continued from previous post
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Liz parked the Jetta around the corner from the Evanses' house and cut the lights. She had spent the entire drive trying to summon her courage - to come up with just the right thing to say to Max - but all she knew for sure was that she was shaking like a frail fall leaf and she wasn't at all prepared for this conversation. However, Maria had made her swear to go through with it, so she took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. The spring night was cool and she huddled into her light jacket as she walked down the sidewalk and turned onto Murray Lane.
Reaching Max's house, she saw the Jeep was the only vehicle in the drive. Still, she wasn't willing to assume that meant neither of his parents were home. She kept to the side of the property and went through the gate into the yard, then circled around to the back of the house. Max's lights were on, the window open a crack so the curtains moved slightly in the breeze. Liz could hear music drifting from his room, but it was too quiet for her to tell what he was listening to, and she couldn't seem to bring herself to move any closer. It was as if vines had sprung up from the garden and anchored her ankles to the ground where she stood. The realization came over her that she was genuinely scared to go forward - afraid that Max's reaction, whatever it was, would destroy the fragile hope she still clung to at the end of each day. Hanging in suspense was far preferable to being dropped abruptly back to earth.
But she wasn't the only one hanging, she reminded herself. Whatever Max had seen in those flashes, however complete the images, there was still no decision between them. Sucking in a deep breath, she forced herself to step up to the window and knock. A moment later the curtains jerked open roughly, revealing Max's weary face.
"Liz?" He frowned, pushing the window open. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"
She shook her head. "Can I come in for a minute?"
He hesitated for an instant before he nodded and stepped back. Liz didn't wait to see if he would offer her a hand, but swung herself carefully over the sill, grateful when she landed firmly on her feet.
"What's up?" he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I meant to call earlier. Iz said you and Maria were going to hang out tonight." He shifted his weight restlessly, then turned toward his desk. "I was just studying."
Liz frowned as she followed his gaze. His books were stacked in a neat pile, not a paper out of line. The bed, however, was rumpled. If she had to hazard a guess, she would say Max had been lying there thinking, or maybe even asleep.
"Yeah. Um, we were. Hanging out," she replied. "Actually, Maria's with Zander right now. Max, do you think I could sit down?"
He turned toward her. "Go ahead."
She took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched as he paced over to his desk and dropped into the chair.
"So, the baby's okay?"
"Yeah. Fine. He's sleeping."
"That's good." There was a long pause. "Liz, why did you come over here?"
She closed her eyes, shutting out the sight of him sitting there, his expression so closed off and self-protecting. There was no way she could get the words out with him staring at her that way. Funny, she thought. Max's eyes on her used to have the exact opposite effect - giving her the strength she needed to get past any obstacle. Now they made her second-guess herself.
"I thought we should talk."
"Liz, I know-"
"Max, please," she whispered. "I need to get this out. Right now, I have no idea what's going through your head. I haven't this entire week. And I know you said you don't want to talk about it yet, that you're trying to come to terms with everything you saw, but I have to say this."
"All right," he said slowly. When she chanced a glance in his direction, he appeared apprehensive.
"Thanks." She licked her lips nervously. "I… I don't know how much you saw the other day. Maybe you saw everything that's been running through my head since last fall, every thought and emotion and choice and motivation." She shrugged. "Or maybe you just got bits and pieces and have been patching things together. I…" She shook her head. "I can't even guess at what you think about it. I won't try, because it wouldn't be fair to you and I know that I've been unfair a lot lately. I just… I don't know how to handle any of this. I want to get it right, Max. I don't want to take a really awkward, painful situation and make it worse."
"What are you getting at, Liz?" he asked.
"I need you to tell me what you want from me. If you still need time, fine. I understand. I'll just go home. If you have questions, ask. I'll answer them," she said, her voice trembling softly. "But I'm not sure what road to take and I'm terrified of doing the wrong thing."
Max sighed wearily and rubbed his hands over his face. "It's not that simple."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know what I want from you, all right?" he bit out. He closed his eyes briefly. "Sorry."
"No, don't be. Just… Can you explain?" she asked tentatively.
"I guess I can try." He stood up and began to pace, one hand pressed to the back of his neck. "You asked what I saw the other day." He paused, reflecting. "It was like downloading a segment of someone's brain. Your memories. Only yours weren't the only thoughts in there," he said wryly. "And nothing is in order. So, yeah, I have questions for you. But I'm not sure which to ask first, what's most important." He shook his head. "Some of it is sorting itself out, while other stuff isn't. But the emotions-those are what I'm finding overwhelming," he admitted.
"My emotions?" she whispered.
"Yours. Mine. Some from different versions of us." He sounded incredulous.
"So you… know. How I feel about you," she uttered softly.
"Yeah. Which is what makes all of this so hard to believe."
"Max, I'm sorry."
"Look, just stop saying that," he snapped. "It doesn't help."
"What would?"
"I haven't a fucking clue," he told her. He'd stopped pacing and was staring straight at her, fire in his eyes. "You don't get it. This isn't cut and dry, Liz. I can't compartmentalize my feelings into neat and tidy categories. One minute I understand all the reasons you did what you did, or at least most of them. Then the next I'm so angry at you that I scare myself," he ground out, his voice hushed.
Liz had no reply to that. She was caught by the searing pain in his gaze, unable to look away, to escape the emotion pouring out of him. He'd gone from unreadable to utterly transparent in minutes, and the devastation he revealed sent a shudder running through her.
Max finally broke away, turning and pacing to the window. He braced his hands on the ledge and stared out into the night. "Would you have ever told me?" he murmured. "If I hadn't gotten the flashes?"
"I almost told you the night before Zander was born. Out on my balcony," she admitted.
"But then your father showed up."
"I… I can't honestly say his showing up is what stopped me, Max. I wish I could. But I was so scared. I didn't know what the right thing was anymore. Then by the time I found out that Tess had killed Alex, I was in labor."
"So, knowing Tess had betrayed us was enough to make you reconsider the wisdom of pushing me toward her," he said dryly.
"I never wanted to do that. You didn't give me a choice," she whispered, pain slicing through her heart at the accusation in his eyes. "I hated the idea of you being with her. But you told me-your future self told me-that you needed to keep the unit intact. You, Tess, Michael and Isabel."
"So how come Michael can be with Maria? Why was it okay for Isabel and Alex to start going out again? Hmm?" he shot out, spinning around to glare at her. "Why was it just the two of us who couldn't be together?"
"Because our being together was what drove Tess away," she said. "She wouldn't ever have been satisfied being anything less than your queen." She swallowed painfully, fighting down the lump rising fast in her throat. "You needed her to defeat your enemies. And now she's gone anyway and I have no idea what that means." Liz's bottom lip trembled and she bit down on it hard. The sharp metallic taste of blood flooded her tongue.
"Funny. Turns out our the only reason to keep Tess around was to keep an eye on what she was doing."
"What exactly was she doing?"
He shrugged, turning back toward the window. "Nasedo apparently made some sort of a deal with Kivar. He was genetically programmed as our protector, so he couldn't try to kill any of us outright, but he could deliver us back to Antar and into Kivar's hands. Only I guess Nasedo had second thoughts by the time he and Tess showed up in Roswell."
"So that's why the Skins had him killed," Liz whispered.
"Right. But he'd already conditioned Tess from the moment she came out of the pod. All she wanted was to go home and ascend the throne," he said bitterly. "When we were in New York for the summit, she cut her own deal with Nicholas."
"What were the conditions of that deal?" She saw him stiffen. "Max?"
"She was to seduce me into getting her pregnant, then use the Granolith to deliver me to Kivar for execution. Nicholas guaranteed her a warm welcome on Antar and a place at court, assuming she returned with my heir."
"Max-"
"Do you have any idea how much danger you've been in all these months?" he demanded harshly, turning to glare at her. "If Tess had gotten even a whiff of an idea of whose child you were carrying…" He trailed off, jaw clenching.
"But she didn't know," Liz said swiftly. "She didn't find out."
"Oh, she found out all right," he muttered, facing the window again. "Just too late for the knowledge to do her any good. Of course, now we have to worry about Nicholas. He'll put the pieces together soon enough."
"Do you know where he is? Did… Tess tell you?"
"She didn't, but I have a pretty good idea. Look, I really don't want to talk about Tess if that's all right you. Just go home, Liz," he said suddenly.
Liz frowned at his abrupt dismissal. "But-"
"I've got school work to do," he told her.
Unsure what had suddenly made him so reticent, Liz decided to try another tact. "Are you working tomorrow?"
"I… no," he admitted.
"So maybe you can come by?" she pressed hesitantly.
He sighed. "Liz, please don't do this."
"Do what? Max, you're the one who insisted on taking responsibility for Zander. You can't avoid seeing him forever. Even your parents are starting to comment on it," she said softly.
"You don't think they're on my case?" he snapped. "My mother's acting like I'm some sort of axe murderer for ignoring my son and my father keeps giving me these lectures on how disappointed he is in me, how he taught me better. The entire thing's insane." He ran his hand through his hair then pressed his forehead against the window. "Fine, I'll come over tomorrow."
"I'm-"
"If you say you're sorry again, I won't be responsible for what I do," he growled out.
"I just wish…"
"What?"
"That there was something I could do to fix things."
"You know what's ironic? When I thought the baby was Kyle's, there wasn't anything I wouldn't have done to make it mine," Max said quietly. "Now that he technically is, I wish he wasn't."
Liz felt her heart squeeze painfully. "I know you said that you don't want me to go to Florida," she said hesitantly. "Are you still sure that's a good idea?"
He was silent for a long moment before turning and staring at her. His eyes were hard, but they glistened with tears. "You just don't understand."
"What don't I understand?" she half cried past the lump in her throat. "I don't know what you want, Max. I'm trying. Really. But every time I think you might tell me, you change the subject. Make me see," she pleaded.
In two strides he'd crossed the space between them, his hands closing hard around her upper arms. He dragged her to her feet and brought his mouth down on hers in a bruising kiss. Liz responded automatically, too shocked to do anything else. She clutched at the sides of his shirt, trying to brace herself under the abrupt onslaught. When Max's tongue probed at her lips, demanding entrance, she opened to him willingly. Her skin tingled in heightened awareness as their bodies pressed together. They tumbled onto the bed, a tangle of limbs.
Liz gasped for breath as Max's mouth began to travel over her jaw. One hand speared into her hair while the other traced the line of her neck, her collar bone, cupped her breast briefly, then moved on to caress her ribs, waist, hip. His fingers curled beneath her, pressing her up into the hard line of his body, his arousal prominent between them. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. Somewhere in the corner of her mind, she knew this was wrong. It was too fast, too sudden, with so much left unexplained and unsaid. But desire overruled any faint hesitation. Her blood roared through her veins and the pounding of her heart seemed to echo through her ears. Every nerve ending was sensitized nearly to the point of pain. Each kiss, each touch ricocheted from her head to her toes. They were flying.
And then Max's lips skimmed back up to hers and his kiss devoured her, tongue delving deep, teeth scraping her delicate skin. Their connection sprang to life and the world began to spin behind Liz's closed eyes.
The cave pulsed with light from beyond the pods. Tess backed toward the source of the light, blue eyes flashing. "Is it so hard to believe that we might have made love, Max? That you might have gotten me pregnant? We were so close. You wanted me. And then that bitch came back and you went running," she snapped out. "Just like always."
"Don't you ever call her that," Max roared.
"What the hell is it about her?" Tess screamed. "Even pregnant with someone else's kid, that slut still commands your respect. Your precious perfect Liz," she sneered.
"She's everything you'll never be," he said. "I wouldn't touch you with rubber gloves, Tess. Not then, and not now. Nothing you and I had could have ever been categorized as love," Max bit out, advancing steadily. "As for Liz, what makes you so sure that baby's not mine?"
Tess's face froze. She stepped backward again and ended up pressed against the empty pods. "You… you told me it wasn't. You never would have lied about that," she stuttered.
"You don't know me as well as you think," he replied, taking another step toward her.
"I think I do," she said, eyes narrowing. "Liz has been gone for months. You never would have let her out of your sight if you knew she was carrying your child," she stated, a smug smile curving her lips. "What happened, Max? She lie to you?" Her smile widened. "That's it, isn't it? Liz told you it was someone else's. Kyle's, maybe? How does it feel, Max? To know you can't trust the love of your life?"
Max raised his hand and threw a blast at her head, but Tess crouched just in time to avoid being hit. She ducked through one of the bottom pods and raced for the door to the Granolith chamber. Max dove after her, rolling as he hit the floor and narrowly escaping being hit by Tess's return fire. She aimed again, this time catching him in the hip. Max winced as he came to his feet, a burning pain searing his side. Reaching out with both hands, he threw as much power as he could in Tess's direction as she fumbled for the controls to open the door. The blast hit her squarely in the back, throwing her hard face first into the wall. She crumbled to the ground, a long pale crystal slipping from her hand.
Suddenly Liz felt cool air rushing over her heated body as Max rolled off of her, collapsing onto the bed at her side. He lay on his back, panting heavily, one arm thrown over his eyes.
"Max?" she whispered tentatively. She wanted to reach out to him, especially after what she had seen, but he had left so deliberate a space between them that she was afraid to touch him.
"Go home," he ground out. "I shouldn't have… Just please go. Don't you get that this is killing me?" he whispered harshly. "I love you. I want you. I have these memories of touching you - of making love with you - but they're not mine, Liz. I'm not the man who made love with you that night, who gave you a child. I wish I were, but that doesn't change the facts. You pushed me away, made me give up every dream I ever had, but you couldn't let go yourself, could you?" he asked bitterly. His hand fell from his face and she could see the tears in his eyes. "Not quite." He shook his head slowly, closing his eyes. "Part of me can't even blame you. If I thought I was giving you up forever, that I'd never have another chance to hold you or touch you or love you… I think I would have done the same thing." He paused, let out a derisive snort. "I guess I did, didn't I?"
"Max, I never wanted to hurt you. I never expected all of this to…" She trailed off with a sniff, her own eyes blurred with tears. "I love you," she whispered.
"I know," he sighed quietly, turning so he was lying with his back to her. "Go home, Liz. I'll see you tomorrow."
She sat watching him for a few minutes, but if he noticed he showed no sign. Finally she rose from the bed and climbed out the window. When she glanced back into the room, Max was still curled on his side. Liz turned and ran from the house, barely making it to the Jetta before she burst into tears.
*****
TBC
Revelations (ML / Adult) (Complete)
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EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
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EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 24
******
Part 24
******
Liz woke Sunday feeling limp and exhausted. Zander had kept her up most of the night, fussing and crying no matter what she did. She doubted either of them had slept more than an hour. Dragging herself out of bed, she noted that dark clouds had rolled back into town during the night, and a steady rain fell outside her window. The freakishly wet spring had resumed. It seemed only fitting, she thought, given her mood.
The baby cried most of the morning, and refused to nurse. Liz was at a loss as to what was wrong with him. His diaper was dry, his clothes loose fitting, his blanket snuggly wrapped around him. Holding him in her arms, she walked the length of the living room for more than an hour, humming as she rocked, his slight weight growing steadily heavier as her arms became tired. Eventually his soft wails tapered off, replaced by hiccups that seemed to startle him repeatedly. Liz kissed his temple and rubbed his back soothingly, trying to calm him.
"It's okay, little one," she whispered. "Mommy's got you." She wondered if babies had dreams, or even nightmares. What was scary for such a tiny person, who had no idea what danger the world held?
Finally his head lolled in the crook of her neck, and Liz knew he was asleep. Moving gingerly, she went back to her room and gently laid him on the bed. He shuddered briefly but slept on, and Liz breathed a silent sigh of relief.
It was tempting to crawl in beside him, but it was nearly noon and Liz hadn't eaten a bite all day. She took the baby monitor with her so she would hear if Zander woke, then closed the door and headed for the kitchen. Already a master at making the most of her stolen minutes, she threw together a sandwich and grabbed some juice, then hurried back to her bedroom. She had just sat down at her desk when the baby opened his eyes and lifted his head a couple of inches off the mattress.
Liz held her breath, watching as his neck strained briefly before he let go and his small cheek nestled against the comforter once more. His dark eyes blinked sleepily, lashes dipping down, then up, then settling down again. He was asleep.
She wanted to scoop him up and squeeze him. Her baby, just six days old, was lifting his head. She knew it was typical, that he was only doing what he was supposed to, but it didn't matter. Liz had never been more proud. She had to tell someone. Before she realized it, she had picked up her phone and started to dial Max's number. She was two digits from finishing when she stopped abruptly and hung up. What the hell was she thinking? Max didn't care that Zander could lift his head. He had no emotional investment in the baby's progress. He didn't want or love him; he had said as much himself.
Tears flooded Liz's eyes. She pushed her lunch back and leaned her elbows on her desk, then covered her face with her hands and let herself cry. Again. It felt like she'd been doing nothing but cry for the past two days. "Damn hormones," she muttered angrily. She hated being a slave to her emotions. This postpartum bullshit had PMS beat any day.
The tissue box on her desk was empty. She tossed it in the trash and went into the bathroom to grab a wad of toilet paper. Staring in the mirror, she mopped at her red-rimmed eyes, then blew her nose. Her reflection barely resembled the girl she had been just a year earlier.
"Get a grip," she whispered harshly to herself.
By the time she had downed half her sandwich, Zander was awake and crying again. She tried to feed him, but was once more unsuccessful. Liz sighed as she paced from wall to wall, bouncing him against her shoulder. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she cooed against his cheek. "I wish you could tell me." His tiny cries broke her heart.
"Liz?" The door cracked open and her mother peeked into the room. "Honey, has he been crying all this time?" she asked worriedly. The baby had been irritable long before she had headed down to the Crashdown that morning.
"I got him to sleep for about an hour, but that was it," Liz said wearily. "He held his head up for a few seconds though," she added with a weak smile.
Her mother frowned and came into the room. "That's wonderful, but I'm still concerned." She brushed a hand over Zander's forehead. "He doesn't seem warm. Has he eaten yet?"
Liz shook her head. "And his diaper's dry. What else could it be? Colic?"
"I don't think so. He should have shown signs before now. Let me take him for a while."
Liz hesitated, then allowed her mother to take the baby from her arms. She felt instantly bereft, and his crying only grew more heart-felt. "Mom, give him back," she said, reaching for him.
Her mother sighed. "I don't know what to say, Liz. If he doesn't settle down soon, I think we should call your old pediatrician."
"Dr. Guber?" Liz asked, panicked. "Mom, he's like a hundred years old. I doubt he's even practicing anymore. I'm sure it's nothing. You said yourself that Zander doesn't have a fever."
"There are other things that could be wrong, honey. Just because he checked out fine at the hospital, doesn't mean he couldn't have caught something in the meantime. Babies are delicate." Her frown deepened as she stroked his hand.
"I just don't want him being poked and prodded for no reason," Liz said, taking a step back.
"Well… maybe he'll respond to a bottle. Sometimes babies get fussy. I'll run over to the store and pick up some formula and one of those disposable bottles, and we'll give it a try."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Okay. I'll be right back."
The moment Liz heard the front door close, she grabbed the phone and dialed. This time she let it ring, all the while cradling Zander against her shoulder and swaying to try and soothe him. She was about to hang up when she finally heard the click of someone answering.
"Hello?"
"Max, thank God," Liz breathed.
"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, sounding breathless. "Is that Zander crying? Did something happen?"
"I don't know," she told him. "He won't stop crying, and he won't eat. My mom's talking about taking him to the doctor. What should I do?"
"What? Liz, you can't let her."
"Don't you think I know that?" she snapped, her nerves starting to fray. Zander's endless crying near her ear seemed to echo through her head.
"Of course you do. I'm sorry," he said. "Look, try to calm down. I'll be there as soon as I can. Everything's going to be fine."
"Just hurry."
"I will." Then the phone went dead.
Liz dropped the handset on her desk and resumed pacing. Zander kept nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, muffling his sobs even as his tears wet her skin. "Shh," she whispered, rubbing his back as she walked. "Please don't cry," she begged. "Please."
Minutes ticked by. Liz went out to the living room and curled on the couch, the baby in her arms, and just rocked. Sometimes his crying would subside for a few precious moments, but it never seemed to last. Desperation, heavy and oppressive, tightened around her heart.
The door opened and both of her parents appeared, her mother carrying a small grocery bag. "How's it going?" she asked. "Has there been any break at all?"
Liz bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "He just won't stop," she murmured, hearing a note of hysteria in her voice.
"Nancy, maybe we should head over to the emergency room," Liz's father suggested, glancing worriedly at his wife.
"The emergency room!" Liz cried.
"What if something's really wrong?" he pressed. "We have no way of knowing, Lizzie. It's not like he can tell us what hurts."
"Your father's right, honey," her mother said.
"But you got the bottles. Maybe he's just hungry," Liz said hopefully. "You said we'd try." She shifted Zander back to her shoulder and bounced him, brushing her lips over his damp cheek. "Please, Mom?"
"Okay. But Liz, if this doesn't work…" Her mother shucked off her slicker and took her purchases into the kitchen.
"Liz, children get sick," her father reasoned. "It could be nothing, but then it might be something. The doctors won't be upset if it turns out we're overreacting."
She stood and started to pace again. "Daddy, I know you're trying to help. I just don't want to rush him off to the doctor or the hospital if we don't need to. He'll be exposed to all sorts of germs and things," she improvised.
A knock at the door cut off his reply. "We're not done here," he said, heading to answer it. He opened the door and Liz saw his shoulders stiffen. "What do you want?"
"Dad," she sighed. "I called him."
Her father stepped aside, revealing Max. His hair was soaked, his clothes damp, but his face was calm.
"Why?" Liz's father demanded. "It's not like he shows any interest in his son when everything is fine."
"Mr. Parker, may I come in?" Max asked.
"Dad," Liz prompted.
Her father didn't say anything, but he moved out of Max's way. Even after Max had entered the apartment, he remained hovering by the open door.
"Why don't you get back to work, Daddy," Liz suggested tiredly. "I'll let you know if there's any change."
"Lizzie…"
"Please, Dad. I can't do this with you right now," she told him, her fingers stroking the back of Zander's head as he continued to sob.
He had the grace to look guilty. "I'll be downstairs." With a final glare in Max's direction, he was gone.
Max was at Liz's side in three strides, arms already extended to take the baby. "Where's your mom?" he asked in a low voice.
"Kitchen," Liz whispered. "She's fixing a baby bottle."
Zander moved easily from Liz to Max, but continued to cry. He pressed his small face into Max's chest, nuzzling the soft cotton of his rain-splattered t-shirt. "Easy little guy," Max soothed, rubbing a hand over his back. "Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it." He glanced up at Liz. "We should probably do this in your room."
She nodded, turning to lead the way. It was ridiculous, she knew, but she couldn't help but feel relieved by Max's presence. Even if he had no idea what was wrong with the baby, she needed to be able to share her fears with someone who understood.
In her bedroom, Liz closed the door as Max lay Zander at the foot of the bed. He knelt on the floor in front of him and gently stroked his palms over the baby's head, cupping his flushed wet cheeks. Zander continued crying, but his dark eyes fixed on Max's and Liz knew Max had formed a connection. She held her breath as his hands eased over the baby's shoulders and down the length of his torso and legs. Then he leaned over and scooped him up before shifting so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, Zander cradled against his shoulder.
"Liz, come here," he told her, patting the bed beside him.
"Is he okay?" she asked, doing as he'd requested.
Max nodded briefly. "At least physically. But he's all wound up. Just do what I do," he said. "Try to match your breathing to mine and let your thoughts blank out." He placed his hand over hers and laced their fingers together from behind. Using her palm, he resumed rubbing the baby's back with soothing circular motions.
Liz watched the way Max's chest rose and fell with each breath he took and tried to mimic the pace. She was surprised at how relaxing it was, enabling her to partly block Zander's crying. There was something almost hypnotic about the feel of her hand sandwiched between the baby's warm back and Max's equally warm palm. Then Max started to hum, something low and tuneless, and Liz wondered if she could fall asleep sitting up. The tension in her temples and behind her eyes began to dissipate, and she found her lids fluttering closed. It wasn't until she realized the baby had fallen silent that she opened her eyes again and turned to stare at Max.
"What did you do?" she murmured. Zander was still awake, but perfectly calm. His head rested on Max's shoulder and his dark eyes were focused on Liz.
A faint smile touched Max's lips. "Nothing special," he said. "It was just a matter of…" He trailed off, glancing at the door. "I think your mom's coming," he whispered. "Tell you later."
Sure enough, a soft knock sounded at the door before it cracked open and Liz's mother poked her head into the room. "Hello, Max. I thought I heard you."
Liz swallowed a smile at her mother's tactful comment. There was no way she could have missed hearing Liz's father on the subject of Max's arrival, even from the kitchen.
"Hi, Mrs. Parker," Max replied politely.
"You're all wet," Liz's mother remarked, coming into the room. "I didn't realize it was raining so hard still."
Max shrugged. "It's not. I took a shower before I came over and I didn't bother to dry my hair." He shifted Zander off his shoulder and passed him to Liz. "I think maybe he's calm enough to eat now. He must be hungry after all that wailing," he told her.
Liz smiled, understanding that Max most likely knew precisely how hungry Zander was from connecting to him.
"Do you still want the bottle?" her mother asked.
"Um, might as well leave it in case," Liz told her. "Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome, honey." She set the bottle on the dresser and looked expectantly at Max.
Liz wished the floor would open up and swallow her. It wasn't as if Max had never seen her feed the baby before.
Max, however, seemed willing to take the hint. He brushed a finger over the baby's nose, then gently tugged a section of Liz's hair out from under Zander's head. "I'm going to take off for a little bit," he said quietly. "Let you get him settled. But I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed.
"I replaced my cell phone this morning, so just call if you need me sooner." He got up and Zander automatically twisted his head toward him. "See you later," Max said. Then, with a nod to Liz's mother, he slipped out of the room.
"Did you call him?"
Liz started slightly at her mother's question. "Actually, yeah, I did."
"I'm glad he came over," her mother said gently. "He seems to have quite a touch with Zander already. It's impressive. Most teenage boys run at the sight of babies."
"Max is different."
Her mother smiled. "Clearly," she agreed, sounding amused. She ran her hand over Zander's head, smoothing his silky hair, then leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'll leave you two alone. I'm going to go run some laundry. Want me to do anything for you?"
"No, I'm okay for now," Liz said.
"Well, just give a yell if you need something." With a smile she was gone.
***
Liz had no further trouble with Zander. He ate hungrily, his serious dark eyes staring up at her. She stroked his hand as he nursed, smiling when his tiny fingers curled around her own. By the time she burped him, he was barely awake.
"You wore yourself out, didn't you, little one?" she murmured, cradling him against her shoulder and swaying gently. His head rested in the curve of her neck and she could hear his breathing ease into a steady, slow rhythm.
Walking over to the window, Liz noticed the rain had all but stopped. Puddles littered her balcony. In her mind's eye, she could almost picture a small boy in rubber boots and a bright yellow slicker, jumping enthusiastically into the puddles as he grinned at her. She smiled at the image.
"Looks like someone was tired," commented a low voice behind her.
Spinning, Liz found Max standing in the middle of the room. "Hi," she said, a little breathlessly. "I didn't expect you back so soon."
He shrugged. "I didn't mean to startle you. Your mom told me to just come up."
Liz carried Zander over to the bed and laid him in the middle. He was fast asleep. She pulled a light blanket over him, tucking the edges around him so he was wrapped snuggly.
"So, do I get to hear how you calmed him down now?" she asked.
"Yeah, but not here. Your mom said she'd keep an eye on the baby so we could go talk."
"You want to go somewhere else?"
"Just for a drive. Come on," he coaxed gently.
"Um, okay." She glanced down at her old jeans and denim shirt. "Let me change and-"
"Liz, you're fine. We're just going to be in the Jeep." Max grabbed both her cell phone and the baby monitor from her dresser, then handed her the phone. "Put on some shoes and come on."
"Okay," she agreed. Looking around, she found her sneakers under the desk and quickly shoved her feet into them. Then she took her purse and tossed the phone into it. "Ready."
They headed down the back stairs and Max gave the baby monitor to Liz's mother, who was just coming from the basement with a basket of laundry.
"We won't be long, Mom," Liz said. "But I've got my phone, so call if-"
"Liz, go," her mother laughed. "We'll be fine."
Max steered Liz out to the Jeep, helping her into the passenger side before going around and climbing behind the wheel. With the top up, the Jeep was snug and dry, reminding Liz of endless make out sessions the previous year when she and Max had actually been dating. He had always attached the roof when the went out at night, unwilling to risk giving anyone a free show when they parked out at Buckley Point. Liz sighed at the memory; it seemed like a million years ago.
They drove in silence for several minutes. Max kept his eyes on the road, his hand on the steering wheel. Liz thought he looked tense, but then she supposed that was due to being alone with her. Things hadn't exactly gone well between them the last time they were stuck in close quarters. Still, he was the one who had suggested the drive, and she really wanted to know how he had managed to calm the baby. She was on the verge of asking him again, when he began to speak.
"I'm sorry about last night."
Liz blinked. The apology seemed so far out of left field that she had no idea what to say. "Max, I-"
"I shouldn't have let you go off that way," he continued.
"It was fine," she sighed, staring out at the road in front of them. So, he wasn't sorry for what he'd said, just for dismissing her so abruptly.
"No, it wasn't," he said softly. "I knew I'd upset you and I refused to care. I didn't have to be that hard on you."
"You're entitled to your feelings."
"Yes, I am," he agreed with a measure of firmness that surprised Liz. "I won't apologize for how I feel, Liz," he said gently. "I can't help it, and I shouldn't have to. I didn't ask to be in this situation, and I'm trying to make the best of it, but I'm still adjusting." He sighed. "You asked me to tell you the truth last night, and I did. But you have to realize there's a lot more to what I'm feeling than just what I told you. Things are so complicated right now. It's going to take more than a week to sort it all out."
"I know," she said. "And I knew when I came over that I was probably pushing you too soon."
"We're on different time tables," he pointed out. "You've had months to come to grips with all of this. Now you've got the baby. It's only natural for you to want to get things taken care of and to move on. And I want that too, Liz, but it's not so easy for me."
Liz nodded, still staring out the window. Somehow she knew that if she turned to look at Max, she'd start crying again.
Suddenly, Max pulled the Jeep off the road and Liz realized they were at the entrance to the old quarry, favored spot for all alien/human strategy meetings. He drove until they were a few yards from the edge of the cliff, then cut the engine. From the corner of her eye, she saw him lean back, pressing his head against the head rest. A weary sigh came from his side of the Jeep.
"Are you ever going to tell me what you did to quiet Zander?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said. There was more movement and Liz turned slightly to see him rubbing his eyes. "When I connected him, it was pretty easy to tell there was nothing actually wrong," Max continued. "But he was still very upset, to the point where he didn't even know how to calm down. I could feel these waves of fear and anxiety," he sighed.
"What? Why?"
Max turned to face her, a wry smile on his lips. "The connection, Liz. Zander feels every one of your emotions when you're in close proximity. If you're upset, he knows. It's the same with me, only because I'm an alien it works both ways; I can feel his distress, too."
Liz felt the blood drain from her face. "You mean, when I got home last night-"
"Let me guess," Max interrupted. "You were miserable from seeing me." He shook his head. "He's so tuned into your every thought that it's like he's channeling your emotions. He might not know what they mean, but he understands that you're upset and that scares him." He closed his eyes and let his head fall back again. "If I'd taken two seconds to think things through, I would have realized this would happen. I should have made sure you were okay before you left last night."
"You shouldn't have to censor yourself just because I might get upset," Liz told him vaguely, still reeling from this latest development.
"But I knew Zander was connected to both of us. Something like this was bound to happen."
"How long is this going to last? I mean, will I always have to watch every thought I have?" she asked, overwhelmed by the notion.
Max shook his head. "He'll develop the ability to block that constant level of input as he grows older. Isabel and I were linked telepathically when we first came out of the pods, but the connection faded as we used conventional speech more. I can probably teach you to block in the meantime, but the problem with that is if Zander can't sense you he might panic that much more."
"So, when you calmed him down," Liz said. "The way you made me relax my breathing. You were calming me down, too," she whispered.
"Yeah."
"And he's connected to you the same way? If you were upset while he was around, he'd sense it? Just like he knew when you came into the room before he was born?"
"Pretty much. It's why I wanted to have this discussion somewhere else," Max admitted. "Our emotions are pretty… heightened… lately. I didn't want to risk our getting into an argument and frightening him again."
"Oh." Liz took a moment to digest Max's last comment.
"We should probably head back," he said, reaching for the ignition.
"No, wait."
Max raised his eyebrows questioningly. "What?"
Liz frowned, not sure how to broach the subject. "If Zander is still connected to you, can feel you…"
Max sighed, clearly seeing what she was getting at. "It's genetic, Liz. He's drawn to me as his father. There's no way around that."
"And you wish there was," she said softly.
He sat back again. "I don't know," he admitted. He stared straight ahead as raindrops started to plop on the windshield. "Before I saved you that day in the Crashdown, before you knew what I am, I used to daydream about a future with you," he said slowly. "I had this whole elaborate scenario cooked up, where I told you the truth and it didn't matter and we lived happily ever after, complete with the white picket fence and kids in the yard. The picture of normal," he snorted. "I knew it would never happen, though. It was just something I kept tucked in the back of my head. My secret wish."
Liz ached to slip across the space between the two seats and take him in her arms, but something told her he wouldn't welcome her sympathy. Instead she sat quietly, waiting for him to go on.
"Then suddenly everything changed. You knew the truth and you didn't run. In fact, you loved me back," Max continued. "But as wonderful as that was, I knew I had to be realistic. Knowing the truth had put you in danger. My dream of having a family one day was… reckless. Even if it was possible, biologically speaking, how could I be so foolish as to bring a child into the world when I couldn't guarantee its safety? At the very least I'd be sentencing it to an existence very much like my own. Keeping his or her true identity a secret, constantly worrying that the wrong person might find out. Dodging doctors appointments and bio labs." He shook his head. "At the worst, there were all my nightmares to consider. FBI Special Units. White rooms. Alien autopsies. Nicholas. Kivar. God only knows who else." He shuddered. "The more I learned about who I am, the less possible that dream became."
Liz couldn't stand it anymore. "Max," she whispered. "Don't do this to yourself."
"Just let me finish. You need to understand this, Liz," he said. "I had no say regarding Zander coming into this world, but he's here now, and I have to adjust to that. I told you I would protect him with my last breath, and I mean that. But ever since I said I'd accept responsibility for him, claim him as my child, I've been second guessing myself," he admitted. "Have I made things worse? Is he more of a target if he's close to me?" He shook his head. "I have no idea. Linking him to me could very well be the worst decision I've ever made."
"No, Max, that's not true," Liz said. "You're right that he needs you. How is he supposed to learn what it means to have powers? What to do with them? And I know you'll keep him safe. Your enemies were just as likely to track him down if you had stayed away. You said it yourself. Everyone already believed he was yours," she said sadly. "Your denying it wouldn't have made any difference."
"I wish I could be sure."
"Max, he needs you," she said again. "And more than just for protection. He needs a father. You're connected to him. I know you don't feel like he's yours, but he can't possibly understand that. He's just a baby, Max. However angry you are with me, please don't take it out on him."
"I'm not," he said quietly. "But Liz, he's tuned into my emotions, too. And I can't control myself very well right now. Not around you," he admitted. "You saw that last night. Better for me to stay away until I'm able to maintain some sort of balance than to do or say something we'll all regret. Zander deserves a father who's not a complete wreck," he said, his voice so low Liz could barely hear.
"I don't think you're a wreck," she said gently. "I think you've been pretty great."
"Great?" he snorted. "Right. I terrorized you, threw you out of my house, ignored the baby. I'm a prince." He shook his head. "I'd better get you back."
He reached for the ignition again, but Liz stopped him. She couldn't help but think of how torn he seemed, confused. He had been the same way last night, talking about all the different thoughts in his head. Memories he'd gotten from her. "What did you see?" she demanded. "Of the future, I mean."
He turned and stared at her. "Death. Lots of it," he said, the words short and brusque. "And I know you've been living with that for months. Isabel dying. Michael. Your parents. Mine." He closed his eyes and leaned back. "I wake up and I can smell the fire at the Crashdown," he whispered. "Feel you crying in my arms." He sucked in a deep breath, as if dispelling the memory. "I understand, Liz," he whispered. "Why you felt you had to push me away. I hate it, I don't believe it was the answer, but I understand it."
"Then what?" she asked, holding her breath in anticipation of his reply.
"I'm angry that you were able to," he said. "That you were capable of turning your back on us, over and over, even for the greater good."
"But it was your idea! Max, I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to push you away."
"Not this time. But you walked away from me last summer at the pod chamber," he pointed out. "You came up with that all on your own."
"But the message. From your mother. She said you had a destiny. How could I stand in the way of that?"
"How? I practically begged you not to go, Liz. Instead you ran to Florida."
"You walked away from me the first time."
"I was scared. So were you," he reminded her. "I came to you and told you how I felt. And I just stepped back, Liz. I certainly didn't leave the state." He sighed wearily, pressing his fingers to his eyes. "We can argue all day and it won't change anything. It would be easy for me to say all is forgiven, that I love you and want to build a life with you. That's not news to anyone," he said, turning to meet her teary gaze. "But I don't trust you not to shatter my heart again the next time you think it's for my own good. What happens if I open myself up to you and Zander - let myself get attached to my son - and then you get scared and run? You keep offering to leave for Florida, Liz. I… I can't risk it. I won't survive it," he said baldly.
