Forever Changed - [AU M/L MATURE] {COMPLETE}

Finished stories that feature the characters from the show, but there are no aliens. All fics completed on the main AU without Aliens board will eventually be moved here.

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Hybrid-Angel
Enthusiastic Roswellian
Posts: 57
Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 5:32 pm
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

:lol: Sorry bella! hang in there.

..Cuz heres the next chapter Throws chapter in and runs away

Chapter 31

Max hadn’t been at school all day, he didn’t turn up to our secret place under the bleachers for lunch, he wasn’t in Chem. Class and Michael didn’t know where he was either.

Worry plagued me all day as the lingering thought in the back of my mind screamed that something terrible had happened. It started out as such a beautiful day, like ‘the sun shining and the birds singing sweet songs’ kinda day but ever since Alex said he didn’t show up for a meeting with his team I had been on slight edge for the whole day.

Max had his phone switched off and leaving messages wasn’t making him pick up either. I must have left ten text messages and voicemails on his phone but still no reply. After school I had checked out the likely places he could be: his work, the gym, the mall. I even strode into the boys’ locker rooms at school, which gave the showering jocks a surprise.

And now here I stood at the last place I could think of, the place I avoided coming too. The Evans household. I have been here plenty of times but this time it felt daunting to be hovering at the front door. Several times now I’ve held my hand up to knock on the door, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. When Max had told me that Mr. Evans was willing to somehow get rid of me just so Max wouldn’t have anything left, it made me avoid this house like the black plague.

The wind started to pick up and made the chimes on the front porch tingle slightly with the soft breeze. When I finally gathered the courage to knock, the door swung wide open and I jumped in back in panic.

“Liz?” Isabel smiled at me as I froze in place barely registering that is was Isabel.

“Hey Izzy.” I stammered, feeling my nerves calm down at Isabel’s warm smile. I hadn’t seen her in months, she looked slimmer and had had her hair cut to her shoulders. But that signature, bouncing blond hair was still there.

We both stepped forward for a hug giggling at the slight difference in each other, I wasn’t sure if she knew I was pregnant or not. But judging from Max it seemed that Phillip Evans would announce his fury to the whole world.

“You look great, Iz.” I commented with a smile of relief.

“Thanks, you too. Come inside.” She gestured for me to enter the house and I quickly hurried in. “Is Max here?”

“No, I haven’t seen him since this morning. I figured he was with you.” I shook my head at Isabel trying to pass off as calm and decided to at least talk to her and catch up on things.

“How was the whole all girls boarding school business experience? I mean I never got to chat with you about any of it last time I saw you.” I asked as we sat in the living room. I felt a little uncomfortable being in a house that I’m probably prohibited from.

“Yeah, it was great to get away you know. I joined a Law Club and became president because I was such a high achiever in it. And I really got back on track with schoolwork. But even being a great student and president of the Law Club still didn’t get my father's attention.” Isabel chuckled with hidden sorrow.

Isabel had gone a bit wild about a year ago, partying way too much and drinking so she was shipped off to boarding school for better discipline. But it never occurred to her parents that it was a cry for attention. Max had told me that because he was constantly being hassled into being a better son and the heir to his father’s business, it came across to Isabel that she was being pushed to the back so she did what she could to get her parents attention, the good and the bad.

“So Max told me about…” She gestured to my stomach hesitantly; obviously she was breaking some rule by talking to me about it.

“Yeah, I’m a little over four months now.” I weakly smiled as she nodded her head with a puzzled glance. Something was obviously going through her mind.

“I’m so sorry about everything, Liz. I mean my brother can be such a dick sometimes especially with something like this.” It didn’t need to be said that she was referring to Jeremy her other brother

“And now you're living with Michael? Gee, good luck with that.” She dryly commented which made me smile. While everyone thought Michael lived like a pig, they hadn’t seen me yet. Michael was now picking up after me sometimes.

“It’s not so bad, Michael been working that graveyard shift at Metachem so it’s pretty quiet around his apartment sometimes. He’s glad to have someone to come home too.”

“We’re you planning to leave home indefinitely now?” Isabel’s question stirred up thoughts I had been having ever since I left home. While I have much appreciated the space and not having my parents hang over my head, I was still pregnant and needed as much support as I could get. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my parents and their motives…but I have lingering fears that if I ever forgive them, that that won't be enough to ensure that things would be ever be good between us.

I realised that I still hadn’t answered Isabel’s question when she watched me with concern. “Oh, I don’t really know. I miss my room, but I’m not sure if I can be in that house knowing everything I know now.”

“Knowing what?” Isabel finally asked, and it dawned on me that she had been outta the loop for so long now. I’m forgetting that some people aren’t aware of the endless dramas I’m going through.

“Long story.” I mumbled, looking down at my fingers. I didn’t really want to delve into my family issues and Isabel could see that. It’s not that I don’t want to tell her, I just don’t want to rehash it.

“Well I was just going to make some tea, did you want some?” Isabel sprang up from her seat across from me, pointing her thumb toward the kitchen.

“No, I’m fine thanks. I'd better be off anyway.” I jumped up from the sofa and headed towards the door. As much as I wanted to talk to Isabel, I couldn’t sit in this house for another moment.

“Oh, okay. Well I found this letter in my room that’s addressed to you. I think Max left it in there.” Isabel quickly fetched the envelope and handed it too me.

“Thanks Izzy. I’ll catch up with you soon.” I said with a hug.

“Great seeing you again, Liz. I’ll tell Max you dropped by.” Isabel said as she opened to door.

“See ya.” I finally waved back at her as I walked down the dark driveway. When I got into my car I quickly opened the letter and turned the inside car light on so I could read it.

Tumbleweed Inn, Room 9. I have a surprise waiting for you.
Max.


Relief flooded my entire body as I smiled at the letter. He must have been planning something for us this entire day. First it was the ring and now this. But why not at least check in with me so I knew he was okay. Maybe then I probably wouldn’t have found the note.

With a growing smile I revved the car to life and took off in the direction of the Roswell's Tumbleweed Inn. Max always had a way of making me smile, even when he wasn’t here. But I still wasn’t too happy about this, he scared the hell outta me today and I have to tell him. I just hope I’ll have enough strength to resist what he's been up too.

As I flow down the main strip I saw my father getting out of his car and walking into the Crashdown. I didn’t even recognize him at first, he looked haggard, old. More grey could be seen in his once jet black hair.

His appearance caught me off guard, as I hadn’t prepared myself to see him look so shattered. It almost made me want to stop the car and examine him closer just to make sure it was him. I expected him to look angry or stone cold. Not old and miserable. Within minutes I realised I was just a couple of meters from the Inn and way passed the Crashdown. I placed what I saw behind me and looked forward to seeing Max to beat him to death for scaring the crap outta me today.

I chuckled slightly knowing that I’d pretty much cave as soon as I saw his innocent face. The Inn was just at the entrance of town to pick up travelers who might pass by or truckers who need a place to rest. Relying on this only made the place pretty dead.

I rolled the car into the open car park that surrounded the Motel rooms. The car lights flashed the numbers on the doors and I saw Room nine out the corner of my eye. I parked out front of it observing that Max’s jeep was nowhere to be seen.

I didn’t think much of it as I knocked on the door because I knew there was another car park around the back. I knocked a second time. After I few more moments I jiggled the doorknob and it open softly with a creak.

“Max?” I called out into the dark room.

The room was musky and dank, and was in some serious need of renovation. The room was fashioned in a 70’s way, with sickly yellow and green colours.

Stepping into the room I closed the door behind me making all light disappear from the room. I waited for my eyes to adjust before I crept into the room to wait for Max’s appearance.

“Oh Max, where are you?” I chanted in a sing-song voice venturing further into the room and trying desperately to find a lamp.

“Max c’mon. You’ve scared the shit outta me all day the least you could do is come out from hiding.

Suddenly a light flicked on from the other side of the room near the double bed. I spun around to the direction of the light my smile quickly fading when I saw who it was.

“Mr. Evans?” my voice trembled, I had just stupidly walked into his trap.

“Hello, Elizabeth. Long time no see.” He spoke all too calmly while sitting in a chair by the lamp, his legs crossed and his finger pressed together in an arch.

“Where’s Max?” I murmured stepping back towards the door.

“In Boston looking for an apartment.” He said again too calmly like Max was supposed to be there.

“Why is he in Boston looking for any apartment?” I whispered stepping back once more feeling very uncomfortable.

“He was accepted to do Law at Harvard. He needs to start making plans for his next move in life away from Roswell. And you.” I gulped loudly at his last words. The bastard had obviously flown Max to Boston to push him into looking for an apartment. I didn’t know Max had applied for Harvard.

“He didn’t even apply for Harvard.” I retorted feeling my temper rise slightly.

“No but I did for him. I don’t want him to miss out on getting into the best school. It’ll be his best achievement.”

“Don’t you mean yours? Max hates law.” I quickly spat back, stupidly standing over my ground with Phillip.

“I think a father knows what’s best for his children. He’ll thank me one day.”

“So are you here to kill me?” I questioned in anger and growing fear. Mr. Evans merely laughed and stood up as he did.

“Kill you? Why would I do that? That’s not how I go about my business, Elizabeth.” I hate the way he says my full name, like I’m just a thing. He says it to belittle me and it does. He advanced on me and I pressed myself against the door trying to appear fearless when really I’m shaking down to the bone.

“I actually brought you here about Max.” He hissed, his eyes burning into me and me looking up at him.

“What about him?” My voice wavered again, and I kicked myself for sounding so frightened.

“I want you to leave him alone and never talk to him again. I don’t want some obligation standing in the way and ruining his plans for the future.”

“I love him, I can’t just leave him because you say so. You’re a fucked up, greedy man who sees his own son as money builder you!” I spat out now feeling my temper wager between fear and anger. I’m not an obligation to Max, he is!

“I will not have my business crumble just because he knocked up some slut like you!” Mr. Evans roared at me losing all his control.

“So either you get rid of that baby and Max or deal with me. And I promise it won’t be pretty for you or your family or even Max.” The threat brought tears to my eyes and made my hold my stomach protectively. My heart pounded and I started to feeling my body shake uncontrollably. I had never felt so frightened in my life.

“If you decide to stay with Max and have that baby because you believe in love, well believe me love will not get you through what I’m prepared to do.” Mr. Evan’s coldly glared at me pointing his finger in my face.

“You’re willing to destroy your son’s life just because he chose me and his baby over your crappy future business.” I asked in down right horror and distress. This man was completely cold blooded.

“In a heart beat.” He answered quickly in a cold harsh whisper. How could he do it in a heart beat when he didn’t have a heart?

“You bastard, how can you do this to your own son!” I growled out under my breath tears rolling down my cheek.

“I know what’s best for him and what he wants. And I definitely know he didn’t want this baby and he just is with you out of duty.”

“You're lying! He loves me and this baby, nothing will change that.” I screamed at him, he could see he was making me break down.

“Oh really? Then why did he sleep with that lovely girl Tess Harding!” He had succeeded in breaking me I was now a blubbering mess. I was a child being cornered and screamed at.

“When he finally got a taste of someone better it was simple responsibility and sympathy that made him come crawling back to you.”

“Shut up!” I cried out. He was lying! I know he was lying…but why was it hurting so much. I’ve never really touched completely on the night Max was with Tess. He says he doesn’t remember much but…..Stop! NO! this isn’t true Max loves me and it was a mistake being with her.

“It’s a good thing he finally chose someone that was going somewhere in life. Tess will be attending Harvard too, so you may as well just give up, Elizabeth.”

I was a total wreck I couldn’t get any control over my emotions, I felt so beaten and belittled. I couldn’t even see straight. Mr. Evans continued to hover over me screaming endless threats.

“So if I see or hear about you even being near Max, I will destroy you and him… and that baby.” He whispered coldly glaring deep into my eyes before I realised just how close he was.

I quickly turned to the door knob feeling my fears double over and over with the minutes I spent near this man I have no respect for. As I ran out to my car I didn’t even realise that the rain had started to fall. I fumbled with my keys as I ran through the mud.

Suddenly I slipped over onto my hands and knees in the muddy car park the rain pelting down so hard it was impossible to hear my cries of pain and trepidation. I staggered to get up still crying endlessly when I felt something.

I gasped and held my stomach “Oh my god.”


TBC
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Hybrid-Angel
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

Well thanks u for reading beautiful jackie, i'm flattered. :D

Okay here the next part....

Chapter 32

The hospital was completely still with an eerie silence and I was trapped with my thoughts of the day's events. The nurses and doctors passed outside the room making no coherent sounds only whispering and murmuring to each other. They looked at me once and moved on down the hallway. Only their footsteps could be heard as they walked away. I hate this place; it’s like a nightmarish prison I can’t leave.

Now I'm lying here in this paper-thin gown and preparing myself to break Max’s heart…again. The lengths that Phillip Evans is willing to go to is what is pushing me to protect Max from his own father. I am an obligation to Mr. Evans, which makes me an obligation to Max.

Time had been ticking on slowly as I sit in this sterile room, waiting and waiting. I haven’t shed one tear since I got here; I’ve just been staring blankly at the falling rain outside and the dark angry clouds that plague the sky.

I can’t even bring myself to speak; it’s like I’m preparing myself to speak to Max. I called him half an hour ago telling him to come to the hospital. I knew he was still in Boston but I didn’t tell him I knew and I don’t expect him to be here within minutes.

It’s killing me to even be here, I feel so empty… so afraid. How am I supposed to go on without him? No! This is for his own good; he’ll forgive me one day. Please let him forgive, I pray silently and the tears begin to fall just as Max comes bounding into the room.

“What happened? Is the baby okay?” Max came to my side out of breath and looking pale and anxious. I look down at my hands and bite my bottom lip, tears endlessly falling.

“No.” I lied

“What?” Max took a long time to speak then framed my face with his hands trying to get me to look him in the eye. His own tears were falling now, I can’t watch him, knowing I’m breaking his heart.

“I lost the baby, Max.” I didn’t dare look at his face, I might crumble at any moment.

“I don’t…how?” Max asked thickly still hold my face and making it so hard to resist holding him.

“It just happened okay!” I yell losing my patience and wanting to bail from this situation.

I turned my face away and rolled on my side, curling up in a ball with my back to Max. I didn’t want to look at his contorted face, I didn’t want to see how much pain he is going through, I didn’t want to see what I had done. I knew he was silently crying but holding it all in.

Max sat on the bed and placed one hand on my arm while he stroked my hair with the other. I squeezed my eyes shut trying desperately to block it out, but I couldn’t.

“I guess all that stress really did get to the baby.” I said thickly knowing that was a worry for Max like he said this morning. I heard his breath come out harsh and labored. I cringed at the pain I was putting him through. But he has to let go, he has to go to Harvard and have nothing stand in his way. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him because he wanted to stay with me.

“Liz, I--”

“Just go, Max. I don’t want to see you ever again…not after this.” I whimpered

“Liz, I’m not leaving you….” Max brokenly whispered making my heart break into a few million more pieces. I can’t break down, I can’t give in. I have to do this for him.

“Just get out, Max! I can’t deal with you here. It hurt's too much for you to be here.” I cried out painfully

“But Liz--”

“GET OUT!!!” I hollered making the mistake of looking into his eyes for the first time and seeing what I had really done. They were so hollow, so wounded. And that’s all I could take.

