. Stay and rest with me. I don’t want you to leave just yet.” He pulled me closer and I couldn’t resist anymore. I leaned into his embrace and I felt his breath on my neck. “I feel something Andra. It’s like I should know something that’s just out of reach. That if I just concentrate enough it will come to me. Stay and help me remember.”
“Help me remember.” I repeated out loud. My last night with Max surfaced. My cheeks were wet from the tears I had been silently shedding.
“Liz?” He was by my side. “Sweetie, are you okay?” I couldn’t quit staring at my hands.
I saw his hands move into my view. He was ready to grab them. “Don’t… don’t touch me.” I was afraid that I would forget everything that I now knew. “I saw… I know…”
“You saw what?” Maria asked from across the table.
“I need to go home.” I finally looked up to him. “Please take me home.” His eyes searched mine and I could see that he didn’t want me to leave. “I need to straighten out my head. I just saw some of what happened yesterday. I saw me through your eyes, Max.”
“Liz… please, stay here.” His eyes pleaded with me.
“I can’t Max. I need to call my parents and let them know that I’m okay. They’re probably worried sick by now. I’ve been gone almost a month. I need to straighten myself out. I promise you haven’t lost me.” I cupped the side of his face and he leaned into it and then kissed the inside of my palm. “I need to do this for me.”
Max slowly nodded in understanding, “Liz. Please… don’t fight me.”
He stood up and took hold of my hand and pulled me into an endearing embrace. “I’m here for you. Just don’t shut me out. We’ll take you to your dorm and we’ll do our shopping and then I’ll come back and check on you later on this afternoon. Will that be alright if I come by later on?”
I shook my head yes. “That would be great. I think I’m ready to listen to what you have to tell me. I know I am.” I looked up at him and my heart sped up from the possibility of him leaning down and kissing me. He started to and then stopped.
“Come on.” I had forgotten about Maria but heard her shuffling out of the apartment behind us.
“You okay, chica?”
“Yeah, I think I’m going to be okay. I just have some things that I need to straighten out before I can do anything else.”
“I’m cool with that.” We piled into her car and were off.
I was surprised at how close I was living to Max. The dorm where I was staying at was just around the corner from his apartment. Maria parked the car and Max got out and held his hand out for me. “I’ll be right back.” He told her.
“I’ll be here.” She called back. “I’ll see you later, okay Liz?”
“Yeah.” I took his hand and followed him into the building.
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t… don’t apologize. I don’t need any explanations from you. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand. You do what you need to do and when you’re ready for me…” He stopped and turned so he was facing me. “I’ll be here waiting for you. I’ve just found you I’m not going to let you go so easily.”
He pulled me into him and we continued around the corner and down the hall. We stopped in front of door 123 and I flashed back to my first waking memory of this place. Instead of Maria’s note from the other night there was a note about breakfast and a deli. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the hang of Maria’s idea of a message but I’m going to try.
My hand reached out for the door and I saw it trembling. There had been so much that I was processing through my mind that I had forgotten about the pain that I was feeling earlier. I quickly grabbed the knob and turned it. When the door didn’t open I looked in my pockets for a key. When there wasn’t a key I looked to Max. “I don’t know where my key is.”
“That’s okay.” He covered his hand over the keyhole and I heard a click. “I’ll stop by the office and tell them that you lost it and if someone could bring you another one.” He pushed the door open and waited for me to go inside. He didn’t enter the room but hovered around the door. “Are you going to be okay because I can stay if you need me to stay.”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I assured him. “Go have fun with Maria. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.” I smiled and grabbed hold of the door and started closing it.
He placed his hand firmly against it so I couldn’t continue any farther. “I just want you to know that what happened between us yesterday…”
I let go of the door and placed a silencing finger on his mouth. “Later, we’ll talk about it later. That’s part... That’s something I have … I just have a lot of things to process.” I removed my finger from the warmth of his mouth and instantly replaced it with a light and hesitant kiss. I felt him lean into it and I let him. It felt perfect and I didn’t want it to end but he pulled away.
He rested his forehead on mine and looked me in the eyes. “Whatever you do, don’t run from us.”
“I won’t do that.”
“You’ve done it twice already and each time it kills me just a little bit to think I won’t find you again. I’ve waited my whole life to find someone to be happy with and I know that that someone is you. Everything has a way of working out just believe in that.” He kissed my forehead and left me standing there with my hand on the door. “I’ll see you later.” He was walking backwards so he could continue to look at me.
“I’ll be here waiting.” I waved at him and he turned hesitantly. There was a spring in his step that hadn’t been there when we were walking to my room. I had to admit that I felt a lot better too just knowing that I wasn’t going to lose him just because of who I was.
I closed the door and flopped down on the bed. It felt good not to have to worry about what I was doing because of someone noticing that I was doing something out of character for me. I rolled over on my back and searched for the dream that I had woke to this morning. My body began to hum with excitement and I had to close my eyes so I could remember every detail of him.
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I woke in a bed of sweat. I was thoroughly soaked. I tried to get up but my muscles weren’t responding. I turned my head and looked at the clock. It was noon. I hadn’t slept that much. I took a few deep breaths and then pushed my tired body up. I had to get out of bed now or else I would never get up. I went to the closet and pulled out a change of clothes. I saw a bag of shampoo and soap so I bent over and grabbed that. My head sent me for a loop and I had to balance myself against the wall so I wouldn’t topple over. “You can do this Parker.” I prodded myself along.
I followed the signs on the wall to lead me to the bathrooms. The pink tiles combined with the fluorescent lights made my head scream in agony. “Just a little bit farther.” I threw my stuff down on the bench and started a shower. The water felt hot and I stepped in. I leaned against the wall to let the water flow down my back. The hot steam was making it hard for me to breathe. What was happening to me? I’ve never been sick like this before. The closest I had been was when I had strep throat and had let it go too far. I had a hundred and two-degree fever and nearly passed out. Maybe that was what I had. When I get back to the room I would take a couple of Tylenol and sleep the fever off.
I still needed to call my parents. I could kick myself for not doing it sooner. They had to be worried. I started to shiver the water wasn’t hot enough so I cranked on it more. It was as hot as it was going to go and I couldn’t get the chill out of my bones. Maybe a couple of Tylenol wouldn’t do the trick this time. I turned off the water and quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me.
I was standing in front of the mirror and I was looking at myself. I looked sick. My skin was pale and the circles under my eyes were dark. The bright lights had to go so I walked over to the wall and turned them off. “Much better.” I went back and pulled on my clothes and then walked back to the room. The chill was gone and I was now sweating again. I pulled open a dresser drawer and found the Tylenol. I looked around the small room and noticed a small refrigerator tucked away in the corner. I went to it and opened it up and found a bottle of Cherry Coke. I twisted the cap off and downed the two tablets. I hoped they worked. I didn’t want to have to go to the doctor’s office. I didn’t even know where the college infirmary was located.
My palms were wet from sweat and I could feel trickles falling down my neck and down my back. I wasn’t dressed that warm. I had to do something to cool off. I opened my window and stuck my head outside. There was a fire escape going up which made it tempting to go outside and sit there for awhile.
I looked around for a pair of shoes and when I found them I pulled them on. I stepped through my open window and then went to the fire escape and started to go up. The cool air felt good against my skin. My lungs fought to force the air in and out of my body. I should have brought a blanket or something to sit on. I should have brought my diary. I had a lot to write down. I threw the coke over the ledge and then pulled myself over as well. I was gasping for breath as if I had just finished running a timed mile.
I quickly fell to the floor and leaned up against the side of the wall. I just needed to rest a little before I went back down. I closed my eyes and concentrated on quieting my gasps. “I can do this. It’s not anything that I can’t handle.” I kept on thinking that over and over.