"Max, I'm not going anywhere," she promised, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to run anymore. Not unless you're running with me."
"I believe you," he said quietly, reaching out to wipe her damp cheek. "But that's only valid here and now. I never know when the situation might change and you'll take off."
Liz pulled back slightly, out of his reach, and rubbed her palms over her face. "So where does that leave us?"
"I promise to be better about Zander. Come over more. Help out so you're not trapped at home with him all the time," he replied. "As for you and me…" He turned and stared at the wet windshield. "I can only ask for more time, Liz. You can't wish everything better."
"All right," she said. "I, um… Thanks. For explaining."
"I'm not trying to punish you or anything," he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you. But I can't lie to you, either."
He held out his hand to her. Liz stared at it a second, the reached out and threaded her fingers through his. She felt surge of warmth as he gave her hand a light squeeze, reminding her of how they'd calmed the baby earlier. Then he released her hand and reached to start the Jeep.
"Ready to go home?" he asked.
"Yeah," Liz agreed. "I'm ready."
*****
TBC
Part 24
******
Liz woke Sunday feeling limp and exhausted. Zander had kept her up most of the night, fussing and crying no matter what she did. She doubted either of them had slept more than an hour. Dragging herself out of bed, she noted that dark clouds had rolled back into town during the night, and a steady rain fell outside her window. The freakishly wet spring had resumed. It seemed only fitting, she thought, given her mood.
The baby cried most of the morning, and refused to nurse. Liz was at a loss as to what was wrong with him. His diaper was dry, his clothes loose fitting, his blanket snuggly wrapped around him. Holding him in her arms, she walked the length of the living room for more than an hour, humming as she rocked, his slight weight growing steadily heavier as her arms became tired. Eventually his soft wails tapered off, replaced by hiccups that seemed to startle him repeatedly. Liz kissed his temple and rubbed his back soothingly, trying to calm him.
"It's okay, little one," she whispered. "Mommy's got you." She wondered if babies had dreams, or even nightmares. What was scary for such a tiny person, who had no idea what danger the world held?
Finally his head lolled in the crook of her neck, and Liz knew he was asleep. Moving gingerly, she went back to her room and gently laid him on the bed. He shuddered briefly but slept on, and Liz breathed a silent sigh of relief.
It was tempting to crawl in beside him, but it was nearly noon and Liz hadn't eaten a bite all day. She took the baby monitor with her so she would hear if Zander woke, then closed the door and headed for the kitchen. Already a master at making the most of her stolen minutes, she threw together a sandwich and grabbed some juice, then hurried back to her bedroom. She had just sat down at her desk when the baby opened his eyes and lifted his head a couple of inches off the mattress.
Liz held her breath, watching as his neck strained briefly before he let go and his small cheek nestled against the comforter once more. His dark eyes blinked sleepily, lashes dipping down, then up, then settling down again. He was asleep.
She wanted to scoop him up and squeeze him. Her baby, just six days old, was lifting his head. She knew it was typical, that he was only doing what he was supposed to, but it didn't matter. Liz had never been more proud. She had to tell someone. Before she realized it, she had picked up her phone and started to dial Max's number. She was two digits from finishing when she stopped abruptly and hung up. What the hell was she thinking? Max didn't care that Zander could lift his head. He had no emotional investment in the baby's progress. He didn't want or love him; he had said as much himself.
Tears flooded Liz's eyes. She pushed her lunch back and leaned her elbows on her desk, then covered her face with her hands and let herself cry. Again. It felt like she'd been doing nothing but cry for the past two days. "Damn hormones," she muttered angrily. She hated being a slave to her emotions. This postpartum bullshit had PMS beat any day.
The tissue box on her desk was empty. She tossed it in the trash and went into the bathroom to grab a wad of toilet paper. Staring in the mirror, she mopped at her red-rimmed eyes, then blew her nose. Her reflection barely resembled the girl she had been just a year earlier.
"Get a grip," she whispered harshly to herself.
By the time she had downed half her sandwich, Zander was awake and crying again. She tried to feed him, but was once more unsuccessful. Liz sighed as she paced from wall to wall, bouncing him against her shoulder. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she cooed against his cheek. "I wish you could tell me." His tiny cries broke her heart.
"Liz?" The door cracked open and her mother peeked into the room. "Honey, has he been crying all this time?" she asked worriedly. The baby had been irritable long before she had headed down to the Crashdown that morning.
"I got him to sleep for about an hour, but that was it," Liz said wearily. "He held his head up for a few seconds though," she added with a weak smile.
Her mother frowned and came into the room. "That's wonderful, but I'm still concerned." She brushed a hand over Zander's forehead. "He doesn't seem warm. Has he eaten yet?"
Liz shook her head. "And his diaper's dry. What else could it be? Colic?"
"I don't think so. He should have shown signs before now. Let me take him for a while."
Liz hesitated, then allowed her mother to take the baby from her arms. She felt instantly bereft, and his crying only grew more heart-felt. "Mom, give him back," she said, reaching for him.
Her mother sighed. "I don't know what to say, Liz. If he doesn't settle down soon, I think we should call your old pediatrician."
"Dr. Guber?" Liz asked, panicked. "Mom, he's like a hundred years old. I doubt he's even practicing anymore. I'm sure it's nothing. You said yourself that Zander doesn't have a fever."
"There are other things that could be wrong, honey. Just because he checked out fine at the hospital, doesn't mean he couldn't have caught something in the meantime. Babies are delicate." Her frown deepened as she stroked his hand.
"I just don't want him being poked and prodded for no reason," Liz said, taking a step back.
"Well… maybe he'll respond to a bottle. Sometimes babies get fussy. I'll run over to the store and pick up some formula and one of those disposable bottles, and we'll give it a try."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Okay. I'll be right back."
The moment Liz heard the front door close, she grabbed the phone and dialed. This time she let it ring, all the while cradling Zander against her shoulder and swaying to try and soothe him. She was about to hang up when she finally heard the click of someone answering.
"Hello?"
"Max, thank God," Liz breathed.
"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, sounding breathless. "Is that Zander crying? Did something happen?"
"I don't know," she told him. "He won't stop crying, and he won't eat. My mom's talking about taking him to the doctor. What should I do?"
"What? Liz, you can't let her."
"Don't you think I know that?" she snapped, her nerves starting to fray. Zander's endless crying near her ear seemed to echo through her head.
"Of course you do. I'm sorry," he said. "Look, try to calm down. I'll be there as soon as I can. Everything's going to be fine."
"Just hurry."
"I will." Then the phone went dead.
Liz dropped the handset on her desk and resumed pacing. Zander kept nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, muffling his sobs even as his tears wet her skin. "Shh," she whispered, rubbing his back as she walked. "Please don't cry," she begged. "Please."
Minutes ticked by. Liz went out to the living room and curled on the couch, the baby in her arms, and just rocked. Sometimes his crying would subside for a few precious moments, but it never seemed to last. Desperation, heavy and oppressive, tightened around her heart.
The door opened and both of her parents appeared, her mother carrying a small grocery bag. "How's it going?" she asked. "Has there been any break at all?"
Liz bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "He just won't stop," she murmured, hearing a note of hysteria in her voice.
"Nancy, maybe we should head over to the emergency room," Liz's father suggested, glancing worriedly at his wife.
"The emergency room!" Liz cried.
"What if something's really wrong?" he pressed. "We have no way of knowing, Lizzie. It's not like he can tell us what hurts."
"Your father's right, honey," her mother said.
"But you got the bottles. Maybe he's just hungry," Liz said hopefully. "You said we'd try." She shifted Zander back to her shoulder and bounced him, brushing her lips over his damp cheek. "Please, Mom?"
"Okay. But Liz, if this doesn't work…" Her mother shucked off her slicker and took her purchases into the kitchen.
"Liz, children get sick," her father reasoned. "It could be nothing, but then it might be something. The doctors won't be upset if it turns out we're overreacting."
She stood and started to pace again. "Daddy, I know you're trying to help. I just don't want to rush him off to the doctor or the hospital if we don't need to. He'll be exposed to all sorts of germs and things," she improvised.
A knock at the door cut off his reply. "We're not done here," he said, heading to answer it. He opened the door and Liz saw his shoulders stiffen. "What do you want?"
"Dad," she sighed. "I called him."
Her father stepped aside, revealing Max. His hair was soaked, his clothes damp, but his face was calm.
"Why?" Liz's father demanded. "It's not like he shows any interest in his son when everything is fine."
"Mr. Parker, may I come in?" Max asked.
"Dad," Liz prompted.
Her father didn't say anything, but he moved out of Max's way. Even after Max had entered the apartment, he remained hovering by the open door.
"Why don't you get back to work, Daddy," Liz suggested tiredly. "I'll let you know if there's any change."
"Lizzie…"
"Please, Dad. I can't do this with you right now," she told him, her fingers stroking the back of Zander's head as he continued to sob.
He had the grace to look guilty. "I'll be downstairs." With a final glare in Max's direction, he was gone.
Max was at Liz's side in three strides, arms already extended to take the baby. "Where's your mom?" he asked in a low voice.
"Kitchen," Liz whispered. "She's fixing a baby bottle."
Zander moved easily from Liz to Max, but continued to cry. He pressed his small face into Max's chest, nuzzling the soft cotton of his rain-splattered t-shirt. "Easy little guy," Max soothed, rubbing a hand over his back. "Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it." He glanced up at Liz. "We should probably do this in your room."
She nodded, turning to lead the way. It was ridiculous, she knew, but she couldn't help but feel relieved by Max's presence. Even if he had no idea what was wrong with the baby, she needed to be able to share her fears with someone who understood.
In her bedroom, Liz closed the door as Max lay Zander at the foot of the bed. He knelt on the floor in front of him and gently stroked his palms over the baby's head, cupping his flushed wet cheeks. Zander continued crying, but his dark eyes fixed on Max's and Liz knew Max had formed a connection. She held her breath as his hands eased over the baby's shoulders and down the length of his torso and legs. Then he leaned over and scooped him up before shifting so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, Zander cradled against his shoulder.
"Liz, come here," he told her, patting the bed beside him.
"Is he okay?" she asked, doing as he'd requested.
Max nodded briefly. "At least physically. But he's all wound up. Just do what I do," he said. "Try to match your breathing to mine and let your thoughts blank out." He placed his hand over hers and laced their fingers together from behind. Using her palm, he resumed rubbing the baby's back with soothing circular motions.
Liz watched the way Max's chest rose and fell with each breath he took and tried to mimic the pace. She was surprised at how relaxing it was, enabling her to partly block Zander's crying. There was something almost hypnotic about the feel of her hand sandwiched between the baby's warm back and Max's equally warm palm. Then Max started to hum, something low and tuneless, and Liz wondered if she could fall asleep sitting up. The tension in her temples and behind her eyes began to dissipate, and she found her lids fluttering closed. It wasn't until she realized the baby had fallen silent that she opened her eyes again and turned to stare at Max.
"What did you do?" she murmured. Zander was still awake, but perfectly calm. His head rested on Max's shoulder and his dark eyes were focused on Liz.
A faint smile touched Max's lips. "Nothing special," he said. "It was just a matter of…" He trailed off, glancing at the door. "I think your mom's coming," he whispered. "Tell you later."
Sure enough, a soft knock sounded at the door before it cracked open and Liz's mother poked her head into the room. "Hello, Max. I thought I heard you."
Liz swallowed a smile at her mother's tactful comment. There was no way she could have missed hearing Liz's father on the subject of Max's arrival, even from the kitchen.
"Hi, Mrs. Parker," Max replied politely.
"You're all wet," Liz's mother remarked, coming into the room. "I didn't realize it was raining so hard still."
Max shrugged. "It's not. I took a shower before I came over and I didn't bother to dry my hair." He shifted Zander off his shoulder and passed him to Liz. "I think maybe he's calm enough to eat now. He must be hungry after all that wailing," he told her.
Liz smiled, understanding that Max most likely knew precisely how hungry Zander was from connecting to him.
"Do you still want the bottle?" her mother asked.
"Um, might as well leave it in case," Liz told her. "Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome, honey." She set the bottle on the dresser and looked expectantly at Max.
Liz wished the floor would open up and swallow her. It wasn't as if Max had never seen her feed the baby before.
Max, however, seemed willing to take the hint. He brushed a finger over the baby's nose, then gently tugged a section of Liz's hair out from under Zander's head. "I'm going to take off for a little bit," he said quietly. "Let you get him settled. But I'll be back, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed.
"I replaced my cell phone this morning, so just call if you need me sooner." He got up and Zander automatically twisted his head toward him. "See you later," Max said. Then, with a nod to Liz's mother, he slipped out of the room.
"Did you call him?"
Liz started slightly at her mother's question. "Actually, yeah, I did."
"I'm glad he came over," her mother said gently. "He seems to have quite a touch with Zander already. It's impressive. Most teenage boys run at the sight of babies."
"Max is different."
Her mother smiled. "Clearly," she agreed, sounding amused. She ran her hand over Zander's head, smoothing his silky hair, then leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'll leave you two alone. I'm going to go run some laundry. Want me to do anything for you?"
"No, I'm okay for now," Liz said.
"Well, just give a yell if you need something." With a smile she was gone.
***
Liz had no further trouble with Zander. He ate hungrily, his serious dark eyes staring up at her. She stroked his hand as he nursed, smiling when his tiny fingers curled around her own. By the time she burped him, he was barely awake.
"You wore yourself out, didn't you, little one?" she murmured, cradling him against her shoulder and swaying gently. His head rested in the curve of her neck and she could hear his breathing ease into a steady, slow rhythm.
Walking over to the window, Liz noticed the rain had all but stopped. Puddles littered her balcony. In her mind's eye, she could almost picture a small boy in rubber boots and a bright yellow slicker, jumping enthusiastically into the puddles as he grinned at her. She smiled at the image.
"Looks like someone was tired," commented a low voice behind her.
Spinning, Liz found Max standing in the middle of the room. "Hi," she said, a little breathlessly. "I didn't expect you back so soon."
He shrugged. "I didn't mean to startle you. Your mom told me to just come up."
Liz carried Zander over to the bed and laid him in the middle. He was fast asleep. She pulled a light blanket over him, tucking the edges around him so he was wrapped snuggly.
"So, do I get to hear how you calmed him down now?" she asked.
"Yeah, but not here. Your mom said she'd keep an eye on the baby so we could go talk."
"You want to go somewhere else?"
"Just for a drive. Come on," he coaxed gently.
"Um, okay." She glanced down at her old jeans and denim shirt. "Let me change and-"
"Liz, you're fine. We're just going to be in the Jeep." Max grabbed both her cell phone and the baby monitor from her dresser, then handed her the phone. "Put on some shoes and come on."
"Okay," she agreed. Looking around, she found her sneakers under the desk and quickly shoved her feet into them. Then she took her purse and tossed the phone into it. "Ready."
They headed down the back stairs and Max gave the baby monitor to Liz's mother, who was just coming from the basement with a basket of laundry.
"We won't be long, Mom," Liz said. "But I've got my phone, so call if-"
"Liz, go," her mother laughed. "We'll be fine."
Max steered Liz out to the Jeep, helping her into the passenger side before going around and climbing behind the wheel. With the top up, the Jeep was snug and dry, reminding Liz of endless make out sessions the previous year when she and Max had actually been dating. He had always attached the roof when the went out at night, unwilling to risk giving anyone a free show when they parked out at Buckley Point. Liz sighed at the memory; it seemed like a million years ago.
They drove in silence for several minutes. Max kept his eyes on the road, his hand on the steering wheel. Liz thought he looked tense, but then she supposed that was due to being alone with her. Things hadn't exactly gone well between them the last time they were stuck in close quarters. Still, he was the one who had suggested the drive, and she really wanted to know how he had managed to calm the baby. She was on the verge of asking him again, when he began to speak.
"I'm sorry about last night."
Liz blinked. The apology seemed so far out of left field that she had no idea what to say. "Max, I-"
"I shouldn't have let you go off that way," he continued.
"It was fine," she sighed, staring out at the road in front of them. So, he wasn't sorry for what he'd said, just for dismissing her so abruptly.
"No, it wasn't," he said softly. "I knew I'd upset you and I refused to care. I didn't have to be that hard on you."
"You're entitled to your feelings."
"Yes, I am," he agreed with a measure of firmness that surprised Liz. "I won't apologize for how I feel, Liz," he said gently. "I can't help it, and I shouldn't have to. I didn't ask to be in this situation, and I'm trying to make the best of it, but I'm still adjusting." He sighed. "You asked me to tell you the truth last night, and I did. But you have to realize there's a lot more to what I'm feeling than just what I told you. Things are so complicated right now. It's going to take more than a week to sort it all out."
"I know," she said. "And I knew when I came over that I was probably pushing you too soon."
"We're on different time tables," he pointed out. "You've had months to come to grips with all of this. Now you've got the baby. It's only natural for you to want to get things taken care of and to move on. And I want that too, Liz, but it's not so easy for me."
Liz nodded, still staring out the window. Somehow she knew that if she turned to look at Max, she'd start crying again.
Suddenly, Max pulled the Jeep off the road and Liz realized they were at the entrance to the old quarry, favored spot for all alien/human strategy meetings. He drove until they were a few yards from the edge of the cliff, then cut the engine. From the corner of her eye, she saw him lean back, pressing his head against the head rest. A weary sigh came from his side of the Jeep.
"Are you ever going to tell me what you did to quiet Zander?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said. There was more movement and Liz turned slightly to see him rubbing his eyes. "When I connected him, it was pretty easy to tell there was nothing actually wrong," Max continued. "But he was still very upset, to the point where he didn't even know how to calm down. I could feel these waves of fear and anxiety," he sighed.
"What? Why?"
Max turned to face her, a wry smile on his lips. "The connection, Liz. Zander feels every one of your emotions when you're in close proximity. If you're upset, he knows. It's the same with me, only because I'm an alien it works both ways; I can feel his distress, too."
Liz felt the blood drain from her face. "You mean, when I got home last night-"
"Let me guess," Max interrupted. "You were miserable from seeing me." He shook his head. "He's so tuned into your every thought that it's like he's channeling your emotions. He might not know what they mean, but he understands that you're upset and that scares him." He closed his eyes and let his head fall back again. "If I'd taken two seconds to think things through, I would have realized this would happen. I should have made sure you were okay before you left last night."
"You shouldn't have to censor yourself just because I might get upset," Liz told him vaguely, still reeling from this latest development.
"But I knew Zander was connected to both of us. Something like this was bound to happen."
"How long is this going to last? I mean, will I always have to watch every thought I have?" she asked, overwhelmed by the notion.
Max shook his head. "He'll develop the ability to block that constant level of input as he grows older. Isabel and I were linked telepathically when we first came out of the pods, but the connection faded as we used conventional speech more. I can probably teach you to block in the meantime, but the problem with that is if Zander can't sense you he might panic that much more."
"So, when you calmed him down," Liz said. "The way you made me relax my breathing. You were calming me down, too," she whispered.
"Yeah."
"And he's connected to you the same way? If you were upset while he was around, he'd sense it? Just like he knew when you came into the room before he was born?"
"Pretty much. It's why I wanted to have this discussion somewhere else," Max admitted. "Our emotions are pretty… heightened… lately. I didn't want to risk our getting into an argument and frightening him again."
"Oh." Liz took a moment to digest Max's last comment.
"We should probably head back," he said, reaching for the ignition.
"No, wait."
Max raised his eyebrows questioningly. "What?"
Liz frowned, not sure how to broach the subject. "If Zander is still connected to you, can feel you…"
Max sighed, clearly seeing what she was getting at. "It's genetic, Liz. He's drawn to me as his father. There's no way around that."
"And you wish there was," she said softly.
He sat back again. "I don't know," he admitted. He stared straight ahead as raindrops started to plop on the windshield. "Before I saved you that day in the Crashdown, before you knew what I am, I used to daydream about a future with you," he said slowly. "I had this whole elaborate scenario cooked up, where I told you the truth and it didn't matter and we lived happily ever after, complete with the white picket fence and kids in the yard. The picture of normal," he snorted. "I knew it would never happen, though. It was just something I kept tucked in the back of my head. My secret wish."
Liz ached to slip across the space between the two seats and take him in her arms, but something told her he wouldn't welcome her sympathy. Instead she sat quietly, waiting for him to go on.
"Then suddenly everything changed. You knew the truth and you didn't run. In fact, you loved me back," Max continued. "But as wonderful as that was, I knew I had to be realistic. Knowing the truth had put you in danger. My dream of having a family one day was… reckless. Even if it was possible, biologically speaking, how could I be so foolish as to bring a child into the world when I couldn't guarantee its safety? At the very least I'd be sentencing it to an existence very much like my own. Keeping his or her true identity a secret, constantly worrying that the wrong person might find out. Dodging doctors appointments and bio labs." He shook his head. "At the worst, there were all my nightmares to consider. FBI Special Units. White rooms. Alien autopsies. Nicholas. Kivar. God only knows who else." He shuddered. "The more I learned about who I am, the less possible that dream became."
Liz couldn't stand it anymore. "Max," she whispered. "Don't do this to yourself."
"Just let me finish. You need to understand this, Liz," he said. "I had no say regarding Zander coming into this world, but he's here now, and I have to adjust to that. I told you I would protect him with my last breath, and I mean that. But ever since I said I'd accept responsibility for him, claim him as my child, I've been second guessing myself," he admitted. "Have I made things worse? Is he more of a target if he's close to me?" He shook his head. "I have no idea. Linking him to me could very well be the worst decision I've ever made."
"No, Max, that's not true," Liz said. "You're right that he needs you. How is he supposed to learn what it means to have powers? What to do with them? And I know you'll keep him safe. Your enemies were just as likely to track him down if you had stayed away. You said it yourself. Everyone already believed he was yours," she said sadly. "Your denying it wouldn't have made any difference."
"I wish I could be sure."
"Max, he needs you," she said again. "And more than just for protection. He needs a father. You're connected to him. I know you don't feel like he's yours, but he can't possibly understand that. He's just a baby, Max. However angry you are with me, please don't take it out on him."
"I'm not," he said quietly. "But Liz, he's tuned into my emotions, too. And I can't control myself very well right now. Not around you," he admitted. "You saw that last night. Better for me to stay away until I'm able to maintain some sort of balance than to do or say something we'll all regret. Zander deserves a father who's not a complete wreck," he said, his voice so low Liz could barely hear.
"I don't think you're a wreck," she said gently. "I think you've been pretty great."
"Great?" he snorted. "Right. I terrorized you, threw you out of my house, ignored the baby. I'm a prince." He shook his head. "I'd better get you back."
He reached for the ignition again, but Liz stopped him. She couldn't help but think of how torn he seemed, confused. He had been the same way last night, talking about all the different thoughts in his head. Memories he'd gotten from her. "What did you see?" she demanded. "Of the future, I mean."
He turned and stared at her. "Death. Lots of it," he said, the words short and brusque. "And I know you've been living with that for months. Isabel dying. Michael. Your parents. Mine." He closed his eyes and leaned back. "I wake up and I can smell the fire at the Crashdown," he whispered. "Feel you crying in my arms." He sucked in a deep breath, as if dispelling the memory. "I understand, Liz," he whispered. "Why you felt you had to push me away. I hate it, I don't believe it was the answer, but I understand it."
"Then what?" she asked, holding her breath in anticipation of his reply.
"I'm angry that you were able to," he said. "That you were capable of turning your back on us, over and over, even for the greater good."
"But it was your idea! Max, I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to push you away."
"Not this time. But you walked away from me last summer at the pod chamber," he pointed out. "You came up with that all on your own."
"But the message. From your mother. She said you had a destiny. How could I stand in the way of that?"
"How? I practically begged you not to go, Liz. Instead you ran to Florida."
"You walked away from me the first time."
"I was scared. So were you," he reminded her. "I came to you and told you how I felt. And I just stepped back, Liz. I certainly didn't leave the state." He sighed wearily, pressing his fingers to his eyes. "We can argue all day and it won't change anything. It would be easy for me to say all is forgiven, that I love you and want to build a life with you. That's not news to anyone," he said, turning to meet her teary gaze. "But I don't trust you not to shatter my heart again the next time you think it's for my own good. What happens if I open myself up to you and Zander - let myself get attached to my son - and then you get scared and run? You keep offering to leave for Florida, Liz. I… I can't risk it. I won't survive it," he said baldly.
"Max, I'm not going anywhere," she promised, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to run anymore. Not unless you're running with me."
"I believe you," he said quietly, reaching out to wipe her damp cheek. "But that's only valid here and now. I never know when the situation might change and you'll take off."
Liz pulled back slightly, out of his reach, and rubbed her palms over her face. "So where does that leave us?"
"I promise to be better about Zander. Come over more. Help out so you're not trapped at home with him all the time," he replied. "As for you and me…" He turned and stared at the wet windshield. "I can only ask for more time, Liz. You can't wish everything better."
"All right," she said. "I, um… Thanks. For explaining."
"I'm not trying to punish you or anything," he said softly. "I don't want to hurt you. But I can't lie to you, either."
He held out his hand to her. Liz stared at it a second, the reached out and threaded her fingers through his. She felt surge of warmth as he gave her hand a light squeeze, reminding her of how they'd calmed the baby earlier. Then he released her hand and reached to start the Jeep.
"Ready to go home?" he asked.
"Yeah," Liz agreed. "I'm ready."
*****
TBC
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EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 25
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Part 25
******
Max began a new routine starting the following day. He appeared an hour before he was due at school each morning, breakfast in hand, and stayed with Liz and Zander until he had to leave to catch his first class. On the afternoons he wasn't scheduled to work, he brought his books over, and he and Liz would study for final exams while the baby slept. Once Zander woke, Max helped with burping and changing him, and even gave him a sponge bath one night with Liz's assistance. They were careful to keep their conversation casual, however, limiting discussions to school and Zander and deftly skirting anything dealing with their personal relationship.
By the following weekend, Liz's parents had ceased to comment on Max's comings and goings. Liz herself had grown so used to his regular visits that it came as something of a surprise when he failed to show up on Saturday morning. She had already fed and changed Zander when she heard voices coming from the kitchen and, expecting Max, she went out to join him. Instead she found her mother sitting with Mrs. Evans, sharing a pot of coffee and cinnamon rolls.
"Good morning, Liz," Max's mother said. "How's my grandson today?"
"He's fine," Liz replied. "I'm afraid he just dropped off to sleep again, though. If I'd known you were here…"
"Oh, don't worry about it dear. I'm having a nice chat with your mother. He'll probably wake up again before I leave." She patted the seat next to her. "Won't you join us?"
"Let me just get the baby monitor. I thought…"
"Max had to work early," Mrs. Evans broke in with an understanding smile. "I'm under strict instructions to make sure you eat one of these," she added, taking another roll from the box and dropping it onto a plate.
"Do you want juice?" her mother asked, pushing back from the table.
"Don't get up," Liz told her. "I'll be right back."
She headed back to her room and checked on Zander, making sure he was still tucked in and lying in the center of the bed. The last couple of days he had grown more mobile, waving his arms and legs around, and while he was a long way from rolling over, he was certainly capable of tying his blanket in knots around his feet. Secure in the knowledge that he was snuggly covered, Liz grabbed the baby monitor and went back to the kitchen.
"Those smell good," she commented, nodding at the rolls as she poured her juice. "I hope Dad didn't see you smuggling them in. They definitely aren't from the Crashdown."
Mrs. Evans laughed. "You're right. I stopped at Olsen's bakery on the way over. Something told me you'd be glad for a change of pace."
Liz nodded, a small smile curving her lips as she joined her mother and Mrs. Evans. "I am a little sick of eggs and pancakes."
"I told Max he doesn't have to keep ordering from the café," her mother commented. "It's not like we don't have plain old cereal in the cupboard."
Mrs. Evans raised her eyebrows. "I think my son is doing penance. Let him."
"He doesn't need to do anything," Liz said quietly.
The two women exchanged a look that made Liz want to fidget in her chair. Then her mother stood up and put her cup and plate in the sink. "I'm sorry, Diane, but duty calls."
"Mom, you weren't scheduled to work this morning, were you?" Liz asked.
"Karen called in sick, so I'm afraid I'm scheduled now."
"I know how it is, Nancy," Mrs. Evans told her. "I'll come through on my way out to say good-bye."
"Okay. Liz, honey, just call down if you need anything."
"I'll be fine, Mom."
Once her mother had gone, Liz rose and topped off Mrs. Evans's coffee.
"Oh, thank you, Liz. I could have gotten it."
"Call it payment for the cinnamon rolls," Liz said with a smile, picking at the edge of the sticky treat on her plate.
"I'd hardly call that necessary." She took a long sip of coffee, then set her cup back on the corner of the placemat. "How are you doing, honey?"
Liz nibbled at a piece of pastry and shrugged. "Fine. I'm tired, but that's only natural."
"Max said you're going to be taking finals right after the rest of the students?"
"Yeah. The principal from my school in Florida arranged it, so I'll be getting credit for all my classes."
"What about your senior year?"
Liz sighed. "I'm not sure. Max and I have talked about it a little bit. I should be able to arrange my schedule so all my classes are in the morning, so that will make daycare cheaper, but I can't go on without working indefinitely, so that's a problem." She shook her head. "There's still time to think about it."
"Well, Philip and I were discussing this the other night, and I have a suggestion, if you don't mind."
"Why would I mind? What did you come up with?"
Max's mother took another sip of coffee. "Well, Philip's in the process of hiring on another lawyer for his firm. Things have been so busy, he and his partner really need the extra help. Which means they're going to need a second fulltime paralegal."
"I thought that was your job?" Liz asked, frowning.
"Oh, no dear. They have one paralegal right now, and then I go in a few hours every day to pick up the overflow. But with another lawyer, either I work a full day or they hire someone else. So, I told Philip to go ahead and start looking."
"You don't want to work fulltime?"
"It's not the hours I object to, just the proximity," Mrs. Evans replied. "I've seen too many marriages destroyed by a husband and wife thinking they can spend every waking hour together. When I started working for Philip, the understanding was always that I would never work a forty-hour week unless he was desperate." She wrinkled her nose. "Much as I love him, we would kill each other."
"So, what are you saying?"
"If you and Max agree, I'd like to watch Zander for you starting in the fall. Sooner, if you need me, though I couldn't do it fulltime until after Philip hires my replacement."
"Really? You would do that?"
Mrs. Evans smiled gently. "Of course. I would love to, Liz." Her expression shifted and for a moment she looked sad. "You know Max and Isabel were school-aged already by the time Philip and I adopted them. They were gifts from God, and I thank Him for them everyday, but I always wanted a baby. It would be a pleasure to help you with Zander."
Liz chewed at her bottom lip, trying to imagine leaving her baby for hours every day so she could go to school. Just the idea made her sad, but she knew it would be temporary. Still, there were other things to consider, such as Zander's potential to develop powers. It was their main concern regarding who was to care for the baby when neither of them could. Still, if she had to choose, she suspected Max's parents were a safer choice than her own.
"Thank you so much," she told Max's mother. "I… I would really love for you to watch him, and I can't imagine Max will disagree, but…"
"I know," she replied. "I haven't said anything to him yet. You go ahead and discuss it."
Liz took a drink of juice, trying to swallow down the urge to cry. She couldn't help but be extremely touched by Mrs. Evans's generosity. Zander saved her from becoming emotional, however, by making a small cooing sound that drifted clearly through the baby monitor. She laughed.
"Sounds like somebody's awake after all," she told Mrs. Evans. "Let's go see what he's up to."
***
"Liz, you spend like your entire day in this apartment," Maria said. "Just come down to the café with me for a little while."
"And do what with the baby?" she sighed.
"Bring him with you. It's not like he's an elephant, Liz. He looks pretty portable to me," her friend admonished.
"It's so noisy downstairs, and the whole place smells like a grease pit," Liz complained.
"Half an hour," Maria coaxed. "Then Michael's shift will be over and we'll be out of your hair, and you can come up and do whatever you want."
Liz rolled her eyes. "You're not in my hair. You know I love seeing you. And I am kind of sick of this place," she admitted.
"Why don't you let your mother watch Zander for you so you can go somewhere for a few hours during the day? You know she will, and you need the break."
"There's no where I really feel like going," Liz said with a shrug. "Besides, I have to feed him like every two hours."
"Babe, you need to join the modern era. Get a breast pump."
"Maria!"
"What? It's not the dark ages. They invented them for a reason." Maria grabbed Liz's arm and tugged. "Come on. You want me to carry small, dark, and adorable?"
Liz chuckled despite herself. "I've got him." She scooped up the baby and cradled him against her shoulder. Zander nuzzled her neck and continued to sleep.
They were halfway down the stairs to the café when Liz heard the rise and fall of masculine voices in the kitchen. The words were inaudible, but the speakers were clearly Max and Michael.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Michael bellowed suddenly.
Liz paused on the steps, holding up a hand to stop Maria from plowing into her from behind. Peeking at the baby, she found him miraculously still asleep.
"What?" Maria hissed.
"Shh," Liz told her. She eased down the rest of the stairs and rounded the corner toward the kitchen door, but even though she strained her ears, she couldn't hear anything more than a low murmur. Finally she waved at Maria to join her, and continued her way into the kitchen.
Michael stood at the grill, spatula in hand, looking very much as if he would like to hit Max with it. Max, in turn, was looking as if he felt particularly stubborn, his jaw set in a way that made Liz nervous. It was clear that Max was up to something, and that Michael was less than thrilled, a fact that did nothing to ease Liz's worries.
"What's going on?" she asked quietly.
"Nothing," Max told her, but he continued to hold Michael's gaze. Michael finally relented, glancing away.
"Michael?" she pressed.
He shook his head. "Ask Fearless Leader," he muttered. "I've got burgers to finish." He slapped angrily at the meat on the grill, causing it to sizzle noisily.
"Well, aren't we a merry bunch," Maria quipped from where she hovered behind Liz and the baby.
When Max finally turned, his expression had evened out. "Hey," he said. His eyes drifted to the baby. "Want me to take him?"
"Sure," Liz said, letting Max slip Zander from her arms. She tucked his head carefully onto Max's shoulder. "So," she continued, eyes darting between Max and Michael. "Everything's okay here?"
"Yeah," Michael said shortly. "Great."
"Great," Liz echoed. "Okay then. Max, why don't we take Zander back upstairs, before he ends up smelling like an onion ring."
"Okay," he agreed. He headed out of the kitchen, leaving the rest of them standing there awkwardly.
Liz motioned for Maria to get to work on Michael, then started after Max. She found him waiting by the closed door at the top of the stairs, Zander cradled in his arms.
"Locked," he said, when she raised her eyebrows.
Liz laughed. "I didn't that would stop you."
"I've kind of got my hands full," he pointed out, lifting the baby slightly.
"Right," she said. She reached past him and let them both into the apartment.
Once Zander was tucked in, Max dropped down on the floor, using the foot of the bed as a back rest. Feeling strange sitting at the desk, with Max below her, Liz sat cross-legged next to him, careful not to get too close. It struck her that he looked nearly as exhausted as she did, right down to the matching set of luggage beneath his eyes. The last thing he needed was some new confrontation to brood over.
"So, what was all that with Michael?" she asked.
Max shrugged. "We were agreeing to disagree."
"I thought things were better between you two."
"They are," he sighed. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair and let his head fall back. "Sometimes I think we're just destined to butt heads. But things are better."
"I'm glad. Because it didn't really look it a minute ago."
"We've been talking a lot lately. About last spring, mostly," Max said. "It's cleared the air."
"What about last spring?"
"Just… him taking the orb and my reaction. His reaction when I needed his help with some stuff."
"What stuff?"
Max closed his eyes. "Tess."
"Oh."
"I… I went to him one night. That night after I'd kissed Tess in the rain," he said, his voice strained.
"Max, you don't have to talk about this."
"No, I do. I… I told Michael that there was something not right about Tess. About how I felt with her."
"And what did he say?" she asked gently.
He opened his eyes and gave her a wry smile. "Let's just say he was less than sympathetic. The point is, we've been letting each other down for a while now. And we both know it has to stop. That's all."
"That sounds like a lot."
"I guess. So, you want to study?"
Taken off guard by his abrupt change of topic, Liz found him already up and heading for the door before she could open her mouth to reply.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"I left my books downstairs," he said, pausing in the doorway.
"Hold on a minute. There's something we need to talk about."
"Okay," he agreed, coming back into the room. "What?"
"Your mom was here this morning."
"I know," he said. "Cinnamon rolls," he added with a smile.
Her cheeks suddenly felt warm. "Yeah, thanks," Liz told him, wondering at her ability to blush over something so innocent. "Anyway, she offered to baby-sit for Zander once school starts up in the fall."
"She did?" he asked with a frown. He came back into the room and sat again. "What about working for my dad?"
Liz shrugged. "I guess he's planning on hiring someone fulltime to help with the new lawyer."
Max's expression cleared. "Right. I forgot about him. Jesse something or other. He's starting in June."
"What do you think?"
"About Mom watching the baby?" His forehead wrinkled briefly. "I suppose it's a pretty good solution. I mean, we wouldn't have to pay for daycare and neither of us would have to play around with our schedules too much. Are you okay with it?"
"Of course. I mean, I love your mother, Max. She's been great. But what if Zander starts to… you know? Turn things colors or something."