I whirled back around sobbing quietly into the hospital pillow whimpering over and over for Max to get out. Once I heard the door close behind me I wailed into my pillow, crying and sobbing brokenly. Knowing that I had just lied to Max, and making the excuse that it was for his known safety didn’t make the aching pain stop.

After forty minutes of crying and sniffling I had thought of calling someone to come pick me up but Maria was busy organizing her trip, Michael was working and Alex was rehearing with his band. And I was definitely not calling my Mom.

“Sorry about the wait Ms. Parker.” A young nurse rushed into the room and stood next to my bed with the clipboard.

“The results came back and things are looking great, still a little under weight but you already knew that.” I rolled over to face her and she kept on smiling even though it was obvious I was had been crying my heart out. She was just playing dumb because I have know doubt in my mind that she probably saw Max walk out of this room and heard the screaming that I was doing.

“Must be exciting to feel the baby move for the first time.” I nodded my head as I shuffled off the bed and began slowly putting on my clothes.

“I’ll just leave you to get dressed, it was smart of you checking after having a fall.” I looked up to the nurse and offered as good a smile as I could manage; she smiled back and headed out the door. I hadn’t even fallen that badly, but it made a good excuse to come here and …. to lie to Max.

I gulped once more swallowing the tears in my throat. Crying wasn’t going to fix anything now I had to stay strong for the one person that mattered the most through this whole thing, my baby. I wasn’t going to let my emotions get the best of me and weigh me down because I did that before and it didn’t do any good.

But my god, the look on his face, he’ll never forgive me for what I’ve done. I know it. I just hope this was all worth it; I have to cut myself off from Max entirely so that he’ll have no choice but to go to Harvard.

This means I have to tell everyone what I told him till he leaves, and I’ll have to move out of Michael's cause I know Max will be there waiting for me. God just when I had made it out of the darkness, it pulled me back it.

As I left the hospital and got into my car the rain was still falling pretty hard. As I sat behind the wheel I saw the ring Max gave me reflecting in the glow of the streetlights. I stared vacantly at the ring and felt my lip tremble.

How could I have woken up this morning happier then I’ve ever been and now sit here in that darkness I thought I had finally left behind. I suddenly remembered that I had promised Max would be the first to know if the baby moved, I promised him he’d be there when it would happen. I promised nothing would happen to the baby.

I have broken and lied about each of those promises and I don’t deserve to wear this ring. Everything it stands for has been tainted by my deceit. But how else was I to make Max go to Harvard, or not have him around me? If I told Max that his father had personally threatened me Max would have stood by my side and taken whatever his father would give him. And I wasn’t just gonna sit back and have Max be beaten down by his father just for me. I wasn’t going to let him ruin his life just for me. He deserves better and should take advantage of his father’s wealth. He just…

“Fuck!” I hit the horn with my hand and dropped my forehead on the steering wheel. No matter how much I justified it I can’t stop hurting. I don’t want Max to leave and go to Harvard … but I don’t want his father to destroy him or us. I placed my hand on my stomach letting tears fall at the thought of my baby not knowing its father. The thought of Max being gone forever was just too much to deal with. This whole thing was too much to handle. I reached for my phone and called a number I didn’t intend on ever calling again.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Mom.” I spoke thickly choking back the tears.

“Liz! Oh god, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again--”

“Mom, I need you to do something for me?” I asked over her rambling.

“Yes, anything.” She puffed in relief, like she had been waiting for me to ask her this.

“Can you … pick me up from the hospital?” I forced out thinking twice about my sudden whim to call my mother.

“What happened, Liz? Is everything okay?” My Mom rushed the questions out; I had obviously freaked her out.

“Can you just come and get me please.” I mumbled holding back the tears. I felt so vulnerable and stupid. “Please Mom?”

Twenty-five minutes later I was sitting in the passenger seat of the family car; my dad was tailing my mom and me with my car as we headed home.

It was the first time I had seen my parents in over a month and they looked like they had aged entirely in that time. My father looked worse close up; smudges of black under his eyes and this glazed over look like he was empty inside. Mom looked worse then haggard; she looked like she just came through a horrible war. I was equally guilty and surprised by the way they looked, because not only did I feel bad for putting them through this but also I was shocked that they even cared.

When they found me in the car park alone, they pulled me out of the car and mom acted like nothing had happened between us. She checked me over for any injuries. Mom kept hugging me and wouldn’t let go, while dad check me over and watched from a small distances. I couldn’t have been more caught off guard.

I finally saw this change in both of them like I had never seen. They looked like normal worried parents checking over their only daughter. I wasn’t sure if it was genuinely happening so I refrained from giving any details as to why I was at the hospital.

We finally reached home and when I looked up at the apartment above the Crashdown that I had lived in all my life, I felt oddly fearful to be stepping inside it again. I mean I still hadn’t forgiven my parents yet and I was now walking back into the house.

It was completely dank and cold. Obviously my parents hadn’t really moved a thing or cleaned a thing since I was gone. I blanket and pillow was crumpled and spread out on the lounge, obviously a place my father had been sleeping as his belongs now littered the coffee table.
I walked into the middle of the room looking at the mess of the house and was surprised my mother let it fester this way. I looked back at the door seeing both my parents still standing there as if coming any closer would tip me over. And it probably would, but not to the extreme where they had to stand completely still.

Mom look timid and clutched her handbag to her chest while my father looked nervous, the worry at the hospital had subsided and was replace with silence. Both of them together made quiet the sight. I couldn’t believe that they were just standing there not making a sound. It was like being in a parallel universe.

“I lied to Max about losing the baby.” It just tumbled out of my mouth.

“What!” My mother quietly questioned, totally confused by my words. My father looked equally confused.

“I’m an obligation to Max and he should go off and have his own life. I don’t want to weigh him down with my crap.” Again the words came tumbling out; I don’t know what was taking over me.
“Obligation...But you love him, why would you do that?” My mom rambled.

“I just did, okay!” I cried out combing my fingers through my damp hair and out of my face.

“Please don’t ask why. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about it.” I muttered. “Thanks for picking me up, I’ll just go now.” I started walking for the door but my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“No, you’re staying here tonight, Liz. You’re in no state to be driving let alone staying alone in an empty house. I know Michael works that graveyard shift so no excuses.”

“Mom, I’m fine.” My voice quavered, making me feel much like a child again

“Just for tonight, I’m not making you stay forever. I just want you here tonight.” My mom pleaded more than stated and part of me was glad to be in my bed and in my safe room at least for one night.

I shuffled off to my room feeling my heart drag along with my body. I was emotionally wrecked and I just wanted to sleep forever. As I crawled into my bed I left my damp clothes on not really giving a shit about it. Right now all I could think of was Max and his face when I harshly told him to get out. He looked so hurt by my words and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for hurting him that way. I should be blaming Mr. Evans, that bastard! But I can’t help but feel totally responsible for everything that happened.

Because of me Max has been beaten up by my father and his, he has been put through this pregnancy at the age eighteen and has had his heart broken time and time again by none other then me.

I feel completely disgusted and sickened. I whimpered and sobbed into my pillow to muffle the cries I cannot control. Will this pain every go away, I’m being hit again and again by all this crap and I never see it coming? And in the end I feel worthless and pathetic. Strangely though I think a part of me is getting used to it.

I wish Max were here, I wish I hadn’t hurt him even when it was for his own good. I just want him to hold me and sooth my pain because he is the only person who can make it go away.

But I have broken everything we have built up until now; it’s my fault for being so blind and not seeing this coming. Now I’m paying for it, I should have stayed away from Max, but I was too selfish to push him away for my own needs. God! I’m putting Max through hell and here I am feeling sorry for myself.

And what is going to be worse is that Max is going to be persistent in being with me and making me tell him what happened. I’m not going to be able to avoid him so I know it’s gonna get so much worse. I cringed slightly and bury my face in my pillow.
As if on cue I feel the baby move again making me bite down on my lip to hold back my broken sobs. I just wish everything would go back to before I went to the Tumbleweed Inn. I just wish I had Max standing beside me experiencing the baby move. Fuck! I just want to be with him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I mumble thickly to my belly as I rub it protectively. It’s almost as if the baby could feel my distress and the absences of its father.
“I’m sorry.” I cried out again curling into a tighter ball and hoping the world would just go away.

tbc
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Hybrid-Angel
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

:lol!: Shit-list! love it Behrsgirl

Kay i'm just throwing this chapter in and making a run for it....

Chapter 33

It’s been a day since I lied to Max and already I’ve had enough. I stayed home from school and buried my nose in homework and credit assignments. Getting my mind off Max was never gonna work no matter how much I studied or worked my ass off. Max plagued my mind and I didn’t know how to cure it.

Today had to be the hardest day of my life, I moved back into my home willingly without Michael’s approval, he was totally upset about it and I know part of that sadness was because I had told him I lost the baby. I hate seeing everyone so torn by my lies, and I’m gonna hate it when they realise my baby is still here.

While I was packing up my stuff at Michael’s it was this big event. Alex silently helped me pack as Michael sulked and Maria hysterically screamed in my ear to talk with Max. To them I was being a cold-hearted bitch ignoring my boyfriend when he was grieving, and one part was right I was bitch for doing all this. Love makes you do crazy things, I guess.

I had let the group down yet again by burdening them with my emotions and what made it even worse was that Isabel decided to come in and share her opinion too. I understood Isabel’s worries about Max but it just wasn’t enough to make me call him and speak with him. I had come this far and I wasn’t backing out.

She left in a steaming rage along with Maria who had been brought to tears by my cold shoulder. Michael had run out to console her while I impassively continued to pack my stuff; my demeanor giving off a cold hearted attitude the whole time when really I was dying inside at the hurt I was inflicting on all of my best friends…my family.

The only person who stayed in that room with me was Alex; he had spoken for the first time saying this wasn’t like me. I just remained silent still packing but when Alex swirled me around for a tight embrace I couldn’t help but let my tears fall again. I sobbed and sobbed into his chest crying because I had lost Max when Alex thought it was from losing my baby.

I appreciated his soothing embrace and let him take me home. The only good that came out of today was my parents. They both sat me down and told me how much they were happy to have me home and that I could still have my space but to know they were here. My mom spoke most of this as dad sat only occasionally chiming in.

I still had a lot of unfinished business with them, but now wasn’t the time to get into it especially when all this has happened.

It felt like a fog had lifted in this house, no longer did a dark cloud threaten to storm over us and I was thankful that one thing was looking up. That I might be able to forgive my parents…some day.

I walked from my desk littered with homework and textbooks and flopped down onto my bed. It felt so warm and welcoming to be back in my room, like it blocked out all the bad and held all the good. It was safe.

“Liz?” My mother's soft voice preceded a knock on the door as she poked her head in. I leant up on my elbows to look at her.

“I just wanted to bring you some food, your need to eat right for my grandchild.” She softly smiled and started to bring in a tray of food. I nodded to her to come in.

“Thanks mom.” I whispered as she placed a tray full of food in front of me, there was even diced fresh fruit along with a big salad sandwich and cookies.

“Wow, all this for me?” I gasped, looking at my mom. She looked utterly delighted to present me with so much food.

“Just wanna make sure your eating.” She said before sitting on the bed.

“Liz, what made you tell Max and your friends you lost the baby? I don’t understand.”

“Mom!” I whined placing the tray to one side and closing my eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it--”

“I know; it’s just…I know how much you love Max and I know you wouldn’t want to hurt him…. especially like this. There are other ways you could have made him go to Harvard.”

“No, Mom there isn’t!” I huffed impatiently.

“Okay, well I just thought there must be another reason behind it other than making Max have a better life.” She murmured before slowly getting up and walking out the door.

I definitely can’t tell my parents about Mr. Evans, I can’t get them or anyone else involved in this. No should know about it because if Phillip Evans is threatened at all by people knowing then it won’t be good for anyone.

I picked up the tray, finding myself surprisingly starved for food. After nibbling at a cookie within minutes I had devoured the whole tray of food licking my lips and finding myself at a satisfied full. I didn’t want to deny my appetite because the baby needs as much as it can get. I’m not neglecting my pregnancy anymore, everything I’m doing from now on is for my baby. I’ve already made that first step in pushing Max away, for both him and the baby. I don’t want anything to hurt the two loves in my life.

I mindlessly watched some T.V and then drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t that hard for me to fall asleep since I was doing it for two. Even though my sleep was not deep I still had nightmares of Max leaving and never coming back. I woke up in an upset panic and found myself splashing my face with water in my bathroom.

“God.” I muttered under my breath and sighed to calm my nerves a bit. The room was dark now; mom had obviously turned off the light and taken the empty tray away.

In the darkness I checked the time and saw that it was 3.16 am the world was completely still and the moonlight shone brightly into my room. The night sky was beautiful so I decided to rug up and sit on my balcony to get some good thinking time. I could think best if the world was asleep and I was awake to view the beauty of the night in silence.

As I crept out my window I froze completely when I saw a black figure curled up in my deck chair, obviously sleeping. Dropping the blanket I brought out I crept closer to see who was on my balcony snoring their head off.

The moonlight picked up the features of the person’s face and I sucked in my breath when I realised it was Max sleeping there, a part of me wasn’t surprised. His brows knitted together and I could tell he was having a nightmare like I was minutes ago. He moaned slightly and nuzzled his head more into the chair.

What was he doing here? How long had he been here? I guess this is one of the many visits I’m going to get for a long time. Maybe I should speak to him and make the final cut to the thin thread holding his heart together.

I sighed heavily and picked up the blanket I had pulled from my room and covered Max with it, tucking him in to keep him warm. He continued to whimper and nuzzle his head like he was trying to get so much closer to something. He looked so helpless, his face contorted in fear as he dreamt something terrible. I didn’t dare to wake him; I didn’t want to jolt him or move him because this way I’m close to him without the heartbreak and chasm I caused between us.

I moved my fingers up towards his forehead and then caressed his cheek continually. Max continued to jerk slightly and moan in his sleep but it seemed to calm him down somewhat as I kept stroking his face and hair. It was my fault he's having this terrible dream I want to rid him of it but I don’t want to wake him, because waking him meant talking to him and answering to many questions with too many lies.

I knelt down onto my knees beside the deck chair with Max slight curled up and continued to caress his pained features. I paused suddenly when he began to turn, my hand hovered over his head and he tossed one way and then the other. Finally Max returned back to where he was and then I suddenly saw a glisten of tears on his cheeks.

I looked closer to see that Max had started crying in his sleep. My heart dropped to my toes as I began to wipe the tears away, feeling my own tears blur my vision.

“I’m so sorry, Max.” I whispered through my own tears, trying desperately not to wake him with my suppressed sobs. I moved my head forward to kiss his forehead ever so gently and then kiss the tip of his nose. He still didn’t stir, but became a little more quiet. I kissed his forehead again and keeping my lips there I softly whispered “I love you.”

Max sighed contentedly and I couldn’t help but let those tears fall. This was probably the last time I’ll ever get to be as close to him as this from now on.

Clapping my hand over my mouth to keep the sobs at bay I quickly rushed back into my room, locking my window and jumping back into bed with my covers over my head.

I wept into my pillow knowing that Max must had been outside for hours probably just watching me sleep. It hurt my heart to deny him but I had to keep strong and not give in. As I continued to cry, not wrecked sobs but soft whimpers of sorrow, I finally cried myself to sleep.

