Roswell Fanatics

Part 24 - "Shelter" - Max POV

They’re crowded into the smallest spaces
While outside all of nature cries.
It’s known to be cruel and unfair
But there is no place to hide.
Oh, I’ve seen a part of people that I never really want to share
Oh, I’ve seen a part of people that I never knew was there.

Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm.
Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm.

I can’t sleep haunted by their faces
The sadness in their eyes.
It hurts so much to see them helpless,
It makes me want to cry.
But there is still much left unanswered
For so many innocent lives,
They close the doors and are letting no one in
And only the strong will survive…

Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm.

I’ve seen the anger and I’ve seen all the dreams
And I’ve watched an existence torn apart
And though I may seem helpless
I will do all I can do.

Oh I’ve seen a part of people that I never want to share
Oh I’ve seen a part of people that I never knew was there.

Shelter - give them shelter from the coming storm
Shelter - give them shelter from the coming storm.

Sarah McLachlan

Maria and I are both waiting impatiently on Valenti’s front porch when the sheriff finally arrives. I am pacing, while she sits on the top step, her arms wrapped around her knees, one foot tapping.

I rub a hand across my face in relief. For some reason I was beginning to have visions of Kyle instantly dead because we had realized he was still being mindwarped. But I can see Kyle sitting in the passenger seat beside his dad, a scowl of annoyance on his face. He is out of the car and in my face the minute it rolls to a stop. "What are we doing here, Evans? That maniac is still out there with Liz!"

I’m not sure which maniac he’s referring to, as it could be either Tess or Sean, but I try not to get irritated. After all, Kyle has no idea that he is still being mindwarped - that I have called them all back here because, with every passing minute, the possibility that his brain is about to short circuit becomes more and more possible.

Maria and I spent the minutes waiting for the others trying to figure out exactly what Tess is still hiding from us with her powers. Because there is obviously something, especially if Kyle has been allowed to remember some things and not others.

We haven’t even broached the fact that I am obviously still being controlled as well.

The concept that Michael might be right about the night I spent with Tess - that it never happened at all - is looming large in my mind, making my stomach clench with anticipation for what we will find out when I connect with Kyle.

There is also the possibility that Tess is not doing any of this anymore. The expression on Sean Deluca’s face then he touched me…

I am becoming more and more convinced that I am not insane. He is Tess’s son, back from the future. I am almost positive of it now. And if he is my son, then I did sleep with her, and she mindwarped some other lie, one that I am going to soon remember.

Unless he just thinks he is - my son that is. There was a baby, but maybe it wasn’t mine. Because the possibilities of what the block on Kyle’s mind could be hiding…

The abrupt change in the way that Kyle and Tess acted around each other after the prom does not completely change my budding hypothesis either. The way Kyle suddenly started proclaiming that Tess was like a sister to him - that had been just plain weird. They didn’t behave like siblings before Alex’s death. In fact, they acted entirely like two people with a major attraction to each other. I think Tess might have been falling for him despite herself.

But everything changed again when I started to remember my life with her on Antar.

I shake my head impatiently. There is no point in speculating. If I can manage to break through the barrier on Kyle’s mind, we will know for sure soon.

Just because I want my speculations to be true with all my heart doesn’t mean that they are. And there is still the fact that Liz saw flashes of me with Tess. The baby might not be mine, but there seems to be little doubt that I did sleep with her.

It is just better to wait and find out for sure. And, yet, I can’t control the anticipatory pounding of my heart.

Hope. You feel it or you don’t. And I am beginning to feel it again - for the first time in a long time.

"Kyle, I have some bad news for you," I tell him now, grimacing. I see the Sheriff’s (I can never stop thinking of him as the Sheriff, even though he hasn’t been for months now) face darken. He clearly recognizes the tone of my voice. This is serious.

"Did you find her?" Kyle demands, his eyes suddenly wide with fear. "Is she hurt?" I see him glance at Maria in confusion, as though already knowing that we have not[/I ] found Liz, because Maria and I are both entirely too calm.

"We heard from Jennifer Coleman again," I explain gently. I can see a scowl beginning to appear on his face again. He absolutely hates whenever I have to tell him something, that there is something I know that he doesn’t, especially if it concerns him.

He hates me. We both know it.

"So?" Kyle replies, sounding more annoyed.

The sheriff steps forward at this point. "Max, just tell us." I can hear the fear in his voice.

And so I do. "Kyle, she recognized you in that picture from the prom. She says that you were in Las Cruces with Alex. She saw you with him."

"What? That’s impossible!" Kyle exclaims. "I would remem…" He cuts himself off abruptly, dawning comprehension crossing his face. "Oh crap." It is a simple statement, but basically sums up my exact feelings on this entire situation. "She’s still doing it, isn’t she?" he whispers, licking his lips nervously.

"I don’t know if it’s her," I tell him, because I don’t. "It could be Sean."

For some reason, I really don’t want it to be Tess. I might hate her guts, but I almost think this will be easier on Kyle if it is Sean controlling him, and not Tess. Because, as much as he wants to, I don’t think Kyle hates Tess. It is just something on his face whenever her name comes up, like he is trying desperately to deny his true feelings where she is concerned.

He doesn’t hate her, and he hates himself because he doesn’t, because he should hate her, because of what she did to Alex.

And because he has to live with himself, he chooses to hate me enough to cover all of it.

Of course, the sheriff understands the implications of all of this almost immediately. "Max, is my son’s life in danger?" he demands. I see Kyle’s eyes widen, as though the thought hadn’t even dawned on him.

"I don’t know," I reply honestly. "But I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure it isn’t." I look the sheriff right in the eye. "Nothing is going to happen to him."

I can see that Valenti understands that, in the end, this has nothing to do with Kyle. Kyle and I will never be friends. We can be allies, but not friends. We do not understand each other at all. But the sheriff and I always have. Ever since that first encounter, at the Crash Festival, we have always understood each other. For good or ill.

I will not let his son die. Not after all he has done for us.

Which means that I am going to have to make Kyle Valenti trust me.

"Kyle, I’m going to have to connect with you," I tell him quietly. "I have to try and break the warp, and fix whatever damage has been done in there."

His eyes narrow. "I don’t particularly want you wandering around in my head, Evans."

"Kyle." The sheriff places a firm hand on his son’s shoulder. "There’s no choice here, son."

Kyle presses his lips together, looking away, down the road, as though not wanting to give in gracefully. I know he will eventually, but he won’t do it right away. As I watch the emotions play across his face, I see hope suddenly appear when his eyes focus on something in the distance.

I follow his gaze, see Kyle’s Mustang approaching at break-neck speed.

"Isabel," he says triumphantly. " She can do it. I’d be okay with her in there."

I look at Maria, who rolls her eyes. I see her mutter "men" under her breath.

"Kyle, Isabel can’t heal you," she tells him impatiently. "Stop being such an idiot and let Max help you."

Kyle turns his frown on her, but sighs in resignation.

But Kyle has actually given me a good idea. Bringing Isabel would probably be really helpful. First of all, she does have more experience with the mind, through her dreamwalks.

Plus it would also help to have some back-up if I discover anything in there. Because I know that I am getting too close to this. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to control my emotions enough to be able to understand what I see when I connect with Kyle. If Izzy is there, she will be able to watch as an impartial bystander.

"What’s going on?" Michael demands when he and Isabel join us moments later. Maria goes immediately into his arms, which makes me swallow as a pang of loneliness for Liz falls over me.

But I can’t worry about her right now. I have to ignore the knawing fear in the pit of my stomach. I know by now that I am not going to be able to find her until I know the entire truth about what happened to Alex.

I am beginning to understand that this is what it’s all about. It’s why Alex visited me in my dreams. He knew that there was something that we all needed to know if we were going to win against our enemies. And it is time to find out what that is.

Kyle Valenti is the key. If he dies, we will never know.

Maria is in the middle of explaining to Michael and Isabel what’s going on. I let my gaze meet my sister’s. I can see that she knows immediately that I plan to heal Kyle’s mind - that I am not going to let what happened to Alex happen to Valenti’s son. I see the acceptance on her face, but I can also see that she understands how dangerous this could potentially be. I have no idea what I am going to find in there. I could just make it worse.

She will come with me though. I have absolutely no doubts about that.

Minutes later, we are all gathered in Valenti’s living room.

Michael is sitting at the dining room table, looking in the opposite direction from where we are going to do the connection. I know that he is almost as scared as Isabel and I are. If something goes wrong, he could lose both of us at once. I don’t think he would be particularly happy to see something happen to Kyle either. They aren’t friends, but I know that Michael trusts him, and also would not want Valenti to lose anyone else close to him.

Dealing with Tess’s betrayal has been difficult enough for our father-figure. Losing his real son…

Unacceptable.

Maria is sitting beside Michael, holding his hand, her head against his shoulder. She is watching me intently, her eyes trusting. She knows that this is the only way to help Liz. She is confident that I will not rest until I find her best friend and this is the first step.

The sheriff is standing near the door, his jaw clenched. His gaze has not left Kyle, who is stretched out on the couch, staring unseeing at the ceiling. Kyle seems resigned, and is still more annoyed by all of this than anything.

I swallow, moving towards him.

We considered doing this in Kyle’s bedroom, but the implications of that had been too heavy. It was where Alex died, killed by the exact same thing that could be presently killing Kyle.

No, we could not try this in there.

The plan is simple. Isabel is going to connect with Kyle first, and is going to try and see what is being hidden behind the mindwarp, and then she is going to bring me in to clean up whatever mess Tess has left behind.

We will know the truth about Alex’s death once and for all after this.

My hope that we will know even more than that…I have to let go of it. Because I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stand the disappointment if I’m wrong about what I think went down between Tess and Kyle.

My gaze meets Kyle’s for one long, charged minute. His eyes narrow, but he has accepted this. We are bonded now, whether he likes it or not.

"Ready, Max?" Isabel asks quietly, glancing at the sheriff in concern.

I nod.

She takes a deep breath, places both of her hands on Kyle’s temples, and stares right into his eyes.

It feels like forever, waiting for my sister to take my hand. The seconds pass like hours, each one ticking away on the grandfather clock in the corner like a death knell.

I can see Isabel’s eyes roll back up in her head, as though whatever information she is receiving is pounding into her mind at such a speed that she is struggling to get a handle on it. She gasps, and begins to breathe shallowly, her forehead crinkling as she concentrates on maintaining control.

Kyle is still staring straight at the ceiling, but an emptiness has appeared on his face, as though there is nothing inside his head anymore.

The sheriff moves forward from his sentry position, about to pull my sister away from his son. Michael jumps to his feet and pushes him back against the wall, gently but firmly. "It’s okay," he mutters soothingly.

Suddenly I don’t see anything - on this plain anyway. Isabel has reached out blindly, grabbing my hand, as though for a lifeline.

Instantly, we are connected.

And I understand what was giving her such problems.

The flashes are so screwed up and dark, I literally stumble to my knees beside the couch.

All I can see are eyes…everywhere. Ice blue, cold, piercing into me like arrows.

Oh hell. Tess has been in here all right. And recently too. But I can feel the presence of someone else as well. Someone even darker than my past life bride, someone whose hatred is so intense, it makes my blood run cold.

I become slowly aware of my sister’s voice as she tries to break through whatever it is that is blocking us from completely connecting with Kyle.

Max! I don’ t know if we’re going to be able to do this. It’s like chaos in here!

I don’t answer her immediately. Because I am pushing against whatever it is that is trying to stop me from getting any flashes.

Whoever is doing this is strong - stronger even than Nicholas was when he went into my mind last fall, which until this moment, seemed impossible.

How can Tess be this powerful and we never knew?

It can’t be her still in control here. She isn’t even on the planet anymore. But whoever is doing this is definitely using blocks that she set up. The basis of the mindwarp is hers.

We need to do it together, Iz! I call out to my sister.

I cannot feel Kyle anywhere. It is like he is totally gone - almost as if his mind was booby-trapped, set to implode on itself if anyone tried to interfere with the mindwarp.

But I don’t have time to reflect on this at all. I can feel Isabel’s presence tickling the back of my mind as she struggles to connect more closely with me, so that I can use her energy to fight the warp.

Now! It feels like she is shrieking right next to my ear, which I guess she sort of is. And it certainly makes me react - instantly in fact.

With one gigantic push, I am in. I feel relief spiral through me as the flashes begin.

*Flash

Kyle as a very young boy, playing catch with his father.

*Flash

Kyle sobbing on his bed after his mother left Valenti.

Flash*

Kyle throwing his first touchdown on the JV squad at West Roswell.

Flash*

Kyle pulling Liz into a janitor’s closet and kissing her for the first time.

Flash*

Kyle staring at Liz in sophomore history. She is turned around in her seat, whispering something to me.

Flash*

Liz breaking up with Kyle, on the day her grandmother died.

I can feel his hatred for me in that moment and it almost makes me break the connection, but Isabel’s comforting presence soothes me and I hold on.

Flash*

Kyle waking up in his father’s arms after I healed him.

Flash*

Kyle staring in shock at Tess as she snaps the band of his boxers.

Flash*

"Let me tell you, Buddha-boy… I’ve got a lamp that needs some serious trimming."

Flash*

Kyle and Liz laughing together as they lie under the covers of her bed, waiting for me to appear at her window.

If I ever had any doubt when Liz told me that they hadn’t slept together, I have none now. Kyle’s memories confirm it.

Flash*

Kyle watching Tess with admiration as she places a casserole on the table.

Flash*

Kyle staring at me as he drops the gandarium crystals at my feet in disdain.

Flash*

Kyle and Alex trapped in the cave under Frasier Woods, singing American Pie, discussing whether they would change what they knew about aliens or not. I can feel that Kyle is thinking about Tess when he decides that he is glad he knows.

It is then that the flashes change, become hazy, as though I am watching underwater. They are the memories that have been blocked I realize. We are bringing them back.

Flash*

"I won’t be second best, Tess."

Tess coming towards Kyle, a slight smile on her face, kissing him lightly. "I don’t care about Max. It’s you I want." They are making out on the bed in Kyle’s room.

I can feel that he is in love with her.

Flash*

Kyle watching Alex, who is hunched over a computer, typing furiously. Tess appears at his shoulder, laying her hand on his arm.

Flash*

Kyle, against his will, telling Tess that he considers her to be a sister.

I can feel his confusion as he says it, because he knows that he is not really thinking it.

Flash*

Kyle, Alex’s body over his shoulder, placing it in Tess’s car, his expression completely blank.

Flash*

Kyle watching me kiss Tess goodbye in the doorway of his house, the morning after we conceived our son. His pain is extremely sharp, but just as suddenly muted, when Tess’s eyes focus on him watching us.

The flashes clear as we return to memories that Kyle has already retrieved: remembering the mindwarp that had hidden his part in Alex’s murder, watching the spaceship activated by the granolith take off into the sky, concern about Liz, and fear that he is going to die when he realizes that his mind is still not completely his own.

When the flashes end, I am able to focus beyond them. I can see the tissue of his brain in my mind’s eye. I see the holes that have been created by Tess’s mind-control. I concentrate on healing, on making those parts of his cerebral cortex match the healthy areas.

When I am sure that his brain is whole again, I break the connection quickly, eager to begin dissecting everything that I have seen in there.

I open my eyes to the sight of Kyle already sitting up, a shell-shocked expression on his face.

Our eyes meet. I can see the pain that he must be feeling reflected in his.

"I’m sorry," I tell him softly.

"Max?" Isabel’s hand is on my shoulder. "Is everything okay?"

"He’s all right." I look over at the sheriff. The expression on his face says that he doesn’t believe me. I don’t blame him. Kyle looks extremely green at the moment. "At least physically," I amend.

I move to stand, but Kyle’s hand shoots out and grabs me by the arm. I turn to stare at him in surprise. "Evans, I saw some things," he says flatly. I can see that he is struggling to deal with his own memories, which are still filtering back into his consciousness, but he is pushing them aside for the moment.

I don’t reply, just wait for him to say whatever it is he needs to.

"I…" He closes his eyes for a moment. "I know you love Liz. I know that you care about my father." He pauses, opening his eyes and staring right at me, sincerity shining from his face. "I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you."

"You had every right." I shrug.

He frowns, then looks away. "Well, I’m still sorry about it," he replies gruffly. He looks beyond me, at Isabel. I turn to see my sister watching us both with a strange expression on her face.

"What did you see, Iz?" I ask, not daring to hope too hard that I was not the only one who had seen one very specific incident occur between Tess and Kyle in those blocked flashes.

Her eyes are wide, unsure if she is allowed to be happy about what she is about to say or not. I think she is just as aware as I am that, while the news is great for me, it isn’t necessarily what Kyle might want to hear.

"Kyle and Tess spent the night together," she admits quietly. "Last fall, when Courtney was around."

I frown at the obscure reference, but I quickly realize that my sister doesn’t know that it was also right around the time that the future version of myself came back to get Liz to change the future. Isabel and Michael still don’t know about that. I have been keeping it to myself, unsure how my sister and best friend are going to react to the fact that Liz basically destroyed her own future - and mine - to save them.

But I know now that I am going to have to tell them soon. It isn’t fair to keep secrets. Not any longer. We all have to know exactly what was going on with each other, all the time. Tess used secrets against us. We can’t let it happen again.

It’s not the time now though. Because if Kyle and Tess did spend the night together, it means that I might not be the father of Tess’s baby at all.

It doesn’t mean that I didn’t sleep with her, of course, but it does mean that Tess’s declarations about the baby dying are probably also false. If it is Kyle’s, it is half human - actually more than half-human if you take into account that Tess is mostly human as well, as much as she doesn’t want that to be the case.

And why would Tess bother to block the memory of her and Kyle having made love if there wasn’t some specific reason? She needed it hidden, so that I would believe the baby was mine.

Kyle is staring at Isabel, his mouth agape. I can see the specific memory to which we are referring beginning to filter through his mind, because his face turns an interesting shade of red.

"Oh Lord." This is the sheriff, the realization of what this means hitting him like a ton of bricks. He has joined Kyle on the couch, his arm firmly around his son’s shoulders in relief that he is okay. Now he closes his eyes in dismay.

"What about Alex?" Maria asks suddenly. "Kyle, were you with him in Las Cruces?"

An expression of grief crosses Kyle’s face as he nods. "I was there. She used me as her bully boy when Sean wasn’t around. I made him do what she wanted."

I can see that this fact is going to haunt Kyle Valenti for the rest of his life.

"Max, what do we do now?" Isabel asks quietly. We move away from the sheriff and Kyle in order to give them a chance to adjust to the way things have changed abruptly. Their stake in the search for Tess’s baby is now much higher, and it is going to take a lot of soul searching on their parts to figure out if they are willing to take on a child if the baby does prove to be Kyle’s, which with every passing moment seems more likely.

After all, it was practically a full-term baby when I connected with it. It makes no sense that it would be mine. We had only slept together a couple of days before. But, if Kyle and Tess had slept together in the autumn of our junior year, then she would have been about seven and a half months pregnant in May.

I am a little ashamed at how much I want the baby to be Kyle’s. I still care about it, but my son is one thing standing between Liz and me. If the baby isn’t mine, maybe - just maybe - she might be able to forgive me.

But reality comes crashing back quickly. Even if the baby isn’t mine, it doesn’t resolve the issue of the flashes. Liz will never be able to deal with that.

"We’re going to find Liz," I tell my sister firmly.

"But, Max, there was nothing in Kyle’s mind to tell us where Tess took her," Isabel reminds me, sounding perplexed.

I know that my sister is right, but I also know that time is running out. We need to find Liz and quickly.

"Where do we even start?" Michael and Maria have joined us. The question is Michael’s, and it has barely left his mouth before a shadow nearby moves.

"I can tell you."

Maria shrieks slightly. My heart starts to pound unevenly in my chest as the intruder steps into the light thrown by the single lamp shining on the side table.

For one, heart-stopping, moment, I think she is Tess - that my past life wife has actually returned to face the music.

Her blonde hair is short, streaked with many colours, quite different from when we first met her in the fall. But her lip is still pierced, and her eyes are still wide and innocent, if a little more knowledgeable than they were then.

Ava.

"What are you doing here?" I ask her quietly. Isabel is clenching my forearm in shock, her nails digging into my skin painfully, but I don’t shake her off.

"I got the answers I went looking for," she says, her eyes shining at me strangely, in a way that doesn’t make me feel entirely comfortable. "I belong with you."

Part 25 - Another Time, Another Life - Section K

June 2002, Roswell, New Mexico

"Michael called from Dallas," Maria said, as Liz shook her keys and inserted the correct one into the door of the small apartment she shared with Max. "He and Isabel are close to tracking down Ava. They think she’s avoiding them though."

Liz sighed, wearily removing the Crashdown antenna from her head as she wandered into the small front hallway, then almost tripped over Serena’s stroller. She frowned, folding it up and shaking her head, concerned at Max’s unusual forgetfulness. But he had other things to think about of course. "I wonder why she’s doing that?"

It was close to a month since Isabel and Michael headed out on their search for Ava. They had waited until Michael graduated from high school, which Max had insisted upon, although Michael wanted to go sooner. They had traced her to an address in Lousiana, through an old post card she had sent Liz, and had quickly managed to follow her to Texas. There had not been leads in a week or so though.

Max insisted that they keep trying. He was taking Liz’s warning about the need for a complete four square seriously, especially since he knew that there was no way Tess was ever going to return to Roswell. She told him as much in the letter she sent him recently, taunting him with the fact that Sean had spoken his first word, that it had been "Daddy," and that he had said it to Rath.

"Michael wonders if she thinks that they’re Lonnie and Rath. He’s felt her trying to connect with him, to find out for sure. She’s staying away until she knows they’re safe," Maria replied.