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I startled awake when a siren blared in the distance. The afternoon was considerably darker. I must have dozed off again. I was shaking violently from the fever. It had returned and the cold of being outside wasn’t helping matters. I had two choices. I could get up and make my way across the rooftop, with what looked like a lot of obstacles to the exit or I could try and climb down the ladder… Decisions, decisions. I pushed myself up to a stand and took one step in the direction of exit. I stumbled and fell to the floor. I rolled over on my back cursing at myself for getting myself in this kind of predicament.
Despair had reached its peak and I began to laugh hysterically. I was stuck up here and I was going to freeze to death. My hands were now skinned and bleeding from scraping against the tar and rock combination that they had covered the roof with when I fell. I knew better than to even try and make it down the ladder. There was no way that I would make it if I couldn’t even take one step. My laughing turned into cries of pity.
What was I going to do? I stopped crying when my mind touched on a memory. “Max.”
~*~FLASH~*~
“I’m here for you. Just don’t shut me out. We’ll take you to your dorm and we’ll do our shopping and then I’ll come back and check on you later on this afternoon. Will that be alright if I come by later on?”
Max was going to stop by later on this afternoon. I hoped that I hadn’t missed him. All I had to do was get over to the edge of the building and watch for the old red Jetta that Maria drove. Simple. I can do this. I rolled back over and worked my way up to be on all fours. I sat back on my heels and debated whether or not to stand up or just crawl over. Logic told me that if I tried to walk I would just end up lying on the roof again but my hands told me that they hurt and that either way I was screwed. “Why can’t anything ever work out the way it’s supposed to be?” I cursed under my breath and decided to crawl to the ledge.
It wasn’t as far as the exit was and if I could make it there then I could wait for Max. My vision started to blur and I had trouble concentrating on a focal point but I kept on moving.
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It was now pitch black outside and I had no idea where I was. I started crying for I knew I had missed Max. I was still quite a ways from the wall that over looked the parking lot. The distance to the exit and the distance from the wall looked about the same so I pointed my body in that direction and started for the only thing that would get me down safely. I rested often for the pads on my hands and my knees were screaming for mercy. I had to keep on going it was getting colder and colder and I didn’t know if I would wake up again if I didn’t make it.
I bit my lip to keep my cries from reaching my own ears. I knew that if I started crying I would end up stopping and that was definitely not an option. I had to continue. I could cry when this was all over. I only opened my eyes to grab a new point for if I kept them open for too long my head would begin to ache with pain.
I’m not sure how long it took me to get to the exit but I finally did. Not only were my hands bleeding but I tasted blood in my mouth. I had bit too hard one too many times on my lip. If I thought I looked like a mess before I’m sure I look even worse after spending ten hours in the drizzling rain. I hadn’t even let it sink into my head that it had begun to drizzle when I was about halfway to my chosen destiny.
~*~FLASH~*~
“Yes, he looks upon the soul of the new born child and predicts its destiny.”
“But that’s ridiculous. The future can’t be told.”
“Yes, it can."
It wasn’t the same destiny that I was thinking of, but I guess whatever kept me here was good enough for me. Why was she haunting me? This had never happened to me before. I was seeing bits and pieces of her time, her time with Max. What was she trying to tell me? I would have to figure it out later, for now, I needed to get inside and downstairs.
I pushed myself up against the wall that housed the exit door and leaned heavily on it just to keep myself standing upright. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I had to get my bearings first. I reached out blindly for the doorknob and pulled on it. It didn’t budge. “NO!” I screamed. My voice was harsh as if I had been screaming the entire time.
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I can do this. I turned the knob and the door opened. I pushed with everything I had and stepped in as quickly as I could. I had made it. I was almost home free. “Shit! I forgot to call mom and dad.” I’ll do it when I get downstairs. They’ve waited this long what was a little bit longer.
“I knew better than to try and walk down the stairs. Visions of me tumbling head over heel and breaking my neck flashed before my eyes. No, I would do this the sensible way. I sat down on my ass and began to work my way down the stairs.
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Move my feet and slide down. Move my feet and slide down. I had to keep reminding myself on what I was doing because I found myself leaning against the wall a couple of times not moving. It was probably morning by now. Move my feet and slide down. God, what time was it? I haven’t passed anybody in my trip, was everyone asleep, home for the weekend? Move my feet and slide down. Move… there was nowhere for me to move my feet. I looked up and saw that I was sitting in front of the first floor door. I was almost there. I used the railing to pull myself up and took the one step to the door. I pulled on the handle and it swung open with ease.
I bit back the thought of laughing. I’ve come this far but there was still quite a distance for me to go yet. I could see the dry-erase board hanging on my door. It wasn’t that far. I could make it there then I would be good to go. I walked by using the wall as a guide. My shoulder was pushed hard into the wall just because I didn’t want to lean the other way and fall flat on my face. I passed the first door and continued on. I passed the second door and continued on.
I finally stumbled to my door and noticed that Maria’s message had been replaced.
Liz ~
I had a great time getting to know you on Saturday and wish I knew where you were now. I hope nothing happened today to make you leave. Please call me as soon as you get back. 303-555-2855.
Love,
~ Max
Max… I had missed him and now he thought I was having second thoughts about what I had said earlier. The phone was just inside. I turned my doorknob and it was locked. I started beating on it. “Hey,” I quit beating on the door and looked up at the scared face that was in front of me.
“I lost my key and I need to get in.” I groaned to person in front of me.
“Hang on, I’ll be right back.” The woman left and ran down the end of the hall to where the information desk was. She came running back with a ring of keys in her hand. “Okay, I can get you in. But I don’t think this is where you need to be. You really don’t look so well.” She grabbed my arm as she tried to help me into my room. “The front attendant is required to call the campus security whenever a student loses their key.”
“Thanks. I just need to call my boyfriend and have him come pick me up and take me to the hospital.” She guided me to my bed and helped me to flop down. She looked around before finding the phone and grabbing it off my nightstand.
She looked at me, “Are you sure you’ll be okay? Should I wait until your boyfriend gets here?” Her voice was full of concern; I must really look like crap.
“No, that’s all right, he lives right around the corner.” She didn’t look convinced as she started to back out of my room. As the door closed I pushed on the appropriate buttons for Max’s phone. I had this overpowering feeling that he was the only one that could help me now.
The phone rang and rang and then finally the answering machine picked up. “Hi, you’ve reached Max and Tess.” My stomach drops to the floor. I can’t keep it together any longer. He wasn’t home. I started crying into the phone.
When I heard the beep I took a deep breath. “Max…”
“Liz! Oh my god. Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Relief hit me instantly as I realized that help would be on the way. I couldn’t answer his questions as I lost consciousness.
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He gently pushed back my hair that had begun to stick to the side of my face. He leaned over me and began to kiss the length of my neck. I closed my eyes and arched my head back to give him better access to one of my pleasure zones. Our bodies were in motion and I was in heaven. It didn’t matter that I had just met him last night. I knew him and he knew me and all that mattered was that we had finally found one another.
His rhythm slowed and I looked up at him. What was he doing? I needed more and I needed it now. I pushed him over and onto his back. I was in control of how our bodies reacted to one another. I had never felt this way before and I wasn’t about to let it stop. “Liz… please.” He begged.
“Please, what Max?” I knew what he was asking but my body didn’t want anything to do with his request. I was so close. He placed his hands on my hips and slowed my rocking a little.
“Not yet.” His words were soft and made the tiny hairs on my neck stand at attention.
“But I’m ready for you.” I said as I leaned over him and whispered in his ear. While I was there I nipped at his earlobe and added, “I want you inside of me. All. Of. You. I’m going to join you. Do you want me to come with you?” He shook his head yes and closed his eyes as if he were preparing himself for the special moment. “Good.” I had never acted this way before and didn’t think it was possible for me to be such a seductress but the look in his eyes and the way that it made me feel to be lavished by his gaze made me do unbelievable things.
“Liz!” He screamed as we came together. I collapsed on top of him. He rolled the two of us over so we were now facing each other. I caressed his cheek and then kissed him. “I love you.” He said and I had to kiss him again. I knew that he loved me for I saw it in our connection. We shared our souls and it was beautiful.