***************

It’s been six days since I moved back into my house and five days since I saw Max. After the night I saw him sleeping on my balcony I woke up the next morning with a jolt remembering what had happened and that he was probably still out there. I had walked to the window with a knot of dread in my stomach but when I looked out, I was both relieved and a little upset to just see my blanket folded up on the deck chair.

I decided to not attend school for a week, but still have all my schoolwork sent to me through Alex. He was the only person really talking to me. I had been avoiding Maria because I know she’d discover what I was hiding and Michael didn’t talk to me because he was still sulking over me leaving the apartment and destroying his best friend. Alex said they’ll all cool down soon, but I think it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Now I think they just don’t know what to say to me and hold on to their anger or confusion and stay quiet.

To all of them, I was grieving a lost baby and hibernating till my wounds heal. Little did they know I was hiding away to heal my wounds over lying to everyone and keeping that lie a secret.

I wore baggie jumpers and shirts to hide my still growing stomach so no one will question me, it’s hard to not be paranoid about this whole thing, and why wouldn’t I be. Phillip Evans was a danger to me and to his family. I can’t walk down the street without looking over my shoulder now. But I know that he heard about the baby too. Just the other day he came into the Crashdown to leave a bunch of flowers to show his “condolence” over my loss. When my mom brought them to me I quickly threw them in the dumpster in the side ally.

I was disgusted with him, to even come and rub it in that he had won. But I’d rather him thinking he won than threatening my baby’s life and Max’s again. I just have to accept that life isn’t fairy tale, Max won’t come through that door still in love with me and wanting to take me far, far way to leave our troubles long behind.

I have to face facts; I’m a single teenage mother who has to lie to the love of her life to save his life. “There should be a play.” I scoffed with a twisted smile at my now changed life.

I sat in the quiet and empty surroundings of the Crashdown in the booth Max would always sit in. Continually mulling over and cursing for most of the things I was going through and thinking of.

Twisting the claddagh ring Max had given me around my finger I slipped deeper into thought. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off, to part with it in anyway. It brought me as much happiness as it did sorrow. It was the sign of affection from Max that I had always wanted, a sign of our deep commitment to each other. Like another form of marriage or bond.

It’s all I have left.

I jumped in my seat when I heard someone knock on the glass of the café door behind me. My hand flew to my chest in a fright and I whirled around to see Max staring at me through the glass still with his fist in place from knocking softly just seconds ago.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart raced in panic at him standing there obviously intent on coming inside. I turned my back staring fearfully at the table before me, what do I do? I can’t let him in and let him hound me with questions. I can’t just make up more lies, I had made up enough.

Max softly knocked again and my heart fluttered once more with anxiety, like the second tapping on the glass was proving that he was still there. I shifted out of the booth, thanking god I was wearing one of my really big jersy’s that hid my slightly noticeable stomach.

I came up to the double doors and stood opposite Max, the sheet of glass the only boundary between us. I crossed my arms trying to appear angry, but failing as I kept looking weakly up to him. Max looked so torn and twisted, it just added onto my ever-growing guilt.

“What do you want, Max?” I asked through the glass not at all intending to let him in.

“To talk.” He answered simply “Can I please come in?”

“There’s nothing to say.” I coldly retorted and began to turn away but stopped when Max all but yelled my name.

“Just let me come in,” He asked, his voice partly muffled by the glass. “Please, Liz?”

I spun back around and unlocked the door then stepped back quite a bit as I didn’t want Max to come close enough to hug me or touch me. It would all go to hell if he found out I was still very much pregnant.

“Thank you.” Max murmured as he stepped inside and looked over me.

“What?” I huffed exasperated, feeling uncomfortable under his surveying eyes

“I figured it out.” He said causing my hair to stand on end and my heart drop to my stomach. He knows.

“Figured what out?” The word quavered, I felt my heart flutter as he took a step forward and looked to the floor. This is it; he has come here to tell me he knows what his father did and what I did.

“That you knew I went to Boston.” I looked away fearing my emotions were plain in my eyes. He knew, and now everything I did to protect him and my baby has just fallen through. I’ve screwed up yet again.

“Liz, I’m so sorry. My father forced me to go to look at these stupid apartments. I swear Liz I had no idea that he would kidnap me like that. When I arrived I didn't leave the airport, I changed my ticket to return immediately. I got your call when I got back to Roswell.” Max was out of breath by the time he finished.

“And I’m so sorry to put you through all that worry….which lead to this. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” Max faltered emotionally close to tears, he couldn’t have surprised me more.

He didn’t know, he just thought I was pissed off at him for disappearing. And there was something in the way he said the last sentence and gestured to my stomach that stuck in my brain.

“Isabel said you were at my house looking for me, she didn’t admit to telling you about where I was, but I know that’s how you found out.” Max took my silence as a way to continue when really I just wanted him to stop.

“Liz, I’ll never forgive myself for putting you through losing the baby alone. I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault.” Max was openly crying and coming towards me with arms spread wide but I stepped back giving the impression I didn’t want him to come near me when I just didn’t want him to find out I was still carrying his child.

At my rejection of the embrace Max’s eyes fell to the floor, his teardrops collecting on his shoes as his body began to shake with pained sobs. It was killing me to just stand here stupidly as he was in obvious pain over to many emotions. There was something in the way he was speaking to me, like pleading me for forgiveness. But forgiveness for what? I was the one who should be on my knees pleading to him to understand what I was doing was for him and his baby.

Max swayed slightly as I stared at him, holding back my urge to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. But I had to end this; I had to cut the final thread. I walked up to him slowly as he continued to stare at the floor tears still falling. I hesitantly pulled my most treasured ring off my finger and held it out to him.

“I think you should take this.” I whispered, holding the claddagh ring with a shaking hand.

“Why?” Max breathed out, hurt.

“Too much has happened, Max. To a point where I don’t think love is enough to fix it. So you can have this back.” I faltered, hurting at what I was saying, still holding a shaking hand out for Max to take to ring.

“No.” He shook his head at the ring and then looked into my eyes. His amber eyes were dull with growing pain; I could see the soul that I was suffocating slowly to death.

“Don’t say that, Liz. Everything can be fixed, I swear.” Max pleaded through his sobs.

“With the whole Tess thing and your father…and now this. I just don’t think it's worth it anymore. The baby was the only thing keeping us together, now there’s nothing left.” I spoke in an icy tone placing the ring in his hand.

Max shook his head and looked at my hand wrapping his fingers around the silver ring “You’re lying!” He burst out.

“You’re lying, Liz I know you are! How can you just say that after everything we’ve been through and learnt from each other?” I stepped back at Max’s yells trying so hard to keep a straight face. It was taking pounds of strength to just stand here and watch as I stomped on his heart.

“It’s over, Max. Just accept it.” I forced out over the sobs building in my chest.

Max merely stared down at the ring in his hand openly crying and causing my heart to break once more at the beyond broken look on his face and the flooding turmoil running through his eyes.

“I can’t, I still love you.” Max choked out

He took my hand once more placing the ring back in my palm and closed my fingers around it.

“And I’ll never stop.” With that Max turned and left the Crashdown shuffling his feet as he did and walking into the night.

I tried to hold back on my tears and bit down on my lips as I turned to walk to the staff door. I had to clamp down on my emotions; I had to be strong. I was doing the right thing.

But no matter how much I said it was right my sobs still built until they were began to pour out endlessly. I collapsed on my knees on the floor crying wretched sobs, because I now knew I had officially cut right through his heart, that one last look said it all. I had succeeded in hurting Max enough to make him turn away and give up.

I looked at the ring in my hand and then held it to my chest feeling the full weight of having Max forever out of my life.

“Max….” I sobbed out into the silence of the café

“Max.”

TBC
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

throws chapter in and scurries away

Chapter 34

I had gone to bed with a heavy heart that night not really sleeping, just being plagued by insomnia caused by my own anarchy.

I turned over in bed waking completely and looked at the clock next to my bed. It was two o’clock in the morning and I had been tossing and turning for hours. I hadn’t been able to deal with the appearance Max made downstairs in the Cafe so I just had a long, tear filled shower and then went straight to bed to escape the world. I looked at my ceiling mindlessly and rubbed the expanse of my belly. Then I looked at the claddagh ring on my bedside table. It didn’t seem right for me to wear it anymore but I still valued it and wished it had never left my finger like Max had left my life.

I sat upright after a while and shuffled out of bed to turn on my light. I rummaged through my jewelry box with the pop-up ballerina in it. The box began to play Fur Elise, pinging its sweet little melody into the silence on the early morning. I finally found what I was looking for and extracted it from the box. Holding up a silver chain I moved over to the ring and looped the chain through it. If I couldn’t wear it on my finger, I should still cherish it by keeping it close to my heart.

I moved back into bed and under the covers as I clasped the necklace around my neck. I clung to the ring with one hand and kept my left hand on my belly resuming my vacant staring contest with the ceiling once more.

I felt the baby move under my hand and looked down to stomach still rubbing it as if to comfort it. “You miss him, don’t you?” I mumbled to the baby tears glistening in my eyes. “Me too.”

I jumped suddenly in bed with a gasp when my mobile phone rang loudly, disturbing the tranquil silence of the night. Throwing my covers off me I dived for my phone and checked the caller I.D. frowning at who would be calling at this time of night. The blue highlighted screen read “Isabel” I quickly picked up the phone and send hello.

“Liz, its Isabel.” Isabel didn’t bother with pleasantry, but the tremble in her voice got my attention.

“What is it?” I questioned panicking because I could hear tears in Isabel’s voice.

“It’s Max.” My heart skipped a beat and my mouth went dry. “He was in a car accident, he almost killed himself. We’re at Roswell Memorial hospital, I think you should come down.” Isabel didn’t even finish her sentence because I had hung up already and was getting into some pants before racing out of the house.

The drive to the hospital was agonizingly long, I felt like I couldn’t get there quickly enough. As I ran through the front doors of the emergency room in blind panic I asked the receptionist where Max was, but Isabel's voice calling my name from behind me made me whirl around quickly.

“Where is he? What happened?” I said closing the distance between Isabel and myself. I stared at Isabel's shaking form and twitching fingers. I braced her arms and shook her slightly.

“Is he okay?” I was now fearing the worst. Isabel weakly nodded and I felt a rush of air escape me.

“He'd been drinking and then got behind the wheel. A witness said he swerved off road into the ravine and…. it looked deliberate.” Isabel's words tumbled out, tears building in her eyes. I quickly pulled Isabel into an embrace and let her weep softly while I rubbed her back and went into shut down myself. I just stood there holding Isabel and trying to wrap my mind around what she just told me.

I felt numb, completely without thought or feelings. I was just numb, because I knew I was the reason Max got behind that wheel drunk.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience, that I was just watching the events unfold, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk… I was just numb. Something else had taken me over and I was an onlooker watching as Isabel cried on my shoulder as I mechanically tried to calm Isabel down.

“Where are your parents?” I asked in a flat voice as Isabel pulled back from my shoulder.

“They're in the room with Max. He just came out of surgery, they said he had internal bleeding, he broke his ribs and leg and banged his head up pretty bad.” Isabel looked heavenward shaking her head, “they think he could slip into a coma.”

I stumbled back slightly, feeling like I just got a blow to the stomach, everything was coming in too fast. How could Max just be talking to me several hours ago and now be in hospital in a serious condition.

“I’m sorry to put all of this on you Liz, after everything that’s happened. I just thought you should be here.” Isabel spoke quietly.

What was she implying? That I should be here to say goodbye to Max just in case he died? Just in case I might never see him again and this is my last chance to see him breathing. Well it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t. It can’t happen this way.

“I don’t know if visitors are allowed yet, I wasn’t even allowed in to see him.” She mumbled but I barely heard her, all I could think about was my lying to Max caused all this. I should be the one in that hospital bed.

“Liz, are you okay?” Isabel snapped me out of my haze of guilt with a shake of my shoulders. “Do you need to sit down?”

“Yeah.” I felt my control slipping and my knees starting to weaken.

Images of Max swerving off road into a pit of death played in my mind again and again. I felt Isabel guide my into a wheelchair close by and place a foam cup in my hand.

“Drink this, you’re going pale.” I barely took even a sip as I felt my world crumble around my ears. I kept seeing Max’s face when I spoke to him, when I pushed him away. That drowned looked of torture and never ending agony. It’s my entire fault, why do I keep hurting people. Why do I keep hurting him and not thinking of the damage it could do.

“I’m gonna go call the others.” I nodded vacantly at Isabel as she walked off as I stared at the floor before me trying to numb out the guilt washing over me like a monstrous wave.

This can’t be happening; it must be a nightmare. I must still be in my bed dreaming this and I’ll wake up any minute. I closed my eyes hoping that I would open them and find myself in my room but the sterile floor of the hospital filled my vision again. To my horror I caught a figure standing a few steps away out of the corner of my eye. “Mrs. Evans.”

“Hello, Liz.” She barely blinked and had the same demeanor as Isabel, frightened, vulnerable and twitchy.

“How is he?” I asked standing slowly, so my world wouldn’t spin and make me fall face first on to the clean, tiled floor.

“Not so good.” She murmured her lip trembling as she moved forward holding her hands tight together.

I hadn’t seen Diane in quite a while, she seemed to make herself scarce most of the time and I don’t blame her with a husband like that. She never showed any hate for me, so I felt okay to be around her…almost. Any moment I was waiting for Mr. Evans to come storming through that door and tell me to get out.

“I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Max was devastated just as much as you were.” She offered me a weak smile and I just nodded in return. Of all the things to happen I don’t want to hear the sympathy people have over my so-called loss, I don’t want to hear sympathies of a lie.

“Can I see him?” I asked quietly, hoping that my escape from Mrs. Evans would be worth it. Was I ready to see what I had done to Max, was I ready to view the now physical pain I had caused?

“I don’t know…but your important to Max so your should be by his side.”

“Thank you.” My words came thickly and I offered a small smile of gratitude and forced myself to step toward the wing where Max was.

“In here, Room 204.” Diane whispered ushering me into his room. Mr. Evans was in the distance talking to doctor in the hallway, he hardly noticed his wife or I entering Max’s room.

As I stepped into the dim room I saw Max lying on a bed of tubes and wires threaded over and through his body. I felt my heart drop to my toes and my breath catch in my throat as I looked at him so mangled and helpless.

“I’ll leave you alone; I’m just going to find Isabel.” I nodded back to Diane as she left the room and closed the door behind her.

The continuous beeping echoed through the room and drilled itself into my brain. How could this happen? How could I be here, standing only a meter away from Max’s torn up body, tubes sticking out of him and his life on the line?

I crept closer to the side of his bed, viewing the real damage for the first time. He had gashes and bruises all over his face and body, his leg was in a cast and his right arm was wrapped up tightly from what looked like a huge cut. Max's face was completely pale and lifeless the only color the crimson red and deep purple of his wounds and a tube was in his mouth to help him breathe better.

I raised my hand to brush bits of hair away from his forward and suddenly felt the reality come plummeting down on me. Tears fell from my face and on to his. I continually stroked his limp hair as I took in his unconscious condition.

“You’re a fucking moron, you know that!” I thickly accused letting my soft sobs come out in rushed breath. “Why would you do this? Why would you think getting drunk and trying to kill yourself would solve anything?”