Max's frown returned. "I don't know. There's no way of knowing how soon anything might develop."
"It's a calculated risk."
"What are our choices? Daycare's an even bigger risk. It's basically this or we take turns finishing high school so one of us can stay with Zander all the time, and I just don't see that working."
"I guess then the question is, what do we tell your mother? Do we prepare her for the eventuality or keep quiet and cross our fingers?"
"Liz, you know my answer," Max said, tilting his head slightly and pinning her with his dark gaze. "It's not safe to tell anyone else."
"Is it safe not to?"
He rubbed his hands over his face. "What was it Michael said after Valenti learned the truth last year?"
Liz swallowed, knowing just what he was referring to. "There is no safe," she whispered.
"Precisely." He glanced up at the bed where the baby was sleeping. "It's only May. Why don't we cross that bridge when we come to it. A lot can happen between now and September."
She couldn't see what, but it didn't matter. Neither of them had any answers. "Okay," she agreed.
***
Two nights later, Liz woke to the sound of her bedroom window sliding open. Her heart began to pound as she lay perfectly still in bed, her body curled around her son. Just over his head, she could make out the glowing numbers of her alarm clock: 3:11 am.
A soft rustling sound was followed by the quiet thud of feet hitting the floor, then the window eased shut. Whoever had climbed in from the balcony was trying to move quietly, but their breathing seemed unnaturally heavy. Liz felt something flutter deep in the pit of her stomach. She turned her head and faced her intruder.
"Max?" she whispered through the darkness.
"I didn't mean to wake you." His voice was hoarse, his movements unsteady as he came toward her.
"What happened?" she demanded. She shifted carefully to a sitting position and reached for the small bedside lamp. A dull glow lit the room, making her blink. "God, are you all right?"
"Fine," he whispered. His face was damp and flushed, as if he'd run all the way there. "I just…" He shook his head and ran an unsteady hand over his eyes. "I had a nightmare. It was so real."
"Come here," she urged, moving into the center of the bed to make room for him. "Sit down. Do you want something? Water?"
"I'm all right. I just needed to be sure that…" He trailed off, his dark, haunted eyes boring into her as he stood at the foot of the bed, poised as if to flee.
"We're fine," she whispered. "Safe," she added, almost as an afterthought. She knew she'd hit her mark when he shuddered. "You want to talk about it?"
Max shook his head, but remained where he stood.
Liz watched him for a long moment. "Do you want to stay?" she finally asked, hating how hesitant she sounded.
The silence stretched out between them. Just when she was sure he was going to leave, Max glanced down. "It's all right?" he asked, his voice painfully quiet.
"Yeah," she whispered.
"Okay. For a little while." He kicked off his shoes and slowly moved around to the side of the bed.
Liz pulled back the sheet and scooted closer to Zander, turning so she could wrap a protective arm around the baby. The bed dipped behind her and she felt Max stretch out, moving carefully so as not to crowd her. They lay there stiffly for a few minutes before Liz let herself relax, her back curving into Max's chest. The bed was simply too narrow for them to sleep side by side without touching, and she refused to be self-conscious about it.
After a moment, Max lifted his arm and draped it over her, pulling her back more securely against him. His hand brushed over hers where she held Zander, his fingers twining with her own. She could feel his breath stir her hair, his chest rise and fall - still too quickly - behind her.
"You okay?" she murmured softly.
"Shh," he said. "Go back to sleep."
It was dawn when she felt him slip from the bed. She kept her eyes closed as he quietly found his shoes and put them on. Even without looking, she sensed him pause at the foot of the bed and watch her for a long moment before he left through the window, the same way he had come.
*****
TBC
Part 25
******
Max began a new routine starting the following day. He appeared an hour before he was due at school each morning, breakfast in hand, and stayed with Liz and Zander until he had to leave to catch his first class. On the afternoons he wasn't scheduled to work, he brought his books over, and he and Liz would study for final exams while the baby slept. Once Zander woke, Max helped with burping and changing him, and even gave him a sponge bath one night with Liz's assistance. They were careful to keep their conversation casual, however, limiting discussions to school and Zander and deftly skirting anything dealing with their personal relationship.
By the following weekend, Liz's parents had ceased to comment on Max's comings and goings. Liz herself had grown so used to his regular visits that it came as something of a surprise when he failed to show up on Saturday morning. She had already fed and changed Zander when she heard voices coming from the kitchen and, expecting Max, she went out to join him. Instead she found her mother sitting with Mrs. Evans, sharing a pot of coffee and cinnamon rolls.
"Good morning, Liz," Max's mother said. "How's my grandson today?"
"He's fine," Liz replied. "I'm afraid he just dropped off to sleep again, though. If I'd known you were here…"
"Oh, don't worry about it dear. I'm having a nice chat with your mother. He'll probably wake up again before I leave." She patted the seat next to her. "Won't you join us?"
"Let me just get the baby monitor. I thought…"
"Max had to work early," Mrs. Evans broke in with an understanding smile. "I'm under strict instructions to make sure you eat one of these," she added, taking another roll from the box and dropping it onto a plate.
"Do you want juice?" her mother asked, pushing back from the table.
"Don't get up," Liz told her. "I'll be right back."
She headed back to her room and checked on Zander, making sure he was still tucked in and lying in the center of the bed. The last couple of days he had grown more mobile, waving his arms and legs around, and while he was a long way from rolling over, he was certainly capable of tying his blanket in knots around his feet. Secure in the knowledge that he was snuggly covered, Liz grabbed the baby monitor and went back to the kitchen.
"Those smell good," she commented, nodding at the rolls as she poured her juice. "I hope Dad didn't see you smuggling them in. They definitely aren't from the Crashdown."
Mrs. Evans laughed. "You're right. I stopped at Olsen's bakery on the way over. Something told me you'd be glad for a change of pace."
Liz nodded, a small smile curving her lips as she joined her mother and Mrs. Evans. "I am a little sick of eggs and pancakes."
"I told Max he doesn't have to keep ordering from the café," her mother commented. "It's not like we don't have plain old cereal in the cupboard."
Mrs. Evans raised her eyebrows. "I think my son is doing penance. Let him."
"He doesn't need to do anything," Liz said quietly.
The two women exchanged a look that made Liz want to fidget in her chair. Then her mother stood up and put her cup and plate in the sink. "I'm sorry, Diane, but duty calls."
"Mom, you weren't scheduled to work this morning, were you?" Liz asked.
"Karen called in sick, so I'm afraid I'm scheduled now."
"I know how it is, Nancy," Mrs. Evans told her. "I'll come through on my way out to say good-bye."
"Okay. Liz, honey, just call down if you need anything."
"I'll be fine, Mom."
Once her mother had gone, Liz rose and topped off Mrs. Evans's coffee.
"Oh, thank you, Liz. I could have gotten it."
"Call it payment for the cinnamon rolls," Liz said with a smile, picking at the edge of the sticky treat on her plate.
"I'd hardly call that necessary." She took a long sip of coffee, then set her cup back on the corner of the placemat. "How are you doing, honey?"
Liz nibbled at a piece of pastry and shrugged. "Fine. I'm tired, but that's only natural."
"Max said you're going to be taking finals right after the rest of the students?"
"Yeah. The principal from my school in Florida arranged it, so I'll be getting credit for all my classes."
"What about your senior year?"
Liz sighed. "I'm not sure. Max and I have talked about it a little bit. I should be able to arrange my schedule so all my classes are in the morning, so that will make daycare cheaper, but I can't go on without working indefinitely, so that's a problem." She shook her head. "There's still time to think about it."
"Well, Philip and I were discussing this the other night, and I have a suggestion, if you don't mind."
"Why would I mind? What did you come up with?"
Max's mother took another sip of coffee. "Well, Philip's in the process of hiring on another lawyer for his firm. Things have been so busy, he and his partner really need the extra help. Which means they're going to need a second fulltime paralegal."
"I thought that was your job?" Liz asked, frowning.
"Oh, no dear. They have one paralegal right now, and then I go in a few hours every day to pick up the overflow. But with another lawyer, either I work a full day or they hire someone else. So, I told Philip to go ahead and start looking."
"You don't want to work fulltime?"
"It's not the hours I object to, just the proximity," Mrs. Evans replied. "I've seen too many marriages destroyed by a husband and wife thinking they can spend every waking hour together. When I started working for Philip, the understanding was always that I would never work a forty-hour week unless he was desperate." She wrinkled her nose. "Much as I love him, we would kill each other."
"So, what are you saying?"
"If you and Max agree, I'd like to watch Zander for you starting in the fall. Sooner, if you need me, though I couldn't do it fulltime until after Philip hires my replacement."
"Really? You would do that?"
Mrs. Evans smiled gently. "Of course. I would love to, Liz." Her expression shifted and for a moment she looked sad. "You know Max and Isabel were school-aged already by the time Philip and I adopted them. They were gifts from God, and I thank Him for them everyday, but I always wanted a baby. It would be a pleasure to help you with Zander."
Liz chewed at her bottom lip, trying to imagine leaving her baby for hours every day so she could go to school. Just the idea made her sad, but she knew it would be temporary. Still, there were other things to consider, such as Zander's potential to develop powers. It was their main concern regarding who was to care for the baby when neither of them could. Still, if she had to choose, she suspected Max's parents were a safer choice than her own.
"Thank you so much," she told Max's mother. "I… I would really love for you to watch him, and I can't imagine Max will disagree, but…"
"I know," she replied. "I haven't said anything to him yet. You go ahead and discuss it."
Liz took a drink of juice, trying to swallow down the urge to cry. She couldn't help but be extremely touched by Mrs. Evans's generosity. Zander saved her from becoming emotional, however, by making a small cooing sound that drifted clearly through the baby monitor. She laughed.
"Sounds like somebody's awake after all," she told Mrs. Evans. "Let's go see what he's up to."
***
"Liz, you spend like your entire day in this apartment," Maria said. "Just come down to the café with me for a little while."
"And do what with the baby?" she sighed.
"Bring him with you. It's not like he's an elephant, Liz. He looks pretty portable to me," her friend admonished.
"It's so noisy downstairs, and the whole place smells like a grease pit," Liz complained.
"Half an hour," Maria coaxed. "Then Michael's shift will be over and we'll be out of your hair, and you can come up and do whatever you want."
Liz rolled her eyes. "You're not in my hair. You know I love seeing you. And I am kind of sick of this place," she admitted.
"Why don't you let your mother watch Zander for you so you can go somewhere for a few hours during the day? You know she will, and you need the break."
"There's no where I really feel like going," Liz said with a shrug. "Besides, I have to feed him like every two hours."
"Babe, you need to join the modern era. Get a breast pump."
"Maria!"
"What? It's not the dark ages. They invented them for a reason." Maria grabbed Liz's arm and tugged. "Come on. You want me to carry small, dark, and adorable?"
Liz chuckled despite herself. "I've got him." She scooped up the baby and cradled him against her shoulder. Zander nuzzled her neck and continued to sleep.
They were halfway down the stairs to the café when Liz heard the rise and fall of masculine voices in the kitchen. The words were inaudible, but the speakers were clearly Max and Michael.
"Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Michael bellowed suddenly.
Liz paused on the steps, holding up a hand to stop Maria from plowing into her from behind. Peeking at the baby, she found him miraculously still asleep.
"What?" Maria hissed.
"Shh," Liz told her. She eased down the rest of the stairs and rounded the corner toward the kitchen door, but even though she strained her ears, she couldn't hear anything more than a low murmur. Finally she waved at Maria to join her, and continued her way into the kitchen.
Michael stood at the grill, spatula in hand, looking very much as if he would like to hit Max with it. Max, in turn, was looking as if he felt particularly stubborn, his jaw set in a way that made Liz nervous. It was clear that Max was up to something, and that Michael was less than thrilled, a fact that did nothing to ease Liz's worries.
"What's going on?" she asked quietly.
"Nothing," Max told her, but he continued to hold Michael's gaze. Michael finally relented, glancing away.
"Michael?" she pressed.
He shook his head. "Ask Fearless Leader," he muttered. "I've got burgers to finish." He slapped angrily at the meat on the grill, causing it to sizzle noisily.
"Well, aren't we a merry bunch," Maria quipped from where she hovered behind Liz and the baby.
When Max finally turned, his expression had evened out. "Hey," he said. His eyes drifted to the baby. "Want me to take him?"
"Sure," Liz said, letting Max slip Zander from her arms. She tucked his head carefully onto Max's shoulder. "So," she continued, eyes darting between Max and Michael. "Everything's okay here?"
"Yeah," Michael said shortly. "Great."
"Great," Liz echoed. "Okay then. Max, why don't we take Zander back upstairs, before he ends up smelling like an onion ring."
"Okay," he agreed. He headed out of the kitchen, leaving the rest of them standing there awkwardly.
Liz motioned for Maria to get to work on Michael, then started after Max. She found him waiting by the closed door at the top of the stairs, Zander cradled in his arms.
"Locked," he said, when she raised her eyebrows.
Liz laughed. "I didn't that would stop you."
"I've kind of got my hands full," he pointed out, lifting the baby slightly.
"Right," she said. She reached past him and let them both into the apartment.
Once Zander was tucked in, Max dropped down on the floor, using the foot of the bed as a back rest. Feeling strange sitting at the desk, with Max below her, Liz sat cross-legged next to him, careful not to get too close. It struck her that he looked nearly as exhausted as she did, right down to the matching set of luggage beneath his eyes. The last thing he needed was some new confrontation to brood over.
"So, what was all that with Michael?" she asked.
Max shrugged. "We were agreeing to disagree."
"I thought things were better between you two."
"They are," he sighed. "I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair and let his head fall back. "Sometimes I think we're just destined to butt heads. But things are better."
"I'm glad. Because it didn't really look it a minute ago."
"We've been talking a lot lately. About last spring, mostly," Max said. "It's cleared the air."
"What about last spring?"
"Just… him taking the orb and my reaction. His reaction when I needed his help with some stuff."
"What stuff?"
Max closed his eyes. "Tess."
"Oh."
"I… I went to him one night. That night after I'd kissed Tess in the rain," he said, his voice strained.
"Max, you don't have to talk about this."
"No, I do. I… I told Michael that there was something not right about Tess. About how I felt with her."
"And what did he say?" she asked gently.
He opened his eyes and gave her a wry smile. "Let's just say he was less than sympathetic. The point is, we've been letting each other down for a while now. And we both know it has to stop. That's all."
"That sounds like a lot."
"I guess. So, you want to study?"
Taken off guard by his abrupt change of topic, Liz found him already up and heading for the door before she could open her mouth to reply.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"I left my books downstairs," he said, pausing in the doorway.
"Hold on a minute. There's something we need to talk about."
"Okay," he agreed, coming back into the room. "What?"
"Your mom was here this morning."
"I know," he said. "Cinnamon rolls," he added with a smile.
Her cheeks suddenly felt warm. "Yeah, thanks," Liz told him, wondering at her ability to blush over something so innocent. "Anyway, she offered to baby-sit for Zander once school starts up in the fall."
"She did?" he asked with a frown. He came back into the room and sat again. "What about working for my dad?"
Liz shrugged. "I guess he's planning on hiring someone fulltime to help with the new lawyer."
Max's expression cleared. "Right. I forgot about him. Jesse something or other. He's starting in June."
"What do you think?"
"About Mom watching the baby?" His forehead wrinkled briefly. "I suppose it's a pretty good solution. I mean, we wouldn't have to pay for daycare and neither of us would have to play around with our schedules too much. Are you okay with it?"
"Of course. I mean, I love your mother, Max. She's been great. But what if Zander starts to… you know? Turn things colors or something."
Max's frown returned. "I don't know. There's no way of knowing how soon anything might develop."
"It's a calculated risk."
"What are our choices? Daycare's an even bigger risk. It's basically this or we take turns finishing high school so one of us can stay with Zander all the time, and I just don't see that working."
"I guess then the question is, what do we tell your mother? Do we prepare her for the eventuality or keep quiet and cross our fingers?"
"Liz, you know my answer," Max said, tilting his head slightly and pinning her with his dark gaze. "It's not safe to tell anyone else."
"Is it safe not to?"
He rubbed his hands over his face. "What was it Michael said after Valenti learned the truth last year?"
Liz swallowed, knowing just what he was referring to. "There is no safe," she whispered.
"Precisely." He glanced up at the bed where the baby was sleeping. "It's only May. Why don't we cross that bridge when we come to it. A lot can happen between now and September."
She couldn't see what, but it didn't matter. Neither of them had any answers. "Okay," she agreed.
***
Two nights later, Liz woke to the sound of her bedroom window sliding open. Her heart began to pound as she lay perfectly still in bed, her body curled around her son. Just over his head, she could make out the glowing numbers of her alarm clock: 3:11 am.
A soft rustling sound was followed by the quiet thud of feet hitting the floor, then the window eased shut. Whoever had climbed in from the balcony was trying to move quietly, but their breathing seemed unnaturally heavy. Liz felt something flutter deep in the pit of her stomach. She turned her head and faced her intruder.
"Max?" she whispered through the darkness.
"I didn't mean to wake you." His voice was hoarse, his movements unsteady as he came toward her.
"What happened?" she demanded. She shifted carefully to a sitting position and reached for the small bedside lamp. A dull glow lit the room, making her blink. "God, are you all right?"
"Fine," he whispered. His face was damp and flushed, as if he'd run all the way there. "I just…" He shook his head and ran an unsteady hand over his eyes. "I had a nightmare. It was so real."
"Come here," she urged, moving into the center of the bed to make room for him. "Sit down. Do you want something? Water?"
"I'm all right. I just needed to be sure that…" He trailed off, his dark, haunted eyes boring into her as he stood at the foot of the bed, poised as if to flee.
"We're fine," she whispered. "Safe," she added, almost as an afterthought. She knew she'd hit her mark when he shuddered. "You want to talk about it?"
Max shook his head, but remained where he stood.
Liz watched him for a long moment. "Do you want to stay?" she finally asked, hating how hesitant she sounded.
The silence stretched out between them. Just when she was sure he was going to leave, Max glanced down. "It's all right?" he asked, his voice painfully quiet.
"Yeah," she whispered.
"Okay. For a little while." He kicked off his shoes and slowly moved around to the side of the bed.
Liz pulled back the sheet and scooted closer to Zander, turning so she could wrap a protective arm around the baby. The bed dipped behind her and she felt Max stretch out, moving carefully so as not to crowd her. They lay there stiffly for a few minutes before Liz let herself relax, her back curving into Max's chest. The bed was simply too narrow for them to sleep side by side without touching, and she refused to be self-conscious about it.
After a moment, Max lifted his arm and draped it over her, pulling her back more securely against him. His hand brushed over hers where she held Zander, his fingers twining with her own. She could feel his breath stir her hair, his chest rise and fall - still too quickly - behind her.
"You okay?" she murmured softly.
"Shh," he said. "Go back to sleep."
It was dawn when she felt him slip from the bed. She kept her eyes closed as he quietly found his shoes and put them on. Even without looking, she sensed him pause at the foot of the bed and watch her for a long moment before he left through the window, the same way he had come.
*****
TBC
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 26
Hi, everyone! Just wanted to stop in and say thanks, as always, for the fabulous feedback. I also see I've picked up some new readers over the last few parts, so welcome. Glad to have you!
This next part is in two parts due to length. I also would like to take this opportunity to remind you of the rating for this fic: it's R. This might not always be obvious, but it's there for a reason. Just so you know.
Enjoy!
Em
******
Part 26
******
“Are we going to talk about it?” Liz watched Max pause for a second before he resumed pacing the width of the kitchen, Zander nestled against his shoulder.
“About what, exactly?”
“Last night.”
“I thought we already had,” he said, too casually.
“Max, you told me you had a nightmare. That doesn’t actually constitute a discussion,” Liz sighed. “You can’t just show up with omelets and act like nothing happened.” Knowing it was useless to push, she started stacking their breakfast things in the dishwasher. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Max turn.
“Frankly, it’s not something I feel like getting into right now,” he told her. His voice was low, as if he was holding it steady through sheer will.
Liz closed the dishwasher and dried her hands on the sides of her jeans. “Fine. Whatever,” she said. “Can I have my son, please?”
Max’s eyebrows rose at her short-tempered response. When Liz moved to take the baby from him, he side-stepped out of her reach. “Whoa. You’re mad at me?”
“No, Max, I’m not mad,” she said evenly. “What I am is exhausted. I sleep for two hours at a time, my breasts feel like their going to fall off, my parents are making me nuts…” She paused for a breath. “And… and whenever you’re around, I’m walking on eggshells. Now you show up at my window in the middle of the night, all in a panic, and then act like I can’t even be worried about you? I don’t think so.” In two short strides she had him cornered by the refrigerator. “I’m too tired to play this game right now,” she said. “I’m not going to bully it out of you. Just give me the baby and go.”
Max swiveled Zander in his arms and passed him to her. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t tell you,” he said tersely. “Just that I didn’t want to get into it right now. I’ve got a Trig final in two hours, Liz. The last thing I need to be thinking about is my nightmares. Bad enough that I barely slept.”
“That’s just an excuse,” she told him, shaking her head. She bounced Zander lightly against her shoulder, hugging his warm weight to her chest. “You wouldn’t talk last night, and I doubt you will this afternoon. You’ll keep putting me off because you think it’s part of keeping me safe. I’m not some fragile flower, Max.”
“All right,” he snapped. “You really want to know? I dreamt about Nicholas, okay? Everything he’d love to do if he ever got his hands on you and Zander, in glowing Technicolor, with sound effects that made my blood run cold. Happy?” he bit out.
The baby began to cry and Liz bit her lip as Max’s eyes filled with instant contrition. “Hell,” he muttered, running a hand over his forehead. “I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, cradling Zander closer to comfort him. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“No, I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” he sighed. “I just…”
“I know.” She had seen the fear building even as he let the details of his nightmare spill out.
Max brushed his palm over the baby’s head, soothing him. “It’s okay, little guy,” he murmured. “Everything’s okay.”
Liz kissed Zander’s cheek as Max calmed him, relieved at how easily he was able to stop his crying. “He’s fine,” she said, noting the lingering tinges of guilt haunting Max’s expression. “Go on. It’s all right. You should get to school.”
He nodded slowly, his reluctance clear. “Okay. I’m not sure when I’ll be over tonight. Seligman’s running a cramming session for the final until four, and then I’ve got work.”
“I understand. Good luck with Trig.”
Max managed a weak smile. “Thanks. I’m gonna need it.” He smoothed a finger over Zander’s cheek. “I’ll see you later. I promise, we’ll talk then, okay?”
“Okay.” She returned his smile, holding it until she heard the door close behind him. Then she released it, along with the breath she had been holding. Nuzzling Zander’s temple, she concentrated on his sweet baby scent, and tried not to let her imagination roam. It was very difficult, however, not to wonder just what horrors Max’s nightmares held.
***
“Knock, knock.” Isabel stuck her head through the open doorway as Liz finished snapping Zander into his clean pajamas. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Liz shoved at the hair that had escaped her ponytail to hang in her eyes. It stayed back a moment, then slipped forward again, causing Liz to tuck it angrily behind her ear. The baby watched her restless movements, his dark, expressive eyes following every gesture.
“God, not him too,” Isabel groaned, dropping down on the edge of the bed. She reached over and rubbed Zander’s tummy. “You really are my brother’s son, aren’t you, munchkin?”
“Amazing what gets carried down in a strand of DNA,” Liz muttered. She crouched down in front of the baby and grabbed hold of his feet with both hands. He kicked against her palms, his diaper making a soft swishing sound as his legs flexed. “So, what’s in the bag?”
Isabel laughed as she pulled the bag in question up from the side of the bed. “You caught me.”
“Isabel, you show up with something pretty much every day. It didn’t exactly take X-ray vision.” Liz released Zander’s feet and sat on the corner of the bed. “You don’t have to keep buying stuff, you know.”
“I know,” Isabel agreed. “But I like to. Anyway, this is more for you than for Zander.” Dangling the shopping bag from two fingers, she passed it to Liz.
“Me?” Liz frowned as she took the bag, then peered inside and let out a bark of laughter. “Have you been talking to Maria?”
“Well, yes,” Isabel admitted. She smiled as Liz fished out the breast pump. “But my motivations were purely selfish. I was hoping you’d come to graduation next week.”
Liz set the box on the floor and lifted the baby into her arms. “You’re really going through with it. Graduating early. That’s great.”
“Yeah, well, I figured I might as well. I’ve got all my credits. It seems a waste of time to stay.”
“So. San Francisco?”
“No. I um… applied to ENMU,” Isabel said with a shrug. “Max was right. I can’t run off and leave him and Michael holding the bag. Especially now.”
“Why especially now?” Liz asked hesitantly, afraid she knew the answer.
Isabel reached out and took Zander’s small hand between her fingers. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. Whether Nicholas…” Her smile suddenly seemed forced, brittle.
“Don’t do that,” Liz said. “Don’t give up your dreams because you think you need to help protect us. It’s bad enough that Max insists on—This is my life, Isabel. I made choices and… I don’t regret them, but I won’t let you all go around sacrificing right and left because of what I’ve done,” she said firmly. “There’s been more than enough of that already, believe me.”
“That’s not the only reason. I don’t want to go away and miss out on Zander’s childhood,” she said. “He’s the first baby in the family, Liz,” she continued wistfully. “My nephew. You couldn’t pry me away if you tried.” Her gaze shifted, meeting Liz’s. “So. You coming to my graduation or not?”
Liz smiled at the challenge in the other girl’s eyes. “I’d love to.”
***
“Honey, are you sure you’ll be all right?”
Liz sighed. “Mom, I’m not helpless. Just go. You and Daddy have a nice dinner.” She checked once more to make sure Zander was sleeping, then scooped up a pile of books and the baby monitor from her desk. “I’m just going to study.”
Her mother checked her reflection in the mirror over the dresser, patting her hair into place. “Well, your father has his cell phone, so call if you need anything. We shouldn’t be too late.”
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Liz waited for her mother to precede her out of the room, then closed the door quietly behind them.
Her father was waiting in the living room. “All set, Nancy? Liz, you’re going to be okay?”
“For crying out loud,” Liz muttered. “Go, Dad. Have a good time.”
Her father smiled indulgently. “We should be home by ten. Take it easy, honey.”
“I will. Have fun. Thank God,” she finished in a whisper, as the door finally shut behind them. She dropped her books on the coffee table and collapsed onto the couch. “You’d think I was some sort of invalid,” she grumbled aloud.
For a few minutes, Liz did absolutely nothing. She stared at her books, knowing she needed to get ready for finals, but her motivation seemed to have flown out the window. Feeling restless, she snagged the baby monitor and wandered into the kitchen in search of a snack.
“Where the hell did all the ice cream go?” she complained, staring at the nearly bare freezer. She poked at the bag of frozen peas that, with the exception of the ice cube trays, was the only thing in the frosty compartment. “Figures.”
She rummaged through the cupboards, but found nothing particularly snack worthy. Finally, she succumbed to the inevitable and, baby monitor in hand, headed down to the Crashdown to raid the pantry.
José was working the grill. “How’s my girl?” he called when Liz appeared in the kitchen doorway. “And where’s the cutie? You never bring him down to visit,” he complained, offering Liz an exaggerated pout.
“He’s sleeping,” Liz said with a laugh.
José made a clucking sound. “That boy, he’s sleeping his life away.”
“He’s two weeks old!”
“See what I mean? What does he have to show for it?” José teased.
Liz groaned. “I just came down for a snack. There’s nothing good upstairs.”
“Ah, study time,” the cook said with a knowing nod. “We’re low on ice cream, but Maria’s Mama, she baked this morning.”
“Mmm,” Liz replied. “Alien-green lime pie?” she asked hopefully.
He grinned. “Behind the counter,” he replied, nodding toward the front of the café.
“Thanks,” Liz said, already sailing through the swinging door.
The Crashdown was fairly quiet, it still being early in the week. A few kids sat at the booths, most of them with books spread next to their plates, and an elderly couple were at a table near the window. Liz waved at the two waitresses working the floor as she headed behind the counter. When she took in the assortment of pies in the refrigerated case, she grinned. “A wealth of riches,” she laughed, leaning over and carefully pulling the cream covered lime confection from the shelf.
“Hey, Liz,” one of the waitresses said as she joined her behind the counter.
“Hi, Karen,” Liz replied as she sliced into the pie. “How are you?”
“Good, you? Adjusting to motherhood?” she asked as she filled several mugs with coffee.
“Slowly but surely,” Liz sighed. “I could use a full night’s sleep, though.”
Karen laughed. “I hear you there. You’ve got a few months to go, I’m afraid.” She placed the coffees on a tray with a bowl of creamer packets. “Good luck,” she added. Taking the tray, she headed back onto the floor.
“Thanks.” Liz covered the pie pan and bent to put it back in the case. When she stood, she heard the tinkle of bells from over the front door and, glancing over, found Jim Valenti striding into the café. She smiled.
“Howdy, stranger,” Valenti said, sidling up to the counter. “You’re not back on duty, are you?”
“No. Just needed some fortification for a study session,” she told him, indicating her slice of pie.
“Ah,” he said, nodding. “Gottcha. Kyle’s got one of those going. He and Isabel are prepping for their big history exam. That’s why I’m here. On my own for dinner.”
“You want a menu?” Liz asked, reaching for the stack.
“Nah, I already called in an order,” he told her. “Just stopped by to pick it up. I’m in the middle of a little home improvement project and I didn’t feel much like cooking.”
“Or microwaving?” Liz asked knowingly.
He shrugged. “Isn’t that cooking?” he asked with a chuckle. He eyed her pie. “I don’t suppose you’ve got some coconut cream hiding back there.”
“Only Mrs. DeLuca’s finest,” she told him. “You want to add a piece to your order?”
“Please.”
Liz set about packing up a slice of coconut cream pie to go. She slid her own dessert down the counter to make room for the small plastic take out box, knocking over the baby monitor. With a yelp, she made a quick grab for it, catching it before it tumbled to the floor.
“Wouldn’t want to lose that,” Valenti commented. “Those are great little gadgets.”
“Definitely comes in handy,” Liz agreed.
“You know, I saw your folks heading into Senor Chow’s as I was driving over here. It’s great how everyone seems to be getting along, what with the awkward circumstances,” he said in a quiet voice.
Liz frowned. “Why wouldn’t my parents be getting along?”
“No, I mean with the Evanses,” he clarified. “Good to see parents banding together that way. I know things were probably a little ugly there at the beginning, but—”
“Wait,” Liz interrupted. “You saw my parents, and Max’s parents? Together?”
“Yeah. They were all going into the restaurant together.” He watched Liz for a second, taking in her reaction. “I’m guessing they didn’t bother to mention that they were meeting up.”
Liz slowly shook her head. “I thought it was just the two of them,” she sighed. “They made it sound like a spur-of-the moment thing.” She let out a wry laugh. “I actually thought it was kind of romantic.”
“Liz, you don’t know what it’s about. They could just be—”
“Planning our lives for us some more?” Liz asked. “It’s their new favorite hobby.” She finished packing his pie, her movements swift and efficient. “Here you go, Mr. Valenti. No charge. I’ll just check on the rest of your order.”
“Liz, wait. Don’t read too much into this,” he warned gently. “Your parents love you.”
“I know they do. Everybody loves me,” she muttered. “Fat lot of good it’s doing. You have a good evening.” She grabbed the baby monitor and left.
Upstairs, Liz found her tentative hold on her anger starting to crumble. It wasn’t that her parents were having dinner with Max’s – it was that they’d lied to her about it. Once again, they were behaving as if she were a child instead of the mother of one.
No longer hungry, she shoved her dessert into the refrigerator and went to check on the baby. Zander was still asleep, cheeks flushed a light pink, eyes flickering beneath the lids. Liz felt her mood ease slightly at the sight of her son. He was so sweet, so warm and loving already. Just gazing at him healed her heart a little bit. She brushed a kiss over his smooth forehead and left him to sleep.
Back in the living room, however, Liz discovered enough of her anger lingered to keep her from settling down to study. Instead she picked up the phone and dialed the number for the UFO Center. It was nearly eight o’clock, which meant Max should be getting off work any minute. She tapped her foot impatiently through the automated voice as it told her the hours and tour schedule, then held for a real person to come on the line.
“Roswell UFO Center. How may I help you?” asked a low, rich voice.
Liz felt her heart roll slowly. Max’s voice never ceased to affect her. “It’s me,” she said, her own voice softer than she had intended.
“Hi, what’s up? Everything okay?”
“Did you know our parents are having dinner together tonight?”
“Um, are you sure?” he asked. “My mom said she and Dad were going out with clients.”
“Well, mine said they were having a nice romantic night out. But Valenti was just over here and he said he saw the four of them heading into Senor Chow’s.”
“Really? He was sure they were together? They could have just bumped into each other. It’s not like there are a lot of places to eat around here. Not if you want to escape the whole alien theme,” he pointed out.
“Max, would your dad really take clients to Senor Chow’s?”
“No. You’re right,” he admitted. “Damn. Look, I’m just about done here. I’ll see if Brody needs me to lock up and then I’ll be over, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said gently. “The worst thing that can happen is they’ve cooked up some ridiculous new life plan for us, and we have to tell them no.”
“All right,” she agreed. “See you soon.”
*****
Continued in next post
This next part is in two parts due to length. I also would like to take this opportunity to remind you of the rating for this fic: it's R. This might not always be obvious, but it's there for a reason. Just so you know.
Enjoy!
Em
******
Part 26
******
“Are we going to talk about it?” Liz watched Max pause for a second before he resumed pacing the width of the kitchen, Zander nestled against his shoulder.
“About what, exactly?”
“Last night.”
“I thought we already had,” he said, too casually.
“Max, you told me you had a nightmare. That doesn’t actually constitute a discussion,” Liz sighed. “You can’t just show up with omelets and act like nothing happened.” Knowing it was useless to push, she started stacking their breakfast things in the dishwasher. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Max turn.
“Frankly, it’s not something I feel like getting into right now,” he told her. His voice was low, as if he was holding it steady through sheer will.
Liz closed the dishwasher and dried her hands on the sides of her jeans. “Fine. Whatever,” she said. “Can I have my son, please?”
Max’s eyebrows rose at her short-tempered response. When Liz moved to take the baby from him, he side-stepped out of her reach. “Whoa. You’re mad at me?”
“No, Max, I’m not mad,” she said evenly. “What I am is exhausted. I sleep for two hours at a time, my breasts feel like their going to fall off, my parents are making me nuts…” She paused for a breath. “And… and whenever you’re around, I’m walking on eggshells. Now you show up at my window in the middle of the night, all in a panic, and then act like I can’t even be worried about you? I don’t think so.” In two short strides she had him cornered by the refrigerator. “I’m too tired to play this game right now,” she said. “I’m not going to bully it out of you. Just give me the baby and go.”
Max swiveled Zander in his arms and passed him to her. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t tell you,” he said tersely. “Just that I didn’t want to get into it right now. I’ve got a Trig final in two hours, Liz. The last thing I need to be thinking about is my nightmares. Bad enough that I barely slept.”
“That’s just an excuse,” she told him, shaking her head. She bounced Zander lightly against her shoulder, hugging his warm weight to her chest. “You wouldn’t talk last night, and I doubt you will this afternoon. You’ll keep putting me off because you think it’s part of keeping me safe. I’m not some fragile flower, Max.”
“All right,” he snapped. “You really want to know? I dreamt about Nicholas, okay? Everything he’d love to do if he ever got his hands on you and Zander, in glowing Technicolor, with sound effects that made my blood run cold. Happy?” he bit out.
The baby began to cry and Liz bit her lip as Max’s eyes filled with instant contrition. “Hell,” he muttered, running a hand over his forehead. “I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not your fault,” she said, cradling Zander closer to comfort him. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“No, I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” he sighed. “I just…”
“I know.” She had seen the fear building even as he let the details of his nightmare spill out.
Max brushed his palm over the baby’s head, soothing him. “It’s okay, little guy,” he murmured. “Everything’s okay.”
Liz kissed Zander’s cheek as Max calmed him, relieved at how easily he was able to stop his crying. “He’s fine,” she said, noting the lingering tinges of guilt haunting Max’s expression. “Go on. It’s all right. You should get to school.”
He nodded slowly, his reluctance clear. “Okay. I’m not sure when I’ll be over tonight. Seligman’s running a cramming session for the final until four, and then I’ve got work.”
“I understand. Good luck with Trig.”
Max managed a weak smile. “Thanks. I’m gonna need it.” He smoothed a finger over Zander’s cheek. “I’ll see you later. I promise, we’ll talk then, okay?”
“Okay.” She returned his smile, holding it until she heard the door close behind him. Then she released it, along with the breath she had been holding. Nuzzling Zander’s temple, she concentrated on his sweet baby scent, and tried not to let her imagination roam. It was very difficult, however, not to wonder just what horrors Max’s nightmares held.
***
“Knock, knock.” Isabel stuck her head through the open doorway as Liz finished snapping Zander into his clean pajamas. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Liz shoved at the hair that had escaped her ponytail to hang in her eyes. It stayed back a moment, then slipped forward again, causing Liz to tuck it angrily behind her ear. The baby watched her restless movements, his dark, expressive eyes following every gesture.
“God, not him too,” Isabel groaned, dropping down on the edge of the bed. She reached over and rubbed Zander’s tummy. “You really are my brother’s son, aren’t you, munchkin?”