“I love you too.” I replied and he rolled over onto his back and I snuggled in deep to him. Lying my head on his chest I fell asleep listening to the beating of his heart. The most amazing thing that occurred to me was that my heart was in sync with his. The two hearts beating as one.
I fought hard to stay asleep, not wanting this dream to end. My body automatically gravitates to the warmth beside me. Scooting closer so my backside is against it. Strong arms wrap tightly around me while feather light kisses make their way down the length of my neck and down the back of my shoulder. Goosebumps make their appearance on the surface of my skin as a small shiver races down my body.
I fought with all my might not to open my eyes. I knew I was in bed and I knew that I wasn’t alone. Maybe I was still dreaming. I so wanted to believe that I was. That was the only logical explanation for being where I was this morning. I was still in the magnificent dream that I had had last night.
I professed my love to a man that was always in my dreams, a man that until last night had no face. The faceless man appeared in my dreams as a teen now had a face of a dark haired Adonis, the face of Maria’s friend, Max. I take in a deep breath and sigh from the memory that I was reliving behind closed eyes. I was complete. Well, my dreams were now complete. Then it slowly dawned on me that the ache between my legs was telling me that maybe it was more than a dream.
The golden glow I saw behind my eyes led me to believe that it was a sunny day outside. It was going to be a great day. I just knew it. Boy was I wrong. I reached for my journal like I always did and wasn’t too surprised that it wasn’t there. Opening my eyes I realized that I wasn’t in the same room that I had woke up in yesterday or what I believed was yesterday. I didn’t dare move for I also realized that the strong arms and the warm body that were so tightly wrapped around me weren’t part of a dream but were real.
I pulled my arm back underneath the covers and lay there while I took in my surroundings. It was morning. I was right about that but wrong about how sunny it actually was. It looked absolutely dreary outside. The sun tried with all its might to seep in through the white mini blinds that covered the window. It was just too overcast for it to make it.
I debated with myself on whether to turn over and see who I was in bed with or whether just to lie here and enjoy the feelings that he was invoking in me. What was I going to do? What had I done? Was my dream really a dream or was it my altered reality?
“Good morning.” His hot breath whispered against my ear. He snuggled in and began working his way down my neck once again. I closed my eyes. A war was waging between my mind and my body. My mind told me to get out of there now that I didn’t belong where I was but my body reacted as if it had a mind of its own. It reacted with every kiss and nip that the stranger lavished on it. It reacted from the memory of last night.
I froze instantly as his hand moved from my waist to cup my breast. He must have felt me stiffen in response for he stopped; his lips were hovering just above my right shoulder. “Liz? Is everything okay?” His soft sultry voice asked.
I wasn’t surprised that he knew my name and something about his voice was familiar. Could it really be Maria’s friend Max that I was in bed with? Could my dream really be coming true? I shook the possibility out; he was with Tess, the blonde that rubbed me the wrong way the first time I laid eyes on her.
I nervously shook my head. “Yeah.” It came out weak and unsure of itself.
I felt the bed move and knew he was trying to peer over the top of me and see for sure that I was okay. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my scared expression from him. Was I really scared? I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t scared of him that’s for sure but I was scared of the situation. What was I going to do? How was I going to get around this?
Did he know about my other half? I quickly pulled the covers over my head and hid. I used to do it all the time when I was a child and was scared to face the real world. Sometimes it’s just hard to break old habits. I chose not to say another word for I knew if I did that my voice wouldn’t work. I would sound like I was scared and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“Liz.” I could hear a tinge of panic in his voice. “What are you doing underneath there?” He pulled his side of the covers up and crawled in underneath them with me. The dim light from the room flashed as he pulled them up and over his head. It was getting rather warm underneath here as the two of laid in silence. I was glad that it was dark enough that I couldn’t see anything either. It meant that he wouldn’t be able to see me as well.
I began to relax. “Nothing.” I answered firmly now that I knew he wouldn’t be able to see my expression on my face and I had some courage now that I was deep undercover with no possibility of being spied.
“Why are you hiding from me?” He reached his hand over to caress my face and I closed my eyes.
The instant he touched me, I saw it all. I saw him seeing me at the party and what was going through his mind. I saw him finding me crouched on the ground crying begging him to remember for me. I didn’t wait for anything else to flash before my eyes. This was Max. He had stayed with me during it all or maybe I was the one that stayed with him. “Max?”
“Yes…” He hesitated to say anything else. He probably was scared that I would do something crazy. I wasn’t so sure that I wouldn’t.
I knew what I had to do. There was no lying to him anymore. No matter how my body wanted to respond to his I had to tell him about me. I had to make sure he knew the truth before I would ever think of continuing a relationship with him.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
He snuggled in deeper and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me in closer to him. I could feel his breath coming out of his nose and landing softly against my forehead. I felt how his body reacted to my naked body being this close to him I looked at his chest and ran a hesitant hand over the smoothness of it. Once again déjà vu crawled up the back of my mind and tangled with a memory that lay dormant there.
“I thought we covered this last night.” He began and then leaned in for a kiss. “You know there isn’t anything that you can’t tell me that will make me change the way I feel about you.” I heard his conviction as well as felt it with each additional kiss that was given to me.
I so wanted to believe that but I knew that there was no way around it. I was a freak and a guy like Max wouldn’t want to be caught dead in bed with a freak like me. “I… I…” I didn’t know how to start. I couldn’t do it. I pulled the covers off my head and wrapped them close to my body. He followed my lead and did the same. His eyes sparkled and his hair fell over one eyebrow. A scene from early on in my dream flashed before my eyes. He smiled at me and went to reach for me. I couldn’t let him do this. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to me. I was quickly growing attached to him and I couldn’t. I pulled away and he stopped in mid-motion.
“I don’t remember last night.” I pressed out quickly. It was like a stubborn Band-Aid that was over a fresh wound that needed cleansing. Rip it off fast and the pain would be over with quickly. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I have a split personality and…” I rolled over and got out of bed as quickly as I could. I searched for my clothes and began pulling them on. I couldn’t look at his face. I didn’t want to see his expression. I couldn’t live with myself if I saw something that resembled hate or fear. “I’ll just get going.” I continued on. The entire time I kept reliving my dream. At least I would always have my dreams.
My heart ached but from what, I wasn’t sure. Every move that I made was made with difficulty. My body wasn’t reacting to what my mind was telling it to do. “I just wanted to let you know that it’s not your fault. I’ve never had this happen to me before. I’m sorry.” Tears began to spill from my eyes. My life had impeded against another.
I had my sweater on or what I believed to be as my sweater and was in the process of pulling on my jeans. I heard the springs in the bed move and knew he was getting out of bed as well. I wouldn’t have much time to get out of here. I needed to hurry.
He hadn’t said anything at all and I was grateful for it. With my jeans on I quickly jammed my feet into my shoes. I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do. I stood up, once my shoes were on, and quickly exited the bedroom. I heard him following. I was about to throw the door open and walk out of his life forever, when his hand reached around me and kept it closed. “Don’t go.” He whispered in my ear. His hot breath once again sent chills through my body. “Please. You asked me to remember for you because you wouldn’t be able to. Don’t you want to stay and find out what happened? Don’t you want to know how you’ve changed my life? Don’t you want to know how much I’ve learned to love you in such a short time? Let me share your other side with you. Let me show you what it is to be complete for you have made me complete.” His voice was so quiet that I had to strain to hear every word that came from his mouth.
He was telling me that he knew. The other side of me had shone herself to him. I had to look up and see if he was telling me the truth or if it was just a ploy to keep me here longer. When I slowly turned my head and our eyes locked I knew that what he was saying, indeed, was the truth. “She told you?” I asked in a half-whisper. He let go of the door and reached for my hand.