Max remained still, not even twitching when my tears landed on his face and ran over his bruises and cuts. I was almost expecting him to wake up and look at me with those beautiful amber eyes that I love so much. But now I may never see those eyes shine down at me ever again.

“Max, wake up…..please wake up. I’m sorry…I’m sorry I hurt you all the time.” I bawled out into the darkness losing all control of my tears. “Please don’t leave me, don’t leave your baby fatherless…please.”

I blubbered out crying into his chest gripping at the paper thin hospital gown pleading for him to wake up, so I could feel his loving arms around me once more, so I could smell his scent…so I could tell him I lied and will never do it again.

“Max, please wake up…please.” I buried my face in his chest sobbing and pleading till my eyes were sore.

Suddenly I heard a soft click as the door opened and I jumped away from Max’s body like he was a hot stove. The figure walked in quickly to Max’s side, I didn’t realize it was Isabel till she came to stand on the other side of the bed to view her brother.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Liz. I just really wanted to see him.” Isabel's voice wobbled.

“It’s okay.” I backed away from the bed, wiping away my tears and hanging my head. I remembered that I shouldn’t even be here; I didn’t deserve to be here if I was the one who put Max in this bed. How could I be so weak and stupid? Isabel should still be pissed at me from the last time I saw her telling me off in Michael’s apartment.

“I’ll leaving you for some privacy.” I mumbled out while taking one last look at Max then at Isabel.
“Liz,” Isabel stop me in mid-turn I looked back to her sympathetic face “I’m sorry for yelling at you last time, I was just upset to see my brother so hurt.”

“I understand.” I smiled weakly, “I would have done the same thing.”

I walked out of the room feeling my heart drag along with me as I left Max in there unconscious and injured by all by my doings. The guilt washed over me again and again as I continued to see that crushed face I had witnessed merely hours ago. I shouldn’t have done it so coldly; I should have handled telling him in a different way. I shouldn’t have opened the damn door!

I shouldn’t have lied.

As I closed the door behind me I froze in shock when I saw Mr. Evans pale and shaking all over. He sat in a chair opposite Max’s room; his brow glistened with sweat as he stared vacantly at the floor not even acknowledging my existence. I just looked at him, finding no pity in my heart or soul for this man. Only pure hatred and disgust at what he did to his son his grandchild and me. Even though I was completely shocked to see him look so…shaken, I still had no sympathy for the man who should take some of the blame for causing this.

He slowly lifted his head to regard me with an empty look, I glared back in down right abhorrence shaking my head slightly and biting my trembling lip.

“Are you happy now?” I growled at him in anger, but all he did was drop his head back down and continue to stare at the floor. Finding it unbearable to be near Phillip Evans I stormed down the wing and back into the waiting room to find Michael pacing around with his hands braced behind his head looking heavenward.

He quickly noticed my half-jogging entrance and stared at my red face and shaking form. I ran into his arms trembling with sobs and renewed tears streaming endlessly down my face.

“M-Mic-hael…” I tried desperately to speak but my sobs overwhelmed me and made it difficult to speak. “It’s…m-my fault.”

“Liz, calm down. It’s okay.” Michael soothed rocking me slightly, but nothing would calm me down, because Max was lying in that hospital bed his fate on the line and I was to blame. The guilt flooded through every time I thought of it.

I cried louder into Michael's chest as he held one hand against my head close to his chest and his other hand rubbed the length of my back. I could hardly breathe as the tears and sobs continued to build with every image and thought that went through my head of Max.

“It’s…. all m-my fault.”


TBC
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

okay no talk i'll just post....

Chapter 35

Dawn began to break; the warm rays of the morning sun started to creep slowly into Max’s hospital room. I had been curled up in this chair for about seven hours either watching Max or slightly dozing.

I hadn’t really left the hospital since I first got here, which was over twenty-four hours ago. Max was still in the same condition but doing a little better. Isabel said she swore he moved slightly but the doctor said it wasn’t something to build hope upon.

These past hours have seemed endless, almost like there hasn’t been a day or a night, just endless hours of anxiety and grief. I had left yesterday morning for a short time to change into actual clothes and have a shower after being at the hospital the whole night. Michael had offered take me home after my little break down in the waiting room, but I refused so we both bunked in the hard waiting room chairs each drifting off to sleep occasionally and hoping for better news about Max each time we awoke.

Isabel and Mrs. Evans would take turns sitting with Max and then coming to talk to us about anything new or different in Max’s recovery. But that didn’t happen often. Max continued to remain unconscious.

Michael eventually left yesterday to go tell everyone what had happened and that Mrs. Evans and the doctor requested no-one to see Max just yet, me being the only exception.

And that’s why I’m here now, I offered to stay by Max so that Mrs. Evans and Isabel could get some real rest and sort things out. I insisted they leave because I wanted to have this time with Max. It had occurred to me while I was in the waiting room staring at the mouldy ceiling of the hospital that I had to leave Roswell and have this baby.

I ‘m leaving Roswell and all this stress and heartache behind; I have no other choice. I couldn’t just wait till Max moved to Boston or even choose to go before I could reveal my pregnancy to everyone else, and even by that stage it was be evident I still was. It's evident now if I weren't wearing my navy blue coat.

I can’t hide it like this forever, and if Max doesn’t leave, then I should. It made more sense to me as the hours ticked by slowly. I’d be away from that bastard Mr. Evans, I’d be able to keep my pregnancy a secret so my baby was safe and I’d be able to stay away from Max and not hurt him even more. I could figure things out and not have the weight of others on my back.

I stretched in the cushy chair letting the hospital blanket the nurse gave me fall to the floor; I wasn’t so sure about moving away at first but now I even have the destination planned. I could live with my aunt in Florida till I was ready to move out on my own. I could finish school here, which I’m only one more examination away from, and I could go make a new life after my baby is born.

Aunt Julie is always loving and nice to me, the only one in my family who didn’t hate me. I hadn’t seen her seen Rosa’s funeral but she always wanted me to come visit. I just need to run it by her and I’d be on the first plane whether my parents like it or not. It’s not their decision, it’s mine and they can’t stand in the way.

The only thing keeping me here right now is Max. I questioned whether to stay till he wakes up or just hop on a plane right now and never look back. But I was the one who did all this to him; I should at least stay till he gets better then leave. I owe him that much at least, and I also need to see for myself that he is back to health before I leave, whether awake or not.

I stood up and perched myself on his bed picking up his hand between mine. He had a little more color in his face today but his hand was still a dead weight in mine. The heart monitor continued to beep loudly in the silence almost disturbing the beauty of the morning with its reminder of Max lying helplessly strung up to monitors and drips.

“I wish you could hear me.” I murmured softly before kissing his hand “I wish there was someway I could tell you how sorry I am. But a simple sorry won’t cut it this time.”

“I made the biggest mistake in my life, Max. I shouldn’t have lied to you to just to push you away. I should’ve just come to you and told what happened. I’m a coward.” I caressed his cheek with my knuckles softly skimming over the stubble and bruises. Tears threatened to fall again for the hundredth time but I turned my head away and looked out the window to try and suppress the tears by taking deep breaths.

I felt that familiar movement in my lower stomach and placed a hand on my belly with a weary smile. I looked over to Max again and shuffled a little closer to his side. “The baby's moving.” I mumbled, unbuttoning my coat and then taking Max’s hand and placing it under my shirt and pressing his hand firmly onto my expanding stomach. "I think it misses you.” I joked, feeling the movement stir a little more.

Keeping Max’s limp hand on my stomach felt so upsetting. His hand was so flaccid and dead against my skin. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying again. Whatever possessed me to think that lying to Max about the baby to make him obey his father would actually happen? It was just plain stupid and pathetic. Looking back on when I was speaking to him last, and how his words were trembling with self-blame makes me realise that he thought I was implying that he was the reason the baby died.

I slapped my hand over my eyes kicking myself for not see that extreme damage I had caused him. He blamed himself for his little brother’s death and still does. He freaked out because he was terrified of somehow doing the same thing and hurting me too, just like he thought he hurt his mother.

I gave him his uttermost fears on a silver platter and then beat him to a bloody pulp with them. Max had told me time and time again his fears of losing this baby, like he expected the worst of himself and I made that fear a reality. I made him believe that he was responsible for this, how could I not have seen that! How could I be so fucked up and blind!

I continued to hold his hand on my belly swallowing my sobs and licking at my tears. How could I be so blind, how could I be so selfish, I’ve destroyed everything we built together in this relationship? I don’t deserve his forgiveness; I don’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness, especially mine. I’ve dug my grave, now I should bury myself in it. Because I’ve now officially fucked up the most important relationship in my life and I can’t get it back.

“I’ll always love you too, Max.” I repeated what he last said to me.

Bracing my hand on the other side of the bed, I leaned over and kissed his forehead and let my hair curtain around our faces.

I suddenly felt a twitch on my belly, and not from the baby.

I suddenly felt Max’s hand move in mine as I still held it in place over the baby. My eyes widened with surprise and excitement as I stared at his hand moving ever so slightly and when I finally brought my eyes back to his face I was met with blinking amber eyes.

“Max?” I managed to choke out while still hovering above his face. I jumped from my seat on the bed to stand over his face framing it delicately with my hands.

Max’s eyes blinked drowsily as he stared up at me like I wasn’t really there, he continually searched my now smiling face as I reassured myself that he actually was awake.

“Max…. you're awake.” I whispered thickly, completely sidetracked by his honey eyes looking up into mine helplessly. He looked confused and disorientated. “You’re awake. Y-You’re in Roswell Memorial Hospital, you had an accident.” He squinted his eyes a little bit in what I thought was uncertainty.

“I thought I’d never see you again.” I sobbed.

Just then a nurse came into the room. I had screamed that Max was awake and within minutes I was kicked out of the room as the doctors gave Max an examination. I paced outside the door for what seemed an eternity, which turned out to be only twenty-two minutes, before I was able to see him again.

“You can come in now.” The sweet voiced nurse that tended to Max most of the time spoke to me from the doorway.

“Is he okay?” I mumbled.

“He can breathe on his own now, we took the tube out. He won’t be able to talk much and he might be a little drowsy and out of it from the meds.” I nodded dumbly as I stared at the nurse, she held the door wide open but I suddenly couldn’t move a step forward. I was frozen in place in fear of confronting him. I could confront him when he was unconscious but when he was awake was another matter all together.

“Are you alright?” The nurse asked with a curious expression, I nodded quickly while biting my lip and looking into the room again.

“Just a little shocked.” I gave as an excuse, when really I didn’t want to go in and talk to Max just yet because I was going to get emotions and responses back, instead of an inert expression.

One thing I hadn’t fully come to terms with was telling Max about the baby, I knew I had to tell him now and I knew I was going too. It’s just all the confidence I had early was now replaced by anxiety. Max deserved the truth no matter what, because stupidly I put him through hell. I fully accept the fact that he may never forgive me or trust me again, but I deserve this punishment more so then ever.

I began taking baby steps to come into the now cold room, a strong rush of apprehension ran cold through my body as I came in full sight of Max. He lay staring at the ceiling oblivious to my entrance as I silently crept up to his bedside.

“Hey.” I trembled out; Max rolled his head to face me with empty, hooded eyes and an impassive face.

I sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand between mine like I had done before, “I’m so happy you're awake.” I smiled through tears.

Max just watched me; he blinked slowly and slightly gripped onto my hand. I bit my lip to stop from smiling because I thought I’d never feel him react to my touch ever again. I rubbed the length of his arm becoming overwhelmed by everything I was thinking of doing and saying. I can’t keep it from him anymore. My tears began to fall continuously one after the other, my emotions have gone uncontrollable nuts over the past week; I can’t even hold it together for a second, and this not being just the effects of pregnancy.

I ducked my head making my messy hair curtain around my face as if to hide my tears. When I bit my lip to try and get a grip I felt his hand cup my left cheek and wipe away my tears weakly. I looked up to his impassive features again contrasting with my face contorted from crying.

Even in the worst of moments, of weakest moments Max was there to wipe my tears away. I didn’t even deserve his comfort or gesture of love. Until he hears what I have to say he’s going to remain in a hellish place in his mind, torturing himself over what happened. I had to end it, now.

“Max--” a shaking hand moving across my face silenced me as his thumb rested heavily over my lips.

“I’m….sor-ry.” He struggled to speak but it seemed he found saying those words to me was too important to not push pass the pain. My heart dropped again with another load of guilt, I shook my head erratically and placed his hand away from my face.

“No, Max. I’m sorry….sorry doesn’t even cover how sorry I really am.” I whimpered coming closer to his face, clasping his hand close to my chest as if I couldn’t get close enough.

“Do…do you…” He cringed in pain, and so did I “…love…me?”

The question broke my heart and I almost couldn’t believe he doubt it. But with the way I’ve been acting towards him it’s no wonder I’ve put such doubt in his mind. “I never stopped, Max. I’ll love you forever…and nothing will changed that.” I whispered once more, now caressing the side of his face. A single tear rolled down his cheek and was absorbed into the hospital pillow.

“Which is why I have to tell you something.” I averted my eyes and then locked them with his now anxiety stricken ones. It was the first coherent emotion I had seen from him since he woke.

I snapped my mouth open and shut trying desperately to grip on to some form of courage that I was completely lacking at this moment. I looked down at his large hand curled around mine hoping that somehow I could just say that I had lied.

“Max I…” I looked up to him again, “I-I’m ….” I took another deep breath feeling my tears slightly fall again.

“Max…” I shook my head “Max its all my fault this happened, and I just…. I don’t know how to explain why I did such a stupid thing. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you. I thought it would save you, but it almost killed you instead.” I blabbered out in tears still clutching to his hand for dear life.

Max was obviously fighting to stay conscious as his brow knitted in focus and confusion. I fell silent for quiet some time but a soft squeeze of Max’s hand encouraged me to break him free from his self-hating and blaming nightmarish hell. I squeezed his arm harder to my chest not concerned that he could probably feel my tummy on his forearm. I sniffled once more and looked to his widening eyes.

“I’m didn’t lose the…. I-I’m still--”

“Pregnant.” Max harshly breathed out, snapping his hand away from mine as I nodded in verification. His eyes glistened and his jaws clenched together before he glared a thousand daggers into my eyes.

“W-Why.” He forced out in angry sobs of breath. I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me whole because I was never going to be prepared for such a disgusted and betrayed look flooding across Max’s face, among many other emotions.

“I-I don’t know, I did it out of fear because--”

“You…lied…to me!” He quickly breathed out again, traces of hatred building in his voice.

“Yes.” I looked down at my hands not being able to hold such a hate filled glare that was only developed for me and by me. The beeps of the heart monitor slightly picked up speed as Max’s blood boiled.

I continued to perch myself next to him as if I was a child cowering and waiting to be punished. But a silence stretched between us and I knew that was worse than anything else. I looked up to see Max staring vacantly towards the hospital ceiling, tears running down the sides of his face, he looked almost as paralyzed with heart breaking pain as I was with guilt and remorse.

“Max?” I whispered

“Get…out.”

“I’m sorry.” I whispered pathetically

“Leave!”

I slid from the bed and picked up the shattered pieces of my heart then shuffled to the door turning around to look at Max one more time before stepping out the door and bolting out of the hospital with a heavy heart.