"I don’t blame her for being careful. Max is sure that Lonnie and Rath will go after her eventually to make sure that we never manage to make up a complete four square. They must have been shocked by how easily Michael and Isabel were able to hold them off in Wade. The fact that they never turned up again, when the three of them went back to the cabin to find Sean, seems to indicate that." Liz shook her head. "But I really hope they find her. It will be one less thing for Max to worry about."

Maria just nodded in agreement, continuing into the living room, but stopped abruptly, causing Liz’s eyes to widen and her heart to thump erratically. But the affection in Maria’s voice when she spoke made Liz realize that nothing was wrong. "He doesn’t look very worried right now, Liz," Maria whispered over her shoulder.

Liz moved up beside her, a slight smile appearing on her face. "He sleeps almost all the time when he’s home, Maria. He feels so bad about it, but the baby could care less. She just wants to be with him."

"I can see that," Maria replied softly, laughing slightly.

Max was sprawled on the couch, on his back, sound asleep. Serena was curled up on his chest, her tiny thumb firmly in her mouth. Her father had his arm wrapped around her, holding her in place. The baby’s eyes were open, but she did not seem the least bit interested in moving, even when she caught sight of Liz and Maria.

"Kitchen," Liz mouthed, moving past Maria and gently placing a pillow against Max to hold Serena in place. She kissed the baby lightly on the top of her dark head, then watched with satisfaction as her daughter closed her dark eyes and seemed to drift off. Liz stroked a hand lovingly down Max’s face before joining her best friend.

"God, Liz, he looks exhausted," Maria commented seriously while Liz put the kettle on the stove. "He’s got to stay home more. He’s burning himself out."

Liz just sighed again. "Maria, he’s not going to stop until he finds Sean."

"He’s not going to be any good to that kid if he runs himself into an early grave," Maria replied.

Liz swallowed, feeling tears fill her eyes. "Don’t you think I know that? But we lost him, Maria! He’s stuck with that murdering witch and Max has to find him."

Maria was at her side in an instant. "I’m sorry, chica. I know this is awful for both of you. I just don’t understand why it’s so hard! Why can’t Max connect with him? Shouldn’t he be able to find him that way? It doesn’t make any sense!"

"He’s tried. But there’s just nothing. It’s almost like Sean doesn’t exist anymore. But we know he does, because of the pictures Tess keeps sending."

Maria scowled. "She is such a bitch. God! I wish we killed her when we had the chance."

"Maria, don’t say that!" Liz reprimanded. "It’s what they would do," she added, referring to Lonnie, and Rath, and Nicholas, and Tess. "We are not going to turn into them."

Maria took a deep breath. "You’re right. I’m sorry. But, Liz, if we don’t kill them someday, they’re never going to stop coming after us. You have to know that."

Liz stared at the professional photograph stuck to the fridge that they had done just last week. It was actually a proof, one of several they had to pick their prints from. Her baby daughter’s innocent face smiled out at her. "I know."

And she did. After they found Sean, they were going to have to deal with their enemies once and for all. Serena would never be safe as long as they were alive.

"Let’s talk about something more cheerful." Maria broke the tense silence that had settled over the kitchen. "Like wedding plans. You and Max are still planning to drive to Vegas next week, aren’t you? At least, that’s what your mom told my mom yesterday."

Liz swallowed, then wiped her eyes. "We were going to, but I think it’s off. Max is going to Los Angeles tomorrow. It’s where the last letter Tess sent was postmarked from."

"Oh, Liz," Maria said, sounding disappointed.

"It’ll happen eventually, Maria," Liz replied impatiently. "We just don’t have time right now. I have to work twelve hour shifts to support the three of us, and I need to start planning for the move in the fall."

"So, you’re still going then?"

"I need an education." Liz shrugged. "Northwestern is the only place that offered a full scholarship. Plus, Chicago is central. It will be easier for Max to go off on his trips from there."

"Liz, you’re not saying that you don’t think you’ll have found Sean by the fall?" Maria sounded shocked. Liz didn’t blame her. It was the first time she had openly admitted that she was beginning to doubt that they would ever find Max’s son.

Liz swallowed, faced the sink and clutched the counter, trying to hide her face from Maria. Because the guilt was about enough to kill her. If she hadn’t gone into labour when she had, Max never would have left the baby with Tess, Tess never would have had a chance to escape, and that innocent little boy wouldn’t currently be in the hands of a madwoman.

But she had to be the strong one. She could not let anyone know that she didn’t think that they were ever going to find Sean. Max needed her encouragement to keep him going because, with every day that passed without his son, with every fruitless trip chasing down shadows, Max was becoming more and more desperate.

And, with desperation, the unthinkable was beginning to appear very probable.

No one but Liz and Max knew that there was only one sure fire way to make Tess give Sean back. She had broached it in the last letter she sent, although Liz knew that the idea had been percolating at the back of Max’s mind for months now anyway. He had admitted it to her after showing her the letter.

If Max was willing to give himself up to Lonnie, Rath and Tess - if he was willing to join with them to create a full complement of the Royal Four - they would let Liz raise Max’s son. It was in that instant that Liz had understood that Sean was in even more danger than either she or Max had ever thought. At least, in her heart, Liz had hoped that Tess loved her son - that she would not hurt him.

But to be so willing to give him up…He was a pawn to her, nothing more. All Tess cared about was getting back to Antar. And she was willing to sacrifice her own son to do it. Because, without Max, the only clone of Zan left, no one was going anywhere. The granolith would not take them home without him.

When Liz had read the compromise in Tess’s spidery handwriting, she had felt the world starting to spin completely out of control. Only Max’s arm around her shoulders had prevented her from falling to the floor in shock.

If they didn’t find Tess soon, Max was going to have no choice. They both knew it. Because neither of them was willing to allow an innocent child to be raised by Tess, or Lonnie, or Rath, especially now that they knew how little any of them really cared about him. They needed some good news, and they needed it soon. If Michael and Isabel could find Ava…Well, things might start going their way. If they could use the power of the four square, particularly Ava’s DNA, which would be linked to Sean’s, they might, just might, be able to find him without resorting to the horrific idea of letting Max go.

"Liz?" Liz shook her head to clear it at Maria’s questioning tone. She turned away from the sink, plastering a confident expression on her face.

"Of course I know we’ll have him by the fall," she replied cheerfully. "Max really thinks that this lead is the one. I was just talking about worst case scenario."

Maria frowned slightly, but finally nodded. "Okay." She did not look entirely convinced however. She picked up her bag, moving towards the door. "I’ll call you guys if I hear anything from Michael, although I’m sure he’ll call here first. The only reason he called me was because there was no answer here earlier. I guess Max was out with Serena?"

Liz smiled, indicating the stroller as she followed Maria towards the door. "They went to see his parents, I think. He likes to walk her over there when he’s home. It’s like double bonus day for them when they get to see both of them at the same time." She reached out and gave Maria a quick hug. "Thanks for the ride. I love you."

"I love you too, babe," Maria replied. "Get some rest." She paused in the doorframe. "Oh, I almost forgot! I’m stopping at the Valentis on the way home. Mom told me that Kyle is sick, or something, so I’m bringing him one of her pies. He says it always makes him feel better. Do want me to say anything to him?"

"Just tell him we’re still on for Friday," Liz replied, a pang of concern running through her at the news that Kyle wasn’t feeling well. He was her rock, particularly when Max was out of town. Liz knew that he still had not forgiven Max for leaving with Tess, and actually basically despised him because of it, but he had been nothing but supportive of Liz, dating from the days before Serena was even born. He knew that Liz loved Max, and said he accepted it, but he didn’t try to hide that it didn’t make him at all happy. They had started to drift apart recently because of it. She could sense his disapproval, and it was just another burden she felt unable to deal with, and so she let their friendship slide recently.

She was looking forward to Friday, when they had agreed to go see the new Star Wars movie together. They had seen the Phantom Menace on their first date in freshman year, and decided then that, no matter what, if they could, they would see the next one together too. Max was amused when she told him about it, and told her in no uncertain terms that he wanted her to go. He knew how Kyle felt about him, but he had absolutely no issues with Kyle himself. Max trusted him and was grateful for how he was there for Liz when Max could not be.

It was one of the many reasons Kyle’s disapproval hurt her. She knew that Max didn’t deserve it - none of what had transpired with Tess was his fault after all. She had tricked him into sleeping with her, and had then basically tried to destroy his life by taking him back to Antar. It was fate that had brought him back to her, and Liz was not going to lose him again, even if one of her best friends could not forgive him.

It was not an easy life, being with Max, but she loved him and he loved her. It was worth it to her. And Kyle was just going to have to accept that.

Liz put her problems with Kyle out of her head after she said goodbye to Maria. She had little enough quality time with Max as it was. She wasn’t going to waste one of the few nights he was home worrying about it. Friday would arrive soon enough.

Crossing the living room, Liz perched on the edge of the couch, then leaned over and spoke softly into Max’s ear. "Wake up, sleepyhead. It’s time to come to bed." He stirred, his long lashes fluttering, and moments later he was gazing up at her sleepily.

"Liz." She saw his arms tighten convulsively around Serena, making sure she was still securely on his chest. "What time is it? I was going to come pick you up."

"It’s okay," Liz whispered, gently disentangling their daughter from his embrace and bringing the baby up against her neck. Serena squawked once, but settled back into sleep almost immediately. "Maria drove me home."

A flash of guilt crossed his face anyway. "But I wanted to." He closed his eyes briefly, as though suddenly everything he wanted to do and couldn’t until he found his son had come crashing down on him.

Liz kissed him lightly on the forehead. "And that’s why I love you. It’s really okay," she repeated. "Just come to bed."

As Liz curled up against a still half-asleep Max minutes later, she knew that she was right to make the sacrifices required to be with him. Being tired, having too much responsibility for someone her age, being alone half the time…It was worth it.

It was worth it because, when she was in his arms, the rest of it went away. Then they were just Max, and Liz, and their little baby girl, and together they could do anything.

They would find Sean. They would find Ava. And then they would defeat Max’s enemies and live the quiet, normal life they both wanted.

It was only a matter of time before they would all -every single person she cared about - achieve their happy ending.

This last thought brought a slight smile to her face as she drifted off to sleep in Max’s arms.

***

Time ran out on Friday.

When Liz left work to meet up with Kyle, she briefly considered stopping by the apartment to check on Serena. Max had spent the entire day with her, as he always did when he was home, but going eight hours without her baby was something Liz never got used to, and she had been feeling antsy about her all day. When Max was out of town, her mom took care of her granddaughter upstairs while Liz worked, and so she could run up for a little baby-time whenever she wanted to.

But Max deserved his time with their daughter too. He barely got to see her as it was. She would see Serena soon enough.

It was her anxiety over leaving her baby for so long that was making her impatient, Liz decided, as she tapped her foot and stared down at her watch for the twelfth time in what felt like as many hours. She had really only been waiting for Kyle for about ten minutes. He’d be there.

He showed up twenty minutes later. Liz was ready to jokingly ream him out - they were missing the previews and he knew that she always felt there was no point in seeing a movie without the previews - until she got a look at his face.

He looked terrible. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he had lost weight as well. Liz frowned. She had only seen him two weeks ago! What had happened to him?

"Kyle, what’s wrong?" Liz demanded immediately, not even bothering with a cursory hello. "You look awful."

"Gee, thanks, Liz," he replied in his usual sarcastic tone, rolling his eyes. It made her feel a bit better to hear him sounding so normal. "I’ve been sick. Migraines. Can’t sleep properly because of them."

Liz softened her tone, hugging him lightly. "I’m sorry. I was just shocked. Have you been to the doctor?"

"They can’t find anything to explain it," Kyle told her shortly. "Listen, I don’t really feel up to a movie. Can we just go somewhere and talk?"

"Of course." Liz linked her arm through his. "Why didn’t you call me? I would have come to see you. You shouldn’t even be out."

"I needed some air." He looked around, as though trying to decide where he wanted to go. "Let’s go to the park."

They walked along in silence, but it was not uncomfortable. Liz was beginning to get the idea that Kyle had something very specific to tell her, and that he was just trying to work out in his own mind how he was going to do it.

They were settled on a bench before he tried. "Liz. I don’t even know how to tell you this," he began quietly "I’ve needed to talk to you about this for a long time, but I didn’t know how to, and I wasn’t sure that it was real."

"Kyle, what is it?" Liz took his hand in hers, pleased that she could be strong for him for once. He had always been there for her.

"I’ve been having weird dreams," he replied, shaking his head wearily. "It’s another reason I haven’t been sleeping well. For a couple of weeks now. They’re about the night that Alex died."

Liz felt her eyes widen. "What about that night?"

"I don’t know. It’s vague. But basically I think that the details of exactly what I did that night are coming back to me," Kyle told her. "You know that I have some memories of the events Tess made me forget, but not all of them. The stuff I’m dreaming about though…it’s weird. Alex is there, and so is Tess, but it feels different somehow." He swallowed. "Liz, I think she may have been mindwarping me long before we thought."

"Kyle, what are you talking about?" Liz whispered, her heart beginning to pound.

"I’ve been getting these headaches, Liz. I wake up with them every morning. And I’ve started to realize that this has happened to me before. I woke up with one the morning after Alex died. But I had them before that too."

"You think that they have something to do with the mindwarps?" Liz asked, furrowing her brow. "It would make sense." And suddenly what he was really saying hit her like a freight train. "Kyle, are you saying that you think that Tess is mindwarping you right now?"

The implications of this were astronomical. It meant that Tess was right here in Roswell, if she was doing it.

"Not right now, Liz," Kyle corrected. "But I think that she has been - recently. I can’t think of any other explanation for the way I’ve been feeling. It’s just so similar."

Liz stood up. "We need to go to Max. He has to know about this."

"Oh, he knows." The voice sent a chill down Liz’s spine. "Or he will as soon as he goes to pick up your little girl. His mommy didn’t turn out to be the best babysitter after all."

She didn’t want to turn around. If she didn’t turn around, this would not be happening.

In the end, she didn’t need to turn at all though. Because Tess Harding moved around the bench and stared down at her, her blue eyes gleaming with malice.

"Hello, Liz. Long time no see. Not long enough, of course, but what can’t be helped has to be accepted." She turned her cold gaze on Kyle. "I see you didn’t stay home like the good little boy I took you for, Kyle." Liz glanced at him. He was clutching Liz’s hand, clearly just as terrified as Liz was. "Your brain must not be quite as muddled from all those years of football as I had hoped. You’re breaking the warp." Liz watched in horror as Tess closed her eyes, scrunching up her face like she always did when she was about to mindwarp someone.

"Oh Jesus." Kyle’s hand squeezed Liz’s convulsively. "I’m remembering." He looked over at Liz, his eyes wide. They were beginning to roll up in his head. "Liz, she’s here for…" He cut himself off abruptly. An expression of complete clarity crossed his face. He opened his eyes, the blue so clear, it made Liz blink. "Liz, Sean is my son." He whispered it, so quietly she had to strain to hear him.

"Kyle?" Liz grabbed him by the open front of his jacket, trying to force him to look at her. "What are you saying? Kyle!"

But he could not hear her. Not any longer. He yelled in agony, releasing her hands and bringing his hands up to his head, as though trying to push Tess out. Liz clutched at him, calling to him, but he stood up, took one step towards Tess, bellowing in fury, and then fell in a heap at her feet.

"Epic." The snort from nearby caused Liz to whirl. "I told ya you should have just done that ages ago."

It was Lonnie and she snapped her gum, grinning at Liz. "Got any last words?" She moved towards Liz threateningly.

"No!" This came from Tess, who came to stand between Lonnie and Liz. She was staring down at Kyle, a strange expression on her face, like she couldn’t quite believe that he was lying there so quietly.

Liz fell to her knees at Kyle’s side, ignoring Isabel’s dupe completely. She brought her hand to Kyle’s throat, feeling for a pulse. She stared up at Tess in shock. "You killed him! Tess, you killed Kyle!"

She thought she saw a spasm of some emotion cross the cool blonde’s face. It might have been regret, but likely not. Whatever it had been, it was gone a moment later as her expression hardened right before Liz’s eyes.

"It’s not my fault," she whined. "He wouldn’t do what I wanted him to, so he brought it on himself. He wouldn’t go get the baby. We had to wait until Max left her alone."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Liz demanded quietly, shaking with disbelief, the grief at the loss of her friend still too new for it to even have begun to penetrate. She jumped to her feet, shrieking now. "What is wrong with you? How can you come from the same place as Max and Isabel and Michael? You’re evil!" This last bit was screeched as she went for the other girl’s throat. She knew that she was completely losing control, but she just didn’t care anymore. "You killed him! You’ve done nothing but betray the people you’re supposed to love!" she screamed. "I HATE YOU!"

"Whoa, little girl!" Liz felt Lonnie’s arm come around her throat, hauling her off Tess. "None of this is Ava’s fault. It’s all Zan’s. He’s the one who won’t come with us. If he would just leave you, none of this would have had to happen."

"Where is Max?" Liz demanded, wrenching away from Lonnie, and falling to her knees beside Kyle again, tears beginning to fill her eyes. She could barely speak around the lump in her throat.

"Likely following the clues we left him today to little Seanie." Lonnie shrugged, unconcerned. "He won’t find him, of course. But it was enough to make him leave your baby with his mother." She smiled smugly. "Where Rath was waiting for her."

The world began to spin before Liz’s eyes. She stared down at Kyle, still unable to believe that her vital friend was really gone, mindwarped into death by someone he had loved. "Serena." It was like a prayer on the wind as it passed Liz’s lips.

And then she was running, running as fast as she possibly could, in the direction of Max’s parents’ house.

She stumbled across Diane Evans’s body first. Liz knew without even touching her that her neck had been snapped. The awkward angle at which her head lay told her as much. But she didn’t have time to mourn Max’s mother.

There was no time.

"Serena!" She screamed it, frantically running through the house in which Max had grown up, calling her daughter’s name, as though that would somehow change the fact that the baby was not there at all.

Max found her standing in the centre of the living room, Serena’s blanket clutched against her chest, staring off into space.

"Liz!" He grabbed her by the shoulders. "What’s going on? Where is my mother?"

Liz just turned her head and stared towards the front door, because Max had obviously come through the back.

"I’ll be right back. Liz, I’ll be right back." When he returned, his expression was half shocked, half grim.

"Max…" Liz stared up at him, unseeing. "How could this have happened? How could they have just come here? It’s the last thing they were supposed to do." She didn’t understand how her voice could be so calm. One of her best friends was lying dead in the park down the road. Her daughter was in the clutches of their worst enemies. Max’s mother had been murdered in her own home.

Max pulled her against him. She could feel him shaking when she buried her face against his chest. "I’ve made my last mistake, Liz," he whispered against her hair. "I have to stop thinking they’re like us. They’re not. They don’t think like we do. They don’t act like we would."

"Why? Why are they here?" Liz pulled away, practically shrieking it. "Where is my baby? Where is she?"

"It’s the end, Liz. They know it," Max replied quietly. "Michael called me earlier. He and Izzy found Ava. They must have known it was only a matter of time. They had one last chance and they took it. They won’t hurt Serena. Not as long as they still want me." He paused. "They know that I will trade myself for her. If they kill her, they lose me. They know it."

"They’ve been here for weeks, Max," Liz told him, his words reassuring her slightly. "Tess has been mindwarping Kyle for at least two. How could we not have known?"

"We didn’t want to know." Max closed his eyes, then pulled her against him again, as though searching for strength. "We didn’t want to believe that it would really come to this. Because we have no choice now."

Liz stared off into the distance, her cheek pressed against his chest, the soft leather familiar and reassuring.

They had no choice.

"We have to kill them." His whisper was soft against her hair. She tightened her arms around him, clutching at the last moments of their innocence.

Because she knew it was true.

Author's Note: If you thought that last part was bad...

Part 26 - Another Time, Another Life - Section L

Liz sat on the couch in the Evans living room, while Max made the call setting up the exchange. His tone was grim as he spoke into the phone, telling Tess that he would meet her at the pod chamber late the next day.

Needless to say, having to make the decision to leave Serena in their enemies’ hands overnight was the most difficult they ever made, although Max was still convinced that she was perfectly safe as long as Tess and the dupes believed he would trade himself for her. There was no choice anyway. They needed to wait for Michael and Isabel to return with Ava. They needed the full power of the four square to ensure that they were going to win. Max explained to Tess that they had to tell the sheriff and his father about Kyle and his mother. It seemed enough of an explanation for the witch.

Liz was still amazed that Tess was not suspicious about it though. It only reinforced to her how little Tess cared about her own son, that she could not understand Liz’s panic, her desperation to get her daughter back. Liz could not stop twisting her hands in her lap as Max made the arrangements, desperately trying to control the urge to leap to her feet, grab the phone from him, and demand that Tess return her baby immediately. Only Maria’s comforting arm around her shoulder kept her in place.

Tess’s willingness to wait 24 hours also confirmed to Max and Liz that she could not conceive that they were planning to bring their four enemies down permanently - which meant killing them - or at least they would die trying. Tess thought she knew them. She did not understand that taking their baby was the last straw. If she had wanted to push them to the point where they would really fight, she had succeeded.

Before going for Kyle’s body, they moved Max’s mother to her bedroom. Max’s expression was stony the entire time, as he simply did what had to be done. His father was away for the weekend at a conference, and would not be back until Monday. It was another crime to be laid at Tess’s doorway, that they did not even have time to call him.

They did not have time for anything - not even to grieve. All they could focus on was destroying their enemies once and for all. All they could think about was getting their daughter back.

The waiting was the worst part. Not just the wait for the exchange, but the wait before they could start to mourn their loss.