He was still shirtless. In his haste he had only pulled on a pair of jeans. I figured he either couldn’t find his shirt or was in too big of a hurry to catch up with me. Pulling me away from the door hand in hand I followed him to the kitchen table. There were so many questions flowing through my mind at this very moment. “I’ve spent my entire life going to psychiatrist after psychiatrist to try and find out the cause of me losing time and she never once gave them a clue that she even existed.” I tried to hold my disgust with the fact that she so openly shared herself with a total stranger to myself but he looked over his shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile.
He let loose of my hand and walked into the kitchen. “Her name is Andra.” He said as he reached into the cupboard and pulled down two glasses for us to drink out of.
“Andra,” I tried her name out for myself. It had a ring to it and part of me surged with its calling. Was it her trying to surface? I wasn’t sure but I sat down at the table and continued to listen to the story of me.
“Once upon a time there was a princess from a far away land and her name was Andra Aliya.” He smiled at me as he peered through the opening. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not and I appreciated the gesture of trying to relieve some of the tension in the air.
“Andra Aliya… a princess.” He shook his head as I repeated her name. I guess he thought I was asking if I pronounced it right or not. He reached into the refrigerator and grabbed the orange juice. “Any relation to Princess Leah?”
“No,” he said with a half chuckle. It was the least I could do. This playful bantering between us felt good. It felt right. I wasn’t so sure about the princess part but I believed that he believed it was true.
It was hard for me to take my eyes off of him. I followed his every move watching his muscles work beneath his golden skin. The sight of him makes my stomach do flip-flops. He poured the juice into the glasses and then returned the carton back to its rightful place. “What else do you know?” I asked as I sat on the edge of my seat steeling myself for what was to come next. All thoughts of the possible sex with him pushed to the back of my mind to be dealt with at a later time.
“I know everything there is to know about her. About her life… before.” He brought the glasses over and sat them down in front of me. “She showed most of it to me yesterday.” He went back to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of hot sauce and then set that down in between the two glasses.
“Yesterday?” That answered one question. “How long was I gone this time?” I had hoped that it hadn’t been that long although the scene that I woke up to and the dreams that I thought I had had could mean that the two of them had become quite close. I was so confused and the pounding in my head began to increase. I rubbed at it with my hand and waited for him to answer. I felt like there was a fog rolling in and no matter how much I swiped at it; it wasn’t going to clear out anytime soon.
“It wasn’t that long. Today is Sunday. I met you at the party just the other night. It was only a day.” He must have seen the lost look on my face for he continued rather quickly. “She’s aware of you or at least knows who you are.”
I couldn’t get past the time frame and didn’t pay any attention to what he was saying. “A day?” I looked down at the juice. A day so much had happened in a day. Bile began to rise and I needed to quell it quickly so I grabbed the juice and chugged it. It tasted awful. I sat the glass down hard and rubbed at my mouth. “I’m being taken over by a ghost of a long ago princess. Great.” I mumbled more to myself then to him.
“Here.” He took the hot sauce and put it into the glass and then slowly and carefully swished the glass around letting the red mix with the orange. “Try that.” I looked up at him and hesitated. He nodded his reassurance and I did as he instructed. I wondered if this would help my head or not. Anything was worth a shot.
I took a sip of the juice reluctantly dreading the awful taste that was about to invade my mouth but to my surprise it was really, really good. “How did you know that I would like that… that stuff in my juice?”
“Because that’s the way I like it.” One side of his mouth rounded up into a half smile and then faded. He took a deep breath as if what he had to say next was going to be really hard. Why, I had no idea but I knew it would be. His eyes never wavered from mine. He held them the entire time. It was hard for me to concentrate on the here and now without falling back into the dream I had had. “She’s not a ghost…” He paused as if to ponder the idea and then continued, “She’s just as real as you or I. She has feelings like you do.” He said when I continued to drink my now altered orange juice. “She’s a part of you. You are a part of her; it’s just for some reason you aren’t whole. You aren’t complete. It’s like the two of you are battling for control over your body. I really don’t understand…”
“My body? You just said that we were one.” I had interrupted him. He scooted closer to me and swung around to face me. He grabbed both of my hands in his and squeezed them ever so slightly.
“I know it’s confusing. I’ve had my whole life to deal with this and even though I’m aware of everything it’s not the same.”
“This happens to you?” Relief spread throughout my body. He was like me or I was like him.
“No, not exactly. I have no past memories. I have no idea who I was before.” The relief sank and was gone instantly.
“Neither do I?” I said firmly throwing my hands up into the air. I stood up and began to pace.
“But she’s does.” He stood up and followed me into the living room. “When you’re not here she is. She knows what she was before as if it happened in this lifetime.
“So,” I turned and pinned him with my gaze, “what you’re saying is that I’ve lived before.”
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” He went back to the table and grabbed his orange juice. Evidently relieved that we were getting somewhere with this conversation.
“And you don’t find the need to lock me up in a loony bin?” I walked back into the dining area of his small apartment and sat back down. I felt like a teeter totter… up… down… up… down...
He smiled and took a sip of his orange juice. “You’re not crazy, Liz. You’re special. You’re one of…” he hesitated for just a brief moment and then continued, “us? You’re who I’ve been looking for my entire life. My entire life on this planet.”
I stood up. “Okay, I see why you’re not wanting to send me to the loony bin. You, yourself, need to be admitted. This is crazy Max.”
“Just listen. I know it’s going to sound crazy but it’s the only way I can help you. I have to tell you and you have to keep an open mind about it all and maybe, just maybe we can figure out a way of getting the two of you as one.” I sat down because his eyes begged me to.
“What if she doesn’t want to be one with me? What if she wants to destroy me and have my life all to herself? She’s already got you.”
He took my hands in his and looked me in the eye. Instantly calming me. The sincerity in his voice and the look in his eyes did wonders with my anxiety. “I won’t let her do that and besides that’s not the way it’s supposed to be, her time is over. We can never go back to that life.” I nodded slightly and he continued. “Do you believe in aliens?” I motioned to stand up again and he quickly continued. “The crash in 1947 wasn’t a weather balloon that the government tried to cover up. It was what it was rumored to be. The crash in 1947 was the ship that brought me and others like me here to Earth.”
“I was born in 1983, Max and you sure as hell don’t look like you’re almost sixty years old.” I couldn’t take it any longer. This was ridiculous. I stood up and began to pace again.
“I’m not. I was in a pod and was released in 1989. I don’t know why we were sent here but I know that you were sent here to find me.” I stopped and watched him. He slumped back into his chair and stared back at me. He believed everything that he was saying. He believed in aliens and he believed that I was like him.
“She told you this?” Was that hesitation? I wasn’t sure. I was tired of pacing. I sat back down in the chair that I had just vacated.
“Well, not really. You showed me.”
“She’s not me!” I yelled at him. I wasn’t an alien. He stood up and crouched down in front of me.
“I can try and show you like she showed me.” He said quietly. His eyes spoke volumes to me and I found myself calming just by having him rest a gentle hand on my knee. I looked down where his hand touched my knee and felt a tingling sensation pool just below the surface.
“What’s happening to me?” I hadn’t planned on saying that out loud. I meant to ask myself in hopes of my other half answering me but knew I was being foolish.
“What?” He pulled his hand off my knee as if it were a hot plate.
“That! You felt it, I know you did.” I stood up and he stood up with me. “I can’t take this anymore. I’ve got to go.”
“Liz, wait. There’s something I need to tell you.” I turned around and faced him.
“What.” I said. My voice sounded as if I was unsure of myself, which I knew I was. When the expression that resided on his face reached my brain I realized that he was scared. I took a tentative step toward him. “What is it, Max?”
“It’s just…” he took a step to me and reached for me. His hand snaked up the sleeve of my sweater. I looked down where he was touching me and I was glowing. I immediately pulled away from him.
“Liz, don’t pull away. I want you to stay. I need you to stay.” Max pleaded.
“Max, I’m not her! I’m not Andra! I’m Liz Parker.” Why would he want me to stay? Didn’t he know what he was getting himself into? “Why do you want me?” My heart began to ache with anticipation for what he was going to say. Would I be soaring for his declaration or would I be scooping up the bits and pieces of a broken heart? I didn’t know and I wasn’t sure I want to know.