TBC
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Hybrid-Angel
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

Thanks beautiful jackie, i'm flattered u like my writing. ( it hard for me to believe ppl think it since i sucked in english at school :roll: )

Okay as my beta put it, heres the uptempo chapter 36

Chapter 36

“Liz do you wanna take your bigger jacket?” Maria asked as she sorted through my closet and I packed my bag.

“No, it’s too much to take.” I murmured while pushing my jeans violently into the corner of my suitcase.

“But you’ll be getting much bigger than you are now, you need bigger clothes.” Maria said while crossing my room from my closet to stand beside me.

I had told Maria the whole story about my last couple of weeks, even the thing with Mr. Evans. At first she was seriously pissed at me and still kind of is for me not telling her and putting myself through such grief, then she accepted it a little hoping that she didn’t come across as a coldhearted bitch either after I lied to everyone about the baby. She admitted that she knew something was up, but she also knew I needed some space to grieve. But when I stared ignoring her calls she didn’t know what to do anymore, except to be persistent.

I apologized over and over again, but she said she’ll forget about it as long as I keep my baby safe and speak to Max. I cried and cried over her acceptance and having someone to tell my horrors too, which in turn made Maria start crying too. Maria was someone I cherished most in this time because she saw from my point of view and said it was somewhat understandable but totally wrong to do.

I found myself watching Maria as she helped me pack; I then quickly wrapped my arms around her as she was completely caught off guard.

“Whoa, what was that for?” She asked after I let go of our embrace.

“For being my best friend and sticking by me.” I softly smiled ad continued packing.

“Hey, who else was going to do it?” She nudged my side and smiled at me in return.

“So Alex should be up in a sec. Are you going to tell him?” Maria questioned casually but I froze up not wanting to face anger from another person just yet.

“I…don’t know. Kinda hoped I’d leave this place and you could tell Michael and Alex for me.” I more asked than stated.

“Liz, you didn’t just lie to Max. You lied to all of us. Good intentions or not we were all hurting from it Liz. You gotta face to music.”

“I know.” I sighed.

“Are you going to see Max before you leave?” Maria prodded as she retrieved my toiletry bag from my bathroom. “Florida is a long way, Liz. You owe it to him to tell him where his baby will be.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just I don’t know if I can face him again knowing just how much he hates me.” I sighed remorsefully “You didn’t see his face, Maria.”

“I don’t have to see it to know it’s true, Liz. What you did sucked and there isn’t any easy way out and you know that.” I nodded once again at her truth.

“Since when have you become such a fountain of wisdom?” I scoffed dryly

“Since my best friend made the biggest mistake in her life and needed some guidance.” She quickly replied coming back into my room with my toiletry bag and throwing at my chest. “It’s been a couple of days Liz. I’m sure he's calmed down a little for you to face him again.” I nodded again as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against her side.

“Okay, I’m going to go and get you some herbal remedies to take with you. I’ll be back soon okay.” Maria then placed a hand on my stomach giving it a little pat, “Auntie Maria will make sure you get all the vitamins and minerals you need.”

Maria quickly dashed out of my room keys jingling in her hand and all I could do was smile at her clucking over the baby and me. She had said that my slight bouts of depressions and lack of weight deprived the baby, so natural sources of nourishment from me and her mom’s herbal mixtures would make up for it. She called it ‘Mission baby care’, I let her do it even though I have the prenatal vitamins, but I think she needs to do it in a way. It kills off her panic and concern.

Just as I walked over to my desk there was a soft rapping at my door. I turned to see my mother hesitantly hovering at the door, not sure whether to come in or stay outside.

“Come in.” I urged her, which made her nod in gratitude before taking a few steps in.

“All packed?” I nodded in response to her question, still occupying myself in placing more things in my suitcase.

“Jules is so excited about you visiting; she wouldn’t shut up about it when I was talking to here on the phone this morning.” I glanced up at my mom again to weakly smile in response and continue stuffing clothes into my bag and walking to my set of drawers.

“How long will you be there for?” She asked finally what I expect she being asking in her mind for quiet some time.

“Mom, I told you I don’t know.” I huffed picking through my drawers.

“Because it could get too dangerous with your pregnancy to just fly home later on if you decide to come back.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my hands over my face. Mom hadn't been to keen on the idea since I told her, even when she fully accepts my wishes she won’t stop hounding me with excuses and worries of what could go wrong.

“I know, Mom.” I groan into my hands and walked over to my suitcase again feeling a little frustrated.

“What about Max, have you thought about what he wants for the baby?”

“Mom! Stop, please!” I finally snapped at her knowing that she was just worried about me, for what felt like the first time.

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure you thought about these things.”

“Well I do!” I snapped out again now throwing things into my suitcase

“It’s just you don’t wanna keep a reason between a father and his child, believe me I know.” Mom was plucking at the ears of a teddy bear Maria had given me for the baby. My frustration faded as I realized Mom was one person who knew such pain like this well.

I sat beside her on the bed staring at the pastel green teddy bear in her fingers “I know you mean well Mom, but I’m going to tell Max where I’ll be so he’s welcome visit if he wants. Not that he will.”

“He’ll visit, honey. He just needs to heal a little.” Mom soothingly rubbing my back with her hand as I frowned miserably knowing that healing over time might not work. Max would never just get past this, I’ve emotionally damaged him for the rest of his life.

I quickly turned into her arms and embraced her for the first time in what seemed an eternity. She was first shocked then she sighed and collapsed into my arms hugging me back like she did when I was a child.

I pulled out of her embrace and smiled softly at her knowing a bridge was mending between us. Tears glistened in her eyes and she returned my smile.

“Um, I have something for you.” She picked an envelope out of her pocket and gave it to me with shaky hands. I took the envelope from her and flipped it over in my hands. It was lightweight and it looked overly handled. It was slightly creased and tattered at the edges as I examined it closely. The print on the front of the envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Parker.

“What is it?” I asked looking over the never opened letter.

“It’s a paternity test I had done years ago.” Mom's voice wavered as I watched her stare at the letter like a venomous snake ready to attack.

“I had it done years ago…. But never had the heart to open it.” Her gaze moved from the letter to my open shocked expression. My jaw had literally dropped and my heart was racing with every second.

“When Rosa was about three I noticed an out of town businessman who came into the Crashdown everyday while I worked. He was very smart and handsome.” She trailed off slightly and seemed like she was replaying the moment. I hung on every word wanting to hear it, as much I didn’t want to hear it.

“Your father was very busy trying to keep the Crashdown open for business and I was solely taking care of Rosa most of the time. I loved you father very much but sometimes…people make mistakes. I never wanted to be with this other man but one day your father and I had a big fight and….” She trailed off, her tears falling like her falling heart. Mom seemed to be revealing this for the first time because she was finding it genuinely hard to say.

“I told you father when you where about eight and he saw it as a permanent dagger to his heart, and it could never mend. His pride and joy was ripped away from him and he hated me for lying to him. That I was never sure of the paternity.”

Every word was just heartbreaking as it was surprisingly close to what I was experiencing only I didn’t leave lying to Max fester on and on. I held onto Mom’s hand and made her look at me.

“I forgive you, Mom.” I stuttered the words slightly before hugging her once more. She was completely shaking in my arms and I couldn’t help but sympathize. Forgiveness was a big thing and hard to do but it also lets the painful past go to heal over bad wounds. Mom didn’t need to have this open wound with me anymore, because not only do I crave forgiveness from most people and especially Max, but I understand her vulnerability and living with such fear and heart ache for so many years that it's time to let go of the grudge.

After sobs exchanged between us, I felt Mom needed this more than anything and it provided her with such relief because now there wasn’t a wall of misunderstanding or anger between us. We’ve pushed down a barrier that separated us for many years.

Mom let go to wipe away my silent tears and frame my face with her hands. “I’m sorry for everything, you know that right?” I nodded smiling wearily and sniffling too. We composed ourselves together to then both stare at the letter sitting in my lap.

Taking a deep breath I peeled open the envelope while Mom still stared at it like a dangerous animal about to be unleashed. I unfolded the letter and examined it closely a small smile creeping across my face.

“What does it say?” Mom was breathless with anticipation

“Our DNA paternity test reveals that Mr. Jeffery Parker is the biological father of Elizabeth Anne Parker.” I read aloud with a growing smile to my mother, who then snatched the letter from me to read herself as if I were lying.

She skimmed over the letter holding a hand over her month and then finally taking a hitching breath and trying to keep her tears at bay. I merely sat smiling softly at this new chapter in my life. Ever since I found out about this I had a cloud of doubt and fear loom over me, making the back of my mind linger with such hurt that I might have not been my father’s real daughter. But now that cloud had lifted, now no questioning of whom I really belonged too. For a time I thought it was something good, like an opportunity to have a better father then what I had now. But I knew in my heart that I didn’t really want an anonymous stranger to be my dad. There was only one man who really filled that part of my life; tyrant or not his was my Jeff Parker is my dad.

“Are you going to tell Dad?” I asked after a long silence; Mom seemed completely dazed and looked at me like she didn’t really hear my question.

“Are you planning on telling Dad?”

“Yes, but not right now. Maybe when he gets back from his appointment.” Mom answered folding the letter back up

“What appointment?” I asked in utter bewilderment, I knew Dad wasn’t at home right now. I hadn’t been home at this time all week, I never really questioned where he went everyday now, just as they didn’t question me where I would go.

“He’s been, um--” Mom averted her eyes “seeing this therapist over a month now.”

“What! Dad’s getting therapy? Why?” I all but yelled, dad seeing a therapist was like a fish out of water.

“He’s been going to Dr. Hilmar ever since you moved into Michael's. When he locked himself in that study I was concerned and offered for him to seek some help. He finally did that day you left, and we found out he was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”

Mom said everything way to quickly, therapy and Post-traumatic stress disorder in the same sentence as Jeff Parker was somewhat ridiculous. My father can’t even go to the doctors for a flu shot without complaining how doctors just want to squeeze you dry of money and never actually help people. It kinda explained why Rosa was never put through counseling. But my dad actually receiving help was just…

“Shocking isn’t it.” I nodded in a dumbfounded expression not sure what to say.

“It adds up if you think about it, he never really grieved properly over Rosa or accepted her death. And with your pregnancy and standing you ground much like Rosa did it triggered something in his mind. Everything just came tumbling down.” She sighed finally while I reeled from what she was saying.

“Yeah, I guess.” I spoke under my breath still getting my mind around everything that just came tumbling down in my world.

“Well I’m just going to make some dinner.” Mom warmly smiled and walked out of my room with a glimmer of peace in her eyes.

I merely sat for a few moments smiling over the fact that I wasn’t a stranger’s daughter. But it didn’t mean everything thing was mended with my father. After so many years of bottling everything up in his heart only now did he seek help. Everything must have festered away in his mind eating at him slowly, and I can’t help but think Max could go down the same road my father did.

“Hey I’m back, got a few of them but it all worth it when…” Maria stopped in front of me a bag of small vials in her hands. “What’s up? You look a little spaced out.”

“Can you drive me to the hospital?” I asked while grabbing my denim jacket.

“Why? Is everything okay?” Maria watched curiously as began to walk out of my door way.

“Yeah, I just have to talk to Max.” I said in a hurry before pacing quickly out of my house, Maria following close behind.


TBC
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Hybrid-Angel
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

it's on the first page. :wink:


Chapter 37

I stood at the doorway of Max’s hospital room swallowing at my fears and building some courage. I couldn’t just leave tomorrow without letting Max know how I felt and why I did such a stupid thing.

Which lead to the question that plagued my thoughts ever since I got into Maria’s car, was I going to tell Max about his fathers threats?

I wasn’t sure right now if it really mattered because I still did a pathetic and hurtful thing, blaming it on his father was too easy in his eyes. I would only look like a worse person for trying to wiggle my way out of this mess and trying to get sympathy when I didn’t deserve it.

I shifted my weight as I stood in the doorway, not breathing or moving. I just watched Max vacantly stare out the window into the gloomy night sky. A small bedside lamp softly lit the hospital room up causing shadows on his impassive face. The only thing the convinced me that he was not dead was the beeping monitor and hitching rise and fall of his chest.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t dead on the inside.

I took a deep breath and knocked hesitantly on the doorframe, Max didn’t move a muscle or invite me in. He just remained still, blinking slowly and staring out the window.

“Hey Max,” I barely spoke as I walked into the room coming to stand a few feet away from his bed. I felt unwelcome to be near him at all, “I came to talk.” There was still no response from him and I took it as a sign to just keep talking.

“What I did was unjust Max, and I know you must hate me right now. I wasn’t thinking and I’ll never forgive myself. And I don’t expect you to forgive me either.” I spoke slowly taking a few more steps closer, now standing at the end of his bed.

“A part of me thought that maybe if you didn’t have me or the baby as an obligation you could go to Harvard and your dad wouldn’t make your life hell anymore. The other part was scared because your father….he--”

“What makes you think you were ever an obligation?” Max faced me for the first time. “What makes you think I give a fuck about what my father does?” Max spoke coldly his voice as cold as his penetrating glare.

“I just thought--”

“You thought wrong!” He cut in breathing heavily, like this was taking a lot of strength.

“For the first time I really see what you’re all about, Liz.” His cold tone making me shiver “You’re selfish and pathetic, and I can’t believe I loved you.”

His callous remark cut through my heart but I didn’t shed a tear, this was my ultimate punishment, having the love of my life hate me.

“You’re right, I was selfish and a coward. I was so confused by--”

“By what, our love for each other? You have no idea how much I love that child, how much I held onto the fact that I would be able to hold my baby and know that it would love me not matter what.” His voice wobbled, and I watched his once pale face redden with rage.

“I know.” I pitifully responded

“Then tell me why you fucked me over Liz! Tell me why you repeatedly play with my fucking emotions!” He yelled while spring up in bed ignoring his physical pain “Is this a game to you!”

“No.”

“Then what! What the fuck do you want from me?”

“I want you to be happy.” I ducked my head trying to hide me silent tears of remorse.

“I was happy.” He composedly said in an icy tone. Silence stretched between us as I wiped away quietly at my tears.

“I’m going to Florida to visit my aunt. I don’t know how long I’ll be there for; I just thought you should know.” I finally looked back up to his hollow eyes he stared at me like I was nothing but an insect.

“So you’re running away now?” He huskily asked grilling me as I stood at the foot of the bed.

“No…I--” I shook my head in defense

“Thought that leaving everything behind to clear your head would fix everything; that leaving this fucking mess you made behind would clear your conscious, Liz?” I ducked my head again letting to rolling tears drop to the floor.

“You lied to me, Liz. In the worst way ever. How could you do that? I never lied to you.”

“Max, I’m--” I sobbed out.

“Don’t!” I bit my lip at his sharp tone, I wasn’t sure if my crying or my lame apologies was what he didn’t what to hear. Maybe both.

“How can I fix this?” I whimpered out

“You can’t.” Max whispered close to tears himself.

I averted my eyes to the floor shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I bit at my lip trying to find something to say, but I was too heart broken to even speak. I looked to Max once again and started to move towards the door, but the baby disapproved.

I stopped abruptly running two hands over my abdomen feeling the baby give a swift kick on the side of my stomach. I had never felt it kick that strongly before. I remained in that spot smiling inwardly at how much the baby stirred whenever I was around Max.