“Amazing what gets carried down in a strand of DNA,” Liz muttered. She crouched down in front of the baby and grabbed hold of his feet with both hands. He kicked against her palms, his diaper making a soft swishing sound as his legs flexed. “So, what’s in the bag?”
Isabel laughed as she pulled the bag in question up from the side of the bed. “You caught me.”
“Isabel, you show up with something pretty much every day. It didn’t exactly take X-ray vision.” Liz released Zander’s feet and sat on the corner of the bed. “You don’t have to keep buying stuff, you know.”
“I know,” Isabel agreed. “But I like to. Anyway, this is more for you than for Zander.” Dangling the shopping bag from two fingers, she passed it to Liz.
“Me?” Liz frowned as she took the bag, then peered inside and let out a bark of laughter. “Have you been talking to Maria?”
“Well, yes,” Isabel admitted. She smiled as Liz fished out the breast pump. “But my motivations were purely selfish. I was hoping you’d come to graduation next week.”
Liz set the box on the floor and lifted the baby into her arms. “You’re really going through with it. Graduating early. That’s great.”
“Yeah, well, I figured I might as well. I’ve got all my credits. It seems a waste of time to stay.”
“So. San Francisco?”
“No. I um… applied to ENMU,” Isabel said with a shrug. “Max was right. I can’t run off and leave him and Michael holding the bag. Especially now.”
“Why especially now?” Liz asked hesitantly, afraid she knew the answer.
Isabel reached out and took Zander’s small hand between her fingers. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. Whether Nicholas…” Her smile suddenly seemed forced, brittle.
“Don’t do that,” Liz said. “Don’t give up your dreams because you think you need to help protect us. It’s bad enough that Max insists on—This is my life, Isabel. I made choices and… I don’t regret them, but I won’t let you all go around sacrificing right and left because of what I’ve done,” she said firmly. “There’s been more than enough of that already, believe me.”
“That’s not the only reason. I don’t want to go away and miss out on Zander’s childhood,” she said. “He’s the first baby in the family, Liz,” she continued wistfully. “My nephew. You couldn’t pry me away if you tried.” Her gaze shifted, meeting Liz’s. “So. You coming to my graduation or not?”
Liz smiled at the challenge in the other girl’s eyes. “I’d love to.”
***
“Honey, are you sure you’ll be all right?”
Liz sighed. “Mom, I’m not helpless. Just go. You and Daddy have a nice dinner.” She checked once more to make sure Zander was sleeping, then scooped up a pile of books and the baby monitor from her desk. “I’m just going to study.”
Her mother checked her reflection in the mirror over the dresser, patting her hair into place. “Well, your father has his cell phone, so call if you need anything. We shouldn’t be too late.”
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Liz waited for her mother to precede her out of the room, then closed the door quietly behind them.
Her father was waiting in the living room. “All set, Nancy? Liz, you’re going to be okay?”
“For crying out loud,” Liz muttered. “Go, Dad. Have a good time.”
Her father smiled indulgently. “We should be home by ten. Take it easy, honey.”
“I will. Have fun. Thank God,” she finished in a whisper, as the door finally shut behind them. She dropped her books on the coffee table and collapsed onto the couch. “You’d think I was some sort of invalid,” she grumbled aloud.
For a few minutes, Liz did absolutely nothing. She stared at her books, knowing she needed to get ready for finals, but her motivation seemed to have flown out the window. Feeling restless, she snagged the baby monitor and wandered into the kitchen in search of a snack.
“Where the hell did all the ice cream go?” she complained, staring at the nearly bare freezer. She poked at the bag of frozen peas that, with the exception of the ice cube trays, was the only thing in the frosty compartment. “Figures.”
She rummaged through the cupboards, but found nothing particularly snack worthy. Finally, she succumbed to the inevitable and, baby monitor in hand, headed down to the Crashdown to raid the pantry.
José was working the grill. “How’s my girl?” he called when Liz appeared in the kitchen doorway. “And where’s the cutie? You never bring him down to visit,” he complained, offering Liz an exaggerated pout.
“He’s sleeping,” Liz said with a laugh.
José made a clucking sound. “That boy, he’s sleeping his life away.”
“He’s two weeks old!”
“See what I mean? What does he have to show for it?” José teased.
Liz groaned. “I just came down for a snack. There’s nothing good upstairs.”
“Ah, study time,” the cook said with a knowing nod. “We’re low on ice cream, but Maria’s Mama, she baked this morning.”
“Mmm,” Liz replied. “Alien-green lime pie?” she asked hopefully.
He grinned. “Behind the counter,” he replied, nodding toward the front of the café.
“Thanks,” Liz said, already sailing through the swinging door.
The Crashdown was fairly quiet, it still being early in the week. A few kids sat at the booths, most of them with books spread next to their plates, and an elderly couple were at a table near the window. Liz waved at the two waitresses working the floor as she headed behind the counter. When she took in the assortment of pies in the refrigerated case, she grinned. “A wealth of riches,” she laughed, leaning over and carefully pulling the cream covered lime confection from the shelf.
“Hey, Liz,” one of the waitresses said as she joined her behind the counter.
“Hi, Karen,” Liz replied as she sliced into the pie. “How are you?”
“Good, you? Adjusting to motherhood?” she asked as she filled several mugs with coffee.
“Slowly but surely,” Liz sighed. “I could use a full night’s sleep, though.”
Karen laughed. “I hear you there. You’ve got a few months to go, I’m afraid.” She placed the coffees on a tray with a bowl of creamer packets. “Good luck,” she added. Taking the tray, she headed back onto the floor.
“Thanks.” Liz covered the pie pan and bent to put it back in the case. When she stood, she heard the tinkle of bells from over the front door and, glancing over, found Jim Valenti striding into the café. She smiled.
“Howdy, stranger,” Valenti said, sidling up to the counter. “You’re not back on duty, are you?”
“No. Just needed some fortification for a study session,” she told him, indicating her slice of pie.
“Ah,” he said, nodding. “Gottcha. Kyle’s got one of those going. He and Isabel are prepping for their big history exam. That’s why I’m here. On my own for dinner.”
“You want a menu?” Liz asked, reaching for the stack.
“Nah, I already called in an order,” he told her. “Just stopped by to pick it up. I’m in the middle of a little home improvement project and I didn’t feel much like cooking.”
“Or microwaving?” Liz asked knowingly.
He shrugged. “Isn’t that cooking?” he asked with a chuckle. He eyed her pie. “I don’t suppose you’ve got some coconut cream hiding back there.”
“Only Mrs. DeLuca’s finest,” she told him. “You want to add a piece to your order?”
“Please.”
Liz set about packing up a slice of coconut cream pie to go. She slid her own dessert down the counter to make room for the small plastic take out box, knocking over the baby monitor. With a yelp, she made a quick grab for it, catching it before it tumbled to the floor.
“Wouldn’t want to lose that,” Valenti commented. “Those are great little gadgets.”
“Definitely comes in handy,” Liz agreed.
“You know, I saw your folks heading into Senor Chow’s as I was driving over here. It’s great how everyone seems to be getting along, what with the awkward circumstances,” he said in a quiet voice.
Liz frowned. “Why wouldn’t my parents be getting along?”
“No, I mean with the Evanses,” he clarified. “Good to see parents banding together that way. I know things were probably a little ugly there at the beginning, but—”
“Wait,” Liz interrupted. “You saw my parents, and Max’s parents? Together?”
“Yeah. They were all going into the restaurant together.” He watched Liz for a second, taking in her reaction. “I’m guessing they didn’t bother to mention that they were meeting up.”
Liz slowly shook her head. “I thought it was just the two of them,” she sighed. “They made it sound like a spur-of-the moment thing.” She let out a wry laugh. “I actually thought it was kind of romantic.”
“Liz, you don’t know what it’s about. They could just be—”
“Planning our lives for us some more?” Liz asked. “It’s their new favorite hobby.” She finished packing his pie, her movements swift and efficient. “Here you go, Mr. Valenti. No charge. I’ll just check on the rest of your order.”
“Liz, wait. Don’t read too much into this,” he warned gently. “Your parents love you.”
“I know they do. Everybody loves me,” she muttered. “Fat lot of good it’s doing. You have a good evening.” She grabbed the baby monitor and left.
Upstairs, Liz found her tentative hold on her anger starting to crumble. It wasn’t that her parents were having dinner with Max’s – it was that they’d lied to her about it. Once again, they were behaving as if she were a child instead of the mother of one.
No longer hungry, she shoved her dessert into the refrigerator and went to check on the baby. Zander was still asleep, cheeks flushed a light pink, eyes flickering beneath the lids. Liz felt her mood ease slightly at the sight of her son. He was so sweet, so warm and loving already. Just gazing at him healed her heart a little bit. She brushed a kiss over his smooth forehead and left him to sleep.
Back in the living room, however, Liz discovered enough of her anger lingered to keep her from settling down to study. Instead she picked up the phone and dialed the number for the UFO Center. It was nearly eight o’clock, which meant Max should be getting off work any minute. She tapped her foot impatiently through the automated voice as it told her the hours and tour schedule, then held for a real person to come on the line.
“Roswell UFO Center. How may I help you?” asked a low, rich voice.
Liz felt her heart roll slowly. Max’s voice never ceased to affect her. “It’s me,” she said, her own voice softer than she had intended.
“Hi, what’s up? Everything okay?”
“Did you know our parents are having dinner together tonight?”
“Um, are you sure?” he asked. “My mom said she and Dad were going out with clients.”
“Well, mine said they were having a nice romantic night out. But Valenti was just over here and he said he saw the four of them heading into Senor Chow’s.”
“Really? He was sure they were together? They could have just bumped into each other. It’s not like there are a lot of places to eat around here. Not if you want to escape the whole alien theme,” he pointed out.
“Max, would your dad really take clients to Senor Chow’s?”
“No. You’re right,” he admitted. “Damn. Look, I’m just about done here. I’ll see if Brody needs me to lock up and then I’ll be over, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said gently. “The worst thing that can happen is they’ve cooked up some ridiculous new life plan for us, and we have to tell them no.”
“All right,” she agreed. “See you soon.”
*****
Continued in next post
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 26 continued
Continued from previous post
******
Zander woke a few minutes after Liz hung up with Max. Half in a daze, she sat on the edge of the bed to feed him, cradling him in her lap as he nursed. Her imagination kept wandering to a table a few blocks away where her parents were discussing the ins and outs of her existence. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t seem to shake off the way it made her feel out of control, as if she’d lost any say in her future the moment she gave birth. It all felt so wrong. Her frustration gnawed at her until she thought she would scream, and each time she glanced down at the baby, she marveled at his calm acceptance. Considering how in tune he was to her emotions, he appeared remarkably placid, his long lashes framing his serious eyes as he suckled at her breast, one small hand curled around her finger.
She had just finished feeding Zander when she heard Max call out from the living room. “In here,” she responded, tugging her blouse closed. With one hand, she spread a burping cloth over her shoulder, then shifted the baby to an upright position, wincing as he brushed against her.
“You okay?” Max asked from the doorway.
Liz glanced up to find him frowning at her. “Yeah,” she said. “It’s nothing.”
“What’s nothing?” he pressed, coming into the room.
“Just, um… I’m a little sore. From nursing,” she elaborated, feeling her face flush. She rubbed the baby’s back and bounced him gently.
“Oh. Is that normal?”
“Perfectly,” Liz assured him. She couldn’t help smile at the worried look in his eyes. “I’ve got this cream, but I think I waited too long to start using it.” She shook her head and averted her gaze again. “It’ll be fine in a few days.”
Because she had her face half-buried against the baby’s head, she didn’t realize Max was moving toward her until his hands slipped around Zander’s middle. “Come here, little guy,” he said, picking up baby and burping cloth in one fell swoop. He shifted Zander to his own shoulder. Liz watched as the baby yawned broadly, then nuzzled his face into Max’s shirt. Max smiled indulgently and adjusted him so he was lying on the cloth. “Much better,” he said, his gaze shifting to Liz. “Where’s that cream?”
Liz felt a small jolt as his eyes drifted lower, then jerked back up to meet hers. “It’s… in the bathroom,” she said. “I’ll just go…” She got up and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. When she looked in the mirror, she found her reflection anything but ordinary. With her hair slipping out of her ponytail and her blouse half undone, she looked as if she’d just rolled out of bed, yet her pink cheeks and bright eyes indicated she’d been doing anything but sleep. How the hell could he do that without laying a finger on her? She looked positively ravished.
“In my dreams,” she mumbled, shaking herself out of her stupor. She quickly cleaned up and rebuttoned her shirt. By the time she’d run a brush through her hair and pulled it back again, she was feeling more normal.
“He’s not very good company tonight,” Max said, when she emerged from the bathroom.
Sure enough, Zander was fast asleep already, his head lolling heavily against Max’s shoulder. Liz smiled at the sight. No matter how frazzled she felt, there was nothing quite so peaceful as watching her son sleep. She went over to the bed and straightened the covers so Max could put him down. Once Zander was settled, she tucked his baby blanket around him.
“We should probably talk in the other room,” Max suggested. “So we don’t wake him.”
“Yeah,” Liz agreed, thinking that both of their emotions were liable to run high. The last thing she wanted was to disturb Zander with another argument. She snagged the baby monitor and followed Max into the living room. “You want anything? The fridge is pretty empty, but I’ve got a piece of alien-green lime pie. Or we can get something from the Crash if you’re hungry.”
“I’m okay.” He sank down on the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Studying?” he asked, nodding toward her books.
“That was the idea,” she sighed, dropping down beside him. She watched as Max’s eyes shifted over her and then away. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No,” he said slowly. “It’s just…”
“What?”
“How sore are you?” he asked quietly. “What I mean is, I can fix it if you want. You know, heal you.” His eyes flickered toward her again, this time meeting her surprised gaze.
“Oh,” she whispered. He was staring at her now, waiting for her answer. “Um… you know, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she said slowly. “I’m… fine. Really.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Liz, it’s not a big deal.”
Then why does it feel like it is? she wondered. Her face felt hot and blood roared through her ears. She knew she was being ridiculous. Max had seen her breast feeding Zander many times now; he’d seen a hell of a lot more when she’d been in labor. There was no reason to be shy about his offer to heal her, yet she suddenly wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“It’ll just take a minute,” he told her. “Not even.”
He was right. It was stupid to put up with the pain, especially considering how frequently Zander nursed. “Okay,” she said.
Max turned to face her, his eyes falling to just beneath her face. “You’ll need to unbutton your blouse,” he said softly.
Liz nodded, her hands moving automatically to the top button. As she unfastened it, she thanked all the gods above that her parents were safely at dinner. She quickly worked her way down the front of her shirt, then reached in and unfastened the closure on her bra. Dropping her hands, she let the fabric fall where it would, somewhat relieved when it hung straight down, revealing nothing but cleavage. Silly as it was, she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.
“You know the drill,” Max teased lightly, making her smile. He reached for her blouse and slipped his hand inside without moving the fabric. “Deep breaths,” he whispered as he cupped her right breast.
There was nothing sexual about his movements, but it was impossible to deny the intimacy of the moment. Liz stared into Max’s eyes as she inhaled, then exhaled, trying to let her mind blank out. Her thoughts churned furiously, refusing to let go, every breath making her that much more aware of Max’s warm hand against her skin. Yet somehow he still managed to make the connection, and she felt a soothing heat flow over her chest. A moment later he slid his hand to her other breast and she felt the warmth once again, like a soothing pulse through her torso. Then his hand was gone, and all she felt was the cool air through the opening in her blouse.
“Better?” he asked.
“Much,” she whispered. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He sat back on the couch, putting a bit more space between them.
Suddenly self-conscious again, Liz quickly refastened her bra and buttoned her shirt.
“So. Our parents,” Max said. “Are we going with a general conspiracy theory, or do we suspect them of something specific?”
“I don’t know,” Liz said. She pulled one leg under her, trying to get more comfortable. “But they have to be up to something. Why else would they keep their dinner a secret?”
Max let out a weary sigh. “Does it even matter? So what if they come at us from some new angle? It won’t change anything.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Liz, I’m eighteen, you’re a few months away from it. There’s not much they can do to us at this point.”
“You know as well as I do that we’re at their mercies as long as they’re supporting us,” she replied. “God, they’re making me crazy,” she continued, rubbing at her eyes. “It’s like I’m five years old again. The only time they leave me alone is when they’re at work or out, like tonight, and even then they feel the need to check in with me a dozen times. They act like I’m utterly incapable of making a decision.”
“Well, from their point of view you are. Both of us are. After all, we were stupid enough to get ourselves into this mess, right?” he asked. He tipped his head onto the back of the couch. “We’ve demonstrated that we’re not as responsible as they thought we were,” he added bitterly.
“Stop it. I know it’s unfair that you’re getting lumped into all this,” Liz sighed. “I’m just feeling so claustrophobic right now. I wish they’d leave me be for two minutes together.”
“Liz, you’re going to have to talk to them. It’s the only way.”
“How can I? I’m not working, Max. In case you haven’t noticed, my parents are footing the entire bill for not only my upkeep, but Zander’s as well. You think diapers are cheap? They’re paying for absolutely everything. It makes it a little difficult for me to start setting boundaries,” she snapped.
“What do you expect me to do?” he shot back, sitting up. “You think things would be better if we went it alone? I’ve got news for you, Liz. This is as good as it’s going to get. Without our parents, neither of us would finish high school. I’d need two jobs to support the three of us in an apartment the size of Michael’s, and you’d have to stay home with Zander full time. We could both kiss college good-bye. Is that what you want? Is that the kind of future you’re bucking for?”
Liz sat back, shocked at his vehement response. “No! Max, that’s not what I was saying.”
He backed down immediately, his eyes losing some of the wild anger that had seemingly come from nowhere. “I’m sorry,” he told her, shaking his head. “I… I know that’s not what you were saying. I’m just frustrated.” Sighing heavily, he leaned back and closed his eyes. “I know the situation sucks, okay? I’m sorry your parents are giving you a hard time, but at least you’re safe, Zander’s safe. It’s the best thing for now.” He opened one eye and peeked out at her. “I could try talking to your folks?” he offered. “Of course, your dad will probably just come after me with a meat cleaver.”
Liz gave him a small smile. “That’s okay. You’re right. I need to talk to them.” She shrugged. “It was so much easier to stand up to them when I was two thousand miles away.”
“I’ll bet,” he said, letting his eye drift shut again. “Are we going to ask them about tonight?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to call them on it.”
“What about the rest of you?”
“The rest of me is too tired to care,” she admitted, snuggling into a ball and resting her head on the back of the couch.
“I’m in touch with that emotion,” Max said through a yawn.
Liz watched him, remembering his nightmare from the previous night, and their brief argument that morning. She considered asking him again what he had dreamt about, but decided against it. Ultimately, she had no desire to know what Max imagined Nicholas would do to her and the baby. He had spent enough time in the Skin’s company that his fears were probably both accurate and justified, and she had more than enough things haunting her sleep already.
Instead she decided to take a different tact. “How’d your Trig final go?”
“It went. I’ll pass,” he mumbled. “My guess is that honor roll is no longer a possibility, though.”
Liz winced. “That bad?”
“Not really,” he sighed. “But it wasn’t pretty. I’ll be happy with a B.”
“I’m glad I’ve got a few day’s grace period,” she said, eyeing the stack of books on the coffee table.
“Maybe once finals are over we can figure out a way to give you a little more time to yourself,” Max murmured sleepily. “It’s too bad you have to feed him so often, or I’d take him overnight. Let you catch up on your sleep.”
Liz smiled at his sweet offer, made even as he himself was on the verge of drifting off beside her. She thought of the gift Isabel had brought that afternoon and just managed to stifle a laugh. “We’ll see,” she told him.
Max pried his eyes open and blinked a couple of times. “I’m awake,” he insisted. “No need to sound so amused.”
“Who, me?”
“Funny.” He shoved himself up so he was sitting a little straighter. “We should hit the books or we’ll never get anything done before your parents get home.”
“Okay,” she agreed, knowing he was right. “What test do you have next?”
“Physics and Spanish, both tomorrow.”
“Max! Why didn’t you say something?”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m up-to-date in both those classes. It’s Trig that was giving me problems.” He leaned forward and grabbed her books. “Here. Pick something. I left my knapsack in the bedroom.”
“Okay.” She shuffled through her things while he went to retrieve his books.
“You would pick that one,” he laughed when he returned. “Physics it is.” He unzipped his bag and pulled out his textbook. “Oh, almost forgot.” He fished out an envelope and handed it to her. “Valenti gave me those yesterday. I meant to bring them this morning but it slipped my mind.”
It was on the tip of Liz’s tongue to ask during which of his two visits he had forgotten – the one at three am or the one a few hours later – but she kept her mouth shut. She opened the envelope and dumped the contents on her lap.
“Oh,” she murmured, shuffling through the papers. There was a birth certificate for Zander, as well as falsified medical records that gave him a clean bill of health and indicated he’d received his first set of inoculations.
“We’ll need to keep track of what he’s supposed to be getting,” Max said as she looked at the chart. “There won’t be any problem when it’s time to register him for school.”
“Max, what about our parents? They’re going to get suspicious if we don’t take him to a pediatrician regularly. And what if he gets sick? He’s a lot more human than you are.”
“I think I’ve got the check ups covered. I figure we’ll pretend to take him to the doctor whenever he’s due to go. My parents will assume he’s on your health insurance, and we can tell your parents he’s on mine.”
“I forgot all about insurance! Max, what if my dad notices we never put in for me giving birth?”
“Shit,” he said. “I didn’t think of that.” He shook his head. “Let me work on it.”
Liz bit her lip, tears suddenly flooding her eyes. “It’s insane. How are we ever going to keep track of everything? One lie just leads to the next.”
“We’ll manage. Don’t forget, I’ve been doing this for a long time,” he reminded her.
His words made it all come rushing home for her – just how isolating his existence had been, even with Isabel and Michael to share his secrets. Never feeling safe enough to confide in his parents, always keeping the people he loved at arm’s length, hiding his true self from the world. She had thought it was hard, lying to her family for the past two years – even lying to Max since Future Max had come – but she could see now how that was just the tip of a much larger way of life. One Max was condemned to live, simply by virtue of being born different.
“I know you have,” she said softly.
Maybe it was something in her tone, or simply that he knew she understood, but he reached out and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. Then he released her and picked up his Physics text. “Where do you want to start?”
***
TBC
******
Zander woke a few minutes after Liz hung up with Max. Half in a daze, she sat on the edge of the bed to feed him, cradling him in her lap as he nursed. Her imagination kept wandering to a table a few blocks away where her parents were discussing the ins and outs of her existence. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t seem to shake off the way it made her feel out of control, as if she’d lost any say in her future the moment she gave birth. It all felt so wrong. Her frustration gnawed at her until she thought she would scream, and each time she glanced down at the baby, she marveled at his calm acceptance. Considering how in tune he was to her emotions, he appeared remarkably placid, his long lashes framing his serious eyes as he suckled at her breast, one small hand curled around her finger.
She had just finished feeding Zander when she heard Max call out from the living room. “In here,” she responded, tugging her blouse closed. With one hand, she spread a burping cloth over her shoulder, then shifted the baby to an upright position, wincing as he brushed against her.
“You okay?” Max asked from the doorway.
Liz glanced up to find him frowning at her. “Yeah,” she said. “It’s nothing.”
“What’s nothing?” he pressed, coming into the room.
“Just, um… I’m a little sore. From nursing,” she elaborated, feeling her face flush. She rubbed the baby’s back and bounced him gently.
“Oh. Is that normal?”
“Perfectly,” Liz assured him. She couldn’t help smile at the worried look in his eyes. “I’ve got this cream, but I think I waited too long to start using it.” She shook her head and averted her gaze again. “It’ll be fine in a few days.”
Because she had her face half-buried against the baby’s head, she didn’t realize Max was moving toward her until his hands slipped around Zander’s middle. “Come here, little guy,” he said, picking up baby and burping cloth in one fell swoop. He shifted Zander to his own shoulder. Liz watched as the baby yawned broadly, then nuzzled his face into Max’s shirt. Max smiled indulgently and adjusted him so he was lying on the cloth. “Much better,” he said, his gaze shifting to Liz. “Where’s that cream?”
Liz felt a small jolt as his eyes drifted lower, then jerked back up to meet hers. “It’s… in the bathroom,” she said. “I’ll just go…” She got up and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. When she looked in the mirror, she found her reflection anything but ordinary. With her hair slipping out of her ponytail and her blouse half undone, she looked as if she’d just rolled out of bed, yet her pink cheeks and bright eyes indicated she’d been doing anything but sleep. How the hell could he do that without laying a finger on her? She looked positively ravished.
“In my dreams,” she mumbled, shaking herself out of her stupor. She quickly cleaned up and rebuttoned her shirt. By the time she’d run a brush through her hair and pulled it back again, she was feeling more normal.
“He’s not very good company tonight,” Max said, when she emerged from the bathroom.
Sure enough, Zander was fast asleep already, his head lolling heavily against Max’s shoulder. Liz smiled at the sight. No matter how frazzled she felt, there was nothing quite so peaceful as watching her son sleep. She went over to the bed and straightened the covers so Max could put him down. Once Zander was settled, she tucked his baby blanket around him.
“We should probably talk in the other room,” Max suggested. “So we don’t wake him.”
“Yeah,” Liz agreed, thinking that both of their emotions were liable to run high. The last thing she wanted was to disturb Zander with another argument. She snagged the baby monitor and followed Max into the living room. “You want anything? The fridge is pretty empty, but I’ve got a piece of alien-green lime pie. Or we can get something from the Crash if you’re hungry.”
“I’m okay.” He sank down on the couch, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Studying?” he asked, nodding toward her books.
“That was the idea,” she sighed, dropping down beside him. She watched as Max’s eyes shifted over her and then away. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No,” he said slowly. “It’s just…”
“What?”
“How sore are you?” he asked quietly. “What I mean is, I can fix it if you want. You know, heal you.” His eyes flickered toward her again, this time meeting her surprised gaze.
“Oh,” she whispered. He was staring at her now, waiting for her answer. “Um… you know, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she said slowly. “I’m… fine. Really.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Liz, it’s not a big deal.”
Then why does it feel like it is? she wondered. Her face felt hot and blood roared through her ears. She knew she was being ridiculous. Max had seen her breast feeding Zander many times now; he’d seen a hell of a lot more when she’d been in labor. There was no reason to be shy about his offer to heal her, yet she suddenly wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole.
“It’ll just take a minute,” he told her. “Not even.”
He was right. It was stupid to put up with the pain, especially considering how frequently Zander nursed. “Okay,” she said.
Max turned to face her, his eyes falling to just beneath her face. “You’ll need to unbutton your blouse,” he said softly.
Liz nodded, her hands moving automatically to the top button. As she unfastened it, she thanked all the gods above that her parents were safely at dinner. She quickly worked her way down the front of her shirt, then reached in and unfastened the closure on her bra. Dropping her hands, she let the fabric fall where it would, somewhat relieved when it hung straight down, revealing nothing but cleavage. Silly as it was, she couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.
“You know the drill,” Max teased lightly, making her smile. He reached for her blouse and slipped his hand inside without moving the fabric. “Deep breaths,” he whispered as he cupped her right breast.
There was nothing sexual about his movements, but it was impossible to deny the intimacy of the moment. Liz stared into Max’s eyes as she inhaled, then exhaled, trying to let her mind blank out. Her thoughts churned furiously, refusing to let go, every breath making her that much more aware of Max’s warm hand against her skin. Yet somehow he still managed to make the connection, and she felt a soothing heat flow over her chest. A moment later he slid his hand to her other breast and she felt the warmth once again, like a soothing pulse through her torso. Then his hand was gone, and all she felt was the cool air through the opening in her blouse.
“Better?” he asked.
“Much,” she whispered. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” He sat back on the couch, putting a bit more space between them.
Suddenly self-conscious again, Liz quickly refastened her bra and buttoned her shirt.
“So. Our parents,” Max said. “Are we going with a general conspiracy theory, or do we suspect them of something specific?”
“I don’t know,” Liz said. She pulled one leg under her, trying to get more comfortable. “But they have to be up to something. Why else would they keep their dinner a secret?”
Max let out a weary sigh. “Does it even matter? So what if they come at us from some new angle? It won’t change anything.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Liz, I’m eighteen, you’re a few months away from it. There’s not much they can do to us at this point.”
“You know as well as I do that we’re at their mercies as long as they’re supporting us,” she replied. “God, they’re making me crazy,” she continued, rubbing at her eyes. “It’s like I’m five years old again. The only time they leave me alone is when they’re at work or out, like tonight, and even then they feel the need to check in with me a dozen times. They act like I’m utterly incapable of making a decision.”
“Well, from their point of view you are. Both of us are. After all, we were stupid enough to get ourselves into this mess, right?” he asked. He tipped his head onto the back of the couch. “We’ve demonstrated that we’re not as responsible as they thought we were,” he added bitterly.
“Stop it. I know it’s unfair that you’re getting lumped into all this,” Liz sighed. “I’m just feeling so claustrophobic right now. I wish they’d leave me be for two minutes together.”
“Liz, you’re going to have to talk to them. It’s the only way.”
“How can I? I’m not working, Max. In case you haven’t noticed, my parents are footing the entire bill for not only my upkeep, but Zander’s as well. You think diapers are cheap? They’re paying for absolutely everything. It makes it a little difficult for me to start setting boundaries,” she snapped.
“What do you expect me to do?” he shot back, sitting up. “You think things would be better if we went it alone? I’ve got news for you, Liz. This is as good as it’s going to get. Without our parents, neither of us would finish high school. I’d need two jobs to support the three of us in an apartment the size of Michael’s, and you’d have to stay home with Zander full time. We could both kiss college good-bye. Is that what you want? Is that the kind of future you’re bucking for?”
Liz sat back, shocked at his vehement response. “No! Max, that’s not what I was saying.”
He backed down immediately, his eyes losing some of the wild anger that had seemingly come from nowhere. “I’m sorry,” he told her, shaking his head. “I… I know that’s not what you were saying. I’m just frustrated.” Sighing heavily, he leaned back and closed his eyes. “I know the situation sucks, okay? I’m sorry your parents are giving you a hard time, but at least you’re safe, Zander’s safe. It’s the best thing for now.” He opened one eye and peeked out at her. “I could try talking to your folks?” he offered. “Of course, your dad will probably just come after me with a meat cleaver.”
Liz gave him a small smile. “That’s okay. You’re right. I need to talk to them.” She shrugged. “It was so much easier to stand up to them when I was two thousand miles away.”
“I’ll bet,” he said, letting his eye drift shut again. “Are we going to ask them about tonight?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to call them on it.”
“What about the rest of you?”
“The rest of me is too tired to care,” she admitted, snuggling into a ball and resting her head on the back of the couch.
“I’m in touch with that emotion,” Max said through a yawn.
Liz watched him, remembering his nightmare from the previous night, and their brief argument that morning. She considered asking him again what he had dreamt about, but decided against it. Ultimately, she had no desire to know what Max imagined Nicholas would do to her and the baby. He had spent enough time in the Skin’s company that his fears were probably both accurate and justified, and she had more than enough things haunting her sleep already.
Instead she decided to take a different tact. “How’d your Trig final go?”
“It went. I’ll pass,” he mumbled. “My guess is that honor roll is no longer a possibility, though.”
Liz winced. “That bad?”
“Not really,” he sighed. “But it wasn’t pretty. I’ll be happy with a B.”
“I’m glad I’ve got a few day’s grace period,” she said, eyeing the stack of books on the coffee table.
“Maybe once finals are over we can figure out a way to give you a little more time to yourself,” Max murmured sleepily. “It’s too bad you have to feed him so often, or I’d take him overnight. Let you catch up on your sleep.”
Liz smiled at his sweet offer, made even as he himself was on the verge of drifting off beside her. She thought of the gift Isabel had brought that afternoon and just managed to stifle a laugh. “We’ll see,” she told him.
Max pried his eyes open and blinked a couple of times. “I’m awake,” he insisted. “No need to sound so amused.”
“Who, me?”
“Funny.” He shoved himself up so he was sitting a little straighter. “We should hit the books or we’ll never get anything done before your parents get home.”
“Okay,” she agreed, knowing he was right. “What test do you have next?”
“Physics and Spanish, both tomorrow.”
“Max! Why didn’t you say something?”
“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m up-to-date in both those classes. It’s Trig that was giving me problems.” He leaned forward and grabbed her books. “Here. Pick something. I left my knapsack in the bedroom.”
“Okay.” She shuffled through her things while he went to retrieve his books.
“You would pick that one,” he laughed when he returned. “Physics it is.” He unzipped his bag and pulled out his textbook. “Oh, almost forgot.” He fished out an envelope and handed it to her. “Valenti gave me those yesterday. I meant to bring them this morning but it slipped my mind.”
It was on the tip of Liz’s tongue to ask during which of his two visits he had forgotten – the one at three am or the one a few hours later – but she kept her mouth shut. She opened the envelope and dumped the contents on her lap.
“Oh,” she murmured, shuffling through the papers. There was a birth certificate for Zander, as well as falsified medical records that gave him a clean bill of health and indicated he’d received his first set of inoculations.
“We’ll need to keep track of what he’s supposed to be getting,” Max said as she looked at the chart. “There won’t be any problem when it’s time to register him for school.”
“Max, what about our parents? They’re going to get suspicious if we don’t take him to a pediatrician regularly. And what if he gets sick? He’s a lot more human than you are.”
“I think I’ve got the check ups covered. I figure we’ll pretend to take him to the doctor whenever he’s due to go. My parents will assume he’s on your health insurance, and we can tell your parents he’s on mine.”
“I forgot all about insurance! Max, what if my dad notices we never put in for me giving birth?”
“Shit,” he said. “I didn’t think of that.” He shook his head. “Let me work on it.”
Liz bit her lip, tears suddenly flooding her eyes. “It’s insane. How are we ever going to keep track of everything? One lie just leads to the next.”
“We’ll manage. Don’t forget, I’ve been doing this for a long time,” he reminded her.
His words made it all come rushing home for her – just how isolating his existence had been, even with Isabel and Michael to share his secrets. Never feeling safe enough to confide in his parents, always keeping the people he loved at arm’s length, hiding his true self from the world. She had thought it was hard, lying to her family for the past two years – even lying to Max since Future Max had come – but she could see now how that was just the tip of a much larger way of life. One Max was condemned to live, simply by virtue of being born different.
“I know you have,” she said softly.
Maybe it was something in her tone, or simply that he knew she understood, but he reached out and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. Then he released her and picked up his Physics text. “Where do you want to start?”
***
TBC
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 27
Hi, guys!
Yup, I'm back with more. Again, thanks for the great feedback and all of your thoughts and perspectives. It's fascinating for me to see how you all see this situation.
Anyway, two posts again, due to length. Enjoy!
Em
******
Part 27
******
"Your parents didn't give you any idea what this meeting thing is about?"
Liz let out a frustrated sigh. "No, Maria, they didn't. Now do you want me to proofread this for you, or not? Because if you do, you have to shut up and let me finish before Zander wakes up."
Maria glanced at the essay Liz was holding, then back to her face. "Oh, who cares if it's perfect," she decided, grabbing the papers and tossing them on the coffee table. "It's not like I'll get any higher than a B anyway. This is more important."
"I'd tell you if I knew anything." Liz tried to retrieve the essay, shaking her head when Maria shoved it out of her reach. "What? Fine," she muttered. "All they said was that they wanted to talk with me tonight, and not to make any plans. As if my social calendar was in danger of getting booked," she said, rolling her eyes. "Then Max called this morning to tell me he was running late for school and wasn't going to come over. Turns out his mother cornered him on his way out the door to inform him of this little pow wow."
"So they'll be in on it, too?"
"Max's mother told him to come here as soon as he's done with work."
"And no one's mentioned that your parents and the Evanses had dinner together last night?"
"Nope. But it's pretty obvious that tonight is the result of whatever they were discussing."
"I wonder what they want to tell you."
Liz shrugged. "I'll find out soon enough. Believe me, I've been thinking about it all day." She shoved a stray lock of hair behind her ear and eyed Maria's paper. "You sure you don't want me to look that over?"
"I spell checked," Maria said dismissively. "It's not like we get a whole lot of girl time. I'd rather talk."
"Yeah, me too," Liz agreed, a small smile curving her lips. "I miss you."
"I promise I'll be around more as soon as finals are done."
"Good. So, what's up with you? How are things with Michael?"
The corners of Maria's mouth curled downward. "You mean Stonewall Guerin?"
"Maria, I told you not to give him a hard time about that. If he promised Max not to discuss whatever it is they're plotting, he should keep his word."
"He never said Max asked him to keep quiet. You're just assuming that's why he won't say anything."
"Look, Max said they're working things out. I don't believe it's that simple, but I'm done with pushing," Liz sighed. "Max will tell me when he's ready. Or not. It's not like I haven't kept my share of secrets lately."
"You had a good reason for keeping those secrets, Liz."
"And who's to say Max and Michael don't have a good reason, too?"
"I don't care. Keeping secrets hasn't gotten any of us anywhere," Maria muttered. "I liked it better when we were all on the same side."
"We still are," Liz told her. "It's just… complicated," she finished weakly.
"When isn't it? All I know is that if you and Max ever expect to mend this… rift, or whatever it is between you, well, you have to be honest with each other, Liz. And I don't just mean that you can't lie to each other. You have to open up to each other, too."
"Don't you think I know that? But he doesn't trust me anymore, Maria," Liz whispered. "I can't force his feelings."
