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Part 31 - Baby steps

2.5 months later

I ended up being away for 2 and a half months and it was probably the greatest achievement of my life. I met other people who had the same problems as I do and that made me feel less alone. I was also forced to deal with myself, the doctors at this clinic refused to put up with excuses, whining, self-pity or any other bullshit. In fact, all the stuff I used to pull, I just couldn’t get away with anymore. I learned to be able to be with others without needing them and most importantly to be with myself and be ok with me.

I look out the window of the bus. The sign reads Roswell 10 miles. I’m both giddy with excitement and nervousness. I’m glad to be coming home. I’ve missed everyone like crazy, but I also know I have a long road ahead of me.

I don’t expect myself to be perfect, just human. But I also realize that I have to be accountable for my actions now. That means no acting out, harsh words, random acts of sex. Easy things to do at a treatment facility. Much more of a challenge in real life. Much more of a challenge in Roswell at the start of a new school year, especially with a certain Max Evans, but I’m ready to give it a go.

Dad and Nancy pick me up at the bus depot. They’re holding hands and looking more relaxed than I have ever seen them. I can only assume this time alone together did them some good. I only hope that I can fit back into their routine without causing any more problems.

We chat in the car. They fill me in on what has happened while I’ve been a way. Not much really. I mean this is Roswell!

When we get to the crash, dad takes my suitcases upstairs and I head into the restaurant to see that Maria is working behind the cash. She squeals when she sees me and comes running out to give me a hug!

“How’d it go? How’d it go?” she asks. “You’re dad’s been telling us that you’re really improving.”

I’m really surprised by the warn reception. I mean, we were getting along much better before I left but….a hug? Not that I’m complaining. I would really like to get my relationship back on track with Maria.

“I think so,” I reply. I think it’s better not to promise, just in case.

“Michael, she’s here.” Maria calls into the kitchen. I didn’t say goodbye to Michael before I left. It was just too awkward and I could tell he wasn’t ready to talk about Melinda or our night together yet. I talked about it at the clinic a lot.

Michael walks out, hands in his pockets. “Hi, Liz.”

“Hi, Michael.” He’s still reserved with me. I think he’s worried that if we appear to close, he’ll lose Maria. I can accept that. I’m just happy that I still have his friendship at all.

Maria begins what she does best, chattering up a storm. Apparently my dad was wrong, a lot has happened while I’ve been away. Most importantly, Michael and Maria are back together. I don’t ask the what, where, when and how’s about it, but I hope to talk to Maria about it soon.

Tess is pregnant with Kyle’s baby. That really makes me laugh. Those two deserve each other! And Tommy has been charged with theft. That fits too!

At one point in the news she and Michael share an awkward glance. “Should we tell her?” she asks him.

“Tell me what?” I ask.

Michael flashes me a sympathetic look. “She just got back. Give her a few days to adjust and then…”

Maria shakes her head. “It’s better to just pull the Band-Aid off, Michael.” She looks to me, “It’s about Max,” she explains.

I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat. Max. A book could be written on all the things I’ve said about Max over the last two and a half months. I was able to get better because I was without him, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less. In fact, I think I love him more than when I left.

Michael relents. “I think it is better that she hears it from us...” he says, his voice trailing off.

Turns out that Max has a new girlfriend. Her name is Lindsay. She and her family moved to Roswell at the start of the summer. Her dad works with Philip and that is how she and Max met. And the worst part of it is that according to Maria, she is super nice.

So much for destiny. So much for Michael’s promise that Max would always take me back. So much for Max pronouncing his love for me the day before I left.

“Liz,” Maria puts her hand on my shoulder. “Are you ok?”

I nod. I knew this could be a possibility. My therapist and I talked about it a lot and came up with coping strategies for me so that I wouldn’t regress.

Still, I had hoped, dreamed and prayed that…well it doesn’t really matter now, does it? I mean I had Max, and because of my actions I lost him. There is no one else I can blame for that. And he’s happy. That’s what I want for all the people I love, to be happy. Don’t you?

It’s strange though as the rest of the week goes by. When I’m working at the crash I half expect Max to come in or even walk by, checking up on me like he used to after we had first broken up. But he doesn’t. In fact Maria says he didn’t come by all summer. In fact she and Michael barely see him anymore.

The night before school starts up again Maria calls me to tell me that Michael ran into Max at the basket ball court.

“He asked about you,” she says.