When they went back to the park for Kyle’s body, it was gone. Liz’s first horrified thought was that it had been found by someone, and that Valenti was going to hear what had happened from the police instead of from them. But when they drove to his house and all was still dark, she knew that Tess had taken Kyle. She just knew it. It made her stomach twist in fury.

Tess had not wanted to kill Kyle. Liz could understand that, even through her hatred. In her own twisted way, Tess had loved him. But she loved herself more. And it only made Liz’s fear for Serena greater. Tess murdered people she loved to get what she wanted. She would have no qualms killing the person she would most despise in the world - Max and Liz’s child.

Telling Valenti was a nightmare. He did not break down, but just stared at them in dumbfounded disbelief as Max quietly told him what had happened. Liz led Kyle’s father to the couch, where he collapsed, a mixture of shock and raw grief etched on his craggy face.

"Should I call my mom?" Maria whispered to Liz. Liz watched Max seat himself beside Valenti, a grim expression on his face. She closed her eyes against the guilt and pain she could see him barely managing to control.

"I don’t know," Liz replied helplessly. "How can she help? We can’t tell her the truth."

It was then that she became aware of the fact that Max and Valenti were speaking quietly to one another.

"When do we go after them?" Valenti’s voice was stiff, brittle, as though if he spoke any differently, he would completely lose it. And Liz understood. He had absolutely no intention of losing it until his son had been avenged.

"Tomorrow night," Max replied evenly, not even trying to argue with Valenti that it was safer without him, that they didn’t want to endanger him. Because if there was one thing Max understood, it was the pain of losing a child. But at least Max’s son still lived. His daughter too. For now. "As soon as Michael and Isabel get back," he continued.

"Fine."

The four of them sat in silence for close to an hour, praying for the time to pass. There was nothing else to say, nothing to do except wait. It was numbing, excruciating. Liz did her best not to think. She sat with her head on Max’s shoulder, simply enduring.

Finally, Max told them all that it was imperative that they get a good night’s sleep, but that he wanted them to all stay together, for safety’s sake. "We’ll go back to my parents’. I can’t leave my mom…" He trailed off, his voice cracking. Liz placed a gentle hand on his arm. "I can’t leave her alone," he finished, scrubbing a hand across his face, shock finally beginning to wear off, as the truth of what had actually happened to the woman who had raised him began to penetrate the shell he had built around his heart.

They made love that night in Max’s old bedroom. It was a storm of passion unlike any Liz had ever experienced before, a desperate attempt to feel anything, a way to convince themselves that they still lived, that they would survive this - that they could go on.

After Max sank into exhausted slumber, Liz lay with her head cradled on his chest, tracing small circles along his bicep, staring off into the darkness. She knew that she would not rest again until her child was back in her arms. There was no point in even trying.

Slightly before dawn, Liz sat up and pulled an old West Roswell T-shirt over her head. She slipped from the bed, then padded to the window. She stared out into the brightening sky, amazed that it was true, that life did go on. But how could it? How could they just keep going after losing Alex, and Kyle, and Mrs. Evans, and Sean…and Serena.

She brought her hands up against her mouth, trying to muffle her sobs. Max needed his sleep, now more than ever.

But, it was too late of course. He never did sleep properly when she wasn’t beside him. She could already hear him stirring.

"Liz?" She turned her head in time to see him push himself up on his elbow. His dark hair was flopping over his eye in the way it tended to now. He had kept it longer since their return from Canada, never finding the time to get it cut because he was always away. He looked young, still half-asleep. "Are you okay?"

Seeing how young Max looked in that moment reminded her that she was truly still only nineteen years old. She felt about a hundred.

She turned back to the window, not answering. He knew she wasn’t okay. He wasn’t either. It was just one of those things people said when someone they cared about was hurting. She sighed, leaning back against him as his arms came around her from behind. He kissed her ear gently, whispering, "I promise that you will see her again."

"I know."

Together, they watched the sun rise.

***

"Whatever happens, Serena and Sean are the most important thing." Max’s voice was stern. "Does everyone understand that? Whoever gets to them, takes them and leaves, no ifs, ands, or buts. Even if it’s one of us." He looked at Michael, Isabel, and Ava in quick succession. "If we can’t take care of the dupes now, we won’t. I want my children safe. We can always go back."

There were sounds of agreement from everyone. Liz glanced at Ava, biting her lip. The other girl looked slightly uncomfortable still, trapped between her past - Lonnie and Rath - and her future - Max, Isabel and Michael. Liz felt awful about it when she was forced to look away from her friend. She just could not stand seeing her face - Tess, the murderer - right in front of her. Not right now. She hoped that once they had Serena back, she would be able to get over it.

None of this was Ava’s fault after all.

But it didn’t help that poor Ava looked more like Tess than she ever had before. She had let her hair grow out, was no longer wearing her lip stud, and was dressed more like a regular teenager than the punk street kid she had been.

It turned out that Ava had not wanted to return to Roswell. She was enjoying a semi-normal life in Texas, and had even enrolled herself in school there, under a pseudonym of course, always aware that Lonnie and Rath would kill her if they found her. She was not their top priority, but they would do away with her if they had the chance. She knew it, knew them. It was the reason that she was so valuable to them. Or so Michael and Isabel had tried to convince her. She had finally given in, her kind heart not allowing her to turn her back on two children in jeopardy.

It was only when they were all together that Ava informed them that she had another reason for coming. "I had to see if it would be different."

Max had looked at her curiously. "If what would be different?"

"You." She smiled sadly, glancing at Liz. Liz frowned, wondering where Ava was going with this. "If maybe you and I were the ones meant to be together. Zan…he was always distant, waiting for someone else. I thought maybe it was her." The way Ava said it, Liz knew she meant Tess. "I thought maybe there was a mix-up or something, that somehow I was put with the wrong people."

Liz stared at her, disbelieving that this could really be happening again. Would the price of Ava’s help be Max? Was that what she was getting at? But she should have known better. Liz had always been a good judge of character, and she had somehow always known that they could trust Ava.

"I know it’s just not meant to be." Ava smiled at Liz. "But being here…" She looked at Michael and Isabel in turn, and then back at Max. "I know it’s where I belong."

"Does everyone know what they’re supposed to do?" Max asked again now, glancing at his watch.

"For the eight hundredth time, Maxwell, yes," Michael ground out. Liz knew he wasn’t really angry though, merely itching to get moving.

Max glanced at him, then sighed. "Okay then, let’s move." He lingered behind the group, pulling Liz against him for one last soft kiss. "I love you. Always remember that."

"I know." She closed her eyes, letting herself rest her forehead against his chest for one final moment, perhaps the last time. Because they both knew that this was a fight to the death, hopefully Tess and Lonnie and Rath’s, but potentially not.

She didn’t know if she would survive it if something happened to him. She knew she would have to, that she would have to go on for the sake of their daughter and Sean. He was trusting her to do it.

But imagining a life without him…The darkness, the emptiness of it - of even just the imagined version - it was suffocating, terrifying.

She remembered what it had felt like when she thought he had gone to Antar. But, at least then, there had been some hope that he still lived. Losing him completely would kill her. Somehow, she just knew it.

She felt so weak. With every new person she came to love, and then had to worry about, she felt her weakness more acutely, her fear, her despair that something might happen to them.

But, as always, Max knew exactly what she was thinking, which only reinforced how much she would miss him if he was gone. "You are the strongest person I know. Don’t ever doubt that about yourself. You make me strong, Liz, trying to be worthy of you." He pulled back from her, his hands on her shoulders, looking right into her eyes as he said it. "You will survive. You always have. And you have to promise me that you’ll be happy."

She looked away, tears on the verge of falling. "Max, I can’t promise that. I could never keep it." She laughed slightly, despite herself, knowing that he somehow, sometimes still believed that she could not love him as much as he loved her. It was ludicrous, after all they had been through, but she knew him. He had just never felt worthy of her love, which was why he made so many mistakes. It was one of her biggest frustrations, but also one of the things she most loved about him. Because it was what made him Max.

He pulled her against him again, stroking her hair, words meaningless now. Despite the feeling of safety that always came over her in Max’s arms, a shiver ran down her spine. Somehow she felt as though a countdown had begun.

***

Liz climbed out of Valenti’s SUV, her heart beating a nervous tattoo against her chest. They had pulled to a stop close to where the pod chamber used to be, but not so close that it was likely they would be noticed. The entire operation depended completely on timing. If any of them were off by even a second, it could bring the whole thing tumbling down around them like a house of cards.

"How long?" Maria whispered next to her. She linked her arm through Liz’s as they both leaned up against the hood of the SUV, waiting. Always waiting.

Liz glanced at her watch. "Ten minutes."

They had determined that it would take Max at least ten minutes to get Tess to reveal where Serena and Sean were hidden. They did not expect that she would bring the children with her, and so they hadn’t asked it, wanting them far away from what could turn into a field of battle. Max told Tess to arrange to leave them somewhere safe, that he would join she, Lonnie and Rath, and before they would leave together, he would call Liz and tell her where to find the babies.

Tess trusted them. Liz knew that this part of the plan would work. Tess thought she knew them too well. It would never even cross her mind that they had every intention of betraying her.

It would be her downfall.

Two days ago they wouldn’t have betrayed her, even after she had murdered Alex. In his heart, Max believed in truth and straight dealing. Ironic that, considering the lengths he had gone to over the years to keep his secret. But, in the end, the only time he and his friends had ever killed was in self-defense. Their natures were such that it was the only way Max knew how to lead.

It had taken the completely merciless murders of Kyle and Mrs. Evans for understanding to finally penetrate past their natural compassion and empathy, for them to grasp that the only way to keep the people they loved safe from Tess and the other dupes was to kill them. Alex’s death had not been an accident, but cold-blooded murder. They were taking a step into the abyss by playing by the dupes’ rules Liz knew, but they had no choice. Tess had seen to that.

Michael, Isabel and Ava had taken up their positions near the meeting point half an hour before. The plan was simple. Ava would mindwarp Lonnie, Rath, and Tess so that they were unaware that they were there, particularly her. The success of this hinged on the trio continuing to be unaware of her presence in Roswell. Max would meet the dupes as planned, and would find out where the children were located. He would call Liz, and then she would go with Maria and the sheriff to retrieve them. Max would pretend to leave with the dupes, closely followed by the other three. Liz would call Michael once she had the kids…

And then the four square of Max, Michael, Isabel and Ava would unleash hell.

Of course, none of the humans were really sure what that meant, but Ava seemed to know and Max, Michael ,and Isabel appeared to have some sort of idea. Isabel had blanched when Max said to them, "We’re going to do what Tess did to the Skins. But with all of us, it will be four times as powerful." Liz hadn’t really understood, but Isabel and Michael certainly had.

She didn’t want to know. It was going to be hard enough on Max without him worrying what she was thinking about what he had to do. He could tell her after. She would heal him after. Serena was the only thing that mattered.

Liz clenched her hands together. She felt the nails digging into her palms. It had to go well. It just had to! They were due for some luck.

Her cell phone rang right on time.

Her eyes met Maria’s for a long charged moment until she hit the Talk button. "Hello?" It was barely a whisper. She could not seem to make her voice work.

"Liz, they’re at the Hardings." Max was calm. "You can go get them."

Liz’s entire body was tingling at the sound of his voice. He was safe. Right now, he was still safe.

"Are they alone?" she asked quietly, trying not to let him know how scared she was. But she knew he knew. He always did.

"No. Tess hired a babysitter." He sounded disbelieving. Liz could almost see him shaking his head. "The girl knows you’re coming."

"Okay. Be careful, Max. I love you."

There was a long pause. "Me too." She could almost envision him in her mind, trying to decide what to say that wouldn’t piss Tess off. The ball was still in her court after all - at least until they had Serena and Sean back.

But she wasn’t in control for much longer. The tables were about to turn - permanently.

The drive to the old Harding house was long - close to half an hour. It made Liz uncomfortable, thinking of Max driving out of town with the dupes, every minute putting more distance between them. But if everything was going according to plan, then Michael, Isabel, and Ava were following close behind, mindwarped out of sight by Ava.

They were just waiting for the call to end it once and for all. And the further they were out of town when they did whatever it was they were going to do, the better for all of them. Because Liz had some sort of idea that it wasn’t exactly going to be quiet or unnoticeable. The way Max had pressed his lips together at the idea of the four square combining their powers…she just knew that something major was about to occur. Somehow, inherently, they had some idea of what to do. And it was going to be big.

Valenti finally pulled the SUV to a halt in the driveway of the house where Tess lived with Nasedo in high school. Liz shook her head as they hurried up the front walk. It seemed so long ago now. So much had happened since that evil witch had arrived in town. It still amazed Liz that they had ever trusted her. They should have known what she was, what she had shown them she was, even that far back.

They would never be so trusting again. More than anything, Liz would never forgive Tess for stealing their innocence. Because, in spite of it all, up until she came to Roswell, resulting in Liz’s first doubts in Max, from which all the disasters that followed had snowballed, they had still been kids. Kids with a secret, yes. But kids who were basically safe.

Tess had to take responsibility for that changing. Liz pressed her lips together. And soon she would.

Valenti stood beside her on the porch while Liz rang the bell. Maria hung back near the car, ready to make a break for the others if something went wrong.

This all seemed too easy after all. Liz just knew that Tess had to have something else up her sleeve. Until she had her daughter in her arms, she could not relax.

The door opened moments later. A young girl smiled out at them. "Hi! Are you Liz? Tess told me you’d be here to take the kids for the night."

"I’m Liz," she acknowledged curtly. She could not be friendly. It was just impossible. Liz followed Valenti as he pushed his way into the house. "Where are they?"she demanded over her shoulder.

"Up in the nursery," the girl replied, following close behind and sounding a little upset, as though she couldn’t understand why they were being so rude.

Liz glanced in a couple of doorways before the nursery became obvious. There were two cribs pushed against opposite walls.

She stared for a moment at the small blond boy sitting up in the one nearest the door. It wasn’t until that moment that she truly believed that Tess had left her son behind. It was absolutely incomprehensible to her. The baby was staring at her calmly, not the least bit nervous by the presence of strangers.

And it was then, as she looked into the baby’s familiar blue eyes, that she suddenly remembered Kyle’s last words to her.

Liz, Sean is my son.

Because those eyes were not Tess’s eyes. They were not her icy blue, but Kyle’s warm shade, the colour of the sky at dusk. Liz brought her hands to her mouth in shock. How could she not have remembered this? The chaos that had followed Kyle’s death was no excuse. How on Earth had he known?

But obviously he had been right.

It changed everything.

Tears filled her eyes as she continued to stare at the small boy, the only piece of her friend left.

"Liz, are you all right?" She glanced over at Valenti. He was at the other crib, but had not moved to pick up Serena.

It was only then that Liz saw that the other bed was empty. She could not be shocked. Somehow she had known that Tess would not just return her baby to her.

And, yet, she had left her own behind. Something was extremely wrong here. Liz could feel the world spinning, tried desperately to breathe, tried to focus on Valenti.

She pushed the thought aside for the moment. Her heart was aching for her daughter, but she had to tell Kyle’s father the truth. Now. Somehow she just knew that it was imperative.

"Sheriff," Liz moved to pick up Sean, swallowing. "This is Kyle’s son."

Her arms met only air.

Mind-warp.

The minute it disappeared, she saw the glowing prism sitting in the crib. She recognized it immediately as one of the otherworldly bombs Michael had destroyed in Las Cruces. It was beeping crazily, clearly about to go off.

Valenti was gone. Somehow he had disappeared, having gone back outside, clearly mindwarped into believing that she was with him. She could already hear him calling her name from the open window over the crib she still stood beside as the mindwarp fell.

Liz had just enough time to glance out, to see Kyle’s father on the front lawn, Maria beside him, both staring up at her in the window in horror. The babysitter stood beside them, a half-smile on her face. Something in that smug expression reminded her of someone she had once known.

Nicholas. Disguised, but definitely him.

But there was no time to worry about who it was who had finally managed to separate her permanently from Max. Because all she really cared about was the baby she saw cradled in her best friend’s arms.

It was Serena. Her daughter was safe.

All of this took about ten seconds to cross Liz’s mind.

She had five more seconds to wonder how Max was going to go on with out her.

I love you! She thought it desperately, hoping against hope that he would hear her.

And then the explosion came.

Part 27 - As the End Draws Near - Max POV

Into the valley
The shadow of death
Creeps silently across the darkened sea.

This is it.
We stand alone.
We can see it all from here.
The starless night across the mountainside
No one left to talk to,
There’s nothing left to say.
Into the valleys
The shadow of death
Creeps silently across the darkened sea.

You and me
We stand alone.
We can see it all from here.
Stretched far and wide,
The barren skies,
Fighting the silence
From deep inside.
Into the valleys
The shadow of death
Creeps silently across the darkened sea.

It’s in you and me.
Oh, it’s in you and me.
Oh, it’s in you and me.

Sarah McLachlan

"Oh, God. Not again." This is Maria of course. She collapsed against Michael following Ava’s surprise appearance, but she bounces back quickly, as is always her way. She is suddenly right in front of me, her hands up. "Stay away from him, or I swear to God, I will do to you what Tess has been itching for since she first showed up in Roswell. When will you blonde bimbos get it through your heads that all that destiny stuff is crap?" She looks at Isabel, rolling her eyes. "I mean, it’s crazy! Am I wrong here?"

My sister’s eyes are narrowed. "You’re not wrong." She folds her arms across her chest. "None of us buy it."

Ava looks momentarily taken aback. She blinks her large blue eyes, then bites her lip. "I…I’m sorry…I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"You and your skanky twin," Maria retorts. "That’s what I’m talking about. Max loves Liz. And just because they’re not together right now, it doesn’t mean you can just move in, whatever Tess may have done. You don’t belong together. People belong with people they love." She just shakes her head. "This just doesn’t seem like that alien a concept to me." She pauses. "No pun intended. You were raised on this planet for Pete’s sake."

"Maria," I say quietly, trying to get her to calm down. Because whatever it is that Ava thinks, or doesn’t think, is of little consequence to me right now. She said that she could tell us where to find Liz. That’s all I care about.

Ava continues to stare at her. She then turns to look at me, perplexed. "I think something is getting lost in the translation here. I know that you and Liz love each other. I told her it all changed because you healed her. I meant I belong with all of you." She looks at Michael and Isabel in quick succession, frowning slightly at the unapproachable expressions on both of their faces.

They have both learned the lesson Tess taught well. They will not trust this girl easily. But I know that right now, we have no choice. Liz is all that is important.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"The pods were split up wrong," Ava replies. "I’m really part of your four square."

"Convenient way to get us to trust her," Michael mutters. Maria snorts, disbelieving.

I sigh. This is certainly not the easiest conversation I have ever had. "How do you know this?" I ask, choosing to ignore my friends for the moment.

"I found the other protector." Ava shrugs. "He told me that your protector split us up because he knew that Tess was more likely to betray you. She’s one of them after all. They were programmed to be ruthless." I can hear in her voice that she is still bitter at how things ended between her and Lonnie and Rath. They were her family, and they were willing to completely betray her - not only by killing Zan, but by abandoning her in Roswell.

Her last statement caused everyone to stop muttering to themselves though. I can see that they are all listening now, including Valenti and Kyle.

"Where is the other protector?" I demand. "Why isn’t he here now? Why did he let Nasedo do what he did?"

"He doesn’t care about us," Ava replies, sounding a bit sad. "He likes Earth. He wants to stay here. After he took us to New York, he basically decided to give up on us. He was tired of all the politics on Antar, and didn’t care what Nasedo did to any of us."

"What is wrong with our people, Max?" Isabel demands, interrupting. "Why did they send these completely incompetent protectors with us? This is absolutely ridiculous!"

I don’t disagree with my sister. The more I understand about the species that composes half of my DNA, the less I feel any urge to return to my home planet.

"I think something got screwy with them both, after they escaped from the FBI," Ava tries to explain. "I don’t think either of them was capable of caring about anything after that - anything other than themselves I mean."

"So who is he?" Michael asks again. "Can we at least meet him? Can he give us some information?"

"If we can find him." Ava sighs. "He wasn’t too happy that I found him at all. I’m sure he’s moved on. His name is Cal," she adds. "He was living as a producer in Hollywood and I think he’s rich enough to disappear if he wants to."

I have met my sister’s eyes in disbelief at this news about what happened to the other alien charged with the task of protecting us. It is just too odd to be processed at the moment.

"You said you could help us find Liz." I change the subject abruptly. These history lessons can wait until Liz has been rescued. I can feel myself getting more desperate as the minutes tick by. Somehow I just know that time is running out. I don’t know how I know this, but I do.

"I felt him. I’ve felt him for a long time now, but I ignored it until the other day, when he stopped hiding from me. He’s the one who took her, isn’t he?"

I know who she is talking about. Sean. She can feel him because he is linked to her through Tess’s DNA. They are technically the same person after all. In some ways, Sean is her son too.

"I don’t understand." This is Valenti. "Who are you talking about? Sean Deluca? How can she feel him?" He looks right at me. "Who is he, Max?"

I wonder how he knows that I have figured out the truth about Sean. I haven’t voiced any of my suspicions about it to anyone - the idea that Sean/Lazar is the future version of the child Tess left carrying. Because the explanation is just too long and complicated. It would have to include a complete discourse on that future version of myself, who had screwed everything up, on the granolith, and on how time travel is really possible.

Like I said, too complicated to get into now.

"He’s Tess’s child," I reply quickly. Everyone turns to stare at me. Kyle’s mouth actually falls open. I can understand why he is dumbfounded. Because if Sean is Tess’s baby grown up, then he just might be Kyle’s son too. "Please don’t ask me to explain it now. I know how he’s here, but we can’t waste any time. We need to get to Liz."

"It’s like the Future Max thing! He used the granolith!" Maria exclaims. I whip my head around to stare at her. "You know about that, Max!"