I turned back to Max who was staring at me in total complexity, his brow knitted together and his pale face scanned over mine. I ignored his angry remarks and the hurt that flood through my body and walked to the side of his bed. Max watched me curiously as I continued to hold my stomach. He looked fearful and angry all at once, different emotions played over his face as I stood next to him.

Without words I let go of my stomach and picked up his clammy hand. It stiffened at my touch, but I ignored his reaction and placed his hand on the side of my stomach where the baby was kicking. I pressed his hand tightly against my tummy with both hands watching his face as he watched mine. The baby gave another strong kick underneath Max’s hand. Max’s eyes dropped to my stomach where I held his hand tight, a small smile graced his lips for a simple heart stopping moment before returning to its impassive façade.

“It’s the first time I felt it so strong.” I whispered “Only happens when I’m around you.”

Max’s eyes welled up with tears, one slowly rolling down his face. It seemed like this was reassurance that I was lying, that I was still carrying his child.

“I could say I’m sorry a thousand times but it wouldn’t add up to how much I regret what I did and what I had implied that made you get behind that wheel.” I slowly whispered still holding his hand on my stomach for dear life.

“I deserve everything you said to me and more so. But there’s one important person who doesn’t deserve all this heart ache.” I said as Max brought his unreadable eyes back to mine.

“Will you be a part of this baby’s life, Max?”

“I never said I wouldn’t, Liz.” He pledged sliding his hand away reluctantly from my stomach. I nodded slowly backing away and heading for the door.

“Liz,” He stopped me a few steps from the doorway. I turned my head back to see his face contorted in hurt “Why?”

He asked a question with many meaning’s: why this all happened, why I was so mean to him now, why I lied, the reasons as to why I lied, why everything fell apart.

Why do we hurt each other.

“Because I love you.” I bluntly answered, as I believe it was the reason behind everything I had done.

Max watched helplessly as I left his room, my heart dragging behind me. Obviously things were going to be harder than just packing my stuff and leaving.

I know Max is right, I knew that I was running away but I never admitted it. It just proved how much of a spineless person I really am.

I dragged my feet one in front of the other trying to focus on getting out of here. I hung my head low feeling every word Max said to me penetrate like a thousand sharp knives.

Suddenly I bumped into a firm chest; I stumbled back mumbling my apologies before looking up to see Phillip Evans towering over me. I gulped audibly as I looked up to this evil men, who was able to hurt me through manipulating my mind and making me cause the damage I did. He takes half the blame for causing all this havoc

“What were you doing in there?” He asked in a blank tone, his face impassive and his stance stiff. Like father, like son.

“I was saying goodbye to Max. That’s what you wanted wasn’t it, for me to be out of his life. For him to hate me.” I harshly spoke glaring hatefully up to him. But he only returned a calm glance my way.

“I never wanted him to hate you. You did that on your own.” He said self-righteously. I would have decked him right then and there but he moved past me and into Max’s room.

Phillip Evans makes my blood boil and I hate that he is the grandfather of my child. He doesn’t deserve to be after everything he did and was willing to do. I stormed through the double doors of the hospital wing to see Maria standing with Mrs. Evans. They were talking quietly to each other before I came storming into the waiting room. Tears welled in my eyes as I came to stand next to Maria.

“I’m ready to go Maria.” Both Maria and Mrs. Evans curiously looked over me like I was the most fragile thing they had ever seen and were waiting for me to crumble.

“Let’s go.” I walked out while Maria was saying goodbye to Diane.

I sat in the car wondering whether to scream and yell over that bastard Mr. Evans or sob and cry my eyes out from what Max said to me. I was too overwhelmed by everything I just wanted to scream. And I did. I beat the dash board screaming and losing some control before collapsing back into the car seat.

“Guess it didn’t go well.” Maria mumbled out next to me in the car. I hadn’t noticed her next to me the whole time.

“No.” I huffed out closing my eyes and taking deep breaths

Maria started the car before giving me this peppermint smelling oil which she claimed cleared your mind and calmed nerves. After several big sniffs of the mixed oil I was neither calm nor clear minded. I began to tell Maria what happened unenthusiastically.

“So you didn’t tell him his father was behind it?” Maria questioned after I recalled the last few moments with Max.

“Nope,” I bluntly answered “I tried; Max just was to angry to let me finish.”

Maria abruptly turned the steering wheel of the car making it do a full, shrieking, 360 degree turn to face the direction of the hospital.

“Are you crazy! You could have killed us!” I yelled to Maria as she persisted in driving back the way we came “Why are we going back?”

“Because I’m so sick of having my best friend be an emotional roller coaster ride. I’m sick of you hiding things from Max that just make things worse. Now I’m taking you back to the damn hospital so you can tell Max what his father did to you.” Maria rushed out hysterically, which scared me a bit since she was a maniac when hysterical and behind the wheel.

“Maria, it won’t help. It’ll just look like I’m trying to seep my way out of the blame, when it's my fault. It’ll just be worse for Max to deal with me if he sees me as more of a heartless bitch, which I already am to him.”

“Liz, I don’t give a shit anymore alright. If you don’t tell him, I WILL.” Maria pointing to me accusingly

“What’s the point Maria, either way he’ll still hate me and I can’t just waltz back in there and say ‘Hey, your father is the bastard behind all of this so please don’t hate me.’ It doesn’t work like that, Max would only retaliate by telling me I should have just come to him straight away. He wouldn’t see how I did it because I thought his and his baby’s life was in danger. Why would he see it that way after my lies and his hate for me now?”

“Because Liz, he almost died and his life is always going to be in danger with the prick Mr. Evans around. He needs to know Liz, it’ll make things better.”

“No, it won’t Maria! I know it won’t, he hates me. And what if I did tell him, I could open up a can of worms with his father and risk everything all over again.” I forcefully spoke to Maria, who had fallen silent.

“Please, just turn the car around and take me home.” I exhaled noisily.

Maria rolled the car to a stop on the side of the road. She cut the engine and snatched the smelling oil from my hands taking a few sniffs herself.

“I just wanted everything back the way it was, before the baby. Back to when we were still all teenagers mucking around and not having a care in the world.” Maria mumbled taking another sniff of the oil before placed it back in my hands.

“Me too. But we can’t go back Maria. Everything’s changed.”

“The past five months have been hell, Liz. I was so worried in the beginning when you told me you were pregnant, you went through a scary depression that made me feel like I lost my best friend. You’re so different now, Liz and it scares me that I might lose you again with all this crap you put on yourself. When I heard about Max I was sure he was going to die for a while there and I was preparing myself for the worst, then he woke up and now…”

“What?” I pushed her on tenderly

“It just feels like your doing it all over again, Liz. I thought everything would just fall into place and you and Max would work it out. I thought everything would be okay again.” Maria gripped the steering wheel ducking her head.

“I’m sorry, Maria.”

“Me too.” She looked up to me before we embraced each other in a sisterly hug.

“Just promise me you’ll cut this doom and gloom act long enough to get my little niece or nephew out.”

“Promise.” I sniffed and smiling a little at letting a different emotion take over, the sisterly love I had for my best friend.

“C’mon we still got some packing to do. And maybe a traditional movie and ice cream fest.” Maria moved back behind the wheel to drive us back in the direction of home.

“Wait, can we stop at Alex’s first.” I asked as she pulled back onto the road.

“Yeah, but he’s at Michael’s playing boyish playstation games and eating pizza.” Maria snorted out in girlish disgust

“Even better.” I murmured

“Why?”

“I want to tell them about everything. They're my best friends too, they deserve to know the real reasons why I’ve been so distant. I don’t want to leave here letting my lies fester, it’s not fair and I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Wow, when did you grow up so fast?” Maria commented, lighting the mood.

“When I knew there was a more important life then that depends on me.” I quietly spoke sliding my hand down my belly

TBC
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

Thanks for feeding and reading bellaz! :wink:

i promise i'll fix this...and if i don't u have permission to bet my ass. :D

Chapter 38

“Do you think you have everything?”

“Yes, mom. If I need anything I’m sure Aunt Jules will have it.” I reassured my clucking mother who had checked my luggage three times claiming I must be missing at least one thing.

She tucked a strand of hair that had come lose from my braided pigtails behind my ear and smiled into my eyes. She practically glowed all over. After finding out about dad really being my biological father, she returned to the mother I knew who couldn’t keep still and hummed while she worked. I hadn’t seen that woman in a while, and I was glad she was back.

“Now you have Jules' phone number so she can pick you up at the airport when you get there and wait till she can help you with the bags. No lifting Elizabeth, I mean it.”

“Okay Mom, I have to go.” Just as I said that Dad came back from loading my bags into the check-in counter.

“Thanks for the help, Dad.” He smiled in response, kissing the top of my forehead hesitantly.

“Have a safe trip.” Was all he said and it was enough. Mom had told dad last night. And when I came home after being at Michael's I was surprised to be embraced tightly by my weeping father.

I was shocked at his approach since he hardly ever hugged me like that, he still had things to work through and so did I but it felt right to share a hug with him that he probably had needed for a longer time.

“Okay, I’ll speak to you when I get there.” My mother hugged me one last time in her monster grip before I headed to check-in with my ticket and on to the waiting area near my flight.

The airport was bustling with a few people either power walking to their gate or just strolling to it. I found gate 5 and sat in its waiting area, a few people where watching the small TV screen to the left of the waiting area while others chatted or read magazines and newspapers. I sat near the window where the plane would be and threw my backpack in the sit next to me.

After last night I was exhausted from my visit to Max and telling Michael and Alex what really happened. Michael of course was furious and Alex understood but was angry. Luckily I had Maria there as a back up, she calmed Michael down snapping him out of his hot temper. Alex was just happy I didn’t lose the baby, and so was Michael. But Michael still was pissed at me for hurting his best friend and hurting him by lying. I told him he had ever right to be and things kinda cooled down a little from there.

I went home shuffling into my room and thinking a flight the next day was so not what I needed. I just wanted to sleep, I was too emotionally tired to even think or move. The whole night I was plagued with dreams of never seeing Max again I woke up in a cold sweat this morning trying to get a grip on reality. But the worst thing that has lingered in the back of my mind was Max’s cold words “So you’re running away now?”.

He was right, I was running away from all this. But how could I stay when the love of my life hates my guts and probably wishes I was dead. I can’t stay when I just need some breathing spacing, I need time to think.

Okay now I’m lying to myself, I can’t stay cause I’m scared of what I’ve done to people, I’m scared cause I don’t want to face anyone anymore. I just want some peace of mind. And I admit I’m a coward, because how can you pick up you heart when it’s shattered into billions of pieces.

“This seat taken?” A mellifluous, elderly voice snapped me out of thought.

“Ah, no go ahead.” I answered moving my bag to the floor in front of me.

An elderly woman sat down much the way I had, holding her back as she eased her way into the seat. She warmly smiled at me and I returned her smile before looking back down at my twiddling fingers.

“How longer now?” She gestured to my stomach while clasping her hands in her lap.

“Oh, I’m almost five months now.” I smiled to her rubbing my little stomach, the expression on her face showed she was thrilled to know, much like all woman clucking over babies.

“Not long now, your first baby expect since you look very young.” Her honey voice asked again.

“Yeah, first one. I’m a little nervous about it.” I replied enjoying talking to some stranger about my baby, and them not knowing everything I’ve gone through. To her I was a young lady expecting her first child and nothing else.

“Everyone’s nervous the first time, nothing to be scared about really. I remember when I had my oldest child, Nora, I was a young mother such as yourself and totally terrified but when I saw her little face and her little fingers, I couldn’t remember why I was so scared to begin with.” She began to ramble on, like most older people do, but I liked to hear it. In some ways it was comforting to have an experienced woman who didn’t mind sharing her wonderful moments with you.

She reminded me of Grandma Claudia, a sparkle in her eyes and a warm smile always on her face. It felt nice to be in the presence of that warmth only grandmothers seemed to radiate.

“That’s why I’m on my way Florida, Nora's expecting her second child in a couple of days and I’m going there to make sure things don’t go too crazy.” She scoffed a little to herself and I couldn’t help but be in awe of someone who was so open and caring.

“So why are you off the Florida, dear?”

“Well I’m going to visit my aunt, I haven’t seen her in almost five years. Plus I just had to get away from home.” I wasn’t telling her the full story, because who wanted to hear that?

“Hmm, sounds like you just want to get away from your life.” She assumed with a questioning sidelong glance before reaching into her bag and pulling out some knitting needles and a ball of yellow wool.

“How could you tell?” I asked amused as I watched her begin to knit at what was starting to look like a tiny baby’s booties.

“You’re young and you have that look in your eye like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.” She looked up from her knitting to eye me with a knowing look.

“You right. I’m basically running away from my problems.” I admitted to her dropping my head again, why lie about it now?

“Why is that?” She queried

“Because I don’t know how to fix things.” I confessed, not feeling weird about telling a stranger my problems.

“It couldn’t have been that bad. Everything on God's earth can be healed if we let it.” She assured me, but obviously she didn’t know my damage.

“I don’t think this can be healed.” I murmured rubbing my stomach absentmindedly.

“I’m guessing this is untreatable thing happened between you and the baby's father?”

“Is it that obvious?” I asked sarcastically

“Only a little, dear.” She laughed warmly “I’m Ella, by the way.”

“I’m Liz.” She extended her hand and I happily shook it.

“So tell me, Liz. Is running away something your husband approves of?” She questioned with another of those sidelong glances as she expertly looped her knitting.

“Well no, and he isn’t my husband.”

“Oh, so then he's your boyfriend?” She asked without a trace of judgment, most people of her generation disapproved of pregnancy and sex out of wedlock.

“Yeah, but I, … we’re not going out anymore. We were too complicated and we hurt each other too much without realizing it.” I mumbled, miserable at reflecting our past.

“Ahh, but that’s the best kind of relationship. Perfection isn’t that we share happiness together, it’s the way we fight and still know we love each other at the end of the day. It’s not love if it isn’t complicated.”

“I’m not so sure it works out that way for us.” I shook my head laughing at the idea of her words, she hadn’t met me yet. The person who turns love away.

“Do you, did you love him?” She asked putting her knitting on her lap

“I still do.” I said without hesitation

“Then it can be healed. Love heals us, Liz. Not words, love.” She said as if it was so simple.

“You haven’t met Max and I yet. We're like an emotional wreck, outdoing each other's pain unintentionally.”

“I’ve been there Liz, my husband Rupert fell terrible sick when I was pregnant with our third child, Jake, Rupert I had to tend to because he couldn’t take care of himself always worrying about others than himself. I had to take care of everything myself, the two small children, a sick husband, work, everything. And then I one day I just gave up. I ran away for a almost a month and I almost planned on never coming back.” She smiled to herself as she knitted.

“But I couldn’t stay away from my children and I was due to have Jake soon so I returned home. Rupert was furious but happy I had returned, after we talked to each other he explained his side of the story, saying he took me for granted and I cried saying I was a terrible wife. Rupert was outraged I would just up and leave like that, leaving our kids like that. But time healed us and so did our love we still had for each other.”

“Wow, you're really brave to do something like that.”

“No, I was a coward.” Ella sighed, she was starting to sound like me scarily enough. But she was lucky to get her husband back, I might not ever get Max back.

“The only way you’ll get past it, Liz is if you don’t hold back on Max. Take the risk to tell him you love him still.” She gave her last words of wisdom asour flight was called.