“Yeah?” I try not to sound too interested, but I’m sure Maria isn’t fooled.

“Wanted to know if you were okay now.”

“What did Michael say?”

“First he said that he should ask you himself, but then he said that Max looked so pained he couldn’t bear it. So he told him that you were much much better.”

“And what did Max say?”

“That he was glad.”

So that’s it then? He knows I’m okay; he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. He can focus on Lindsay now.

I don’t want to be alone tonight.

“Listen Maria. Do you want to do movie night tonight, since it is the last night of summer vacation?”

“I’d love too.”

So this is my life now. Dad, Nancy, Maria. Hopefully some new friends once the school year starts if my old attitude hasn’t scared them all off.

And a broken heart. A broken heart that will hopefully one day mend.


****************


When I’m on my way to pick out movies for my evening with Maria, I run into Max and a girl I can only assume is Lindsay.

They walk towards me eating ice cream cones, smiles on their faces. I feel a pang of jealousy. Max and I never went for ice cream together. Of course who has time when always in one state of crisis or another.

I’m not ready to see him yet, but before I can make a run for it, he sees me and stops dead in his tracks. God he looks so good. Those piercing amber eyes, beautiful smile. He’s sporting a new haircut and it suits him.

“Liz,” he says.

“Max,” I croak, reminding myself that he’s not mine, not anymore.

When Lindsay hears my name I can tell she recognizes it but she doesn’t tense up as one would expect. Instead she smiles genuinely and shakes my hand. “It’s very nice to meet you,” she says.

“Same here.” She’s so polite, she’s impossible to dislike.

There is an awkward silence. Max and I stare at each other. This is just so much harder than I thought it would be.

I love you, Max. Please, I’m ready now. Take me back. I want to say it but I don’t. I have no right.

“Movies?” he asks.

“What?”

He points to the two movies in my hand.

“Oh, right. Maria and I are watching them.”

“Well, have fun.”

Have fun? Has it really come down to this? How can you go from sharing so much with someone to having an inconsequential conversation such as this?

“I’m sure we will see you in school,” Lindsay says as she and Max walk away.

See you in school? It’s as if what Max and I had has been wiped out of existence.

I know he has a girlfriend, I really do, but I guess I thought, no more like hoped that when he saw me….oh it’s stupid but you know what I hoped.

Thanks everyone. You'll have answers soon enough so just hang in there.

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Part 32 - Apologies

So, my homecoming wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I mean before I left Max wanted to get back together and now I come home to find out he has a girlfriend. Did I expect that time would stand still for poor Max? He didn’t say he would and I didn’t ask but I really expected him to wait for me. Is two and a half months really that long to wait for the love of your life? Apparently.

But…I broke his heart, I remind myself. Twice. The first time when I slept with Michael and the second when I turned him down before I left for the hospital. Maybe he didn’t really know how I feel? I was so wrapped up in myself that…and now I’m bitter and I have no right to be.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I need to focus on taking what I learned and applying it to real life. I came back with a post treatment plan and I am going to follow it through. So, my goal where Max is concerned is to be friends. It will be good for me. We all want things that we can never have.

Maria is being great. We’re on our second movie and painting each other’s toes. She’s made a list of guys that she could set me up with. There’s a new guy named Tyler that moved here over the summer.

“Why couldn’t he and Lindsay have hooked up?” I mutter.

Maria gives my shoulder a squeeze.

She lists a few others and I frown for each one.

“I appreciate it, Maria, but I’m…”

“Not ready to date. I understand,” she finishes for me. “I have this feeling that things will work out between you and Max anyway.”

“He moved on, Maria.” How could things ever work out between us now?

“Maybe not in his heart, Liz.”

“You said Lindsay is great, Maria, and lets face facts, she doesn’t come with my baggage.”

“True.” It stings a bit but I can always count on Maria to tell the truth. “But we can’t help who we love and from the minute he saw you at music camp it was you.”

*********************



The first day of school is hard. People point and snicker. They all know where I was this summer and I’m sure can’t wait to rub it in my face.

It’s like déjà vu to my first day last year. Only now I’m not putting up a front. It’s more painful in a way because I feel it instantly, rather than suppressing it behind some hardened attitude.

Make no mistake though. The new me can still stand up for myself and won’t take any bullshit.

I enter Biology to find that Max and I have been paired up for Bio lab again. My heart soars when I see him, he looks up and I smile nervously and make my way towards him at the back of the room.