"I didn't say you could." Maria slipped an arm around Liz's shoulders and gave her a brief hug. "It's going to be okay." She let out a long sigh. "I should go change for my shift."
"Michael working tonight?"
"Yes."
"Make nice," Liz told her, giving her a poke. "He's caught in the middle. It's not his fault."
"He should be more loyal, damn it," Maria grumbled.
"He is loyal. It's just this time, he's being loyal to Max. He kept quiet for us when we were digging into Alex's death," Liz reminded her.
"He did, didn't he?" Maria smiled reluctantly. "All right. I guess I can cut him some slack."
"Go. Feed the masses. Leave your essay," she added, as Maria leaned over to take the paper. "I'll read it over and bring it downstairs before your shift is over," she promised.
"Don't you think you might be too busy?"
"I'll get to it," Liz told her. "Now go change."
***
Liz's cell phone rang a few minutes before eight, just as she was trying to get Zander to sleep. She hurried to answer, wondering who would bother using her cell number when she had barely left the house in two weeks. Then she saw the caller listed on the display, and everything became clear.
"Hi, Max," she said softly, cradling the baby against her shoulder as she pressed the phone to her opposite ear.
"Hey. My parents there yet?"
"I don't think so," she murmured, inching over to her bedroom door to see if she could hear anything. "My mom's running around like a crazy person, though. She's made coffee and I think she actually baked something."
"Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. I just wanted to make sure they didn't have you cornered."
"I'm hiding out in my room with Zander," she assured him. "He comes in handy that way."
"Still no word on what all this is about?"
"Nothing. And it's making me nervous."
"Just remember what I told you last night, all right? See you soon."
"Okay, bye."
Liz snapped her phone shut and plugged it into the charger. "Come on, mister," she murmured to the baby, rocking him gently. "You need to get some shut eye. Something tells me you're not old enough for the scene that's going to play out here tonight," she sighed.
Zander's only response was a small popping sound as his drool formed a tiny bubble. Liz laughed and dropped a kiss on his silky head. "My thoughts precisely," she said.
By the time she got him to sleep, Liz could hear voices out in the living room. Knowing there was no point in delaying the inevitable, she grabbed the baby monitor and headed out to face the parents. She was relieved to see Max arriving as she emerged from her bedroom. He gave her a small nod of encouragement across the room and she flashed him a quick smile.
"Please, sit everyone," Liz's mother said. "Who wants coffee?"
"You need a hand, Mom?" Liz asked.
"I've got it, dear." She vanished briefly into the kitchen, returning with a tray of mugs and the coffee pot. Liz's father appeared behind her, carrying a platter of cookies.
Liz sank awkwardly onto the couch, glad when Max sat beside her. His parents had taken the chair and ottoman, leaving her own parents with the straight-backed chairs her father had dragged in from the kitchen.
"Zander asleep?" Max whispered.
"Yeah," she told him. "He was out a long time this afternoon, though, so he'll probably be awake again pretty soon."
"Good," Max muttered, his eyes drifting to his parents, who were talking quietly. "We might need the distraction."
"Jeff, pass those around," Liz's mother said, nodding at the cookies as she handed Max's mother a mug of coffee.
"Honey, everyone can help themselves," he replied. "Why don't you sit down so we can get started?"
"Just a second," she told him, topping off another mug of coffee. "Oh, Liz, did you want milk or something? Herbal tea?"
"I'm fine, Mom."
"Nancy, Jeff's right. You don't have to serve us. Please sit down," Max's mother said.
Liz watched her mother fiddle for moment more with her own coffee, then finally take her seat. The parents seemed nervous now that they were all there, exchanging glances as if they weren't quite sure who was supposed to go first. She felt her stomach clench and had to resist the urge to shift closer to Max. Instead she played with the baby monitor where it rested in her lap - checking the volume, twisting the antenna.
"I suppose you kids are wondering what this is all about," Max's father began.
"The thought had crossed our minds, yes," Max replied. He sounded mildly annoyed, and it occurred to Liz that he was just as angry as she was about the way their parents were skulking around behind their backs.
"Yes, well, we thought it was important for the six of us to sit down again, now that Zander is a few weeks old and everyone has… adjusted to the situation," his father continued.
"We want you to know how proud we are of how you're handling things," Mrs. Evans jumped in. "None of this is easy, on anyone, but you're both doing so well. Liz, I understand how scared you must have been, not knowing how all of us would react to the baby, and Max, I know this all hit you so hard, coming as such a surprise. But you've really stepped up to the plate and taken responsibility, and we're all impressed by how adult you've been."
"Infants can make you crazy, no matter how old you are," Liz's mother said, nodding in agreement. "The fact that you're dealing with school - Liz, I know you've been studying despite the hours you're keeping - and Max has work… We know this has turned your lives upside down, but you're doing your best and putting Zander's needs first, and that's what parents do."
Liz was growing increasingly more uncomfortable. Something told her this little love fest was not the point of the get together. Glancing at Max, she saw a faint frown wrinkling his brow; he looked about as convinced as she felt.
"As your parents, it's our job to put your needs first, as well," Liz's father said. "Just because you have a child of your own, doesn't make you all grown up. We think it's important that we discuss your plans for the future. You've got one year of high school left, but after that there's college to consider. I know none of us want to see you give up on that, simply because of a moment of indiscretion."
"A what?" Liz asked sharply.
Her father held up a hand. "Now Lizzie, don't get all upset. Zander's my grandson and I love him, but I don't think there's anyone here who won't agree that your lives would have been far simpler if you didn't have him."
Liz felt as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. It didn't matter that she knew on some level her father was right; his words still hurt. She bit her lip, forcing down the bitter retort that sprang to mind. Next to her she felt Max shift slightly, his hand brushing her elbow in casual support.
"All we're saying is that we don't want you kids giving up on your dreams," Max's father said kindly. "Now, Diane has already talked to you about watching the baby when school starts up in the fall. Have you two discussed that yet?"
"Um, yeah, we did," Liz said.
"Mom, we appreciate the offer," Max said. "We'd love it if you babysat."
His mother's face lit up and Liz couldn't help but smile.
"Okay, so then that's one thing settled," Mr. Evans continued.
"Which brings us to college," Liz's father picked up.
"Hold on, Dad," Liz interrupted. "Don't you think it's a little early to be worrying about college yet? I mean, can't we at least get through the summer first?"
"Honey, you're going to have to start the application process soon. That means you need some idea of where you want to go," he replied pointedly. "Now, I know we always talked Harvard-"
"I know that's out now, Dad."
"Not necessarily," he said.
Liz's eyebrows shot up. "Dad, come on. There's no way I can go off to Harvard with a toddler."
"No, of course not," he agreed. "But we could come up with some sort of an arrangement."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Liz, the four of us are prepared to help out with Zander when the two of you start college," Mr. Evans said. "We discussed it and we feel it's the best thing for everyone. There's no reason for you to give up very promising futures just because you had a baby."
Liz couldn't believe her ears. She opened her mouth to reply and found nothing would come out.
"You expect us to go away to school for four years while you raise Zander? Is that what you're saying?" Max asked, clearly not burdened by the same loss of speech. "You've got to be kidding. After your lectures on responsibility, you want us to abandon him?" he demanded, his voice rising a notch.
"Max, honey, that's not what we're suggesting," his mother said quickly. "You'd be home for summers and holidays, even long weekends, depending where you're in school. He'd still be your son. Of course you'd see him. And in the long run, you'd be able to give him what he deserves - parents who have made the most of their opportunities and built strong, secure lives."
"You don't think we can build those lives going to ENMU?" Liz asked, her voice soft.
"Of course you could, Liz," her mother said. "But why limit yourselves? You've always had such big dreams, baby. We just don't want you to discount them."
"And what if I have a new set of dreams now?" she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "Did you ever think of that, Mom? Maybe I want to watch my son grow up. See him learn to walk and talk, teach him to read and ride a bike. How can I do that if I'm off in school somewhere else nine months out of the year? God, he'd barely know me."
"Look, it's early yet, as you said," Max's father soothed. "No one is saying you need to make these choices now. We just want you to know that you still have options, that's all."
"That's not all," Liz's father stated.
"Jeff," Liz's mother said, putting a restraining hand on his arm. "Remember what we all agreed."
"I'm perfectly calm," he told her. "I just want to make it clear that we are not finished here."
"What else, Dad?" Liz asked dully. All she wanted was for the discussion to be over.
"While we are glad that you two have been working together to take care of Zander, we have a few problems-"
"More like concerns," Max's mother interrupted.
"Fine," Liz's father agreed. "Concerns."
"About what, Mr. Parker?" Max asked.
"Max, you and Liz will always be Zander's parents," his father said. "You'll share in his upbringing, make decisions about his welfare, all of those things. That's a relationship you will have forever."
"I'm aware of that, Dad," Max said. "I'm not exactly sure where your concerns come in."
As Mr. Evans spoke, Liz watched her father's stubborn expression. Suddenly she knew exactly what was coming. Bile rose in her mouth and she started to choke, tears filling her eyes. Of all the ironies, she thought, pressing a hand to her mouth.
"Liz?" Max asked, patting her back. "What is it? You okay?"
She nodded, tears spilling as she coughed. Max continued to rub her back, pushing her hair behind her ear with his free hand so he could see her face. Someone - her mother - pressed a glass of water into her hands, and she managed to take a sip.
"I'm all right," she whispered, her voice raspy.
"Are you sure, dear?" Mrs. Evans asked.
"Yeah," she said with a nod. She looked up to find Max staring at her, concern in his eyes. She shrugged and saw his worried frown deepen. He didn't get it.
Everyone had resumed their seats and the parents were watching her, waiting for her assurance that she was ready to continued. Resigned, she turned to Mr. Evans. "You were saying?"
He had the grace to shift in his chair. Another irony of life, that Max's father would understand what had upset her while Max himself remained in the dark. She wasn't surprised when he glanced at his wife for assistance.
"Philip is completely right. The two of you will always be tied together because of Zander," Max's mother said softly. "But we don't think it would be wise for you to pursue a more… serious relationship. Not at this point in your lives," she added.
"We're worried about you," Liz's mother jumped in. "You seem to bring out each other's less responsible qualities. Skipping classes, staying out all night. We were called into the principal's office because you were caught making out in that eraser room, and none of us were even aware you were dating at the time," she said.
"Mom, that was an entire year ago," Liz pointed out, feeling her face flush.
"Yes, it was," her mother agreed. "And then suddenly you were broken up, and whatever happened was so terrible that you felt the need to run off to your aunt's for the summer to recover."
"And you, Max," his father said, shaking his head. "You were practically catatonic after Liz left. If your sister hadn't told us about your break up, we would have thought you were on drugs."
"Thanks, Dad," Max muttered, running a hand over his face.
"Then, if you're to be believed, you spent one night together in the fall, then promptly ended your relationship all over again," Max's father continued sternly. "Whether or not you used protection isn't even the point. The fact was that you had barely spoken for months, yet you jumped into a physical relationship on what appears to be a whim. After which, Liz didn't see fit to inform you of her pregnancy."
"Dad, we know all of this," Max said.
"I'm not finished," his father went on. "Liz, you left for Florida again, and if I understand correctly, didn't tell your parents you were pregnant until several weeks after you had gone?"
Liz nodded, feeling her throat tighten. It was true; they both sounded like a couple of flaky teenagers when the laundry list of their sins was itemized this way.
"Max, your grades began to head south. You took off to go camping more than once, including over Thanksgiving, without giving your mother or me any warning."
"I told you I was sorry about that," Max said.
"I'm just stating the facts to make a point," his father continued. "This isn't all about you and Liz. You've been through a lot. Alex's death. Now your friend Tess is missing. We're aware that you've had a rough year, Max. You and Liz both. In many ways, Zander is one of the better things to come out of all this. But whatever feelings you think you have for each other, you've proven that you're bad for each other's judgment. We're aware that it might feel natural to allow your romance to rekindle, given the amount of time you're spending together and the fact that you already have a child. We're telling you it's a bad idea."
"Your history together speaks for itself," Liz's father agreed. "If we had been stricter with you early on, if we weren't quite so trusting, maybe we wouldn't be in this position now."
Liz's mother scowled at her husband's lack of tact. "The truth is that you deserve the chance to meet new people, to see what the world has to offer," she said. "We don't want you to lock yourself into a relationship at this age."
"Because you were so much older when you and Dad met," Liz snorted. "God, Mom, you got married at twenty!"
"There's a huge difference between seventeen and twenty," her mother replied. "We were in college, we had jobs, and we certainly didn't have a child to support."
"Mrs. Parker, no one said anything about getting married," Max sighed. "But you can't expect us to pretend that we have no feelings for each other, either. Right now we're just trying to get through each day and do what's best for the baby."
"This is ridiculous," Liz stated, standing up. "You can't tell us what to feel or who to love. Not that it makes a difference anyway." She shook her head, letting out a wry laugh. "God, what a joke." She turned to Max's mother. "Thank you for offering to watch the baby in the fall. If the offer still stands, I intend to take you up on it." Her gaze hardened as it shifted to her parents. "I am not going to Harvard. I won't leave my child to be raised by someone else, not even his grandparents. I'm sorry if that disappoints you, but if I can deal with it then you certainly can. The fact is that I'm nearly eighteen years old, Zander is my son, and I will do what I feel is best. These are my decisions, and Max's. Not yours." Finally, she turned to Mr. Evans. "I'm sorry if you think I bring out the worst in your son," she said, tears streaming down her face unchecked. "I'm sorry about a lot of things. But I can't be sorry for loving him," she whispered.
"Liz," Max said, grabbing her hand as she turned to go. "Wait."
She shook her head. "I can't, okay? I'll see you tomorrow." With a gentle tug, she pulled free of his grip and headed for her bedroom. When she heard the conversation continuing without her, she paused just out of sight to listen.
Max's voice rose, tinged with anger. "Did it occur to any of you that Liz is exhausted right now? That her hormones are all over the place? She's scared and miserable, but she's doing the best she can. The last thing she needed was this… ambush. Would it kill you to be supportive without any strings?" he snapped.
"We're trying to look at the situation from every angle," Mr. Evans said in a soothing voice. "We just want what's best for everyone, Max."
"You know, Dad, if your idea of helping is to send Liz running from the room in tears, then we'll just have to make those decisions without your input," Max replied tersely. "Despite your poor opinions of our judgment."
"Last time I checked, Liz was living under my room," her father bit out. "That gives me a say in what she does."
"We might need your help right now, Mr. Parker," Max said, his voice deceptively calm.
"But we won't always. You might want to keep that in mind."
"Max!" his mother gasped.
"Is that a threat?" her father demanded.
Liz held her breath, but whatever Max said, his answer was too soft for her to hear. The voices drifted off and she realized everyone had moved into the entryway. She exhaled slowly, then slipped into her room and locked the door behind her.
*****
Continued in next post
Yup, I'm back with more. Again, thanks for the great feedback and all of your thoughts and perspectives. It's fascinating for me to see how you all see this situation.
Anyway, two posts again, due to length. Enjoy!
Em
******
Part 27
******
"Your parents didn't give you any idea what this meeting thing is about?"
Liz let out a frustrated sigh. "No, Maria, they didn't. Now do you want me to proofread this for you, or not? Because if you do, you have to shut up and let me finish before Zander wakes up."
Maria glanced at the essay Liz was holding, then back to her face. "Oh, who cares if it's perfect," she decided, grabbing the papers and tossing them on the coffee table. "It's not like I'll get any higher than a B anyway. This is more important."
"I'd tell you if I knew anything." Liz tried to retrieve the essay, shaking her head when Maria shoved it out of her reach. "What? Fine," she muttered. "All they said was that they wanted to talk with me tonight, and not to make any plans. As if my social calendar was in danger of getting booked," she said, rolling her eyes. "Then Max called this morning to tell me he was running late for school and wasn't going to come over. Turns out his mother cornered him on his way out the door to inform him of this little pow wow."
"So they'll be in on it, too?"
"Max's mother told him to come here as soon as he's done with work."
"And no one's mentioned that your parents and the Evanses had dinner together last night?"
"Nope. But it's pretty obvious that tonight is the result of whatever they were discussing."
"I wonder what they want to tell you."
Liz shrugged. "I'll find out soon enough. Believe me, I've been thinking about it all day." She shoved a stray lock of hair behind her ear and eyed Maria's paper. "You sure you don't want me to look that over?"
"I spell checked," Maria said dismissively. "It's not like we get a whole lot of girl time. I'd rather talk."
"Yeah, me too," Liz agreed, a small smile curving her lips. "I miss you."
"I promise I'll be around more as soon as finals are done."
"Good. So, what's up with you? How are things with Michael?"
The corners of Maria's mouth curled downward. "You mean Stonewall Guerin?"
"Maria, I told you not to give him a hard time about that. If he promised Max not to discuss whatever it is they're plotting, he should keep his word."
"He never said Max asked him to keep quiet. You're just assuming that's why he won't say anything."
"Look, Max said they're working things out. I don't believe it's that simple, but I'm done with pushing," Liz sighed. "Max will tell me when he's ready. Or not. It's not like I haven't kept my share of secrets lately."
"You had a good reason for keeping those secrets, Liz."
"And who's to say Max and Michael don't have a good reason, too?"
"I don't care. Keeping secrets hasn't gotten any of us anywhere," Maria muttered. "I liked it better when we were all on the same side."
"We still are," Liz told her. "It's just… complicated," she finished weakly.
"When isn't it? All I know is that if you and Max ever expect to mend this… rift, or whatever it is between you, well, you have to be honest with each other, Liz. And I don't just mean that you can't lie to each other. You have to open up to each other, too."
"Don't you think I know that? But he doesn't trust me anymore, Maria," Liz whispered. "I can't force his feelings."
"I didn't say you could." Maria slipped an arm around Liz's shoulders and gave her a brief hug. "It's going to be okay." She let out a long sigh. "I should go change for my shift."
"Michael working tonight?"
"Yes."
"Make nice," Liz told her, giving her a poke. "He's caught in the middle. It's not his fault."
"He should be more loyal, damn it," Maria grumbled.
"He is loyal. It's just this time, he's being loyal to Max. He kept quiet for us when we were digging into Alex's death," Liz reminded her.
"He did, didn't he?" Maria smiled reluctantly. "All right. I guess I can cut him some slack."
"Go. Feed the masses. Leave your essay," she added, as Maria leaned over to take the paper. "I'll read it over and bring it downstairs before your shift is over," she promised.
"Don't you think you might be too busy?"
"I'll get to it," Liz told her. "Now go change."
***
Liz's cell phone rang a few minutes before eight, just as she was trying to get Zander to sleep. She hurried to answer, wondering who would bother using her cell number when she had barely left the house in two weeks. Then she saw the caller listed on the display, and everything became clear.
"Hi, Max," she said softly, cradling the baby against her shoulder as she pressed the phone to her opposite ear.
"Hey. My parents there yet?"
"I don't think so," she murmured, inching over to her bedroom door to see if she could hear anything. "My mom's running around like a crazy person, though. She's made coffee and I think she actually baked something."
"Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes. I just wanted to make sure they didn't have you cornered."
"I'm hiding out in my room with Zander," she assured him. "He comes in handy that way."
"Still no word on what all this is about?"
"Nothing. And it's making me nervous."
"Just remember what I told you last night, all right? See you soon."
"Okay, bye."
Liz snapped her phone shut and plugged it into the charger. "Come on, mister," she murmured to the baby, rocking him gently. "You need to get some shut eye. Something tells me you're not old enough for the scene that's going to play out here tonight," she sighed.
Zander's only response was a small popping sound as his drool formed a tiny bubble. Liz laughed and dropped a kiss on his silky head. "My thoughts precisely," she said.
By the time she got him to sleep, Liz could hear voices out in the living room. Knowing there was no point in delaying the inevitable, she grabbed the baby monitor and headed out to face the parents. She was relieved to see Max arriving as she emerged from her bedroom. He gave her a small nod of encouragement across the room and she flashed him a quick smile.
"Please, sit everyone," Liz's mother said. "Who wants coffee?"
"You need a hand, Mom?" Liz asked.
"I've got it, dear." She vanished briefly into the kitchen, returning with a tray of mugs and the coffee pot. Liz's father appeared behind her, carrying a platter of cookies.
Liz sank awkwardly onto the couch, glad when Max sat beside her. His parents had taken the chair and ottoman, leaving her own parents with the straight-backed chairs her father had dragged in from the kitchen.
"Zander asleep?" Max whispered.
"Yeah," she told him. "He was out a long time this afternoon, though, so he'll probably be awake again pretty soon."
"Good," Max muttered, his eyes drifting to his parents, who were talking quietly. "We might need the distraction."
"Jeff, pass those around," Liz's mother said, nodding at the cookies as she handed Max's mother a mug of coffee.
"Honey, everyone can help themselves," he replied. "Why don't you sit down so we can get started?"
"Just a second," she told him, topping off another mug of coffee. "Oh, Liz, did you want milk or something? Herbal tea?"
"I'm fine, Mom."
"Nancy, Jeff's right. You don't have to serve us. Please sit down," Max's mother said.
Liz watched her mother fiddle for moment more with her own coffee, then finally take her seat. The parents seemed nervous now that they were all there, exchanging glances as if they weren't quite sure who was supposed to go first. She felt her stomach clench and had to resist the urge to shift closer to Max. Instead she played with the baby monitor where it rested in her lap - checking the volume, twisting the antenna.
"I suppose you kids are wondering what this is all about," Max's father began.
"The thought had crossed our minds, yes," Max replied. He sounded mildly annoyed, and it occurred to Liz that he was just as angry as she was about the way their parents were skulking around behind their backs.
"Yes, well, we thought it was important for the six of us to sit down again, now that Zander is a few weeks old and everyone has… adjusted to the situation," his father continued.
"We want you to know how proud we are of how you're handling things," Mrs. Evans jumped in. "None of this is easy, on anyone, but you're both doing so well. Liz, I understand how scared you must have been, not knowing how all of us would react to the baby, and Max, I know this all hit you so hard, coming as such a surprise. But you've really stepped up to the plate and taken responsibility, and we're all impressed by how adult you've been."
"Infants can make you crazy, no matter how old you are," Liz's mother said, nodding in agreement. "The fact that you're dealing with school - Liz, I know you've been studying despite the hours you're keeping - and Max has work… We know this has turned your lives upside down, but you're doing your best and putting Zander's needs first, and that's what parents do."
Liz was growing increasingly more uncomfortable. Something told her this little love fest was not the point of the get together. Glancing at Max, she saw a faint frown wrinkling his brow; he looked about as convinced as she felt.
"As your parents, it's our job to put your needs first, as well," Liz's father said. "Just because you have a child of your own, doesn't make you all grown up. We think it's important that we discuss your plans for the future. You've got one year of high school left, but after that there's college to consider. I know none of us want to see you give up on that, simply because of a moment of indiscretion."
"A what?" Liz asked sharply.
Her father held up a hand. "Now Lizzie, don't get all upset. Zander's my grandson and I love him, but I don't think there's anyone here who won't agree that your lives would have been far simpler if you didn't have him."
Liz felt as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. It didn't matter that she knew on some level her father was right; his words still hurt. She bit her lip, forcing down the bitter retort that sprang to mind. Next to her she felt Max shift slightly, his hand brushing her elbow in casual support.
"All we're saying is that we don't want you kids giving up on your dreams," Max's father said kindly. "Now, Diane has already talked to you about watching the baby when school starts up in the fall. Have you two discussed that yet?"
"Um, yeah, we did," Liz said.
"Mom, we appreciate the offer," Max said. "We'd love it if you babysat."
His mother's face lit up and Liz couldn't help but smile.
"Okay, so then that's one thing settled," Mr. Evans continued.
"Which brings us to college," Liz's father picked up.
"Hold on, Dad," Liz interrupted. "Don't you think it's a little early to be worrying about college yet? I mean, can't we at least get through the summer first?"
"Honey, you're going to have to start the application process soon. That means you need some idea of where you want to go," he replied pointedly. "Now, I know we always talked Harvard-"
"I know that's out now, Dad."
"Not necessarily," he said.
Liz's eyebrows shot up. "Dad, come on. There's no way I can go off to Harvard with a toddler."
"No, of course not," he agreed. "But we could come up with some sort of an arrangement."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Liz, the four of us are prepared to help out with Zander when the two of you start college," Mr. Evans said. "We discussed it and we feel it's the best thing for everyone. There's no reason for you to give up very promising futures just because you had a baby."
Liz couldn't believe her ears. She opened her mouth to reply and found nothing would come out.
"You expect us to go away to school for four years while you raise Zander? Is that what you're saying?" Max asked, clearly not burdened by the same loss of speech. "You've got to be kidding. After your lectures on responsibility, you want us to abandon him?" he demanded, his voice rising a notch.
"Max, honey, that's not what we're suggesting," his mother said quickly. "You'd be home for summers and holidays, even long weekends, depending where you're in school. He'd still be your son. Of course you'd see him. And in the long run, you'd be able to give him what he deserves - parents who have made the most of their opportunities and built strong, secure lives."
"You don't think we can build those lives going to ENMU?" Liz asked, her voice soft.
"Of course you could, Liz," her mother said. "But why limit yourselves? You've always had such big dreams, baby. We just don't want you to discount them."
"And what if I have a new set of dreams now?" she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "Did you ever think of that, Mom? Maybe I want to watch my son grow up. See him learn to walk and talk, teach him to read and ride a bike. How can I do that if I'm off in school somewhere else nine months out of the year? God, he'd barely know me."
"Look, it's early yet, as you said," Max's father soothed. "No one is saying you need to make these choices now. We just want you to know that you still have options, that's all."
"That's not all," Liz's father stated.
"Jeff," Liz's mother said, putting a restraining hand on his arm. "Remember what we all agreed."
"I'm perfectly calm," he told her. "I just want to make it clear that we are not finished here."
"What else, Dad?" Liz asked dully. All she wanted was for the discussion to be over.
"While we are glad that you two have been working together to take care of Zander, we have a few problems-"
"More like concerns," Max's mother interrupted.
"Fine," Liz's father agreed. "Concerns."
"About what, Mr. Parker?" Max asked.
"Max, you and Liz will always be Zander's parents," his father said. "You'll share in his upbringing, make decisions about his welfare, all of those things. That's a relationship you will have forever."
"I'm aware of that, Dad," Max said. "I'm not exactly sure where your concerns come in."
As Mr. Evans spoke, Liz watched her father's stubborn expression. Suddenly she knew exactly what was coming. Bile rose in her mouth and she started to choke, tears filling her eyes. Of all the ironies, she thought, pressing a hand to her mouth.
"Liz?" Max asked, patting her back. "What is it? You okay?"
She nodded, tears spilling as she coughed. Max continued to rub her back, pushing her hair behind her ear with his free hand so he could see her face. Someone - her mother - pressed a glass of water into her hands, and she managed to take a sip.
"I'm all right," she whispered, her voice raspy.
"Are you sure, dear?" Mrs. Evans asked.
"Yeah," she said with a nod. She looked up to find Max staring at her, concern in his eyes. She shrugged and saw his worried frown deepen. He didn't get it.
Everyone had resumed their seats and the parents were watching her, waiting for her assurance that she was ready to continued. Resigned, she turned to Mr. Evans. "You were saying?"
He had the grace to shift in his chair. Another irony of life, that Max's father would understand what had upset her while Max himself remained in the dark. She wasn't surprised when he glanced at his wife for assistance.
"Philip is completely right. The two of you will always be tied together because of Zander," Max's mother said softly. "But we don't think it would be wise for you to pursue a more… serious relationship. Not at this point in your lives," she added.
"We're worried about you," Liz's mother jumped in. "You seem to bring out each other's less responsible qualities. Skipping classes, staying out all night. We were called into the principal's office because you were caught making out in that eraser room, and none of us were even aware you were dating at the time," she said.
"Mom, that was an entire year ago," Liz pointed out, feeling her face flush.
"Yes, it was," her mother agreed. "And then suddenly you were broken up, and whatever happened was so terrible that you felt the need to run off to your aunt's for the summer to recover."
"And you, Max," his father said, shaking his head. "You were practically catatonic after Liz left. If your sister hadn't told us about your break up, we would have thought you were on drugs."
"Thanks, Dad," Max muttered, running a hand over his face.
"Then, if you're to be believed, you spent one night together in the fall, then promptly ended your relationship all over again," Max's father continued sternly. "Whether or not you used protection isn't even the point. The fact was that you had barely spoken for months, yet you jumped into a physical relationship on what appears to be a whim. After which, Liz didn't see fit to inform you of her pregnancy."
"Dad, we know all of this," Max said.
"I'm not finished," his father went on. "Liz, you left for Florida again, and if I understand correctly, didn't tell your parents you were pregnant until several weeks after you had gone?"
Liz nodded, feeling her throat tighten. It was true; they both sounded like a couple of flaky teenagers when the laundry list of their sins was itemized this way.
"Max, your grades began to head south. You took off to go camping more than once, including over Thanksgiving, without giving your mother or me any warning."
"I told you I was sorry about that," Max said.
"I'm just stating the facts to make a point," his father continued. "This isn't all about you and Liz. You've been through a lot. Alex's death. Now your friend Tess is missing. We're aware that you've had a rough year, Max. You and Liz both. In many ways, Zander is one of the better things to come out of all this. But whatever feelings you think you have for each other, you've proven that you're bad for each other's judgment. We're aware that it might feel natural to allow your romance to rekindle, given the amount of time you're spending together and the fact that you already have a child. We're telling you it's a bad idea."
"Your history together speaks for itself," Liz's father agreed. "If we had been stricter with you early on, if we weren't quite so trusting, maybe we wouldn't be in this position now."
Liz's mother scowled at her husband's lack of tact. "The truth is that you deserve the chance to meet new people, to see what the world has to offer," she said. "We don't want you to lock yourself into a relationship at this age."
"Because you were so much older when you and Dad met," Liz snorted. "God, Mom, you got married at twenty!"
"There's a huge difference between seventeen and twenty," her mother replied. "We were in college, we had jobs, and we certainly didn't have a child to support."
"Mrs. Parker, no one said anything about getting married," Max sighed. "But you can't expect us to pretend that we have no feelings for each other, either. Right now we're just trying to get through each day and do what's best for the baby."
"This is ridiculous," Liz stated, standing up. "You can't tell us what to feel or who to love. Not that it makes a difference anyway." She shook her head, letting out a wry laugh. "God, what a joke." She turned to Max's mother. "Thank you for offering to watch the baby in the fall. If the offer still stands, I intend to take you up on it." Her gaze hardened as it shifted to her parents. "I am not going to Harvard. I won't leave my child to be raised by someone else, not even his grandparents. I'm sorry if that disappoints you, but if I can deal with it then you certainly can. The fact is that I'm nearly eighteen years old, Zander is my son, and I will do what I feel is best. These are my decisions, and Max's. Not yours." Finally, she turned to Mr. Evans. "I'm sorry if you think I bring out the worst in your son," she said, tears streaming down her face unchecked. "I'm sorry about a lot of things. But I can't be sorry for loving him," she whispered.
"Liz," Max said, grabbing her hand as she turned to go. "Wait."
She shook her head. "I can't, okay? I'll see you tomorrow." With a gentle tug, she pulled free of his grip and headed for her bedroom. When she heard the conversation continuing without her, she paused just out of sight to listen.
Max's voice rose, tinged with anger. "Did it occur to any of you that Liz is exhausted right now? That her hormones are all over the place? She's scared and miserable, but she's doing the best she can. The last thing she needed was this… ambush. Would it kill you to be supportive without any strings?" he snapped.
"We're trying to look at the situation from every angle," Mr. Evans said in a soothing voice. "We just want what's best for everyone, Max."
"You know, Dad, if your idea of helping is to send Liz running from the room in tears, then we'll just have to make those decisions without your input," Max replied tersely. "Despite your poor opinions of our judgment."
"Last time I checked, Liz was living under my room," her father bit out. "That gives me a say in what she does."
"We might need your help right now, Mr. Parker," Max said, his voice deceptively calm.
"But we won't always. You might want to keep that in mind."
"Max!" his mother gasped.
"Is that a threat?" her father demanded.
Liz held her breath, but whatever Max said, his answer was too soft for her to hear. The voices drifted off and she realized everyone had moved into the entryway. She exhaled slowly, then slipped into her room and locked the door behind her.
*****
Continued in next post
Last edited by EmilyluvsRoswell on Tue Sep 30, 2003 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 27 continued
Continued from previous post
******
The knock on her window was so soft, Liz barely heard it. She opened her eyes and lifted her head off the pillow to see Max standing on her balcony. When he saw she was awake, he motioned for her to join him.
She checked on Zander, making sure the blanket was tucked in around him, then slipped out of bed. Making her way across the dim room, she caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair a disheveled mess. Sighing, she slid the window open and climbed out onto the roof.
“Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Liz nodded. “I’ll survive,” she told him, avoiding his gaze. The last thing she needed was to start crying again. “After all, it’s not like they were making stuff up, right? I mean, we did do all of those things. From their point of view we must seem pretty irrational.”
“Liz, don’t do that,” he said gently.
She walked over to the wall and stared out at the town, how the lights sketched the pattern of streets and buildings, at the way they grew farther apart as they headed into the desert.
“Thanks for yelling at my dad.”
“Oh. You heard that, huh?” he asked, sounding embarrassed. “I hope I didn’t make things worse. He just…”
“Pissed you off?” she asked with a small smile. “Welcome to my world.”
“I knew he was mad,” Max admitted. “I guess I just didn’t realize how bad it was. He must have been on his best behavior the last week or so, because I actually thought he was calming down a little.”
“Yeah, me too,” Liz agreed. “Looks like we were wrong.”
“Liz, what they said about college. Harvard. If you—”
“Don’t say it,” she told him. “It’s not even a possibility, all right? Even if there was no chance of Zander having powers, I still wouldn’t leave him with our parents so I could go away to school.”
“Shh,” he said. “I know. But that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to figure something else out.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s not talk about it, okay? I’ve kind of had my fill of the future for a while,” she muttered.
“Yeah, sure,” he agreed. He settled his arms against the ledge and gazed out at the town. “Nice night. Or it could have been,” he amended with a snort.
“Still is,” she said, staring upward. “Lots of stars.”
“Mmm.” He leaned back a little so he could look at the sky, too.
They stood there for a long time, neither of them speaking. Liz couldn’t remember the last time they had been in each other’s company without forcing conversation. They were always going on about Zander or school, searching for subjects they could maneuver without setting off any landmines. It felt good to just be. Peaceful. Maybe this was all they needed. Time together with no distractions. Quiet so they could heal.
“Can I show you something?” she asked softly.
“Sure.”
“I’ll be right back.” She went over to the window and climbed back into her room. It only took a moment for her to find what she was looking for, tucked safely in the locked drawer of her desk.
Max was still gazing at the stars when she returned. His expression held the same wonder it always did when he looked up. As if he couldn’t quite believe that he came from somewhere out there.
“Here,” she said, handing him the piece of paper. “My aunt sent me some of my stuff last week, and this was in with everything.”
Unfolding the note, Max glanced at her questioningly. “You want me to read it?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
He nodded, his eyes already skimming the letter. Liz watched his face as he read, saw the barely perceptible tightening of his jaw, and the way he relaxed again as he finished. He refolded the note and gave it back to her.
“She sounds nice,” he said. “Your aunt.”
“She is,” Liz agreed. Her fingers traced over the crease in the paper and she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “I thought that maybe once school is out and I’ve taken my finals and everything, we could take Zander down to see her,” she began hesitantly. “Rachel really wants to meet him, and we could get away from our parents for a few days. Just kind of escape.”
“You want to go to Florida?”
“Just for a couple of days,” she repeated. “We could sit on the beach, not think about anything important for a while. You wouldn’t have to hang around if you didn’t feel like it,” she rushed. “I mean, you could go do whatever. I just…” She raised her hands then let them fall again, shaking her head. “I have to get out of here, Max. My parents… well, you saw them. I can’t take it. I need a break.”
Max shook his head and began to walk away. Liz waited as he paced to the corner of the balcony, then turned and came half way back. “Liz, I can’t go to Florida. Not right now,” he said.
“Well, no, not now,” she agreed. “In a week or two.”
“I can’t,” he reiterated. “I…” His eyes darkened slightly as his expression grew more serious. “Michael and I are going to New York as soon as exams are over.”
Liz frowned. “New York. Why would you be going to…” She trailed off as fear gripped her throat. “Nicholas,” she whispered. “You’re going to look for him.”
His nod was brief. “I was going to tell you,” he said. “As soon as our plans were firm.”
She swallowed hard. “They sound pretty firm to me.”
He looked away. “Liz, I have to do this.”
“No,” she said. “You don’t.” She took a step closer. “Is this what you and Michael were fighting about the other day in the café? It is, isn’t it? He thinks you’re nuts, and I’m inclined to agree.”
“What would you have me do?” Max hissed. “Sit here and wait for him to come to us? Wait until something happens to you or the baby before I make a move? Everyone’s always criticizing me for not taking action. You would think you’d be happy that I’m forming a real plan.”
“Happy? I’m supposed to be happy at the thought of you and Michael vanishing into some sewer somewhere, never to be heard from again? Max, Nicholas is dangerous.”
“I know he is. That’s precisely why I have to do this,” he said.
“How do you even know he’s still there? Or that he’s even alive?” she pressed. “It could be nothing more than a wild goose chase.”