Max stepped closer and pushed the stray hair that had fallen over my face behind my ear, “Because it’s you.” Max ran his fingers lightly over my cheek and down along my jaw until he came to my chin. Gently he raised my face so that I was looking into his eyes. Those eyes, two amber pools that seemed to draw me in. They spoke to my inner core and sent things in motion that I never knew could react that way.
“Liz, I’ve always been looking, as far back as I can remember, I’ve never dated. I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl because I was always looking for the one that was for me. That special person that was put here for me.” He must have seen the doubt in my eyes, so he shook his head. “I don’t understand it either, but Friday night, before I knew anything about you or Andra, any of that stuff. I knew. One look at you and I knew. You were the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” I found it hard to believe what he was declaring to me. He was talking about love at first sight. That didn’t exist. Love at first sight was a fairy tale. Love at first sight happened to princes and princesses and we were neither. I was sure now, he was crazy as I was.
“Max? How could you know that? How could you …” he placed a finger on my lips, silencing my protests.
“I know it isn’t logical and I can’t explain it myself, but I know.” He continued to look into my eyes trying to read what was there. “I think you know it too. If you would just let yourself feel, you’d know.”
Damn him. He didn’t try to argue or explain the unexplainable. He just told me to feel. I shook my head. There was no way I was going to let my feelings rule over logic. That wasn’t me. I was always one to plan. Emotions never ruled logic did. He was asking me to go against everything that I knew and throw caution to the wind on a feeling. Besides, what I was feeling right now defied logic. I had known him all of three or so hours but his words just felt right. Being with him just felt right. I reached up and as my fingers came in contact with his cheek they started to glow.
I stood there and stared and then finally voiced as I pulled my hand away from him. I rubbed it against my pant’s leg causing the tingling sensation to slowly disappear. “What’s happening to me?” I tried to stay strong, really I did but my head began to swim and before I knew it I was on the floor looking up into Max’s eyes.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you.” I couldn’t remember where I was. Or what I was doing before I found out that I was on the floor.
“Max?” His eyes were full of concern.
“I’m here Liz.” He scooped me up and walked the two of us over to the couch and sat me down. Our sudden movements made a sharp pain pierce my head right behind my eyes. I cringed in pain.
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I could hear him shuffling around the apartment. I didn’t dare open my eyes for I knew the minute I did the searing pain would streak across my mind. Something was happening to me and I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know.
“Here, I got you a cold rag to put over your head.” Max’s voice filled the silence as well as my disturbing thoughts. He gently placed the cold rag on my forehead and I shivered as the cold encompassed the throbbing.
“Thanks,” I said as quietly as I could. “What time is it?” I asked. My world had tilted and I felt like I didn’t know anything anymore. I needed some balance and I needed to place myself back into the real world and the only way to do that was to know the time and date as well as my surroundings.
“It’s almost nine.” He was hesitant to give me the information I could hear it in his voice. Was he really concerned for me? Was he really worried that I would leave? I didn’t know.
“And the date is…” I could hear him take a breath so he could answer but I held my hand up to stop him. “No, I need to do this myself. If I don’t then I won’t be able to function. The date is… January 10, 2005?” I wasn’t sure how I came up with that date but something in the back of my mind was telling it to me so I repeated it.
“Yeah, that’s right.” If I were to open my eyes I’m sure I would see his smile as well as his sparkling eyes looking down on me. I didn’t dare and I didn’t see; but I knew. Somehow I knew what he would look like with me laying on his couch in pain his concern would be very much clear. “Are you starting to feel any better?” He asked.
“Yeah, just give me a moment. I’m just really tired.” Never in my life had I come back from an episode feeling so drained. I felt like I could sleep for the rest of the week and still be on empty. “You guys must have gone on a four-hour hike yesterday.” Not only was I tired but my body ached and I didn’t want to blame it on the sex that we had had yesterday but the more I thought about it the more I knew that that was the reason I hurt all over. We didn’t go on any four-hour trek; my body just participated in passion-filled sex.
“No we didn’t.” He said to himself but didn’t do a very good job of it. He was uncomfortable with our situation. Hell, I would be uncomfortable with our situation if it was any other guy other than him. The thought puzzled me. For some reason I wasn’t too upset with loosing my virginity to Max. Maybe somewhere deep down inside of me, the thought had crossed my mind as having him be the one. “I can heal you. Take some of the pain away.” I immediately sat up and the pain ripped across my forehead. What pain was he talking about and how the hell can he heal?
His hand went to support my back as I looked to him through half-lidded eyes. “What do you mean you can heal me?”
“That’s my gift. We all have gifts.”
“When you say all… you mean…” I didn’t want to assume whom he meant but I had a sneaking suspicion that Maria was going to be one of those that he named. She was the center of it all. She was the one that took me to the party last night. I shook my head. It wasn’t last night it was Friday night and it was two days ago.
I could see him running his options through his mind. His eyes darkening and lighting with each and every option that he contemplated. “Lay back down a minute. I can see that sitting up is hurting you.” He helped me lie back down as he thought some more. “There are others that are like me. Like us.” He added as if it were an afterthought. He was including me.
“Maria?” I offered.
“No, Maria’s normal. Although I have to wonder sometimes if she’s not from somewhere out there.” He smiled. My stomach went out of control and started fluttering around as if there were a bunch of butterflies that had suddenly been disturbed and had taken flight. Once again he was trying to lighten the mood. If I wouldn’t turn all shades of red I would have let the sigh escape my lips but I fought the urge. Now wasn’t the time to forget about our situation. I was on a fact-finding mission and I couldn’t get sidetracked by extremely good looks.
Okay, so Maria wasn’t like him but she was in the know. She knew about them, she had to. My next guess was obvious; there was no doubt in my mind who was one of them. “Tess.” The way she clung to him she had to be one of them. She didn’t like me invading on her territory. I wonder how she’s going to react once she finds out that I’ve shared his bed. I shook my head again. I was thinking mean and evil thoughts and it wasn’t like me. For some reason I didn’t like this girl. I didn’t have sufficient enough proof to make that assumption but something or, maybe I should say someone didn’t like her. If what he was saying were true and I was like him and I didn’t like her then she had to be one of us.
Us… how easy that slipped in there. I quit letting my thoughts run wild and pinned him. He must have known that I was trying to piece together my so-called life. “Yes, she’s one of us.” I knew it but it wasn’t much of a victory.
“Michael and Isabel?” They too had a feeling that I couldn’t quite get around. They looked at me like I was hiding something or maybe they were just being overly cautious. They were definitely different.
“Yes, Michael, Isabel and I came out of our pods together. Our parents picked Isabel and me up that night but Michael was leery, he didn’t trust anyone so he stayed behind and was later put into foster care.”
“Where was Tess?” She was so adamant about keeping her hold on him, surely she was there in the early years.
“She didn’t emerge until later. She didn’t find us until the spring of our sophomore year.”
“How did she find you? Do you guys come with some kind of tracking device?”
“No, although we can sense each other when we use our powers. She found us because of the rumors of a strange healing."
“You healed someone and they talked?”
“No, Maria didn’t talk but I wasn’t exactly thinking very clearly. She was shot at the local diner and I just couldn’t let her die. Michael would have gone downhill. She was his whole life at the time when he had no one else. She was his normal and seeing her lying there on the floor I knew that Isabel and I would end up losing him as well.”
“So you healed her in a crowded restaurant in Roswell. How convenient. The alien capitol of the world.” He smiled slightly. The memories were troubling.
“Tess checked the mysterious healing out and found the three of you.” My head had quit hurting and I was actually excited about finding this information out. Even though I didn’t believe that I was one of them I knew that they were different. “What was her family like?”
“She didn’t have one. We were sent to Earth with a protector and he raised her. You can’t take her as she is. She’s a little standoffish because she was raised by the only one that remembers the life we had before we came here.”
