Roswell Fanatics

~Alex~

"Oh Alex. I dunno what I'm going to do."

Wrapping my arms around her I memorize the way it feels to have her pressed against me...knowing this will probally be one of few the few times she is in my arms.

"Its ok..we will get him back."

*Maria*

"Its ok..we will get him back." He mumbles into my hair.

Being in his arms it feels like old times. Back many years ago before the demons and darkness. Sometimes I wish I could go back and appreciate the simplicity of it. The innocence of a love that knows no bounds.

I enjoy being cradled in his embrace for it will not last long. Stolen moments is all he and I will ever share. He's in love with another woman ,and the man I love is being held captive by a psycho.

Ugh, that'll bring you back down to earth. I slide from his grasp unwilling to come to terms with the conflictions I feel.

"I. don't know how." I asy feeling completely helpless.

~Alex~

"I. don't know how."

Maria pulls away and I immediatily miss the warmth of her body. I miss everything about her. I miss her touch...her kiss...being able to hold her in arms..to be able to call her mine. Everything seemed so simple back then. It was the five of us,Kyle, Tess, Maria, Liz, and I. We were family. Maria and I were together..in love.

Before I realize what I am saying I say "What happened...to us? Why did you end it..end us without as much as a goodbye?"

*Maria*

In an act that both shocked and devastated me, Alex asks the question that had been on his mind for the last 5 years.

"What happened...to us? Why did you break up with me?"

I shake my head glaring at the wooden floor beneath my feet. It is now that i flashback to the first time he asked me that. We were at some stupid baseball game Kyle had bribed us to attend and to be honest I can't even tell you what teams were playing, but I can spout off exactly what Alex was wearing and the lines in his face as he listened to my lame explaination. You are such a good friend. I had said. We will always be friends, but nothing more. If only he knew the many hours of practicing in the mirror it took for me to say that to his face.

Coming back to the present I am haunted by ghosts of two people who once existed but now do not. They live only in my memory. One that encase the times we spent together.

How can I answer his question? No matter what responce I choose we'll both be hurt in the end. So I just go with the truth.

"Because I didn't want to lose you." Even I laugh bitterly at the stupidity of that excuse.

Fighting back tears I continue, " I found out about the curse. Grams told me because she feared we were getting too close. She sensed a change in me. I was happy ,and I wasn't talking about leaving Roswell. That's how she knew that iwas in love. She didn't tell me to end it ,but the worry in her aged eyes bore into me. I'd lost my Grandfather and my Father to the curse. I couldn't bare to think that something would happen to you ,because you cared about me."

I bring my eyes to meet his ashamed and afraid of what his might reveal.


"I loved you too much." I state tears cascading down my cheeks.

~Alex~

"Because I didn't want to lose you." I cringe when Maria lets out a bitter laugh.

I found out about the curse. Grams told me because she feared we were getting too close. She sensed a change in me. I was happy ,and I wasn't talking about leaving Roswell. That's how she knew that iwas in love. She didn't tell me to end it ,but the worry in her aged eyes bore into me. I'd lost my Grandfather and my Father to the curse. I couldn't bare to think that something would happen to you ,because you cared about me."

"I loved you too much."

I feel tears well up in my eyes and rapidly try to blink them away but it doesn't work.

"It could have been you..instead of Isabel...it could have been you carrying my baby." I whisper.

*Maria*

Alex's expression twists in a silent pain and I can't help but agonize over the fact that I put it there.

"It could have been you..instead of Isabel...it could have been you carrying my baby." He says softly seeming to try to collect his thoughts.

"Huh?" I take a step backward both physically and emotionally.

"Isabel's pregnant?" His tortured face tells me that it's true.

Well, I bet Oprah never did a special on what you are supposed to say when the boy you fell in love with when you were 16 tells you is having a baby with a demon.

"Um.. Congradulations." Is all I manage to get out before my throat chokes up.

It's too late. I should have known that a wonderful man like Alex wouldn't saty single forver. Although I guess in the back of my mind I was always waiting for the time when the curse would be lifted and we could be reunited. Which is probably why I only dated the bad boys. I knew that they would never last, but Alex... He would always be there for me. Until now.