" You know?"

"Of course," she replies primly. "You didn’t think Lizzie would hold out on me did you?"

I narrow my eyes at her. "How long have you known?"

"Months."

I clench my jaw. The fact that Liz broke, that she shared her pain with Maria is upsetting to me. Because it only reinforces to me how hard the whole experience must have been for her - what she went through because an idiotic future me had asked her to.

God, I love her. I have to get the chance to tell her once more. I just have to. Even if she never wants to be with me again, I have to tell her.

"Okay, can someone please tell me what the hell is going on around here?" This is Michael, and he sounds pissed. "Future Max? Have you both gone completely psycho?"

"Never mind." I know I’m going to pay for that later, but Liz is all that matters. I look at Ava. "Take us to her. Please."

She glances around the room once more, as though knowing that by helping us she is severing her final ties to her other life - that she is making a life-altering decision here.

"I will."

***

We drive out into the desert, towards the remnants of the pod chamber. We have already checked out this way of course, but I believe Ava that she knows where she is going. She is sitting in the passenger seat of my parents’ car, her blue eyes scanning the road ahead. Isabel is in the back seat behind me. The sheriff and Kyle are bringing up the rear with Michael and Maria.

I feel a little uncomfortable bringing everyone along for this final confrontation with Sean. Somehow I just feel like this whole thing is really between Sean, Tess, Liz and I, but I know that no one would have agreed to stay behind.

It’s the price you pay to have people care about you, I guess. You can’t protect them all the time. I think I’m finally learning this. You have to let the chips fall where they may because, in the end, trying to control everything only makes it worse.

The mess that future version of myself left behind has taught me this.

I think of the granolith still safely stowed in Maria’s purse. I am still seriously considering destroying it when this is all over. Having the power to change the past and control the future - it is just not something anyone should possess. The idea that Khivar might be able to get his hands on it - that he apparently did in the future if Sean being here is any indication…

It can’t be allowed to happen again.

Destroying that crystal will sever our final ties with Antar though. I know this deep in my bones. It is the only way we will ever be able to go home.

In the end, because of this fact, it’s not a decision I can make alone. We are all going to have to agree. But I think I can convince them. Once they know the truth, I think Michael, and Isabel, and Ava will encourage me to do it.

I am feeling oddly at peace with myself when we pull off the highway and bump across the desert landscape. I can see that the sun is beginning to rise in the east, as though this decision has caused the dawning of a new era.

I can see the Jetta. My heart thumps as I actually see the car Tess stole when she kidnapped Liz. They are not right below the pod chamber, as it turns out, which is probably why we didn’t find them when we were out here before. They are actually past it, hidden behind the soaring rocks.

I cannot see anyone near the car, so I pull to a stop as close as I dare go, unsure what Sean might have waiting for us.

As it turns out, Sean is incapable of doing anything at all.

He is the first figure I see. He is on the ground, huddled against the driver’s door. And, I kid you not, he is fading in and out as I watch him.

"What’s happening to him?" Isabel is at my elbow. She sounds horrified.

Ava is already running towards him. "We have to keep him here!" she screams back over her shoulder. "Where’s the granolith?"

Maria has it. I turn, scan the horizon for the sheriff’s truck. I can see it bumping towards us, but it is still a good two or three minutes away.

Two or three minutes Sean does not have it would seem. He is staring at his hand in disbelief as it disappears for a moment.

I have moved closer to him, and cannot help myself from staring down at him in weirded out fascination.

This is potentially my son. And he has done something major to the timeline it would seem, because he is disappearing. His time no longer exists.

"Where’s Liz?" I can see that he is solid again. Clearly, something is still slightly right, or he’d be gone by now. I drop to my knees in front of him. I can’t stop myself from grabbing him by the front of his jacket, forcing him to look at me. "Where is she?" I am almost yelling now.

He stares at me for a long moment, his blue eyes as cold as any I have ever seen. But I can see satisfaction there. He knows that he has won. "She’s dead," he gasps hoarsely. He turns his head.

Night shadows still linger, the sun not yet fully in the sky. It’s why I didn’t see her right away. But as I follow his gaze, suddenly she is all I can see.

Liz. Oh, God.

I release him, bolting to her side.

I gently lift her against me, and push her dark hair away from her face.

She is completely serene in death, her beauty unmarked by any wound that I can see. But I know that she is gone. I can’t feel her at all.

"Liz…" My voice cracks as I pull her against me.

I cannot fix this. I can’t bring the dead back to life.

I have failed her. I didn’t get to her in time.

I am vaguely aware of my sister kneeling beside me. Her hand is on my shoulder. "Oh, God. Max, I’m so sorry."

But I barely hear her. My entire being is focused on the fact that Liz is completely gone. I can feel the grief rising into my throat, choking me.

How can I go on without her? Even if we couldn’t ever be together again, at least knowing that she existed - everything that was perfect about this world that I so wanted to call my own - would have made my life worth living.

But she is just gone.

I can feel that I am slowly losing it. Great gasps are coming from my body as I clutch her to me. I am aware of this, you understand, but I have absolutely no control over myself.

She is so cold. How can Liz ever be this cold? She is always so warm and alive.

It is then that my sister gasps.

I look up with dead eyes, unsure how to focus. I am not crying though. Tears would not be enough.

"Max, look." Isabel is picking up Liz’s arm, which is trailing behind her.

She is holding something clutched in her lifeless hand. I stare at it uncomprehendingly.

It is the granolith. The same granolith that is presently buried in Maria’s purse. Maria, who I can hear sobbing as though from a great distance.

How can a dead person be holding onto something so tightly? It is glowing, alive, and is casting a strange light over Liz’s white hand.

I meet my sister’s eyes. I can see that she knows immediately what I am going to do.

I hear her instant protest. "Max…"

But I ignore it of course. My hand is already closing around the crystal.

Because wherever Liz is, I want to be with her.

Part 28 - "Out of the Shadows" - Liz POV

Crouching down inside a deep ravine,
Those angry cries pass quickly by, he can’t be seen.
So many ways spent hiding in so many undone plans
Forgetting what it’s like to fight when no one understands.

Close call there in the shadows,
There’s a fear in the dark.
There’s no one out there.

All those memories, pain and anger, flood back one by one.
They must be just around the bend, they always come.
At night as I lay sleeping they come to me in herds.
Their lies remain, the dreams the same, it’s only fleeting words.

No one calls there in the shadows,
There’s no end to the dark.
But there’s no one out there, no one but me.
The hours pass so slowly, the life’s slipping out of me.
No way’s the right way.
Is there a way out for me?
My life’s slipping out.

Rising up, the night is done, and now the bright lights come.
Held back in my pitied world where everything’s undone.
A cold wind blows right through me, I’m made a hollow shell.
There’s nothing left, just ash remains, enrich the soil, no soil, no soil.

Close call there in the shadows,
There’s an end to the dark.
Cause there’s someone out there,
Someone like me.
The hours pass so slowly, the life’s slipping out of me.
No way’s the right way, is there a way out for me?
The hours pass so slowly,
The life’s slipping out of me.
Is there a way out for me?
The hours pass so slowly
The life’s slipping out of me
Is there a way out for me?

There must be a way out for me.

Sarah McLachlan

It is shocking to live your own death, and yet strangely peaceful at the same time. I know now that I will never fear it again. But I will always regret it as well - that I died so young in that other timeline; that I left Max all alone to raise our daughter; that I didn’t get to see Serena grow up.

All in all, it was just plain weird and wrong - like maybe this whole experience has been, because what have I really learned anyway? - and I hope to never have to go through any of it again.

Because when I open my eyes, I am most definitely not dead any longer. Although I’m not really sure what I am.

I am back on the plain of stars - inside the granolith if Ava’s past explanation of this place was truthful. I really don’t know what to believe anymore. All I know is that if I hadn’t thought things could get worse than in my own timeline, I was sadly mistaken.

Alex, dead. Kyle, dead. Max’s mother dead.

Me. Dead.

I know you’re all dying to know what happened to everyone after my death in that other timeline, but I can’t tell you. Not yet anyway. I don’t know. But I have a feeling that is about to change.

Because I am not alone.

It has taken me a moment to get my bearings, but the instant I do, I feel my eyes widen. I stare from one to the other, unsure what to make of their presence.

I know both of them, of course, but I don’t know from where. From what timeline I mean. Are you confused yet? Because I sure am, but you will understand when I tell you exactly who has joined me in this alternate dimension, or whatever the heck you want to call being inside the granolith.

One of them is Max, of course. I’m sure this doesn’t surprise you. I barely resist the urge to go throw my arms around him for comfort, although who I would be comforting - him or me - is up for grabs. His expression is so guilty, and tortured, and remorseful, and pained - you can choose your own Max Evans adjective. You’ve seen the expression on his face as often as I have. And the love is there too, shining steadily in the dark eyes I now know he bestowed on our daughter. He may still do so.

Although I don’t know anything for sure anymore. Maybe he won’t. Maybe she won’t ever exist. My heart breaks at the thought, but I can’t deny that it is true.

Because I still don’t know anything that changes the fact that in my timeline, my Max willingly slept with and impregnated Tess. I saw it in those flashes.

And I will never be able to accept it.

I do know that this Max is not my Max. He’s not the Max from my timeline, I mean. He is older, and grayer, and he is even more beaten down then my Max was the last time I really spoke to him - when I told him that I couldn’t ever be with him again because I could not get past the fact that he had slept with Tess. Seeing him at Tess’s house before Ava kidnapped me doesn’t really count, of course. We barely even looked at each other then, the pain of the separation we knew was inevitable still too fresh to deal with head on.

This is Future Max. But which one? Is he the one who came back to save the world by keeping Tess in Roswell, which resulted in the birth of Sean and an even more disastrous future - at least for me and my friends? I am unsure if the world still ended in that place where Alex, and Kyle, and Mrs. Evans, and I died, but the fact that Ava came back at all leads me to believe that it came pretty darn close.

Or is this a new Future Max? Is the grief that lingers around him like a shadow a result of the fact that he had to live on without me - that his soul was literally torn in two when I died? Because I don’t doubt that it was. I know how I would have felt had he up and died on me. And I had let that happen to me. I had abandoned him.

"Hi, Liz."

The other person speaks first, literally bringing tears to my eyes. "Hi, Alex." My voice cracks on his name, a smile trembling onto my lips despite myself.

He is just so beautiful to me. Seeing him like this, it only reinforces how much I miss him.

But this isn’t my Alex either. And the fact that he is older too begins to make me understand that this Max is the Future Max I met so many months ago, the one who asked me to break his own heart, the one I danced with on my balcony, the one I gave up everything for. Because I somehow just know that this is the Alex that lived. The Alex who was there in the desert with Max and I on our wedding night in that other life - the one I still don’t know much about. This is an Alex who lived through the end of the world and somehow came out on the other side.

"Can I hug you?" I ask. It is a ridiculously stupid question, considering how much I still need to know, but I want to so badly, it is almost painful.

He quirks his familiar grin at me, bringing a lump to my throat. "Of course." He opens his arms and I fly into them. I clutch him tightly, eventually become aware that he is speaking to Max. "Don’t be jealous. You’ll get your turn - for a lifetime, if we fix things properly."

"I’m not jealous," Max replies quietly, sounding offended that Alex would even suggest such a thing.

"You’re always jealous," Alex retorts. He pulls back, then smiles down at me. "Are you going to pass out, Lizzie, or can we talk to you now?"

"She won’t pass out." I turn my head to stare at Max. He is watching me, his eyes unreadable, his expression serious. But he sounds utterly convinced, like he knows exactly how much I can take. Like he knows just how strong I am.

How can he know when I don’t even know myself?

"See, Max, I’ve told you," Alex sighs, sounding exasperated, and keeping his arm firmly around my shoulders, "The Liz I know, and the Liz you know, are completely different people. She can’t be strong all the time. She needs others too, you know."

"I know." Max rolls his eyes, like this is an argument they’ve had many times, and he knows that he is right, but that he also knows that he’ll never convince Alex of it.

It is strange to hear them talk to each other like this - like they know each other really well. The Alex and Max I knew were barely friends. Sure they were bonded by the secret that held us all together, but Alex had always been my friend. He and Isabel were close, of course, but he and Max, not really.

"I’m not going to pass out," I intervene impatiently. I continue to eye Max. If this is the Future Max who screwed up my entire life, suddenly comforting him is the last thing I want to do.

In fact, I really want to punch him. Hard. I can see that he knows it too. He sighs heavily. "I’m so sorry, Liz."

"Why did you lie to me?" I demand. I feel Alex’s arm tighten around me. "About Serena, I mean. Why didn’t you tell me who she really is?"

"He had no choice, Lizzie," Alex replies for him. Max just looks sad. "If you knew, you never would have done what needed to be done."

I look up at him. "Alex, you died because of him!" The rage I feel at this fact, the complete anger that I felt at Max in the alternate timeline, when I realized that a future version of him and I had basically killed Alex with our meddling, returns suddenly, making my heart pound unsteadily in my chest. I literally see red spots in front of my eyes. That’s how mad I am.

"Liz, it was meant to be," Alex tells me softly. "It had to be. For Sean to exist, unfortunately, I had to die."

"So there was no Sean in the timeline where you lived?" I scowl. "Who cares? He’s evil. What’s so important about him anyway?" I suddenly remember something. "He’s not even Max’s son!" I continue, knowing that there is a note of triumph in my voice. At least I found out one worthwhile tidbit in my little timeline journey. "Serena existed, and so did you, before he had to screw everything up! There was no Sean." I glare at Max, who is clearly upset, but is just as clearly willing to take it.

Because he agrees with me. He’s Max. Of course he does. He will always feel guilty that what he is resulted in Alex’s death.

"And the world ended," Alex finishes, squeezing me lightly. "You know that, Liz."

Max exchanges a glance with Alex, asking to pick up from where my friend left off. He seems to accept that I hate him. In fact, he appears to like it, because of course he thinks he deserves it. Max and that guilt complex - hand in hand in any incarnation. Of course I don’t really hate him and I force myself to calm down and listen as he speaks, after Alex nods.

"He’s still important, Liz. You’re right that he’s not my son. He is Kyle and Tess’s. But that doesn’t mean that he isn’t meant to play just as significant a role as Serena. It’s another reason that the timeline you just left didn’t work out." He swallows, looking away. "They never found him, you know. Tess raised him, and he turned out like the Sean you know in your life - deceitful, insane with hatred, evil, but with a twist I don’t even think you want to know about." I literally see Max shudder. I frown, wondering what he’s thinking about. "He’s not supposed to be like that," he finishes quietly, not elaborating.

"How do you know what happened after I died there?" I ask. "It wasn’t your timeline."

"No," Max agrees. He looks beyond Alex and me, smiling slightly. I stare at him, confused by the way his face lights up. It’s sort of like how he looks at me, but different too. Not as intense and tortured maybe. This is just plain love, without all the baggage.

And it’s really, really weird. Because there is no doubt that whoever he is looking at, he adores her. And I don’t even feel a twinge of jealousy.

I know it’s a her, even before she speaks. I think I sort of even know who it is, although of course the realization that I do doesn’t hit me until after.

The voice is soft - familiar and, yet, not. "I told them."

I feel Alex allowing me to turn, but he still has a firm grip on me, like if he thought I might pass out before, he’s even more sure of it now.

She is beautiful. It is the first thought that comes to my mind as I lay eyes on her. Of course she is. I don’t know why such a stupid thing is the first I think, but I am clearly in shock. She is taller than I expected, taking after her father. Her hair is long and dark, pulled back off her face in a style I often employ.

But, it is, of course, her eyes that really tell me who she is.

"I thought you said this wasn’t a good idea," Alex is saying, sounding worried. "You said that you were going to stay away from her - that you wanted us to make sure she was okay, to tell her what she needs to know."

"I know," she replies, shrugging slightly. "But it’s her. I had to see her - just once." Her gaze has not left my face. I feel like she is drinking me in, just like I know that I am doing the same to her. Because, after all, she doesn’t remember me. I died when she was only six months old.

Serena.

She smiles at me, like she can hear her name threading its way through my heart. "Mother."

I can’t speak. What can I say to this daughter, to this child that has not even been conceived yet in my own life, to this child who may still never exist?

"You don’t have to say anything," she tells me quietly, reading my thoughts again.

"Liz, are you okay?" Alex whispers to me. "She can go. She’ll listen to Max. I know this is weird."

I don’t move my eyes. I simply nod, then manage to say, "I’m fine." I don’t let the tears that are threatening fall. Instead, I make myself smile at her.

She, at least, deserves that - a smile from the mother I know she has missed all her life. Because I know Max, and I know that he made sure that she knows all about me.

"Tell me. Tell me what happened."

She glances at Max - a Max who is not technically her father, and, yet, still is. It’s all confusing of course, but I am beginning to get a grip on who belongs in what timeline.

"First off," she begins, her hands clutched in front of her in a way that makes me stare at them, because I do that all the time, "You can’t blame him. You can’t blame my father. Any version of him. He’s right when he says that Sean has to exist." She closes her eyes briefly.

I want to comfort her. The pain on her face is excruciating. But Alex holds me firmly in place. "You can’t," he whispers.

"I can’t do any of this without him," she whispers. And when she opens her eyes again, I understand.

It is horrifying, and yet makes perfect sense all at the same time. Because I have seen that expression on my own face in the mirror too many times to count. And every single time was when I was thinking of Max.

She is in love with him.

My daughter is in love with her brother…who isn’t really her brother of course. Yet the Sean I know, the one who was willing to kill me, thought he was. He was still utterly convinced that Max was his father.

And, yet, I remember the way he spoke about her, about how he was so determined to make sure that she never existed.

He was in love with her too - in love with the woman he thought was his sister. She knew the truth, of course, but he didn’t, and it is just so terribly twisted, it could only be Tess’s doing.

But, in the end, not even the witch was capable of this atrocity. It’s worse. Much worse.

I don’t know this yet though. Not yet.

"How? How did this happen?" I demand. "Serena? How?"

"I didn’t know who he was when I met him," she replies, laughing bitterly. "He didn’t know who I was either. But Khivar knew. He wanted to destroy us - both of us, even though Sean loved him like a father - so he made it happen." She smiles sadly at Max again, who is her father, but not. "Dad tried to protect me. They all did. But I was so stupid. I played right into his hands."

She turns away, her arms wrapped around her middle. I can see that she can’t go on. "Alex?" I turn to him helplessly. "Why can’t I go to her?"

Max is the one who replies. I can hear the pain in his voice. Seeing her like this is just as hard for him as it is for me. His Serena went through none of this of course. His Serena ceased to exist at fourteen years of age, after she sent him back in the granolith. His Serena did not grow up motherless, and likely had a happy, if short, life.

But this is still his daughter. He still aches for her, just as I do.

"It’s sort of like why I couldn’t see myself when I visited you in the past," he explains quietly. "We would all cease to exist. We’re part of each other. I can’t touch her either. It’s not quite as extreme as if you ran into your future version…" He blinks as if he has said too much.

I stare at him. "The future version of myself? She’s here?" I look around, my heart beating wildly. "What is this place?" I demand, finally wanting to understand where exactly I am trapped.

"It’s the granolith," Max shrugs. "We’re all here now - any of us who ceased to exist when the timelines shifted that is." He looks right at me. "My Liz is here. She came here after we changed everything. You can’t ever see her, of course, but she’s here." His eyes soften slightly at the thought of her, and it makes my heart skip a beat.

Darn him. Why can’t I just shut my love for him off?

"Is everyone here?" I ask, still unclear as to what he’s getting at, ignoring the fact that I want to kiss him, even though he is not my Max. "Where are Michael, and Isabel, and Maria, and everyone else?"

"Maria’s here too. She’s busy…" He pauses, frowning slightly. "She’s elsewhere. Michael and Isabel died in both timelines." Max looks down. I stare at him in disbelief. "People who die naturally don’t come here. That’s why the Alex from your timeline isn’t here either."

But the Michael and Isabel part is still ringing in my ears. I cannot believe what he is telling me. "So everything we did to save them…it was all for nothing? They still died?"

"I was fourteen," Serena tells me. "After Michael and Aunt Izzy died - they were both killed protecting me in both timelines by the way - I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ran off to save Dad, and Maria, and Ava, and Uncle Jim. I knew he wouldn’t stop coming until he got his hands on me, and I knew he wouldn’t stop killing people I cared about until he did. I was a stupid teenager, but I knew that I was the one destined to destroy him. We all knew it. I had to protect them. So I left." She rubs her temples in a manner that is extremely familiar. I know why too. I see Max do it all the time.

Have I mentioned that this is all very weird? Tragic, and horrible, but weird just the same. I feel like I am stuck in some convoluted nightmare from which I really want to wake up. That timeline Ava helped me to experience was so magical in so many ways and, yet, the way it had all turned out…Even just hearing about it is almost too much.

But if I wake up, Alex will be gone again, and so will my daughter…and Max. I haven’t even touched him, but this Max…

He is still all mine. He has never slept with Tess at all. He was never with her, not even because he thought she was me.

You’d think I’d be over all of that, considering what I now know Max and I are meant to be to each other, but it still burns within me, a horror that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over.

Those flashes…I cannot live through them again. I just can’t.

"So she went after him," Alex continues for her, when it appears that she can’t go on. "She inherited stubbornness from both her parents," he can’t help but add wryly.

"I was on the run for two years before Sean found me. Khivar sent him after me, but Sean didn’t know who I was, or why Khivar wanted me - not right away. I was going by my middle name then." She smiles at Alex. "Alexandra." And then she looks right back at me. "We fell in love. And then we found out the truth."

"And no one ever knew that he wasn’t your brother." I close my eyes at the horror of it. "Kyle and I both died knowing it, but no one else ever did."