Max shook his head. “He’s there.” He leaned back against the wall, arms folded against his chest, gaze on the ground. “I’ve been in contact with Larek,” he said slowly. “He has a spy in Kivar’s inner circle and he’s using him to keep tabs on Nicholas’s movements.”
“No,” she whispered, backing away. Images flashed through her mind. Max bruised and bloody, his chest sliced open, scars covering his back – wait, that was Future Max. She shook off the muddled memories. “You can’t do this, Max. You can’t. What if something happens to you?”
“I’ll be careful,” he said. He advanced on her quickly, grabbing her by the arms, preventing her from moving any farther. “Liz, listen to me. Michael and I can handle this. And if not – if something should go wrong – Isabel will be here to protect you. She’ll know to get you somewhere safe, and—”
“Listen to yourself!” Liz snapped, wrenching her arms from his grasp. “I don’t want Isabel to protect me. God, why do you always do this? Why do you think you’re less important than the rest of us?” she demanded. “You’re always trying to protect me, Max, but do you think I’d fare any better if you got killed? I couldn’t bear it,” she murmured, tears clogging her throat.
“Liz, I—”
“Shut up,” she cried. “Just stop. I don’t want to hear any more,” she told him. Her knees buckled and she slid down the wall, oblivious to the scrape of brick against her back as her shirt hiked up. “You act like it’s all your decision. Like what you do doesn’t affect me,” she said tearfully, swiping at her wet cheeks. “Where do you get off criticizing me for doing things for your own good?” she demanded. “You’re just as bad, Max. You’re just as guilty of keeping secrets and going off on your own because you’ve decided it’s the right thing to do. As if I’m a small child, not even capable of thinking things through. You’re as bad as our parents. Having a baby doesn’t make me one.”
She’d curled into a ball, knees pulled in tightly to her chest. Max dropped down in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he soothed, his warm fingers kneading gently, attacking the tension that had built up in her neck. “I won’t go to New York,” he told her. “At least not yet, all right? I promise. Calm down.”
His words barely registered. Her heart was racing, blood roaring through her ears. Fear had her adrenaline pumping, channeling her emotions into anger. No flight mechanism kicking in here. She was on the attack, ready to fight if it meant keeping him safe.
“This isn’t all my fault,” she declared, “and I’m tired of pretending it is. You act like everything was my idea. Like I woke up one morning and decided to mess with your head as some form of twisted entertainment. You came to me, Max. You. Max Evans, future version, on my balcony, telling me what I had to do,” she bit out. Tears continued to stream down her cheeks. “You think I had fun? God, it killed me! It was like ripping both of our hearts out while they were still beating,” she cried, pressing her face into her hands.
“I know,” he murmured, rubbing her arms. She felt a breath of air as he shifted, pulling her onto his lap. Warm palms smoothed over her spine and she winced. “What?” he asked, instantly concerned. “What happened?” He leaned around her, his fingers gently tracing the scrapes on her back. “Shh, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got it.” Heat pulsed over her skin and then he was easing her shirt down once more.
Liz curled into his chest, feeling his arms banding tightly around her. The sense of safety – security – nearly overwhelmed her. “I didn’t want to do it,” she murmured. “I told you to go away. To go to someone else, anyone else. Tess,” she sniffed. “I told you to go to Tess, if she was so important, but you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t leave me alone.” The tears were speeding up again, her breath hitching in the depths of her lungs. “You told me I was the one you trusted,” she laughed. “That I was the one you had faith in.” Another laugh bubbled up and escaped, high pitched and uneven. “How ridiculous is that, Max? You came to me because you trusted me. And I went right ahead and proved you right,” she giggled. “I did everything you asked me to, even though it was like dying.”
“Liz, shh,” Max whispered, rubbing her back. “It’s okay. Hush.”
“It’s not okay,” she said, the urge to laugh suddenly gone. “It’s not. You don’t trust me anymore. You hate me for listening to you. For believing you. It was you, Max. You. The same you who’d saved my life. Who made parking meters explode like firecrackers and brought me bubble bath and jumped off bridges with me,” she sighed. Her head hurt from crying, but her heart hurt more. “You, just with fourteen years more experience. All those terrible things you’d seen and lived through,” she whimpered. “I couldn’t let it happen again. Not if there was something I could do to stop it. How was I supposed to know that I was wrong about everything? That you were?”
“You weren’t,” he murmured. “You couldn’t have.” His voice was low and soothing, close to her ear. Fingers threaded through her hair, smoothing it. She thought she felt him press his lips to her temple, but she couldn’t be certain. “Please stop crying,” he whispered. “Please. It’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be all right, Liz. Just don’t cry.”
“You know what gets me? You thought it would work,” she mumbled. “That it would be possible for me to turn you away, to make you go to Tess. You’re mad because I can run from you if I think it’s for your own good, but how am I supposed to feel? You knew how you felt about me – God, we were married. Yet even after all those years together, you believed you could turn the feelings off, Max. That I could somehow convince you to be with Tess instead.” She sniffled, burrowing into the warmth of his chest.
“I must have been insane,” he whispered.
“So tired. Tired of fighting.”
“Then don’t fight. Just close your eyes. I’ve got you,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
*****
TBC
******
The knock on her window was so soft, Liz barely heard it. She opened her eyes and lifted her head off the pillow to see Max standing on her balcony. When he saw she was awake, he motioned for her to join him.
She checked on Zander, making sure the blanket was tucked in around him, then slipped out of bed. Making her way across the dim room, she caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair a disheveled mess. Sighing, she slid the window open and climbed out onto the roof.
“Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Liz nodded. “I’ll survive,” she told him, avoiding his gaze. The last thing she needed was to start crying again. “After all, it’s not like they were making stuff up, right? I mean, we did do all of those things. From their point of view we must seem pretty irrational.”
“Liz, don’t do that,” he said gently.
She walked over to the wall and stared out at the town, how the lights sketched the pattern of streets and buildings, at the way they grew farther apart as they headed into the desert.
“Thanks for yelling at my dad.”
“Oh. You heard that, huh?” he asked, sounding embarrassed. “I hope I didn’t make things worse. He just…”
“Pissed you off?” she asked with a small smile. “Welcome to my world.”
“I knew he was mad,” Max admitted. “I guess I just didn’t realize how bad it was. He must have been on his best behavior the last week or so, because I actually thought he was calming down a little.”
“Yeah, me too,” Liz agreed. “Looks like we were wrong.”
“Liz, what they said about college. Harvard. If you—”
“Don’t say it,” she told him. “It’s not even a possibility, all right? Even if there was no chance of Zander having powers, I still wouldn’t leave him with our parents so I could go away to school.”
“Shh,” he said. “I know. But that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to figure something else out.”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s not talk about it, okay? I’ve kind of had my fill of the future for a while,” she muttered.
“Yeah, sure,” he agreed. He settled his arms against the ledge and gazed out at the town. “Nice night. Or it could have been,” he amended with a snort.
“Still is,” she said, staring upward. “Lots of stars.”
“Mmm.” He leaned back a little so he could look at the sky, too.
They stood there for a long time, neither of them speaking. Liz couldn’t remember the last time they had been in each other’s company without forcing conversation. They were always going on about Zander or school, searching for subjects they could maneuver without setting off any landmines. It felt good to just be. Peaceful. Maybe this was all they needed. Time together with no distractions. Quiet so they could heal.
“Can I show you something?” she asked softly.
“Sure.”
“I’ll be right back.” She went over to the window and climbed back into her room. It only took a moment for her to find what she was looking for, tucked safely in the locked drawer of her desk.
Max was still gazing at the stars when she returned. His expression held the same wonder it always did when he looked up. As if he couldn’t quite believe that he came from somewhere out there.
“Here,” she said, handing him the piece of paper. “My aunt sent me some of my stuff last week, and this was in with everything.”
Unfolding the note, Max glanced at her questioningly. “You want me to read it?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
He nodded, his eyes already skimming the letter. Liz watched his face as he read, saw the barely perceptible tightening of his jaw, and the way he relaxed again as he finished. He refolded the note and gave it back to her.
“She sounds nice,” he said. “Your aunt.”
“She is,” Liz agreed. Her fingers traced over the crease in the paper and she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “I thought that maybe once school is out and I’ve taken my finals and everything, we could take Zander down to see her,” she began hesitantly. “Rachel really wants to meet him, and we could get away from our parents for a few days. Just kind of escape.”
“You want to go to Florida?”
“Just for a couple of days,” she repeated. “We could sit on the beach, not think about anything important for a while. You wouldn’t have to hang around if you didn’t feel like it,” she rushed. “I mean, you could go do whatever. I just…” She raised her hands then let them fall again, shaking her head. “I have to get out of here, Max. My parents… well, you saw them. I can’t take it. I need a break.”
Max shook his head and began to walk away. Liz waited as he paced to the corner of the balcony, then turned and came half way back. “Liz, I can’t go to Florida. Not right now,” he said.
“Well, no, not now,” she agreed. “In a week or two.”
“I can’t,” he reiterated. “I…” His eyes darkened slightly as his expression grew more serious. “Michael and I are going to New York as soon as exams are over.”
Liz frowned. “New York. Why would you be going to…” She trailed off as fear gripped her throat. “Nicholas,” she whispered. “You’re going to look for him.”
His nod was brief. “I was going to tell you,” he said. “As soon as our plans were firm.”
She swallowed hard. “They sound pretty firm to me.”
He looked away. “Liz, I have to do this.”
“No,” she said. “You don’t.” She took a step closer. “Is this what you and Michael were fighting about the other day in the café? It is, isn’t it? He thinks you’re nuts, and I’m inclined to agree.”
“What would you have me do?” Max hissed. “Sit here and wait for him to come to us? Wait until something happens to you or the baby before I make a move? Everyone’s always criticizing me for not taking action. You would think you’d be happy that I’m forming a real plan.”
“Happy? I’m supposed to be happy at the thought of you and Michael vanishing into some sewer somewhere, never to be heard from again? Max, Nicholas is dangerous.”
“I know he is. That’s precisely why I have to do this,” he said.
“How do you even know he’s still there? Or that he’s even alive?” she pressed. “It could be nothing more than a wild goose chase.”
Max shook his head. “He’s there.” He leaned back against the wall, arms folded against his chest, gaze on the ground. “I’ve been in contact with Larek,” he said slowly. “He has a spy in Kivar’s inner circle and he’s using him to keep tabs on Nicholas’s movements.”
“No,” she whispered, backing away. Images flashed through her mind. Max bruised and bloody, his chest sliced open, scars covering his back – wait, that was Future Max. She shook off the muddled memories. “You can’t do this, Max. You can’t. What if something happens to you?”
“I’ll be careful,” he said. He advanced on her quickly, grabbing her by the arms, preventing her from moving any farther. “Liz, listen to me. Michael and I can handle this. And if not – if something should go wrong – Isabel will be here to protect you. She’ll know to get you somewhere safe, and—”
“Listen to yourself!” Liz snapped, wrenching her arms from his grasp. “I don’t want Isabel to protect me. God, why do you always do this? Why do you think you’re less important than the rest of us?” she demanded. “You’re always trying to protect me, Max, but do you think I’d fare any better if you got killed? I couldn’t bear it,” she murmured, tears clogging her throat.
“Liz, I—”
“Shut up,” she cried. “Just stop. I don’t want to hear any more,” she told him. Her knees buckled and she slid down the wall, oblivious to the scrape of brick against her back as her shirt hiked up. “You act like it’s all your decision. Like what you do doesn’t affect me,” she said tearfully, swiping at her wet cheeks. “Where do you get off criticizing me for doing things for your own good?” she demanded. “You’re just as bad, Max. You’re just as guilty of keeping secrets and going off on your own because you’ve decided it’s the right thing to do. As if I’m a small child, not even capable of thinking things through. You’re as bad as our parents. Having a baby doesn’t make me one.”
She’d curled into a ball, knees pulled in tightly to her chest. Max dropped down in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay,” he soothed, his warm fingers kneading gently, attacking the tension that had built up in her neck. “I won’t go to New York,” he told her. “At least not yet, all right? I promise. Calm down.”
His words barely registered. Her heart was racing, blood roaring through her ears. Fear had her adrenaline pumping, channeling her emotions into anger. No flight mechanism kicking in here. She was on the attack, ready to fight if it meant keeping him safe.
“This isn’t all my fault,” she declared, “and I’m tired of pretending it is. You act like everything was my idea. Like I woke up one morning and decided to mess with your head as some form of twisted entertainment. You came to me, Max. You. Max Evans, future version, on my balcony, telling me what I had to do,” she bit out. Tears continued to stream down her cheeks. “You think I had fun? God, it killed me! It was like ripping both of our hearts out while they were still beating,” she cried, pressing her face into her hands.
“I know,” he murmured, rubbing her arms. She felt a breath of air as he shifted, pulling her onto his lap. Warm palms smoothed over her spine and she winced. “What?” he asked, instantly concerned. “What happened?” He leaned around her, his fingers gently tracing the scrapes on her back. “Shh, it’s okay,” he said. “I’ve got it.” Heat pulsed over her skin and then he was easing her shirt down once more.
Liz curled into his chest, feeling his arms banding tightly around her. The sense of safety – security – nearly overwhelmed her. “I didn’t want to do it,” she murmured. “I told you to go away. To go to someone else, anyone else. Tess,” she sniffed. “I told you to go to Tess, if she was so important, but you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t leave me alone.” The tears were speeding up again, her breath hitching in the depths of her lungs. “You told me I was the one you trusted,” she laughed. “That I was the one you had faith in.” Another laugh bubbled up and escaped, high pitched and uneven. “How ridiculous is that, Max? You came to me because you trusted me. And I went right ahead and proved you right,” she giggled. “I did everything you asked me to, even though it was like dying.”
“Liz, shh,” Max whispered, rubbing her back. “It’s okay. Hush.”
“It’s not okay,” she said, the urge to laugh suddenly gone. “It’s not. You don’t trust me anymore. You hate me for listening to you. For believing you. It was you, Max. You. The same you who’d saved my life. Who made parking meters explode like firecrackers and brought me bubble bath and jumped off bridges with me,” she sighed. Her head hurt from crying, but her heart hurt more. “You, just with fourteen years more experience. All those terrible things you’d seen and lived through,” she whimpered. “I couldn’t let it happen again. Not if there was something I could do to stop it. How was I supposed to know that I was wrong about everything? That you were?”
“You weren’t,” he murmured. “You couldn’t have.” His voice was low and soothing, close to her ear. Fingers threaded through her hair, smoothing it. She thought she felt him press his lips to her temple, but she couldn’t be certain. “Please stop crying,” he whispered. “Please. It’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be all right, Liz. Just don’t cry.”
“You know what gets me? You thought it would work,” she mumbled. “That it would be possible for me to turn you away, to make you go to Tess. You’re mad because I can run from you if I think it’s for your own good, but how am I supposed to feel? You knew how you felt about me – God, we were married. Yet even after all those years together, you believed you could turn the feelings off, Max. That I could somehow convince you to be with Tess instead.” She sniffled, burrowing into the warmth of his chest.
“I must have been insane,” he whispered.
“So tired. Tired of fighting.”
“Then don’t fight. Just close your eyes. I’ve got you,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
*****
TBC
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 28
Hi guys!
As always, I want to thank you for all the wonderful, thoughtful feedback. You continue to amaze me with your insights and theories. In addition, I'd like to thank everyone who nominated me for various Roswell Fanatics awards in this most recent round. I had no idea! I went to vote and was actually a little embarrassed by how often my name popped up. I'm flattered and touched that so many people thought of me. Win or lose, I'm grateful. You guys rock. So, thank you.
Without further ado, the next part. In two posts due to length.
Em
******
Part 28
******
Liz sat on her bed, knees pulled up, with Zander propped against her legs. One small hand clutched her finger as he stared at her, his complete attention on her face. She couldn’t help but smile when he watched her that way, his dark eyes focused on hers, his tiny mouth pursed.
“What should we do today, huh? It’s nice and warm. Maybe we can escape,” she whispered. Leaning over, she kissed his forehead, laughing when his free hand tangled in her hair. She pulled the long strands from his fingers and used the ends to tickle his cheek. “Are you flirting with Mommy?” she teased.
His little mouth curved in a gummy smile and Liz grinned in return. This had become their routine over the past few mornings. After he finished nursing and was burped and changed, Zander had been positively social, staying awake for as long as half an hour while Liz talked to him and sang snippets of nursery rhymes. The world had been reduced to the two of them – and Max, when he wasn’t at school or work – tucked away in the safe cocoon of Liz’s bedroom.
Zander waved a plump fist up and down and made a soft, cooing sound.
“What does that mean?” Liz asked, leaning in to kiss him again. “Huh? Whatcha trying to say to Mommy?” She gave his tummy a gentle squeeze. “I can’t wait until you start talking so I know what’s going on in that little head.”
“I think he’s telling you that you’ve got company,” Max said.
Liz glanced up with a start to find him watching them from her window, an amused smile lightening his features. He’d been so serious the last couple of days since their parents’ ambush – coming and going by way of her balcony to avoid any more run-ins with her father – it was good to see him in a brighter mood.
“Hey,” she said. “I thought you had to work.” She watched him swing easily through the open window, his feet barely making a sound on the carpet.
“Brody gave me the day off,” he said with a shrug. “Figured I could use a break, what with finals being over.”
“That was nice of him.”
He wandered closer, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. “So, feel like getting out of here for a while?” he asked, tilting his head.
Liz sighed, wondering if he knew just how desperate she was to go somewhere – anywhere. “I can’t, Max. Not if it means asking my mother to watch Zander,” she said.
Max’s lips twitched. “Liz, don’t you think I know better than that? We’ll take him with us.”
“Take him with us?” She glanced down at the baby, still happily staring up at her from his perch on her lap. “He’s going to be ready for his nap soon.”
“So? We aren’t going to keep him up by taking him for a drive.”
“In the Jeep?” she demanded, incredulous. She had very clear memories of their snail’s-pace journey back from Michael’s the day after Zander was born.
“I’ve got it covered,” he assured her. “You have a car seat somewhere, don’t you?”
“Um, yeah. In the closet.”
Max headed around the side of the bed. “Just throw some diapers and stuff in a bag for him and let’s go.” He pulled open the closet door and dragged the car seat out of its box.
“I—”
“Aren’t you tired of being cooped up in here?” he asked. “Isn’t that what you keep telling me?”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I am.” She smoothed a hand over Zander’s head, smiling when he nuzzled against her. He blinked, the dark fringe of his eyelashes brushing over his cheeks. Already, he was getting sleepy.
“Liz?” Max prompted gently.
She glanced up and realized he was standing over her, the car seat in one hand and Zander’s diaper bag in the other. “Okay. You’re right. Let’s go.”
It only took Liz a few minutes to pack the baby’s things and dress him in his light jacket. Diaper bag slung over one shoulder, she hesitated at her bedroom door. Unlike Max, she had been unable to avoid her parents completely over the past few days, and her brief interactions had been fraught with tension. She wasn’t looking forward to emerging from her room with Max and Zander in tow.
“It’s okay,” Max said knowingly. He stood behind her, Zander cradled against his shoulder, the car seat dangling from his other hand. “They were both in the café when I got here. ”
She pressed her forehead against the door with a groan. “I’m pathetic.”
“No, you’re not. Just not looking for another confrontation. Come on.”
Liz left her parents a note on the refrigerator, then followed Max downstairs. They slipped outside unnoticed and Max started down the alley. His mother’s Toyota was parked where he normally left the Jeep.
“You borrowed your mom’s car?”
Max rested the car seat on the hood while he fished the keys out of his pocket. “Actually, Isabel did. Then we switched.”
“I thought Isabel was trying to get you to talk with your parents?” Liz reached out to take Zander so Max could strap his seat into the car.
“She is,” he agreed. “But apparently her meddling is multi-layered and three dimensional,” he muttered.
“What does that mean?”
“That as anxious as she is for me to smooth things over with Mom and Dad, she’s also aware that you have been a virtual prisoner in your house this week with all of us studying for finals.”
Liz frowned, suspecting there was more to it than Max’s explanation implied. “So this drive was Isabel’s idea.”
Max sighed and reached for Zander. Liz watched him put the baby in his seat and carefully fasten the safety belts. Then he closed the door and turned back to her. “No,” he said. “It wasn’t Isabel’s idea. It was mine. All I meant was that she understands there’s more going on than our parents’ last ditch effort to flex their authority, okay? It wasn’t hard to get her to help me.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you get in the car,” he suggested.
Since Zander’s seat was in the front with Max, Liz ended up alone in the back seat. It was strange, yet oddly liberating. She found herself watching the way Max maneuvered through traffic, admiring his smooth turns, the relaxed line of his shoulders. Occasionally he would catch her eye in the rearview mirror, or glance over to check on Zander, who had nodded off to sleep almost as soon as they started to move.
“So, where are we going?” Liz asked finally, once they’d left the streets of Roswell behind.
“Buckley Point. I’ve got some lunch in the trunk. I figured it was a nice day. We can introduce Zander to the ducks.”
Liz smirked. “Assuming he wakes up.”
Max shrugged. “If he doesn’t, he can just lie on the blanket while we talk.”
The good weather had lured people to the park in droves, but Max found a parking space easily enough. He gently lifted the baby from his seat, then grabbed the picnic basket out of the trunk, leaving Liz with Zander’s bag. They hiked along the path toward the lake, winding through the trees, sunlight filtering through the new leaves above them. Liz found herself inhaling deeply, enjoying the fresh air after the stale confines of the apartment.
“How about over there?” Max asked. He pointed to a grassy clearing a good ten yards from the water, notably distant from the closest picnickers.
“Perfect,” Liz pronounced. She pulled the blanket off the top of the basket he was carrying and went to spread it on the ground.
Max dropped the basket on one corner of the spread, then knelt to lay Zander down. “There you go, little guy,” he said, arranging him in the center of the cloth.
Liz watched Max sprawl next to the baby, hands tucked beneath his head, and stare up at the blue sky. Light reflected off the deep amber of his eyes, turning them into twin flames. He squinted up at her, eyebrows arching.
“Aren’t you going to sit down?”
“Sure.” She slipped off her shoes and stepped on the edge of the blanket, then dropped down on the other side of Zander with her legs tucked under her.
“Hungry?”
She thought a moment. “Not really. You?”
“Nah.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “Is it my imagination or is it easier to breathe out here?” he murmured.
“It’s not your imagination,” she agreed softly. Shifting lower, she lay down as well, curling close to the baby. Zander’s body gave off a comforting warmth that made her heart content. She told herself that the fact that she could feel Max, as well – sense him just beyond the baby – had nothing to do with it.
“Tired?” The question came from just above her.
Liz let her eyes drift open. Max had rolled onto his side, propping his head up with one hand, and was watching her over Zander’s small form.
“Constantly,” she sighed, closing her eyes again. It was hard to think with him looking at her that way. Hard to remember that she couldn’t just reach out and touch him. “What did you want to talk about?”
“This and that,” he replied. “No hurry.”
She opened one eye and peered up at him. “Please tell me you’ve come up with some way to deal with our parents.”
“Maybe,” he said, sounding cautious.
“Uh oh,” she groaned, rolling onto her back. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“No one said it would be easy.”
“I know.” She watched a fluffy cloud drift across the otherwise clear sky. “So?”
“Liz, we’ve got a lot of things to discuss,” he sighed. “Can’t we just sit here for two minutes before we start hashing it all out?”
“It’s not like I got the agenda in the mail, Max. You’re the one running this meeting.”
“It’s not a meeting,” he corrected gently. “I just thought it would be nice to get away for a few hours, okay? Nothing else. A pretty afternoon in the park.”
She covered her face with her hands and exhaled sharply. Dropping her hands, she turned and offered him a tentative smile. “Sorry,” she whispered. “This is great, Max. Really. I’m just tired and—”
“Tense?” he finished for her. “I know. Relax, Liz. Close your eyes. Take a little nap, okay? I’m here, Zander’s here. It’ll be fine.”
His voice was deep, melodious, lulling her with just a few words. “You’re sure?” she asked, her eyelids already heavy.
“I’m sure.”
Liz let her eyes close, felt the serenity of their surroundings settle over her. The sounds of the park – birds chirping, soft conversations, the breeze ruffling through the trees – melded together into a gentle lullaby. And sleep, so often on the fringes of her mind, took over.
***
She woke with a start to find herself alone on the blanket. Panic flared for an instant before she heard Max’s voice drifting toward her from somewhere nearby. She sat up and scanned the area, finally spotting him down by the edge of the water. He was sitting cross-legged with his back to her, the baby obviously cradled in his arms.
Liz stood up and slipped on her shoes before heading down to join them. She couldn’t understand why she hadn’t heard Zander wake up. Though he wasn’t much of a crier, he was vocal when he was hungry and adamant about being fed promptly. It wasn’t until she was a few feet away that she realized why he wasn’t screaming to be nursed.
Max was feeding the baby. Liz had been giving Zander one bottle a day since Isabel had invited her to graduation, trying to get him used to the new nursing method, but she had forgotten that she’d packed a bottle today on a whim. She certainly hadn’t realized that Max had seen her. But apparently he had, because there he was, holding the bottle as Zander ate hungrily. The baby was staring up at Max, dark eyes wide as Max continued what was obviously a running commentary.
“When you’re older, you’ll be able to feed the ducks,” he told him. “They like bread. Sometimes if you’re very still, they’ll come up and eat out of your hand. I used to like to do that. Isabel was always scared they’d eat her fingers, but ducks are smarter than you think. They know the difference between bread and fingers, no problem,” he said.
Liz felt a sharp pull at her heart and found herself blinking rapidly to keep from crying. She didn’t think she had ever seen anything so sweet as the sight of Max babbling about ducks to a three-week old baby. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around both of them and then quickly stop time.
She didn’t think she had made any noise, but then maybe it hadn’t been necessary. Max looked up and caught her eye, the ghost of a smile on his face.
“Hey,” he said. “We were trying not to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” She crouched down beside them, taking one of Zander’s feet in her hand. He gave a half-hearted kick, clearly more interested in his lunch.
“Have a good nap?”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I feel better.” It was a small enough fib; she didn’t think a week’s sleep would make a dent at this point.
Max’s eyes narrowed slightly, as if he knew she was bending the truth for his benefit, but he didn’t call her on it.
“So, have the ducks come to investigate you two yet?” she asked.
“They’re keeping their distance. Too many ducklings around for them to risk unfriendly humans.” He nodded toward the center of the lake where a mallard was paddling along, five fuzzy offspring struggling to keep up and the female duck bringing up the rear.
“Oh, they’re so cute!”
Max smiled. “The little one at the end likes to dawdle to look around. It’s the funniest thing. The mother duck keeps having to nudge him along.”
“I don’t envy any mother that has to deal with five babies at a time,” Liz muttered.
“Well, they grow up a little faster than people do,” Max pointed out. He had turned his attention back to Zander, who was no longer sucking on the bottle. Max pulled the nipple free of his mouth, then nudged his milky lips again, testing to see if he was still hungry. Instead of taking the bottle, Zander smiled, milk leaking out the corner of his mouth and onto his cheek.
Liz laughed. “I think he’s done.”
“Looks like,” Max agreed. He set the bottle in the grass and dabbed at the baby’s messy face with the cloth he had spread over him.
They took Zander back to their picnic spot and Liz settled on the blanket to burp him. The fresh air and new surroundings had clearly tired him out. In no time, his small head grew heavy against her shoulder, his eyes drifting closed.
“Too much excitement,” she murmured, putting him down for his nap.
“That’s okay. Gives the grown-ups time to eat,” Max declared, already unpacking their lunch.
He had brought simple food – cold chicken, cut up vegetables, a couple of peaches – but Liz found everything tasted twice as good as normal. She had been eating on the run for weeks now, grabbing a bite whenever Zander left her some free time, and it occurred to her that she rarely paid attention to her meals. It was wonderful to actually sit and enjoy her food for once.
“This is really nice, Max. Thank you.”
“It’s no big deal,” he told her, wiping his hands on a paper towel.
“Well, if feels like one,” she said. She watched his eyes darken slightly, his expression growing more serious. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night. About going to Florida. I—I know you need a break from your parents, but I don’t think I can go right now. This whole thing with Nicholas has me uneasy. If I’m not going to New York, I at least need to be able to keep track of his movements, and I can only do that from Roswell.”
“Larek,” she said with a nod. “Because he uses Brody to contact you.”
“Yeah.” He watched her for a moment, as if gauging her reaction. “Do you think you can hold out until the end of the summer? Maybe things will be more… settled by then. We can go just before school starts.”
“What do you think will change between now and then?” she asked carefully.
“Nicholas isn’t just going to disappear. Whether I go to him or he comes here, I’ll need to confront him eventually. Even if he doesn’t know about Zander, he still wants the Granolith.”
“And you don’t think he’ll wait.”
Max shrugged, his eyes darting away. “It won’t be long before he realizes something has happened to Tess.”
“How much does Larek know?”
“Just that Nicholas is still in New York.”
“No, I mean about why you’re suddenly so interested,” Liz said.
“I told him the basics about Tess’s betrayal. And he knows about Zander. There was no way to keep it from him. Not with Brody knowing.”
“You trust him?”
“He was Zan’s closest friend after Rath in that other life,” Max said quietly. “And he was a big help to me at the summit. I trust him.”
His words reminded her of something. “Max, I know you were working with Tess to try to access your memories. What exactly did you see?”
“Not much that I have any faith in,” he snorted. “Given my tutor.”
“Oh. Right.”
He lay back on the blanket and stared up at the sky. Liz wondered if he was picturing the stars that wouldn’t be visible until night fall. “I got some feelings, though. Impressions of people. Mostly Isabel and Michael.”
“Are you disappointed? That you couldn’t remember more?”
“Not so much,” he admitted. “Part of me wishes I could ignore the past entirely. It certainly would be easier. Unfortunately, my past has a way of tangling with our present.” He glanced over at her. “So, are you okay with that? Putting off Florida?”
Liz nodded. “It’ll be nice to get away right before school starts. I suspect things will get a little hectic then.”
“We’ll do more things like this in the meanwhile. There are plenty of places we can go with Zander. Or I can take him so you can spend time with Maria or whatever.”
“You’re going to be working,” she pointed out.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Are you going to tell me how you propose we deal with our parents?”
Max frowned slightly. “Can you give me some more time on that one?”
“I thought you had an idea?”
“I do, but it’s a work in progress. I want to look into a couple more things, okay?”
“Do I have a choice?” she sighed.
“No,” he said, softening his reply with a smile. He sat up and began packing the remains of their picnic. “Now for part two of the afternoon.”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah, but don’t get too excited,” he warned. “I asked everyone to meet us over at Michael’s.”
“See, I knew there was a meeting involved somehow.”
“It’s only part meeting.”
“What’s the rest of it?”
“Knowing Michael, it’ll probably center around Chinese food,” Max said. “We just thought it would be good to hang out. It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it has,” Liz agreed, ignoring the fact that the last time everyone had gathered had been over Zander’s birth. “So, there’s no new crisis that I’m unaware of?”
“Nope,” he assured her. He kneeled down to scoop up the baby. “Just the same old set.”
*****
Continued in next post
As always, I want to thank you for all the wonderful, thoughtful feedback. You continue to amaze me with your insights and theories. In addition, I'd like to thank everyone who nominated me for various Roswell Fanatics awards in this most recent round. I had no idea! I went to vote and was actually a little embarrassed by how often my name popped up. I'm flattered and touched that so many people thought of me. Win or lose, I'm grateful. You guys rock. So, thank you.
Without further ado, the next part. In two posts due to length.
Em
******
Part 28
******
Liz sat on her bed, knees pulled up, with Zander propped against her legs. One small hand clutched her finger as he stared at her, his complete attention on her face. She couldn’t help but smile when he watched her that way, his dark eyes focused on hers, his tiny mouth pursed.
“What should we do today, huh? It’s nice and warm. Maybe we can escape,” she whispered. Leaning over, she kissed his forehead, laughing when his free hand tangled in her hair. She pulled the long strands from his fingers and used the ends to tickle his cheek. “Are you flirting with Mommy?” she teased.
His little mouth curved in a gummy smile and Liz grinned in return. This had become their routine over the past few mornings. After he finished nursing and was burped and changed, Zander had been positively social, staying awake for as long as half an hour while Liz talked to him and sang snippets of nursery rhymes. The world had been reduced to the two of them – and Max, when he wasn’t at school or work – tucked away in the safe cocoon of Liz’s bedroom.
Zander waved a plump fist up and down and made a soft, cooing sound.
“What does that mean?” Liz asked, leaning in to kiss him again. “Huh? Whatcha trying to say to Mommy?” She gave his tummy a gentle squeeze. “I can’t wait until you start talking so I know what’s going on in that little head.”
“I think he’s telling you that you’ve got company,” Max said.
Liz glanced up with a start to find him watching them from her window, an amused smile lightening his features. He’d been so serious the last couple of days since their parents’ ambush – coming and going by way of her balcony to avoid any more run-ins with her father – it was good to see him in a brighter mood.
“Hey,” she said. “I thought you had to work.” She watched him swing easily through the open window, his feet barely making a sound on the carpet.
“Brody gave me the day off,” he said with a shrug. “Figured I could use a break, what with finals being over.”
“That was nice of him.”
He wandered closer, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. “So, feel like getting out of here for a while?” he asked, tilting his head.
Liz sighed, wondering if he knew just how desperate she was to go somewhere – anywhere. “I can’t, Max. Not if it means asking my mother to watch Zander,” she said.
Max’s lips twitched. “Liz, don’t you think I know better than that? We’ll take him with us.”
“Take him with us?” She glanced down at the baby, still happily staring up at her from his perch on her lap. “He’s going to be ready for his nap soon.”
“So? We aren’t going to keep him up by taking him for a drive.”
“In the Jeep?” she demanded, incredulous. She had very clear memories of their snail’s-pace journey back from Michael’s the day after Zander was born.
“I’ve got it covered,” he assured her. “You have a car seat somewhere, don’t you?”
“Um, yeah. In the closet.”
Max headed around the side of the bed. “Just throw some diapers and stuff in a bag for him and let’s go.” He pulled open the closet door and dragged the car seat out of its box.
“I—”
“Aren’t you tired of being cooped up in here?” he asked. “Isn’t that what you keep telling me?”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I am.” She smoothed a hand over Zander’s head, smiling when he nuzzled against her. He blinked, the dark fringe of his eyelashes brushing over his cheeks. Already, he was getting sleepy.
“Liz?” Max prompted gently.
She glanced up and realized he was standing over her, the car seat in one hand and Zander’s diaper bag in the other. “Okay. You’re right. Let’s go.”
It only took Liz a few minutes to pack the baby’s things and dress him in his light jacket. Diaper bag slung over one shoulder, she hesitated at her bedroom door. Unlike Max, she had been unable to avoid her parents completely over the past few days, and her brief interactions had been fraught with tension. She wasn’t looking forward to emerging from her room with Max and Zander in tow.
“It’s okay,” Max said knowingly. He stood behind her, Zander cradled against his shoulder, the car seat dangling from his other hand. “They were both in the café when I got here. ”
She pressed her forehead against the door with a groan. “I’m pathetic.”
“No, you’re not. Just not looking for another confrontation. Come on.”
Liz left her parents a note on the refrigerator, then followed Max downstairs. They slipped outside unnoticed and Max started down the alley. His mother’s Toyota was parked where he normally left the Jeep.
“You borrowed your mom’s car?”
Max rested the car seat on the hood while he fished the keys out of his pocket. “Actually, Isabel did. Then we switched.”
“I thought Isabel was trying to get you to talk with your parents?” Liz reached out to take Zander so Max could strap his seat into the car.
“She is,” he agreed. “But apparently her meddling is multi-layered and three dimensional,” he muttered.
“What does that mean?”
“That as anxious as she is for me to smooth things over with Mom and Dad, she’s also aware that you have been a virtual prisoner in your house this week with all of us studying for finals.”
Liz frowned, suspecting there was more to it than Max’s explanation implied. “So this drive was Isabel’s idea.”
Max sighed and reached for Zander. Liz watched him put the baby in his seat and carefully fasten the safety belts. Then he closed the door and turned back to her. “No,” he said. “It wasn’t Isabel’s idea. It was mine. All I meant was that she understands there’s more going on than our parents’ last ditch effort to flex their authority, okay? It wasn’t hard to get her to help me.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you get in the car,” he suggested.
Since Zander’s seat was in the front with Max, Liz ended up alone in the back seat. It was strange, yet oddly liberating. She found herself watching the way Max maneuvered through traffic, admiring his smooth turns, the relaxed line of his shoulders. Occasionally he would catch her eye in the rearview mirror, or glance over to check on Zander, who had nodded off to sleep almost as soon as they started to move.
“So, where are we going?” Liz asked finally, once they’d left the streets of Roswell behind.
“Buckley Point. I’ve got some lunch in the trunk. I figured it was a nice day. We can introduce Zander to the ducks.”
Liz smirked. “Assuming he wakes up.”
Max shrugged. “If he doesn’t, he can just lie on the blanket while we talk.”
The good weather had lured people to the park in droves, but Max found a parking space easily enough. He gently lifted the baby from his seat, then grabbed the picnic basket out of the trunk, leaving Liz with Zander’s bag. They hiked along the path toward the lake, winding through the trees, sunlight filtering through the new leaves above them. Liz found herself inhaling deeply, enjoying the fresh air after the stale confines of the apartment.