Unfortunately, I’m intercepted by Kyle Valenti. “So, Liz. I heard you were in the Looney bin all summer,” he laughs. “It explains why you wouldn’t sleep with me. Only sane girls like me, thank god.”

I turn to look at him. He puts his hands in front of his groin to protect his balls but I don’t kick him. I have something to say instead. “You know Kyle, I’ll be the first to admit that I have problems, but I’ve been working on them as hard as I can.” Everyone in the class looks at me now. “Everyone in this room has problems whether they realize it or not, it’s part of what makes us human. Jokes and snide remarks are not supportive and only serve to exacerbate things.”

I continue walking towards Max at the back and Kyle follows. The way Max is looking at me….is that a look of admiration?

“Is that lame little speech supposed to make my back off?” Kyle asks as he follows me.

“If you have an ounce of heart,” I mutter. But of course he doesn’t.

Max looks at me and it is admiration that I see. He backs me up in an announcement to the class. “Kyle isn’t courageous enough to drop the bravado,” he says.”He’s just as vulnerable as the rest of us but more afraid to show it.”

Thank you, Max. I flash a smile his way. But Kyle isn’t finished, he turns his attack on Max.

“At least I’m not a pussy like you. Couldn’t keep your girl here satisfied, so she was forced to sleep with your best friend.”

“Kyle,” I warn. But it’s too late. Max pounces on Kyle, pushes him to the floor. Tommy and Bobby have to separate them. Thank god, the teacher isn’t here yet. Whatever I have gained with Max in the last few minutes has been lost ten times over as the old wound is reopened. He flashes me a pained look and sits down. I bet he’s imagining Michael and I fucking right now. “Max,” I say, but he looks away.

Kyle watches the exchange with a smile. “What Liz. Are we gonna get to see you cry now?” Kyle teases. I really want to but I won’t give Kyle the satisfaction.

His guard is down and I just can’t resist, so once again I kick him in the balls. And the whole class laughs. I even hear a chuckle coming from Max’s direction as I take a seat beside him.

You won’t hold it against me will you? I mean I am on the straight and narrow now, but come on. He deserved it!


*********************


After the teachers lecture we get down to the lab. It’s a pretty simple one to remind us how to use the equipment and stuff but things are awkward between Max and I to say the least. Damn Kyle for bringing up old memories!

“So, how was your summer?” I ask as Max mixes our solution. I really want to keep Max’s friendship. I know it will be hard, especially watching him with Lindsay but I’ll have to get used to it. I made my bed…you know how the rest of that saying goes.

“Good,” he replies.

“Great!” Just great. He’s become a man of few words. Will it always be this tense between us?

“How was yours?” he asks.

“It wasn’t easy but…”

“Michael said that you feel a lot better.”

“I do, Max. I really do.” But does he see that is the real question. I guess I thought that if he did, it would somehow change things but then I remember that that was before Lindsay. She changes everything.

“Good,” he says, as he writes down the results of our experiment.

“Yeah, good.” I really want to keep the conversation going so I add, “And Lindsay, she seems nice.” I know bad idea to bring up the new girlfriend, but I just have to know.

He looks at me for a good thirty seconds as if trying to decide what to say. “She is.”
“Great,” I reply. What else can I possibly say? He has an image of me and Michael in his head and now I have one of him and Lindsay.

You don’t know how many nights I lay awake at the treatment centre dreaming about making love to Max. Knowing I never will again is almost unbearable.

At least I’ll get to see him every day in class.

At least I’m healthier. Because if I hadn’t done what I did I wouldn’t be and we’d be right back where we started. So all I can do is accept it. Accept what will never be.


***************

I need to work on implementing the plan I came up with while I was away and there is no time like the present, so I decide to start after school. First stop is Michaels’ house.

I ring the doorbell. When he comes to the door he looks surprised and nervous. We haven’t exactly seen each other without Maria to chaperone and he’s probably worried she won’t like it…

“Wow, I’ve never seen you come through the front door before,” he says and I laugh.

“Is this a bad time? Because I can come back.” I’m kinda hoping he’ll tell me to go away so I can avoid this.

“No, please come in,” he says motioning me in. We head down to his room.

“Not the greatest place I know,” this is the place we had sex after all, “but mom is in one of her moods.”

“Say no more,” I reply. Poor Michael. I sit in the chair at his desk.