“What? I liked her.” I said heavily laced with sarcasm. He moved to sit up on the couch. Evidently crouching on the floor was uncomfortable. He took the washcloth and switched it around so that the cool side was against my head. His fingers lingered in my hair when he pushed it back. We sat and stared at each other and I couldn’t quite understand what was traveling through his mind but I felt my heart wanting to reach for him and make all doubt disappear. I pulled away ever so slightly just enough to bring him to the present.
“Come on.” A hint of humor entered the conversation. “I know the two of you would throw down if the rest of us weren’t there. She couldn’t get away from you fast enough but I know now why it was like that.”
“Why?” I asked without thinking. It was like I didn’t know anything and the more he talked the more information I received. My mind was craving more and more of this unbelievable fairy tale. I didn’t want to ask myself if I really wanted to know? I pushed all insecurity aside. I needed to know.
“Remember the princess I said that you were?” I nodded and swallowed deeply. I’ve always been down to earth and referring to myself as a princess just didn’t seem right. I felt like I was a type of girl that did things for herself not one that was waited on hand and foot and I was definitely not one that lived in a castle and lived happily ever after. That wasn’t me and no matter how much Max wanted to argue with me about it I had a feeling I was right. “Your father was murdered and everyone thought that you had done it. Everyone except me, and a select few at first.”
“This is ridiculous.” I sat up and regretted it instantly. The pain sliced through my head but I forced myself to stay sitting. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to subside before I tried to move any more but it wasn’t, so I lay back down.
“No, it’s not. It’s the truth. So much of what I saw yesterday feels right. If you would just let me try I’m sure I can show you some of it.”
“No. I don’t want to know. I need time to think. I’ve got to get out of here.” I swung my legs onto the floor and started walking for the door and when I was about halfway there, someone knocked on it. I stopped and looked back to where Max was standing.
“Ignore it. They’ll go away.”
“You just can’t ignore them. What if it’s one of your other girlfriends or something.” I felt the need to lash out at him for reasons that were beyond his control. It wasn’t his fault that I chose to ignore what he was saying. I felt like pressing my hands to my ears just so I wouldn’t have to hear of the possibility. My world was chaotic enough I didn’t need anymore twists to it.
Maybe I was being mean to him for what we did. What they did, my other half. Maybe I was hurt that I wasn’t there to enjoy it that all I would ever have of the event would be in my dreams. It wasn’t fair. I now hated my other half more than before and the only one that I could vent to was the only one that I didn’t want to hurt.
“Liz.” But my lashing out didn’t faze him. He took two long strides and had me in his arms. “There is no other. There’s no one but you.”
“Don’t forget the murdering princess.” He dropped his hands and I felt badly for what I had said but it was too late now to take any of it back. I was destined to be alone. If my chaotic life wasn’t enough to make sure; then my subconscious would make sure I was and then if it failed my other half would jump right in and do the deed. At lease I could count on her to ruin any sort of normal life I might ever have.
“I told you. You didn’t murder anybody.”
“Max! I hear you in there. Open up this door this instant.” The person on the outside of the door continued her pounding. The voice sounded familiar I had to ask.
“Is that Maria?” I looked at the door and then back to him. It sounded like her.
“She’ll go away.” He told me grabbing hold of my arm.
“No I won’t.” She responded. “Liz, open up the door.” I looked to Max and he shook his head for me not to open up the front door. His not wanting Maria in here made me want her in here even more. Maybe she would be able to act as a buffer between us. Make him stop telling me the stuff that I didn’t want to hear. I went to the door and opened it up.
She just stood there. Lack jaw and all. I grabbed her arm and pulled her in. The weather outside was miserable. It was trying to rain but it was too cold to do it, so the rain was more like slush than anything else. “Maria. I’m so glad you’re here. Now you can keep Max company. I have to go.”
She looked to Max and then back to me by the door. “Liz… why are you wearing Max’s sweater?”
I looked down at myself and then back to the shirtless Max, I could feel my embarrassment begin to rise to my cheeks. How stupid was I? That was the reason why he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I had his on. “Ummm…” I held up one finger. “I’ll… I’ll be right back.” I ran to the bedroom and quickly searched for my sweater. I paused… what if I wasn’t wearing a sweater? What if I was wearing a shirt? Oh, god… I think I’m going to throw up. I couldn’t see it anywhere. I got down on my hands and knees and was in the process of crawling around on the bedroom floor when I heard the two of them laughing at me.
“Are you looking for this?” She said. I got up again and pushed the pain behind as well as my hair that was all in my face. I needed to get out of here. I quickly snatched the sweater and went to the bathroom. I closed and locked the door behind me. I could hear their murmuring and chose to ignore it. It didn’t concern me. Not anymore, it didn’t. I was out of here.
With my sweater on and Max’s in my hand I exited the bathroom. I tossed the sweater at him and he put it on in front of both of us. “I was telling Max that we could all go shopping this morning. You know… get some breakfast and then walk the streets.” She must have seen my confusion for she stopped about what they were going to do and started explaining what they usually do. “Max and I are the only morning people in our group. Michael works nights on the weekends so he likes to sleep a few hours before he interacts with me. It works better that way.” She shook her head slightly as if it would help me understand Michael’s psyche. I still didn’t but I didn’t let her know that I wasn’t really following.
The pounding in my head was getting worse and now it felt like I was coming down with a fever because I’m began to shiver. “Anyway, what do you say? You want to come with us?”
“I really can’t go Maria. My head feels like its ready to explode.” I tried to explain.
“Maria, I’m not going either. Liz and I have things we need to talk about.” Max said between clenched teeth.
“Oh, nonsense. Liz, three Tylenols and you’ll feel fine. And Max… the two of you can talk while we walk. I won’t interfere.” Max drew in his eyebrows at her. “What? Really, I won’t. I swear.” She held up three fingers. I didn’t want to interrupt the two and tell Maria that that was the sign of being a scout and there was no way that she was a scout. I had to smile. They started arguing and forgot about me entirely as I walked into the small kitchen area.
I sat down at the kitchen table and rested my head in my hands. Their raised voices were taking their toll on the pounding in my head. When I looked up and placed my hands down on top of the table I didn’t see the two of them arguing. I saw myself standing over this very same table. My hands were firmly on top of the table in the exact same position that I had just placed them in.
~*~FLASH~*~
“And I’m supposed to have a copy of this seal somewhere?” Max asked. He looked like he was angry about something. What was going on? I was having a dream while I was fully awake. I didn’t want to think that I had fallen asleep with the two of them arguing. My life is totally screwed up. There is no doubt about that at all. I nodded and stood up. I looked like hell. Dark circles under my eyes and my hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in ages.
I quit scrutinizing over my appearance and listened to what Max was asking her. “How do I pass the seal onto you?” Her cheeks, my cheeks, turned bright red. She, no… I need to quit talking about myself in the third person. The woman I’m looking at through Max’s eyes is me. Everything that I have ever dreamed of is happening at this very moment. I’m seeing me when I’m her. I straightened and the redness began to fade.
“The Seal of Power can only be passed through the act of love. I can’t talk about this any longer. My head hurts and I need to go lie down.” She was having the same problem I was, the headache was plaguing her as well. Did that mean that it was a physical thing rather than a psychological thing? “I’m going to kill the king of Antar and I’m going to change the way that the people are living there. That is my destiny and I am not going to stop until I have fulfilled it.”
I was a murdering princess. I knew it was too good to be true. Max didn’t know what he was saying but… maybe he did. He just chose to ignore it. I flat out told him I was going to kill the king. I saw it as plain as day. “So, I have sex with you and you leave?” Did I manipulate him into having sex with me just so I could get the seal? He didn’t sound too happy about having to do the deed with me. My heart fluttered just a little bit at the thought of him trying to protect our innocence.
“That’s what all this is about? You want to use me to get the seal?” I needed to concentrate on what was happening between us. This was all valuable information that I needed to know. I was planning on getting this seal and returning to Antar to kill the king. I had to pay attention because I had a feeling that it wasn’t just my life that I was playing with but several others as well.