There are still unanswered questions of course. Future Ava told me that Max is not Sean’s father, so they must have found out the truth eventually. And why had Max stopped looking for Sean? I know that he never would have; that Max could never willingly leave a child he thought his own in Khivar’s clutches.

"We found out eventually. Khivar admitted it to me right before I killed him." She looks up, her eyes shining with a strange light. I can see that this woman is no innocent, that she was not allowed to live the sheltered life that Max and I would have both wanted for our daughter. I don’t want to know what she did to Khivar to make him tell the truth.

A world where my daughter had to torture and kill…I am glad that it no longer exists. In the end, perhaps Sean returning from the future has been a blessing in disguise. Because the fact that Serena ever had to go to war…It meant that our plan to destroy Tess and the dupes - to end it once and for all - must have gone awry.

"I did kill him," she says, her voice completely emotionless. "But it was too late. Sean was already gone." She shakes her dark head, her expression the very image of someone who wishes they were dead. "Back in time, to try and make sure that I was never born, because my very existence is the worst thing that ever happened to him. First I stole his father, and then I ruthlessly stole his heart too," she finishes bitterly.

"Oh my God." It is all I can say. I have so many questions, but how can I ask her to relive any more of this? It is obviously painful, destructive. And why is she here anyway? Has she ceased to exist in her timeline? Has Sean completely destroyed any chance that she will be born? Did he win? Or is she safely hiding here until I can fix things? Ava mentioned something about the granolith being the only thing keeping Serena going when she had first told me about her.

"You can ask, Mother." I blink, still a little unsettled by the way she can seemingly read my mind. "I relive it all anyway, all the time."

I look at Max. I can tell that this is as hard for him to hear as it is for me. The fact that he went back in time had resulted in this horror unfolding from our daughter’s lips. We were responsible for this.

"Khivar is responsible." Serena’s voice cuts ruthlessly into my thoughts. I can see anger blazing in her eyes. She looks at Alex for confirmation. "They’re not learning, Alex! Won’t they ever learn?"

"It’s a hard lesson, Serena," Alex replies quietly. "It’s just in their natures to feel the way they do. They’re Max and Liz. They always feel responsible. You never knew them like I know them. To you, Max was just super-dad, and Liz was a dream you couldn’t even remember. But the sheer irony of this whole tale is that, considering the otherworldly origins of one of them, they’re only human. They make mistakes."

I stare at Max, who looks befuddled. "Um, Alex?" he says finally. "We’re standing right here." He sounds a little disturbed. I don’t blame him. I feel the same way.

Is this what our guilt had brought us to? Both of us have control issues, I’ll grant you, but had our desire to be in complete control at all times, to protect everyone, resulted in so much death and destruction?

I don’t know what to say, so I finally just sigh. "I’m sorry. Can I ask you what happened to Tess?" It seems to me that she wants me to know, so I’ll let her tell me.

Serena’s eyes are still slightly narrowed. She looks strangely like my mother does when she is yelling at me. "The plan worked, but only to a certain degree. Tess was doing some mindwarping of her own it seems. The four square of my father, Isabel, Michael, and Ava killed Lonnie and Rath, but Tess managed to escape with Sean." Her expression softens again. "When he found out what happened to you, my father destroyed Nicholas. Slowly."

I look at Max again. He doesn’t look at all disturbed, but, rather, satisfied. I am though - disturbed that is. That my death could have driven Max to go against his very nature, to torture another living being - even if it was Nicholas - I don’t like it. It’s not what our love is supposed to be about. But I refrain from allowing the guilt pulsing through my veins to take hold. I can see that Serena is watching me suspiciously, like she knows it’s threatening to.

It was Khivar’s fault. She’s right. None of this was how we were supposed to turn out. His hatred and desire to kill Max had turned the dupes to the dark side, had allowed Nasedo to make the deal that made Tess a traitor, had destroyed everything Max Evans was supposed to be.

Our daughter will never exist because Khivar planted the seeds so completely in that other life, Sean was able to return to see that it all fell apart even more quickly. We are stuck in a never-ending cycle of time travel that just brings on our own destruction more quickly.

And, suddenly, I understand everything that all of this is supposed to teach me.

If I can’t forgive Max, then Khivar wins. He won’t die, because Serena will never be born, and we will never be able to fix the mess Tess created at Khivar’s behest.

It is this truth that tells me the two things I need to know to make everything right again.

The first is that Max and Tess were never together. I know it with every fiber of my being. It is all a trick. It has to be. I just have to prove it.

The second is that we have to destroy the granolith. Because, if we don’t, it will only all happen again. Slightly differently, I’m sure, but it will happen.

But, if the granolith is gone, what does that mean for my daughter and everyone else who still exists within it?

I know the answer of course. They will all completely cease to exist.

Part 29 - "Possession" - Max POV

Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divide.
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in time.
The night is my companion
And solitude my guide.
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?

And I would be the one
To hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I’d wipe away the tears.
Just close your eyes dear.

Through this world I’ve stumbled,
So many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word
To find the truth enslaved.
Oh you speak to me in riddles,
And you speak to me in rhyme.
My body aches to breathe your breath,
Your words keep me alive.

And I would be the one
To hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I’d wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear.

Into this night I wander,
It’s morning that I dread.
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread.
Oh, into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride.
‘Cause nothing stands between us here
And I won’t be denied.

And I would be the one
To hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I’d wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear.
I’ll hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I’ll take your breath away.
And after I’d wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes…

Sarah McLachlan

I can still hear my sister screaming my name for what feels like forever, but, in reality, is likely no more than an instant.

The whole process is weird. One minute I am in the desert, holding Liz’s lifeless body in my arms, and the next I’m not. I have absolutely no idea where I am, but one thing I do know for sure.

It’s dark. Very dark.

Is this death? Because, if it is, then it is different than I expected. I am still completely aware. It is merely as though I have pulled aside a curtain. It doesn’t feel like I’ve left anything behind, or that I am going forward either.

All I know is that Liz is nowhere to be found. I feel the disappointment like a stab to the heart. I hadn’t really been thinking when I took hold of the granolith, but instinctively I knew that it should be able to take me to Liz. But she isn’t here. I’ve failed her again.

"She’s here."

I whirl, my heart beating double-time. I notice that the blackness is beginning to lighten, just like the desert sky does when the stars start to come out one by one after dusk.

"Maria! What the…"

She holds up her hands. "Hold it! I’m not who you think!" She smiles slightly, rolling her eyes. "Well, I am, but not really."

"What?" I just stare at her. "What are you talking about?" As I look more closely, I can see that this is Maria, but that she’s right that she’s not the Maria I know. Her hair is very dark - dyed obviously - and she has wrinkles around her eyes that never existed there before. But her expression is all Maria.

"Decided to take a little stroll off a bridge again didja, girlfriend?" She is majorly annoyed at me, although she is doing her best to appear tolerant. "Can I ask you if you even thought before you did what you just did?" she continues, her arms folded.

"Why are you dressed like that?" I ask, unable to stop myself, and completely changing the subject. But she’s dressed in black leather from top to toe. It is extremely distracting, and very un-Maria-like.

She narrows her eyes. "It’s how people dress in the future."

"What? Why?"

"I don’t know! We just do! Stop asking dumb questions!" She peers at me, then sighs, looking a little sympathetic. "I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that this is weird for you. Hell! It’s still weird for me! Plus you’re still really young, aren’t you?" She tilts her head. "I can’t believe how young you are! God, no wonder you screwed up so many times!"

I think I must still be a little shell-shocked, because she’s right that I am asking the stupidest things possible. I can’t even get mad at her unintended insult of me, because she is right again. I have messed up too many times to count.

"So you’re from the future?" There, that’s a little more intelligent.

"I am….or I should say was. The future I belong to no longer exists."

"So he did change it." I am referring to Sean, assuming that she will know what I am talking about.

"Yes, but the irony is, it’s for the best, Max." She looks sad. I decide to let that go for the moment. I am still too confused by more general things. And I remember Liz telling me something about it being important to not know too much about the future - that it was what Future Me told her when he had come back to ruin both of our lives.

"Where am I?" Straightforward and simple. Good.

"You’re in the granolith. So, you didn’t have any idea what you were doing when you came here?" She shakes her head. "See what I mean about the thinking and the bridges, Max? You’re lucky I caught you here. You would have messed everything up if I hadn’t. Liz isn’t ready to see you yet."

I feel my heart plummet. "She isn’t? But she called to me, Maria! I connected to her through Isabel. Where is she? Why can’t I see her?"

"Because she’s with Future You. If you see him, you’ll cease to exist." She frowns slightly. "Of course, the fact that you’re here at all means that you already have…Ceased to exist, I mean. But you can’t be dead, because if you were dead you wouldn’t be here." Her frown morphs into a scowl. "Dammit! I hate this place! Nothing makes any sense."

That’s the understatement of the millennium.

"Okay. Maybe I’m just visiting?" I am going to take control of this situation if it’s the last thing I ever do. She’s right that I wasn’t exactly thinking when I decided to come here - since I didn’t realize where here was when I grabbed the granolith in Liz’s hand - but that doesn’t mean I can’t try to fix things. She shrugs, looking even more mad. "Never mind. Just tell me what you know. Please."

"First you tell me what you know."

Why do I feel like she’s stalling for some reason? But I decide to cooperate. "Well, I know that Liz was taken by Tess and Sean Deluca, who was definitely not your cousin, and who may, or may not, be my son from the future…"

"Not your son," Maria jumps in, like she’s pleased that she can actually give me some concrete information. She grimaces immediately though, like she’s said too much. "Dammit!" she mutters. "I told Liz not to send me here by myself!"

"Liz! She sent you!"

"Not your Liz. And not my Liz either," Maria sighs. When I frown at her, perplexed, she sighs again. "Please, just never mind."

"Are you sure?" I ask tentatively, deciding to do as she asks. "About Sean, I mean?" It’s what I suspected after healing Kyle of course, but to actually have it confirmed…

It’s a dream come true.

"Very sure," Maria replies. I realize that she has moved closer to me. Her hand is on my arm, and she seems to have accepted that she can’t not tell me now that she’s started. "He’s not yours, Max. Tess lied. He wasn’t dying either."

"He’s Kyle’s?"

"Yes."

I meet her eyes, then swallow. She seems to know exactly what I’m about to ask her. "Did…did I…"

"Sleep with her?" Maria sighs. "In my world, yes. But she messed with your head. You were mindwarped into it. You thought she was Liz."

My heart falls. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure."

All my hopes of ever being more than friends with Liz are gone then. Because I know that those flashes she got were real. I might not have fathered Tess’s baby, but I did betray Liz. Hell, I betrayed myself. I betrayed absolutely everything I have always tried to be.

You know, deep down, I knew it. I knew that I did it. I knew that I couldn’t be strong without Liz. It’s my greatest failing. I’ve never been strong enough to deserve her.

"Are you okay?" Her voice is kind now, almost motherly. "I’m sorry, Max. I know how much this whole thing haunted you in my timeline."

"You said I didn’t do it on purpose there though?"

"No."

"So what I did in this life was even worse. Because Liz says that I did do it on purpose in this timeline. That I hated her and that I was trying to get back at her." I hear my voice crack. "But, Maria, I know that’s not true!"

I can see that she is frowning slightly. "So that’s what his goal was!" she says. "He wanted to keep you and Liz apart - for good." She grabs me by the hand. "Max! You have to fix this! You have to get past it somehow. He’s going to win if you don’t!"

I blink. "What? Why?"

She grimaces. "I can’t tell you!" She sounds frustrated. "I’ve already said too much! This isn’t your journey, Max. It’s Liz’s. You’re already somewhere you’re not supposed to be. I just…I can’t!" I continue to stare at her as she glances over her shoulder. It’s almost like she’s listening to someone.

"Maria?" She looks back at me, still extremely vexed. "Can you at least tell me about the stuff I already know? Like I know that one of the reasons that other me came back originally was to save Michael and Isabel. Did that at least work?" She seems to think about this for a moment, trying to figure out what she can and can’t tell me. But she doesn’t even need to speak. The way her face whitened at the mention of Michael…I think I already know the answer. "It didn’t, did it?"

"No." Her voice is small. I can hear the pain of it there. "I had to live on for ten years without him." She seems to crumple slightly. "And he’s not here either." She raises her eyes, something shining in them that I don’t quite recognize. "Max?" I think it might be desperation.

"Yeah." I have reached out to comfort her, but I don’t feel entirely right pulling her into my arms. This isn’t my Maria after all. This isn’t the close friend I let slip away from me, because I was so wrapped up in my own problems. I wonder if I had stayed close to her, whether I would have made that mistake with Tess. Because as lonely as I was when I did what I did with Tess, as alone as I had felt, in some ways it was my own fault. I let them all slip away from me - including Maria. Would I have made different choices if I had fought harder for my friends?

"Will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Will you destroy that thing when you go back?" She is blinking back tears. And in that instant, I see my Maria. She is eighteen again, and she is the girl I know, one of the best friends I will ever have. "Please. I just can’t be here without him."

"Can I? Is it okay to get rid of it?" I ask, thinking about how I have already basically decided that it has to be destroyed. The granolith - it has to go. It’s just not right to be able to mess with the way things are supposed to be.

Sure Liz and that future version of me saved the world with what they did, but from what Maria is not saying, I am getting the impression that they may have only put it off for a while.

If that’s the Earth’s destiny, its fate, who am I to interfere? I just don’t have the right. I will do everything in my power to stop it. I will fight Khivar until my dying breath - because now I know I have to fight - but if it’s not meant to be, maybe I’m just going to have to accept it.

I think Maria is wrong with what she just said. I think I had a journey to take too. And I think it just ended.

I have learned my lesson. I cannot control everything. As much as I want to, as much as I want to protect the people I love, some things just have to be left to fate.

Just like I can’t control Liz and the way she feels. As much as I want to bind her to me for the rest of her days - and I have an inkling suddenly that I might be able to convince her to try again, even with the flashes - I just can’t do that to her. Because she won’t be the Liz I want, a Liz who comes to me of her own free will, by choice, not because of some force I put on her because of the bond that exists between us. The bond that is so strong I am beginning to feel her presence again, even here. It is faint, but it’s like as if, as all this becomes clear to me, I’m allowed to be with her again - at least on the spiritual level.

When I healed her that day in the Crashdown, we connected on a level that is simply beyond my comprehension.

And, finally, I understand. Even if we’re not together, I will always have her. I will always have the magical two years when I was allowed to be in love with her - the two years where she made me human. They will always be mine, and they will make me strong enough to go on without her.

I can let her go. Finally.

The memory of what she made me…I can be that person again. Even without her.

And it is in that instant that I know that she is not dead. I can feel her. The connection that has been shut off for the last twenty-four hours - ever since Tess kidnapped her - wooshes back so abruptly, I stumble against Maria slightly.

I close my eyes, reaching out to Liz, hoping she’ll feel me too, that she’ll know that I’ve come for her.

Supremely ironic that what I told her so many months ago has finally come true. I’ve come for her, but in the end, it will be to set her free.

Because, even if I can’t be with her, at least I can bring her back to the people who love her. She doesn’t belong here. She has to know that I won’t desert her here. But then I will leave her alone to get on with her life without me.

"… you can," Maria is saying, seemingly unaware of the fact that I’m not really listening to her anymore. I force myself to focus. "I think maybe that’s what Liz is supposed to learn. That the granolith has to be destroyed once and for all. Sean has been born now and I still have a feeling…" She trails off, sighing. "I can’t tell you, Max. But I have the feeling that what needs to happen, it just will. You and Liz, you just belong together."

I smile sadly. "I hope so, Maria."

But even if we don’t…what Liz has given to me, it will sustain me through whatever the future is going to bring. And it will be a future with no more interference. As soon as I get Liz out of here, the granolith will be no more.

I feel my friend’s eyes on me. I meet them, feeling my heart skip a beat. "Is it time?"

"Yes." She returns my smile. "Be brave, Max. Make a better world for all of us."

"I’ll do my best. I love you, Maria."

"I love you too."

The blackness flickers and she is gone.

But I am not alone. Not by a long shot.

Our eyes meet. Hers are shining with unshed tears. "Max."

And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have finally found her.

My Liz.

Part 30 - Home - Liz POV

Child walks to the river,
Looks as far as she can see,
And draws each breath as if it were the last,
And wipes away the tears across her sleeve.
She can see where the river crawls to the sea
Like a baby into a mother’s care.
Somehow the longing is so far away,
The innocence so wasted and aware.

Look at the child with the dream in her eyes,
Holding it deep inside her.

So much anger, so deeply engrained,
Seemed a burden that was hers alone.
She didn’t think that there was anything wrong
In wanting a life that she could call her own.
How could I explain? You would not want to hear.
You wouldn’t listen if I talked anyway
For you were too weighed down by your own fears.

Look at the child with the dream in her eyes,
Holding it deep inside.
Thinking about home, home.

Sarah McLachlan

I look around at all three of them - the Future Max who helped me destroy himself, who made my Max something he wasn’t supposed to be; my best friend Alex - an Alex who lived and yet still ceased to exist after what Future Max and I did; and my daughter, my own flesh and blood, a woman with my face, and Max’s eyes, a woman who may never live now because of the way things have been shaped in my world - and I know that I can do it.

I can destroy the granolith. Because these are not really the people I love. They are not flesh and blood. They are trapped in a netherworld that is neither here, nor there. It is unnatural, and it is wrong.

I know it, and, yet, it will be the most difficult thing I will ever do.

I feel a light touch on my hair, and look up into his eyes. My partner-in-crime. A man I have desired and hated in the same breath. A person that my Max will never be.

My love.

"I am sorry," he whispers. "No matter what they say." He quirks a sad smile towards Alex and Serena, who are both watching quietly. "It’s just how I feel. I can understand how guilt can make things even worse, but I still feel it."

I smile at him. "I know." And I do. Because I can’t just change my nature. But I can do a better job to not let it control me. And then I tell him what I know he most needs to hear. "I don’t regret a thing."

Because, you know what? I don’t. Not really. I have come to accept what I can’t change. I helped this man to change my world, and I am going to have to live with the consequences. The fact that I have felt Max hate me - it is a hard pill to swallow, even though I am still convinced that he didn’t sleep with Tess.

But hate isn’t so very far from love, after all. This man in front of me - I have hated and loved him at the same time. I can understand it now. It doesn’t hurt any less, but I can understand it.

And I can’t blame Max for it anymore. He is only eighteen years old. He is not a man, and he has always been too trusting, in spite of the fact that he, and Isabel, and Michael always knew they couldn’t - that they shouldn’t - be.

He saved my life because of who he is, and he lost himself because of who he is. And who he is is my Max, and I still love him in spite of it all. Some of you may think that is weak, but I actually think it’s strong. I have recognized that people make mistakes, and that either we have to forgive them or forget them.

I can’t forget him. He saved my life. He gave me his heart so completely that, when I seemingly betrayed him, he couldn’t get past it. And I gave mine back - to the point that I knew how hurt him so completely in order to save him. Neither of us recognized it for the gift it truly was. We weren’t careful with each other, we didn’t think before we acted, we’ve hurt each other time and again, when all we really wanted was to be together.

I won’t make the same mistake again.

I will not forget, but now I can forgive.

Future Max tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, then leans down and kisses me gently on the mouth. "Do what you have to do, Liz," he whispers against my lips. "But also trust your heart. You know the truth - deep down."

And then he is gone.

I blink, looking around in confusion. I feel tears fill my eyes. But I’m not sad. I am so full of hope, it is almost overwhelming.

I can see that Alex and Serena are still standing nearby. And when I see the person standing with them, blinking with a confusion equal to my own, I understand why Future Max had to leave.

It is my Max. Instinctively I know it. I can feel his spirit completing me, simply with his presence.

We have found each other again.

"Max," I say quietly, taking a step towards him.

"Liz." He has quickly regained his bearings and is staring at me, his eyes warm and relieved. It sends a shiver down my spine. "Are you all right?"

"I’ve never been better," I tell him, and his face relaxes.

It’s not entirely true, of course. Things aren’t perfect. There is still the matter of the granolith, and the fact that it has to be destroyed, and everyone within it will cease to exist. And we still have to find Sean, because I don’t doubt that this is the one thing we can do that will truly make things right. He can’t be raised by Tess. We just can’t allow it. He will never turn out to be who he needs to be if he is under her power - and consequentially Khivar’s.

But I have never felt more in control of my own destiny, more in control of what I really want.

I want Max. And all I have to do is tell him so.

"We don’t exist now." This is Serena, as though she has read my mind again. "That’s why we’re here. Our time is done. You can do it, Mother. You have to."

Up until now, Max has not taken his eyes of me - I’m pretty sure he hasn’t even noticed Serena or Alex - but his head whips around to stare at our daughter after the word mother.

I can’t help myself. I laugh.

He can’t stop staring at her. From the look on his face, I think he can see himself in her, and it must be strange. I can’t even imagine. I knew about her before I saw her, and could accept her for who she was, but he looks a little frightened, unsure.

I don’t blame him at all. It is a scary enough proposition, being a parent. Bearing and raising the savior of two worlds? It is absolutely terrifying. But it’s also exhilarating. And he did it once. This woman standing with us is the result.

And this time he won’t be alone. She will be an even more amazing person because, this time, we will do it together.

I don’t doubt anymore that she will be born. Maybe not as soon as she is supposed to be, maybe not even for years. Because now I know that teenage pregnancy is not exactly the most attractive alternative, and now that I know what could happen, I will take proper precautions. Max and I need to be ready for her. We need to be the best people we can possibly be when she comes.

But she will come. I know she will.

"Liz?" I can hear the question in his voice. I’m not sure if I should tell him or not. Is it still dangerous to understand what our future will be?