“Look Michael, in the hospital I wrote apology letters to everyone that I had hurt and I just wanted to deliver it to you in person.” I hand it to him.

“Thank you.”

“Look, I know why you slept with me….I know about Melinda.” He looks floored. “She lived next door to you.”

“But how?”

“I read your journal.”

He’s steaming at me.
“Look please, that was before. I understand if you hate me. But see the thing is, she was almost exactly like me, same problems, and I think you confused wanting to help her with an attraction to me.”

“Liz.” I know I’m walking a really fine line now and have to be careful.

“What I’m trying to say is that I know you don’t have those types of feeling for me, it’s Maria you love and I don’t want you second guessing that. I put you in a horrible position feeling that it was your job to save me.”

Michael starts to cry. ‘You couldn’t save Melinda. You couldn’t save me. But don’t be sorry. Nobody can save another person. They have to do that for themselves….but I don’t regret it Michael, any of it because if you hadn’t been here to help me I don’t think I would have had the courage to get better.”

I’m crying now too, tears of gratitude. “You are the best friend I have ever had. I know Maria has to be your priority now but I hope that we can get back some of what we had….with boundaries of course.”

He still hasn’t said anything, is just taking it all in.

“Anyways, it’s all in the note, but I just wanted to say it too…so you would know the profound affect you’ve had on my life.”

I head towards the bedroom door.

“Liz,” I hear him say so I turn in his direction.

“Thank you.” And I see all the stress he’s been carrying around over Melinda’s death roll right off of him.

“No, Michael. Thank you.”

I turn back and throw my arms around him in a big hug, then take off down the road. I have many other letters to deliver.

Thanks for all of your support. I have really enjoyed writing this fic. I felt it was a really important story to tell. This is the last part and I really hope that you enjoy it!

Maya

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Part 33 – Hope Springs

I head into the school bathroom before class and guess who I run into? Lindsay of course. Awkward much?

She’s fixing her hair in front of the mirror. I put down my bag and take out my lip gloss to give myself a touch up.

She looks over and notices me. “Hi,Liz.” Her smile is genuine. Despite how much I wish it weren’t true and how much easier it would be for me to hate her if it wasn’t true, she is actually very nice.

“Hi, Lindsay. How are you adjusting to Roswell High?” I ask, knowing she’s adjusted just fine. She’s got my boyfriend for God’s sake. My heart starts to race as I fight back my anger. Keep calm Liz. He isn’t your boyfriend anymore. This is tougher than I thought.

“Good. Everyone’s really nice, but…”

“But what?” I find myself asking.

She leans against the sink and looks at me. “Dad moves a lot, so I should be used to it, but this time I left a boyfriend behind.”

“A boyfriend?” I’m suddenly on high alert. But what about Max?

She nods. “I miss Marcus like crazy.”

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

She laughs. “Is it that unbelievable?” she asks as she puts on some lip gloss.

“Oh I didn’t mean…” I stutter.

“It’s okay, Liz. And I shouldn’t call Marcus my boyfriend anyway…well not anymore. We broke up before I left but only because of the distance. I wanted to stay together but he had a totally horrible experience with the long distance thing so he ended it. He keeps calling me though…talk about painful.”

My mind is wracking, trying to decipher what this all means. “Does Max know?”

“Of course he knows. That’s why we hit it off so quickly. He was missing you. I was missing Marcus. Nothing results in instant friendship more than shared pain”

Friendship? “But you and Max are more than friends,” I state, but really it’s more of a question.

She hesitates for a minute. “What did Max tell you?”

I hate it when people play these games. Who cares what Max has told me. “I’m asking you.”

She looks at me. “Max didn’t know if you’d even want him when you came back. He put his heart on the line and you flat out turned him down,” she says and I want to scream. He’s told her way too much about us. He had every right. He needed someone to talk to and he and Michael were on the outs but still. And she still hasn’t answered my question.

“I saw you holding hands the other day and Maria said you were together,” I blurt out without realizing it. She sends some sympathy my way but doesn’t say anything.

“Did you or did you not date Max this summer?” I ask her point blank.

“You know I did, Liz.”

“Did?” I question. As in not anymore? “Are you still…..” I can’t even get the rest of the sentence out.

“Talk to Max, Liz. Just talk to him….”

Oh I will. You can count on that


********************

Biology. Thank god I have it again today. I need answers from Max and it’ll be easier to get them when he’s stuck with me for forty-five minutes.