I merely stared at her as she gathered up her things not noticing how much she was stirring my thoughts up with every word that left her mouth. Taking such a risk was something that wrecked my body and I don’t know why. Maybe because I know he doesn’t love me anymore, at least not like he used too.

Flight 707 to Florida is now boarding…” The overhead speaker called for a second time.

“Well it was lovely talking to you Liz.” Ella spoke as she got up “take care of that baby…and yourself.” She smiled warmly one last time as all I could do was nod and weakly smile back.

“You too.” I murmured before she walked to the gate.

I began to pick up my bag still tossing up over my decision. On one hand I had a chance to run back to Max to tell him I love him and risk my heart being broken again or I can hop on that plane and let it take me away from all this.

Final boarding call for Flight 707 to Florida….

I moved over to the line of people to enter the gates, biting on the end of my ticket as I shuffled slowly forward with the line up of people. I arched my head heavenward closing my eyes and hoping for some sigh. I was at a fork in the road, one lead to freedom and the other lead to heartbreak.

“Miss?”

I looked towards the voice to see a flight hostess curiously smiling at me. I looked back in confusion as to what she wanted realizing I was at the front of the line.

“Your ticket, can I see it?” She asked warmly, I shook my head to focus handing her the ticket and stopping when I saw a pay phone out of the corner of my eye.

“Can I just have one minute?” I asked.

“But Miss we’re boarding right now--”

“I know, I just have to make a phone call. I’ll be quick.” I spoke as I quickly walked away and towards the pay phone ignoring her calling to me to get on the plane.

I dug around furiously in my pockets for a coin praying I had one. I plucked free some lose change and fed it into the slot. Dialing the number of Roswell Memorial hospital I impatiently shuffled my feet one to the other repeating “C’mon” into phone for someone to pick up. Finally it picked up.

“Roswell Memorial Hospital.” A desk nurse automatically spoke into the phone.

“Yes, can I be transferred to Room 204?” I didn’t even get an answer; the phone just clicked and started to ring again.

I saw the flight hostess hurry some late comers into the gate and throw another look my way as if to hurry me up. The rings seemed incredibly slow and endless, why wasn’t anyone picking up the phone. Max had it right beside his bed, and it’s not like he’s left, he’s there for another two days at least.

“Pick up you bastard.” I murmured into the phone, becoming restless with the endless rings “C’mon.”

“Miss? If you want to catch this plane I suggest you board now.” The flight hostess spoke beside me making me cling to the phone a little longer.

“Okay.” I spoke in defeat gently placing the phone back on its receiver.

I guess that was that’s it, Max strangely enough isn’t picking up the phone at the hospital, unless something has happened to him. I stopped dead in my tracks a few meters in front of the boarding strip in a panic. But my panic was forgotten when I heard someone call my name.

“Miss, please. You need to board now.” The hostess was becoming annoyed so I brushed off that it was in my head. I took a few more steps into the boarding strip, when I heard my name called again. This time I know I wasn’t imagining things.

“LIZ!” I whirled around to find the voice calling my name and my heart jumped up into my throat as soon as I spotted him.

“Max?” I whispered in question, my heart swelling to see him hobbling towards me on crutches it was taking every ounce of strength he had to move his body. He looked like a wounded soldier.

“Max, what are you doing here?” I questioned, worried at the sight of him as I jogged the small distance between us.

“You shouldn’t be out of bed, you could hurt yourself and--”

“My father told me.” He simply cut me off, not knowing how much his words made my hair stand on end. I couldn’t read his thoughts like I used to too, I can’t see what he’s feeling right now.

“Told you what?” I managed to ask to my surprise. Max’s ashen face looked into mine.

“That he threatened you, that he scared you into doing…what you did.” He quietly replied taking another wobbly step forward to frame my remorseful face. God, to feel his touch again.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” He softly hummed in question as my jaw snapped open and shut while tears streamed down my face.

“He said he’d hurt you….and the baby.” I whimpered out pathetically

I dropped my eyes to the floor waiting patiently for my next installment of heartbreak but not before I told him I still love him. I lifted my eyes once again. His hands were still framing my face but I didn’t get to speak a word as Max threw his crutches aside and embraced me.

I let the tears fall openly hugging him back, gently, so as not to hurt his still bruised ribs, I felt like I was dreaming. I could smell his scent; I could feel those lovely arms around me once again, for the first time in a long time I felt like I was home. It was unspeakable bliss that flowed through me this minute. I didn’t ever want it to end, because this was a step, a risk for us. Max risked hurting himself physically by coming here and I let myself risking being heartbroken by the truth once more.

I’m just glad it wasn’t over a phone call.

Max released his grip using my arms for balance as I gripped his forearms staring up at him openly crying silent tears. His amber eyes sparkled with his own tears.

“I’m still hurt, Liz.” I ducked my head feeling that heartbreak creeping to the surface again “but I don’t want to lose you again.”

I let out an audible sigh at his last words, closing my eyes in thanks and opening to see Max smile just a little. I missed that smile.

“We have to make things right, together. Not separately.”

“I thought you hated me.” I mumbled sniffing a little bit and now recognizing the onlookers watching us.

“I did. But it didn’t mean I don’t still love you.” He choked out lifting my chin so our eyes connected.

“I’m tired of all this emotional crap, Liz. I want us to start over, no lies. Even if it starts as friendship.” I nodded thankfully at him not knowing what else to say.

“I can’t live like this anymore, Liz. I can’t have my heart broken over and over again. I want to trust you again, I want to know you again. Please?” He whispered bluntly.

“Miss, are your boarding the plane or not.” The angry hostess chimed in behind us causing me to look between the gateway and Max. It didn’t even need to be spoken.

“I’m not boarding,”. I turned back to face Max, “I’m staying.”


TBC
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

Sorry bout the delay...thanks for the patiences guyz. :wink:

Chapter 39

“Come in.” Max said from his doorway to his new apartment.

“Thanks.” I replied softly smiling as I waddled in and took a seat on his well used, second-hand sofa. The only thing really occupying the empty apartment.

It had been two weeks since I blew off Florida and a lot of things have changed between Max and myself. After Max raced out to see me at the airport with no permission from the hospital I took him back so he could rest up from such a strenuous ordeal.

We talked at the hospital briefly about our next step and we decided on fixing our friendship first. Trust was gone between us and I had to earn that back from him. It wasn’t easy talking to him about why I had been so foolish, because it’s hard to interpret how I felt at the time.

Max understood my best interests were in him and the baby, but still he was angry I lied to him about the baby. This led to both of us in tears, I cried about hurting him in the worst way while he cried about how he thought he was the reason why I wasn’t the same person anymore, that he had destroyed the baby and me.

Heart breaking guilt after wave of heart breaking guilt poured out of our souls until we both decided to leave it in the past. We knew we were both sorry for everything. But we were along way from patching it all up completely.

It’s hard to sit here knowing everything I know and be comfortable. I know Max knows I still love him. Love was the only thing we had for each other through our pain, the only thing we held onto. Max revealed that after I had left him at the hospital Mr. Evans had taken that opportunity to tell his son what had happened.

Obviously when I had left the room and bumped into him that’s when he did it. I also found out that Mr. Evans had actually apologized to Max about it, but Max wasn’t so forgiving. Apparently Max had rejected his father's search for forgiveness and said it should be directed elsewhere. That elsewhere meaning me.

And that’s why Max is living in this new apartment he has rented out of his own money, he simply couldn’t live under the same roof as a father who is willing to sacrifice his own son for his own well being. I couldn’t be more proud of him and so happy that bastard Phillip is getting nothing.

“I’m glad you were at graduation today.” Max walked over with one crutch to sit next to me on the couch. “I’d love to see everyone’s face again when there saw your belly.”

I smiled looking down at my tummy rubbing it as I always did. It was kind of upsetting to be in the audience watching my graduation. I couldn’t be there because I already graduated a few weeks ago. But it was worth seeing Michael achieved a scholarship he worked so hard for, Maria perform a song she wrote about ‘Change’ and dedicated to me, Alex mooning the entire audience and of course Max getting up and giving a speech to the crowd as an honor student.

“Yeah, Mr. Seligman almost flipped when I came waddling up to thank him for teaching me.” I laughed softy along with Max, then a silence stretched between us.

“That was a beautiful speech you gave today.” I finally said, averting my eyes and trying not to look at him directly.

“You saw me talking to Tess didn’t you?” Max bluntly asked with a sigh.

After all of this she still scared me, I still felt so threatened even when I knew Max wouldn’t do anything like that again. I turned to face him, finding his eyes were already staring into mine.

“Your father told me that you and Tess went to Boston together, and that she’s going to Harvard too. Was it true?” I queried, searching his face for answers. We still had many things to discuss, especially this topic.

“Well he lied, I don’t even know if Tess went to Boston.” Max recognized that I didn’t look convinced.

“You know that when I landed there I hopped on the next plane back home. I didn’t even step outside of the airport.” His words reassured me, and I nodded feeling relieved at letting out another question I had lingering in my mind for weeks, even months.

“So what did you talk about?” I slyly asked trying to cover my concern.

“She asked me if I was going to be at her Graduation party.” I looked at him with horror in my eyes and impassive features, but it deflated when I saw a smirk on his face.

“I told her no and I wished her good luck.” He simply replied giving me another reason to expel a sign of relief making his smile a little wider

“Good.” I mumbled fidgeting with my hands and letting that awkward silence resurface again.

“Liz,” Max said after a while “Tess was nothing to me and still is. After remembering what happened that night I just don’t have that much respect for her anymore.”

Wait a minute. He remembers that night? As quickly as it came to mind the words blurted out my mouth.

“You remember it?” I questioned with dread in my tone. Max looked back to me in confusion and I felt my entire body tense at his gaze.

“Kinda, yeah.” He said softly, obviously he didn’t want to get into it. But I sure as hell did.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I blurted out and watched as Max moved uncomfortably in his seat then picked at his bandaging on his arm.

“I was going to, but I chickened out each time.” Max stood quickly and moved to his new, untouched kitchen behind the counter. I stood up, with difficulty, and followed after his limping form.

“How long ago did you remember it?” I asked thickly, trying to keep my emotions at bay. Stupid hormones.

“Not too long before you lost the…I mean before I was flown to Boston.” He finished hesitantly as I wanted to crawl into a hole and just die.

To Max that day would forever haunt him as the day he was cruelly lied too, to him it was a day he lost his baby. I kicked myself mentally for the thousandth time for being such a dumbass. Max saw my ashen features as I groped for the nearest stool. Thinking about it made my head spin.

Max dashed to my side bracing my shoulders and guided me to the stool to perch myself on it.

“You okay?” Max searched my body as if the troubles were in plain sight. “Do you need some water? I’ll get you some water.” He started rambling in panic.

“No I’m fine. I just got a little light headed that’s all.” I quickly stated grabbing his arm firmly to stop him from making a fuss.

“Sure?”

“Yes.” I exclaimed taking a few deep breaths and moving back over to the sofa with Max holding me the whole way in an overprotective manner that made my bruised heart swell.

“So,”

“So…?” He stared at me, questioning what I was getting at.

“Did…” I stopped as I sat back down, with him crouching in front of me watching me ease into the sofa.

“Did you…” I hesitated once more looking down at my fingers picking at each other.

“Did I…?” Max prodded.

“Did you…like being with Tess?” I rushed out the rest of the sentence, still looking at my fingers and sulking somewhat. The question had always been in my mind ever since Max told me he had…slept with her. God I couldn’t even think it without stumbling on the words.

Max placed his hands on my bare knees; I tried desperately not to notice my flimsy, floral summer dress slipping up my thighs a few inches by his hand movements. His hands were so large and warm making my legs tingle with goose bumps. What he thought was consoling me was making me wanna be closer to him. Much more closer.

Damn hormones!

“Liz, like I told you before. I didn’t want to sleep with her at all.” Max soothed, his hands still resting on my upper knee.

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t enjoy it in the end.” I incoherently spoke out making Max crane his head back closing his eyes in what looked like prayer.

“God, Liz I hated it alright. I was so confused about what was going on around me that I called out your name.” Max confessed jolting up right and grabbing his crutch to walk over to the kitchen again.

“Oh.”

“That’s it. All you can say is ‘Oh’?” He asked from the fridge where he was obviously picking around for something to eat. I stood up again, slowly, and walked over to view the empty fridge with a few bottles of water and some left over Chinese food.

“Why did you call out my name?” I asked in bewilderment; Max turned slowly bring his eyes to mine.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged “Guess it was like I was calling out for you, like in someway closing my eyes and pretending you were the one kissing me would make me feel better.”

I blinked rapidly, what could say in response “Thanks for thinking about me while having sex with Tess” that didn’t sound right but then again what else would I want him to tell me. I watched as he dropped his gaze to the floor taking interest in his cast leg.

“It didn’t help.” He whisper out “If fact, it made it worse.” He brought knowing eye back up to meet mine and I could see a pleading glisten in them.

“Well, I’m sure Tess would have loved hearing that.” I smiled out at him lighting the mood between us. He thankfully smiled back. What else could I do after everything we’ve done to each other but to forgive and try to forget. It’s not to say that I’m still not upset about a few things, but why hang on to a grudge.

We continued to smile at each other till I notice to empty fridge again. I reached over for the phone and started dialing, Max just stared at me in wonderment as I placed the phone to my ear waiting for someone to pick up the phone.

“Hey, Mom.” I voiced into the phone “Yeah, I’m at Max’s new place. Uh huh…yeah. So listen I’m just going to help him out with a few groceries...”

Max leant up against the fridge crossing his arms over his chest at what he was hearing from my side of the conversation. By the time I hung up Max was still staring at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“Groceries?” He asked in a deadpan tone.

“If you expect to live on your own, you need food to survive. Especially after your accident, you need all the strength you can get.” I ranted on as I grabbed my bag and walked to the door.

I turned back to see Max still standing behind the counter looking at me like I was joking. “C’mon.” I pressed on making him huff out audibly and grab both crutches and swing to my side.

“But I hate shopping.” He pouted childishly as we made our way to my car. I couldn’t help but smile all the way to the car. His jeep was beyond repair from the wreck and he now had a blue Chevelle, but he had yet to drive it with a broken leg.

“Too bad.” I sounded in front of him opening the passenger seat door and grabbing his crutches as he heavily hopped into the passenger seat.

I leaned in close, just hovering over his lap as I put my bag down at his feet, making sure I didn’t drop it on his leg. As I began to back out Max stopped me by grabbing hold of the silver chain around my neck.

“What?”

At first I was confused at what made him take hold of my silver necklace, till I realized that it was the necklace I worn with the ring on it, the claddagh ring he gave me in commitment. The ring I tried to give back to him the night of the accident.

I hovered close to his face as he held the ring in his fingers examining it closely. I could feel his shallow breaths against my lips and cheeks; he was so close that I could almost taste his swirling breath.

“I thought you would’ve got rid of it.” He mumbled, now lifting those syrupy gold eyes to mine. I didn’t even blink as I started to fall into those emotional eyes.

“No, I could never have got rid of it.” I shook my head finding him now dangerously close.

“Then why did you try and give it back that night?” He whispered painfully. I ducked my head at hearing that pain, that heart ache I caused.

“I…I thought I didn’t deserve it. It represented everything I loved and destroyed. I thought giving it back to you would cut the last thread of our relationship. I thought it was the right thing to do.” I ruefully recalled.