I put my head in my hands like I had just done earlier and started to shake my head no. I wasn’t here just for the seal? Or having sex with Max wasn’t what this was all about? I didn’t have a clue why I was shaking my head but I couldn’t wait to find out. “You really don’t get it Max. You don’t understand. It’s not sex that allows us to share the seal. It’s love. We have to connect and make love.” I sounded so dramatic but there was definitely something underneath what I was saying. “This is useless. You don’t remember a thing. You still don’t realize what we meant to each other in the past.” I knew more than Max did? How was that possible? I could feel my frustration as well as how Max felt about me walking toward the door. He cared about her. Me. He actually felt like I was the one that he had been looking for.
He needed me to let him know that he wasn’t crazy. I can’t believe that he thought he was the one that was crazy. He thought I was just a figment of his imagination. He whispered into my ear and I could feel my body’s reaction to his whispered, “Don’t go. Stay here. There’s so much that we need to talk about. So much that I have to understand.” His hand cupped my shoulder and I stiffened. I wasn’t about to change my mind about going back to Antar that was the reason I stiffened.
“I’m not going to change my mind.” I warned him. No matter what he said to me I was going.
I held my ground against everything that my body wanted to do. I wanted to seep into his arms and let him hold me tight. I wanted to forget about what I had to do and live a normal life. I wanted to be normal with him but having these memories were what was keeping me from doing anything normal.
His voice broke through my self-pitying. “You don’t have to. I’m not asking you to change your mind. Stay and rest with me. I don’t want you to leave just yet.” He pulled me closer and I couldn’t resist anymore. I leaned into his embrace and I felt his breath on my neck. “I feel something Andra. It’s like I should know something that’s just out of reach. That if I just concentrate enough it will come to me. Stay and help me remember.”
“Help me remember.” I repeated out loud. My last night with Max surfaced. My cheeks were wet from the tears I had been silently shedding.
“Liz?” He was by my side. “Sweetie, are you okay?” I couldn’t quit staring at my hands.
I saw his hands move into my view. He was ready to grab them. “Don’t… don’t touch me.” I was afraid that I would forget everything that I now knew. “I saw… I know…”
“You saw what?” Maria asked from across the table.
“I need to go home.” I finally looked up to him. “Please take me home.” His eyes searched mine and I could see that he didn’t want me to leave. “I need to straighten out my head. I just saw some of what happened yesterday. I saw me through your eyes, Max.”
“Liz… please, stay here.” His eyes pleaded with me.
“I can’t Max. I need to call my parents and let them know that I’m okay. They’re probably worried sick by now. I’ve been gone almost a month. I need to straighten myself out. I promise you haven’t lost me.” I cupped the side of his face and he leaned into it and then kissed the inside of my palm. “I need to do this for me.”
Max slowly nodded in understanding, “Liz. Please… don’t fight me.”
He stood up and took hold of my hand and pulled me into an endearing embrace. “I’m here for you. Just don’t shut me out. We’ll take you to your dorm and we’ll do our shopping and then I’ll come back and check on you later on this afternoon. Will that be alright if I come by later on?”
I shook my head yes. “That would be great. I think I’m ready to listen to what you have to tell me. I know I am.” I looked up at him and my heart sped up from the possibility of him leaning down and kissing me. He started to and then stopped.
“Come on.” I had forgotten about Maria but heard her shuffling out of the apartment behind us.
“You okay, chica?”
“Yeah, I think I’m going to be okay. I just have some things that I need to straighten out before I can do anything else.”
“I’m cool with that.” We piled into her car and were off.
I was surprised at how close I was living to Max. The dorm where I was staying at was just around the corner from his apartment. Maria parked the car and Max got out and held his hand out for me. “I’ll be right back.” He told her.
“I’ll be here.” She called back. “I’ll see you later, okay Liz?”
“Yeah.” I took his hand and followed him into the building.
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t… don’t apologize. I don’t need any explanations from you. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand. You do what you need to do and when you’re ready for me…” He stopped and turned so he was facing me. “I’ll be here waiting for you. I’ve just found you I’m not going to let you go so easily.”
He pulled me into him and we continued around the corner and down the hall. We stopped in front of door 123 and I flashed back to my first waking memory of this place. Instead of Maria’s note from the other night there was a note about breakfast and a deli. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the hang of Maria’s idea of a message but I’m going to try.
My hand reached out for the door and I saw it trembling. There had been so much that I was processing through my mind that I had forgotten about the pain that I was feeling earlier. I quickly grabbed the knob and turned it. When the door didn’t open I looked in my pockets for a key. When there wasn’t a key I looked to Max. “I don’t know where my key is.”
“That’s okay.” He covered his hand over the keyhole and I heard a click. “I’ll stop by the office and tell them that you lost it and if someone could bring you another one.” He pushed the door open and waited for me to go inside. He didn’t enter the room but hovered around the door. “Are you going to be okay because I can stay if you need me to stay.”
“No, I’ll be fine.” I assured him. “Go have fun with Maria. I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.” I smiled and grabbed hold of the door and started closing it.
He placed his hand firmly against it so I couldn’t continue any farther. “I just want you to know that what happened between us yesterday…”
I let go of the door and placed a silencing finger on his mouth. “Later, we’ll talk about it later. That’s part... That’s something I have … I just have a lot of things to process.” I removed my finger from the warmth of his mouth and instantly replaced it with a light and hesitant kiss. I felt him lean into it and I let him. It felt perfect and I didn’t want it to end but he pulled away.
He rested his forehead on mine and looked me in the eyes. “Whatever you do, don’t run from us.”
“I won’t do that.”
“You’ve done it twice already and each time it kills me just a little bit to think I won’t find you again. I’ve waited my whole life to find someone to be happy with and I know that that someone is you. Everything has a way of working out just believe in that.” He kissed my forehead and left me standing there with my hand on the door. “I’ll see you later.” He was walking backwards so he could continue to look at me.
“I’ll be here waiting.” I waved at him and he turned hesitantly. There was a spring in his step that hadn’t been there when we were walking to my room. I had to admit that I felt a lot better too just knowing that I wasn’t going to lose him just because of who I was.
I closed the door and flopped down on the bed. It felt good not to have to worry about what I was doing because of someone noticing that I was doing something out of character for me. I rolled over on my back and searched for the dream that I had woke to this morning. My body began to hum with excitement and I had to close my eyes so I could remember every detail of him.
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I woke in a bed of sweat. I was thoroughly soaked. I tried to get up but my muscles weren’t responding. I turned my head and looked at the clock. It was noon. I hadn’t slept that much. I took a few deep breaths and then pushed my tired body up. I had to get out of bed now or else I would never get up. I went to the closet and pulled out a change of clothes. I saw a bag of shampoo and soap so I bent over and grabbed that. My head sent me for a loop and I had to balance myself against the wall so I wouldn’t topple over. “You can do this Parker.” I prodded myself along.
I followed the signs on the wall to lead me to the bathrooms. The pink tiles combined with the fluorescent lights made my head scream in agony. “Just a little bit farther.” I threw my stuff down on the bench and started a shower. The water felt hot and I stepped in. I leaned against the wall to let the water flow down my back. The hot steam was making it hard for me to breathe. What was happening to me? I’ve never been sick like this before. The closest I had been was when I had strep throat and had let it go too far. I had a hundred and two-degree fever and nearly passed out. Maybe that was what I had. When I get back to the room I would take a couple of Tylenol and sleep the fever off.
I still needed to call my parents. I could kick myself for not doing it sooner. They had to be worried. I started to shiver the water wasn’t hot enough so I cranked on it more. It was as hot as it was going to go and I couldn’t get the chill out of my bones. Maybe a couple of Tylenol wouldn’t do the trick this time. I turned off the water and quickly grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me.