He’s watching me as I enter the class. His eyes never leave me as I walk to the back of the room and sit beside him. But again, he has a look I cannot read. Ever since this whole thing began he’s had that look.

“Hi, Max,” I say as I sit down.

“Hi.”

The teacher starts the class and explains the lab, but I don’t hear a word. I’m too busy figuring out how to approach this. Do I tell him about the conversation? Ask him point blank? Will he think I’m nosy? Maybe I should go for the subtle way?

The teacher finishes talking and assigns the lab. It’s an easy one again. Good. It won’t distract me.
Max reads out the directions and I begin to mix the solutions. He hasn’t said two words to me, other than lab related stuff, so I think subtle approach is my best choice.

“So, you and Lindsay…” man this is harder than I thought. He just looks at me, waiting for me to finish. “You make a good couple.” Damn. It sounds like I want them to be together. I just didn’t want to sound like I was trying to break them up. What a moron I am.

“Look, Lindsay and I aren’t together anymore,” he says, watching my reaction carefully.

My heart soars. Can it really be true? “But just yesterday I saw you two together.” Did seeing me yesterday make him realize how much he loves me?

“We broke up a week ago. We’re still friends. I can’t…” He gives me a look that tells me it’s none of my business. That’s it. No, and I realized it’s you that I loved Liz or I was just waiting for you to come back Liz? My face falls and my heart with it.

Obviously he didn’t break up with her for me, or else he’d tell me, right? Be in my arms right now?

“Look, Liz. I’m glad that you are better. I really am.” And then I realize that what I saw in his eyes yesterday and today is not coldness but pain. “You’ll have to finish the lab. I have to go.” He packs up his book bag and then I watch him go.

He is still very hurt by what I’ve done. And I hurt with him.


*********************************


What a day. What a day. So much to process. Whether the fact they broke up makes a difference or not, I don’t know. In fact I’m more confused than ever.

After school I drop off Maria’s note. I then head over to Max’s. I’m too much of a chicken to ring the doorbell, so I drop it in the mailbox instead. Let me tell you about Max’s note.

First of all, I had to put a sticky note on it that said I wrote this before I knew about Lindsay.

Dear Max,

I wrote everyone letters listing out all of the things I did to hurt them and apologized profusely. But I can’t list everything out here. I can’t do that because it would mean I was sorry we were ever together and I’m just not.

Maybe it is selfish of me because of what I put you through but I love you so much and even through the heartache and the angst, I loved every minute I spent with you.

I am sorry for every second of pain you felt because of me. I think I put you through more than anyone else. But it was because I love you, we always find a way to hurt the ones we love most.

I know you never understood why I couldn’t be with you, but things just came to a point where I knew I had to get better, no matter what I had to give up, to be fair not just to everyone else but to myself. The destruction had to stop. I had to be at peace even if it meant losing you.

I came back ready to start a new life. I can live it on my own now but if I had my choice I would live it with you. Not because I need to but because I want to and that difference is why I had to leave you in the first place.

You’ve probably moved on. I didn’t expect you to wait for me. Just know that if you ever want to be with me again, I’ll always be ready and waiting for you.

Love,
Liz Parker


*****************


Maria and Michael are going out to the movies tonight. They stop by the Crasdown first and Maria tries to coax me into going along with them, but I pass.

“Three’s a crowd, Maria.” I roll my eyes. She’s been so good to me since I got back but I don’t want her to feel that she has to look out for me. I want her to enjoy Michael.

“Liz, we don’t mind.”

I smile. I love how much the two of them care for me.

“I really just want to go for a walk,” I say.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“Yes, I think I’ll head down to the park.”


*****************

And I am. That’s what going away did for me. I am okay, even alone I’m okay. As I sit on a bench at the park I reflect on my life. I feel calm and relaxed. I feel happy, not perfectly happy, I had to fight back some anger today in the washroom talking to Lindsay, but I did it. The old Liz would have found a way to self destruct. I am not that Liz. I truly believe we can choose who we want to be and I choose not to make excuses for myself anymore. I choose to be responsible for my actions. I choose to be happy.

Sure there are things that I wish, like that I had Max, but at least I know who I am and what I want out of life.

And then like in a dream, I see him, Max walking towards me. In his hand is a single flower.

“Hi. You look lonely.”

I laugh, knowing he’s trying to recreate that day at Camp Berndine. We’re that little boy and girl again.