But we still don’t know everything for sure, after all. We know that Serena will be born, but we don’t know when or how. We know that we will save Sean, but we don’t know exactly what that will mean. Things are still uncertain. They will still unfold as a mystery. We know the destination, but not the path to reach it.

And that’s what life is really about, in the end. Because isn’t the destination for all of us completion with someone we love? Serena is a by-product of what I already know will happen, what we always knew would happen, from the first time we connected that time in the Crashdown.

We are meant to be, Max and I.

"She’s our daughter, Max. This is Serena."

"Serena?" He looks at me, astounded. "As in, Serena of the Granolith, Serena?"

"The same one." Alex speaks up here. "But there will be no Serena of the Granolith in your time, will there, Liz?" He asks it quietly, but I can tell what he is doing. He is telling me that it is all right to destroy it - that he doesn’t want my feelings of affection for him, how much I miss him, to affect our decision.

"No."

I see Max’s face fall. He thinks it means that we will never be together, because that’s what I told him of course, and that is why there will be no Serena of the Granolith.

"Because there will be no granolith," I say, smiling slightly as the words reach Max and he starts, disbelieving. "There will be a Serena."

"Which means that I can go." Serena looks directly at me, a sad smile on her face. "I love you." She sweeps her gaze to include Max. "I love you both. Please don’t ever forget that, in the end, that’s the most important thing."

And she disappears into the mist that is beginning to gather around us. I haven’t noticed it before, but it is snaking around my ankles now, and is pretty much unavoidable.

I wonder if the granolith knows that its end is near - that we will destroy it when we get out of here. I can feel the energy circulating in the air, as though it is preparing itself.

I look at Alex, my heart suddenly in my throat. "Alex, can you even understand how much I miss you?"

His dark eyes are unmarked with pain however. "Liz, you don’t have to miss me. I’ll always be with you." He looks at Max. "Isn’t that right, Max?’

Max blinks, then starts to laugh. "That was you?" I have no idea what they’re talking about. Max sees this and reminds me. "My dream, Liz. Remember my dream?"

Right. The dream about Alex that started our whole investigation. The one that told Max that Alex knew much more before he died than we ever dreamed.

And he did. He knew the truth about Sean, and he knew the truth about Tess and Kyle. I realize suddenly that, for more than any other reason, this is why Tess killed him.

It was not an accident. She did it on purpose. I feel the iron enter my soul.

This time we will make her pay for it.

Because I suddenly understand something that it took far too long for the Liz and Max of the timeline I just visited to get. To maintain our innocence, to stay who we really want to be, we are going to have to destroy the one who destroyed us in the first place.

Tess has to die.

Can I do it? Can I actually take another life? I feel my heart starting to beat irregularly at even the thought of it. But I know that I don’t have to make up my mind right away. We still need to find her. And just because I know where to start looking - Canada - it doesn’t mean it’s going to be simple.

But I know that we will find her. And then will be soon enough to decide her ultimate fate.

"Will you still be able to do that?" Max is asking Alex. "If we destroy the granolith, I mean?"

"You guys just don’t get it, do you?" Alex grins. "It’s me! You guys will never forget me, and so, I will never leave you. I promise."

"Just don’t ask me to not miss you," I tell him. Tess forgotten for the moment, I move forward and place my hands on both sides of his face. His skin is warm and alive beneath my touch, and I know this is the last time I will ever truly feel him. Tears of sorrow fill my eyes.

He reads my mind. "You’ll always feel me, Lizzie." He places a gently hand over my heart. "As long as this is still beating, I will be with you."

I throw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you too, Lizzie. Don’t ever forget it. I don’t regret dying for you. Not for an instant."

"You do know I would have done the same for you?"

"You almost did," Alex reminds me, making me remember the alien bomb that Michael had barely managed to stop from killing me. "Let it go, Lizzie. Live your life. I will always be with you. I promise." He looks over my head at Max. "You two need to take care of each other. But this time, make sure you both know why. You work so much better as a team. Always remember that."

"We will," Max replies, sounding emotional. "Thanks, Alex." I know that he will always feel guilty, will always feel that what he is was responsible for Alex’s death. I will too. Alex can tell me not to as much as he wants to, but I will always feel it.

We are not perfect after all. But as long as make sure it doesn’t control us any longer, we will be all right. Somehow I just know it.

I hug Alex once more, hard, then turn and meet Max’s eyes.

I move forward, taking his hand in mine. He glances down at where our hands are linked and I feel warmth spread through me because I know what he is thinking about. He is remembering the time that we joined hands to go face our parents together after our night out in the desert when we found the orb. It was the night that ended up bringing Tess into our lives, and now, with this joining of our hands, we will work to get rid of her, once and for all.

I smile up at him, hoping he sees how much I love him, that this is going to work if it’s the last thing I do.

"Let’s go home."

Part 31 - Angel - Max POV

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay.
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it’s hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction,
Oh beautiful release,
Memory seeps through my veins.
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
We’ll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn,
There’s vultures and thieves at your back.
And the storm keeps on twisting
And you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack.
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time.
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness,
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees.

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here,
From this dark cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie.
You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

Sarah McLachlan

I am staring up at the ceiling of the motel room I am sharing with Michael. He isn’t here though, having gone for a walk with Maria. I don’t blame him. I am certainly not the most pleasant of companions right now, I’m sure. I have been in a state of half-disbelief, half-despair for close to three days.

With the angst-fest you have all been treated to, I am sure that you are not surprised to learn that what you just read was too good be true. You didn’t really think that it could be as easy as all that for Liz and me, did you?

Oh, you did? Well, I don’t blame you I guess. But it didn’t last. Because when we did what we both knew we had to do - when we destroyed the granolith - everything changed again.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back-track a bit and then I think you’ll understand.

Three days ago, Liz and I woke up in the desert, wrapped in each other’s arms, and everything was right with my world again.

It was supremely ironic that, just when I had figured out that I was going to have to let Liz go if I didn’t want to completely destroy who she was, she returned to me of her own volition, whatever she had learned during her time in the granolith obviously having given her the will to try again.

I knew it the instant I looked into her eyes as she returned to awareness, her eyes fastening on my face, a slight smile of acceptance on her lips.

And when she kissed me, I felt my heart start to heal itself. Because, as much as I was willing to let her go, as much as I knew that it was what sheneeded, it didn’t mean that it wouldn’t almost kill me. My heart knew that it was never going to love anyone ever again - that it would continue to beat for Liz and for Liz alone, even if she didn’t know it - and it broke.

But, when she kissed me, it healed itself, without any alien hocus-pocus from me.

I knew that it was wrong of us to get so lost in each other right then. Our friends were all gathered around, exclaiming in relief and amazement that we were both safe. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for them to see us both just gone. We were there with them in body, but not in spirit, merely empty shells.

But I am not a saint, after all, especially when it comes to Liz. I think we all know that by now. And it had been far too long since Liz had kissed me like that - without any pain, or fear, or despair behind it. I opened myself to her completely, deepening the kiss when I felt her lips part under mine.

I faltered for only a minute when the flashes started. Because I knew that she would be getting them too - knew that they would still be of me, and Tess, and what we had done together - what Maria in the granolith had confirmed really happened.

But she pressed herself against me, twining her hands in my hair, refusing to let it affect her. I could feel her strength of will through the connection that forged itself so ardently with the intensity of the kiss.

I saw the same flashes I had seen the last time - Liz dancing with the future version of me on her balcony; Liz’s heart breaking when she saw me kiss Tess at the Prom; Liz deciding to give herself to Sean; Liz turning away from him, knowing that she was never going to be able to get over me. And I felt the disappointment wind its way through my veins.

Liz wanted to try again, but we couldn’t because what I had done with Tess had left such an imprint on my soul, Liz was going to relive it over and over again, for all time.

I felt my mind racing, trying to come up with a solution. The only one that presented itself was that we could never connect so deeply again - that maybe we could be together, just not on the same level we had once shared. Many couples made relationships work with much less than Liz and I had going for us. We didn’t need the connection.

But I knew, deep down, that it could never be, that we would only be a shadow of what we might have been, and I couldn’t do it to her. It just wasn’t fair.

And so I threw my whole soul into that final kiss, trying to make her understand that I would never love anyone else like I loved her, but that I could not ask her to live half a life with me.

I was going to have to pay for my mistake with Tess for the rest of my life. But she didn’t have to. I refused to allow her to.

I kept my eyes closed when she finally pulled back, her lips lingering for one heart-breaking moment. I couldn’t stand to open them, to see the acknowledgment of what I already knew on her face. That we still couldn’t be together.

"Max, open your eyes." Her voice was soft, coaxing. "It’s okay. I knew it would be, and it was."

I frowned slightly, but complied, focusing on her beautiful, radiant face. "Liz?"

The brilliance of her smile was blinding. "She’s gone, Max. It was all a lie. I totally knew it, and what I just saw proved it!"

"What you just saw…" I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"The flashes were different, Max," Liz explained patiently. "I knew they would be, and they were. You didn’t sleep with her."

I just stared at her. "What? Are you sure? But I still remember it!"

A slight crease appeared between Liz’s eyes as she thought about that. "I saw it, Max. She mindwarped you into kissing her, and then you passed out somehow. There is no way you slept with her."

I was overcome with amazement. "I don’t understand."

"She must have undressed you and then planted false memories." Liz smiled at me again, cupping her hands on my cheeks so that I couldn’t look away. "Do you know what this means, Max? Do you? You’re still mine! All mine."

I was still frowning, unsure what to make of all this. I still had the full memories of what Tess and I had done together. Could I let Liz believe that it had never happened? Could I really do that to her? I thought of Serena, knew that Liz might be willing to live a lie if it meant making sure that our daughter was born.

I still didn’t know the whole story behind Serena, mind you, but saw the way Liz had looked at her - like she was the best thing ever. Liz might be willing to ignore a lot to make sure that Serena came. And, yet, it still seemed just plain wrong.

And what about what she had seen? How could she have gotten those flashes from me if it hadn’t really happened?

"Maxwell, what the hell is going on?" Michael’s voice had broken through my confusion at that point. I was actually surprised that he had been able to hold off from saying anything for so long. No doubt everyone was a little shocked by my and Liz’s behavior. Here we were, apparently just back from the dead, making out, and talking about things that no one likely understood.

I sighed, then climbed to my feet a little unsteadily, pulling Liz after me. She refused to let go of my hand, and was still smiling beatifically, completely happy.

I glanced around at the whole crowd. My sister, Isabel, who looked relieved. Maria, who was standing with Michael, her eyes wide and curious. Michael, who just looked ticked by now. The sheriff and Kyle stood a little apart, but just as concerned as any of the others.

And then there was Ava, who stood near the Jetta, looking solitary and lonely. I swallowed, glancing down.

Sean was gone. I looked back at Ava. "Is he…"

"He vanished," Ava replied quietly. "Something shifted again. Sean doesn’t exist anymore - at least not in that incarnation." She shrugged, looking at Maria. "They didn’t get here in time with ours, and I couldn’t use theirs, because you and Liz had it." I knew she was referring to the granolith.

"But he does still exist." Liz stepped forward, squeezing my hand before she let go. "Tess never left the planet, guys. I know it for sure." She looked at Kyle. "He’s your son, Kyle." She blurted it, as though unsure how to break the news to him. Because, of course, she didn’t know that Kyle had already learned the truth.

"I know." Kyle let out a long breath, like he had been holding it until he had what we already pretty much knew confirmed. I saw a set expression appear on his face, determination that we were going to track down his child. He glanced at his father, who simply nodded. "Where do we start?"

"I know that too," Liz replied. "But we have something we need to take care of first." She glanced back at me. "Max, we need to destroy it. We have to. It’s just too powerful. It’s wrong to be able to do what Sean did, what Future Max did. We have to live this life, and also live with the mistakes we might make."

We hadn’t discussed this at all, but we had both come to the same conclusion, me even before I had spoken to Maria in the granolith. I nodded.

Michael interrupted here of course. "Excuse me? Isn’t that thing our only potential way of getting home?" he demanded. Maria flinched at that, but Michael brought his arm around her in reassurance. "Someday, I mean. Don’t we still need to go back and fix our planet someday? On our own terms?"

"He’s right, Max," Isabel spoke up. "Do we really have the right to make this decision?"

"Max is right." This was Ava. "We’re not strong enough to go back anytime soon. We may never be strong enough. We’re too human." Michael, Isabel and I all looked at her. "I never fit in with Lonnie, Rath, and Zan, because they were so unemotional, so alien, but I did think we were a four square. We always knew about you all, thought you were the mistakes, that you were too human, that we were the ones Antar needed, but when I learned that you guys had the granolith, I thought that maybe we were the mistakes. And then I found out that I was never meant to be with them anyway, so I wasn’t a mistake after all."

"Is there a point in this?" Michael asked, sounding annoyed.

I frowned at him. "Michael."

Ava looked slightly embarrassed by her long-winded ramble. "The point is, what if both sets were mistakes?"

I stared at her, then met Isabel’s eyes. "You mean we’re too human and they’re too alien?" Isabel finally asked.

"Yeah."

There was a long pause as we all digested this. "So then no one has to save Antar, or even can?" Maria asked, breaking the silence first, being as she can’t really handle them for long.

"Maybe," I said. I looked at Liz. She had a sad look on her face, like she thought that this might be hard for me to accept - that I couldn’t be the king my people needed me to be because I was wrong somehow.

But, to me, it felt liberating. Like I was finally free. And as our eyes met, I knew that she understood.

I saw a shadow flit across her face, and when she spoke, she sounded upset. "Be that as it may, you guys, that doesn’t let any of us off the hook. Because I know that Khivar is going to show up someday. I can’t tell you any more than that, but I do know it. He’s going to attack the Earth, and it might end."

"Liz," Maria gasped. "Is it okay to tell everyone this?"

"It’s past time to tell everyone," Liz told her grimly. "About Future Max, I mean. But I’m not talking about him right now. We can tell that later. I’m talking about Khivar. Whether you guys are mistakes or not, he wants you all dead. He will come someday. And you all have to be ready."

I saw Isabel shiver. She wrapped her arms around her middle, as though her worst nightmare was being realized. Liz moved forward, and took Ava’s hand. Ava looked at her in confusion, glanced down, and then back at Liz’s face. "You do belong with us, Ava. You have to stay. We want you to stay. You’re one of us." She turned, and looked at everyone in succession. "We are strongest as a team, a unit. And I’m not just talking about the four square, although I think you guys have untapped power you can’t even imagine. We don’t need the granolith. We’re strong enough without it. And we will win. You all did last time, until Sean screwed it all up by coming back in time. We can do this."

I didn’t miss the fact that she emphasized the you all part. Like she hadn’t had any role in the defeat of Khivar in that other life. But I knew that it wasn’t the time to ask her about it. She would tell me later.

Because, of course, I didn’t know at that point that she wouldn’t be able to tell me later.

And, so, my expression was grim when Liz came to stand in front of me. "Max, we have to end this now. We have to get rid of the granolith."

The complete certainty Liz demonstrated in her little speech seemed to convince everyone. No one protested again.

Moments later, I had one of the crystals in my hand, the one that Maria had buried at the bottom of her purse. Because we only needed one of them - ours. If we destroyed our granolith, the other one would cease to be after all, being as it was the future version of the one we had found, brought back in time by Ava when she had chased after Sean, who had used it first.

Yes, I know it’s confusing, but then timelines and time travel always are. Destroying the damn granolith means that I can stop thinking in terms like this, can concentrate on my own life and my life alone. I can stop trying to keep this all straight in my head.

Of course, destroying it also had a consequence I couldn’t have possibly imagined.

I know that Liz went through something extraordinary when she went into the granolith. She never got a chance to tell me about it though. Because, when I took that crystal in my hands, and when I broke it in two, when the light that burned from within it was extinguished, whatever it was that Liz lived there was extinguished as well.

I looked up at her just as I did it, and I literally saw the light go out in her eyes, as all the memories she had created disappeared.

And so here I lie on my motel room bed, staring up at the ceiling, knowing that Liz is asleep next door in the room she is sharing with Isabel, Maria, and Ava, blissfully unaware of anything she experienced during her journey.

She knows nothing about Serena, nothing about Sean, has even completely forgotten where Tess crashed in the spaceship when she took off.

Now I don’t want you to think that she has turned her back on me again. She hasn’t - not completely. She doesn’t remember finding out that I didn’t sleep with Tess, but when I explained to her about the flashes - that they had changed and that she told me what she had seen - she looked pensive, as though turning the whole thing over in her mind.

Because she has returned to only remembering the bad flashes. It’s like the kiss we shared, when we came back to life together, never happened.

None of it happened. Not for her. And she’s not willing to risk it again. She has been avoiding me like the plague since we hit the road to find Sean. She told me yesterday that she wants to be friends, that she believes that I’m not lying when I tell her what she told me, but she just can’t risk it again. She’s having a hard enough time still dealing with the first set of flashes.

So we’re back to being friends. Sort of. But not really. It is, quite simply, brutal.

The worst part is, I remember everything. I remember Future Maria, who was living an incomplete life without Michael. I remember Future Alex, the one who lived in the timeline where Liz and I married in Vegas, and who had visited me in my dream.

I remember Serena, my daughter. Our daughter.

I don’t just remember the granolith and my experiences there either.

I still remember sleeping with Tess. I did it. I know I did. And the fact that Liz doesn’t remember her new flashes…It’s only reinforcing it for me.

Sean is not my son, but I slept with Tess. And there is nothing I can do to change it.

Why do I remember and Liz doesn’t? I just don’t get it. How could we have shared something so significant, so life-altering, and only I remember? Am I being punished for what I did with Tess? Is fate finally giving me my just desserts, making me feel like Liz did when she had to keep the secret about Future Max, when she had to stay away from me?

I have never felt so alone. I can’t tell anyone about what happened - about what I know about the future. I can’t mess with the timeline that way.

See, even with no granolith, things are messed up. A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing.

Everyone remembers what Liz said about Khivar, of course, although she can’t remember how she knows. I see the fear that lurks in Isabel’s eyes, the barely veiled panic. She is waiting for him to come for her, and is slowly driving herself crazy because of it. But she is helping us to find Tess, despite her terror. She refuses to let anyone talk to her about it. She feels like it is her cross to bear because she once, in a past life, betrayed me.

Plus, we need her. Isabel dreamwalked Tess last night, now that we know she’s still on the planet. We know she’s somewhere in Canada, and that Sean has been born. Izzy got that much. And now we’re on the road after them.

It’s almost been too easy. Like Tess knows we’re coming. Like she’s waiting for us.

I know that this is it - the final showdown. Somehow I know that Tess isn’t going to be alone. If we win this battle, we might be able to start to build normal lives for ourselves, still with the shadow of Khivar lurking, but also with the knowledge that Liz had given us that we can win.

Of course, we don’t know how, but I know that she’s right. It doesn’t mean that it sucks any less that I’m going to have to beat my enemies without Liz by my side. Because, with the loss of her memory, Liz’s potential freedom has returned again. And I have gone back to my original resolution that I am going to leave her alone, that I can let her go. I need to do it - for her.

I love her, and I would do anything for her - even give her up.

It doesn’t make me any less miserable though.

I rub a weary hand across my face, wishing that I could just fall asleep, so that I can sink into oblivion. I know that I’ll dream about Liz, but at least I won’t remember it when I wake up. At least I’ll feel some relief from this agony, if only for a little while.

A tapping on the door jerks me into a seated position. I roll my eyes. "Michael, I told you not to forget your key!" I mutter in annoyance, as I make my way across the room to let him in. I was really hoping to be asleep by the time he came back, so that I wouldn’t have to listen to him rant to convince me that I have to make Liz try again - that if she got flashes last time, all I have to do is kiss her and show her that she wouldn’t get them again.

I can’t do that to her. It would be like violating her trust. I have told her that I will give her space and I intend to respect that.

But as I open the door, and I see that it’s not Michael, I realize that I haven’t figured out what I am going to do about my resolve to leave her alone if she doesn’t want me to keep it.

Because here she is, biting her lip, and looking nervous. "Hi, Max."

"Hi." I know that I sound dumbfounded. Liz has not sought me out in three days. She has always made sure we’re in different cars, and that we never end up sitting beside each other when we stop to eat. Like I said, basically acting like I have the plague.

And now here she is at my door at midnight and she doesn’t look the least bit afraid. She’s wearing pajamas for God’s sake. Very cute pajamas. I feel my body reacting despite myself.

"I couldn’t sleep," she says, smiling slightly. "Can I come in?"

I frown. "Are you sure you want to?" But I move aside, still holding the door open. She slides under my arm and into the room.

It is only when she stops near the closest bed and turns to look at me, her eyes scanning shyly down the length of my body that I remember I’m wearing only my boxers. I was technically in bed after all, in spite of the fact that my mind has been racing for the past hour, sleep nowhere near ready to come.

I feel heat rising in my face, turn away and grab a T-shirt off the nearest chair. "Is something wrong?" I ask as I turn back, pulling it over my head.

Liz is biting her lip again. "I need to talk to you, Max." She sighs. "We can’t keep doing this."

I sigh too. "Liz, I know. I’m leaving you alone. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. I told you, you don’t even have to come with us."

Liz doesn’t say anything for along moment and then she whispers, "Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because I just feel like I do." I feel the pain of it as tears fill her dark eyes. I can’t stand to see her cry. I just can’t take it that I’m responsible for doing that to her - again. "I just know that we’re meant to be together, Max."

"Liz…"

"Max, just listen. I’ve been thinking about what you told me three days ago . I’ve been thinking about what the others said that confirmed it too. That I came back from wherever I was, and I had all this information, and I kissed you, and the flashes of you and Tess were gone."