"You should go." I mumble looking towards the door. I can''t look him in the eye. The pain is just too severe.

"Go be with her. She needs you. You shouldn't be here wasting time with me. This is the happieest day of your life."

I finish my bottum lip quivering as I struggle to maintain composure.
I am so selfish. He deserves to be with isabel. She can make him happy.
I am a Deluca along with the title comes the responsibilty. I will never have normal, but at least with her maybe he can.

~Alex~

"Isabel's pregnant?"

"Um.. Congradulations."

"You should go."
"Go be with her. She needs you. You shouldn't be here wasting time with me. This is the happieest day of your life."

"Your right I should go." Turning around I head towards the door. Once I am half way through the door I turn around a sad smile grazing my lips and say "I love you Maria..I never stopped. and as much as it hurts we have to let go...its over. It was over along time ago. By hanging on we are hurting everyone. "

Despite my words I don't move away from my spot in the door way knowing once I step out all the way its officailly over. I will be walking away from maria..and the love we use to share. But I just can't. I am afraid...of moving on. There was always that small hope that Maria and I would get back together but that dissapeared the day Michael came to Roswell.

*Maria*

"Your right I should go." He turns swifting to the door but stops before he exits. Giving me a sad smile he tells me the words I had been both dreading and needing to hear.

"I love you Maria..I never stopped. and as much as it hurts we have to let go...its over. It was over along time ago. By hanging on we are hurting everyone. "

The truth in his words sting me. He's right. We have both been grasping for something that ended many years ago.Even though this man has given me so much i always held back. Afraid that by me just being who i am would hurt him... and it did. It hurt both of us.

Childhood is offically over ladies and gentleman. Alex is no longer the boy next door. Although he does still live there, He is a man , and will soon become a father. It would be mighty hard harboring feelings for a man who has a woman and a baby clinging to him.

"Your right. You are always right." I attempt a smile ,but fail miserably.

Not wanting him to ever think that what we had was false i lay it all out there.

"I love you too." I don't even bother wiping these tears away I let them fall. Fall for Alex. Fall for me. Fall for the people who love us. Goddess help them.

"You have your own family now. Goodbye Alex."

And with that my heart closed the door to Alex Whittman. We would always be friends just as I had promised that blisterning day at the ball park,but one things for sure we'd never be the same.

(I am seriously crying right now..lol)

~Alex~

"Your right. You are always right." "I love you too." "You have your own family now. Goodbye Alex."

I watch as one by one tears fall down Maria's face. Part of me wants to pull her into my arms and take back everything I said about it being over and that we could be together....but it would be a lie.

After a few minutes of just standing in silence I turn around and head out outside. My pain only increases when I see a teenage couple walking down the sidewalk, holding hands, no older than 18. Its as if they are mocking us. I look back at Maria and allow myself to love her for one more secound...I allow myself to beleive its not really over, but the moment quickly ends as I climb into my car and drive towards my family.

I might have just let go of Maria but i know a part of me will always cling to the fact that we were once together. A part of me will always wonder...what might have been.

*Maria*

Watching Alex walk out the door gives me flashbacks of that same lonely stroll I took the night I ended things. With him he takes all my childish notions of love and what it is supposed to be. Now I know the true meaning. Love is about sacrafice. Doing for the greater good.

Well let's just say my karma points better be sky high, because witnessing him get in the car and leave for what feels like the last time was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and thats counting struggling with humanity when I was all evil and slutty.

I laugh despite my pain. That's how I know it's going to be all right.

Alex will always have a special place inside my heart. He was my first love. I'll carry the precious moments we had with me until the end of time, but now it's time to focus on the future. My future.

Saying goodbye to the past is difficult ,but I can only hope that we still have many beautiful times ahead. Even if they are under different circumstances.

Letting an old dream die and allowing a new one to be born isn't giving up. It's growing up.

Closing the door I walk back up the stairs determined to get it right this time.