“I won’t be lonely if you join me,” I say swaying from the script as I take the flower. “Thank you.”

He takes a seat beside me. “I got your letter.”

I nod, wondering what he thought of it.

“And I’m taking you up your offer.”

“Offer?”

“You said you’d be ready and waiting if I wanted to be with you.”

I’m floored. I don’t know what to say. “But Max, it didn’t seem like you wanted to be with me.”

“Yes I did. I always have. I was just waiting for you to make the first move.”

“But why? I mean you didn’t even forgive me.”

“Yes I did, remember? I just needed time after what happened with Michael. I wanted you back, I told you so, you were the one that said no, that you weren’t ready and then you left without saying goodbye. I didn’t know if you were ever coming back. When Michael told me you were, I broke up with Lindsay, but I couldn’t make the first move. What if you weren’t ready or had decided you didn’t want me anymore? I couldn’t handle rejection from you again.”

“I’ll always want you Max.”

He takes my hand, unsure. “Then today when you said Lindsay and I made a good couple, I didn’t know what to think. It made me mad. I really thought you didn’t want to be with me.”

“Oh, Max, that wasn’t it at all. I was trying to figure out, oh forget it, it’s a long story. What matters is the fact that you were with her, well I have no right, but it hurt me so bad, Max.”

He smiles and takes my hand and kisses it. “I know, Liz and I’m so sorry, I…” he trails off, not knowing what to say.

“But Lindsay…why?”

“She was a distraction Liz. She knew my heart was with you and wasn’t surprised when I broke things off. That day you saw us with the ice creams, her dad and my dad were in a meeting at the house. She had tagged along and we were just hanging out.”

“Oh, Max.” I throw my arms around him.

He takes my lips ferociously. Our kisses are rough, ragged. He can’t get enough of me. It’s like he’s trying to crawl into my skin. “Oh god,” he pants, pulling back to lean his forehead against mine while we both catch our breath. “I’m sorry. I just want you so bad. I didn’t know if…”

“We’d ever be together again,” I finish for him. “Believe me, I know the feeling.”

I bend in to taste him again. He nips at my bottom lip and I groan as he slips his tongue into my mouth. I forgot how good he tastes. But I pull back. It’s heaven really, but there is still one thing on my mind. One pressing question. I look at him. “Max, did you sleep with her?” I’m not sure I want to know the answer. If it wasn’t serious than maybe….but he thought I might never come back so…

He hesitates for a moment, his eyes searching my face and then he nods. I feel a pain in my heart. But I slept with Michael; I have no right to complain.

“I was trying so hard to forget you…” he tries to explain. I look up into his sad eyes and feel his pain.

I of all people understand that. “Did it work?” I ask.

“No. Not for one lousy second.”

We both laugh. Nervous laughter. Wondering what’s next. But I’m not about to let him go, not for this.

“I love you,” I tell him.

“I love you, too.”

He bends in and his lips meet mine, but his kisses aren’t rough or rushed or desperate like before. They are soft and warm and safe. He wants me to know he’s cherishing me. I cherish him back.

I’m not naïve. I know we have a lot to work through, but I’ve made it this far, so I know there is nothing I can’t work through.

I did the right thing, got better and still ended up with Max. My Max. I can’t think of a happier ending. Can you?


*************************

I’m Liz parker and I’m the new girl. Not new to this town or new to this school, but new to myself. I’m happy, and calm and have even been known to be funny at times.

I get mad, I even feel sad but it never lasts for long because I’ve been able to talk to people about it, the right people, the ones that have played a part in making me mad or sad and we work it out together.

I paint and I’m on the girls basketball team. Oh, and I make a mean double chocolate maraschino supreme.

I still have my edge and sometimes I still wear low cut halter tops and skirts, I mean I have a great body, why not show it off. After all, you only live once. And Max certainly isn’t complaining.

Unlike most 17 years old girls out there, I don’t want a man. Yes you heard me right. I don’t want one because I have one and he’s everything I could ever dream that he would be. He’s got amber eyes, a heart of gold and is a mean love making machine.

My family life isn’t perfect. Whose is? But we try hard, talk a lot and most of all we love and support each other. That also goes for my two best friends, Michael and Maria.

And one last thing. If you think you can break me I have bad news for you. I broke a long time ago and I survived and am now stronger for it. So bring it on life, your best ,your worst, doesn’t matter which you choose. I’m ready for you!

THE END