"Okay?" I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I’m willing to listen. Let’s call a spade a spade here. In spite of my resolve, I would listen to Liz Parker read the telephone book aloud. The sound of her voice is simply hypnotic.

"And it dawned on me tonight how stupid we’ve been. We haven’t even used the resource that we have right at our fingertips. Because if what you said was true - if you were mindwarped - then those flashes that I got had to have been a mindwarp too."

I feel my heart start to beat erratically. What is she saying? "I don’t get it. Resource at our fingertips? What are you talking about?"

"Ava," Liz explains patiently. "If anyone knows about mindwarping, it’s her."

"And you trust her enough to ask her?" I pause. "Wait a minute. What do you even want to ask her?"

"If we’ve been mindwarped. Shouldn’t she be able to tell?"

"I don’t know." I can feel my mind whirling. I suddenly remember - I can’t believe I forgot this! - my tapping fingers on the steering wheel as Maria and I waited outside Valenti’s a few days ago.

That’s not the only memory that suddenly pops into my head either. I remember how I found out that Kyle was warped. I connected with him and saw the damage that had been done to his brain.

I couldn’t examine my own brain, but I could take a peek at Liz’s. But that would mean a connection, which would mean that she would see the flashes.

I realize that Liz is still talking. "Max, I also thought of something else. If what you say is true, if I didn’t get those flashes of you…" she swallows, then closes her eyes momentarily, "And Tess the last time I kissed you, then maybe the warp on me has already been taken care of. I mean, it’s gone."

"But why would Tess drop the warp on you, and not on me?"

"Max, I don’t think she’s still warping you. She changed your memories. I don’t think she has to actively keep warping you after she’s done it. She couldn’t have been constantly mindwarping Kyle, Alex and Mrs. Deluca all that time. She must have changed their memories, and that was it. She just didn’t know that they would eventually break through the fake memories." I am staring at Liz. I know my mouth is hanging open by now. How is this girl so smart? How is it possible that I constantly forget just how intelligent she is? I feel my love for her making my heart swell as I continue to listen to her.

I am still trying to keep my hopes down though. I can’t hope that this is the break I have been praying for.

"The two types of warp are kind of different after all," she continues, clearly on a roll. "What happened to me on the way home from Las Cruces was a little more active, if you know what I mean. If you didn’t sleep with Tess, then I was seeing things that weren’t there. I wasn’t remembering something. Maybe I was warped to see false flashes on the way home from Las Cruces, and because I wasn’t warped after we came out of the granolith, I saw the real flashes."

"Tess is in Canada though, Liz. How would she know when exactly to make you see that?" But it suddenly becomes so clear to me, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself.

"Tess didn’t need to do it," Liz replies triumphantly, smiling as she sees that I have put two and two together myself. "She wasn’t the only one around with the ability to mindwarp. Her son could too. In fact, in comparison to what Sean was capable of, she was pretty minor league. Anyway, we don’t even need Ava to check us out or anything. I asked her about all this, and she said it sounds possible."

I can’t believe that all my dreams are potentially coming true. Is this really happening? Is Liz standing here telling me this stuff?

Sean fricking Deluca. Unbelievable.

But it still doesn’t confirm that I hadn’t slept with Tess. Those memories are still intact in my mind, sitting there taunting and torturing me. And, yet, I know that someone warped me at some point. I was coming out of it when I was in the car with Maria.

I look at Liz, just stare at her. "What do we do now, Liz?"

She smiles slightly again. "What I’ve been wanting to do for three days," she replies. "But until I realized all this, I just wasn’t brave enough." She takes a step towards me. "I’m going to kiss you now, Max, and we’re going to rid ourselves of her once and for all."

Like I’d say no to that. And, yet, I am still nervous as she reaches up and pulls my face down to hers.

Because what if she does get the flashes? What if we’re wrong about this?

But I don’t think about it for long, because the minute her soft lips touch mine, I am lost.

Part 32 - Hold On - Liz POV

Hold on,
Hold on to yourself
For this is going to hurt like hell.
Hold on,
Hold on to yourself
You know that only time will tell.

What is in me that refuses to believe?
This isn’t easier than the real thing.
My love you know that you’re my best friend.
You know that I’d do anything for you.
My love let nothing come between us,
My love for you is strong and true.

Am I in heaven here or am I
At the crossroads I am standing?

And now you’re sleeping peaceful.
I lie awake and pray
That you’ll be strong tomorrow
And we’ll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile across your face.

Oh God, if you’re out there, won’t you hear me?
I know that we’ve never talked before.
And oh God, the man I love is leaving
Won’t you take him when he comes to your door?

Am I in heaven here or am I in hell?
At the crossroads I am standing.

So now you’re sleeping peaceful
I lie awake and pray
That you’ll be strong tomorrow
And we’ll see another day
And we will praise it
And love the light that brings a smile to your face.

Hold on
Hold on to yourself
This is going to hurt like hell.

Sarah McLachlan

I don’t allow myself to hesitate when I pull Max’s face down to mine and kiss him. I know that one moment of doubt and I won’t be able to do it.

It is completely wrong that I am so scared to kiss the person I love more than anyone else in the world. This is what she has brought us to, and the resolve I have that she is not going to win gets me through the first seconds. But it is not enough. I can feel Max opening himself to me completely, as he has every time we have ever kissed. He gasps against me as the connection opens between us - but only in his direction.

"God, Liz…" His hands sweep through my hair, pulling me more closely against him. I am more aware than ever that he is wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a thin pair of boxers. But I am still holding back, enjoying the feel of his body, that he is hard where I am soft, that his lips are gentle and insistent at the same time.

I wonder if this can ever be enough. Could I go through life enjoying a physical relationship with my love, only really knowing him on the surface? Other couples do it after all. It is a rare - almost unique - thing to be able to see into another person’s soul. If I had stayed with Kyle, or if I ever get together with another guy, I will not be able to do it.

But this is Max and I do not want half of him. I have had it all, and I want it back.

Ironically, it was Isabel of all people who finally made me see it.

I know it has hurt Max that I have been avoiding him for the past three days, but I could not think straight in his presence, at least not the way things still stood between us in my mind. I know that I supposedly had some great epiphany when I went wherever it was Future Ava took me, but I don’t remember any of it. The destruction of the granolith has robbed me of the memories I made there - things I likely was not supposed to experience anyway. Future Ava and, yes, even Future Sean, gave me a gift - the gift of insight and truth - one I regret losing.

And, yet, I don’t regret it at the same time. Because the reason we destroyed the granolith in the first place was to avoid the temptation of being able to fix our mistakes. I feel it is only right that I have to live my life not knowing what may happen. To know means living in fear.

I refuse to live in fear. Which is why, when Isabel spoke to me earlier tonight, I was willing to listen. It was not that Max’s sister said anything about Max persay. But what she did say reminded me of the kind of person I want to be, the kind of person Isabel is trying to be.

Isabel lives in fear now. She knows, thanks to me, that Khivar, the person she once betrayed her brother for, will come for her one day. I don’t believe that she will do it again - Isabel is a different person now - but I know that she is afraid that she might. She misses Alex desperately, regrets that just when she accepted that she belonged with him - that he made her strong - what she was killed him. I know Isabel feels this way, that she blames herself for what Tess did to my best friend. Just like Max does. Just like I used to - that because I pulled Alex into the alien abyss, he died.

Isabel is not to blame. Tess’s actions were her own. Just like what she did to Max she did on her own. From what Maria has told me, I was completely certain when I returned from that other world that Max did not sleep with my enemy, that he was mindwarped. Maria even told me that she saw him begin to come out of it while I was missing, which reinforced to her that I was not wrong.

And, yet, I was still scared to follow my heart, to go to Max, to try again. Because I couldn’t remember any of that. All I could see in front of my eyes was Max and Tess, entangled, entwined, doing things that only I was supposed to do with him. Things that we were told had made a baby, but which had not made their baby, and, yet, it had still happened. He still slept with her.

But I’m getting off track again. I am losing myself in my fear. Following your heart, like my grandma made me promise to do, means that you have to get past your fear. I forgot that for a while, but I will never forget it again.

Anyway, Isabel came to see me. I think she needed someone to talk to about her fear, and felt that it couldn’t be either Max or Michael. They both trust her implicitly, know that she will never do anything to hurt them. But she does not know this about herself, and she wanted to try and deal with what is brewing inside of her with someone who will listen without prejudice - someone who does not know her one way and one way alone. Before it would have been Alex, but since Alex is gone, I think Isabel considers me the next best thing.

As I listened to my friend, as she spilled out her terror, her grief for Alex, her lack of knowledge of herself, as she sobbed with her head in my lap, and I stroked her blonde hair, trying to comfort this poor girl who always seems so strong and icy, but who is really so loving and afraid at her core, I had my epiphany.

I love Max and I don’t want to live without him. By running away from him, I was doing exactly what Isabel was - trying to ignore my true nature, trying to run away from my own heart. Isabel did it with Alex and now she was going to have to go on without him, knowing that she wasted all those months, knowing that maybe, if they had been together, she would have clued in to what Tess was doing. Maybe she could have stopped her.

As I soothed Isabel, as I told her that none of it was her fault - because it wasn’t of course - I began to realize that I had to give Max and me one last chance. I had to do what Isabel was trying to do. I had to follow my heart. But to do it, I had to know once and for all if what I had found out was possible - that Tess really could have created such elaborate illusions, that she really could have changed Max’s memories so completely, that even he still believes he slept with her, even though we know the truth about Sean.

When I spoke to Ava, I was reminded of the day that I went to speak to Tess while I was investigating Alex’s murder. I learned nothing on that day except that I had been completely wrong about the kind of person Max Evans was. It still hurts to think about how rude he was to me that day, but it wasn’t him I realize now. Because Ava did not only confirm for me that there are two kinds of mindwarps, she actually told me there were three.

Not only can mindwarpers make people see things that aren’t there, and change memories, they can also change behavior. If a mindwarper is connected enough with their victim, they can actually make them act totally out of character, basically control them at their whim. And all of Max’s weird behavior after Alex’s death suddenly began to make sense - how he grabbed me in the hallway that day, the way he yelled at me on the highway when I was on my way to Sweden. It was mind control.

She had changed him because he had trusted her. If he was to blame for anything, it was that fact alone. And have I not always known that Max is too trusting? Often he is right in who he trusts - me, my friends, Valenti - but the one time he made a mistake - with Tess - it was a huge one.

He should not have to pay for the rest of his life for that mistake. I know that he will pay, inside, that he will always blame himself for what happened to Alex, but, in the end, what had he really done to me? If I was right when I returned from my visit in the granolith, then he had been mindwarped the whole time and now I only had to pull him out of it.

Which is why I find myself kissing him now, enjoying it, but not allowing myself to completely let go.

It’s one thing to tell yourself that you’re going to let go of your fear. But sometimes fear has a mind of its own, refusing to let go its icy grip around your heart.

I am stronger than any fear. I have never been afraid of Max, not since he first told me the truth about himself, and I refuse to begin now.

And, so, finally, I let go and open myself up to him.

He knows exactly when I do it to, because I feel him shudder against me. "Liz," he whispers against my ear, kissing me lightly on the lobe before bringing his mouth back to mine. I open my lips, allow his tongue access, feel him pulling on my bottom lip with his in that way that nearly drives me insane with longing for him.

When the flashes begin they are completely different from the ones I remember - the ones that almost killed me and did make me literally ill.

Flash*

Max, suspicious of Tess as she gives him a shirt as a gift, but he feels bad, so he accepts it.

Flash*

Max watching me with Sean at the UFO Museum during the hostage situation, not understanding why I am so angry at him, not understanding why we are drifting apart again.

Flash*

Max connecting with Brody, and suddenly assailed with images of another planet, another life. It is all familiar, and yet, not, at the same time.

Flash*

Max tries to tell me about the memories, tries to tell me how exciting and, yet, frightening it all is. He feels disappointment when I barely listen, but he is absolutely thrilled when I ask him if we can go to the Prom together.

Flash*

His heart thundering with love, Max sees me across the Crashdown when he comes to pick me up for the Prom.

Flash*

Max, devastated, listening to me tell him that I feel suffocated by our relationship, that I am constantly waiting for him to remember Tess, that I can’t do it any longer. He watches me walk away, considers going after me, but wonders if I am right. Maybe he has no choice but to prove me right or wrong, once and for all.

Flash*

Max kisses Tess in the hallway of the high school. He feels drawn to her and, yet, as their lips meet, he feels nothing. It is not the same as kissing me - it is just wrong. He knows deep down that he will never love her - that the memories he has mean nothing. He breaks away from her, and tells her so. Her eyes glitter strangely as she nods her understanding. "But at least we can still be friends, Max."

It is then that the flashes start to become fuzzy, as though they are trying to break through, past a heavy web of intrigue and deceit. Max watches his own behavior as though from a long way off - knows that the way he is treating Isabel and I is not him and, yet, he can’t stop himself.

Flash*

Max, at the Observatory, thinking about what is happening to him. He knows that something is wrong.

Flash*

Tess appears. He tries to tell her what he is feeling. His confusion is utterly heartbreaking, because, after all, she has been messing with his mind for weeks now. "My whole life I've wanted to be this person, this normal person. Human. My whole life I've been thinking that this alien side of me was this bad thing. This thing that made me a freak. This monster. I realize that I haven't just been hiding from the government and the law all this time. I've been hiding from myself. I don't know what's going on anymore. I thought I knew but I don't. I've lost everyone." He thinks I need Liz. I need the Liz who loved me in spite of everything. With her I know who I am. I am who I want to be. And then I am there, in his eyes she has become me, and he is kissing me and all is right with his world again. "I’m ready to wake up now." They are his words to me. He is tired of simply dreaming about me, he wants to be with me.

These are Max’s memories of what happened, and, yet, underneath I see flashes of what he saw with his eyes, but not with his mind. I see Tess kiss him while he sees me. I see her pull him down with her, and he lays his head in her lap and cries, admitting that he knows that what he is killed Alex and that he doesn’t deserve me. He thanks me for coming back, promises that he will help me find out the truth.

He falls asleep.

And I know with absolute certainty that he did not sleep with Tess, or with who he thought was me, or anyone. Absolutely nothing happened.

In the next flash he has woken up, and he is naked, and he finds Tess in his arms, and the horror of it is almost beyond his comprehension. He remembers every detail of what they did together and he knows that he has lost me for good.

I can feel the tears streaming down my face as I pull back and stare up at him.

My love.

His eyes are closed and I feel him sigh. I can’t tell if he is upset or happy. It is a very ambiguous sigh.

"Max," I whisper. "Open your eyes."

He does, bringing his forehead down to rest against mine. "What did you see?" His voice is low, afraid.

"I saw that you love me," I reply, smiling through my tears. "I saw exactly what I’ve always seen from you. Whatever that was that I saw four days ago, it’s gone. It was a mindwarp." The relief of it is sweeping through my entire body, making me want to be as close as physically possible to him now.

He is still completely mine, my innocent Max, who has waited for me. My Max who would never even consider doing anything else.

"Did I…" He trails off, clearly not wanting to even say it, because he still does not know any of this.

"You didn’t sleep with her. She changed your memories."

A shudder runs through him. His eyes close again, this time in relief to match my own. He stumbles backwards slightly, pulling me with him, until we both tumble onto the bed, still wrapped in each other’s arms. "I still remember it," he admits, his voice cracking slightly. "Is it ever going to go away?"

"I don’t know," I tell him, kissing him gently on the forehead. "Maybe. Hopefully. But you have to try and forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore."

"When she’s gone," he finally says quietly. "When she’s gone, I will be rid of her for good."

I feel a shiver descend my spine. "When we kill her?" Can we really do such a thing? Can we really kill someone, even if it is someone as evil and corrupt as Tess?

He opens his eyes, and stares right into mine. "I don’t know if we have any other choice, Liz. If we don’t, she’ll never stop coming. She’ll come after Sean once we have him back. She’ll come after Seren…" He cuts himself off abruptly, his eyes widening.

I frown. "Max?"

"Liz, what are we going to do about the fact that I remember the granolith and you don’t?" he asks, sounding extremely weary, his eyes closing again. "I can’t constantly censor myself around you. I mean, I don’t know as much as you did before you forgot, but I know enough. And I don’t want to keep anything from you - not anymore."

"I don’t know," I tell him. "Do we have to worry about it right now?"

His kisses me lightly, rolling me over onto my back and deepening the kiss until I feel it clear down to my toes. He pulls back slightly, gazing down at me, his eyes shadowed. "Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you right now?" he asks, not sounding like the Max I know at all. There is no shyness in the question, no hesitation. In fact, he sounds extremely upset about it.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask, trying to joke slightly, but I feel hurt at his tone. I don’t understand how his mood has changed so abruptly. "I love you. We are way behind schedule as it is." I smile up at him. "We were supposed to be together over six months ago."

Max runs his hand gently through my hair, then sits up, pulling me with him. "And you know this because of what that future version of me told you?"

"Right." I am on my knees, so I lean forward and brush his lips with mine again. "I love you, Max. We belong together."

"He never told you about the consequences, did he?" He shakes his head, then sighs. "I know he didn’t."

I feel a shiver descend my spine. "What consequences?" I demand. "Is it dangerous? Michael and Maria have been together!" I feel myself getting angry that he won’t open up completely as he just continues to stare at me. I can almost see his mind at work. "What’s wrong?"

"Liz, if we’re together, there are going to be consequences," Max tells me seriously. "I want to tell you, but I don’t know if I can, because I think that you’ll want to make love right now to make sure that what’s supposed to happen happens, and I don’t know if we’re ready."

I sit back so that we are no longer touching. "So they’re good consequences?" I ask flirtatiously. He eyes me, raising an eyebrow. "If I’m going to want the consequences, what’s so bad about them?"

"Well…" He trails off uncertainly. He is obviously struggling with himself. "Liz, I think I have to tell you because it’s going to dictate the entire course of our relationship from now on."

I am really scared now. "Max, what is it?" All I want to do is climb into his lap. I want to ignore whatever it is, but I know that he doesn’t think we can.

"Liz, we are going to conceive a child. Maybe not the first time we make love, but probably very soon after." He blurts this all out in a rush, his eyes never leaving my face. "Her name is going to be Serena, and she is going to be beautiful." I see tears glistening in his dark eyes as he remembers her, as he sees her in his mind’s eye, in his heart.

I barely notice at the same time, because when her name passes his lips, I remember her. It all comes rushing back so quickly that it is almost too much. "Max!" I gasp his name, burying my face in my hands to stop the fast-forwarded version of the lifetime I lived in the granolith, to try and control the mad rush of faces that whirl through my brain - Future Max, Future Alex, Michael, Isabel, Maria, Kyle, my Max. And through it all, she is there. My heart. My daughter.

Serena.

Oh God! Serena. How could I have forgotten her?

"Liz? LIZ!" Max has crawled across the bed and is pulling my hands away from my face. "What’s wrong?"

I am crying and laughing at the same time. I am not hysterical exactly, but I am close.

Because I remember my resolve, the decision I made in the granolith that Serena would not be born until we were ready for her. And I know in my heart that we are nowhere near being ready.

But I am so ready to rip Max’s clothes off and have my way with my true-love, my soulmate, it is almost scary.

I can’t. We are simply not at the stage in our lives where we will be the parents Serena - the savior of two worlds - is going to need.

"Liz! Please! Speak to me!" He is getting desperate now.

I manage to stop laughing, so that I bring my hands up to frame his face. "I remember her. I remember our daughter."

"Why are you laughing then?" Max demands. "I don’t understand how this is the least bit funny!"

"I know!" I start to laugh again. "It’s not. But it so is Max. Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you?" I ask, repeating the same question he asked me moments ago. "But I know we’re not ready, and it’s just not fair!"

Max continues to stare at me. "And this is funny how?" His voice has lowered again and his eyes are darkening. I see them drop to my lips.

"It’s not the least bit funny," I reply but I am almost giddy with happiness too - happy that I remember all the lessons I learned on the journey I had to take so that we could be together.

I think I even understand why I forgot it all. It was the final test, the final proof that I could follow my heart with or without the pre-knowledge of where it might take me. And because I had shown that I could, because I faced my demons, because I found out the truth about Max and Tess on my own, I was allowed to remember it all.

I have earned the right to love Max. I can see that he is still uncertain, that maybe he still has a little way to go. Because his demon, in the blonde ringleted form of Tess Harding, is still out there.

But I don’t want him thinking about her right now - not when he is only just mine again. I know it’s selfish, but we still have to find her. It will be easy enough now that I remember everything, but, for now, that is in the future.

For now, I get to have him all to myself.

"But I don’t know why we’re so concerned," I continue, still smiling at him. "It’s not like it’s not going to happen. For now, it’s enough that we’re together and that we love each other."

"It is?" Max doesn’t sound convinced, which just makes me burst out giggling again.

"I so knew it! You only love me for my body!" The sheer ridiculousness of saying it makes me laugh again, because I have seen his soul and I know it for the blatant lie it is.

But he looks horrified. "Liz!"

"I love you for your body," I tell him, trailing a finger up his chest. "And your mind, and your heart." I stop laughing, and smile at him, hoping that he can see all the love that I feel welling within me. "I shouldn’t tease you, but we’re together now. We will always be together and it makes me so happy, Max. We have things to take care of - namely Tess - before we can be truly at peace, but we’re so close, my love. Can’t we just be happy for a while?"

He frowns at me for so long, I wonder if he’s really mad. But, finally, he reaches forward, gently pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "It’s been so long since I’ve seen you smile. God, Liz, I love you."

"I love you too." I lean forward to gently kiss him again. "And someday soon we’ll get to show each other how much we love each other in every way. Maybe not tonight, but soon." I climb onto his lap, laying feather light kisses on his closed eyes, his nose, both cheeks and then I kiss him full on the mouth again. "We’ll take this as slowly as we want to, Max. It will all still happen. For now though, this is enough," I whisper against his lips.