“How about over there?” Max asked. He pointed to a grassy clearing a good ten yards from the water, notably distant from the closest picnickers.
“Perfect,” Liz pronounced. She pulled the blanket off the top of the basket he was carrying and went to spread it on the ground.
Max dropped the basket on one corner of the spread, then knelt to lay Zander down. “There you go, little guy,” he said, arranging him in the center of the cloth.
Liz watched Max sprawl next to the baby, hands tucked beneath his head, and stare up at the blue sky. Light reflected off the deep amber of his eyes, turning them into twin flames. He squinted up at her, eyebrows arching.
“Aren’t you going to sit down?”
“Sure.” She slipped off her shoes and stepped on the edge of the blanket, then dropped down on the other side of Zander with her legs tucked under her.
“Hungry?”
She thought a moment. “Not really. You?”
“Nah.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “Is it my imagination or is it easier to breathe out here?” he murmured.
“It’s not your imagination,” she agreed softly. Shifting lower, she lay down as well, curling close to the baby. Zander’s body gave off a comforting warmth that made her heart content. She told herself that the fact that she could feel Max, as well – sense him just beyond the baby – had nothing to do with it.
“Tired?” The question came from just above her.
Liz let her eyes drift open. Max had rolled onto his side, propping his head up with one hand, and was watching her over Zander’s small form.
“Constantly,” she sighed, closing her eyes again. It was hard to think with him looking at her that way. Hard to remember that she couldn’t just reach out and touch him. “What did you want to talk about?”
“This and that,” he replied. “No hurry.”
She opened one eye and peered up at him. “Please tell me you’ve come up with some way to deal with our parents.”
“Maybe,” he said, sounding cautious.
“Uh oh,” she groaned, rolling onto her back. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“No one said it would be easy.”
“I know.” She watched a fluffy cloud drift across the otherwise clear sky. “So?”
“Liz, we’ve got a lot of things to discuss,” he sighed. “Can’t we just sit here for two minutes before we start hashing it all out?”
“It’s not like I got the agenda in the mail, Max. You’re the one running this meeting.”
“It’s not a meeting,” he corrected gently. “I just thought it would be nice to get away for a few hours, okay? Nothing else. A pretty afternoon in the park.”
She covered her face with her hands and exhaled sharply. Dropping her hands, she turned and offered him a tentative smile. “Sorry,” she whispered. “This is great, Max. Really. I’m just tired and—”
“Tense?” he finished for her. “I know. Relax, Liz. Close your eyes. Take a little nap, okay? I’m here, Zander’s here. It’ll be fine.”
His voice was deep, melodious, lulling her with just a few words. “You’re sure?” she asked, her eyelids already heavy.
“I’m sure.”
Liz let her eyes close, felt the serenity of their surroundings settle over her. The sounds of the park – birds chirping, soft conversations, the breeze ruffling through the trees – melded together into a gentle lullaby. And sleep, so often on the fringes of her mind, took over.
***
She woke with a start to find herself alone on the blanket. Panic flared for an instant before she heard Max’s voice drifting toward her from somewhere nearby. She sat up and scanned the area, finally spotting him down by the edge of the water. He was sitting cross-legged with his back to her, the baby obviously cradled in his arms.
Liz stood up and slipped on her shoes before heading down to join them. She couldn’t understand why she hadn’t heard Zander wake up. Though he wasn’t much of a crier, he was vocal when he was hungry and adamant about being fed promptly. It wasn’t until she was a few feet away that she realized why he wasn’t screaming to be nursed.
Max was feeding the baby. Liz had been giving Zander one bottle a day since Isabel had invited her to graduation, trying to get him used to the new nursing method, but she had forgotten that she’d packed a bottle today on a whim. She certainly hadn’t realized that Max had seen her. But apparently he had, because there he was, holding the bottle as Zander ate hungrily. The baby was staring up at Max, dark eyes wide as Max continued what was obviously a running commentary.
“When you’re older, you’ll be able to feed the ducks,” he told him. “They like bread. Sometimes if you’re very still, they’ll come up and eat out of your hand. I used to like to do that. Isabel was always scared they’d eat her fingers, but ducks are smarter than you think. They know the difference between bread and fingers, no problem,” he said.
Liz felt a sharp pull at her heart and found herself blinking rapidly to keep from crying. She didn’t think she had ever seen anything so sweet as the sight of Max babbling about ducks to a three-week old baby. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around both of them and then quickly stop time.
She didn’t think she had made any noise, but then maybe it hadn’t been necessary. Max looked up and caught her eye, the ghost of a smile on his face.
“Hey,” he said. “We were trying not to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” She crouched down beside them, taking one of Zander’s feet in her hand. He gave a half-hearted kick, clearly more interested in his lunch.
“Have a good nap?”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I feel better.” It was a small enough fib; she didn’t think a week’s sleep would make a dent at this point.
Max’s eyes narrowed slightly, as if he knew she was bending the truth for his benefit, but he didn’t call her on it.
“So, have the ducks come to investigate you two yet?” she asked.
“They’re keeping their distance. Too many ducklings around for them to risk unfriendly humans.” He nodded toward the center of the lake where a mallard was paddling along, five fuzzy offspring struggling to keep up and the female duck bringing up the rear.
“Oh, they’re so cute!”
Max smiled. “The little one at the end likes to dawdle to look around. It’s the funniest thing. The mother duck keeps having to nudge him along.”
“I don’t envy any mother that has to deal with five babies at a time,” Liz muttered.
“Well, they grow up a little faster than people do,” Max pointed out. He had turned his attention back to Zander, who was no longer sucking on the bottle. Max pulled the nipple free of his mouth, then nudged his milky lips again, testing to see if he was still hungry. Instead of taking the bottle, Zander smiled, milk leaking out the corner of his mouth and onto his cheek.
Liz laughed. “I think he’s done.”
“Looks like,” Max agreed. He set the bottle in the grass and dabbed at the baby’s messy face with the cloth he had spread over him.
They took Zander back to their picnic spot and Liz settled on the blanket to burp him. The fresh air and new surroundings had clearly tired him out. In no time, his small head grew heavy against her shoulder, his eyes drifting closed.
“Too much excitement,” she murmured, putting him down for his nap.
“That’s okay. Gives the grown-ups time to eat,” Max declared, already unpacking their lunch.
He had brought simple food – cold chicken, cut up vegetables, a couple of peaches – but Liz found everything tasted twice as good as normal. She had been eating on the run for weeks now, grabbing a bite whenever Zander left her some free time, and it occurred to her that she rarely paid attention to her meals. It was wonderful to actually sit and enjoy her food for once.
“This is really nice, Max. Thank you.”
“It’s no big deal,” he told her, wiping his hands on a paper towel.
“Well, if feels like one,” she said. She watched his eyes darken slightly, his expression growing more serious. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night. About going to Florida. I—I know you need a break from your parents, but I don’t think I can go right now. This whole thing with Nicholas has me uneasy. If I’m not going to New York, I at least need to be able to keep track of his movements, and I can only do that from Roswell.”
“Larek,” she said with a nod. “Because he uses Brody to contact you.”
“Yeah.” He watched her for a moment, as if gauging her reaction. “Do you think you can hold out until the end of the summer? Maybe things will be more… settled by then. We can go just before school starts.”
“What do you think will change between now and then?” she asked carefully.
“Nicholas isn’t just going to disappear. Whether I go to him or he comes here, I’ll need to confront him eventually. Even if he doesn’t know about Zander, he still wants the Granolith.”
“And you don’t think he’ll wait.”
Max shrugged, his eyes darting away. “It won’t be long before he realizes something has happened to Tess.”
“How much does Larek know?”
“Just that Nicholas is still in New York.”
“No, I mean about why you’re suddenly so interested,” Liz said.
“I told him the basics about Tess’s betrayal. And he knows about Zander. There was no way to keep it from him. Not with Brody knowing.”
“You trust him?”
“He was Zan’s closest friend after Rath in that other life,” Max said quietly. “And he was a big help to me at the summit. I trust him.”
His words reminded her of something. “Max, I know you were working with Tess to try to access your memories. What exactly did you see?”
“Not much that I have any faith in,” he snorted. “Given my tutor.”
“Oh. Right.”
He lay back on the blanket and stared up at the sky. Liz wondered if he was picturing the stars that wouldn’t be visible until night fall. “I got some feelings, though. Impressions of people. Mostly Isabel and Michael.”
“Are you disappointed? That you couldn’t remember more?”
“Not so much,” he admitted. “Part of me wishes I could ignore the past entirely. It certainly would be easier. Unfortunately, my past has a way of tangling with our present.” He glanced over at her. “So, are you okay with that? Putting off Florida?”
Liz nodded. “It’ll be nice to get away right before school starts. I suspect things will get a little hectic then.”
“We’ll do more things like this in the meanwhile. There are plenty of places we can go with Zander. Or I can take him so you can spend time with Maria or whatever.”
“You’re going to be working,” she pointed out.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Are you going to tell me how you propose we deal with our parents?”
Max frowned slightly. “Can you give me some more time on that one?”
“I thought you had an idea?”
“I do, but it’s a work in progress. I want to look into a couple more things, okay?”
“Do I have a choice?” she sighed.
“No,” he said, softening his reply with a smile. He sat up and began packing the remains of their picnic. “Now for part two of the afternoon.”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah, but don’t get too excited,” he warned. “I asked everyone to meet us over at Michael’s.”
“See, I knew there was a meeting involved somehow.”
“It’s only part meeting.”
“What’s the rest of it?”
“Knowing Michael, it’ll probably center around Chinese food,” Max said. “We just thought it would be good to hang out. It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it has,” Liz agreed, ignoring the fact that the last time everyone had gathered had been over Zander’s birth. “So, there’s no new crisis that I’m unaware of?”
“Nope,” he assured her. He kneeled down to scoop up the baby. “Just the same old set.”
*****
Continued in next post
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 28 continued
Continued from previous post
******
“Okay, this is a little weird.”
“What is?” Maria asked.
Liz shifted Zander in her arms, trying to distribute his weight more evenly. His head seemed to gain a hundred pounds when he fell asleep. Finally, she gave up and lay him down in the center of Michael’s bed.
“This is,” she replied, standing up and surveying the room. “I can’t believe I had a baby in here just a few weeks ago.”
“Yeah, well, considering how you nearly died while you were at it, forgive me if I don’t get all sentimental,” Maria said. “Does he need a blanket?”
“It’s warm enough,” Liz assessed. “I don’t like covering him when he’s going to be alone in the room. He’s starting to move around and I’m worried he’ll get all tangled up in the covers.” Bottom lip caught between her teeth, she frowned down at the baby. It was warm enough, wasn’t it? Maybe she should bring him back into the living room with everyone else. But he’d never be able to sleep through—
“Earth to Liz,” Maria said, waving a hand in front of her face.
“Huh?”
Maria grinned. “He’s fine. You just said so yourself. Come on.”
Liz smiled as her best friend grabbed her arm, tucking it through her own. She had missed this – the sense of closeness that came from spending time with the people who knew her best. Her smile faltered when she realized she could no longer count her own parents among them. So many secrets…
“I swear, if Michael forgets the spring rolls I’m going to crack a bottle of Tabasco over his head,” Maria said, already propelling Liz out of the bedroom.
“Will you cut him some slack,” Liz told her, knowing full well that her friend’s animosity had nothing to do with the menu. “You know he didn’t want to go to New York. He was just supporting Max.”
“Exactly. And if he had told me what was going on, I could have helped him talk some sense into the boy king.”
Liz rolled her eyes. “Well, they’re not going, so it doesn’t matter.” She closed the door most of the way, leaving a crack so she could hear Zander if he woke.
“We are actually in the room, you know,” Michael announced.
Liz and Maria turned in unison, Maria’s mouth gaping and Liz stifling a laugh. Max and Michael were busily unpacking Chinese food containers onto the kitchen counter, while Isabel spread paper towels over the coffee table.
“Isabel, we can just sponge off the table after we eat,” Liz said. “You don’t have to go to so much trouble covering it.”
“It’s not the table I’m worried about,” she muttered. “God knows what’s growing on this thing. I don’t think Michael’s cleaned since the last time we were here.”
“I have, too,” he told her.
“Didn’t Kyle say he’d be here?” Maria asked. She helped herself to a plate and passed one to Liz.
“He got kept late at work,” Max said. “Wanted to go home and shower. Then he’ll be over.”
“Save him some food,” Isabel warned, as Michael dug into the Lo-Mein.
“Wait, Kyle got a job?” Liz asked. “Where? And when?”
Maria and Isabel traded looks. “Um, he’s working over at Pete’s garage,” Maria volunteered. “He started last week.”
“Liz, you still have your alien taste buds?” Max asked, drawing her attention. His eyes twinkled with amusement. When she nodded sheepishly, he winked and handed her the hot mustard.
“And here you go, Blondie,” Michael said, tossing a package of spring rolls to Maria.
They all worked their way around the counter, passing containers, fighting over soy sauce packets, fumbling with chopsticks. By the time they’d filled their plates, there was a knock at the door. Michael let in Kyle, who quickly fell to grumbling about the shortage of fried rice and the need for beer to accompany the meal. Eventually, however, they were all seated around the coffee table – Liz and Maria sharing the couch, Isabel and Kyle in chairs, Max and Michael on the floor – with both conversation and bickering taking a back seat to the process of eating.
“Okay, Evans,” Kyle said, once the feeding frenzy began to slow. “Business before fortune cookies.”
“Why?” Isabel asked.
“Because if our fortunes suck, we’ll never get to the business,” he replied.
Michael let out a bark of laughter. “And here I figured it was some Buddhist ritual.”
Max set his empty plate on the table and leaned back against the couch. “Kyle’s right. I just wanted to update everyone on where we stand with Nicholas. Liz and I talked about this a little earlier, but it’s only fair that you all know what’s going on.”
“’bout time,” Maria mumbled, frowning when Liz elbowed her.
Max ignored their exchange. “By now you all know that I’ve been in contact with Larek.”
“He’s the dude who keeps possessing your boss, right?” Kyle asked.
“Yeah. He has a source close to Kivar who is keeping tabs on communications between the Antarian court and Nicholas. Unfortunately, this spy hasn’t been able to get much information. All he knows for certain is that Nicholas is still in New York, because that is where Kivar’s emissary goes to make contact.”
“By emissary, you mean what exactly?” Liz asked.
“It’s the same way Larek uses Brody to speak with me,” Max explained. “Kivar has people on earth that he uses as puppets when he needs to speak with someone here.”
“So, whomever he’s using to make contact with Nicholas has either been in New York or going there to talk to him,” Michael said. “But we haven’t been able to pinpoint where the little weasel’s hiding,” he finished.
“Which is why you didn’t want to go to New York to hunt him down,” Liz said.
Michael pinned her with a look. “Don’t get me wrong, Liz. The only thing I objected to was going off without a fix on him. If we can find out where he is, I’ll be the first one on the plane.” He turned to glare at Maria, as if daring her to argue with him. Surprisingly, she kept her mouth shut.
Max sighed. “Michael’s right. He was uncomfortable with my plan because I wasn’t thinking things through.”
“Talk about roll reversal,” Kyle mumbled.
“But after speaking with Liz, and again with Michael, I’ve agreed to stay in Roswell. For the time being,” Max added.
“Which means, if you can narrow down the search, you will go to New York,” Isabel stated.
“Precisely,” he replied.
“Max, I want to go if you do,” Isabel said. “I know Nicholas. Better than you do. I know how to get to him.”
Max sighed. “We’ll worry about that when we get there, Iz. One thing for sure, one of us has to stay behind. I won’t leave Liz and Zander vulnerable to an attack. Plus there’s the Granolith to consider. I’m beginning to think Kivar will do anything to get his hands on it.”
“How come he doesn’t know where it is already?” Maria asked. “If Tess made a deal with Nicholas, wouldn’t she have told him?”
Max shook his head. “She might have made a deal with Nicholas, but she certainly didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust anyone but herself. The Granolith was her bargaining chip. If she couldn’t get me to come around, she at least had that.”
“All right. So, we keep an eye on Nicholas and hope Larek can get us more precise information about his whereabouts,” Isabel said. “That’s it? Our entire plan for the summer?”
“What else did you have in mind?” Michael asked. “Planning for an invasion?”
“I’m with Isabel,” Kyle said. “It’s all kind of anticlimactic.”
Max glanced up at Liz. “Well, given the state of affairs with our parents, I imagine Liz and I will both be needing you all to run interference. That should keep you busy.”
“Max, you have to fix things. Talk to Mom,” Isabel urged him. “She just wants to help you and Liz with the baby. I know they came off like a bunch of controlling monsters the other night, but that’s not how it was intended. Just talk to her.”
“Isabel, it’s not just your mother,” Liz said. “The four of them basically ganged up on us. They wanted to take Zander.”
“Liz, that’s not what they wanted and you know it,” Isabel replied. “Look, I know their idea was stupid. I think even they realize that now. They just thought they were giving you another option so you wouldn’t give up on your college plans. I heard my mother talking on the phone with your mom last night. They meant well. None of them understand what they’re dealing with, okay?”
Liz sighed. “I know. Part of me does understand. Without the whole alien angle, we look like a couple of irresponsible teenagers. But it still hurt. You’d think they would give us a little credit for being the people they raised this far. They’re supposed to know us. I mean, do they really think we’ve lost every shred of common sense overnight?”
“My guess is you’re asking the wrong person,” Michael piped up. When Liz turned, he began to shift uncomfortably. “I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I see a lot of your parents, Liz. Whatever faults they have, they love you and they’re worried about you. I can see how your dad would be pretty pissed off at Max. As far as he’s concerned, he’s some crazy stalker boy who got his daughter knocked up.”
“Michael!” Maria cried, whacking him on the head.
“What?”
“Maria, don’t,” Liz said. “He’s right.” She looked at Max, who was watching her carefully. “I’ll talk to them again.”
He nodded. “All right. Me too.” He shifted his gaze to Isabel. “But that doesn’t mean things are going to turn around just like that.”
“I never said they would,” she agreed.
***
By the time Zander woke up, everyone had finished their fortune cookies and was getting ready to go home. Isabel left first, followed by Kyle. Liz was in the bedroom changing the baby when Maria came in to get her things.
“Spaceboy’s driving me,” she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached out to stroke Zander’s cheek. “I can’t get over how fast he’s growing. He’s so sweet, Liz.”
“I know,” Liz agreed, brushing a kiss over her son’s head. She quickly snapped up the bottom of his pajamas and gave his bottom a pat.
“So, how is Max doing with all of this? He seems to be getting the swing of the daddy thing.”
Liz shrugged. “He’s great with Zander,” she admitted. “And I think he’s… fond of him.” She smiled faintly as the baby’s eyes began to droop shut. “You should have seen him explaining all about how to feed the ducks today. It was so cute.” She shifted him slightly so she could sit on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.
“But?” Maria pressed.
“I know he doesn’t consider Zander to be his,” she said softly, stroking the baby’s head, the soothing motion lulling him to sleep. “I don’t expect him to. I can’t imagine what he must feel every time he looks into Zander’s eyes and sees his own staring back. It must be so strange.”
“All right,” Maria said slowly. “So, he’s not feeling fatherly and you’re okay with that.”
“He’s doing so much more than I ever dreamed he would. Helping take care of him. Helping me cope.” She sighed.
“Come on, Lizzie. This is me,” Maria coaxed. “That’s not quite true, is it?” She shifted so she was sitting next to Liz and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Out with it.”
“No. I guess it’s not entirely true,” Liz admitted. She let her head rest against Maria’s. “I look at him and it’s so hard to remember how we got here. How this whole mess began. I want him to love Zander, to feel like he’s his. I want that for both of them.”
“And?”
“And… I want him to look at me the way he used to,” she finished, tears stinging her eyes. “God, I miss him, Maria.”
“Have you talked about the other night? When you broke down after your parents talked to you?”
Liz shook her head. “I’m afraid to bring it up and he hasn’t said anything either.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to start.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Liz, you said he held you on his lap and comforted you while you cried. Those are not the actions of a man who’s indifferent to you.”
“I never said he was indifferent,” she sniffed. “I was upset, Maria. He’s not some callous ogre. Of course he comforted me.”
“Maybe that’s the only time he feels like he can,” she suggested. “Because it’s the only time you let your guard down.”
“I’m scared to let it down the rest of the time.”
“And you think he isn’t? Lizzie, you know I’m not laying blame. If I did, you’d probably share it equally, but it doesn’t matter because blaming each other won’t get you anywhere.”
“Maria,” she groaned.
“No, listen. Forget the whole Future Max debacle. We’re talking about your relationship here. You two are really good at pushing each other way. Sometimes your reasons are damn noble, and sometimes they’re just plain stupid. But you were the last one to do the shoving, chica, which means you get to put yourself out there and risk getting stomped on.”
“What do I do if he’s not ready?”
Maria gave her a quick squeeze. “Wait a month, then try again. Max loves you, Liz. He’ll be ready eventually. In the meantime, you’ve got to make sure he knows you’re not going anywhere. That he is what you really want.”
A soft knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” Liz called.
Michael poked his head into the room. “Hey. You about ready?” he asked Maria.
“Yeah,” she said, swinging her legs off the bed. “I’ll be right out.” She waited until he’d gone, then turned to Liz. “You okay?”
Liz nodded. “Fine.”
“Talk to him.”
“I will. Eventually.” She forced a smile. “Things are better than they were. We just need some time.”
“Time. That’s perfect. God, Liz, he’s already saved your life twice. Are you waiting around for another near-death experience to inch you closer together? No one’s karma is that cooperative. If you don’t believe me, ask Kyle. I’m sure he can provide a quote.” She shook her head. “I’m going now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She leaned over and kissed Zander on the forehead, then stormed out of the room, leaving Liz speechless.
*****
TBC
******
“Okay, this is a little weird.”
“What is?” Maria asked.
Liz shifted Zander in her arms, trying to distribute his weight more evenly. His head seemed to gain a hundred pounds when he fell asleep. Finally, she gave up and lay him down in the center of Michael’s bed.
“This is,” she replied, standing up and surveying the room. “I can’t believe I had a baby in here just a few weeks ago.”
“Yeah, well, considering how you nearly died while you were at it, forgive me if I don’t get all sentimental,” Maria said. “Does he need a blanket?”
“It’s warm enough,” Liz assessed. “I don’t like covering him when he’s going to be alone in the room. He’s starting to move around and I’m worried he’ll get all tangled up in the covers.” Bottom lip caught between her teeth, she frowned down at the baby. It was warm enough, wasn’t it? Maybe she should bring him back into the living room with everyone else. But he’d never be able to sleep through—
“Earth to Liz,” Maria said, waving a hand in front of her face.
“Huh?”
Maria grinned. “He’s fine. You just said so yourself. Come on.”
Liz smiled as her best friend grabbed her arm, tucking it through her own. She had missed this – the sense of closeness that came from spending time with the people who knew her best. Her smile faltered when she realized she could no longer count her own parents among them. So many secrets…
“I swear, if Michael forgets the spring rolls I’m going to crack a bottle of Tabasco over his head,” Maria said, already propelling Liz out of the bedroom.
“Will you cut him some slack,” Liz told her, knowing full well that her friend’s animosity had nothing to do with the menu. “You know he didn’t want to go to New York. He was just supporting Max.”
“Exactly. And if he had told me what was going on, I could have helped him talk some sense into the boy king.”
Liz rolled her eyes. “Well, they’re not going, so it doesn’t matter.” She closed the door most of the way, leaving a crack so she could hear Zander if he woke.
“We are actually in the room, you know,” Michael announced.
Liz and Maria turned in unison, Maria’s mouth gaping and Liz stifling a laugh. Max and Michael were busily unpacking Chinese food containers onto the kitchen counter, while Isabel spread paper towels over the coffee table.
“Isabel, we can just sponge off the table after we eat,” Liz said. “You don’t have to go to so much trouble covering it.”
“It’s not the table I’m worried about,” she muttered. “God knows what’s growing on this thing. I don’t think Michael’s cleaned since the last time we were here.”
“I have, too,” he told her.
“Didn’t Kyle say he’d be here?” Maria asked. She helped herself to a plate and passed one to Liz.
“He got kept late at work,” Max said. “Wanted to go home and shower. Then he’ll be over.”
“Save him some food,” Isabel warned, as Michael dug into the Lo-Mein.
“Wait, Kyle got a job?” Liz asked. “Where? And when?”
Maria and Isabel traded looks. “Um, he’s working over at Pete’s garage,” Maria volunteered. “He started last week.”
“Liz, you still have your alien taste buds?” Max asked, drawing her attention. His eyes twinkled with amusement. When she nodded sheepishly, he winked and handed her the hot mustard.
“And here you go, Blondie,” Michael said, tossing a package of spring rolls to Maria.
They all worked their way around the counter, passing containers, fighting over soy sauce packets, fumbling with chopsticks. By the time they’d filled their plates, there was a knock at the door. Michael let in Kyle, who quickly fell to grumbling about the shortage of fried rice and the need for beer to accompany the meal. Eventually, however, they were all seated around the coffee table – Liz and Maria sharing the couch, Isabel and Kyle in chairs, Max and Michael on the floor – with both conversation and bickering taking a back seat to the process of eating.
“Okay, Evans,” Kyle said, once the feeding frenzy began to slow. “Business before fortune cookies.”
“Why?” Isabel asked.
“Because if our fortunes suck, we’ll never get to the business,” he replied.
Michael let out a bark of laughter. “And here I figured it was some Buddhist ritual.”
Max set his empty plate on the table and leaned back against the couch. “Kyle’s right. I just wanted to update everyone on where we stand with Nicholas. Liz and I talked about this a little earlier, but it’s only fair that you all know what’s going on.”
“’bout time,” Maria mumbled, frowning when Liz elbowed her.
Max ignored their exchange. “By now you all know that I’ve been in contact with Larek.”
“He’s the dude who keeps possessing your boss, right?” Kyle asked.
“Yeah. He has a source close to Kivar who is keeping tabs on communications between the Antarian court and Nicholas. Unfortunately, this spy hasn’t been able to get much information. All he knows for certain is that Nicholas is still in New York, because that is where Kivar’s emissary goes to make contact.”
“By emissary, you mean what exactly?” Liz asked.
“It’s the same way Larek uses Brody to speak with me,” Max explained. “Kivar has people on earth that he uses as puppets when he needs to speak with someone here.”
“So, whomever he’s using to make contact with Nicholas has either been in New York or going there to talk to him,” Michael said. “But we haven’t been able to pinpoint where the little weasel’s hiding,” he finished.
“Which is why you didn’t want to go to New York to hunt him down,” Liz said.
Michael pinned her with a look. “Don’t get me wrong, Liz. The only thing I objected to was going off without a fix on him. If we can find out where he is, I’ll be the first one on the plane.” He turned to glare at Maria, as if daring her to argue with him. Surprisingly, she kept her mouth shut.
Max sighed. “Michael’s right. He was uncomfortable with my plan because I wasn’t thinking things through.”
“Talk about roll reversal,” Kyle mumbled.
“But after speaking with Liz, and again with Michael, I’ve agreed to stay in Roswell. For the time being,” Max added.
“Which means, if you can narrow down the search, you will go to New York,” Isabel stated.
“Precisely,” he replied.
“Max, I want to go if you do,” Isabel said. “I know Nicholas. Better than you do. I know how to get to him.”
Max sighed. “We’ll worry about that when we get there, Iz. One thing for sure, one of us has to stay behind. I won’t leave Liz and Zander vulnerable to an attack. Plus there’s the Granolith to consider. I’m beginning to think Kivar will do anything to get his hands on it.”
“How come he doesn’t know where it is already?” Maria asked. “If Tess made a deal with Nicholas, wouldn’t she have told him?”
Max shook his head. “She might have made a deal with Nicholas, but she certainly didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust anyone but herself. The Granolith was her bargaining chip. If she couldn’t get me to come around, she at least had that.”
“All right. So, we keep an eye on Nicholas and hope Larek can get us more precise information about his whereabouts,” Isabel said. “That’s it? Our entire plan for the summer?”
“What else did you have in mind?” Michael asked. “Planning for an invasion?”
“I’m with Isabel,” Kyle said. “It’s all kind of anticlimactic.”
Max glanced up at Liz. “Well, given the state of affairs with our parents, I imagine Liz and I will both be needing you all to run interference. That should keep you busy.”
“Max, you have to fix things. Talk to Mom,” Isabel urged him. “She just wants to help you and Liz with the baby. I know they came off like a bunch of controlling monsters the other night, but that’s not how it was intended. Just talk to her.”
“Isabel, it’s not just your mother,” Liz said. “The four of them basically ganged up on us. They wanted to take Zander.”
“Liz, that’s not what they wanted and you know it,” Isabel replied. “Look, I know their idea was stupid. I think even they realize that now. They just thought they were giving you another option so you wouldn’t give up on your college plans. I heard my mother talking on the phone with your mom last night. They meant well. None of them understand what they’re dealing with, okay?”
Liz sighed. “I know. Part of me does understand. Without the whole alien angle, we look like a couple of irresponsible teenagers. But it still hurt. You’d think they would give us a little credit for being the people they raised this far. They’re supposed to know us. I mean, do they really think we’ve lost every shred of common sense overnight?”
“My guess is you’re asking the wrong person,” Michael piped up. When Liz turned, he began to shift uncomfortably. “I’m not saying I’m an expert, but I see a lot of your parents, Liz. Whatever faults they have, they love you and they’re worried about you. I can see how your dad would be pretty pissed off at Max. As far as he’s concerned, he’s some crazy stalker boy who got his daughter knocked up.”
“Michael!” Maria cried, whacking him on the head.
“What?”
“Maria, don’t,” Liz said. “He’s right.” She looked at Max, who was watching her carefully. “I’ll talk to them again.”
He nodded. “All right. Me too.” He shifted his gaze to Isabel. “But that doesn’t mean things are going to turn around just like that.”
“I never said they would,” she agreed.
***
By the time Zander woke up, everyone had finished their fortune cookies and was getting ready to go home. Isabel left first, followed by Kyle. Liz was in the bedroom changing the baby when Maria came in to get her things.
“Spaceboy’s driving me,” she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached out to stroke Zander’s cheek. “I can’t get over how fast he’s growing. He’s so sweet, Liz.”
“I know,” Liz agreed, brushing a kiss over her son’s head. She quickly snapped up the bottom of his pajamas and gave his bottom a pat.
“So, how is Max doing with all of this? He seems to be getting the swing of the daddy thing.”
Liz shrugged. “He’s great with Zander,” she admitted. “And I think he’s… fond of him.” She smiled faintly as the baby’s eyes began to droop shut. “You should have seen him explaining all about how to feed the ducks today. It was so cute.” She shifted him slightly so she could sit on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.
“But?” Maria pressed.
“I know he doesn’t consider Zander to be his,” she said softly, stroking the baby’s head, the soothing motion lulling him to sleep. “I don’t expect him to. I can’t imagine what he must feel every time he looks into Zander’s eyes and sees his own staring back. It must be so strange.”
“All right,” Maria said slowly. “So, he’s not feeling fatherly and you’re okay with that.”
“He’s doing so much more than I ever dreamed he would. Helping take care of him. Helping me cope.” She sighed.
“Come on, Lizzie. This is me,” Maria coaxed. “That’s not quite true, is it?” She shifted so she was sitting next to Liz and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Out with it.”
“No. I guess it’s not entirely true,” Liz admitted. She let her head rest against Maria’s. “I look at him and it’s so hard to remember how we got here. How this whole mess began. I want him to love Zander, to feel like he’s his. I want that for both of them.”
“And?”
“And… I want him to look at me the way he used to,” she finished, tears stinging her eyes. “God, I miss him, Maria.”
“Have you talked about the other night? When you broke down after your parents talked to you?”
Liz shook her head. “I’m afraid to bring it up and he hasn’t said anything either.”
“Maybe he’s waiting for you to start.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Liz, you said he held you on his lap and comforted you while you cried. Those are not the actions of a man who’s indifferent to you.”
“I never said he was indifferent,” she sniffed. “I was upset, Maria. He’s not some callous ogre. Of course he comforted me.”
“Maybe that’s the only time he feels like he can,” she suggested. “Because it’s the only time you let your guard down.”
“I’m scared to let it down the rest of the time.”
“And you think he isn’t? Lizzie, you know I’m not laying blame. If I did, you’d probably share it equally, but it doesn’t matter because blaming each other won’t get you anywhere.”
“Maria,” she groaned.
“No, listen. Forget the whole Future Max debacle. We’re talking about your relationship here. You two are really good at pushing each other way. Sometimes your reasons are damn noble, and sometimes they’re just plain stupid. But you were the last one to do the shoving, chica, which means you get to put yourself out there and risk getting stomped on.”
“What do I do if he’s not ready?”
Maria gave her a quick squeeze. “Wait a month, then try again. Max loves you, Liz. He’ll be ready eventually. In the meantime, you’ve got to make sure he knows you’re not going anywhere. That he is what you really want.”
A soft knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” Liz called.
Michael poked his head into the room. “Hey. You about ready?” he asked Maria.
“Yeah,” she said, swinging her legs off the bed. “I’ll be right out.” She waited until he’d gone, then turned to Liz. “You okay?”
Liz nodded. “Fine.”
“Talk to him.”
“I will. Eventually.” She forced a smile. “Things are better than they were. We just need some time.”
“Time. That’s perfect. God, Liz, he’s already saved your life twice. Are you waiting around for another near-death experience to inch you closer together? No one’s karma is that cooperative. If you don’t believe me, ask Kyle. I’m sure he can provide a quote.” She shook her head. “I’m going now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She leaned over and kissed Zander on the forehead, then stormed out of the room, leaving Liz speechless.
*****
TBC
-
EmilyluvsRoswell
- Enthusiastic Roswellian
- Posts: 56
- Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2001 4:58 pm
Revelations - Part 29
******
Part 29
******
Normally Liz loved her morning shower. It was the one chance she got to be completely alone during the day, to let her mind wander, letting herself relax as the steady stream of water pounded the tension from her shoulders. On this morning, however, her head whirled with Spanish verb tenses and Trig formulas. She was getting ready to head over to the high school for her first set of finals, and all the hot showers in the world could not calm her. Every school-related nightmare she had ever had resurfaced, including the one where she arrived for her exams both naked and late, just in time for everyone to come swarming out of the school and laugh at her.
She knew it was unlikely that she’d fail. Despite the hours motherhood claimed from her day, she had been studying endlessly, and knew the material cold. But that didn’t silence the voice nagging at the back of her head, taunting her with visions of fat, red Fs. Liz had always been an honors student, and the idea of suddenly being anything less terrified her; not just because she prided herself on her scholastic achievements, but because she refused to give her parents the excuse to tell her having Zander was a mistake. If it was humanly possible to do it all, Liz Parker was determined to prove it.
Hair wrapped in a towel, Liz dried off quickly and slipped into her robe. She cracked open the bathroom door to check on Zander, then froze at the sight of the empty bed. An instant later she saw her father, baby in arms, pacing the width of her room.
“What happened?” she demanded. She strode across the room, reaching for her son.
Her father looked startled. “Nothing. He was just fussing.” His arms seemed to tighten around the baby as if he was loathe to let go. “Lizzie, he’s fine. I was just…” He trailed off with a sigh. “I wanted to see him. You’ve been keeping to yourself so much the last few days.”
“Well, who’s fault is that?” Liz snapped, but she let her arms drop.
“I know, honey.” He paused, cradling Zander a little closer. “I’m sorry about the other night.”
Liz nodded briefly. It would take far more than a few words of regret to wipe the memory of that night from her mind.
“I remember when you were this small,” her father continued, sounding wistful. “Seems like just a few years ago. I can’t believe…” He tilted his head, regarding Liz over Zander’s head. “Lizzie, we aren’t trying to take your son away from you. I realize we came across that way, but…” He shook his head. “It’s hard to look at you and remember that you’re not still that little girl who used to crawl into my lap and demand bedtime stories. I know we behaved badly, but we just want what’s best for you. All of us.”
“It’s not just your wanting to take Zander,” she admitted, sinking down on the edge of the bed. She watched her father bouncing the baby and a faint smile touched her lips. “Dad, I love you and I know you love me and just want to protect me, but… you have to stop.”
“Liz, I’m your father. You might as well ask me to stop breathing.”
“I know you’ll always worry and want to help. And I need your help. I know that. But needing help doesn’t make me suddenly helpless. Or stupid.”
“You’re anything but stupid, honey,” he jumped in swiftly, as if ready to argue the point.
“Dad, will you let me finish?” she said with a wry laugh. “That’s what I just said. I’m not stupid. Giving birth didn’t drain my brain from my head, okay? There are a lot of things I’m going to have to work out, but they’re my things. Mine and Max’s. We’re not going off to college and leaving Zander behind. Our lives have changed. Now, you can make that into this huge tragic thing, or you can take it for what it is and see the good in it,” she said softly. “You have a beautiful grandson whom you love,” she continued, nodding at them. “And I love that you want to help with him, but you can’t force it down our throats.”
He sat down, passing her the baby when she held out her arms again. “We didn’t mean for it to sound like a done deal. Us watching him while you went to Harvard. I just didn’t want you giving up on that,” he sighed. “I was afraid you’d just assume there was no way it could possibly happen now. That you’d start… changing the way you looked at things because you felt limited. You’re so bright and talented, Liz. I don’t want you to throw away your opportunities.”