I was standing in front of the mirror and I was looking at myself. I looked sick. My skin was pale and the circles under my eyes were dark. The bright lights had to go so I walked over to the wall and turned them off. “Much better.” I went back and pulled on my clothes and then walked back to the room. The chill was gone and I was now sweating again. I pulled open a dresser drawer and found the Tylenol. I looked around the small room and noticed a small refrigerator tucked away in the corner. I went to it and opened it up and found a bottle of Cherry Coke. I twisted the cap off and downed the two tablets. I hoped they worked. I didn’t want to have to go to the doctor’s office. I didn’t even know where the college infirmary was located.
My palms were wet from sweat and I could feel trickles falling down my neck and down my back. I wasn’t dressed that warm. I had to do something to cool off. I opened my window and stuck my head outside. There was a fire escape going up which made it tempting to go outside and sit there for awhile.
I looked around for a pair of shoes and when I found them I pulled them on. I stepped through my open window and then went to the fire escape and started to go up. The cool air felt good against my skin. My lungs fought to force the air in and out of my body. I should have brought a blanket or something to sit on. I should have brought my diary. I had a lot to write down. I threw the coke over the ledge and then pulled myself over as well. I was gasping for breath as if I had just finished running a timed mile.
I quickly fell to the floor and leaned up against the side of the wall. I just needed to rest a little before I went back down. I closed my eyes and concentrated on quieting my gasps. “I can do this. It’s not anything that I can’t handle.” I kept on thinking that over and over.
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I startled awake when a siren blared in the distance. The afternoon was considerably darker. I must have dozed off again. I was shaking violently from the fever. It had returned and the cold of being outside wasn’t helping matters. I had two choices. I could get up and make my way across the rooftop, with what looked like a lot of obstacles to the exit or I could try and climb down the ladder… Decisions, decisions. I pushed myself up to a stand and took one step in the direction of exit. I stumbled and fell to the floor. I rolled over on my back cursing at myself for getting myself in this kind of predicament.
Despair had reached its peak and I began to laugh hysterically. I was stuck up here and I was going to freeze to death. My hands were now skinned and bleeding from scraping against the tar and rock combination that they had covered the roof with when I fell. I knew better than to even try and make it down the ladder. There was no way that I would make it if I couldn’t even take one step. My laughing turned into cries of pity.
What was I going to do? I stopped crying when my mind touched on a memory. “Max.”
~*~FLASH~*~
“I’m here for you. Just don’t shut me out. We’ll take you to your dorm and we’ll do our shopping and then I’ll come back and check on you later on this afternoon. Will that be alright if I come by later on?”
Max was going to stop by later on this afternoon. I hoped that I hadn’t missed him. All I had to do was get over to the edge of the building and watch for the old red Jetta that Maria drove. Simple. I can do this. I rolled back over and worked my way up to be on all fours. I sat back on my heels and debated whether or not to stand up or just crawl over. Logic told me that if I tried to walk I would just end up lying on the roof again but my hands told me that they hurt and that either way I was screwed. “Why can’t anything ever work out the way it’s supposed to be?” I cursed under my breath and decided to crawl to the ledge.
It wasn’t as far as the exit was and if I could make it there then I could wait for Max. My vision started to blur and I had trouble concentrating on a focal point but I kept on moving.
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It was now pitch black outside and I had no idea where I was. I started crying for I knew I had missed Max. I was still quite a ways from the wall that over looked the parking lot. The distance to the exit and the distance from the wall looked about the same so I pointed my body in that direction and started for the only thing that would get me down safely. I rested often for the pads on my hands and my knees were screaming for mercy. I had to keep on going it was getting colder and colder and I didn’t know if I would wake up again if I didn’t make it.
I bit my lip to keep my cries from reaching my own ears. I knew that if I started crying I would end up stopping and that was definitely not an option. I had to continue. I could cry when this was all over. I only opened my eyes to grab a new point for if I kept them open for too long my head would begin to ache with pain.
I’m not sure how long it took me to get to the exit but I finally did. Not only were my hands bleeding but I tasted blood in my mouth. I had bit too hard one too many times on my lip. If I thought I looked like a mess before I’m sure I look even worse after spending ten hours in the drizzling rain. I hadn’t even let it sink into my head that it had begun to drizzle when I was about halfway to my chosen destiny.
~*~FLASH~*~
“Yes, he looks upon the soul of the new born child and predicts its destiny.”
“But that’s ridiculous. The future can’t be told.”
“Yes, it can."
It wasn’t the same destiny that I was thinking of, but I guess whatever kept me here was good enough for me. Why was she haunting me? This had never happened to me before. I was seeing bits and pieces of her time, her time with Max. What was she trying to tell me? I would have to figure it out later, for now, I needed to get inside and downstairs.
I pushed myself up against the wall that housed the exit door and leaned heavily on it just to keep myself standing upright. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I had to get my bearings first. I reached out blindly for the doorknob and pulled on it. It didn’t budge. “NO!” I screamed. My voice was harsh as if I had been screaming the entire time.
I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I can do this. I turned the knob and the door opened. I pushed with everything I had and stepped in as quickly as I could. I had made it. I was almost home free. “Shit! I forgot to call mom and dad.” I’ll do it when I get downstairs. They’ve waited this long what was a little bit longer.
“I knew better than to try and walk down the stairs. Visions of me tumbling head over heel and breaking my neck flashed before my eyes. No, I would do this the sensible way. I sat down on my ass and began to work my way down the stairs.
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Move my feet and slide down. Move my feet and slide down. I had to keep reminding myself on what I was doing because I found myself leaning against the wall a couple of times not moving. It was probably morning by now. Move my feet and slide down. God, what time was it? I haven’t passed anybody in my trip, was everyone asleep, home for the weekend? Move my feet and slide down. Move… there was nowhere for me to move my feet. I looked up and saw that I was sitting in front of the first floor door. I was almost there. I used the railing to pull myself up and took the one step to the door. I pulled on the handle and it swung open with ease.
I bit back the thought of laughing. I’ve come this far but there was still quite a distance for me to go yet. I could see the dry-erase board hanging on my door. It wasn’t that far. I could make it there then I would be good to go. I walked by using the wall as a guide. My shoulder was pushed hard into the wall just because I didn’t want to lean the other way and fall flat on my face. I passed the first door and continued on. I passed the second door and continued on.
I finally stumbled to my door and noticed that Maria’s message had been replaced.
Liz ~
I had a great time getting to know you on Saturday and wish I knew where you were now. I hope nothing happened today to make you leave. Please call me as soon as you get back. 303-555-2855.
Love,
~ Max
Max… I had missed him and now he thought I was having second thoughts about what I had said earlier. The phone was just inside. I turned my doorknob and it was locked. I started beating on it. “Hey,” I quit beating on the door and looked up at the scared face that was in front of me.
“I lost my key and I need to get in.” I groaned to person in front of me.
“Hang on, I’ll be right back.” The woman left and ran down the end of the hall to where the information desk was. She came running back with a ring of keys in her hand. “Okay, I can get you in. But I don’t think this is where you need to be. You really don’t look so well.” She grabbed my arm as she tried to help me into my room. “The front attendant is required to call the campus security whenever a student loses their key.”
“Thanks. I just need to call my boyfriend and have him come pick me up and take me to the hospital.” She guided me to my bed and helped me to flop down. She looked around before finding the phone and grabbing it off my nightstand.
She looked at me, “Are you sure you’ll be okay? Should I wait until your boyfriend gets here?” Her voice was full of concern; I must really look like crap.
“No, that’s all right, he lives right around the corner.” She didn’t look convinced as she started to back out of my room. As the door closed I pushed on the appropriate buttons for Max’s phone. I had this overpowering feeling that he was the only one that could help me now.
The phone rang and rang and then finally the answering machine picked up. “Hi, you’ve reached Max and Tess.” My stomach drops to the floor. I can’t keep it together any longer. He wasn’t home. I started crying into the phone.
When I heard the beep I took a deep breath. “Max…”
“Liz! Oh my god. Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Relief hit me instantly as I realized that help would be on the way. I couldn’t answer his questions as I lost consciousness.
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