He kisses me back, and the connection flares to life between us, seemingly reinforcing what I’ve said. We fall back onto the bed together, kissing and cuddling, but nothing more. Because we both know that the rest of it will come soon enough.

For now, it is almost more sexy just reveling in our innocence again, just knowing how young we both are, how much of our life we still have to live together.

"Just being with you is enough," he says quietly against my hair after a while. "It will always be enough."

"I will never leave you again," I promise as I feel him begin to drift. The connection is still strong and I know when he falls asleep.

I stroke his arm gently. I am cradled on his chest and I can feel his heart beating steadily under my cheek. And I know that mine will soon be beating in time.

My journey has ended and has brought me home to Max’s arms, where I will always belong.

I only hope that he will be strong enough to end his journey the way he wants to, that he will be able to exorcise Tess once and for all when we finally meet up with her again.

Because, I know, in my heart, that we will not kill her. We will not be able to do it. But we will still find a way to end this.

Together we can do anything.

Part 33 - Good Enough - Max POV

Hey your glass is empty.
It’s a hell of a long way home.
Why don’t you let me take you?
It’s no good to go alone.
I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me.
After all the bullshit I’ve heard
It’s refreshing not to see.
I don’t have to pretend
She doesn’t expect it of me.

So don’t tell me I haven’t been good to you.
Don’t tell me I have never been there for you.
Just tell me why nothing is good enough.

Hey little girl would you like some candy?
Your momma said it’s okay.
The door is open, come on outside.
No I can’t come out today.
It’s not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground.
Who’s there that makes you so afraid
You’re shaken to the bone?
I don’t understand,
You deserve so much more than this.

So don’t tell me why he’s never been good to you.
Don’t tell me why he’s never been there for you.
Don’t you know that why is simply not good enough.

So just let me try and I will be good to you.
Just let me try and I will be there for you.
I’ll show you why you’re so much more than good enough.

Sarah McLachlan

For one instant, I think I am dreaming. There is no other explanation for the fact that Liz Parker is sound asleep in my arms, her soft hair tickling my nose, when I drift back to consciousness.

But, as I slowly awaken, I remember all that passed between us last night, and I know that this is not a dream. This is reality, and my life has finally returned to the path it was always meant to be on - the only path I have ever wanted to follow.

Liz and I are going to be together. My heart practically wants to burst at this brand new knowledge. And, yet, it feels as old as the stars too - like our very destinies are finally coming into alignment, because we have worked so hard to make it so.

Things are, of course, in some ways, still only an illusion. They are still not completely perfect. Because, in spite of the fact that Liz is completely convinced now that absolutely nothing physical happened between Tess and me on that horrible night at the observatory, I still remember it. I still remember touching her in ways I only ever want to touch Liz. I still remember her hands touching me. It makes me feel dirty and completely unworthy to be where I am presently, which is holding Liz in my arms. My beautiful, trusting Liz, who I still don’t deserve.

I won’t deserve her until I get Tess out of my head, once and for all. The problem is, I have absolutely no idea how to go about doing it. I truly believe that the only way to completely eradicate her is to kill her and I know that I am not quite ready to do that. I just can’t see myself actually killing her, not in premeditation.

I would have killed her in the instant I found out about Alex. Trust me on that one. But thinking about it - I just can’t see it ever happening. Especially now that Liz and I are back together. When we weren’t, it was easy for me to shut off my emotions, to allow my alien side to take over. It was how I could have so easily killed Jennifer Coleman.

But it’s all changed again. Now that Liz and I have reconnected, it is damn near impossible to imagine killing someone on purpose. Like I’ve said many times before, I am a better person with her - stronger in that I don’t always look for the easy way out. Killing Tess is the easy way, as much as she deserves it.

I know that Liz would never want me to do it either. Because it’s just not what we’re about. It’s not us - any of us. I know that Isabel and Michael are both still haunted by the lives they have taken - Whittaker and Pierce respectively - and they had absolutely no choice.

I still have a choice, even though I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to erase Tess’s existence permanently. Because I do know that what I told Liz is true. If Tess lives, we will never be safe. Sean will never be secure either, although I don’t doubt that we will get him back. Serena, when she comes, will be in constant danger - not only from Khivar, but from Tess, who I have no question would use my innocent daughter to control me.

You can see the dilemma in which we find ourselves. In the meantime though, we have to concentrate on what we can control, rather than what we can’t. I might still remember Tess, but I believe Liz when she says it’s a lie. I can only hope that someday it will all just go away - that I will wake up one morning with the whole memory just gone.

It’s still here today though, and I’m just going to have to deal with it. We have more important things to worry about right now - namely Sean and getting him back. Because, even though I now know he is not mine, I still feel responsible for him. I still feel like it is my fault that Tess left with him at all.

I can worry about what to do about Tess when the time comes.

I turn my head slightly, then kiss Liz lightly on the temple. She murmurs my name, shifting slightly, but doesn’t wake up. She is clearly exhausted, so I decide that I’ll let her sleep for a while longer. I can get everyone else ready to go and then come and wake her up in time for breakfast. We’ll hit the road before the sun is even fully in the sky.

We have been driving hard for the past day and a half and are now in Northern Colorado. We weren’t exactly sure where we were going when we started, but we did know it was Canada. It seemed like the best plan to get as close to where the granolith crashed as possible before having Isabel try to dreamwalk Tess again. We don’t want her to know we’re on the way until the last possible minute. Ava also thought that she might be able to sense her clone if she was near.

But now that we will know exactly where we’re going, things don’t seem quite so up in the air, quite so desperate. Things are better now. Liz has her memories from the granolith back, and so we will be able to find Sean that much more easily. It is only a matter of time.

I ease myself gently away from Liz. She frowns slightly, but turns away cooperatively enough, burying her head in the pillow I have just vacated. It takes all my strength to move away from her, when all I want to do is kiss her awake, and then show her exactly how much I love her.

I want to do it, but it’s not the right time. And not just because we’re not ready for Serena. I’m not ready either. Because, until I feel completely worthy of Liz, I just don’t want to go that far. In some ways, it’s a big relief that Liz is being so militant about the whole thing. In this particular case, I know that I can’t be the strong one. I want to make love to her so badly, it is almost painful, but it’s not for completely the right reasons now.

Deep down, a small part of me thinks that if I connect completely with Liz in that way, what happened with Tess - what I remember - will disappear.

Don’t get me wrong. You all know how much I love her, how much I want Liz for herself. But if we make love now, that’s not all it will be about. And that is just not fair to Liz. When I’m with her, I want it to only be about the two of us. I do not want Tess standing between us in any way. Because even if she is a moot point to Liz now, to me she’s not.

I am going to get rid of her ghost if it is the last thing I ever do. I have to face her once more and make her let me go. I have no choice, if I want my life with Liz to be exactly what it’s meant to be.

I hurry through my shower, and Liz is still fast asleep as I dress. I have no idea what happened to Michael last night. He must have found out that Liz was with me and made himself scarce, bunking down with Maria somewhere.

And, so, I am surprised to find him sound asleep in the hallway, his back up against the door, so that when I open it, he falls backwards into the room. He opens one eye sleepily, glaring up at me. "Jeez, Maxwell. I’ve been knocking for an hour. What the hell are you and Liz doing in there?" He narrows his eyes slightly. "Actually, wait. I don’t want to know. It falls into the category of too much information for the middle of the night."

I stare down at him, but can’t help the grin that creeps across my face. "Why are you asleep in the hallway, Michael?"

"Maria’s ticked at me," he admits grumpily, climbing to his feet. "I don’t even know what I did."

"What else is new?" I ask cheerfully. "Let’s go wake everyone up. We have to hit the road."

"Are you telling me it’s morning?" Michael demands in annoyance. "I slept in the bloody hallway all night?"

"That’s what I’m telling you."

He eyes me suspiciously. "You are extraordinarily chipper this morning," he finally comments. "Did you and Liz make up?"

"You could say that."

"Good. It’s about time," Michael says, sounding like he means it. He grimaces slightly. "Listen, can we leave the girls in peace for a little while longer? Maria was really crabby last night. I think a couple more minutes of shut eye might do her some good."

I look at him, shrug. "Okay. Let’s go get some breakfast and then we’ll wake them all up. Liz remembers everything now so we know where we’re going. It will make the trip shorter anyway."

I see something strange flash in Michael’s eyes for a moment - something I don’t recognize. I frown. "Is something wrong?" I ask, staring at him. There’s something off here. I’m not quite sure what it is, but I would swear that that was anger that I just saw flash across my best friend’s face. Anger mixed with a good healthy dose of fear. "Michael?"

He is so nonchalant when he answers, I am almost positive I imagined it. "Other than the fact that I have a crick in my neck the size of the state of Colorado?" he asks, sounding so like Michael, I wonder what the hell I am thinking. "C’mon. I’m starving."

And, yet, my stomach is suddenly in knots. Because, for one instant, this person was not Michael. If he’s not Michael, there is only one other person he can be.

I remember what Liz told me about the granolith before I drifted off to sleep last night. In between all that kissing, we found some time to talk, and she had filled me in on almost everything from that other life - including the bit about Rath, and Lonnie, and the fact that the spaceship, powered by the granolith, will not fly without a full complement of the Royal Four inside it.

I pause, wondering if I should go check the girls’ room, to see if this is really Michael. I am trailing him uncertainly, when we run into Izzy in the lobby. "Hey guys!" My sister hails us from near the desk. "Check-out’s at ten. Are you going for breakfast? I could eat. Kyle and the sheriff are already in the restaurant across the highway."

I feel my heartbeat beginning to return to normal. Am I just imagining things? This all seems completely normal. I stare closely at Isabel, and see only my sister staring back at me. "Max?" she asks, frowning. "Are you okay? You look a bit pale."

How on Earth could Lonnie and Rath have found us in this motel in the middle of nowhere? I ask myself this question as I follow them out the front door of the motel and around the side towards the highway. Besides, they probably don’t even know that Tess tried to take off in the granolith. It doesn’t make any sense that they’d be after me yet.

I do know they’ll come after me eventually. And if something happens to Tess, they’ll come after Ava too. They need us. But it really doesn’t fit that it would be so soon.

Unless they’ve been watching us the whole time, a voice in the back of my head argues. They’d know that Tess took off alone, they’d know that she crashed, because they must know by now that the ship only works with the four of us in it.

Another thought suddenly occurs to me. What if Ava didn’t come to Roswell alone? What if she’s only been biding her time, waiting to betray us? What if she’s allowing Rath and Lonnie to follow us to the spaceship, playing along that she’s one of us, and then, in the end, she is fully planning to be the Antarian queen that heads back to our planet?

I can’t believe I allowed myself to trust her so easily. She is a clone of Tess after all. It doesn’t seem like such a leap in logic that she’d use me this way.

But, then again, Liz trusts her, and I trust Liz’s judgment. She’s rarely been wrong before.

I realize suddenly that Michael and Isabel have stopped walking, and have turned back to me curiously.

"Max, what are you doing?" my sister demands, sounding so much like Isabel, I am again sure I am wrong.

And, yet, my instincts tell me I’m not. Tuning into her, I can almost feel the unnatural chill coming off of this girl in waves. It is the same feeling I got around Lonnie before, even when she played at loving me because I reminded her of Zan. While my sister has the reputation of being an ice queen, she has never been that way with me, especially recently, since Liz and I almost died - or at least she thought we did when we were in the granolith. "I…" I swallow, feeling a shiver descend my spine. "I forgot my wallet back in the room." I wonder if they hear my voice crack. I start to back up slowly. "I’ll meet you guys there."

I see them exchange a look.

When Michael looks at me again, his expression is grim. "I don’t think so, Maxwell."

"You’re coming with us, Zan." Isabel’s face is cold, a mask. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that for once, I am right. For once I have followed my instincts and I am right.

Which doesn’t exactly make me leap for joy. If there was any time I’d love to be wrong, it’s right now. I am in serious trouble here. I look around, seeing that the parking lot we are crossing on the side of the motel is completely deserted. It is earlier than I realized when I supposedly found Michael in the hallway, and there is no life stirring anywhere.

"Just come with us, Zanny boy, and we won’t hurt anyone you care about. We know exactly where to find all of them. They’re like babes in there, just waiting for us to take care of them, one by one." This is Lonnie. I can hear her thick accent beginning to break through Isabel’s more cultured tones. She is still struggling to hold on to the illusion though. I think she likes pretending to be my sister. It is seriously creepy.

I think of Liz, safely asleep where I left her. The thought of never seeing her again, just when things are starting to go right between us…Okay, let’s call a spade a spade here. It pisses me off. Big time.

"I’m not going anywhere with you." I try to keep the anger out of my voice, but I can hear it there. I can see that Lonnie looks a little surprised - even a little more respectful. Who can blame her for being shocked I won’t just go along with her? I did it easily enough the last time after all, when she wanted me to go to New York with her. And, hell, she’s threatening the people I love! She has to know that’s the way to control me.

Too bad I will no longer be controlled, even by my own fear and doubt. Loving Liz has made me strong again and I will not lose everything I have so recently regained. No way.

"C’mon, Max." She accentuates my Earth name, as though humoring me. "You know we don’t belong here. We know where to find Tess. You can find your son, and go back, and be king. Who doesn’t want to be a king?"

"Everything I want is right here," I tell her firmly. "And you’re not going anywhere near the people I love." I can see that Rath is itching to blast me, but Lonnie bats his hand down when he raises it.

And suddenly I understand. I am completely safe from these two, even though my friends are not. They can’t kill me. I am their last hope. Without me, they’ll never get back to Antar.

I remember how they tried to kill me in New York, and realize that they didn’t know then just how much they need me. Someone has been filling them in, maybe Tess, maybe Nicholas, maybe even Ava - I still don’ t know that she hasn’t been playing us all along. It also reminds me just how merciless they are. They will not hesitate to kill my friends - to kill Liz - if it means getting what they want.

For one brief moment, I consider going with them. If I simply go with them, they’ll leave everyone I love in peace.

But that would be taking the easy way out. I know it would be. I have to fight for what I want, and going back to Antar is certainly not it.

Lonnie is still playing her hand though. "But our mother is waiting for us, Zan. We owe it to our people to save them."

"We can’t help them," I tell her quietly, although the arrow does hit true. I feel the guilt of potentially abandoning our people to their fate under Khivar…but then I remember that my daughter - the one I will conceive with Liz here on Earth - is the only true way to defeat Khivar. I cannot go. "They are not our people anymore. I’m human, Lonnie. They are not going to want me." I know I am lying here, but Lonnie does not need to know exactly how important Liz is. It will only make her an even better target for them.

They are never going to get anywhere near Liz. I will die first.

Lonnie’s eyes have narrowed. I can feel how angry she is, how much she wants to kill me, how frustrated she is that she can’t, that I am in complete control here. I can feel this all through the four square - one I don’t belong to, but one that I can still tap into.

"Just go," I say finally, after we have stared at each other in silence for a long moment. "Go and leave us alone. Accept that you are going to live out your life here, Lonnie, and move on."

She laughs. "You just don’t get it. I may not be able to kill you, Zan, but I can kill everyone you care about. And I will. I’ll come after all of them until I bring you to your knees, and you have no choice but to come with me."

I can see exactly what my sister is afraid of becoming. Because there is no question that Lonnie is the evil betrayer Vilandra in her purest form. I don’t doubt that Zan’s sister Vilandra was not all bad - that some of her had to be made up of the sweet girl that is my Isabel - but there is no sign of her here.

There is only one way to deal with Lonnie. She has to die.

And, yet, I know deep down that I am not strong enough to do it. I just can’t kill her in cold blood.

But I can’t let her threaten the people I love either.

Okay, this is maybe the worst possible dilemma to be in. What the hell am I going to do?

And, then, magically, the choice is taken out of my hands. Because I feel Ava’s presence before I see her. And Michael’s. And Isabel’s. The real Michael and Isabel.

You have to understand, they’re not with me. They are not physically present. But they are here. I can feel them running through my veins. I can feel their essence, for want of a better word, joining with my own.

How they know I am out here, I don’t know, but there is no question whose side they’re all on. With Michael and Isabel there wouldn’t have been any doubt anyway, but Ava…

I now know she will stand with us. Because I can feel her. Somehow the bond the four of us share has opened of its own free will. I reach out for it. I am shocked to realize that my sister is still sound asleep. I don’t even know if she’s aware of what’s happening. But Ava is awake, and so is Michael.

And they have decided for me. Lonnie and Rath are going to die.

Here’s the thing - the real secret of the Royal Four. We are a team. I might be the nominal leader, the king, but in some ways, this is going to have to be a democracy too. Because that’s just the kind of person I am, in the end. We are going to go with majority rules it seems.

Isabel is now awake - I can feel her becoming aware of where she is, of what is happening - and what she tells me is that she is not going to lose me. I am her brother. Michael, and Ava, and she and I belong together and they are not going to let Lonnie and Rath take me away from them.

Michael tells me that there can be no more division - that we have to make sure that we are strong when Khivar comes, and the only way to do that is to make sure that there is only one four square waiting for him. We can’t constantly be looking over our backs for Lonnie, or Rath, or Tess, waiting for them to betray us. And, he tells me, there is no question that any of them will betray the Earth. None of them want to be on this planet, none of them have anything tying them to it. They will let Khivar destroy it, and so, we’re the Royal Four this planet needs.

They are all right. And I am beginning to accept that sometimes we have to make choices in life we might not want to. This is one of those times.

It is far easier than I expect to lift my hand, to focus all my energy on these two enemies with the faces of my beloved sister and best friend. I see their horror, their knowledge of what is about to happen to them, but it is too late to stop it.

I don’t want to stop it. And if that makes me a bad person, then so be it.

I feel the energy of the combined strength of Ava, and Isabel, and Michael, and I flow through my body and out of my hands, crashing into them, killing them.

It is nothing visible to the naked eye. It is merely the strength of one four square - a bonded unit - triumphing over another, weakened by a loss they themselves brought about. Because, the greatest irony of all is that, I somehow know, if they had not killed their Zan, we would have lost.

But, then again, maybe not. Because, in the end, we are the stronger unit, bound by bonds of love rather than hate.

Yet, I am still capable of this. We are no better than them if this happens.

And it horrifies me.

I start to fight against what is happening, push the energy back. STOP! I scream to the others. We can’t! This is wrong! Isabel! Michael! Stop!

It does stop - so abruptly it brings me to my knees. Their trust in me is so great, they do as I ask immediately.

I close my eyes, try to catch my breath. I can’t believe what we almost did and, yet, some small part of me regrets that I couldn’t go through with it.

They know now though. They know now what will happen to them if they ever try and hurt anyone I love. It has to be enough. It just has to be.

"Go!" I whisper, unable to open my eyes. "Get out of here! NOW!"

I am subconsciously aware of Michael, and Isabel, and Ava, all of who are on their way, physically this time.

I can hear them - Lonnie and Rath - moving, hurting, desperate to get away. I am still connected to them too, feel their fear, their anger…And something else as well.

Mercy was a mistake it would seem. Because I also feel the exact moment that Rath decides that he has had enough - that he is going to kill me, just because he wants to - Lonnie and her rules be damned.

I open my eyes, staring up at him in disbelief, amazed that being good is really going to kill me. Aren’t the good guys supposed to win?

I think of Liz, of all that is never going to happen if I die.

There will be no reason for Khivar to come if I die. But there will also be no liberation for Antar, no Serena.

I know I’ve failed. Because, even now, I can’t do it. I cannot kill them. In spite of who they are, they are a part of us. This is actually going to happen, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. There is no way that Michael and Isabel will get here in time.

I am going to die.

Liz! I love you!

I hear the roar of the blast that is Rath’s gift, wait for it to burn through me, thinking of nothing but Liz.

It takes me an instant to realize that the roar I heard was not from Rath, but, rather, from a gun going off.

I open my eyes to see Valenti standing beside me, the gun in his hand. I hear Lonnie shrieking, stare in horror as she raises her hand, her grief over Rath crashing down on me through the connection that is still open.

Valenti’s gun goes off again, sending her flying.

I feel her spirit dissipate, feel the connection she has maintained this whole time blink out abruptly as she dies right in front of my eyes.

I blink, disbelieving that I am still alive. "Sheriff…" I manage to croak.

"Wasn’t the smartest thing in the world coming out here alone, Mr. Evans," the sheriff replies quietly, his hand under my elbow, helping me stumble to my feet. "Lucky thing I was up early too and followed you out here. You seemed to have things well in hand until just a moment ago." He is eyeing me with concern, and I feel gratitude for this man who has saved my life again rush through me.

Because I realize that I was willing to die - I wanted to die. And the sheriff knows it too. And he pulled me back.

An instant later I feel a warm body crash into me. I raise my arms and bring them around Liz, who is still in her pajamas, and is very nearly hysterical. "Max! What were you thinking? I heard you! I felt you give up!" Michael and Isabel are right behind her, tears streaming down my sister’s face. Michael looks as white as a ghost.

It takes me a minute to even understand what is happening. I am that numb. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry…" I bring my hands up, then stroke Liz’s hair comfortingly.

I know that she is right. I was really going to let them kill me. And I understand why too.

Because, somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that I was never going to feel worthy of Liz - that she would be better off without me.

Whatever that feeling was though, whatever it was that made me let what almost happened happen, it is gone. Gone completely, as though it was not my feeling at all - is not really what I thought.

Another mindwarp? Maybe. Or perhaps the remnant of one.

But it is all gone now. She is completely gone. Every memory I have of being with Tess has disappeared like a bad dream.

Which can only mean one thing. And it is not just wishful thinking either. I know that I am right.

Tess is dead.