Liz nodded slowly. “I’m not going to drop out of high school or stop studying, just because Harvard is no longer an option. And Dad? It is no longer an option,” she said firmly. “At least not now. Maybe for grad school,” she said, smiling slightly. “Just because I won’t be going to ‘the number one college in the country,’” she teased, quoting his favorite pronouncement, “doesn’t mean I can’t get a good education.”
Her father nodded, his reluctance obvious. His eyes drifted to Zander. “You know, I’d be happy to watch him for you while you take your tests today.”
“Thanks, Dad, but Max is coming to pick him up.” She held the baby a little closer, trying to keep her emotions even and soothing so as not to disturb him. “About Max, Dad—”
“I know, I know,” he sighed. “Something else we were out of line over. You’re going to tell me it’s none of my business who you love, and part of me knows you’re right. But Lizzie…” His blue eyes settled on her face, his expression sad. “I can’t help but worry about you. He’s hurt you so many times.”
“No more than I’ve hurt him. It’s true,” she pressed, when her father opened his mouth to protest. “And in many ways, I hurt him worse. We always have the best intentions, and then… I guess they just get in the way of what really matters sometimes.”
“So, you two are back together then,” he said, his tone weary.
“I don’t know what we are,” she admitted. “Part of what set me off the other night was having you all jumping to conclusions about the state of our relationship. We haven’t even figured it out ourselves, so to have you declare it a terrible idea and warn us off each other, when all I really want is…” She shook her head, knowing that train of thought only led to trouble. “It’s enough that he’s helping me with Zander right now. As for the rest, he needs time and I understand that.”
“What does he need time for?”
“Dad, I lied to him,” Liz said, giving her father a look. “You don’t really expect him to just get over that?”
“For you?”
“Daddy, stop,” she said, chuckling softly. “I know you’re biased, but be reasonable.”
“I just want you to be happy, honey.”
“I know. Me too,” she said. “But I’ve got more important things to worry about right now. Like not showing up for my tests in this robe,” she continued, rising to her feet. “Out, Dad. I have to change.”
“All right. Good luck, Lizzie,” he said. He stood and patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, Dad. And thanks.”
She lay Zander on the bed, then hurried back into the bathroom to change. The moment she emerged, there was a quiet knock on the window.
“Max, hi,” she said. She watched, amused, as he climbed in from the balcony. “Planning on ever using the stairs again?”
He laughed. “I figured that’s how I was taking Zander out. No reason to press my luck by parading past your parents too many times in a row.”
“Actually my dad was just here.”
“And?” he asked, already gathering the baby’s things.
“We talked,” she said with a shrug.
Max’s mouth thinned to a fine line. “Ten minutes before you’re set to go take finals. How considerate of him.”
“It wasn’t like that. He apologized.” She grabbed her bag and Zander’s and glanced around to see if she’d missed anything.
“Well, I’m glad then.” Max scooped Zander up off the bed. “You set?”
“Yeah.” She looked at him distractedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I’m going to be a few hours.”
“We’ll be fine,” he assured her. “Isabel’s going to be at the house, too. You don’t need to worry.”
Liz frowned. “It’s not that I don’t think you can handle it. It’s just—”
“You’ve never been away from him for more than an hour and a half. I know,” he said gently. “Liz. It’s okay. We’ve got diapers, bottles, extra clothes,” he ticked off. “You concentrate on your tests.”
“You’re right,” she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “It’ll be fine. I’ll pass everything and Zander will probably sleep all morning and drive Isabel crazy because she won’t be able to play with him.” She managed a wobbly smile.
“Ready to go?”
“Ready.”
***
For good or ill, Liz was done with her Spanish and Trigonometry exams by two o’clock. She emerged from the Vice Principal’s office feeling somewhat lightheaded with relief, knowing all that remained was her Physics test. Her final English and History papers had been e-mailed back to Florida over the weekend. One more day and she would officially be a senior, along with the rest of her friends.
When she got to the Evans house, Isabel let her in. “Wait until you see this,” she half-whispered. “It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“What?” Liz asked.
“Shh,” Isabel cautioned, a finger pressed to her lips. “Come look.”
Liz followed her down the hall toward the bedrooms. Isabel motioned her toward Max’s room. The door was open and everything was perfectly quiet.
Frowning, Liz poked her head through the open doorway. Immediately her expression smoothed out. Zander was asleep in the middle of Max’s bed, one small fist extended, the other tucked against his face. But that wasn’t what caused her to smile. Stretched out next to Zander, both hands pillowing his head, was Max.
“They’ve been like that for almost an hour,” Isabel said softly.
Moving quietly, they slipped out into the hallway and headed back to the living room.
“Did Zander wear him out?” Liz asked.
“No, I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Isabel admitted. “I kind of told Mom that Max would be trapped here with the baby, so she came home for lunch. I knew if he couldn’t just take off on her, he’d have to listen to her apology.”
“Yeah, Dad cornered me earlier, too,” Liz sighed. “So how did it go? Was Max angry?”
“No. I think he was actually relieved. They talked for a while, then Mom needed to go back to work. Max went to check on the baby and just disappeared. When I went looking for him, he was out cold.” Her eyes narrowed. “How about you and your father? Does this mean you’re going to let your parents watch Zander tomorrow night during graduation?”
“I guess,” Liz said with a laugh. “I’ll be there.”
They sat and talked for a while, mostly about Isabel’s plans for the summer and college. Liz found herself envying Isabel her chance to start fresh. Though she was looking forward to her senior year at West Roswell, she knew it was going to be far different than she had ever dreamed. In some respects, she wished she was starting college now, too. Facing all of her new beginnings together.
During a brief lull in the conversation, Liz heard movement in the hallway. Shifting in her chair so she could see better, she grinned at the sight of Max, hair sticking out every which way, shuffling toward the kitchen with Zander cradled against his chest. He yawned broadly as he disappeared around the corner.
Pressing a finger to her lips to keep Isabel from giving her away, Liz rose and tiptoed through the living room, approaching the kitchen from the other direction. She found Max standing in front of the open refrigerator, pulling out a baby bottle. He backed up, letting the door swing shut, then leaned against the counter as he heated the bottle with his powers.
Watching him, Liz felt her smile fade. With his guard down, Max looked completely exhausted. He had seemed so much better the past few days, she had assumed he had gotten some sort of handle on everything going on. Not that she was so foolish as to believe he was fine, but neither did she consider him the walking zombie currently in front of her. Now, however, she could see it was an act he had put on for everyone else’s benefit. His eyes were dull, his expression grim, his only hint of emotion a tired smile when Zander nuzzled against his shoulder.
“Hang on there, little guy. You’d be rudely surprised if I didn’t warm this up for you,” he murmured.
“Want me to do that?” she asked softly.
Max looked up with a start, his smile broadening automatically. “Hey,” he said. “When did you get back?”
“A little while ago,” she replied. “Have a good nap?”
He flushed slightly, his eyes darting away. “You saw us?”
“Yeah. I thought it was nice. You keeping him company.” She wanted to tell him she thought they’d looked cute, but something told her he wouldn’t appreciate it. As a rule, ‘cute’ was best reserved for babies, human and otherwise.
“I guess I was a little tired,” he said, shifting Zander. “You want to go see Mommy?” he asked the baby.
Liz reached out to take him, laughing when his small head lowered unerringly toward her breast. “Better let me have the bottle, too,” she said.
Max smiled and handed it over. “If you want to breast feed, you can go in my room.”
“I’m not exactly dressed for it,” she said, indicating her pullover shirt. “This is fine.” She settled on one of the kitchen chairs and uncapped the bottle. “Okay, okay,” she said, as Zander started fussing. She popped the rubber nipple into his expectant mouth.
“Hey,” Isabel announced, appearing in the doorway. “I thought this was my turn.” She turned a mock pout at Max. “You’ve hogged him all morning.”
Max raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure you deserve a turn. Why should I reward your meddling?” he asked pointedly.
Isabel had the grace to blush. “I know you’re pissed at me, but I only told Mom you were here because I knew she was genuinely sorry for how things turned out the other night. I was right, wasn’t I?”
Max sighed. “Yeah, you were right. I’m glad I talked to her.” He glanced at Liz. “But as you can see, I’m no longer in charge. You’re petitioning the wrong person.”
Liz laughed. “You really want to feed him, Iz? Be my guest. I get plenty of turns.”
“Of course I want to,” Isabel declared. She leaned down and carefully slipped Zander out of Liz’s arms, keeping the bottle tilted at the proper angle. “Hi there, cutie,” she cooed. “Is it okay if I go sit with him in the living room?” she asked, glancing up at Liz.
“Sure. Wherever.”
Max began to follow Isabel, then stopped when he noticed Liz had failed to rise. “Something wrong?”
Liz frowned slightly. “Are you okay?”
Max blinked. “Fine. Why?”
“It’s just you seem really worn out.” She paused, chewing her bottom lip.
“I’m all right. Just a little tired. Still recovering from finals, I guess.”
“Max. Come on,” she said softly. “Tell me the truth.”
He glanced away, shifting uncomfortably. “I haven’t been sleeping too well. Nothing to worry about.”
“Have you had more nightmares? Like the one about Nicholas?”
He shrugged. “A couple.” When she didn’t respond, he glanced back at her. “Do you still have the nightmares about that other future?”
“Not really,” she admitted. “I don’t dream much at all though. I think it’s because I rarely sleep more than a few hours at a time.”
“Probably.” He wandered over and sat in the chair next to her.
“So, you and your mother talked.”
Max nodded, busy tracing patterns over the table. “Yeah.”
“And things are okay?”
“She was really upset that we were so hurt,” he said. “I got the impression she wasn’t entirely behind the plan to begin with. You know, us going off to college and them watching Zander. She would have done it gladly enough, but she never expected us to agree.”
“Why didn’t she tell the rest of them that, then?”
“Because she didn’t want us to think we were trapped.”
Liz nodded. “That’s kind of what my dad said, too. He was afraid I’d start to give up or something. Slack off without Harvard to shoot for.”
Max peered up at her through his eyelashes. “He obviously hasn’t been paying attention. You would never do that.”
She felt something warm flood through her stomach. “No,” she whispered. “Neither of us would.”
He watched her for a long moment. “Were you serious when you said you’d consider ENMU?” he asked finally.
Liz shrugged. “Sure. I mean, it makes perfect sense. It’s local. They have a good science department. And the cost is so much less than Ivy League, it’s not even funny,” she added, rolling her eyes.
Max nodded slowly. “So, you wouldn’t feel like you were copping out?”
“Of course not. It’s a perfectly respectable school. What’s important is getting an education.”
“I want to show you something,” he said. “Come with me a sec.”
“Okay.”
She followed him down the hallway, back to his bedroom. When they got there, he sat down at his computer and started bringing up files.
“This’ll just take a minute.”
Liz sat on the corner of the bed, waiting as Max’s fingers flew over the key board. She watched spreadsheets bloom over the computer screen, with green dollar signs and color-coded tabs. They moved too swiftly for her to tell what they were.
“All right,” he said finally, standing up and urging her to take his seat. When she was settled, he leaned over her shoulder and hit a few keys. “I’ve been crunching the numbers for a couple of days, and this is what I’ve come up with.”
Liz stared at the screen. In front of her was a detailed financial plan, including housing costs, utilities, food, clothes, and an entire offshoot of columns for Zander’s upbringing, right down to his very own college fund. All of the amounts were calculated out for the next ten years, taking inflation into account.
“What do you think?”
She turned and looked at him. “I think I need you to explain it,” she said softly.
Max shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s a cost analysis of what it would take for us to get through ENMU while living on our own and supporting ourselves.”
Liz nodded slowly. “I get that much. But how exactly is all of this going to work? Didn’t you say it would take two jobs for you to support us? And that I’d be stuck at home with Zander?”
He glanced away, looking vaguely sheepish. “Yes, well, I was figuring us as a couple of high school drop outs,” he admitted.
“And we won’t be? Last time I checked, neither of us is graduating yet.”
“Liz, if you wanted to go to Harvard or Yale or Stanford—or even someplace a little less prominent—you’d have to go through another year of high school and get good grades and worry about your SAT scores,” he said. “But ENMU?” He shook his head. “Yes, it’s a respectable school,” he agreed, “but it’s the local branch of our state university. They would kill to get either one of us. Kids with our school records don’t tend to attend. Maybe they don’t go to Harvard, but they at least go to UNM in Albuquerque.”
“So, you’re saying we don’t need to graduate?” she asked.
“I’m saying we can probably get our senior years and high school diploma requirements waved. If we want.”
She sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “And we’d start in the fall? With Isabel? I still don’t understand how.”
“Okay, look. With Zander to take care of, there’s no way we can both go to college full time. Not unless we’re prepared to risk leaving him with our parents, and frankly, I’m not. At least not once he’s a little older. But what if we both went part time? We could go year round and finish up in a little over five years. If we go in a year early, we’ll graduate pretty much when we would have anyway.”
“All right. Say we go part time and coordinate our schedules. We’d still need to work. College costs money, Max. So do apartments,” she added, poking at the spreadsheet on the computer screen. “Look at all these dollar signs,” she sighed. “Where’s it going to come from?”
“We’ll probably still need part time jobs. But student housing is much cheaper than anything we could get on our own. And I checked on my college fund; it came completely under my control when I turned eighteen, Liz. It’s enough to cover both of our tuitions.”
“Oh my God,” she murmured, glancing from the computer, to Max, then back. “You’re serious, aren’t you. You honestly want me to consider this.”
“Why not? You said yourself that you don’t want to be so beholden to your parents. The only way to make that happen is to be self-supporting.”
“I wouldn’t be self-supporting if you were the one paying my college tuition,” she pointed out.
“You know what I mean.”
She took another deep breath. It was crazy. All of it. But she knew from his expression that he meant every word. She kept running over what he had said, replaying it in her mind. ENMU. Part time jobs. Student housing…
“Wait, Max. Student housing?” she said with a frown. “That’ll never work. They’re not going to let me live in the dorm with a baby.”
“I never said the dorms,” he replied quietly.
“Well, what then?”
“They allow children in married student housing.”
Liz felt as if the floor had just dropped out from under her. She stared at him, waiting for him to say something else. Anything else. “Married student housing?” she finally croaked. “Are you kidding?”
He shook his head. “It’s half the cost of a normal apartment in Roswell.”
“Max, we’re not married,” she said slowly.
“No. We would have to get married to be eligible.” Suddenly, he seemed unable to look her in the eye.
Her hands started to tremble. Threading her fingers together, she tried to force them back to stillness, but it did no good. The tremors spread up her arms, across her body, until it felt like even her insides were rattling around.
“We can’t,” she managed to whisper.
“We could,” he contradicted. “I know it’s a little weird, but it could be worse.”
“Weird? Max, two weeks ago you could barely stand to be in a room with me, and now you’re suggesting we get married to qualify for discounted housing? That’s not weird, it’s certifiable,” she told him.
“Maybe it’s bowing to the inevitable,” he said with a shrug.
Her first instinct was to slap him for the remark, but he had said it with such deep sadness that it made her own heart ache. “Is that really how you feel?” she asked softly.
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “I mean, here we are raising a child together. Whatever else has happened between us, we do love each other.” His voice got lower with each statement. “I can’t imagine myself married to anyone else, can you?”
Liz shook her head, aware that tears had formed in her eyes. “That’s still not reason enough to get married,” she whispered. “I know you’re still hurting over everything that’s happened. You haven’t forgiven me.”
“Liz, I—”
“No, it’s okay,” she said swiftly. “I understand. I do, Max,” she sniffed. “It’s only been a little while. I hope more than anything that we can get past all of this, but we’re nowhere near there yet, are we?”
He sighed. “No,” he admitted. “I wish I could just… but I can’t.”
Her heart clenched painfully. She had known it was true, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “Us getting married—we’d be little more than glorified roommates, and I won’t be that to you. I’ll share an apartment somewhere and raise Zander with you that way if you want, but I won’t put a label on something that isn’t really there. You can’t have a marriage without trust, and ours is… damaged. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, or to Zander. We live with enough lies, Max. I won’t lie about this. It means too much.”
“I know,” he said, the words barely a breath. “You’re right. So, then, what do we do?”
“I think we go on the way we are now,” she replied carefully. “Things will work out with our parents. We’ll keep taking care of Zander together. We’ll finish high school.” She shrugged. “And I guess we’ll give the rest time. That’s what you said you needed, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s still true, isn’t it?” she pressed gently.
He exhaled slowly. “Yes, it is,” he agreed. He reached out and brushed a stray tear off her cheek.
“Thank you for coming up with all of this. It means a lot. That you were willing to…” She dipped her head. “It means a lot.”
His fingers traced down the side of her cheek until he was cupping her chin. He tilted her face up again, so she was looking at him. “I… miss you,” he said. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. The gentle contact of his skin against hers sent a shiver down her spine. “Perfect sense.” Reaching up, she drew his hand down. Their fingers stroked against each other’s as he slowly pulled away.
“Should we go check on Isabel?” he asked after a moment.
Liz nodded. “Let’s.”
*****
TBC
Part 29
******
Normally Liz loved her morning shower. It was the one chance she got to be completely alone during the day, to let her mind wander, letting herself relax as the steady stream of water pounded the tension from her shoulders. On this morning, however, her head whirled with Spanish verb tenses and Trig formulas. She was getting ready to head over to the high school for her first set of finals, and all the hot showers in the world could not calm her. Every school-related nightmare she had ever had resurfaced, including the one where she arrived for her exams both naked and late, just in time for everyone to come swarming out of the school and laugh at her.
She knew it was unlikely that she’d fail. Despite the hours motherhood claimed from her day, she had been studying endlessly, and knew the material cold. But that didn’t silence the voice nagging at the back of her head, taunting her with visions of fat, red Fs. Liz had always been an honors student, and the idea of suddenly being anything less terrified her; not just because she prided herself on her scholastic achievements, but because she refused to give her parents the excuse to tell her having Zander was a mistake. If it was humanly possible to do it all, Liz Parker was determined to prove it.
Hair wrapped in a towel, Liz dried off quickly and slipped into her robe. She cracked open the bathroom door to check on Zander, then froze at the sight of the empty bed. An instant later she saw her father, baby in arms, pacing the width of her room.
“What happened?” she demanded. She strode across the room, reaching for her son.
Her father looked startled. “Nothing. He was just fussing.” His arms seemed to tighten around the baby as if he was loathe to let go. “Lizzie, he’s fine. I was just…” He trailed off with a sigh. “I wanted to see him. You’ve been keeping to yourself so much the last few days.”
“Well, who’s fault is that?” Liz snapped, but she let her arms drop.
“I know, honey.” He paused, cradling Zander a little closer. “I’m sorry about the other night.”
Liz nodded briefly. It would take far more than a few words of regret to wipe the memory of that night from her mind.
“I remember when you were this small,” her father continued, sounding wistful. “Seems like just a few years ago. I can’t believe…” He tilted his head, regarding Liz over Zander’s head. “Lizzie, we aren’t trying to take your son away from you. I realize we came across that way, but…” He shook his head. “It’s hard to look at you and remember that you’re not still that little girl who used to crawl into my lap and demand bedtime stories. I know we behaved badly, but we just want what’s best for you. All of us.”
“It’s not just your wanting to take Zander,” she admitted, sinking down on the edge of the bed. She watched her father bouncing the baby and a faint smile touched her lips. “Dad, I love you and I know you love me and just want to protect me, but… you have to stop.”
“Liz, I’m your father. You might as well ask me to stop breathing.”
“I know you’ll always worry and want to help. And I need your help. I know that. But needing help doesn’t make me suddenly helpless. Or stupid.”
“You’re anything but stupid, honey,” he jumped in swiftly, as if ready to argue the point.
“Dad, will you let me finish?” she said with a wry laugh. “That’s what I just said. I’m not stupid. Giving birth didn’t drain my brain from my head, okay? There are a lot of things I’m going to have to work out, but they’re my things. Mine and Max’s. We’re not going off to college and leaving Zander behind. Our lives have changed. Now, you can make that into this huge tragic thing, or you can take it for what it is and see the good in it,” she said softly. “You have a beautiful grandson whom you love,” she continued, nodding at them. “And I love that you want to help with him, but you can’t force it down our throats.”
He sat down, passing her the baby when she held out her arms again. “We didn’t mean for it to sound like a done deal. Us watching him while you went to Harvard. I just didn’t want you giving up on that,” he sighed. “I was afraid you’d just assume there was no way it could possibly happen now. That you’d start… changing the way you looked at things because you felt limited. You’re so bright and talented, Liz. I don’t want you to throw away your opportunities.”
Liz nodded slowly. “I’m not going to drop out of high school or stop studying, just because Harvard is no longer an option. And Dad? It is no longer an option,” she said firmly. “At least not now. Maybe for grad school,” she said, smiling slightly. “Just because I won’t be going to ‘the number one college in the country,’” she teased, quoting his favorite pronouncement, “doesn’t mean I can’t get a good education.”
Her father nodded, his reluctance obvious. His eyes drifted to Zander. “You know, I’d be happy to watch him for you while you take your tests today.”
“Thanks, Dad, but Max is coming to pick him up.” She held the baby a little closer, trying to keep her emotions even and soothing so as not to disturb him. “About Max, Dad—”
“I know, I know,” he sighed. “Something else we were out of line over. You’re going to tell me it’s none of my business who you love, and part of me knows you’re right. But Lizzie…” His blue eyes settled on her face, his expression sad. “I can’t help but worry about you. He’s hurt you so many times.”
“No more than I’ve hurt him. It’s true,” she pressed, when her father opened his mouth to protest. “And in many ways, I hurt him worse. We always have the best intentions, and then… I guess they just get in the way of what really matters sometimes.”
“So, you two are back together then,” he said, his tone weary.
“I don’t know what we are,” she admitted. “Part of what set me off the other night was having you all jumping to conclusions about the state of our relationship. We haven’t even figured it out ourselves, so to have you declare it a terrible idea and warn us off each other, when all I really want is…” She shook her head, knowing that train of thought only led to trouble. “It’s enough that he’s helping me with Zander right now. As for the rest, he needs time and I understand that.”
“What does he need time for?”
“Dad, I lied to him,” Liz said, giving her father a look. “You don’t really expect him to just get over that?”
“For you?”
“Daddy, stop,” she said, chuckling softly. “I know you’re biased, but be reasonable.”
“I just want you to be happy, honey.”
“I know. Me too,” she said. “But I’ve got more important things to worry about right now. Like not showing up for my tests in this robe,” she continued, rising to her feet. “Out, Dad. I have to change.”
“All right. Good luck, Lizzie,” he said. He stood and patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, Dad. And thanks.”
She lay Zander on the bed, then hurried back into the bathroom to change. The moment she emerged, there was a quiet knock on the window.
“Max, hi,” she said. She watched, amused, as he climbed in from the balcony. “Planning on ever using the stairs again?”
He laughed. “I figured that’s how I was taking Zander out. No reason to press my luck by parading past your parents too many times in a row.”
“Actually my dad was just here.”
“And?” he asked, already gathering the baby’s things.
“We talked,” she said with a shrug.
Max’s mouth thinned to a fine line. “Ten minutes before you’re set to go take finals. How considerate of him.”
“It wasn’t like that. He apologized.” She grabbed her bag and Zander’s and glanced around to see if she’d missed anything.
“Well, I’m glad then.” Max scooped Zander up off the bed. “You set?”
“Yeah.” She looked at him distractedly. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I’m going to be a few hours.”
“We’ll be fine,” he assured her. “Isabel’s going to be at the house, too. You don’t need to worry.”
Liz frowned. “It’s not that I don’t think you can handle it. It’s just—”
“You’ve never been away from him for more than an hour and a half. I know,” he said gently. “Liz. It’s okay. We’ve got diapers, bottles, extra clothes,” he ticked off. “You concentrate on your tests.”
“You’re right,” she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “It’ll be fine. I’ll pass everything and Zander will probably sleep all morning and drive Isabel crazy because she won’t be able to play with him.” She managed a wobbly smile.
“Ready to go?”
“Ready.”
***
For good or ill, Liz was done with her Spanish and Trigonometry exams by two o’clock. She emerged from the Vice Principal’s office feeling somewhat lightheaded with relief, knowing all that remained was her Physics test. Her final English and History papers had been e-mailed back to Florida over the weekend. One more day and she would officially be a senior, along with the rest of her friends.
When she got to the Evans house, Isabel let her in. “Wait until you see this,” she half-whispered. “It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“What?” Liz asked.
“Shh,” Isabel cautioned, a finger pressed to her lips. “Come look.”
Liz followed her down the hall toward the bedrooms. Isabel motioned her toward Max’s room. The door was open and everything was perfectly quiet.
Frowning, Liz poked her head through the open doorway. Immediately her expression smoothed out. Zander was asleep in the middle of Max’s bed, one small fist extended, the other tucked against his face. But that wasn’t what caused her to smile. Stretched out next to Zander, both hands pillowing his head, was Max.
“They’ve been like that for almost an hour,” Isabel said softly.
Moving quietly, they slipped out into the hallway and headed back to the living room.
“Did Zander wear him out?” Liz asked.
“No, I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Isabel admitted. “I kind of told Mom that Max would be trapped here with the baby, so she came home for lunch. I knew if he couldn’t just take off on her, he’d have to listen to her apology.”
“Yeah, Dad cornered me earlier, too,” Liz sighed. “So how did it go? Was Max angry?”
“No. I think he was actually relieved. They talked for a while, then Mom needed to go back to work. Max went to check on the baby and just disappeared. When I went looking for him, he was out cold.” Her eyes narrowed. “How about you and your father? Does this mean you’re going to let your parents watch Zander tomorrow night during graduation?”
“I guess,” Liz said with a laugh. “I’ll be there.”
They sat and talked for a while, mostly about Isabel’s plans for the summer and college. Liz found herself envying Isabel her chance to start fresh. Though she was looking forward to her senior year at West Roswell, she knew it was going to be far different than she had ever dreamed. In some respects, she wished she was starting college now, too. Facing all of her new beginnings together.
During a brief lull in the conversation, Liz heard movement in the hallway. Shifting in her chair so she could see better, she grinned at the sight of Max, hair sticking out every which way, shuffling toward the kitchen with Zander cradled against his chest. He yawned broadly as he disappeared around the corner.
Pressing a finger to her lips to keep Isabel from giving her away, Liz rose and tiptoed through the living room, approaching the kitchen from the other direction. She found Max standing in front of the open refrigerator, pulling out a baby bottle. He backed up, letting the door swing shut, then leaned against the counter as he heated the bottle with his powers.
Watching him, Liz felt her smile fade. With his guard down, Max looked completely exhausted. He had seemed so much better the past few days, she had assumed he had gotten some sort of handle on everything going on. Not that she was so foolish as to believe he was fine, but neither did she consider him the walking zombie currently in front of her. Now, however, she could see it was an act he had put on for everyone else’s benefit. His eyes were dull, his expression grim, his only hint of emotion a tired smile when Zander nuzzled against his shoulder.
“Hang on there, little guy. You’d be rudely surprised if I didn’t warm this up for you,” he murmured.
“Want me to do that?” she asked softly.
Max looked up with a start, his smile broadening automatically. “Hey,” he said. “When did you get back?”
“A little while ago,” she replied. “Have a good nap?”
He flushed slightly, his eyes darting away. “You saw us?”
“Yeah. I thought it was nice. You keeping him company.” She wanted to tell him she thought they’d looked cute, but something told her he wouldn’t appreciate it. As a rule, ‘cute’ was best reserved for babies, human and otherwise.
“I guess I was a little tired,” he said, shifting Zander. “You want to go see Mommy?” he asked the baby.
Liz reached out to take him, laughing when his small head lowered unerringly toward her breast. “Better let me have the bottle, too,” she said.
Max smiled and handed it over. “If you want to breast feed, you can go in my room.”
“I’m not exactly dressed for it,” she said, indicating her pullover shirt. “This is fine.” She settled on one of the kitchen chairs and uncapped the bottle. “Okay, okay,” she said, as Zander started fussing. She popped the rubber nipple into his expectant mouth.
“Hey,” Isabel announced, appearing in the doorway. “I thought this was my turn.” She turned a mock pout at Max. “You’ve hogged him all morning.”
Max raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure you deserve a turn. Why should I reward your meddling?” he asked pointedly.
Isabel had the grace to blush. “I know you’re pissed at me, but I only told Mom you were here because I knew she was genuinely sorry for how things turned out the other night. I was right, wasn’t I?”
Max sighed. “Yeah, you were right. I’m glad I talked to her.” He glanced at Liz. “But as you can see, I’m no longer in charge. You’re petitioning the wrong person.”
Liz laughed. “You really want to feed him, Iz? Be my guest. I get plenty of turns.”
“Of course I want to,” Isabel declared. She leaned down and carefully slipped Zander out of Liz’s arms, keeping the bottle tilted at the proper angle. “Hi there, cutie,” she cooed. “Is it okay if I go sit with him in the living room?” she asked, glancing up at Liz.
“Sure. Wherever.”
Max began to follow Isabel, then stopped when he noticed Liz had failed to rise. “Something wrong?”
Liz frowned slightly. “Are you okay?”
Max blinked. “Fine. Why?”
“It’s just you seem really worn out.” She paused, chewing her bottom lip.
“I’m all right. Just a little tired. Still recovering from finals, I guess.”
“Max. Come on,” she said softly. “Tell me the truth.”
He glanced away, shifting uncomfortably. “I haven’t been sleeping too well. Nothing to worry about.”
“Have you had more nightmares? Like the one about Nicholas?”
He shrugged. “A couple.” When she didn’t respond, he glanced back at her. “Do you still have the nightmares about that other future?”
“Not really,” she admitted. “I don’t dream much at all though. I think it’s because I rarely sleep more than a few hours at a time.”
“Probably.” He wandered over and sat in the chair next to her.
“So, you and your mother talked.”
Max nodded, busy tracing patterns over the table. “Yeah.”
“And things are okay?”
“She was really upset that we were so hurt,” he said. “I got the impression she wasn’t entirely behind the plan to begin with. You know, us going off to college and them watching Zander. She would have done it gladly enough, but she never expected us to agree.”
“Why didn’t she tell the rest of them that, then?”
“Because she didn’t want us to think we were trapped.”
Liz nodded. “That’s kind of what my dad said, too. He was afraid I’d start to give up or something. Slack off without Harvard to shoot for.”
Max peered up at her through his eyelashes. “He obviously hasn’t been paying attention. You would never do that.”
She felt something warm flood through her stomach. “No,” she whispered. “Neither of us would.”
He watched her for a long moment. “Were you serious when you said you’d consider ENMU?” he asked finally.
Liz shrugged. “Sure. I mean, it makes perfect sense. It’s local. They have a good science department. And the cost is so much less than Ivy League, it’s not even funny,” she added, rolling her eyes.
Max nodded slowly. “So, you wouldn’t feel like you were copping out?”
“Of course not. It’s a perfectly respectable school. What’s important is getting an education.”
“I want to show you something,” he said. “Come with me a sec.”
“Okay.”
She followed him down the hallway, back to his bedroom. When they got there, he sat down at his computer and started bringing up files.
“This’ll just take a minute.”
Liz sat on the corner of the bed, waiting as Max’s fingers flew over the key board. She watched spreadsheets bloom over the computer screen, with green dollar signs and color-coded tabs. They moved too swiftly for her to tell what they were.
“All right,” he said finally, standing up and urging her to take his seat. When she was settled, he leaned over her shoulder and hit a few keys. “I’ve been crunching the numbers for a couple of days, and this is what I’ve come up with.”
Liz stared at the screen. In front of her was a detailed financial plan, including housing costs, utilities, food, clothes, and an entire offshoot of columns for Zander’s upbringing, right down to his very own college fund. All of the amounts were calculated out for the next ten years, taking inflation into account.
“What do you think?”
She turned and looked at him. “I think I need you to explain it,” she said softly.
Max shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s a cost analysis of what it would take for us to get through ENMU while living on our own and supporting ourselves.”
Liz nodded slowly. “I get that much. But how exactly is all of this going to work? Didn’t you say it would take two jobs for you to support us? And that I’d be stuck at home with Zander?”
He glanced away, looking vaguely sheepish. “Yes, well, I was figuring us as a couple of high school drop outs,” he admitted.
“And we won’t be? Last time I checked, neither of us is graduating yet.”
“Liz, if you wanted to go to Harvard or Yale or Stanford—or even someplace a little less prominent—you’d have to go through another year of high school and get good grades and worry about your SAT scores,” he said. “But ENMU?” He shook his head. “Yes, it’s a respectable school,” he agreed, “but it’s the local branch of our state university. They would kill to get either one of us. Kids with our school records don’t tend to attend. Maybe they don’t go to Harvard, but they at least go to UNM in Albuquerque.”
“So, you’re saying we don’t need to graduate?” she asked.
“I’m saying we can probably get our senior years and high school diploma requirements waved. If we want.”
She sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. “And we’d start in the fall? With Isabel? I still don’t understand how.”
“Okay, look. With Zander to take care of, there’s no way we can both go to college full time. Not unless we’re prepared to risk leaving him with our parents, and frankly, I’m not. At least not once he’s a little older. But what if we both went part time? We could go year round and finish up in a little over five years. If we go in a year early, we’ll graduate pretty much when we would have anyway.”
“All right. Say we go part time and coordinate our schedules. We’d still need to work. College costs money, Max. So do apartments,” she added, poking at the spreadsheet on the computer screen. “Look at all these dollar signs,” she sighed. “Where’s it going to come from?”
“We’ll probably still need part time jobs. But student housing is much cheaper than anything we could get on our own. And I checked on my college fund; it came completely under my control when I turned eighteen, Liz. It’s enough to cover both of our tuitions.”
“Oh my God,” she murmured, glancing from the computer, to Max, then back. “You’re serious, aren’t you. You honestly want me to consider this.”
“Why not? You said yourself that you don’t want to be so beholden to your parents. The only way to make that happen is to be self-supporting.”
“I wouldn’t be self-supporting if you were the one paying my college tuition,” she pointed out.
“You know what I mean.”
She took another deep breath. It was crazy. All of it. But she knew from his expression that he meant every word. She kept running over what he had said, replaying it in her mind. ENMU. Part time jobs. Student housing…
“Wait, Max. Student housing?” she said with a frown. “That’ll never work. They’re not going to let me live in the dorm with a baby.”
“I never said the dorms,” he replied quietly.
“Well, what then?”
“They allow children in married student housing.”
Liz felt as if the floor had just dropped out from under her. She stared at him, waiting for him to say something else. Anything else. “Married student housing?” she finally croaked. “Are you kidding?”
He shook his head. “It’s half the cost of a normal apartment in Roswell.”
“Max, we’re not married,” she said slowly.
“No. We would have to get married to be eligible.” Suddenly, he seemed unable to look her in the eye.
Her hands started to tremble. Threading her fingers together, she tried to force them back to stillness, but it did no good. The tremors spread up her arms, across her body, until it felt like even her insides were rattling around.
“We can’t,” she managed to whisper.
“We could,” he contradicted. “I know it’s a little weird, but it could be worse.”
“Weird? Max, two weeks ago you could barely stand to be in a room with me, and now you’re suggesting we get married to qualify for discounted housing? That’s not weird, it’s certifiable,” she told him.
“Maybe it’s bowing to the inevitable,” he said with a shrug.
Her first instinct was to slap him for the remark, but he had said it with such deep sadness that it made her own heart ache. “Is that really how you feel?” she asked softly.
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “I mean, here we are raising a child together. Whatever else has happened between us, we do love each other.” His voice got lower with each statement. “I can’t imagine myself married to anyone else, can you?”
Liz shook her head, aware that tears had formed in her eyes. “That’s still not reason enough to get married,” she whispered. “I know you’re still hurting over everything that’s happened. You haven’t forgiven me.”
“Liz, I—”
“No, it’s okay,” she said swiftly. “I understand. I do, Max,” she sniffed. “It’s only been a little while. I hope more than anything that we can get past all of this, but we’re nowhere near there yet, are we?”
He sighed. “No,” he admitted. “I wish I could just… but I can’t.”
Her heart clenched painfully. She had known it was true, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. “Us getting married—we’d be little more than glorified roommates, and I won’t be that to you. I’ll share an apartment somewhere and raise Zander with you that way if you want, but I won’t put a label on something that isn’t really there. You can’t have a marriage without trust, and ours is… damaged. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, or to Zander. We live with enough lies, Max. I won’t lie about this. It means too much.”
“I know,” he said, the words barely a breath. “You’re right. So, then, what do we do?”
“I think we go on the way we are now,” she replied carefully. “Things will work out with our parents. We’ll keep taking care of Zander together. We’ll finish high school.” She shrugged. “And I guess we’ll give the rest time. That’s what you said you needed, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s still true, isn’t it?” she pressed gently.
He exhaled slowly. “Yes, it is,” he agreed. He reached out and brushed a stray tear off her cheek.
“Thank you for coming up with all of this. It means a lot. That you were willing to…” She dipped her head. “It means a lot.”
His fingers traced down the side of her cheek until he was cupping her chin. He tilted her face up again, so she was looking at him. “I… miss you,” he said. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. The gentle contact of his skin against hers sent a shiver down her spine. “Perfect sense.” Reaching up, she drew his hand down. Their fingers stroked against each other’s as he slowly pulled away.
“Should we go check on Isabel?” he asked after a moment.
Liz nodded. “Let’s.”
*****
TBC