“I didn’t deserve to wear it on my finger, so I wore it near my heart instead.” I finished feeling uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

Our eyes were locked and it was hard to try and turn away from him. My back was now straining from bending over like this for so long, but I didn’t care, I just wanted to lose myself in his eyes, those swirling pools off honey gold. But Max eventually dropped them to the ring he still held in his finger.

I started to back out knowing that it was probably best to not be so close anymore even when I wanted it so much. As I straightened up Max’s fingers lingered in the same placed as the chain pulling the ring slowly from his grasp.

I threw his crutches in the back seat and circled around to get behind the wheel. Before I started the car I looked over to Max who was staring ahead in a daze, obviously seeing the ring had stirred something inside him. Because even when I looked at the ring, memories and moments flooded into my mind and I had to know if it was happening to him.

“Whatcha thinking about?” I asked gripping the steering wheel and locking eyes with Max when he snapped out of his vacant stare.

He hesitated for several moments, shifting in the car seat and scratching his ear prolonging the moment. He seemed unable to even speak what was going through his mind, which is what made me reach across and take his hand giving it a soft squeeze.

“Please tell me.” I whispered, uncertain if I should be pushing him to speak.

“I was…just thinking about that night.” He said clearing his throat and looking everywhere else but my face.

“What happened…after you left?” I stupidly asked, I knew very well what happened but I wanted to hear it from him. I bit my lip as I watched him squirm under my scrutiny. I was pushing him too much. I shouldn’t be pushing him.

“I… I’m sorry…I should’ve asked.” I stuttered turning back to the steering wheeling and reaching for the keys that swung from the ignition.

“I don’t remember much.” He whispered staring ahead like he was watching it happened all over again.

“It’s hard to remember exactly what happened because I …had a lot to drink and the head injuries don’t help.” He perched his elbow on the closed door and rested his head on his fingers.

I hang on every moment trying not to given in to a desire to hold him and never let go. God, this guilt would never go away no matter how hard I try to not think about it or not watch the pain flash over Max’s face when he spoke of that night.

There was one thing I couldn’t let remain unsaid, I needed to vocalize it before it drove me insane. Because it would never go away till Max answered it. We're talking about that night now, and may never again. I have to ask because I can’t let it fester in my brain anymore.

“Did…did you intentionally drive off the road, Max?” I asked slowly with trepidation

Max dropped his head and then lifted his glistening eyes to mine “I don’t remember.” He whispered; but with a knowing gaze that sent alarm bells clanging in my head. He averted his eyes but I could see it, he didn’t want to voice the truth but he couldn’t hide it when it was so evident in his eyes.

I turned back in my seat to face the steering wheel again, my eyes blinking rapidly at the tears as I turned on the ignition roaring the car to life. Suddenly it was like I didn’t know what to do in the car; I blanked out only seeing Max abruptly crashing because of me.

I placed the car into gear and accelerated only realizing I still had the brake on. I quickly took of the brake and revved the car to life again to only start reversing backwards. I hadn’t put it in the right gear and by now I was slightly hyperventilating and sniffing back sobs.

“Liz?”

I started to act like a nervous idiot on their driver test doing everything there is to do wrong. Finally I gave up banging my hands on the steering wheel several times before sitting back in my seat to place my hands over my mouth and try to calm down.

Max reached over and turned off the ignition watching me as I gasped for air. I felt my hands begin to shake and a few rebellious tears slowly make there way down my face.

“I hate so much what I did to you,” I spoke into my hands making my voice muffled. “I don’t know how you can forgive me after the way I treated you.”

Max then took me by surprise, running his fingers through my hair which made me turn into his hand lovingly. I can’t care that I was responding with my affection glistening in my eyes, I didn’t want to hide my feelings from him anymore. And that’s what I saw in his face as he leaned in close so our breaths mingled together in short hot pants.

I watched as his eyes lingered in mine making me feel tingling shivers roll through my body from head to toe. I watched with growing excitement as his eyes dropped to my lips and then back up to my eyes.

“Because I love you.” He answered

And then we kissed.

TBC
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Hybrid-Angel
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Post by Hybrid-Angel »

Okay next chapter, enjoy :wink:

Chapter 40

The kiss was simple and sweet but released all demons and left heavenly serenity, his lips were as soft and warm as I remembered and just as heart melting in the way they fit perfectly with mine.

Max’s lips melded with mine in such slow burning hunger, I felt a rush of swelling contentment as I he kissed me with such care that tears streamed down my cheek as I was captivated by his touch that I once thought I’d never feel again. To have him this way, in this tender caress was more than heartwarming.

And when our hunger began to take a more passionate form as our tongues slightly touched each other, it was an electric jolt that pushed us apart in breathy shock. We practically jumped away from each other groping back to our realities.

I looked into Max’s eyes as he looked into mine and all we seemed to do was just stare at each other dumbstruck by actions that were too fast but too uncontainable at the same time.

My mind swirled with a haze of rapture, excitement and swelling delight. Max took my breathe away with one simple kiss and did it again when I felt his slick tongue glide against mine quickly. How did we go from misery to fleeting passion so quickly? Did I really just feel Max kiss my lips?

I brought my fingers to my lips lingering on the tingling sensation I felt, I then licked my lips tasting him on my tongue. I saw out of my dull haze of confusion and bliss that Max averted his eyes awkwardly.

“Sorry.” He whispered turning back in his seat a little more and keeping his head ducked as if he just did something wrong.

“Don’t be.” I spoke out in my astonishment.

Max looked back up to me with a boyish smile that I hadn’t seen in so long that made my heart swell and growing butterflies flutter in my stomach. I returned his smile and then turned back in my seat to start up the car.

This time I didn’t put the car in the wrong gear or leave the brake on but pulled out onto the main road with ease and girlish delight growing as I sneaked a peek at Max every couple of seconds to see if he in anyway regretted kissing me. But I was put at ease when I saw him stare out the window trying to hide a smile of exhilaration.

There was silence the whole way to the store, it wasn’t filled with extreme tension but peaceful thinking. I mindlessly drove the whole way thinking about that kiss and nothing else. Max sat next to me quietly caught up in his thoughts, he was now so close but yet so far, I just want to be mesmerizing in that kiss again. That meaningful kiss.

I knew that it was too soon for us to be making that development, we still had lots of things to work out and build and understand between each other. That’s what I think stopped us when a little reality rained on our parade at the second our tongue sought each other.

Deepening that kiss would’ve led to bumps in the road. We can’t jeopardize it by getting hot ‘n’ heavy with each other and resolving nothing. But, oh God it felt so good.

“Ah, Liz.” Max’s voiced snapped me out of my progressing thoughts, I turned to him wondering what he was talking about.

“What?” I asked blankly as if he caught me in the act of impure thoughts, then taking my eyes off the road of only a second to look at his face.

“You missed the store.” He answered by pointing his thumb behind us, smiling a little at my stupidity.

“Oh! Crap!” I realized in shock slamming on the brakes and cutting a U-turn. Which earned me a honk of annoyance from an unhappy driver as I crossed into the opposite lane to head back to the store.

“Liz, take it easy. I’ve been injured enough as it is.” Max yelped as I swerved back into traffic.

“Sorry.” I apologized without looking away from the road and pulling into a parking space.

“I hope that wasn’t my fault.” Max said as we came to a stop, I looked at him bewildered.

“What do you mean?” I asked as if I didn’t know what he was talking about.

“That I upset you with that kiss.”

What! Was he crazy? I’d asked him to do it again if I could, I’d also ask him to do a lot more then kiss…Stop! Focus! My little inner voice was getting the better of me. Max looked down at his hands and he obviously wasn’t joking. “Of course not.”

“Because I think it’s really important to patch up our friendship and see where we go from there--”

“Me too.”

“And we shouldn’t dive into anything too quickly--”

“I know.”

“And I just didn’t want you to be offended by that kiss--”

“I wasn't.”
“I don’t want it to be ruined before it’s began and--”

“Max! Max, it’s okay.” I interrupt him by taking his hand to get his attention “I wasn’t at all upset about that kiss….I just got lost in thought back there.”

Max nodded his head in relief “So...were going to take things slow.” He asked more then stated.

“Yeah, slow.” I agreed before I got out of the car and walked around to help him get out inwardly smiling the whole way.

Something lifted between us in those few moments, like a fog of awkwardness burning away in the sunshine so that we could be real with each other again. A trust was starting grow I realized quickly as I handed Max his second crutch. That kind of trust that puts your soul at ease so you can have some faith in giving that person you whole heart again. To be loved again.

It dawned on me at that moment that Ella, the elderly woman from the airport was right. Love does heal us, if we let it. The old woman’s wise words echoed through my mind as I watched Max swing his crutches forward and then limped forward with them.

“You coming.” He asked a few steps up the sidewalk turning his head to regard me.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” I voiced to him, locking the car and waddling up to him where he waited patiently a small smile on his face.

“What?” I smiled back in question wondering what he was grinning about now.

“Nothing, you just look really beautiful.” He confidently told me as I giggled back in girlish delight.

“Yeah, if you call being as big as a house attractive.” I cajoled back to him looking down at myself

“You’re not as big as a house.” He shook his head at me “An apartment maybe, not a house.”

“Max!” I slapped him for his smart-ass comment.

And that was it, we were back to that care free, joking around couple I once knew. But this time something more was between us, like we had grown in more ways then one.

It was a rocky road to achieve it, but we got there because of our love and hope. Maria once told me that Max and I were soulmates, a destined to be together forever deal, that not even we could destroy it. I didn’t really believe it at first, especially over these past six months, but now I do really believe it. If it weren't for our deep, ever growing love for each other we wouldn’t be here right now.

Even when we were brutally hurt each other that love was inside us always. If it wasn’t I’d be in Florida right now and Max would be in Boston. Certain parts of myself can never explain how much my actions will haunt me, how I can’t explain what possessed me to lie to Max about our baby, why I was selfish and why I thought I was the victim constantly. Max was the victim, I hurt him, his father, Tess and he was even a victim of himself.

I stopped dead at that final thought, Max had almost died because of everyone’s wrong doing around him and here he was a smile on his face as approached me in the aisle throwing junk food into the trolley.

“Max! You don’t need double choc chip cookies, double choc chip ice cream and chocolate covered doughnuts.” I held up the doughnuts giving him a scolding look.

“Next visit to the hospital will be because of a heart attack.” I continue reaching down into the trolley finding even more junk food. I looked up at his innocent smile and couldn’t help but shake my head, laughing at how Max’s appetite for junk hadn’t changed.

“But I need it for strength.” He pouted watching as I placed three different packets of cookies onto the nearest shelf.

“What you need it meat, vegetables and fruit. Not endlessly supplies of sugar-fried fat.” I spoke as I empty the trolley of a packet of fun-size snickers and a packet of Oreo’s.

“Since when did you become so health conscious?” Max pouted childishly once more hobbling on crutch’s along side me as I pushed the trolley down the aisle.

“Since I didn’t want my baby coming out looking like Augustus from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate factory.” I pointedly smirked back at him, stopping in the cereal section.

Max stooped down having his head close to the top of my stomach “Don’t worry little guy, I’ll make sure you experience the wonders of a sugar high.”

I giggled half at his comment and half at the tingling way his hot breath felt through the thin material of my dress. Max straightened up to give me a mock return of my smirk. I shook my head at him as he continued to smile at me which suddenly turned into something different, something that was mixed between love, desire and indecision.

I watched as those honey-golden eyes darkened into something more and made me squirm under his rapturous scrutiny. Our eyes just seemed to lock on each other, like we were drinking each other in for the first time in ten years. Like we were taking in each other's changes internally and externally.

Max was a little thinner in his build but still held a muscled figure; his hair had grown out of its clear cut, spiked up style and now was flat. He also had this scruffy look which just made him look all the more handsome; the five o’clock shadow highlighted his chiseled features. The Max I once knew was a boy and now was replaced with a man, I almost stumbled when I realised the overall change he endured and I’m sure he noticed my rounded belly and longer hair. But it was like he could see something else in me.

“Bang! Bang!” A little blonde haired boy yelled in front of us snapping us out of our gaze. Our heads snapped to the little boy pointing a toy gun at Max’s chest continually clicking the trigger of the gun.

I laughed as I watch Max play along letting out a fake moan, holding his chest where the imaginary bullet hit and slumping over a little and saying a southern accent “Ya got me, partner.” Making the little boy giggle in delight at Max’s playing and me swell with girlish awe over how well he got on with kids. His going to make the perfect dad.

I giggled along with the boy who was then called by his mother at the end of the aisle, Max watched as the little boy ran still looking at him and waving as he caught up with his mother. Max waved back at the boy and then looked up at my beaming eyes.

“What?” He shyly smiled at me in confusion.

“Your such a softie.” I chuckled while giving him a playful push.

“Yeah, well tell anyone and I’ll have to kill you.” He chuckled back lightly

“You're going to make a great father.” I vowed to him, which made Max eyes glitter and wash over with emotion.

It was like hearing the words for him were something he thought no one would say or believe. “That means a lot to me.” His voice wobbled just a little and after a short silence he turned around and fetched two boxes of cereal

“Now, Captain Crunch or Coco Puffs?” He shook each high-in-sugar cereal at me one at a time.

“Both.” I finally said after a mock ponder over which cereal, Max mockingly looked back at me like I had gone crazy.

“Both?” He teasingly grasped before throwing each box into the trolley with a grin.

“Health conscious my ass.” He muttered next to me as he we walked side by side down the aisle, our old chemistry crackling between us.

By the time we had finished my car with full of food for Max’s apartment, along with some everyday necessities like toothpaste, dishwashing liquid and paper towels. Although Max threw in a lot of unnecessary items and nagged that he didn’t need so much stuff I had, for the first time in a long time, fun with Max. Just being close to him, being around him and talking to him that didn’t involve tears was something that just put a spring in my step.

It was evident because I smiled the whole time we drove back to his place munching on one of Max packets of Oreo’s he snuck back into the trolley. We talked about the light hearted stuff that I missed talking about like Michael and Maria’s temper’s and how Isabel’s return felt like the gang was back together again.

We discussed and laughed how Isabel, the once Ice Queen and evil Cheerleader that reigned over our school was now taking an interest in the once computer geek Alex who has completely changed from his trip to Sweden. We talked about how we had all changed over these past six months and how we thought it would turn out much differently.

Max had vowed a year ago he’d make sure he’d get into Med school and not follow his dad’s orders of having to attend Law school. But now, he didn’t mind that thought as much as he did before, he’d be going to Harvard, getting a great education and get a very comfortable living in the near future. But something in the way Max told me, the quaver in his voice of abandoning his dream as a doctor didn’t make me believe he wasn’t that devastated.

I let it slide for now, but I didn’t want Max to give up a dream so quickly plus I was hoping that I wasn’t the reason for him to give up on that dream.

As we started to unload the car we placed our first load of groceries at the door when we noticed it was ajar. With alarm floating between us slightly as we looked at each other then back to the door Max then protectively pushed me behind him and opened the door fully.

“Dad?” I heard Max call out as I now got to see Mr. Evans turning to face us.

“Hello Max,” He then noticed me peeking from behind Max and gave a noticeable frown of displeasure at the sight of me “And Liz.”


TBC
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